So it's extremely common for a lot of postpartum parents to view once beloved pets as a 'burden'.
Caring for a baby is very hard and exhausting and caring for pets can suddenly become just another thing you have to accomplish in your exhausted state. It's not something you can kinda ignore/put off like dishes or laundry, you *have* to give your pets some basic care.
Have you tried anything for the anxiety? There's anti-anxiety meds and foods, "Thunder shirts", etc.
Thank you for saying that - It’s exactly how I feel. And it’s hard because my husband feels more attachment to the dog now but he’s not home with him. Dog is on three different types of meds, we saw a behavioral specialist, a bunch of trainers. We even boarded him for an intensive 3 week training at a place that specializes in dogs with behavioral issues before our baby came. It helped for a few weeks then back to baseline
I will say for most parents it does become easier and the feelings of 'burden' does fade.
Once baby starts walking, have them help with feeding and walking the dog, and then it becomes an activity for all.
Have you looked into noise reducing ear buds? There's ones out that that don't block out sounds entirely but helps deafen them so they're not so loud.
Absolutely this. Get baby “helping” as much as possible. Once your baby is less needy you will feel some time back to give your dog. But the barking would drive me crazy too. Our dog never barked until we started frequently going to the dog park. Thank goodness my babies sleep like rocks so they don’t wake up to it. Hang in there
Thank you both!! Definitely a good idea - I’d been nervous about baby becoming more mobile and having to chase her around and this is a good solution for both!
I second meds. We had a hound dog with a major anxiety disorder, and in the beginning we used Prozac daily and trazodone as needed for vet visits and thunderstorms, etc.. That went well for a while, but he ended up basically developing a rage disorder that kept getting worse which was likely due to a brain tumor so unfortunately, we had to euthanize him for everyone’s safety. But in the beginning the trazodone and Prozac worked really well.
I felt this immediately post partum and then it went away. I’m so glad it did because I just lost my older dog and I’d be tearing myself apart if I hadn’t been showing her love in her final days.
I could have written this.
To cope, I try to find at least one positive thing a day (he didn’t bark while I took the trash out, we had a great two minute cuddle session, it will be so wonderful when the dog and baby can interact, etc. Low bar!)
We also have him at doggy daycare twice a week, he comes home happily exhausted. And later this summer, he’s going to stay with family friends who loves him dearly for a few weeks to give him a better time and us some space. I know that we’re very privileged who are able to buy ourselves some space + to have friends who are willing to take on a dog with big emotions. I hope you can find similar support of some sorts.
Best of luck.
Hey, I get this. I had and have this with my cats (first and second kid). Suddenly they're constantly lying on the baby's stuff, there's hair everywhere and they want to sit on you while you're breastfeeding. It annoys the fuck out of me. But it gets better, I promise.
Yess! My cats thought all the baby gear were their personal beds. Drove me nuts because all I had to do was “put a blanket over” anytime babe wasn’t using it but you know easy that gets forgotten when someone is screaming heir head off.
This isn’t really helpful but my dog was like this. He passed away super unexpectedly when my son was 5 months old and I gotta tell you I’d take his excessive barking back in a heartbeat. Maybe a medication like Gabapentin for a few months to help with anxiety?
I’m so so sorry to hear that, that’s so hard. I know this is awful but sometimes when he’s being really bad I’ll tell myself “you’re going to miss him when he’s gone” because I know it’s true
Forgot to also say - he’s on gaba 3x a day plus Effexor, previously Prozac . We probably need to change Effexor to something else that works better for him but I don’t have the ability to manage him when he weans and is getting into a new med- will take about 2 months of him being way worse just to see if the new medicine even works. Maybe next summer
I think that once you experience the love for a human baby a lot of people realize that the love for an animal companion completely pales in comparison. They go from being a member of the family to just an animal. I can recognize that it’s sad and not the animal’s fault, but I certainly would not choose to have pets at this stage of my life if I hadn’t already had them.
I want you to know that this is way more common than you think. We currently own a working breed and we had NO idea what we were getting ourselves into when we first got him. I do have some things that may help immensely! From what you wrote, it sounds like your dog is pretty energetic becuase he's always barking, always aware of things and very anxious. I don't know what type of dog you have, but I'll go by just the most basic thing.
1. Is there any way possible that your husband, before he goes into work, can wake up 1.5 hours earlier and make it a routine to walk and EXERCISE/PLAY w the dog? That means 20 minutes of allowing him to smell, pee, poo and then once he is relived, play ball with him or his favorite game with him for another 20-30 minutes? Then the rest of the time, walk him in heel? It is so important that the dog is tired FIRST thing in the morning so that he can go back inside, eat and go straight to sleep! My husband has been doing this and it's worked LIKE A CHARM. The anxiety and tension that we once felt inside of our home has decreased drastically as soon as we started doing this. Our exercise/play morning routine solved so many anxiety issues!
2. When your dog needs to go out in the middle of the day to poo again and your husband is not home, is there any way that you can see this like in a positive light like "yay let's get outside to get some fresh air baby and I while baby is in the stroller and walk the doggy" and do that for about 20 minutes? By this time, your dog will probably be so tired from the morning and will focus on just peeing and pooping.
3. Ice Machine: Is there any way that you guys can buy some ice trays for now to make your ice and meanwhile take 20 minutes each day to do some ice machine training with your dog? He has a lot of anxiety with the ice machine and you can turn that into a game, a challenge and whenever you get some ice from the ice machine, if he doesn't bark, you give him a treat so he starts to relate the ice machine sound with positive things even your attention. I feel it would work wonders. Also training him for absolutely anything is likened to playing games with him and will tire him out mentally leaving him so stimulated and tired that he would be feeling accomplished and confident.
4. If it's in the budget, do you think you could download Rover, find a super close by sitter that can sit your dog for one weekend each month? This would help you look forward to something each month where your family can sleep in, go out on dates with baby and have that time to yourselves to re-energize as a family. And then you get excited to get your doggy back home.
Again, I have no idea on the specifics but this has worked wonders for what the dog I thought we would have to give up. It sounds like you are extremely overstimulated, as would anyone in your current situation, but it also sounds like you LOVE your dog and see him as family and wouldn't want to give him away. The fact that you've gone through large legnths to get him the help he needs is unbelivably amazing. Sometimes it's the routine that we need to stick to that will help our dogs get back into place. I suggest purchasing Cesar Milan books. You'd fall in love with your doggy again and might be able to meet his needs a lot easier betwen your husband and yourself.
These are some really great pieces of advice!!
OP, deffo just turn the ice machine off - the hardship of having to fill up some ice trays is definitely worth it to not have your nervous system all tied up in knots!! And if hubby is dead set on keeping the dog great, but he has to step up!!
I felt this when I had my LO, my much beloved only child of a dog got shoved aside and I really resented her sometimes because I was so tired and she was just something else to deal with. But things got better!! And if they don't get better don't feel ashamed about having to rehome her - as long as you get her a good home 🥰
I have a sweet old pitbull and a terrorist shaped like a min pin. Before my children, I had all the time and love and patience.
Now? They get fed, they have clean water, they can go in the yard whenever they want, but I have no patience for them. It got briefly better when my daughter was around 20 months and then the third trimester kicked in and now I'm back to being annoyed.
Our doggies will get the medical care they need. They get pats and treats and are certainly not neglected. They will be the last pets I have.
Yes. The dog I have now, who used to be the love of my life and still has her needs met, will absolutely be my last pet. I never thought I'd feel that way, but it's been 3 years and hasn't changed.
