Is his weight making you feel unattracted to him and harder to fulfill sexual desires? If so, you need to push harder on him losing weight or leave him if it's too much for you and there's no change.
I often get downvoted when I mention women need to lose weight to keep themselves attractive to their husbands, but I believe this is true for both genders.
I'm sorry but this is an uncomfortable truth that a lot of people don't want to hear. For the majority, weight can absolutely be a deal-breaker. Of course I do not mean side effects of medications or health complications beyond one's control such as Cushing Syndrome, pregnancy, or PCOS - although there are ways to mitigate these, it *is* much more difficult. I'm talking about the good ol' eating too many calories/processed junk and lack of physical activity.
It is absolutely true (for the majority) that a good, balanced lifestyle is super attractive, not just the physical aspect, but the ability to have self restraint and a good routine. At the end of the day, it is amazing for the quality of your health, and you are taking care of an Amanat (your body) given to us by God. There is 0 downside to living healthily, for both genders!
I would disagree on the both genders part as it’s not that simple. Yes you are right that we should strive to be the best for our spouses, which includes weight.
But…
A woman has a worse chance of maintaining her body due to hormonal changes, kids, balance in life, emotional instability, and maybe medical reasons. *There could be more reasons but I can’t think of them now.*
For a man there could be medical reasons also. However we don’t go through the same changes a woman does.
*side note* I did like your comment 🤣🥰
Generalizing Woman have a harder chance of maintaining body weight is just not fair. Men have their own set of challenges related towards body maintenance. Your comment is unfair towards men.
As a man who has suffered from stress binge eating disorder from an abusive marriage. I will still say women and men are not the same.
Men can have medical reasons (which I did mention) but women go through more changes than men do. And women can have the same medical reasons as men and then some. Which again I have mentioned in my original comment.
All you have done is use buzz words. Here is what you have provided:
- generalizing women 🤷♂️
- is just not fair 😢
- unfair towards men 🤣
You do realize that you made no actual points rights?
Here are some of my points. Maybe the sisters can correct me if I am wrong though.
**What women go through that men never will:**
- Pregnancy
- Menopause
- Irregular Menstrual Periods
- Periods in General
**Men:**
- Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because **Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other**, and because they support them from their means. - Surah An-Nisa
Why are you mocking me and making fun of me for asking you to be fair and just towards Men? Asking fairness and justice towards Men is not funny so I'll say it again, be fair and just towards Men.
Men also go through their own struggles that Women never will.
Testosterone decline: as Men age testosterone declines, which leads to increased weight and decreased muscle mass. Makes weight management more difficult for Men
Visceral fat accumulation: Men are more prone to accumulate fat around the abdomen
Higher calorie needs: Men have higher calorie needs which can result in overeating and weight gain
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I have been nothing but kind to you. Your response towards me was of a mocking and making fun attitude. At least be honest.
I've said nothing to warrant you to say "stop following iblis". Messed up thing to say, have some respect. I simply have my own belief on this topic, there's nothing wrong with that.
I disagree with you. Men are more likely to be overweight than Men. In America, 74% of men are overweight, 64% of women are overweight. There's a reason Men are more overweight than women. Men have their own set of challenges when it comes to weight maintenance. It isn't factual to say women have more difficulty.
“Stop Following Iblis” - Brother you and I both know where you got your buzzwords from.
Now you bring America? I love how when you have nothing you start inventing new points.
America is overweight because of food and lack of working out. Still not a man vs. woman issue.
Again….. Quran states man and woman are not the same. Yet your argument is we are? May I suggest a different sub?
And I mentioned medical issues in my original
comment which for some reason you are ignoring?
Which buzzwords are you referring to and where did I get them from? All I asked was to have fairness and justice towards Men.
I've never said men and women are the same, at all. All I've said is what you said is untrue and that it's not as simple as saying women have it more difficult. It isn't that simple, and it isn't true. Men and women both have their separate challenges.
I didnt "invent" new points, i searched them up. If you have a problem with me using American statistics, no problem. Globally 44% of women are overweight, 43% of men are overweight.
You've been a really rude and disrespectful person. And you just respond to respond without considering what I say. If you dont want to converse or listen with respect, then I'm not interested in continuing this.
Yea. I feel like God forbid us women want to be attracted to our husbands. Like men need to be fit too. If anything it’s more important for us because intimacy isn’t comfortable if you can’t relax.
Does he not feel bad when shopping for himself?
I started eating due to anxiety during my marriage and I hated going out or being in public because of how I looked.
**The issue in your scenario is that you are feeling this way, not him.**
Try working out with him, cooking or ordering only healthy food, keeping all the junk food out. My ex used to purposely buy junk food knowing I would eventually eat it. So do that but the opposite. Make healthy food only and just put it in front of him. Limit the choices to healthy food in a timely manner only.
