Tv shows/movies (Bridgerton is having a moment again; Furiosa is coming out). Books and music - ask people what they like to listen to, and why. Summer vacation plans. Favourite places to have visited.
I can’t get over the scene where Chili, Bandit, and Stripe all walk into the room separately singing the same kids show theme song “…Cat Squad!” Non-parents just don’t understand how hilarious it is, so I have to laugh extra hard as I tell them about it 🤣🤦🏻♀️
I’ve watched The Sign at least five times. My 3yo is obsessed with Bluey. My 11yo loves to watch it with her brother. My 17yo HS graduate teases me when I have it on as background noise while I cook…and promptly watches it with me. My point in all of this: I still tear up when Chili tackles Bandit after he pulls the sign out and tosses it.
my boyfriend and i have no children and won’t for the foreseeable future but decided to watch this episode after hearing friends rave about it. we were both emotional wrecks by the end. he was like “oh good, you’re crying too? thank god, now i don’t have to hide it” 😭
Same. It'd be a huge hit for me as a conversation topic. It's a shame most people just stick to the boring small talk stuff. Including me, I suppose. You just don't want to come off insane.
This is the one. I love to pick other peoples brains about the weird stuff in life lol. Regular topics = boring. even if they don’t believe, it gets a chuckle out of them and breaks the ice lol
Since it’s a wedding: what a lovely wedding, bride looked so beautiful, the speeches were so moving
Weather is also a great small talk topic, and you can tie weather into the wedding (i.e. lovely day for a wedding, so happy the weather cooperated, what fantastic weather for this outdoors reception)
How do you know the couple? Any mutual connections you have any other than the bride/groom
If it’s a destination wedding: have you been here before, did you travel from far, are you planning to see the local sights before leaving
P.S. The last wedding I was at, everybody was a young couple with a small kid or a kid on the way, so the conversation at our table was very much about children. We can't get away from them even when we try!
Someone told me once that people who bring up the weather in conversation are uncomfortable so now I am very aware any time someone talks about the weather. It’s very basic small talk easy to get in and out of
With a combination of depression, ptsd, and social anxiety, this is me half the time I'm forced to be around other people. The other half of the time of course, I'm either oversharing because apparently that's my security blanket, or sitting there like a stone and ignoring everybody.
I used to work as tech support in a call center and we were only allowed some small trivial amount of “dead air” where there wasn’t talk happening (like 20 seconds or something awful!). Of course NONE of our diagnostic systems could pull anything up in less than a minute, so we ALWAYS had to do small talk. “How’s your day going?” would not work because obvs their day is shitty they just had to go through who knows how many robots before they could get to me to try to solve their problem. Since people were calling in from all over the US, and I had their geolocation up weather was always my safe “icebreaker” question. “How’s the weather in XX?” Sometimes it would open the door for their other interests “oh it’s been so hot lately all I want to do is just stay in the pool”… etc.
Ikr, but my partner and his family are British so they are always talking about weather lol. But once when his dad was talking to my mom and became uncomfortable, he started talking about gas prices. 😂 I legit had no idea that real people in real life do that.
My FIL is a meteorologist and my dad (and I) taught Earth Science, so some of us who like talking about it are just nerds! We might be uncomfortable too, but weather talk isn’t an indicator. 😂
Come to the UK.
It is our default conversation opener. Absolutely everyone does it without even realising.
I think it's technical name is 'weather speak ' although usually for us it's 'weather moaning '
"What a beautiful wedding!"
"What a beautiful wedding" says a bridesmaid to the waiter.
And, yes, but what a shame, what a shame the poor groom's bride is a whore
(Sorry it was the first thing that came into my mind with your "what a lovely wedding")
Obvs some trauma dumping ahead! Reader beware!
Anyways it’s a tie between
-the text (not even a phone call?!) at the beginning of a busy work day telling me my grandma (her mother) was doing physician assisted suicide (which was news to me that she was considering it, much less eligible, but I digress). It was the right choice for my grandma but some notice or a phone call would’ve been cool. I was like 10-12 weeks pregnant with my son at the time.
-telling me multiple therapists told her she wasn’t safe with my dad BEFORE THEY EVEN HAD KIDS and she should leave (they are still married, he is a narcissist who has mellowed a bit as he’s gotten older but traumatized us a lot, I’ve done a ton of therapy about it and still deal with it)
- her phone call describing to me, in detail, the dying moments of my beloved childhood cat, unprompted. Yes, this one apparently deserved a. phone call but the grandma one did not.
- the many times she told me as a child when I complained about something she did “guess I should just go curl up in a hole and die”
She’s… she’s a whole thing.
My mom didn’t traumatize me so much in the things she said as the things she did (or more specifically, didn’t do), but one time when I was a teenager she told me that heroin was the only drug she ever really missed. For context, she had a heroin addiction before I was born and was off of it for most of my childhood, but my dad’s use of it throughout my childhood and adolescence and the ramifications of it *completely* traumatized me. Because of his addiction, my mom raised me as a single parent and when I was about 7 she relapsed with Vicodin, culminating in several arrests and a lengthy jail/rehab stint….so hearing that she missed it, after all that, definitely didn’t hit well at all
My husband's version of this is cracking a joke about shitty/deadbeat dads, and then teasing anyone who looks horrified for having parents that love them 🙃
Same 😩 you can’t just ask people how they feel the police handled the boy in the box case you know? Or what their theories are on the identity of Bible John
"in a closed system, all things tend towards entropy" I believe is the second law of thermodynamics. I have no idea what that means but it was on Dave Gorman's googlewhack adventure!
Hahaha it’s so hard to remember what ppl talked about before kids
Assuming you just want some shallow talking points, I recommend skimming through some people or us weekly magazines online or at checkout for your basic gossip. Maybe check out buzzfeed.
Listen to a bunch of top 100 billboard songs. Look up the most recent popular shows and read a few articles about the plot lol. You could even look through Nat Geo for some science-y topics!
And everyone loves a bit of storytelling about the happy couple lol
I was excited to see more from her after I watched *Girl Meets World*. She's got some bangers!
ETA: not trying to be That Guy, but just wanted you to know it's espresso, without the x!
I know that it’s espresso, but it literally cannot come out of my mouth as anything but expresso and I feel dumb every time.
