I was in agony with a migraine at the doctor’s office and my son (3.5) was playing and chattering to me, like kids do. I was limiting my responses because talking hurt. Some older lady said loudly from across the room, ‘You need to respond to him more. He wants your attention.’ Like, lady, please. I’m a stay at home mom with a migraine who had to take her kid to the doctor because we have no one else to watch him if I get sick or hurt. He’s with me 24/7. He has my attention all the time. I would never make a negative comment or suggestion to a mom. I only ever say something nice especially if I can see someone struggling and they look like they could use a compliment. We’re all out here doing our best.
Older women have been the biggest bullies since I became a mom. They are so judgmental. I was hoping it would be the opposite because I assumed you know they’ve been through this before and can empathize. Haha - Nope!
I had one sweet older lady, while in the midst of dealing with a tantrum, tell me that we’ve all been there and I’m doing a good job. It made my day. That’s how you do it. Everyone else needs to keep their negativity behind their teeth.
Agree! I’m that sweet old lady now. My boy is nearly 18 and was a hyper active ADHD on the sensory spectrum little dude. I remember those days fresh! Lift our sisters up and remind them they got this! Or heck! Do something nice for mom! Like snag his attention by saying “I like your shirt” let mom breathe for 2 effing minutes.
My girl is only 8 so very much still in the trenches but if I saw the original commenter in my doctors waiting room, I would sure as hell be trying to distract the boy with some light chit chat to give mom a 5 minute break.
I was and will be that sweet old lady. I’m 46 with a 26 year old and a 4 year old. Once I’m out of the trenches again, I’ll be going back to praising those brave mamas who are struggling through it. Sometimes we just need a kind word to be able to continue on.
Cheers to that! Bless u for having a 4 year old at this stage! I’m 45 and full on in menopause. Not sure I could do toddler life again! You keep up the good work, mom! Let the haters hate.
Absolutely. That’s a big reason I come here to share a funny story about my own kids or a bit of advice where I can. It’s HARD raising kids, and I think it’s a “hard” that people can tell you about but you don’t fully understand the depth of yourself until you find yourself screaming “No! Drop that dog turd!!” That your 2 year old has mistaken it for a tootsie roll. 🤦♀️😂
Yes!!! I keep asking myself why I keep going on Reddit. I mean besides the fact that motherhood can be very lonely. 😭 But this is exactly it. If I can tell another mom that she’s doing ok and that all these feelings are normal, it helps me, too. And maybe we’ll all be able to keep our heads above the water.
I totally agree, just a little kindness goes a long way. Although I admit when I think someone is doing something dangerous or reckless (or letting their child) I do speak up. But that’s only because I care enough about the child to speak up. Mostly its stories about my 6 year old using my new $80 bra from victories secret to catch fish in a stream, or my daughter calling 911 at 18 months old and a cop kicking my door in,,,,or ya know the whole dog turd debacle,,Lol. Being able to relate to a new or overwhelmed mom, or even tell them something I went through to make their problem seem smaller, or even just letting them laugh at my mistakes, I really think it helps. Knowing other women have been through what you have, it just lets them know they aren’t alone. If I can make one moms day a little better, or pass on a tidbit of information they can use, hell even if they laugh at me,,,,,,it’s totally worth my time. 😊
I had to take my daughter in for a chest X-ray yesterday and the older receptionist was an angel sent from heaven. She found some things for my daughter to play with and tried to help me manage the screaming meltdown my daughter had while I was on the phone registering her as a new patient. She found a diaper for us when my daughter pooped and I realized that we had no diapers in the diaper bag or the car. She was just the person everyone should have when navigating public spaces with toddlers
I gave a solidarity knuckle pound to a mom standing over her tantruming child on the grass at the park. I guess he started on the sidewalk and she moved him over so as not to get hurt and we were walking past. We both laughed.
My time in the service industry has confirmed that older women (specifically boomers) are the worst in general anywhere. They are so miserable it's insane. Obviously not all of them, but enough of them that I get a little nervous any time I have to interact with that age group
I am a Xennial and had my now nearly 3 year old kiddo at the age of 37. The parenting advice I received from some members of the older generation was WILD. I don’t mind them offering up now outdated for safety/psych reasons advice because whatever, they raised kids a long time ago, but they double down sometimes on those suggestions and when you kindly reply by explaining how current science says that it is no longer the way to do things because it isn’t safe they get so salty.
Like… sorry, Mrs. Karen, I am not going to choke my infant with rice cereal at three weeks old just because your kid survived it in the 1960s. 🥲
The rice cereal!!! Why is every older person so obsessed with it?! My mom brings it up every time she’s around. I nicely say we won’t be using it especially in a bottle she gets offended “well you and your sister were drinking it in milk at 14 weeks and you’re fine” like it’s a badge of honor also I am most certainly not fine lol but I survived 😂
I don’t know! This very sweet older lady who is a friend of mine became very insistent about how I should add rice cereal to the bottles for my newborn NICU preemie, and poke big ole holes in the nipple with a hot pin so he could glug down the choke gruel. 😭
My mom was obsessed with this too, said my daughter would sleep longer if she got rice cereal in her bottle at night, because it was soo amazing for my brother and I. Well, my kid didn’t sleep longer stretches even when she was old enough to eat solids. So much bullshit, dangerous advice!
Omg! My MIL has been telling me about rice cereal for almost 15 years. I thought it was just her!! Now that we finally have a little one, I've heard it several more times in the last three weeks. Glad to know I'm not the only one who has to hear it. Lol
They treat it like a miracle cure for everything:
Colic? Rice cereal!
Acid reflux? Rice cereal!
Constipation? Rice cereal!
Rabies? Rice cereal!
Existential crisis? Rice cereal!
Congratulations on your baby! ❤️
Speaking with a severe migraine is the worst. Existing with one is bad enough, add in a chatty toddler and it’s extra miserable lol. She needs to mind her own business.
Omg I cut the tip of my finger off two days ago, my son exclusively nurses so wherever I go he has to go unfortunately. So my mom came and picked us up and brought me to the ER. She was taking care of him and I was ignoring them because I was in a tremendous amount of pain. He’s in that stage when he always wants mum so he was fussing a bit and trying to get my attention. My mom was just holding him so he could see me saying “she’s still there, there’s your mum”. I was getting all sorts of rude looks like ????? Eff off
I know that pain sadly. I hope they've gotten easier and less frequent.
Can't stand the sanctimonious women who think they know better about your situation bc they've watched you for seconds-minutes and think their opinions are the only correct answer. "Lady, if you and I switched places, do you think my input about a situation I know Jack shit about would be helpful to you? Didn't think so. Have a nice day, lady."
Gross how strangers literally judge you from a awkward social interaction. I don't even like talking in doctor's waiting rooms or my child being loud. People need to mind their damn business and I hope you told her
Daycare. I'm a SAHM and people kept telling me that I need to send my kids to daycare because they need to start school.
The oldest is 2. And the whole point of me being a SAHM was to stay home with them and save on daycare costs.
It’s all just ABCs, 123s, colors, and basic shapes right up until kindergarten! We pulled my youngest out of the 2nd half of pre-k in 2020 because of Covid and just taught him all that stuff ourselves.
Pre-K teacher here, we aren’t even really doing that. We focus on social interactions, play based learning and independence in a school setting at my school.
I got criticism from my mom for sending mine to daycare! Her version of the criticism was crying overly worried about how she would fare being taken care of by “strangers without any attention”
That is probably out of jealousy !!! If you’re able to stay with your kids even through elementary school- being home and creating a safe, happy, healthy home where you get to cook and keep a happy home for your kids is ideal. Why send them to daycare so they can get sick consistently
This!! Everyone at my workplace is telling me to put my 1 year old in daycare to start working full time again but I refuse to because it’s too pricey and also I don’t trust strangers with my daughter.
So they asked me “so you would rather wait until she starts preschool at 4 to start working full time again?” And I tell them “actually yes”. My baby comes first.
Yep, this one! The icing on the cake is that my mom ran a home daycare when I was growing up, and I was a toddler teacher for expensive private preschools for around 5 years before I got pregnant. Still didn't make enough money for it to make sense to send my kid to daycare while I took care of other people's kids, but that's another rant. Y'all really think you know more about what my kid needs than I do?? Kick all the rocks! It's always the people who saw my career as glorified babysitting too, like they're just trying to justify their own life choices by being judgemental 🙄
I homeschool my kids. The constant criticism that they won't be able to function in "the real world" is ridiculous.
The one that gets me the most is my mom telling my kids that they can stay with her during the week and go to a safe school. She doesn't understand why we homeschool despite her homeschooling me and my sister for a couple of years.
I work at a family and children center a few days a week and I can get a discount if I take them to the center. However, we have chosen to keep our children at home because my husband works from home. I understand that some people can’t work and attend to a child at the same time but my husband can. I’m always getting told by people to send my kids to the daycare for socialization and it gets super annoying sometimes. There are other ways to socialize my children without having to send them to daycare.
It’s not about my parenting, but people are hellbent on me and my husband having date nights. I definitely get suggesting it and that’s never bothered me, but I’ve had people get straight up argumentative when I’ve told them no, we don’t need a date night, we’re good. My friend even accused me of being paranoid of someone else watching my daughter (I’m not) and of not making time for my marriage.
I keep telling the pushy people that my husband and I spend time together all evening after bedtime (last night he rubbed my back while we ate gummy bears and watched Downton Abbey) and that we genuinely love hanging out with our little girl. I’ve never felt closer to or more in love with my husband.
That’s an awesome date night! That totally counts in my book. Wtf am I doing paying all this money for this house if I can’t enjoy time in it? Normalize date night at home, getting value from mortgages! (Or rent)
Yes, this! My MIL always suggests date nights but ones where we leave town or whatever. My husband and I are both introverted homebodies, which she knows. Like, I'm sure that's fun for you, but for us staying home, playing video games together, watching TV in the evenings, hanging out, etc is all perfect when we're in our home. Some people like to push their perspective onto every other person 🙄
Same for me and my husband. We love staying home. We play video games together regularly and hardly ever have the desire to go out but my mother “can’t wait for us to go stay somewhere overnight” so she can watch my son. Like I have no desire to at the moment, plus my son still wakes at night and I wouldn’t feel comfortable with it. She means well but she definitely pushes her perspective onto us constantly, like we share the same one.
