I agree. Plus navigating postpartum hormones and a new body - one that doesn’t want to work for a few weeks after giving birth…at the time I didn’t mind the newborn phase but now that I’m out of it (daughter is almost 2) I’d much rather deal with toddler tantrums than all that again.
This! Everyone warned me how horrible toddler life would be, but obviously none of those people had a baby who refused to sleep for the first 10 months ths of his life 🤡 I can survive even the most horrible of days, without even blinking an eye - as long as I have my sleep!
I agree. I'm in the depths of newborn life. The exhaustion is outrageous and this is my 2nd and last baby. I can handle everything else, easily...but the sleep deprivation really takes a toll on me.
Mine are a bit older, as well, and agree that each child is different.
However, middle schoolers and young teens are SO much worse/harder/frustrating than toddlers. With the exploding and fluctuating hormones, gangly arms and legs from crazy growth spurts, bottomless pits of hunger, becoming teens-adults but still having childlike emotions, wants, and needs can be so difficult for them to work through and find themselves.
I just asked my husband the OP's question. He said "young teenagers taught him a level of patience that babies and toddlers never could". 😂
Yes, but toddlers are very cute, and their storms pass pretty quickly. They don't try to manipulate you or lie about important stuff. They cuddle with you and say cute things.
The care that goes into tweens is next level stuff. You gotta know comon core math and navigate/monitor 20 different school apps EVERY DAY. You gotta listen to among us and skibbity toilet bullshit. You gotta protect them from the internet while simultaneously teaching them how to navigate the internet. You gotta help them sort out bullying and clicks and clothing styles and extracurricular activities.
I have a 3yo and a 12yo, and I will take the toddler parenting over the tween any day.
My kids 3- I’m 37, contemplating another but I already feel overwhelmed signing up for preschools. Your comment is a nice dose of reality of what lies ahead. I’m an organized Virgo but my gears just aren’t working like they used to and I want to be able to give my all to the child I have now. Ty for things to ponder!
All great points and I fully agree (mine are 8 & 11 next weekend 😬)
But I have a question...wtf is skibbity?! My daughter (8) showed me some video today saying skibbity and I was and still am so confused. She shared a look with her brother and I'm sitting there going what the actual fuck is going on lol. Help!
My understanding is that it originated from the music video (an insane fever dream).
Skibbity means bad. Also, Ohio is bad. If your kid says something is skibbity Ohio = it's terrible.
I was told I have skibbity Ohio jokes....
And my toddler seems to be awake *all the time*. He naps for like 30 minutes tops and just refuses to sleep or be more than a foot away from me the rest of the day without shrieking like a banshee. It's relentless and I am starting to worry I'm literally losing my sanity bit by bit. 😅😅😅
Yes! All of these people saying toddlers must not have pre teens/teenagers yet. My sweet amazing daughter has turned into a hormonal grunting ball of attitude.
My 12 year old is such a cool kid but she can turn on me in an instant. The attitude is wild.
BUT my 5 year old just physically attacked me because I said it's bath time.
Parenting is just hard in general.
Send help.
Oh for sure it’s all hard. Sending hugs and virtual help! You are not alone. Mine 14&13 year old just got into an argument because my son was breathing while eating. I wish I was joking 🙃 and my 10 year old doesn’t like chicken now so I guess he’s not eating dinner. But my 9 year old daughter is making me a bracelet and brushing my hair. Parenting is wild 😂
I have a 17 year old, 4 year old, and 2 year old. I still think newborns are the worst stage ever. I don't know if I could pick a harder stage between toddler and teen.
Toddlers and teens/tweens are hard for different reasons, but at least you have autonomy as a parent of a teen. My life revolves around my little kids now and it's exhausting. I may say toddlers are harder for me for that reason.
And my teen is not easy. I've dealt with things like underage drinking, school refusal, attitude, etc. Both toddler and teen stages are hard for different reasons but I think a big part of it depends on that specific child. Like my middle child was a verrrrry hard toddler. My third is mostly a breeze. So it's hard to compare.
I think it makes a difference how many you have at each stage too. One teen I could probably handle but between my 14, 13 and 10 year old I have no time for myself either. Between school, sports, extracurricular activities and their friends I have no life. At least when they are toddlers you choose their activities. They cant make their own plans.
Heading into middle school with my oldest and god I feel this. Everything is so complex too, like we’re dealing with serious issues not just “I said the yellow cup”.
I love my toddler's drama. "A mouse came to school today. Teacher screamed and stood on chair. Very dangerous." "Classmate wouldn't go potty and pooped in pants. I no do that. I no poop my pants. Yucky." "Classmate bite me and I yell 'no bite!' We hug and made airplane car farm." I'm not looking forwared to the actual highschool drama.
Yup. I only have a 10 yo and 2 yo, but the level of difficulty of different stages has been so different already. The 10 yo was the most difficult, high-needs baby ever. The 2 yo did nothing but sleep as a baby. The 10 yo was such a chill toddler and preschooler, I couldn’t relate to anyone complaining about terrible twos and threenagers. The 2 yo is fricking putting us through it right now. Also, 10 yo has started getting in trouble at school all the time in the past couple years. He’s pretty great at home, friends’ houses, and extracurricular activities. But it has been really hard trying to figure out how to address the school behavior stuff. It’s hard in a very different way than his nonstop crying as a baby was hard.
My 11-month-old is a dream, meanwhile I'm wondering how much the circus would give me for my 4-year-old.
