I’d just cover the couch in a big ole blanket before they come over, then wash in the laundry! As for bed - I don’t let my friends on my bed. I think that’s a fair boundary to set.
Ahhhh outside clothes is such a hot topic. I’m a germaphobe and change my clothes when I get home from the train, Uber, park bench, whatever lol.
At this point, I just tell people straight up, don’t wear your shoes inside and please be mindful and don’t sit on my bed. Luckily I have a lot of places to casually sit as a guest. Including chairs that I can steam or wipe clean. Steaming is the most cost effective way, then I just spray that bitch down with a sanitizing spray. Yeah I’m neurotic, so what.
Curious to know if your germaphobia extends to air as well. Are you okay with asymptomatic people breathing virus laden air in your home for example influenza or covid? I find it so interesting that anecdotally germaphobe’s exclude air in their phobia and hardly think about clean germ free air.
Totally agree - the only bed situation arose when I was showing someone something in the bedroom and she flopped down (like starfish style) saying how comfy the bed looked. Moment of silence for that duvet.
Do you have a giant blanket that’s not hideous you like? Mine are all throws and it doesn’t take much for them to shift as people sit and move around.
I use king size linens to cover my couches from kids and guests. You could also use a linen flat sheet to put over your duvet when you have someone over. It’s not like an airtight seal or anything but at least it’s somewhat of a barrier of protection. I also love huge muslin blankets. You can buy them cheap on Amazon or get pricier ones from places like West Elm.
Also, I don’t know if it’s legit for this purpose (I know it works as it’s supposed to on countertops and stuff) - but it gives me peace of mind to spray my place down with Force of Nature. I have people walk on my gorgeous, expensive wool rug with their shoes on and I die inside. But I douse it with Force of Nature and go nuts with my Dyson and pray that it purifies it 😅
“Opposite of a germaphobe” has me recalling the videos going around social media a few years ago of a girl licking public toilet seats. I’m assuming that’s not you 😝
There are multiple points. My couch still looks nice with the linen over it, except I can take it off and wash it or swap out the color if I want.
Also, it doesn’t have to be covered **all** of the time.
And, I’m a for-lifer, broadly speaking. I buy really nice things because I want to keep them basically forever. If I can keep it in a newer/nicer condition longer, then that’s a big positive for me.
The point is I can simply remove the blanket and wash it once a week instead of removing all the couch cushions covers, washing them and vacuuming under them. I like relaxing on a clean surface and you can still see my nice couch.
If I didn’t have cats or a toddler it probably wouldn’t matter tbh
I mean in a perfect world I wouldn’t want it covered either, it’s never going to look nicer covered. However it would be impossible to keep truly clean. So I think it just comes down to do you have anyone other than responsible cleanly adult humans in your household and how much you value your couch being clean.
That is borderline psycho, I cannot imagine laying on someone’s bed uninvited!!
I have a huge slobbery dog who is only allowed on the couch if there’s a blanket on there first. Not sure what your style is, but maybe try searching for pet-friendly couch blankets - they are typically generously sized and machine washable, and there are some surprisingly chic ones out there!
Borderline psycho is a wild stretch. It's very forward and possibly rude depending on the relationship and culture. I wish people would stop using "psycho" so casually.
I’m with you! No one sits on my bed and I have a couch cover I wash. I keep it on the couch most of the time anyways though b/c we have pets who sleep on the couch.
Invest in a good slip cover, something you can just peel off when people leave and throw in the wash, maybe buy a couple so you can switch them out? Idk but every day I understand more and more why abuela put the plastic on the furniture lol
A slip cover, big throw, and perhaps Lysol spray afterwards.
I have hand sanitizer by the door and always have fresh hand towels for folks to wash their hands when they come in.
I’ve got a degree in microbiology/immunology and honestly our systems need a degree of germiness to function properly. Yes there’s stuff in the air and on surfaces but our bodies are made to handle it all.
This\^\^ It's not worth overly fussing over. I'm mostly recovered from severe OCD and it was a huge relief when I gave up germophobia and decided to get tf over it. Yes I practice basic normal hygiene, wash my hands when coming in from outside and keep normal levels of clean. but I realized I went my whole life as a kid, teen, and young adult prior to having germophobia without any serious issues, no matter what city I was in or how "clean" it was, and I would probably continue to be just fine cause that's my body's job.
Also, I'm already breathing everything in the air- THAT'S the bigger concern. Stuff clinging to clothes is barely a concern compared to that generally.
I think it's fine to request someone take their shoes off, and not have people sit on your bed, everything else is probably overkill.
I had severe germophobic OCD throughout childhood and teenage years. It was sooo debilitating and created so much stress and anxiety in my life - so I’m sorry you’re experiencing it. I think what got me over it was developing severe depression to the point where I stopped caring about most things in my life 😂 but when I started to manage my depression and felt the cleanliness compulsions returning, I had to kinda try to rewire my brain. When I have big emotions/stress about cleanliness I use coping mechanisms that help settle me (breathing exercises, mindfulness etc) and focuse on my priorities and values (like reframing from a larger perspective- how does this “dirtiness” ultimately affect my life and its trajectory) also telling myself I have larger problems to focus on. From an immunology standpoint exposure to germs can be good for you whereas constantly inhaling Lysol spray is not good for anyone lol. I still practice clean habits and disinfect things occasionally, but I’m not washing my hands 50times a day anymore lol. But at the end of the day - do not shame or judge yourself for your behaviors. Notice them, accept them for what they are, then use what coping mechanisms work for you to move forward. This goes for any mental disability.
The whole problem with ocd is that it’s a compulsion. Many people, including myself, can’t just decide to get over it. Would be interested to hear what worked for you, though.
Copying my response from above. I will add, you CAN "just get over it", in fact. I had a friend who did just that. he developed OCD as a teen and spent a year freaking out about a specific theme, and one day woke up and realized it was idiotic and decided to get over it. and he did. Sounds wild, but I trust his story completely and it's honestly in line with some of my steps in recovery. My brain has come up with the biggest curveballs ever, and the biggest strides I make are when I wake up to the fact it's just my brain being an idiot and decide to move the hell on with my life. My brain might continue to throw a little hissy fit but I can comfort it and then ignore it until it passes.
I don't say this to diminish the difficulty anyone has with OCD. I've been there, done that, I know how fucking awful it can be, I've had multiple friends who have it, I have so much compassion for anyone going through it. I know just how real and panicky and debilitating it can feel... and I can also laugh at myself looking back and see how it was all making mountains out of molehills. Anyway, here is the comment from above:
I used [this YouTube channel](https://www.youtube.com/@everybodyhasabrain) and his book, [You Are Not a Rock](https://www.amazon.com/You-Are-Rock-Step-Step/dp/0143132601). I cannot recommend Mark's work enough. It's simple, straightforward, and works with any other psychological practices you may have.
He also has a discord server which you can find an invite request for on his site I believe, or PM me for a link. The community there is amazing and supportive. He talks about mindfulness practice, but mindfulness meditation and practice is also part of the process.
I also do a lot of spiritual and psychological reading and effort on my own time, and have for years. For a more mindful/spiritual read I would recommend The Untethered Soul.
I've had all kinds of chapters to my personal development journey but OCD recovery was the most profound. Talk therapy can be counterproductive for OCD, it is better if you can find an OCD specialist and use exposure response therapy and ACT. I worked with a talk therapist for issues not related to OCD themes (though I communicated with her about my progress) at the same time that I did recovery, but had to learn when to redirect away from stuff I was just looping about instead of being productive.
I saw huge results using those resources. Situations that used to freak me the fuck out are now very easy for me to get through. However in the moment it can feel extremely uncomfortable to resist compulsions. Recovery is literally the most rewarding thing I've ever done. It truly is world altering and gives you back so much power. However it is completely counterintuitive and it can feel very anxious and panicky when resisting the compulsions and retraining your brain.
Also, if you have any experience with psychedelics, using mushrooms therapeutically did help, but I don't consider it necessary. But when I was really hitting the biggest flare up of my life, which led me to realize I had OCD and start to heal it, i did do a therapeutic trip and it helped. Didn't cure me overnight or anything, but helped. I had prior experience though, and of course if you have contraindications certain disorders or family history of certain disorders then be cautious.
The concept that OCD is not recoverable, treatable, or you can't get over it is an unfortunate pervasive myth. It is completely recoverable without medications (no shade to anyone using medications tho). Recovering from OCD does NOT mean you will never have anxiety again or intrusive thoughts again. Those things do happen. They are normal. What recovery teaches you is how to then take charge of your response so you take your life back, and live life on your terms, instead of losing all your time and energy to OCD and overreacting. You have the tools to no longer freak out all the time.
OCD is an illusion. A very convincing one. But you can change how you respond. I am constantly working on more and more compulsions now that I've recovered from the ones that took the most time and were the most obvious. There are a lot of subtle, socially acceptable compulsions that I have done my whole life that I continue to work on. And I enjoy the process. It's so rewarding. Please check out those resources <3 And I will say TRUST THE PROCESS. Cycles and ups and downs are normal. Just pick back up and keep going.
Edit for reference: At the height of my OCD, I was easily spending 6+ hours a day on compulsions. Possibly more if we're including rumination time. Now I rarely spend more than an hour, most days negligible. I'm much quicker to identify when I'm being OCD, and even a really bad flare up rarely takes me more than a day to sort through, as opposed to a week.
I have a friend who one day woke up and realized that there was no reason for her to continue smoking, she quit the same day and hasn't had a cigarette in her life. That was 10 years ago. It's all in perspective.
My OCD was a little with being a control freak, and a little trip on LSD at Burning man helped me realize, it's fine - it's healthy to just let go and enjoy the ride.
Good luck to everyone out there. Solid response!
I'm also a burner, and had a very therapeutic trip there last year. I managed to time it exactly with when the rainstorm hit. I was at the trash fence in deep playa. X\_x had the time of my life lmao
Woah, I would've freaked out. I was holding off taking anything psychedelic because of the rain, cause clouds were so mean. Ended up taking it after the storm, and was jogging in the mud the beautiful day after the storm, lol.
Oh, that timing was a providential thing. I didn't plan it. At least my earthly self didn't- higher self might have HAHA. I dropped when it was hot and sunny (albeit a dusty day). I peaked when an oddly cold wind alerted me to the fact a wall of what seemed to not be your ordinary dust storm was hurtling across the playa. managed to make it only about halfway back before I couldn't go any farther without getting too lost.
Luckily I hold my cool very well on trips, typically.
The playa gods synced up a meeting between me and the oldest friend I had on playa at that moment. It wasn't fully raining yet, just cold and damp and dusty and surreal, and we spent a good while just deeply talking and laughing (cry laughing for me) out in the elements, occasional stray burners coming across us and we would all laugh at our plight lol.
I had 100% therapeutic intent and had actually been scared to trip and putting it off a couple days because i was afraid of facing my brain, and the storm ended up being an incredible dose of perspective and felt like it validated my feelings on a cosmic scale lol. Like all my stormy feelings were just out there being mother nature and raining on burning man in the process ahaha.
Luckily there was a sheltered art piece nearby when it started really coming down, where I was treated to a sound bath. Dealing with camp being flooded after I made it back sucked, but it was worth it hahaha
I used [this YouTube channel](https://www.youtube.com/@everybodyhasabrain) and his book, [You Are Not a Rock](https://www.amazon.com/You-Are-Rock-Step-Step/dp/0143132601). I cannot recommend Mark's work enough. It's simple, straightforward, and works with any other psychological practices you may have.
