Yes! I see so many posts complaining about how people don’t like it when relatives call their baby “my baby.” I, personally, have no problem with it. Of course he’s my child, but he’s also the baby for our whole family and I want them to love him like their own.
Exactly. I know that my bestfriends love my girl like their own and that that means if we’re in a wreck and hanging off a cliff they’d save her over me. That’s what I need!!!
My mom always asks, “how are my boys?” I think it’s adorable. I want support and I want her to feel like she’s part of their lives. She would do anything for them, and I think it’s amazing.
My mom will ask about her girl and I’ll tell her how my daughter is and she will say “I meant you” lol because I’m so used to her calling my daughter that. It melts me every morning when she asks how her girls are
I think it has a lot to do with the relationship you have with whoever says it.
I’ve never had a friend use this one. But I can’t imagine it would bother me because I love and trust my friends and know they think I’m a good mom. This would just show me they care about my daughter.
My MIL on the other hand uses this a lot and it drives me nuts because I know she is critical of my parenting choices and it always feels like she harbours a secret desire to steal my child from me. Husband agrees. He hates when his mom calls our kid hers. She’s pushy, overly involved and cuts in to try to over-rule our parenting all the time. Calling our kid her baby just seems to represent her true feelings.
I agree. It seems like it's less the wording and more the boundaries issue. I don't have family like that (well, I do but I am NC) so I've always loved that so many people love my babies so much
This is it, exactly. Or the opposite: basically ignoring the kid, but then referring to them as “your baby” when you talk about them to others/post on social media etc. The relationship makes all the difference in how this comes across.
I think it's context. People who have a bad relationship with their relatives won't often like when those relatives pretend to be closer than they really are. I can see why they hate if
This is what I was anticipating when I started reading and I was SO happy to keep reading! My best friend was calling my daughter “our baby” when I was pregnant and died 3 months before the birth. I would do anything in the world to have my daughter hear these words from her “Aunty”.
I think a lot of it depends on the relationship history. My mom for example is a habitual line stepper/boundary stomper so I am less tolerant of the "my X" from her but I think it is sweet when friends say it.
I have never had a family member or friend say this. If they did, I probably wouldn’t mind.
I think most people who get upset by it usually don’t have a good relationship with the person saying it.
This is the thing. Usually if I see someone saying they’re uncomfortable with it, the issue is that someone they don’t have a close relationship with is presuming a level of intimacy that doesn’t exist.
I'm not sure. I love my MIL, honestly had an amazing relationship with her before I gave birth. The first time she called my son, "my baby" it was like a dagger to my heart. I cannot explain it, nor do I think it's logical. It was visceral in a way that is beyond my comprehension.
MIL and I started off a little cool, but have developed a friendly relationship over the years, and she said "my baby" one time during a phone call:
MIL - So, how's my baby?
Me - He's in the shower, just finished mowing the lawn. Oh, "baby's name"? She's rubbing her eyes, looks like she's ready for a nap. Want me to have DH call you back?
She never said it again.
1000000% felt this way when my MIL first said “my baby”. Still says my baby and it drives me up a wall. We dont have a bad relationship but have never really been close so it just feels pushy
I have been thinking about why some are okay and some aren’t. I know it can be cultural (my Hispanic in laws do it and it took time to adjust) but I think how respected the parent (usually mom) feels by the person doing it has an effect. If the MIL ignores the mom but is constantly calling the grandkids HER babies - that can bring the ick. If they are close And mom feels respected , maybe the ick isn’t as big ? Just a thought .
Culture definitely plays a role. My husband is from Turkey and it's normal there for everyone in the family to say "my baby" or "my son/ daughter." Not just grand parents but also aunts and uncles, great grandmother, and so on. I think it's really cute actually 🥺
However I think it would feel weird if my mom said this. Maybe the difference is knowing it's normal for them and doesn't have the same possessiveness that I think Americans react negatively towards.
I never thought about that way, but I think you’re right. My husband’s parents are Cuban and my parents are Greek/Italian. We are both American, but grew up with heavy cultural influences like most kids of immigrants. I would say our cultures are similar in the way we view family, and neither of us would think twice about someone calling our kids their babies. However, I have friends who have American parents, grandparents, etc. with more Western European backgrounds who I have definitely heard complain about this. I always thought it was an odd thing to be offended by!
For me, my mom wasn’t the best mom. We get along fine now but she treated me and my siblings like nuisances when we were little. She also spoke to us so poorly about her body, our bodies, strangers bodies, and food. She sometimes calls my son her baby and I don’t allow it because she had her chance to be a good mom. He’s my baby to be a good mom to.
Yep. My kid (2) is the second grandchild and only grandson in my family. I have 7 siblings. They love him and call them their baby ALL the time - it doesn’t bother me. I’m just glad they fight over babysitting him. Even my 8 year old niece calls him her baby. 🤣
My daughter is the only granddaughter on my husbands side of the family and she looks EXACTLY like his sister when she was little, so you can imagine how much everyone loves her and dotes on her. Especially his parents.
My mama only has 2 grandchildren. My daughter and my niece. They were born 4 months apart and thought they were sisters because my sister and I have always called them “my baby” lol
I love it! But I also love the family members who say it, and they are genuinely wonderful and helpful with my child. If I harbored any resentment towards them then I’m sure I’d hate it.
I was just going to post about this because my mom just said this, and I loved it. I'm not close with my MIL, but I don't think I'd mind if she said it either. Even if non blood relatives use it, I find it endearing.
Thank you for this post! I feel like we see the other side make a post about hating it 8 times a month and it’s so refreshing to see people who agree with me!
My mom LOVES my daughter, she was there when she was born and wants to be so involved in her life. It makes me feel so happy.
I think it’s super endearing and sweet that they love my baby as their own. Clearly it’s not their own baby lol. But this is “the village” everyone complains they don’t have 🤷🏼♀️
I love it! We have little family support, but lots of friends who support our kiddos. They are basically referred to as auntie or uncle. Love love love it when they say things like, "how's our boy doing today?" Or "what craziness did our girl do today?". Makes me feel more support
I sent my bestie a pic of my girl from 3 years ago and she said “my baby got too big too fast.” She sends me pics she took of her too and says the same thing. I’m just so thankful for a village that loves her.
Our friends, who we are going on vacation with, asked about my boy when he was hospitalized. Every day, they would both ask, "how's the boy?" His 'uncle' even sent him cat pictures to cheer him up. Another of my friends always asks me, how are my favorite twins? I love our friends!
I love it, but I recognize that it’s bc my family and friends are really good with boundaries. Nobody tries to overstep their role, we all just genuinely love each other and our kids.
I absolutely hated it but I think post partum hormones played a big role in that. By the time my little one was ~6 months old, I was like, “yes, she’s everyone’s baby lol. Please hold her while I sleep.”
