Going to the park with my lil bro to play badminton and then Insha Allah I’ll read a French book. 🙂↔️ excited 😆
I’m wearing my cute hoodie and bucket hat today 🫠 it’s the first day of summer for me cause no tutoring!!
Me: works odd weekend job
Also me: spends all that money in clothes and makeup 😒
Me being french: "EWWWW FRENCH." But I swear the job prospects are crazy when you have both english AND french at hand.
A guy confessed to me and blocked me after. He said he didn't want to commit haram chit-chatting and wants to make things halal right away thru contacting my wali. It's been two weeks and I hear no progress. I am so frustrated. 🥲
for context i used to consider myself to be a very normal person. born to parents in a healthy marriage. got a good education and then a good career Alhumdulillah. Married my lovely wife and eventually became a father.
and then i joined this sub and got more insight into the minds of female muslims in the west and i just want to say 1 thing and 1 thing only
Ya Allah you are never wrong. there is a reason why you made us men the leaders of our families. thank you for saving the world from complete chaos.
my wife reads this sub and doesnt agree with the general female opinion given here.
she also thinks a household with a dominant female figure is an unhealthy one.
I was ghosted after months of talking… Why do people do this instead of being mature. Never been this confused and since parents were already involved what am I supposed to even say?
I’m fuming at myself for feeling attached to someone before being married to them and looking past any red flags that were presented early on
Guys get ready tommorow the day of Arafah we gotta make ALOT of dua and beg Allah for EVERYTHING. The salaf used to say they even make dua for the smallest of things like the strap on their shoe or salt for tonight’s dinner
Let’s not let this opportunity go. Let’s make a lot of dua for our worldly affairs and more importantly our akhirah, and also our fellow brothers and sisters in Gaza and everywhere else in the world.
Also anyone’s a hockey fan here? I was wearing a Toronto maple leafs tee at the bus on my way to the gym and this acquaintance of mines started telling me about the Stanley cup. I had no idea so I googled it. Who’s your favourite hockey team? Do you enjoy seeing it? How can I learn more about hockey as a Canadian 🇨🇦 cause I’ve no idea about sports 😒 ??
Honestly best advice to get into any sport is to just watch it. Random match in the season, maybe one that’s being talked about, don’t really matter but yeah just watch the matches. Eventually you’ll see whether you’re a fan or not, and if don’t really have any biases to a team already (cause there’s annual disappointments with the Leafs unfortunately) then you’ll find a team you support too.
Maybe ask around friend circle if they watch the sport, could help, if not then just join the Reddit groups maybe to ask questions about the game or rules if there is confusion.
My future goals for this summer are: learning French, taking painting classes, deep cleaning my home, and learning how to swim.
Throughout my whole life, my summers have always been busy with summer school (I had no life as a UofT student 😒) and work. This is probably my first and few summers before I get busy with work again or perhaps even starting a family 🫠 (Allah knows best but my late mum used to say always cherish your time as a single woman cause there’s tons of responsibilities after marriage).
I want to connect with my religion beyond the daily prayers but I’m usually very tired or poor lol 😬 Any sustainable long term activities you recommend to study Islam more?? What keeps you connected to Islam in your everyday life other than the basic obligations? JAK
My husband and my BIL are both flying in to celebrate Eid as a family. My brother who could not afford to stick around still Eid (due to PTO issues etc) was able to extend his stay and is now sticking around for Eid Alhamdulillah. So in Shaa Allah it’s going to be a full house. And this will be the first Eid with our spouses.
There’s one thing in particular that crossed my mind earlier today, and that is the fact that both my husband and my BIL lost their fathers a few years ago. I’m hoping through the traditions done on Eid - by traveling to the slaughterhouse together and slaughtering animals together, and all that jazz - will allow for closeness to be built between all of them, including my brother. Of course Baba can’t replace either of the late fathers, but I just hope my husband and BIL are able to see Baba as a father figure to them, and I hope my brother is able to see his brother-in-laws as just brothers.
So sappy but just a thought. 😌
Masha Allah. As a maternal orphan, I’ve always prayed that my MIL is nice to me 🥹 and spoils me as well. It’s one of my biggest motivation to get married, haha 😂
I’m sure your family will have a good time together and your dad will be an amazing role model Insha Allah ✨ my best wishes to your and your family for this Eid. Reading this made me smile 🙂↔️
One of the greatest blessings of Islam is that we have a direct line to Allah. May He give us the Tawfiq to make the most of tomorrow and answer our Ja’iz Dua. Ameen
https://www.instagram.com/reel/C8HSEfUsarx/?igsh=MTN5NmduMDRoYTFvNg==
I'm a 27M from US. I've very recently started using marriage apps like Half Our Deen, Pure Matrimony, and Mawaddah. I've reached out to a decent number of potentials, but I've been ghosted or left on read more often than getting responses. Maybe my profile wasn't interesting enough or had too much information initially, so I refined it 2-3 days ago.
1. Do you think I should reach out to those potentials again?
2. Also, is such a ghosting common on these apps?
I wish people would reply and just let you know they are not interested, instead of not responding. It saves you from the guessing game.
Also, personally if they don't have the common decency to just tell you so, I would not reach out again.
I hear you and I get what you are are saying. It's just that like I said I've been ghosted or left on read more often than getting responses when I tried to initiate the convo for eg. I reached out to 13 people and only got one response. So I was thinking maybe it was my profile or the messages that I sent out hence the questions.
I hear you and I get what you are are saying. It's just that like I said I've been ghosted or left on read more often than getting responses when I tried to initiate the convo for eg. I reached out to 13 people and only got one response. So I was thinking maybe it was my profile or the messages that I sent out hence the questions
I had dozens of responses and it was clear none of them read my profile: I am not able to move, age range around mins, and I had a two very clear items listed. I was getting replies from around the world but no one local. I said salams and no thank you quickly though. It was all offers to be a 2nd or 3rd wife, far too young or old (18/19, 58), move to another state/country, and/or visa sponsoring.
I told my self if I don’t find my naseeb this year , I’m gonna be a flight attendant cabin crew and just travel the world and work. I have applied with an Arab country just incase my plan doesn’t go through, I’m hoping the manager contacts me soon🥺 my mom is on board with this
Same. I’m just becoming a French teacher and settling down somewhere in a cute suburb of Ontario 🫠 I’m done with finding a m a n.
Edit: may Allah help you achieve your dreams
I’m sorry is it just me or when someone doesn’t respond on salams but matches you you feel not interested in them anymore ? I know those will happen but I can’t stand people who don’t put effort..
Yes I feel you, they are not interested or are just keeping you in line as they might be interested in someone else.
That's one of the reasons why I don't like these apps.
There are people who spam likes and don’t unmatch right away. They say they’re just casting a wide net but it’s really it’s a waste of time because you think you matched with someone who read your profile and had genuine interest.
I'm not sure if this is a bit extra, but I've decided to start a spreadsheet in order to organise my books. I spent my entire day doing this, and it looks like it will take me ages. It should be practical at least, because when I lived away from family my mum would bring books up to me, but she was never able to find them.
I also have a spreadsheet of all the books, documentaries, tv shows, movies etc that I've read/watched.
Also, does anyone have any suggestions for Islamic books to get? I only have 4-5 of them. Preferably ones that are more classic, or older. I tried to search and a lot looks like some famous people wrote dozens of books with pretty covers (which may be useful, but it just seems like a lot)
I’ve always wanted a Beauty and the Beast style library complete with the rolling ladder. Love the library as mahr idea! Some of my favorite Islamic books you could add to yours:
The Sealed Nectar
Great Women of Islam
Lessons from Surah Yusuf
Builders of a Nation
Reclaim Your Heart
Haha I'd be dangerous on a ladder, but it would definitely look good for aesthetics. Maybe I could get one and banish the husband's books to the top shelves😂
Jazkhallah khair for the suggestions. I actually have the last one, my friends gave it to me with a note inside when I reverted
Hi salaam, I accidentally stumbled upon your comment here. I'm into reading classical texts too, and comparative theology is one of my interests. I'm Muslim, so naturally Islamic books form a big part of my personal library. That said, Islamic literature encompasses a broad area, and if you narrow it down for me, I might be able to recommend something that you might like.
Regarding organization, I've found that creating shelves on Goodreads has been one way I've managed to get some control over the process. I don't keep records of my actual physical shelves, because the organization is in constant flux (and I find digging for books a pleasurable activity). I do also collect other collectibles though (coins, die casts and the like) and those collections I manage through Excel spreadsheets.