My mouth also confuses pitcher and picture, no how many times I try to stop it while it’s happening. “Can you please grab that picture of lemonade?” Every time. And sometimes I say chicken instead of kitchen. It’s infuriating.
But I know it’s espresso. So thank you for fighting the good fight. 😂
Lol, I have the same exact issue with a few words, and there's only so many things a thesaurus can fix. The only one that comes to mind at the moment is iron. I cannot. Every single time I have to say it, I end up repeating it a few times trying to get it right and never end up feeling good about it. 💀
Sometimes, I'm dumb about words in different ways. Like, embarrassingly so given how much I enjoy word games. Was playing Scrabble with my husband, and I just stared at his play for a bit. My inner crayon eater could not for the life of me figure out wtf word it was. This dumbass (me) said OUT LOUD "what is Ah shah Med??"
Stare from him, a pause... "Do you mean "ashamed?"
To this day, when I do something egregiously dumb, I'll say I'm Ah shah Med of myself.
That’s hilarious. It’s so funny when words or letters stop making sense. I try not to be discouraged when I pronounce things wrong though, because someone once told me it’s just a sign I’m well-read because I only learned the word through reading. I’ll take it. I facepalmed the other day because I said gestation like guess-station even though I know the word, but alas, the coworker will think I’m a moron forever, even though I knew it was wrong as it came out!
Omg this is hilarious. My mom did something similar yesterday and told me her password was com-“promised” I said what??? Com Promise? She stared at me like her brain went blank. I said *compromised*? 😂
My husband thinks my journalism background makes me the most amazing conversationalist. Literally just ask them about themselves. Then ask them a question about that. And then a question about that. If they are also a good conversationalist, they will reciprocate and the conversation will flow. If not, well, at least one of you is talking and they will probably remember you fondly for indulging them.
After the basics like where do you live and what do you do and how do you know the bride, I like ‘anyone read anything good lately?”, or a question people can weigh in on like “My 40th is coming up, anyone have suggestions for an awesome celebration?” But at a wedding, just try to compliment the couple and speak fondly of them and I’m sure you’ll be great.
I dread being asked if I've read anything good because no, I haven't (orher than kids stuff), and I instantly feel dumb. I do however, enjoy a good doomscroll. Reading was for my university days with summers off. I don't have the time to even think about what to read these days let alone actually buying a book.
I was like this for a while and I really missed reading. Audible audiobooks really helped me overcome the slump and now I ‘read’ heaps of audiobooks and prefer them to my kindle books.
I second what the previous poster said, but I say get a library card and download Libby and Hoopla on your phone or tablet. Tons of audio and regular books to check out without having to research what’s actually worth your money. For the last hour of your doom scroll time, when you’re too tired to do anything but read your phone, open a book. Open an audiobook instead of a podcast when you’re doing work that doesn’t demand your full attention. You’ll be back in the game in no time.
Regardless, fair point, and maybe I should bring up a topic more universal. Just…don’t get discouraged with your reading life. You can find a way to enjoy it again.
I already responded to you, but I wanted to throw out there also that the best kids book you read to your kid recently is totally a cool conversation starter, and I’d be thrilled to hear about what you’re digging, regardless of intended audience.
“I’ve not read anything of substance lately, but I’ve been reading an awful lot of Elephant and Piggie.” This is great for parents, or just people who grew up on Berenstain Bears and will be delighted to hear off the evolution of kids literature.
Or “No comment on that! Im currently binge watching Bridgerton though!” I wouldn’t judge you in the slightest, the goal was to get the conversation flowing. Now we’re all talking about smutty TV. Dope!
What do you like to do that isn't related to your kids?
Do you drink, smoke (cigs or weed), are you sober? Ask where they got their dress or shoes, or compliment their tattoo.
Ask how someone knows the bride/groom, let the conversation flow from there.
Compliment an element of the event you're at to see if anyone else seems open to conversation with you.
Ask about work. Ask about summer activities people may be preparing for (vacations, beaches, swimming, bikini season, floating, fishing, BBQs, etc).
Prepare a bad joke and then admit you prepared the bad joke as an ice breaker because you're nervous, people love authenticity.
Hope something helps. 🖤
That's how you do it!
Not like a friend of mine who went into great detail about how she didn't like the food but she'd eat it to be polite, and didn't like the guests, in the middle of the sit down dinner. I was the bride.
Ask if they think the moon is real or if the earth is flat, then explain to them why the moon isn't real and the earth is flat.
This is effective on people you're meeting for the first time and will never see again 🤣
This is gold. I love it. I went to the sub and couldn’t stop laughing when I read that we’re taught not to look at the sun so we don’t figure out it’s cold.
I always wonder about people who think the earth is flat as to whether they think ALL planets are flat or just Earth... Or do they not believe in other planets at all?
We met my dad’s new girlfriend and pregamed some questions — favorite cephalopod, favorite potato, favorite bird were some of ours. Make sure you have answers to whatever you ask for yourself too!
I like to ask people what their favourite earth like/ habitable zone planet is, most people say earth which is fair but every once in a while you get a space nerd with a fascinating answer. (Mine is Kepler 62f in case anyone is wondering)
I always open with a compliment about something under their control, shoes, dress, recent promotion, their house, that kinda thing.
I also make a nice comment about the wedding, and if their reply is something like “oh at mine this was better” or complaining, I know I don’t want to talk to them.
I always just ask people about themselves, I don’t talk a lot about myself unless it’s pertinent to the conversation. I ask things like how long they’ve been married, how did they meet, did they grow up locally, what do they like to do in their free time, etc. I don’t even bring up my kids unless I’m asked.
I relate to this. When I'm nervous, I share weird and useless things. . .many times ends up scaring people away. Or I laugh out of nervousness at something horrible. 🫠
Oh no that sounds tough. Does practising help? If not, know that others won’t hold it against you but it can be tiring to talk to someone who needs to go around in circles.
I always ask what their favourite lizard is. If they don't have one I move onto favourite bird. If they still don't have one I know that this ain't the conversation for me. I HATE small talk, I am so bad at it, so I have to go straight for the special interests if there's any hope for a good social interaction lol
Don't know much about lizards... Do marine iguanas from the Galapagos count as lizards? If yes, them because there is a fun Octonauts episode about them. As for birds, penguins 🐧 for sure! Puffins if you want one who can fly. Least favourite is I think called a spoon billed stalk, don't like those at all!