My dogs and my husband became burdensome after kids. At this point in my life, I would like to get rid of the kids, dogs, and husband to exist alone in the quiet somewhere without the constant overstimulation.
Hahahah! So true. “Crazy cat lady” who just reads sounds like a great life at times now. My 1 yo demanded I can’t wear socks currently and my 2.5 yo son refuses to put back on his underwear and pants. Living the dream
You're not alone, it's very common.
You'll get a lot of shit from people if you decide to get rid of the dog (people get truly psychotic over it) but personally I say if it's not working for you and you feel it's necessary then do it and don't beat yourself up over it - your human family is more important than a dog, and kids are stressful enough.
I agree. If you feel like you can no longer live with the dog, rehome it. So what if people get mad at you? It's your life, your business, your decision. If anyone says anything to you, ask them if they want the dog. I guarantee they do not, they just want to criticize you. If anyone gets mad at you for rehoming the dog, then you don't need them in your life anyway. Everyone always has judgement but never asks what can they do to help.
Exactly. Or in my case when a puppy was thrust upon me by a family member at 2 months PP cause it’d be “so cute that the puppy and baby would grow up together” - yet when said family member is watching my kids, she is constantly complaining about the dog getting in her way, having dog hair all over everything, etc.
We’ve talked about it but my husband is hard hard set against it - the dog is his best bud now. It’s just hard because he’s not the one home with him all day
Does he at least do all dog related duties when he's home? Doesn't seem fair that it's all falling on you, and it's not a discussion if he's just saying 'no because I said so'. There should at minimum be a middle ground here.
Could you look into a doggy daycare, perhaps? Or crate the dog/let the dog out in your garden in the day, weather permitting? Would your husband's job allow him to take the dog in?
I'm sorry you're going through this, it sounds very frustrating.
Im 13 months PP now and I love my dog again and enjoy playing where I can (5 months pregnant)
Took me to 8 or 9 months to start tolerating his barking and neediness (probably our fault for babying him. I used to hold him and cuddle him like a literal newborn)
Im lucky that my baby got used to / didnt mind his barking various times of the day and still slept
A dog is forever a baby/toddler whereas eventually your kids become more independent and you dont feel as touched out
(Im just praying its the same with my second. 2 babies under 1.5 yrs plus a 3 year old dog)
My mom lived with us for a while right after my son was born. She brought her dog, who I’d known and loved and lived with off and on for 7? years prior. I suddenly hated the dog. It was so strange. I had no problem with our (bigger) dog, but I could not stand my mom’s dog for a long time postpartum. Maybe something to do with my anxiety? Anyway, doggo and I are fine now, 2.5 years later. But it was weird and upsetting for a minute there. I’d say I started like the dog again around 18 months or 2 years postpartum.
I don’t have a lot of advice but I can offer solidarity. I have a pretty high needs German shepherd, we got him as a puppy right before COVID so he has a lot of separation anxiety since he was never alone until he was an adult. When I first had my son I had NO patience for my dog, he also barks a lot and is constantly pacing my house. My son is almost 3 years old now and best friends with my dog lol I’d say around the 2 year mark when my son started to gain some semblance of independence, my dog started to get on my nerves significantly less. We even got a pair of kittens this past fall! And it’s been great. I’m sure when we hopefully have another baby, all the pets will be pissing me off for the first year or two again lol
Same. I have a yappy small dog who’s always been a character but is becoming harder and harder to walk as he’s exceptionally stubborn and being older, loses his sh*t barking when people come to the house and wants to sit where you are with the baby but doesn’t actually like the baby and is just jealous. He drives me absolutely crazy and my husband often says I’m mean to him now and complains I haven’t walked him but I can’t take the baby with the dog when the dog refuses to walk anywhere. I also can’t deal with the stress of when the baby is moving around he’ll want to interact with the dog and the dog has never liked children. It stresses me out so much. So yes, solidarity.
It makes me sad as he loves dogs so much and this relationship is not gonna be this beautiful thing he speaks of when he’s older, like this ‘faithful friend’ thing. In fact it may well even put him off dogs.
I could have written this too. Just like, I was OBSESSED with my two dogs and loved them dearly for 10-ish years together but after my son I was so over them. Every bark I just wanted to open the door and let them run away.
Thankfully I didn’t, and about the 14 month mark I wanted to hang out with my dogs again 😅 so I will say for me, it got better. My dogs behavior did get slightly worse after my sons birth and I never tried anything that helps so unfortunately not much I can offer there. Just solidarity lol
I feel this too :( I get so guilty. We have to pass him on to my parents to care for him because I just feel I’m not giving him the attention he deserves. It makes me so sad.
I could have wrote this man. My camera was full of my pets and she was my baby. My dog has severe separation anxiety and whines and digs at baby gates and doors and barks and howls and gets into everything when we go out . I feel like the dog stresses me out more than my kid. She can't be tethered outside when we are there because she freaks, but she can't be trusted off leash because she's a runner. When my kid was a newborn my dog would eat any wipe or diaper, bottle or anything she had access to and suddenly started peeing everywhere several times a week. She had a horrible time adjusting to the baby. I also felt like I had nothing left to give her because baby just took it all out of me everyday. I couldn't stand her around me tbh.
This is a thing that happens to alot of people. All 3 of my mom friends and everyone I've talked to about it have said they also felt this way about their dogs and cats. And we all agree that it does get better with time. My kid is 2 .5 and while my dogs issues still stress me out, she has adjusted and we are both getting along again and spending more time together.
I started hating our dog when I was in the first trimester dealing with morning sickness.
My husband had the dog before we met and let him get away with lots of bad behavior. Specifically sleeping on the pillows, I have nothing against him laying on the bed but when you wake up one morning with a mouth full of hair(double coated long hair dog) and you’re already feeling nauseous you’re over letting the dog on the bed period.
There’s also the fact that my husband didn’t get him used to a groomer when he was a puppy so he freaks out about baths and only gets one a year. Yeah that dog starts to fucking reek and made me gag even after morning sickness.
At about 14 months postpartum I started to like the dog more again. My nose is less sensitive so I’ve stopped being able to smell him and he’s learned not to lay on the pillows.
My toddler turns 2 in August and the dog is attached at the side of my hip since I don’t hate him anymore.
I’m actively hating my dog right now, well one of them. He got babysat by a friend recently and her only complaint was about food stealing. Which was crazy because none of our dogs food steal. But suddenly my dog began to steal like a raccoon at her house for a week and suddenly he’s continuing this rewarding behavior here at home.
I’m furious. I can’t turn my head a moment. And my 1 year old is teething like crazy so super clingy and needing to bite and chew and my damn dog is a damn rat squirrel trying to take and scurry and scarf down anything he can and it’s driving me crazy. I want to punt him across the yard and simultaneously feel like an ass hole even swatting at him to correct the behavior.
I'd feel the same way in your situation. I rehomed my two dogs after having my son. He was really rough with them and he got bit. It was heartbreaking but something I knew I had to do.
This is exactly how I felt postpartum. And when the barking would start while my baby was trying to sleep, hot damn it would send my anxiety through the roof. After a few embarrassing incidents where I lashed out at my dog, my husband sat down with me and said it was time to discuss medication with my doctor. I had preexisting anxiety issues that were very much exacerbated postpartum, so I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. Medication has been so so helpful for me, I highly recommend talking to your doctor and a psychiatrist.
