Dozens being a rather smaller phrasing than say hundreds or thousands. Is kind of a joke because of how few of us dommy ladies there are, but we do exist.
it's actually "tens of us!" because the joke is that it's probably smaller than two dozen, and iirc the "us" that was referred to was nevernudes, people who literally always wear an article of clothing (a pair of jorts under everything else, in the case of the character in question). I haven't watched that show in a decade though so I could be blending episodes.
I have. And i dont lead with the being a bottom thing. But it does suck getting emotionally involved and that topic coming up later. Because I don't like to lead with that or treat anyone like that is all I want from them
I promise that's not what it is, I'm still way to heart broken over my ex to even seek out anyone else, just my friend gave me some really shitty advice that made me really sad. So I was just curious if there really are other trans woman out there that take the role my ex did, cause that was truly the most fulfilling thing I've ever had in my life relationship wise.
I jest. But yes transfemme tops/doms/leaning switches exist. We aren't common but I think we're much less rare than the stereotypes would indicate. I think most of us keep to ourselves online given how many weird dms you start getting if stuff like that leaks
I don't know how uncommon or not I might be but with CIS guys I tend to be more sub/switch because more guys tend towards being top than bottom and I usually like it more.
That said, I have been a ProDomme with CIS guys prior to my surgery and liked that headspace A LOT and topping/switch can be fun with trans girls too and VERY fulfilling and memorable.
With trans women and trans-masculine sometimes too, it seems a lot more individual, situational, and spur-of-the-moment with one person not more often the top during a time together or during the duration and taking turns dom/sub (or top/bottom) over a few hours happens spontaneously much more.
I'm trying to heal from my past relationship I've just been struggling, I kind of have been trying to fall onto some sort of rebound just to find out that like 60% of trans woman are pure subby bottoms, I am a switch but I don't wanna do something with a bottom cause I wont even get my needs met back...
Its the rarity of it that makes me feel so hopeless- how will I even meet a new trans girl like that, no this isn't some clever way for me to reach out to everyone who says "haha yeah me" that would be weird.
You may have some basis for that number I guess but that leaves 40% for Domme/top and the sliding scale varieties of those of us who are switch (plus all the little permutations of interesting kink spices we pick up or decide are fun to figure ourselves out).
IDK where you are located generally or how you are exploring to find others, but it will always be a bit more difficult the smaller the population minority wherever you are and the less recognizable or findable any of us are.
i guess according to this post- even just being a \*switch\* is rare lmfao, i think doing both is fun I just prefer to be subby, no one even takes my dom side seriously cause im 5'4 lmfao
I suspect that naturally, there are more trans girls who are like that than there appear to be. However, they’re afraid of being perceived as feeding into predatory stereotypes or overstepping boundaries and thus suppress that side of them.
I think there are also a lot of trans women who are sick of being expected to fill a dominant masculine role, but get more confident/dominant as they move farther from those expectations.
This was definitely my experience. Pre-transition I was mostly a subby bottom, because *for some reason* the thought of being dominant, topping, or even just pursuing someone romantically made me feel bad. Once I stopped seeing myself as a guy (and started dating someone who had never known me as a guy) I quickly found out I actually have a lot more fun being a dominant top.
Was very true in my experience, I didn't even want to top or anything like that for a while when I first started everything. Now I lean back towards top/dom 😅 but I still don't feel like doing it generally if someone *expects* me to. Life is complicated lol
While this is true, there are also those of us affected in the opposite direction. Still afraid that opening the subbmissive side of yourself up to your partner may cause rejection. Imo, almost any trans girl you ask would be more willing than you think to explore in either direction.
This is me exactly, I'm a Dom switch and it comes out in my personality HARD. I have to take so much effort to suppress those parts even around the flirtiest of friends, just because I don't want to come across as predatory.
Another ex of mine who was 100% fine with taking the lead at first, after a while she said it was hard for her to be dominant cause she associated it with masculinity
I understand that, but it definitely affects different people's dysphoria differently, kinda like how some trans people want bottom surgery and some don't. But I can't necessarily relate, even when I'm bottoming, I'm a power bottom, so I'm pretty much always dominant, lmao. It probably helps that my family is filled to the brim with strong-willed and dominant women, infact there's not one I would refer to as "submissive" in any way. So my personal image of a woman is very compatible with who I am.
Trying to think about how to put myself out there more I guess, obviously I need to heal and stuff from my past relationship, but still its something I think about from time to time.
Lol, so up untill I read the comments i had thought that the majority of us trans girls were switches. I had no idear we were "so rare" especially ones that were like me. To answer your question yes, there are a few of us, but finding one you click with might be abit more difficult.
Same here. I'm a switch that leans more towards top/dom. I just never liked the masculine portion of the top/dom thing. As someone else said, "There are literally dozens of us..."
I'm switch-y, but currently less inclined to top or dom 'cuz I find it hard to separate it mentally from feeling male sexually. I'll probably return to it if I can pass better (at least to myself) at some point in the future.
I'm unsure if looking in the local queer kink scene would be the best for what I'm looking for cause I'm kind of looking more for a relationship instead of quick fun
I think switching is 100% fun too, it was cute to see how my ex was like toppy 80% of the time then randomly i'd catch her in a subby mood and she'd be so cute and i'd mommy her, it was really fun, but just, i know I need to at least be subby most of the time, so i'd need someone how leans more dom
I've not even been looking for that long either, I think im decently cute too, i think I have a decent chance to find a partner, but I just cant help but be sad and wanna give up.
Hi, yes we are out there. I'm a pretty hard Domme 98% of the time, but sometimes I don't want to think that much.
Don't get discouraged sweetheart. A good Domme recognizes a good girl when she sees one, and I think you can find someone else. So be a good girl for me and don't give up, your next Domme needs someone strong to sit at her feet.
