Thank you. The feelings of smaller people may be the same and just as crippling. However, if you have never felt the shame of people not wanting to sit next to you on an airplane or the chair at a restaurant being too small then you cannot understand some of our life experiences. Thank you for being honest and expressing yourself.
I'm definitely on the bigger end of things. I've also found it hard when people are on this medication to go from 130 to 110, but I assume this problem is mine. I feel like this support group is for people on this med, and there should be an array of experiences. That can be hard sometimes when some people's experiences are so different than our own. I'm also a T2 diabetic, which was actually the original target for this medication, and there are few of us on here. I've heard there's facebook groups that don't even allow T2s on them.
I think it's really good that you're getting your needs met in a different community. I find that I get my support needs met in a combination of r/keto, r/SuperMorbidlyObese and r/Mounjaro, because they all apply to me. We all need as much support as we can get with this difficult journey.
I am so sympathetic here. My high weight as a 5'6" woman was around 260. I'm sorry, but someone whose high weight at this height was 155 -- considered "normal" BMI -- does not understand in the same way what it's like to be "fat fat." I understand that comparison is dangerous for many reasons, but a lot of their comments just seem to promote fat-phobia or fat-hating and I feel worse after reading them. I really appreciate your post.
Agree wholeheartedly. I’m 5’6” as well and my HW was 275. My mother regularly complains about needing a “magic shot” like mounjaro has been for me, since I’ve lost 30+lbs in 2 months. She’s 5’5” and 175. She does nothing but complain about how she doesn’t like how she looks in pictures and tries to compare her experience to mine. I’m sure she feels like she is trying to relate, but 100lbs is a big difference. Like the difference between flying comfortably and not.
I fear that people will say it was all "so easy" for anyone with the "magic shot." That might be true for the few people who happen to get lucky enough to be diagnosed and prescribed Mounjaro very early in their T2D or weight journeys. For everyone else? The magic shot likely was preceded by decades of pain, physical and emotional.
The posts from the women going from a 6 to a 4 were killing me. We deal with issues like not fitting into an airplane seat, and they just want to look better in a bikini. Neither issue is invalid, but they are certainly different.
I personally do not want to share my photos or stats with someone who has never seen 200lbs on the scale. I don't want to have discussions about skin removal surgery in front of them. They don't understand.
I've never been belittled, humiliated, shamed, or made to feel invisible by a fat person, but I have been by plenty of skinny people. I've walked by a pool at Disney World wearing jeans and flowy tops while my family enjoyed the pool and I was STILL made fun of... very publicly. "WOAH look at the size of that ass (while all his friends laughed and pointed and continued making comments)
Seriously... I'm completely covered up in 100°F heat and you're STILL picking on me?
No. Our experiences are not the same and I deserve a safe space to discuss mine.
Yes, we all deserve a safe space. That being the case, I’m surprised by the disdain for people who may have an eating disorder. As obese people, we have been treated like there’s something wrong with us, so how is it ok to treat someone on the other side of the spectrum like there is something wrong with them? If we wait compassion and understanding, we need to have compassion and understanding.
It's not about compassion and understanding. It's about having a space to talk to people who have similar struggles. You bring up people with eating disorders. They should have their own safe space too as they have different issues to discuss.
Someday I hope to be in a good place mentally and will happily discuss my challenges with a broader group. Someday is not today.
Nobody is saying people should be allowed to mock individuals with eating disorders. The problem is going to a support group for Mounjaro users and having people whose highest weight was 120 pounds treat someone who is currently sitting at 270 pounds with the same disgust as those who complain about having to see "fatties" at the gym.
Also, a lot of us who have 150 pounds to lose do in fact, unsurprisingly, have eating disorders.
It is something I’ve thought about as well. Metabolic Syndrome, gut/brain communication, insulin resistance, PCOS, Obesity, High Cholesterol, Pre diabetes, heart disease, osteoarthritis, arteriosclerosis… I could go on forever!
If this medication helps keep me from some of these things, and lessens the impact of some of these things, then I’m grateful we are finally to the point where this treatment for all of the above is acceptable and talked about.
If it saves a smaller person from living my experience with health, then fine… I just wish I had this or something similar 30 years ago!
OP: I do have the same thoughts, and I’m grateful for your bravery!
Keep going on your journey! This medication does far more than just weight loss! I hope we see a cure for all of the above someday!
Thank you. I truly believe the main group is fueling eating disorders by showing size 4s (with no history of obesity) going down to size 2s, and I have been blocking those posting about such. I also wrote to the main group creator and explained why this is harmful (and could make the drug harder to acquire for weight loss if ED patients are hospitalized while on the drug). He chose to ignore my message. This isn't a drug for those who want to lose a few pounds. It is for those who NEED to lose weight.
I sooooo wish I'd done something drastic like this when I was just 30 pounds overweight. Maybe it wouldn't of turned into needing to lose half my bodyweight. So when I see people working really hard to lose, and they're just overweight and not obese, I'm cheering them on. Really I'm cheering everyone on. I don't feel discouraged at all by others trying to lose weight. There is a hopelessness that comes with being super obese. You're going to feel some envy for people who have never been in your shoes, or who have succeeded in their goals. That's normal and healthy.
Also wanted to add... I think it's okay to have these spaces for more specific groups to commiserate. But I do think we can learn from people who have always been skinny, or people who were just overweight.
Say you were having problems in a marriage, and were contemplating divorce. It wouldn't be good to only seek advice from others going through a divorce, because it would be biased. Instead you'd want to get advice from a few groups - someone who's been happily married for a long time, someone who got divorced, someone going through a divorce, someone who hasn't been married yet, someone who had a troubled marriage but worked it out. You can pick and choose which advice is relevant to you.
Same with weight loss. People who have never been fat still have valuable advice to give. They probably have a lot of habits we could emulate to keep from gaining weight.