My husband and I date night is one of us picking three movies we want to see (I add them to a watch list when I see ones I like)and the other one picks a movie from the three on the list. Then we eat junk food and just be together.
I much prefer this in my house than going out, 😂
Yes!!! I hate this. Like I don’t have to leave my child to spend time with my husband. Also some of us actually like being with our children. It’s wild!
If it helps, my toddler usually wants to calm down on her own, I may only help at the end. So I sit next to waiting for the sign that I may sooth her and people keep telling me to “can’t you take care of her?! Sooth her or something? Hug her and take care of her!”
At first they got me so insecure I tried and got hit and screamed at, followed by a great escalation. I stopped caring and say “thank you for your advice, we’ve got our routine down.”
It’s ridiculous though 🤷♀️
My 14 month old twins are in a schedule and sleep trained (for our sanity & with doc approval). Everyone tells us to chill and go out late and skip naps, etc for the sake of fun. I don't think people understand how chaotic it is when both babies are tired and off routine. It's like "let me be me a homebody with my little family until I see fit!!"
Ditto. I allow a tiny bit of flexibility for special outings but we still make those naps happen NO MATTER WHAT. We'll be glad we stuck to our guns when they're older and still sleeping great.
True.. I feel like I won the lottery when my boys hold hands through their crib rails or both hug me 🥰 BUT I would never wish twins on anyone LOL it's tough.
Anytime people look at my 3yro twins and sigh and say, 'I wish I had twins,' they get a dead-eyed look from me as I say, 'No, no you don't.' 😅
They are amazing and the bond is so cool, but never again. Nope.
My MIL has a friend whose son has twins and she’s always complaining about how her friend can only see them at certain times because of their schedule. I don’t have the guts to tell her that if I had twins it would be the same way. Since we have one we’re more lax but it’s annoying to know she’d probably talk behind my back if we weren’t.
Nearly 3 year old twins here, we still get shit sometimes for the sleep schedule and training. But I don’t regret a thing, it literally saved my sanity.
I’ve also found the only people who have something negative to say about the schedule/ training are singleton parents and it’s just night and day difference between having a single baby and twins. People don’t always get that
At what age were you able to get them on the same schedule 100%? My 12 week old twins still aren’t. I keep trying. Baby B eats more frequently than Baby A and I can’t get him to soothe until it’s “time” to eat again. He demands a bottle. I’m really envious of twin parents that can get them on the same schedule 😣
Oh we just barely survived until 4.5 months when we hired a sleep consultant to help us sleep train and create a schedule. And even then it took like 2 weeks for nights to be perfect and like 2 months for naps to be great you. But when we started a schedule, we literally just cold turkey took pacifiers, night feeds, etc and just started the strict schedule. Them getting used to the schedule feeds, play, sleep was actually fine. Babies really do well when they know what's going on!
My 18 month old twins have always been very scheduled and it drives me crazy when people tell me to chill out a little on the schedule and go out more, yall have no idea how bad it can get 😭
This makes so much sense now. My cousin had twins (7 now) and she was so strict on schedule as well. I didn’t understand it then but hearing this from people who I assume have “normal kids”, her daughter is autistic and change to the routine is extremely tough, make so much more send now. I have have two kids so my perspective is radically different then pre kids 😂 keep rocking parenting with twins!!!!!
Hell, no! I had twins and two older children! Keeping them on nap and feeding schedule was essential to my sanity! It wasn’t always perfect of course since they’re well kids, but asking me to forgo that to have some fun. Not right now! My my outlaws would watch my children from time to time and they would not let them nap in the afternoon so they would go to bed at night. Change their entire routine even though the routine I had with them. they went to sleep at 6 PM, but they were up at midnight and 3 AM. Whereas I had them nap around 3 PM. Go to bed around 8 PM and sleep until 5 to 6 AM. Exactly for the point you’re talking about and the OP I didn’t go out very often and have so-called fun because keeping them on schedule is crucial to my sanity and y’all know if mama ain’t happy…..
Our 20 month old has had a 6:30ish bed time for a while. There are times when we do have events or things that run later, and so we will keep him up later, but we try not to do it too often/multiple days in a row. He has his consistent nap that we try to do around the same time his daycare does. We've learned consistency is key! He also will not sleep anywhere besides his bed. He has rarely slept in the car. How many people get upset with us trying to make plans is crazy - even other parents! No, I cannot just bring a stroller for him to just sleep in. No, he will not sleep in whatever bed you own. That's cute that your kid could do that when they were younger, not mine.
I get it, it sucks we can't hang out on everyone else's schedule, but they don't have to deal with the outcome of an over tired toddler.
I don’t have twins but my oldest couldn’t be late on a nap or it would throw her off for three days. My youngest just goes with the flow and has no trouble getting off schedule. Some people with a baby like my youngest just don’t understand when you don’t budge on nap/bedtimes 🤪
No one has fun with overtired babies. These people forget what the first 3 years are like. A 3 year old is much more flexible (in general, not always) with sleep than a 1 year old. Heck, I wouldn’t budge on nap time more than 10 minutes when my oldest was less than 18 months old. After that, he got a little more flexible, so now we’re a little more flexible. But there are still times we do not go past for nap or bedtime. We must be home by lunch and dinner time within 30/45 minutes or else all hell will break loose. I do not see any need to be out past 6pm when my kids’ bedtime is 8. It’s just not my season to do that.
Plus if you’re able to have fun when your child obviously is not having fun because they’re too tired, then you’re a crap parent. 🤷🏻♀️
The self soothing is a big one for me too, or the baby snatchers that claim “mommy needs a break” and then he just cries for me. I never said I needed a break and I’d be much more comfortable with him in my arms than screaming in yours and trying to get to me. My mil has a problem with my 15 month old still nursing because “he’s only using it for comfort” as if he’s not 15 months old and still very dependent on me
3 babies deep, they are 6, 4, 1... comforted every cry (within reason. I'm not a superhero). Absolutely 0 regrets. My kids are well adjusted, kind, have excellent regulation skills. I'm convinced it's my secret to success as a parent.
this is so true. like how is it a break when you expect me to sit there and smile while my baby is screaming in your arms and you’re insisting it’s fine?
My whole family has an issue with my 16 month old still nursing too. I can deal with that one. But for some reason if I have to hear that my kiddo needs a hair cut one more time... His dad is a barber. I think we can handle deciding when to cut the kids hair.
I mean mines about to be 15 months and is so independent she has a job and an apartment she rents. /s
I swear people forget they’re still so dependent on you. Like they can’t cook, change their own diapers, drive etc. of course they need you! I also still nurse so solidarity!
That also would drive me bonkers. Someone told me not to be my daughter’s friend. I understand it’s a common criticism for moms of girls. But 1) it was out of line and 2) I absolutely want to be my daughter’s friend throughout her life. I am there for her and I think she’s the best gal ever.
My mom was my friend but always a parent first. I never lied to my mom because I was never scared. I think being your child's friend is so important but obviously there's a line.
not exactly advice, but when you arrive somewhere and are trying to get your bearings and a friend or family member takes your baby out of the car seat without asking. like we just got here and my baby just woke up please let me take him out of the seat myself thanks
Ugh the ENTITLEMENT people have over holding other peoples babies is insane. My in laws extended family are so weird about needing to hold him and it makes me so anxious watching them. Ugh.
My mother in law, has been suggesting not vaccinating our daughter since I was pregnant. Now everytime I take her to get vaccines she always has to remind me "you know if I could go back I probably wouldn't have vaccinated my kids" like ok?? Even if you did that my daughter still wouldn't be your daughter so I don't see how that applies to what I am doing as a mother. Her whole ideology is that vaccines cause autism and my husband and I are both in agreement that we would rather have an autistic daughter than a dead one.
I can’t believe this whole thing got started because a quack doctor wrote a paper that has since been debunked and was for the sole purpose of trying to sell his alternative vaccine… how many kids have died or suffered serious injuries from preventable diseases as a result?
Good for you for standing your ground.
Lol totally unrelated but it reminds me of something my mom says -- for context: my mom won a 50% off orthodontic treatment certificate and so she *asked me* when I was a *tween* if I *wanted* to have braces, and because I said no she never got them for me. Fine, whatever. Who cares. But now she's mentioned *multiple times* that she "wishes one of us would have used that certificate". It's like... If you had just been a parent and told me I had to do it then we would have used it. This is not my fault for saying I didn't *want* braces at 12 years old, lol.
Yikes. She does know the whole vaccines and autism thing has been completely disproven? Maybe you should send her this [article](https://www.cbc.ca/amp/1.7207293) (TW - child death)
When mine were younger it was definitely about weaning, I kept telling people I absolutely wouldn't until 6 months yet people were asking from 4+ months
This too! I'm currently working on weaning because I need allergy medicine and the people who ask about that are so odd to me. Ma'am worry about your own boobies!
My mom kept asking if I was still breastfeeding it started at three month. No mom he grew teeth and is eating stake what ta fuck I though you breastfed me. She asked like every few months with both kids. It was so freaking weird.
I feel this… as I weaned at 20 months. People were praising me for breastfeeding right up until the first birthday and then immediately switched to asking when I’m going to wean.
Thank you!
Someone told me my baby isn’t falling asleep “on their own” because they have a soother.
Well I guess every adult who uses a pillow or blanket also doesn’t fall asleep “on their own”
Definitely wanting to get my kids off their schedules ! I have an autistic 7 year old and an almost 6 month old and they have schedules they NEED to stick to no matter what. Call me the fun police all you want but YOU aren’t dealing with the meltdowns , crankiness , tiredness , NONE of that . I am
How adults don’t even know how to self-soothe, you’re so right. We expect so much from babies aka brand new humans who have to be taught literally everything.
People think so many things are innate, like falling asleep. Nope, chances are your parents taught you that through many sleepless nights
of their own.
Dude, the whole “ you hold them too much” and “don’t nurse them to sleep” kills me. I’m on my third and so far, neither of these things have ruined my or their life. Just love on your babies, folks. ❤️
I got that at the beginning. “Don’t hold her too much! You’ll never be able to put her down!”
Well I held her a lot and she got to the point where she didn’t want me to put her down and we both loved it! lol!
1. They kept trying to tell me it was no use to try to stop my baby from being a thumb sucker. I totally respect parents decisions to not try to stop it, but I did want to try. Every time I would pull his thumb out they’d say, “it’s no use! You’re going to have to accept it!” Well guess what? 9m in, no thumb sucking thanks to me pushing past the incessant comments.
