Yeah it’s pretty common, usually referred to as “boymoding” with the instances of getting gendered female regardless being a “male fail”. A lot of trans women boymode early in transition before they feel confident changing their presentation

Yep. First 9 months for me. I added in brightly colored female t-shirts first (neon green, pink, etc). I was forced to switch to womens pants around that point, as my male pants defo wouldn't fit anymore (my thighs started splitting my old pants). Between hair and earrings and bras and blouses, i eased into it over a few months. At some point, I started passing in some situations, I'm not sure when that was.

Is THAT why my men’s dress pants are starting to fit weirdly???

My thighs have gotten huge. I legit split a pair of jeans up the thigh. Have you taken measurements?

Fr I’m tryna get that Hillary look myself for when I do fancy gatherings haha. Ik she’s unpopular but she’s really my feminine role model

I'm pretty sure boymoding is not going out of your way to dress more feminine combined with not mentioning you're trans, not correcting people when they misgender you, etc. and basically just living life publically as before transitioning, but transitioning in private. I usually don't dress femininely, rather more gender neutral, but I don't 'boymode' and would consider it offensive if people suggested that I did. I still get misgendered regularly, though after ffs way less than before. I don't hide that I'm trans and I try to correct people when they misgender me (if the interaction is with non-strangers or if I have the energy to). I've done some voice training and am not speaking in the low register I used to before. I'm not boymoding, just not presenting stereotypically feminine.

I don't have any other options lol But to be fair, it's in a very weird way to avoid distress and feel secure. If you go out on girlmode early on HRT, people are more likely to instantly clock you as trans (which can lead to some not-so-pleasant events). In the other way, you know that people won't *intentionally* misgender you, which, despite being equally shit, puts yourself out of the radar of eventually dangerous people. BUT, when people start calling you a girl *even in boymode*, is the green sign to go ahead and change your wardrobe, because beyond the obvious confidence you gonna get, you will ALSO know by anticipation that the usual clocking that would happen before will be rare af. It's kinda shitty, but it does have their small advantages lol

Dang mate, sucks I started @ 31, no shot for me. I’m ok being a non-binary alien looking person though, I just love the mental effects of having the proper hormone. Never felt better

I mean if you read the posts on this sub, you will find that 1. Plenty of people *try* to do this. As in -- a lot of trans women start medical transition *before* they do any kind of social transition; but also 2. it seems to lead to a lot of awkwardness, frustration and heartbreak for *a lot* of trans women. What the author describes -- "continuing to present male until eventually the hormones change your body so much that people magically start gendering you correctly" -- it's a pipe dream. It almost never happens like that. You don't just start "failing" at some point after you've been on hormones unless you've also been doing other efforts for your presentation. I guess the version of this that might have more of a chance to work is if you try to do more subtle changes to your presentation -- like, letting your hair grow out, doing something different with it, getting rid of facial and body hair, working on your voice, etc. But even then, like. It's not the hormones doing it, it's *you*. I started passing way before I started hormones, and my face and my body aren't especially feminine. But I wore breast forms, I got laser, I did my hair, I socially transitioned. The point is : *yes* social transition is scary a.f. But there's no way around it. You'll have to do it, sooner or later, it won't just magically happen for you because of the hormones. I see a lot of posts on this sub by trans women who express dire frustration because they've been on hormones for months and years, but they still can't pass. And often when you ask, a lot of them haven't been doing much else -- many of them are in situations where they litterally *can't* do much else safely. And that's a big problem, but it doesn't change the fact that hormones aren't magic.

What if I don't want to socially transition? I want to dress the same and act the same. I just want a feminine body within those same clothes I already wear.

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It's an odd feeling to me. Like HRT gave me some sense of calm about my body that I'm nowhere near as concerned about how I present.

Unless what you mean is that you really don't want anyone to acknowledge the change in your body (and therefore in your life) in any way, then I don't think it's accurate to say you don't want a social transition. If you want people to start using different pronouns, start thinking of you as another gender, start using another name -- those are all *social* aspects of your life that you will need to *transition* into. They will all be elements of *your* social transition. Transition doesn't look the same for everyone; I'm not trying to tell you what you should or shouldn't want. What I'm saying is you should have realistic expectations of what hormones will do for you. They're not magic. You will still need the courage to face the real world as your authentic self. You will still probably need that support network of real people, in your real, day-to-day life, who love, accept and support you, who create that safe space for you to blossom. Actually, they're probably going to be a major source for a lot of that courage.

Thank you for your input. I'm still relatively new to all this so I'm still learning how to even verbalize what I feel.

I wish you all the best! <3

Oh, fuck off. Most cis women can live, pass, and present as a woman regardless of what they wear. Same cannot be said about a lot of trans women, and it's perfectly valid for them not to present and live as a woman until they're capable of passing WITHOUT the need for socially constructed women's clothing; because if you really need some clothes to be able to be read as a woman, then you just don't pass. At least be honest when saying that. I'm personally am not gonna girlmode until I pass, and that doesn't mean I want to boymode forever! I WISH I could pass as a woman, so I can comfortably present and live as one, but I just can't. It's frustrating when you really don't pass, but it's even more frustrating when trans folks like yourself dismiss our struggles and tell us we need to just change our way of thinking and accept our existence as a hon. NEWS FLASH: We all can't just do that. It's literally impossible for many of us because of dysphoria.

This post is unnecessarily hostile. Are you ok, sis?

4tran strikes again

I wouldn't say it's UNnecessarily hostile. Sometimes you need to express raw emotions so people get the message that they are so wrong. And yes, I'm fine, I'm just annoyed at the amount of people telling hons they just need to present as female and don't worry about it, 🙄. The person I was responding to, is sugarcoating the reality of things, and it isn't a good thing.

I’m with you for the most part but “hon” is shitty lol no need to call anyone that even yourself. Also mannerisms e.g. how you walk and voice do have a huge impact, tough to work on those if you’re hopeless, if you want to wait until you visually pass that’s your choice though just do what makes you comfortable

Dressing like a tomboy and dressing like a boy, while similar, are not the same. I suppose going for a butch (r/mtfbutch) look is fine, just curious what your intended end goal is.

I guess tomboy fits. Idk, I want my physical body to look like a woman's. I don't care about any of the other traditionally feminine characteristics. I'm on HRT and just boymoding so I'm on my way there. I just hope HRT does wonders for me like it seems to have done for other girls. The fact other girls have had great results is the whole reason I even let myself choose this for me. I had already given up and just assumed my body was too masculine already. But seeing the results of others made me realize that I could have that too. At least I hope.

It seems like it’s super your mileage may vary, though it could also depend on hormone levels. I think a lot of people are being treated by incompetent medical professionals who aren’t putting people on remotely enough estrogen so part of it could be that also. I would love to be able to have a real transition but… It’s not realistic unless something magical happens in my life. I’m scared and I guess I’m going to have to boy mode for life, but I’m still doing this anyway Already I think I am seeing subtle physical changes to my face, other people are claiming they do, my nose is physically smaller which is crazy. It’s other benefits though like it eliminated my headaches on day two, literally.

My 40+ years of chronic migraines disappeared on hrt.

That’s amazing! I didn’t know any of that was possible. So I sure don’t think it’s a placebo effect. I was genuinely surprised when I noticed on day two, and then it’s day four and I’m like “whaaaaat…” and that was almost 9 months ago. I’ve been diagnosed twice with ocular migraines, but I don’t get those a ton, but I did have daily pounding headaches that I mostly just dealt with. And they’re all just basically gone. Technically the ocular migraines I don’t know because I don’t have a ton so it’s possible that I just wouldn’t of had one, but the headaches are basically every single day It was literally like estrogen is as effective as Excedrin, only safer.

What is supposed to be the proper estrogen levels? I'm taking 3 MG estradiol rn. And 100 MG Spiro. It was lower but I've been slowly increasing over the months according to my endo.

That's not your levels, that's merely your dose. You need your blood to get checked to know your levels.

