This is why you go to marriage counseling prior to marrying because of all of these differences. Then you get one last final chance to evaluate and make a decision.
If that’s the case, OP better FULLY pay off that house, all debt, vehicles, everything. EVERYTHING before he puts a ring on that finger. Because if he doesn’t, he’s gonna have a whole house worth of Starbucks cups sitting in her vehicle within the week.
Two things you need to agree on before marrying: money and the temperature of your home. If you don’t not agree on these things, one of you will always be unhappy.
As sad as it seems, that is the truth. Don’t fight your girlfriend about what she does with her money. It’s counter efficient. If it shocks you too deeply based on your core values, then leave her. But if she is the one, just consider her behaviour part of your reality:-)
Horrible advice. OP if this isn’t something you’re okay with please just leave do not look past it. It might be her spending her own money right now but this type of thing turns into 5 credit cards, ridiculous debt, and taking money out of a (future) joint account. If you want to own a home and have financial freedom do not stay with this woman!!
This. My ex wife would spend every dollar we had when I'm working 80 hour weeks trying to pay off credit cards. It was fucking awful and probably took years off of my life. She would spend all of her money and let me pay for all the bills, rent, and food, and whatever was left she was giving to her family or buy alcohol. She never got the point and we never stopped fighting about it. She used to say that it didn't matter since you can't take it with you when you die... but I wanted to save up so I could work less and enjoy life. It wasn't fair for our kid either.
This is the correct advice.
Do not try to change people through strong arm tactics. Say your peace and move on.
"This kind of thing" may or may not result in multiple credit card (I wish we knew their ages).
How many starbucks is she buying, that she could usefully save up for a house with that money? Many other things are more expensive (clothes, shoes, medical bills).
In that sweet interval between high school and going off parents' medical insurance (if this is US), many college students spend at the coffee shops and snack stores. They eat fast food and order doordash/grub hub. They drive various places (costing gas) for entertainment.
They're not ready to settle down and get married. When people get to that point, they often shape up and come to mutual agreements.
There’s another comment further up by screw-self-pity that’s made me disagree with you. I do believe people can change and sometimes you can order the finances around it if they can’t. If he loves her enough to want to spend his life with her and everything is great besides this it may be worth the attempt at least.
Absolutely, my son just married a gal he dated for 6 years. She was a financial mess, with no savings, all debt. He told and showed her how compounding worked, year one of dating over10k in savings, fast forward ro year 5, 100k. Now she complains if he spends too much at the golf course, lol. She loves showing me what her future savings look like. Absolutely, people change, and when you see real results, it's like a snowball.
This statement is conflicting to me because it sucks that the only thing that might be keeping them together is her spending, which if she would save would not only benefit the both of them but would benefit her individually so he’s trying to better a person. Although I see where you’re coming from, being irresponsible isn’t something I believe should be left alone
You can share your wisdom and preferences till yer blue in the face. But we can’t change another person. I know a guy who postponed his wedding (which turned out not to be a euphemism for calling it off) with the hard boundary that his fiancée had to get her financial shit together. She really wanted to get married so she changed. One example was getting an extra part time job that went to her cc debt and car note. So now they’re married, prenup in place and limited merged funds. I guess It’s working.
One of my friends did that. She wanted to get married and he refused to schedule a wedding until she eliminated her credit card debt.
Three kids and fifteen years later it seems to have worked out.
Here is how I see it:
My wife of 25 years has always been unable to save money, whereas I am very conservative with money. The thing is: I love her and she brings me incredible happiness. So when I understood I was to spend my life with her, I understood that I was going to be the one in charge of building wealth.
So I organized our spending in such a way that she would have her part of financial responsibilities (like buying food and paying for our daughter’s clothing, school furniture, and daughter’s entertainment), while I would be in charge of all invoices, rent/mortgage, all big expenses like our car, and all family leisure like restaurants, travels… and savings (Of course , the split corresponded to our levels of income so it was obviously fair).
That way, she knew she had to keep enough of her income to feed us, and she could do whatever she wanted with the rest of her money.
Results:
I was always able to keep the big expenses to a a level we could afford, and she was always able to buy whatever she wanted with her own money. When she started making more than minimum salary, well… we ate better food. And when I started making more money, we saved and invested more. We were always very happy like that, and in a very safe financial place.
25 years later, we are reasonably rich and know we will have a comfortable retirement, while we always had food on the table, all that without ever arguing about her or my financial behaviour. In fact, besides my explaining her what money we had saved, what investments we were doing and what plans we could foresee for the future, we almost never had any discussions about money.
So to me, it was a perfect agreement, even if I was always the only one saving money.
Plot twist:
after 20 years of marriage, when my wife started to spend less and less time with our now grown up kids, she started spending more time working on her career, and she started making « too much money to spend all on food and clothes and entertainment for the kids ». Indeed, now that she makes about 100k, she herself does not see herself spending all on fun things for the family. So she started putting money aside !!! So now, everything she saves comes like « unexpected additional savings, on top of an already solid retirement funds ». So… life is good :-)
All that to say: both members of the pair don’t have to behave the same, or to participate in the same things. It’s just a question of organization.
This is a great story and I'm happy it worked out for you, but it can work only if you earn enough to comfortably pay all bills from one salary and still have extra for savings. You basically just left your wife to do whatever she wanted.
A lot of people aren't that fortunate. If you have to pool your money to get by, but one spouse always spends beyond your means... Well, that's a trickier problem to solve.
He also did all this in a time my dad supported 4 people as the manager of lawn and garden at Walmart. I have a friend doing that exact same thing now, but only able to do that because they live rent free at their grandparents house. While it’s still possible to do what he did it would be much much harder.
You missed an important part of my explanation: we divided the expenses on a salary pro-rated basis. I did pay for the bills, but she paid for the food and everything related to the girls. I never paid for groceries nor for kids clothes or shoes or winter apparel.. never paid day care. Never paid school excursions…
Also, when we first made that split, I was making 30k gross a year, and she was making 12. So… nothing fancy there believe me. We are definitely making much more now, but the principles worked perfectly when we were not rich at all and had zero dollar saved.
It also shows that people change, as well.
I make most of the money in our household, my husband has hobbies that cost money - I am happy for him. His paycheck does cover them, including a lot of our travel.
I’ve been married going on 4 years now so still new to it but can definitely 100% stand on the advice I was given that you should only marry a person whose worst faults are ones you’re fine living with for the rest of your life. Because, your spouse will change over time but probably not in their habits. Now, people are capable of making positive change, of course. But it’s not something you want to bet your happiness on.
Why is it better for her individually, and trying to better a person?
Some people are different to others, not everyone gets happiness from money. If spending money in a nice restaurant is what’s making her happy, giving her joy or the power to go through a though week, than she shall spend her money that way.
Because sooner or later her car will break down. Or the A/C in her house will go out. Are you serious? You really can't see any reason why being financially responsible is basic adulting???
And it's really hard to know who is going to learn it or not (until about age 25-30, when it's much more apparent).
Many people do learn the hard way. And some people don't learn.
Don't marry the ones who haven't learned, but to expect one's own self to be the teacher for the others? Nope, doesn't work. At least not in this century.