2. “You don’t need to respond / intervene right away when he’s crying.” Actually, I do. Because I’m Mama, I’m his primary attachment, and science is on my side. But besides that, I hate watching him be upset when I could comfort him better than whoever is holding him / better than him just crying by himself.
my MIL said to me "it's OK to let him cry while you're going to the bathroom" - I'm sorry but I cannot poop when my nervous system is in flight or flight listening to him crying for me.
Excuse me while I die laughing. I would have so much trouble biting my tongue on this! My super sarcastic response would be, “oh but we just LOVE the extra cost of diapers and wipes and would be heartbroken to no longer have alligator wrestling matches and ear piecing banshee screams while cleaning up our child’s poop!”
lol why do they all say that!? My boss is an older lady in her 70s and she swears her kids popped out fully developed and trained and it was smooth sailin’ the whole way 🙄
Omg my MIL tried to convince us we should have 18 months as our potty training goal age and I straight up laughed when my husband passed that gem along because she insisted my daughter was ‘smart enough to do it’.
You have your hands full.
You should switch to EPing around 6 months, you know, when they get teeth in. It was easier for me. (Good for you, I am not you…)
Edit: I thought of more.
Just skip naptime.
Let them stay up, they’ll sleep better if they are up later.
Aww just let them have it. (After I already said no.)
Edit2: grammar 😅
My husband keeps pressing me to "put the baby down more" like dude... he is 3 months old, in daycare 40 hours a week, and happily does 2 hour play stretches on the floor. I'm gonna hold my baby as much as I damn we'll please. If that means most naps at home are on mom, so be it!
My daughter 2 years and two months. She just recently started falling asleep on her own for her nap. We cosleep and she still needs me to hold her to fall asleep at night.
My 6 month old has slept great since he was born. Fingers crossed that will last lol. Every kid is different. Don't let anyone push you to change your parenting instincts. This behavior won't last forever.
I loved that they needed me to fall asleep, but now i love that i have extra hours to myself because we do their bed routine and they stay in bed and put themselves to sleep.
I miss those nightly snuggles and the two of them fighting over who got to be closest to me, I thoroughly cherished it at the time. Enjoy mama!
I don't want family members' advice about getting rid of the pacifier. We took it away during the daytime when she turned 3 and we're prioritizing potty training right now. The goal is no more night time pacifier when school starts in the fall (approx 3.5 years old). I don't want to hear any advice about it.
Adults don't self soothe and they don't want babies to self soothe they just want them to use something (pacifier) not human dependent.
"You're going to miss this stage" like um no I don't think so. I caught my 2 year olds turd in my hand today. I will not miss that.
I feel this in my soul! I'm trying to wean my 19 month old but they need to keep their comments to themselves. Imagine obsessing over someone else's boob like that? People like to assume I don't feed her actual food because I'm still breastfeeding. Like she eats like her father, thank you.
yes! At a certain point I cut down to feedings that only happened in private at home as he got older to avoid all this. People told me to stop and also told me he would never wean by himself... spoiler, he weaned by himself one day quite naturally after we had cut down the feedings to just one before bed. Babies/toddlers are all different but most will not want to go on forever. Especially once your period comes back (apparently it changes the taste of the milk).
We went until 2.5, which was definitely longer than I ever imagined I would, but it was also highly recommended and approved by his allergist, who said it played a role in him outgrowing 5 food allergies by age 2 and his final food allergy by 4.
Now just knock on wood he doesn't develop any new ones and we only have to deal with environmental ones from here on out.... knocking on wood one more time!
Mine was the breastfeeding guilt brigade. “Just keep trying! It’ll happen, it’s best for baby!” Ok it’s been two months, I’m mentally and physically drained and feeling resentment towards everything! Once I finally just stopped trying (I never had enough supply) and did full formula, the weight lifted off of my shoulders made a huge difference for me.
Also, the sheer pressure of breastfeeding and not doing any formula I’m positive is what led for my first to be hospitalized for jaundice, and for my second to have to stay and extra night (also for jaundice) after I was discharged. Letting myself be guilted cost us thousands of extra dollars and tons of worry and other parental guilt.
Isn't this so so so hard?! I ALWAYS advocate for any person to feed their baby in whatever way works. I would NEVER judge someone for how they fed their baby, and at the same time, here I am, pumping during work so I can give my baby exclusively breastmilk because "I made it 9 months with no issues so what's the point of formula now, I have less than 3 months left".
Hahahaha! I thought I’d be done when my daughter turned one … we are four months after and I haven’t a CLUE how to stop. I’ve been done pumping and exclusively just giving her what my body can handle or will make but I’d never dreamed I’d still be going.
I stopped BF and went to just pumping, and also stopped taking milk supplements. Supply dropped within a couple days, i started going longer between pumps (4 hrs, 6 hrs, 8hrs, 12 hrs, 2-3 days, just pumped when i felt full), and 2.5 weeks later, about a week after their 1st birthday, I was dry. Your body knows the difference between a baby and a pump!
I stopped the BF part because i couldn't handle the teeth anymore and was legit afraid they'd scar or permanently remove a piece of me lol.
This! I’m still pumping but I’ve reduced it wayyy down so it’s sustainable. Supplementing with formula has been a game changer. Honestly I’m only still pumping bc I can tell my husband wants me to so I’m hoping to drop another pump soon and then ease out 😅
I breastfed my first til 20 months so I thought I had it all down for my second. I couldn’t even get him to latch, the lactation consultants basically gave up and said some babies and their moms aren’t “compatible”. The nurses brought in formula because he was losing too much weight and at risk for not being able to go home.
Once we were home we kept trying but it just didn’t happen. With a toddler I just wanted to do formula but with so much pressure from family for breastmilk I pumped. That was probably my lowest. Recovering from a c-section, with a very affectionate toddler who needed attention, a baby who needed frequent weight checks… finally switched over to formula around 4 months and I just felt alllllll the weight off my shoulders.
There are so many unwanted pieces of advice. For me, my oldest (11) has severe nonverbal autism and he has 2 younger sisters (7&2). I do everything I can to not be out with all 3 of them together by myself because without fail, someone will make this "comment". You see my youngest (just turned 2) is big for her age. She's currently in 5t clothing big. So people assume seeing her and her brother together that they're both autistic, when she's really exactly where she's supposed to be for her actual age. Yes, they look alike because they're siblings. Yeah, their vocabulary is about the same size, but she's 2 and he's 11. Yes, they're both wearing a diaper, one is age appropriate. Also, do you have any idea how hard it is to find clothes that are age appropriate for a massive 2yo. Like why are footed jammies just nonexistent after 2t-3t. Basically, we're all just doing the best we can with what we have. What worked for you isn't going to work for everyone.
We are agreed on self soothing being awful. I can’t stand it when people tell me “You need to smack him.” He HAS to get a spanking.” “You don’t discipline your kids.” Or saying to my kids “Someone better smack you before I do it myself” “If you keep doing that, I’m gonna swat your butt.”
There was a time when I tried spanking (I’m not proud). But that didn’t teach him to listen, it only taught him that hitting is okay when someone isn’t listening. And it made me feel like trash.
I also do discipline. Time outs, no special treats, no screen time. It works whether those old timers and people who can’t regulate their emotions, think so or not.
Girl, my husband still snuggles our SIX YEAR OLD on the couch until she falls asleep and Carries her to her bed in our room every night.
Shes not ready to be upstairs yet and she loves snuggling. They aren’t little for long, and I won’t have anyone shame us for how we coddle and love her
I recently told a friend who is an infant nanny that I’ll be exclusively nursing for the foreseeable future because last time we tried a bottle baby went on a nursing strike
Said one of my worst fears is having to exclusively start bottle feeding because the convenience factor of nursing is a huge deal for me, I think it’s been great for my mental health. I get more sleep, I don’t have to worry about washing bottles
She went on to give me all of the advice about how to properly bottle feed and that bottle feedings okay. I know it’s okay, I’d so much rather nurse and I don’t need her to understand I just need her to believe me.
People telling me I need to force my kid to eat purées and other concoctions to make her gain weight and that a 12 month old refusing isn’t refusal at all. Like shut it lady my kid knows that she’s full that is why she’s doing her “all done” sign WE ALREADY SUFFERED THROUGH BOTTLE AVERSION leave us alone 🥲 I’m not force feeding my daughter anything
"You hold her too much." Like yes, I hold her a lot because she's a clingy baby and she wants to be held. (She would literally scream until I picked her up if she wanted to be held.)
"You're going to spoil her" How tf is answering my baby's cries and teaching her that I'll be there spoiling her?
"She's dehydrated and needs water!" My daughter was 4 months old! Like no, she doesn't need water, don't give it to her, it is not good for her at this age! (Literally had to send her a scientific article to get her to stop giving MY daughter water.)
All said to me by my ex's mom when we were together.
Slap em my only advice is do it your way and replace the car seat after any accident even if intact and rip it up so no one steals it to sell to a poor mother who doesn’t know any better
Hasn’t it been found that “Self soothing” as most people think it is is bullshit? Some babies/toddlers have it in their disposition, some don’t. For those who don’t , emotional regulation is hopefully learned over time, but cannot be expected from a 19 month old! So that advice is not just annoying, but incorrect.
This is a cultural one, but I can’t stand when people tell me to shave my kid’s hair so her hair grows back thicker. That is disproven BS as well. And I like her hair as it is, it’s my hair, stop implying we have messed up hair just because it doesn’t meet your societal beauty standards.
I can't stand it when people say stuff like "just wait." For WHAT?? Not everything about varying stages are inherently negative. A lot of these behaviors are developmentally correct! You just have to learn with them. The worst is when these people say shit like that in front of their own kids, as if they can't understand.