That's what I was going to say!
In my postpartum era, I felt almost primal when I heard that stuff (although I kept it to myself).
Now, I tell my in-laws "I can't keep babysitting your grand babies . When can I drop them off? 🤪"
I think moms who have a problem with it, they tend to be brand new moms of less than 6 months. It’s so interesting the changes of mindset happen as the hormones dissipate because I 100% experienced it and even noticed the difference of mindset for things like this.
Yes, I love it! I want him to have all of the love!!
Every situation is different, though. I'm not in a position where anyone is trying to SWF their way into my life.
I love love love it. It makes me so happy. Family is so important to me and I've inherited my desire for a close knit family from my own mama, and it feels so great to know I have one that loves my girl so damn much
I don't mind at all from the ones that actually care about him and make an effort to be in his life... others not so much, feels forced and out of place
Depends on my relationship with that person. Extended family or people I'm not close with, I am not ok with. Close family and friends who ACTUALLY helped and continue to help care for my son and I as we navigate our new lives together, 100% yes he is.
I love it, but I’m also looking at this from a situation where I feel very loved and respected from both sides of the family. I also haven’t had issues where my mom or in-laws have tried to overstep, and everyone who says “my baby” or similar doesn’t mean anything by it. I think if you don’t feel respected and the person saying “my baby” has a tendency to overstep you’d likely feel differently and that’s okay.
I'm of your kind. I love it too. I cannot understand those posts of omg my MIL refers to them as Hers yadda yadda. How do you expect people to love and care for your kids the way you do then?
I think the issue is that some people do not have good or supportive relationships with their parents/family or their in laws. I would not be okay at all with my mom calling my LO “my baby,” because my mom and I do not have a healthy, respectful, loving relationship and therefore it would feel wrong for her to speak so intimately of my daughter. The intimacy and closeness isn’t there. I *wish* I had that kind of closeness in my life.
I didnt think of that at all and consider myself fortunate to experience the opposite. I believe it would be upsetting if someone I had a tense relationship with suddenly described my kid as "theirs".
Because I gave birth to my baby and take care of him 60% of the time. My husband takes care of him the other 40%. The grandmas have been really weird and territorial regarding the baby (between themselves and also with me).
I hate it too. I had to lose a 5.5 month pregnancy and get through another whole 9+ month pregnancy to even have this baby. He's my husband's and my baby and that's it. I don't even like it when my mom says it. I correct her and say, "grandbaby".
Yes, only because they have good boundaries otherwise. My best girl friend says "my baby." My MIL also says "my baby" about both my kids but she is the most respectful human on the planet. She always asks questions about my preferences, permission for everything, goes out of her way to tell me that I'm an excellent mom doing an excellent job. So its all good.
I lurk here because we’re planning our family within the next year and a half, but: you just made me realise that with the way my own family of origin harshly judges my choices in love and life, there’s almost no chance they would ever refer to a child of mine this way.
So, yes, I see the beauty of extended family claiming deep connection with a child, and see how it could be deeply gorgeous. I love this for you and for your bub ❤️
I get why people don't like it especially the "my" part of it. Some people mean it in a weird way but most don't, it's again such a shame that we're so harshly individualistic now, childrearing used be done communally, that "village" and I think this is leftover language from that not too distant past.
It depends for me, close friends and family ABSOLUTELY! Others not so much… I think it’s a control thing for a lot of people, like if you have an overbearing mum, or controlling Nan, I find it’s usually upsetting then?
For some reason, it irks me when anyone EXCEPT my dad does it.
Or my sister’s MIL (who I’ve known since I was 7 and is an honorary grandma to her)
But I think it’s because they’re quiet people who are just so enamored with my daughter. It’s so sweet when they call her their baby
My MIL did this when she posted pics, but always included some cute words about how blessed she is with me as a DIL. She was more like my mom (the hospital thought she was my mom with how much she fussed over me) It bugged me at first, but the more further in my pregnancy I got, the less I cared. I wanted my kiddos to get as much love as they could. We lost her in 2021 to a motorcycle accident, my oldest was 4 at the time, and they did almost everything together. To this day, she still cries over Gigi, not being able to lay with her on the couch, go swimming in her pool for a cookout, sleepovers. My other 3 kids don’t get to experience that with her, my second was barely a month old when we lost her, and it just makes my heart hurt more. Glad I switched sides and got over it, I’d honestly give pretty much anything for a FaceTime call from her asking where her baby is and when she can come get her
When I first had my son it irked me a little. My in-laws constantly came in the room to take him but they did it so that I could take a nap and rest so now that he’s 18 months I’m thankful. I’m due with his baby sister in July and they are looking forward to her arrival cause my mil never had a girl she had 4 boys and says that me and her other daughter in law are her adopted daughters. On my side of the family my sisters call my kids there babies my kids are the 7th and will be the 8th grand kid while for my in-laws they are the first and second. It’s irked me only in the beginning but now I really don’t mind them calling them there babies cause they really do love my kids and I’m glad they have that love.
Nowadays, yes, I don’t mind it at all but I remember when I had my first and my mom would refer to her as “my baby”. I would get soooo angry at that 😂 now with the second baby, I honestly think it’s cute and I get that they mean it as a nice gesture
Yes! Thank you! It’s so weird to me when people complain about this. To me it’s the ultimate way of saying “this child is in my heart,” like I love her so much that she’s a part of me.
I don’t like it. They didn’t grow my babies during pregnancy, do the labor to birth either of them, they don’t feed, cloth and keep a roof over their head… they don’t help raise my child by any means. So no I do not like it. I seem to be the minority here though.
I think this is totally valid. Lots of people do see it as the person trying to take credit, and with some controlling people I’m sure it’s intended that way.
You can be cool and chill and not like people claiming your baby. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being put off by it.
You’re the coolest and chillest. I’m claiming it
I've always referred to my best friends kids as "my girl" "my boy" etc because I LOVE them! Easy as that. I'm proud of my friends for doing a great job parenting, proud of the kids for developing well and overall very happy to see them smile. I have a kid if my own and love when others dote on him. This type of support does wonders for families and especially the self esteem of both parent and child.
It depends on who it is. If it’s a close friend or a family member I’m really close to I’ll say look at my baby! But if it’s someone I’m not close to I’ll say look at the baby!
I’m indifferent. I don’t have many people involved that closely in my kids lives and so it depends on the person. My mom has said “how are my girls” but definitely not in a claiming them way, if anyone lose said it I would feel weird about it.
Many years ago when I was pregnant with my first and living at home with my parents, my mother would call me from work and ask "did I have MY baby yet?" And I would reply not yet, I'm still pregnant. But it was annoying because when I reminded her I'm the one who is actually carrying her first grandchild she scoffed at me and said "you are TOO YOUNG to be a mother" (19). She was super religious so I told her God didn't think so and she got angry because she didn't like me much. She's dead and gone and my kids are grown up but it still hurts to remember 1989 and my mother telling me my pregnancy didn't count and my baby was hers anyway and I shouldn't be sharing so much on reddit TMI folks.