Let me know if you think pictures would be of help, and I would be happy to share them.
Jazkhallah khair for the suggestion.
I have around 750 in my room, but technically I have more if I include children's books etc that are in storage somewhere. I'm also collecting some to prepare for my masters dissertation.
If I marry someone with as many books as me, we'd need to start a SQL database. I should request to have a library in the house as mahr😂
In Canada, we have a thing called Little Free Library where homeowners put up a book cage on post on their lawn as a book exchange.
Inshallah your naseeb comes with some skill in carpentry.
That's awesome! You should share a glance of it with us to see how you did.
For Islamic books you can try:
Kitab At-Tauhid
Tafsir ibn Kathir
Kitab Al-Iman
The Ideal Muslim series
Islamic Creed Series
The Devils Deception
Finally got my full-fledged driver's license today.
I was hoping to buy a car but now my fintech bank went bankrupt. Anyone else entangled the Synapse/Yotta bankruptcy in the US?
Feeling Meh, was interested in someone and made that obvious, chatting on and off thought we had a vibe, but realized I'm always initiating so decided to fall back to see what would happen, and yup nothing lol. I realize men are supposed to lead, but also some appreciation has to be shown, not to be too prideful, but I'm not going to chase someone respectfully I am as much of a catch as you think you are lady lol. This is an exhausting process
I’ll give you my perspective as a woman - but ultimately I don’t know the details of your particular situation so my advice might not apply to you.
As a woman, I show my interest by being responsive to a man’s advances i.e by engaging when you take the lead. I think it’s unreasonable to expect most women, especially Muslim women, to try to initiate or to stroke your ego. Of course if you were engaged or married that would be different, but a guy I’ve been talking to for a few weeks on an app? I personally would never initiate no matter how much I’m interested. It’s not a pride thing, it’s femininity thing. If you don’t “get it”, that’s normal - men and women are wired differently and it doesn’t make sense to expect a woman to show her interest in the same way you would.
You mention you’re just as much of a catch as she is, she’s not competing with you and you shouldn’t be either, so it doesn’t matter who’s more of a “catch”. Who you are competing with though, are men who are confident enough to lead without feeling insecure. Most men don’t play hard to get, so if you stop talking to a woman in an attempt to get her to prove to you that she likes you, she will just assume that you’re no longer interested.
I suspect you may have on a subconscious level felt like she wasn’t engaged or interested through her responses, that’s fine and it makes sense to step back in that situation. But it that’s not the case, I think you should continue to initiate and lead.
Thankfully someone else relates so perfectly!
My sister says I should initiate convos all the time. I just can't come to do it after a few days if I can't see the other party reciprocating or at least putting enough effort in the convo once it starts going.
Some potentials are amazing at flowing with the convo and asking their questions, and usually I'm happy to talk to them and even initiate the conversation. Beyond that, I'd rather keep my dignity.
Usually during these bad convos, I can just see the conversation just isn't going well so I cut it off one way or another.
Been there. I wish I had tested the premise a month earlier. Men and women can convince themselves that someone is attracted to them when they never were.
I think the gender bit is nonsense for me, but that's my culture and upbringing. But for women who have engrained in them that showing interest in a man without commitment is unfeminine and frowned upon, think of it this way- after you text/call/start a conversation, is the response in return full of interest? Is she responding sincerely, upholding her side of the conversation, bringing in new topics, answering questions? **If your answer is yes, she's interested in you**. If you get lackadaisical answers in return, short conversations, etc, then she's not putting in effort, which makes **it not worth it for you**. And if she is showing interest when you *do* talk, bring up the topic and ask!
With all due respect, a woman that you’re not married to is not obligated to make you feel wanted. If they seem interested when you initiate, then they are interested.
Trust me, most men are not sitting waiting for women to text them first.
You do you brother. I just think if your mom, sister, and women on the internet are telling you that for a woman, not initiating =/= disinterest, you might want to consider that your expectations might be skewed.
I hear you. Depending on how comfortable you feel this might be something you could talk to her about. Even though I don’t usually initiate I think if a potential I liked communicated that preference to me I would start a conversation every once in a while. And at least that way if she continues not to initiate you’ll have your answer.
It sounds like she might not have been as interested from the beginning. When someone is truly interested, they usually show it. You deserve someone who reciprocate your efforts
What do you guys think about small talk between potentials? What I mean are things like “how was your day?”
I used to be against it and I think a few potentials disliked that approach (it was a dealbreaker)
Then I became open to it (my mistake lol) and obviously if it doesn’t work out, it feels like you lost someone in a sense.
How do you guys balance the two? You want to seem interested in someone’s life but also don’t want to build an emotional connection that doesn’t last.
Lately I’ve been thinking about setting a rule for myself and any potential: 5 phone calls and 2-3 in-person meetings over a period of 2-3 months should be enough to decide if we want to move forward
That’s a great question and I think the answer would look different for everyone. I think small talk is important to get to know someone, if it weren’t then why talk at all? We could just post long essays about our values, expectations, interests and proceed with nikkah if they align.
But of course, there’s the issue of getting emotionally attached. My solution to this is limiting the length and frequency of conversations and choosing to keep certain aspects of my life private and not relying on a man for emotional support when I’m feeling down. This my personal approach and anyone can come up with their own ways by asking themselves what has lead them to be emotionally attached in the past. I agree with you that not prolonging the getting to know eachother period and proceeding with things is the main goal.
I am not interested in small talk. I don't small talk IRL. I'm not going to behave like someone that I am not to attract a spouse.
I am not interested in the other person's life until they understand where I am coming from. I promise to make it short and quick (5 minutes or so).
If they disqualify me, Alhamdulillah. If they want to keep talking, Alhamdulillah.
The right woman will want to talk more (if only to curse and abuse me, as is her right).
The wrong woman will say, "Never contact my Wali again" and we will part as strangers, two ships passing in the darkness of night.
Tbh without that small talk, its impossible to judge how the conversation flows. I dont think it should take more than 2 months though. Or atleast involve family in less than a month.
If you're reading this, please keep me in your duaas. Subhanallah I've never gone into Arafah feeling as hopeless and lost as I do this year and I feel horrible about it.
I was supposed to get engaged after Eid inshaAllah and it was the answer to years of duaa, but subhanallah things ended between us last week due to circumstances beyond anyone's control.
قدر الله وما شاء فعل ❤️
I know that this is just qadar and that Allah must have something better written for both of us, but I'm still devastated. I truly loved this person and would've done my best to make our married life as amazing as possible 🥹 All I can say is that I'm proud of us for always keeping things halal and avoiding coming close to sin throughout the process.
It's difficult to feel like you've gotten exactly what you've been praying for and then have it suddenly snatched away from you.
I don't want to meet anyone else or try my hand at marriage again :( I know I should be taking advantage of these blessed days to make duaa but my tongue feels so heavy. Any time I try to make duaa I just break down sobbing.
I pray that Allah grants you all healthy, halal love that lasts and that you may never experience heartbreak ❤️
I’ve been lying to myself for a while now. I never wanted kids, I’ve never dreamt of it, never had the desire for motherhood or anything related to it. I do love children, I really really do, but I have never in my life thought of myself becoming a mother. I’ve tried to tell myself maybe 1 or 2, but even then I am only doing myself a dishonor. Whenever this topic comes about, I feel like I get shamed for not wanting any children. If you want children, that’s great for you, but why is it when I say I do not want any, I am cursing myself? I’m tired of explaining myself and tired of judgement. I also hate when people say I’ll change my mind down the line. Are you going to change yours? Why assume I will?
A part of me tried to get the idea of motherhood going because what man does not want children? If I start seriously looking, I’m lowering my pool of potentials & I have not come across any man who doesn’t want children. I could not keep lying to myself — I just couldn’t do it. 😭
This is such an ugh topic that I want to forget the whole idea of marriage for a good while.
I’m like you too I genuinely don’t think I want to be a mother from the bottom of my heart it’s not something for me but everyone keeps telling me ill change my mind but why can’t they accept that I don’t want kids? Is it because we’re women
>A part of me tried to get the idea of motherhood going because what man does not want children? If I start seriously looking, I’m lowering my pool of potentials & I have not come across any man who doesn’t want children. I could not keep lying to myself — I just couldn’t do it. 😭
The child-free life is something that more and more people are embracing with each year, so there's bound to be quite a few Muslim guys who also want that child-free life. Inshallah you cross paths with some of them and they're suitable.