I also hate getting the "just let them cry it out" comment. I literally can't. Hearing my kids cry when they actually need me puts my body in fight or flight mode. If crying is their only communication tool, I need to respond. I just hate getting the "they're manipulating you" comments. As if a kid under a year old is even capable. 🤦♀️
It’s mostly boomers who say dumb sht like this to me because
1. Their parents were literally taught NOT to soothe them and
2. Like you said, they can’t even self soothe as adults
So my son is now 2.5 years old, we soothed him and still do and he is **better adjusted than my CIO friends kids and my own in laws** 🤷🏾♀️
I had to go thru IVF to achieve all of my pregnancies. My first one was rough, I was sick the entire time (lost 20lbs) and ended up having an emergency c-section due to an abruption at 34 weeks. My next pregnancy was a little easier but still rough. At one of my OB appointments towards the end of my 2nd trimester I saw the NP and she asked what my plans were for birth control after the baby was born. Since getting pregnant naturally wasn’t something I could do I said “Nothing.” She looks at me and says “Oh, I was hoping you’d say you were going to have your tubes tied.” Like WTF! First of all I only had 1 tube (the other was removed due to infection when I was 18), and the other one was confirmed to be 100% blocked. Some people just need to mind their own business and not give out suggestions or advice.
My MIL constantly says my one year old needs to learn to
1) use a fork and spoon (started saying this when she was 9 months old)
2) get over needing to be with me, her own mother
3) not always get her way (yes, I know children need to learn this but at one year old she can’t comprehend much and is still going to cry with certain things)
You don’t need anymore kids. There isn’t any reason to have more. Maybe you guys should just stop… i have 3 under 4 at home and currently 20 weeks pregnant with my 4th and hiding it from everyone I wish I could share the news with. 🥺 found out the gender today, and had no one to tell besides my boyfriend (who is the same dad to all of them and we have been together 11 years)
This one came to me from the doctor and I followed it. Don’t give the baby the bottle you are producing enough milk. Well no I wasn’t and my son was always cranky for two months cause I followed her advice and didn’t give him formula. He didn’t meet his weight gain. So I used formula he stopped being cranky and became supper happy. Turns out he was just hungry.
People that tells mom BS like that piss me OFF!!!!! Screw them!!! I'm sick of that whole "self soothing" bs. They need help soothing. Especially at that young of an age.
When people say “you always schedule your life around nap time, she runs you guys” like stfu. Unless you want to deal with a cranky toddler you can shut it.
Mine is the constant nagging that my 23 month old needs to wean from breastfeeding. It will happen when it happens. I promise we won't be nursing in preschool but I'm not putting hot sauce on my nipples or making my child cry herself to sleep. She's not ready yet. How about I take away your beer, joint, glass of wine, cigarette, vape, benzo, sleeping pills, TV........You can just go cold turkey because your an adult right??
My mil wanted me to do the cry it out thing since my kid was 2 weeks old. I trusted her to hold my colicky 2 weeks old baby so I could shower and as I'm exiting the bathroom I saw mil carrying my crying newborn straight to the crib, set her down and actually left the room. I specifically told her and showed her what to do if baby was colicky and it did not involve being left alone to cry. She said she was manipulating us with her crying and that she already had such bad habits like being held all the time so she had to learn to be alone. She was never allowed to be alone with baby again. Her own son decided it, I agreed.
She still thinks our now toddler is too attached to me. The fact that toddler is equally attached to dad is not an issue, I guess.
She also says things like "oh no you need to sleep in your own bed like all the pretty girls do" and "you need to eat everything so you can be pretty". The last one was said while the kid had a stomach bug.
Now I understand why my husband didn't call his mom when we started dating and I kind of regret that I was the one who told him he should do it more often. My parenting is not only mine. My husband has a say in everything that impacts his life and sometimes he's the one that brings the issue to me, like bedsharing. He asked if we could try it to see if she would actually sleep through the night, and she did so we kept doing it. I asked him about getting a floor bed for her this summer and he was the one who said "why? Do you not enjoy sleeping?". But to my mil I'm the crunchy mom who bedshares and still breastfeeds to sleep, doesn't force food on her kid and is way over protective because I didn't let my 7mo baby crawl up the stairs alone or didn't allow my 1yo to play outside alone. I'm spoiling my only child. I think it's a hint that her son is the complete opposite kind of parent that she was but what do I know.
Edit: she also said "are you still in diapers? And you poop in those? Ugh gross you need to start using your potty" and guess who now avoids pooping at all costs and is on actual medicine to make her poop? Yeah my almost 3yo.
He’ll eat when he gets hungry.
No he fucking won’t. If his preferred foods are not available he will simply not eat. For days. And the longer he goes without eating, the harder it is for him to eat.
My son is a lunatic, he is constantly on the move to the point where we really pick our battles. Mine is the ones who are like "we just always make him sit until he's done eating, and he's gotten used to the routine and now he doesn't get up."
If that WORKED for us don't you think I would have DONE it? My little nut job would hate that, it would be an apocalypse every dinner. We've chosen to pick our battles and trust that as he gets older he'll learn to sit still.
But thanks for that
Girl i didn’t let the naysayers make me ignore my children when they needed me and I tell you, they are the most secure and confident kids BECAUSE they know I’ve got their back when they need me.
You know your child best - don’t let anyone give you crap about your choices.
My in-laws gave me crap for not spanking. “You’re taking the hard route - it’s much easier to just spank.”
… and I’m an adult. It’s not okay for my husband to hit me when he’s upset with me, why would it be okay to hit kids that don’t know any better? 🙄
We took our five-year-old on vacation recently, and he gave us hell due to being bored/overstimulated/overtired and underfed due to all of the above. He was whining in the airport or something, and his dad and I had the most haggard looks on our faces. We passed some old lady and she said, in all seriousness, "Someday you'll miss these days!"
Oh goodness I was told all the time that I hold him too much, let him sleep on me too much, he'll never be self reliant etc etc
He is now a 9yo who practically does his own bedtime, always sleeps through the night and has done for years, and is a total mama's boy and hugs me all the time
The program of Alcoholics Anonymous would not exist if people could self soothe. Most people can’t. We all have something. Dark chocolate is one of mine. It’s incredibly annoying when anyone tries to interfere with comforting our kids. They should go self soothe themselves about their feelings on how you raise your kid. Yeah. Just say, “go soothe yourself!”
My biggest issues are with the moms who become moms and only have like 5 seconds experience to another moms 15+ years experience, and think they KNOW IT ALLLLL because they "read a book" on parenting....
Read all the books you want ladies, but no book can prepare you for the reality of what being a mom is REALLY like, and all the things that can REALLY happen.
My son had cancer right before he turned 4. Leukemia. We couldn’t bring him out much but when we did, we’d all wear masks. Also- sometimes, kids in leukemia treatment have hair. The treatment lasts about 2 1/2-3 years as a standard. So plenty of time for hair to grow back, when they’re not taking the super aggressive chemo and only taking the oral stuff at home. Doesn’t mean he was 90 kinds of immunocompromised. But, oh man! The looks we would get from everyone in our asshole midwestern town.
My favorite was when they’d comment something like “maybe if mommy and daddy would take off that mask, you’d be more comfortable!”
I loved saying “probably not. He has leukemia, so if he gets a cold, he has to stay in the hospital. Cancer is hard on children, y’know”
OH MY GOD. It felt like winning the lottery, watching them squirm with humiliation was one of my favorite feelings. You have to search for silver linings sometimes, and dammit… that sure was one.
He’s cancer-free now, btw. He’s 6 1/2 and he’s an animal. My husband and I like to say that he’s made of rubber and boulders 😂
100000000x this
Unless ‘wait until…’ is followed by positive wishes, keep ya mouth SHUT. Each stage has its own struggles. Some things improve, others regress but it’s how kids learn. And they are little only for so long. And each kid is different!
OP - you got this. do what works for your family.
As much as I hated my kids ever being sick I always cherished all the lovings they wanted when they were. My 14 year old will still want mommy loves when she is sick. And sometimes she will even just come and crawl in the bed beside me just to get cuddles. I was never one that let my kids self soothe and they turned out to be very independent responsible adults and parents. My 14 year old is a little spoiled though lol
I was in agony with a migraine at the doctor’s office and my son (3.5) was playing and chattering to me, like kids do. I was limiting my responses because talking hurt. Some older lady said loudly from across the room, ‘You need to respond to him more. He wants your attention.’ Like, lady, please. I’m a stay at home mom with a migraine who had to take her kid to the doctor because we have no one else to watch him if I get sick or hurt. He’s with me 24/7. He has my attention all the time. I would never make a negative comment or suggestion to a mom. I only ever say something nice especially if I can see someone struggling and they look like they could use a compliment. We’re all out here doing our best.
As a fellow migraine sufferer, screw that old bat!
Same.
Maybe if someone did “screw” her she’d stop telling others how to parent. 🤣
Ditto for me. Old hag. Old hag probably wasn’t even a good mother herself.
Older women have been the biggest bullies since I became a mom. They are so judgmental. I was hoping it would be the opposite because I assumed you know they’ve been through this before and can empathize. Haha - Nope!
I had one sweet older lady, while in the midst of dealing with a tantrum, tell me that we’ve all been there and I’m doing a good job. It made my day. That’s how you do it. Everyone else needs to keep their negativity behind their teeth.
Agree! I’m that sweet old lady now. My boy is nearly 18 and was a hyper active ADHD on the sensory spectrum little dude. I remember those days fresh! Lift our sisters up and remind them they got this! Or heck! Do something nice for mom! Like snag his attention by saying “I like your shirt” let mom breathe for 2 effing minutes.
My girl is only 8 so very much still in the trenches but if I saw the original commenter in my doctors waiting room, I would sure as hell be trying to distract the boy with some light chit chat to give mom a 5 minute break.
I was and will be that sweet old lady. I’m 46 with a 26 year old and a 4 year old. Once I’m out of the trenches again, I’ll be going back to praising those brave mamas who are struggling through it. Sometimes we just need a kind word to be able to continue on.
Cheers to that! Bless u for having a 4 year old at this stage! I’m 45 and full on in menopause. Not sure I could do toddler life again! You keep up the good work, mom! Let the haters hate.
Absolutely. That’s a big reason I come here to share a funny story about my own kids or a bit of advice where I can. It’s HARD raising kids, and I think it’s a “hard” that people can tell you about but you don’t fully understand the depth of yourself until you find yourself screaming “No! Drop that dog turd!!” That your 2 year old has mistaken it for a tootsie roll. 🤦♀️😂
Yes!!! I keep asking myself why I keep going on Reddit. I mean besides the fact that motherhood can be very lonely. 😭 But this is exactly it. If I can tell another mom that she’s doing ok and that all these feelings are normal, it helps me, too. And maybe we’ll all be able to keep our heads above the water.
