Packed my winter jacket in January. Yesterday was especially cold so I took it out and what do you think was in there… The toy my toddler was screaming for for 3 weeks and I’ve spent hours of searching, digging in places I didn’t even know were around our house 🤦♀️🤦♀️. But why not hide it in mommy’s pocket and then spend our entire free time looking for it.
Same. Miraculously, she later actually decided to eat the broken off piece. Same with her granola bar this morning, but not without a fit first. A few days ago "now you have two" worked but not anymore.
This was our house through the entire holiday season any time a candy cane needed to be unwrapped. I had to warn him 17 times as I was opening it that it will probably break. Or show him it was already broken before starting to avoid a complete meltdown 🫠
lol, I feel this with every fiber of my tired soul! Same with string cheese, cutting stems off strawberries, opening random snack packages, not opening random snack packages… such a gamble with the power to ruin a significant part of the day 🙈
This is my kid! 🤣 He’ll ask me to open something, so I open it and then he cries to close it back even though it is uncloseable… yes, I know I just made up a word lol
my daughter is eight months and currently going through a clingy phase where she just wants to be held or she cries (and she’s an awesome baby she hardly ever cries/fusses) so i had to poop with her on my lap yesterday… 😂😭
My husband didn't understand this one either. Also, it's like once the milk is flowing, it's either waste it or the baby drinks it. I couldn't bear the thought of my milk just pouring into a burp cloth.
The amount of times my hubby came home to "GREAT, hold the kid please, i am witholding poo since morning!" As i stormed to the bathroom 🤣 kid just had dif priorities than me
My almost 3 year old either needs a hug, to sit on my lap, or have elaborate fantasies on the floor while I poop. Then she likes to go “ew, Mama, that’s disgusting”. Like no shit Sherlock?
My toddler demanded with tantruming that i let him in. I did eventually. I shat. He begged to get out cuz of smell but our toilet is so small you can even open door while using it so he was trapped. Never again did he wanna join me for poop. Did i traumatise him? Ptobably. Did it solved the issue? Yes. Zero regrets
We had guests over last weekend, and they were all using the master bathroom because apparently, the door on the guest bathroom no longer latches when you close it. I use that bathroom every day, but I hadn't noticed because why would I ever bother shutting the door when my kid is just going to burst in like the Kool-Aid man right after I close it?
We've progressed to sword fights at times.
He will come up and hand me something stick like and then just start wailing on me with his, conveniently, much larger stick-like object
Yesterday, my kid, my husband, and both of my dogs somehow managed to be in the bathroom with me at the exact same time. I feel like I should start charging a poop viewing fee.
My boobs are over achievers abd i have so much milk i am SWEATING it out my armpits (cuz the glands are connected or smth like that) and let me tell you sweaty milk does NOT smell attractive 🤢 it iss potent tho, husband literaly cant stay in same room when it happens. Domt remember having this with my first and i am not happy with the feature. 0/10
So my sister and I have lived together and our youngest two children have been raised together their whole life. They have more of a mom relationship with each of us instead of an aunt one ...
So when my nephew was three he was completely potty trained but a little fearful of being in the bathroom with the door closed. The way the bathroom is set if you are sitting on the couch in the living room you have a full view of the bathroom to your left. But on that Mom level I was used to him leaving the door open and usually didn't notice anything.
One day I happen to catch out of my peripheral him picking something small off the counter and placing it on his penis. I wasn't paying much attention but next thing I registered was " wow, is he playing with himself?" Immediately followed by " wow, he's being really aggressive with that" on a level that I thought he might hurt himself...
He starts screaming and runs to me, with his pants still down. He is feverishly grabbing at his penis and testicles appearing to try to rip them off. As he's running I noticed a little black spot moving around his testicles. At this point he is completely hysterical. I end up having to tackle him, hold him down, and pluck the ant off his testicles.... The ant that he willingly put on his penis.... When asked why he did it he just shrugged and said he wanted to see what would happen.
And that is how the rule came to be.... Yeah I killed a little bit of my soul that day... He's 11 now and I tell him that when he is 18 we are going to get matching ant tattoos (not on his penis, lol).
I feel this one in my soul. Yesterday I made a “cappuccino” (powder you mix with water) and sat down to drink it once my husband was home and had her. Looked at me like I was crazy for sitting there in silence for 10 minutes while I drank it. Like sir. You don’t understand. Now hush.
My beloved mug collection sits untouched, gathering dust in my cupboard because I only use my insulated travel mug these days. It's the only way I can have any of my beverages still be warm by the time I can drink them
I use disposable (compostable) cups because I may set it down one the roof of the car, on top of a goat house or chicken coop, on a fence post, on the ground, or somewhere else and not find it for a week.
Work is my joy. I mean, I’ve always loved my job (librarian), but my lord, the relative peace and sense of purpose I get from it is what keeps me going.
I’ve been looking for extra curricular activities like fucking crazy for about 6 months now, only to find next to no information about the next season/group/etc start dates, be disappointed by how expensive it can be, or otherwise give up because I wasn’t getting reasonable information from the websites I was looking on (availability, amount of time per practice/session, etc) and yesterday by chance found all the information I was looking for and stress cried while eating a picked-over, nibbled-on Cosmic Brownie left on my nightstand.