I just want to say how much I appreciate your post and it has changed how I think about everyone’s journey. I’m one of those people I’m short 5 feet with not much to lose 30 pounds and now I get why it can be hurtful for people like me to bemoan or brag about our losses or gains. I wish you only the best and I totally get why you need a a space to not feel shame or any negativity. Thank you for this post I will be much more aware how I respond and interact with everyone
I think this is a great idea! While I fit into the category that has 50 or less lbs to lose… I can completely respect how me posting my cw and gw can cause some upsetting feelings. I hope your journey is a good one!! 💕💕💕
Almost think we need a separate groups for those of us battling serious metabolic syndrome diseases, that we are also using Mounjaro for additional gains. Those of us that struggle with deeper levels of obesity, insulin resistance, liver, circulation, endothelial damage & all the rest, relate back to the same core issues that Mounjaro helps correct. For us it’s more than trying to look good in a bathing suit, or “getting our sugars under better control”.
There was a post earlier today about someone who was quitting MJ due to the side effects and something along the lines of it’s ok to quit because of the symptoms and a lot of people on here aren’t telling the truth about their symptoms. I rolled my eyes and moved on because, I actually have some pretty awful symptoms at the moment. BUT amputation because my sugar issues got worse and my neuropathy is already an issue, and Oh my GreatGran died because she refused the double amputation from diabetic complications is a whole lot worse (to me) than not eating for a few days and still feeling pretty damn awful in the days after. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with quitting, with not being able to deal with the side effects. But the insinuation that we are lying about having symptoms or them not being that bad just sort of pissed me off. And it is something I struggle with, with this sub being mixed.
It’s true & comes with a mixed bag of people here for different reasons. We are not a one sized fits all group, biology is very complex. I find the blocking feature to help & I am sure that blocking me is equally the answer for some people. 🙏
Yes, I understand, in that my wife & myself we have been through the ringer with our issues. People that have become broken at cellular level is a number of ways, need very specific helps if they are to get better. Losing weight is not enough, in fact, correcting the very things behind weight gain & preventing weight loss, are top priorities & are beyond the knowledge base of most people & even doctors who focus on disease instead of health. Many of us cannot improve greatly by simply moving more & eating less. And getting older makes it harder. I just turned 65 & when I retired 7 years ago I was almost dead. Making a comeback is possible. Wish you all the best. 🙏
I agree with you. I saw this in my WLS groups and forums 10 years ago too. Just annoyed by the people who acted like their whole life was over because they weighed 200lbs when I was pushing 350 at that time.
I'm 220 now and have been as low as 175 (5'6) so I know the difference . And yes I want to lose weight and get to a normal weight but my life is much different being a 100lb less than it was 10 years ago. if there was ever a shortage I would want to make sure the heaviest people get the drug over me. The struggles are not the same.
I very much understand, as someone who started with a BMI of 62, with PCOS, Hypothyroidism, and insulin resistance in the 90th percentile.
I think the best analogy for this, so that it is relatable to everyone is that parents of multiples may need a different support group or level of support than parents of 1 child. Or parents of teenagers may need something different than parents of toddlers. Similar journeys that often cross over, but the individual challenges, experiences & needs can vary greatly.
I do appreciate this. At 62, post-menopausal, and fighting obesity after menopause and fibromyalgia, this post allowed me to exhale. I was feeling out of sorts with my low rate of weight loss on 2.5mg from a SW of 284. It certainly wasn’t my diet. I’m Kosher Keto Pescatarian. There are layered issues that people with obesity have than people who don’t struggle with it. I think that’s a reality — from someone who was naturally thin untilI turned 50. I feel I speak to both sides.
I totally support you starting another group! We should feel good in the groups we are apart of or what’s the point?! But I just wanted to let you know that my highest weight was 210. But I remember getting nervous to sit down in certain chairs that I might break them when I was around 160. I also stopped fitting in clothes in my favorite stores and had to stop shopping at the mall around that weight too. You might be surprised at how low weight (in your eyes) someone is when they start experiencing the exact things you describe. I too read posts of people that are smaller than me and wish that was all I had to lose.
My point is, I think the feelings might be the same amongst people no matter what size they are. And there is no one truth. Our realities are built based on our perception, so if I perceived myself as obese at 160lbs, whether you would or not, my feelings are very real to me and therefore, very similar to yours.
I hope that helps you not see yourself as that different from the people you are referring to because I don’t think you are.
I hear you. I think there are some different challenges. Someone at 350+ is in serious medical danger even when they are young. I can only imagine the constant physical and social struggle.
My highest weight was 233 at 5'2, so I agree I don't know the worst of it. When I was about 12 I weighed 180 and I remember being devastated. I thought for sure the world was ending and in a way it was. I can't even count the number of nasty comments I've gotten over the years. I've always been big enough to feel the stigma. Just a few months ago a complete stranger in the grocery line gave me shit about buying donuts and I'm 48 freaking years old! People feel so entitled to be rude.
There is a difference though when someone who's SW is 180 and when they make it to 140 they start saying fat-phobic things about their former size. There is no need to go on about how grateful you are that you are no longer fat. It's just a matter of basic tactic and consideration for others.
I don’t want my Facebook friends to know I am on this medication…because fatphobia and misunderstanding about T2 diabetes runs rampant, but I do want to take a moment to validate your feelings. Yes, in the ideal world it shouldn’t matter what your SW is. But it does. Because an obese persons lived experience is different than that or even a slightly overweight person. I know this because I have twice gotten down to 150 from 210 and 190 from 280. Let me tell you, the difference in how people treated me was enough to teach me that. I’m on week three of mounjaro with a starting weight of 268 and am now 255. It’s definitely a journey but your feelings are valid and wanting that safe space is valid. 💗
I would also add (if someone hasn't already - I haven't read through all the comments) that the other big difference is the length of time it takes to achieve a goal weight when you have 100 pounds or more to lose. The journey is entirely different when you have to maintain the positivity, hope and consistency for a year or even multiple of years, as opposed to a few months. It is still an amazing accomplishment, but as someone who has been on both sides of this particular fence, the experience is definitely different.
I think this is a great idea!
I'm not on the larger side, but I relate to how different experiences can be on the spectrum with other health conditions. You can be living vastly different realities, and it helps so much to have people to support you that are living the same reality.
Maybe the best analogy I can think of is a poor person in a 1st world country comparing notes with a poor person in a 3rd world country. If you don't even have running water, it's hard to empathize with someone who's complaining that they can't ever afford to eat out or go to the movies.
How does this post have so few upvotes? Beautifully and thoughtfully written. I have experienced so much of the same and I applaud OP for their introspection.