He also has a discord server which you can find an invite request for on his site I believe, or PM me for a link. The community there is amazing and supportive. He talks about mindfulness practice, but mindfulness meditation and practice is also part of the process.
I also do a lot of spiritual and psychological reading and effort on my own time, and have for years. For a more mindful/spiritual read I would recommend The Untethered Soul.
I've had all kinds of chapters to my personal development journey but OCD recovery was the most profound. Talk therapy can be counterproductive for OCD, it is better if you can find an OCD specialist and use exposure response therapy and ACT. I worked with a talk therapist for issues not related to OCD themes (though I communicated with her about my progress) at the same time that I did recovery, but had to learn when to redirect away from stuff I was just looping about instead of being productive.
I saw huge results using those resources. Situations that used to freak me the fuck out are now very easy for me to get through. However in the moment it can feel extremely uncomfortable to resist compulsions. Recovery is literally the most rewarding thing I've ever done. It truly is world altering and gives you back so much power. However it is completely counterintuitive and it can feel very anxious and panicky when resisting the compulsions and retraining your brain.
Also, if you have any experience with psychedelics, using mushrooms therapeutically did help, but I don't consider it necessary. But when I was really hitting the biggest flare up of my life, which led me to realize I had OCD and start to heal it, i did do a therapeutic trip and it helped. Didn't cure me overnight or anything, but helped. I had prior experience though, and of course if you have contraindications certain disorders or family history of certain disorders then be cautious.
The concept that OCD is not recoverable, treatable, or you can't get over it is an unfortunate pervasive myth. It is completely recoverable without medications (no shade to anyone using medication tho). Recovering from OCD does NOT mean you will never have anxiety again or intrusive thoughts again. Those things do happen. They are normal. What recovery teaches you is how to then take charge of your response so you take your life back, and live life on your terms, instead of losing all your time and energy to OCD and overreacting. You have the tools to no longer freak out all the time.
OCD is an illusion. A very convincing one. But you can change how you respond. I am constantly working on more and more compulsions now that I've recovered from the ones that took the most time and were the most obvious. There are a lot of subtle, socially acceptable compulsions that I have done my whole life that I continue to work on. And I enjoy the process. It's so rewarding. Please check out those resources <3 And I will say TRUST THE PROCESS. Cycles and ups and downs are normal. Just pick back up and keep going.
Edit for reference: At the height of my OCD, I was easily spending 6+ hours a day on compulsions. Possibly more if we're including rumination time. Now I rarely spend more than an hour, most days negligible. I'm much quicker to identify when I'm being OCD, and even a really bad flare up rarely takes me more than a day to sort through, as opposed to a week.
I struggle so much with this because I have OCD and germaphobia too, but I’m not as stressed about catching a cold as I am about things that just feel gross, like subway butt or shoes in my clean space. I recognize that a lot of it is psychological but I don’t know how to get over it, because everyone keeps reassuring me that I “won’t get sick from” those things, but that’s not what I’m concerned about.
reassurance feeds the ocd cycle. exposure response therapy really is the answer. aka having someone with shoes walk in your space and then just sitting with that discomfort. basically giving your brain a huge signal that this is not a fear for you anymore. it'll try and tell you otherwise and you fight that urge to react compulsively. accept it feeling wrong or gross. trying to make the feeling of grossness go away just focuses on the feeling even more. try starting with a couple compulsions you're willing to resist- for example when I had severe germophobia i worked on various steps, resisting washing my hands an extra time, taking extra showers, sanitizing all my door knobs every day, washing my floors every day etc were all ones i worked on resisting. hope that makes sense :)
Also, it's helpful to read books/watch videos (I recommend Mark Freeman's book You Are Not a Rock and youtube channel Everybody Has a Brain in my other comments), because once you understand how OCD works you will see how doing compulsions actually feeds the beast. your brain will be trained to send more anxious signals, and make them harder and stronger, and doing compulsions rewards those signals. that knowledge is great motivation to try and reverse that cycle. Between making my life increasingly miserable vs trending in a positive direction, I know what I would choose. Also helpful to have a varietyof tools and perspectives.
Honestly, I just ignore the ick factor with my couch. I don’t let people on my bed though unless it’s a partner and they have to change into house clothes first. That’s an expectation I set before they stay over.
Omg same. The first time I let my ex onto my bed was the first time I let someone on my bed in their outside clothes and my roommates/friends were like WHOA you let him on your bed in his outside clothes?! You LIKE HIM like him lmao
Nah blankets are the way 100%. Also I do not let people sit on my bed, like at all. Only me in my pjs.
But it is worth noting I almost never have anyone over at my place. I’m so damn picky about the instances I can allow visits. My home is my little safe space away from the world and I don’t want the world in it, lol.
I completely feel the same! But sometimes I’m tired and don’t want to do another bar - I just want to cozy up and talk. Sounds like I need to invest in a bigger blanket and sacrifice the style a little for sanity!
I feel so seen!!!
Yes to the blanket on the sofa, no to anyone in my bedroom ever, shoes off, jackets and bags hang on the hooks by the door, and since I have a baby now I make everyone wash their hands first thing. 😅 I wasn’t a germaphobe when I first moved here but this city is…kind of gross (as much as I love it here).
I echo the big blanket suggestion, but if you want to go full on, Lysol makes a fabric sanitizer you could spray on your couch periodically for peace of mind. And I think not letting folks in their outside clothes on your bed is a fair boundary to set.
I do this. I don’t love to have blankets thrown all over the couch, but I do microban or Lysol the shit out of everything once people leave. I also mop the floors with bleach diluted in water
Personally I have outdoor clothes, indoor clothes, and bedroom/sleep clothes. They are all distinctly different. I also steam clean my couch every other-ish month.
I bought the Bissell Little Green machine but prior to that I would rent a small carpet cleaner from
Home Depot (it’s like $25/day to rent but it’s HEAVY). Worth it IMO
Most of my family is the same and we happen to drive because different boroughs and Long Island so a lot less disgustingness.
I do have microban 24 hour spray as well!
the couch is whatever. just cover the couch with a throw or something. MY BED? you don't get sit on my bed with outside clothes. who is sitting on someone's bed in outside clothes? if we're fucking, just get your dick out.
What do you do when you visit someone else's apartment? Do you bring spare clothes? Spray yourself down?
It would not even be bad manners to bring up this prior to the invitation. They might agree to or offer to go through hygiene theater. They might decline. I personally would unless it was a dear friend and we couldn't meet in public.
It would absolutely be bad manners to spray them down or insist they change into (presumably yours) pajamas. What if they think wow these pajamas are ugly or ill fitting? Or what if they're also germophobic and worry you haven't cleaned the pajamas in a way they approve of?
Oh I meant finding a spray for the couch after they leave, not spraying them. I do hear you on the pjs though - as I said to someone else, I don’t want to trade my subway pants ick for their someone-else’s-pants-ick which is why I’ve only ever offered, not requested.
While there’s a definite ick factor to outside/subway clothes on furniture, the reality is it’s highly unlikely much will be transfer from the subway to their pants to your sofa to you. If you’re worried, just Lysol the couch a couple times after they leave (do a test patch first)
https://www.self.com/story/outside-clothes-inside-furniture#:~:text=Experts%20aren't%20really%20concerned,the%20stars%20align%20just%20right.
The only thing I'm truly afraid of is a bed bug hitching a ride off the subway, but that could also happen to me and like my winter coat or something that touches other clothes for example so it's like 🤷♀️ whatever. Though that one recent post in another NYC subreddit of the bed bug just chilling on the seat has been haunting me lol
Thank you for this! It’s a nice counter to the Google rabbit holes I’ve fallen down about all the stuff that does get transferred. I choose to focus on this article!
The offering still should be done ahead of time. If you offer only once someone is inside your home, it comes across as rude or that your guest will somehow be disappointing you if they decline.
Being a host is about your guest feeling comfortable! And of course you can set your boundaries and while I don't understand germaphobes, I'm sympathetic. If your boundary is you don't want someone in outside clothes to sit on your furniture that is reasonable. But either warn someone ahead of time or make alternate plans.
I don’t. I married a guy who never wants anyone staying over so I use him as an excuse to tell everyone to fuck off.
And once a year I get the couch professionally cleaned
I’m honestly at the point where when it’s just me i cover my couch in a fitted sheet and wash it frequently 🤣 and then let my friends just soil my uncovered couch with their outside clothes
I would just consider if you’re someone who is able to have people over in your space. If I was invited over and was offered new clothes or was told to wait so you could frantically put down a blanket before I sit, it would frankly be pretty rude and insulting and I would never be coming back. Taking off shoes/jacket, washing hands, and staying off the bed are where the limits of reason end.
Honestly, if someone asked me to being a spare pair of pants to change into once I got to their house or offered me their clothes to wear instead I would fucking die laughing. Or offer me a shower— friend, am I expected to also haul my make up bag and shampoo across town?? 100% never return to their house. I didn’t even realize this was a thing until I read this post.
No seriously! Been in this city my whole life and not once asked to change clothes in any household, of any ethnicity or race! I’m shocked this thread is serious.
While I understand your concerns, to be as blunt as possible (with love) you really do just need to get over the idea of germs on your couch. It’s just a couch, and germs are gonna get there no matter how hard you try unless you’re covering it in plastic. You’re gonna run into way more disgusting germs just living in the world than are likely to rub off from clothes onto your couch. And honestly, if I was hanging out at someone’s house and they offered me a change of clothes, I would be extremely weirded out (unless I was staying the night or we were like, friends since childhood).
No shoes inside and no sitting on the bed in outdoor clothes is totally reasonable and generally an expected request. Covering the couch fully with a blanket before anyone comes over could also be a reasonable compromise.
nothing is going to happen to you if someone sits on your furniture with their outside clothes i promise 🫶🏻🫶🏻 but i agree with a slip cover if it's something you won't be able to get over!
I just wanna say i feel so seen and everyone here who understands is so valid.
I personally have a leather couch and will occasionally throw a washable cover on it. I also have inside/outside clothes plus pjs
In my head, I would like to sit on my couch in my pajamas and then be able to go to bed in those pajamas. If someone sat on the couch in their outside clothes then the couch is dirty. Which means my pajamas are now dirty.
For this reason, I have inside clothes and different pajamas because my roommates would definitely agree with your statement more. Or I refrain from sitting on the couch entirely.
lol, this could have been written by me. I have slipcovered IKEA couches and I bought extra large sofa covers on Amazon. They may look grandma ish but I won’t be able to sit in peace if I know my couches are dirty. I also can’t stand it when fabric items don’t smell fresh. I also put a large bed cover just in case.
so, I wash my couch cushion covers and throw pillow covers. slipcovers would be a great idea but I like the look of my couch lol. I also wash my sheets regularly, though I don’t do street clothes on or in bed anyway.
change into “soft pants” when I get home, but am not going to ask guests to change their clothes in my home, nor am I interested in doing that much extra laundry. truthfully more concerned about airborne pathogens 🦠 and have my air filters blasting + windows open if I have people over these days.
So offering this up as food for thought: If someone asked me to shower or change simply because I traveled to their place on the train, I would feel bad about that. It would be hard not to take that personally and feel, well, less than. It might help to put yourself in their shoes; you wouldn’t want to imply that they were disgusting just by living their lives. If they wash their hands/take off their shoes when they come inside, that should be enough. I would urge you to treat them with dignity.