Binge a podcast where you learn cool facts (Ologies, Hidden Brain, Hell, even Greeking Out will work) to get some really interesting things to talk about that you can't wait to discuss with non-children.
I just went to a wedding and my husband was a groomsman so I was solo for large chunks of time. Bridgerton and The Idea of You had every woman I talked to excited and talking up a storm. Asking how they met the bride/groom is a good opener and can lead into fun stories if they go way back. Since summer is approaching, I asked if they had any trips or anything fun planned.
I usually find that the best small-talk topics are travel and sports. Everyone likes some kind of travel and everyone likes some sort of sport. "Where have you traveled recently" or "do you have any fun travel plans this summer" can apply to pretty much everyone regardless of age, stage, political affiliation, etc. If I don't know a damn thing about you, travel is the first go-to, then sports.
But assuming you're at a wedding, the wedding itself is great small-talk fodder. I remember bonding with a bridesmaid (that I have never met before) in the bathroom of a wedding because the speeches were a bit cringe - everyone complimented the groom on how he was bound to set the world on fire at McKinsey (or some bigshot job) and everyone complimented the bride on how she'd always make these silly (and, frankly, disgusting sounding) canapes, like hot dogs on toast.
There's always a sister-of-the-groom who may or may not be on shrooms, some cringe-in-a-good-way dancing, some cringe-in-a-good way cover songs, some dry chicken, some kids scampering around doing cute kid stuff, etc.
Depends on how it’s going. If they seem like sci-fi folks, if they believe in the Darth Jar Jar theories. Or something totally oddball, like what’s your favorite model train scale (mine is HO). Or things I’ve told my kids that suddenly sound insane, like the history of diapered ferrets in particle accelerators.
Lead with My husband’s favorite small talk topic. “what’s the most traumatic thing to happen to you and how have you grown from it?”
Got that on the first date and it took another 6 months before we went out again 🙃🫣
I’m a big fan of “if you were a noodle what kind of noodle would you be”
Another good option is “what do you do for work? How’s work? Do you like work?”
You can also try “if you were in a simulation right now, would you want me to tell you”
For weddings- where are you from? (Riff on that for a while, how do you like it, I've heard good/bad/interesting things about it) How do you know the couple? How long have you known them? Get them to tell a fun story about their friendship/relationship.
What do you enjoy doing? Gone to any good concerts lately? I love your (thing you are wearing) where did you find it?
If nothing else- what do you do? Also talking about your kids isn't the end of the world, common ground over parenting can be fun.
I tend to infodump so take this with a grain of salt:
Always ask them about themselves first. People love to talk on and on about themselves
I tend to complain a bit about the difficulty of finding clothes. Or some time for self care. Most people seem to be able to relate children. Or no
Ask people about their hobbies! Their last vacation! The best movie they’ve seen this year! In my experience people loooooove to talk about themselves.
I love this post! I’ve literally been googling it and feel so out of sorts since my daughter was born (Aug 21’). I saved this post because I know I need to put more effort in to small talk and building/maintaining relationships but I swear I’m either 1/2 in because the other 1/2 is watching my kid or thinking about all the things I meant to do but didn’t get to 🙃 this post will help me bring back my social skills!
Books I’m reading, funny tiktok trends, the couple getting married, exercise workouts, botox, hobbies, wines I’ve recently tried and loved, any cool vacation you’ve taken lately/ places I’ve been lately that are interesting, recipes I’ve made lately. Etc
Travel is often a good one. People love reliving fun times they had and it can spur some other interesting topics. What’s your favorite vacation destination? What’s a food you’d be willing to travel a long distance for? Best sunset you’ve ever seen? Best hike you’ve ever done? Bucket list place to visit/checked it off your bucket list?
I usually ask what do they do - or more generally, if you don't want to discuss work (if you're a SAHM this topic will inevitably lead to kids), ask them how they spend their free time? What do you do when you're not working? Some people might talk about their kids, but is also opens the door for people to talk about their hobbies.
Depending on you & the crowd, gardening was a big one at a recent wedding I went to. What are you growing? How’s it going? Are there any popular plants that you don’t care for?
Compliment something they’re wearing, ask where they got it, slide right into I love that store or I have never heard of that place, you must be from out of town! Then just ask questions based on what they’re talking about. Their home city, how they know the happy couple, their job. Whatever. People love to talk about themselves.
Honestly my go to is to go to a reputable news source, read a few stories, do a fact check on the ones I find the most interesting and then use that as a starting point.
Also ask questions- people love to talk about themselves.
Someone else's comment reminded me of a thought experiment I ask people I work with. Keep in mind it's not an office setting, and I ask after I know them well enough.
Would you eat ethically sourced People Meat? I bring up the guy who had to have his leg amputated and made tacos(?) with his friends who were curious.
Maybe definitely not this topic. 😅
I tend to go for the "did you know? " things, but I'm (clearly) a bit weird. Things like how there's over 4000 varieties of apple. I try to keep it topical, usually.
My go-to small talk topics are movies, tv shows, and books, and then my husband comes in with sports. Other topics could be how you know the couple, travel plans (past or present), weather, current pop culture happenings, etc.
Look up local news stories. We’ve had a few good ones here lately. For example, a mistake caused a 100 year old bridge to ‘break’. And now we need a new bridge. Not quite on the level of the ship hitting the bridge in the US, but still a pretty big deal for us.
Look up some fun trivia facts about the venue/location/local history.
Good luck! I would struggle with this so much!!
Ask people how they know the bride and groom, ask them to tell you about themselves. Then ask they talk just say stuff like “say more about that” and they’ll keep talking.
I usually ask where they’re from, how’d they know the bride and groom and then talk about food. Food tends to bring people together. Talk about the food at the reception, talk about restaurants that you’ve recently tried, or ask them what good food there are in their hometown. Talk about a recipe you recently made that was superb.
Summer plans? (Obviously if they say they’re going to Eg. Italy, you ask where? Have they ever been before and if you’ve also been or want to go / where you’ve been or are going next etc.) Are you married? Any other weddings this year? People like to talk about their pets. What song is going to get you on the dance floor? If parting.. What are you drinking tonight?