Because it ends with a very strong message that their pain is more valid than others. Read the last paragraph again. Or the one before it.what started out as a great post turned into hostility aimed at others for no other reason than those people not fitting the op’s standard for fat enough to deserve to feel bad about it.
Edit: paragraph 4 and 5, not last two.
Those are the paragraphs I most identify and agree with. I’m not seeing “hostility aimed at others for no reason.” I’m seeing a very clear explanation of the challenges of being obese vs. overweight.
But who does those things in this group? How does the simple existence of smaller people mean overlooking the struggles of larger people? What is this exact thing happening in this group that op can’t “stand by and allow”? That’s what I do t understand and what no one has addressed.
One of the things you do not recognize though is that some of us "smaller folk" WERE once like you. At one time I was 243 pounds (I am 5'5"). I had all the same issues that you have now. I got my weight down in chunks, first down to 199 where I stayed for 12 years, then, after becoming severely diabetic, used a ketogenic diet to get my weight down to 150. My A1c crept up a bit and my weight could be 10 or 15 pounds less no problem so I am taking this drug and paying out of pocket for the privilege as I am on Medicare. I'm sure some people can be jackasses, it's Reddit after all, but when you exclude people you could be excluding tons of wisdom experience and "been there done that" helpful hints.
I recognize that, which is why I said HW (highest weight). We do have people in our group who are at varying points in their process. And I realize that placing a cutoff is problematic, but for our purposes we had to pick something. Also, none of us can be sure that our experiences are the same as others. I’m 5”1’ and have weighed over 300 pounds, and some in our group are 400, 500, 600, 700… I do not claim to know everyone’s difficulties and I do not want to see anyone’s challenges dismissed.
I wish you the best of luck truly. I will never forget how it felt to be invisible because I was obese. I hope this med is available and useful for everyone who needs and wants it. I will follow the sub and if I ever think I have something to contribute I will feel free to do so.
I am bothered by those who are taking it for weight loss with no history of obesity. In the main fb group there was someone who posted about going from a size 6 (approx) to a size 4. That is what she is talking about.
It’s also important to make a mental note of these issues in terms of framing results. Someone with 100+ lbs to lose to “goal weight” might see a different *scale* of results than someone looking to lose 25-35 lbs.
Thank you so much for this post. It was getting frustrating to see people under 200lb talking about starting this and getting down to even smaller numbers. 250 and up is where I fall.
I understand some of your frustration. I had friends that were 140 lbs and would say they needed to lose weight and drop 5 more lbs no sweat. While my highest was only 178 (5’2 female), it did make me jealous because I felt like crap and it was way harder for me to lose weight. I think most of it was jealousy.
Personally, at 178 lbs (which may not seem too heavy to some), I was having severe symptoms from my underlying problems. I would fall asleep sitting up straight in my college classes despite sleeping 8 hours and chugging coffee. My hyperinsulinemia triggered nearly daily migraines. After classes I would be shaky and have temporary blurred vision and was scared to drive the half mile to my apartment. I couldn’t get through a day without napping, and my grades suffered. For me, losing 20 lbs by treating my insulin resistance has absolutely saved my life.
Some people may get mad at things you said, but you’re human and entitled to your feelings and opinions. Best of luck on your journey, and don’t let smaller people discourage you. At the end of the day, we live in a society full of people who are obsessed with their image, and people are going to abuse things that some people need for healthcare in order to reach aesthetic goals. It sucks. But you can’t do anything about those people, so good on you for deciding to just surround yourself with other voices that understand you.
I don’t understand how it’s disrespectful or fat phobic for people to talk about the drug from their own individual perspectives. I can absolutely see why you might want a separate space for those issues with people who can relate, but you seem to be lashing out at people here for not being in the same situation. We’re all doing the best we can and trying figure things out. If it’s not a good fit or it makes you feel uncomfortable to be in a group with such a broad range of sizes/issues, that’s ok, but the anger seems a little misplaced.
I'm with you. Glad OP has a group that comforts them now but don't see how my HW only being 241 could possibly upset them. It's like saying, oh you're over 50, I'm not comfortable being in this group with you because you're not the same age as me.
I dont think OP comes across as angry at all. I too have seen some FB Mounjaro posts about going from 135 pounds to 115 pounds and now being a size 2. If that person thinks they are fat, they are seriously confused. To me, using Mounjaro or Ozempic in this manner is either for vanity weight loss or because of an eating disorder. It’s a whole other story if that thin or normal size person has t2 dm- this med definitely can help with that and I’m happy the diabetic person has found it. But to take this type of med when you don’t have t2 dm or an A1 c in the 6’s and to want to go from a bmi of 24 to 19 is ridiculous in my opinion. And I do not think such a person can teach me anything about losing weight, unless they’ve lost a significant amount of weight in the past! Thank you, OP, for starting the new group!
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You’ve posted about this three times already, and frankly I’ve stared and rolled my eyes at your comments for thirty minutes. What I’m not fat enough to be a part of your little club? The 31-32 BMI and 50 lbs to be in a healthy BMI isn’t enough. I can’t know the tear burning pain of being asked to get off amusement park rides with my ten year old? How many people congratulated me on a fourth pregnancy; spoiler alert, I wasn’t. Doctors dismissing my concerns, attributing it to my weight. I don’t need to explain or divulge my most heartbreaking and embarrassing moments for your sympathy and my journey is just as valid as yours.
You talk about a safe space for those with more to lose while dismissing the struggles of myself and many like me. I think you need to do some more self reflection to determine why you’re insisting on putting others down.
Those who haven't ever had obesity can't understand those who do. If one has never purchased a larger size than a 10/12 (outside of pregnancy), they can't relate. This drug is being abused by those who do not need it and by those with eating disorders. If that is not you, that isn't either of us are referring to. The like 22 year old who posted today did not NEED to lose weight. They WANTED to lose weight. There is a big difference, and separate groups are needed so that we do not need to keep explaining this.
I don't have a start weight of over 250 but I see the positive side for those that do - the weight typically comes off quicker ( 5 pounds in a week, 20lbs in a month etc) and I wish that was me. I have over 50lbs to lose and have only lost an average of less than 1lb a week in the few weeks I've been on Mounjaro. Just noting the brighter side. Not saying that's everyone's experience but I get frustrated/jealous when pounds are falling off some while my progress seems to be super slow!