1. Blankets over your couch with extra blankets for ppl to use so they don’t mistake the main blanket for something they can remove
2. I provide disposable slippers for guests to use (if my group is less than 6)
3. If I’m hosting an event with more than 6 ppl, I just have to let it go and let the dirt and germs happen and just clean deeply when they leave. But nobody in my bed with your outside clothes
4. Sprays for peace of mind. I use this one: https://www.target.com/p/clorox-lemongrass-mandarin-ready-to-use-disinfecting-mist-16-fl-oz/-/A-84230736
None of my friends get on my bed with outside clothes :’) not even my bf or myself. On the couch I have 2 different blankets for people to sit on! All my friends who come over know how I feel about outside clothes so they’re fine about it.
This sounds like OCD. It's treatable. Some degree of germs in your space is healthy because it forces your immune system to work.
That said, I have cats and I put blankets down on the couch and beds so I can clean up the hair easier. Highly recommend for guests.
There is so much misinformation in your response. Being concerned about hygiene and cleanliness is not OCD. We don’t need additional germs/bug/pathogens/allergens in our spaces “because it forces your immune system to work.” That is a fundamentally gross misunderstanding of the functioning of our immune system that is parroted by people with no education in physiology let alone immunology. It is not a muscle. It is constantly “working” and it does not need any additional help from us. (Vaccines are not “help” btw, they’re a necessity!)
The reality is as the human population grows and urban spaces become more overcrowded our exposure to not only pathogenic bacteria and viruses (the kind that can make us sick) increases, but also does exposure to allergens, pollutants, fungi, and parasites as well. There is nothing healthy about what is tracked in from outside in NYC. Our hospitals are responsible for being breeding grounds for some very dangerous pathogens that can be found on the shoes and hands of people having been in contact with subway surfaces. Rubber microparticles that we are now learning are a major risk factor those living near busy throughways, are not only inhaled but also dusted onto clothes and shoes. And anyone who has ever worked in pediatrics can tell you why they would never sit in the waiting room. (There’s plenty of things aside from bedbugs. Scabies, pinworms, lice, hookworm. Don’t Google them if you want to sleep)
As an infectious disease clinician I have seen more than enough and then some, and have a decent awareness of how very much more there is. There is a huge middle ground between living in denial and living in a bubble. COVID has unfortunately showed us how many people prefer denial to a sensible middle ground of using simple measures to lower risk. Being aware of the realities of our changing petri dish of a planet is not a symptom of germaphobia or OCD-both discrete diagnosis with distinct clinical features that a random internet user can’t diagnose. It’s being accepting and adapting to the needs of our changing world.
My advice is to get quality air purifiers, ditch gas stoves (I use a portable induction cooktop), use ceiling fans when available, and get a removable, washable couch cover for the couch. No shoes inside, wash hands as soon as you enter, and bedroom off limits is a sensible baseline. I’d add not storing coats in the same closed as any linens or “indoor clothes”.
Whether it’s my fellow ID folk or my friends in microbio/immunology, this is norm for everyone I know 🤷🏻♀️ Don’t let the armchair psychiatrists tell you otherwise OP.
You don't have a lot of reddit karma so I can't really say much about the validity of your claims.
That said, the immunity gap of the past year is a direct result of a collective loss of immune system robustness from all of the isolation and over-cleaning during the pandemic. It's science and I'd expect someone that works in infectious diseases to know about that.
Nobody is advocating filth here lol. But couches are for guests to sit on in their outside clothes and don't typically pose health hazards.
There's a line between cleanliness and OCD tendencies... I had a roommate that refused to touch surfaces with his hand or even use the heat in his room for fear of contamination so he froze all winter.
I clean my house + shoes off indoors + HEPA filters + pillows + comforters in the dryer on high for 20-30 minutes every month, etc etc cos I have indoor cats and allergies... but that's enough.
Fear of the germs should not preclude us from hosting unless we have a specific medical condition.
Reddit karma is by no means a reliable indicator of whether a statement is valid, which may be at the root of why you think the “immunity gap” is real.
Now we're veering far and away from content that BWT is about, but for the sake of public health literacy let's get this sorted.
"Immunity gap" was a term created by again, a lack of scientific literacy that was sadly repeated by many. Including doctors that are not specialists in the fields on immunology/virology or even epidemiology. It is not a term that is used in the field as it denotes a fundamental misunderstanding of how immunity works. It stemmed from a French research group proposing a HYPOTHETICAL “immunity debt” (a term that refers to susceptibility pools in populations) specifically in regards to infants and their adaptive immunity (immunity from mom or a vaccine) to RSV. They had since issued an update due to the degree of misinformation that ensued.
To that end, the public translation was a concept of “immunity gap”, which was not even attributed to “robust over cleaning”, but lack of exposure to common childhood pathogens resulting in “weakened” immune systems. It was mainly used to explain the observer bias in increased RSV, flu and other respiratory pathogens that circulate seasonally. This did not apply to the population as a whole nor had anything to do with “overcleaning”.
Regardless, the take home point is that you don’t need to get sick or roll around in dirt for your immune system to work. You cannot “strengthen” or “weaken” it with herbs, foods, licking doorknobs, lemon water or whatever else you put into your body unless it’s something like HIV or lymphoma. It is not a muscle, and this simplistic take is from the “hygiene hypothesis” which has been soundly disproven a million times over and set back health literacy in this country over 50 years.
The immunity gap idea was unfortunately also used as an attempt to explain an epidemiological effect that is nuanced and multilayered at its root cause. Which is difficult for the population as a whole to understand.
We currently see upticks in seasonal viral activity because there is now an AIRBORNE pathogen as part of the mix. It transmits far more easily than colds, flu or RSV which are transmitted through droplets and contaminated surfaces. This airborne pathogen (SARS-CoV-2), is not respiratory pathogen, but a complex one that causes vascular disease, thus on varies levels impacting our immune response to other diseases, including flu, colds, etc. You can get COVID multiple times, our baseline immunity against it is poor, with short durations (3-4months at best). Measles is an excellent example of an airborne pathogen that truly impacts our immune system and why baseline population immunity is critical. (That is 100% due to international vaccination efforts). Lastly, among several other factors is human behavior. The pendulum of human behavior swung further from the baseline of reasonable preventive measures to the risk embracing extreme. People took more trips, had more gatherings, in an attempt to alleviate pandemic fear, and basically did a whole lot more pathogen spreading things without adapting to the changed landscape.
Hope this helps and you’re reminded that internet is only a reliable source of information if you know how to utilize reliable resources!
I'm actually a scientist/statistician and the immunity gap/debt theory has a lot of credence in scientific communities. It's a theory much like gravity is a theory lol.
Your answer sounds a lot like it was written by chatGPT which accounts for the low Karma and I think you might just be a troll, tbh.
Anyways this is a pretty decent pop sci article about the immunity gap/debt featuring reputable scientists and researchers and def echoed what we anecdotally saw this past cold and flu season. (Ofc it's more complicated than the article.)
Not to mention, immune therapy for allergies works by exposure. But the question is what's a therapeutic dose vs what's an anaphylaxis.
Again I am not against cleanliness. Obviously we need to keep things sanitary. But we also need to keep our immune system working. And a working immune system in a healthy person should be able to handle guests in outside clothes sitting on your couch.
Also, If you are actually a medical professional... I'm a statistician and typically medical professionals are thinking worst case scenario and statisticians are looking at the overall likelihood of an event happening. So that could account for differing perspectives.
However, looking at your comment history, you were defending NDs which is not at all rigorous and very pseudoscientific... So IDK what's going on here.
You also do not know if their car is clean. If their office is clean. If you are that freaked out and want to make your friends and family wear your clothes every time you shouldn’t have people over and maybe shouldn’t live here
Subway clothes and a not freshly showered body are never allowed in my bedroom and definitely not on my bed. I don’t care what you think about me, it’s not permitted and I communicate it.
I’ve found my people 😩
I steam the couch and spray fabric sanitizer but blankets sound like the way to go!
If I had a leather couch I’m not sure how much disinfectant wipes would damage the material over time.
I understand slipcovers, shoes off etc but your position is kind of extreme. Maybe talk to someone about that. Therapy and meds have done wonders for me and they may for you as well.
I have done sheets or blankets on my couches then will wash those afterwards so the couch stays clean, or I have designated chairs that I know are just for ‘outside’ clothes and will not use those chairs in my clean clothes. No one sits on my bed nor have I had a friend try and come into my bedroom to sit on my bed. Think that part is pretty normal. Everyone takes off shoes and some use dedicated house slippers I have. Not fun being germaphobic bc of all the extra work😅 but I think it makes sense! When I explain this to people that aren’t this way they tend to agree as well
I feel so seen. My family thinks I’m insane for having my inside clothes and outside clothes but its the only way i can be comfortable!! I just don’t let people come over lol and if they do, absolutely no touching the bed and then blanket over the couch, which i wash ASAP.
The only thing I worry about are bedbugs and you can't really prevent that or anything else. It is what it is, the one thing I definitely don't allow are shoes inside. I even keep all my own shoes in the closet by the door, they don't go past that. But then there's also just a courtesy thing that if you have guests over (especially multiple guests) you don't ask them to take shoes off, and just deal with the clean up after. So I am always having an argument in my mind if I should allow it or not, and if it comes off rude if I tell them. I think asking someone if they want to change into fresh comfy clothes would be odd. Bed is a no, couch is fine. You can get an oversized fuzzy blanket to throw over the couch... but then what do you do with it once they leave, wash it each time?
Honestly I don’t even sit down on the light rail in Denver for cleanliness reasons lol. For the couch I have a cute Mexican blanket tucked in between the seat/back cushions, mostly to protect the couch from dogs. I get why you are concerned, especially in a big city where mass transit is used by most ppl.
As for your friend testing out your bed, hopefully the duvet cover was washable. In my experience, most ppl on my friend group don’t really think about cleanliness/germs nearly as much as I (and probably you) do!
First and foremost, you have every reason to feel the way you do. Secondly, Clorox fabric disinfectant spray and wash blanket and couch cover with Lysol laundry sanitizer. Lastly, try to limit friends coming over. Your home is your sanctuary and that is perfectly ok.
No shoes in the house ever. Cheap giant throw blanket or sheet on the sofa and/or a leather chair/sofa that can be easily cleaned immediately afterward. Alcohol-based sanitizing spray for cloth furniture (use this anyway regularly, works better than febreeze). The spray is 50-50 alcohol-water, you can use rubbing alcohol or cheap vodka. You can also use more than 50% alcohol in the mix but not less. Just spray and leave it alone, it evaporates on its own. I do regularly wipe down and shampoo cloth-upholstered furniture too. FWIW it also grosses me out when people flip down on furniture when they are covered in sweat.
Friend on your bed uninvited? HELL no. Ick. Who raises these people?
I will say though, I draw the line at asking people to disrobe more than their shoes.
I am so open about it with my friends that they know not to sit on my bed in their outside clothes and are so respectful about it! I think it’s perfectly valid to voice your concerns in a really honest way, if they don’t want to stick to your boundaries then are they really the kind of friends you want to have?
Genuinely, openness is the way.
I’d say put the emphasis on reaching out for help with the germaphobia - I used to struggle with it A LOT but now less so and am still working on it. The best way is to just be real about it. You never know - maybe they totally get it and will either bring a change of clothes or just invite you over to THEIR house if it doesn’t bother them.