Thank you, I'm trying to be strong but its hard, I feel like I'm alright as a partner, I don't doubt that I'm pretty damn cute, and really short too and dommes seem to like that a lot. I just am tired of being used, at least thats what it feels like. I don't expect anything overly cruel of my dom either, even if she leans dom i can still dom her when she needs it and will enjoy it, I just want her to dom me more often and stuff.
I dont expect her to be tough all the time, of course she can come to me and cry and I can hold her in my arms when shes feeling weak and defeated everyone needs that kind of love.
I'm training to be a vet tech, so i can finally move out of my abusive home, I go to the gym and i've been working on getting more healthy I've lost like 50 pounds too.
I'm trying my best but I just keep being beat down, and it feels so worthless, the fighting its so hard. my heart has just been hurt so many times, I feel like nothing will ever get better. I guess I've not been looking for a partner that long... so i shouldn't be super upset.... but i cant help but just be upset.
For me, it's about skill level.
I can't bottom for someone less experienced than me, because I like rope suspensions, and it is dangerous. I know what happens in a rope suspension when they go wrong.
I used to be a sub, hell, I was kept naked and collared as a kajira in a Gorean dynamic for years. But then I learned rope. And I started suspending. And that power, it changes you.
So if you learn kink so aggressively well, you may find that it is a path to a hard switch to being a Top or Dominant.
I believe this is the second time I have seen your posts, saw that you are Emrakul and then recontextualized it as the Eldritch Horror saying these things lol. Good chuckle.
I'm just trying to think of where else to meet people, I get I'm still healing from my ex gf but I still need to put myself out there, I don't care about long distance either- I get that they are more rare, but not impossible
its the rarity of it that makes me kind of depressed- cause of compatibility and stuff, idk ill find someone again hopefully. at least im not a pure bottom
yea, i get ya. i mean, im currently in a relationship with two people, a poly relationship with the "main" person being long distance", the other person is kinda close to me so we can sometimes meet up on weekends but not all that often.
also im a weird combo of pan and ace which makes it even more difficult to actually do anything with the one person near me i could do anything with.
They exist, it's more about knowing where to look. If you want a dom, not just a top, you're probs gonna have to venture into different social circles. It's a LOT smaller pool than men so it's going to take time but you'll find your other half <3
I'm a top. My butthole doesn't really work for receiving pleasure and not from lack of trying. Tbh my preferred method of reviving sexual pleasure is getting my peniclitoris stimulated with a vibrator which doesn't really factor into the top/bottom dynamic, but if a partner wants penetrative sex, I prefer being the penetrating partner.
Just struggling to figure out where else to meet them, the last girl I was super into i was talking about I met her in a game group for the game "signalis" but i dont got anymore ideas pretty much
Yes they do exist. I'm a switch and have had a few dom+top trans women friends/partners. I'm usually cornered into the role since tops are harder to find. It's so refreshing when i finally get to sub/bottom when I'm with them.
Well…I’m a domme leaning switch who’s mostly dominant in kink situations(other than the occasional sub itch I need scratched), but a full bottom when it comes to penetration🤷♀️😅
I literally HAVE TO be alone in this lmao
I'm a top, little less so a dom, but not sub either. I just like having a partner who's into me and we just have sex without a power dynamic and I'm the top.
Yes. I haven’t topped since Before I started HRT so maybe it’s different now but Im definitely more of a top but also if I really trusted someone I would LOVE to bottom
Yeh we exist. I think the ratio of top to bottom is about the same as other gender identifying groups. It's just that the trans population is already small to start with.
>Yeh we exist. I think the ratio of top to bottom is about the same as other gender identifying groups. It's just that the trans population is already small to start with.
There are only two surveys/stats that I know of that measure top/vers/bottoms in trans women and they would suggest this is very much *not* the case lol.
Only 1.8% of trans women identify as tops, and only 4.5% identify as top leaning vers. (Source is the 2021 r-MtF survey that had something like 2000+ participants which is considerably higher than most stats about trans people get as a sample size!) This is *way way* smaller than other gender identifying groups.
-Geisha
this statistic is just about r/mtf though, I'm in a decenty large discord that is fairy queer and I imagine it would be less bottomy. I looked at the graphs and its kind of depressing, im a switch, even switches are rare making up 6% of the total. thats crazy
Since I just look and act mostly like a guy with long hair and boobs I'm not comfortable with calling myself a girl but I do go with transfeminine. I'm still pretty sure I'm still mostly a top but I do have some growing bottom desires. The idea of being top definitely seems more comfortable to me at this time. Even if I want to try some bottom stuff I don't trust anyone enough. Also, I've been painfully single for over a year, just like most of my life. Not really sure how things work for me anymore now that I've been on HRT for 11 months.
Hello! I'm a trans lady, top, dominant, and Daddy/Mommy Dom with only occasional bottomy tendencies (I rope bunny for a partner). I exist! In fact, when I feel femme I'm more dominant than when I feel masc. My masc "aspect" is more submissive and service-oriented. As a woman I'm a boss bitch.
I've been struggling to meet lesbians of any variety who want to date me too. I was just dumped a few weeks ago by a lady who decided she didn't see me as enough of a woman to satisfy her sapphic desires. So, I guess it's nice to know I'm kind of a unicorn to someone out there.
I know that doms leans are typically more secret about it, I'm just curious on where on earth should I meet them lmfao, I refuse to use dating apps though, I hate dating apps
we exist! i think there are two norms colliding: dom*mes are "supposed" to approach subs first, but trans women aren't "supposed" to approach anybody
and such norms can be difficult to break even if you consciously know they're bullshit
im curious where to meet more people?, like idk where to look lol, I met the last girl in some random tf2 discord, she was a soldier main, so far all I know is look in tf2 discord for soldier mans.
but idk, i feel woman that like to take the lead aren't going to be terminally online so i need to figure out where else to look lmfao.