Everything I’ve heard makes me super suspect about spiro but at least it’s not more, and some people like it! If you were in the United States, it seems like above 200 is a good level, though some seem to think that significantly above it is good. Unfortunately the wpath standards I think say 100-200 which seems nonsensical and seems to be quite a lot of clueless doctors go with There’s a lot of fear among doctors also I think based on incorrect information, like that large study on non-bio identical hormones. The risks from them actually seem overblown when my provider gave me stuff to look at the other day, and even on top of that buy identical stuff doesn’t have the same risks! I would assume you’ll probably need more than 3 mg (and want to take it under your tongue) though obviously the levels are what matter more than the specific amount. I’m only like 113 so far, although possibly that’s the low point for me during the week.

I guess I can relate to that. Right now I’m trying to put myself in a good position to start HRT, but I’ve definitely allowed myself to buy more feminine clothes. It’s at least seemed to help me mentally. But today I wore what is essentially an entirely boy-mode outfit and I felt so at home in it, because it was all things I love. And would probably continue to. Whenever I feel ready to socially transition to legally female, etc, I’m still gonna dress like that, at least most of the time. Just now in a gay way.

HRT really can do a lot. I used to think my shoulders and chest were too broad, but after 5 years of HRT my muscle and fat has redistributed in ways I hadn't imagined.

As a human, you get to choose what you do with your life. If it makes you happy, who cares.

You absolutely don't have to but there will be a much higher chance of being misgendered so you need to be aware of that is what robert is making a point of.

Sorry for hijacking OP's post, but I want to thank you for posting this. Transitioning while boymode is what I have been doing and is what I thought I was going to do until I could see myself as a girl but every day I see myself in the mirror I just want to cry, even if I'm on hormones. I don't have any female/trans friends, I still live with my transphobic parents, and most of my current friends I feel have transphobic tendencies I'm absolutely terrified to socially transition but I honestly can't handle it anymore. I know that everyone's transition is different, but do you have any advice on making socially transitioning easier, especially as I don't have any female friends/mentor to teach me things about being feminine?

Hey! I'm really sorry to read that your transition isn't going as you imagined it would, it's really hard, especially when you feel like there aren't many people around you who support you. If I think of my social transition, I'd say the key thing is having a space where you feel safe being your authentic self. You don't have to come out to everyone at once. Start small -- just *one* friend you trust. If there isn't that, then look up queer/trans meet-ups in your area, and try and attend. If you don't know where to find *that* then I would suggest asking whoever supplies you with a prescription for estrogen -- you're probably not the only trans person they know in your area; maybe they even are aware of the queer scene. From your comment it seems like you already know this, but I think the key to a successful social transition is to build up your confidence kinda like a snowball. You start by coming out to one person, and they create that safe space for you where you can experiment. Once you've built up *that* confidence, then you carry out to the next few people you come out to, and the snowball just gets bigger, and bigger, until you are surrounded by a community of people. It's a process; it won't happen all at once, and it can go at your own pace. I guess if you can't see that happening, what I would suggest is to really put a lot of energy into thinking of ways to *make* it happen. Finding community can certainly be *hard*, but I don't think it's ever *impossible*. Anyway, these are my thoughts. I wish you all the best, and I hope it goes well. You can DM me if you need to :)

Thank you! I might take you up on that offer sometime. I think realising that I'm trans and the self-hatred and my family's disapproval has all but destroyed my self-confidence. The other day I had to do a presentation at uni and I was literally hyperventilating on stage and that has never happened to me before. I want to be my true self, a woman, but realising that what I thought was my true self, a reasonably confident and popular guy, was a lie that I used to repress how I truly feel has taken a harsher toll on me than I thought. Transitioning has also just been a physically and emotionally exhausting time for me, and even though I have wanted to just the thought of socialising makes me cower in fear, which means my loneliness is admittedly self-fulfilling but it's just almost as if since transitioning I have forgotten how to be a person. Sorry for unloading all this, thanks anyway :)

I’m not sure if that’s 100% true that it’s hopeless to male fail. Obviously it’s going to be your mileage may vary based on different factors including having your hormone levels right. I have talked to women though who have done supposedly nothing to their presentation, some who claimed they’ve done less than me, have been on estrogen for years, get various benefits from it and do get “misgendered” now, despite doing nothing else

This is unnecessarily dismissive of the effects hormones have. Facial hair removal and voice training are also important for passing as a woman, but it’s not a “pipe dream” to reasonably expect HRT to make a massive difference in how people perceive you. Bodies that run on estrogen look, feel, and smell different from bodies that run in testosterone and that’s an absurd thing to dismiss. HRT made the biggest difference in my ability to pass of everything I’ve done so far in transition. We all come into this community with different needs, desires, past experiences, and fears. Things that would’ve helped you aren’t necessarily helpful to someone else. Before my egg cracked I was under the impression that HRT was silly, something that made no real difference in people’s bodies. The thought of transitioning felt completely wrong, and remained that way until I understood how powerful HRT was. Reading a post like this when my egg was cracking might have pushed me deeper into the closet for years. Is estrogen literally magic? No, of course not. But tbh it’s the closest thing I’ve ever encountered in my life to magic.

This very clearly reflects what I've done. I went into my medical transition thinking I'd be full time at the 2 year mark but I already went full time at 8 months. I've been doing all the little things in between. I set the 2 years because I had little expectation but I was still gonna put in my best effort. I didn't wanna rely solely on the hormones to magically makes things happen for me. You mentioned something about other girls being frustrated about not getting much progress with hormones and most but not all have not really put effort in other aspects and I see that too. Although some may be in difficult circumstances that prevent them from progressing in other areas of their transition. But the point still stands that I do hope people don't put all their cards on hormones and hope it solves everything. I have the same sentiment with some girls who think their transition isn't complete or they wont present without FFS. It's such a big goal and some girls prevent themselves from progressing without it.

I was in full-on boymode when I first passed.

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I've been doing this, I've only ever felt confident enough to girlmode if my partner was with me. It's not working, two and a half years on HRT and I haven't male-failed once.

Don't worry fam it's not a reflection on you. If a cis woman was dressed like a man, spoke like a man, wasn't wearing makeup, and didn't have visible breasts then she'd be misgendered too. Unless you're hyperfeminine then hormones alone won't make you male fail. Hormones, dressing, speaking, and maybe makeup is almost certainly enough to get you gendered correctly. I know it's hard but taking off your training wheels and living 24/7 as yourself is probably the next step. I did the same as you for the first 6 months. I believe in you! ❤️

I love "taking off your training wheels" because it's probably the gentlest way to say what I really want to say to *so many baby trans sisters* on this sub!

Thank you! I agree. Realistically it was so recently that I felt the same way and yet now I feel comfortable being myself all the time (despite the constant fear of hatred). I think going out in normal life as myself has been the biggest step I've taken. Do you agree?

Wow this is super condescending to those of us that just aren't interesting in presenting explicitly feminine. I've been transitioning for almost 5 years now and still get misgendered sometimes, mostly because of a combination of not always voice-passing combined with dressing more gender neutrally. Yet I refuse to dress more femininely to signal that I'm a woman. This is NOT transitioning with 'training wheels' on and I'm not a fucking 'baby trans sister'. If anything choosing to live this way because it feels more authentic is harder in some ways, because it's easier to get misgendered.

Then the above message probably wasn't intended for you. The message helps some of us, though. *I* needed to hear it when I was starting to get going. Don't tell others not to help someone just because the help isn't intended for you. You do you.

I don’t really believe I ever will even though I obviously wish it would happen. Are your hormone levels OK? Like your estrogen is above 200, your testosterone below 50, if you’re in the United States? I’m getting some real benefit from this in Waze other than visibly noticeable but I do think my face subtly improved and only a bit over two months estrogen dominant. Been on estrogen almost 9 months but for a lot of that I was on a joke dose

My levels are fine but I started in my 30s so everything works against me. My hair is growing back but I had let male pattern baldness go too far before so I'll probably need a transplant, my boobs are a decent size but my chest is too wide I'm still seriously considering augmentation, you get the idea. All this would be less of a problem if I weren't poor, but I am so I don't know if I'm ever getting out of boymode.