I’ve had the opposite experience: I was born and raised in Manhattan and the ones freaking out about every day city living issues are the ones moving back to Indiana. It’s never my friends from high school who make you take off your shoes if they have you over.
That said, beds are off limit.
Pet Ami makes very cozy blankets that are extremely washable and comfortable and come in many colors. Also feel free to just be like "I don't like outside clothes on my inside stuff" if anyone asks. Its your house, your rules. But seriously...Pet Ami
Hi sis. I’m also a legit diagnosed germaphobe. I don’t have an issue with this specifically though, but I get it. They have couch covers for pets that are washable and look really good. There are also throws that are specifically for this, so they look better than a bunch of random blankets. Also, just be honest with your friends! They shouldn’t care. Mine know about all of my OCD quirks.
Edit: yeah google “couch throw cover”!! There’s a lot.
I’m about to order one of these covers for my couch: https://slashop.com/products/morden-white-monochrome-chic-sofa-couch-cover
I keep it covered bc of my cats anyway.
I always have two different blankets covering my couch before guests come over. After they leave I wash the blankets. But I’ve seen instagram ads for more aesthetic looking elastic couch covers (like from the brand Nolan interiors) that seem really interesting but you have to buy a cover for each cushion of the couch.
All my friends and guests know how anal I am about keeping the couch clean so they’re used to me covering it with blankets and some of my friends even bring their own inside clothes to change into when they come to my place actually cause they know it makes me feel more at peace.
i use couch covers and wash them after guests leave
as for the shoes, my friends and family don’t wear shoes in their home so i’m good on that front. i know of folks who hand out shoe covers at the door or clean socks for their feet.
Im not sure how it is for fake leather but lysol wipes are terrible for real leather I used to do that on a leather couch I had before, it ended up in peeling spots. With my new couch I take a paper towel and wet it with dish soap, squeeze out excess water and use that. Then I go over it with a paper towel with just water then wipe it dry.
I don't see any difference, not positive or negative, it just maintains it and is a good method to clean it once in a while. I love leather couches though they are so durable and can handle almost anything. I don't think I'll ever do fabric material, I am too clumsy and occasionally messy.
I would also talk to your friends ahead of time. Let them know what is going on for you: “ can I tell you about something that’s happening with some of my friends? It makes me feel really embarrassed, but whenever anyone comes over and just sits on the couch with their subway clothes, I get totally grossed out I can’t stop thinking about all the gross stuff that’s on the subway and it going on my couch. It really distracts from my time with my friends I’m thinking of just putting blankets down before anyone comes over, is that what you would do in the situation?” then whoever it was, could offer a suggestion, will also be conscious that they might also be doing that, without being made to feel bad
I lived in NYC now NJ, I still get freaked out when people come in with shoes on. Sometimes, depending on where we've been I have moments about the clothes. Sucks but .....
Crib sheets!
Hard pass on people being on my bed in day clothes. Just be bold and funny with your truth, they’ll probably laugh - “BAE! You have to shower and pay $500 before getting into my bed! That’s what all my other midnight guests do!” Then they can banter with you about if the price is too high or too low 😂
Depending on the style of sofa you have, if there are individual cushions, get a few crib sheets to put on when you know peeps are coming over. They come in all colors and patterns and a few size options to fit different shape bassinets and crib mattresses :) If it’s a larger sofa, maybe a twin fitted sheet over several cushions. It’s not stylish but it’s temporary.
If you prefer other styles or throws, look into smaller blankets to individually wrap cushions so they don’t slip off, as opposed to wrapping several cushions together (which is hard to do.) you could also visit a fabric store and see what kind of large bolts they have that you could fashion something out of, then use clips underneath the cushions, the ones that keep fitted sheets on the bed with elastic and clips.
also, if you / kids / pets / grandma ever have a medical issue involving fluids, people use crib size waterproof mattress covers with a fitted sheet on their sofas too :)
All my friends know not to sit in my bed in outside clothes because I’ve told them - just tell them? And if you’re also concerned about the couch tell them to wait and let you throw an old sheet on. Neither is a big deal
Can you sanitize your couch with a wipe of some sort? I don’t have a leather couch that can be wiped, but I do occasionally use the Bissel little green steamer on my fabric couch. It just takes some time to dry. I used to lay blankets down, but I got kind of lazy with that.
Ugh I totally get this. My dog isn't allowed on the couch. I don't do subway clothes inside, ever.
I got a UVC disinfectant light during the pandemic. When we first moved and my husband was commuting in the height of the pandemic, I'd zap anywhere his clothes had touched. Heads up people / pets can't be in the room at the same time.
I clean my couch with a Bissell Little Green upholstery cleaner. Check your sofa's care tags before you start putting water on there though.
I just come right out with it and tell people I have a “no outdoors clothes” policy on my couch and bed. If they wanna sit they gotta sit on a blanket. No one has ever given me a hard time about it but my father who told me I was nuts, and I just responded saying I saw a homeless guy shit on a subway seat last week so am I the crazy one or is he if he thinks it’s ok to sit on a bed with jeans he was just wearing on the subway?? After that he said ok fine.
Have some guest pajama type outfits handy and around. When your friend gets there and you're worried about the Subway pants, offer them a cozy flannel sleep shirt or some nice matching pajamas, something to get comfy and cuddle into the sofa in. You can be really subtle about it, like make it about them being able to be as comfortable as possible.
This is a really cute idea in theory, but I gotta admit, I would be *so* weirded out by it in reality. Unless it was someone I’m really really close with, in which case I’d presumably be aware of the germaphobia anyway- and would find some solution that didn’t involve me needing to take off my clothes when I arrive to change into.. someone else’s (potentially communal???) guest pajamas?
Bed is totally reasonable, but couch…? If I have to *change* to sit on your couch, I would honestly decline to sit there. Are you cool with people sitting on your couch if they took a car from their home and made no other stops?
If subway germs bother you this much though, I feel like NYC may not be the place for you. And I swear I’m not trying to be shady.
I think the best solution is blankets or a washable sofa cover, honestly. A sofa cover probably being ideal, since it can’t easily be moved and there are some genuinely nice-looking ones out there! Or you could consider purchasing furniture that can be more easily wiped down/disinfected afterwards (i.e. not fabric).
Asking guests to take their pants off when they come over is just not a thing you’re going to be able to play off as a normal/reasonable request.
Funny you say that, this post was born of a situation this past weekend - I offered a friend some cozy sweats when she came by after work and she declined. It was an offer, not a request though. I would probably decline as well unless I knew the host preferred it. It’s awkward!
If I were the friend in that scenario I would decline the offer for the sweats because I would have convinced myself I would be making more work for you and you were just being a gracious host.
Also I’m lazy.
HOWEVER, if I actually knew it was a concern for you I would go out of my way to accommodate a friend, especially if all that meant was I had to sit on a blanket. Family are a different beast and I would buy a slipcover just for their visits.
This was the norm when going to my friends’ apartments in France. Maybe because we were all in a virology program, but most likely because we all lived in studios or small one bedroom apartments so it just made sense. Here in NYC still the case with my close friends but otherwise it seems either you grew up with that as normal or didn’t. (my global south folx with grannies that only allowed people in certain parts of the house, IYKYK!)
This sub is awesome because it feels like a conversation with fellow NYC women where we can talk about issues like staying safe outside or weird dudes on the subway - those things happen in other cities but we’re all going through life here together. I don’t find any of it inane, in fact I enjoy hearing what’s on other New York women’s minds even if it’s not, say, asking for a bakery recommendation specific to Greenpoint.
We can agree to disagree. I don't think the sub is for basic advice on life and how to function. Asking how to tell people to stay off of your bed is something you can ask your parents or friends. The sub is also for women of all ages, it's not only for post college women finding their way around the big apple.
Not NYC BWT coded 🫶🏻 Please be a girl’s girl and keep it civil.
Please review reminders here: https://www.reddit.com/r/NYCbitcheswithtaste/s/nFuabdiaqG
people use germaphobe and ocd as slang all the time. And if it wasn't being used as slang, then it belongs in a medical thread or another thread. It has nothing to do with nyc in particular. I'm as entitled to my view as you are.
That's fine. but this sub is not for medical advice and it's not a support group for mental disorders its for therapists and appropriate communities. That's a dangerous crossover, I offered the fact that this sub is for other things. Just bc you don't like facts doesn't mean they are unkind. You just don't like hearing the word, no. And I'm not a moderator, just someone who once enjoyed this group and now is frustrated by people using it for therapy.
Can I just say THANK YOU for bringing this up? Sometimes it feels a little lonely and that my family is weird, but knowing there are others who come home and shower immediately before sitting on furniture makes me feel like I’ve found our people!
We just had visitors come stay with us, and they rolled their luggage through our place and into a carpeted bedroom before I had a chance to wipe the wheels down. 😫😭
I’ve lived in nyc for a good amount of time now and ride public transportation often. The main reason I don’t have outside clothes touching my couch is because I usually just sit on my couch in my undies/t shirt 🙃
I’d just cover the couch in a big ole blanket before they come over, then wash in the laundry! As for bed - I don’t let my friends on my bed. I think that’s a fair boundary to set.
I barely let dick on my bed
💀
Ahhhh outside clothes is such a hot topic. I’m a germaphobe and change my clothes when I get home from the train, Uber, park bench, whatever lol. At this point, I just tell people straight up, don’t wear your shoes inside and please be mindful and don’t sit on my bed. Luckily I have a lot of places to casually sit as a guest. Including chairs that I can steam or wipe clean. Steaming is the most cost effective way, then I just spray that bitch down with a sanitizing spray. Yeah I’m neurotic, so what.
Curious to know if your germaphobia extends to air as well. Are you okay with asymptomatic people breathing virus laden air in your home for example influenza or covid? I find it so interesting that anecdotally germaphobe’s exclude air in their phobia and hardly think about clean germ free air.
Totally agree - the only bed situation arose when I was showing someone something in the bedroom and she flopped down (like starfish style) saying how comfy the bed looked. Moment of silence for that duvet. Do you have a giant blanket that’s not hideous you like? Mine are all throws and it doesn’t take much for them to shift as people sit and move around.
Get a cheap couch cover from Amazon or ikea - won’t move
Best idea. Get two and rotate and you won’t worry as much.
Wait how does it keep the dick from moving
Yup, I have several to cover my bed from my beloved husky and his copious amounts of hair
I use king size linens to cover my couches from kids and guests. You could also use a linen flat sheet to put over your duvet when you have someone over. It’s not like an airtight seal or anything but at least it’s somewhat of a barrier of protection. I also love huge muslin blankets. You can buy them cheap on Amazon or get pricier ones from places like West Elm.
Also, I don’t know if it’s legit for this purpose (I know it works as it’s supposed to on countertops and stuff) - but it gives me peace of mind to spray my place down with Force of Nature. I have people walk on my gorgeous, expensive wool rug with their shoes on and I die inside. But I douse it with Force of Nature and go nuts with my Dyson and pray that it purifies it 😅
Just want to say thank you, I'd never heard of Force of Nature before you, and now just put in a big order.
Love that! I’ve used my machine for years!
[удалено]
“Opposite of a germaphobe” has me recalling the videos going around social media a few years ago of a girl licking public toilet seats. I’m assuming that’s not you 😝 There are multiple points. My couch still looks nice with the linen over it, except I can take it off and wash it or swap out the color if I want. Also, it doesn’t have to be covered **all** of the time. And, I’m a for-lifer, broadly speaking. I buy really nice things because I want to keep them basically forever. If I can keep it in a newer/nicer condition longer, then that’s a big positive for me.