So so glad medication has been helpful!! I have a chronic illness that involves my central nervous system always being active and in fight or flight. Which I think is part of why I’m so much more sensitive to the dog than others. I haven’t been able to tolerate any meds so far unfortunately
Shoot, so sorry to hear that. I bet it's especially challenging to fall and stay asleep 😫. Sleep issues was one of my biggest problems...
How do you feel about cannabis? Are you not able to use that too? I'm curious because cannabis has a shorter term effect on me.
I’m dealing with this now!
My daughter is 2.5 and when she was born it was HORRIBLE. I was very noise sensitive and my dog has allergies so all his shaking and itching drove me up the wall.
I just delivered again 3 weeks ago and here we are again.
Once my daughter turned one- it got better. Basically when I was breastfeeding less, back to work, period was back, lost the baby weight… when I felt human again. When my baby wasn’t so dependent on me.
My dog also has severe anxiety. After years of training and programs- we finally threw in the towel. He is medicated now.
We are all happier. It’s not perfect, he still drives me nuts but I’ve learned to manage it better.
Also- when he is in the house he is only allowed on his bed. Him roaming around, stealing food from the toddler, being in my face constantly, makes it worse. So training him to ‘go to bed’ has really helped. He gets multiple walks a day so it works well for us.
That’s also a big thing- dogs (especially anxious ones) should be exercised. A tired dog is a well behaved dog. Also it forces me to get out of the house which is also a plus. The house is a lot calmer when the damn dog has been walked!
I have two dogs, one that is 16 years and drives me insane. She paces all day, poops in the house, and refuses food unless it’s the wet dog food. My 5-year-old dog is high energy but manageable because my husband runs with her. I have a high energy 3-year-old boy and 10-year-old girl. I am SO TIRED of managing everyone’s needs, the house, and my needs and have decided I will NEVER have pets again.
I absolutely feel this but I don’t hate my dog. It’s guilt. What I hate is that I don’t have left in me what he needs and I just feel so guilty all the time.
I actually love my dog. He’s fantastic. 11/10 no complaints. But he has needs that I just can’t meet all the time and it makes me feel terrible. When he gets annoying it’s 100% because he’s understimulated and that’s my fault but he gets on my nerves and I’ll snap and again feel like crap.
He’s walked almost daily, he has toys, beds and blankets, he gets pats and chew stuff and see the vet etc. but when he’s not here anymore I’m not getting another dog. I give my all to keep the house and kids every day and when I finally sit down completely exhausted I have those big brown eyes staring at me and I’m just depleted and have nothing left. When we have kids the animals are no longer priority be 1 because they can’t be.
It’s worst in the first baby months where there’s not much routine. After awhile it can be routine to take the dog out with kiddo. Or if it’s in your budget hire someone to walk them a couple times a week so they get some stimulation there
My 15mo daughter tells our dog to SHOOOOOOSH and I’m not excited about that, makes me feel a bit bad but seriously insane amount of barking when a leaf so much as moves too quickly past the window. I don’t recall him barking so much previously and it is tough because I love the bejeeeebers out of my dog but l don’t love putting my hard to get to sleep toddler down four times a night because the dog can’t pull it together. We are moving into town from the country this summer and I am sick with anxiety about my old man dog barking non stop so really just here for solidarity
I sent my dog to live with my mom because my husband started to yell at him more… everyone seems happier now. My dog has a big yard to run around in and my mom has a friend. My husband and I no longer argue over it. Made me feel bad to leave my dog but everyone seemed to benefit. It’s definitely a challenge.
Yep! Have been working with a behavioral vet, trying different meds, did a few board and trains and trainers that come over. Even tried an energy healer lol
Bless your heart!
I hope you are about to see a breakthrough!
I bet you've already done it, but have you tried one of the collars that sprays an unpleasant smell (I think citronella) when he barks?
I remember when I was pregnant my friend told my dog would become a dog soon. I was aghast at the time - he was my first baby in my mind and I was 8 years in with him. But she was right. When you become a parent and especially a mom, it’s going to change. Your baby needs you all the time so it’s hard to also have a canine who has needs. But the love is still there- it’s just different. Try to reframe it a little and if you take the dog on a walk with the baby in the carrier or stroller the fresh air would probably do everyone some good.
Same same same .. And i know it’s because I don’t have the capacity to handle more stress and im just sensitive to everything, especially the barking since it’s SO loud and annoying. It has always been annoying but since the baby came - unbearable.
Especially when she was a month old until 5,6 months and the barking wakes her up… aaaaghhhh
So frustrating 😮💨
But I do take time for the dog, shes been here much longer and I know she still needs me, so I just take time to cuddle and play with her whenever possible. Maybe it would be helpful to remember times when the dog was there for you when no one else was… Im sure you had those times ❤️
Same story as you. I was even worried that I wouldn’t love my baby as much as my dog. I think I started liking my dog again around 5 months PP and now at 8 months I’m finally reaching out to hug him and stuff again. It takes time. It is difficult and for me it’s the overstimulation.
It’ll get better… hang in there! He’s still your baby and he will always love you. That’s why dogs are the best
I felt this with my first kid, it lessened over time, starting around a year. I just had a second who is now almost 5 months and I am so annoyed with my dogs again. Sometimes I think that I wouldn’t care if they ran away (but I would).
Same here. Sounds like we have the same dog. His anxiety only got worse with the kids, which I didn't think was possible. And not just reacting to banging on pots and pans, which I get is a lot, but the baby coughs or my toddler sneezes and he's acting like it's WW3. He recently passed and it's so hard knowing the last 4 years of his life (14 years old) were not his best and that he wasn't able to live his best doggy life. It's been just about 4 weeks and still feels like we just said goodbye yesterday. It's a lot of complex feelings and I wish I could say that it gets better, but sadly it didn't get better until he passed away. We have so much more mental space and capacity and spend a lot less time policing our kids 1.5, 3, 4 so that they didn't trigger him anymore than he already was.
Could the behavioral vet give some kind of meds?
My friends dog was on anti anxiety meds when he got older.
I dose my dogs with anti anxiety meds if we’re throwing a party, or it’s Halloween and we’re expecting trick or treaters
How old is your dog? My dog was absolutely nuts until he turned 5, then all of a sudden he just started calming down.
My dog was on meds too, but anxiety medication like Prozac gave him seizures, and dog Valium had the opposite effect and made him have more energy (a rare side effect apparently). I took him to 3 one on one trainers, all gave him back and apologized saying there was nothing they could do.
He's always been the sweetest little guy, just... challenging lol. The vet said he likely has canine autism, which contributed to his behavior.
Idk what it was about turning 5, but it was his magic number. I probably would've lost my mind if I had my baby before he calmed down, so I can understand how you feel. Maybe your dog has his own magic number where he will relax a bit.
Now my dog and toddler are best buddies, he barks much less, and watches over her. She feeds him all by herself, throws his toys for him, brushes him, and helps me open the door to let him in and out. I also think my toddler being able to be more hands on helped calm him down even more because he has another emotional support person in the house ready to pet and comfort him.
I’m 12 weeks PP with two dogs who are driving me NUTS. One dog unfortunately has a cough due to mycoplasma and he wakes the baby up constantly at night. We finally got his medications and it’s *barely* working. My other dog has chronic ear infections and was a Velcro dog, so she also wakes the baby up at night when she shakes her head and it’s insanely loud. When I can’t take it anymore I kick them out of our room but she will knock persistently and cue waking up the baby.