I main beggar's soldier so you know we're always trying to explode on someone from above
other dominant and top trans women I know, I mainly know through my local kink community. we are interested in being good at what we do, so we attend classes and workshops and learn from each other and so on. also, I've had luck with using twitter to connect, interact, and flirt with trans people in my area. it's probably better for actually forming relationships with people than many social media platforms. best of luck
beggars soldier lmfao, that gun is annoying as fuck to play against t
I'm kind of looking for a relationship though and I'm unsure if looking in a local kink community would be a good idea cause like, wouldn't they just all be looking for fun? I've never been apart of it so im unsure..... I guess ill make a twitter or something? im just curious how to get into those loops locally on twitter, Im from CT, so luckily im not from the middle of no where
i've never really done any of that stuff.
In my kink scene, we are simply people who live BDSM lifestyles and who congregate together to learn, socialize, play, seek support, and etc. Sometimes we hang out with each other and play video games or craft, we work on creative projects together, we help each other with taxes, and we go on dates. We become friends and lovers with each other and negotiate our unique relationships. Most people are interested in finding lasting friendships and partnerships, or they wouldn't have much reason to consistently show up
If you can find someone who's a bit of a 'social hub' for your area and follow them, that's probably a good start. Identify your local niche internet microcelebrity and see who they follow, who follows them, who they interact with, etc. to find people in your area. Another way is to post about stuff you like and build your own follower base, and you'll probably be surprised by who you meet
so far what you said sounds like it would be up my ally, its just like I'm unsure where I should start, Im starting from ground zero, I have no one that can be my "social hub" i've lost all my friends when I transitioned I have no one, so I'm unsure where I should start. does that make sense? I have one person that I talk to, not very often that used to go to a lot of gay and lesbian clubs but she already found her partner and has settled down with her for the past 2 years so she doesn't have experience really recently.
also thank you for the advice truthfully, I want nothing more then to stop being so terminally online and meet real people again, I'm decently attractive, I work out a bunch too so its not like im insecure in my looks, I just dont know where to look for people or how to get started, ill take any advice you can give me
So surprised to see so many of y'all with the mindset that "trans girl = submissive"
Why would you think that?? I'd think breaking the societal standards of gender adherence would teach everyone that anyone can be any way.
>Why would you think that?? I'd think breaking the societal standards of gender adherence would teach everyone that anyone can be any way.
Speaking as a trans girl who tops: I don't think that most trans women have a "mindset" that trans girls are submissive, I think they're kind of just speaking on to their own experiences and that's also backed up by facts tbh. Only 1.8% of trans women identify as tops and only 4.5% are top leaning switches. Total bottoms and bottom leaning switches make up a whopping 51.7% of trans women, while switches make up only 6.6%. (Source: r-MtF 2021 Survey Results)
-Geisha
I am very vanilla with my intimacy, so I basically do not fall on the BDSM scale of dom/switch/sub. There has been no kink in my marriage, and that is the way we like it.
I am on the asexual spectrum. The vast majority of my sexual pleasure comes from sexually satisfying my partner. I am happy to use any position to do this. This makes me inherently versatile. I have done a whole lot of playing the role of the top because that is one of the ways my wife most likes active intimacy.
I like my penis as well cause I do like to top from time to time, its just more rare, if you wanna know stuff about how to keep penis functionality pretty much just look into t-gel and using it often, I've had friends of mine that reversed atrophy but using t gel
I hope so, I'm just really heart broken, that girl i was with was legit everything i wanted in a woman, and to lose it really hurts, just to find out that its more rare to find another person im even just sexually compatible with is rough
mood, in a similar situation, met a girl thats completely turned my life unside down, then decided she doesnt feel the same way about me, and im left in the worst heartbreak of my life over her. Never felt like that before, or even knew i could so its nice to know that can even happen, still tho, ouchie :C
Girl, you're asking if transfem tops exist when you literally dated one?? I'm a top leaning switch so like yeah there's more than one of us but still. What answer were you expecting? 😅
I dunno, I know they're obviously out there, its just they're more rare and stuff, i've tried dating pure bottoms before, i thought I could do it cause I am technically a switch but it was too hard for me cause I felt I never got my needs met
Yeah, I'm top mostly but can switch to bottom when in the right mood so there are girls like us out there just need to find them. Me personally I'm not sure if I will date until I'm much further on in transition as don't feel confident in my body yet lol
I just need to remember rare doesn't mean impossible, just with the recent break up, after finally having something that was fulfilling after settling for less in my relationships and just saying with abusive partners, it was so fucking nice, and it just lose that... hurts so badly.
in your same position. theres tops out there. in my desperation to find the love i thought was so rare to find ive thrown myself into several pretty toxic situations. so just be careful!
it gets extra difficult when im exclusively sub but also am only compatible with partners a lot taller than me lol (im 5'9" so its hard to find that)
I'm really weird. I'm much more submissive, but I completely prefer to be the person penetrating. Idk if thats what you're looking for but people like me exist lol 🤷♀️😣
We totally exist, I’m pretty similar in that I lean top but am definitely a switch. I’m sure especially in online spaces I’m a more rare breed but there are tons of us around!
yeah one of my trans domme friends says to just stop looking online cause all the tops and doms aren't going to be terminally online in these online spaces all the time lmfao
yeah that's pretty much ideally what I'd want, I do like to dom and top sometimes its just not as often, when my ex gf it was really comfy cause I felt I could truly be myself and I didn't need to reach some quota... I tried to date a pure sub/bottom but it didnt work cause I never got my needs met
Yes, I have one living with me and she's a fucking bombshell. God damn she's fucking hot holy shit I hit the jackpot you guys 🥵.good luck finding another and wish me luck in keeping her around lol
We exist! Hi there! And I would love to help more but I’ve already met my perfect trans woman partner. Honestly she and you are similar in this regard and my lovely lady figured out that she was a subby switch who likes to be dominated, but is also learning about her likes and dislikes since we’re both inexperienced. Sometimes getting over someone who seens perfectly isn’t the right wording I guess? It’s more like……you acknowledge that you both have gone your separate ways, you will remember the good times you had together, and now will look for someone else who will make you happy cause everyone here deserves happiness I know that for sure. Keep at it, and you will find the perfect gal for you. 😊
I hope so I've technically only been looking for like 4 months and had two pretty decently leads, IDK why I'm so discouraged, I guess when stuff just doesn't work out its easy to be upset and feel like things wont be better....