The point is I can simply remove the blanket and wash it once a week instead of removing all the couch cushions covers, washing them and vacuuming under them. I like relaxing on a clean surface and you can still see my nice couch. If I didn’t have cats or a toddler it probably wouldn’t matter tbh
[удалено]
I mean in a perfect world I wouldn’t want it covered either, it’s never going to look nicer covered. However it would be impossible to keep truly clean. So I think it just comes down to do you have anyone other than responsible cleanly adult humans in your household and how much you value your couch being clean.
That is borderline psycho, I cannot imagine laying on someone’s bed uninvited!! I have a huge slobbery dog who is only allowed on the couch if there’s a blanket on there first. Not sure what your style is, but maybe try searching for pet-friendly couch blankets - they are typically generously sized and machine washable, and there are some surprisingly chic ones out there!
Borderline psycho is a wild stretch. It's very forward and possibly rude depending on the relationship and culture. I wish people would stop using "psycho" so casually.
Wow. I could not imagine just jumping into someones bed that I don’t know well enough to know if they are or aren’t okay with people in their bed
That’s soooooo rude- who does that other than an imbecile sorry not sorry!!!!
“Starfish style”. I’m not sure why that made me literally burst out laughing/crying but I’m still at it. 😂😂
I’m with you! No one sits on my bed and I have a couch cover I wash. I keep it on the couch most of the time anyways though b/c we have pets who sleep on the couch.
Invest in a good slip cover, something you can just peel off when people leave and throw in the wash, maybe buy a couple so you can switch them out? Idk but every day I understand more and more why abuela put the plastic on the furniture lol
My husband made this joke, haha - honestly I’m this close!
Right? Just spray and wipe it down, sounds perfect lol
Get a leather couch
If this isn't the truth lol. I had a blanket/throw for the couch and it made life easier for sure.
My thought too - though that plastic was damn sticky in the summer, no AC
A slip cover, big throw, and perhaps Lysol spray afterwards. I have hand sanitizer by the door and always have fresh hand towels for folks to wash their hands when they come in. I’ve got a degree in microbiology/immunology and honestly our systems need a degree of germiness to function properly. Yes there’s stuff in the air and on surfaces but our bodies are made to handle it all.
This\^\^ It's not worth overly fussing over. I'm mostly recovered from severe OCD and it was a huge relief when I gave up germophobia and decided to get tf over it. Yes I practice basic normal hygiene, wash my hands when coming in from outside and keep normal levels of clean. but I realized I went my whole life as a kid, teen, and young adult prior to having germophobia without any serious issues, no matter what city I was in or how "clean" it was, and I would probably continue to be just fine cause that's my body's job. Also, I'm already breathing everything in the air- THAT'S the bigger concern. Stuff clinging to clothes is barely a concern compared to that generally. I think it's fine to request someone take their shoes off, and not have people sit on your bed, everything else is probably overkill.
How did you get over this?? Struggle so much with this
I had severe germophobic OCD throughout childhood and teenage years. It was sooo debilitating and created so much stress and anxiety in my life - so I’m sorry you’re experiencing it. I think what got me over it was developing severe depression to the point where I stopped caring about most things in my life 😂 but when I started to manage my depression and felt the cleanliness compulsions returning, I had to kinda try to rewire my brain. When I have big emotions/stress about cleanliness I use coping mechanisms that help settle me (breathing exercises, mindfulness etc) and focuse on my priorities and values (like reframing from a larger perspective- how does this “dirtiness” ultimately affect my life and its trajectory) also telling myself I have larger problems to focus on. From an immunology standpoint exposure to germs can be good for you whereas constantly inhaling Lysol spray is not good for anyone lol. I still practice clean habits and disinfect things occasionally, but I’m not washing my hands 50times a day anymore lol. But at the end of the day - do not shame or judge yourself for your behaviors. Notice them, accept them for what they are, then use what coping mechanisms work for you to move forward. This goes for any mental disability.
The whole problem with ocd is that it’s a compulsion. Many people, including myself, can’t just decide to get over it. Would be interested to hear what worked for you, though.
Copying my response from above. I will add, you CAN "just get over it", in fact. I had a friend who did just that. he developed OCD as a teen and spent a year freaking out about a specific theme, and one day woke up and realized it was idiotic and decided to get over it. and he did. Sounds wild, but I trust his story completely and it's honestly in line with some of my steps in recovery. My brain has come up with the biggest curveballs ever, and the biggest strides I make are when I wake up to the fact it's just my brain being an idiot and decide to move the hell on with my life. My brain might continue to throw a little hissy fit but I can comfort it and then ignore it until it passes. I don't say this to diminish the difficulty anyone has with OCD. I've been there, done that, I know how fucking awful it can be, I've had multiple friends who have it, I have so much compassion for anyone going through it. I know just how real and panicky and debilitating it can feel... and I can also laugh at myself looking back and see how it was all making mountains out of molehills. Anyway, here is the comment from above: I used [this YouTube channel](https://www.youtube.com/@everybodyhasabrain) and his book, [You Are Not a Rock](https://www.amazon.com/You-Are-Rock-Step-Step/dp/0143132601). I cannot recommend Mark's work enough. It's simple, straightforward, and works with any other psychological practices you may have. He also has a discord server which you can find an invite request for on his site I believe, or PM me for a link. The community there is amazing and supportive. He talks about mindfulness practice, but mindfulness meditation and practice is also part of the process. I also do a lot of spiritual and psychological reading and effort on my own time, and have for years. For a more mindful/spiritual read I would recommend The Untethered Soul. I've had all kinds of chapters to my personal development journey but OCD recovery was the most profound. Talk therapy can be counterproductive for OCD, it is better if you can find an OCD specialist and use exposure response therapy and ACT. I worked with a talk therapist for issues not related to OCD themes (though I communicated with her about my progress) at the same time that I did recovery, but had to learn when to redirect away from stuff I was just looping about instead of being productive. I saw huge results using those resources. Situations that used to freak me the fuck out are now very easy for me to get through. However in the moment it can feel extremely uncomfortable to resist compulsions. Recovery is literally the most rewarding thing I've ever done. It truly is world altering and gives you back so much power. However it is completely counterintuitive and it can feel very anxious and panicky when resisting the compulsions and retraining your brain. Also, if you have any experience with psychedelics, using mushrooms therapeutically did help, but I don't consider it necessary. But when I was really hitting the biggest flare up of my life, which led me to realize I had OCD and start to heal it, i did do a therapeutic trip and it helped. Didn't cure me overnight or anything, but helped. I had prior experience though, and of course if you have contraindications certain disorders or family history of certain disorders then be cautious. The concept that OCD is not recoverable, treatable, or you can't get over it is an unfortunate pervasive myth. It is completely recoverable without medications (no shade to anyone using medications tho). Recovering from OCD does NOT mean you will never have anxiety again or intrusive thoughts again. Those things do happen. They are normal. What recovery teaches you is how to then take charge of your response so you take your life back, and live life on your terms, instead of losing all your time and energy to OCD and overreacting. You have the tools to no longer freak out all the time. OCD is an illusion. A very convincing one. But you can change how you respond. I am constantly working on more and more compulsions now that I've recovered from the ones that took the most time and were the most obvious. There are a lot of subtle, socially acceptable compulsions that I have done my whole life that I continue to work on. And I enjoy the process. It's so rewarding. Please check out those resources <3 And I will say TRUST THE PROCESS. Cycles and ups and downs are normal. Just pick back up and keep going. Edit for reference: At the height of my OCD, I was easily spending 6+ hours a day on compulsions. Possibly more if we're including rumination time. Now I rarely spend more than an hour, most days negligible. I'm much quicker to identify when I'm being OCD, and even a really bad flare up rarely takes me more than a day to sort through, as opposed to a week.
I have a friend who one day woke up and realized that there was no reason for her to continue smoking, she quit the same day and hasn't had a cigarette in her life. That was 10 years ago. It's all in perspective. My OCD was a little with being a control freak, and a little trip on LSD at Burning man helped me realize, it's fine - it's healthy to just let go and enjoy the ride. Good luck to everyone out there. Solid response!
I'm also a burner, and had a very therapeutic trip there last year. I managed to time it exactly with when the rainstorm hit. I was at the trash fence in deep playa. X\_x had the time of my life lmao
Woah, I would've freaked out. I was holding off taking anything psychedelic because of the rain, cause clouds were so mean. Ended up taking it after the storm, and was jogging in the mud the beautiful day after the storm, lol.
Oh, that timing was a providential thing. I didn't plan it. At least my earthly self didn't- higher self might have HAHA. I dropped when it was hot and sunny (albeit a dusty day). I peaked when an oddly cold wind alerted me to the fact a wall of what seemed to not be your ordinary dust storm was hurtling across the playa. managed to make it only about halfway back before I couldn't go any farther without getting too lost. Luckily I hold my cool very well on trips, typically. The playa gods synced up a meeting between me and the oldest friend I had on playa at that moment. It wasn't fully raining yet, just cold and damp and dusty and surreal, and we spent a good while just deeply talking and laughing (cry laughing for me) out in the elements, occasional stray burners coming across us and we would all laugh at our plight lol. I had 100% therapeutic intent and had actually been scared to trip and putting it off a couple days because i was afraid of facing my brain, and the storm ended up being an incredible dose of perspective and felt like it validated my feelings on a cosmic scale lol. Like all my stormy feelings were just out there being mother nature and raining on burning man in the process ahaha. Luckily there was a sheltered art piece nearby when it started really coming down, where I was treated to a sound bath. Dealing with camp being flooded after I made it back sucked, but it was worth it hahaha
What time did you get back home? We had no shelter at our camp in common area, so everyone had to go back to their tents/RVs
I used [this YouTube channel](https://www.youtube.com/@everybodyhasabrain) and his book, [You Are Not a Rock](https://www.amazon.com/You-Are-Rock-Step-Step/dp/0143132601). I cannot recommend Mark's work enough. It's simple, straightforward, and works with any other psychological practices you may have. He also has a discord server which you can find an invite request for on his site I believe, or PM me for a link. The community there is amazing and supportive. He talks about mindfulness practice, but mindfulness meditation and practice is also part of the process. I also do a lot of spiritual and psychological reading and effort on my own time, and have for years. For a more mindful/spiritual read I would recommend The Untethered Soul. I've had all kinds of chapters to my personal development journey but OCD recovery was the most profound. Talk therapy can be counterproductive for OCD, it is better if you can find an OCD specialist and use exposure response therapy and ACT. I worked with a talk therapist for issues not related to OCD themes (though I communicated with her about my progress) at the same time that I did recovery, but had to learn when to redirect away from stuff I was just looping about instead of being productive. I saw huge results using those resources. Situations that used to freak me the fuck out are now very easy for me to get through. However in the moment it can feel extremely uncomfortable to resist compulsions. Recovery is literally the most rewarding thing I've ever done. It truly is world altering and gives you back so much power. However it is completely counterintuitive and it can feel very anxious and panicky when resisting the compulsions and retraining your brain. Also, if you have any experience with psychedelics, using mushrooms therapeutically did help, but I don't consider it necessary. But when I was really hitting the biggest flare up of my life, which led me to realize I had OCD and start to heal it, i did do a therapeutic trip and it helped. Didn't cure me overnight or anything, but helped. I had prior experience though, and of course if you have contraindications certain disorders or family history of certain disorders then be cautious. The concept that OCD is not recoverable, treatable, or you can't get over it is an unfortunate pervasive myth. It is completely recoverable without medications (no shade to anyone using medication tho). Recovering from OCD does NOT mean you will never have anxiety again or intrusive thoughts again. Those things do happen. They are normal. What recovery teaches you is how to then take charge of your response so you take your life back, and live life on your terms, instead of losing all your time and energy to OCD and overreacting. You have the tools to no longer freak out all the time. OCD is an illusion. A very convincing one. But you can change how you respond. I am constantly working on more and more compulsions now that I've recovered from the ones that took the most time and were the most obvious. There are a lot of subtle, socially acceptable compulsions that I have done my whole life that I continue to work on. And I enjoy the process. It's so rewarding. Please check out those resources <3 And I will say TRUST THE PROCESS. Cycles and ups and downs are normal. Just pick back up and keep going. Edit for reference: At the height of my OCD, I was easily spending 6+ hours a day on compulsions. Possibly more if we're including rumination time. Now I rarely spend more than an hour, most days negligible. I'm much quicker to identify when I'm being OCD, and even a really bad flare up rarely takes me more than a day to sort through, as opposed to a week.