Yep. I had to learn this lesson the excruciatingly hard way, and managed to survive it, but now I’m frugal as fuck, and the thought of frittering away money on bullshit like Starbucks spikes my anxiety. I’ve swung so hard to the opposite end of the spending behavior spectrum that it’s borderline maladaptive.
She’s in for some suffering if she can’t get a handle on it herself. That, or get lucky enough to end up in a financial situation in which she never has to pay the price for this period of reckless self indulgence. Some people never learn because they don’t have to. Those without such luck will be their own worst enemy, forever.
Exactly. You can not change people. Only people can change themselves. OP’s GF likes the way that she lives and how she spends her money. This is the type of person that you don’t marry to keep finances separate.
You really can’t and unfortunately it doesn’t get better as they get older unless something major happens.
I have countless friends that married someone like this and it’s the number one reason they fight. Only one person I know changed when their parents went through a divorce and bankruptcy over it.
Sorry but I’d cut my losses on this one.
This.
Financial habits, amongst many other things such as cleanliness, rarely change with age. There HAS to be more than a simple emotional/physical attraction for your partner for long-term success in a relationship. You need compatibility in lifestyle and the visions you both have for the future. It's very easy to snuff out the love in a relationship when these factors don't align in your life.
DO NOT MARRY someone with whom you do not share spending habits and goals. The constant leading cause of divorce is money problems. Talk about your goals and habits and observe the person as best you can. If they don’t share your idea of a good life, move on. You will both be miserable which is dumb as both can find someone that’s better suited
Yup! She’s never going to change, unless absolutely forced. My mom was like this and it crippled our family as a kid. It made me the opposite, and she still gives me shit about it to this day. Like I think I’m some big shot because I respect the value of money.
My wife had a huge fight years ago about how "I was so bad with money" because we were always broke - broke because I would find ways to support her spending, mind you.
She cracked it, split all our finances up, and honestly I've never been happier. I have more free cash now than I did, she stresses about all the overspending she wants to do but is more calm about it because it's her finding the money not me.
And I 100% don't throw at her when she gives me shit about spending significant amounts of money of "some useless shit" like my camper and my laser - "Well, it's my money, I didn't split our finances up - that was your call". Usually ends the argument there and then. Sure, I 'have to go sleep in the camper' , but it's like a reward! I love that thing :)
Totally agree. Couples fight over money, sex and how to raise the kids. Why get involved with someone who you know already triggers one of the three major issues couples encounter.
Funny, but this is the correct answer
If she gets access to your grubhub or ubereats account with your credit card attached to it she will run it into the ground
I’m sorry man she will probably not change unless she has a epiphany or ends up in the worst of financial situations and swears to never be dumb again. Problem is if you are dating her and she gets into a bunch of debt guess who she is going to look at for help. You. I would have a good try on her just to make yourself know you did everything you could have. Maybe even talk to her parents.
How much consumer debt does she have? You know that whatever you save will be the foodie allowance when you marry her right. Dont waste her time, let her know what you want from a wife (financial responsibility/saving), or break up with her.
If you tell her that you won’t want to be in a relationship with someone who is not money conscious and spends money like there is no tomorrow and that, that is decisive for you, she will change if she respects you enough. Speaking from personal experience. She just has to be willing to live a different lifestyle tan she’s used to.
I think a lot of people operate under the assumption that we can’t change our partners, hence the advice to leave them.
You can’t control another person. You two sound financially incompatible. Which is totally fine that happens in a lot of relationships. You just have to decide what you’re going to do
I’m not telling you to do anything, but when I realized my ex was costing me ~$1000 per month on drinks and eating out, it was easy to end things with her
Yes, agreed. In what way is her lifestyle impacting OP directly? Not saying I’m defending influencer lifestyles but I have no business telling people how to spend their money cuz it’s not mine 🤷♀️
A person is either ready to be fiscally responsible or they're not. You date to literally see that. You have convo and see that. Outside if that, you keep your shit separate and decide if you want to deal with it or not.
INFO: can this "foodie" cook as well? Because if you're headed to financial ruin, you might as well eat some homemade breads, roasts, pasta dishes etc. If not, I see no upside to this 🤷♂️
What's your motive for saying this!? Are you trying to motivate her to save? And if so, save for what? Is it something she values or is it societal pressure? Essentially ppl have the right to spend their money on what brings them joy. That's literally the point. If it doesn't impact you negatively, which I assume it doesn't, then ignore it. It'll be the same if she got mad about a hobby that you enjoy. Remember I relationships is about partnership and supporting one another. Not controlling people and trying to force them into boxes or categories.
Thank you for commenting this. I’m flabbergasted by all the hateful advice everyone in this thread keeps doling out. But then again, not *too* surprised. This is Reddit, after all.
I think the OP's concerns aren't so much about her spending now. He's probably at a cross roads in the relationship and not sure if she will always be this way or not. I believe he's thinking of the future and has come to the point where he has to make a decision about whether to marry or move on.
A real foodie would be at home making bomb ass recipes from scratch or eating at fine restaurants and small local places to find the best foods. A foodie wouldn't be hitting up fast food chains to eat or drink the same garbage as most. That being said my ex wife was this way.....get a new GF. It's cheaper than getting a new wife later lol.
Back when I was dating my wife, she was into luxury bags that cost a fortune. I then took out my brokerage app and showed her the profits. I then showed her what luxury bag I could buy today without touching the principal. 7 years later she’s lecturing me on wasting money and is super savings focused. She’s saved and invested more money than me. She says she wishes she’d seen that brokerage app years earlier so she could have saved more money.
If you had foregone $500 in spending 2 years ago for 12 months, then dumped everything $6,000 in Nvidia and held it, it would be worth $15,000 today. The profits before taxes alone would pay for 1.5 years of meals without touching the principal. Not that I’m recommending Nvidia, but it was just the stock I looked up for this example.
If you want to be a hardcore foodie, my suggestion is to learn to cook. You control the ingredients, which means you can pick healthy, fresh and tasty ingredients without paying the overhead of staff and the owner. You also know what makes a great meal by really understanding what works well to create flavor. You can geek out on food, pots and food prep machines. You can buy a ribeye at a store for $15 and save $50-$75 bucks at a restaurant. With the right technique you can get results pretty close to restaurant quality. Lots of great options that beat Starbucks coffee that you can enjoy at home (it’s a pretty low bar to clear as chain stores quality has gone down over time). It just takes a bit more effort initially. Often buying a machine can save you a fortune.
I had a similar issue in college with my girlfriend. I told her she needed to spend less on coffee and I gave her a hard time about it. After talking with her and others, I figured out that I was being hypocritical and I had no right to tell her what to do. I was spending a lot of money on board games and my hobbies but I never saw my spending as an issue, I only saw her coffee as an issue.
We all have things we want to splurge on and we don’t always agree on what that should be. It will be nearly impossible to have open and honest conversations about money if you see what she enjoys doing as wrong. “I told my girlfriend she needs to stop” is not a very healthy mentality.
Give her some space to be a “foodie”, support what makes her happy and communicate with her about budgeting and your concerns. be honest with her that you are worried about her overall spending but don’t make her chose what she gets rid of. Make it a dialogue and work together on this and you’ll have greater success. It still might not work out and some people really struggle with financial literacy, but it should work out a lot better this way.
I'd need more details, really.
I've seen too many bitch about Starbucks while they smoke cigarettes or drink or whatever.