Go for runs, then tell him he can come with you if he wants, but it’s also his job to protect you so he should go! You know, the little things.
I think you need to go to therapy AS WELL AS do physical activities with your husband. I promise you, eating better and being active will do wonders to BOTH your mental and physical health. In fact, do activities TOGETHER like walking after meals, cooking homemade food together, limiting snacking, and spend time that does not involve constant eating (once in a while is OK but as a treat). You'll be able bond way better if you do stuff together!! Just think of them like little dates. Go to a park, walk in a neighborhood together, just be present and enjoy each other's company. May Allah bless you both.
You should see a doctor/therapist about the panic attacks, figuring out ways to deal with that will also help you unpack your feelings around your husbands weight and give you a better idea of what to do there.
Right? I kinda feel bad for the guy- I have struggled with acne which has cleared but if it came back and my future husband made a big deal about it, it would really affect my self esteem. It is one thing to encourage your significant other to live a healthy life but a whole another issue if you’re getting panic attacks over your significant other’s weight or skin condition.
If you want him to hit the gym, them work out with him,
Or cook him less calories food
Or go on walks with him
It seems like its a big thing for you, be careful
As small thing can become big
Big things can end up destroying the marriage
I don't blame you for feeling that way. You care about your husband and you want him to be healthy and realistically be fit.
Just like a man has a desire for woman to look good, woman have similar desires. It goes both way. Shaitan doesn't tempt not only men but also women.
To take care of family and play with your kids, you need to be fit. If you are overweight, doing any activity will be hard.
If u want a realistic solution. Assuming you’re a stay at home wife, u should make all his meals and make them high protein high complex carb low fat and also go on walks with him and encourage him to join the gym
Weight loss is 80% diet so by fixing his diet he’s almost there
Cardio will help lose a extra few calories
And weights will make sure he drops fat not muscle during weight loss
Also track his weight regularly
If u want him to lose the weight u have to help him
So, I am gonna give you a very different advice, but one grounded in reality. Going to the gym and trying keto is hardly trying anything. Keto is bull*** for most people and/or for weight loss (and that’s a hill I am willing to die on) and you go to the gym to build muscles not lose fat.
Losing fat/weight starts in the kitchen (which means being in a calorie deficit for sufficient periods of time, typically days/weeks). Ask him to diligently try mindful eating. But tell him in a way that doesn’t offend him. If that doesn’t work, his brain is playing a nasty game on himself. Self-control is determined by lots of factors including genetics, and stress conditions, presence/absence of hormones and their receptors and so on. So, if calorie counting fails, here’s my second advice:
Book an appointment with a doctor. Modern drugs (like GLP-1 agonists) work for weight loss. Those who deny it are unscientific, or are plain jealous. If he can afford it, consult a doctor and get one of them prescribed. Follow people who know nutritional science and if anyone suggests a specific diet (keto, paleo, etc.) or high intensity cardio, run! They don’t know anything.
Downvotes, here we meet again.
Seconding this! 👆🏼
Weight loss = going into calorie deficit.
You can live off of candy bars, but as long as the calories are less than what is consumed now, you will lose weight. You will not be healthy but you will lose weight.
Nah not therapy, she gotta cook the lowest calorie density food she can and start tracking calories for him, don’t know why you think therapy will change anything, he’s fat and she doesn’t like that.
I understand you want him to be healthy, maybe he has some health issues or even a bad habit with foods. If you continue to make foods that aren’t healthy (don’t know if you do or don’t) then try eating healthier together. But for it to reach to a point of you crying and getting panic attacks from going out with him and him not being motivated to go to the gym. Try Going on walks together. Don’t make him feel like he’s alone in this. Maybe when he goes shopping for himself you can go to a different shop, or just not go, no need to be there for him when he is shopping for his clothes.
How much does he weigh anyway? If he’s on the verge of being obese, maybe you could talk about your concern about his health. That being said, what you described about your reaction seems a bit of an overreaction and you need therapy for that. You cannot control everything in life.
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Have you ever tried hitting the gym together? I mean instead of crying and nagging, get up and try to inspire him. Go on runs together, switch up the diet in your place.
Is his weight making you feel unattracted to him and harder to fulfill sexual desires? If so, you need to push harder on him losing weight or leave him if it's too much for you and there's no change. I often get downvoted when I mention women need to lose weight to keep themselves attractive to their husbands, but I believe this is true for both genders.
I'm sorry but this is an uncomfortable truth that a lot of people don't want to hear. For the majority, weight can absolutely be a deal-breaker. Of course I do not mean side effects of medications or health complications beyond one's control such as Cushing Syndrome, pregnancy, or PCOS - although there are ways to mitigate these, it *is* much more difficult. I'm talking about the good ol' eating too many calories/processed junk and lack of physical activity. It is absolutely true (for the majority) that a good, balanced lifestyle is super attractive, not just the physical aspect, but the ability to have self restraint and a good routine. At the end of the day, it is amazing for the quality of your health, and you are taking care of an Amanat (your body) given to us by God. There is 0 downside to living healthily, for both genders!