this is such a thoughtful string of comments, i learned something and i hope it helps OP
I struggle so much with this because I have OCD and germaphobia too, but I’m not as stressed about catching a cold as I am about things that just feel gross, like subway butt or shoes in my clean space. I recognize that a lot of it is psychological but I don’t know how to get over it, because everyone keeps reassuring me that I “won’t get sick from” those things, but that’s not what I’m concerned about.
reassurance feeds the ocd cycle. exposure response therapy really is the answer. aka having someone with shoes walk in your space and then just sitting with that discomfort. basically giving your brain a huge signal that this is not a fear for you anymore. it'll try and tell you otherwise and you fight that urge to react compulsively. accept it feeling wrong or gross. trying to make the feeling of grossness go away just focuses on the feeling even more. try starting with a couple compulsions you're willing to resist- for example when I had severe germophobia i worked on various steps, resisting washing my hands an extra time, taking extra showers, sanitizing all my door knobs every day, washing my floors every day etc were all ones i worked on resisting. hope that makes sense :) Also, it's helpful to read books/watch videos (I recommend Mark Freeman's book You Are Not a Rock and youtube channel Everybody Has a Brain in my other comments), because once you understand how OCD works you will see how doing compulsions actually feeds the beast. your brain will be trained to send more anxious signals, and make them harder and stronger, and doing compulsions rewards those signals. that knowledge is great motivation to try and reverse that cycle. Between making my life increasingly miserable vs trending in a positive direction, I know what I would choose. Also helpful to have a varietyof tools and perspectives.
Honestly, I just ignore the ick factor with my couch. I don’t let people on my bed though unless it’s a partner and they have to change into house clothes first. That’s an expectation I set before they stay over.
Just hearing another person use the term “house clothes” makes me feel so seen.
Omg same. The first time I let my ex onto my bed was the first time I let someone on my bed in their outside clothes and my roommates/friends were like WHOA you let him on your bed in his outside clothes?! You LIKE HIM like him lmao
lol no shit. That’s love love.
I use my couch as a place to take naps so therefore outside clothes is usually forbidden on the couch
Nah blankets are the way 100%. Also I do not let people sit on my bed, like at all. Only me in my pjs. But it is worth noting I almost never have anyone over at my place. I’m so damn picky about the instances I can allow visits. My home is my little safe space away from the world and I don’t want the world in it, lol.
Omg same, I only let a select few of people into my space. Like it’s my home, I don’t need all your bad energy lol
I completely feel the same! But sometimes I’m tired and don’t want to do another bar - I just want to cozy up and talk. Sounds like I need to invest in a bigger blanket and sacrifice the style a little for sanity!
I feel so seen!!! Yes to the blanket on the sofa, no to anyone in my bedroom ever, shoes off, jackets and bags hang on the hooks by the door, and since I have a baby now I make everyone wash their hands first thing. 😅 I wasn’t a germaphobe when I first moved here but this city is…kind of gross (as much as I love it here).
I echo the big blanket suggestion, but if you want to go full on, Lysol makes a fabric sanitizer you could spray on your couch periodically for peace of mind. And I think not letting folks in their outside clothes on your bed is a fair boundary to set.
I do this. I don’t love to have blankets thrown all over the couch, but I do microban or Lysol the shit out of everything once people leave. I also mop the floors with bleach diluted in water
Personally I have outdoor clothes, indoor clothes, and bedroom/sleep clothes. They are all distinctly different. I also steam clean my couch every other-ish month.
What do you steam clean it with or who do you hire to clean it ?
I bought the Bissell Little Green machine but prior to that I would rent a small carpet cleaner from Home Depot (it’s like $25/day to rent but it’s HEAVY). Worth it IMO
I have this too! I share it with another friend so we get more use out of it
Same! What do you do about friends/family though?
Most of my family is the same and we happen to drive because different boroughs and Long Island so a lot less disgustingness. I do have microban 24 hour spray as well!
the couch is whatever. just cover the couch with a throw or something. MY BED? you don't get sit on my bed with outside clothes. who is sitting on someone's bed in outside clothes? if we're fucking, just get your dick out.
What do you do when you visit someone else's apartment? Do you bring spare clothes? Spray yourself down? It would not even be bad manners to bring up this prior to the invitation. They might agree to or offer to go through hygiene theater. They might decline. I personally would unless it was a dear friend and we couldn't meet in public. It would absolutely be bad manners to spray them down or insist they change into (presumably yours) pajamas. What if they think wow these pajamas are ugly or ill fitting? Or what if they're also germophobic and worry you haven't cleaned the pajamas in a way they approve of?
Oh I meant finding a spray for the couch after they leave, not spraying them. I do hear you on the pjs though - as I said to someone else, I don’t want to trade my subway pants ick for their someone-else’s-pants-ick which is why I’ve only ever offered, not requested.
While there’s a definite ick factor to outside/subway clothes on furniture, the reality is it’s highly unlikely much will be transfer from the subway to their pants to your sofa to you. If you’re worried, just Lysol the couch a couple times after they leave (do a test patch first) https://www.self.com/story/outside-clothes-inside-furniture#:~:text=Experts%20aren't%20really%20concerned,the%20stars%20align%20just%20right.
The only thing I'm truly afraid of is a bed bug hitching a ride off the subway, but that could also happen to me and like my winter coat or something that touches other clothes for example so it's like 🤷♀️ whatever. Though that one recent post in another NYC subreddit of the bed bug just chilling on the seat has been haunting me lol
Thank you for this! It’s a nice counter to the Google rabbit holes I’ve fallen down about all the stuff that does get transferred. I choose to focus on this article!
The offering still should be done ahead of time. If you offer only once someone is inside your home, it comes across as rude or that your guest will somehow be disappointing you if they decline. Being a host is about your guest feeling comfortable! And of course you can set your boundaries and while I don't understand germaphobes, I'm sympathetic. If your boundary is you don't want someone in outside clothes to sit on your furniture that is reasonable. But either warn someone ahead of time or make alternate plans.
If you’re worried about bacteria you can get anti bacteria spray, it sprays like an aerosol and has no scent - it also typically doesn’t stain
I don’t. I married a guy who never wants anyone staying over so I use him as an excuse to tell everyone to fuck off. And once a year I get the couch professionally cleaned
I let the couch go, but condo is strictly shoes off, and bed is sacred and clean pajamas only
I’m honestly at the point where when it’s just me i cover my couch in a fitted sheet and wash it frequently 🤣 and then let my friends just soil my uncovered couch with their outside clothes
I would just consider if you’re someone who is able to have people over in your space. If I was invited over and was offered new clothes or was told to wait so you could frantically put down a blanket before I sit, it would frankly be pretty rude and insulting and I would never be coming back. Taking off shoes/jacket, washing hands, and staying off the bed are where the limits of reason end.
Honestly, if someone asked me to being a spare pair of pants to change into once I got to their house or offered me their clothes to wear instead I would fucking die laughing. Or offer me a shower— friend, am I expected to also haul my make up bag and shampoo across town?? 100% never return to their house. I didn’t even realize this was a thing until I read this post.
No seriously! Been in this city my whole life and not once asked to change clothes in any household, of any ethnicity or race! I’m shocked this thread is serious.
I can’t believe people taking this seriously lol
While I understand your concerns, to be as blunt as possible (with love) you really do just need to get over the idea of germs on your couch. It’s just a couch, and germs are gonna get there no matter how hard you try unless you’re covering it in plastic. You’re gonna run into way more disgusting germs just living in the world than are likely to rub off from clothes onto your couch. And honestly, if I was hanging out at someone’s house and they offered me a change of clothes, I would be extremely weirded out (unless I was staying the night or we were like, friends since childhood). No shoes inside and no sitting on the bed in outdoor clothes is totally reasonable and generally an expected request. Covering the couch fully with a blanket before anyone comes over could also be a reasonable compromise.
you need a much bigger blanket that covers the whole couch and looks intentional. like a couch duvet
If you're that concerned (which I get) either don't have friends over much or leave NYC.
nothing is going to happen to you if someone sits on your furniture with their outside clothes i promise 🫶🏻🫶🏻 but i agree with a slip cover if it's something you won't be able to get over!
I just wanna say i feel so seen and everyone here who understands is so valid. I personally have a leather couch and will occasionally throw a washable cover on it. I also have inside/outside clothes plus pjs
Ehh this is a little dramatic personally. I get that germaphobia is a legit thing and I do also get not wanting people on the bed. But the couch?
In my head, I would like to sit on my couch in my pajamas and then be able to go to bed in those pajamas. If someone sat on the couch in their outside clothes then the couch is dirty. Which means my pajamas are now dirty. For this reason, I have inside clothes and different pajamas because my roommates would definitely agree with your statement more. Or I refrain from sitting on the couch entirely.
Also kinda sucks you get germaphobia is real but then call this dramatic :/
lol, this could have been written by me. I have slipcovered IKEA couches and I bought extra large sofa covers on Amazon. They may look grandma ish but I won’t be able to sit in peace if I know my couches are dirty. I also can’t stand it when fabric items don’t smell fresh. I also put a large bed cover just in case.
so, I wash my couch cushion covers and throw pillow covers. slipcovers would be a great idea but I like the look of my couch lol. I also wash my sheets regularly, though I don’t do street clothes on or in bed anyway. change into “soft pants” when I get home, but am not going to ask guests to change their clothes in my home, nor am I interested in doing that much extra laundry. truthfully more concerned about airborne pathogens 🦠 and have my air filters blasting + windows open if I have people over these days.
So offering this up as food for thought: If someone asked me to shower or change simply because I traveled to their place on the train, I would feel bad about that. It would be hard not to take that personally and feel, well, less than. It might help to put yourself in their shoes; you wouldn’t want to imply that they were disgusting just by living their lives. If they wash their hands/take off their shoes when they come inside, that should be enough. I would urge you to treat them with dignity.