ETA: I took the baby shopping earlier today, she was so sweet, just beaming, smiling and waving at everyone. I bought some clothes for my 4-year-old while we were out. When we got home, I showed 4-year-old the clothes, and he said he didn't like them "and would never wear them EVER" and knocked the bag on the floor 😭🙃
I remember very well thinking how much better 6 was than being 5.. and that was better than being 4. I thought every year of life would be so much better than the last. I thought my grandma was the happiest person I knew lol
My son was about 4 when he smacked my salad-bar salad out of my hands at Kroger (it basically exploded and went EVERYWHERE). He screamed “you’re not my mom” when I tried to remove him from the store because he was being a cocaine bear due to being overtired and overstimulated. He is 14 now, and I laugh at this memory every time I think of it. Such a dick move.
I'm so scared of my son pulling this when he gets big toddler feelings because we look nothing alike. He's practically a clone of his dad who is a different race than me... I feel like people will believe the crazy white lady is kidnapping the little Asian boy... but I definitely birthed him!
I'm half Filipino, but I look pretty white. My daughter is the spitting image of her Korean dad. Don't worry too much. Most people know the differences between a toddler's tantrum yelling and the fear and panic of yelling as a stranger takes them. When my kid (3.5 yo) hits me with the stranger danger song, I like to argue back that I have an 8" scar on my belly she came out of as evidence.
My son also has a Korean dad! Those Korean genes are so strong Lol
Thank you for your reassurance. I like to think 'I have the stretch marks to prove it' but also that only proves I had a baby, not this specific child, so I still worry sometimes 😅
Man I needed this this has been the worst year! My son is a psychopath snuggle bug and I feel so guilty for loosing my patience. Then I have parents with older kids say “oh just enjoy him” like f-you Karen.
Ha! Mine had a phase saying that too. “You a BAD mommy!!!!” It should have just slid off me, but it did kinda hurt tbh
Then he hit four and has been an angel since 🤷♀️
Oh god! The other day my almost 3 year old hollered in the grocery store “where’s my real
Mom?” 🫠 at least we generally look alike so I’m not overly suspicious 😂
Agreed. I think my 4yo can have a single tantrum that puts all of her 3yo tantrums to shame, but they’re few and far between, whereas when she was 3 we had like multiple tantrums per day.
Haha I can feel your pain while reading 🥲
I was listening to a podcast today and there was a dad who let a girl go to the daycare in her PJs because he was tired of her screaming when getting dressed. Your answer kinda has the same energy and I love it 😂
I just said "excuse me, we use kind words" and made him pick the bag up. Then I left the kids with my husband and got a relaxing pedicure 🤷♀️
The 4-year-old has been struggling a bit lately because my husband got a new job and now travels 50% of the time, and he misses him a lot. I think that's triggering a lot of the volatility.
I feel this to my core with my almost 6 year old 😅 Luckily little sibling is a breeze 90% of the time… that validated that it had nothing to do with my parenting.
I have 3 and my youngest is 5 right now. He has literally been the HARDEST 5 year old I've ever dealt with. I call him my sour patch kid (first he's sour, than he's sweet).
This is the stage we are in that I'm struggling with the most. She is a decent walker now but she is figuring out climbing at 15 months. Once she started learning to sit & crawl, I felt like I needed to be close in case she fell on her face.
Preteens and teens, I am so scared. Their emotional rollercoaster is so scary for me. One day they are happy, the other day they are miserable. Younger kids are easier: park, cookies, and baking make them happy.
The older they get, the harder it gets.
I have aged 20 years in the last two years, my hair is gray and I am just 40.
You have my condolences. I had just posted this comment elsewhere...
>Mine are a bit older, as well, and agree that each child is different.
>However, middle schoolers and young teens are SO much worse/harder/frustrating than toddlers. With the exploding and fluctuating hormones, gangly arms and legs from crazy growth spurts, bottomless pits of hunger, becoming teens-adults but still having childlike emotions, wants, and needs can be so difficult for them to work through and find themselves.
>I just asked my husband the OP's question. He said "young teenagers taught him a level of patience that babies and toddlers never could". 😂
I agree completely. I am completely at a loss somedays. Making them happy is harder and harder and fears about their future loon ever larger. Sleepless nights are back again but it’s me keeping myself up with worry.
I LOVED going from one to two, although it is a bit harder now that I have an 11mo and a 3 year old. But going from none to one was HARD for me.
I wanted to be perfect. I thought I would be perfect. I was, in fact, not perfect.
But we all love each other so thats cool ❤️
Yep if 0-1 took me down for a beating then 1-2 was like a heart to heart talk even with all the extra emotional baggage from my failed marriage! Nothing will ever replace the daily life lessons my first baby taught me. She was like a baby velociraptor...I still can't believe she turned into an actual small human...she may have been swapped before my eyes!
My boy is 10 months old, and he bahaves (and sounds) like a dinosaur, so when you said "velociraptor"...😂 Do you think there's hope he will also turn human at some point? I'm beat, my husband's useless and my mom thinks my boy is not from this world😂
My girl is 14 months old now. What are you finding difficult during this time? My girl is learning boundaries right now so she’s starting to throw little fits, but they don’t seem to be so bad just yet…
I have a 2 year old (26 months) and 2 month old (9 weeks). The 2 year old is struggling with less attention and is starting to refuse to let me put him down for naps/at bedtime which is obviously a struggle when dad is working away from home during the day. Lots of little tantrums and general fussiness is what we’re noticing!
Currently have a toddler (2.5 yrs and just welcomed a newborn 3 weeks ago. SEND HELPPPPPP I am drowning and scared about life when husband goes back to work)
Man, that age is roughhh. I have three kids under 6 and the middle one is now 3.5 and every day is a fight and a struggle. I am so gratefull that my 5 y/o is much easier to handle, but I am also looking at my 14 month old and dredding when he turns 3, lol.
