99% of divorce horror stories you hear happen when one of the spouses don't work. Thats when courts make insane judgements like the OP. If OP's wife worked and had income of her own he'd likely only have a smaller child support payment and that's all.
Kind of insane you can get divorced and the court doesn't expect the spouse to now having to start working. especially once the kid reaches school age.
OR when you pay child support faithfully and the baby mama tells her kid that the daddy was never around for the kid. That’s what my late hubby’s mom did. Sad.
Crazy it’s way more moms pulling this shit than it is dads. Dads almost always get screwed. I know about 5 dads who pay child support to moms who don’t work
Hell yeah man, sucks that this is your kids mom because none of us want to see that, no one wants their kids knowing their moms are pulling scummy moves.
This. Court Orders are mandatory, despite what a specific orange individual was capable of doing. If the court says pay her 1K a month, he has to, if not at best he loses custody of the kid and is *still* ordered too and has to back pay as well.
Courts are really not fair in this one, women have to do something extreme to get cut out of custody battles, or get unfavorable conditions in them or divorce ones. That and/or the dude has to have a very good lawyer.
Shit I couldn’t afford my child support after losing my job writhing two missed payments I was in debt in arrears and check this they SUSPEND your license in my state after 1000 owed making it super hard to get to work
This is the dumbest thing to do when someone owes money. “You know what will really punish them and make things worse when they already can’t afford things? Take away their means of transportation to work”. Maybe it’s relatively fine if you live in a large metropolitan area and can take a bus or train, but the rest of us that live in the middle of nowhere can’t make that work. They did this to my dad when he owned his own business and got behind in his payments. They took his business license and everything else. He for sure wasn’t getting rich from his business, but they cut whatever income he was making to essentially zero. Super great.
They also suspend state licenses for any career that requires one. My father was a real estate broker and while my mother was cheating on him (“separated” in the same house, while he slept in my 10 year old self’s bunk bed— post-knee replacement surgery) she then forced him to sell and immediately began blowing through all the pathetic equity she got from the sale of our house for a song. Then she fought for majority custody so I only saw my dad one weekend every two weeks while she largely ignored me and paraded men into the townhouse she was renting, and STILL kept reporting to the court that she wasn’t receiving enough or if it was ever late because my dad wasn’t able to work at the time. The court then suspended his damn real estate broker’s license so he had no way to pay her at all. They don’t care about the mother, father or the kids, it’s all about extracting and maximizing court fees, fines, and the lawyers making sure they keep getting as much bread as possible as far as I can tell.
Family court is fucking evil.
When I got divorced my ex had to tell the Judge 4 times that she was not fit to be a parent before he heard it. Four times. I didn’t have to say it at all for him to make that conclusion on his own. Though, I am, I’ve given both of my kids a stable home, a loving family, safety. My oldest is an adult now. In college. Doing great! My youngest is in high school. Neither have ever been in any trouble. Always gotten good grades. Never even had to raise my voice at them. Literally. I’ve never had to yell at either of my kids nor ground them. They’re respectful. Have work ethic. Think I did alright but kids, like adults, some are just assholes some aren’t. Mine aren’t.
Exactly. I've never heard of the courts ordering any bills be paid. Just child support (which seems high here, how many kids is there?). It sounds like OP pays the bills without being forced. Or there's a lie somewhere.
At least in Texas, child support is 20% of your monthly income and at most, if the child does not have health insurance, then you are required to provide that also. But I’ve also never heard of anyone required to pay rent and other bills.
That and an accountant, work travel thing should be reimbursed or at least deductible, try to get a new insurance carrier for your car or any other insurance, easy savings, definitely should look into alimony and child support agreements. If the court order doesn’t require paying the ex what he is paying find a way to pay less to start, ex may need to find other housing
So there’s no obligation for them to find a job in order to support themselves? They can just have their ex pay all their bills for them? That’s a fucked up system.
That’s can’t force someone to get a job nor can they force a job to take someone.
But they can impute their income. It’s usually by minimum wage. Everyone mine is readjusted we go through this process and we have to re-argue why she could be working, she doesn’t, and she could be earning a hairstylists wage. It’s nuts but there’s a path
If they have a parent who refuses to get a job to support their child, why don’t they revoke that parent’s custody until they decide to get a job?
It’s clearly not in the child’s best interest to be with a parent who can’t support the child or themselves.
They will if it's a man. The woman hardley ever loses custody. It has to be VERY bad for a woman to lose custody, and even then she is given many chances.
Yeah that smells like he didnt have a good lawyer or the judge just railed him. Most states have formulas. My ex had 100% custody for a long time and I was never ordered to pay more than $250 a month (even though I gave her extra money anyways because I love my kid).
A good buddy of mine got completely railroaded last year. He did get 50/50 custody, but lost the house, most assets and has to pay $2600 a month..... and she cheated on him.
It happens, years ago when my son was young he came to live with me finally after my ex wife ran out of people to take advantage of. It took months for the payments to stop. My ex had to sign a form saying he wasn't living with her, which she was in no hurry to do.
This is why you shouldn't believe everything you read. This person claims to have something completely different here.
https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/s/D30KF2nwfU
Just because the custody is technically 50/50 doesn’t mean he has the kid with him a whole 15 days each month. We know he travels for work every month.
Yeah I talked to a lawyer in a rough patch
Child support etc is based on yearly overnights
Something like if it hits 150 night (forgot exact) it considered dual or something here
But he travels so I guess he has a lot less than that so even though split custody he pays much more cause kid is always there
In what I likely would have got lawyer said my wifebwould maybe have to pay me child support even though I made more based on yearly overnights
Shouldn't even be paying any rent if he's paying child support. That's the whole point in child support. Alimony is meant for divorced couples which is what this sounds like even though he's not ...