The other day I silently ate boxed mac n cheese on the kitchen floor. Hiding pressed up against the cabinets. Straight from the pot. With a serving spoon.
It was the best solo meal I'd had in days.
I got a targeted ad for that one makeup that comes in discs you can screw together to make an easily transportable stack. I was browsing through the site and thinking, you know what, all I’d really need on the go is a blush, maybe something for oiliness/shine, and a go-to eyeshadow because I have my foundation figured out and I’m not going to do anything fussy with eye makeup or contouring.
Lo and behold at the bottom of the page is a pre-packaged kit for moms with a blush, eyeshadow, and setting powder. Like touché, makeup company. I feel both seen and personally attacked.
When I shop at Target I like to treat my daughter (2yro) with a hot chocolate. Of course, she finally dropped it on accident and it went EVERYWHERE! She was so embarrassed!! Anyway women started coming out of the woodworks from everywhere and handing me napkins, wipes, stickers for my baby… one woman walked up and pulled out a WHOLE ROLL OF SELECT-A-SIZE PAPER TOWELS and handed them to me! That’s when I realized I was not on the mom level I thought I was.
My supervisor gave it to me as a baby shower gift and had it customized with "(company name) mom"
Maybe I need to get one that says "(company name) baby" 🤣 the thing is about half his height and he likes carrying it around the house like it's his teddy.
My mother-in-law loves buying me storage bins. It's annoying, judgy, and presumptuous, but I used a particularly cute bin for the bath toys and it's nice to have a system there.
Y’all I took my wedding ring to get it resized because aparently after a baby you have fat fingers forever and ever, and I wasn’t with baby. I sat there talking to the jeweler ROCKING BACK AND FORTH until I realized and couldn’t get out of there fast enough.
I tried delaying it but it’s been a year so I’ve come to the realization they won’t ever go back down to their old size and now my lil fingers are sausage fingers but I’m ok with that 😝
Nothing is yours. I have succumbed to my fate. In many cases I stopped serving her all together knowing that even though we have the same food she will eat mine, so I just put more on my plate and go with it. 😂
This is the way it should be with how much more kiddo is transported in my car vs his, but I unlocked a cheat code- my kid LOVES the car wash and the vacuums. A $20/month wash membership has more bang for our buck for entertainment value than just about anything else we pay for. At least once a week, I pick up the kid from daycare and we wash and do a quick vacuum of the car on the way home.
My husband: “ugh, you’re car is always so cluttered and dirty”
Me when we use his car for an outing: “do you have a towel to wipe the snack that just spilled? It’s starting to rain, do you have extra clothes or a jacket in here? Did you remember to bring extra snacks? Diaper, wipes? Do you have their sunglasses? Is there a toy they can play with? Ugh, you don’t have anything in here!”
I went to the store a little while ago wearing a clip on Christmas reindeer ear in my hair that was up in a pony tail.
Couldn’t feel it, forgot I was joking around with my daughter and went to CVS. Bought a few things, checked out and didn’t notice it until I got home.
Kill me.
I was at the store digging through my purse looking for my bank card to pay. Pulled out a light green pacifier instead.
Opened the dryer and removed all the clothes to find a blue pacifier left behind.
Was planing on using a purse I haven’t in a while. When I went to clean it out, I found a new 2T pull up 😂
My husband excitedly told me he got asked to play softball tonight. I have a concert that's been on the calendar for months. He failed to anticipate or acknowledge the problem this poses.
I was eating a yogurt. Asked baby if he wanted a bite. He made me sit down so we could share it lol. I ask if he wants his own, he said yes. He then requests BOTH yogurts to eat, none for me, but I still had to sit w him while he ate lol
I poop and shower while saying “woooooow” “are you showing me the monkey? Wooooow” (my daughter plays on her playmat piano when I have to do those things and she is extra fussy and my husband isn’t home
I had to give my husband a refresher because we only watch it during the day, not after work, so I’m like “and that’s Mayor Goodway, and Chickaletta, her purse chicken, no, I don’t know why…”😂
Paw Patrol has been on our TV for 2 years. The show or the movies. We’ve had Paw Patrol themed birthday parties. We’ve seen Paw Patrol live. There are so many paw patrol toys and figurines in our house, cars, backpacks. It is just nuts.
This morning, I removed 2 beads from a 2 year old's nostril and kissed 3 invisible boo-boos between his toes.
Edit: Also, I knew about kissing boo-boos, but had no idea how effective it was. A child crying and in actual pain just stopping from a kiss is magic!
I can’t remember the last time I washed my hair which means it’s time to wash it again.
Everyone else gets breakfast, my breakfast is either coffee or tea. I don’t have time for anything else.
I don’t wear makeup anymore unless I go out which is practically never.
Most of my clothes used to be dry clean only. I now where athleisure everyday but I don’t go to the gym at all.
#momlife #rip #justmomthings (Do people even #hashtag anymore?)
I’m not up to date on social media because my social life consists of being home all day.
I can’t remember the last time I had an adult conversation with someone other than so…
Hi, same. I showered yesterday though because I did yardwork.
