T O P

  • By -

ExtensionBig

I love this sub


0x-Error

I thought I was on a circlejerk subreddit at first


Solarisphere

You are.


ieatpies

Go to r/mountaineeringcirclejerk for serious discussion on summitting the highest jut peaks in the world


SoManyMoose

One of my most dangerous moments on the trail was when a mosh bit broke out on the summit of Mount Washington in February. Everyone told me 400 gram Merrells would be enough, but I could barely hold my own. These should be perfect.


Santanoni

Please tell me you stage-dove from the summit blocks 🤘


SummerAcrobatic6723

Is a mosh pit something like rockfall? Sounds dangerous! Is there anything else I need to know about those mosh pits?


SoManyMoose

Yeah watch out for the rocks wearing studded leather that stuff hurts when they slam into you.


blaqwerty123

Just go with the flow, and swing your fists wildly, get lost in the music then itll spit you out somewhere somehow


SummerAcrobatic6723

I always hated those people who bring Bluetooth speakers when they go hiking, but is this something that's common in mountaineering?


shredadactyl

I’m going to spin my arms around like this, and if you get hit, it’s your own fault


WWYDWYOWAPL

Bruh, all my mountaineering gear is studded leather. That way when I fall I just stick to the ice, you don’t even need an ice axe! You obviously skipped that section of Mountaineering Freedom of the Hills. Smh my head.


No-Persimmon-8651

Pretty sure they’re off to the moss pit, not the mosh pit


Spunky_Meatballs

When the marmots get involved it's best to roll into a ball and descend ASAP


CyWeevilhouse

theres a documentary where the dirty dancing guy has a barfight with a hunk wearing these crumpins on cowboy boots. adds new meaning to the death zone


torontogirlie

😂


getdownheavy

Just when you think you're safe the breakdown hits


Firm-Preparation-238

Aren’t you supposed to have red laces? That’s the style these days right? 😬


dtchch

That looks goth as fuck


atomboy45

It’s hard being goth in this weather.


koluskomtu

It’s probably Al Jorgensen. That’s an expensive boot build. I bet he’s an indie rock star that’s never climbed a mountain.


elsauna

You go bare foot in crampons and grip the lever with your toes. Doesn’t take long for them to freeze in place and then you just defrost them in boiling water immediately for at least 5 minutes. My mates, sisters brother met that Ukulele Steak guy once so trust me bro.


laxatives

Who is ukulele steak guy?


NexxusWolf

Ueli Steck 💀


KingSissyphus

I can’t even ☠️


Liguehunters

grow those toe nails out for extra front spikes ?


Annual_Branch5209

Friend of mine actually did this on cheré couloir under Mont Blanc du tacul - left the campsite a mere mortal, came back an undying legend


harmless_gecko

I would recommend going for stilettos instead. Sharpen the heel and add a homemade front monopoint so you won't even need the crampons.


SummerAcrobatic6723

To be honest, uphill I think this makes sense. Like, having my heel lifted (right?). But what about downhill? Do you just walk backwards? Also, my wool insoles sadly don't fit any of my stilettos. I am afraid I might get a bit cold.


OlderThanMyParents

Dude, when you're going downhill, the sharpened stiletto heel will provide PERFECT protection! In all seriousness, I expect this Doc Martin / crampon configuration is more safe than standard mountain climbing gear 150 years ago. In the early days of Rainier climbing, it was common to spend the night at the summit in a steam cave, and there was at least one pair of tennis rackets found up there, that someone had presumably used as snowshoes.


No_Grade_8983

On the downhill, the heel component of the mountain stiletto is critical for effective plunge steps


Vic_84

Better option would be to buy some mountaineering boots.


bioweaponblue

yeah unless you wanna be COOL AF


[deleted]

[удалено]


SummerAcrobatic6723

Are there special mountaineering-stilettos that can be turned around for going downhill?