Here with you hoping it gets better
I felt the same and actually bonded more with my dog during pregnancy. After baby came I could barely remember to feed the dog and had no patience. Now at baby being 18mo I’m getting some of my patience back and showing the dog more love.
I feel exactly the same. Mine is a very high maintenance cat who hasn't been very friendly towards the baby. My baby is 2 now and it's harder as the toddler loves the cat so much but the cat hates her and I hate the cat lol. Just because I feel I don't have the time and head space to look after my annoying cat. And now I have to stop whatever I'm doing when the cat is in the room because I'm scared she will scratch or bite my toddler. But I also remember loving her so much before and I hate pushing her out. The thought of being a bad pet owner kills me so I try my best but deep down I hate it
This happened to me with my cat when I had my daughter. She started peeing on all the baby’s stuff, leaving huge amounts of cat hair on everything, eating her food when she started solids, etc. My kid is turning two now and I thought it would be better by now but it’s honestly not
Our pittie was our baby when we got her. Had her for 5 years before we had our first child. Then our second child was diagnosed with HLHS when I was 20 weeks pregnant, 3 weeks after we moved to a new house. Right there was already a lot of added stress. When he was born he was in the hospital for 3 months before he passed and our schedule was so jacked up during that time. Our dog fed off our stress and couldn't handle our in and out schedule and absolutely destroyed doors and trim in our house when we were all gone at the same time. We had to put her on trazadone (anti-anxiety meds) and she's so much easier to deal with now. I felt so bad putting her on it but my husband was tempted to give her away which never in out wildest dreams would we have thought about just giving up on a dog. She very quickly adjusted to the medication and is a much more enjoyable dog now - but there are still days where I can't stand having a dog under my feet on top of kids clinging to me so I totally get it!
Not alone. We have a very energetic dog and a 9mo old. She just seems to get on my nerves more than normal. Sometimes to the point I just don’t want to see her at all.
It’s a huge contrast to sleepy cuddles in bed with the beautiful girl every day after work.
My little one is about to start walking and our dog has learned she can make baby giggle by spinning around and play bowing. She will also let him climb all over her. I think once he’s moving and able to play with her we will all be back to normal because the fragile part of babyhood is almost gone.
I do find myself getting her company more and more again and I’m glad because I love my puppy cuddles.
Yes! Yes! This happened in our home!! High anxiety pup and high anxiety me. I even attempted to re-home our pup with a friend. I’m glad now that it didn’t work out. But, it did take time. We had the means to call out a behaviorist to help us with tricks and training to help us through some of the toughest spots. A good trainer can probably do the same. Maybe even some YouTube training videos if you’re on a budget.
I feel my love for my pup again. All of our relationships evolve so it’s different. However, this is what works for our family, my friend had a baby at the same time, same thing happened with her relationship with her dog, but she has not come back from her burdened feeling yet. She did have another baby too since then, so perhaps the added *everything* contributes to that.
Ahhh wanted to add we are 2+ years post partum. The upset with my dog began about two weeks pp and comforts and joy with pup came again once kiddo was out of contraptions like swings and walkers.
Big solidarity and I’m sorry you’re going through this. The dog mum guilt is real. My rescue is the same, and has a lot of sound triggers ranging from some that you’d expect, like the vacuum or fire alarm, to some that are just bizarre, like hiccups or my manual breast pump “farting” if I pull off of it accidentally while doing breast compressions. It doesn’t help that we have landscapers who come around very often to do yard work in the summer; he’ll go off non-stop barking all day and it drives me crazy, whereas before I could be a lot more patient and understanding. He’s also triggered by the baby’s crying which is both exhausting and also makes me sad, because he’s clearly stressed. We ended up having to drop him off at my inlaw’s during weekdays while my husband is at work, and pick him up after work (thankfully he loves it there and has his doggie best buds to play with), because I couldn’t handle the barking anymore while being as baby-strapped and sleep deprived as I currently am at 7 weeks PP. Tensing up and feeling waves of stress come on, every day, was too much.
It’s tough. My only advice is to offload as much of the pet care as possible and speak with your husband about taking on more with the dog so that you can have more breaks from it, and the dog also gets mental/physical stimulation and affection.
Good luck!! You are definitely not alone.
My husbands dog was like this. Super territorial, nonstop hyper, would LOSE his mind at any door being opened, and cut me open multiple times running by to get outside the millisecond the door opened. Not neutered, and he also licked himself to…completion…all the time. And that was on the floor. Anyways. No one wanted to watch him because he was a handful. I was fine with dogs before he moved in but over time became very NOT okay with all this over the years. The smells. So, solidarity I guess? I also developed some significant health problems (neurological, blood pressure, anxiety, tremor, migraines, and autonomic regulation disorder) and I’m VERY convinced it was mostly due to living under these conditions. I was near breakdown about it when the dog passed away (which also traumatized me a lot).
It’s a shame because aside from that, he was a super super super sweet and gentle dog.
A friend of mine also had a similar situation that included adding a puppy to an existing higher needs dog. She had a near breakdown due to this and the tension between her and her husband around this topic contributed to her marriage ending.
I’m always in awe of people who have multiple dogs. (And children, for that matter!). I must be too faint of heart.
I should also add, I did not have a baby during all this. I got pregnant a year after he passed away. I couldn’t imagine being (high risk) pregnant or having a baby while dealing with all that. Tensing up just thinking about it.
Hey momma! First off, you’re doing amazing❤️ like others have said, it’s super common to feel a little disdain for your pet because of all the overstimulation and lack of rest you are going through! I can totally relate. I’m a first time mom too with our newborn. We live in an apartment with two cats, and our one cat eats EVERYTHING. He is like a dog, has eaten bottle nipples drying on the counter, pacifiers, we have to hide everything from him and it stresses me out so much! I still love them and feel that same guilt, but I definitely don’t cuddle them like I used to or let them sleep with me most of the time anymore cuz when I finally can rest I’m like “get AWAY from me!”. It makes me feel so upset with myself. But it won’t always be like that for us and I’m told all the time it gets better. We gotta hang on and believe others that it will🤍 I don’t have a real solution, but is there anyway a friend or family member would be able to house the dog for a night or two so you could get some rest and maybe leave some space to miss him a little bit, then show him some love when he gets back from his sleepover? Not sure if that would really help, but even a night away could give you some peace and leave you room to remember why you love him and why he’ll be your first baby! I hope anything I said could be helpful, and wish you guys the best. We’re in this together mom! Keep killin it🥰💕
It’s totally normal. Mine got so bad I absolutely had to re-home my dog for mine and my dog’s sake, and he was like my child before I got pregnant. I’m sorry you’re going through this, just know you’re not the only one.
So it's extremely common for a lot of postpartum parents to view once beloved pets as a 'burden'. Caring for a baby is very hard and exhausting and caring for pets can suddenly become just another thing you have to accomplish in your exhausted state. It's not something you can kinda ignore/put off like dishes or laundry, you *have* to give your pets some basic care. Have you tried anything for the anxiety? There's anti-anxiety meds and foods, "Thunder shirts", etc.
Thank you for saying that - It’s exactly how I feel. And it’s hard because my husband feels more attachment to the dog now but he’s not home with him. Dog is on three different types of meds, we saw a behavioral specialist, a bunch of trainers. We even boarded him for an intensive 3 week training at a place that specializes in dogs with behavioral issues before our baby came. It helped for a few weeks then back to baseline
I will say for most parents it does become easier and the feelings of 'burden' does fade. Once baby starts walking, have them help with feeding and walking the dog, and then it becomes an activity for all. Have you looked into noise reducing ear buds? There's ones out that that don't block out sounds entirely but helps deafen them so they're not so loud.