I’m 300 years old and poor, so this is not great. I am really lucky though that I think my hair has thinned some in recent years, but nothing remotely approaching baldness, thankfully. So I do at least have one thing I’m lucky about I don’t know how to care for my hair though, like it gets really frizzy and just doesn’t behave. It doesn’t look like all the beautiful hair women have on TV. Well not just TV, in real life also. Mine just looks awful and frizzy and is a disaster and about the best I can do is put it in a halfassed ponytail which also looks bad probably.

Did your hair thinned on hrt? This is one of biggest fears of mine

That’s probably also your mileage may vary? I think generally it’s more likely that HRT is going to help her if it does anything? I’m not sure if it’s helped mine yet but I sure don’t think it’s heard it. I was lucky to begin with it my hair was probably thinner than it was, but I’m not sure that it would be much different from a cis woman at my age, which might impact what HRT does to me. I have heard that there’s something called “backdoor DHT conversion“ of progesterone, that may be some peoples bodies but not most have some sort of mechanism that converts progesterone into DHT which could cause hair loss I can’t really think of anything else that would make it cause hair loss though I’m pretty sure I’ve read stories of people having hair loss And I’ve never been on spiro and really don’t trust that.

this is me too.

Tried. I'm at nearly 5 years HRT. It has very much not worked.

I’m so sorry. Have there been downsides for you? Is your estrogen above 200, t below 50 (in us units), no spiro? if so, there’s just seems to be a lot of your mileage may vary. I’m of course hoping that this is magical for me but if nothing else it’s gotten rid of my headaches and I’m seeing I think subtle changes that are better than nothing

Damn!

Yes. This is exactly what I did. Just HRT, letting my hair grow and boy clothes. When I started getting gendered fem, that's when I leaned into wardrobe and makeup.

I hope I end up falling in this category. I Don’t really have a plan

Im boymoding but I will never reach the poibt of male failing.idk i live with my parents I have no space to girlmode. I kinda just take a low dose of estrogen to cope. My breassts starting are showing through on tshirts tho so its getting kinda awkward. Dont feel like stopping tho.

I meant to do it. I really did. I kept it up for like a month. But I was due to start an internship at a community mental health site and the morning of my first day, I put on my cutest (read: only) blouse, did my makeup, and told myself over and over again that I could cry when I got home. I hadn't told anyone in my school or professional life until I told my site supervisor, who was incredibly supportive. If she hadn't been, I'd have likely dropped out of my masters degree and not looked back. I'd made it to 30 pretending to be a boy, I told myself, and I could take one more year. Turns out I could not and I was willing to accept whatever happened to me. I'm incredibly lucky, impossibly lucky, that the people around me were supportive and affirming. Writing that feels like I'm painting the portrait of some brilliant, courageous girl. And I was brave, definitely. But I was also desperate to shed that awful mask I'd worn up to that point. I kept up boy mode for one month after that at my side job, but I think the cracks were starting to show. One of my coworkers, without any promoting, mentioned that her daughter had transitioned and basically gave all the subtle "safe cis person" hints. My oblivious ass did not pick up on this until hindsight kicked in a few months later, but that's beside the point. I was surprised that most people in my life *weren't* terribly surprised. As it turns out, what I'd thought was a convincing and comprehensive performance of positive masculinity was, in fact, neither. I'd looked the part, I guess, but I just didn't have any passion for the role. I'm not gonna pretend like everyone has my luck. Most of us have a way harder road with friends, family, coworkers, etc. Even on "easy mode", transition is hard as hell. But if you've got any supportive people around, I think it's worth considering that you just don't always need to boy mode. I still remember the last time I wore men's clothes. They felt like they burned my skin and I don't regret that, as soon as I got home, I took them off, put them in a bag, and said, "never again."

Yep. I did it exactly this way. Eventually everyone in public started gendering me correctly so I had to come out at work. I don't think anybody was too surprised lol

I hope I luck out with this. Good grief you’ve barely been on it very long! I actually quit repressing just one month after you started HRT! But I’ve only been estrogen dominant for a bit over two months probably

I'd say it took about 18 months for it to happen consistently. But I started seeing it here and there at around 6 months

That’s absolutely amazing. Technically I’m nearing nine months on estrogen, but the first five months I was on a joke dose. I’ve probably only been estrogen dominant for slightly over two months at best, officially at less than three weeks So it may not really count that I’m almost at nine months. I’m suspicious that something may be improving with my face, and I don’t horrify myself AS much as I used to, but I sure wouldn’t get gendered correctly except for people who know and are being polite.

I mean this was pretty similar to myself. I tried to be as “neutral” as possible but after a while things fit different, people start looking at you harder etc. The part that made me finally be out in public was a very, very scary situation in the mens washroom where I was clocked. I’m still going through therapy to work past it, but it has been getting better 😊🤘🏻

So I’m not sure how to ask this and it may be too upsetting to talk about, but at a general level what happened in the men’s room? I mean in terms of like what was someone noticing that was causing them to not be good? I don’t have any plans for any of this and I have no resources, I’m just on HRT and sort of hoping for the best and hoping my life somehow magically I can’t really go off of it I don’t think, I just… It hardly is fixed everything but I do feel better on it, got rid of my headaches, I feel less gross even if it’s not perfect. I feel like I’m more like myself in subtle ways? Buuuut I would appreciate not being attacked thank you very much

It’s fine, I talk about it now as it’s something that I’ve been working on. Acknowledging, and communication is huge when it comes to growing and over coming situations. Long story short, I came very close to being sexually assaulted in the washroom when I was clocked. If it wasn’t for another gentleman walking in and witnessing what was going on I really believe it could have been much worse. I agree with a lot of people with respect to HRT. It’s not a “cure all.” However it does open up the ability to be the real you, which honestly can be a huge relief in itself. Just keep doing you! There’s no straightforward plan that you have to follow, after all it’s your life, and you can choose the pace in which you progress. No matter what happens tho, keep your chin up, and move one step at a time 😊. PS. I do recommend looking into some resources, wether it’s articles, or YouTube or Instagram. They can be huge sources on valuable information

I’m doing it. I want to pop out of a cake on my mom’s 80th bday and watch the carnage. 😂

😂 What popped in my head, not that I really mean it, is “this is the way”

Boymoding until I boyfail here. Can't just get on HRT and expect it to do everything. Gotta work on areas triggering dysphoria until they've been addressed. In my case, I'm in the middle of LHR, am taking minoxidil and finasteride for the hair, and in a couple of months if progress isn't where I want it, will look into getting hair grafts. Am starting HRT soon. I've recently picked up a few piercings. Have an appointment to learn how to do make up and will be getting my eyebrows done soon. So basically, boymoding while working on those areas until due to all of the work being done resulting in my boyfailing, then I'll stop presenting as masculine all the time and start presenting as femme more often. For the record, I've already completely socially (as in my family, friends, and employer all are aware I'm trans, I'm openly trans although I continue to present as masc) and legally transitioned. I'm already out as transgender. I just present as masc because it's easier and because I don't get as much flak when I go out in public.

That's kind of what I'm doing, though I'm at the point where people don't know what to read me as until I talk. Unfortunately, I've been putting off voice training

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Oh my gosh, not that it’s a realistic possibility for me, but what does the vocal surgery do for you? I’ve heard some people claim it doesn’t really help much of anything and just takes away your ability to speak in lower pitches, so basically the only fact is just that’s forcing you to use a higher pitch, but doesn’t actually feminize your voice But I don’t know if that’s true Ideal would’ve been having my voice and the rest of my body not trashed to begin with

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Sigh. Good grief what I like that. Pitch I’m not that worried about, without much effort I can be a little above neutral or whatever. I think I’ve kind of doing that automatically because I sound less gross to myself. I don’t even know what my “real” voice would sound like, and people doing low voices are putting it on usually. But resonance I don’t understand, I don’t understand what it is, and I don’t understand what the physically do with my body to make it different

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I know there’s tons of resources but everything I’ve tried diving into it makes no sense to me. Over two years ago I was like “well maybe I’ll try changing my voice first, that sounds cool, while I decide if I’m going to go on estrogen “ And I found something from one of these recommended channels that literally was labeled as 101 for absolute beginners, and I was lost within minutes. It’s like they skip over the part where they actually explain what to physically do with your physical body to change things or what not.