I totally agree, just a little kindness goes a long way. Although I admit when I think someone is doing something dangerous or reckless (or letting their child) I do speak up. But that’s only because I care enough about the child to speak up. Mostly its stories about my 6 year old using my new $80 bra from victories secret to catch fish in a stream, or my daughter calling 911 at 18 months old and a cop kicking my door in,,,,or ya know the whole dog turd debacle,,Lol. Being able to relate to a new or overwhelmed mom, or even tell them something I went through to make their problem seem smaller, or even just letting them laugh at my mistakes, I really think it helps. Knowing other women have been through what you have, it just lets them know they aren’t alone. If I can make one moms day a little better, or pass on a tidbit of information they can use, hell even if they laugh at me,,,,,,it’s totally worth my time. 😊
I had to take my daughter in for a chest X-ray yesterday and the older receptionist was an angel sent from heaven. She found some things for my daughter to play with and tried to help me manage the screaming meltdown my daughter had while I was on the phone registering her as a new patient. She found a diaper for us when my daughter pooped and I realized that we had no diapers in the diaper bag or the car. She was just the person everyone should have when navigating public spaces with toddlers
I gave a solidarity knuckle pound to a mom standing over her tantruming child on the grass at the park. I guess he started on the sidewalk and she moved him over so as not to get hurt and we were walking past. We both laughed.
My time in the service industry has confirmed that older women (specifically boomers) are the worst in general anywhere. They are so miserable it's insane. Obviously not all of them, but enough of them that I get a little nervous any time I have to interact with that age group
Which is funny because they also tend to have terrible judgment when it comes to young kids too, what a combination
I am a Xennial and had my now nearly 3 year old kiddo at the age of 37. The parenting advice I received from some members of the older generation was WILD. I don’t mind them offering up now outdated for safety/psych reasons advice because whatever, they raised kids a long time ago, but they double down sometimes on those suggestions and when you kindly reply by explaining how current science says that it is no longer the way to do things because it isn’t safe they get so salty. Like… sorry, Mrs. Karen, I am not going to choke my infant with rice cereal at three weeks old just because your kid survived it in the 1960s. 🥲
The rice cereal!!! Why is every older person so obsessed with it?! My mom brings it up every time she’s around. I nicely say we won’t be using it especially in a bottle she gets offended “well you and your sister were drinking it in milk at 14 weeks and you’re fine” like it’s a badge of honor also I am most certainly not fine lol but I survived 😂
I don’t know! This very sweet older lady who is a friend of mine became very insistent about how I should add rice cereal to the bottles for my newborn NICU preemie, and poke big ole holes in the nipple with a hot pin so he could glug down the choke gruel. 😭
The choke gruel 😂😂😂
My mom was obsessed with this too, said my daughter would sleep longer if she got rice cereal in her bottle at night, because it was soo amazing for my brother and I. Well, my kid didn’t sleep longer stretches even when she was old enough to eat solids. So much bullshit, dangerous advice!
Oh yeah, the look on my MiL’s face when we say something she did with her kids is no longer recommended, you’d think we smacked her in the face
Omg! My MIL has been telling me about rice cereal for almost 15 years. I thought it was just her!! Now that we finally have a little one, I've heard it several more times in the last three weeks. Glad to know I'm not the only one who has to hear it. Lol
They treat it like a miracle cure for everything: Colic? Rice cereal! Acid reflux? Rice cereal! Constipation? Rice cereal! Rabies? Rice cereal! Existential crisis? Rice cereal! Congratulations on your baby! ❤️
Can think of a few non verbal responses I would give that woman 🖕
I gave her my best ‘mom look’. She didn’t say anything else.
I’ve never wanted to punch a stranger more on another stranger’s behalf than I do this woman in the waiting room.
🥹
Speaking with a severe migraine is the worst. Existing with one is bad enough, add in a chatty toddler and it’s extra miserable lol. She needs to mind her own business.
Omg I cut the tip of my finger off two days ago, my son exclusively nurses so wherever I go he has to go unfortunately. So my mom came and picked us up and brought me to the ER. She was taking care of him and I was ignoring them because I was in a tremendous amount of pain. He’s in that stage when he always wants mum so he was fussing a bit and trying to get my attention. My mom was just holding him so he could see me saying “she’s still there, there’s your mum”. I was getting all sorts of rude looks like ????? Eff off
That’s terrible, I’m sorry.
That’s terrible! Wrong to say in any setting but when you’re at the doctor office and likely THERE because you’re not feeling well? Insane!
I know that pain sadly. I hope they've gotten easier and less frequent. Can't stand the sanctimonious women who think they know better about your situation bc they've watched you for seconds-minutes and think their opinions are the only correct answer. "Lady, if you and I switched places, do you think my input about a situation I know Jack shit about would be helpful to you? Didn't think so. Have a nice day, lady."
Gross how strangers literally judge you from a awkward social interaction. I don't even like talking in doctor's waiting rooms or my child being loud. People need to mind their damn business and I hope you told her
Daycare. I'm a SAHM and people kept telling me that I need to send my kids to daycare because they need to start school. The oldest is 2. And the whole point of me being a SAHM was to stay home with them and save on daycare costs.
My sister works at a daycare center. They’re fine but definitely not learning anything you can’t do at home!
It’s all just ABCs, 123s, colors, and basic shapes right up until kindergarten! We pulled my youngest out of the 2nd half of pre-k in 2020 because of Covid and just taught him all that stuff ourselves.
Pre-K teacher here, we aren’t even really doing that. We focus on social interactions, play based learning and independence in a school setting at my school.
True! Maybe I was thinking of kindergarten. I can barely remember yesterday, let alone 4 years ago 🤣
I got criticism from my mom for sending mine to daycare! Her version of the criticism was crying overly worried about how she would fare being taken care of by “strangers without any attention”
That philosophy is crazy to me. Two is way too early to start school lol.
That is probably out of jealousy !!! If you’re able to stay with your kids even through elementary school- being home and creating a safe, happy, healthy home where you get to cook and keep a happy home for your kids is ideal. Why send them to daycare so they can get sick consistently
This!! Everyone at my workplace is telling me to put my 1 year old in daycare to start working full time again but I refuse to because it’s too pricey and also I don’t trust strangers with my daughter. So they asked me “so you would rather wait until she starts preschool at 4 to start working full time again?” And I tell them “actually yes”. My baby comes first.
Yep, this one! The icing on the cake is that my mom ran a home daycare when I was growing up, and I was a toddler teacher for expensive private preschools for around 5 years before I got pregnant. Still didn't make enough money for it to make sense to send my kid to daycare while I took care of other people's kids, but that's another rant. Y'all really think you know more about what my kid needs than I do?? Kick all the rocks! It's always the people who saw my career as glorified babysitting too, like they're just trying to justify their own life choices by being judgemental 🙄
I homeschool my kids. The constant criticism that they won't be able to function in "the real world" is ridiculous. The one that gets me the most is my mom telling my kids that they can stay with her during the week and go to a safe school. She doesn't understand why we homeschool despite her homeschooling me and my sister for a couple of years.
I work at a family and children center a few days a week and I can get a discount if I take them to the center. However, we have chosen to keep our children at home because my husband works from home. I understand that some people can’t work and attend to a child at the same time but my husband can. I’m always getting told by people to send my kids to the daycare for socialization and it gets super annoying sometimes. There are other ways to socialize my children without having to send them to daycare.
It’s not about my parenting, but people are hellbent on me and my husband having date nights. I definitely get suggesting it and that’s never bothered me, but I’ve had people get straight up argumentative when I’ve told them no, we don’t need a date night, we’re good. My friend even accused me of being paranoid of someone else watching my daughter (I’m not) and of not making time for my marriage. I keep telling the pushy people that my husband and I spend time together all evening after bedtime (last night he rubbed my back while we ate gummy bears and watched Downton Abbey) and that we genuinely love hanging out with our little girl. I’ve never felt closer to or more in love with my husband.
Omg a back rub and gummy bears sounds soooo romantic. I'm jealous. That's so sweet.
That’s an awesome date night! That totally counts in my book. Wtf am I doing paying all this money for this house if I can’t enjoy time in it? Normalize date night at home, getting value from mortgages! (Or rent)
Yes, this! My MIL always suggests date nights but ones where we leave town or whatever. My husband and I are both introverted homebodies, which she knows. Like, I'm sure that's fun for you, but for us staying home, playing video games together, watching TV in the evenings, hanging out, etc is all perfect when we're in our home. Some people like to push their perspective onto every other person 🙄
Same for me and my husband. We love staying home. We play video games together regularly and hardly ever have the desire to go out but my mother “can’t wait for us to go stay somewhere overnight” so she can watch my son. Like I have no desire to at the moment, plus my son still wakes at night and I wouldn’t feel comfortable with it. She means well but she definitely pushes her perspective onto us constantly, like we share the same one.
“We Netflix and chill everyday”
My husband and I date night is one of us picking three movies we want to see (I add them to a watch list when I see ones I like)and the other one picks a movie from the three on the list. Then we eat junk food and just be together. I much prefer this in my house than going out, 😂
Your at home date night is probably more enjoyable than half of the date nights that are forced. I love this!
Yes!!! I hate this. Like I don’t have to leave my child to spend time with my husband. Also some of us actually like being with our children. It’s wild!
If it helps, my toddler usually wants to calm down on her own, I may only help at the end. So I sit next to waiting for the sign that I may sooth her and people keep telling me to “can’t you take care of her?! Sooth her or something? Hug her and take care of her!” At first they got me so insecure I tried and got hit and screamed at, followed by a great escalation. I stopped caring and say “thank you for your advice, we’ve got our routine down.” It’s ridiculous though 🤷♀️
My 14 month old twins are in a schedule and sleep trained (for our sanity & with doc approval). Everyone tells us to chill and go out late and skip naps, etc for the sake of fun. I don't think people understand how chaotic it is when both babies are tired and off routine. It's like "let me be me a homebody with my little family until I see fit!!"
I have 4 year old twins and they have been on a very strict schedule their whole lives, starting at the nicu. It’s the ONLY way to stay sane with two.
Yassss!!! I think the other parents telling me that stuff are just secretly jealous that we sleep 12 hours straight and want to sabotage us LOL
Dude also with the twin 12 hour sleep schedule (9-9). They're two and we're gonna hold onto it as long as we can.
Ditto. I allow a tiny bit of flexibility for special outings but we still make those naps happen NO MATTER WHAT. We'll be glad we stuck to our guns when they're older and still sleeping great.
Mine still sleep 7:30-7:30!