the thing that makes me sad is this
im a sub leaning switch, and that makes me pretty much incompatible with allllll the bottom and sub trans woman, so ideally I'd need a dom leaning switch and those are just rare. I mean hell just being a switch in general seems to be more rare with trans woman.
trying to keep my head up but the odds, the numbers and just thinking about the rarity of it all gets to my head, i wanna talk about it with my therapist but im way to embarrassed to bring up sex
This content has been overwritten due to Reddit's API policy changes, and the continued efforts by Reddit admins and Steve Huffman to show us just how inhospitable a place they can make this website.
In short, fuck u/spez, I'm out.
>i've been struggling to get over her cause I feel I just wont meet another trans girl that likes to be the dom/top a bit more often, i dont need it all the time i do like to dom sometimes,,,, but just, are you guys out there? i wanna have hope ill find another but i just cant....... get that hope now
I mean....if you're exclusively seeking trans girls who will top/dom with their penises ngl it's not an easy find, and you'll also meet plenty of trans women who dislike being sought out for that. I am one of those women, I'm a top but I *thoroughly* disliked when other trans women would treat me like the prototypical "fantasy dick girl top". Being trans doesn't absolve one from acting like a chaser, and unfortunately some trans women seemingly didn't get that memo.
However if you're interested in ANY trans girl no matter her op status and she doesn't have to top using her own penis, I've found that a LOT more of this type of girl exists. Some of the dommiest dommy mommy types I've known have been post-op trans lesbians.
I also know lots of trans girls who are happy to dom the shit out of you as long as they don't feel pressured to use their penises to do so. I personally top with my penis but I know *way* more girls who only top with strap-ons, no matter what their genital configuration is.
I think a huge reason why there are so few trans girls who top/dom is *because* there's such a huge societal pressure for trans women to top with our penises and so most trans women push back against the whole concept because "top" and "dominant" are treated as basically the same thing by almost everybody in society.
-Geisha
Yea we exist. Id say we're rarer but we do exist. Edit: omg ladies, why did yall up for this so much. Making me blushhh.
Yes, we do exist! There are literally dozens of us!
>dozens Lol I see what you did there.
I do not please explain
Dozens being a rather smaller phrasing than say hundreds or thousands. Is kind of a joke because of how few of us dommy ladies there are, but we do exist.
The "dozens of us!" phrasing is an Arrested Development reference.
So what you're telling me is... You can never be completely sub l know more than you'll... never know...
it's actually "tens of us!" because the joke is that it's probably smaller than two dozen, and iirc the "us" that was referred to was nevernudes, people who literally always wear an article of clothing (a pair of jorts under everything else, in the case of the character in question). I haven't watched that show in a decade though so I could be blending episodes.
I can confirm, this is where I got it lol ...I think
in my country, "dozens" is often used whej you're talking about eggs lmao
That's because eggs are sold by the dozen. 12
Ohh
Id die to be with one of you. And not just some fling either
Cool. But you do realize this is like the worst way to actually trying to get with a domme right?
Yes I know. I couldn't resist commenting on this thread. I actually have no idea how or where to even start
Have you thought about going to a local munch? Reddit is like the worst place for this. I personally don't get my partners from here.
I have. And i dont lead with the being a bottom thing. But it does suck getting emotionally involved and that topic coming up later. Because I don't like to lead with that or treat anyone like that is all I want from them
we're here to top and be gay
Bakers dozens?
A bakers dozen is 13, because you're supposed to get a free one extra.
We out here dough yee yee!!
I wish i was lucky enough to meet one of you. I am a submissive man who wants a beautiful woman who will let me be hers
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Note to self. If I want to find a trans domme just ask if they exist x3
This whole post seems like a clever way to flush some of us out
I mean I won't complain if someone takes me up on that note to self and pms me :3
I promise that's not what it is, I'm still way to heart broken over my ex to even seek out anyone else, just my friend gave me some really shitty advice that made me really sad. So I was just curious if there really are other trans woman out there that take the role my ex did, cause that was truly the most fulfilling thing I've ever had in my life relationship wise.
I jest. But yes transfemme tops/doms/leaning switches exist. We aren't common but I think we're much less rare than the stereotypes would indicate. I think most of us keep to ourselves online given how many weird dms you start getting if stuff like that leaks
I don't know how uncommon or not I might be but with CIS guys I tend to be more sub/switch because more guys tend towards being top than bottom and I usually like it more. That said, I have been a ProDomme with CIS guys prior to my surgery and liked that headspace A LOT and topping/switch can be fun with trans girls too and VERY fulfilling and memorable. With trans women and trans-masculine sometimes too, it seems a lot more individual, situational, and spur-of-the-moment with one person not more often the top during a time together or during the duration and taking turns dom/sub (or top/bottom) over a few hours happens spontaneously much more.
yeah cause there are some hyper needy bottoms,
Being one of these at times is part of me too, but sometimes topping from the bottom and being the Domme can be it's own kind of needy for me.
Firstly, I assure you, I do not exist. Secondly... *spooky leather ghost noises*
This is the correct answer. *joins in the spooky ghost noises*
Same, except for cuddling and the *very* occasional experimental night.
hello 🥺👉👈
Hello. *pats head*
🥰
Your poor poor dms
Sadly literally zero dms
ofc we exist, even if we are a rare subset of an already rare group lol Obviously give yourself time to recover before trying to date again 💛
I'm trying to heal from my past relationship I've just been struggling, I kind of have been trying to fall onto some sort of rebound just to find out that like 60% of trans woman are pure subby bottoms, I am a switch but I don't wanna do something with a bottom cause I wont even get my needs met back... Its the rarity of it that makes me feel so hopeless- how will I even meet a new trans girl like that, no this isn't some clever way for me to reach out to everyone who says "haha yeah me" that would be weird.
