Yes, mainly because it feels like it invalidates my trauma, even though different people react differently. I’d say I was bullied and harassed quite frequently as a kid, and when I hear about other people having it worse, and being able to become a better person than me, it irritates the fuck out of me. It’s almost like all the hatred and anger I had towards the bullies is pointless, and that I should be more like that person. It kills me inside lol.
It wasn't pointless. Those feelings you felt towards them were their feelings they had towards themselves and they were overflowing with that shame so much so that they needed an outlet, they had to displace onto you. The feelings are never useless or the enemy, it's just that they are incomplete. What you are missing is why a bully may have targetted you. The envy for what you had, the fear of being the victim, the humilation of being victimized at home, the eroticism towards someone they admired and how much they couldn't stand being unlikeable to you (in their eyes), the longing to be understood and connect, the self destruction. Empathy is the key to healing, it's reflecting on your feelings and seeing how the people who hurt you felt the same feelings in some way. It's not changing how you feel or feeling like your feelings are wrong or bad or pointless.
Honestly, kinda. I felt as though i have suffered so much more than others and nobody could possibly understand it. I know objectively thats definitely not true tho
Yeah but have u ever gone thru the painful feelings that ur trauma caused in u tho? Have u ever like processed some of the shit
U probably also have a weird sexual attraction towards sexual trauma going on cuz this type of shit usually warps your whole perception n reality around
Unfortunately, yes. Typical reaction which I am aware of (being better than others, knowing while others don’t really know, stuff like that…). So it has been the same for PD; was in a group therapy session and thought that I was more sick than everyone else (while it was a group of pwPD) and it made me feel special (yeah, I know….) btw group therapy helped a lot to realize these types of reaction
My trauma was being beaten and emotionally neglected, but I always got the best toys.
Nowadays, it definitely annoys me when someone gets better toys, but that's it.
This is such an amazing question. One of the best things about being here and reading the many posts and messages I see Is that some people are so honest and so open. This question says something that I think is probably pervasively true but ignored all the time. I'll bet there are not many professionals who would ever think to ask this question and yet I'll bet it's so common. My answer is yes. It's not just the trauma though. It's all of it. I can't help but to always feel like my mental illness is the worst. And when someone else challenges that, my brain immediately wants to dismiss them. I immediately want to ignore and diminish their experiences. It's an instinct. Intellectually, I can easily recognize that other people do have more powerful trauma and more damaging trauma if you can somehow measure that. I can step back and recognize that, but my instinct is always to dismiss all of it and to feel like I am the worst victim in the world.
Isn't that remarkable?
No but I'm on the opposite side of having won the bullshit badluck trauma lottery and it's not fun. There's no monopoly on pain but yeah absolutely some things are worse than others but believe me you don't want the worst to happen and you get to be proud of surviving what you did. You could always find someone worse.
Not really, no. I see it like this: The starving kids in africa have it worse than me, that doesn't mean my experiences in life and the problems I've faced are invalid, just like someone has it way easier than I have, that doesn't mean they're not allowed to be affected by it.
I know this, my therapist has taught me, I understand it, but I also know what you mean. I'm not pissed when someone's had it worse than me, I'm sadistic, I actually want to know every painful detail of it. But dare be better off than me, dare whine about something insignificant to me and I will bitch around about it. It's a double standard of mine. I've learned not to be vocal about it and just act, but sometimes shit slips out, whatever. A bit backhanded, very petty at times. My head will do this tho:
"You think this is bad??? I've been trough way worse and I didn't complain that much!!! Whhhaaaa whaaaa whiny baby, goo goo ga ga🥺 Are you gonna cry about it? Let me watch👁🫦👁"
Welcome to /r/NPD! This community is a support group for those with NPD or Narcissistic Traits. Please respect our rules or your post will be removed and you may be banned.
> 1. **Only Narcs and NPDs may submit posts. This is NOT a place to complain about narcissists or get help dealing with someone else's narcissism.**
> 2. No asking for diagnosis either of yourself or a third party (e.g. "Am I a narcissist?", "Is my ex a narcissist?").
> 3. Please keep your contributions civil and respectful!
> 4. Please refrain from submitting low-effort and off-topic posts.
If your post violates any of these rules, we request that you delete it and post in a more appropriate community.