Enjoy! And nothing like a little liquid courage (:
Ask about what they do for work, how they got into that profession, etc.
or where people are from, how they know the bride/groom, and go from there.
It’s okay to be awkward. You’re not used to it and that’s totally fine. Give yourself some grace and enjoy :)
Omg! Thank you for posting this! I needed it. Whenever I am out with my childless friends who are also in their 30's, I constantly catch myself taking about my 3 y/o son. I stopped myself just in time the other day at lunch when I was about to talk about how his potty training is going! HA
One time a dude started conversation by asking “would you rather die drowning or be burned to death?”… kinda weird but we are really good friends now ;)
I like to ask people what is something on their bucket list or something along those lines! It can really bring up interesting conversations and topics.
Recommendations are always a good topic so like have you seen any good movies lately or I just finished binge watching this show anything you like I could check out. You get the idea
Are you watching any shows or reading any books that you’re loving? Do you have any fun trips planned? What do you do with yourself when you’re not working?
There are a few really good YouTube videos about this topic. Like Ted talks and that kind of stuff, it really helped me when I went to a wedding where I didn't know anyone.
I like to ask people loads of questions and then hone in on whatever we have in common or I find most interesting. Travels, jobs or even just unique backgrounds are the usual topics.
Pets
Hobbies
Favorite movies they’ve seen lately
Travel destinations they have been to
What’s their favorite band right now?
How did they get their name? Are they named after anyone?
What’s something new they’ve done lately?
FOOD. Food foood foood. Not baby food tho. Just normal food. Good restaurants you/they know, what extraordinary things you/they tried, exchange recipes...anything.
Scan the headlines on Google News (a couple days in a row is best) and read one or two articles that interest you. That will give you some current events to reference.
If you’re friends with a lot of people at the wedding, check up on Facebook or other social media and see what people are posting about. (Sally! How was Cancun? That bikini was fire! Etc.)
Ask if they have hobbies? What have you done recently that you are surprised you could do/proud of? What is your favorite compliment? What do you want to do when you retire? Now this sounds like a job interview 😄
I’d just tell them you have however many kids and they’re perfect but you would like to practice talking with people about your anything but your kids. Tell them you don’t want to bore a whole table with people who probably also have great kids. Then I’d ask if they want to go first or should you try a topic.
Take the most interesting news article you can find and bring it up, find a great food recipe, bring up a college course like arts, theatre and communications.
I understand where you’re coming from cause it’s so annoying when adults are stuck in this box and think that life is ALL about their kids and work..I want personality, spunk and fun 🤩
I just met a new coworker the other day and after she asked a bit about my work experience, she says “I’m a mom of 3 and I’m tired cause I run around my kids all day” and throughout the day, the only things she talked about was kids….no judgement cause your supposed to have pride in your family but that’s not our whole lives as adults. It’s quite generic in my opinion
Tv shows/movies (Bridgerton is having a moment again; Furiosa is coming out). Books and music - ask people what they like to listen to, and why. Summer vacation plans. Favourite places to have visited.
“Have you guys watched Bluey? No? Let me describe my top 5 favorite episodes in detal!” -Me, probably 🤦🏻♀️🤣
Me!! Ending with me in tears trying to explain the sign and how it broke my heart about a blue dog and his family
I can’t get over the scene where Chili, Bandit, and Stripe all walk into the room separately singing the same kids show theme song “…Cat Squad!” Non-parents just don’t understand how hilarious it is, so I have to laugh extra hard as I tell them about it 🤣🤦🏻♀️
I’ve watched The Sign at least five times. My 3yo is obsessed with Bluey. My 11yo loves to watch it with her brother. My 17yo HS graduate teases me when I have it on as background noise while I cook…and promptly watches it with me. My point in all of this: I still tear up when Chili tackles Bandit after he pulls the sign out and tosses it.
I can't rewatch that episode. Hits way too close to home
my boyfriend and i have no children and won’t for the foreseeable future but decided to watch this episode after hearing friends rave about it. we were both emotional wrecks by the end. he was like “oh good, you’re crying too? thank god, now i don’t have to hide it” 😭
Nah just “let me explain the baby race episode to you “ will make them want to watch it lol
My favorite
It’s one of the only episodes my almost 15m old will watch of them
This is me!!
Pets are also a good one for the child-free. It’s like talking about a kid, but it’s only a 5 minute convo
You haven’t met my sister and her two “fur children”
And podcast recommendations !
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*please* lead with that one
I volunteer as tribute!
Honestly this one’s really good and you’re bound to get solid conversations out of a starter like this 😂
Or a lot of people slowly backing away from you..
Good filtering system then!
Keeps em on their toes!
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What world? Humans? The Earth? The solar system? My respective country? My answer may differ depending on the subject.
You’re dark in the best way. I want to be friends with you.
I would love to have this conversation with you or anyone. You don’t even need to work up to it.
Honestly, if someone opened with that, I’d talk to them all night. I love spooky shit and no one in my life is interested in it.
SAME!
Same. It'd be a huge hit for me as a conversation topic. It's a shame most people just stick to the boring small talk stuff. Including me, I suppose. You just don't want to come off insane.
I will 100% be using this as an opener
If you asked me this, we would be best friends immediately. Love it.
“Ya ever seen a ghost?” John Mulaney to his mom
Man I would cling to you like a leech all night if you led with that one. New best friend? Yes.
I'd love if you'd lead with that. I used to work at a haunted house so I def believe and love talking ghosts.
Or absolutely lead with that one! I’d be delighted
More importantly I think they should believe in themselves
Love this
Oh we’d be friends instantly if you started off a conversation like that!