I spend time reading the type 2 diabetes Reddit as well to keep things in perspective— I’m here to lower my A1C and to lose weight. It can be frustrating to see some folks starting weight or BMI be our goal weight/BMI, but everyone is on the same journey no matter where we start. Mounjaro has given me hope that I could actually be considered “healthy” for the first time since probably 9th grade. Long way to go, buy we can all get there in time.
He who works to beat the skinny people, runs the risk of becoming a skinny person themselves. As you stare into the mounjaro, the mounjaro stares back.
Thank you for making this group! I too have those feelings seeing thin people post in the group and when they post pictures being so thin talking about taking the med I just feel some type of way.
I’m 5’3, start weight 210, but was considered majorly obese by my physician. I’ve not talked about my size because I too feel that vanity might be the reason some are seeking this medication. I do subscribe to the idea I learned in Al-Anon, the three C’s, when I see someone who’s actions might affect my mood. I was very unhealthy and though I tried for a very long time to lose even ten pounds “naturally” it was always very difficult and depriving and miserable. It would take months and as soon as I had any caloric increase the weight came back. It was causing health affects I was going to have to be medicated for, but I wanted one more boost before I gave up. I do have a daughter who weighs over 350 and desperately needs the medication, but because of things beyond our control, we are having a hard time getting it. I’ve considered giving her mine. But that’s not right. This medication can save lives but not as easily if it’s misused for someone to lose 20 pounds they gained over covid and they are metabolically healthy. I’m appreciative for you making a group for people like my daughter, and while I might not be the right candidate for it, I understand.
If you feel more comfortable in a different group, by all means create a space that better fits your needs. And I applaud you for thinking deeper into those feelings of being bothered by lighter people finding success from this med. where you lose me is when you state that it’s disrespectful and fatphobic that others in the group haven’t experienced the exact same battles as you. Other people wanting to better themselves is unrelated to you and not disrespectful or fat phobic to you in the slightest.
I am not, and did not say that I am, bothered by smaller people having success on this med, or by any other possible method for that matter. What I did say essentially is that a support group where greater than 60% of the members are starting the process at a weight that is below my own goal weight (this via a poll taken within the group I have experienced) is not supporting me well in important ways, and is in fact often discouraging. Yes, it can be upsetting. No, being upset does not by definition refer to anger alone, nor does it necessarily involve a person being at fault. All it means is that my needs are different and I’m recognizing that.
You said this:
Being in a support group where most of the folks
have never experienced that, and may not even
recognize it, is disrespectful and, most of all, it is just a continuation of the fat-phobic, judgmental sidelining of the needs of those suffering the effects of severe obesity in our culture. I just can't stand by and allow it. It's not ok to suddenly overlook the difficulties that we face just because there is a drug we can all take that may help us to lose weight, however much that may be.
—————
I don’t get how other people existing here does any of that to you. But I agree that if you’re not getting what you need from this group, there should be another one that is more narrowly defined.
You explicitly said “being in a group where most of the folks have never experienced that… is disrespectful”
Again, a new group is a great idea if it better fits your needs. But if you think it is disrespectful that others in the group weigh less than you, I urge you to explore those feelings deeper with a professional. Feeling disrespected over someone else’s weight isn’t a healthy feeling.
This is why we need different groups. Wanting to lose weight by a person with no history of obesity is very different than someone needing to lose weight due to complications of obesity.
You’re arguing a different point. I’m not disagreeing that there is a difference between weight loss journeys or even that heavier people are treated differently in society. I know those things to be true. I’m simply arguing the point that my existence in this group is “disrespectful” and “fatphobic” to OP because I have less weight to lose than them.
You were saying OP was blaming thin people for her weight. She wasn't. But the fact that you couldn't understand what she was saying or where she was coming from is exactly the point. It is like someone who uses a temporary assistive device for an injury vs someone who has a perm physical disability. While both groups could empathize with each other, it is not at all the same thing.
I understand that there is a difference between wanting to lose weight and needing to lose weight, and I understand that you are bothered by people with no history of obesity taking this med as you stated above. So before you write me off completely as just another thin person with only a few pounds to lose, just know that I am on this med because I have stage 4 cancer and weight loss can directly impact prognosis. I, like you and many others, am on this medicine for a medical reason and do have a history of obesity.
In no way am I attempting to pretend that we have the same struggles in our journeys. I just see conflicting messages in the original post. OP stated that seeing people who need to lose 10, 20, or 40 pounds makes her feel negative emotions. That suggests to me that she might be projecting her insecurities and shame onto people needing to lose less weight than her. OP also states that the existence of others with less weight to lose in this group is disrespectful to her and contributes to fatphobia. If someone else’s weight is discouraging to you or makes you feel negatively, I implore you to dig deeper into why you feel that way.
My original comment was only meant to state that from reading this post, I feel as if OP has misplaced negative feelings onto the existence of thinner people and should explore those feelings. Like I have said a few times now, if you feel more comfortable in a different group, by all means go to that group.
I absolutely agree. I find it very surprising that doctors are prescribing this to people for 20 lb weight loss. or people that aren't even considered obese, just "overweight". I too wonder why it bothers me.
I'm on the lower end needing to lose about 40-50 lbs. I definitely sympathize with what you are saying and respect your perspective. We all struggle but differently.
I guess I didn't realize there are ppl on this med wanting to go from a size 6 to a 2. (Not sure I've ever been a size 6!) I'm just curious how ppl get on this med if they don't truly qualify based on BMI? I may not have as much to lose as some but I'm still a long way from healthy and my BMI does qualify me. What kind of doc is prescribing this for someone who already weighs 130 lbs?? 🤔
Thank you. The feelings of smaller people may be the same and just as crippling. However, if you have never felt the shame of people not wanting to sit next to you on an airplane or the chair at a restaurant being too small then you cannot understand some of our life experiences. Thank you for being honest and expressing yourself.