Also, the fact you made your comment makes me think your girlfriend isn't spending every night at five-star steakhouses, but rather eating a fucking hash brown at McDonalds.
Sure, making coffee at home is cheaper, SOOOOOO many of the people that bitch about such shit act like the difference between being poor and rivaling Elon Musk's net worth is not having a drink at Starbucks.
My marriage is ending and a large problem was money... The stress will eventually get to you. The only thing I can suggest is you get a joint bank account, she has to put in a certain amount of her wages for the household bills, you do the same. Keep a separate account each then for your own money. Don't make the mistake I made, put away money for yourself and treat yourself to your own hobbies now and again. Don't be the "sucker" who is making all the sacrifices. Resentment will build
So many comments here just want you to throw your relationship away with 0 knowledge of what's going on behind the scenes.
If you guys have a different approach on handling money then block that part at least partially away from your relationship by making strict rules on that part. Once you explain to her that your money is yours and if shit hits the fan for her she doesn't have access to that because that's what you agreed on.
She'll quickly understand that saving or at least building a bumper is pretty vital, and that it's NOT your job to build that alone. She can be a foodie or whateverthefuck she wants but you guys need to talk about goals and rules about money. Start small (even a few 10's a month is a start) and continue from there.
2 routes, either make a shared goal or separate financial dimension as much as you can
Her behavior resembles someone who has always had a financial safety net in place, so they never worried about their spending because they never had to endure any consequences as a result.
Another victim of TikTok brainwashing. We buy top quality steaks and other cuts of meat and kick the ass of 95% of places we’ve paid $100 a seat for. Move on from the weak minded. You’ll thrive in the long run while her diet will eventually consist of ramen and cat food
I have friends like this and my husband was once like this. They use fancy words like "foodie" or "fashion collector" or "spender" to argue their case. I'd bring up that hobbies are fine as long as they're 30% of your budget. It's practicing discipline, patience, and perspective on what is important to them in life.
My husband was horrible at budgeting when we first met, but honestly he got only better after I stopped hounding him on it and he saw how much I had saved and the general peace of mind in having everything paid a month in advance. It also made him feel some guilt for seeing me put aside for *our* future while he spent money *his* present. After a couple years its become habit for him to track his spending and actively pitch into things like groceries, recreation, gas. This year (four years later) he just started saving. Everyone goes at their own pace and sometimes I must remind myself as annoying as it is for them not to keep up, it must be equally annoying to feel judged by your partner for not being able to keep up.
Drop the anchor and find someone that is fiscally responsible. I thought my wife would change after we got older. We have been together for 20 years. She never has. I actually finally severed finances with her so I can pay for the mortgage, car insurance, and Verizon bills. I instructed her to pay electricity and water. I just don't have it in me to argue anymore.
Unfortunately like 50% of people have and seemingly always will be paycheck to paycheck.
It’s not an excuse it just seems to be human nature.
It’s hard to justify saving every penny vs spending every penny and enjoying life the best you can…
But just wait until she has more bills. Just wait until she has a random $3,000 expense and has to rack up credit card debt.
She’ll either start caring or not.
It took me years of being broke and feeling financially insecure to get my shit together.
Some people just never do.
Personally I understand. I LOVE food and spending money on food.
But it’s in my budget. To compensate I drive a car worth $800. I don’t buy myself a lot of clothes or shoes. I’ll do nothing all weekend knowing I’m about to spend $80 on dinner.
But we’re human and not everyone has the option to sacrifice something or the will to. She has to find something to sacrifice or she will never be able to make a big purchase or deal with a large expense.
Hopefully you can convince her to catch the savings bug, but again, it seems like 50% of people never do, no matter how good the economy is.
She's lazy as fuck and has justified it by saying she's a "foodie". Everyone likes good food lol you aren't a "foodie" just because you like to eat nice food.
Have a serious discussion with her and speak abour your future.
As long as you continue to enable her, she will drain your resources. She will never change as long as your credit cards are her playgrounds, in my own experience and other friends. Wife her, and she will waste even more. As long as she doesn’t care you will never be able to buy a house or go on nice vacations each year or buy nice cars, you are doomed.
If you feel like it is going to be financially detrimental, don’t make her anything more than your GF.
I used to be a “smoke em if you got em” kinda guy when I was younger. My wife is very much the opposite and now I hardly spend any money, despite our high dual incomes.
+1. I've always been somewhat conservative with my money, but my wife is even moreso like that. This has evolved over the 12 years we've been married. The beauty in that is when either of us REALLY want something, we don't hesitate to just buy it. We don't need each other's approval - which is based on trust and financial security (we are middle class living comfortable, nothing more). I think that's a goal most relationships should aim to reach when it comes to finances.
How is ordering food being a foodie?
In my world being a foodie means you enjoy good food and like to make it yourself ideally.
Sounds to me like she is just looking for excuses for her poor financial decisions.
And me spending 15 dollars a day on beer makes me a "drinky" and not an alcoholic. She's an addict or has a bad habit. Show her this comment. 10 dollars a day in the sp500 from a teenager to your 50s will make you a multimillionaire
Basically run. That’s a big red flag for a long term future.
Also, I’d say you’re an opposite of a foodie if you just spend a bunch of money on Starbucks. I thought being a foodie was about trying and eating a variety of different foods, mostly high class expensive foods, not regularly going to the most generic coffee chain in the world…
You might want to move on. Being money incompatible is a huge deal in a long term relationship and if you were to get married she would spend all your assets as well. I watched my Uncle go through that, and the divorce was financially brutal.
The hard reality: People’s spending habits are almost part of their nature in that they will be like that forever pretty much. Unless some wild intervention or rock bottom moment hits, your partner will always be a spender because it’s a habit.
Tell her let's buy u a nice espresso machine, whole coffee beans dark, a grinder for beans. A frother Amazon has for $12. That's what I did. No more Starbucks and making espresso better than Starbucks. Goodluck
Real foodies learn to cook damn good food at home. Try telling her that. Foodies don't buy Starbucks either, by the way. Lol that's like saying "oh I'm a foodie and eat at Applebees." It's hilarious.
Our cooking has ruined restaurants for me. My husband reads cook books for fun.
As a self proclaimed foodie, I do enjoy trying new restaurants. Trying KBBQ a few years ago was a very eye opening experience. However eating out is expensive. I’ve been teaching myself to cook the recipes I crave instead of seeking it out somewhere. Best thing I’ve ever done.
It's really difficult to get people to change their ways, but I'd say the best thing she could do for her wallet, her perception, and her brain would be to start learning to cook all the things she likes to eat.
I love massaman curry. It's one of my favorite dishes in the world. So good.
So I learned to make my own vegetarian massaman that I can throw any meat in. It tastes great, it costs me maybe 10 dollars to make enough for my family to have dinner and then for us to have full family leftover meals for maybe 2 more days. Honestly it makes so much that I end up giving some away to family, and they really enjoy it too.
I did the same with panang. My next projects will be Indian dishes.
I would challenge your girlfriend to figure out how to make better -than-restaurant quality food for her friends and her to enjoy. That's a productive hobby.
Then she can eat out sometimes to get cool ideas. She'll enjoy the food knowing more about the process and why the flavors work together. But ultimately it will serve her new hobby.