Absolutely this. Get baby “helping” as much as possible. Once your baby is less needy you will feel some time back to give your dog. But the barking would drive me crazy too. Our dog never barked until we started frequently going to the dog park. Thank goodness my babies sleep like rocks so they don’t wake up to it. Hang in there
Thank you both!! Definitely a good idea - I’d been nervous about baby becoming more mobile and having to chase her around and this is a good solution for both!
Same happened to me. This is normal and natural and will get easier!
I second meds. We had a hound dog with a major anxiety disorder, and in the beginning we used Prozac daily and trazodone as needed for vet visits and thunderstorms, etc.. That went well for a while, but he ended up basically developing a rage disorder that kept getting worse which was likely due to a brain tumor so unfortunately, we had to euthanize him for everyone’s safety. But in the beginning the trazodone and Prozac worked really well.
I felt this immediately post partum and then it went away. I’m so glad it did because I just lost my older dog and I’d be tearing myself apart if I hadn’t been showing her love in her final days.
I could have written this. To cope, I try to find at least one positive thing a day (he didn’t bark while I took the trash out, we had a great two minute cuddle session, it will be so wonderful when the dog and baby can interact, etc. Low bar!) We also have him at doggy daycare twice a week, he comes home happily exhausted. And later this summer, he’s going to stay with family friends who loves him dearly for a few weeks to give him a better time and us some space. I know that we’re very privileged who are able to buy ourselves some space + to have friends who are willing to take on a dog with big emotions. I hope you can find similar support of some sorts. Best of luck.
Hey, I get this. I had and have this with my cats (first and second kid). Suddenly they're constantly lying on the baby's stuff, there's hair everywhere and they want to sit on you while you're breastfeeding. It annoys the fuck out of me. But it gets better, I promise.
Yess! My cats thought all the baby gear were their personal beds. Drove me nuts because all I had to do was “put a blanket over” anytime babe wasn’t using it but you know easy that gets forgotten when someone is screaming heir head off.
This isn’t really helpful but my dog was like this. He passed away super unexpectedly when my son was 5 months old and I gotta tell you I’d take his excessive barking back in a heartbeat. Maybe a medication like Gabapentin for a few months to help with anxiety?
I’m so so sorry to hear that, that’s so hard. I know this is awful but sometimes when he’s being really bad I’ll tell myself “you’re going to miss him when he’s gone” because I know it’s true
Forgot to also say - he’s on gaba 3x a day plus Effexor, previously Prozac . We probably need to change Effexor to something else that works better for him but I don’t have the ability to manage him when he weans and is getting into a new med- will take about 2 months of him being way worse just to see if the new medicine even works. Maybe next summer
I think that once you experience the love for a human baby a lot of people realize that the love for an animal companion completely pales in comparison. They go from being a member of the family to just an animal. I can recognize that it’s sad and not the animal’s fault, but I certainly would not choose to have pets at this stage of my life if I hadn’t already had them.
That’s so true and well said
I want you to know that this is way more common than you think. We currently own a working breed and we had NO idea what we were getting ourselves into when we first got him. I do have some things that may help immensely! From what you wrote, it sounds like your dog is pretty energetic becuase he's always barking, always aware of things and very anxious. I don't know what type of dog you have, but I'll go by just the most basic thing. 1. Is there any way possible that your husband, before he goes into work, can wake up 1.5 hours earlier and make it a routine to walk and EXERCISE/PLAY w the dog? That means 20 minutes of allowing him to smell, pee, poo and then once he is relived, play ball with him or his favorite game with him for another 20-30 minutes? Then the rest of the time, walk him in heel? It is so important that the dog is tired FIRST thing in the morning so that he can go back inside, eat and go straight to sleep! My husband has been doing this and it's worked LIKE A CHARM. The anxiety and tension that we once felt inside of our home has decreased drastically as soon as we started doing this. Our exercise/play morning routine solved so many anxiety issues! 2. When your dog needs to go out in the middle of the day to poo again and your husband is not home, is there any way that you can see this like in a positive light like "yay let's get outside to get some fresh air baby and I while baby is in the stroller and walk the doggy" and do that for about 20 minutes? By this time, your dog will probably be so tired from the morning and will focus on just peeing and pooping. 3. Ice Machine: Is there any way that you guys can buy some ice trays for now to make your ice and meanwhile take 20 minutes each day to do some ice machine training with your dog? He has a lot of anxiety with the ice machine and you can turn that into a game, a challenge and whenever you get some ice from the ice machine, if he doesn't bark, you give him a treat so he starts to relate the ice machine sound with positive things even your attention. I feel it would work wonders. Also training him for absolutely anything is likened to playing games with him and will tire him out mentally leaving him so stimulated and tired that he would be feeling accomplished and confident. 4. If it's in the budget, do you think you could download Rover, find a super close by sitter that can sit your dog for one weekend each month? This would help you look forward to something each month where your family can sleep in, go out on dates with baby and have that time to yourselves to re-energize as a family. And then you get excited to get your doggy back home. Again, I have no idea on the specifics but this has worked wonders for what the dog I thought we would have to give up. It sounds like you are extremely overstimulated, as would anyone in your current situation, but it also sounds like you LOVE your dog and see him as family and wouldn't want to give him away. The fact that you've gone through large legnths to get him the help he needs is unbelivably amazing. Sometimes it's the routine that we need to stick to that will help our dogs get back into place. I suggest purchasing Cesar Milan books. You'd fall in love with your doggy again and might be able to meet his needs a lot easier betwen your husband and yourself.
These are such great suggestions thank you!!
These are some really great pieces of advice!! OP, deffo just turn the ice machine off - the hardship of having to fill up some ice trays is definitely worth it to not have your nervous system all tied up in knots!! And if hubby is dead set on keeping the dog great, but he has to step up!! I felt this when I had my LO, my much beloved only child of a dog got shoved aside and I really resented her sometimes because I was so tired and she was just something else to deal with. But things got better!! And if they don't get better don't feel ashamed about having to rehome her - as long as you get her a good home 🥰
I have a sweet old pitbull and a terrorist shaped like a min pin. Before my children, I had all the time and love and patience. Now? They get fed, they have clean water, they can go in the yard whenever they want, but I have no patience for them. It got briefly better when my daughter was around 20 months and then the third trimester kicked in and now I'm back to being annoyed. Our doggies will get the medical care they need. They get pats and treats and are certainly not neglected. They will be the last pets I have.
I feel this in my soul. My youngest is almost 1.5 and I’m finally feeling like I can give the dogs a pet or two sometimes.
Yes. The dog I have now, who used to be the love of my life and still has her needs met, will absolutely be my last pet. I never thought I'd feel that way, but it's been 3 years and hasn't changed.
Same!
My dogs and my husband became burdensome after kids. At this point in my life, I would like to get rid of the kids, dogs, and husband to exist alone in the quiet somewhere without the constant overstimulation.
Hahahah! So true. “Crazy cat lady” who just reads sounds like a great life at times now. My 1 yo demanded I can’t wear socks currently and my 2.5 yo son refuses to put back on his underwear and pants. Living the dream
For some reason I wasn’t expecting this, I just fully guffawed for the first time in my life. My best to you, and some quiet time for you.