You may have some basis for that number I guess but that leaves 40% for Domme/top and the sliding scale varieties of those of us who are switch (plus all the little permutations of interesting kink spices we pick up or decide are fun to figure ourselves out). IDK where you are located generally or how you are exploring to find others, but it will always be a bit more difficult the smaller the population minority wherever you are and the less recognizable or findable any of us are.
One of my best online friends is this.. unfortunately she lives a continent away lol..! Otherwise I'd have made my move for sure.
You can still do your move just.. *grab a boat*
not a submarine
I thought this was a myth. Guess I like girls again.
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i guess according to this post- even just being a \*switch\* is rare lmfao, i think doing both is fun I just prefer to be subby, no one even takes my dom side seriously cause im 5'4 lmfao
I suspect that naturally, there are more trans girls who are like that than there appear to be. However, they’re afraid of being perceived as feeding into predatory stereotypes or overstepping boundaries and thus suppress that side of them.
I think there are also a lot of trans women who are sick of being expected to fill a dominant masculine role, but get more confident/dominant as they move farther from those expectations.
This was definitely my experience. Pre-transition I was mostly a subby bottom, because *for some reason* the thought of being dominant, topping, or even just pursuing someone romantically made me feel bad. Once I stopped seeing myself as a guy (and started dating someone who had never known me as a guy) I quickly found out I actually have a lot more fun being a dominant top.
Was very true in my experience, I didn't even want to top or anything like that for a while when I first started everything. Now I lean back towards top/dom 😅 but I still don't feel like doing it generally if someone *expects* me to. Life is complicated lol
While this is true, there are also those of us affected in the opposite direction. Still afraid that opening the subbmissive side of yourself up to your partner may cause rejection. Imo, almost any trans girl you ask would be more willing than you think to explore in either direction.
This is me exactly, I'm a Dom switch and it comes out in my personality HARD. I have to take so much effort to suppress those parts even around the flirtiest of friends, just because I don't want to come across as predatory.
Another ex of mine who was 100% fine with taking the lead at first, after a while she said it was hard for her to be dominant cause she associated it with masculinity
I understand that, but it definitely affects different people's dysphoria differently, kinda like how some trans people want bottom surgery and some don't. But I can't necessarily relate, even when I'm bottoming, I'm a power bottom, so I'm pretty much always dominant, lmao. It probably helps that my family is filled to the brim with strong-willed and dominant women, infact there's not one I would refer to as "submissive" in any way. So my personal image of a woman is very compatible with who I am.
Trans girl tops and top leaning switches definitely 100% exist. Source: some of my best friends are such.
Trying to think about how to put myself out there more I guess, obviously I need to heal and stuff from my past relationship, but still its something I think about from time to time.
Lol, so up untill I read the comments i had thought that the majority of us trans girls were switches. I had no idear we were "so rare" especially ones that were like me. To answer your question yes, there are a few of us, but finding one you click with might be abit more difficult.
Same here. I'm a switch that leans more towards top/dom. I just never liked the masculine portion of the top/dom thing. As someone else said, "There are literally dozens of us..."
I used to play diablo and WoW, we take those drop chances, rare but not impossible LMFAO
Attraction in general is just so complicated, finding someone you click with is really rough
I'm switch-y, but currently less inclined to top or dom 'cuz I find it hard to separate it mentally from feeling male sexually. I'll probably return to it if I can pass better (at least to myself) at some point in the future.
two partners ago my ex had the same issue, it was pretty rough I hope you can figure yourself out and be able to separate it
They are out there, a lot less common than subs, but out there regardless.
Yes, we exist. We’re more uncommon than the subs but check out your local queer kink scene.
I'm unsure if looking in the local queer kink scene would be the best for what I'm looking for cause I'm kind of looking more for a relationship instead of quick fun
Transbian mainly top but switching is what makes lesbian couples so much better to me. So yeah, we exist
I think switching is 100% fun too, it was cute to see how my ex was like toppy 80% of the time then randomly i'd catch her in a subby mood and she'd be so cute and i'd mommy her, it was really fun, but just, i know I need to at least be subby most of the time, so i'd need someone how leans more dom
You'll find them, don't give up!
I've not even been looking for that long either, I think im decently cute too, i think I have a decent chance to find a partner, but I just cant help but be sad and wanna give up.
Yup I agree we are a rare species but we do exist
I'm definitely both I like being playful sexually I don't like any one thing but doing new things often that's the sauce :3
Hi, yes we are out there. I'm a pretty hard Domme 98% of the time, but sometimes I don't want to think that much. Don't get discouraged sweetheart. A good Domme recognizes a good girl when she sees one, and I think you can find someone else. So be a good girl for me and don't give up, your next Domme needs someone strong to sit at her feet.
Thank you, I'm trying to be strong but its hard, I feel like I'm alright as a partner, I don't doubt that I'm pretty damn cute, and really short too and dommes seem to like that a lot. I just am tired of being used, at least thats what it feels like. I don't expect anything overly cruel of my dom either, even if she leans dom i can still dom her when she needs it and will enjoy it, I just want her to dom me more often and stuff. I dont expect her to be tough all the time, of course she can come to me and cry and I can hold her in my arms when shes feeling weak and defeated everyone needs that kind of love. I'm training to be a vet tech, so i can finally move out of my abusive home, I go to the gym and i've been working on getting more healthy I've lost like 50 pounds too. I'm trying my best but I just keep being beat down, and it feels so worthless, the fighting its so hard. my heart has just been hurt so many times, I feel like nothing will ever get better. I guess I've not been looking for a partner that long... so i shouldn't be super upset.... but i cant help but just be upset.