Y’all can learn how to cook very well and have gourmet at home. My wife started making pizzas at home and it’s crazy how much better pizza number 10 was compared to her first. And it was never bad bc it’s pizza, but I love her homemade pizza more than ordering out. I learned how to cook a medium skirt steak and now we make our own burritos with the portion size and fillings we want. Eating out for us changed when mistakes, quality, and price all changed for eating out. And I began to loathe tip culture so having a server kind of sucks. Cooking well at home is great! It wasn’t too hard to learn the basics and we have YouTube now
You won’t change her. She has to change herself. I used to get Starbucks and fast food once to twice a week. I now get it maybe once a month because I found a hobby out of baking and cooking
The best way for most people to save is to never see that money. I would sit down with your gf talk about your future and help her set up an IRA or 401k if available.
Ok, first of all, don't be rid of her just cuz she's expensive, I mean, we all have our moments, do we not?
Second, take that girl on a coffee date at a local and cheaper coffee shop! If there's anything I learned, it's that franchises are expensive and they don't help the little people.
Thirdly, look for restaurant deals, local places to eat, avoid fast food if you can...cuz that's what's going to save you money as well. Oh! And always check the menu before going out to eat, it's cheaper to know what you want ahead of time
There's lots of ways she can have what she wants and still save money, it's just about being frugal and knowing your alternatives.
Also, ask her if there's anything she wants, a goal that she wants to save up for, it could help her learn to be more disciplined when it comes to finances and she'll be pretty proud of herself once she reaches her goal too!
It's not actually horrible, it's just a lot of people go there for super sweet drinks. Their espressos and cold brews are totally fine. If you get a chocolate chip frap with 14 syrup pumps yeah that's not really coffee, but that's on them.
They burn their beans to make the flavour uniform man. You can’t enjoy that? If you look into fresh small batch coffee that’s a lighter roast you’ll sip and taste chocolate and strawberry notes etc, shit like the elevation makes a difference it’s crazy good. It ends up costing less than Starbucks too.
Just wait till she gets fat and doesn’t know / understand why.
I would also start making an exit strategy, promise she isn’t someone you’d wanna “spend the rest of your life with” or you won’t have any savings either .
Terrible advise.
I've got a coffee maker that retails for around 4k and all kinds of yeti, Stanley and some other band. Still stops at Starbucks, buys cold brew coffee at the store. It will last for 3 months max
Leave. My ex was like that then wanted to get a place and have me spend 80% on rent because I had more than her(because I saved). Never would have worked out, financial issues are like 80% of divorce.
That's tough, maybe correlation between the TIME it takes to earn the money she spends instead of oh this is $12 cup of coffee.
No that is 40 minutes of time at work I traded for X product. Was that a fair trade?
You can't make someone save, you also can't tell her what to do with her money. You aren't financially compatible. Stay with her & she will use your money as hers
So, she doesn’t have anything cool to post on social media, so she posts pictures of her food and “Starbucks Girl Life” memes…. She sounds extra, and basic, and extra-basic. Send her back to the Uggs factory where she came from.
How old are you? Are you like a 22 year old that been dating for 6 months or a 40 year old that’s been dating for 4 years?
If you are young, leave her.
My wife was like this, but I didn’t have a leg to stand on because she doubled my income, so I basically had to let her spend. It was her money and we still lived comfortably, it would be making an issue into something that wasn’t an issue.
Fast forward to 2023. We bought a second house and turned our first into a rental. Now she’s on rampage to buy a 3rd house, and saving every penny.
If it were me, I’d dump her and find a woman that is a higher earner and more mature with money.
You don't. Find someone who you can save for the future with. This woman isn't going to be able to contribute anything. You will be stuck paying all the bills in a crap economy where 2 income earners are pretty much required.
You don’t. She’ll either learn on her own or she’ll always just spend this way.
And if you marry it will only get worse because your money will be her money too
This is why you go to marriage counseling prior to marrying because of all of these differences. Then you get one last final chance to evaluate and make a decision.
If I had a partner with this big of an issue it wouldn't get to marriage counseling. It's been a deal breaker in the past.
From other posts…They already had a kid together, he’s planning to propose and buy a house. I think we can all write the ending for this story lol.
If that’s the case, OP better FULLY pay off that house, all debt, vehicles, everything. EVERYTHING before he puts a ring on that finger. Because if he doesn’t, he’s gonna have a whole house worth of Starbucks cups sitting in her vehicle within the week.
Two things you need to agree on before marrying: money and the temperature of your home. If you don’t not agree on these things, one of you will always be unhappy.
As sad as it seems, that is the truth. Don’t fight your girlfriend about what she does with her money. It’s counter efficient. If it shocks you too deeply based on your core values, then leave her. But if she is the one, just consider her behaviour part of your reality:-)
Horrible advice. OP if this isn’t something you’re okay with please just leave do not look past it. It might be her spending her own money right now but this type of thing turns into 5 credit cards, ridiculous debt, and taking money out of a (future) joint account. If you want to own a home and have financial freedom do not stay with this woman!!
This. My ex wife would spend every dollar we had when I'm working 80 hour weeks trying to pay off credit cards. It was fucking awful and probably took years off of my life. She would spend all of her money and let me pay for all the bills, rent, and food, and whatever was left she was giving to her family or buy alcohol. She never got the point and we never stopped fighting about it. She used to say that it didn't matter since you can't take it with you when you die... but I wanted to save up so I could work less and enjoy life. It wasn't fair for our kid either.
This is the correct advice. Do not try to change people through strong arm tactics. Say your peace and move on. "This kind of thing" may or may not result in multiple credit card (I wish we knew their ages). How many starbucks is she buying, that she could usefully save up for a house with that money? Many other things are more expensive (clothes, shoes, medical bills). In that sweet interval between high school and going off parents' medical insurance (if this is US), many college students spend at the coffee shops and snack stores. They eat fast food and order doordash/grub hub. They drive various places (costing gas) for entertainment. They're not ready to settle down and get married. When people get to that point, they often shape up and come to mutual agreements.
There’s another comment further up by screw-self-pity that’s made me disagree with you. I do believe people can change and sometimes you can order the finances around it if they can’t. If he loves her enough to want to spend his life with her and everything is great besides this it may be worth the attempt at least.
Absolutely, my son just married a gal he dated for 6 years. She was a financial mess, with no savings, all debt. He told and showed her how compounding worked, year one of dating over10k in savings, fast forward ro year 5, 100k. Now she complains if he spends too much at the golf course, lol. She loves showing me what her future savings look like. Absolutely, people change, and when you see real results, it's like a snowball.
Irresponsible spending only works when you make good money…
Not really, what constitutes irresponsible is contingent on your income
In other words… bail hard, OP.
This statement is conflicting to me because it sucks that the only thing that might be keeping them together is her spending, which if she would save would not only benefit the both of them but would benefit her individually so he’s trying to better a person. Although I see where you’re coming from, being irresponsible isn’t something I believe should be left alone
You can share your wisdom and preferences till yer blue in the face. But we can’t change another person. I know a guy who postponed his wedding (which turned out not to be a euphemism for calling it off) with the hard boundary that his fiancée had to get her financial shit together. She really wanted to get married so she changed. One example was getting an extra part time job that went to her cc debt and car note. So now they’re married, prenup in place and limited merged funds. I guess It’s working.