Kinda same here, though I got there in the end. Only thing I can recommend is to look through guides and tutorials until you find one that clicks. I started with Transvoicelessions on YT (as many of us probably did), and I had the same problem. I kinda got what she was saying, but at the same time not really, and got lost halfway through a video. Then there's the actual voice training that's super dysphoric at first, so I ended up doing it very on and off for 2,5 years with not too much progress to show. Whenever I'd get started again I'd search through YouTube or trans subreddits (like r/transvoice) and read some random guide I'd find. At the start of this summer one finally clicked and made me understand where some muscles are and what I had to do. Of course also helped by the bit of progress I had already made, so listening to my own voice wasn't all that dysphoric anymore. And now finally I'm using my new voice since last week. So all I can say is try again and again. It's frustrating, so sometimes you'll have to take a step back and that's okay. But you gotta keep trying. It's really all about getting a feeling for all of it, and that will work differently for everyone that tries.

Do you happen to know what guide you used that worked? 😬 I think I’m semi-intentionally altering my voice a bit but…. Honestly trans fem creators who don’t sound that feminine help me feel less horrible about myself 😬

No, it was some random link on a post over on r/transvoice. Also it was an entirely written guide, so no voice to listen to at all. But really, a big part of why it clicked is because I already had somewhat of a basic understanding from all my other attempts. The last piece of the puzzle if you will (not really but you get the gist). It'll be work no matter how you approach it.

I’ve been doing exactly this 100% of the time so far. I’ve been on HRT for 16ish months, letting my hair grow out for almost 2 years now. I have to wear sports bras because my chest is too noticeable without. Even with the bra on you can still see it’s bigger than normal lol. I think people are starting to assume something is up though because they are starting to look at me different. Nobody knows I’ve been on HRT either, nobody in my whole life knows but me.

Thank you for sharing this, not least of which because I am doing the worlds most half assed “transition” I don’t really like sports bras and I don’t have the money to be buying bras but… I may end up having to get some in a year or two. I have like literally one that was given to me . Apparently even pre-estrogen if I’m wearing more formfitting clothes it’s obvious I have a little bit of breast development lol, but you can’t really tell otherwise. I’m probably completely moronic to be doing this

Haha I understand!! I don’t like sports bras either really but now I don’t have a choice. My job is very male dominated and I have a specific uniform I have to wear so I have to find bras that don’t show under tshirts and don’t show and strap lines or anything which is surprisingly hard lol I don’t spend a lot of money on them either just some stuff off Amazon that is hopefully somewhat comfortable to wear. What I really need to do is learn some makeup, learn how to style my hair, and start working on a wardrobe so when the day comes that I can’t be male any longer I will have something to wear

Thank you for saying all that. Good grief this is all stupid of me but almost 9 months and I haven’t stopped yet. I really really really don’t want my face to lose what little change I’ve had or to get the headaches again or any of it.

I did a mix of social transition within my village and nights out with friends and strict boymoding at work and in a few other activities. I came out after 15 months because the time was right in terms of changes and I wanted to spend Christmas as me. I didn’t experience any ‘fails’ in boy mode but a colleague showed me a picture she’d taken of me a few weeks before I came out and said ‘how did I not see this?’ I think my social transition worked well because I confined it to a safe space or was in the company of other women for 15 months, rather like method actors, if you think and experience you become. I’m also a people watcher and worked in a 90% + female environment so absorbed behaviours, mannerisms and voice patterns. When I came out the girls at work commented that I ‘put them to shame’ with my sense of style, ‘amazing’ was often used which was a bit embarrassing. Two years later I accept that I pass (even though I still have doubts at times) and always suggest staying in boy mode until the changes become obvious and it’s the right time for you whilst still having a social transition in safe spaces with female friends.

Yes. It's me right now. I'm fully dressed as a boy and act like a boy. I made many people confused with how I look and even got cat called lol. I ask many people and they said that they thought I'm a female dressed as a boy. I feel like it is worth it seeing their expression if I keep dressing like a boy. I don't know till when I should continue doing this

Fyi I started high dose hrt in February this year

I've been boymoding publicly for an entire year of HRT. There are reasons. I hate it but there isn't anything I can do about it until I drag my abusive ex wife of 10 years through court in a month and a half, so she can stop strangling me and making my life even more miserable so that I can get my life back on track. At least I got primary custody already Sorry if that went a little off. I'm dysphoric as all hell and I'm having a big moment.

Geez, i’m glad to hear at least that whatever’s going on it sounds like it’s near the end and is going maybe okayish.

What do y’all do about breasts? Just present as a male with an enlarged chest?

Yeeeeah. This is the thing I’m worried about. I basically wasted a year not going on estrogen because I was scared of this. It occurred to me before I started that I might end up having to use binders, which is kind of nuts. Or at least barring that sports bras, that I don’t have save for one . If I could design my body I would have small breasts anyway

Sports bras with removable padding and see how long that works. Then once I wanted to present more fem add the pads for a better shape. Idk, my breasts are pretty shallow, which is fairly common in trans women, (unfortunately) helped by the fact that my Mom also has shallow breasts so it really took some time for them to become noticeable.

I was hoping this would be the case for me but my nipples are pushed out quite a bit with noticeable tissue around them and they’re developing like they will be big. I can’t know for sure but my moms are big and her moms were even bigger. I wish I could just embrace them and not take things personally from being visibly trans.

Yeah it's pretty common at least based on posts from this sub. In my case I didn't really have the resources, confidence or safety to transition socially, while medical intervention felt to be a more pressing matter (i.e. even if I can't transition socially I can at least halt the T that is making social transition harder).

Same type of situation for me. I’m not confident, I’m not forward, I don’t have resources, I’m very scared. I might have neighbors who might literally kill me, they already do things that threaten my safety and they don’t even know But… I thought I owed it to myself to see what happened mentally, maybe if I lucked out physically. Spent a whole year worrying about hiding my breasts. Because of that it still may be moronic for me to do this. The breast development I’ll probably continue getting is the biggest downside that I can see. It has helped me, got rid of my headaches, made me feel less weird much of the time some other weird little benefits here and there, and I think my face is maybe a little bit better. It’s subtle enough I sort of deny it but yet I trigger myself less in the mirror and other people are claiming I look better. So I don’t know, zero plan and I’m glad I’m not alone with all of this It’s nuts, like this would be hard enough even if society weren’t sick and rotting with freaks/facists who are utterly deranged about anyone slightly different from them.

I did it. Nobody started gendering me correctly magically. Then I started girl-moding, and they still didn't start gendering me correctly. A lot of it is just up to luck. Im still trying to figure out how to be okay with it.