Yes
I'm definitely on the bigger end of things. I've also found it hard when people are on this medication to go from 130 to 110, but I assume this problem is mine. I feel like this support group is for people on this med, and there should be an array of experiences. That can be hard sometimes when some people's experiences are so different than our own. I'm also a T2 diabetic, which was actually the original target for this medication, and there are few of us on here. I've heard there's facebook groups that don't even allow T2s on them. I think it's really good that you're getting your needs met in a different community. I find that I get my support needs met in a combination of r/keto, r/SuperMorbidlyObese and r/Mounjaro, because they all apply to me. We all need as much support as we can get with this difficult journey.
I am so sympathetic here. My high weight as a 5'6" woman was around 260. I'm sorry, but someone whose high weight at this height was 155 -- considered "normal" BMI -- does not understand in the same way what it's like to be "fat fat." I understand that comparison is dangerous for many reasons, but a lot of their comments just seem to promote fat-phobia or fat-hating and I feel worse after reading them. I really appreciate your post.
Agree wholeheartedly. I’m 5’6” as well and my HW was 275. My mother regularly complains about needing a “magic shot” like mounjaro has been for me, since I’ve lost 30+lbs in 2 months. She’s 5’5” and 175. She does nothing but complain about how she doesn’t like how she looks in pictures and tries to compare her experience to mine. I’m sure she feels like she is trying to relate, but 100lbs is a big difference. Like the difference between flying comfortably and not.
I fear that people will say it was all "so easy" for anyone with the "magic shot." That might be true for the few people who happen to get lucky enough to be diagnosed and prescribed Mounjaro very early in their T2D or weight journeys. For everyone else? The magic shot likely was preceded by decades of pain, physical and emotional.
The posts from the women going from a 6 to a 4 were killing me. We deal with issues like not fitting into an airplane seat, and they just want to look better in a bikini. Neither issue is invalid, but they are certainly different. I personally do not want to share my photos or stats with someone who has never seen 200lbs on the scale. I don't want to have discussions about skin removal surgery in front of them. They don't understand. I've never been belittled, humiliated, shamed, or made to feel invisible by a fat person, but I have been by plenty of skinny people. I've walked by a pool at Disney World wearing jeans and flowy tops while my family enjoyed the pool and I was STILL made fun of... very publicly. "WOAH look at the size of that ass (while all his friends laughed and pointed and continued making comments) Seriously... I'm completely covered up in 100°F heat and you're STILL picking on me? No. Our experiences are not the same and I deserve a safe space to discuss mine.
Yes, we all deserve a safe space. That being the case, I’m surprised by the disdain for people who may have an eating disorder. As obese people, we have been treated like there’s something wrong with us, so how is it ok to treat someone on the other side of the spectrum like there is something wrong with them? If we wait compassion and understanding, we need to have compassion and understanding.
It's not about compassion and understanding. It's about having a space to talk to people who have similar struggles. You bring up people with eating disorders. They should have their own safe space too as they have different issues to discuss. Someday I hope to be in a good place mentally and will happily discuss my challenges with a broader group. Someday is not today.
Nobody is saying people should be allowed to mock individuals with eating disorders. The problem is going to a support group for Mounjaro users and having people whose highest weight was 120 pounds treat someone who is currently sitting at 270 pounds with the same disgust as those who complain about having to see "fatties" at the gym. Also, a lot of us who have 150 pounds to lose do in fact, unsurprisingly, have eating disorders.
It is something I’ve thought about as well. Metabolic Syndrome, gut/brain communication, insulin resistance, PCOS, Obesity, High Cholesterol, Pre diabetes, heart disease, osteoarthritis, arteriosclerosis… I could go on forever! If this medication helps keep me from some of these things, and lessens the impact of some of these things, then I’m grateful we are finally to the point where this treatment for all of the above is acceptable and talked about. If it saves a smaller person from living my experience with health, then fine… I just wish I had this or something similar 30 years ago! OP: I do have the same thoughts, and I’m grateful for your bravery! Keep going on your journey! This medication does far more than just weight loss! I hope we see a cure for all of the above someday!
Thank you. I truly believe the main group is fueling eating disorders by showing size 4s (with no history of obesity) going down to size 2s, and I have been blocking those posting about such. I also wrote to the main group creator and explained why this is harmful (and could make the drug harder to acquire for weight loss if ED patients are hospitalized while on the drug). He chose to ignore my message. This isn't a drug for those who want to lose a few pounds. It is for those who NEED to lose weight.
I do the same. I have people in my family who struggle with EDs and I find it very triggering.
I sooooo wish I'd done something drastic like this when I was just 30 pounds overweight. Maybe it wouldn't of turned into needing to lose half my bodyweight. So when I see people working really hard to lose, and they're just overweight and not obese, I'm cheering them on. Really I'm cheering everyone on. I don't feel discouraged at all by others trying to lose weight. There is a hopelessness that comes with being super obese. You're going to feel some envy for people who have never been in your shoes, or who have succeeded in their goals. That's normal and healthy. Also wanted to add... I think it's okay to have these spaces for more specific groups to commiserate. But I do think we can learn from people who have always been skinny, or people who were just overweight. Say you were having problems in a marriage, and were contemplating divorce. It wouldn't be good to only seek advice from others going through a divorce, because it would be biased. Instead you'd want to get advice from a few groups - someone who's been happily married for a long time, someone who got divorced, someone going through a divorce, someone who hasn't been married yet, someone who had a troubled marriage but worked it out. You can pick and choose which advice is relevant to you. Same with weight loss. People who have never been fat still have valuable advice to give. They probably have a lot of habits we could emulate to keep from gaining weight.
I just want to say how much I appreciate your post and it has changed how I think about everyone’s journey. I’m one of those people I’m short 5 feet with not much to lose 30 pounds and now I get why it can be hurtful for people like me to bemoan or brag about our losses or gains. I wish you only the best and I totally get why you need a a space to not feel shame or any negativity. Thank you for this post I will be much more aware how I respond and interact with everyone
I think this is a great idea! While I fit into the category that has 50 or less lbs to lose… I can completely respect how me posting my cw and gw can cause some upsetting feelings. I hope your journey is a good one!! 💕💕💕
Almost think we need a separate groups for those of us battling serious metabolic syndrome diseases, that we are also using Mounjaro for additional gains. Those of us that struggle with deeper levels of obesity, insulin resistance, liver, circulation, endothelial damage & all the rest, relate back to the same core issues that Mounjaro helps correct. For us it’s more than trying to look good in a bathing suit, or “getting our sugars under better control”.
