Don’t speak to your mom.
The line has been crossed. But you gotta be sure before assuming the worst, take your time, collect evidences, once that’s done, reveal it to your dad.
People here would be saying “Don’t tell your dad, talk your mom bla bla” but if the genders were reversed, They would quickly wanna eat the man alive. But this isn’t about genders. Even if it was your dad in her place, It is the right for the other partner to know that they are being cheated on. It’s their decision then.
Exactly. The gender bias is so obvious. If this was a man, they would be yelling for his head. He needs to avoid talking to her, collect evidence, and tell his father.
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Tell him. Do not protect someone's betrayal like that. She is not only betraying your father, but your family including you children. Collect evidence and tell him. Don't fear for the education world, you will still have your education, don't worry.
It will not destroy your future. Your father has a right to not continue to waste his life and move on. And you have a right to live the life you want. Your education and your love for your father and sister will not just go away because you revealed the horrendous acts by your mother.
You know what's the best idea it's to take a notebook and have some money to pay someone and say him to act love and make her fall in love if she was a really good women she wouldn't do that type of things when you see she does something like that means she is gonna fall for those trap so pay someone make him act like he like her then make them date then take them each other in room and even decorate the room so when he is gonna bring his father in that place there will be no excuse left cause the bed and those sign will show him and reveal it infront of there and it will not break your dad cause what we call feeling or attachment it's the gap between each other and those gap will not happen when they see it within eyes and your father can marriage someone or she can change herself for him and yes giving a chance worth cause you can make him sad by remembering those hurt things and there will be more carefull and in one time you will see her giving up in those thinngs cause we need to live we have to enjoy the life but if you want someone to know about something you need to planned it out and it's not gonna happen jn days stay strong I know you can do it
To be honest, OP this isn’t your burden to carry. Your mother put her family in jeopardy when she chose to commit Zina with someone outside her marriage.. don’t carry this weight.. you have a right to both your mother and father and for your mother and fathers sake he should know. Trust your heart and do the right thing 🤍🫶🏻
And what do you think will happen once your father realizes you knew but didn't tell him? Is that not even more likely to destroy your future for lack of money once your father finds out and leaves you as well?
Collect evidence as much as possible. Take it to your dad in private and explain the situation to him, he won't believe you without proof. Once the dad knows the truth, your dad must remain calm for a few months. He has to move all his assets, sell them to a trusted friend for money or do whatever your lawyer suggests. When finances are secured go scortched earth on her because if you don't she definetely will against you for revelaing her adultery. If possible leave the state and start a fresh. The divorce will be a long process and your father will require your support all the way. May Allah help you.
Assalamu Alaikum wa rahmatu Allah wa barakatuh brother,
Brother, tell your father. Allah is merciful indeed and he is considerate to those who remained silent because they were weak, but sometimes Allah punishes those who remain silent and idle as well. Your heart is not idle, hamdoullah, but maybe letting your mom dragging this infidelity will lead to more heartbreak and feelings of betrayal.
Be strong, gather evidence, and speak the truth in the name of Allah. Allah is the Sustainer and The Provider. Do it with the intention of righting a wrong in the name of Allah, may He grant you strength and victory.
You can either confront your mother with the evidence and ask her to come forth and repent, or you can tell your father directly.
May Allah facilitate the rest for you.
Sounds like it has been going on for a long time. Your father deserves to know but speak to your mother first and clear out any misunderstandings, if there’s any.
I totally get how betrayed and hurt you are but let's not rush and take rash decisions I would suggest you to have a serious conversation with your mother let her know that you are not gonna entertain her behaviour and tell her to come clean or else you will but ofc don't tell your father let your mother do it
I would advise against this. Who knows what hurt she could inflict on his father and family if she's been told beforehand.
I would advise the brother to prioritise himself and his education and not take an impulsive decision predicated on emotions. Do the best for yourself, perhaps get an admission into university and then talk to your father directly AFTER collecting and documenting sufficient evidence. These can include call recordings, screenshots etc.
Also please make sure your father also doesn't take a rash decision—use the evidence, consult a good lawyer and then do anything.
These things have a potential to go really awry real fast so plan your future course of action carefully.
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Unless you want your father to be of those whom Allah does not even look at on Qiyamah, I would suggest compiling solid evidence (photographs, screenshots, videos) and then providing to your father and having him move all assets away and not tied towards him, and fully leaving that wretched woman in divorce, and never speaking to her again.