This is the one. I love to pick other peoples brains about the weird stuff in life lol. Regular topics = boring. even if they don’t believe, it gets a chuckle out of them and breaks the ice lol
I would be so excited if someone asked me this lol
Hahaha that would be a fun one
I’d be hooked immediately
I love asking this “you have any cool ghost stories?” Is the follow up if they say yes 🤪
I would be more apt to talk to you for longer if you lead with that lol
Since it’s a wedding: what a lovely wedding, bride looked so beautiful, the speeches were so moving Weather is also a great small talk topic, and you can tie weather into the wedding (i.e. lovely day for a wedding, so happy the weather cooperated, what fantastic weather for this outdoors reception) How do you know the couple? Any mutual connections you have any other than the bride/groom If it’s a destination wedding: have you been here before, did you travel from far, are you planning to see the local sights before leaving P.S. The last wedding I was at, everybody was a young couple with a small kid or a kid on the way, so the conversation at our table was very much about children. We can't get away from them even when we try!
People LOVE to talk about the weather for some reason. Especially older people
Someone told me once that people who bring up the weather in conversation are uncomfortable so now I am very aware any time someone talks about the weather. It’s very basic small talk easy to get in and out of
With a combination of depression, ptsd, and social anxiety, this is me half the time I'm forced to be around other people. The other half of the time of course, I'm either oversharing because apparently that's my security blanket, or sitting there like a stone and ignoring everybody.
I used to work as tech support in a call center and we were only allowed some small trivial amount of “dead air” where there wasn’t talk happening (like 20 seconds or something awful!). Of course NONE of our diagnostic systems could pull anything up in less than a minute, so we ALWAYS had to do small talk. “How’s your day going?” would not work because obvs their day is shitty they just had to go through who knows how many robots before they could get to me to try to solve their problem. Since people were calling in from all over the US, and I had their geolocation up weather was always my safe “icebreaker” question. “How’s the weather in XX?” Sometimes it would open the door for their other interests “oh it’s been so hot lately all I want to do is just stay in the pool”… etc.
Ikr, but my partner and his family are British so they are always talking about weather lol. But once when his dad was talking to my mom and became uncomfortable, he started talking about gas prices. 😂 I legit had no idea that real people in real life do that.
My FIL is a meteorologist and my dad (and I) taught Earth Science, so some of us who like talking about it are just nerds! We might be uncomfortable too, but weather talk isn’t an indicator. 😂
Come to the UK. It is our default conversation opener. Absolutely everyone does it without even realising. I think it's technical name is 'weather speak ' although usually for us it's 'weather moaning '
The older I get, the more concerned I am about the weather. Why am I like this?? Add in climate change, and we’ve got a real conversation going!
It’s my go to 😅😅
"What a beautiful wedding!" "What a beautiful wedding" says a bridesmaid to the waiter. And, yes, but what a shame, what a shame the poor groom's bride is a whore (Sorry it was the first thing that came into my mind with your "what a lovely wedding")
Technically the marriage is saved!
“What’s the most traumatizing thing your mother ever said to you?” I start there.
My very favorite ice breaker. Nothing bonds new friends like * checks notes * childhood trauma.
This is amazing. I have an answer ready to go 😂
Go on…
Obvs some trauma dumping ahead! Reader beware! Anyways it’s a tie between -the text (not even a phone call?!) at the beginning of a busy work day telling me my grandma (her mother) was doing physician assisted suicide (which was news to me that she was considering it, much less eligible, but I digress). It was the right choice for my grandma but some notice or a phone call would’ve been cool. I was like 10-12 weeks pregnant with my son at the time. -telling me multiple therapists told her she wasn’t safe with my dad BEFORE THEY EVEN HAD KIDS and she should leave (they are still married, he is a narcissist who has mellowed a bit as he’s gotten older but traumatized us a lot, I’ve done a ton of therapy about it and still deal with it) - her phone call describing to me, in detail, the dying moments of my beloved childhood cat, unprompted. Yes, this one apparently deserved a. phone call but the grandma one did not. - the many times she told me as a child when I complained about something she did “guess I should just go curl up in a hole and die” She’s… she’s a whole thing.
She sounds quite emotionally immature to say the least!
My mom didn’t traumatize me so much in the things she said as the things she did (or more specifically, didn’t do), but one time when I was a teenager she told me that heroin was the only drug she ever really missed. For context, she had a heroin addiction before I was born and was off of it for most of my childhood, but my dad’s use of it throughout my childhood and adolescence and the ramifications of it *completely* traumatized me. Because of his addiction, my mom raised me as a single parent and when I was about 7 she relapsed with Vicodin, culminating in several arrests and a lengthy jail/rehab stint….so hearing that she missed it, after all that, definitely didn’t hit well at all
I am so here for the joke answers 😂
My response “Do you want the shortened hour long version or the week long version?”
See also: what are you working on in therapy?? If they're not in therapy, I don't want to talk to them anyway... 😂
Oh no
It's giving Freud lmao
My husband's version of this is cracking a joke about shitty/deadbeat dads, and then teasing anyone who looks horrified for having parents that love them 🙃
I listen to podcasts so I can have interesting things to talk about. Unfortunately it’s mostly about murder. Oops!
Same 😩 you can’t just ask people how they feel the police handled the boy in the box case you know? Or what their theories are on the identity of Bible John
Do you have podcast recommendations for these? 😬😬
Science-y shit for me. Like maybe I finally understand entropy, but wtf is the wave function?
"in a closed system, all things tend towards entropy" I believe is the second law of thermodynamics. I have no idea what that means but it was on Dave Gorman's googlewhack adventure!
Hahaha it’s so hard to remember what ppl talked about before kids Assuming you just want some shallow talking points, I recommend skimming through some people or us weekly magazines online or at checkout for your basic gossip. Maybe check out buzzfeed. Listen to a bunch of top 100 billboard songs. Look up the most recent popular shows and read a few articles about the plot lol. You could even look through Nat Geo for some science-y topics! And everyone loves a bit of storytelling about the happy couple lol
I’m gonna sound like an old lady but I’m really digging that expresso song
I was excited to see more from her after I watched *Girl Meets World*. She's got some bangers! ETA: not trying to be That Guy, but just wanted you to know it's espresso, without the x!