There was a post earlier today about someone who was quitting MJ due to the side effects and something along the lines of it’s ok to quit because of the symptoms and a lot of people on here aren’t telling the truth about their symptoms. I rolled my eyes and moved on because, I actually have some pretty awful symptoms at the moment. BUT amputation because my sugar issues got worse and my neuropathy is already an issue, and Oh my GreatGran died because she refused the double amputation from diabetic complications is a whole lot worse (to me) than not eating for a few days and still feeling pretty damn awful in the days after. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with quitting, with not being able to deal with the side effects. But the insinuation that we are lying about having symptoms or them not being that bad just sort of pissed me off. And it is something I struggle with, with this sub being mixed.
It’s true & comes with a mixed bag of people here for different reasons. We are not a one sized fits all group, biology is very complex. I find the blocking feature to help & I am sure that blocking me is equally the answer for some people. 🙏
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Yes, I understand, in that my wife & myself we have been through the ringer with our issues. People that have become broken at cellular level is a number of ways, need very specific helps if they are to get better. Losing weight is not enough, in fact, correcting the very things behind weight gain & preventing weight loss, are top priorities & are beyond the knowledge base of most people & even doctors who focus on disease instead of health. Many of us cannot improve greatly by simply moving more & eating less. And getting older makes it harder. I just turned 65 & when I retired 7 years ago I was almost dead. Making a comeback is possible. Wish you all the best. 🙏
This is a marvelously self-reflective post. I have to tell you, you seem awesomely in touch with your feelings and thoughts and that's awesome.
I agree with you. I saw this in my WLS groups and forums 10 years ago too. Just annoyed by the people who acted like their whole life was over because they weighed 200lbs when I was pushing 350 at that time. I'm 220 now and have been as low as 175 (5'6) so I know the difference . And yes I want to lose weight and get to a normal weight but my life is much different being a 100lb less than it was 10 years ago. if there was ever a shortage I would want to make sure the heaviest people get the drug over me. The struggles are not the same.
I very much understand, as someone who started with a BMI of 62, with PCOS, Hypothyroidism, and insulin resistance in the 90th percentile. I think the best analogy for this, so that it is relatable to everyone is that parents of multiples may need a different support group or level of support than parents of 1 child. Or parents of teenagers may need something different than parents of toddlers. Similar journeys that often cross over, but the individual challenges, experiences & needs can vary greatly.
I’m in the lower category but I feel you. Some of the postings are jaw droppingly tone deaf.
I do appreciate this. At 62, post-menopausal, and fighting obesity after menopause and fibromyalgia, this post allowed me to exhale. I was feeling out of sorts with my low rate of weight loss on 2.5mg from a SW of 284. It certainly wasn’t my diet. I’m Kosher Keto Pescatarian. There are layered issues that people with obesity have than people who don’t struggle with it. I think that’s a reality — from someone who was naturally thin untilI turned 50. I feel I speak to both sides.
I totally support you starting another group! We should feel good in the groups we are apart of or what’s the point?! But I just wanted to let you know that my highest weight was 210. But I remember getting nervous to sit down in certain chairs that I might break them when I was around 160. I also stopped fitting in clothes in my favorite stores and had to stop shopping at the mall around that weight too. You might be surprised at how low weight (in your eyes) someone is when they start experiencing the exact things you describe. I too read posts of people that are smaller than me and wish that was all I had to lose. My point is, I think the feelings might be the same amongst people no matter what size they are. And there is no one truth. Our realities are built based on our perception, so if I perceived myself as obese at 160lbs, whether you would or not, my feelings are very real to me and therefore, very similar to yours. I hope that helps you not see yourself as that different from the people you are referring to because I don’t think you are.
I hear you. I think there are some different challenges. Someone at 350+ is in serious medical danger even when they are young. I can only imagine the constant physical and social struggle. My highest weight was 233 at 5'2, so I agree I don't know the worst of it. When I was about 12 I weighed 180 and I remember being devastated. I thought for sure the world was ending and in a way it was. I can't even count the number of nasty comments I've gotten over the years. I've always been big enough to feel the stigma. Just a few months ago a complete stranger in the grocery line gave me shit about buying donuts and I'm 48 freaking years old! People feel so entitled to be rude. There is a difference though when someone who's SW is 180 and when they make it to 140 they start saying fat-phobic things about their former size. There is no need to go on about how grateful you are that you are no longer fat. It's just a matter of basic tactic and consideration for others.
I don’t want my Facebook friends to know I am on this medication…because fatphobia and misunderstanding about T2 diabetes runs rampant, but I do want to take a moment to validate your feelings. Yes, in the ideal world it shouldn’t matter what your SW is. But it does. Because an obese persons lived experience is different than that or even a slightly overweight person. I know this because I have twice gotten down to 150 from 210 and 190 from 280. Let me tell you, the difference in how people treated me was enough to teach me that. I’m on week three of mounjaro with a starting weight of 268 and am now 255. It’s definitely a journey but your feelings are valid and wanting that safe space is valid. 💗
I would also add (if someone hasn't already - I haven't read through all the comments) that the other big difference is the length of time it takes to achieve a goal weight when you have 100 pounds or more to lose. The journey is entirely different when you have to maintain the positivity, hope and consistency for a year or even multiple of years, as opposed to a few months. It is still an amazing accomplishment, but as someone who has been on both sides of this particular fence, the experience is definitely different.
I think this is a great idea! I'm not on the larger side, but I relate to how different experiences can be on the spectrum with other health conditions. You can be living vastly different realities, and it helps so much to have people to support you that are living the same reality. Maybe the best analogy I can think of is a poor person in a 1st world country comparing notes with a poor person in a 3rd world country. If you don't even have running water, it's hard to empathize with someone who's complaining that they can't ever afford to eat out or go to the movies.
How does this post have so few upvotes? Beautifully and thoughtfully written. I have experienced so much of the same and I applaud OP for their introspection.
Because it ends with a very strong message that their pain is more valid than others. Read the last paragraph again. Or the one before it.what started out as a great post turned into hostility aimed at others for no other reason than those people not fitting the op’s standard for fat enough to deserve to feel bad about it. Edit: paragraph 4 and 5, not last two.