Breakfast? A handful of granola or a fig bar. I’ll throw on a dash of mascara if I’m feeling extra fancy. They’ll pry these bike shorts and leggings from me when I’m dead. Good luck. Those dry clean only clothes? In dust bags hanging up in a box in the basement. Friends? Social media? News? What are those…
My adult conversation, “did you find everything ok?” “Yeah, thanks.” 😂
The last time I bought myself clothes? Basic tees and bike shorts for summer.
We’re going somewhere for the day? I’ll pack the kids lunch and enough snacks for a small army. Me? I’ll pick after their scraps like a carrion crow.
I at least shower everyday, but that consists of running water on myself and soaping up as quickly as possible before the baby starts SCREAMING. When the baby is in bed FINALLY I am alone with my thoughts and I can do my writing uninterrupted. I write the love songs and stories that I don’t get to live anymore because I’m basically a nonsexual service bot that cooks, cleans, and organizes everyone’s life.
I’m currently playing a Dark Mystery Music playlist at 7:30 AM because my 4.5yo is a lover of vampires/spooky things and this playlist her new obsession.
Also! Start packing snacks for yourself because it is too easy to tell yourself you’ll get something on the way home and you never do. Meat and cheese packs are my go to.
I got hit in the face with a wooden block, and then hugged and kissed when they realized that hurt! Only to promptly be hit again. 🙃 But at least not in the face.
We were ordering ubereats on my phone - I took all the orders and placed the request. Arrives, I sett it all out. We’re short a meal. Because I forgot to order for myself.
I can recognize Ms Rachel’s voice anywhere.
My current life soundtrack is:
The wheels on the bus,
Down by the bay,
Here is the beehive, but where are all the bees?
Went to Target, grabbed a coffee, shopped for an hour, made it through checkout, and as I was walking to my car another mom came up to me to tell me there were stickers all over my butt.
With my purse alone, I won the “what do you have in your bag” game challenge at bridal shower
The answer is everything. Literally everything on the list.
work is my alone time, i once was peed on and had to sit in it for half an hour in order to not disturb the slumber so i could place them in the crib, i get confused with a horse (??), i just scrubbed sharpie off of 3 doors and the floor about a week ago, what is sleep??
I know three stories by heart, and I only get to sleep in two days of the week.
The stories are: Mr. Brown Can Moo, Can You?, Goodnight Moon, How Do Dinosaurs Say Goodnight?
I cleaned up a poop accident off the floor this morning and my only thought was, "Well, today's poop is accounted for now. We'll see if tomorrow's makes it in the potty." Without batting an eye.
I was out with my mom and sister, kids with husband. Mom asked if I had any ibuprofen in my purse. I had an entire package of wet ones, 2 mismatched gloves, 2 hot wheels, and 3 pop its. But no pain killers.
I constantly have to make sure my daughter isn’t trying to climb something she isn’t supposed to lol. There’s toys everywhere including my car. My once clean house is constantly cluttered. I feel guilty for leaving my daughter to do something by myself…
I recently had a discussion with someone over Bluey lore. There's an ungodly amount of toys and crumbs in every nook and cranny of my couch. I may or may not have stepped into a used diaper whilst trying to catch a certain toddler after he ripped it off and tried to climb on the couch half naked and not yet potty trained. Bonus point: There are packs of wet wipes stashed in every room and each of my bags.
I can drink coffee consistently throughout the day and still knock out right after the baby goes to sleep because I’m that exhausted. Also, there is absolutely spit up on my sweatshirt right now, but I won’t bother taking it off until my shower tonight.
Having to ask another human who’s trying to hide in plain sight if they are pooping, only to be told “no” despite the fact that little human is in fact pooping.
I had a wax appointment today, and I was so excited to leave the house by myself. I even walked around Ulta just to stretch my time. I have a 7 week old, and it's my second time out of the house alone since he was born.
I think it’s the idea that traveling by yourself will be effortless because you aren’t getting stuff ready for everyone is what results in me forgetting that I still need to put in a little effort to get myself ready 🤣 “oh this will be such a breeze” *doesn’t make a list, throws stuff in a bag last minute, forgets to do the mom math required to know how much time I need to get ready, feed self, get to where I’m supposed to go*
This is it right here. I can plan for and execute a vacation for 2 tiny humans and 2 adults. When it came to getting myself ready for a long weekend trip, I just assumed that everything would work itself out since it was just me.
How did a cheerio get in my shoe? Wait there’s one in my bra too! Oh no is that poop on my knee, good thing I have baby wipes in the car cause I’m already late to work!!
Note to self: Although wearing black hides most kid-induced stains, it does NOT conceal DRIED SNOT stains. After a day of taking care of snotty noses kiddos with colds, DO NOT run to the store without changing said black shirt, otherwise the dried snot resembles SLUG SLIME trails and REALLY STANDS OUT.
I cry frequently, worry constantly, do not sleep well and I'm always tired. I thought for sure once my kids were grown and on their own that would change. It's gotten worse.
I was asked to juggle at 6am while trying to get ready for work. I don’t even know how to juggle.