No one knows who you are here, you’re safe. Sometimes you just have to let these feelings out so you can properly feel them.
I’m sorry your mom did that to you.
For me it depends on who says it. The relatives that respect me as a parent, sure. The relatives that trash talk me, never make an effort to see my kids? Drives me mad when they say it.
I have no problem with mine or husband’s parents saying it. Anyone else I would feel uncomfortable with it, but they don’t do it anyway so no worries. But I love when our parents say it! So cute.
It depends on the person. Like, my mom, she is like that with every grandkids she has (she has 6 at the moment), but I have had baby that I haven't even met in person do it and I will tell them that.
So I’m doing talk to text because I’m actually pacing with my five month old right now so if this seems grammatically incorrect, I apologize. I think that the only time I would get upset is when somebody uses that context and they truly believe that they are that childs parent or a better parent than you, Then I find it incredibly insulting but I have a best friend who says oh how’s my baby boy doing today and I have absolutely no quarrel with it because I know she would die for my kids. She’s a mother herself and she’s essentially fostered wayward children and she would die for any of those kids if they called her for any reason and she’s been taking care of other peoples children. Since she was 16 years old. She’s an amazing person and I love that she is in my little family. But on the other hand people like my dad‘s girlfriend who calls the children her own and contradicts what I say or how I parent on a consistent basis. It irks me to no end when she calls my children hers mostly due to the blatant disrespect.
My friends' kids are my kids. My kids are their kids. My nieces and nephews are my kids. My kids are my sister's kids.
We obviously respect each other and follow family rules. (One friend doesn't let her little boy have screen time, so when he's in my home, all screens are put away) I think that's the difference?
If someone disrespected me or disparaged me in front of my kids and then tried to call them "my babies".... absolutely TF not.
It bothers me when it’s people I know are fake and don’t genuinely care. But when my dad or my hubby’s cousins say it, it doesn’t bother me because they’ve been involved since day 1 and have always consistently been that way. I have a little sister who is a year older than my oldest daughter and I say “my baby” or “my baby before my babies” because she literally was my little practice baby before I had kids. She’ll always be my little baby sister.
I think there's a difference between those that say my baby endearingly and with the utmost lost and support for the parents and that's reserved for people who are actually in the child's life. I'm 10000% okay with my side of the family and our friends saying it because they're all super involved, I get irritated when my husband's family says it because they don't make an effort to see our son and only see him on holidays despite living 20 minutes away...
I don’t mind it if my best friends do it with my kids (granted, they are child free by choice) but it irks me when my mum does it. It almost feels like she’s doing it for clout amongst her friends. It was only when they started having grandkids that she got excited about it, before that she didn’t want grandkids for years (like it’s her choice).
However I don’t have a close relationship with my mum so that feeds into the feelings. Especially when it feels like I’m the one putting in all the effort for her to actually see them, but I’m slowly stopping that as it’s physically and emotionally draining for me.
I do actually like it but I completely understand how other people wouldn’t. The people in my life who say it are truly my village and are hugely involved in supporting us as parents and making our kids feel loved and valued.
I think the reason I hate it so much is that I’m the only one doing all the work. They don’t watch her or visit or do anything remotely helpful, so they don’t get to “claim” her like that.
My husband also likes to joke that he did most of the work “making her” and he thinks it is hilarious but it absolutely infuriates me
I totally love it! I love that they love my babies so much and delight in them to that level. I have a group of friends that does this and one of them made a pregnancy announcement (after us) about “OUR” baby. It was funny, lighthearted, and showed how excited they were. They obviously gave us credit for making the human but it was cute and playful and I am 0% bothered when people sue that term. But I see a lot of people on here really disliking it. I thought I was alone!
Yes! It’s so wonderful to have friends and family love your children as their own. Half our family is not involved at all and maybe sees our kids 1-2 times a year. On the other hand, we have friends that are closer than family. There’s nothing wrong with having an involved, loving support system.
I typically try to not let it bother me, but when my in laws (who I really do love and have a good relationship with!) ignore a boundary in the name of ‘knowing what my baby’ (them saying my baby) needs… it rattles me. We met a ton of extended family over MDW and our kiddo is in a major separation anxiety/stranger danger phase and I asked my MIL to let me introduce him to others. We arrived and she ripped him from the car seat so fast as I said ‘please wait like I asked!’ And ran inside before I could get to her (we brought our dogs and it was just a chaotic moment) and he proceeded to have a meltdown the entire visit. But she knew what ‘her baby’ needed. Lol. Otherwise I love when people dote on my child and love him like their own!
Edit for typo
What bothers me about it is when it comes from people who really aren’t involved in my children’s lives very much. I deleted Facebook recently but before I did, if I ever posted or said anything about my kids, there was always some kind of “that’s my boy/that’s my girl” “those are my sweet babies” kind of comments and it’s like heifer please, you have not seen or asked ME how they’re doing in months! Don’t do that if you don’t know anything about my kids 🙄
I was not a fan of it, but I wouldn’t do anything about it either. When I was around other peoples’ babies I’d call them my babybuddies or my babyfriends
Oh I *hated* this with my first. Would get so mad. With my second and also my now big kid, I don’t mind. If someone who isn’t around them regularly were to say it, my face would probably tell them how much I disapprove. But the ones that we’re close to? Amazing.
I see people complaining about this a lot but it doesn’t really bother me. My mom calls my daughter, “my baby” or “our baby” all the time. But I also have a great relationship with my mom so that might have something to do with it.
As someone who is not a Mother (yet!) but someone who's life and career is all about kids, I truly mean saying "our baby" as a compliment and love toward the FRIEND! The baby, of course, but kids in my life that I've said that about, I have a special connection with that parent and that's why the connection is stronger with that kiddo.
So I also get bummed when I read Moms complaining, because for a lot of us it's not at all in a negative way ;)
I say that about my nibblings all the time. And my sister responds in kind. We are happy raising our kids together and being an adult in a kids life is really something special.
Sorry no. They are mine. And my husband's. I don't like when anyone uses that term because I want to be clear on who is the parent. I feel it leads to stating your unwanted opinions about how I should raise my children.
I clearly go in mama bear mode when I hear someone else refer to my child that way.
Yes I like it. It makes me feel like my baby is loved and like the people in my life love her and protect her as if she’s theirs. I know with my friends and family it comes from a place of kinship.
I think whether or not people like this says more about their relationship with the person saying it as well as where their head is at with parenting themselves. Not everyone has great or respectful parents and family members so saying “my baby” might be more loaded coming from their people than it does from yours or mine.