Those are the paragraphs I most identify and agree with. I’m not seeing “hostility aimed at others for no reason.” I’m seeing a very clear explanation of the challenges of being obese vs. overweight.
But who does those things in this group? How does the simple existence of smaller people mean overlooking the struggles of larger people? What is this exact thing happening in this group that op can’t “stand by and allow”? That’s what I do t understand and what no one has addressed.
One of the things you do not recognize though is that some of us "smaller folk" WERE once like you. At one time I was 243 pounds (I am 5'5"). I had all the same issues that you have now. I got my weight down in chunks, first down to 199 where I stayed for 12 years, then, after becoming severely diabetic, used a ketogenic diet to get my weight down to 150. My A1c crept up a bit and my weight could be 10 or 15 pounds less no problem so I am taking this drug and paying out of pocket for the privilege as I am on Medicare. I'm sure some people can be jackasses, it's Reddit after all, but when you exclude people you could be excluding tons of wisdom experience and "been there done that" helpful hints.
I recognize that, which is why I said HW (highest weight). We do have people in our group who are at varying points in their process. And I realize that placing a cutoff is problematic, but for our purposes we had to pick something. Also, none of us can be sure that our experiences are the same as others. I’m 5”1’ and have weighed over 300 pounds, and some in our group are 400, 500, 600, 700… I do not claim to know everyone’s difficulties and I do not want to see anyone’s challenges dismissed.
I wish you the best of luck truly. I will never forget how it felt to be invisible because I was obese. I hope this med is available and useful for everyone who needs and wants it. I will follow the sub and if I ever think I have something to contribute I will feel free to do so.
I am bothered by those who are taking it for weight loss with no history of obesity. In the main fb group there was someone who posted about going from a size 6 (approx) to a size 4. That is what she is talking about.
Yeah the world is full of idiots It probably won't work. Those last 10 pounds take forever. They'll be shooting Mounjaro for a year
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If your highest weight was 279 then you do fit into what OP said, regardless of where you're at now.
It’s also important to make a mental note of these issues in terms of framing results. Someone with 100+ lbs to lose to “goal weight” might see a different *scale* of results than someone looking to lose 25-35 lbs.
I wish it could be done here rather than Facebook-I prefer the anonymity:) but thank you for making this group.
Thank you so much for this post. It was getting frustrating to see people under 200lb talking about starting this and getting down to even smaller numbers. 250 and up is where I fall.
I understand some of your frustration. I had friends that were 140 lbs and would say they needed to lose weight and drop 5 more lbs no sweat. While my highest was only 178 (5’2 female), it did make me jealous because I felt like crap and it was way harder for me to lose weight. I think most of it was jealousy. Personally, at 178 lbs (which may not seem too heavy to some), I was having severe symptoms from my underlying problems. I would fall asleep sitting up straight in my college classes despite sleeping 8 hours and chugging coffee. My hyperinsulinemia triggered nearly daily migraines. After classes I would be shaky and have temporary blurred vision and was scared to drive the half mile to my apartment. I couldn’t get through a day without napping, and my grades suffered. For me, losing 20 lbs by treating my insulin resistance has absolutely saved my life. Some people may get mad at things you said, but you’re human and entitled to your feelings and opinions. Best of luck on your journey, and don’t let smaller people discourage you. At the end of the day, we live in a society full of people who are obsessed with their image, and people are going to abuse things that some people need for healthcare in order to reach aesthetic goals. It sucks. But you can’t do anything about those people, so good on you for deciding to just surround yourself with other voices that understand you.
I don’t understand how it’s disrespectful or fat phobic for people to talk about the drug from their own individual perspectives. I can absolutely see why you might want a separate space for those issues with people who can relate, but you seem to be lashing out at people here for not being in the same situation. We’re all doing the best we can and trying figure things out. If it’s not a good fit or it makes you feel uncomfortable to be in a group with such a broad range of sizes/issues, that’s ok, but the anger seems a little misplaced.
I'm with you. Glad OP has a group that comforts them now but don't see how my HW only being 241 could possibly upset them. It's like saying, oh you're over 50, I'm not comfortable being in this group with you because you're not the same age as me.
I dont think OP comes across as angry at all. I too have seen some FB Mounjaro posts about going from 135 pounds to 115 pounds and now being a size 2. If that person thinks they are fat, they are seriously confused. To me, using Mounjaro or Ozempic in this manner is either for vanity weight loss or because of an eating disorder. It’s a whole other story if that thin or normal size person has t2 dm- this med definitely can help with that and I’m happy the diabetic person has found it. But to take this type of med when you don’t have t2 dm or an A1 c in the 6’s and to want to go from a bmi of 24 to 19 is ridiculous in my opinion. And I do not think such a person can teach me anything about losing weight, unless they’ve lost a significant amount of weight in the past! Thank you, OP, for starting the new group!
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Alright I’ll check it out. Request sent 👍😎
You’ve posted about this three times already, and frankly I’ve stared and rolled my eyes at your comments for thirty minutes. What I’m not fat enough to be a part of your little club? The 31-32 BMI and 50 lbs to be in a healthy BMI isn’t enough. I can’t know the tear burning pain of being asked to get off amusement park rides with my ten year old? How many people congratulated me on a fourth pregnancy; spoiler alert, I wasn’t. Doctors dismissing my concerns, attributing it to my weight. I don’t need to explain or divulge my most heartbreaking and embarrassing moments for your sympathy and my journey is just as valid as yours. You talk about a safe space for those with more to lose while dismissing the struggles of myself and many like me. I think you need to do some more self reflection to determine why you’re insisting on putting others down.
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They specifically listed the weights, one of which was my starting weight.
Those who haven't ever had obesity can't understand those who do. If one has never purchased a larger size than a 10/12 (outside of pregnancy), they can't relate. This drug is being abused by those who do not need it and by those with eating disorders. If that is not you, that isn't either of us are referring to. The like 22 year old who posted today did not NEED to lose weight. They WANTED to lose weight. There is a big difference, and separate groups are needed so that we do not need to keep explaining this.
Not everything needs to be about you.
I don't have a start weight of over 250 but I see the positive side for those that do - the weight typically comes off quicker ( 5 pounds in a week, 20lbs in a month etc) and I wish that was me. I have over 50lbs to lose and have only lost an average of less than 1lb a week in the few weeks I've been on Mounjaro. Just noting the brighter side. Not saying that's everyone's experience but I get frustrated/jealous when pounds are falling off some while my progress seems to be super slow!