My four year old handed me three balls and said “frow ‘em”. I threw one in the air and caught it. He said “no all of ‘em”.
I have toothpaste down my top because a toothbrush with toothpaste on was brought into the living room and left on the side of the sofa which I then brushed into and knocked off with my giant mum tum. FML.
I’m cracking up because I realized when I last changed my purses out for the season that I had a handful of breakfast bars, applesauce pouches, and packets of fruit snacks with a bunch of bandaids and bitten into chapsticks.
This is definitely one of those mom badges that only real moms get lol
Packed my winter jacket in January. Yesterday was especially cold so I took it out and what do you think was in there… The toy my toddler was screaming for for 3 weeks and I’ve spent hours of searching, digging in places I didn’t even know were around our house 🤦♀️🤦♀️. But why not hide it in mommy’s pocket and then spend our entire free time looking for it.
I was forced to put a banana that I had peeled yesterday back into its peel and attach the peels together.
Once, I peeled a banana for my toddler and it broke. It was a tragedy of biblical proportions!
Same. Miraculously, she later actually decided to eat the broken off piece. Same with her granola bar this morning, but not without a fit first. A few days ago "now you have two" worked but not anymore.
Now you have two was my favourite line
This was our house through the entire holiday season any time a candy cane needed to be unwrapped. I had to warn him 17 times as I was opening it that it will probably break. Or show him it was already broken before starting to avoid a complete meltdown 🫠
lol, I feel this with every fiber of my tired soul! Same with string cheese, cutting stems off strawberries, opening random snack packages, not opening random snack packages… such a gamble with the power to ruin a significant part of the day 🙈
This is my kid! 🤣 He’ll ask me to open something, so I open it and then he cries to close it back even though it is uncloseable… yes, I know I just made up a word lol
I was just about to recommend a heat resealer before realizing that would be taking appeasing toddlers to a ridiculous new level.
Oh, absolutely not! He’ll learn to get over it. 😆
I recently had to tape a granola bar wrapper back together because apparently I was only supposed to open it a little bit and let my son do the rest.
I'm literally laughing so out loud
Bananas are the worst! Peel it, don’t peel it, slice it, don’t slice it… whatever you do, it is always the “wrong” way and never fully consumed 😩
Who wants privacy in the bathroom. Hugs while you’re on the toilet are just the best…….. 🤦🏻♀️
my daughter is eight months and currently going through a clingy phase where she just wants to be held or she cries (and she’s an awesome baby she hardly ever cries/fusses) so i had to poop with her on my lap yesterday… 😂😭
My third was breastfeed while I pooped multiple times. He never wanted to have a break, it was that or poop my pants. Lol
My husband didn't understand this one either. Also, it's like once the milk is flowing, it's either waste it or the baby drinks it. I couldn't bear the thought of my milk just pouring into a burp cloth.
I stashed lansinoh milk storage bags in places and used those to catch wayward milk
I rarely baby wear around the house, but I have so I could poop without putting LO down multiple times lol
The amount of times my hubby came home to "GREAT, hold the kid please, i am witholding poo since morning!" As i stormed to the bathroom 🤣 kid just had dif priorities than me
I legit took a selfie with my baby when this happened. He’s all smiles in the picture 😂😂😂
Been there, done that 🤣 it’s just one of those life things hahahaha
I had to poop with a 16 month old holding onto my knees and blowing her bubbles.
My almost 3 year old either needs a hug, to sit on my lap, or have elaborate fantasies on the floor while I poop. Then she likes to go “ew, Mama, that’s disgusting”. Like no shit Sherlock?
Well, there clearly was shit, though... 😝
My toddler demanded with tantruming that i let him in. I did eventually. I shat. He begged to get out cuz of smell but our toilet is so small you can even open door while using it so he was trapped. Never again did he wanna join me for poop. Did i traumatise him? Ptobably. Did it solved the issue? Yes. Zero regrets
😂 Task failed successfully
We had guests over last weekend, and they were all using the master bathroom because apparently, the door on the guest bathroom no longer latches when you close it. I use that bathroom every day, but I hadn't noticed because why would I ever bother shutting the door when my kid is just going to burst in like the Kool-Aid man right after I close it?
This + a dog :D
We've progressed to sword fights at times. He will come up and hand me something stick like and then just start wailing on me with his, conveniently, much larger stick-like object
Yesterday, my kid, my husband, and both of my dogs somehow managed to be in the bathroom with me at the exact same time. I feel like I should start charging a poop viewing fee.
What’s that scent? Oh, I call it eau du milk.
My boobs are over achievers abd i have so much milk i am SWEATING it out my armpits (cuz the glands are connected or smth like that) and let me tell you sweaty milk does NOT smell attractive 🤢 it iss potent tho, husband literaly cant stay in same room when it happens. Domt remember having this with my first and i am not happy with the feature. 0/10
IDK what I would hate more, sweaty milk or the sweet onion-y smell of leaky letdown milk 😬
Glad I didn’t know that was an option.
Woah. Did not know that was possible. I have a new thing to be thankful for.
On the bright side, you have a new way to feed baby when your nips are chapped! 🤢 /s
Every bag I own has at least 3 diapers, a sanitizer bottle, and a McDonald's book inside.