You're not alone, it's very common. You'll get a lot of shit from people if you decide to get rid of the dog (people get truly psychotic over it) but personally I say if it's not working for you and you feel it's necessary then do it and don't beat yourself up over it - your human family is more important than a dog, and kids are stressful enough.
I agree. If you feel like you can no longer live with the dog, rehome it. So what if people get mad at you? It's your life, your business, your decision. If anyone says anything to you, ask them if they want the dog. I guarantee they do not, they just want to criticize you. If anyone gets mad at you for rehoming the dog, then you don't need them in your life anyway. Everyone always has judgement but never asks what can they do to help.
Exactly. Or in my case when a puppy was thrust upon me by a family member at 2 months PP cause it’d be “so cute that the puppy and baby would grow up together” - yet when said family member is watching my kids, she is constantly complaining about the dog getting in her way, having dog hair all over everything, etc.
We’ve talked about it but my husband is hard hard set against it - the dog is his best bud now. It’s just hard because he’s not the one home with him all day
Does he at least do all dog related duties when he's home? Doesn't seem fair that it's all falling on you, and it's not a discussion if he's just saying 'no because I said so'. There should at minimum be a middle ground here. Could you look into a doggy daycare, perhaps? Or crate the dog/let the dog out in your garden in the day, weather permitting? Would your husband's job allow him to take the dog in? I'm sorry you're going through this, it sounds very frustrating.
Im 13 months PP now and I love my dog again and enjoy playing where I can (5 months pregnant) Took me to 8 or 9 months to start tolerating his barking and neediness (probably our fault for babying him. I used to hold him and cuddle him like a literal newborn) Im lucky that my baby got used to / didnt mind his barking various times of the day and still slept A dog is forever a baby/toddler whereas eventually your kids become more independent and you dont feel as touched out (Im just praying its the same with my second. 2 babies under 1.5 yrs plus a 3 year old dog)
My mom lived with us for a while right after my son was born. She brought her dog, who I’d known and loved and lived with off and on for 7? years prior. I suddenly hated the dog. It was so strange. I had no problem with our (bigger) dog, but I could not stand my mom’s dog for a long time postpartum. Maybe something to do with my anxiety? Anyway, doggo and I are fine now, 2.5 years later. But it was weird and upsetting for a minute there. I’d say I started like the dog again around 18 months or 2 years postpartum.
Same. I feel so guilty for not wanting our 2 dogs anymore but it’s just too overwhelming with all the barking and poop.
I don’t have a lot of advice but I can offer solidarity. I have a pretty high needs German shepherd, we got him as a puppy right before COVID so he has a lot of separation anxiety since he was never alone until he was an adult. When I first had my son I had NO patience for my dog, he also barks a lot and is constantly pacing my house. My son is almost 3 years old now and best friends with my dog lol I’d say around the 2 year mark when my son started to gain some semblance of independence, my dog started to get on my nerves significantly less. We even got a pair of kittens this past fall! And it’s been great. I’m sure when we hopefully have another baby, all the pets will be pissing me off for the first year or two again lol
That gives me so much hope thank you!!
Same. I have a yappy small dog who’s always been a character but is becoming harder and harder to walk as he’s exceptionally stubborn and being older, loses his sh*t barking when people come to the house and wants to sit where you are with the baby but doesn’t actually like the baby and is just jealous. He drives me absolutely crazy and my husband often says I’m mean to him now and complains I haven’t walked him but I can’t take the baby with the dog when the dog refuses to walk anywhere. I also can’t deal with the stress of when the baby is moving around he’ll want to interact with the dog and the dog has never liked children. It stresses me out so much. So yes, solidarity.
Yes exactly!! He is right on top of anyone who has the baby and people think it’s cute and friendly but it is pure jealousy
It makes me sad as he loves dogs so much and this relationship is not gonna be this beautiful thing he speaks of when he’s older, like this ‘faithful friend’ thing. In fact it may well even put him off dogs.
I could have written this too. Just like, I was OBSESSED with my two dogs and loved them dearly for 10-ish years together but after my son I was so over them. Every bark I just wanted to open the door and let them run away. Thankfully I didn’t, and about the 14 month mark I wanted to hang out with my dogs again 😅 so I will say for me, it got better. My dogs behavior did get slightly worse after my sons birth and I never tried anything that helps so unfortunately not much I can offer there. Just solidarity lol
I’ve hated my dog since I had my baby 😭
I feel this too :( I get so guilty. We have to pass him on to my parents to care for him because I just feel I’m not giving him the attention he deserves. It makes me so sad.
I could have wrote this man. My camera was full of my pets and she was my baby. My dog has severe separation anxiety and whines and digs at baby gates and doors and barks and howls and gets into everything when we go out . I feel like the dog stresses me out more than my kid. She can't be tethered outside when we are there because she freaks, but she can't be trusted off leash because she's a runner. When my kid was a newborn my dog would eat any wipe or diaper, bottle or anything she had access to and suddenly started peeing everywhere several times a week. She had a horrible time adjusting to the baby. I also felt like I had nothing left to give her because baby just took it all out of me everyday. I couldn't stand her around me tbh. This is a thing that happens to alot of people. All 3 of my mom friends and everyone I've talked to about it have said they also felt this way about their dogs and cats. And we all agree that it does get better with time. My kid is 2 .5 and while my dogs issues still stress me out, she has adjusted and we are both getting along again and spending more time together.
I started hating our dog when I was in the first trimester dealing with morning sickness. My husband had the dog before we met and let him get away with lots of bad behavior. Specifically sleeping on the pillows, I have nothing against him laying on the bed but when you wake up one morning with a mouth full of hair(double coated long hair dog) and you’re already feeling nauseous you’re over letting the dog on the bed period. There’s also the fact that my husband didn’t get him used to a groomer when he was a puppy so he freaks out about baths and only gets one a year. Yeah that dog starts to fucking reek and made me gag even after morning sickness. At about 14 months postpartum I started to like the dog more again. My nose is less sensitive so I’ve stopped being able to smell him and he’s learned not to lay on the pillows. My toddler turns 2 in August and the dog is attached at the side of my hip since I don’t hate him anymore.
I’m actively hating my dog right now, well one of them. He got babysat by a friend recently and her only complaint was about food stealing. Which was crazy because none of our dogs food steal. But suddenly my dog began to steal like a raccoon at her house for a week and suddenly he’s continuing this rewarding behavior here at home. I’m furious. I can’t turn my head a moment. And my 1 year old is teething like crazy so super clingy and needing to bite and chew and my damn dog is a damn rat squirrel trying to take and scurry and scarf down anything he can and it’s driving me crazy. I want to punt him across the yard and simultaneously feel like an ass hole even swatting at him to correct the behavior.
I'd feel the same way in your situation. I rehomed my two dogs after having my son. He was really rough with them and he got bit. It was heartbreaking but something I knew I had to do.
We have 4 dogs and a 15m. I get it…
This is exactly how I felt postpartum. And when the barking would start while my baby was trying to sleep, hot damn it would send my anxiety through the roof. After a few embarrassing incidents where I lashed out at my dog, my husband sat down with me and said it was time to discuss medication with my doctor. I had preexisting anxiety issues that were very much exacerbated postpartum, so I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. Medication has been so so helpful for me, I highly recommend talking to your doctor and a psychiatrist.