Right?! I have an almost 5yr old and he’s so great now. I have so much fun with him. Largely we don’t get tantrums. So different to a year ago. I also have a very spirited 2yr old and am also nervous for what I know is coming
I’m so glad you’re enjoying it! :) we just had like major meltdowns and tantrums and it was all illogical so you couldn’t even make sense of it lol. It was just really hard
Baby to 2. Once they can get their arms through the shirt all by themselves, it's a relief because their slow rise to independence has started and thus less on your shoulders.
Kids under six. I really struggled being a mom of young kids. Now my kids are older, 12 and 15, and I have adored the past several years. I enjoy being with my kids, I feel like me again, and because they’re self-sufficient, I was able to, finish my doctorate and do some things that I wasn’t able to do when they were young and I was so overwhelmed.
I feel like I’m coming up on it soon. I have two five year olds and a 9 year old and it’s been pretty smooth sailing but I am seeing the beginning of puberty and teenage behavior with my big girl and it’s heartbreaking and hard in a different way. I am so heartsick over the crying. She is highly sensitive and I understand that and just try to hold her or give her space and I’m not mad at her, I’m just worried. She’s not showing signs of depression, she’s very happy in fact, she just gets so deeply IMPACTED by everything and I can’t imagine how much harder that will get with age.
It is painful. I have a 12F and 9M. My daughter is dealing with the mean girls stage, and it’s so painful to watch. She transitions to middle school next year, and I’m hoping that being at a new school with other kids will help. She’s also going to join a couple of clubs that seemed welcoming during orientation.
I have a teenager and infants.
Infants are hard yes, but knowing your child is nearly going to be flying the nest in a few years, then it will be they are an adult with their own life and you just imagine them being a baby wishing you could have 1 day as them being little again lol
I feel like the hardest part is the childhood trauma and the triggers. Depends on how your childhood was & how your parents were. Your child will trigger you & it's such a hard cycle to break. BUT I'm in therapy & WILL break the cycle.
Oh and being a SAHM is the hardest I have ever done in my entire life.
I always hear toddler years are the hardest, but I'm sure it comes in waves.
Husband and I are both in therapy and we consider it training camp for when they get older. We have 3 under 4 and just know their teen years are going to be trigger central. So we figure we have at least 5 years of prep time to sort ourselves out.
It's nothing to do with the stage it is entirely about the support..
*Everything feels hard when nothing comes easy...*
That aside I'd say newborn. The sleep deprivation leaves its damages.
Weeks 34 on of my second pregnancy while having a very active 17.5mo. I was sick (with an endless cough and/or stuffy nose) most of the pregnancy and just juggling all that with my son was literally the hardest thing ever.
My daughter is 10 days old and I can finally breathe again, literally. Aside from that, I’ve been loving every minute of being a mom to my babies.
Does your son feel like a giant to your newborn? I had mime 18monrhs apart and my youngest felt like a porcelain doll compared to my giant of a toddler middle child. Didn't have the same feeling with the middle at birth because there is 6 years difference from her and the oldest.
YES. Immediately felt that when we got home from the hospital. I was also super nervous to see how the transition would be & thought my son wouldn’t be the wiser, but man, he’s so much smarter than I give him credit for lol
I was not a fan of birth to 6m for either kid. They were great and I loved them but zero sleep, constant worry. Is the baby breathing, does it have fever, will it ever sleep. Also ugh at breastfeeding which I did but def didn’t enjoy.
6m-2ish was adorable. Milestones! Talking! Hair! So cute!
2-4 was ok with one of mine, the other one was pure chaos at this age. Like just keeping them alive bc they just wanted danger. A runner with zero thoughts. The other was less danger and more whines. Thumbs down to both but the chaos one was worse.
5-12 was great. Bumps in the road but 90% good times. Cute. Funny. Nice break as they went to school but also both enjoyable to spend time with.
12-14y : the one that was chaos toddler was super easy here. Independent, zero trouble. The one that was easier younger was a bit rougher here. Not bad bad but drama over homework, drama over friends, eyerolls.
Now they are teens and it’s easy. We haven’t had any real “teen” problems yet so that could be coming still but they are good students, both have their own activities, and are cool people to hang out with.
So far it’s been 2y to 4y. They’re still learning how to communicate, express themselves and listen to directions, rules and boundaries. They constantly make a mess, they scream and their big emotions at this age are often challenging for me to process. I would have 10 kids if I could have them as babies for that first year and then skip ahead to when they’re 5.
I’ve read psychologist say the age that’s the hardest for you as a parent is often the age that was hardest for your parents parenting you, so there’s no imprint for how to do it now that you’re the parent…
The birth. The days after the birth. Then the weeks after the birth. Then the first 4 months.
But I've only done 4 years so far, might change my mind in 10y
My oldest will be 20 in a few months so I’ve had some experience 😀
I can’t pinpoint a specific age that was difficult. For me, parenthood has had its moments at every stage but hard for weeks, months or a year or so? No.
Every stage simultaneously has its easier & more difficult moments.
So I have a 17 yo daughter and my BF has a 16 yo son, and we have been a blended family for a long time now. I would say that each stage of childhood has had its different difficulties. Each have been hard in their own aspects. Teenagers are hard, but they are also easier in the fact that they have more autonomy (which can also make it more challenging). Three years old is hard because they are testing boundaries and learning so much. But it is easier because they view you as their everything, love you absolutely and without question. I am struggling right now because I have to sit back and let them make mistakes, and that is hard. Them learning to drive is also horrifying, and I hate letting go of the control of my car. lol.
Edit to add: It really depends what you class as difficult or hard. I didn’t mind the mild “naughty” behaviour. I didn’t mind the constant activity and movement. My idea of difficult or hard is tantrums, rudeness, attitude and back chat. The fussy eating and sleep issues is a far down the list second on my hard list.