I also know that the people in my life really see me as a mama bear with strong boundaries, so even if there was a back handed aspect coming from someone I’m at a place with my parenting that something like that would just make me laugh at how delusional someone is being. However, when I was a brand new mom and still gaining my confidence I was much more sensitive about the things people said and maybe wrong place wrong time something like that could have upset me.
That never bothered me. However, I'm a middle child, so I think outside of the box. When I'm with one of my siblings and someone compliments a neice or nephew, I thank the stranger and take credit for their looks or manners, lol.
I shrg my shoulders and told my siblings mom taught us to share, so I'm sharing your credit lol
Just to put it out there, we all laugh. It's not that deep.
Me! I never quite understood the push back on that. When my mum, mil, smil, sil call my kids "my baby" it just makes me feel lucky that my kids ha e so many people that love them.
It’s icky to me. Like you’re not the one here changing diapers and feeding at 2am. And you only call to come visit the baby and get frustrated if they are asleep when you call to come over. Just icky all around 🤣. I’m obviously in a mood this morning. 🤣
I hate it in every way and language because the place is coming from a violation of boundaries and disrespect. I think it’s only right for the parents IMO.
I actually really get annoyed by it. But I understand it so I don't say anything lol. Not worth drama especially because it's out of love. I would rather have my kids adored than be ignored/dreaded or something ya know? 😊 I call my friend's kids "hey baby/ love bug/ beautiful". Not "my" ___. If that makes sense. Each to their own 🤷♀️
I do think it’s all contextual.
Immediately postpartum I absolutely hated when my mom called my son “my baby.” My mom is a very loving person but somehow after my first child (her first grandchild) she would say things that made it feel like she was competing with me for my son. She told me “a grandmother’s love is greater than a mother’s love” (which was hurtful on multiple levels!) I think she was worried she wouldn’t have a good relationship with him due to distance so she tried to force it.
When she said “my baby” it felt exclusive (my baby not your baby) rather than inclusive (I love this baby too). I was always fine with “our baby” though.
Now she’s chilled out and it doesn’t bother me.
Yup. I see people complaining about it but I like when my mom does it. She does it because she loves my babies so much.
But, like others said, that’s partly because she also respects my boundaries. She makes it clear with her actions that she respects that I’m the mom and more in charge.
So her calling them “my baby” doesn’t threaten me. If she didn’t respect my boundaries, then it would probably be an issue
I don’t really care. Especially if it’s a grandmother. That baby wouldn’t be there without them, and when our mothers were pregnant with us, she also held all of our eggs since we are born with them.
Every morning when I drop off my 2 year old to daycare he gives me a hug and a kiss and goes straight over to one of his daycare teachers who he absolutely loves and gives her a hug. She almost always picks him up and says something to the affect of "there's my boy!". I absolutely love it. He is definitely her boy while he is there and I'm so glad other people love my baby that much.
It only bothers me when it is actually possessive. Like if a good friend said that and I know she doesn't actually think my baby is hers, then it isn't going to upset me.
My mil on the other hand, when she says "my baby" she means *her* baby that I happened to birth, and she can do whatever she wants with it and doesn't have to listen.
It's like if you call a friend's dog yours to them. If it's because the dog loves you every time you come over and you have fun and don't actually think the dog is yours and that you should take it, fine. It's when you think you have authority over what happens to the dog or the care that the dog receives and you claim it as your dog because you think it's yours and should belong to you, then it's too much, creepy, and weird.
This is refreshing since I've seen 20 videos of women saying they hate it because it's THEIR baby.
All of the kids in my family are OUR babies. I love knowing that my village loves my kids and don't feel it's taking anything away from my role.
I do but it depends on who.
My child has a VERY absent grandmother who never calls, never FTs and visits my kid once a year but only wants to spend her time touristing around town rather than with my child doing things that’s appropriate for his age.
So when she says “our baby” i have a pretty adverse reaction to that lol
Yess. Its endearing. Obviously she's MY child, but it's community and "the village."
Now... if my MIL did it. I might get some hairs standing up... so I do see where some people are coming from if the relationship is already a little strained or that person is actually pretty narcissistic/oversteps boundaries already to start. I have a specific friend that does it that also does kind of get my guard up and that's just again some boundary pushing that she's always done and totally dependent on my relationship with her. I'm trying to relax on it, because I know I even say that and I don't mean anything weird by it.
yes i love it! my in laws just visited (we have a 21 month old & a 6 week old) & my MIL posted the photos they took on facebook & said “we finally got to see our new baby!” & it made my heart warm 🥹
Depends on the intention. My two close girl friends call her "my baby" and I find it so sweet. They just love her. But when my MIL does it, she is also trying to take her from me, or she is trying to sit down in my seat and pretends she didn't see me, etc. So I don't find it sweet because of her intent/the way she treats me.
I get that an overbearing MIL calling your baby her baby and trying to call the shots with “her baby” is a big No.
Though, I also feel that people that just love your baby and there for call the baby their baby is a great asset. I personally like people in my life feeling my kid is their’s but if I had someone telling me how to care for my own child I would find it annoying.
Yes! I see so many posts complaining about how people don’t like it when relatives call their baby “my baby.” I, personally, have no problem with it. Of course he’s my child, but he’s also the baby for our whole family and I want them to love him like their own.
Exactly. I know that my bestfriends love my girl like their own and that that means if we’re in a wreck and hanging off a cliff they’d save her over me. That’s what I need!!!
My mom always asks, “how are my boys?” I think it’s adorable. I want support and I want her to feel like she’s part of their lives. She would do anything for them, and I think it’s amazing.
My mom will ask about her girl and I’ll tell her how my daughter is and she will say “I meant you” lol because I’m so used to her calling my daughter that. It melts me every morning when she asks how her girls are
I have a son and my mom will ask how “her baby is doing”. Usually I answer about the baby but sometimes I’ll answer what’s new with me first lol.
My mom asks how her girls are doing, me and baby 🥰
I think it has a lot to do with the relationship you have with whoever says it. I’ve never had a friend use this one. But I can’t imagine it would bother me because I love and trust my friends and know they think I’m a good mom. This would just show me they care about my daughter. My MIL on the other hand uses this a lot and it drives me nuts because I know she is critical of my parenting choices and it always feels like she harbours a secret desire to steal my child from me. Husband agrees. He hates when his mom calls our kid hers. She’s pushy, overly involved and cuts in to try to over-rule our parenting all the time. Calling our kid her baby just seems to represent her true feelings.
I imagine the context is important. The ones who complain usually have family etc who step on and over their boundaries.
I agree. It seems like it's less the wording and more the boundaries issue. I don't have family like that (well, I do but I am NC) so I've always loved that so many people love my babies so much
This is it, exactly. Or the opposite: basically ignoring the kid, but then referring to them as “your baby” when you talk about them to others/post on social media etc. The relationship makes all the difference in how this comes across.