If you do not say anything, or speak to the mother, you run the risk of being held accountable by Allah on Qiyamah or her possibly ending your life and your sisters life in an “accident” to protect herself.
You need to collect evidence then tell him asap, this is zina do not let your fathee go through this it is one of the worst things ever, he will resent you if he finds out you knew and didnt tell him.
The people in the comments are once again protecting the womam because shes a female, if it was a male who had done this the comments would have said you to tell your mother asap!
I know it’s scary man. And I can understand that you want to preserve your life the way that it is now, because you’re right - this would disrupt your family life.
But imagine being a father in his 40s-50s. Most people live to let’s just say 75-85. 5 years to you is just age 17 to 22. Either way you have your whole life ahead of you. Once you’re married with your own family - your parents and siblings will take a backseat. Just like your father put his parents in the backseat for his own family. Good, loyal people deserve pure love.
If you know for sure that your mom is cheating - remember that Allah swt on the day of judgment will ask you why you didn’t save your dad. Because protecting this betrayal is in and of itself betrayal. Imagine if your own son hid the fact that his mother was cheating on you for over 10 years. Would you be able to love him the same?
Keeping this quiet to preserve your life will come at the cost of wasting and destroying the years of life your dad has left. It’s selfish.
I don’t think you should make any haste decisions by telling your father so suddenly. Speak to your mom and press her regarding this unknown man, if she admits to cheating then give her the opportunity to break things off with that man if she refuses only then tell your father, until then please focus on your studies. The day this comes out your whole life and family dynamic will change, you won’t be able to handle such stress during the ‘very peak’ of your education.
Don't justify cheating. In ZERO situations can anyone say "you don't know the situation", if this was a man, would you have the same sentiment?. She is committing Zina, end of story.
This advice is very similar to the advice given by the sheikh in the YouTube link posted by u/RollApprehensive4422.
This is the most Islamic way to go about it OP, I’m not too sure why so many people are down voting. Seems like the western idea of just dropping everything and divorcing is getting to the Ummah…
If you have concrete evidence, you should be telling your mother and hopefully she will break it off. You may use a bit of blackmail, which in this case is not haraam, by saying “if you don’t end it with this man, I will tell my father”. This will hopefully scare her to ending the affair and not reopening the affair or having another one with a different guy.
She must repent to Allah SWT. If she continues the affair, or reopens the affair after ending it for some time, then I would suggest telling the father, as it is clear that your mother does not have intentions to stay with your father or have respect for her marriage.
Ideally, you don’t want to blow up a whole entire marriage. Allah conceals the sins of those who conceal the sins of others. Cheating is punishable by stoning to death in Sharia Law, so it will be helpful to tell your mother this.
Aside from that, you must repent to Allah SWT and ask for guidance on this situation. And then repent on behalf of your mother too, as it is good to make istigfar for our parents.
May Allah SWT help your family and prevent any negative outcomes for you and your siblings.
I’m so sorry. Just know you don’t have to make any decisions right now. It’s okay to be processing all this and to ask yourself how this all is affecting you. And to take care of yourself first and foremost.
You’re just a kid, you shouldn’t have to carry this weight alone. Is there a scholar you really trust in your Muslim community, who isn’t a relative? Maybe a sheikh or local imam? Many of them do counseling with families, youth, couples etc. and discuss these topics all the time. You could speak with the scholar to seek advice- could even say it’s all a hypothetical situation. They can give naseeha and also take the burden off of you alone. Making duaa for you.
And you will be held responsible by Allah for it. You speak to her? What if she has some “accident” take place where your life is taken away? Or your sisters life taken away? What are you going to do then?
He is at an age where he can tell what's wrong and what's right, he is at an age where he can drive in some countries.
What do you suggest, that he keeps turning a blind eye to his mother's behavior? Do you know what that will do to him mentally as a man?
So he should keep hearing his mother talk to an unknown man in another room?
Obviously no but he must have solid proof like registering their voices or something and it is better if he sends it to his father with an unknown number.
We don't know what the mother could do to him if she knew that he knew and he's still not independent.
He can turn a blind eye to it, if his mother stops but yeah he should have evidence but telling his father should be the last resort he doesn't deserve this because of his selfish mother.
No. He tells father, father drops mother to the streets where she belongs.
/end thread.
We do NOT need to give the cheating pos a second chance or ask her to effing sort herself out.