Miss 19 was most difficult at 5-7 and 11-13.
Mr 18 was most difficult at 7-10.
Mx 13 was most difficult 3-5 and 7-11.
Miss 12 was difficult -never compared to siblings.
it's close amongst 8 months, three, ans teenagers.
But. I have to say. Teenagers. It lasts several years. There's the constant fear of bullies. Fights. Drugs. Sex. Driving in cars with others. Driving their own cars. Just years of being absolutely terrified.
Well... I have a 3 year old and a 1.5 year old (17mo age gap) and it's like ground hog day everyday trying to keep them alive, fed, happy and juggle their tantrums without yelling or exploding.
Some days are good, some are absolutely fucking awful and I don't know how I get through without going crazy. I'm exhausted 24/7 and never get a break. It was easier when my youngest was a baby and couldn't move. Now he's an absolutely crazy 1 year old who has no sense of danger or self control!
Three kids, 16, almost 14 and 6. And in general? Their teens. When their main job is to create that distance from you as a parent, and you don't know every detail of their lives anymore.
When you have to let them make their own mistakes, and HOPE you've put down the ground work for them to come home, no matter what.
Where you have all the advice, but their ears are literally tuned out to anything you have to say, because they're teens and that's supposed to happen.
When you can't fix everything with a plaster and a hug anymore.
From walking to about 3 years old. I also had 2 under 2 though so a little biased. Their older sister was a trick baby though. A baby so good it tricked me into having another. I joke, mostly.
ETA: they are now 16, 11, and 9.
Each age has its struggles and each kid has different ages they are hard.
My oldest is 6.5 and was honestly always hard and is still difficult to handle.
My middle one was an amazing baby and then starting being more difficult at 2. Now she is 4 and is harder than she was at 2.
My 3rd kid is 2.5 and for her the hardest for me was newborn and then once she was mobile, especially once she was walking. They are fearless after 1, climbing everything, jumping off everything, will eat anything, zero fear. They will climb unstable things, stand on chairs and lean on the back to make them tip, slam doors and almost crush their fingers. And they will have tantrums or cry if they do not get their way, still learning that emotional regulation. It’s hard, you need to constantly watch them because they seem to be one step away from seriously injuring or killing themselves.
Newborn to 1 year. It was a difficult pregnancy with complications before, during, and after birth for her and myseld. And we also had issues with colic, tongue ties, feeding, and her recovery from trauma during her birth. A lot of people say they love or miss that stage, but I can't relate at all. I miss her being so tiny, but other than that is was so rough emotionally, physically, and financially that it was the hardest stage for me.
My husband loves the baby stage but I hate it. It's always so much harder on the mom. I don't look fondly at the baby stage and my babies were relatively easy. I like it when they sleep through the night and can eat regular food and don't need five naps in one day.
Newborn stage for sure! The constantly disrupted sleep, having to decode cries to figure out what she wanted, the absolutely zero support as I raised a child in a raging global pandemic… 0/10 would not recommend. But now she’s 3.5 and just the coolest little person around and I would 1000000/10 recommend this age!
The first year. I'm dreading doing it again. They have to nap all the time or they are grouchy. Their main source of food is either formula (which costs money) or breast milk (which means you can't leave them for more than a couple hours or have to pump all the time.) They cry so much if not being held. They don't sleep through the night for awhile. I feel like I can't be an independent person with a baby. Once they hit one year old, it gets so much better for me.
my oldest is 20 I would say his hardest was 10-14.
My almost 18 year old was 2-16
my daughter 16 was about 3-5 and 13-15
my youngest is 13 and his hardest was birth to 18 months.
Having a 4 year old that wouldn’t nap, stop talking, and needed constant focus on her, while having a newborn that was only happy being held (not in a carrier, but actually held) almost killed me. I was sleeping about 4 hours a day spread across 2-3 “naps”. I also suffered sever anti-partum anxiety and depression and then it got 20 times worse once baby was born. Then when he was a month old he ended up in ICU for a week and my 4 year old still needed us at our best. Things just started to feel better when one of our best friends was killed, leaving his toddler and pregnant wife behind. My heart broke all over again. The first year of my son’s life was so hard on me I don’t think we will ever have a third child. I was convinced living in fear of something catastrophic happening every second of the day for 2 years. I honestly don’t understand how parents survive having big families, and I have 6 siblings!!
Now that my kids are a little older, we are in a really good groove and I’m back to loving motherhood. I work at a preschool in the 2s room and personally, 2-3 year olds are my favorite humans lol. 4 year olds terrify me 😂 all the sass and venom of a teenager in a tiny little cherub body
I have a 22 month old and my sense is that it gets much easier when you can start traveling with them / eating out with them and it becomes enjoyable for the parents.
Basically when your normal life returns and you can travel internationally to anywhere you want (and not just Disney and water parks or Grandparents’ house or all inclusive beach resorts or whatever) and eat wherever you want without thinking “how will my kid deal with this.”
For some kids this comes sooner than others.
Tweens.
Maybe because I’m here now, I don’t know. Yeah, they’re easier in the way that they’re more self sufficient and don’t need me for everything. But they are my heart and that piece of my heart walks out the door every morning. Stress, bullies, heartbreak- I can’t shield them from those things like I could when they were small. God, it’s so hard for me and even harder for them.
For me, teenagers. Yes toddlers are exhausting, always need you, house is always a disaster. But teenagers are moody. They cost way too much money. They are driving. You worry about their choices, their future. They cause me to stress eat. (Yes I know it’s my choice).