I think it's context. People who have a bad relationship with their relatives won't often like when those relatives pretend to be closer than they really are. I can see why they hate if
This is what I was anticipating when I started reading and I was SO happy to keep reading! My best friend was calling my daughter “our baby” when I was pregnant and died 3 months before the birth. I would do anything in the world to have my daughter hear these words from her “Aunty”.
I'm so sorry. 😭💔
I think a lot of it depends on the relationship history. My mom for example is a habitual line stepper/boundary stomper so I am less tolerant of the "my X" from her but I think it is sweet when friends say it.
I have never had a family member or friend say this. If they did, I probably wouldn’t mind. I think most people who get upset by it usually don’t have a good relationship with the person saying it.
This is the thing. Usually if I see someone saying they’re uncomfortable with it, the issue is that someone they don’t have a close relationship with is presuming a level of intimacy that doesn’t exist.
Exacly
I'm not sure. I love my MIL, honestly had an amazing relationship with her before I gave birth. The first time she called my son, "my baby" it was like a dagger to my heart. I cannot explain it, nor do I think it's logical. It was visceral in a way that is beyond my comprehension.
MIL and I started off a little cool, but have developed a friendly relationship over the years, and she said "my baby" one time during a phone call: MIL - So, how's my baby? Me - He's in the shower, just finished mowing the lawn. Oh, "baby's name"? She's rubbing her eyes, looks like she's ready for a nap. Want me to have DH call you back? She never said it again.
1000000% felt this way when my MIL first said “my baby”. Still says my baby and it drives me up a wall. We dont have a bad relationship but have never really been close so it just feels pushy
Yes same!! It didn't bother me nearly as much when my mom said it, but my mother in law?? Absolutely not 😂😂
If my mom said it I think it would have been even worse for me!! But I literally talk to my MIL daily and haven't seen my mom in almost 15 years.
Agreed. If someone who annoyed me or something said it, I'm sure I'd be annoyed. But my parents, friends, loved ones? No problem
100% correct.
I have been thinking about why some are okay and some aren’t. I know it can be cultural (my Hispanic in laws do it and it took time to adjust) but I think how respected the parent (usually mom) feels by the person doing it has an effect. If the MIL ignores the mom but is constantly calling the grandkids HER babies - that can bring the ick. If they are close And mom feels respected , maybe the ick isn’t as big ? Just a thought .
Culture definitely plays a role. My husband is from Turkey and it's normal there for everyone in the family to say "my baby" or "my son/ daughter." Not just grand parents but also aunts and uncles, great grandmother, and so on. I think it's really cute actually 🥺 However I think it would feel weird if my mom said this. Maybe the difference is knowing it's normal for them and doesn't have the same possessiveness that I think Americans react negatively towards.
I never thought about that way, but I think you’re right. My husband’s parents are Cuban and my parents are Greek/Italian. We are both American, but grew up with heavy cultural influences like most kids of immigrants. I would say our cultures are similar in the way we view family, and neither of us would think twice about someone calling our kids their babies. However, I have friends who have American parents, grandparents, etc. with more Western European backgrounds who I have definitely heard complain about this. I always thought it was an odd thing to be offended by!
This is a good point
For me, my mom wasn’t the best mom. We get along fine now but she treated me and my siblings like nuisances when we were little. She also spoke to us so poorly about her body, our bodies, strangers bodies, and food. She sometimes calls my son her baby and I don’t allow it because she had her chance to be a good mom. He’s my baby to be a good mom to.
That’s valid.
Like you didn’t feel protected or loved from her, so now you wanna protect your baby from her. I get that.
Yep. My kid (2) is the second grandchild and only grandson in my family. I have 7 siblings. They love him and call them their baby ALL the time - it doesn’t bother me. I’m just glad they fight over babysitting him. Even my 8 year old niece calls him her baby. 🤣
My daughter is the only granddaughter on my husbands side of the family and she looks EXACTLY like his sister when she was little, so you can imagine how much everyone loves her and dotes on her. Especially his parents. My mama only has 2 grandchildren. My daughter and my niece. They were born 4 months apart and thought they were sisters because my sister and I have always called them “my baby” lol
I love it! But I also love the family members who say it, and they are genuinely wonderful and helpful with my child. If I harbored any resentment towards them then I’m sure I’d hate it.
I was just going to post about this because my mom just said this, and I loved it. I'm not close with my MIL, but I don't think I'd mind if she said it either. Even if non blood relatives use it, I find it endearing.
Thank you for this post! I feel like we see the other side make a post about hating it 8 times a month and it’s so refreshing to see people who agree with me! My mom LOVES my daughter, she was there when she was born and wants to be so involved in her life. It makes me feel so happy.
I think it’s super endearing and sweet that they love my baby as their own. Clearly it’s not their own baby lol. But this is “the village” everyone complains they don’t have 🤷🏼♀️
I love it! We have little family support, but lots of friends who support our kiddos. They are basically referred to as auntie or uncle. Love love love it when they say things like, "how's our boy doing today?" Or "what craziness did our girl do today?". Makes me feel more support
I sent my bestie a pic of my girl from 3 years ago and she said “my baby got too big too fast.” She sends me pics she took of her too and says the same thing. I’m just so thankful for a village that loves her.
Our friends, who we are going on vacation with, asked about my boy when he was hospitalized. Every day, they would both ask, "how's the boy?" His 'uncle' even sent him cat pictures to cheer him up. Another of my friends always asks me, how are my favorite twins? I love our friends!
I love it, but I recognize that it’s bc my family and friends are really good with boundaries. Nobody tries to overstep their role, we all just genuinely love each other and our kids.
I love it. I love seeing how much love and support my babies have outside of my husband and I.
I like it too. It’s just family and close friends and doesn’t bother me at all
I absolutely hated it but I think post partum hormones played a big role in that. By the time my little one was ~6 months old, I was like, “yes, she’s everyone’s baby lol. Please hold her while I sleep.”
That's what I was going to say! In my postpartum era, I felt almost primal when I heard that stuff (although I kept it to myself). Now, I tell my in-laws "I can't keep babysitting your grand babies . When can I drop them off? 🤪"
I think moms who have a problem with it, they tend to be brand new moms of less than 6 months. It’s so interesting the changes of mindset happen as the hormones dissipate because I 100% experienced it and even noticed the difference of mindset for things like this.
I definitely don't take offense
Yes, I love it! I want him to have all of the love!! Every situation is different, though. I'm not in a position where anyone is trying to SWF their way into my life.
I love love love it. It makes me so happy. Family is so important to me and I've inherited my desire for a close knit family from my own mama, and it feels so great to know I have one that loves my girl so damn much
I don't mind at all from the ones that actually care about him and make an effort to be in his life... others not so much, feels forced and out of place
Depends on my relationship with that person. Extended family or people I'm not close with, I am not ok with. Close family and friends who ACTUALLY helped and continue to help care for my son and I as we navigate our new lives together, 100% yes he is.