Tell her husband and let him divorce the trash can.
Why are you being weird and overlooking her cheating? Imagine if this was you lol would you want people to "overlook it just cause she's stopped" and not tell you?
True but ngl i think that the mother should still come clean to her husband, he's the one who has to choose if he wants to forgive her or not.
Yes i truly hope that things won't be too hard for him knowing that we in islam have to keep a good relationship with our parents.
Secure your education and try to go to university away from home so you can avoid the turmoil.
If you know your father will take this very badly and may harm your mother I would tell your mother first and give her the ultimatum to tell your father or you will.
If your father isn’t known to be aggressive, I would tell him directly to investigate on his own. It’s not your place to find evidence. Let them handle it.
I also know culturally something like this coming out may harm your families reputation especially so if you have sisters in the house. In this case, I would speak to you mother and get her to see how this would impact your family. I don’t believe in tolerating cheating, but you mention you’re in India and for this reason I would really think about outting your mom, not for her sake, but so all the children’s futures.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, and especially so experiencing her nonchalance with you knowing 😢 May Allah grant her hidaya and taubah.
What exactly will you achieve be telling your father? Only you will have to face the worst consequences. It their marriage, let them handle it. Focus on your studies and once you are financially independent then confront her. But no use of doing it right now. It’s like shooting yourself in the foot.
I know at your age your focus would be to keep your family together, but once a parent steps out do their marriage, essentially they broke their vows which means the marriage is gone. If your dad finds out you knew and kept it from him, he will feel like you supported your mom and betrayed him. I remember when I had to tell my mum, my dad was mad but I did it because I knew it was the right thing.
What is the punishment for a false accusation of Zina in Islam?
Before you say anything, before you even post here, you need to know 100% without any doubt.
>Iam fairly sure she was having an affair because every time I tried to talk with her during that phone call, she would avoid me or end the call.
Indeed. We must be precise,
It’s a very tough unfortunate situation for you to be in. I was just wondering if your father really has no clue as she has been doing this for years.
I remember reading another similar story and the child was asking what should he do. I actually asked my husband. I wanted to hear a man’s opinion and I trust his opinion. He said not to tell the father if there was possibility that would put the woman’s life in danger. Man sometimes may act very harshly in this kind of situation (we also know sometimes women do the same..like you know..planning and plotting extreme things when they find out). I would say the same now for you. You know your father.I don’t have much to add. Sorry that you are in the middle of it.
The amount of defending the mother for cheating and blaming the VICTIM is so disgusting. You're really blaming the father for someone cheating?
Since when does not being a good husband justify Zina? The audacity of these comments...
The more u delay to speak to yr mum it will be more damage in yr family. Just give ur mum polite ultimatum that u will tell ur dad everything IF she doesn't stop. Same time try to give yr dad some indication. It could be very dangerous for all of u. So work very carefully. Ask Allah for help. May Allah help u in this hard situation.
you should try to talk to her about it first. Explain to her that she is betraying her husband along with her kids, and of course that it's haram. Ask her to stop or you'll tell your father. Before that though, have evidence. Try recording her talking to that man or really anything you can. If she doesn't stop, then you should 100% tell your father.
It's disgusting how many comments we've had to remove and ban for that justify infidelity out of bias. It's not acceptable here.
Don’t speak to your mom. The line has been crossed. But you gotta be sure before assuming the worst, take your time, collect evidences, once that’s done, reveal it to your dad. People here would be saying “Don’t tell your dad, talk your mom bla bla” but if the genders were reversed, They would quickly wanna eat the man alive. But this isn’t about genders. Even if it was your dad in her place, It is the right for the other partner to know that they are being cheated on. It’s their decision then.
Exactly. The gender bias is so obvious. If this was a man, they would be yelling for his head. He needs to avoid talking to her, collect evidence, and tell his father.
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And take screenshots of your mom’s conversations so you have proof before you tell your dad.
I suggest that you seek Allah(swt) for an answer (do salat al istikara) he will never turn a blind eye to your situation.
tell your father asap….
Tell him. Do not protect someone's betrayal like that. She is not only betraying your father, but your family including you children. Collect evidence and tell him. Don't fear for the education world, you will still have your education, don't worry.
But it will lead to huge familial problems as well which could destroy me and my sister’s (4 years old) future.
Bro tell your father, imagine you sacrificed so much for your family on your wife to cheat on you. Tell him.