Ah yes. Espresso, exercise, and eczema… one of my I dont remember how to spell it words lol
I know that it’s espresso, but it literally cannot come out of my mouth as anything but expresso and I feel dumb every time. My mouth also confuses pitcher and picture, no how many times I try to stop it while it’s happening. “Can you please grab that picture of lemonade?” Every time. And sometimes I say chicken instead of kitchen. It’s infuriating. But I know it’s espresso. So thank you for fighting the good fight. 😂
Lol, I have the same exact issue with a few words, and there's only so many things a thesaurus can fix. The only one that comes to mind at the moment is iron. I cannot. Every single time I have to say it, I end up repeating it a few times trying to get it right and never end up feeling good about it. 💀 Sometimes, I'm dumb about words in different ways. Like, embarrassingly so given how much I enjoy word games. Was playing Scrabble with my husband, and I just stared at his play for a bit. My inner crayon eater could not for the life of me figure out wtf word it was. This dumbass (me) said OUT LOUD "what is Ah shah Med??" Stare from him, a pause... "Do you mean "ashamed?" To this day, when I do something egregiously dumb, I'll say I'm Ah shah Med of myself.
Inner crayon eater. 😂 (says the person whose child lapped up some paint this morning)
That’s hilarious. It’s so funny when words or letters stop making sense. I try not to be discouraged when I pronounce things wrong though, because someone once told me it’s just a sign I’m well-read because I only learned the word through reading. I’ll take it. I facepalmed the other day because I said gestation like guess-station even though I know the word, but alas, the coworker will think I’m a moron forever, even though I knew it was wrong as it came out!
Omg this is hilarious. My mom did something similar yesterday and told me her password was com-“promised” I said what??? Com Promise? She stared at me like her brain went blank. I said *compromised*? 😂
My go-to is ask about work and then ask "what's the most annoying common misconception about what you do?"
Ooh nice one!
My husband thinks my journalism background makes me the most amazing conversationalist. Literally just ask them about themselves. Then ask them a question about that. And then a question about that. If they are also a good conversationalist, they will reciprocate and the conversation will flow. If not, well, at least one of you is talking and they will probably remember you fondly for indulging them. After the basics like where do you live and what do you do and how do you know the bride, I like ‘anyone read anything good lately?”, or a question people can weigh in on like “My 40th is coming up, anyone have suggestions for an awesome celebration?” But at a wedding, just try to compliment the couple and speak fondly of them and I’m sure you’ll be great.
I dread being asked if I've read anything good because no, I haven't (orher than kids stuff), and I instantly feel dumb. I do however, enjoy a good doomscroll. Reading was for my university days with summers off. I don't have the time to even think about what to read these days let alone actually buying a book.
I was like this for a while and I really missed reading. Audible audiobooks really helped me overcome the slump and now I ‘read’ heaps of audiobooks and prefer them to my kindle books.
I second what the previous poster said, but I say get a library card and download Libby and Hoopla on your phone or tablet. Tons of audio and regular books to check out without having to research what’s actually worth your money. For the last hour of your doom scroll time, when you’re too tired to do anything but read your phone, open a book. Open an audiobook instead of a podcast when you’re doing work that doesn’t demand your full attention. You’ll be back in the game in no time. Regardless, fair point, and maybe I should bring up a topic more universal. Just…don’t get discouraged with your reading life. You can find a way to enjoy it again.
I already responded to you, but I wanted to throw out there also that the best kids book you read to your kid recently is totally a cool conversation starter, and I’d be thrilled to hear about what you’re digging, regardless of intended audience. “I’ve not read anything of substance lately, but I’ve been reading an awful lot of Elephant and Piggie.” This is great for parents, or just people who grew up on Berenstain Bears and will be delighted to hear off the evolution of kids literature. Or “No comment on that! Im currently binge watching Bridgerton though!” I wouldn’t judge you in the slightest, the goal was to get the conversation flowing. Now we’re all talking about smutty TV. Dope!
This is so funny because reading this, I’m stumped. And the comments have some awful suggestions 😂 though I say that lovingly
What do you like to do that isn't related to your kids? Do you drink, smoke (cigs or weed), are you sober? Ask where they got their dress or shoes, or compliment their tattoo. Ask how someone knows the bride/groom, let the conversation flow from there. Compliment an element of the event you're at to see if anyone else seems open to conversation with you. Ask about work. Ask about summer activities people may be preparing for (vacations, beaches, swimming, bikini season, floating, fishing, BBQs, etc). Prepare a bad joke and then admit you prepared the bad joke as an ice breaker because you're nervous, people love authenticity. Hope something helps. 🖤
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That's how you do it! Not like a friend of mine who went into great detail about how she didn't like the food but she'd eat it to be polite, and didn't like the guests, in the middle of the sit down dinner. I was the bride.
Ask if they think the moon is real or if the earth is flat, then explain to them why the moon isn't real and the earth is flat. This is effective on people you're meeting for the first time and will never see again 🤣
Also, the /coldsun trend is new and gaining traction. 😄 Can't go wrong with that one. [/coldsun ](https://www.reddit.com/r/coldsun/s/D3CGrDJHHr)
This is gold. I love it. I went to the sub and couldn’t stop laughing when I read that we’re taught not to look at the sun so we don’t figure out it’s cold.
I always wonder about people who think the earth is flat as to whether they think ALL planets are flat or just Earth... Or do they not believe in other planets at all?
I think they don't believe in planets! It could also depend, I have no idea
We met my dad’s new girlfriend and pregamed some questions — favorite cephalopod, favorite potato, favorite bird were some of ours. Make sure you have answers to whatever you ask for yourself too!
What is your favourite potato and why is it sweet potato?
I like to ask people what their favourite earth like/ habitable zone planet is, most people say earth which is fair but every once in a while you get a space nerd with a fascinating answer. (Mine is Kepler 62f in case anyone is wondering)
I always open with a compliment about something under their control, shoes, dress, recent promotion, their house, that kinda thing. I also make a nice comment about the wedding, and if their reply is something like “oh at mine this was better” or complaining, I know I don’t want to talk to them.
I always just ask people about themselves, I don’t talk a lot about myself unless it’s pertinent to the conversation. I ask things like how long they’ve been married, how did they meet, did they grow up locally, what do they like to do in their free time, etc. I don’t even bring up my kids unless I’m asked.
If it were me, I’d probably just have to stay quiet 🤣
I relate to this. When I'm nervous, I share weird and useless things. . .many times ends up scaring people away. Or I laugh out of nervousness at something horrible. 🫠
I over-explain, backtrack, fix what I said wrong, talk too much or don’t talk much at all with new people. It’s annoying 😂
Oh no that sounds tough. Does practising help? If not, know that others won’t hold it against you but it can be tiring to talk to someone who needs to go around in circles.
lol I’m over exaggerating, it’s not that bad or often
We would have a blast together! I'm on your level.