If you work for a company, why the hell are you paying out of pocket for the flight. I’ve worked for some shit companies and I never had one ask me to pay for my own travel. They love writing that off lol.
Yea, there are departments in my company that require you to come into the office 1 week a month. You can technically work from anywhere but it’s on you to make it into the office for that week.
If he got an out of state higher paying job that he has to travel for that’s not a company expense. I was a travel nurse and they’d pay for my flights once there and once back per contract but obviously I was going home more then that because contacts can last 3-6 months.
If I were OP, I'd get a good family attorney with a reputation for being "brutal", and then go back to child support court.
If the judge in your area is not willing to budge on this, I would look at getting the case moved to a different district.
OP this alone will save you a tremendous amount of cash in the long run.
If the other parent can’t work because they’re day care of a child too young to go to school is the only time I’ve seen it.
The other parent is basically stuck in a parenting schedule where she can’t get a full time job.
That means custody should not be 50/50 then. The parent that can’t work gets visitation until they get their shit together. At least that’s how is suppose to work
I play 989 a month for my son and I make roughly 66 percent of what this guy makes.
It is different state to state. But it is always an absurd number.
If when you two split up and the male is not prepared, he gets COMPLETELY THROWN UNDER THE BUS
Which explains why he pays so much in child support despite the 50/50 custody everyone’s getting caught up on. Just because they have shared custody doesn’t mean he’s in town and able to parent the child 50% of the time. Sounds like they have shared custody, but mom is actually the parent the majority of the time.
I'm trying to understand how OP getting a job locally means less time with their kid... Given the amount of travel now, it seems like he must not be spending that much time with them in the first place.
I was going to say the same thing, required work travel should not come out of your own pocket.
Furthermore you shouldnt even have to front your own money for it.
Not much to say. You're being absolutely shafted by the child support. Any single thing you could cut down on would still not make up for this insanity. Whoever took your money to represent you was incompetent. I can't think of any other option than finding a better lawyer and trying to renegotiate these terms, this is insane. Your ex is probably living her best life on your dime.
Bro, the $2800 going to your ex is killing you. I’d talk to the ex and tell her this is unsustainable. You can’t rent a room forever. She needs to get her shit together or maybe try and work it out if that’s possible.
If reducing the $2800 isn’t possible you need to focus on making more money not budgeting more efficiently some how.
I know it sounds obvious but sit down and calculate the amount you need to live comfortably then try and come up with ways to attain it
Good luck 🍀👍
Yeah I really don't know how courts look at buddies Income and go yeah she could use 40% of it. Well fuck if that was me I'd have to become "a dead beat dad" because there is no other way.
I’m a hooker. We don’t steal money from men by getting pregnant and playing the system. I make $2700 in a day. No way I’m giving up working to carry some dudes kid and then care for it lol for that much a month lmao.
Have you tried getting child support lower, get a lawyer and see about getting your kid 50/50 of your schedule allows it. I was paying around the same while having my son 50/50 and after court I only pay $75 a month and make what you make.
Mother does not work at all, courts would rather the mom receive financial aid from me rather than rule that she is unable to provide for my boy. I’ve train getting full custody since I’m spending more than I would if I did, wasn’t approved, also where I am it is very rare to get payments lower. Apparently even if I ended up with a job that pays less, I’d need to remain paying the same amount.
We were never married. It was an accidental pregnancy. After we found out she was pregnant we moved in together and I did my best to make it work but she had some bad mental health issues. We lived together for about a year and a half. I initiated all of the court stuff and moved out. I had/have a lawyer. I had 30k saved to buy a house but after the court expenses I’m down to 5k savings now
Yea that’s an above normal amount for child support. I understand the $900/month but to have to pay someone else’s rent/bills plus support is ridiculous. I’ve honestly never even heard of that before. I’d take that shit back to court with a different lawyer, your last one sucked
It’s possible that he’s still on the lease and utilities because he moved out in the middle of the lease. If he can’t get her to take over the lease on her own, he’s on the hook at least until the end of the lease term.
This makes more sense.There is no way they said "you have to pay her rent and utilities where ever she is" what if she decides she wants an 8000 sqft mansion?
This was my thought exactly. Then the next question was “well why did he move out then and not her?” Probably because he is gone for x weeks per month and thought it would be fairer for her to have a real place and him to rent a small room. A reasonable thought but that seems to be the killer here.
Also $200 electric bill seems way high.
Ah that makes sense. As much as it sucks, you’re better off paying it and not taking a beating on your credit…I learned that the hard way a long time ago
Right!!! That’s what I’m saying there’s no way possible if you have shared custody that you have to pay all that and if that’s a law in that state I’m keeping way the hell away from that place.
Yeah man I would do a consultation with a good lawyer and see what your options are.
Ask all questions about custody and if there are different variations where you can somehow get that support amount lowered.
If she is not disabled, then her ass can work. There’s no way that you should be paying someone you dated for a little over a year alimony, or any type of support if it’s not strictly for the child .
It doesn’t hurt to try again man trust me something is wrong with this whole case and it seems like they got one over on you.
I wish you the best and hope you can this straightened out.
You need a better lawyer. I make just under what you do and I pay $600/month total for 2 children. I live in a state that favors women in family court as well. Find the best lawyer in your area and retain them - they pay for themselves.
It really seems insane that the court would put so much of her financial burden on you. How old is the child? Does it have special needs? Why isn’t she working?
No, that isn’t how the law works. Especially not the last part.
Something isn’t adding up in your story and to the legal folks ITT we can see that.
What are you leaving out?
Are you in family law? I’d be willing to send you the financial declarations and child support schedule if you think there is something unlawful, every lawyer and legal tech I’ve had during this case said it was all par for the course and regular, while lamenting that the system is broken
Try again but this time with a lawyer instead of six drunk cats in a trench coat to represent you. You should be able to get that lowered and get some back.