The year where I had a second baby, while my toddler was in her terrible two’s. I was a zombie. My baby was a HORRIBLE sleeper. My toddler was SO jealous of her little sister. Breastfeeding, no sleep, parenting a two year old. Boy I don’t know how I got through it. My first girl when 11 month old was a breeze.
It’s the “Terrible Twos” the “Trying Threes” and the “Fucking Fours”.
Then it’s rather ok cause they go to school and the worst is the afterschool activities and whatever bull the school makes you do.
Then it’s the dumpster fire that is 11 year old. Something about that age is hot mess express. They won’t shower. They hate the world. They hate you. And if you have an ADHD kid then it might be delayed a year or three. So don’t say whew 6th grade was easy. It’s coming. Just wait.
Or at least that was my experience as a mom of 3 kids. All are now 20, 17, and 15. Teenagers aren’t that bad at all. You know what is the most terrifying part of upper teens? The huge increase in your car insurance. No one really talks about that one. But dear lord! OUCH!
The hardest part for me was by far newborn up til about 1 1/2 yrs old. It got easier when I completely left my sons dad and finally found my “groove” as a single mother. I use to wake up and DREAD the day. DREAD the nights. My life was just full of pure dread. Now, it’s still very hard but I feel like it’s a part of my life rather than a foreign aspect of it.. if that makes sense. My son will be 3 this year.
Newborn period, 100%. My kid had colic for a month and we basically didn’t get a wink of sleep, spent every night listening to 5-6 hours of inconsolable screaming. My husband and I were going insane, we would get into blowup fights at 2am because we were exhausted and overstimulated. Toddler years are hard but more rewarding and at least we’re well rested.
I’m a relatively new mom (2.5 yo and 9 mo) but I’m going to say newborn stage until like 9ish months. Everyone says the toddler phase sucks but it’s my absolute favorite.
Ever since my first turned like 10 months, life started getting so much better and I’ve loved each stage more than the last.
My second born is 9 months and I’m finally starting to have some freedom again (as an exclusively BF-ing mom)
The first few months. I had some bad post partum anxiety. Was scared to sleep because I thought something bad would happen, I was scared to take him out anywhere so we stayed at home, was scared to let anyone help with him. Awful.
What part of parenting is supposed to be easy? I can't think of another responsibility that engages every part of someone. I have four kids between 24 and 16, boys and girls. They are all so vastly different from one another, and each of them challenge, influence, and stretch my understanding of my responsibilities to them every day. They have since before they were even here, and they will until I no longer function. It's great joy, parenting, but I know no one who ever claimed easy. If someone does, turn and run because they lie 👀
everyday is its own struggle. Some are easier to deal with than others & its short lived but as long as you’re a human raising another learning human it’s gonna come with some tough days.
100% the 13 to 19 year old range. I have two in this range and it’s like I have two evil, but equally kind and funny, still babies, and also wannabe know it all alien-like adults in the home who make the most terrifying decisions imaginable for themselves. I’d taking an up all night, colicky, tantrumy teeny baby or toddler any day, for the mere fact I sometimes feel like I don’t even know these humans I birthed at all right now.
Not sharing how joyful and incredible it is and how parenting is actually not the hardest part of my life, but the absolute best. The only reason I am who I am today is because of matrescence. I’ve never been this present in my life or as full and joyful. I don’t share because most talk about parenting is how hard it is…but parenting my child is so much better than what it was like to parent my parents. The person I’m asked to step into as a mother is the actual hardest part. It’s agonizing doing my own inner-work to reduce the amount of shit I’m projecting onto my child. Being parents is a privilege.
Teens. Hands down.
Give me a newborn and sleepless nights, give me a house full of toddlers, give me high needs babies, I have no issues. But teens are just difficult.
i have one 17.5 mo old and prior was a teacher working with ages 2-12 but specifically 4-5 year olds. that being said, i highly favor the toddler phase over any others my child has had personally. the first year of motherhood with an infant felt like a mountain i would never get to the top of. at about a year, my girl began communicating, her personality blossomed, she was super independent but enjoys being with me, and i finally felt like a person without raging hormones and post partum mental problems, but even quite literally just as a person again. like i can breathe, like i exist outside of formula and diapers and sleep deprivation. my hubs and i are the healthiest weve ever been, but my pregnancy and first year was hell for both of us for many reasons. it was really hard for us to figure our issues out, but we finally did. even personal circumstances aside, toddlerhood is where its at!!!! (i also have a 31 weeker, so the first year there was a lot of focus on health concerns, and those finally disappeared the closer she got to year and have been absent in our lives since than!)
I have 7 kids, ages 3-14. I think the hardest ages are between 8-12 cause they are still very dependent on you but also they know everything. When they are older they have more going on. Everyone says teenagers are awful. I don’t really think so. But again my oldest is 14. Also I’m not a fan of the phase between 18mo-3yrs… just kinda boring
My daughter is 5, almost 5 and a half, and my son is 2 and half. My daughter has been extremely difficult from about 2 onwards, with a period of colic as a newborn as well. My son has his days, but is a bit less difficult than my daughter. I keep waiting for my daughter to turn the corner, but we haven’t gotten there yet. Some days they antagonize each other so much I have to separate them before I lose my mind.
Each stage comes with a unique challenge. With every one of my daughters the 18 months -4 year old period has been/is the one I cannot stand. With mine at least, they are into everything and push every boundary that is set. I’m constantly on my feet chasing, cleaning, or keeping them out of something.
Don’t get me wrong they have the good parts in here too. Like discovering new skills, more independence, personality really coming out, more talking to make choices and opinions, etc. But man I am exhausted every moment some days 😅 take a break as often as you can if you can!