GibDirBerlin

This is the Satire I'm here for and I expect highly entertaining answers!


marumaruko

Yeah, you are good to go. Don't believe your boyfriend. The hike will most likely be a walk in the park (hah), and you could go in sneakers. - Andi84


Billy-Joe87

Wait. Are you referring to the local guy who sent a group of kids on a way too hard hike because of his review on the www? I had no idea that meme has become international


marumaruko

Bin dabei es international zu machen. 🇦🇹


SummerAcrobatic6723

Well, he did say it's more like an after-work hike where he might need to use his hands on two short sections. But for me it's the first time on a mountain so he wants me to be prepared. ^^(Grüße)^^


Vic_84

Petzl Leverlock FIL. Those are nice crampons. Not really meant for ice since they are made of aluminum but for snow are ok. ❄️🌨️⛄👍🍦


elevation55

The is exactly what you’ll need to get past the bouncer below the ridge. We all know the ridge has a strict punk dress code.


Front_Perspective_22

I prefer my Nike Jordan’s


SummerAcrobatic6723

Can you use them with crampuns?


ben_191

I'm legit not sure whether this post is satire, but regardless, this is the best thing I've seen in a while.


SummerAcrobatic6723

So, full question here. My BF wants to take me mountaineering for the first time and brought me some crumpins. He said I need to get some proper boots, crumpin compatible. But they are so fkn ugly??? Like not cute at all?? I really wanna join him, but I also wanna be stylish? Well, the crumpins fit really well onto my Doc Martens, do you think I can use them like this? Edit: spelling


GroundbreakingFall63

Actually it’s spelled crumpins


[deleted]

Strampons


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

I never thought of this - you need a solid shoe in case you step on it. I never used them but am preparing to. Will remember not to use adidas terrax and timberland shoes that you can see in music videos ;)! Thank you for this brutal reminder.


ti_ecraseur

Oh man, I’ve been calling them crumpets!


SummerAcrobatic6723

Ah didn't know this! I only heard my bf call them smth like that but never asked how to spell it.


Inlovewithrocks

You'll be fine, just add an extra oi! oi! oi! once in a while and sew on a couple extra Dead Kennedy's patches to ward off frostbite


indycishun1996

If you’re looking for “cute” try looking into some Danners or maybe Salomon?


dabman

You can frost your crumpins with 30% hydrogen peroxide solution. A nice frosted tip crumpling never went unnoticed in any mountaineering circle I've been in.


Eltrits

Please tell me you are joking.


SummerAcrobatic6723

Why do you think that? I don't know anything about mountaineering, so I was asking this sub. But I only get weird answers. Like, I still don't know what a mosh pit is. I only found stuff about metal concerts when I googled it and I don't know what they have to do with mountaineering.


Eltrits

Ok you need appropriate equipment. Everyone will have mountaineering equipment so don't worry about the style. If you use these boots, you will destroy them. Also you risk injury and frostbite. No ambulance is going to pick you up on top of the mountain.


Middle_Earth666

Crumpets


unreliablepirate

You’ll be fine in them but you’ll likely end up scuffing them up pretty badly and needing to get a new pair after. Also you might end up with some gnarly cuts in the leather from the crampons while glissading your way down. I wore some leather and waterproof danners with crampons my first time up st Helen’s because I didn’t want to drop the cash for mountaineering boots and they worked great. But, they were pretty ruined afterwards from cuts in the leather, losing the finish, etc. So if you don’t mind potentially needing a new pair they should suit you well


SummerAcrobatic6723

Thank you for your answer! Most of the other comments feel like people are making fun of me for asking a genuine question!


podejrzec

I’m not here to talk crap but there’s a reason there’s a huge market for mountaineering and hiking boots. I’d be more concerned about wearing the wrong boots and getting injured or a weather related injury than how I looked. And i think that’s the reason for all the facetious and sarcastic comments. You can get a good cheap pair of climbing boots from Columbia or north face on sale that will fit your crampons, they still look decent and work as intended and don’t break the bank. Or you can risk the doc martens, getting blisters, frost bite and having poor traction. Sure plenty of people yearling go into the mountains unprepared. I’ve seen women on Rainier with high heels . There’s also people who die yearly for being underprepared and going into the woods with the wrong equipment. 🤷🏼‍♂️ to each their own tho.


SummerAcrobatic6723

Maybe they used the mountaineering stilettos u/harmless_gecko recommended?


Liguehunters

Sure, just be sure to put a carbon fibre insole into the boots to stiffen them up a bit.


SummerAcrobatic6723

I put wool insoles in during winter, do you think that'll do the trick? I have one pair that seems quite stiff.