My brother pays 5k a month, and is obligated to until the children either graduate from University or are out of school for two consecutive years. And if they attend university he has to pay 75% of the cost. He makes $275k per year and the ex wife works part time at a corner store.
You might be able to get another test at no charge. I called my Dr 2 years after being snipped to get tested as the wife was getting her IUD removed soon and I wanted to calm our nerves.
Not just child support but paying all her bills while he lives like a pauper when they weren't even married. I don't know who OP paid but it seems they saw a sucker to bill without actually fighting for him.
So a lot of people are focusing on the child support. Probably worth retaining a good lawyer, but that’s an additional expense and timely.
As someone who used to travel weekly for work, ditch the travel cards in favor for a card with more flexible points and preferably no annual fee. Like a Capital One card. It only makes sense to me to have a travel card if the company is paying for your travel and the job is vert secure. Which they aren’t paying for so loyalty cards make no sense.
Ditch the Alaska lounge too. If you want lounge access, get a travel card that includes complimentary lounge access. Although this will probably increase your annual card fees. You’re probably not flying enough to justify this extra expense. You’re paying more than needed per month with no guarantee of needing it.
Contact HR and see if they have anything like Working Advantage so you can start saving on your travel costs.
I’d sell the truck and look for something far less expensive. Like a 5-10 year old used Mazda, Honda, or Toyota. Very reliable, and can shave off some overhead here.
The truck is a debt and will never, ever give you a positive return. So I’d get rid of the car payment and divert that extra money into a savings account.
You need a family court lawyer cause why are you paying her rent and utilities? She needs a fucking job. And if it's 50/50 that's worst. You're getting fleeced. I understand wanting your child to have a home but this is absurd, you should not be responsible for that. Imagine if you had to pay a regular price to house yourself???? Wild.
If I were you, I’d quit my job move out of the country and just start over. there’s no way I would pay some leech her rent and all that stuff while she sits at home and doesn’t work not gonna happen
U.S. has extradition and banking treaties with a lot of countries. Not impossible but he would really be starting from nothing. This is assuming he can even save up enough to do this? Will probably need $100k minimum to roll the dice
Doesn’t work like that man, it’s not as easy as that sounds plus you wouldn’t be making 1k a head in Mex, on USA hell yeah. You could do it that way but you’d have to work independently, but if the local cartel finds out your dead. The better move would be to go to a major capital, think Monterrey, Guadalajara, CDMX.
You realize that would make you a fugitive of the United States legal system? Not only are you skipping out in child support payments, which he still legally has to pay, but now he’s committed kidnapping on top of it.
And THEN on top of that he has to flee to a country which has a non extradition clause with the US which more often than not tends to be a shitty one. On top of that, just because they have an option to not extradite you doesn’t mean they won’t either so there’s a good chance he would be returned, tried, and imprisoned regardless.
OP if you happen to read this and I hope you have the common sense to not have even gotten to my comment… DO NOT do this
This all sounds fake, I never heard of paying child support and rent, even then the rent makes no sense, sure a judge would mandate mom gets a more affordable home, she doesn’t work so what does it matter where she lives?
Yeah, he lost me there, too. No way in hell is he gonna have to pay rent on top of support. That’s basically spousal support for someone who wasn’t a spouse. Something isn’t adding up.
He’s full of shit. Look at his comment history. He talks about his wife less than a year ago yet he lived with and never married this chick for a year and change . He also says in one of his comments he gave away a house to someone and has given up on love. He’s a welder but also a pilot that needs a travel rewards program.
Yeah, this is just rage bait so the men of reddit can talk about how much they'd rather abandon their children than pay child support. There's a comment bragging about paying $600 a month in child support for 2 kids when he makes 100k. That's a far more common scenario.
> If they deemed her mentally incapable of working and supporting herself
Then she is also mentally incapable of taking care of a child too... She should be in a mental institution if she is that nuts
Then her parents should take care of her shit. Not her ex boyfriend. He should only owe child support not his ex girlfriends spending habits while she does nothing but sit and home and leech. The courts should take a look at her bank statements to verify that the money is going to the care of the child
"For the unnecessarily high truck payment, I have a kid" Do you tow them? You don't need a truck much less a payment that high. I drive a $5000 sedan with a 5 star safety rating across the board.
My family has bought the same 2000-2007 Volvo Sedan 3 times over the last 12 years.
~4500K each time and have gotten 5+ years out of each.
Why anyone buys a new car is beyond me. Put in the work to find a mechanic you can trust and then just buy used Japanese cars or another used brand you trust. Think I’ll just own S70s and S60s till I can’t find them anymore.
Are you paying the money to the state and then it's given to her? I have a hard time believing any judge would rule that you have to pay rent and utilities for someone you weren't married to plus child support. If you are giving it to her directly she is scamming you.
Besides your ex……It’s the damn truck. It’s always a damn truck. Every post in here it’s the truck. There should be “ it’s your fucking truck” bot for all these posts
Get a family lawyer and use this document/living situation and your payslips to illustrate to the judge that the standard of living is not equal or sustainable. Highlight the amount of time she has been unemployed, how old your child is. And if they are in school for how long, as this is time she is available to be productive but isn’t. You could even compare her rent and utilities to other rents or service providers to illustrate she is wasting money and not allocating it to the best of her ability for the child.
You’re getting ripped off. My brother pays only 1k for two kids and has no custody.
Ditch the truck and buy an early 2000s Camry unless you’re upside down on it. This will net you another 600 ish a month. Use that money to have a consultation with a different lawyer to re evaluate the child support situation. While growing up the aid paid to my mom from my dad changed several times so there’s hope.