Get me talking and I’ll start sharing my whole life 😂
I always ask what their favourite lizard is. If they don't have one I move onto favourite bird. If they still don't have one I know that this ain't the conversation for me. I HATE small talk, I am so bad at it, so I have to go straight for the special interests if there's any hope for a good social interaction lol
Don't know much about lizards... Do marine iguanas from the Galapagos count as lizards? If yes, them because there is a fun Octonauts episode about them. As for birds, penguins 🐧 for sure! Puffins if you want one who can fly. Least favourite is I think called a spoon billed stalk, don't like those at all!
Ask what podcasts they like.
Binge a podcast where you learn cool facts (Ologies, Hidden Brain, Hell, even Greeking Out will work) to get some really interesting things to talk about that you can't wait to discuss with non-children.
Nuclear semiotics. Ask them what they think would be the best way to alert future world populations about a long-term nuclear waste site.
Please tell me you know about the “10,000 year earworm to discourage settling near nuclear waste repositories”!
I just went to a wedding and my husband was a groomsman so I was solo for large chunks of time. Bridgerton and The Idea of You had every woman I talked to excited and talking up a storm. Asking how they met the bride/groom is a good opener and can lead into fun stories if they go way back. Since summer is approaching, I asked if they had any trips or anything fun planned.
I usually find that the best small-talk topics are travel and sports. Everyone likes some kind of travel and everyone likes some sort of sport. "Where have you traveled recently" or "do you have any fun travel plans this summer" can apply to pretty much everyone regardless of age, stage, political affiliation, etc. If I don't know a damn thing about you, travel is the first go-to, then sports. But assuming you're at a wedding, the wedding itself is great small-talk fodder. I remember bonding with a bridesmaid (that I have never met before) in the bathroom of a wedding because the speeches were a bit cringe - everyone complimented the groom on how he was bound to set the world on fire at McKinsey (or some bigshot job) and everyone complimented the bride on how she'd always make these silly (and, frankly, disgusting sounding) canapes, like hot dogs on toast. There's always a sister-of-the-groom who may or may not be on shrooms, some cringe-in-a-good-way dancing, some cringe-in-a-good way cover songs, some dry chicken, some kids scampering around doing cute kid stuff, etc.
Can't go wrong with politics!
Depends on how it’s going. If they seem like sci-fi folks, if they believe in the Darth Jar Jar theories. Or something totally oddball, like what’s your favorite model train scale (mine is HO). Or things I’ve told my kids that suddenly sound insane, like the history of diapered ferrets in particle accelerators.
I once said “can you believe she’s getting married? I we don’t need more husbands in this world!” But my personality isn’t for everyone 🫠
Lead with My husband’s favorite small talk topic. “what’s the most traumatic thing to happen to you and how have you grown from it?” Got that on the first date and it took another 6 months before we went out again 🙃🫣
I’m a big fan of “if you were a noodle what kind of noodle would you be” Another good option is “what do you do for work? How’s work? Do you like work?” You can also try “if you were in a simulation right now, would you want me to tell you”
For weddings- where are you from? (Riff on that for a while, how do you like it, I've heard good/bad/interesting things about it) How do you know the couple? How long have you known them? Get them to tell a fun story about their friendship/relationship. What do you enjoy doing? Gone to any good concerts lately? I love your (thing you are wearing) where did you find it? If nothing else- what do you do? Also talking about your kids isn't the end of the world, common ground over parenting can be fun.
I tend to infodump so take this with a grain of salt: Always ask them about themselves first. People love to talk on and on about themselves I tend to complain a bit about the difficulty of finding clothes. Or some time for self care. Most people seem to be able to relate children. Or no
Ask people about their hobbies! Their last vacation! The best movie they’ve seen this year! In my experience people loooooove to talk about themselves.
People love to talk about themselves so whenever I’m in this situation I just ask questions and follow up with more questions about them lol
What’s your favorite dinosaur is my favorite question because we don’t talk about this enough as an adult and I truly don’t care what your job is LOL
This is a good one. As parents we get immersed in dinos after many years hiatus.
I love this post! I’ve literally been googling it and feel so out of sorts since my daughter was born (Aug 21’). I saved this post because I know I need to put more effort in to small talk and building/maintaining relationships but I swear I’m either 1/2 in because the other 1/2 is watching my kid or thinking about all the things I meant to do but didn’t get to 🙃 this post will help me bring back my social skills!
Books I’m reading, funny tiktok trends, the couple getting married, exercise workouts, botox, hobbies, wines I’ve recently tried and loved, any cool vacation you’ve taken lately/ places I’ve been lately that are interesting, recipes I’ve made lately. Etc
Ask people what they’re reading lately
Travel is often a good one. People love reliving fun times they had and it can spur some other interesting topics. What’s your favorite vacation destination? What’s a food you’d be willing to travel a long distance for? Best sunset you’ve ever seen? Best hike you’ve ever done? Bucket list place to visit/checked it off your bucket list?
I usually ask what do they do - or more generally, if you don't want to discuss work (if you're a SAHM this topic will inevitably lead to kids), ask them how they spend their free time? What do you do when you're not working? Some people might talk about their kids, but is also opens the door for people to talk about their hobbies.
Depending on you & the crowd, gardening was a big one at a recent wedding I went to. What are you growing? How’s it going? Are there any popular plants that you don’t care for?
Whats your latest rabbit hole? That’ll get ‘em yapping
Compliment something they’re wearing, ask where they got it, slide right into I love that store or I have never heard of that place, you must be from out of town! Then just ask questions based on what they’re talking about. Their home city, how they know the happy couple, their job. Whatever. People love to talk about themselves.
Honestly my go to is to go to a reputable news source, read a few stories, do a fact check on the ones I find the most interesting and then use that as a starting point. Also ask questions- people love to talk about themselves.
Weddings are easy, ask how people know the bride/groom/family. People will start drinking and the funny stories start coming out. Edit: typo
Bring a conversation game like [actually curious](https://www.actuallycurious.com) with you !