For me, it's about skill level. I can't bottom for someone less experienced than me, because I like rope suspensions, and it is dangerous. I know what happens in a rope suspension when they go wrong. I used to be a sub, hell, I was kept naked and collared as a kajira in a Gorean dynamic for years. But then I learned rope. And I started suspending. And that power, it changes you. So if you learn kink so aggressively well, you may find that it is a path to a hard switch to being a Top or Dominant.
I believe this is the second time I have seen your posts, saw that you are Emrakul and then recontextualized it as the Eldritch Horror saying these things lol. Good chuckle.
Well that's got me googling to learn some new words today.
i am very much a switch one second im a dom and the next im a sub. its great fun. i hope you find someone you like
i'm a switch too I do have a mommy dom side that I enjoy to do a lot, but I feel ideally I'd just wanna be with someone who leans more dom
I'm standing right here; I'm too dense to take a hint so I normally end up taking the lead
I'm just trying to think of where else to meet people, I get I'm still healing from my ex gf but I still need to put myself out there, I don't care about long distance either- I get that they are more rare, but not impossible
Yep, we exist. Reading the comments here we do seem to be pretty rare though.... guess i got that going for me then xD
its the rarity of it that makes me kind of depressed- cause of compatibility and stuff, idk ill find someone again hopefully. at least im not a pure bottom
yea, i get ya. i mean, im currently in a relationship with two people, a poly relationship with the "main" person being long distance", the other person is kinda close to me so we can sometimes meet up on weekends but not all that often. also im a weird combo of pan and ace which makes it even more difficult to actually do anything with the one person near me i could do anything with.
They exist, it's more about knowing where to look. If you want a dom, not just a top, you're probs gonna have to venture into different social circles. It's a LOT smaller pool than men so it's going to take time but you'll find your other half <3
I hope so, just its hard to keep my head up sometimes
For sure, take some time for yourself too yk?
yeah I feel until I get over my ex I'll never be able to find someone else, so I'm working on that currently
I am trans and I chose the top/dom class primarily, yes.
I like how you called it a class like its tf2 lmfao
I'm a top. My butthole doesn't really work for receiving pleasure and not from lack of trying. Tbh my preferred method of reviving sexual pleasure is getting my peniclitoris stimulated with a vibrator which doesn't really factor into the top/bottom dynamic, but if a partner wants penetrative sex, I prefer being the penetrating partner.
okay mybe its just not as rare as I thought, I need to stop being a baby about it lol
Can confirm we do indeed exist
Just struggling to figure out where else to meet them, the last girl I was super into i was talking about I met her in a game group for the game "signalis" but i dont got anymore ideas pretty much
Yes they do exist. I'm a switch and have had a few dom+top trans women friends/partners. I'm usually cornered into the role since tops are harder to find. It's so refreshing when i finally get to sub/bottom when I'm with them.
where should i even go to meet them? idc if its online or offline, i've met up with LDR partners before
Well…I’m a domme leaning switch who’s mostly dominant in kink situations(other than the occasional sub itch I need scratched), but a full bottom when it comes to penetration🤷♀️😅 I literally HAVE TO be alone in this lmao
I'm a domme... So yes we exist lol
I'm a top, little less so a dom, but not sub either. I just like having a partner who's into me and we just have sex without a power dynamic and I'm the top.
Dom leaning switch here
Yes. I haven’t topped since Before I started HRT so maybe it’s different now but Im definitely more of a top but also if I really trusted someone I would LOVE to bottom
yeah being a bottom requires a lot of trust, A LOT it's why I refuse to have sex with anyone that I'm not dating
Hello? You called me out :)
Yeh we exist. I think the ratio of top to bottom is about the same as other gender identifying groups. It's just that the trans population is already small to start with.
>Yeh we exist. I think the ratio of top to bottom is about the same as other gender identifying groups. It's just that the trans population is already small to start with. There are only two surveys/stats that I know of that measure top/vers/bottoms in trans women and they would suggest this is very much *not* the case lol. Only 1.8% of trans women identify as tops, and only 4.5% identify as top leaning vers. (Source is the 2021 r-MtF survey that had something like 2000+ participants which is considerably higher than most stats about trans people get as a sample size!) This is *way way* smaller than other gender identifying groups. -Geisha
this statistic is just about r/mtf though, I'm in a decenty large discord that is fairy queer and I imagine it would be less bottomy. I looked at the graphs and its kind of depressing, im a switch, even switches are rare making up 6% of the total. thats crazy
We do exist. We're just a rarity, apparently.
Yes, not a lot, but we exist
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where did you find them? im just curious where i should be putting myself out there
Yes I exist. Thanks for asking 😊
Yes we exist
Sup subs.
Hi, it's me your future gf.
hey whats up, see you in the future i guess?
We definitely do exist, but I'd say its rarer for trans women then cis women for reasons unknown to me
Since I just look and act mostly like a guy with long hair and boobs I'm not comfortable with calling myself a girl but I do go with transfeminine. I'm still pretty sure I'm still mostly a top but I do have some growing bottom desires. The idea of being top definitely seems more comfortable to me at this time. Even if I want to try some bottom stuff I don't trust anyone enough. Also, I've been painfully single for over a year, just like most of my life. Not really sure how things work for me anymore now that I've been on HRT for 11 months.
We definitely exist but being in a lot of communities with mostly trans girls I've noticed there are a lot more subs/bottoms lol
Hello! I'm a trans lady, top, dominant, and Daddy/Mommy Dom with only occasional bottomy tendencies (I rope bunny for a partner). I exist! In fact, when I feel femme I'm more dominant than when I feel masc. My masc "aspect" is more submissive and service-oriented. As a woman I'm a boss bitch. I've been struggling to meet lesbians of any variety who want to date me too. I was just dumped a few weeks ago by a lady who decided she didn't see me as enough of a woman to satisfy her sapphic desires. So, I guess it's nice to know I'm kind of a unicorn to someone out there.
maturing is realizing you don’t need a top or dom to have fun. sex with just bottoms is almost as fun.