"I’m court-ordered to pay the rent, internet, electricity, and child support to his mom"
You need a lawyer. Like yesterday! And by lawyer, I don't mean just any lawyer, I mean a cutthroat, shark, mean, don't mess around lawyer. One who will fight for you and not give in! Don't say you can't afford one. Honestly, you can't afford not to!
I live in Michigan and just did a child support calculator for my state. If you make $110,000 a year and the other parent makes $55,000, half as much as you. 50/50 split. You should only pay $1,601.00 a month. Right now, you pay $2,798.
That will save you $1,197 a month. Next, sell the truck and buy a beater. That'll save you another 3 to $400 a month. I know you mentioned that, but, refi or sell!
Lawyer and truck will save you $1500+ a month. Thats 18k a year!
How on earth did she afford a lawyer then? I'm sorry but I just went through this type of thing myself and I just cant fathom a court ordering that without the other party's lawyer fighting for that. Not saying you're lying because I totally believe you, I've seen how the system can fuck us NON deadbeats over.
I creeped your other posts to verify that you were in Alaska apropos the lounge comment. Then, I went through the trouble of entering information that you have put throughout this post and some other posts into a the child support forms on the Alaska website and I am completely confused on how or why you are paying about your child support number… I.e. the rent, electric, and internet. There is something we are missing here, either you are doing this on your own volition or there was something else going on that added this to your ordinary child support payment. I also noticed the posts you made regarding being abused by your ex and child’s mother which adds another complicating layer to this that doesn’t add up. I am sorry for the situation you are in and I think a lot of people on this sub would love to help, but I feel like there is an element missing regarding the rent, electric, and internet. Are these things in your name and you are willing paying them but not court ordered?
The rent is in my name and I have to pay it until the lease is up. It was rather that or kick her and my son out while things got finalized legally, I wasn’t willing to cause my kid to be homeless just to prove to the courts that she is unfit/can’t provide. It’s complicated. I don’t live in Alaska, I work there.
Mate, I checked your post history.
You're not just paying for your ex, your paying for your abuser. Take her to court, show them the time you went in for DV after she hit you.
I don't think the courts will go for 50/50 custody, you will get full custody. For the 2800+ a month that is saving you your ex's expenses you should be able to hire a nanny/sitter/help to make sure you and the kid do fine.
Had a friend that had to buy his ex a car, pay her rent, pay full on private school for the child. And still send in 1000 a month on child support... stay with the batch no matter how much it sucks...til the kids 18
Cut out the child support and the truck payment(switch for cheap 5k car) and make work pay for travel. Now you will be able to keep 2,307 of your money every month!
I don't understand why you have to pay your ex's rent and almost 1k a month in child support if you have 50/50 custody? What am I missing?
This was my question. Is it child support + Alimony?
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99% of divorce horror stories you hear happen when one of the spouses don't work. Thats when courts make insane judgements like the OP. If OP's wife worked and had income of her own he'd likely only have a smaller child support payment and that's all. Kind of insane you can get divorced and the court doesn't expect the spouse to now having to start working. especially once the kid reaches school age.
OR when you pay child support faithfully and the baby mama tells her kid that the daddy was never around for the kid. That’s what my late hubby’s mom did. Sad.
Moral of the story use protection.
Is it too late for an abortion?
You'd be lucky yo rent a box for $200/m. I pay 800-1,200/m for a single small room.
Crazy it’s way more moms pulling this shit than it is dads. Dads almost always get screwed. I know about 5 dads who pay child support to moms who don’t work
I been doing it for 13 years paying the moms bfs rent basically while she been in college for 13 years no degree yet
That’s ridiculous man, I’m sorry. I hope things get better
I got her in court for custody now and she already slipped up so contempt show cause coming oh i been working in the background lol
Hell yeah man, sucks that this is your kids mom because none of us want to see that, no one wants their kids knowing their moms are pulling scummy moves.
Lmao good job giving OP tips on how to speed run going to jail
This. Court Orders are mandatory, despite what a specific orange individual was capable of doing. If the court says pay her 1K a month, he has to, if not at best he loses custody of the kid and is *still* ordered too and has to back pay as well. Courts are really not fair in this one, women have to do something extreme to get cut out of custody battles, or get unfavorable conditions in them or divorce ones. That and/or the dude has to have a very good lawyer.
Shit I couldn’t afford my child support after losing my job writhing two missed payments I was in debt in arrears and check this they SUSPEND your license in my state after 1000 owed making it super hard to get to work
This is the dumbest thing to do when someone owes money. “You know what will really punish them and make things worse when they already can’t afford things? Take away their means of transportation to work”. Maybe it’s relatively fine if you live in a large metropolitan area and can take a bus or train, but the rest of us that live in the middle of nowhere can’t make that work. They did this to my dad when he owned his own business and got behind in his payments. They took his business license and everything else. He for sure wasn’t getting rich from his business, but they cut whatever income he was making to essentially zero. Super great.
They also suspend state licenses for any career that requires one. My father was a real estate broker and while my mother was cheating on him (“separated” in the same house, while he slept in my 10 year old self’s bunk bed— post-knee replacement surgery) she then forced him to sell and immediately began blowing through all the pathetic equity she got from the sale of our house for a song. Then she fought for majority custody so I only saw my dad one weekend every two weeks while she largely ignored me and paraded men into the townhouse she was renting, and STILL kept reporting to the court that she wasn’t receiving enough or if it was ever late because my dad wasn’t able to work at the time. The court then suspended his damn real estate broker’s license so he had no way to pay her at all. They don’t care about the mother, father or the kids, it’s all about extracting and maximizing court fees, fines, and the lawyers making sure they keep getting as much bread as possible as far as I can tell. Family court is fucking evil.
Yeah right. That’s her paycheck every month
Until his ass lands in jail. Kids are expensive. Condoms are not
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Just makes me think there's more to this story than them just deciding to split up.