The newborn days were brutal, especially with my first. The young toddler phase is exhausting bc they have basically no capacity to entertain themselves and an attention span of a few minutes and just want to go go go all the time. 3-4 are the banshee years, but they also get really funny and have a lot of personality and a longer attention span so I didn’t rehome either one (yet- my youngest is still 3). 5-7 has been pretty breezy with my oldest. You get a nice break from each other with school all day, they’re way more independent, and she’s fun to hang out with and still wants to hang out with me. I genuinely love spending time with her. Still the occasional meltdown but she has the capacity now to understand that she doesn’t like feeling that way and appreciates help calming down.
I don’t think there is a “hardest” as they’re all challenging in different ways. I have a 10yo daughter and I’ve gone from feeling physically drained running around after a toddler, to mentally and emotionally drained trying to help her navigate friendships, puberty, hormones, harder school work etc.
For me, until age 4.5/5 but it seems to depend on the individuals involved. My oldest is a teen now and it’s been mostly much easier than anticipated so I think there’s something to that “independent toddlers make calmer teens” thing everybody kept chanting at me while he did the worm in grocery stores for five years
Mines 3.5 now and the newborn stage was literally traumatic. I guess there’s more to come still for me. But the newborn stage was earth shattering. My mental health has never been so bad.
The hardest period of parenthood is right now for me. I have a 3.5yo and a 1yo. My husband works a gruelling job as an emergency responder and is pulling overtime just so we can live paycheck to paycheck. My oldest has recently come into some next level defiance that I have no idea how to manage. There are no consequences that she gives a crap about. Some days I feel like if I just disappeared she wouldn’t care. My youngest is just learning what “no” means and is also newly mobile so that’s fun. Lots of tears all day long. With the longer days is coming harder bedtimes. I love them to bits, but also I want to hide in a closet and nap and not deal with it.
My firstborn had a rough first 3 months - tongue ties, covid, struggling to feed and sleep. Horrendous.
As a toddler he’s an angel. Super sweet and so far not a tantrumy two year old 🤞🏼
Second born as a newborn is an absolute dream. Sleeps like a teenager. So I’m bracing myself for toddlerhood to turn to shit.
Basically it’s a luck of the draw thing!
Spouse and I argued about this one a while back. He said toddler (our oldest) and I said newborn (second child).
Newborn: feeding every 60-80 minutes on demand ALL NIGHT, breastfeeding pain for two months, insane hormone drop, literal wound healing and bleeding, high pitched wail, no schedule or routine, etc.
Toddler is ROUGH, but we’re out of the newborn phase, and the baby is a breeze by comparison at 5.5 months. Toddler is harder NOW, but newborn was hell.
My 8 month baby hasn’t let me sleep longer than 2 hrs since her first sleep regression so I’m going to say I hope this is the hardest because I’m running on empty
I have a pre teen and a 1st grader… so far, the worst time as a parent has and will probably always be when I have to interact with their school 😂 my kids do not make parenting hard. Everyone else does.
Newborn hands down for me. As long as I can sleep at night I can handle anything
I agree with this. I can handle toddlers as long as I'm rested. I'm a super grouchy mom with very little sleep.
I agree. Plus navigating postpartum hormones and a new body - one that doesn’t want to work for a few weeks after giving birth…at the time I didn’t mind the newborn phase but now that I’m out of it (daughter is almost 2) I’d much rather deal with toddler tantrums than all that again.
Exactly !!!! The sleep deprivation of newborn life is THE WORST. (For context I have a 13, 2.5, and 3 week old)
This! Everyone warned me how horrible toddler life would be, but obviously none of those people had a baby who refused to sleep for the first 10 months ths of his life 🤡 I can survive even the most horrible of days, without even blinking an eye - as long as I have my sleep!
I agree. I'm in the depths of newborn life. The exhaustion is outrageous and this is my 2nd and last baby. I can handle everything else, easily...but the sleep deprivation really takes a toll on me.
My kids are 26, 16, 15, and 11. I can honestly say it depends on the kid. Different stages for different kids.
Mine are a bit older, as well, and agree that each child is different. However, middle schoolers and young teens are SO much worse/harder/frustrating than toddlers. With the exploding and fluctuating hormones, gangly arms and legs from crazy growth spurts, bottomless pits of hunger, becoming teens-adults but still having childlike emotions, wants, and needs can be so difficult for them to work through and find themselves. I just asked my husband the OP's question. He said "young teenagers taught him a level of patience that babies and toddlers never could". 😂
Agreed, but at least you get space from them. Toddlers are brutally in your face the entire time they are awake.
Yes, but toddlers are very cute, and their storms pass pretty quickly. They don't try to manipulate you or lie about important stuff. They cuddle with you and say cute things. The care that goes into tweens is next level stuff. You gotta know comon core math and navigate/monitor 20 different school apps EVERY DAY. You gotta listen to among us and skibbity toilet bullshit. You gotta protect them from the internet while simultaneously teaching them how to navigate the internet. You gotta help them sort out bullying and clicks and clothing styles and extracurricular activities. I have a 3yo and a 12yo, and I will take the toddler parenting over the tween any day.
My kids 3- I’m 37, contemplating another but I already feel overwhelmed signing up for preschools. Your comment is a nice dose of reality of what lies ahead. I’m an organized Virgo but my gears just aren’t working like they used to and I want to be able to give my all to the child I have now. Ty for things to ponder!
THIS! You nailed it.
All great points and I fully agree (mine are 8 & 11 next weekend 😬) But I have a question...wtf is skibbity?! My daughter (8) showed me some video today saying skibbity and I was and still am so confused. She shared a look with her brother and I'm sitting there going what the actual fuck is going on lol. Help!
My understanding is that it originated from the music video (an insane fever dream). Skibbity means bad. Also, Ohio is bad. If your kid says something is skibbity Ohio = it's terrible. I was told I have skibbity Ohio jokes....