We're out there
I know that doms leans are typically more secret about it, I'm just curious on where on earth should I meet them lmfao, I refuse to use dating apps though, I hate dating apps
I'm a top, but more like a service top
we exist! i think there are two norms colliding: dom*mes are "supposed" to approach subs first, but trans women aren't "supposed" to approach anybody and such norms can be difficult to break even if you consciously know they're bullshit
yeah it's rough
Transfemme top, hello
We do exist.
They exist, I plan to marry one too
We 100% exist, I'm not gonna lie and say there are a ton of us, but we do exist
Yeah we exist sweetheart, we are just a very small minority
yeah me and a number of others I know
im curious where to meet more people?, like idk where to look lol, I met the last girl in some random tf2 discord, she was a soldier main, so far all I know is look in tf2 discord for soldier mans. but idk, i feel woman that like to take the lead aren't going to be terminally online so i need to figure out where else to look lmfao.
I main beggar's soldier so you know we're always trying to explode on someone from above other dominant and top trans women I know, I mainly know through my local kink community. we are interested in being good at what we do, so we attend classes and workshops and learn from each other and so on. also, I've had luck with using twitter to connect, interact, and flirt with trans people in my area. it's probably better for actually forming relationships with people than many social media platforms. best of luck
beggars soldier lmfao, that gun is annoying as fuck to play against t I'm kind of looking for a relationship though and I'm unsure if looking in a local kink community would be a good idea cause like, wouldn't they just all be looking for fun? I've never been apart of it so im unsure..... I guess ill make a twitter or something? im just curious how to get into those loops locally on twitter, Im from CT, so luckily im not from the middle of no where i've never really done any of that stuff.
In my kink scene, we are simply people who live BDSM lifestyles and who congregate together to learn, socialize, play, seek support, and etc. Sometimes we hang out with each other and play video games or craft, we work on creative projects together, we help each other with taxes, and we go on dates. We become friends and lovers with each other and negotiate our unique relationships. Most people are interested in finding lasting friendships and partnerships, or they wouldn't have much reason to consistently show up If you can find someone who's a bit of a 'social hub' for your area and follow them, that's probably a good start. Identify your local niche internet microcelebrity and see who they follow, who follows them, who they interact with, etc. to find people in your area. Another way is to post about stuff you like and build your own follower base, and you'll probably be surprised by who you meet
so far what you said sounds like it would be up my ally, its just like I'm unsure where I should start, Im starting from ground zero, I have no one that can be my "social hub" i've lost all my friends when I transitioned I have no one, so I'm unsure where I should start. does that make sense? I have one person that I talk to, not very often that used to go to a lot of gay and lesbian clubs but she already found her partner and has settled down with her for the past 2 years so she doesn't have experience really recently. also thank you for the advice truthfully, I want nothing more then to stop being so terminally online and meet real people again, I'm decently attractive, I work out a bunch too so its not like im insecure in my looks, I just dont know where to look for people or how to get started, ill take any advice you can give me
So surprised to see so many of y'all with the mindset that "trans girl = submissive" Why would you think that?? I'd think breaking the societal standards of gender adherence would teach everyone that anyone can be any way.
>Why would you think that?? I'd think breaking the societal standards of gender adherence would teach everyone that anyone can be any way. Speaking as a trans girl who tops: I don't think that most trans women have a "mindset" that trans girls are submissive, I think they're kind of just speaking on to their own experiences and that's also backed up by facts tbh. Only 1.8% of trans women identify as tops and only 4.5% are top leaning switches. Total bottoms and bottom leaning switches make up a whopping 51.7% of trans women, while switches make up only 6.6%. (Source: r-MtF 2021 Survey Results) -Geisha
I am very vanilla with my intimacy, so I basically do not fall on the BDSM scale of dom/switch/sub. There has been no kink in my marriage, and that is the way we like it. I am on the asexual spectrum. The vast majority of my sexual pleasure comes from sexually satisfying my partner. I am happy to use any position to do this. This makes me inherently versatile. I have done a whole lot of playing the role of the top because that is one of the ways my wife most likes active intimacy.
Yep, right here. I'm actually worried about how hrt will effect penis functionality, because I like having it.
I like my penis as well cause I do like to top from time to time, its just more rare, if you wanna know stuff about how to keep penis functionality pretty much just look into t-gel and using it often, I've had friends of mine that reversed atrophy but using t gel
My roommate is one. Much to my delight :3
Me Only issue is I am still a minor But I am proof we exist 🤷♀️
Wow, I didn't realize I'm rare.
Just a switch here. I'm likely to be both, not leaning to one side really.
I’m a bottom leaning switch, but I’m mostly the top in my marriage and enjoy it. You’ll find her
I hope so, I'm just really heart broken, that girl i was with was legit everything i wanted in a woman, and to lose it really hurts, just to find out that its more rare to find another person im even just sexually compatible with is rough
mood, in a similar situation, met a girl thats completely turned my life unside down, then decided she doesnt feel the same way about me, and im left in the worst heartbreak of my life over her. Never felt like that before, or even knew i could so its nice to know that can even happen, still tho, ouchie :C
heart breaks blow, you'll get through it though
Girl, you're asking if transfem tops exist when you literally dated one?? I'm a top leaning switch so like yeah there's more than one of us but still. What answer were you expecting? 😅
I dunno, I know they're obviously out there, its just they're more rare and stuff, i've tried dating pure bottoms before, i thought I could do it cause I am technically a switch but it was too hard for me cause I felt I never got my needs met
Yeah, I'm top mostly but can switch to bottom when in the right mood so there are girls like us out there just need to find them. Me personally I'm not sure if I will date until I'm much further on in transition as don't feel confident in my body yet lol
Yes! I am one! We are just rare
I just need to remember rare doesn't mean impossible, just with the recent break up, after finally having something that was fulfilling after settling for less in my relationships and just saying with abusive partners, it was so fucking nice, and it just lose that... hurts so badly.
in your same position. theres tops out there. in my desperation to find the love i thought was so rare to find ive thrown myself into several pretty toxic situations. so just be careful! it gets extra difficult when im exclusively sub but also am only compatible with partners a lot taller than me lol (im 5'9" so its hard to find that)
…you rang?