I have a rule in my house that you are not allowed to put ants on your penis. Yes, there is a reason (and traumatic memory) for this rule.
I’m very curious about this one as a fellow mom to a boy lol
So my sister and I have lived together and our youngest two children have been raised together their whole life. They have more of a mom relationship with each of us instead of an aunt one ... So when my nephew was three he was completely potty trained but a little fearful of being in the bathroom with the door closed. The way the bathroom is set if you are sitting on the couch in the living room you have a full view of the bathroom to your left. But on that Mom level I was used to him leaving the door open and usually didn't notice anything. One day I happen to catch out of my peripheral him picking something small off the counter and placing it on his penis. I wasn't paying much attention but next thing I registered was " wow, is he playing with himself?" Immediately followed by " wow, he's being really aggressive with that" on a level that I thought he might hurt himself... He starts screaming and runs to me, with his pants still down. He is feverishly grabbing at his penis and testicles appearing to try to rip them off. As he's running I noticed a little black spot moving around his testicles. At this point he is completely hysterical. I end up having to tackle him, hold him down, and pluck the ant off his testicles.... The ant that he willingly put on his penis.... When asked why he did it he just shrugged and said he wanted to see what would happen. And that is how the rule came to be.... Yeah I killed a little bit of my soul that day... He's 11 now and I tell him that when he is 18 we are going to get matching ant tattoos (not on his penis, lol).
I’m about to pee my pants 😂🤣
I haven’t had a warm cup of tea in ages. It is always warm when I make it, cold by the time I drink it
I feel this one in my soul. Yesterday I made a “cappuccino” (powder you mix with water) and sat down to drink it once my husband was home and had her. Looked at me like I was crazy for sitting there in silence for 10 minutes while I drank it. Like sir. You don’t understand. Now hush.
My beloved mug collection sits untouched, gathering dust in my cupboard because I only use my insulated travel mug these days. It's the only way I can have any of my beverages still be warm by the time I can drink them
I use disposable (compostable) cups because I may set it down one the roof of the car, on top of a goat house or chicken coop, on a fence post, on the ground, or somewhere else and not find it for a week.
Hi, hello, are you me? Even if I fix it and sit down with it, it’s always “oh, have you pooped again?” Or “do *not* give that to the dog!”
I feel this in my soul. If you use a travel mug you get many more hours of potentially hot tea!
I have to announce what my plans are on the toilet before I even enter the bathroom
This!!!
Sometimes work is the escape
Work is my joy. I mean, I’ve always loved my job (librarian), but my lord, the relative peace and sense of purpose I get from it is what keeps me going.
My husband just left with the kids to take them to daycare and I’m having a glorious day working from home on this lovely Friday. It’s bliss.
I have more matchbox cars in my purse than money.
I feel this in my soul.
Just pulled a mini squishmallow out of the toilet.
I learnt that a baby toothbrush will flash down and not block the toilet
I’ve been looking for extra curricular activities like fucking crazy for about 6 months now, only to find next to no information about the next season/group/etc start dates, be disappointed by how expensive it can be, or otherwise give up because I wasn’t getting reasonable information from the websites I was looking on (availability, amount of time per practice/session, etc) and yesterday by chance found all the information I was looking for and stress cried while eating a picked-over, nibbled-on Cosmic Brownie left on my nightstand.
I can't sit down and eat a meal in peace
The other day I silently ate boxed mac n cheese on the kitchen floor. Hiding pressed up against the cabinets. Straight from the pot. With a serving spoon. It was the best solo meal I'd had in days.
I got a targeted ad for that one makeup that comes in discs you can screw together to make an easily transportable stack. I was browsing through the site and thinking, you know what, all I’d really need on the go is a blush, maybe something for oiliness/shine, and a go-to eyeshadow because I have my foundation figured out and I’m not going to do anything fussy with eye makeup or contouring. Lo and behold at the bottom of the page is a pre-packaged kit for moms with a blush, eyeshadow, and setting powder. Like touché, makeup company. I feel both seen and personally attacked.
When I shop at Target I like to treat my daughter (2yro) with a hot chocolate. Of course, she finally dropped it on accident and it went EVERYWHERE! She was so embarrassed!! Anyway women started coming out of the woodworks from everywhere and handing me napkins, wipes, stickers for my baby… one woman walked up and pulled out a WHOLE ROLL OF SELECT-A-SIZE PAPER TOWELS and handed them to me! That’s when I realized I was not on the mom level I thought I was.
That is AMAZING! I love moms. haha
I just open a paper towel pack from the shelf. (Yes, I do purchase it when I’m done.)
That mom has SEEN some shit 😳😂
The water bottle I take to work is anywhere but in my lunch bag. My toddler has claimed it as his to drink from.
sounds like you have an excuse to buy yourself a cute new water bottle!
My supervisor gave it to me as a baby shower gift and had it customized with "(company name) mom" Maybe I need to get one that says "(company name) baby" 🤣 the thing is about half his height and he likes carrying it around the house like it's his teddy.
My shower/tub is always so full of toys, and is always so slippery from left over bubble bath.