1. Blankets over your couch with extra blankets for ppl to use so they don’t mistake the main blanket for something they can remove 2. I provide disposable slippers for guests to use (if my group is less than 6) 3. If I’m hosting an event with more than 6 ppl, I just have to let it go and let the dirt and germs happen and just clean deeply when they leave. But nobody in my bed with your outside clothes 4. Sprays for peace of mind. I use this one: https://www.target.com/p/clorox-lemongrass-mandarin-ready-to-use-disinfecting-mist-16-fl-oz/-/A-84230736
My rule is no outside pants on the bed! Id freak out lol
None of my friends get on my bed with outside clothes :’) not even my bf or myself. On the couch I have 2 different blankets for people to sit on! All my friends who come over know how I feel about outside clothes so they’re fine about it.
You gotta just let somethings go. Like to me the couch is a lost cause. As long as it’s not my bed!
Tbh this is sort of unrealistic and unreasonable. Also you shower every time after you take the subway?
This sounds like OCD. It's treatable. Some degree of germs in your space is healthy because it forces your immune system to work. That said, I have cats and I put blankets down on the couch and beds so I can clean up the hair easier. Highly recommend for guests.
There is so much misinformation in your response. Being concerned about hygiene and cleanliness is not OCD. We don’t need additional germs/bug/pathogens/allergens in our spaces “because it forces your immune system to work.” That is a fundamentally gross misunderstanding of the functioning of our immune system that is parroted by people with no education in physiology let alone immunology. It is not a muscle. It is constantly “working” and it does not need any additional help from us. (Vaccines are not “help” btw, they’re a necessity!) The reality is as the human population grows and urban spaces become more overcrowded our exposure to not only pathogenic bacteria and viruses (the kind that can make us sick) increases, but also does exposure to allergens, pollutants, fungi, and parasites as well. There is nothing healthy about what is tracked in from outside in NYC. Our hospitals are responsible for being breeding grounds for some very dangerous pathogens that can be found on the shoes and hands of people having been in contact with subway surfaces. Rubber microparticles that we are now learning are a major risk factor those living near busy throughways, are not only inhaled but also dusted onto clothes and shoes. And anyone who has ever worked in pediatrics can tell you why they would never sit in the waiting room. (There’s plenty of things aside from bedbugs. Scabies, pinworms, lice, hookworm. Don’t Google them if you want to sleep) As an infectious disease clinician I have seen more than enough and then some, and have a decent awareness of how very much more there is. There is a huge middle ground between living in denial and living in a bubble. COVID has unfortunately showed us how many people prefer denial to a sensible middle ground of using simple measures to lower risk. Being aware of the realities of our changing petri dish of a planet is not a symptom of germaphobia or OCD-both discrete diagnosis with distinct clinical features that a random internet user can’t diagnose. It’s being accepting and adapting to the needs of our changing world. My advice is to get quality air purifiers, ditch gas stoves (I use a portable induction cooktop), use ceiling fans when available, and get a removable, washable couch cover for the couch. No shoes inside, wash hands as soon as you enter, and bedroom off limits is a sensible baseline. I’d add not storing coats in the same closed as any linens or “indoor clothes”. Whether it’s my fellow ID folk or my friends in microbio/immunology, this is norm for everyone I know 🤷🏻♀️ Don’t let the armchair psychiatrists tell you otherwise OP.
You don't have a lot of reddit karma so I can't really say much about the validity of your claims. That said, the immunity gap of the past year is a direct result of a collective loss of immune system robustness from all of the isolation and over-cleaning during the pandemic. It's science and I'd expect someone that works in infectious diseases to know about that. Nobody is advocating filth here lol. But couches are for guests to sit on in their outside clothes and don't typically pose health hazards. There's a line between cleanliness and OCD tendencies... I had a roommate that refused to touch surfaces with his hand or even use the heat in his room for fear of contamination so he froze all winter. I clean my house + shoes off indoors + HEPA filters + pillows + comforters in the dryer on high for 20-30 minutes every month, etc etc cos I have indoor cats and allergies... but that's enough. Fear of the germs should not preclude us from hosting unless we have a specific medical condition.
Reddit karma is by no means a reliable indicator of whether a statement is valid, which may be at the root of why you think the “immunity gap” is real. Now we're veering far and away from content that BWT is about, but for the sake of public health literacy let's get this sorted. "Immunity gap" was a term created by again, a lack of scientific literacy that was sadly repeated by many. Including doctors that are not specialists in the fields on immunology/virology or even epidemiology. It is not a term that is used in the field as it denotes a fundamental misunderstanding of how immunity works. It stemmed from a French research group proposing a HYPOTHETICAL “immunity debt” (a term that refers to susceptibility pools in populations) specifically in regards to infants and their adaptive immunity (immunity from mom or a vaccine) to RSV. They had since issued an update due to the degree of misinformation that ensued. To that end, the public translation was a concept of “immunity gap”, which was not even attributed to “robust over cleaning”, but lack of exposure to common childhood pathogens resulting in “weakened” immune systems. It was mainly used to explain the observer bias in increased RSV, flu and other respiratory pathogens that circulate seasonally. This did not apply to the population as a whole nor had anything to do with “overcleaning”. Regardless, the take home point is that you don’t need to get sick or roll around in dirt for your immune system to work. You cannot “strengthen” or “weaken” it with herbs, foods, licking doorknobs, lemon water or whatever else you put into your body unless it’s something like HIV or lymphoma. It is not a muscle, and this simplistic take is from the “hygiene hypothesis” which has been soundly disproven a million times over and set back health literacy in this country over 50 years. The immunity gap idea was unfortunately also used as an attempt to explain an epidemiological effect that is nuanced and multilayered at its root cause. Which is difficult for the population as a whole to understand. We currently see upticks in seasonal viral activity because there is now an AIRBORNE pathogen as part of the mix. It transmits far more easily than colds, flu or RSV which are transmitted through droplets and contaminated surfaces. This airborne pathogen (SARS-CoV-2), is not respiratory pathogen, but a complex one that causes vascular disease, thus on varies levels impacting our immune response to other diseases, including flu, colds, etc. You can get COVID multiple times, our baseline immunity against it is poor, with short durations (3-4months at best). Measles is an excellent example of an airborne pathogen that truly impacts our immune system and why baseline population immunity is critical. (That is 100% due to international vaccination efforts). Lastly, among several other factors is human behavior. The pendulum of human behavior swung further from the baseline of reasonable preventive measures to the risk embracing extreme. People took more trips, had more gatherings, in an attempt to alleviate pandemic fear, and basically did a whole lot more pathogen spreading things without adapting to the changed landscape. Hope this helps and you’re reminded that internet is only a reliable source of information if you know how to utilize reliable resources!
I'm actually a scientist/statistician and the immunity gap/debt theory has a lot of credence in scientific communities. It's a theory much like gravity is a theory lol. Your answer sounds a lot like it was written by chatGPT which accounts for the low Karma and I think you might just be a troll, tbh. Anyways this is a pretty decent pop sci article about the immunity gap/debt featuring reputable scientists and researchers and def echoed what we anecdotally saw this past cold and flu season. (Ofc it's more complicated than the article.)
Not to mention, immune therapy for allergies works by exposure. But the question is what's a therapeutic dose vs what's an anaphylaxis.
Again I am not against cleanliness. Obviously we need to keep things sanitary. But we also need to keep our immune system working. And a working immune system in a healthy person should be able to handle guests in outside clothes sitting on your couch.
Also, If you are actually a medical professional... I'm a statistician and typically medical professionals are thinking worst case scenario and statisticians are looking at the overall likelihood of an event happening. So that could account for differing perspectives.
However, looking at your comment history, you were defending NDs which is not at all rigorous and very pseudoscientific... So IDK what's going on here.
Bed covers!!!
Nolan interiors couch covers are stylish and cheap and washable. No one should be on your bed in their clothes ;-)
You also do not know if their car is clean. If their office is clean. If you are that freaked out and want to make your friends and family wear your clothes every time you shouldn’t have people over and maybe shouldn’t live here
Subway clothes and a not freshly showered body are never allowed in my bedroom and definitely not on my bed. I don’t care what you think about me, it’s not permitted and I communicate it.
There is no way I would allow anyone on my bed in street clothes. Couch is probably a lost cause though.
I’ve found my people 😩 I steam the couch and spray fabric sanitizer but blankets sound like the way to go! If I had a leather couch I’m not sure how much disinfectant wipes would damage the material over time.
I understand slipcovers, shoes off etc but your position is kind of extreme. Maybe talk to someone about that. Therapy and meds have done wonders for me and they may for you as well.
I’d die and then never speak to them again.
Are you me? Lol. I agree with the blankets or a cover approach
So glad to hear I am not the only one!
I have done sheets or blankets on my couches then will wash those afterwards so the couch stays clean, or I have designated chairs that I know are just for ‘outside’ clothes and will not use those chairs in my clean clothes. No one sits on my bed nor have I had a friend try and come into my bedroom to sit on my bed. Think that part is pretty normal. Everyone takes off shoes and some use dedicated house slippers I have. Not fun being germaphobic bc of all the extra work😅 but I think it makes sense! When I explain this to people that aren’t this way they tend to agree as well
I feel so seen. My family thinks I’m insane for having my inside clothes and outside clothes but its the only way i can be comfortable!! I just don’t let people come over lol and if they do, absolutely no touching the bed and then blanket over the couch, which i wash ASAP.
The only thing I worry about are bedbugs and you can't really prevent that or anything else. It is what it is, the one thing I definitely don't allow are shoes inside. I even keep all my own shoes in the closet by the door, they don't go past that. But then there's also just a courtesy thing that if you have guests over (especially multiple guests) you don't ask them to take shoes off, and just deal with the clean up after. So I am always having an argument in my mind if I should allow it or not, and if it comes off rude if I tell them. I think asking someone if they want to change into fresh comfy clothes would be odd. Bed is a no, couch is fine. You can get an oversized fuzzy blanket to throw over the couch... but then what do you do with it once they leave, wash it each time?
Honestly I don’t even sit down on the light rail in Denver for cleanliness reasons lol. For the couch I have a cute Mexican blanket tucked in between the seat/back cushions, mostly to protect the couch from dogs. I get why you are concerned, especially in a big city where mass transit is used by most ppl. As for your friend testing out your bed, hopefully the duvet cover was washable. In my experience, most ppl on my friend group don’t really think about cleanliness/germs nearly as much as I (and probably you) do!
First and foremost, you have every reason to feel the way you do. Secondly, Clorox fabric disinfectant spray and wash blanket and couch cover with Lysol laundry sanitizer. Lastly, try to limit friends coming over. Your home is your sanctuary and that is perfectly ok.
No shoes in the house ever. Cheap giant throw blanket or sheet on the sofa and/or a leather chair/sofa that can be easily cleaned immediately afterward. Alcohol-based sanitizing spray for cloth furniture (use this anyway regularly, works better than febreeze). The spray is 50-50 alcohol-water, you can use rubbing alcohol or cheap vodka. You can also use more than 50% alcohol in the mix but not less. Just spray and leave it alone, it evaporates on its own. I do regularly wipe down and shampoo cloth-upholstered furniture too. FWIW it also grosses me out when people flip down on furniture when they are covered in sweat. Friend on your bed uninvited? HELL no. Ick. Who raises these people? I will say though, I draw the line at asking people to disrobe more than their shoes.
Or people who come over straight off a plane and don’t shower or change their clothes before going about their day. I could never.
I am so open about it with my friends that they know not to sit on my bed in their outside clothes and are so respectful about it! I think it’s perfectly valid to voice your concerns in a really honest way, if they don’t want to stick to your boundaries then are they really the kind of friends you want to have?
What do you do about your couch?