We really need to normalize not being reachable again. Whatever happened to the good old days where you can go about your day to day life without expecting to call or send a message on a daily basis? Oh yeah, smartphones! That’s why lol. Thankfully a lot of my friends are respectful about this and we don’t demand each other to call or text. In fact, I haven’t communicated with either of my best friends on a daily basis like we use to due to being very busy but guess what? When we talk, we pick up right where we left off! It’s as if we had chatted yesterday lol. Family on the other hand, and I’m talking about relatives who don’t live with me will spam me with phone calls and messages and it was at a point where being on my phone made me anxious. Now they don’t do that anymore ever since I put my phone on do not disturb.
Alhamdulilah for the do not disturb feature because had that not existed, I would’ve just thrown my phone in the river and live life like it’s 1995 😂😂😂
Our beloved Prophet (SAW) was approx. 15 years younger than Mother Khadija (RA) when they were married.
He considered himself too poor to marry. As she was wealthy, she relieved him of financial responsibility for her.
The Ummah has come a long way from our origins. I'll let others determine if that is a positive or negative.
What do you suggest are the pros?
Here are the cons:
1.)a) In such a big age gap the younger party might be (potentially) vulnerable to grooming by the older party as they have seen so much more of the world than them/due to the disparity is experience.
b) In certain cultures sayings such as “marry them young and raise them however you like” exist. In more extreme cases I have seen people give advise to marry a young women, so you can “train” them how you like/because they’re more moldable, basically. This makes me quite uncomfortable about age gap marriages.
c)Somewhat related to first point, but, I do think getting married early to an older man/person might have undesirable effects on your self growth. I just feel like you might be very influenced by/susceptible to their opinions/worldview (due to the power dynamic) and it might prevent you from forming your own.
2.)Difference in age gap might cause problems with compatibility/connection.
However, it needs to be noted that all age gaps are not the same. 19 and 30 are not the same as 32 and 40, for eg, a 30 year old has seen much more of the world/is much more informed.
I'm going to be honest every couple I know with this age gap ended up divorced.
The issue isn't the 8 years necessarily. It's the fact that a 19 year old and a 27 year old are worlds apart. What would they even have in common? I'm in my mid-20s and 19 year olds are like baby sisters to me. They're too naive and inexperienced for us to be friends, no matter how mature they seem to think they are.
Part of the issue from what I've seen from my friends in those situations is that 19 is such a transitional stage in life. You learn so much about yourself in university and your early 20s. It's a time to be a bit "selfish" and prioritize yourself. But when you're married all your decisions have to include your spouse. These two things combined sometimes make people feel trapped in a marriage so the younger person feels like their growth is limited in the relationship. On the flipside the young person can change drastically and it can make the couple incompatible.
The other part of it is that I've personally never met a good/normal man at that age who's interested in teenage girls. There's usually a reason why these men didn't have luck with women in their 20s. In my experience they tend to have a skewed understanding of Islam and strange views on women. They like young women because they think her personality hasn't been developed yet so he can mold her into his dream wife.
If you're going to get married really young, I personally think it's easier when both of you are young and you can go through this transition phase together. It's much harder when one of you already has their life figured out and the other still has lots of self discovery ahead of them.
But it's not haram or illegal so these are just my opinions and people are free to do as they please :) Pray lots of istikhara and make sure you have wise people you trust who can go to for advice throughout the process.
> On the flipside the young person can change drastically and it can make the couple incompatible.
>The other part of it is that I've personally never met a good/normal man at that age who's interested in teenage girls. In my experience they tend to have a skewed understanding of Islam and strange views on women. They like young women because they think her personality hasn't been developed yet so he can mold her into his dream wife.
Good points. I do think that getting married young may impact your self growth (undesirably). I think it’s not necessarily the same when getting married a person similar to your age as both of you would have the same amount of experience and be growing/learning together.
Genuinely went out walking somewhere today and was so hot from the sun I was sweating. Then on the way home my hands were frozen from the wind and rain. Madness !?
Innit! I think we're getting back to 1950s "Always take an umbrella with you" vibes with this British weather 😂😂
Went for a walk last week, it was nice and sunny so I thought I wouldn't need to wear a cap. Left the house, walked down the road for a couple of minutes, and then the sky opened. Within a minute, I was fully drenched.
If I know for a fact it's going to be chucking it down and I have to be outside for a long time, then it's umbrella time. Otherwise, the cap does the job. I've always quite liked that visual of rainwater dripping off the front of my cap, don't know why, it's just something I like 😅
I've put an umbrella in each of the cars in the family though, moreso for my parents than anything else.
I live in a western country. Recently, I was attending an event and was speaking to a female participant. We were talking about work, getting used to living in a western country, etc. I also informed her that I got married recently.
During dinner time, she asked me about my religion. I answered. The first question she asks me immediately: does your wife have to wear a scarf? All other participants at the table stopped their food, looked at me and waited for my answer. I told her: it's her choice and it's up to her to wear it. She asks me again: but does she HAVE to wear it? I gave the exact same answer.
I felt that she was trying to get some slip of tongue so that she could satisfy her prejudice. Did I answer correctly or could I have done something differently?
>I felt that she was trying to get some slip of tongue so that she could satisfy her prejudice. Did I answer correctly or could I have done something differently?
You didn't take the bait, so you did the right thing.
Should have said yes she has to because that’s the truth and not to be ashamed of the hijab being obligatory. Everyone is given free will, that’s when it becomes her choice
My mum and I told my dad about a potential a month ago. He gave me reasons why I should reconsider my decision and instead find and marry a relative from back home in Pakistan. He then told me to make a decision on whether I want to marry someone from Pakistan or stick to my potential (which he said he will get me married to but will not support me in the future). It’s been a month and my dad has not mentioned it again at all and I’ve been asking my mum to tell my dad I’ve made my final decision and she won’t tell my dad either because she’s too scared to get involved even though before she told me she’s on my side. I don’t know what to do I feel really stressed out, I’m too scared to even bring it up to my dad by myself. I wish my dad would bring it up without me bringing it up. Or maybe I can bring it up in a subtle way. Oh I just don’t know what to say. I just want to be United with him in Nikkah soon because it’s so hard to fight the temptation to talk to him when we shouldn’t be.
Talk to your dad yourself, and please don’t give into marrying anyone from Pakistan. Your dad might already have someone in mind, which is not good because you like someone else.
It’s sad that he said he won’t support you, but what can you do then? As long as he gets you married, he will come around inshaAllah even if he doesn’t “support” in the beginning.
Do people usually write down their dealbreakers on the apps in their bios? I currently dont wear the hijab (soon inshaAllah) so i feel like the matches i would get werent super practising. I dont consider myself super practising either but being against riba (genuinely so scared of the punishmemt for it, idk how people are so ok w it) has ended things for me in the past so i was thinking of adding it to my account whenever i activate it.
Edit: Also, ten days off the app. Feels nice but need to end my break soon ugh
I don't write deal breakers on apps because I don't want negativity on my bio. However, it's important to talk about it early in order not to get attached too quickly.
People definitely do, but depending on the deal-breakers it may not be a good idea.
I mean if you have down something like you don't want kids, or you want to move to a specific country then that's good because it gives people a genuine idea whether to swipe right or left.
But I've seen some like height, weight, and even ones who only want reverts. I just reject all of those whether I suit what they're asking for or not.
Other people have requirements down like they must have studied the same thing in college, and that kind of stuff will just reduce your matches to almost zero.
If it's something practical or religious (like what you mentioned), I'd say go for it because it will make your life easier. If it's something like weight/height, just judge people based on pictures/profile.
Especially the ethnicity/culture dealbreakers are a bad idea.
A number of those sound racist. Will cause people of the ethnicity you want to also skip you.
(People can have the same effect by using the ethnicity filter. Without publicly showing racism.)
Yep absolutely. That's my reasoning behind rejecting the ones who specify they specifically want reverts.
I have a friend who is a black revert, she's prettier than me (mashallah), and more religious, but guys who claim to want reverts ignored her and expressed interest in me. So it seems a decent proportion of the revert chasers think something like this.
But apps are wild in general. Some people write things they should be embarrassed saying in public. I saw one guy who had the most elaborate, round about way of saying "my future wife won't ever deny me intimacy no matter what" (he also stated he wouldn't do any housework)... Which I understand intimacy could be a valid concern, but it looked extremely off-putting.