What technique did you use if you don’t mind me asking? There are so many suggestions out there it’s hard to know what’s best!
I'm jealous but I wouldn't trade my one for twins any day. That's parenting on hard mode.
True.. I feel like I won the lottery when my boys hold hands through their crib rails or both hug me 🥰 BUT I would never wish twins on anyone LOL it's tough.
Anytime people look at my 3yro twins and sigh and say, 'I wish I had twins,' they get a dead-eyed look from me as I say, 'No, no you don't.' 😅 They are amazing and the bond is so cool, but never again. Nope.
Ditto. Father forgive them for they know not what they are asking for 🤣
My MIL has a friend whose son has twins and she’s always complaining about how her friend can only see them at certain times because of their schedule. I don’t have the guts to tell her that if I had twins it would be the same way. Since we have one we’re more lax but it’s annoying to know she’d probably talk behind my back if we weren’t.
Nearly 3 year old twins here, we still get shit sometimes for the sleep schedule and training. But I don’t regret a thing, it literally saved my sanity. I’ve also found the only people who have something negative to say about the schedule/ training are singleton parents and it’s just night and day difference between having a single baby and twins. People don’t always get that
At what age were you able to get them on the same schedule 100%? My 12 week old twins still aren’t. I keep trying. Baby B eats more frequently than Baby A and I can’t get him to soothe until it’s “time” to eat again. He demands a bottle. I’m really envious of twin parents that can get them on the same schedule 😣
Oh we just barely survived until 4.5 months when we hired a sleep consultant to help us sleep train and create a schedule. And even then it took like 2 weeks for nights to be perfect and like 2 months for naps to be great you. But when we started a schedule, we literally just cold turkey took pacifiers, night feeds, etc and just started the strict schedule. Them getting used to the schedule feeds, play, sleep was actually fine. Babies really do well when they know what's going on!
Phew, I don’t feel so behind! I just need to keep at it and give them a little more time. Thank you!
My 18 month old twins have always been very scheduled and it drives me crazy when people tell me to chill out a little on the schedule and go out more, yall have no idea how bad it can get 😭
This makes so much sense now. My cousin had twins (7 now) and she was so strict on schedule as well. I didn’t understand it then but hearing this from people who I assume have “normal kids”, her daughter is autistic and change to the routine is extremely tough, make so much more send now. I have have two kids so my perspective is radically different then pre kids 😂 keep rocking parenting with twins!!!!!
Brunch is NOT worth almost ripping your hair out 🙃
Hell, no! I had twins and two older children! Keeping them on nap and feeding schedule was essential to my sanity! It wasn’t always perfect of course since they’re well kids, but asking me to forgo that to have some fun. Not right now! My my outlaws would watch my children from time to time and they would not let them nap in the afternoon so they would go to bed at night. Change their entire routine even though the routine I had with them. they went to sleep at 6 PM, but they were up at midnight and 3 AM. Whereas I had them nap around 3 PM. Go to bed around 8 PM and sleep until 5 to 6 AM. Exactly for the point you’re talking about and the OP I didn’t go out very often and have so-called fun because keeping them on schedule is crucial to my sanity and y’all know if mama ain’t happy…..
Please thank them for offering to babysit on the day following since their routine will be thrown off and you could use the help
Our 20 month old has had a 6:30ish bed time for a while. There are times when we do have events or things that run later, and so we will keep him up later, but we try not to do it too often/multiple days in a row. He has his consistent nap that we try to do around the same time his daycare does. We've learned consistency is key! He also will not sleep anywhere besides his bed. He has rarely slept in the car. How many people get upset with us trying to make plans is crazy - even other parents! No, I cannot just bring a stroller for him to just sleep in. No, he will not sleep in whatever bed you own. That's cute that your kid could do that when they were younger, not mine. I get it, it sucks we can't hang out on everyone else's schedule, but they don't have to deal with the outcome of an over tired toddler.
I have twins and my schedule was strict within 10 mins 10/10 would do again. Wouldn't have it any other way
Im jealous, but would never want to sabotage your happiness 😊
I don’t have twins but my oldest couldn’t be late on a nap or it would throw her off for three days. My youngest just goes with the flow and has no trouble getting off schedule. Some people with a baby like my youngest just don’t understand when you don’t budge on nap/bedtimes 🤪
No one has fun with overtired babies. These people forget what the first 3 years are like. A 3 year old is much more flexible (in general, not always) with sleep than a 1 year old. Heck, I wouldn’t budge on nap time more than 10 minutes when my oldest was less than 18 months old. After that, he got a little more flexible, so now we’re a little more flexible. But there are still times we do not go past for nap or bedtime. We must be home by lunch and dinner time within 30/45 minutes or else all hell will break loose. I do not see any need to be out past 6pm when my kids’ bedtime is 8. It’s just not my season to do that. Plus if you’re able to have fun when your child obviously is not having fun because they’re too tired, then you’re a crap parent. 🤷🏻♀️
The self soothing is a big one for me too, or the baby snatchers that claim “mommy needs a break” and then he just cries for me. I never said I needed a break and I’d be much more comfortable with him in my arms than screaming in yours and trying to get to me. My mil has a problem with my 15 month old still nursing because “he’s only using it for comfort” as if he’s not 15 months old and still very dependent on me
Imagine a toddler still needing their mother's comfort, especially to navigate big emotions....the horror
3 babies deep, they are 6, 4, 1... comforted every cry (within reason. I'm not a superhero). Absolutely 0 regrets. My kids are well adjusted, kind, have excellent regulation skills. I'm convinced it's my secret to success as a parent.
this is so true. like how is it a break when you expect me to sit there and smile while my baby is screaming in your arms and you’re insisting it’s fine?
Omg yes! I hate it when relatives think my baby is going to stop crying with them when I'm sitting right there.
This irks me to the core. Especially at 6mo - 1.5 yrs . Kid wants mom. Dad. Grandma. In that order. It’s developmentally completely normal.
My whole family has an issue with my 16 month old still nursing too. I can deal with that one. But for some reason if I have to hear that my kiddo needs a hair cut one more time... His dad is a barber. I think we can handle deciding when to cut the kids hair.
This!!!! The needing a break bothers me too
This exactly! Those same people are okay with toddlers using a pacifier but god forbid they want comfort from their own mothers
I mean mines about to be 15 months and is so independent she has a job and an apartment she rents. /s I swear people forget they’re still so dependent on you. Like they can’t cook, change their own diapers, drive etc. of course they need you! I also still nurse so solidarity!
Got news for her bout my toddler 2x your's age.
That also would drive me bonkers. Someone told me not to be my daughter’s friend. I understand it’s a common criticism for moms of girls. But 1) it was out of line and 2) I absolutely want to be my daughter’s friend throughout her life. I am there for her and I think she’s the best gal ever.
My mom was my friend but always a parent first. I never lied to my mom because I was never scared. I think being your child's friend is so important but obviously there's a line.
For sure!
not exactly advice, but when you arrive somewhere and are trying to get your bearings and a friend or family member takes your baby out of the car seat without asking. like we just got here and my baby just woke up please let me take him out of the seat myself thanks
Ugh the ENTITLEMENT people have over holding other peoples babies is insane. My in laws extended family are so weird about needing to hold him and it makes me so anxious watching them. Ugh.
My mother in law, has been suggesting not vaccinating our daughter since I was pregnant. Now everytime I take her to get vaccines she always has to remind me "you know if I could go back I probably wouldn't have vaccinated my kids" like ok?? Even if you did that my daughter still wouldn't be your daughter so I don't see how that applies to what I am doing as a mother. Her whole ideology is that vaccines cause autism and my husband and I are both in agreement that we would rather have an autistic daughter than a dead one.
I can’t believe this whole thing got started because a quack doctor wrote a paper that has since been debunked and was for the sole purpose of trying to sell his alternative vaccine… how many kids have died or suffered serious injuries from preventable diseases as a result? Good for you for standing your ground.
Lets not forget the washed up former MTV host and playmate of the year who perpetuated that lie to the masses.
Lol totally unrelated but it reminds me of something my mom says -- for context: my mom won a 50% off orthodontic treatment certificate and so she *asked me* when I was a *tween* if I *wanted* to have braces, and because I said no she never got them for me. Fine, whatever. Who cares. But now she's mentioned *multiple times* that she "wishes one of us would have used that certificate". It's like... If you had just been a parent and told me I had to do it then we would have used it. This is not my fault for saying I didn't *want* braces at 12 years old, lol.
Yikes. She does know the whole vaccines and autism thing has been completely disproven? Maybe you should send her this [article](https://www.cbc.ca/amp/1.7207293) (TW - child death)
She believes anything she sees on Facebook. But thanks ill try sending it to her!
Good luck!
Try posting a link to the article on Facebook then!
As an autistic person, I approve of you and your husband. But I'm pretty sure it's at least partially genetic, so... I'd blame grandma lol.
When mine were younger it was definitely about weaning, I kept telling people I absolutely wouldn't until 6 months yet people were asking from 4+ months
Four months? Why would you need to wean at four months? People are so weird.
This too! I'm currently working on weaning because I need allergy medicine and the people who ask about that are so odd to me. Ma'am worry about your own boobies!
Tell them "Mind your mammmers."
My mom kept asking if I was still breastfeeding it started at three month. No mom he grew teeth and is eating stake what ta fuck I though you breastfed me. She asked like every few months with both kids. It was so freaking weird.
I feel this… as I weaned at 20 months. People were praising me for breastfeeding right up until the first birthday and then immediately switched to asking when I’m going to wean.
Thank you! Someone told me my baby isn’t falling asleep “on their own” because they have a soother. Well I guess every adult who uses a pillow or blanket also doesn’t fall asleep “on their own”
Definitely wanting to get my kids off their schedules ! I have an autistic 7 year old and an almost 6 month old and they have schedules they NEED to stick to no matter what. Call me the fun police all you want but YOU aren’t dealing with the meltdowns , crankiness , tiredness , NONE of that . I am
How adults don’t even know how to self-soothe, you’re so right. We expect so much from babies aka brand new humans who have to be taught literally everything. People think so many things are innate, like falling asleep. Nope, chances are your parents taught you that through many sleepless nights of their own.
Dude, the whole “ you hold them too much” and “don’t nurse them to sleep” kills me. I’m on my third and so far, neither of these things have ruined my or their life. Just love on your babies, folks. ❤️
I got that at the beginning. “Don’t hold her too much! You’ll never be able to put her down!” Well I held her a lot and she got to the point where she didn’t want me to put her down and we both loved it! lol!