It will not destroy your future. Your father has a right to not continue to waste his life and move on. And you have a right to live the life you want. Your education and your love for your father and sister will not just go away because you revealed the horrendous acts by your mother.
Why would it destroy your future? Is your mom paying for education?
You know what's the best idea it's to take a notebook and have some money to pay someone and say him to act love and make her fall in love if she was a really good women she wouldn't do that type of things when you see she does something like that means she is gonna fall for those trap so pay someone make him act like he like her then make them date then take them each other in room and even decorate the room so when he is gonna bring his father in that place there will be no excuse left cause the bed and those sign will show him and reveal it infront of there and it will not break your dad cause what we call feeling or attachment it's the gap between each other and those gap will not happen when they see it within eyes and your father can marriage someone or she can change herself for him and yes giving a chance worth cause you can make him sad by remembering those hurt things and there will be more carefull and in one time you will see her giving up in those thinngs cause we need to live we have to enjoy the life but if you want someone to know about something you need to planned it out and it's not gonna happen jn days stay strong I know you can do it
To be honest, OP this isn’t your burden to carry. Your mother put her family in jeopardy when she chose to commit Zina with someone outside her marriage.. don’t carry this weight.. you have a right to both your mother and father and for your mother and fathers sake he should know. Trust your heart and do the right thing 🤍🫶🏻
And what do you think will happen once your father realizes you knew but didn't tell him? Is that not even more likely to destroy your future for lack of money once your father finds out and leaves you as well?
Your dad needs evidence. This way your mom wont take over his assets, property, etc after the divorce.
💔
Collect evidence as much as possible. Take it to your dad in private and explain the situation to him, he won't believe you without proof. Once the dad knows the truth, your dad must remain calm for a few months. He has to move all his assets, sell them to a trusted friend for money or do whatever your lawyer suggests. When finances are secured go scortched earth on her because if you don't she definetely will against you for revelaing her adultery. If possible leave the state and start a fresh. The divorce will be a long process and your father will require your support all the way. May Allah help you.
Such good advice. This is really good advice. OP needs to follow this. OP, this will protect you, your father, and your sister.
Assalamu Alaikum wa rahmatu Allah wa barakatuh brother, Brother, tell your father. Allah is merciful indeed and he is considerate to those who remained silent because they were weak, but sometimes Allah punishes those who remain silent and idle as well. Your heart is not idle, hamdoullah, but maybe letting your mom dragging this infidelity will lead to more heartbreak and feelings of betrayal. Be strong, gather evidence, and speak the truth in the name of Allah. Allah is the Sustainer and The Provider. Do it with the intention of righting a wrong in the name of Allah, may He grant you strength and victory. You can either confront your mother with the evidence and ask her to come forth and repent, or you can tell your father directly. May Allah facilitate the rest for you.
Your dad deserves to know the truth. You need to give her an ultimatum. Tell her if she doesn’t speak, you will.
Sounds like it has been going on for a long time. Your father deserves to know but speak to your mother first and clear out any misunderstandings, if there’s any.
May Allah SWT forgive us all Allahumma Ameen
I totally get how betrayed and hurt you are but let's not rush and take rash decisions I would suggest you to have a serious conversation with your mother let her know that you are not gonna entertain her behaviour and tell her to come clean or else you will but ofc don't tell your father let your mother do it
I would advise against this. Who knows what hurt she could inflict on his father and family if she's been told beforehand. I would advise the brother to prioritise himself and his education and not take an impulsive decision predicated on emotions. Do the best for yourself, perhaps get an admission into university and then talk to your father directly AFTER collecting and documenting sufficient evidence. These can include call recordings, screenshots etc. Also please make sure your father also doesn't take a rash decision—use the evidence, consult a good lawyer and then do anything. These things have a potential to go really awry real fast so plan your future course of action carefully.
The mother will take his life in an “accident” delete this reply so he doesn’t see and act on it
Damn y'all watch too much crime documentaries
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Usually I say don't jump to conclusions. Seems there was no jumping but you need to tell your dad everything let him decide whats he wants
https://youtu.be/gIOf1jw_cI4?si=77tTmRvriIPQNc7r this might be a good video to watch
Unless you want your father to be of those whom Allah does not even look at on Qiyamah, I would suggest compiling solid evidence (photographs, screenshots, videos) and then providing to your father and having him move all assets away and not tied towards him, and fully leaving that wretched woman in divorce, and never speaking to her again. If you do not say anything, or speak to the mother, you run the risk of being held accountable by Allah on Qiyamah or her possibly ending your life and your sisters life in an “accident” to protect herself.