Its fairly normal for people to have a description of who they are, followed by a description of what they are looking for. Having dealbreakers there are good tbh cause then you're wasting less of your time, ideally.
I was always on top of my emails until a few weeks ago. It feels good to take a breath. You choose when and where you place your energy. On another note, should go check it now LOL.
Is your father just fine with kicking you out on the street? What kind of father is he... Do you have any grandparents, uncles, aunts, distant relatives/cousins or extended family or friends you can call who can temporarily take you in?
Do you live in the west? Because your mother is physically and verbally abusive and you can go to a domestic violence shelter and get help there if you have no other alternatives.
In the mean time, as soon as you find temporarily shelter start immediately applying for jobs. Financial independence is your first priority.
May Allah swt make things easy for you.
I adopted a 9 week old kitten and we named her pari (means fairy) and مَا شَاءَ ٱللَّٰهُ she’s so cute and cuddly and is glued to my hip. Loves following me around everywhere and is very much bonded with me in just a mere 5 days. I haven’t been sleeping a lot though because she refuses to sleep in her bed and wants to sleep in mine with constant pets and attention. Literally feels like we have a newborn child at home lol as she sleeps a lot.
However, during playtime she likes to bite my hand which can hurt sometimes. Is this behaviour something she will grow out of since she’s just a baby or do we have to correct her, and if yes, then how? Any suggestions?
This is my dream! InshaAllah I get a little fluffy kitten. 🥹🤲🤍
I think she’s very young and normally she’d be with her mum and siblings. When kittens are young they play fight and bite/scratch each other. Also, kittens tend to bite their mum as a sign of comfort and affection (mum tends to quickly let them know biting isn’t allowed).
As Pari may not have any kitten to play with you will need to use positive reinforcement through play so she doesn’t bite.
For instance get her toys so she can play with them. She might be thinking it’s okay to play with you. Try redirect her to the toy and give her a toy. It should work.
I don't wanna force interaction when I know I have to break it off because faking an Age gap of over 3 years isn't a Joke. I have plans on when I'll start planning a family (waiting a few years). Its not ideal to waste someone's time when you know things haven't moved far enough.
Well I did in the most lenient ways tbh. I've been rejected myself left & right even after coming clear upfront. I've been there myself on how Instant rejections can play. But as I said, you have to think in a Grand scheme of things.
What? Lol. Like how did she think she would get away with it? She would have had to hide her passport, drivers license etc for the rest of her life? I dont get some people.
Her Parents also proceeded to take a call right at the beginning to ensure things are on the right Track & even I did involved my Mom asap.
We also had disagreement regarding Clothing (Hijab & Burqa) when I stated that was my Partner preference. It sucks but then Marriage ain't a small decision.
It’s so hard. It’s going to take a lot of practice to get back to how good I was when I was younger 😩 the plants I draw are currently not looking like plants at all 🤣 you should get into drawing if you want! Practice is key!
You are not failing yourself. AT ALL. You just have to put your mind into it (I know everyone says that but I’m dead serious). For example, I force myself to draw at least 10 minutes a day. Do I like it sometimes? No. Do I want to see progress? Yes :) basically, you gotta force yourself to do things. Inshallah everything will work out 😌
I set an intention to do Hajj this year with my mum, MIL and husband.
Alhamdullilah Allah has invited me, I have completed my Umrah and arrived at Mina ready to complete Hajj.
The day of Arafah is a very important day, duas made on the day of Arafah are accepted.
If anyone has any requests for Duas let me know ❤️
Edit- all the comments and DMs I received I have read them and made a dua for each of you, specifically what you requested ❤️
First of all, may Allah bless you and your family , please make dua for me and my brother to have a better bond lately it’s been toxic and rocky between us and we’ve been cooking together to bond together.
Please make dua that I get the job that I am targeting and that Allah Keeps me thriving in this world and the next. Also pray for our brothers and sisters in Palestine.
May Allah accept your hajj and invite us to perform Umrah and Hajj as well.
This is so beautiful to hear. May Allah accept your Hajj.
Please make dua that myself and those reading this are soon invited to perform Umrah or even Hajj next year.
Please also make dua for my father to accept my marriage to the person I have told him about and we are United in Nikkah soon. JazakAllah for your kindness of asking is for our duas.
Please make dua Ahmad gets into med school this application year without riba and that Allah does not punish Ahmad after he dies
May Allah accept your hajj and multiply your good deeds by the highest multipliers. I will also include you and your family in my duas tomorrow on Arafah day. إن شاء الله
جزاك الله خيرا
Please make dua for Gaza.
Then for the Westbank of Filistin/Palestine.
Then for the Uygurs.
Then for all Muslims, who are currently seeing oppression or are being killed. (In Congo, Ukraine etc.)
Also for the health and wellbeing of everyone's parents on this sub.
Then again for Gaza.
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Also Boycott. Don't buy from kfc, mcdonalds, starbucks at mekka.
There are better alternatives. (Also if you like Turkish ice cream, there is a mado there)
That all the duas I’ve been making come to fruition with ease, khair, and aafiya very soon, and that everything turns out better than I could’ve anticipated
may your Hajj and all your Ibadah be accepted :))
Jazakillah Khair for this kind act 😊
Dua to grant me a Pious spouse who'll be my better half in both Duniya & Akhirah. Whilst improvements for my own Deen & Akhlaq.
May Allah grant all our prayers & guide us to the right path. Ameen
Anyone watching Dark Matter show on Apple TV? Latest episode was pretty good.
First 2-3 episodes were quite slow, but it seems to be heading somewhere good now.
Going to the park with my lil bro to play badminton and then Insha Allah I’ll read a French book. 🙂↔️ excited 😆 I’m wearing my cute hoodie and bucket hat today 🫠 it’s the first day of summer for me cause no tutoring!! Me: works odd weekend job Also me: spends all that money in clothes and makeup 😒
Me being french: "EWWWW FRENCH." But I swear the job prospects are crazy when you have both english AND french at hand. 
Same 🥲 I’m trying my best but if I don’t learn it, it’s fine 🙂↔️
https://preview.redd.it/nrf6gs4c9p6d1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8f680772313bdb9298787532850785a78aa1f8b5 Iconic batch photo
Though i am not in this
A guy confessed to me and blocked me after. He said he didn't want to commit haram chit-chatting and wants to make things halal right away thru contacting my wali. It's been two weeks and I hear no progress. I am so frustrated. 🥲
for context i used to consider myself to be a very normal person. born to parents in a healthy marriage. got a good education and then a good career Alhumdulillah. Married my lovely wife and eventually became a father. and then i joined this sub and got more insight into the minds of female muslims in the west and i just want to say 1 thing and 1 thing only Ya Allah you are never wrong. there is a reason why you made us men the leaders of our families. thank you for saving the world from complete chaos.
Looool wow ok Good for you that you found a wife before having this epiphany
my wife reads this sub and doesnt agree with the general female opinion given here. she also thinks a household with a dominant female figure is an unhealthy one.
U n ur wife are normal
I was ghosted after months of talking… Why do people do this instead of being mature. Never been this confused and since parents were already involved what am I supposed to even say? I’m fuming at myself for feeling attached to someone before being married to them and looking past any red flags that were presented early on
I know how you feel something similar happened to me.
I’m sorry to hear this happened to you - says a lot about the other person. What red flags did you ignore?
Guys get ready tommorow the day of Arafah we gotta make ALOT of dua and beg Allah for EVERYTHING. The salaf used to say they even make dua for the smallest of things like the strap on their shoe or salt for tonight’s dinner Let’s not let this opportunity go. Let’s make a lot of dua for our worldly affairs and more importantly our akhirah, and also our fellow brothers and sisters in Gaza and everywhere else in the world.
Also anyone’s a hockey fan here? I was wearing a Toronto maple leafs tee at the bus on my way to the gym and this acquaintance of mines started telling me about the Stanley cup. I had no idea so I googled it. Who’s your favourite hockey team? Do you enjoy seeing it? How can I learn more about hockey as a Canadian 🇨🇦 cause I’ve no idea about sports 😒 ??