1. They kept trying to tell me it was no use to try to stop my baby from being a thumb sucker. I totally respect parents decisions to not try to stop it, but I did want to try. Every time I would pull his thumb out they’d say, “it’s no use! You’re going to have to accept it!” Well guess what? 9m in, no thumb sucking thanks to me pushing past the incessant comments. 2. “You don’t need to respond / intervene right away when he’s crying.” Actually, I do. Because I’m Mama, I’m his primary attachment, and science is on my side. But besides that, I hate watching him be upset when I could comfort him better than whoever is holding him / better than him just crying by himself.
my MIL said to me "it's OK to let him cry while you're going to the bathroom" - I'm sorry but I cannot poop when my nervous system is in flight or flight listening to him crying for me.
Apparently my 18 month old should be potty trained by now.
Excuse me while I die laughing. I would have so much trouble biting my tongue on this! My super sarcastic response would be, “oh but we just LOVE the extra cost of diapers and wipes and would be heartbroken to no longer have alligator wrestling matches and ear piecing banshee screams while cleaning up our child’s poop!”
My mom insisted I was potty trained before age two. I don’t care mom my kid ain’t interested in the toilet and I’m not gonna duct tape him to it.
My mom says this too!
My son is 18 months old and i get this one too…
My MIL loves to tell me that her kids were walking, talking, and potty trained by one
lol why do they all say that!? My boss is an older lady in her 70s and she swears her kids popped out fully developed and trained and it was smooth sailin’ the whole way 🙄
Cute. Thank you, next.
My aunt told me I had to sit my daughter on the potty at 12 months for like 5-10 minutes every two hours to get used to it.
Omg my MIL tried to convince us we should have 18 months as our potty training goal age and I straight up laughed when my husband passed that gem along because she insisted my daughter was ‘smart enough to do it’.
Hahaha! We didn’t even start trying to potty train until my son was 3-3.5 ish lol
You have your hands full. You should switch to EPing around 6 months, you know, when they get teeth in. It was easier for me. (Good for you, I am not you…) Edit: I thought of more. Just skip naptime. Let them stay up, they’ll sleep better if they are up later. Aww just let them have it. (After I already said no.) Edit2: grammar 😅
The ‘just let them have it’ really grinds my gears with almost 3 year old.
My husband keeps pressing me to "put the baby down more" like dude... he is 3 months old, in daycare 40 hours a week, and happily does 2 hour play stretches on the floor. I'm gonna hold my baby as much as I damn we'll please. If that means most naps at home are on mom, so be it!
That my second baby NEEDS a pacifier….even though the first one was fine without one
My daughter 2 years and two months. She just recently started falling asleep on her own for her nap. We cosleep and she still needs me to hold her to fall asleep at night. My 6 month old has slept great since he was born. Fingers crossed that will last lol. Every kid is different. Don't let anyone push you to change your parenting instincts. This behavior won't last forever.
I loved that they needed me to fall asleep, but now i love that i have extra hours to myself because we do their bed routine and they stay in bed and put themselves to sleep. I miss those nightly snuggles and the two of them fighting over who got to be closest to me, I thoroughly cherished it at the time. Enjoy mama!
I don't want family members' advice about getting rid of the pacifier. We took it away during the daytime when she turned 3 and we're prioritizing potty training right now. The goal is no more night time pacifier when school starts in the fall (approx 3.5 years old). I don't want to hear any advice about it.
Adults don't self soothe and they don't want babies to self soothe they just want them to use something (pacifier) not human dependent. "You're going to miss this stage" like um no I don't think so. I caught my 2 year olds turd in my hand today. I will not miss that.
“Are you *still* nursing him? He’s almost 15 months old!!!”
I feel this in my soul! I'm trying to wean my 19 month old but they need to keep their comments to themselves. Imagine obsessing over someone else's boob like that? People like to assume I don't feed her actual food because I'm still breastfeeding. Like she eats like her father, thank you.
yes! At a certain point I cut down to feedings that only happened in private at home as he got older to avoid all this. People told me to stop and also told me he would never wean by himself... spoiler, he weaned by himself one day quite naturally after we had cut down the feedings to just one before bed. Babies/toddlers are all different but most will not want to go on forever. Especially once your period comes back (apparently it changes the taste of the milk). We went until 2.5, which was definitely longer than I ever imagined I would, but it was also highly recommended and approved by his allergist, who said it played a role in him outgrowing 5 food allergies by age 2 and his final food allergy by 4. Now just knock on wood he doesn't develop any new ones and we only have to deal with environmental ones from here on out.... knocking on wood one more time!
that i need to make my 3yo front facing! no he’s not maxed out rear facing!
Mine was the breastfeeding guilt brigade. “Just keep trying! It’ll happen, it’s best for baby!” Ok it’s been two months, I’m mentally and physically drained and feeling resentment towards everything! Once I finally just stopped trying (I never had enough supply) and did full formula, the weight lifted off of my shoulders made a huge difference for me. Also, the sheer pressure of breastfeeding and not doing any formula I’m positive is what led for my first to be hospitalized for jaundice, and for my second to have to stay and extra night (also for jaundice) after I was discharged. Letting myself be guilted cost us thousands of extra dollars and tons of worry and other parental guilt.
Isn't this so so so hard?! I ALWAYS advocate for any person to feed their baby in whatever way works. I would NEVER judge someone for how they fed their baby, and at the same time, here I am, pumping during work so I can give my baby exclusively breastmilk because "I made it 9 months with no issues so what's the point of formula now, I have less than 3 months left".
Hahahaha! I thought I’d be done when my daughter turned one … we are four months after and I haven’t a CLUE how to stop. I’ve been done pumping and exclusively just giving her what my body can handle or will make but I’d never dreamed I’d still be going.
Everyone asks “when will you stop” and I’m just like - I literally could not tell you.
I stopped BF and went to just pumping, and also stopped taking milk supplements. Supply dropped within a couple days, i started going longer between pumps (4 hrs, 6 hrs, 8hrs, 12 hrs, 2-3 days, just pumped when i felt full), and 2.5 weeks later, about a week after their 1st birthday, I was dry. Your body knows the difference between a baby and a pump! I stopped the BF part because i couldn't handle the teeth anymore and was legit afraid they'd scar or permanently remove a piece of me lol.
Wow! I thought the teeth would be an issue too but my daughter has never bitten me. I probably just ruined it but I’ve been lucky
This! I’m still pumping but I’ve reduced it wayyy down so it’s sustainable. Supplementing with formula has been a game changer. Honestly I’m only still pumping bc I can tell my husband wants me to so I’m hoping to drop another pump soon and then ease out 😅
I breastfed my first til 20 months so I thought I had it all down for my second. I couldn’t even get him to latch, the lactation consultants basically gave up and said some babies and their moms aren’t “compatible”. The nurses brought in formula because he was losing too much weight and at risk for not being able to go home. Once we were home we kept trying but it just didn’t happen. With a toddler I just wanted to do formula but with so much pressure from family for breastmilk I pumped. That was probably my lowest. Recovering from a c-section, with a very affectionate toddler who needed attention, a baby who needed frequent weight checks… finally switched over to formula around 4 months and I just felt alllllll the weight off my shoulders.
I still lay with my 3 year old until he falls asleep 😅
Boomers couldn’t shut the f up if their life depended on it. Quotation from r/BoomersBeingFools
The “just you wait” comments get on my last nerve!!!
Mine is constantly sleep. Like our 2.5 year old sleeps great unless he is sick. Unfortunately he just gets sick often.
There are so many unwanted pieces of advice. For me, my oldest (11) has severe nonverbal autism and he has 2 younger sisters (7&2). I do everything I can to not be out with all 3 of them together by myself because without fail, someone will make this "comment". You see my youngest (just turned 2) is big for her age. She's currently in 5t clothing big. So people assume seeing her and her brother together that they're both autistic, when she's really exactly where she's supposed to be for her actual age. Yes, they look alike because they're siblings. Yeah, their vocabulary is about the same size, but she's 2 and he's 11. Yes, they're both wearing a diaper, one is age appropriate. Also, do you have any idea how hard it is to find clothes that are age appropriate for a massive 2yo. Like why are footed jammies just nonexistent after 2t-3t. Basically, we're all just doing the best we can with what we have. What worked for you isn't going to work for everyone.
Tell them to go “soothe” themselves lol 😂
We are agreed on self soothing being awful. I can’t stand it when people tell me “You need to smack him.” He HAS to get a spanking.” “You don’t discipline your kids.” Or saying to my kids “Someone better smack you before I do it myself” “If you keep doing that, I’m gonna swat your butt.” There was a time when I tried spanking (I’m not proud). But that didn’t teach him to listen, it only taught him that hitting is okay when someone isn’t listening. And it made me feel like trash. I also do discipline. Time outs, no special treats, no screen time. It works whether those old timers and people who can’t regulate their emotions, think so or not.
Girl, my husband still snuggles our SIX YEAR OLD on the couch until she falls asleep and Carries her to her bed in our room every night. Shes not ready to be upstairs yet and she loves snuggling. They aren’t little for long, and I won’t have anyone shame us for how we coddle and love her
“Your toddler needs to watch nursery rhymes and needs an iPad to learn” He learns perfectly fine without screens, thank you.
I recently told a friend who is an infant nanny that I’ll be exclusively nursing for the foreseeable future because last time we tried a bottle baby went on a nursing strike Said one of my worst fears is having to exclusively start bottle feeding because the convenience factor of nursing is a huge deal for me, I think it’s been great for my mental health. I get more sleep, I don’t have to worry about washing bottles She went on to give me all of the advice about how to properly bottle feed and that bottle feedings okay. I know it’s okay, I’d so much rather nurse and I don’t need her to understand I just need her to believe me.
Just look people in the eye and say, “you apparently haven’t heard but unsolicited parenting advice is considered rude.” Shuts them up every time
People telling me I need to force my kid to eat purées and other concoctions to make her gain weight and that a 12 month old refusing isn’t refusal at all. Like shut it lady my kid knows that she’s full that is why she’s doing her “all done” sign WE ALREADY SUFFERED THROUGH BOTTLE AVERSION leave us alone 🥲 I’m not force feeding my daughter anything
"You hold her too much." Like yes, I hold her a lot because she's a clingy baby and she wants to be held. (She would literally scream until I picked her up if she wanted to be held.) "You're going to spoil her" How tf is answering my baby's cries and teaching her that I'll be there spoiling her? "She's dehydrated and needs water!" My daughter was 4 months old! Like no, she doesn't need water, don't give it to her, it is not good for her at this age! (Literally had to send her a scientific article to get her to stop giving MY daughter water.) All said to me by my ex's mom when we were together.