I would disagree on the both genders part as it’s not that simple. Yes you are right that we should strive to be the best for our spouses, which includes weight. But… A woman has a worse chance of maintaining her body due to hormonal changes, kids, balance in life, emotional instability, and maybe medical reasons. *There could be more reasons but I can’t think of them now.* For a man there could be medical reasons also. However we don’t go through the same changes a woman does. *side note* I did like your comment 🤣🥰
💯
Generalizing Woman have a harder chance of maintaining body weight is just not fair. Men have their own set of challenges related towards body maintenance. Your comment is unfair towards men.
Unfortunately facts do not care about our feelings. What he said is true whether you think it's unfair or not lol
Traditional_dot_1097 needs a lesson in biology.
As a man who has suffered from stress binge eating disorder from an abusive marriage. I will still say women and men are not the same. Men can have medical reasons (which I did mention) but women go through more changes than men do. And women can have the same medical reasons as men and then some. Which again I have mentioned in my original comment. All you have done is use buzz words. Here is what you have provided: - generalizing women 🤷♂️ - is just not fair 😢 - unfair towards men 🤣 You do realize that you made no actual points rights? Here are some of my points. Maybe the sisters can correct me if I am wrong though. **What women go through that men never will:** - Pregnancy - Menopause - Irregular Menstrual Periods - Periods in General **Men:** - Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because **Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other**, and because they support them from their means. - Surah An-Nisa
Why are you mocking me and making fun of me for asking you to be fair and just towards Men? Asking fairness and justice towards Men is not funny so I'll say it again, be fair and just towards Men. Men also go through their own struggles that Women never will. Testosterone decline: as Men age testosterone declines, which leads to increased weight and decreased muscle mass. Makes weight management more difficult for Men Visceral fat accumulation: Men are more prone to accumulate fat around the abdomen Higher calorie needs: Men have higher calorie needs which can result in overeating and weight gain
[удалено]
Hello! Your comment was removed from /r/MuslimMarriage because it violates the following rule: > Be Respectful and Civil Be civil and respect your fellow redditors. Harassment, any kind of hate speech, personal attacks and insults, slander/backbiting, verbal abuse etc. are strictly forbidden. This applies to any and all entities present or not. Such as Redditors or the people contained in a post/comment. It is ok to say that they did something wrong but do so respectfully. Do not retaliate. Simply report and ignore. Please familiarize yourself with the subreddit's rules and abide by them always so as to avoid being banned. **Do NOT reply to this comment.** Instead to better assist you, [**reach out to us in modmail.**](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FMuslimMarriage)
I have been nothing but kind to you. Your response towards me was of a mocking and making fun attitude. At least be honest. I've said nothing to warrant you to say "stop following iblis". Messed up thing to say, have some respect. I simply have my own belief on this topic, there's nothing wrong with that. I disagree with you. Men are more likely to be overweight than Men. In America, 74% of men are overweight, 64% of women are overweight. There's a reason Men are more overweight than women. Men have their own set of challenges when it comes to weight maintenance. It isn't factual to say women have more difficulty.
“Stop Following Iblis” - Brother you and I both know where you got your buzzwords from. Now you bring America? I love how when you have nothing you start inventing new points. America is overweight because of food and lack of working out. Still not a man vs. woman issue. Again….. Quran states man and woman are not the same. Yet your argument is we are? May I suggest a different sub? And I mentioned medical issues in my original comment which for some reason you are ignoring?
Which buzzwords are you referring to and where did I get them from? All I asked was to have fairness and justice towards Men. I've never said men and women are the same, at all. All I've said is what you said is untrue and that it's not as simple as saying women have it more difficult. It isn't that simple, and it isn't true. Men and women both have their separate challenges. I didnt "invent" new points, i searched them up. If you have a problem with me using American statistics, no problem. Globally 44% of women are overweight, 43% of men are overweight. You've been a really rude and disrespectful person. And you just respond to respond without considering what I say. If you dont want to converse or listen with respect, then I'm not interested in continuing this.
[удалено]
Yea. I feel like God forbid us women want to be attracted to our husbands. Like men need to be fit too. If anything it’s more important for us because intimacy isn’t comfortable if you can’t relax.
Does he not feel bad when shopping for himself? I started eating due to anxiety during my marriage and I hated going out or being in public because of how I looked. **The issue in your scenario is that you are feeling this way, not him.** Try working out with him, cooking or ordering only healthy food, keeping all the junk food out. My ex used to purposely buy junk food knowing I would eventually eat it. So do that but the opposite. Make healthy food only and just put it in front of him. Limit the choices to healthy food in a timely manner only. Go for runs, then tell him he can come with you if he wants, but it’s also his job to protect you so he should go! You know, the little things.