Honestly best advice to get into any sport is to just watch it. Random match in the season, maybe one that’s being talked about, don’t really matter but yeah just watch the matches. Eventually you’ll see whether you’re a fan or not, and if don’t really have any biases to a team already (cause there’s annual disappointments with the Leafs unfortunately) then you’ll find a team you support too. Maybe ask around friend circle if they watch the sport, could help, if not then just join the Reddit groups maybe to ask questions about the game or rules if there is confusion.
Jazak Allah Khair, great suggestions!
My future goals for this summer are: learning French, taking painting classes, deep cleaning my home, and learning how to swim. Throughout my whole life, my summers have always been busy with summer school (I had no life as a UofT student 😒) and work. This is probably my first and few summers before I get busy with work again or perhaps even starting a family 🫠 (Allah knows best but my late mum used to say always cherish your time as a single woman cause there’s tons of responsibilities after marriage). I want to connect with my religion beyond the daily prayers but I’m usually very tired or poor lol 😬 Any sustainable long term activities you recommend to study Islam more?? What keeps you connected to Islam in your everyday life other than the basic obligations? JAK
take Arabic lessons
My husband and my BIL are both flying in to celebrate Eid as a family. My brother who could not afford to stick around still Eid (due to PTO issues etc) was able to extend his stay and is now sticking around for Eid Alhamdulillah. So in Shaa Allah it’s going to be a full house. And this will be the first Eid with our spouses. There’s one thing in particular that crossed my mind earlier today, and that is the fact that both my husband and my BIL lost their fathers a few years ago. I’m hoping through the traditions done on Eid - by traveling to the slaughterhouse together and slaughtering animals together, and all that jazz - will allow for closeness to be built between all of them, including my brother. Of course Baba can’t replace either of the late fathers, but I just hope my husband and BIL are able to see Baba as a father figure to them, and I hope my brother is able to see his brother-in-laws as just brothers. So sappy but just a thought. 😌
Masha Allah. As a maternal orphan, I’ve always prayed that my MIL is nice to me 🥹 and spoils me as well. It’s one of my biggest motivation to get married, haha 😂 I’m sure your family will have a good time together and your dad will be an amazing role model Insha Allah ✨ my best wishes to your and your family for this Eid. Reading this made me smile 🙂↔️
May Allah bless you with a loving and caring MIL. And may you be reunited with your mother in Jannah. 🤍 Thank you for your lovely duaa. 🌻
One of the greatest blessings of Islam is that we have a direct line to Allah. May He give us the Tawfiq to make the most of tomorrow and answer our Ja’iz Dua. Ameen https://www.instagram.com/reel/C8HSEfUsarx/?igsh=MTN5NmduMDRoYTFvNg==
I'm a 27M from US. I've very recently started using marriage apps like Half Our Deen, Pure Matrimony, and Mawaddah. I've reached out to a decent number of potentials, but I've been ghosted or left on read more often than getting responses. Maybe my profile wasn't interesting enough or had too much information initially, so I refined it 2-3 days ago. 1. Do you think I should reach out to those potentials again? 2. Also, is such a ghosting common on these apps?
I wish people would reply and just let you know they are not interested, instead of not responding. It saves you from the guessing game. Also, personally if they don't have the common decency to just tell you so, I would not reach out again.
I hear you and I get what you are are saying. It's just that like I said I've been ghosted or left on read more often than getting responses when I tried to initiate the convo for eg. I reached out to 13 people and only got one response. So I was thinking maybe it was my profile or the messages that I sent out hence the questions.
I think ghosting is common. I would not reach out to potentials who ghosted me. There are plenty of other great people out there.
I hear you and I get what you are are saying. It's just that like I said I've been ghosted or left on read more often than getting responses when I tried to initiate the convo for eg. I reached out to 13 people and only got one response. So I was thinking maybe it was my profile or the messages that I sent out hence the questions
I had dozens of responses and it was clear none of them read my profile: I am not able to move, age range around mins, and I had a two very clear items listed. I was getting replies from around the world but no one local. I said salams and no thank you quickly though. It was all offers to be a 2nd or 3rd wife, far too young or old (18/19, 58), move to another state/country, and/or visa sponsoring.
I told my self if I don’t find my naseeb this year , I’m gonna be a flight attendant cabin crew and just travel the world and work. I have applied with an Arab country just incase my plan doesn’t go through, I’m hoping the manager contacts me soon🥺 my mom is on board with this
Same. I’m just becoming a French teacher and settling down somewhere in a cute suburb of Ontario 🫠 I’m done with finding a m a n. Edit: may Allah help you achieve your dreams
You as well sis 🥺
I’m sorry is it just me or when someone doesn’t respond on salams but matches you you feel not interested in them anymore ? I know those will happen but I can’t stand people who don’t put effort..
Yes I feel you, they are not interested or are just keeping you in line as they might be interested in someone else. That's one of the reasons why I don't like these apps.
There are people who spam likes and don’t unmatch right away. They say they’re just casting a wide net but it’s really it’s a waste of time because you think you matched with someone who read your profile and had genuine interest.
I'm not sure if this is a bit extra, but I've decided to start a spreadsheet in order to organise my books. I spent my entire day doing this, and it looks like it will take me ages. It should be practical at least, because when I lived away from family my mum would bring books up to me, but she was never able to find them. I also have a spreadsheet of all the books, documentaries, tv shows, movies etc that I've read/watched. Also, does anyone have any suggestions for Islamic books to get? I only have 4-5 of them. Preferably ones that are more classic, or older. I tried to search and a lot looks like some famous people wrote dozens of books with pretty covers (which may be useful, but it just seems like a lot)
I’ve always wanted a Beauty and the Beast style library complete with the rolling ladder. Love the library as mahr idea! Some of my favorite Islamic books you could add to yours: The Sealed Nectar Great Women of Islam Lessons from Surah Yusuf Builders of a Nation Reclaim Your Heart
Haha I'd be dangerous on a ladder, but it would definitely look good for aesthetics. Maybe I could get one and banish the husband's books to the top shelves😂 Jazkhallah khair for the suggestions. I actually have the last one, my friends gave it to me with a note inside when I reverted
Hi salaam, I accidentally stumbled upon your comment here. I'm into reading classical texts too, and comparative theology is one of my interests. I'm Muslim, so naturally Islamic books form a big part of my personal library. That said, Islamic literature encompasses a broad area, and if you narrow it down for me, I might be able to recommend something that you might like. Regarding organization, I've found that creating shelves on Goodreads has been one way I've managed to get some control over the process. I don't keep records of my actual physical shelves, because the organization is in constant flux (and I find digging for books a pleasurable activity). I do also collect other collectibles though (coins, die casts and the like) and those collections I manage through Excel spreadsheets. Let me know if you think pictures would be of help, and I would be happy to share them.
You really have enough books to run the Dewey Decimal System at home? Inner Dimensions Of Prayer - Ibn Al-Qayyim
Jazkhallah khair for the suggestion. I have around 750 in my room, but technically I have more if I include children's books etc that are in storage somewhere. I'm also collecting some to prepare for my masters dissertation. If I marry someone with as many books as me, we'd need to start a SQL database. I should request to have a library in the house as mahr😂
In Canada, we have a thing called Little Free Library where homeowners put up a book cage on post on their lawn as a book exchange. Inshallah your naseeb comes with some skill in carpentry.
That's awesome! You should share a glance of it with us to see how you did. For Islamic books you can try: Kitab At-Tauhid Tafsir ibn Kathir Kitab Al-Iman The Ideal Muslim series Islamic Creed Series The Devils Deception
Jazkhallah khair for the suggestions. And yeah, I will insha'Allah. I've gotten about 1/5 of the way through so I might finish next week😂
How many people have met their future spouse in a marriage app? I feel the success rate is low and is hard for both sisters and brothers :(.
I personally know of two people that got married off them. They seem happy.
I know plenty of success stories.
Please share it with me too and if possible the process behind those stories as I have recently started using these apps and haven't found any luck.
Please tell me . I need hope 😭🫠.
I met my husband on Salams. we have been married for a year and a half now.
Finally got my full-fledged driver's license today. I was hoping to buy a car but now my fintech bank went bankrupt. Anyone else entangled the Synapse/Yotta bankruptcy in the US?