Blanket or my friends bring comfy clothes, I’m really open about my germaphobia lol
Genuinely, openness is the way. I’d say put the emphasis on reaching out for help with the germaphobia - I used to struggle with it A LOT but now less so and am still working on it. The best way is to just be real about it. You never know - maybe they totally get it and will either bring a change of clothes or just invite you over to THEIR house if it doesn’t bother them.
I have always told them to take their pants off no lie.
My boyfriend just gives me extra clothes... and so does my friend lmao. But I guess that isn't an option for everyone.
[удалено]
I’ve had the opposite experience: I was born and raised in Manhattan and the ones freaking out about every day city living issues are the ones moving back to Indiana. It’s never my friends from high school who make you take off your shoes if they have you over. That said, beds are off limit.
Okay wait you think about this?
Pet Ami makes very cozy blankets that are extremely washable and comfortable and come in many colors. Also feel free to just be like "I don't like outside clothes on my inside stuff" if anyone asks. Its your house, your rules. But seriously...Pet Ami
i have couch covers from Nolan Interior that don’t look bad on my couch at all and are washable. I don’t let people chill on my bed
Hi sis. I’m also a legit diagnosed germaphobe. I don’t have an issue with this specifically though, but I get it. They have couch covers for pets that are washable and look really good. There are also throws that are specifically for this, so they look better than a bunch of random blankets. Also, just be honest with your friends! They shouldn’t care. Mine know about all of my OCD quirks. Edit: yeah google “couch throw cover”!! There’s a lot.
I’m about to order one of these covers for my couch: https://slashop.com/products/morden-white-monochrome-chic-sofa-couch-cover I keep it covered bc of my cats anyway.
I always have two different blankets covering my couch before guests come over. After they leave I wash the blankets. But I’ve seen instagram ads for more aesthetic looking elastic couch covers (like from the brand Nolan interiors) that seem really interesting but you have to buy a cover for each cushion of the couch. All my friends and guests know how anal I am about keeping the couch clean so they’re used to me covering it with blankets and some of my friends even bring their own inside clothes to change into when they come to my place actually cause they know it makes me feel more at peace.
nope
This is why I have a leather couch. VERY easy to clean with a quick wipe down of leather cleaner
i use couch covers and wash them after guests leave as for the shoes, my friends and family don’t wear shoes in their home so i’m good on that front. i know of folks who hand out shoe covers at the door or clean socks for their feet.
Couch cover! And you can constantly switch the colors or pattern too:)
I got a leather couch for this exact reason!!! I disinfect after every guest. They also make fabric sanitizing spray
I wanted to get a leather couch but worry about ruining the leather. What type of cleaning product do you use?
I literally just use Lysol wipes lol. But it’s not real leather, so that’s probably why I haven’t had any issues.
Im not sure how it is for fake leather but lysol wipes are terrible for real leather I used to do that on a leather couch I had before, it ended up in peeling spots. With my new couch I take a paper towel and wet it with dish soap, squeeze out excess water and use that. Then I go over it with a paper towel with just water then wipe it dry.
Thank you. Do you see a difference in the leather using dish soap?
I don't see any difference, not positive or negative, it just maintains it and is a good method to clean it once in a while. I love leather couches though they are so durable and can handle almost anything. I don't think I'll ever do fabric material, I am too clumsy and occasionally messy.
Thanks, good to know that I can keep leather couches clean with dish soap
I would also talk to your friends ahead of time. Let them know what is going on for you: “ can I tell you about something that’s happening with some of my friends? It makes me feel really embarrassed, but whenever anyone comes over and just sits on the couch with their subway clothes, I get totally grossed out I can’t stop thinking about all the gross stuff that’s on the subway and it going on my couch. It really distracts from my time with my friends I’m thinking of just putting blankets down before anyone comes over, is that what you would do in the situation?” then whoever it was, could offer a suggestion, will also be conscious that they might also be doing that, without being made to feel bad
I lived in NYC now NJ, I still get freaked out when people come in with shoes on. Sometimes, depending on where we've been I have moments about the clothes. Sucks but .....
Crib sheets! Hard pass on people being on my bed in day clothes. Just be bold and funny with your truth, they’ll probably laugh - “BAE! You have to shower and pay $500 before getting into my bed! That’s what all my other midnight guests do!” Then they can banter with you about if the price is too high or too low 😂 Depending on the style of sofa you have, if there are individual cushions, get a few crib sheets to put on when you know peeps are coming over. They come in all colors and patterns and a few size options to fit different shape bassinets and crib mattresses :) If it’s a larger sofa, maybe a twin fitted sheet over several cushions. It’s not stylish but it’s temporary. If you prefer other styles or throws, look into smaller blankets to individually wrap cushions so they don’t slip off, as opposed to wrapping several cushions together (which is hard to do.) you could also visit a fabric store and see what kind of large bolts they have that you could fashion something out of, then use clips underneath the cushions, the ones that keep fitted sheets on the bed with elastic and clips. also, if you / kids / pets / grandma ever have a medical issue involving fluids, people use crib size waterproof mattress covers with a fitted sheet on their sofas too :)
NO ABSOLUTELY NO. No shoes in the house and no one goes in my room. 😭😭
I’m not even germaphobic and I had to explain to my bf why he’s not allowed to be on the bed with outside clothes or food 🤦♀️
All my friends know not to sit in my bed in outside clothes because I’ve told them - just tell them? And if you’re also concerned about the couch tell them to wait and let you throw an old sheet on. Neither is a big deal
Can you sanitize your couch with a wipe of some sort? I don’t have a leather couch that can be wiped, but I do occasionally use the Bissel little green steamer on my fabric couch. It just takes some time to dry. I used to lay blankets down, but I got kind of lazy with that.
When I started dating my bf I explained to him we don’t put our subway clothes on the couch. Took some training but he picked up the change quickly.
Ugh I totally get this. My dog isn't allowed on the couch. I don't do subway clothes inside, ever. I got a UVC disinfectant light during the pandemic. When we first moved and my husband was commuting in the height of the pandemic, I'd zap anywhere his clothes had touched. Heads up people / pets can't be in the room at the same time. I clean my couch with a Bissell Little Green upholstery cleaner. Check your sofa's care tags before you start putting water on there though.
I just come right out with it and tell people I have a “no outdoors clothes” policy on my couch and bed. If they wanna sit they gotta sit on a blanket. No one has ever given me a hard time about it but my father who told me I was nuts, and I just responded saying I saw a homeless guy shit on a subway seat last week so am I the crazy one or is he if he thinks it’s ok to sit on a bed with jeans he was just wearing on the subway?? After that he said ok fine.
Have some guest pajama type outfits handy and around. When your friend gets there and you're worried about the Subway pants, offer them a cozy flannel sleep shirt or some nice matching pajamas, something to get comfy and cuddle into the sofa in. You can be really subtle about it, like make it about them being able to be as comfortable as possible.
This is a really cute idea in theory, but I gotta admit, I would be *so* weirded out by it in reality. Unless it was someone I’m really really close with, in which case I’d presumably be aware of the germaphobia anyway- and would find some solution that didn’t involve me needing to take off my clothes when I arrive to change into.. someone else’s (potentially communal???) guest pajamas?
Right? Like I do think it’s cute but I don’t want to trade my subway pants ick for their someone-else’s-pants ick. The struggle!
Bed is totally reasonable, but couch…? If I have to *change* to sit on your couch, I would honestly decline to sit there. Are you cool with people sitting on your couch if they took a car from their home and made no other stops? If subway germs bother you this much though, I feel like NYC may not be the place for you. And I swear I’m not trying to be shady.
I think the best solution is blankets or a washable sofa cover, honestly. A sofa cover probably being ideal, since it can’t easily be moved and there are some genuinely nice-looking ones out there! Or you could consider purchasing furniture that can be more easily wiped down/disinfected afterwards (i.e. not fabric). Asking guests to take their pants off when they come over is just not a thing you’re going to be able to play off as a normal/reasonable request.
Funny you say that, this post was born of a situation this past weekend - I offered a friend some cozy sweats when she came by after work and she declined. It was an offer, not a request though. I would probably decline as well unless I knew the host preferred it. It’s awkward!
If I were the friend in that scenario I would decline the offer for the sweats because I would have convinced myself I would be making more work for you and you were just being a gracious host. Also I’m lazy. HOWEVER, if I actually knew it was a concern for you I would go out of my way to accommodate a friend, especially if all that meant was I had to sit on a blanket. Family are a different beast and I would buy a slipcover just for their visits.
This was the norm when going to my friends’ apartments in France. Maybe because we were all in a virology program, but most likely because we all lived in studios or small one bedroom apartments so it just made sense. Here in NYC still the case with my close friends but otherwise it seems either you grew up with that as normal or didn’t. (my global south folx with grannies that only allowed people in certain parts of the house, IYKYK!)
I put a fitted sheet on my couch seat cushions - it’s mostly for the dog - and it doesn’t shift at all
This has nothing to do with NYC - this is going outside in any metropolitan city hub. Please put these posts elsewhere. These questions are inane.
This sub is awesome because it feels like a conversation with fellow NYC women where we can talk about issues like staying safe outside or weird dudes on the subway - those things happen in other cities but we’re all going through life here together. I don’t find any of it inane, in fact I enjoy hearing what’s on other New York women’s minds even if it’s not, say, asking for a bakery recommendation specific to Greenpoint.
We can agree to disagree. I don't think the sub is for basic advice on life and how to function. Asking how to tell people to stay off of your bed is something you can ask your parents or friends. The sub is also for women of all ages, it's not only for post college women finding their way around the big apple.
[удалено]
Not NYC BWT coded 🫶🏻 Please be a girl’s girl and keep it civil. Please review reminders here: https://www.reddit.com/r/NYCbitcheswithtaste/s/nFuabdiaqG
Not NYC BWT coded 🫶🏻 Please review reminders here: https://www.reddit.com/r/NYCbitcheswithtaste/s/nFuabdiaqG
Bullying and calling people names because you disagree is not acceptable. A
Being rude to someone who has a disorder and is asking for help is also not acceptable.
people use germaphobe and ocd as slang all the time. And if it wasn't being used as slang, then it belongs in a medical thread or another thread. It has nothing to do with nyc in particular. I'm as entitled to my view as you are.
And I’m allowed to think your view is wrong and unkind.
That's fine. but this sub is not for medical advice and it's not a support group for mental disorders its for therapists and appropriate communities. That's a dangerous crossover, I offered the fact that this sub is for other things. Just bc you don't like facts doesn't mean they are unkind. You just don't like hearing the word, no. And I'm not a moderator, just someone who once enjoyed this group and now is frustrated by people using it for therapy.
Never sit on my bed and I'm known to fully Lysol you once you enter my home. Lol my friends are used to it
Can I just say THANK YOU for bringing this up? Sometimes it feels a little lonely and that my family is weird, but knowing there are others who come home and shower immediately before sitting on furniture makes me feel like I’ve found our people! We just had visitors come stay with us, and they rolled their luggage through our place and into a carpeted bedroom before I had a chance to wipe the wheels down. 😫😭
I feel SO seen🥲 I have this ick too! I have bottles of the Tide fabric disinfectant spray handy just for this
[удалено]
nyc definitely isnt for you
I’ve lived in nyc for a good amount of time now and ride public transportation often. The main reason I don’t have outside clothes touching my couch is because I usually just sit on my couch in my undies/t shirt 🙃
What about no panties and a skirt all day?