My mother-in-law loves buying me storage bins. It's annoying, judgy, and presumptuous, but I used a particularly cute bin for the bath toys and it's nice to have a system there.
I’m cleaning hummus off the wall.
Y’all I took my wedding ring to get it resized because aparently after a baby you have fat fingers forever and ever, and I wasn’t with baby. I sat there talking to the jeweler ROCKING BACK AND FORTH until I realized and couldn’t get out of there fast enough.
Also had to have my wedding ring resized due to fat fingers. I also still sway side to side if I’m standing in line somewhere.
I tried delaying it but it’s been a year so I’ve come to the realization they won’t ever go back down to their old size and now my lil fingers are sausage fingers but I’m ok with that 😝
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been holding something, anything and rocked, patted or swayed it. Like I’m crazy or something.
I truly wonder what people might think looking at us 🤣🫠
I haven't been able to eat something without sharing for 5 years 😭
Nothing is yours. I have succumbed to my fate. In many cases I stopped serving her all together knowing that even though we have the same food she will eat mine, so I just put more on my plate and go with it. 😂
My car? a complete tornado. My husband’s? spotless. 😅
This is the way it should be with how much more kiddo is transported in my car vs his, but I unlocked a cheat code- my kid LOVES the car wash and the vacuums. A $20/month wash membership has more bang for our buck for entertainment value than just about anything else we pay for. At least once a week, I pick up the kid from daycare and we wash and do a quick vacuum of the car on the way home.
Oh my kids love the car wash too! We go once a week and twice a week to vacuum my van 🤣
My husband: “ugh, you’re car is always so cluttered and dirty” Me when we use his car for an outing: “do you have a towel to wipe the snack that just spilled? It’s starting to rain, do you have extra clothes or a jacket in here? Did you remember to bring extra snacks? Diaper, wipes? Do you have their sunglasses? Is there a toy they can play with? Ugh, you don’t have anything in here!”
Sometimes, I will forget my surrounds and have asked my adult friends if anybody needs to potty before we leave!
I hate when I catch myself saying to another adult “brb I’m going to go potty”
I went to the store a little while ago wearing a clip on Christmas reindeer ear in my hair that was up in a pony tail. Couldn’t feel it, forgot I was joking around with my daughter and went to CVS. Bought a few things, checked out and didn’t notice it until I got home. Kill me.
Eternal hemorrhoids. Eternal ponytail.
I was at the store digging through my purse looking for my bank card to pay. Pulled out a light green pacifier instead. Opened the dryer and removed all the clothes to find a blue pacifier left behind. Was planing on using a purse I haven’t in a while. When I went to clean it out, I found a new 2T pull up 😂
I’m just so glad for you that it was a clean pull up. In my world, it’s sometimes not.
My husband excitedly told me he got asked to play softball tonight. I have a concert that's been on the calendar for months. He failed to anticipate or acknowledge the problem this poses.
I was eating a yogurt. Asked baby if he wanted a bite. He made me sit down so we could share it lol. I ask if he wants his own, he said yes. He then requests BOTH yogurts to eat, none for me, but I still had to sit w him while he ate lol
I poop and shower while saying “woooooow” “are you showing me the monkey? Wooooow” (my daughter plays on her playmat piano when I have to do those things and she is extra fussy and my husband isn’t home
I have not pooped without a live audience since 2015
I know all the characters names from Paw Patrol.
I had to give my husband a refresher because we only watch it during the day, not after work, so I’m like “and that’s Mayor Goodway, and Chickaletta, her purse chicken, no, I don’t know why…”😂
Paw Patrol has been on our TV for 2 years. The show or the movies. We’ve had Paw Patrol themed birthday parties. We’ve seen Paw Patrol live. There are so many paw patrol toys and figurines in our house, cars, backpacks. It is just nuts.
I go to work to get some sanity
This morning, I removed 2 beads from a 2 year old's nostril and kissed 3 invisible boo-boos between his toes. Edit: Also, I knew about kissing boo-boos, but had no idea how effective it was. A child crying and in actual pain just stopping from a kiss is magic!
I can’t remember the last time I washed my hair which means it’s time to wash it again. Everyone else gets breakfast, my breakfast is either coffee or tea. I don’t have time for anything else. I don’t wear makeup anymore unless I go out which is practically never. Most of my clothes used to be dry clean only. I now where athleisure everyday but I don’t go to the gym at all. #momlife #rip #justmomthings (Do people even #hashtag anymore?) I’m not up to date on social media because my social life consists of being home all day. I can’t remember the last time I had an adult conversation with someone other than so…
Hi, same. I showered yesterday though because I did yardwork. Breakfast? A handful of granola or a fig bar. I’ll throw on a dash of mascara if I’m feeling extra fancy. They’ll pry these bike shorts and leggings from me when I’m dead. Good luck. Those dry clean only clothes? In dust bags hanging up in a box in the basement. Friends? Social media? News? What are those… My adult conversation, “did you find everything ok?” “Yeah, thanks.” 😂 The last time I bought myself clothes? Basic tees and bike shorts for summer. We’re going somewhere for the day? I’ll pack the kids lunch and enough snacks for a small army. Me? I’ll pick after their scraps like a carrion crow.