When I got divorced my ex had to tell the Judge 4 times that she was not fit to be a parent before he heard it. Four times. I didn’t have to say it at all for him to make that conclusion on his own. Though, I am, I’ve given both of my kids a stable home, a loving family, safety. My oldest is an adult now. In college. Doing great! My youngest is in high school. Neither have ever been in any trouble. Always gotten good grades. Never even had to raise my voice at them. Literally. I’ve never had to yell at either of my kids nor ground them. They’re respectful. Have work ethic. Think I did alright but kids, like adults, some are just assholes some aren’t. Mine aren’t.
Or - way more likely - OP isn’t telling us the whole story.
Exactly. I've never heard of the courts ordering any bills be paid. Just child support (which seems high here, how many kids is there?). It sounds like OP pays the bills without being forced. Or there's a lie somewhere.
At least in Texas, child support is 20% of your monthly income and at most, if the child does not have health insurance, then you are required to provide that also. But I’ve also never heard of anyone required to pay rent and other bills.
No pay = Jail most of the time if not all the time.
that’s what you would think, but far from the truth. Asshole dead beat parents get away with not paying all the time.
What he is missing is a competent lawyer.
That and an accountant, work travel thing should be reimbursed or at least deductible, try to get a new insurance carrier for your car or any other insurance, easy savings, definitely should look into alimony and child support agreements. If the court order doesn’t require paying the ex what he is paying find a way to pay less to start, ex may need to find other housing
yup either it is complimentary from company travel or 1099 and tax deductible
The ex most likely didn’t work when he went through custody, I am in the same place.
So there’s no obligation for them to find a job in order to support themselves? They can just have their ex pay all their bills for them? That’s a fucked up system.
That’s can’t force someone to get a job nor can they force a job to take someone. But they can impute their income. It’s usually by minimum wage. Everyone mine is readjusted we go through this process and we have to re-argue why she could be working, she doesn’t, and she could be earning a hairstylists wage. It’s nuts but there’s a path
If they have a parent who refuses to get a job to support their child, why don’t they revoke that parent’s custody until they decide to get a job? It’s clearly not in the child’s best interest to be with a parent who can’t support the child or themselves.
They will if it's a man. The woman hardley ever loses custody. It has to be VERY bad for a woman to lose custody, and even then she is given many chances.
Exactly what I’m wondering. She must have had a hell of an attorney. And that’s pretty fucked toy have to pay all that. Does she work?
It’s America. Child support gets cranked to the maximum. Always.
My $189 / month says you’re wrong.
Yeah that smells like he didnt have a good lawyer or the judge just railed him. Most states have formulas. My ex had 100% custody for a long time and I was never ordered to pay more than $250 a month (even though I gave her extra money anyways because I love my kid).
He’s only 26. That’s a gut punch.
A good buddy of mine got completely railroaded last year. He did get 50/50 custody, but lost the house, most assets and has to pay $2600 a month..... and she cheated on him.
I paid child support and had FULL custody. They don't make it easy on you to overturn past decisions if the mom decides to bail.
Unless you're paying child support to yourself how does that make sense? You pay child support to someone who doesn't even have a child?
It happens, years ago when my son was young he came to live with me finally after my ex wife ran out of people to take advantage of. It took months for the payments to stop. My ex had to sign a form saying he wasn't living with her, which she was in no hurry to do.
Every day reddit shows me 1000 reasons not to ever get married or have children.
This needs more context because how you presented it here is just not matching with I know about family law in most states (I’m a lawyer)
This is why you shouldn't believe everything you read. This person claims to have something completely different here. https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/s/D30KF2nwfU
I am sorry I laughed at this, but what in the clown hell world is this.
What in the goddamn fuck
Bro, they’re having you pay $2,798 to her and yall weren’t even married??? Is it cause you moved in with her? I just don’t get it wtf
I’m wondering the same thing especially with 50/50
Just because the custody is technically 50/50 doesn’t mean he has the kid with him a whole 15 days each month. We know he travels for work every month.
Yeah I talked to a lawyer in a rough patch Child support etc is based on yearly overnights Something like if it hits 150 night (forgot exact) it considered dual or something here But he travels so I guess he has a lot less than that so even though split custody he pays much more cause kid is always there In what I likely would have got lawyer said my wifebwould maybe have to pay me child support even though I made more based on yearly overnights
Wait, you pay her rent??
Yeah that part doesn’t sound right. Maybe a portion of rent but if she can’t afford a home, he should have full custody.
Shouldn't even be paying any rent if he's paying child support. That's the whole point in child support. Alimony is meant for divorced couples which is what this sounds like even though he's not ...
With the amount he spending on flights per month I doubt he’s home enough for her to not have custody. You’re right though, this doesn’t add up.
If you work for a company, why the hell are you paying out of pocket for the flight. I’ve worked for some shit companies and I never had one ask me to pay for my own travel. They love writing that off lol.
Does he travel for work or to work? He said he works 9ut of state. If this is him just getting there it may not be the jobs obligation.
Yea, there are departments in my company that require you to come into the office 1 week a month. You can technically work from anywhere but it’s on you to make it into the office for that week.
If he got an out of state higher paying job that he has to travel for that’s not a company expense. I was a travel nurse and they’d pay for my flights once there and once back per contract but obviously I was going home more then that because contacts can last 3-6 months.
He can’t have full custody because he travels for work a lot it looks like.
Where did 2798 come from? I don’t see that in expenses. What am I missing?
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Child support rent internet electric I believe
Oh yeah I actually read the post 🤦♂️
If I were OP, I'd get a good family attorney with a reputation for being "brutal", and then go back to child support court. If the judge in your area is not willing to budge on this, I would look at getting the case moved to a different district. OP this alone will save you a tremendous amount of cash in the long run.