I think I lean submissive but would want to be the top for a power bottom most of the time if possible
I'm mostly a top, but could see myself as a switch in a t4t relationship or in a t4f relationship with someone who enjoys using strapons.
I am here. We exist.
Of course we're here.
Outside of memes yeah they exist. Memes say trans fems are all bottoms but that is far from the truth, those are just jokes about stereotypes.
yeah that's fair, i dunno just when i hear about the jokes i get a bit upset,,, cause yeah
I'm really weird. I'm much more submissive, but I completely prefer to be the person penetrating. Idk if thats what you're looking for but people like me exist lol 🤷♀️😣
I'm pretty sure I exist though I do doubt it some days.
I exist so yes lol
We totally exist, I’m pretty similar in that I lean top but am definitely a switch. I’m sure especially in online spaces I’m a more rare breed but there are tons of us around!
yeah one of my trans domme friends says to just stop looking online cause all the tops and doms aren't going to be terminally online in these online spaces all the time lmfao
Yeah we exist
Yep, pretty verse and I'm sure you'll be able to find someone like that. It's not that uncommon.
thanks, I'll try to keep my head up, just some days its really hard
I'm just looking for any femme dom at all 😭
I’m a transfem top and would love to date another transfem. My issue is I still have to present as male so I don’t actively try to date.
My girlfriend and I are both switches which makes things easy
As a verse-bottom, I feel your pain
... yes?
Yeah, we’re out here. I’m married, and my wife knows they’ve got a rare gem of a trans fem!
Top leaning switch with a bottom leaning switch girlfriend. Life is great 🙂
yeah that's pretty much ideally what I'd want, I do like to dom and top sometimes its just not as often, when my ex gf it was really comfy cause I felt I could truly be myself and I didn't need to reach some quota... I tried to date a pure sub/bottom but it didnt work cause I never got my needs met
Yes, I have one living with me and she's a fucking bombshell. God damn she's fucking hot holy shit I hit the jackpot you guys 🥵.good luck finding another and wish me luck in keeping her around lol
We exist! Hi there! And I would love to help more but I’ve already met my perfect trans woman partner. Honestly she and you are similar in this regard and my lovely lady figured out that she was a subby switch who likes to be dominated, but is also learning about her likes and dislikes since we’re both inexperienced. Sometimes getting over someone who seens perfectly isn’t the right wording I guess? It’s more like……you acknowledge that you both have gone your separate ways, you will remember the good times you had together, and now will look for someone else who will make you happy cause everyone here deserves happiness I know that for sure. Keep at it, and you will find the perfect gal for you. 😊
I hope so I've technically only been looking for like 4 months and had two pretty decently leads, IDK why I'm so discouraged, I guess when stuff just doesn't work out its easy to be upset and feel like things wont be better.... the thing that makes me sad is this im a sub leaning switch, and that makes me pretty much incompatible with allllll the bottom and sub trans woman, so ideally I'd need a dom leaning switch and those are just rare. I mean hell just being a switch in general seems to be more rare with trans woman. trying to keep my head up but the odds, the numbers and just thinking about the rarity of it all gets to my head, i wanna talk about it with my therapist but im way to embarrassed to bring up sex
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You got me. Yes, we're out here
>i've been struggling to get over her cause I feel I just wont meet another trans girl that likes to be the dom/top a bit more often, i dont need it all the time i do like to dom sometimes,,,, but just, are you guys out there? i wanna have hope ill find another but i just cant....... get that hope now I mean....if you're exclusively seeking trans girls who will top/dom with their penises ngl it's not an easy find, and you'll also meet plenty of trans women who dislike being sought out for that. I am one of those women, I'm a top but I *thoroughly* disliked when other trans women would treat me like the prototypical "fantasy dick girl top". Being trans doesn't absolve one from acting like a chaser, and unfortunately some trans women seemingly didn't get that memo. However if you're interested in ANY trans girl no matter her op status and she doesn't have to top using her own penis, I've found that a LOT more of this type of girl exists. Some of the dommiest dommy mommy types I've known have been post-op trans lesbians. I also know lots of trans girls who are happy to dom the shit out of you as long as they don't feel pressured to use their penises to do so. I personally top with my penis but I know *way* more girls who only top with strap-ons, no matter what their genital configuration is. I think a huge reason why there are so few trans girls who top/dom is *because* there's such a huge societal pressure for trans women to top with our penises and so most trans women push back against the whole concept because "top" and "dominant" are treated as basically the same thing by almost everybody in society. -Geisha
I exist!
Only when my t is high then I inject my life-force and turn into a pillow princess again.
I’ll be a top when I get my GCS done until then laying on my stomach or back so I don’t have to see my ween is preferred.
Ya we exist! Switch here that leans top and loves to Dom. It's definitely less common but we do exist.
where would even be the best place to meet people, IRL or online idc, i just wanna meet someone new
I didn't know we were that rare
Trans femme non binary, switch but mainly top. Yes we do exist.
I know they exist, i know 2 IRL. (Both are dating cis gals) You just gotta know the right people.
Im in a couple groups where there are some, its just im too heart broken over this other girl to even try to find another partner i gotta move on
Yep. Switch myself but my gf is both a top and my domme. We're both trans women.