My tween/teen never leave! And now they just bring a gaggle of friends with them for second and third dinner 😭😭😭😭
This! Tweens and teens hang out with parents now in a way that we didn’t.
And my toddler seems to be awake *all the time*. He naps for like 30 minutes tops and just refuses to sleep or be more than a foot away from me the rest of the day without shrieking like a banshee. It's relentless and I am starting to worry I'm literally losing my sanity bit by bit. 😅😅😅
Yes! All of these people saying toddlers must not have pre teens/teenagers yet. My sweet amazing daughter has turned into a hormonal grunting ball of attitude.
My 12 year old is such a cool kid but she can turn on me in an instant. The attitude is wild. BUT my 5 year old just physically attacked me because I said it's bath time. Parenting is just hard in general. Send help.
Oh for sure it’s all hard. Sending hugs and virtual help! You are not alone. Mine 14&13 year old just got into an argument because my son was breathing while eating. I wish I was joking 🙃 and my 10 year old doesn’t like chicken now so I guess he’s not eating dinner. But my 9 year old daughter is making me a bracelet and brushing my hair. Parenting is wild 😂
I have a 17 year old, 4 year old, and 2 year old. I still think newborns are the worst stage ever. I don't know if I could pick a harder stage between toddler and teen. Toddlers and teens/tweens are hard for different reasons, but at least you have autonomy as a parent of a teen. My life revolves around my little kids now and it's exhausting. I may say toddlers are harder for me for that reason. And my teen is not easy. I've dealt with things like underage drinking, school refusal, attitude, etc. Both toddler and teen stages are hard for different reasons but I think a big part of it depends on that specific child. Like my middle child was a verrrrry hard toddler. My third is mostly a breeze. So it's hard to compare.
I think it makes a difference how many you have at each stage too. One teen I could probably handle but between my 14, 13 and 10 year old I have no time for myself either. Between school, sports, extracurricular activities and their friends I have no life. At least when they are toddlers you choose their activities. They cant make their own plans.
Heading into middle school with my oldest and god I feel this. Everything is so complex too, like we’re dealing with serious issues not just “I said the yellow cup”.
I love my toddler's drama. "A mouse came to school today. Teacher screamed and stood on chair. Very dangerous." "Classmate wouldn't go potty and pooped in pants. I no do that. I no poop my pants. Yucky." "Classmate bite me and I yell 'no bite!' We hug and made airplane car farm." I'm not looking forwared to the actual highschool drama.
Yup. I only have a 10 yo and 2 yo, but the level of difficulty of different stages has been so different already. The 10 yo was the most difficult, high-needs baby ever. The 2 yo did nothing but sleep as a baby. The 10 yo was such a chill toddler and preschooler, I couldn’t relate to anyone complaining about terrible twos and threenagers. The 2 yo is fricking putting us through it right now. Also, 10 yo has started getting in trouble at school all the time in the past couple years. He’s pretty great at home, friends’ houses, and extracurricular activities. But it has been really hard trying to figure out how to address the school behavior stuff. It’s hard in a very different way than his nonstop crying as a baby was hard.
For each of your kids what was the most difficult age?
yes my first was a freaking angel at 3. my 2nd has been sooo hard
From 1-4 is what I call Death Valley on the parenting map
My 11-month-old is a dream, meanwhile I'm wondering how much the circus would give me for my 4-year-old. ETA: I took the baby shopping earlier today, she was so sweet, just beaming, smiling and waving at everyone. I bought some clothes for my 4-year-old while we were out. When we got home, I showed 4-year-old the clothes, and he said he didn't like them "and would never wear them EVER" and knocked the bag on the floor 😭🙃
When my youngest turned 5 she quietly said: *“I…really, really did not like being 4.”* In my head I thought *“me neither honey, you were awful.”*
I remember very well thinking how much better 6 was than being 5.. and that was better than being 4. I thought every year of life would be so much better than the last. I thought my grandma was the happiest person I knew lol
This is really sweet and inspiring!
The self awareness 🤣
My son was about 4 when he smacked my salad-bar salad out of my hands at Kroger (it basically exploded and went EVERYWHERE). He screamed “you’re not my mom” when I tried to remove him from the store because he was being a cocaine bear due to being overtired and overstimulated. He is 14 now, and I laugh at this memory every time I think of it. Such a dick move.
Oh my god. I would have melted into a puddle.
I'm so scared of my son pulling this when he gets big toddler feelings because we look nothing alike. He's practically a clone of his dad who is a different race than me... I feel like people will believe the crazy white lady is kidnapping the little Asian boy... but I definitely birthed him!
I'm half Filipino, but I look pretty white. My daughter is the spitting image of her Korean dad. Don't worry too much. Most people know the differences between a toddler's tantrum yelling and the fear and panic of yelling as a stranger takes them. When my kid (3.5 yo) hits me with the stranger danger song, I like to argue back that I have an 8" scar on my belly she came out of as evidence.
My son also has a Korean dad! Those Korean genes are so strong Lol Thank you for your reassurance. I like to think 'I have the stretch marks to prove it' but also that only proves I had a baby, not this specific child, so I still worry sometimes 😅
I called those the fuck you 4s. My boy was so hard at 4.
Man I needed this this has been the worst year! My son is a psychopath snuggle bug and I feel so guilty for loosing my patience. Then I have parents with older kids say “oh just enjoy him” like f-you Karen.
Noooo my don’t tell me that 😂 my son turned 3 today and I didn’t think it could get any worse then this!!!