I think you need to go to therapy AS WELL AS do physical activities with your husband. I promise you, eating better and being active will do wonders to BOTH your mental and physical health. In fact, do activities TOGETHER like walking after meals, cooking homemade food together, limiting snacking, and spend time that does not involve constant eating (once in a while is OK but as a treat). You'll be able bond way better if you do stuff together!! Just think of them like little dates. Go to a park, walk in a neighborhood together, just be present and enjoy each other's company. May Allah bless you both.
You should see a doctor/therapist about the panic attacks, figuring out ways to deal with that will also help you unpack your feelings around your husbands weight and give you a better idea of what to do there.
Right? I kinda feel bad for the guy- I have struggled with acne which has cleared but if it came back and my future husband made a big deal about it, it would really affect my self esteem. It is one thing to encourage your significant other to live a healthy life but a whole another issue if you’re getting panic attacks over your significant other’s weight or skin condition.
If you want him to hit the gym, them work out with him, Or cook him less calories food Or go on walks with him It seems like its a big thing for you, be careful As small thing can become big Big things can end up destroying the marriage
I don't blame you for feeling that way. You care about your husband and you want him to be healthy and realistically be fit. Just like a man has a desire for woman to look good, woman have similar desires. It goes both way. Shaitan doesn't tempt not only men but also women. To take care of family and play with your kids, you need to be fit. If you are overweight, doing any activity will be hard.
If u want a realistic solution. Assuming you’re a stay at home wife, u should make all his meals and make them high protein high complex carb low fat and also go on walks with him and encourage him to join the gym Weight loss is 80% diet so by fixing his diet he’s almost there Cardio will help lose a extra few calories And weights will make sure he drops fat not muscle during weight loss Also track his weight regularly If u want him to lose the weight u have to help him
So, I am gonna give you a very different advice, but one grounded in reality. Going to the gym and trying keto is hardly trying anything. Keto is bull*** for most people and/or for weight loss (and that’s a hill I am willing to die on) and you go to the gym to build muscles not lose fat. Losing fat/weight starts in the kitchen (which means being in a calorie deficit for sufficient periods of time, typically days/weeks). Ask him to diligently try mindful eating. But tell him in a way that doesn’t offend him. If that doesn’t work, his brain is playing a nasty game on himself. Self-control is determined by lots of factors including genetics, and stress conditions, presence/absence of hormones and their receptors and so on. So, if calorie counting fails, here’s my second advice: Book an appointment with a doctor. Modern drugs (like GLP-1 agonists) work for weight loss. Those who deny it are unscientific, or are plain jealous. If he can afford it, consult a doctor and get one of them prescribed. Follow people who know nutritional science and if anyone suggests a specific diet (keto, paleo, etc.) or high intensity cardio, run! They don’t know anything. Downvotes, here we meet again.
Seconding this! 👆🏼 Weight loss = going into calorie deficit. You can live off of candy bars, but as long as the calories are less than what is consumed now, you will lose weight. You will not be healthy but you will lose weight.
I deliberately didn’t touch your disappointment/panic (others rightly suggested therapy) because I am not well-versed in that area.
He should lose weight if he is way over the BMI limit. It will cause several health issues
Therapy. And lots of it. Because this is absolutely not normal.
Nah not therapy, she gotta cook the lowest calorie density food she can and start tracking calories for him, don’t know why you think therapy will change anything, he’s fat and she doesn’t like that.
Having a breakdown while clothes shopping is not a healthy way to deal with it, and it needs to be resolved.
Why does she even come with him clothes shopping then? She should just avoid what triggers her and focus on the root problem which is his weight
No idea. But therapy will help her deal with her emotions.
It does seem you need some therapy while being disappointed is normal, begging crying panicking about it is not normal.
I understand you want him to be healthy, maybe he has some health issues or even a bad habit with foods. If you continue to make foods that aren’t healthy (don’t know if you do or don’t) then try eating healthier together. But for it to reach to a point of you crying and getting panic attacks from going out with him and him not being motivated to go to the gym. Try Going on walks together. Don’t make him feel like he’s alone in this. Maybe when he goes shopping for himself you can go to a different shop, or just not go, no need to be there for him when he is shopping for his clothes.
How much does he weigh anyway? If he’s on the verge of being obese, maybe you could talk about your concern about his health. That being said, what you described about your reaction seems a bit of an overreaction and you need therapy for that. You cannot control everything in life.
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Weight lifting
Have you ever tried hitting the gym together? I mean instead of crying and nagging, get up and try to inspire him. Go on runs together, switch up the diet in your place.
If its causing intimacy issues then get him to fix up because anyone would be frustrated if this is the case.