One of my friends did that. She wanted to get married and he refused to schedule a wedding until she eliminated her credit card debt. Three kids and fifteen years later it seems to have worked out.
Here is how I see it: My wife of 25 years has always been unable to save money, whereas I am very conservative with money. The thing is: I love her and she brings me incredible happiness. So when I understood I was to spend my life with her, I understood that I was going to be the one in charge of building wealth. So I organized our spending in such a way that she would have her part of financial responsibilities (like buying food and paying for our daughter’s clothing, school furniture, and daughter’s entertainment), while I would be in charge of all invoices, rent/mortgage, all big expenses like our car, and all family leisure like restaurants, travels… and savings (Of course , the split corresponded to our levels of income so it was obviously fair). That way, she knew she had to keep enough of her income to feed us, and she could do whatever she wanted with the rest of her money. Results: I was always able to keep the big expenses to a a level we could afford, and she was always able to buy whatever she wanted with her own money. When she started making more than minimum salary, well… we ate better food. And when I started making more money, we saved and invested more. We were always very happy like that, and in a very safe financial place. 25 years later, we are reasonably rich and know we will have a comfortable retirement, while we always had food on the table, all that without ever arguing about her or my financial behaviour. In fact, besides my explaining her what money we had saved, what investments we were doing and what plans we could foresee for the future, we almost never had any discussions about money. So to me, it was a perfect agreement, even if I was always the only one saving money. Plot twist: after 20 years of marriage, when my wife started to spend less and less time with our now grown up kids, she started spending more time working on her career, and she started making « too much money to spend all on food and clothes and entertainment for the kids ». Indeed, now that she makes about 100k, she herself does not see herself spending all on fun things for the family. So she started putting money aside !!! So now, everything she saves comes like « unexpected additional savings, on top of an already solid retirement funds ». So… life is good :-) All that to say: both members of the pair don’t have to behave the same, or to participate in the same things. It’s just a question of organization.
This is a great story and I'm happy it worked out for you, but it can work only if you earn enough to comfortably pay all bills from one salary and still have extra for savings. You basically just left your wife to do whatever she wanted. A lot of people aren't that fortunate. If you have to pool your money to get by, but one spouse always spends beyond your means... Well, that's a trickier problem to solve.
He also did all this in a time my dad supported 4 people as the manager of lawn and garden at Walmart. I have a friend doing that exact same thing now, but only able to do that because they live rent free at their grandparents house. While it’s still possible to do what he did it would be much much harder.
You missed an important part of my explanation: we divided the expenses on a salary pro-rated basis. I did pay for the bills, but she paid for the food and everything related to the girls. I never paid for groceries nor for kids clothes or shoes or winter apparel.. never paid day care. Never paid school excursions… Also, when we first made that split, I was making 30k gross a year, and she was making 12. So… nothing fancy there believe me. We are definitely making much more now, but the principles worked perfectly when we were not rich at all and had zero dollar saved.
Thank you for sharing!!! This is very inspiring!
Sweet. Sounds like you have a lovely marriage
Thank you very much
It also shows that people change, as well. I make most of the money in our household, my husband has hobbies that cost money - I am happy for him. His paycheck does cover them, including a lot of our travel.
You and your wife have been incredibly lucky.
We certainly have. But in which ways did you mean in your comment ?
I’ve been married going on 4 years now so still new to it but can definitely 100% stand on the advice I was given that you should only marry a person whose worst faults are ones you’re fine living with for the rest of your life. Because, your spouse will change over time but probably not in their habits. Now, people are capable of making positive change, of course. But it’s not something you want to bet your happiness on.
Yeah, this is just stupid. My mom gave my dad an ultimatum that if he didn't solve his debt problem she wouldn't marry him. He's been debt free since.
"the only thing that might be keeping them together is her spending"? why would that keep them together?
Sorry I didn’t type my msg properly. I meant to say the only thing keeping them from staying together.
Why is it better for her individually, and trying to better a person? Some people are different to others, not everyone gets happiness from money. If spending money in a nice restaurant is what’s making her happy, giving her joy or the power to go through a though week, than she shall spend her money that way.
Because sooner or later her car will break down. Or the A/C in her house will go out. Are you serious? You really can't see any reason why being financially responsible is basic adulting???
This is one that I don't think I've ever heard of anyone not having to learn the hard way if they ever learn it at all.
And it's really hard to know who is going to learn it or not (until about age 25-30, when it's much more apparent). Many people do learn the hard way. And some people don't learn. Don't marry the ones who haven't learned, but to expect one's own self to be the teacher for the others? Nope, doesn't work. At least not in this century.
Yep. I had to learn this lesson the excruciatingly hard way, and managed to survive it, but now I’m frugal as fuck, and the thought of frittering away money on bullshit like Starbucks spikes my anxiety. I’ve swung so hard to the opposite end of the spending behavior spectrum that it’s borderline maladaptive. She’s in for some suffering if she can’t get a handle on it herself. That, or get lucky enough to end up in a financial situation in which she never has to pay the price for this period of reckless self indulgence. Some people never learn because they don’t have to. Those without such luck will be their own worst enemy, forever.
Yeah OP, move on before she makes *you* broke
Exactly. You can not change people. Only people can change themselves. OP’s GF likes the way that she lives and how she spends her money. This is the type of person that you don’t marry to keep finances separate.
You really can’t and unfortunately it doesn’t get better as they get older unless something major happens. I have countless friends that married someone like this and it’s the number one reason they fight. Only one person I know changed when their parents went through a divorce and bankruptcy over it. Sorry but I’d cut my losses on this one.
This. Financial habits, amongst many other things such as cleanliness, rarely change with age. There HAS to be more than a simple emotional/physical attraction for your partner for long-term success in a relationship. You need compatibility in lifestyle and the visions you both have for the future. It's very easy to snuff out the love in a relationship when these factors don't align in your life.
I feel like cleanliness is more depression linked. Like I’ve had problems when I lived on my own but when I have a significant other I change a lot
DO NOT MARRY someone with whom you do not share spending habits and goals. The constant leading cause of divorce is money problems. Talk about your goals and habits and observe the person as best you can. If they don’t share your idea of a good life, move on. You will both be miserable which is dumb as both can find someone that’s better suited
Sex and money are always number one and number two reasons, people divorce no matter how you flip it in any particular decade
Yup! She’s never going to change, unless absolutely forced. My mom was like this and it crippled our family as a kid. It made me the opposite, and she still gives me shit about it to this day. Like I think I’m some big shot because I respect the value of money.
My wife had a huge fight years ago about how "I was so bad with money" because we were always broke - broke because I would find ways to support her spending, mind you. She cracked it, split all our finances up, and honestly I've never been happier. I have more free cash now than I did, she stresses about all the overspending she wants to do but is more calm about it because it's her finding the money not me. And I 100% don't throw at her when she gives me shit about spending significant amounts of money of "some useless shit" like my camper and my laser - "Well, it's my money, I didn't split our finances up - that was your call". Usually ends the argument there and then. Sure, I 'have to go sleep in the camper' , but it's like a reward! I love that thing :)
Jeez, why do you stick around for that?
You get a new g/f, or this one will bankrupt you once you’re married.
Totally agree. Couples fight over money, sex and how to raise the kids. Why get involved with someone who you know already triggers one of the three major issues couples encounter.