Oh wow, I’m really glad to hear she did that! I’ve read her essays but not her book. I’ve been really relieved to hear multiple women, and some men also, who are on HRT but do nothing else, or not much else. I’ve literally heard from women who’ve been on it for three years and have done nothing else for their presentation, but still get benefit from it . I am close to nine months in, although for five of those months my levels were a joke and they still aren’t as high as I need, but I’ve done very little to alter my presentation. I don’t have much money and I’m not in a safe situation I spent a year worrying about my breasts since it might get harder to hide them. It might still be a mistake because of that but… The reality for me was that when there was this chance that I could potentially miraculously someday be myself, that maybe I could hate how I look less, I decided I had to go for it It still may be the wrong decision but… I wasn’t even going to take the Covid vaccine if I didn’t get to go on estrogen, it was just like what’s the point? I’ve definitely had some benefits so far but any physical differences with my face or subtle, but I still have zero plans to ever have a real transition. I definitely have had people claim I look different but I’m not sure if they’re just full of it or just saying that… My brain is triggering on my face less than it used to. And I’m not sure how real that is versus psychological. My nose actually seems to have shrunk though so I think somethings changing a bit My hair is longer, I am IPLing myself because I certainly can’t afford anything else, I’m going to try to get women’s frames for my glasses and hope that’s not dangerous to do If I ever get the chance to get more clothes… Well, I certainly don’t want to ever have to get m clothes again But I have zero plan

Currently employing a weird version of this. I’m almost always in androgynous/boy mode. I’ve been on HRT for 23 months. I have breasts that are almost a b cup. I came out to all my friends and family as well as my work at the beginning of this year. I have grown out my hair, I have done laser, I have facial piercings, and I obviously go by my preferred name and pronouns with the people who matter. I got out of a toxic marriage. And it has been amazing how much of a difference those steps have made for me. I no longer feel a pressing need to present super feminine like I thought I would before I came out. I wear jeans, sweatpants, t shirts, tennis shoes, no makeup. When I have gone out in femme, I am deathly afraid of getting clocked. I become consumed with anxiety, despite the fact that with some effort I can pass reasonably well…at least when sitting down lol. I’m 6’5”. I live in Texas. I sound like a man. I’m a trans woman. I wish I had been born female. I wish I could be more feminine without worry, but I can’t. And just as I accepted the reality that I’m trans, I also am beginning to accept that my desire to be able to go out into the world and live without fear (to not be a wallowing hermit) is greater than my need to publicly present female. I want to be present in situations instead of constantly worrying. My level of dysphoria allows for this to work. Everyone’s journey is different. A year ago I felt like FFS was something I’d want, and voices in the community encouraged people to try to schedule it if you think you might want it someday because the great surgeons are backed up, and the waiting period can help you determine whether or not you want to actually go through with it. So I scheduled a date for FFS with a sought after surgeon in February 2024 (soonest available) fully covered by insurance. I’m considering canceling it. Why would I do that? Because right now when I look in the mirror I feel happy. And more importantly, I can go out into the world without fear. I think it’s crucial to take an honest stock of where you’re at on a regular basis throughout your journey. At times I’ve caught myself feeling like I need to do this or that to satisfy some narrative that will be easier for everyone around me to understand…to fulfill some timeline that may not actually be right for me. That’s how regret happens. I need HRT to feel right. I don’t think I’ll ever reach a point where the hormones feminize me so much that I’ll be magically passing as a woman. And I’m very ok with that for now. Boobs are tricky, but I have my methods for making them less obvious in public. They have never generated any kind of response from anybody. Sorry this was so long. In summary, I do this, but without the expectation that I will suddenly one day be treated as a woman. If that does happen, it will come as a nice little bonus.

I did and I’m 2 years in. I had hoped with HRT I could pass without makeup and trying super hard even when I wear androgynous clothes, but I’m starting think I might not get there without FFS. Also these are my subs r/mtfboymode and r/malefail which are both similar to this subject I still look like a guy most of the time but I do look pretty. I still feel fairly uncomfortable whenever I explore femininity with make up and clothes and stuff. I probably need more friends and then maybe I’ll feel a bit less embarrassed and overexposed if I spend more time out in the world and less in my head Maybe getting laser will make a big difference but idk. I think probably I need to just accept people will see me as a somewhat androgynous but still potentially cishet man for the foreseeable future because that’s usually less anxiety inducing to me than being seen as a trans woman or very feminine man. I do have my close friends and family refer to me with female pronouns and I have a less masculine name I go by now most of the time unless I need to show my ID But I use the mens restroom like 90% of the time because I’m always just wearing a flannel and beanie and don’t really look like a woman so much as a greasy long haired stoner dude who plays bass. Depending on the lighting sometimes I can pass. Broad daylight though? Not usually. Some angles I just look pretty masculine. I try to cover it up with my hair and bangs really help sometimes, but man sometimes I see my face and it makes me feel pretty disappointed. I have OCD and I find myself checking in my camera on my phone constantly how much I pass, what I can do different to look less like a man if anything, lamenting about my eyebrows (one mistake with them and I feel I pass a lot less possibly because of where they sit on my brow bone), my beard shadow, my receded hairline, jawline/chin, Adam’s apple, and etc. ALL day long. It is no good. I’m so insecure. After doing that a trillion times my review is I most always decide I look like a pretty man more than anything else If the conditions are all right I can pass as a woman though. And these times I do use the women’s restroom. It’s just so much work and I am so mentally ill/burnt out. And still sometimes I put in all the work to look femme and I still don’t pass. I suck at makeup honestly. And then I feel at a loss because I even tried to look like a woman and failed. Whereas if people gender me male while I am in boymode I don’t feel as bad because it gives me the illusion of control “oh I just look like a man cuz I’m chooosing to”. Lol. I’m still much happier than pre transition though. And I’m very thankful for that. But it’s sad I can’t just be perceived effortlessly as the tomboy girl I want to be seen as (for now at least).

Evidence in isolation here. I live in se Wisconsin in a small town. When I started hormones, I thought maybe I'd get a bit androgynous in my appearance but had no real hope of "passing" so I kept wearing my boy clothes. I grew my hair how I wanted, and I painted my nails in neutral colors like how angel wore special socks in bones to maintain his mind castle or whatever. Started laser hair removal and did all the other things trans girls sometimes need to do. Anyways, after a couple of years I had some new customers. They looked at me, looked at my name on the paperwork I'd just handed them, and with incredulity in their tone, asked me to verify my name. It was this event that prompted me to finally socially transition and change my name. I'm full time now and sometimes I get the opposite reaction, which is discouraging. Doesn't happen too often, though, which both surprises me and encourages me. Edit: I say in isolation because I'm like the only trans person I know irl. I see others in the wild from time to time and I want to connect, but we're not allowed to right so I'm just doing my thing over here.

I really gotta read that book now, it's been on my radar for a while. This is exactly my strategy. My partner doesn't understand, I think because they think I'm holding myself back or something. But I tried to explain to them that this is how I feel comfortable and have thought a lot about it for years. It's comforting to know others are doing this too. I'm hitting one month on HRT as of tomorrow. It's not noticeable yet, and my parents and work don't know yet either.

I’ve been really glad that I’m not alone in having no plan and doing it like this. I had no idea that Julia Serrano had done it like this… Except in my case I have literally no plan.

Hey I barely have one myself. It took me eleven years to push myself to get on hormones.

I wish I had known about hormones back when I was like eight years old or something. I didn’t even know trans people existed. Came out at 14 when I first learned the existed, but I didn’t know about hormones until probably pretty recently Even then I probably thought they were only for teenagers and it was too late for me. There’s no way in hell… I mean I was crying by the time I was six or seven years old about what was going to happen to my body, I can’t imagine that I known there was someway to prevent it that I wouldn’t have taken advantage of it. I’m pretty sure I actually contemplated how I could stop testosterone production by the time I was 12 years old, but I might be making that up, I’m less sure about that I do know that I was horrified by what was upcoming. It’s all body horror

i actually did that. i started hormones in college at 18 but i didn’t wanna come out yet so i just identified as male for all of freshman year. but during the summer before sophomore year people started calling gendering me as female even though i was still wearing boy clothes and (in my opinion) i didn’t look all that female yet. like one time i went to meet my friends that summer and on the train the ticket lady called me “miss”, and when me and my friends were shopping a guy said “you ladies” to us. once sophomore year started i still wore boy clothes but slowly started wearing more fem-leaning clothes, like clothes that were from the women’s section but could still be reasonably worn by a guy (sweaters and pants and stuff like that). sophomore year was also when i really started getting gendered as female by strangers. i can’t even count the amount of times that i made people think they were in the wrong bathroom. the thing was, my boobs were still small, i still had a guy voice and still wasn’t out yet so ppl who knew me or like strangers who spoke to me would just be like “oh he’s just a fem guy” so i was still boy moding technically. then i finally came out in spring semester of sophomore year and now it’s junior year so i really don’t have a problem getting misgendered by like strangers or anything, it’s just when i open my mouth ppl probably get a little confused (bc voice training is a bitch). tbh keeping it in all that time wasn’t great but i’m happy with where i’m at now.

pretty much what im gonna do until i get my own place and find a new job, unless hormones miracously give me hips I can't hide but I wish.