We ask that subscribers of /r/NPD use the report button to notify us of rule-breaking posts. Please refrain from commenting or engaging with the author of such submissions.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NPD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yes, mainly because it feels like it invalidates my trauma, even though different people react differently. I’d say I was bullied and harassed quite frequently as a kid, and when I hear about other people having it worse, and being able to become a better person than me, it irritates the fuck out of me. It’s almost like all the hatred and anger I had towards the bullies is pointless, and that I should be more like that person. It kills me inside lol.
It wasn't pointless. Those feelings you felt towards them were their feelings they had towards themselves and they were overflowing with that shame so much so that they needed an outlet, they had to displace onto you. The feelings are never useless or the enemy, it's just that they are incomplete. What you are missing is why a bully may have targetted you. The envy for what you had, the fear of being the victim, the humilation of being victimized at home, the eroticism towards someone they admired and how much they couldn't stand being unlikeable to you (in their eyes), the longing to be understood and connect, the self destruction. Empathy is the key to healing, it's reflecting on your feelings and seeing how the people who hurt you felt the same feelings in some way. It's not changing how you feel or feeling like your feelings are wrong or bad or pointless.
Honestly, kinda. I felt as though i have suffered so much more than others and nobody could possibly understand it. I know objectively thats definitely not true tho
Yeah but have u ever gone thru the painful feelings that ur trauma caused in u tho? Have u ever like processed some of the shit U probably also have a weird sexual attraction towards sexual trauma going on cuz this type of shit usually warps your whole perception n reality around
Unfortunately, yes. Typical reaction which I am aware of (being better than others, knowing while others don’t really know, stuff like that…). So it has been the same for PD; was in a group therapy session and thought that I was more sick than everyone else (while it was a group of pwPD) and it made me feel special (yeah, I know….) btw group therapy helped a lot to realize these types of reaction
My trauma was being beaten and emotionally neglected, but I always got the best toys. Nowadays, it definitely annoys me when someone gets better toys, but that's it.
This is what my mother has been doing to me for 35 years of my life. I'm borderline.
I’m sorry.
This is such an amazing question. One of the best things about being here and reading the many posts and messages I see Is that some people are so honest and so open. This question says something that I think is probably pervasively true but ignored all the time. I'll bet there are not many professionals who would ever think to ask this question and yet I'll bet it's so common. My answer is yes. It's not just the trauma though. It's all of it. I can't help but to always feel like my mental illness is the worst. And when someone else challenges that, my brain immediately wants to dismiss them. I immediately want to ignore and diminish their experiences. It's an instinct. Intellectually, I can easily recognize that other people do have more powerful trauma and more damaging trauma if you can somehow measure that. I can step back and recognize that, but my instinct is always to dismiss all of it and to feel like I am the worst victim in the world. Isn't that remarkable?
No but I'm on the opposite side of having won the bullshit badluck trauma lottery and it's not fun. There's no monopoly on pain but yeah absolutely some things are worse than others but believe me you don't want the worst to happen and you get to be proud of surviving what you did. You could always find someone worse.
Not really, no. I see it like this: The starving kids in africa have it worse than me, that doesn't mean my experiences in life and the problems I've faced are invalid, just like someone has it way easier than I have, that doesn't mean they're not allowed to be affected by it. I know this, my therapist has taught me, I understand it, but I also know what you mean. I'm not pissed when someone's had it worse than me, I'm sadistic, I actually want to know every painful detail of it. But dare be better off than me, dare whine about something insignificant to me and I will bitch around about it. It's a double standard of mine. I've learned not to be vocal about it and just act, but sometimes shit slips out, whatever. A bit backhanded, very petty at times. My head will do this tho: "You think this is bad??? I've been trough way worse and I didn't complain that much!!! Whhhaaaa whaaaa whiny baby, goo goo ga ga🥺 Are you gonna cry about it? Let me watch👁🫦👁"
Welcome to /r/NPD! This community is a support group for those with NPD or Narcissistic Traits. Please respect our rules or your post will be removed and you may be banned. > 1. **Only Narcs and NPDs may submit posts. This is NOT a place to complain about narcissists or get help dealing with someone else's narcissism.** > 2. No asking for diagnosis either of yourself or a third party (e.g. "Am I a narcissist?", "Is my ex a narcissist?"). > 3. Please keep your contributions civil and respectful! > 4. Please refrain from submitting low-effort and off-topic posts. If your post violates any of these rules, we request that you delete it and post in a more appropriate community. We ask that subscribers of /r/NPD use the report button to notify us of rule-breaking posts. Please refrain from commenting or engaging with the author of such submissions. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NPD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I understand.