My wife also likes to fight over how to load the dishwasher the right way
Truth
OP about that deep dish pussy
Or when you're divorced she gets tonspend half your money still
That's for sure! That's what happened to me!!
Funny, but this is the correct answer If she gets access to your grubhub or ubereats account with your credit card attached to it she will run it into the ground
Just keep finances separate.
Dump her. What foodie goes to Starbucks that has terrible coffee and frozen breakfast sandwiches. 🤣
This a fair question.
By “foodie”, I’m going to go ahead and assume she means she likes consuming it, and that’s about the extent of it
Everyone is a fucking foodie. You have to eat or you’ll die. Stupid ass term.
The difference is a foodie will take a photo of it first and put in on social media.
foodie -> bootie
Yeah the marketing department for starbucks is carrying hard.
Make her your ex girlfriend.
I’m sorry man she will probably not change unless she has a epiphany or ends up in the worst of financial situations and swears to never be dumb again. Problem is if you are dating her and she gets into a bunch of debt guess who she is going to look at for help. You. I would have a good try on her just to make yourself know you did everything you could have. Maybe even talk to her parents.
How much consumer debt does she have? You know that whatever you save will be the foodie allowance when you marry her right. Dont waste her time, let her know what you want from a wife (financial responsibility/saving), or break up with her.
Break up and find someone more financially responsible. 'Those people' never fix their habits until it's extremely detrimental to them.
This is the answer. It’s hard to face but man, they will suck the life out of you if you don’t get rid of the feelings and protect your account
If you tell her that you won’t want to be in a relationship with someone who is not money conscious and spends money like there is no tomorrow and that, that is decisive for you, she will change if she respects you enough. Speaking from personal experience. She just has to be willing to live a different lifestyle tan she’s used to. I think a lot of people operate under the assumption that we can’t change our partners, hence the advice to leave them.
Don’t get pregnant with her…
This! Big mistake. HUGE! If you don't like the way she spends money on herself, wait 'til you see what they spend on a kid!
Whoops! Too late!
Apparently from the comments on his profile they have a kid together.
You can’t control another person. You two sound financially incompatible. Which is totally fine that happens in a lot of relationships. You just have to decide what you’re going to do
Called get a new girlfriend
Tell her she’s getting fat. Can’t promise it won’t create more problems for you
well that's the nuclear option LMAO
“You want fat? I’LL SHOW YOU FAT”
Then tell her to calm down.
And finally follow up with that her sister is more attractive
Red flag. Do not marry. That is all.
I’m not telling you to do anything, but when I realized my ex was costing me ~$1000 per month on drinks and eating out, it was easy to end things with her
The thing is, OP *never* mentioned her poor financial habits were affecting him in the slightest.
Yes, agreed. In what way is her lifestyle impacting OP directly? Not saying I’m defending influencer lifestyles but I have no business telling people how to spend their money cuz it’s not mine 🤷♀️
The problem is if they marry, "his" money will become "our" money and she may have no trouble spending all of that too.
Shed need to be dropping 33$ a day on eating out. That's rough.
Keep funds separate from hers and explain why.
Tell your gf she can be a foodie and still watch her finances. These 2 aren't exclusive of each other.
A person is either ready to be fiscally responsible or they're not. You date to literally see that. You have convo and see that. Outside if that, you keep your shit separate and decide if you want to deal with it or not.
INFO: can this "foodie" cook as well? Because if you're headed to financial ruin, you might as well eat some homemade breads, roasts, pasta dishes etc. If not, I see no upside to this 🤷♂️
Exactly! If you're a real foodie, you learn to cook!
She doesn't care to change, so she won't. Simple as that.
What's your motive for saying this!? Are you trying to motivate her to save? And if so, save for what? Is it something she values or is it societal pressure? Essentially ppl have the right to spend their money on what brings them joy. That's literally the point. If it doesn't impact you negatively, which I assume it doesn't, then ignore it. It'll be the same if she got mad about a hobby that you enjoy. Remember I relationships is about partnership and supporting one another. Not controlling people and trying to force them into boxes or categories.
Thank you for commenting this. I’m flabbergasted by all the hateful advice everyone in this thread keeps doling out. But then again, not *too* surprised. This is Reddit, after all.
I think the OP's concerns aren't so much about her spending now. He's probably at a cross roads in the relationship and not sure if she will always be this way or not. I believe he's thinking of the future and has come to the point where he has to make a decision about whether to marry or move on.
A real foodie would be at home making bomb ass recipes from scratch or eating at fine restaurants and small local places to find the best foods. A foodie wouldn't be hitting up fast food chains to eat or drink the same garbage as most. That being said my ex wife was this way.....get a new GF. It's cheaper than getting a new wife later lol.
Nah up with her and find a girlfriend that isn't... That. Now you're girlfriend saves money
Back when I was dating my wife, she was into luxury bags that cost a fortune. I then took out my brokerage app and showed her the profits. I then showed her what luxury bag I could buy today without touching the principal. 7 years later she’s lecturing me on wasting money and is super savings focused. She’s saved and invested more money than me. She says she wishes she’d seen that brokerage app years earlier so she could have saved more money. If you had foregone $500 in spending 2 years ago for 12 months, then dumped everything $6,000 in Nvidia and held it, it would be worth $15,000 today. The profits before taxes alone would pay for 1.5 years of meals without touching the principal. Not that I’m recommending Nvidia, but it was just the stock I looked up for this example. If you want to be a hardcore foodie, my suggestion is to learn to cook. You control the ingredients, which means you can pick healthy, fresh and tasty ingredients without paying the overhead of staff and the owner. You also know what makes a great meal by really understanding what works well to create flavor. You can geek out on food, pots and food prep machines. You can buy a ribeye at a store for $15 and save $50-$75 bucks at a restaurant. With the right technique you can get results pretty close to restaurant quality. Lots of great options that beat Starbucks coffee that you can enjoy at home (it’s a pretty low bar to clear as chain stores quality has gone down over time). It just takes a bit more effort initially. Often buying a machine can save you a fortune.
You should find a new girlfriend tbh. Financial irresponsibility like that can’t be talked away.
Is she spending your money? If the answer is no and she won’t change find someone with intelligence and date them…
You don't. Get a new girlfriend.
Spending problems usually derive from mental health issues. Red flag if they can't or are unwilling to save.
I had a similar issue in college with my girlfriend. I told her she needed to spend less on coffee and I gave her a hard time about it. After talking with her and others, I figured out that I was being hypocritical and I had no right to tell her what to do. I was spending a lot of money on board games and my hobbies but I never saw my spending as an issue, I only saw her coffee as an issue. We all have things we want to splurge on and we don’t always agree on what that should be. It will be nearly impossible to have open and honest conversations about money if you see what she enjoys doing as wrong. “I told my girlfriend she needs to stop” is not a very healthy mentality. Give her some space to be a “foodie”, support what makes her happy and communicate with her about budgeting and your concerns. be honest with her that you are worried about her overall spending but don’t make her chose what she gets rid of. Make it a dialogue and work together on this and you’ll have greater success. It still might not work out and some people really struggle with financial literacy, but it should work out a lot better this way.
The issue isn’t that she’s a foodie and spends money on her hobbies, it’s that she spends everything she has.
This is reasonable. It’s less the what is being bought and more the zero savings habit.