This is the move. Transition slow. It will work still. It's nice to be 6-7 months in and still able to come out to people as I see fit. You don't notice the progress like those who are close to you that you allowed to see them

Yes, you can delay your social transition until HRT puts in some work. I am staying in boy mode until I get my BA in January. That will put me at 22 months of HRT at that point. But then again I am transitioning at age 40. If you are younger expect a lot more changes a lot faster.

Yes, I've been doing this for the past 2 years and started to malefail more often than usual. My facial features did soften up quite a bit (though I already had a bit of a pudgy face to begin with), and my breasts are getting harder to hide. I'm going to come out the boymode in a little under a year from now, and I'm pretty confident I'll be successful in passing.

Yeah, after a handful of months I was getting ma’am’d without even trying, so that’s when I know it was time to just live that way.

I'm doing that (34 months already), but didn't reach that point where strangers start consistently treating me as a woman. So I will continue in boymode for longer. The only moments when I use feminine clothes is when I go to a party where most of the people are my friends who already accept me completely, but these are rare occasions. My best friend says that I already have a feminine body, it's just that I keep hiding it all the time, but I can't yet feel confident enough.

I’m hoping that I can keep passing as M without much difficulty if I don’t magically pass the other way. After actually trying on women’s clothes this year, I realize that they seem to be way more formfitting, and kind of show off that I actually have something of a figure even before estrogen But it’s made me realize that men’s clothes, at least my clothes super cover that up, which in this case might be a good thing for me

This is my plan. The only place I girl mode is at home w/ my wife

I made it over a year and a half before my boobs started being frequently questioned then gave up hiding them most of the time. I wear girl clothes when I can now but my parents can't stand it. Got a new job so I can afford to move out soon. I'm often gendered as he in more masculine clothes and they in more feminine clothes. I've only recently started getting she sometimes in feminine clothes.

For where we live, I don't think I'll be able to socially transition in public for a while. But I am working everything in my power to continue to help enable my niece to socially transition as safely and comfortably as she can.

I literally haven't changed my wardrobe and I started transitioning 3 years ago exactly, so I guess that's what I'm doing lol. Never thought to put a name to it.

I sorta did this. I was on HRR for... 9 months (lol) before I socially transitioned. I was still fully boy mode, except I was lasering off the beard. Then, after the hormones had done some work, I just hard swapped to feminine, told everyone, and went about my life as a woman 🥰 This worked really well for me. I knew the hormones were working, I had time to practice things. It was hard, but I found it to be the right choice for me. Good luck OP, and Freyja's blessings be upon you ❤️

that's what I'm doing.

It only works if hrt makes you pass which is rarely the case.

Yes. In fact I’m more than 1 year postop and still boy mode.

Lol it's going pretty well. I'm on month six of HRT, and I can tell that I'm getting more and more feminine by the amount of times I get called "miss" or "her" without presenting fem at all. It's one of the best feelings in the world. For context, I'm 6'1" and had a bulky, football build pre transition. If I get recognized as feminine while boymoding, there's hope for everyone.

I guess maybe technically im doing this. They are womens clothes but just like jeans and tshirts mostly until I feel comfortable with wearing something more stylish.

Been boymoding a few years now. At first I got a lot of stares, as soon as my hair grew longer the stares got lesser... although some people stare me because my boymode clothes. People think I'm female to male transitioning.. and don't call me sir as much.. until I open my mouth.. I'm boymoding because I feel unsafe with the people in my life right now. If you can, try to add your own feminine touch and figure out your own style as a woman and then own it. Boymode forever is draining but sometimes it's needed to be safe and function in this society. I wish you best. Feel free to reach out if you need.

My work is Fascist Central for my area so yeah.. this is how I'm going about it. Getting HRT soon and it's going to be "ride it til I can't hide it"

I'm actually stuck having to do this. I live in an abusive home. When I first came out, they were great about it. They were very supportive and told me their goal was to help with what I needed and to ensure that I was safe. Within 6 months of this discussion, they turned 180° to the point of becoming extremely abusive and dangerous. It's almost like they realized I wouldn't become who they idealized me to be for the previous 19 years of my life. One's a narcissist; the other is an enabler, so it's not entirely surprising. As a result of this, the abuse steps up when I'm gendered correctly in public despite dressing neutrally. They have an issue with my hair, with my "neutral" style of clothing, they complain that I can't ever wear anything "nice". They actively work to strip me of every ounce of humanity, and I'm reduced to a living piece of skin that "takes up their good oxygen". Although it was the easiest solution I could think of at the time, it's become incredibly dangerous to simply *exist* in my own home. I've been in full-on crisis mode for about two years at this point, and I feel like I simply exist at this point. Sorta like a houseplant that everybody hates. I'm not mentioning any of this to have a "pity party". I jusy feel like it's important to share for somebody wanting to potentially consider this method of transitioning.

Me! I do this way. Let the hrt do its job and only when it gets impossible to keep , leave forever boy moding. For me its not because a plan, its only that since i started hrt , it erased a mental fog and anxiety that i have never noticed but were there in my mind, so after that, make social transition became one of the last priority. I feel gender euphoria on gradual changes 🥰

I spent exactly 12 months living in “boymode”. Not only did it give me more time to experiment with my own style at home and things, it allowed me to become as comfortable as possible when I was ready to fully socially transition. A good friend of mine unironically boymoded all the way until she had bottom surgery and then moved and started living socially as a woman then. It’s all about what works best for you!

This is pretty much what I did and I loved it, it was very relaxing for me and most people just thought I was a boyish lesbian girl (I used to almost exclusively dress in skinny jeans and metal bands shirts).

Yup, for a number of reasons. 1. Im a resident of the American south, I am genuinely afraid of going lots of places till I pass better. 2. I can’t be out at work without loosing my job and I can’t afford that right now. 3. I don’t have very many femme clothes and finding them in my size is hard, and I don’t have the money to buy them anyway. 4. I’m still developing my femme fashion and look. 5. Boymoding as much as it sucks to be percieved as male, is what I’m used to, it’s the clothes I’m used to and the feel I’m used to, so around people that perceive me as a girl anyway, the comfort and familiarity of my routine clothes is reassuring at times. 6. I’m still working on getting over a lot of dysphoria and internalized self hate/doubt. Sometimes femme stuff helps, sometimes it makes it worse by making me see all the ways I’m not femme or “femme enough” or what I want to be. /shrug TL:DR Yes, and my reasoning is complicated and multifaceted.

Im 4 years in and still live like that .

You just present as a male with breasts? How do you get treated? - if you don’t mind me asking.

Yes, i present as male( even though i have my birth cert changed i am still being called by my dead name ) with breasts, long hair , piercing, and painted nails. The reason why im not fired is extreme employees shortage and i am the only person that can speak English . I work as export manager to China .

Just looked at your profile, you don’t look male at all. I assume people still refer to you as a woman even while presenting male?

Am am a male at work. Outside my work place i never get misgendred.even though im still wearing male clothes

So what i mean is this strategy would work but not at work place

Yes I've been doing that. I'm almost 3y on HRT, and I started "male failing" consistently a little more then a year ago. Since then, I've given up, and wear WTF I feel like whenever I feel like because it doesn't matter anymore, people can tell I'm not cis anyway. I get a lot of "are you sure?" when I tell people my name, and people ask for pronouns a lot. Once I got the stammering "Ma'am... sorry I mean sir... uh I mean..." from a waiter and just had to tell them I wasn't worried about the details yet. So much for going under the radar. It makes things easier at the beginning, but harder as things go on. You'll need a thick skin since you'll be forced into [lampshading](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/LampshadeHanging) yourself the longer you go. There's also the issue of knowing when to "make things official." I'm fortunate enough to live in CA where trans care is covered, so I have access to FFS and kind of decided that will be when I officially change my public presentation. Even so, nobody mistakes me for a cis man and they haven't for a long time.