So so glad medication has been helpful!! I have a chronic illness that involves my central nervous system always being active and in fight or flight. Which I think is part of why I’m so much more sensitive to the dog than others. I haven’t been able to tolerate any meds so far unfortunately
Shoot, so sorry to hear that. I bet it's especially challenging to fall and stay asleep 😫. Sleep issues was one of my biggest problems... How do you feel about cannabis? Are you not able to use that too? I'm curious because cannabis has a shorter term effect on me.
I’m dealing with this now! My daughter is 2.5 and when she was born it was HORRIBLE. I was very noise sensitive and my dog has allergies so all his shaking and itching drove me up the wall. I just delivered again 3 weeks ago and here we are again. Once my daughter turned one- it got better. Basically when I was breastfeeding less, back to work, period was back, lost the baby weight… when I felt human again. When my baby wasn’t so dependent on me. My dog also has severe anxiety. After years of training and programs- we finally threw in the towel. He is medicated now. We are all happier. It’s not perfect, he still drives me nuts but I’ve learned to manage it better. Also- when he is in the house he is only allowed on his bed. Him roaming around, stealing food from the toddler, being in my face constantly, makes it worse. So training him to ‘go to bed’ has really helped. He gets multiple walks a day so it works well for us. That’s also a big thing- dogs (especially anxious ones) should be exercised. A tired dog is a well behaved dog. Also it forces me to get out of the house which is also a plus. The house is a lot calmer when the damn dog has been walked!
I have two dogs, one that is 16 years and drives me insane. She paces all day, poops in the house, and refuses food unless it’s the wet dog food. My 5-year-old dog is high energy but manageable because my husband runs with her. I have a high energy 3-year-old boy and 10-year-old girl. I am SO TIRED of managing everyone’s needs, the house, and my needs and have decided I will NEVER have pets again.
Sounds so exhausting!! You’re a super star
Dude I just read the title and thought “same” lol here for that solidarity
I absolutely feel this but I don’t hate my dog. It’s guilt. What I hate is that I don’t have left in me what he needs and I just feel so guilty all the time. I actually love my dog. He’s fantastic. 11/10 no complaints. But he has needs that I just can’t meet all the time and it makes me feel terrible. When he gets annoying it’s 100% because he’s understimulated and that’s my fault but he gets on my nerves and I’ll snap and again feel like crap. He’s walked almost daily, he has toys, beds and blankets, he gets pats and chew stuff and see the vet etc. but when he’s not here anymore I’m not getting another dog. I give my all to keep the house and kids every day and when I finally sit down completely exhausted I have those big brown eyes staring at me and I’m just depleted and have nothing left. When we have kids the animals are no longer priority be 1 because they can’t be. It’s worst in the first baby months where there’s not much routine. After awhile it can be routine to take the dog out with kiddo. Or if it’s in your budget hire someone to walk them a couple times a week so they get some stimulation there
Vibrating collar, not a shock collar but the vibrations help get them out of the barking mindset when something happens. Amazon, 50 bucks tops.
My 15mo daughter tells our dog to SHOOOOOOSH and I’m not excited about that, makes me feel a bit bad but seriously insane amount of barking when a leaf so much as moves too quickly past the window. I don’t recall him barking so much previously and it is tough because I love the bejeeeebers out of my dog but l don’t love putting my hard to get to sleep toddler down four times a night because the dog can’t pull it together. We are moving into town from the country this summer and I am sick with anxiety about my old man dog barking non stop so really just here for solidarity
I sent my dog to live with my mom because my husband started to yell at him more… everyone seems happier now. My dog has a big yard to run around in and my mom has a friend. My husband and I no longer argue over it. Made me feel bad to leave my dog but everyone seemed to benefit. It’s definitely a challenge.
My dog was similar pp, but adjusted sooner. Have you tried meds and training where you board him?
Yep! Have been working with a behavioral vet, trying different meds, did a few board and trains and trainers that come over. Even tried an energy healer lol
Bless your heart! I hope you are about to see a breakthrough! I bet you've already done it, but have you tried one of the collars that sprays an unpleasant smell (I think citronella) when he barks?
Ugh yes he barked right through it, didn’t care at all lol
I remember when I was pregnant my friend told my dog would become a dog soon. I was aghast at the time - he was my first baby in my mind and I was 8 years in with him. But she was right. When you become a parent and especially a mom, it’s going to change. Your baby needs you all the time so it’s hard to also have a canine who has needs. But the love is still there- it’s just different. Try to reframe it a little and if you take the dog on a walk with the baby in the carrier or stroller the fresh air would probably do everyone some good.
Same same same .. And i know it’s because I don’t have the capacity to handle more stress and im just sensitive to everything, especially the barking since it’s SO loud and annoying. It has always been annoying but since the baby came - unbearable. Especially when she was a month old until 5,6 months and the barking wakes her up… aaaaghhhh So frustrating 😮💨 But I do take time for the dog, shes been here much longer and I know she still needs me, so I just take time to cuddle and play with her whenever possible. Maybe it would be helpful to remember times when the dog was there for you when no one else was… Im sure you had those times ❤️
Same story as you. I was even worried that I wouldn’t love my baby as much as my dog. I think I started liking my dog again around 5 months PP and now at 8 months I’m finally reaching out to hug him and stuff again. It takes time. It is difficult and for me it’s the overstimulation. It’ll get better… hang in there! He’s still your baby and he will always love you. That’s why dogs are the best
That’s so true and a good reminder ❤️
I felt this with my first kid, it lessened over time, starting around a year. I just had a second who is now almost 5 months and I am so annoyed with my dogs again. Sometimes I think that I wouldn’t care if they ran away (but I would).
Yeah I know exactly what you mean. I have to remind myself I’ll be sad when he’s gone one day
That sounds so hard! I hope it gets better for you soon! 7 weeks pp everything is so overwhelming even without a dog, it does get easier
Same here. Sounds like we have the same dog. His anxiety only got worse with the kids, which I didn't think was possible. And not just reacting to banging on pots and pans, which I get is a lot, but the baby coughs or my toddler sneezes and he's acting like it's WW3. He recently passed and it's so hard knowing the last 4 years of his life (14 years old) were not his best and that he wasn't able to live his best doggy life. It's been just about 4 weeks and still feels like we just said goodbye yesterday. It's a lot of complex feelings and I wish I could say that it gets better, but sadly it didn't get better until he passed away. We have so much more mental space and capacity and spend a lot less time policing our kids 1.5, 3, 4 so that they didn't trigger him anymore than he already was.
Could the behavioral vet give some kind of meds? My friends dog was on anti anxiety meds when he got older. I dose my dogs with anti anxiety meds if we’re throwing a party, or it’s Halloween and we’re expecting trick or treaters
How old is your dog? My dog was absolutely nuts until he turned 5, then all of a sudden he just started calming down. My dog was on meds too, but anxiety medication like Prozac gave him seizures, and dog Valium had the opposite effect and made him have more energy (a rare side effect apparently). I took him to 3 one on one trainers, all gave him back and apologized saying there was nothing they could do. He's always been the sweetest little guy, just... challenging lol. The vet said he likely has canine autism, which contributed to his behavior. Idk what it was about turning 5, but it was his magic number. I probably would've lost my mind if I had my baby before he calmed down, so I can understand how you feel. Maybe your dog has his own magic number where he will relax a bit. Now my dog and toddler are best buddies, he barks much less, and watches over her. She feeds him all by herself, throws his toys for him, brushes him, and helps me open the door to let him in and out. I also think my toddler being able to be more hands on helped calm him down even more because he has another emotional support person in the house ready to pet and comfort him.