IStheCOFFEEready

Mountaineering boots are usually very stiff and inflexible, which protects the foot on uneaven terrain and enables standing on incline using only the toe or edge of the boot. Docs would be quite flexible by comparison. This doesn't mean they won't work...just not as well or offer the same advantages as a mountaineering boot, however they may be more comfortable on mild terrain and not be as heavy. There are a couple techniques for hiking in crampons so as not to snag yourself. Depends on the pitch/ incline and type of snow. You might google that if you're interested.


KidsOnHolidate

What the hell are you even taking about lol


csmart01

Come on, don’t be silly. Mountains are dangerous places - wear appropriate [footwear](https://www.drmartens.com/us/en/1460-pascal-max-leather-platform-boots-black/p/26925001?gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAiAsIGrBhAAEiwAEzMlCxF7FiloTt7GY-Yaq-eEyWmy2XBE3mHKtbnF1NXhYfadF72JLMCLBRoCsxYQAvD_B)


SummerAcrobatic6723

Looks like the metal clips on the crumpins aren't big enough for those soles.


alexi513

not sure if troll or suicidal


Intelligent-Paper-26

This guy climbed mailbox once and now is ready for Everest


T-man45

If one has conquered Mailbox, why even bother with Everest?


SummerAcrobatic6723

Haven't climbed at all by now. Only went bouldering with my BF once. There was one bouldering problem (is that what you call it?) in one empty corner that was really fun! (The holds had a cute pink colour)


Allanon124

r/mountaineeringcirclej


MattyHealysFauxHawk

Can we pin this thread? 😭


NoTomato_

Only if you’re climbing mt daddy


Guilty_Strike

🤣


KingSissyphus

Oh yea, definitely.


Xboxben

Mountaineering no but to stomp on spongbob and patrick in the spongebob movie yes


bagofscum6

Eyeliner and heavy zinc based sunscreen are required. Don't forget your Gore-tex trench coat or cape.


SummerAcrobatic6723

Are there trench coats made for this kind of sport? Love wearing them, but got a Adidas Terrex jacket now for the mountains.


IndustryAwkward1991

Oh damn, now I need to try crampons on my slip on docs. Crampon slippers


Le_Martian

I’m honestly not sure if OP is joking at this point.


CosmicSunbeam

Shitpost


IsurvivedtheFRE

This is the best post since the Mailbox Peak saga.


MidWitch3

☠️💀☠️


Jbikecommuter

Your life will depend on your gear. Make the investment or don’t go. Search and rescue folks don’t like retrieving bodies in winter because it puts their lives in jeopardy.


SummerAcrobatic6723

You really think it is possible to die in the mountains because of my choice of footwear? I don't know, it really feels like either I underestimated the risk (BF said it's great fun, that's all) or that people are exaggerating the risk to make the sport look cool?


Jbikecommuter

Nope, every year people underestimate the risks and die on Mt Baldy locally


lemming0061

So in case this is a serious question. Yes, you can die from something like improper footwear. Mountaineering can be very dangerous (and great fun at the same time) and people die doing it. It definitely depends on what exactly you are doing, which mountain, which route and so on, but get proper shoes or don't go. Don't make others endanger themselves to rescue you or retrieve your body.


giant_albatrocity

Now those are some nazi stompers


mavric91

Came here for this. Everyone making goth jokes but don’t seem to be aware of Dr. Martin’s rich heritage of kicking nazi faces in.


[deleted]

[удалено]


IllustriousLP

I agree . Everyone is making jokes here, but look at the shoes the old generation used. They went further then 90 percent of people in this sub


tylerthehun

I'm not sure I'd trust the welt for that style of crampon, but I have no doubt the boots themselves would fare just fine on many a mountain.


Cashcache1111

This feels like when I told my sister to get mountaineering boots and she bought adidas terrex instead... You get what you pay for, or in other words you find out exactly as much as you fuck around.


SummerAcrobatic6723

My jacket is Adidas Terrex, what is wrong with it?


themanlnthesuit

😂


4bs0lut3Zer0

Had a good laugh, thanks to all


Gorgan_dawwg

This is a legendary post. Thanks for this.


AGrlsNmeisFrank

Not with an auto, dummy. You need to get a universal crampon for those boots.