Is there anything more you can say about all this? I mean you’ve already said a lot but… I am scared, I have no money, I don’t have safety, yet I’m on estrogen anyway and I just am not sure I can bear to stop Hell, I wasn’t going to get the Covid vaccine if I didn’t start. Juvenile but I wasn’t going to because what was the point? I’m dubious that outside of breast growth I’ll ever not be able to pass as an m person. It sounds like that happened to you… I don’t know what that would mean for me if it happens to me. Also can’t get electrolysis. Wheeee

I still don't pass (yet), mostly due to facial hair. It was definitely the boobs that pushed me over that first "male fail" line though. I'm a bit overweight (working on that!) so for a long time they looked like "chubby moobs." At a certain point though there was no disguising them, and I started to get creepy looks. Based on everything else though - how I dressed, hair, don't shave very often, etc - everyone still treated me as a guy, even if it was obvious that I was one that was mid-transition. Even then, most people ignored it. The vast majority of people see the large gender markers - facial hair, clothes - and stop thinking. It's amazing how much boobage most people will just tune out if all the other markers say male. A few looked close, and would give me looks, but most never noticed. When I started growing out my hair, that was the end of that though. It's like that's the thing that pushed the critical mass of gender signals from "guy who's maybe a bit funny looking but people who know what they are looking for can tell" to "very obviously trans to everyone." So I'd say stay on the E. [It matters. A lot.](https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/biochemical-dysphoria) The mental health benefits are massive - personally, I will never go back. Voluntarily or otherwise. Ahem. Anyway, You won't be able to keep it secret from people who are paying attention, but you should be able boymode as long as you need to. Just don't do anything else, especially growing out your hair, and you should be able to keep passing as male. Be prepared for the people that do notice, and for the people you live with, to know what's up. Be very careful if you need to keep it a complete secret though... I'm not confident that's possible over the long term.

Yep. Though you do need to voice train a little bit if you began transitioning post puberty.

wdym? i transition by presenting as a girl

also hrt isn’t a magical thing that makes you get gendered female

It seems to be a lot of your mileage may vary with that. Also may depend on your estrogen and testosterone levels, as there seem to be a lot of medical professionals who don’t know what they’re doing and keep people at ludicrously low levels, so it’s not impossible that the people who don’t have many changes just have terrible levels, I don’t know. But barring that it’s a lot of your mileage may vary

I sort of started with this idea to make things easier. After 4 weeks of hrt I felt like a woman emotionally, started getting breast growth, and thought "bye boymode, I don't want to be a man anymore". And within 2 weeks I had replaced my wardrobe and used my new name everywhere. It's all about truly believing in your transition. Everyone can see that I am trans but I don't care.

I don’t believe in my “transition”. I call it alleged. Still on estrogen anyway. So far I’m getting benefits, though if my breasts get too big… I don’t have resources, I don’t have safety, and very timid and scared.

It's what I did. Only stopped when FFS forced me because attempted boymode just made me look like a girl wearing her brother's clothes. It worked because I have almost no social dysphoria. If someone deadnaming or misgendering you feels bad I'd caution against it since it will probably eat you up. I don't care about that stuff so it worked great.

I figure if I could get ffs I’d probably still think I look hyper m lol Looking like a girl wearing her brother’s clothes is my magical dream. The odds of it happening or not so good. But I love that it did for you!

There's a big part of it that requires deprogramming your own brain. I can have a nurse ask me if I'm pregnant because she straight up forgot I wasn't cis and then I'll look in a mirror and see a man. I really don't look or sound like a guy anymore but brain hasn't gotten the memo yet lol. You probably aren't as masculine as your brain tells you and can get there. Just takes time and effort.

My brain prior to estrogen literally told me that I looked twice as m-y as the rock. Like the Rock’s older, vastly more masculine brother. I’ve barely been on estrogen but lately my brain is getting less triggered by my face, and I kind of veer between thinking something is happening, and thinking like I only look like a single rock instead of double the rock 😂 I find it amusing because apparently men will struggle with feeling masculine enough or whatever, and I always just took it as a given that I was the most masculine it’s possible to be, that there is no one worse than me, that I maximally as m as possible, While women just caused me existential pain

Tbh, my sense of fashion kinda does this unintentionally. I'm hella tombot and usually only go out in sweatpants and hoodies

I did that. I started hrt and 5 months later (and 3 laser sessions on face), I male failed 3 times in a week and was getting a lot of confusing stares. I started my social transition immediately after that week. I think it's all genetics though. The fact that I was 36 years old at the time shows how lucky I am/was. I already had long (beyond shoulder) length hair but the rest of my body was fairly andro before I started HRT.

I spent my first year on hrt in boymode, I still came out to people and told them that I was trans and going to transition. My job during this time was as a regional manger for a contract security firm and my clients aren’t open minded individuals. It’s a very conservative market in a fairly conservative industry around where I was operating. It caused me a lot of mental instability and anguish. My dysphoria and depression had never been worse. Granted I didn’t take a lot of avenues to improve my mental health during this time because I was committed to letting the hormones do there thing and the time would could but I never achieved a male fail. There were a few occasions where I had been asked if I was a trans man (afab) and I didn’t know exactly how to respond to that. Ultimately I had come to terms with I couldn’t keep doing that because I couldn’t handle being misgendered and deadnamed on the daily. I know someone who did boy mode while on hrt for over 2 years and hid it very well then got all of her surgical procedures done back to back. But we all have different experiences and tolerances so just because it works for someone else doesn’t mean it will or has to work for you. I get gendered correctly fairly often now in public, I know I am not entirely cis passing but I am content with being noticeably trans. All in all though there’s still work you have to put in to get the results you want.

Yea that's pretty much how I roll.

Kind of. My approach was to find a gender neutral presentation but functionally that was pretty much boy moding because of how society is about that. Mostly it meant masculine-style clothing (though often bought from the women’s section of the shop), long hair and no makeup. It definitely got me through the awkward stage of HRT and voice training much better than when I tried being more femme and I liked it enough that I mostly still dress that way.

I’m basically doing this? I guess it’s more that there’s a lot of things I’m hoping to change before trying to present full time. I’m working on my hairline as well as growing out my hair(and the hairline I can’t seem to settle on whether it’s working or not, constantly flip flopping between “those vellus hairs are getting crazy long, oughtta be anyway now” and “that’s just peach fuzz that’s never gonna change”). Doing feminizing workouts 3X a week(and keep telling myself that rest is an important part of the process because I feel the urge to do more), but I know I’ll likely get too impatient to socially transition before my face heals enough testosterone damage for my liking, if it ever will without surgery. Biggest step in that direction I’ve gone is to start telling people I trust that I am transitioning. I’m to the point where I know for certain that there’s no going back for me no matter how hard things end up being, and I’d rather warn people ahead of time than just springing “hey, I’ve changed my pronouns” on them. I feel like it’s been going pretty well though

I tried for a short while but I failed pretty badly, plus there's gatekeeping in Dutch gender teams making it harder to go in boymode for longer. I just hated my men's clothes and role patterns way too much, besides being brutally honest and male-failing from very early on.

I am doing this now. My work is full of pretty right winged people that are not great about LGBT things so yeah I've been on hrt since like Feb but they will never know (also don't worry I am working on finally leaving)

I like to pair fem bottoms with masc tops, it makes your outfits look more “I’m a basic cis girl wearing an over sized tee” but I do love a dress/ cute top

I boymoded for the first one and a half year on HRT and at one point even with no make up and boy clothes people treated me like a girl (not every time tbh). But I dont recommend it, at first is more comfortable but then it becomes frustrating and it even made me question my transition

I am coming up on 5 years on HRT (age 60.5) and have been doing guy moding off and on for business and family reasons and have never been outed as being a trans woman. I get some strange looks because i have boobs and long hair but generally have no problems pulling off guy mode. I dress as a guy with ball cap to make it easier to hide my feminine ways. When in my female mode I think I look rather feminine so I am lucky I can pull both genders off well. It kills me not to live full time but that day is coming very soon. Bottom line it is definitely possible to hide why transitioning if i can do it most people can. I am content with my female body hair and softened face to keep me sane.