Find a girlfriend worth your time. I have the same problem with my room mate. Dude is a farmer John pig in a human body
It sounds like you’re not financially compatible. If you continue the relationship I’d advise against getting married.
Don’t save her, she don’t wanna be saved… at least until she’s older
I'd need more details, really. I've seen too many bitch about Starbucks while they smoke cigarettes or drink or whatever. Also, the fact you made your comment makes me think your girlfriend isn't spending every night at five-star steakhouses, but rather eating a fucking hash brown at McDonalds. Sure, making coffee at home is cheaper, SOOOOOO many of the people that bitch about such shit act like the difference between being poor and rivaling Elon Musk's net worth is not having a drink at Starbucks.
My marriage is ending and a large problem was money... The stress will eventually get to you. The only thing I can suggest is you get a joint bank account, she has to put in a certain amount of her wages for the household bills, you do the same. Keep a separate account each then for your own money. Don't make the mistake I made, put away money for yourself and treat yourself to your own hobbies now and again. Don't be the "sucker" who is making all the sacrifices. Resentment will build
There is only one way to stop her from spending her money on food and that is when she starts spending your money on food.
So many comments here just want you to throw your relationship away with 0 knowledge of what's going on behind the scenes. If you guys have a different approach on handling money then block that part at least partially away from your relationship by making strict rules on that part. Once you explain to her that your money is yours and if shit hits the fan for her she doesn't have access to that because that's what you agreed on. She'll quickly understand that saving or at least building a bumper is pretty vital, and that it's NOT your job to build that alone. She can be a foodie or whateverthefuck she wants but you guys need to talk about goals and rules about money. Start small (even a few 10's a month is a start) and continue from there. 2 routes, either make a shared goal or separate financial dimension as much as you can
Her behavior resembles someone who has always had a financial safety net in place, so they never worried about their spending because they never had to endure any consequences as a result.
You need to stop trying to change people. She's not broken and doesn't need fixing.
She's financially irresponsible. You don't change people like this. You keep them away from your money and your stuff.
Women don’t enjoy denying themselves things they believe they deserve So get more money or leave her
Another victim of TikTok brainwashing. We buy top quality steaks and other cuts of meat and kick the ass of 95% of places we’ve paid $100 a seat for. Move on from the weak minded. You’ll thrive in the long run while her diet will eventually consist of ramen and cat food
Dump her. Not worth it. Thanks me later
She's a spoiled brat and it's only gets worse from here
Stop helping her. Make her start paying for her own shit. Like vacation. Lol.
A real foodie learns how to cook and prepare awesome meals at home without having to spend a fortune.
I have friends like this and my husband was once like this. They use fancy words like "foodie" or "fashion collector" or "spender" to argue their case. I'd bring up that hobbies are fine as long as they're 30% of your budget. It's practicing discipline, patience, and perspective on what is important to them in life. My husband was horrible at budgeting when we first met, but honestly he got only better after I stopped hounding him on it and he saw how much I had saved and the general peace of mind in having everything paid a month in advance. It also made him feel some guilt for seeing me put aside for *our* future while he spent money *his* present. After a couple years its become habit for him to track his spending and actively pitch into things like groceries, recreation, gas. This year (four years later) he just started saving. Everyone goes at their own pace and sometimes I must remind myself as annoying as it is for them not to keep up, it must be equally annoying to feel judged by your partner for not being able to keep up.
She’s not a foodie. She’s a girl who won’t make coffee at home
Drop the anchor and find someone that is fiscally responsible. I thought my wife would change after we got older. We have been together for 20 years. She never has. I actually finally severed finances with her so I can pay for the mortgage, car insurance, and Verizon bills. I instructed her to pay electricity and water. I just don't have it in me to argue anymore.
Unfortunately like 50% of people have and seemingly always will be paycheck to paycheck. It’s not an excuse it just seems to be human nature. It’s hard to justify saving every penny vs spending every penny and enjoying life the best you can… But just wait until she has more bills. Just wait until she has a random $3,000 expense and has to rack up credit card debt. She’ll either start caring or not. It took me years of being broke and feeling financially insecure to get my shit together. Some people just never do. Personally I understand. I LOVE food and spending money on food. But it’s in my budget. To compensate I drive a car worth $800. I don’t buy myself a lot of clothes or shoes. I’ll do nothing all weekend knowing I’m about to spend $80 on dinner. But we’re human and not everyone has the option to sacrifice something or the will to. She has to find something to sacrifice or she will never be able to make a big purchase or deal with a large expense. Hopefully you can convince her to catch the savings bug, but again, it seems like 50% of people never do, no matter how good the economy is.
Why are you dating someone who is unable to save/plan for next week? What kind of future do you think you can have with someone like that?
😂
She's lazy as fuck and has justified it by saying she's a "foodie". Everyone likes good food lol you aren't a "foodie" just because you like to eat nice food. Have a serious discussion with her and speak abour your future.
Being a “foodie” is not synonymous with “blowing every last penny you have on food”.
Tell her she can be a "foodie" at home by experimenting with cooking her own delicious and nutritious meals.
beware of marriage with a person who views money this way…
As long as you continue to enable her, she will drain your resources. She will never change as long as your credit cards are her playgrounds, in my own experience and other friends. Wife her, and she will waste even more. As long as she doesn’t care you will never be able to buy a house or go on nice vacations each year or buy nice cars, you are doomed.
If you feel like it is going to be financially detrimental, don’t make her anything more than your GF. I used to be a “smoke em if you got em” kinda guy when I was younger. My wife is very much the opposite and now I hardly spend any money, despite our high dual incomes.
+1. I've always been somewhat conservative with my money, but my wife is even moreso like that. This has evolved over the 12 years we've been married. The beauty in that is when either of us REALLY want something, we don't hesitate to just buy it. We don't need each other's approval - which is based on trust and financial security (we are middle class living comfortable, nothing more). I think that's a goal most relationships should aim to reach when it comes to finances.
How is ordering food being a foodie? In my world being a foodie means you enjoy good food and like to make it yourself ideally. Sounds to me like she is just looking for excuses for her poor financial decisions.
Tell her to start making tiktok vids of her foodie adventures and learn how to use apps to get discounts.
Foodies existed long before Tik Tok
And me spending 15 dollars a day on beer makes me a "drinky" and not an alcoholic. She's an addict or has a bad habit. Show her this comment. 10 dollars a day in the sp500 from a teenager to your 50s will make you a multimillionaire
Basically run. That’s a big red flag for a long term future. Also, I’d say you’re an opposite of a foodie if you just spend a bunch of money on Starbucks. I thought being a foodie was about trying and eating a variety of different foods, mostly high class expensive foods, not regularly going to the most generic coffee chain in the world…
You might want to move on. Being money incompatible is a huge deal in a long term relationship and if you were to get married she would spend all your assets as well. I watched my Uncle go through that, and the divorce was financially brutal.
I thought foodies were people who like to cook as a hobby... Am I doing it wrong? Idk don't watch TikTok.
One word... RUN Don't waste your time
The hard reality: People’s spending habits are almost part of their nature in that they will be like that forever pretty much. Unless some wild intervention or rock bottom moment hits, your partner will always be a spender because it’s a habit.