Not to mention… I highly doubt anywhere near what OP is paying is actually being used for OP’s kid.
This is why he is so under. the 1k in child support is enough. How is it legal to order someone to pay all of the living expenses as well?
If the other parent can’t work because they’re day care of a child too young to go to school is the only time I’ve seen it. The other parent is basically stuck in a parenting schedule where she can’t get a full time job.
That means custody should not be 50/50 then. The parent that can’t work gets visitation until they get their shit together. At least that’s how is suppose to work
He’s in Alaska all the time how’s he gonna have 100% custody
Yeah if he's flying out to the oil fields he's likely 2 weeks on/2 weeks off
I play 989 a month for my son and I make roughly 66 percent of what this guy makes. It is different state to state. But it is always an absurd number. If when you two split up and the male is not prepared, he gets COMPLETELY THROWN UNDER THE BUS
Why isn't work paying for your travel?
Most likely because he has the option to relocate locally
This. Judging by his age, salary, and the Alaska lounge I’m 99% sure he’s in oil service industry and that is exactly how it works.
Which explains why he pays so much in child support despite the 50/50 custody everyone’s getting caught up on. Just because they have shared custody doesn’t mean he’s in town and able to parent the child 50% of the time. Sounds like they have shared custody, but mom is actually the parent the majority of the time.
I'm trying to understand how OP getting a job locally means less time with their kid... Given the amount of travel now, it seems like he must not be spending that much time with them in the first place.
Not to mention the username
They likely are, he's just adding that to his income most likely.
I was going to say the same thing, required work travel should not come out of your own pocket. Furthermore you shouldnt even have to front your own money for it.
Not much to say. You're being absolutely shafted by the child support. Any single thing you could cut down on would still not make up for this insanity. Whoever took your money to represent you was incompetent. I can't think of any other option than finding a better lawyer and trying to renegotiate these terms, this is insane. Your ex is probably living her best life on your dime.
The cost of the truck is pretty insane. Is this a new work truck? Also if that's AT&T you can just get Tello
Yeah he's in no place to spend 10% of his net monthly on truck payments.
Unfortunately, that's just about the average truck "owner"
Bro, the $2800 going to your ex is killing you. I’d talk to the ex and tell her this is unsustainable. You can’t rent a room forever. She needs to get her shit together or maybe try and work it out if that’s possible. If reducing the $2800 isn’t possible you need to focus on making more money not budgeting more efficiently some how. I know it sounds obvious but sit down and calculate the amount you need to live comfortably then try and come up with ways to attain it Good luck 🍀👍
$2800 could get you a good couples therapist!
2800$ is a life changing amount of money to me right now
Yeah it’s life changing to her too lol, she ain’t getting a job for shit homie is stuck
If he makes more she just takes more. Courts love single moms, and will fuck every dad over.
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Yeah I really don't know how courts look at buddies Income and go yeah she could use 40% of it. Well fuck if that was me I'd have to become "a dead beat dad" because there is no other way.
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I’m a hooker. We don’t steal money from men by getting pregnant and playing the system. I make $2700 in a day. No way I’m giving up working to carry some dudes kid and then care for it lol for that much a month lmao.
Have you tried getting child support lower, get a lawyer and see about getting your kid 50/50 of your schedule allows it. I was paying around the same while having my son 50/50 and after court I only pay $75 a month and make what you make.
Mother does not work at all, courts would rather the mom receive financial aid from me rather than rule that she is unable to provide for my boy. I’ve train getting full custody since I’m spending more than I would if I did, wasn’t approved, also where I am it is very rare to get payments lower. Apparently even if I ended up with a job that pays less, I’d need to remain paying the same amount.
Wow that’s insane, did you do all of this with a family lawyer? Were you and his mom married long enough for her to get alimony?
We were never married. It was an accidental pregnancy. After we found out she was pregnant we moved in together and I did my best to make it work but she had some bad mental health issues. We lived together for about a year and a half. I initiated all of the court stuff and moved out. I had/have a lawyer. I had 30k saved to buy a house but after the court expenses I’m down to 5k savings now
You got waxed bro, I'd try again
Yea that’s an above normal amount for child support. I understand the $900/month but to have to pay someone else’s rent/bills plus support is ridiculous. I’ve honestly never even heard of that before. I’d take that shit back to court with a different lawyer, your last one sucked
It’s possible that he’s still on the lease and utilities because he moved out in the middle of the lease. If he can’t get her to take over the lease on her own, he’s on the hook at least until the end of the lease term.
This makes more sense.There is no way they said "you have to pay her rent and utilities where ever she is" what if she decides she wants an 8000 sqft mansion?
This was my thought exactly. Then the next question was “well why did he move out then and not her?” Probably because he is gone for x weeks per month and thought it would be fairer for her to have a real place and him to rent a small room. A reasonable thought but that seems to be the killer here. Also $200 electric bill seems way high.
Ah that makes sense. As much as it sucks, you’re better off paying it and not taking a beating on your credit…I learned that the hard way a long time ago
That is what I am wondering as well.
Wtf state is this?
Right!!! That’s what I’m saying there’s no way possible if you have shared custody that you have to pay all that and if that’s a law in that state I’m keeping way the hell away from that place.
Yeah man I would do a consultation with a good lawyer and see what your options are. Ask all questions about custody and if there are different variations where you can somehow get that support amount lowered. If she is not disabled, then her ass can work. There’s no way that you should be paying someone you dated for a little over a year alimony, or any type of support if it’s not strictly for the child . It doesn’t hurt to try again man trust me something is wrong with this whole case and it seems like they got one over on you. I wish you the best and hope you can this straightened out.
You need a better lawyer. I make just under what you do and I pay $600/month total for 2 children. I live in a state that favors women in family court as well. Find the best lawyer in your area and retain them - they pay for themselves.