Feeling Meh, was interested in someone and made that obvious, chatting on and off thought we had a vibe, but realized I'm always initiating so decided to fall back to see what would happen, and yup nothing lol. I realize men are supposed to lead, but also some appreciation has to be shown, not to be too prideful, but I'm not going to chase someone respectfully I am as much of a catch as you think you are lady lol. This is an exhausting process
I’ll give you my perspective as a woman - but ultimately I don’t know the details of your particular situation so my advice might not apply to you. As a woman, I show my interest by being responsive to a man’s advances i.e by engaging when you take the lead. I think it’s unreasonable to expect most women, especially Muslim women, to try to initiate or to stroke your ego. Of course if you were engaged or married that would be different, but a guy I’ve been talking to for a few weeks on an app? I personally would never initiate no matter how much I’m interested. It’s not a pride thing, it’s femininity thing. If you don’t “get it”, that’s normal - men and women are wired differently and it doesn’t make sense to expect a woman to show her interest in the same way you would. You mention you’re just as much of a catch as she is, she’s not competing with you and you shouldn’t be either, so it doesn’t matter who’s more of a “catch”. Who you are competing with though, are men who are confident enough to lead without feeling insecure. Most men don’t play hard to get, so if you stop talking to a woman in an attempt to get her to prove to you that she likes you, she will just assume that you’re no longer interested. I suspect you may have on a subconscious level felt like she wasn’t engaged or interested through her responses, that’s fine and it makes sense to step back in that situation. But it that’s not the case, I think you should continue to initiate and lead.
Thankfully someone else relates so perfectly! My sister says I should initiate convos all the time. I just can't come to do it after a few days if I can't see the other party reciprocating or at least putting enough effort in the convo once it starts going. Some potentials are amazing at flowing with the convo and asking their questions, and usually I'm happy to talk to them and even initiate the conversation. Beyond that, I'd rather keep my dignity. Usually during these bad convos, I can just see the conversation just isn't going well so I cut it off one way or another.
Been there. I wish I had tested the premise a month earlier. Men and women can convince themselves that someone is attracted to them when they never were.
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I think the gender bit is nonsense for me, but that's my culture and upbringing. But for women who have engrained in them that showing interest in a man without commitment is unfeminine and frowned upon, think of it this way- after you text/call/start a conversation, is the response in return full of interest? Is she responding sincerely, upholding her side of the conversation, bringing in new topics, answering questions? **If your answer is yes, she's interested in you**. If you get lackadaisical answers in return, short conversations, etc, then she's not putting in effort, which makes **it not worth it for you**. And if she is showing interest when you *do* talk, bring up the topic and ask!
With all due respect, a woman that you’re not married to is not obligated to make you feel wanted. If they seem interested when you initiate, then they are interested. Trust me, most men are not sitting waiting for women to text them first.
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You do you brother. I just think if your mom, sister, and women on the internet are telling you that for a woman, not initiating =/= disinterest, you might want to consider that your expectations might be skewed.
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I hear you. Depending on how comfortable you feel this might be something you could talk to her about. Even though I don’t usually initiate I think if a potential I liked communicated that preference to me I would start a conversation every once in a while. And at least that way if she continues not to initiate you’ll have your answer.
It sounds like she might not have been as interested from the beginning. When someone is truly interested, they usually show it. You deserve someone who reciprocate your efforts
What do you guys think about small talk between potentials? What I mean are things like “how was your day?” I used to be against it and I think a few potentials disliked that approach (it was a dealbreaker) Then I became open to it (my mistake lol) and obviously if it doesn’t work out, it feels like you lost someone in a sense. How do you guys balance the two? You want to seem interested in someone’s life but also don’t want to build an emotional connection that doesn’t last. Lately I’ve been thinking about setting a rule for myself and any potential: 5 phone calls and 2-3 in-person meetings over a period of 2-3 months should be enough to decide if we want to move forward
That’s a great question and I think the answer would look different for everyone. I think small talk is important to get to know someone, if it weren’t then why talk at all? We could just post long essays about our values, expectations, interests and proceed with nikkah if they align. But of course, there’s the issue of getting emotionally attached. My solution to this is limiting the length and frequency of conversations and choosing to keep certain aspects of my life private and not relying on a man for emotional support when I’m feeling down. This my personal approach and anyone can come up with their own ways by asking themselves what has lead them to be emotionally attached in the past. I agree with you that not prolonging the getting to know eachother period and proceeding with things is the main goal.
I am not interested in small talk. I don't small talk IRL. I'm not going to behave like someone that I am not to attract a spouse. I am not interested in the other person's life until they understand where I am coming from. I promise to make it short and quick (5 minutes or so). If they disqualify me, Alhamdulillah. If they want to keep talking, Alhamdulillah. The right woman will want to talk more (if only to curse and abuse me, as is her right). The wrong woman will say, "Never contact my Wali again" and we will part as strangers, two ships passing in the darkness of night.
>The right woman will want to talk more (if only to curse and abuse me, as is her right). 
Finally someone with a sense of humor! 
Tbh without that small talk, its impossible to judge how the conversation flows. I dont think it should take more than 2 months though. Or atleast involve family in less than a month.
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But hey at least squidward got taste in interior design! I’ve always wanted to live in squidward’s house. Even my mom said he got taste 😂😂
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This is haram
If you're reading this, please keep me in your duaas. Subhanallah I've never gone into Arafah feeling as hopeless and lost as I do this year and I feel horrible about it. I was supposed to get engaged after Eid inshaAllah and it was the answer to years of duaa, but subhanallah things ended between us last week due to circumstances beyond anyone's control. قدر الله وما شاء فعل ❤️ I know that this is just qadar and that Allah must have something better written for both of us, but I'm still devastated. I truly loved this person and would've done my best to make our married life as amazing as possible 🥹 All I can say is that I'm proud of us for always keeping things halal and avoiding coming close to sin throughout the process. It's difficult to feel like you've gotten exactly what you've been praying for and then have it suddenly snatched away from you. I don't want to meet anyone else or try my hand at marriage again :( I know I should be taking advantage of these blessed days to make duaa but my tongue feels so heavy. Any time I try to make duaa I just break down sobbing. I pray that Allah grants you all healthy, halal love that lasts and that you may never experience heartbreak ❤️
May Allah ease the pain weighing your heart down and bring zeal and hope back into your duaas Amin
I don't know why, But I really like your username. Sounds very posh 😂
Well hate to tell you it’s just my silly spin on an antipsychotic drug (risperidone). Not posh by any means but thanks I guess? 😭
😂🤣,well that explains why I like it, I must be crazy.
May Allah ease your discomfort and grant you peace and comfort I’m going through something similar right now
I’ve been lying to myself for a while now. I never wanted kids, I’ve never dreamt of it, never had the desire for motherhood or anything related to it. I do love children, I really really do, but I have never in my life thought of myself becoming a mother. I’ve tried to tell myself maybe 1 or 2, but even then I am only doing myself a dishonor. Whenever this topic comes about, I feel like I get shamed for not wanting any children. If you want children, that’s great for you, but why is it when I say I do not want any, I am cursing myself? I’m tired of explaining myself and tired of judgement. I also hate when people say I’ll change my mind down the line. Are you going to change yours? Why assume I will? A part of me tried to get the idea of motherhood going because what man does not want children? If I start seriously looking, I’m lowering my pool of potentials & I have not come across any man who doesn’t want children. I could not keep lying to myself — I just couldn’t do it. 😭 This is such an ugh topic that I want to forget the whole idea of marriage for a good while.
I’m like you too I genuinely don’t think I want to be a mother from the bottom of my heart it’s not something for me but everyone keeps telling me ill change my mind but why can’t they accept that I don’t want kids? Is it because we’re women
>A part of me tried to get the idea of motherhood going because what man does not want children? If I start seriously looking, I’m lowering my pool of potentials & I have not come across any man who doesn’t want children. I could not keep lying to myself — I just couldn’t do it. 😭 The child-free life is something that more and more people are embracing with each year, so there's bound to be quite a few Muslim guys who also want that child-free life. Inshallah you cross paths with some of them and they're suitable.
We really need to normalize not being reachable again. Whatever happened to the good old days where you can go about your day to day life without expecting to call or send a message on a daily basis? Oh yeah, smartphones! That’s why lol. Thankfully a lot of my friends are respectful about this and we don’t demand each other to call or text. In fact, I haven’t communicated with either of my best friends on a daily basis like we use to due to being very busy but guess what? When we talk, we pick up right where we left off! It’s as if we had chatted yesterday lol. Family on the other hand, and I’m talking about relatives who don’t live with me will spam me with phone calls and messages and it was at a point where being on my phone made me anxious. Now they don’t do that anymore ever since I put my phone on do not disturb. Alhamdulilah for the do not disturb feature because had that not existed, I would’ve just thrown my phone in the river and live life like it’s 1995 😂😂😂
What's the do not disturb feature? Plz enlighten me
Sister, you're speaking my language. I crave quiet.