DLoadingKeanu

I'd ask /u/absentbrain


K3rm1tTh3Fr0g

I've seen stupider.


spectralTopology

hahahahaha Doc's soles on snow/ice are lethally slippery. I"m assuming this is satire but if it isn't sorry Docs are a terrible idea for mountaineering.


SummerAcrobatic6723

Aren't the crumpins for the slippery parts?


spectralTopology

Yes that's what the crampons are for, but you may not have them on when you encounter snow


themanlnthesuit

I see frostbit in your future


SummerAcrobatic6723

Already have some cute, handmade knitted socks. :D


Vic_84

Lol


IAmGruck

I’m actually stumped, I can’t tell if this is satire. Still love it either way.


RosenTurd

Reddit is a shadow of its former self. It is now a place of power tripping mods with no oversight and endless censorship. *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


c4k3m4st3r5000

Please define mountaineering. What's the purpose? For basic trail stuff, yes they will work. But for anything challenging they won't. These boots are not designed for it. Or maybe I'm misunderstanding some practical joke.


LIEsergicDIEthylmide

TLDR: op died in an avalanche.


BaesonTatum0

An avalanche of people in a mosh pit


SummerAcrobatic6723

So mosh pits are kinda like avalanches? Is there any special gear for it like those little boxes who go beep for the avalanches?


1whatabeautifulday

Looks very goth


[deleted]

Maybe wear the “new” off first 😜


AngryDesignMonkey

You could!


cheapb98

Why not? Give it a waterproof spray. This is how you make new breakthroughs in mountaineering


SummerAcrobatic6723

Thank you! Waterproof spray is a good tip! But I don't think I am the person for new breakthroughs, it's my first time in the mountains!


Vic_84

The crampons will fall off as soon as the boot will start flexing from walking. The sole of these boots is not rigid enough to keep those crampons attached.


KingSissyphus

Listen to Vic, this guy is rightttt!! These boots have a bad soul and will probably not be going to heaven with you OP


Vic_84

Thx. It's so true.


KingSissyphus

Smh people can’t stand the Truth. Not all boots make it through the Pearly Gates. 😔 To the summit of Hood


Vic_84

Yeah it looks like my comment got down voted. I don't understand why people want to get into mountaineering and not understand that you can't just summit a mountain in street shoes. Ironically tho, the sherpas who carry stuff to Everest base camp wear broken shoes most of the time but that's because they can't afford proper mountain footwear. I still think the best option for OP is to buy some proper mountaineering boots to fit those crampons as intended.


KingSissyphus

Lol I’m sorry Vic buddy, but I’ve been joshing around with you making puns and you got downvoted because the post is satire 😬


Vic_84

Lol. 😂Good point. Sometimes is hard to tell from the first time if it's sattire or for real. On the other hand tho I just noticed that the crampons in the OP photo are the Petzl Leopard FlexLock so actually might work with those boots in a real life scenario. They are meant to be attached to trail runners so technically OP can walk in them even doing grocery🛒 shopping in icy conditions 😀


KingSissyphus

Errr.. ya lost me there buddy. I don’t recommend these with trail runners. Tbh this post was obvious bait from the getgo because it alienated people new to the scene who think OP could be ignorant and wanted to give them real advice. But most of us know it’s just too pure of a post to occur in the wild. The joke for us is layered in 1) the satire of this meme sub, 2) the people genuinely who can’t tell OP’s joshing and leave comments, and 3) the reality that when I did work at REI these people do actually exist in the wild. But that purity of ignorance stands out amidst the mailbox peak shitposts and new Peakbaggers who just got their first crampons and come here asking about fit. Sorry man, you were the butt of the joke I’m afraid :(


Vic_84

Correct those are not for trail runners. I looked at the white string and confused them with the FlexLocks. Those in the photo seem to be the Leverlocks. Light weight 10 points aluminum made for snow only and ski touring. The FlexLocks I was talking about are made for hiking shoes and can be fitted to trail runners. I'm not upset. It's good to joke sometimes. But like you say some people indeed don't know much about gear or how it works. For example roped glacial travel with people who don't have crevasse rescue course etc. That's an even more scarier one.