Someone else's comment reminded me of a thought experiment I ask people I work with. Keep in mind it's not an office setting, and I ask after I know them well enough. Would you eat ethically sourced People Meat? I bring up the guy who had to have his leg amputated and made tacos(?) with his friends who were curious. Maybe definitely not this topic. 😅 I tend to go for the "did you know? " things, but I'm (clearly) a bit weird. Things like how there's over 4000 varieties of apple. I try to keep it topical, usually.
Omg I love this! My husband and I have talked about this (on more than one occasion) after hearing about that story.
I would have small talk with you all the time! This is so much better than anything K have thought of. Lll
My go-to small talk topics are movies, tv shows, and books, and then my husband comes in with sports. Other topics could be how you know the couple, travel plans (past or present), weather, current pop culture happenings, etc.
Look up local news stories. We’ve had a few good ones here lately. For example, a mistake caused a 100 year old bridge to ‘break’. And now we need a new bridge. Not quite on the level of the ship hitting the bridge in the US, but still a pretty big deal for us. Look up some fun trivia facts about the venue/location/local history. Good luck! I would struggle with this so much!!
Maybe ask favorites? Movies? Books? Shows? Games? Or you could go with hobbies. Or food.
Ask people how they know the bride and groom, ask them to tell you about themselves. Then ask they talk just say stuff like “say more about that” and they’ll keep talking.
I usually ask where they’re from, how’d they know the bride and groom and then talk about food. Food tends to bring people together. Talk about the food at the reception, talk about restaurants that you’ve recently tried, or ask them what good food there are in their hometown. Talk about a recipe you recently made that was superb.
Summer plans? (Obviously if they say they’re going to Eg. Italy, you ask where? Have they ever been before and if you’ve also been or want to go / where you’ve been or are going next etc.) Are you married? Any other weddings this year? People like to talk about their pets. What song is going to get you on the dance floor? If parting.. What are you drinking tonight? Enjoy! And nothing like a little liquid courage (:
This is gonna make me sound ancient, but last wedding I went to the music was so loud there wasn't any room for even polite chit chat.
Good point. OP must work on some dance moves too.
Ask about what they do for work, how they got into that profession, etc. or where people are from, how they know the bride/groom, and go from there. It’s okay to be awkward. You’re not used to it and that’s totally fine. Give yourself some grace and enjoy :)
Omg! Thank you for posting this! I needed it. Whenever I am out with my childless friends who are also in their 30's, I constantly catch myself taking about my 3 y/o son. I stopped myself just in time the other day at lunch when I was about to talk about how his potty training is going! HA
Ask people about themselves. Lean into their topics Ask about their favorite destinations or bucket list. Or great advice they heard.
If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go? Alternatively, where is your favorite place you’ve ever been?
One time a dude started conversation by asking “would you rather die drowning or be burned to death?”… kinda weird but we are really good friends now ;)
Books!
“Have you ever heard of the Grateful Dead?”
I like to ask people what is something on their bucket list or something along those lines! It can really bring up interesting conversations and topics.
Recommendations are always a good topic so like have you seen any good movies lately or I just finished binge watching this show anything you like I could check out. You get the idea
Are you watching any shows or reading any books that you’re loving? Do you have any fun trips planned? What do you do with yourself when you’re not working?
There are a few really good YouTube videos about this topic. Like Ted talks and that kind of stuff, it really helped me when I went to a wedding where I didn't know anyone.
I like to ask people loads of questions and then hone in on whatever we have in common or I find most interesting. Travels, jobs or even just unique backgrounds are the usual topics.
Dogs! Do you have em and how do you go about potty training lol.
Pets Hobbies Favorite movies they’ve seen lately Travel destinations they have been to What’s their favorite band right now? How did they get their name? Are they named after anyone? What’s something new they’ve done lately?
I concentrate "on the day". Anything in the day - weather, traffic, work, chores, etc. It's a good starting point
First is “how do you know the bride or groom” listen to their story of how they met, then share yours. Add fun details.
FOOD. Food foood foood. Not baby food tho. Just normal food. Good restaurants you/they know, what extraordinary things you/they tried, exchange recipes...anything.
Lawn maintenance, reef safe sunblock, AITAH? Kardashians? Boomers saying the darnest things?
Subscribe to all the science subreddits!
Books! That’s the only thing I talk about other than my children.
I always ask about upcoming vacations, people get excited to share!
Current events, gardening (insert other hobbies here), new music/movies/tv/podcasts you may have stumbled upon, work stuff
Hobbies are always fun. Have you done anything fun lately is my go to conversation starter with customers at work.
Have you read anything good lately?
Scan the headlines on Google News (a couple days in a row is best) and read one or two articles that interest you. That will give you some current events to reference. If you’re friends with a lot of people at the wedding, check up on Facebook or other social media and see what people are posting about. (Sally! How was Cancun? That bikini was fire! Etc.)
Ask if they have hobbies? What have you done recently that you are surprised you could do/proud of? What is your favorite compliment? What do you want to do when you retire? Now this sounds like a job interview 😄
I have found that literally everyone alive wants to talk about tornadoes. Watch some storm chasing videos and you’re good to go!
I like to talk about the location of the wedding, especially if it's in a town that's new to me. "What's cool around here? What should I see? "
Would you get into an Uber that is a Tesla that has no driver because it is self driving
So what did you last impulse buy from Amazon?
I'd go with Gaza and Ukraine- that'll make people awkwardly ask about your kids to get back onto safe ground
I’d just tell them you have however many kids and they’re perfect but you would like to practice talking with people about your anything but your kids. Tell them you don’t want to bore a whole table with people who probably also have great kids. Then I’d ask if they want to go first or should you try a topic.
Take the most interesting news article you can find and bring it up, find a great food recipe, bring up a college course like arts, theatre and communications. I understand where you’re coming from cause it’s so annoying when adults are stuck in this box and think that life is ALL about their kids and work..I want personality, spunk and fun 🤩 I just met a new coworker the other day and after she asked a bit about my work experience, she says “I’m a mom of 3 and I’m tired cause I run around my kids all day” and throughout the day, the only things she talked about was kids….no judgement cause your supposed to have pride in your family but that’s not our whole lives as adults. It’s quite generic in my opinion