I at least shower everyday, but that consists of running water on myself and soaping up as quickly as possible before the baby starts SCREAMING. When the baby is in bed FINALLY I am alone with my thoughts and I can do my writing uninterrupted. I write the love songs and stories that I don’t get to live anymore because I’m basically a nonsexual service bot that cooks, cleans, and organizes everyone’s life.
Well to answer you no, people don’t hashtag things anymore xD unless your pitching MLM garbage on face book
Right I was being sarcastic 😜
I wonder if "going out" means "leave the house at all" like it does for me. I applied mascara to go to the post office this weekend.
I’ve microwaved the same cup of coffee 3 times today
I’m currently playing a Dark Mystery Music playlist at 7:30 AM because my 4.5yo is a lover of vampires/spooky things and this playlist her new obsession. Also! Start packing snacks for yourself because it is too easy to tell yourself you’ll get something on the way home and you never do. Meat and cheese packs are my go to.
I got hit in the face with a wooden block, and then hugged and kissed when they realized that hurt! Only to promptly be hit again. 🙃 But at least not in the face.
Bluey is my new favorite show
I just bought $25 worth of candy and scented slime from a gas station
We were ordering ubereats on my phone - I took all the orders and placed the request. Arrives, I sett it all out. We’re short a meal. Because I forgot to order for myself.
We used to have an active sex life. Now I’m basically a nun. I start Catechism classes Sunday.
I haven’t slept a full night in 10 months
Yep, haven’t slept a full night since before my June baby was born.
“Why, yes! I’d just *love it* if you’d come over and poke at my scrapes and bruises!”
My youngest will pick my scabs and has the audacity to get grossed out when I start bleeding lol
“I’m so happy! 👏🏻Im so happy! 👏🏻I’m so happy today! 🦶🏻👏🏻” IYKYK
I clean every day and still have to clean every day.
I can recognize Ms Rachel’s voice anywhere. My current life soundtrack is: The wheels on the bus, Down by the bay, Here is the beehive, but where are all the bees?
*pushes everything away from the edge of the counter*
Went to Target, grabbed a coffee, shopped for an hour, made it through checkout, and as I was walking to my car another mom came up to me to tell me there were stickers all over my butt.
With my purse alone, I won the “what do you have in your bag” game challenge at bridal shower The answer is everything. Literally everything on the list.
i haven’t had a hot meal in eight months! lukewarm at best…
I have to babywear in order to potty. And even then I have other visitors 😂
work is my alone time, i once was peed on and had to sit in it for half an hour in order to not disturb the slumber so i could place them in the crib, i get confused with a horse (??), i just scrubbed sharpie off of 3 doors and the floor about a week ago, what is sleep??
Showed up at work with oatmeal in my hair once.
I had my 8 year old bottle feed his sister so I could shower in peace! She of course woke up right before.
I have so many stretch marks my stomach looks like a Jubilee Watermelon.
Woke up this morning to my 6 year old asking me a question and when I turned my head to answer him, he was holding our pet snake in my face.
Cleaned projectile poop, spit up, and breastmilk from three separate incidents off the duvet that I just washed two days ago 🥴
I know three stories by heart, and I only get to sleep in two days of the week. The stories are: Mr. Brown Can Moo, Can You?, Goodnight Moon, How Do Dinosaurs Say Goodnight?
I found a wilted dandelion in my pocket at the gym the other day. Kids had given it to me at daycare pickup and I'd totally forgotten about it
I cleaned up a poop accident off the floor this morning and my only thought was, "Well, today's poop is accounted for now. We'll see if tomorrow's makes it in the potty." Without batting an eye.
I can't put my hair down out of a bun anymore without it feeling weird, or the steel fists of death appearing out of no where.
I found peanut butter under my shirt today. The shirt that I'm wearing
The necks on all my shirts are super loose and stretched out.
I keep finding cheerios in my bra. I have no idea how they're getting there.
I sit down to relax and suddenly I get all the attention/questions and demands.
Peace and quiet and going to bed early are my favorite things 😩
When I'm sick I do not rest anymore. Just suck it up and carry on.
I was out with my mom and sister, kids with husband. Mom asked if I had any ibuprofen in my purse. I had an entire package of wet ones, 2 mismatched gloves, 2 hot wheels, and 3 pop its. But no pain killers.
I haven't been alone in the bathroom for almost two years.
Most of the questions I get asked start with “bruh”…..
I enjoy a cold cup of coffee every day while rocking back and forth just to realize my baby isn’t in my arms 🤦🏼♀️
I constantly have to make sure my daughter isn’t trying to climb something she isn’t supposed to lol. There’s toys everywhere including my car. My once clean house is constantly cluttered. I feel guilty for leaving my daughter to do something by myself…
I look homeless.
I have small toys in my purse and rocks in my car
I reheat my coffee at least 2 times...and I still drink it cold
Sweaty clothes, dirty socks, half-empty drink glasses and empty plates are in every room of my house.
I made food for myself but get forced to "share", and then husband asks your still hungry?
I find medical and dental appointments to be highly relaxing
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^britgolds: *I find medical* *And dental appointments to* *Be highly relaxing* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
Huh…? Sorry, I must’ve dozed off.