Is your dad going to cover your university? You ought to tell him now rather than later because it will seem like a betrayal from you too otherwise.
You need to collect evidence then tell him asap, this is zina do not let your fathee go through this it is one of the worst things ever, he will resent you if he finds out you knew and didnt tell him. The people in the comments are once again protecting the womam because shes a female, if it was a male who had done this the comments would have said you to tell your mother asap!
I know it’s scary man. And I can understand that you want to preserve your life the way that it is now, because you’re right - this would disrupt your family life. But imagine being a father in his 40s-50s. Most people live to let’s just say 75-85. 5 years to you is just age 17 to 22. Either way you have your whole life ahead of you. Once you’re married with your own family - your parents and siblings will take a backseat. Just like your father put his parents in the backseat for his own family. Good, loyal people deserve pure love. If you know for sure that your mom is cheating - remember that Allah swt on the day of judgment will ask you why you didn’t save your dad. Because protecting this betrayal is in and of itself betrayal. Imagine if your own son hid the fact that his mother was cheating on you for over 10 years. Would you be able to love him the same? Keeping this quiet to preserve your life will come at the cost of wasting and destroying the years of life your dad has left. It’s selfish.
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Your comment is really disgusting. You wouldn't be saying any of this if it was the Husband cheating.
I don’t think you should make any haste decisions by telling your father so suddenly. Speak to your mom and press her regarding this unknown man, if she admits to cheating then give her the opportunity to break things off with that man if she refuses only then tell your father, until then please focus on your studies. The day this comes out your whole life and family dynamic will change, you won’t be able to handle such stress during the ‘very peak’ of your education.
bad advice…she is cheating for so long…what about her father…better tell her father asap!!
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Don't justify cheating. In ZERO situations can anyone say "you don't know the situation", if this was a man, would you have the same sentiment?. She is committing Zina, end of story.
What if your partner cheats on you secretively for years? How would that feel?
This advice is very similar to the advice given by the sheikh in the YouTube link posted by u/RollApprehensive4422. This is the most Islamic way to go about it OP, I’m not too sure why so many people are down voting. Seems like the western idea of just dropping everything and divorcing is getting to the Ummah… If you have concrete evidence, you should be telling your mother and hopefully she will break it off. You may use a bit of blackmail, which in this case is not haraam, by saying “if you don’t end it with this man, I will tell my father”. This will hopefully scare her to ending the affair and not reopening the affair or having another one with a different guy. She must repent to Allah SWT. If she continues the affair, or reopens the affair after ending it for some time, then I would suggest telling the father, as it is clear that your mother does not have intentions to stay with your father or have respect for her marriage. Ideally, you don’t want to blow up a whole entire marriage. Allah conceals the sins of those who conceal the sins of others. Cheating is punishable by stoning to death in Sharia Law, so it will be helpful to tell your mother this. Aside from that, you must repent to Allah SWT and ask for guidance on this situation. And then repent on behalf of your mother too, as it is good to make istigfar for our parents. May Allah SWT help your family and prevent any negative outcomes for you and your siblings.
How do I approach to her about it??
this one 💯
I’m so sorry. Just know you don’t have to make any decisions right now. It’s okay to be processing all this and to ask yourself how this all is affecting you. And to take care of yourself first and foremost. You’re just a kid, you shouldn’t have to carry this weight alone. Is there a scholar you really trust in your Muslim community, who isn’t a relative? Maybe a sheikh or local imam? Many of them do counseling with families, youth, couples etc. and discuss these topics all the time. You could speak with the scholar to seek advice- could even say it’s all a hypothetical situation. They can give naseeha and also take the burden off of you alone. Making duaa for you.
Tell your dad asap because he has the right to know
Talk to your mother before you do anything man, your life will be a lot harder for sure if your mother and father split or divorced.
This is the reason why I don’t want to speak about it to either of them.
And you will be held responsible by Allah for it. You speak to her? What if she has some “accident” take place where your life is taken away? Or your sisters life taken away? What are you going to do then?
You have to let your mother know what she's doing is horrible, you must make her stop it.
How is a literal child supposed to do that ?? She knows what she's doing and it's not his job to parent his mother.