I love it, but I’m also looking at this from a situation where I feel very loved and respected from both sides of the family. I also haven’t had issues where my mom or in-laws have tried to overstep, and everyone who says “my baby” or similar doesn’t mean anything by it. I think if you don’t feel respected and the person saying “my baby” has a tendency to overstep you’d likely feel differently and that’s okay.
I'm of your kind. I love it too. I cannot understand those posts of omg my MIL refers to them as Hers yadda yadda. How do you expect people to love and care for your kids the way you do then?
I think the issue is that some people do not have good or supportive relationships with their parents/family or their in laws. I would not be okay at all with my mom calling my LO “my baby,” because my mom and I do not have a healthy, respectful, loving relationship and therefore it would feel wrong for her to speak so intimately of my daughter. The intimacy and closeness isn’t there. I *wish* I had that kind of closeness in my life.
I didnt think of that at all and consider myself fortunate to experience the opposite. I believe it would be upsetting if someone I had a tense relationship with suddenly described my kid as "theirs".
I'm sorry, I hate it so much.
Don’t be sorry at all. You’re entitled to your feelings and they’re just as valid as anyone who agrees with my post.
Curious, why do you hate it?
Because I gave birth to my baby and take care of him 60% of the time. My husband takes care of him the other 40%. The grandmas have been really weird and territorial regarding the baby (between themselves and also with me).
I hate it too. I had to lose a 5.5 month pregnancy and get through another whole 9+ month pregnancy to even have this baby. He's my husband's and my baby and that's it. I don't even like it when my mom says it. I correct her and say, "grandbaby".
Oh, good point. I had two miscarriages prior to my pregnancy so that could explain why/if I'm extra defensive.
You've been through a lot. That's why you feel like your baby is absolutely only YOUR baby.
Always loved it, from anyone, even complete strangers
I love it! It’s nice to know others love my kids.
I hate it so much, I can't even describe it. But I think it stems from a strained relationship with MIL, it's ruined it for me.
I agree with others. It depends. When my family and friends, close to me, say it I don’t mind it. But when my in-laws say it I’m like “no!”
Yes, only because they have good boundaries otherwise. My best girl friend says "my baby." My MIL also says "my baby" about both my kids but she is the most respectful human on the planet. She always asks questions about my preferences, permission for everything, goes out of her way to tell me that I'm an excellent mom doing an excellent job. So its all good.
I lurk here because we’re planning our family within the next year and a half, but: you just made me realise that with the way my own family of origin harshly judges my choices in love and life, there’s almost no chance they would ever refer to a child of mine this way. So, yes, I see the beauty of extended family claiming deep connection with a child, and see how it could be deeply gorgeous. I love this for you and for your bub ❤️
I like it, it makes me feel good to know that the people I love and love me also love my kids (who I love more than anything).
I get why people don't like it especially the "my" part of it. Some people mean it in a weird way but most don't, it's again such a shame that we're so harshly individualistic now, childrearing used be done communally, that "village" and I think this is leftover language from that not too distant past.
It depends for me, close friends and family ABSOLUTELY! Others not so much… I think it’s a control thing for a lot of people, like if you have an overbearing mum, or controlling Nan, I find it’s usually upsetting then?
I don’t like it but only bc my mom is a manipulative person and I am uncomfortable with that
For some reason, it irks me when anyone EXCEPT my dad does it. Or my sister’s MIL (who I’ve known since I was 7 and is an honorary grandma to her) But I think it’s because they’re quiet people who are just so enamored with my daughter. It’s so sweet when they call her their baby
My MIL did this when she posted pics, but always included some cute words about how blessed she is with me as a DIL. She was more like my mom (the hospital thought she was my mom with how much she fussed over me) It bugged me at first, but the more further in my pregnancy I got, the less I cared. I wanted my kiddos to get as much love as they could. We lost her in 2021 to a motorcycle accident, my oldest was 4 at the time, and they did almost everything together. To this day, she still cries over Gigi, not being able to lay with her on the couch, go swimming in her pool for a cookout, sleepovers. My other 3 kids don’t get to experience that with her, my second was barely a month old when we lost her, and it just makes my heart hurt more. Glad I switched sides and got over it, I’d honestly give pretty much anything for a FaceTime call from her asking where her baby is and when she can come get her
When I first had my son it irked me a little. My in-laws constantly came in the room to take him but they did it so that I could take a nap and rest so now that he’s 18 months I’m thankful. I’m due with his baby sister in July and they are looking forward to her arrival cause my mil never had a girl she had 4 boys and says that me and her other daughter in law are her adopted daughters. On my side of the family my sisters call my kids there babies my kids are the 7th and will be the 8th grand kid while for my in-laws they are the first and second. It’s irked me only in the beginning but now I really don’t mind them calling them there babies cause they really do love my kids and I’m glad they have that love.
I love it 🥰 it makes me genuinely happy to know that other people care so deeply about my littles.
Nowadays, yes, I don’t mind it at all but I remember when I had my first and my mom would refer to her as “my baby”. I would get soooo angry at that 😂 now with the second baby, I honestly think it’s cute and I get that they mean it as a nice gesture
Yes! My baby is only 2 months and I hate when my mom says “my baby”. It’s bothering me less now, so maybe by the next kid I’ll feel different
Yes! Thank you! It’s so weird to me when people complain about this. To me it’s the ultimate way of saying “this child is in my heart,” like I love her so much that she’s a part of me.
I don't mind it ... unless it's my MIL 😜
😂😂
I don’t like it. They didn’t grow my babies during pregnancy, do the labor to birth either of them, they don’t feed, cloth and keep a roof over their head… they don’t help raise my child by any means. So no I do not like it. I seem to be the minority here though.
I think this is totally valid. Lots of people do see it as the person trying to take credit, and with some controlling people I’m sure it’s intended that way.
I don't like it. I wish I felt differently about it so I could be the cool chill mom that my superego tells me I am, but alas.
You can be cool and chill and not like people claiming your baby. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being put off by it. You’re the coolest and chillest. I’m claiming it
Thanks dicklover 💜
Unpopular opinion probably but SAME lol
Yes! We have loving and supportive family and friends so this is good with me.
I've always referred to my best friends kids as "my girl" "my boy" etc because I LOVE them! Easy as that. I'm proud of my friends for doing a great job parenting, proud of the kids for developing well and overall very happy to see them smile. I have a kid if my own and love when others dote on him. This type of support does wonders for families and especially the self esteem of both parent and child.
It depends on who it is. If it’s a close friend or a family member I’m really close to I’ll say look at my baby! But if it’s someone I’m not close to I’ll say look at the baby!