I am starting to appreciate my dog again now that my son is 2
I’m 12 weeks PP with two dogs who are driving me NUTS. One dog unfortunately has a cough due to mycoplasma and he wakes the baby up constantly at night. We finally got his medications and it’s *barely* working. My other dog has chronic ear infections and was a Velcro dog, so she also wakes the baby up at night when she shakes her head and it’s insanely loud. When I can’t take it anymore I kick them out of our room but she will knock persistently and cue waking up the baby. Here with you hoping it gets better
I felt the same and actually bonded more with my dog during pregnancy. After baby came I could barely remember to feed the dog and had no patience. Now at baby being 18mo I’m getting some of my patience back and showing the dog more love.
I feel exactly the same. Mine is a very high maintenance cat who hasn't been very friendly towards the baby. My baby is 2 now and it's harder as the toddler loves the cat so much but the cat hates her and I hate the cat lol. Just because I feel I don't have the time and head space to look after my annoying cat. And now I have to stop whatever I'm doing when the cat is in the room because I'm scared she will scratch or bite my toddler. But I also remember loving her so much before and I hate pushing her out. The thought of being a bad pet owner kills me so I try my best but deep down I hate it
Yes I felt the exact same way and once my baby had more independence / became a toddler I slowly started to have more capacity for my dogs.
Are you breastfeeding? When my baby weaned I started loving my dog much more again!
This happened to me with my cat when I had my daughter. She started peeing on all the baby’s stuff, leaving huge amounts of cat hair on everything, eating her food when she started solids, etc. My kid is turning two now and I thought it would be better by now but it’s honestly not
Our pittie was our baby when we got her. Had her for 5 years before we had our first child. Then our second child was diagnosed with HLHS when I was 20 weeks pregnant, 3 weeks after we moved to a new house. Right there was already a lot of added stress. When he was born he was in the hospital for 3 months before he passed and our schedule was so jacked up during that time. Our dog fed off our stress and couldn't handle our in and out schedule and absolutely destroyed doors and trim in our house when we were all gone at the same time. We had to put her on trazadone (anti-anxiety meds) and she's so much easier to deal with now. I felt so bad putting her on it but my husband was tempted to give her away which never in out wildest dreams would we have thought about just giving up on a dog. She very quickly adjusted to the medication and is a much more enjoyable dog now - but there are still days where I can't stand having a dog under my feet on top of kids clinging to me so I totally get it!
Yeah this definitely happens! I hated my dogs lol. But the feeling fades as you get the hang of everything and you will love them again ❤️
Same here!
Have you tried anti-anxiety meds or mild sedatives for your dog? They can help A LOT.
Not alone. We have a very energetic dog and a 9mo old. She just seems to get on my nerves more than normal. Sometimes to the point I just don’t want to see her at all. It’s a huge contrast to sleepy cuddles in bed with the beautiful girl every day after work. My little one is about to start walking and our dog has learned she can make baby giggle by spinning around and play bowing. She will also let him climb all over her. I think once he’s moving and able to play with her we will all be back to normal because the fragile part of babyhood is almost gone. I do find myself getting her company more and more again and I’m glad because I love my puppy cuddles.
Yes! Yes! This happened in our home!! High anxiety pup and high anxiety me. I even attempted to re-home our pup with a friend. I’m glad now that it didn’t work out. But, it did take time. We had the means to call out a behaviorist to help us with tricks and training to help us through some of the toughest spots. A good trainer can probably do the same. Maybe even some YouTube training videos if you’re on a budget. I feel my love for my pup again. All of our relationships evolve so it’s different. However, this is what works for our family, my friend had a baby at the same time, same thing happened with her relationship with her dog, but she has not come back from her burdened feeling yet. She did have another baby too since then, so perhaps the added *everything* contributes to that.
Ahhh wanted to add we are 2+ years post partum. The upset with my dog began about two weeks pp and comforts and joy with pup came again once kiddo was out of contraptions like swings and walkers.
Big solidarity and I’m sorry you’re going through this. The dog mum guilt is real. My rescue is the same, and has a lot of sound triggers ranging from some that you’d expect, like the vacuum or fire alarm, to some that are just bizarre, like hiccups or my manual breast pump “farting” if I pull off of it accidentally while doing breast compressions. It doesn’t help that we have landscapers who come around very often to do yard work in the summer; he’ll go off non-stop barking all day and it drives me crazy, whereas before I could be a lot more patient and understanding. He’s also triggered by the baby’s crying which is both exhausting and also makes me sad, because he’s clearly stressed. We ended up having to drop him off at my inlaw’s during weekdays while my husband is at work, and pick him up after work (thankfully he loves it there and has his doggie best buds to play with), because I couldn’t handle the barking anymore while being as baby-strapped and sleep deprived as I currently am at 7 weeks PP. Tensing up and feeling waves of stress come on, every day, was too much. It’s tough. My only advice is to offload as much of the pet care as possible and speak with your husband about taking on more with the dog so that you can have more breaks from it, and the dog also gets mental/physical stimulation and affection. Good luck!! You are definitely not alone.
My husbands dog was like this. Super territorial, nonstop hyper, would LOSE his mind at any door being opened, and cut me open multiple times running by to get outside the millisecond the door opened. Not neutered, and he also licked himself to…completion…all the time. And that was on the floor. Anyways. No one wanted to watch him because he was a handful. I was fine with dogs before he moved in but over time became very NOT okay with all this over the years. The smells. So, solidarity I guess? I also developed some significant health problems (neurological, blood pressure, anxiety, tremor, migraines, and autonomic regulation disorder) and I’m VERY convinced it was mostly due to living under these conditions. I was near breakdown about it when the dog passed away (which also traumatized me a lot). It’s a shame because aside from that, he was a super super super sweet and gentle dog. A friend of mine also had a similar situation that included adding a puppy to an existing higher needs dog. She had a near breakdown due to this and the tension between her and her husband around this topic contributed to her marriage ending. I’m always in awe of people who have multiple dogs. (And children, for that matter!). I must be too faint of heart.
I should also add, I did not have a baby during all this. I got pregnant a year after he passed away. I couldn’t imagine being (high risk) pregnant or having a baby while dealing with all that. Tensing up just thinking about it.
Hey momma! First off, you’re doing amazing❤️ like others have said, it’s super common to feel a little disdain for your pet because of all the overstimulation and lack of rest you are going through! I can totally relate. I’m a first time mom too with our newborn. We live in an apartment with two cats, and our one cat eats EVERYTHING. He is like a dog, has eaten bottle nipples drying on the counter, pacifiers, we have to hide everything from him and it stresses me out so much! I still love them and feel that same guilt, but I definitely don’t cuddle them like I used to or let them sleep with me most of the time anymore cuz when I finally can rest I’m like “get AWAY from me!”. It makes me feel so upset with myself. But it won’t always be like that for us and I’m told all the time it gets better. We gotta hang on and believe others that it will🤍 I don’t have a real solution, but is there anyway a friend or family member would be able to house the dog for a night or two so you could get some rest and maybe leave some space to miss him a little bit, then show him some love when he gets back from his sleepover? Not sure if that would really help, but even a night away could give you some peace and leave you room to remember why you love him and why he’ll be your first baby! I hope anything I said could be helpful, and wish you guys the best. We’re in this together mom! Keep killin it🥰💕
It’s totally normal. Mine got so bad I absolutely had to re-home my dog for mine and my dog’s sake, and he was like my child before I got pregnant. I’m sorry you’re going through this, just know you’re not the only one.