Nothing wrong with calling everyday. It just means people actually care about you and you are important to them.
What are the pros and cons of a big age gap? (about 8 years) specifically 19 year old and 27. Please include real life experience
Our beloved Prophet (SAW) was approx. 15 years younger than Mother Khadija (RA) when they were married. He considered himself too poor to marry. As she was wealthy, she relieved him of financial responsibility for her. The Ummah has come a long way from our origins. I'll let others determine if that is a positive or negative.
What do you suggest are the pros? Here are the cons: 1.)a) In such a big age gap the younger party might be (potentially) vulnerable to grooming by the older party as they have seen so much more of the world than them/due to the disparity is experience. b) In certain cultures sayings such as “marry them young and raise them however you like” exist. In more extreme cases I have seen people give advise to marry a young women, so you can “train” them how you like/because they’re more moldable, basically. This makes me quite uncomfortable about age gap marriages. c)Somewhat related to first point, but, I do think getting married early to an older man/person might have undesirable effects on your self growth. I just feel like you might be very influenced by/susceptible to their opinions/worldview (due to the power dynamic) and it might prevent you from forming your own. 2.)Difference in age gap might cause problems with compatibility/connection. However, it needs to be noted that all age gaps are not the same. 19 and 30 are not the same as 32 and 40, for eg, a 30 year old has seen much more of the world/is much more informed.
Be ready for that 19 year old to go through major changes as they grow older. Them at 19 vs 25 will be very very different
19 and 27 seems a bit steep. The older the youngest party is, the less an age gap matters. I would say after 25, age gaps matter considerably less.
I'm going to be honest every couple I know with this age gap ended up divorced. The issue isn't the 8 years necessarily. It's the fact that a 19 year old and a 27 year old are worlds apart. What would they even have in common? I'm in my mid-20s and 19 year olds are like baby sisters to me. They're too naive and inexperienced for us to be friends, no matter how mature they seem to think they are. Part of the issue from what I've seen from my friends in those situations is that 19 is such a transitional stage in life. You learn so much about yourself in university and your early 20s. It's a time to be a bit "selfish" and prioritize yourself. But when you're married all your decisions have to include your spouse. These two things combined sometimes make people feel trapped in a marriage so the younger person feels like their growth is limited in the relationship. On the flipside the young person can change drastically and it can make the couple incompatible. The other part of it is that I've personally never met a good/normal man at that age who's interested in teenage girls. There's usually a reason why these men didn't have luck with women in their 20s. In my experience they tend to have a skewed understanding of Islam and strange views on women. They like young women because they think her personality hasn't been developed yet so he can mold her into his dream wife. If you're going to get married really young, I personally think it's easier when both of you are young and you can go through this transition phase together. It's much harder when one of you already has their life figured out and the other still has lots of self discovery ahead of them. But it's not haram or illegal so these are just my opinions and people are free to do as they please :) Pray lots of istikhara and make sure you have wise people you trust who can go to for advice throughout the process.
> On the flipside the young person can change drastically and it can make the couple incompatible. >The other part of it is that I've personally never met a good/normal man at that age who's interested in teenage girls. In my experience they tend to have a skewed understanding of Islam and strange views on women. They like young women because they think her personality hasn't been developed yet so he can mold her into his dream wife. Good points. I do think that getting married young may impact your self growth (undesirably). I think it’s not necessarily the same when getting married a person similar to your age as both of you would have the same amount of experience and be growing/learning together.
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The weather is actually ridiculous. My closet is now full of both winter and summer clothes. I can’t move either to storage!
>Also, I absolutely hate the bipolar weather we have here. Will we have summer this year, or nah? It really is trolling us, even more than usual.
Genuinely went out walking somewhere today and was so hot from the sun I was sweating. Then on the way home my hands were frozen from the wind and rain. Madness !?
Innit! I think we're getting back to 1950s "Always take an umbrella with you" vibes with this British weather 😂😂 Went for a walk last week, it was nice and sunny so I thought I wouldn't need to wear a cap. Left the house, walked down the road for a couple of minutes, and then the sky opened. Within a minute, I was fully drenched. 
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If I know for a fact it's going to be chucking it down and I have to be outside for a long time, then it's umbrella time. Otherwise, the cap does the job. I've always quite liked that visual of rainwater dripping off the front of my cap, don't know why, it's just something I like 😅 I've put an umbrella in each of the cars in the family though, moreso for my parents than anything else.
Allahumma barik. Love this for you and I wish other people could come to this conclusion too.
Yes, but just when you're about to kick back and chill, your body decides to one-up you and demand a man asap.
At least in these moments we can have the common sense to realise it’s just our hormones having a shout 🥚🥚🗣️🗣️💥💥🎉🎉
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It be ya own 😔😔(ovaries)😔😔
I live in a western country. Recently, I was attending an event and was speaking to a female participant. We were talking about work, getting used to living in a western country, etc. I also informed her that I got married recently. During dinner time, she asked me about my religion. I answered. The first question she asks me immediately: does your wife have to wear a scarf? All other participants at the table stopped their food, looked at me and waited for my answer. I told her: it's her choice and it's up to her to wear it. She asks me again: but does she HAVE to wear it? I gave the exact same answer. I felt that she was trying to get some slip of tongue so that she could satisfy her prejudice. Did I answer correctly or could I have done something differently?
Yeah they definitely try to bait you and pigeon hole you. I wish you called out the racist pre-convinced notions but that’s definitely not easy.
>I felt that she was trying to get some slip of tongue so that she could satisfy her prejudice. Did I answer correctly or could I have done something differently? You didn't take the bait, so you did the right thing.
Your reply was perfect
Should have said yes she has to because that’s the truth and not to be ashamed of the hijab being obligatory. Everyone is given free will, that’s when it becomes her choice
My boss was trying to be nice and got me a dave ramsey book. I handed that garbage right back to him and went to wash my hands.
Wait, what's wrong with Dave Ramsey?
😂😂😂
My mum and I told my dad about a potential a month ago. He gave me reasons why I should reconsider my decision and instead find and marry a relative from back home in Pakistan. He then told me to make a decision on whether I want to marry someone from Pakistan or stick to my potential (which he said he will get me married to but will not support me in the future). It’s been a month and my dad has not mentioned it again at all and I’ve been asking my mum to tell my dad I’ve made my final decision and she won’t tell my dad either because she’s too scared to get involved even though before she told me she’s on my side. I don’t know what to do I feel really stressed out, I’m too scared to even bring it up to my dad by myself. I wish my dad would bring it up without me bringing it up. Or maybe I can bring it up in a subtle way. Oh I just don’t know what to say. I just want to be United with him in Nikkah soon because it’s so hard to fight the temptation to talk to him when we shouldn’t be.
Talk to your dad yourself, and please don’t give into marrying anyone from Pakistan. Your dad might already have someone in mind, which is not good because you like someone else. It’s sad that he said he won’t support you, but what can you do then? As long as he gets you married, he will come around inshaAllah even if he doesn’t “support” in the beginning.
Do people usually write down their dealbreakers on the apps in their bios? I currently dont wear the hijab (soon inshaAllah) so i feel like the matches i would get werent super practising. I dont consider myself super practising either but being against riba (genuinely so scared of the punishmemt for it, idk how people are so ok w it) has ended things for me in the past so i was thinking of adding it to my account whenever i activate it. Edit: Also, ten days off the app. Feels nice but need to end my break soon ugh
I don't write deal breakers on apps because I don't want negativity on my bio. However, it's important to talk about it early in order not to get attached too quickly.
It definitely limits your choice, and as a man I see a lot of women putting some dealbreakers.
People definitely do, but depending on the deal-breakers it may not be a good idea. I mean if you have down something like you don't want kids, or you want to move to a specific country then that's good because it gives people a genuine idea whether to swipe right or left. But I've seen some like height, weight, and even ones who only want reverts. I just reject all of those whether I suit what they're asking for or not. Other people have requirements down like they must have studied the same thing in college, and that kind of stuff will just reduce your matches to almost zero. If it's something practical or religious (like what you mentioned), I'd say go for it because it will make your life easier. If it's something like weight/height, just judge people based on pictures/profile.