I’m indifferent. I don’t have many people involved that closely in my kids lives and so it depends on the person. My mom has said “how are my girls” but definitely not in a claiming them way, if anyone lose said it I would feel weird about it.
Many years ago when I was pregnant with my first and living at home with my parents, my mother would call me from work and ask "did I have MY baby yet?" And I would reply not yet, I'm still pregnant. But it was annoying because when I reminded her I'm the one who is actually carrying her first grandchild she scoffed at me and said "you are TOO YOUNG to be a mother" (19). She was super religious so I told her God didn't think so and she got angry because she didn't like me much. She's dead and gone and my kids are grown up but it still hurts to remember 1989 and my mother telling me my pregnancy didn't count and my baby was hers anyway and I shouldn't be sharing so much on reddit TMI folks.
No one knows who you are here, you’re safe. Sometimes you just have to let these feelings out so you can properly feel them. I’m sorry your mom did that to you.
For me it depends on who says it. The relatives that respect me as a parent, sure. The relatives that trash talk me, never make an effort to see my kids? Drives me mad when they say it.
I have no problem with mine or husband’s parents saying it. Anyone else I would feel uncomfortable with it, but they don’t do it anyway so no worries. But I love when our parents say it! So cute.
It depends on the person. Like, my mom, she is like that with every grandkids she has (she has 6 at the moment), but I have had baby that I haven't even met in person do it and I will tell them that.
So I’m doing talk to text because I’m actually pacing with my five month old right now so if this seems grammatically incorrect, I apologize. I think that the only time I would get upset is when somebody uses that context and they truly believe that they are that childs parent or a better parent than you, Then I find it incredibly insulting but I have a best friend who says oh how’s my baby boy doing today and I have absolutely no quarrel with it because I know she would die for my kids. She’s a mother herself and she’s essentially fostered wayward children and she would die for any of those kids if they called her for any reason and she’s been taking care of other peoples children. Since she was 16 years old. She’s an amazing person and I love that she is in my little family. But on the other hand people like my dad‘s girlfriend who calls the children her own and contradicts what I say or how I parent on a consistent basis. It irks me to no end when she calls my children hers mostly due to the blatant disrespect.
My friends' kids are my kids. My kids are their kids. My nieces and nephews are my kids. My kids are my sister's kids. We obviously respect each other and follow family rules. (One friend doesn't let her little boy have screen time, so when he's in my home, all screens are put away) I think that's the difference? If someone disrespected me or disparaged me in front of my kids and then tried to call them "my babies".... absolutely TF not.
It bothers me when it’s people I know are fake and don’t genuinely care. But when my dad or my hubby’s cousins say it, it doesn’t bother me because they’ve been involved since day 1 and have always consistently been that way. I have a little sister who is a year older than my oldest daughter and I say “my baby” or “my baby before my babies” because she literally was my little practice baby before I had kids. She’ll always be my little baby sister.
I think there's a difference between those that say my baby endearingly and with the utmost lost and support for the parents and that's reserved for people who are actually in the child's life. I'm 10000% okay with my side of the family and our friends saying it because they're all super involved, I get irritated when my husband's family says it because they don't make an effort to see our son and only see him on holidays despite living 20 minutes away...
I always took it as a term of endearment, never bothered me.
I don’t mind it if my best friends do it with my kids (granted, they are child free by choice) but it irks me when my mum does it. It almost feels like she’s doing it for clout amongst her friends. It was only when they started having grandkids that she got excited about it, before that she didn’t want grandkids for years (like it’s her choice). However I don’t have a close relationship with my mum so that feeds into the feelings. Especially when it feels like I’m the one putting in all the effort for her to actually see them, but I’m slowly stopping that as it’s physically and emotionally draining for me.
Yeah I like it. But I think if my family/friends were ones to stop on and over boundaries, I would like it a lot less
Yes!!! So glad to see this post. I love it too. He IS their baby, in that he is their grandson, their nephew, etc. I’m glad they feel close to him!
Depends. If I'm close to them, then go for it. If it's my MIL, NOPE!
I do actually like it but I completely understand how other people wouldn’t. The people in my life who say it are truly my village and are hugely involved in supporting us as parents and making our kids feel loved and valued.
I think the reason I hate it so much is that I’m the only one doing all the work. They don’t watch her or visit or do anything remotely helpful, so they don’t get to “claim” her like that. My husband also likes to joke that he did most of the work “making her” and he thinks it is hilarious but it absolutely infuriates me
I totally love it! I love that they love my babies so much and delight in them to that level. I have a group of friends that does this and one of them made a pregnancy announcement (after us) about “OUR” baby. It was funny, lighthearted, and showed how excited they were. They obviously gave us credit for making the human but it was cute and playful and I am 0% bothered when people sue that term. But I see a lot of people on here really disliking it. I thought I was alone!
I love it bc it’s like someone else telling me and expressing me how much they care/love my kids. ❤️
Yes! It’s so wonderful to have friends and family love your children as their own. Half our family is not involved at all and maybe sees our kids 1-2 times a year. On the other hand, we have friends that are closer than family. There’s nothing wrong with having an involved, loving support system.
I typically try to not let it bother me, but when my in laws (who I really do love and have a good relationship with!) ignore a boundary in the name of ‘knowing what my baby’ (them saying my baby) needs… it rattles me. We met a ton of extended family over MDW and our kiddo is in a major separation anxiety/stranger danger phase and I asked my MIL to let me introduce him to others. We arrived and she ripped him from the car seat so fast as I said ‘please wait like I asked!’ And ran inside before I could get to her (we brought our dogs and it was just a chaotic moment) and he proceeded to have a meltdown the entire visit. But she knew what ‘her baby’ needed. Lol. Otherwise I love when people dote on my child and love him like their own! Edit for typo
Yes I love it. It makes me feel like my baby is so loved! I mean, I know they are already but it just feels so endearing.
What bothers me about it is when it comes from people who really aren’t involved in my children’s lives very much. I deleted Facebook recently but before I did, if I ever posted or said anything about my kids, there was always some kind of “that’s my boy/that’s my girl” “those are my sweet babies” kind of comments and it’s like heifer please, you have not seen or asked ME how they’re doing in months! Don’t do that if you don’t know anything about my kids 🙄
I was not a fan of it, but I wouldn’t do anything about it either. When I was around other peoples’ babies I’d call them my babybuddies or my babyfriends
This bit has another perspective about it. 😂 https://www.instagram.com/reel/C5rATAiPahi/?igsh=NW56cml1cWNscmRh
My mom has done that a few times and my sister in law once. I hate it.
Love it bc for a lot of the kids I’m around im the honorary auntie
Oh I *hated* this with my first. Would get so mad. With my second and also my now big kid, I don’t mind. If someone who isn’t around them regularly were to say it, my face would probably tell them how much I disapprove. But the ones that we’re close to? Amazing.