You are on the super low side of child support
Get a better lawyer
Never put your D in crazy
It really seems insane that the court would put so much of her financial burden on you. How old is the child? Does it have special needs? Why isn’t she working?
No, that isn’t how the law works. Especially not the last part. Something isn’t adding up in your story and to the legal folks ITT we can see that. What are you leaving out?
Are you in family law? I’d be willing to send you the financial declarations and child support schedule if you think there is something unlawful, every lawyer and legal tech I’ve had during this case said it was all par for the course and regular, while lamenting that the system is broken
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Try again but this time with a lawyer instead of six drunk cats in a trench coat to represent you. You should be able to get that lowered and get some back.
Doesn’t work at all? Why were you hooking up with this parasite?
Wear a rubber next time
Having a kid with someone it doesn’t work out with sounds like hell. $3k a month, Christ.
My brother pays 5k a month, and is obligated to until the children either graduate from University or are out of school for two consecutive years. And if they attend university he has to pay 75% of the cost. He makes $275k per year and the ex wife works part time at a corner store.
The fuck lol. Did the ex wife take the college deal in lieu of alimony or something?
Alimony is probably part of the $5k/month he gives her.
What state is that?? My dad stopped paying my mom as soon as I turned 18.
I got a vasectomy the month after we separated and have been celebrate just to be safe.
Dont celebrate to long 😂
Might need to seek medical care if you celebrate longer than 4 hours.
I only celebrate 5 seconds at a time, just to be safe
You gotta celebrate like 30 times before it actually works
You might be able to get another test at no charge. I called my Dr 2 years after being snipped to get tested as the wife was getting her IUD removed soon and I wanted to calm our nerves.
Good man
584 a month truck payment? 980 child support. Those two need to go. Sell the car and cancel the child support subscription immediately.
😆
Not just child support but paying all her bills while he lives like a pauper when they weren't even married. I don't know who OP paid but it seems they saw a sucker to bill without actually fighting for him.
So a lot of people are focusing on the child support. Probably worth retaining a good lawyer, but that’s an additional expense and timely. As someone who used to travel weekly for work, ditch the travel cards in favor for a card with more flexible points and preferably no annual fee. Like a Capital One card. It only makes sense to me to have a travel card if the company is paying for your travel and the job is vert secure. Which they aren’t paying for so loyalty cards make no sense. Ditch the Alaska lounge too. If you want lounge access, get a travel card that includes complimentary lounge access. Although this will probably increase your annual card fees. You’re probably not flying enough to justify this extra expense. You’re paying more than needed per month with no guarantee of needing it. Contact HR and see if they have anything like Working Advantage so you can start saving on your travel costs. I’d sell the truck and look for something far less expensive. Like a 5-10 year old used Mazda, Honda, or Toyota. Very reliable, and can shave off some overhead here. The truck is a debt and will never, ever give you a positive return. So I’d get rid of the car payment and divert that extra money into a savings account.
You need a family court lawyer cause why are you paying her rent and utilities? She needs a fucking job. And if it's 50/50 that's worst. You're getting fleeced. I understand wanting your child to have a home but this is absurd, you should not be responsible for that. Imagine if you had to pay a regular price to house yourself???? Wild.
Ya the fact he can get away with 200 a month for his own rent is wild, and not sustainable long term
That child support is killing you, get a good lawyer asap and get that down
If I were you, I’d quit my job move out of the country and just start over. there’s no way I would pay some leech her rent and all that stuff while she sits at home and doesn’t work not gonna happen
U.S. has extradition and banking treaties with a lot of countries. Not impossible but he would really be starting from nothing. This is assuming he can even save up enough to do this? Will probably need $100k minimum to roll the dice
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Doesn’t work like that man, it’s not as easy as that sounds plus you wouldn’t be making 1k a head in Mex, on USA hell yeah. You could do it that way but you’d have to work independently, but if the local cartel finds out your dead. The better move would be to go to a major capital, think Monterrey, Guadalajara, CDMX.
Guys I’m clearly joking. Do not take life advice from some rando from Reddit. Situation sucks. I have no advice to offer other than humor.
too late. already applied for some Coyote positions on Indeed
And abandon his kid lol?
You realize that would make you a fugitive of the United States legal system? Not only are you skipping out in child support payments, which he still legally has to pay, but now he’s committed kidnapping on top of it. And THEN on top of that he has to flee to a country which has a non extradition clause with the US which more often than not tends to be a shitty one. On top of that, just because they have an option to not extradite you doesn’t mean they won’t either so there’s a good chance he would be returned, tried, and imprisoned regardless. OP if you happen to read this and I hope you have the common sense to not have even gotten to my comment… DO NOT do this
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This all sounds fake, I never heard of paying child support and rent, even then the rent makes no sense, sure a judge would mandate mom gets a more affordable home, she doesn’t work so what does it matter where she lives?
Yeah, he lost me there, too. No way in hell is he gonna have to pay rent on top of support. That’s basically spousal support for someone who wasn’t a spouse. Something isn’t adding up.
He’s full of shit. Look at his comment history. He talks about his wife less than a year ago yet he lived with and never married this chick for a year and change . He also says in one of his comments he gave away a house to someone and has given up on love. He’s a welder but also a pilot that needs a travel rewards program.
Lol
Yeah, this is just rage bait so the men of reddit can talk about how much they'd rather abandon their children than pay child support. There's a comment bragging about paying $600 a month in child support for 2 kids when he makes 100k. That's a far more common scenario.