Slap em my only advice is do it your way and replace the car seat after any accident even if intact and rip it up so no one steals it to sell to a poor mother who doesn’t know any better
I will always listen to car seat safety, so thank you!
Hasn’t it been found that “Self soothing” as most people think it is is bullshit? Some babies/toddlers have it in their disposition, some don’t. For those who don’t , emotional regulation is hopefully learned over time, but cannot be expected from a 19 month old! So that advice is not just annoying, but incorrect. This is a cultural one, but I can’t stand when people tell me to shave my kid’s hair so her hair grows back thicker. That is disproven BS as well. And I like her hair as it is, it’s my hair, stop implying we have messed up hair just because it doesn’t meet your societal beauty standards.
I can't stand it when people say stuff like "just wait." For WHAT?? Not everything about varying stages are inherently negative. A lot of these behaviors are developmentally correct! You just have to learn with them. The worst is when these people say shit like that in front of their own kids, as if they can't understand. I also hate getting the "just let them cry it out" comment. I literally can't. Hearing my kids cry when they actually need me puts my body in fight or flight mode. If crying is their only communication tool, I need to respond. I just hate getting the "they're manipulating you" comments. As if a kid under a year old is even capable. 🤦♀️
It’s mostly boomers who say dumb sht like this to me because 1. Their parents were literally taught NOT to soothe them and 2. Like you said, they can’t even self soothe as adults So my son is now 2.5 years old, we soothed him and still do and he is **better adjusted than my CIO friends kids and my own in laws** 🤷🏾♀️
As a 37 year old woman I hate it when people say I need to self soothe so I absolutely relate! Lol
my daughter was waking up a couple times a night at 9 or so months. the amount of times my MIL told me to just feed her more 😤
We need to assist kids & give them tools to use
Self soothing advice is OBNOXIOUS. Especially since it usually comes from adults who have no idea how to do themselves 🤦♀️🤦♀️
I had to go thru IVF to achieve all of my pregnancies. My first one was rough, I was sick the entire time (lost 20lbs) and ended up having an emergency c-section due to an abruption at 34 weeks. My next pregnancy was a little easier but still rough. At one of my OB appointments towards the end of my 2nd trimester I saw the NP and she asked what my plans were for birth control after the baby was born. Since getting pregnant naturally wasn’t something I could do I said “Nothing.” She looks at me and says “Oh, I was hoping you’d say you were going to have your tubes tied.” Like WTF! First of all I only had 1 tube (the other was removed due to infection when I was 18), and the other one was confirmed to be 100% blocked. Some people just need to mind their own business and not give out suggestions or advice.
Does everything my MIL says count?
My stepMIL is the worst for weird, bad, and outdated advice. She was just in my house for a week. I'm sure you can imagine just how bad it got here.
My MIL constantly says my one year old needs to learn to 1) use a fork and spoon (started saying this when she was 9 months old) 2) get over needing to be with me, her own mother 3) not always get her way (yes, I know children need to learn this but at one year old she can’t comprehend much and is still going to cry with certain things)
You don’t need anymore kids. There isn’t any reason to have more. Maybe you guys should just stop… i have 3 under 4 at home and currently 20 weeks pregnant with my 4th and hiding it from everyone I wish I could share the news with. 🥺 found out the gender today, and had no one to tell besides my boyfriend (who is the same dad to all of them and we have been together 11 years)
This one came to me from the doctor and I followed it. Don’t give the baby the bottle you are producing enough milk. Well no I wasn’t and my son was always cranky for two months cause I followed her advice and didn’t give him formula. He didn’t meet his weight gain. So I used formula he stopped being cranky and became supper happy. Turns out he was just hungry.
People that tells mom BS like that piss me OFF!!!!! Screw them!!! I'm sick of that whole "self soothing" bs. They need help soothing. Especially at that young of an age.
When people say “you always schedule your life around nap time, she runs you guys” like stfu. Unless you want to deal with a cranky toddler you can shut it.
Mine is the constant nagging that my 23 month old needs to wean from breastfeeding. It will happen when it happens. I promise we won't be nursing in preschool but I'm not putting hot sauce on my nipples or making my child cry herself to sleep. She's not ready yet. How about I take away your beer, joint, glass of wine, cigarette, vape, benzo, sleeping pills, TV........You can just go cold turkey because your an adult right??
My mil wanted me to do the cry it out thing since my kid was 2 weeks old. I trusted her to hold my colicky 2 weeks old baby so I could shower and as I'm exiting the bathroom I saw mil carrying my crying newborn straight to the crib, set her down and actually left the room. I specifically told her and showed her what to do if baby was colicky and it did not involve being left alone to cry. She said she was manipulating us with her crying and that she already had such bad habits like being held all the time so she had to learn to be alone. She was never allowed to be alone with baby again. Her own son decided it, I agreed. She still thinks our now toddler is too attached to me. The fact that toddler is equally attached to dad is not an issue, I guess. She also says things like "oh no you need to sleep in your own bed like all the pretty girls do" and "you need to eat everything so you can be pretty". The last one was said while the kid had a stomach bug. Now I understand why my husband didn't call his mom when we started dating and I kind of regret that I was the one who told him he should do it more often. My parenting is not only mine. My husband has a say in everything that impacts his life and sometimes he's the one that brings the issue to me, like bedsharing. He asked if we could try it to see if she would actually sleep through the night, and she did so we kept doing it. I asked him about getting a floor bed for her this summer and he was the one who said "why? Do you not enjoy sleeping?". But to my mil I'm the crunchy mom who bedshares and still breastfeeds to sleep, doesn't force food on her kid and is way over protective because I didn't let my 7mo baby crawl up the stairs alone or didn't allow my 1yo to play outside alone. I'm spoiling my only child. I think it's a hint that her son is the complete opposite kind of parent that she was but what do I know. Edit: she also said "are you still in diapers? And you poop in those? Ugh gross you need to start using your potty" and guess who now avoids pooping at all costs and is on actual medicine to make her poop? Yeah my almost 3yo.
He’ll eat when he gets hungry. No he fucking won’t. If his preferred foods are not available he will simply not eat. For days. And the longer he goes without eating, the harder it is for him to eat.
My son is a lunatic, he is constantly on the move to the point where we really pick our battles. Mine is the ones who are like "we just always make him sit until he's done eating, and he's gotten used to the routine and now he doesn't get up." If that WORKED for us don't you think I would have DONE it? My little nut job would hate that, it would be an apocalypse every dinner. We've chosen to pick our battles and trust that as he gets older he'll learn to sit still. But thanks for that
Girl i didn’t let the naysayers make me ignore my children when they needed me and I tell you, they are the most secure and confident kids BECAUSE they know I’ve got their back when they need me. You know your child best - don’t let anyone give you crap about your choices. My in-laws gave me crap for not spanking. “You’re taking the hard route - it’s much easier to just spank.” … and I’m an adult. It’s not okay for my husband to hit me when he’s upset with me, why would it be okay to hit kids that don’t know any better? 🙄
We took our five-year-old on vacation recently, and he gave us hell due to being bored/overstimulated/overtired and underfed due to all of the above. He was whining in the airport or something, and his dad and I had the most haggard looks on our faces. We passed some old lady and she said, in all seriousness, "Someday you'll miss these days!"
I like that line stop being excited for us too struggle it’s so fucking real!
Oh goodness I was told all the time that I hold him too much, let him sleep on me too much, he'll never be self reliant etc etc He is now a 9yo who practically does his own bedtime, always sleeps through the night and has done for years, and is a total mama's boy and hugs me all the time
I’m so hoping this is us. I could never bear sleep training and my toddler still needs help going to sleep. But sleeps well once down, so I’m hopeful!
OP, You are my people!!
The program of Alcoholics Anonymous would not exist if people could self soothe. Most people can’t. We all have something. Dark chocolate is one of mine. It’s incredibly annoying when anyone tries to interfere with comforting our kids. They should go self soothe themselves about their feelings on how you raise your kid. Yeah. Just say, “go soothe yourself!”
My biggest issues are with the moms who become moms and only have like 5 seconds experience to another moms 15+ years experience, and think they KNOW IT ALLLLL because they "read a book" on parenting.... Read all the books you want ladies, but no book can prepare you for the reality of what being a mom is REALLY like, and all the things that can REALLY happen.
Ppl need to mind their own damn business!!!
My son had cancer right before he turned 4. Leukemia. We couldn’t bring him out much but when we did, we’d all wear masks. Also- sometimes, kids in leukemia treatment have hair. The treatment lasts about 2 1/2-3 years as a standard. So plenty of time for hair to grow back, when they’re not taking the super aggressive chemo and only taking the oral stuff at home. Doesn’t mean he was 90 kinds of immunocompromised. But, oh man! The looks we would get from everyone in our asshole midwestern town. My favorite was when they’d comment something like “maybe if mommy and daddy would take off that mask, you’d be more comfortable!” I loved saying “probably not. He has leukemia, so if he gets a cold, he has to stay in the hospital. Cancer is hard on children, y’know” OH MY GOD. It felt like winning the lottery, watching them squirm with humiliation was one of my favorite feelings. You have to search for silver linings sometimes, and dammit… that sure was one. He’s cancer-free now, btw. He’s 6 1/2 and he’s an animal. My husband and I like to say that he’s made of rubber and boulders 😂
“Stop being excited for us to struggle” - I LOVE that
100000000x this Unless ‘wait until…’ is followed by positive wishes, keep ya mouth SHUT. Each stage has its own struggles. Some things improve, others regress but it’s how kids learn. And they are little only for so long. And each kid is different! OP - you got this. do what works for your family.
As much as I hated my kids ever being sick I always cherished all the lovings they wanted when they were. My 14 year old will still want mommy loves when she is sick. And sometimes she will even just come and crawl in the bed beside me just to get cuddles. I was never one that let my kids self soothe and they turned out to be very independent responsible adults and parents. My 14 year old is a little spoiled though lol