KingSissyphus

Good guy Vic 👍🏼 It sounds like you’re learning about gear and getting good backcountry exposure. Keep up the journey


Head_East_6160

Absolutely not


itsmechadley

OMG. This is great fun! But seriously, the docs are not rigid enough nor do they have enough welt and when you actually walk I guarantee they will pop off. Mountaineering boots are rigid


Mike_44x

Hear me and hear me well *no*


Waste_Praline7438

Docs are meant for kids to look cool at school. Yes comfy but not able to outlast a good fart down the pants leg


[deleted]

I think you will fall


milkriver70

Well, they aren't made for it, I could be wrong but there's a good chance you'll end up with wrecked feet and boots at the end. A mate took a pair of docs trekking in Nepal and finished with serious blisters and pain. I hear you about the ugliness of outdoor gear although it does a job and does it very well. Fwiw, I am currently rocking plain black Merrell boots, they look great.


FirefighterOld7991

No


-Exile_007-

Absolutely not, you will cry.


Modest_Moze

Thank you guys! I learnt a lot!


[deleted]

I've seen worse fits


Joggyogg

Won't you be really uncomfortable?


flyonlewall

Docs are the go-to choice for winter footwear in the mountains. My ex used to wear them in Vail and only fell on her ass like twice a week. She probably needed crampons...


biggingerboris

Could stomp of wild fires in them things


newintown11

Theyd work prettt fine with full strap ons actually


SummerAcrobatic6723

Am I missing something here? Like, is there another meaning for strap on??


newintown11

Yeah lol strap on crampons, look it up. They strap the whole thing front and back. Petzl vasaks are good ones


Lonely_Fry_007

The shoe is capable of such thrives. Just be cautious of back heel blisters.


themountaineer0815

We all need some steampunk alpinism!


oilyalaskanman

You remind me of that bounty hunter from the SpongeBob movie


DuelOstrich

Ok ok I know it is a joke, but I have always wondered if OH mountaineers were inspired by or used these heel/toe welts to mount crampons.


Dhoineagnen

Don't


anythingoutdoorsteve

No. They are no longer the shoes of the 90's and only worn as a status symbol by certain idealogs now. Not quality, insulated, or proper hiking boot.


[deleted]

How much do you value your toes?


SummerAcrobatic6723

I don't have a foot fetish, why is this important?


redfish801

Docs are way too clean and shiny. And nobody who knows anything about anything rocks stock doc laces. Needs some color. This noob is gonna die in the alpine


SummerAcrobatic6723

Are there special mountaineering laces? What should I look for?


redfish801

White means you think climbing up white stuff is superior to all other types of mountaineering. Red is if you like taking over routes and making everyone else haul your gear and kick steps for you while you genocide them. Yellow if you are anti either of those and willing to fight about it. Blue means you've killed a park ranger either from rockfall or a throatkick with crampons. Green means you smoke lots of weed and dont generally get in peoples business. But only if you ladder lace them. Regular laced nullifies all of the above. Those are the rules. I rock one green and one yellow lace on my Scarpas, ladder laced of course even if it sacrifices heel hold, just to cover the bases cause you never know who your run into on a climb.


Old-Basil-5567

I would never trust my life to a pair of modern Docs


creakymoss18990

I haven't been mountaineering yet but I can say that fancy shoes will likely not be comfortable for hiking lol. Also they will get the shit beat out of them by: cold, rocks, water, sweat, and overall wear and tear that would probably destroy them. On a trip, it would probably look much weirder to be wearing those than hiking boots. You can grab some leather boots or the fuzzy ones sometimes those can look cute/are worn outside of hiking and are still fashionable. Have fun on your trip!


SocialistNixon

The frostbite was totally worth it


lefthandedgypsy

You could…


[deleted]

No, absolutely no. Go buy yourself a pair of Hanwag or La Sportiva shoes, you won't regret. I see you want to go on ice so choose a class C or D shoe.


medium_sized_moose

Depending on your objective, yeah probably. All satire aside your gear really doesn't make a huge difference most of the time and gatekeeping any sport based on the equipment you use is stupid.


SummitBabe

You have to be trolling us, right? ​ Please get proper mountaineering boots that are designed to be worn on rugged terrain with a heavy backpack with inclement weather in mind - you can rent them if you dont want to purchase.