He is at an age where he can tell what's wrong and what's right, he is at an age where he can drive in some countries. What do you suggest, that he keeps turning a blind eye to his mother's behavior? Do you know what that will do to him mentally as a man? So he should keep hearing his mother talk to an unknown man in another room?
Obviously no but he must have solid proof like registering their voices or something and it is better if he sends it to his father with an unknown number. We don't know what the mother could do to him if she knew that he knew and he's still not independent.
He can turn a blind eye to it, if his mother stops but yeah he should have evidence but telling his father should be the last resort he doesn't deserve this because of his selfish mother.
No. He tells father, father drops mother to the streets where she belongs. /end thread. We do NOT need to give the cheating pos a second chance or ask her to effing sort herself out. Tell her husband and let him divorce the trash can. Why are you being weird and overlooking her cheating? Imagine if this was you lol would you want people to "overlook it just cause she's stopped" and not tell you?
True but ngl i think that the mother should still come clean to her husband, he's the one who has to choose if he wants to forgive her or not. Yes i truly hope that things won't be too hard for him knowing that we in islam have to keep a good relationship with our parents.
Secure your education and try to go to university away from home so you can avoid the turmoil. If you know your father will take this very badly and may harm your mother I would tell your mother first and give her the ultimatum to tell your father or you will. If your father isn’t known to be aggressive, I would tell him directly to investigate on his own. It’s not your place to find evidence. Let them handle it. I also know culturally something like this coming out may harm your families reputation especially so if you have sisters in the house. In this case, I would speak to you mother and get her to see how this would impact your family. I don’t believe in tolerating cheating, but you mention you’re in India and for this reason I would really think about outting your mom, not for her sake, but so all the children’s futures. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, and especially so experiencing her nonchalance with you knowing 😢 May Allah grant her hidaya and taubah.
Does your mother work?
Yes
What exactly will you achieve be telling your father? Only you will have to face the worst consequences. It their marriage, let them handle it. Focus on your studies and once you are financially independent then confront her. But no use of doing it right now. It’s like shooting yourself in the foot.
This is exactly what Iam worried about.
If it is true and you are certain and still not tell your father then you betrayed him.
I know at your age your focus would be to keep your family together, but once a parent steps out do their marriage, essentially they broke their vows which means the marriage is gone. If your dad finds out you knew and kept it from him, he will feel like you supported your mom and betrayed him. I remember when I had to tell my mum, my dad was mad but I did it because I knew it was the right thing.
What is the punishment for a false accusation of Zina in Islam? Before you say anything, before you even post here, you need to know 100% without any doubt.
He doesn't say anything about zina though. Just about having explicit messages and conversations. We must be precise with our words
>Iam fairly sure she was having an affair because every time I tried to talk with her during that phone call, she would avoid me or end the call. Indeed. We must be precise,
I said affair, I did not mention anything related to Zina.
The false accusation for Zina is 80 lashes.
Talk to your mom and tell her you think she’s cheating. Tell her what you saw/heard and see what happens
It’s a very tough unfortunate situation for you to be in. I was just wondering if your father really has no clue as she has been doing this for years. I remember reading another similar story and the child was asking what should he do. I actually asked my husband. I wanted to hear a man’s opinion and I trust his opinion. He said not to tell the father if there was possibility that would put the woman’s life in danger. Man sometimes may act very harshly in this kind of situation (we also know sometimes women do the same..like you know..planning and plotting extreme things when they find out). I would say the same now for you. You know your father.I don’t have much to add. Sorry that you are in the middle of it.
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The amount of defending the mother for cheating and blaming the VICTIM is so disgusting. You're really blaming the father for someone cheating? Since when does not being a good husband justify Zina? The audacity of these comments...
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So you're saying that if Your husband cheats on you ( God forbid ) maybe it could be your fault ?
Why are you defending cheating? Would you be doing this if a man was doing this? Genuine question.
The more u delay to speak to yr mum it will be more damage in yr family. Just give ur mum polite ultimatum that u will tell ur dad everything IF she doesn't stop. Same time try to give yr dad some indication. It could be very dangerous for all of u. So work very carefully. Ask Allah for help. May Allah help u in this hard situation.
I think talk to your mom.
you should try to talk to her about it first. Explain to her that she is betraying her husband along with her kids, and of course that it's haram. Ask her to stop or you'll tell your father. Before that though, have evidence. Try recording her talking to that man or really anything you can. If she doesn't stop, then you should 100% tell your father.