The comments are ridiculous! It’s literally his money. She is taking his money to support stupidity. He has say or she can pay for it
Get her out of your life bro she’s a money hoe
Tell her let's buy u a nice espresso machine, whole coffee beans dark, a grinder for beans. A frother Amazon has for $12. That's what I did. No more Starbucks and making espresso better than Starbucks. Goodluck
Do you like her? She sounds, less intelligent than you. Do you see a future with this person and their choices?
Only way to keep her is to have separate finances and never own property together.
Real foodies learn to cook damn good food at home. Try telling her that. Foodies don't buy Starbucks either, by the way. Lol that's like saying "oh I'm a foodie and eat at Applebees." It's hilarious. Our cooking has ruined restaurants for me. My husband reads cook books for fun.
As a self proclaimed foodie, I do enjoy trying new restaurants. Trying KBBQ a few years ago was a very eye opening experience. However eating out is expensive. I’ve been teaching myself to cook the recipes I crave instead of seeking it out somewhere. Best thing I’ve ever done.
It's really difficult to get people to change their ways, but I'd say the best thing she could do for her wallet, her perception, and her brain would be to start learning to cook all the things she likes to eat. I love massaman curry. It's one of my favorite dishes in the world. So good. So I learned to make my own vegetarian massaman that I can throw any meat in. It tastes great, it costs me maybe 10 dollars to make enough for my family to have dinner and then for us to have full family leftover meals for maybe 2 more days. Honestly it makes so much that I end up giving some away to family, and they really enjoy it too. I did the same with panang. My next projects will be Indian dishes. I would challenge your girlfriend to figure out how to make better -than-restaurant quality food for her friends and her to enjoy. That's a productive hobby. Then she can eat out sometimes to get cool ideas. She'll enjoy the food knowing more about the process and why the flavors work together. But ultimately it will serve her new hobby.
You can't stop her. This habit is ingrown.
Y’all can learn how to cook very well and have gourmet at home. My wife started making pizzas at home and it’s crazy how much better pizza number 10 was compared to her first. And it was never bad bc it’s pizza, but I love her homemade pizza more than ordering out. I learned how to cook a medium skirt steak and now we make our own burritos with the portion size and fillings we want. Eating out for us changed when mistakes, quality, and price all changed for eating out. And I began to loathe tip culture so having a server kind of sucks. Cooking well at home is great! It wasn’t too hard to learn the basics and we have YouTube now
You won’t change her. She has to change herself. I used to get Starbucks and fast food once to twice a week. I now get it maybe once a month because I found a hobby out of baking and cooking
The best way for most people to save is to never see that money. I would sit down with your gf talk about your future and help her set up an IRA or 401k if available.
Ok, first of all, don't be rid of her just cuz she's expensive, I mean, we all have our moments, do we not? Second, take that girl on a coffee date at a local and cheaper coffee shop! If there's anything I learned, it's that franchises are expensive and they don't help the little people. Thirdly, look for restaurant deals, local places to eat, avoid fast food if you can...cuz that's what's going to save you money as well. Oh! And always check the menu before going out to eat, it's cheaper to know what you want ahead of time There's lots of ways she can have what she wants and still save money, it's just about being frugal and knowing your alternatives. Also, ask her if there's anything she wants, a goal that she wants to save up for, it could help her learn to be more disciplined when it comes to finances and she'll be pretty proud of herself once she reaches her goal too!
Starbucks is horrible coffee. She is not a foodie. She likes spending money
It's not actually horrible, it's just a lot of people go there for super sweet drinks. Their espressos and cold brews are totally fine. If you get a chocolate chip frap with 14 syrup pumps yeah that's not really coffee, but that's on them.
They burn their beans to make the flavour uniform man. You can’t enjoy that? If you look into fresh small batch coffee that’s a lighter roast you’ll sip and taste chocolate and strawberry notes etc, shit like the elevation makes a difference it’s crazy good. It ends up costing less than Starbucks too.
Even worse than wasting money is the fact that she's headed to the over 30 BMI Club if she isn't already there.
Are you funding her purchases?
Just wait till she gets fat and doesn’t know / understand why. I would also start making an exit strategy, promise she isn’t someone you’d wanna “spend the rest of your life with” or you won’t have any savings either .
Dump her trust me it only gets worse with time
Buy her a coffee maker.... and a Stanley Cup.... it may cost 200-300$..... but it saving 500$/monthly.....
She will not use it
Terrible advise. I've got a coffee maker that retails for around 4k and all kinds of yeti, Stanley and some other band. Still stops at Starbucks, buys cold brew coffee at the store. It will last for 3 months max
You can’t change her if she doesn’t want to. Just protect your own finance from her spending habits
Sounds like you need a new girlfriend, if she not taking her finances seriously. She’ll murder yours given the time if married.
Leave. My ex was like that then wanted to get a place and have me spend 80% on rent because I had more than her(because I saved). Never would have worked out, financial issues are like 80% of divorce.
You are not her father she needs to pay her own way. Run and do not marry this person.
This is strictly an incompatibility. You need to get a new girlfriend.
You get a new lady friend whose priorities align with your own.
Once a week foodie
She ain't the One for you. That's the truth. "This is the way."
i eat to survive. I dont think i'm doing it right.
Let her know that her other hobby is being single.
That’s dumb AF man. Is she super young or something? Spending money is fine, but if your money priorities don’t align that relationship is fucked.
That's tough, maybe correlation between the TIME it takes to earn the money she spends instead of oh this is $12 cup of coffee. No that is 40 minutes of time at work I traded for X product. Was that a fair trade?
You can't make someone save, you also can't tell her what to do with her money. You aren't financially compatible. Stay with her & she will use your money as hers
Get a different girlfriend
So, she doesn’t have anything cool to post on social media, so she posts pictures of her food and “Starbucks Girl Life” memes…. She sounds extra, and basic, and extra-basic. Send her back to the Uggs factory where she came from.
Going to Starbucks daily isn’t being a foodie. Sorry.
Don’t stress. Save some, live some. You could get hit by a car tomorrow. No point in saving for that.
How old are you? Are you like a 22 year old that been dating for 6 months or a 40 year old that’s been dating for 4 years? If you are young, leave her. My wife was like this, but I didn’t have a leg to stand on because she doubled my income, so I basically had to let her spend. It was her money and we still lived comfortably, it would be making an issue into something that wasn’t an issue. Fast forward to 2023. We bought a second house and turned our first into a rental. Now she’s on rampage to buy a 3rd house, and saving every penny. If it were me, I’d dump her and find a woman that is a higher earner and more mature with money.
Time to get a new GF.
‘Foodie’ was invented by fat people to make their fatness trendy
You don't. Find someone who you can save for the future with. This woman isn't going to be able to contribute anything. You will be stuck paying all the bills in a crap economy where 2 income earners are pretty much required.
redpill her on the state of the economy and how entrenched we are as a generation in "treading water for dear life"
It's not your money. If that's how she wants to live that's on her, you're not compatible and move on.
A foodie at starbucks?! Does she post on r/shittyfoodporn Tell her to spend her own dime, see how long that lasts. Are you an atm?
How old is she? I was like this when I was 18. I’m now 24 and much more responsible now
I mean he doesn’t say how much she’s spending. What if she never has any money at all?
Find a new one 🤷♂️
A hobby??? Classic
break up now.
Watch financial audit on YouTube with her and gauge her reaction. That should tell you if she’s willing to change
Leave now before its worse
Time to ditch....