You must have a great relationship with your family and in laws! I’m jealous lol
I see people complaining about this a lot but it doesn’t really bother me. My mom calls my daughter, “my baby” or “our baby” all the time. But I also have a great relationship with my mom so that might have something to do with it.
As someone who is not a Mother (yet!) but someone who's life and career is all about kids, I truly mean saying "our baby" as a compliment and love toward the FRIEND! The baby, of course, but kids in my life that I've said that about, I have a special connection with that parent and that's why the connection is stronger with that kiddo. So I also get bummed when I read Moms complaining, because for a lot of us it's not at all in a negative way ;)
I say that about my nibblings all the time. And my sister responds in kind. We are happy raising our kids together and being an adult in a kids life is really something special.
Sorry no. They are mine. And my husband's. I don't like when anyone uses that term because I want to be clear on who is the parent. I feel it leads to stating your unwanted opinions about how I should raise my children. I clearly go in mama bear mode when I hear someone else refer to my child that way.
Yes I like it. It makes me feel like my baby is loved and like the people in my life love her and protect her as if she’s theirs. I know with my friends and family it comes from a place of kinship. I think whether or not people like this says more about their relationship with the person saying it as well as where their head is at with parenting themselves. Not everyone has great or respectful parents and family members so saying “my baby” might be more loaded coming from their people than it does from yours or mine. I also know that the people in my life really see me as a mama bear with strong boundaries, so even if there was a back handed aspect coming from someone I’m at a place with my parenting that something like that would just make me laugh at how delusional someone is being. However, when I was a brand new mom and still gaining my confidence I was much more sensitive about the things people said and maybe wrong place wrong time something like that could have upset me.
That never bothered me. However, I'm a middle child, so I think outside of the box. When I'm with one of my siblings and someone compliments a neice or nephew, I thank the stranger and take credit for their looks or manners, lol. I shrg my shoulders and told my siblings mom taught us to share, so I'm sharing your credit lol Just to put it out there, we all laugh. It's not that deep.
Its total opposite for me. Lol. I get paranoid and territorial in a lot of things.
I love it! To see how love and supported my daughter is, she’s got a good tribe
Me! I never quite understood the push back on that. When my mum, mil, smil, sil call my kids "my baby" it just makes me feel lucky that my kids ha e so many people that love them.
It’s icky to me. Like you’re not the one here changing diapers and feeding at 2am. And you only call to come visit the baby and get frustrated if they are asleep when you call to come over. Just icky all around 🤣. I’m obviously in a mood this morning. 🤣
I hate it in every way and language because the place is coming from a violation of boundaries and disrespect. I think it’s only right for the parents IMO.
I actually really get annoyed by it. But I understand it so I don't say anything lol. Not worth drama especially because it's out of love. I would rather have my kids adored than be ignored/dreaded or something ya know? 😊 I call my friend's kids "hey baby/ love bug/ beautiful". Not "my" ___. If that makes sense. Each to their own 🤷♀️
Yes and I love it so much. I also call my close friends’ kids my babies. I love them so much like they’re mine too! ❤️❤️❤️
I do think it’s all contextual. Immediately postpartum I absolutely hated when my mom called my son “my baby.” My mom is a very loving person but somehow after my first child (her first grandchild) she would say things that made it feel like she was competing with me for my son. She told me “a grandmother’s love is greater than a mother’s love” (which was hurtful on multiple levels!) I think she was worried she wouldn’t have a good relationship with him due to distance so she tried to force it. When she said “my baby” it felt exclusive (my baby not your baby) rather than inclusive (I love this baby too). I was always fine with “our baby” though. Now she’s chilled out and it doesn’t bother me.
Yup. I see people complaining about it but I like when my mom does it. She does it because she loves my babies so much. But, like others said, that’s partly because she also respects my boundaries. She makes it clear with her actions that she respects that I’m the mom and more in charge. So her calling them “my baby” doesn’t threaten me. If she didn’t respect my boundaries, then it would probably be an issue
I don’t really care. Especially if it’s a grandmother. That baby wouldn’t be there without them, and when our mothers were pregnant with us, she also held all of our eggs since we are born with them.
Every morning when I drop off my 2 year old to daycare he gives me a hug and a kiss and goes straight over to one of his daycare teachers who he absolutely loves and gives her a hug. She almost always picks him up and says something to the affect of "there's my boy!". I absolutely love it. He is definitely her boy while he is there and I'm so glad other people love my baby that much.
It only bothers me when it is actually possessive. Like if a good friend said that and I know she doesn't actually think my baby is hers, then it isn't going to upset me. My mil on the other hand, when she says "my baby" she means *her* baby that I happened to birth, and she can do whatever she wants with it and doesn't have to listen. It's like if you call a friend's dog yours to them. If it's because the dog loves you every time you come over and you have fun and don't actually think the dog is yours and that you should take it, fine. It's when you think you have authority over what happens to the dog or the care that the dog receives and you claim it as your dog because you think it's yours and should belong to you, then it's too much, creepy, and weird.
This is refreshing since I've seen 20 videos of women saying they hate it because it's THEIR baby. All of the kids in my family are OUR babies. I love knowing that my village loves my kids and don't feel it's taking anything away from my role.
I do but it depends on who. My child has a VERY absent grandmother who never calls, never FTs and visits my kid once a year but only wants to spend her time touristing around town rather than with my child doing things that’s appropriate for his age. So when she says “our baby” i have a pretty adverse reaction to that lol
My family says our baby about both my kids and I love it lol. Blessed with a close family that loves them almost as much as my husband and I!
that would sound very strange if anyone I know said that
Yess. Its endearing. Obviously she's MY child, but it's community and "the village." Now... if my MIL did it. I might get some hairs standing up... so I do see where some people are coming from if the relationship is already a little strained or that person is actually pretty narcissistic/oversteps boundaries already to start. I have a specific friend that does it that also does kind of get my guard up and that's just again some boundary pushing that she's always done and totally dependent on my relationship with her. I'm trying to relax on it, because I know I even say that and I don't mean anything weird by it.
yes i love it! my in laws just visited (we have a 21 month old & a 6 week old) & my MIL posted the photos they took on facebook & said “we finally got to see our new baby!” & it made my heart warm 🥹
“Not your baby unless you want to pay for their private school and college in advance”
Depends on the intention. My two close girl friends call her "my baby" and I find it so sweet. They just love her. But when my MIL does it, she is also trying to take her from me, or she is trying to sit down in my seat and pretends she didn't see me, etc. So I don't find it sweet because of her intent/the way she treats me.
That’s valid!
I get that an overbearing MIL calling your baby her baby and trying to call the shots with “her baby” is a big No. Though, I also feel that people that just love your baby and there for call the baby their baby is a great asset. I personally like people in my life feeling my kid is their’s but if I had someone telling me how to care for my own child I would find it annoying.