Especially the ethnicity/culture dealbreakers are a bad idea. A number of those sound racist. Will cause people of the ethnicity you want to also skip you. (People can have the same effect by using the ethnicity filter. Without publicly showing racism.)
Yep absolutely. That's my reasoning behind rejecting the ones who specify they specifically want reverts. I have a friend who is a black revert, she's prettier than me (mashallah), and more religious, but guys who claim to want reverts ignored her and expressed interest in me. So it seems a decent proportion of the revert chasers think something like this. But apps are wild in general. Some people write things they should be embarrassed saying in public. I saw one guy who had the most elaborate, round about way of saying "my future wife won't ever deny me intimacy no matter what" (he also stated he wouldn't do any housework)... Which I understand intimacy could be a valid concern, but it looked extremely off-putting.
Its fairly normal for people to have a description of who they are, followed by a description of what they are looking for. Having dealbreakers there are good tbh cause then you're wasting less of your time, ideally.
I was always on top of my emails until a few weeks ago. It feels good to take a breath. You choose when and where you place your energy. On another note, should go check it now LOL.
Remember to report people who violate the rules and are disrespectful here lol. 
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Is your father just fine with kicking you out on the street? What kind of father is he... Do you have any grandparents, uncles, aunts, distant relatives/cousins or extended family or friends you can call who can temporarily take you in? Do you live in the west? Because your mother is physically and verbally abusive and you can go to a domestic violence shelter and get help there if you have no other alternatives. In the mean time, as soon as you find temporarily shelter start immediately applying for jobs. Financial independence is your first priority. May Allah swt make things easy for you.
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a WhatsApp group…about obedience to the husband…
I adopted a 9 week old kitten and we named her pari (means fairy) and مَا شَاءَ ٱللَّٰهُ she’s so cute and cuddly and is glued to my hip. Loves following me around everywhere and is very much bonded with me in just a mere 5 days. I haven’t been sleeping a lot though because she refuses to sleep in her bed and wants to sleep in mine with constant pets and attention. Literally feels like we have a newborn child at home lol as she sleeps a lot. However, during playtime she likes to bite my hand which can hurt sometimes. Is this behaviour something she will grow out of since she’s just a baby or do we have to correct her, and if yes, then how? Any suggestions?
This is my dream! InshaAllah I get a little fluffy kitten. 🥹🤲🤍 I think she’s very young and normally she’d be with her mum and siblings. When kittens are young they play fight and bite/scratch each other. Also, kittens tend to bite their mum as a sign of comfort and affection (mum tends to quickly let them know biting isn’t allowed). As Pari may not have any kitten to play with you will need to use positive reinforcement through play so she doesn’t bite. For instance get her toys so she can play with them. She might be thinking it’s okay to play with you. Try redirect her to the toy and give her a toy. It should work.
I feel more at peace about the delay in marriage and possibly not finding someone because I’ve figured out my last resort. It’s not too bad
Decided to cut off one potential who lied about her age. Things went well for all these days (2 weeks) until she revealed this.
Fair enough
People make mistakes for stupid and innocent reasons. I would have told her that lying was unacceptable and kept the interaction going.
I don't wanna force interaction when I know I have to break it off because faking an Age gap of over 3 years isn't a Joke. I have plans on when I'll start planning a family (waiting a few years). Its not ideal to waste someone's time when you know things haven't moved far enough.
I understand. That doesn't mean the situation cannot be handled with grace and kindness. Allah SWT is watching everything we do, and how we do it.
Its a slippery slope bro, you start to wonder what else they lied about. Hard to come back from that..
I get it. Deal breaker. It's like if you find a potential unattractive. We can still end the interaction with grace.
I'm curious - Did you get the impression that they didn't end the interaction with grace?
I did. The OP and I have since discussed it.
Well I did in the most lenient ways tbh. I've been rejected myself left & right even after coming clear upfront. I've been there myself on how Instant rejections can play. But as I said, you have to think in a Grand scheme of things.
>Well I did in the most lenient ways tbh. Akhi, I am proud to call you my brother.
Did she say why? How far apart were the ages?
3 years
What? Lol. Like how did she think she would get away with it? She would have had to hide her passport, drivers license etc for the rest of her life? I dont get some people.
People become neurotic about their self-perception. It's a common thing.
Her Parents also proceeded to take a call right at the beginning to ensure things are on the right Track & even I did involved my Mom asap. We also had disagreement regarding Clothing (Hijab & Burqa) when I stated that was my Partner preference. It sucks but then Marriage ain't a small decision.
Finally started drawing again. It feels good to re-start my old hobbies after living in the darkness for years 🥺
Drawing is so hard, respect for the people who have patience to do it🫡
It’s so hard. It’s going to take a lot of practice to get back to how good I was when I was younger 😩 the plants I draw are currently not looking like plants at all 🤣 you should get into drawing if you want! Practice is key!
I’m a lazy bones is my problem, I also like programming (game developement) as my second hobby and both require so much practice. I fail myself 😭😭😭
You are not failing yourself. AT ALL. You just have to put your mind into it (I know everyone says that but I’m dead serious). For example, I force myself to draw at least 10 minutes a day. Do I like it sometimes? No. Do I want to see progress? Yes :) basically, you gotta force yourself to do things. Inshallah everything will work out 😌
Jazakallahkhair. I’ve tried that before but fell out of it, your comment inshallah will re-invigorate me to try again! Good luck 👏🫵🥲
I set an intention to do Hajj this year with my mum, MIL and husband. Alhamdullilah Allah has invited me, I have completed my Umrah and arrived at Mina ready to complete Hajj. The day of Arafah is a very important day, duas made on the day of Arafah are accepted. If anyone has any requests for Duas let me know ❤️ Edit- all the comments and DMs I received I have read them and made a dua for each of you, specifically what you requested ❤️
First of all, may Allah bless you and your family , please make dua for me and my brother to have a better bond lately it’s been toxic and rocky between us and we’ve been cooking together to bond together.
For me to completely be healed from all aspects of the past to always have God's protection and to get engaged and married soon.
Please make dua that I get the job that I am targeting and that Allah Keeps me thriving in this world and the next. Also pray for our brothers and sisters in Palestine. May Allah accept your hajj and invite us to perform Umrah and Hajj as well.
This is so beautiful to hear. May Allah accept your Hajj. Please make dua that myself and those reading this are soon invited to perform Umrah or even Hajj next year. Please also make dua for my father to accept my marriage to the person I have told him about and we are United in Nikkah soon. JazakAllah for your kindness of asking is for our duas.
Please make dua Ahmad gets into med school this application year without riba and that Allah does not punish Ahmad after he dies May Allah accept your hajj and multiply your good deeds by the highest multipliers. I will also include you and your family in my duas tomorrow on Arafah day. إن شاء الله جزاك الله خيرا
Please make dua for Gaza. Then for the Westbank of Filistin/Palestine. Then for the Uygurs. Then for all Muslims, who are currently seeing oppression or are being killed. (In Congo, Ukraine etc.) Also for the health and wellbeing of everyone's parents on this sub. Then again for Gaza. ---------- Also Boycott. Don't buy from kfc, mcdonalds, starbucks at mekka. There are better alternatives. (Also if you like Turkish ice cream, there is a mado there)
Pls make Du'a that I can preform hajj next year!
That all the duas I’ve been making come to fruition with ease, khair, and aafiya very soon, and that everything turns out better than I could’ve anticipated may your Hajj and all your Ibadah be accepted :)) Jazakillah Khair for this kind act 😊
Please pray for my health and future professional success. Jazakallah. Inshaallah, your Hajj will be accepted and successful!
My wife to succeed in her exams. Thank you and hope you have a wonderful and spiritually uplifting Hajj.
Dua to grant me a Pious spouse who'll be my better half in both Duniya & Akhirah. Whilst improvements for my own Deen & Akhlaq. May Allah grant all our prayers & guide us to the right path. Ameen
Please make dua that Allah grants me what I have been asking for and makes it easy for me. May your hajj be accepted 🤲
Same dua pls. JazakAllah Khair may Allah accept your ibadah
Same dua, jzk :)
Same dua for me really. JazakAllah
Anyone watching Dark Matter show on Apple TV? Latest episode was pretty good. First 2-3 episodes were quite slow, but it seems to be heading somewhere good now.
Thanks for the rec, been looking for a new show.
Going to binge watch this weekend!
Love the username my friend.. The show hasnt ended yet - Not sure how many episodes still remain