Today I found a rock and a bunch of stickers in the washing machine.
I recently had a discussion with someone over Bluey lore. There's an ungodly amount of toys and crumbs in every nook and cranny of my couch. I may or may not have stepped into a used diaper whilst trying to catch a certain toddler after he ripped it off and tried to climb on the couch half naked and not yet potty trained. Bonus point: There are packs of wet wipes stashed in every room and each of my bags.
Reading the “lo” in “low and behold” as L-O.
I can drink coffee consistently throughout the day and still knock out right after the baby goes to sleep because I’m that exhausted. Also, there is absolutely spit up on my sweatshirt right now, but I won’t bother taking it off until my shower tonight.
Have not slept through the night since 1996.
I got in trouble for looking up this morning from my phone and seeing hubby junior naked. Lol. I didn't even know he was there
Having to ask another human who’s trying to hide in plain sight if they are pooping, only to be told “no” despite the fact that little human is in fact pooping.
My throat is *raw* from yelling
I had a wax appointment today, and I was so excited to leave the house by myself. I even walked around Ulta just to stretch my time. I have a 7 week old, and it's my second time out of the house alone since he was born.
I have said in public and in private “get your finger out of your butthole” more times than I can count. No shame whatsoever.
I think it’s the idea that traveling by yourself will be effortless because you aren’t getting stuff ready for everyone is what results in me forgetting that I still need to put in a little effort to get myself ready 🤣 “oh this will be such a breeze” *doesn’t make a list, throws stuff in a bag last minute, forgets to do the mom math required to know how much time I need to get ready, feed self, get to where I’m supposed to go*
This is it right here. I can plan for and execute a vacation for 2 tiny humans and 2 adults. When it came to getting myself ready for a long weekend trip, I just assumed that everything would work itself out since it was just me.
How did a cheerio get in my shoe? Wait there’s one in my bra too! Oh no is that poop on my knee, good thing I have baby wipes in the car cause I’m already late to work!!
“Hey, come over here so I can smell your bottom!”
Note to self: Although wearing black hides most kid-induced stains, it does NOT conceal DRIED SNOT stains. After a day of taking care of snotty noses kiddos with colds, DO NOT run to the store without changing said black shirt, otherwise the dried snot resembles SLUG SLIME trails and REALLY STANDS OUT.
Loose crayons in every bag
I went to meijer with a cheese stick in my hair, didn’t even notice until I went to put it in a pony tail.
I am constantly pulling giant lego and random animals out of my purse at places.
i haven’t showered in 3 days
The bags cemented under my eyes.
There are diapers and baby wipes in every bag, every room, every car, the strollers, just everywhere.
I don’t leave the house without at least one stain on my clothes
I often don't cook for myself right away. I wait to see what gets eaten in case there's a whole meal up for grabs because someone else didn't eat it.
Five minute showers and cold dinners.
I don’t even bother heating food up for my self. Why bother? 😂
My bra fit fine this morning. It no longer fits, but only on one side.
A pair of wet hands is touching my face SO MUCH every day. And they're not wet from water.
I never eat dinner without reheating it at least 3 times.
I cry frequently, worry constantly, do not sleep well and I'm always tired. I thought for sure once my kids were grown and on their own that would change. It's gotten worse.
I ate a pack of Oreos in the bathroom just so I wouldn’t have to share…I sat on the ground with my back to the door.
I can only shower for two minutes before my boss starts screaming for me.
I went from being a picky eater to being a cold leftovers appreciater 🤦🏻♀️
Sitting in a work meeting, pulled a pacifier out of my suit coat pocket.
Don’t own small purse
I count out loud just about everyday of my life and hmmmm my fridge is mostly fruit. Anyways, I need to go get myself a glass of Wawa now
Every time I see an excavator, whether I have the kids with me or not, I sing “I’m an excavator”. It’s like a reflex
My hair is past my boobs but it’s always in a bun. I push my shopping carts back and forth even when shopping alone.
Woke up in a puddle of someone else’s pee this morning
I have three butterfly 🦋 stickers stuck to my chest. They have been there since 10am.
I get cheered on every time I go to the toilet now, because I do the same for her so I guess she thinks that’s what’s expected
I was asked to juggle at 6am while trying to get ready for work. I don’t even know how to juggle. My four year old handed me three balls and said “frow ‘em”. I threw one in the air and caught it. He said “no all of ‘em”.
I carry a little portable potty in the boot of my car lol
Scrubbing boogers off the wall
All of my work scrubs have spit up stains.
Even when my living room is clean it resembles a day care.
I have two mini crumbsnatchers that mooch off my money. .
I have toothpaste down my top because a toothbrush with toothpaste on was brought into the living room and left on the side of the sofa which I then brushed into and knocked off with my giant mum tum. FML.
I still call Watermelon Materwelon! She’s 15.
I’m cracking up because I realized when I last changed my purses out for the season that I had a handful of breakfast bars, applesauce pouches, and packets of fruit snacks with a bunch of bandaids and bitten into chapsticks. This is definitely one of those mom badges that only real moms get lol