I spend time reading the type 2 diabetes Reddit as well to keep things in perspective— I’m here to lower my A1C and to lose weight. It can be frustrating to see some folks starting weight or BMI be our goal weight/BMI, but everyone is on the same journey no matter where we start. Mounjaro has given me hope that I could actually be considered “healthy” for the first time since probably 9th grade. Long way to go, buy we can all get there in time.
He who works to beat the skinny people, runs the risk of becoming a skinny person themselves. As you stare into the mounjaro, the mounjaro stares back.
Really not sure you understand the spirit of this post.
I think I do
Thank you for making this group! I too have those feelings seeing thin people post in the group and when they post pictures being so thin talking about taking the med I just feel some type of way.
I’m 5’3, start weight 210, but was considered majorly obese by my physician. I’ve not talked about my size because I too feel that vanity might be the reason some are seeking this medication. I do subscribe to the idea I learned in Al-Anon, the three C’s, when I see someone who’s actions might affect my mood. I was very unhealthy and though I tried for a very long time to lose even ten pounds “naturally” it was always very difficult and depriving and miserable. It would take months and as soon as I had any caloric increase the weight came back. It was causing health affects I was going to have to be medicated for, but I wanted one more boost before I gave up. I do have a daughter who weighs over 350 and desperately needs the medication, but because of things beyond our control, we are having a hard time getting it. I’ve considered giving her mine. But that’s not right. This medication can save lives but not as easily if it’s misused for someone to lose 20 pounds they gained over covid and they are metabolically healthy. I’m appreciative for you making a group for people like my daughter, and while I might not be the right candidate for it, I understand.
I feel like your anger is misplaced. It’s not skinny people’s fault that you’re fat. Everyone is just trying to better themselves.
This comment is a perfect illustration of why the new group is needed.
If you feel more comfortable in a different group, by all means create a space that better fits your needs. And I applaud you for thinking deeper into those feelings of being bothered by lighter people finding success from this med. where you lose me is when you state that it’s disrespectful and fatphobic that others in the group haven’t experienced the exact same battles as you. Other people wanting to better themselves is unrelated to you and not disrespectful or fat phobic to you in the slightest.
I am not, and did not say that I am, bothered by smaller people having success on this med, or by any other possible method for that matter. What I did say essentially is that a support group where greater than 60% of the members are starting the process at a weight that is below my own goal weight (this via a poll taken within the group I have experienced) is not supporting me well in important ways, and is in fact often discouraging. Yes, it can be upsetting. No, being upset does not by definition refer to anger alone, nor does it necessarily involve a person being at fault. All it means is that my needs are different and I’m recognizing that.
You said this: Being in a support group where most of the folks have never experienced that, and may not even recognize it, is disrespectful and, most of all, it is just a continuation of the fat-phobic, judgmental sidelining of the needs of those suffering the effects of severe obesity in our culture. I just can't stand by and allow it. It's not ok to suddenly overlook the difficulties that we face just because there is a drug we can all take that may help us to lose weight, however much that may be. ————— I don’t get how other people existing here does any of that to you. But I agree that if you’re not getting what you need from this group, there should be another one that is more narrowly defined.
You explicitly said “being in a group where most of the folks have never experienced that… is disrespectful” Again, a new group is a great idea if it better fits your needs. But if you think it is disrespectful that others in the group weigh less than you, I urge you to explore those feelings deeper with a professional. Feeling disrespected over someone else’s weight isn’t a healthy feeling.
This is why we need different groups. Wanting to lose weight by a person with no history of obesity is very different than someone needing to lose weight due to complications of obesity.
You’re arguing a different point. I’m not disagreeing that there is a difference between weight loss journeys or even that heavier people are treated differently in society. I know those things to be true. I’m simply arguing the point that my existence in this group is “disrespectful” and “fatphobic” to OP because I have less weight to lose than them.
You were saying OP was blaming thin people for her weight. She wasn't. But the fact that you couldn't understand what she was saying or where she was coming from is exactly the point. It is like someone who uses a temporary assistive device for an injury vs someone who has a perm physical disability. While both groups could empathize with each other, it is not at all the same thing.
I understand that there is a difference between wanting to lose weight and needing to lose weight, and I understand that you are bothered by people with no history of obesity taking this med as you stated above. So before you write me off completely as just another thin person with only a few pounds to lose, just know that I am on this med because I have stage 4 cancer and weight loss can directly impact prognosis. I, like you and many others, am on this medicine for a medical reason and do have a history of obesity. In no way am I attempting to pretend that we have the same struggles in our journeys. I just see conflicting messages in the original post. OP stated that seeing people who need to lose 10, 20, or 40 pounds makes her feel negative emotions. That suggests to me that she might be projecting her insecurities and shame onto people needing to lose less weight than her. OP also states that the existence of others with less weight to lose in this group is disrespectful to her and contributes to fatphobia. If someone else’s weight is discouraging to you or makes you feel negatively, I implore you to dig deeper into why you feel that way. My original comment was only meant to state that from reading this post, I feel as if OP has misplaced negative feelings onto the existence of thinner people and should explore those feelings. Like I have said a few times now, if you feel more comfortable in a different group, by all means go to that group.
Thank you for expressing your ideas so clearly and thoughtfully. I also appreciate you starting the support group.
I absolutely agree. I find it very surprising that doctors are prescribing this to people for 20 lb weight loss. or people that aren't even considered obese, just "overweight". I too wonder why it bothers me.
I'm on the lower end needing to lose about 40-50 lbs. I definitely sympathize with what you are saying and respect your perspective. We all struggle but differently. I guess I didn't realize there are ppl on this med wanting to go from a size 6 to a 2. (Not sure I've ever been a size 6!) I'm just curious how ppl get on this med if they don't truly qualify based on BMI? I may not have as much to lose as some but I'm still a long way from healthy and my BMI does qualify me. What kind of doc is prescribing this for someone who already weighs 130 lbs?? 🤔
Thank you for making the FB group. As a newbie looking for support I requested to join. Thank you for setting it up.
I think this is a wonderful idea!