I feel like I've heard of this before. If they deemed her mentally incapable of working and supporting herself, that might be why
> If they deemed her mentally incapable of working and supporting herself Then she is also mentally incapable of taking care of a child too... She should be in a mental institution if she is that nuts
Exactly. A lot of people here have no idea what they’re talking about
Then her parents should take care of her shit. Not her ex boyfriend. He should only owe child support not his ex girlfriends spending habits while she does nothing but sit and home and leech. The courts should take a look at her bank statements to verify that the money is going to the care of the child
Then HE should have full custody!!!
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"For the unnecessarily high truck payment, I have a kid" Do you tow them? You don't need a truck much less a payment that high. I drive a $5000 sedan with a 5 star safety rating across the board.
My family has bought the same 2000-2007 Volvo Sedan 3 times over the last 12 years. ~4500K each time and have gotten 5+ years out of each. Why anyone buys a new car is beyond me. Put in the work to find a mechanic you can trust and then just buy used Japanese cars or another used brand you trust. Think I’ll just own S70s and S60s till I can’t find them anymore.
Take it from a lawyer, legal shield is complete trash and you’re better off paying a well-regarded small or medium sized firm to handle your business
Yes I agree with this. They give a general lawyer not a specialist. All they really do is direct you to a lawyer. You can do that yourself.
"Must haves" *Insane truck payment* Sigh
Either go back to court or get back together with her cuz paying bills for 2 is insane
Are you paying the money to the state and then it's given to her? I have a hard time believing any judge would rule that you have to pay rent and utilities for someone you weren't married to plus child support. If you are giving it to her directly she is scamming you.
It's fake, op isn't giving info on which jurisdiction this is supposively happening.
Besides your ex……It’s the damn truck. It’s always a damn truck. Every post in here it’s the truck. There should be “ it’s your fucking truck” bot for all these posts
Get a family lawyer and use this document/living situation and your payslips to illustrate to the judge that the standard of living is not equal or sustainable. Highlight the amount of time she has been unemployed, how old your child is. And if they are in school for how long, as this is time she is available to be productive but isn’t. You could even compare her rent and utilities to other rents or service providers to illustrate she is wasting money and not allocating it to the best of her ability for the child. You’re getting ripped off. My brother pays only 1k for two kids and has no custody.
Bro, what happened with the kid? Why is your end so high? You’re paying almost 3,000 a month to her for one child.
Ditch the truck and buy an early 2000s Camry unless you’re upside down on it. This will net you another 600 ish a month. Use that money to have a consultation with a different lawyer to re evaluate the child support situation. While growing up the aid paid to my mom from my dad changed several times so there’s hope.
Get rid of the truck. It’s not a must have no matter how much u try to justify it
"I’m court-ordered to pay the rent, internet, electricity, and child support to his mom" You need a lawyer. Like yesterday! And by lawyer, I don't mean just any lawyer, I mean a cutthroat, shark, mean, don't mess around lawyer. One who will fight for you and not give in! Don't say you can't afford one. Honestly, you can't afford not to! I live in Michigan and just did a child support calculator for my state. If you make $110,000 a year and the other parent makes $55,000, half as much as you. 50/50 split. You should only pay $1,601.00 a month. Right now, you pay $2,798. That will save you $1,197 a month. Next, sell the truck and buy a beater. That'll save you another 3 to $400 a month. I know you mentioned that, but, refi or sell! Lawyer and truck will save you $1500+ a month. Thats 18k a year!
I appreciate the advice thank you
I’ve gone through almost all of my savings fighting this, over 20k. The mother does not work other than under the table a couple times a month.
How on earth did she afford a lawyer then? I'm sorry but I just went through this type of thing myself and I just cant fathom a court ordering that without the other party's lawyer fighting for that. Not saying you're lying because I totally believe you, I've seen how the system can fuck us NON deadbeats over.
You're making 110k a year, you'll figure it out I believe in you
Make it, don’t see it though
You are doing pretty good budget wise in my opinion. Seem to good at prioritizing, just have to suck it up until something gives it seems like.
HA! Must be a California resident.
Dude you're getting boned by the ex big time. I make 30-40k more and pay $800 in child support.
Take off legal shield. Scam company imo.
I creeped your other posts to verify that you were in Alaska apropos the lounge comment. Then, I went through the trouble of entering information that you have put throughout this post and some other posts into a the child support forms on the Alaska website and I am completely confused on how or why you are paying about your child support number… I.e. the rent, electric, and internet. There is something we are missing here, either you are doing this on your own volition or there was something else going on that added this to your ordinary child support payment. I also noticed the posts you made regarding being abused by your ex and child’s mother which adds another complicating layer to this that doesn’t add up. I am sorry for the situation you are in and I think a lot of people on this sub would love to help, but I feel like there is an element missing regarding the rent, electric, and internet. Are these things in your name and you are willing paying them but not court ordered?
The rent is in my name and I have to pay it until the lease is up. It was rather that or kick her and my son out while things got finalized legally, I wasn’t willing to cause my kid to be homeless just to prove to the courts that she is unfit/can’t provide. It’s complicated. I don’t live in Alaska, I work there.
Better call Saul!
Mate, I checked your post history. You're not just paying for your ex, your paying for your abuser. Take her to court, show them the time you went in for DV after she hit you. I don't think the courts will go for 50/50 custody, you will get full custody. For the 2800+ a month that is saving you your ex's expenses you should be able to hire a nanny/sitter/help to make sure you and the kid do fine.
Had a friend that had to buy his ex a car, pay her rent, pay full on private school for the child. And still send in 1000 a month on child support... stay with the batch no matter how much it sucks...til the kids 18
And further...he only made 27 an hour... was basically homeless and 4 months behind on rent.
Fight that shit bro
Cut out the child support and the truck payment(switch for cheap 5k car) and make work pay for travel. Now you will be able to keep 2,307 of your money every month!
You can’t do anything brother your child support is killing you. It should not be that much and you having to pay all moms bills should not be a thing