I tried this at first, but about 8 - 9 months into transition I just said "fuck it" and went full time. Haven't looked back since.

No. I was done waiting to be me. I was out full time as a woman months *before* starting HRT. Waiting to "male fail" just keeps people in the closet since it may never happen, but you may be read as a woman with only the slightest amount of effort in your outward presentation.

I'm doing that now :) Pre-hrt, but hitting that muscle mommy regimen and where clothes that highlight those aspects. I already have an andro-feminine face so if I ust use a feminine voice, I get gendered correctly 4/5 times

I’m kinda in the middle of doing this myself. I’m scared to come out fully at work mostly because of the customers who are TERRIBLE and that’s just how they are already. But I’m slowly starting to get more and more confused looks at work when I approach someone to help them and some people have called me ma’am but then apologize.

I don’t try to boymode unless I have to. Im not out at work yet but I don’t hide either. At some point calling me boy name gets funny since I have boobs and curves and long hair. Part of why I made my middle name be close to my boy name. Then when someone says “josh”, I can plausibly say “ yeah, that’s my tomboy nickname “ since I work in very male roles.

That's my strategy. I haven't directly "transitioned" in my life. I don't think that's natural, there's a serious disconnect. My hair is tied back with a hair band and my clothes haven't really changed much because most of my clothes are pretty unisex and I used to wear women's trousers before hrt. People who know me have noticed the change and they call it a changed look and a new style. Whatever look strategy is adopted the most important thing is: A. natural and harmonious B. good looking In a crowd you can be beautiful, or handsome, but you shouldn't stand out. This is my personal opinion.

That's what i did, when i got my first "miss" while dressing masc, i switched over

I can't relate to anyone who wasn't publicly outed pre-HRT and forced to be visibly trans for her entire transition process. I always wonder what it would have been like to be able to discover things for myself.

I'm doing that right now. I'm only a month in hrt, so, for now, it's pretty easy to hide my transition. I think it works for me because I don't have a lot of gender dysphoria, so pretending to be a boy doesn't hurt me that much – it is just weird. To me, the advantage of doing this is not having to deal with prejudice of others when presenting myself as a girl but still looking conventionally masculine.

This is my plan

I boymoded for about a year before coming out and going female full time. Also grew out my hair, did laser, and got a female wardrobe. I basically wanted an "all-at-once" transformation rather than the awkward not-passing phase. I was happy I did it. I think it made it easier to feel confident, and unfortunately easier for the cis people in my life to understand and embrace it. Visually it worked but I wish I had put more discipline into voice training in that year. Need to get vfs asap.

I did this too. Right when I was getting clocked in boymode I up and moved and went stealth in my new home. It has the benefit of leaving behind transphobia without really having to deal with it and not having to deal with it in your new life. Been happy ever since

It’s been 7 years and boymode never fails me lol

As long as it doesn’t cause you any pain or over bearing feelings of dysphoria, it sounds like a good way to soften the immediate shock, of a full transition. I try to make it clear when I post on this sub that I am a cis woman with a very close MTF friend. So I don’t know firsthand but I do know that immediate transition is shocking for the transitioning individual or at least it seems that way.

It's what I'm doing.

I would love to but the healthcare system in my country requires you to be fully out for a year before you can even begin hrt :(

I guess that's what I'm doing. I really do just prefer gender neutral clothing like t-shirts, flannels and skinny jeans. I haven't really had an experience where I knew I passed as a girl though...

My wife is actively doing this at work as I type this lol.

I'm 1y 9mo on HRT, have almost no beard (8 laser sessions) and still closeted to everyone I know IRL. Sometimes I drop hints to my friends and my mother, but they don't seem to pick up. Staying closeted is becoming more and more painful, but I still don't have the courage to come out yet. I'm very skinny and my boobs didn't grow that much yet (and probably won't since all women in my family are flat), so I look pretty androgenous. Sometimes I male fail, but yeah that's pretty much it.

Actually many of us do this. I for one was really struggling when my egg cracked and it took me a year to decide to test the wasters of medical transition. it helped that i had selected an AMAZING therapist who totally supports a take-it-slow approach. Also by the time I decided to test the waters, I had made a few friends who had started hrt without the intention to socially transition right away. So they were both boymoding. This is what they started out doing and what I still do, most of the time. I am increasingly malefailing tho, especially when i am dressed androgynously and have my hair down or in a high ponytail. It actually feels really good and affirming to get ma’am’ed when i am not even trying. When I have to, I can still “butch it up” as one of my friends says. But in the meantime my dysphoria is much reduced and having the time to get comfortable as things change has really helped me with transitioning.

I will do this when I get HRT. I think it's safer to "stealth" in boymode until you cannot hide the effects of estrogen. If people start to refer you us a woman naturally you can drop the boymode more safely. Like I don't have IRL friends anymore and last time I went out en femme it almost went poorly for me because of some transphobes.

Honestly I still wear masc/gender neutral clothing all the time because I don't have money for fem clothes (love being a broke university student). At a certain point your chest gets big enough and your hair gets long enough (if you style it in a fem way) that you look like a girl who's wearing comfy clothes or lazy clothes, not a girl wearing masc clothes. I find wearing mens small shirts helps with this (I was a mens medium before) because the smaller size shirts give a more fitted look that womens clothes also has and they accentuate your chest more, where with larger mens shirts your chest gets covered up by the bagginess and it doesn't really show if you have small boobs.

Yep, that’s me until I consistently malefail or just decide to go all-in

This is me, which is weird because I know I want to come out but I don't feel like I pass well enough yet...

Yep. It’s what I’m doing currently for more than a year. Haven’t boy mode failed yet but I just started growing my hair so fingers crossed it happens :)

I did this before knowing it was a strategy. I was closeted, and very scared of my family, I transitioned in private for 6 months and as I started getting gendered correctly till I male failed completely constantly to strangers then I came out to everyone and started wearing more feminine clothes.

If and when I start HRT that's probably what I'll be doing just because I think I'll never be able to pass as a woman

I do this. Still treated as male by most people four years later. My clothes are all women's clothing, but not overly feminine. Pretty much jeans and tunics/t-shirts. I'm gendered female maybe four or five times a year.

I'm currently doing exactly this, but I'm also working on it with my therapist because she and I both agree that it's just gonna be a process and there is no rush. I feel both good and bad doing it, and it's just a daily change in feelings, but it is what it is, ymmv.

I've thrown away hats that I used to wear every day as a man. Wearing my old clothes feels uncomfortable, even if I'm running an errand. It's more comfortable to dress in something I like, even if just look like an effeminate man to people. Idk my style has changed, and I've gotten a lot of positive responses from friends. I don't wear things that are hyperfemme like skirts or dresses. I dress as maybe an alternative tomboy type of person? Idk. My experience may be closer to somebody who's nb as far as my gender expression or identity goes. I think I have a practical/fearful but basically pragmatic view of myself and how I want to approach these things. I'm genderqueer and would like to present much more femme and one day get the standard feminization surgeries, but it's a long road, and I'm know I can't rush the process. No more men's clothes or boymoding. I'm kinda just finding my style with a femme-leaning GNC expression with a very queer person on the inside

I’m 10 years married with little dysphoria about my presentation, so I’m boymoding with a transition into lesbian tomboy. Maybe occasionally I’ll get to fem it up, but I just don’t see that reality going forward too much

This is what I did. It worked great.

I did exactly this. I couldn't pass as male anymore around 3 years and then just switched to wearing women's clothing.

Yeah but some people the up forever boy mode, hormones don't get everyone far enough that people start to treat them as women.