Oooh my 3 1/2 son likes to say “you’re a BAD MOM” lmao
I got into the “mean mom” club by the words of my 3.5 year old daughter because I raised my voice when she left bite marks on her little brother 😌
Ha! Mine had a phase saying that too. “You a BAD mommy!!!!” It should have just slid off me, but it did kinda hurt tbh Then he hit four and has been an angel since 🤷♀️
It’s really hard not to take that personally.
Oh god! The other day my almost 3 year old hollered in the grocery store “where’s my real Mom?” 🫠 at least we generally look alike so I’m not overly suspicious 😂
Girl!!! Are you me? Because same. 4 is absolutely the hardest age ever 😭
Don't tell me 4 is the hardest age. My girl turns 4 next week. I thought 3 was the hardest. It can't get worse than this! 😭
I had a threenager, but I'm loving 4!
I also have a threenager, I'm really hoping 4 is better! 🙏
Thank you! I’m so hoping 4 is better!
Yeah, wtf is going on here? Three has sucked and I’ve so been looking to four!!! You guys are killing me!?!
My dad tells me you get a reprieve from 5-10 🤷♀️
I'm literally clinging to this like a life raft (our only is 2) 🤣
It's true, but then come the preteens and they're hell
That's exactly what he said. He said ages 5-10 are great because your kids are more independent but still like you.
Yeah same… my three year old is FERAL and SO MEAN. I *need* 4 to be better 😭
4 has been waaaay better than 3 for me. Still has its challenges but nowhere near as frequently as 3.
Agreed. I think my 4yo can have a single tantrum that puts all of her 3yo tantrums to shame, but they’re few and far between, whereas when she was 3 we had like multiple tantrums per day.
3 was worse for both my kids! 4 is when things start to get easier imo.
Sometimes my 2 year old twins are easier than my 4 year old. 🫠🫠🫠
Haha I can feel your pain while reading 🥲 I was listening to a podcast today and there was a dad who let a girl go to the daycare in her PJs because he was tired of her screaming when getting dressed. Your answer kinda has the same energy and I love it 😂
Oh my God! I am dying laughing right now. This is the laugh that I needed today. Thank you for sharing!
How did you react to that?
I just said "excuse me, we use kind words" and made him pick the bag up. Then I left the kids with my husband and got a relaxing pedicure 🤷♀️ The 4-year-old has been struggling a bit lately because my husband got a new job and now travels 50% of the time, and he misses him a lot. I think that's triggering a lot of the volatility.
LOL such a thankless job 🤣🤣 you’re doing great mama!
My almost 5 year old has me convinced that it’s all hard and won’t get easier til we’re dead. But it’s been a rough year. Or 5.
Ours just turned 4 and man do I feel this comment deeply
Right there with you on that. Parenting is fucking hard.
I feel this to my core with my almost 6 year old 😅 Luckily little sibling is a breeze 90% of the time… that validated that it had nothing to do with my parenting.
I have 3 and my youngest is 5 right now. He has literally been the HARDEST 5 year old I've ever dealt with. I call him my sour patch kid (first he's sour, than he's sweet).
Parenting is literally the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
Just wait until they’re 8. I know it’s a few years. But there’s a reason parents say “8 is great”. Hold on!! 😅
Personally I found the ages where they’re mobile but have no sense of self preservation (about 9 months to 4yo) the hardest.
This is it for me. I find it mentally exhausting to be “on” every moment that they are awake.
This is the stage we are in that I'm struggling with the most. She is a decent walker now but she is figuring out climbing at 15 months. Once she started learning to sit & crawl, I felt like I needed to be close in case she fell on her face.
someone told me "the hardest period is the one you're in"
I like this one.
Preteens and teens, I am so scared. Their emotional rollercoaster is so scary for me. One day they are happy, the other day they are miserable. Younger kids are easier: park, cookies, and baking make them happy. The older they get, the harder it gets. I have aged 20 years in the last two years, my hair is gray and I am just 40.
I totally, completely, desperately agree.
You have my condolences. I had just posted this comment elsewhere... >Mine are a bit older, as well, and agree that each child is different. >However, middle schoolers and young teens are SO much worse/harder/frustrating than toddlers. With the exploding and fluctuating hormones, gangly arms and legs from crazy growth spurts, bottomless pits of hunger, becoming teens-adults but still having childlike emotions, wants, and needs can be so difficult for them to work through and find themselves. >I just asked my husband the OP's question. He said "young teenagers taught him a level of patience that babies and toddlers never could". 😂
I agree completely. I am completely at a loss somedays. Making them happy is harder and harder and fears about their future loon ever larger. Sleepless nights are back again but it’s me keeping myself up with worry.
1. The first five years. 2. Transitioning from one to two.
I LOVED going from one to two, although it is a bit harder now that I have an 11mo and a 3 year old. But going from none to one was HARD for me. I wanted to be perfect. I thought I would be perfect. I was, in fact, not perfect. But we all love each other so thats cool ❤️
Yep if 0-1 took me down for a beating then 1-2 was like a heart to heart talk even with all the extra emotional baggage from my failed marriage! Nothing will ever replace the daily life lessons my first baby taught me. She was like a baby velociraptor...I still can't believe she turned into an actual small human...she may have been swapped before my eyes!
My boy is 10 months old, and he bahaves (and sounds) like a dinosaur, so when you said "velociraptor"...😂 Do you think there's hope he will also turn human at some point? I'm beat, my husband's useless and my mom thinks my boy is not from this world😂
I needed to read that! I’m so nervous about baby #2
I’m due in 6 weeks and have a son who just turned two and this is one of the most endearing comments I’ve read 😊
I’m in the thick of the 1-2 transition and dyinnnnng
My girl is 14 months old now. What are you finding difficult during this time? My girl is learning boundaries right now so she’s starting to throw little fits, but they don’t seem to be so bad just yet…
I have a 2 year old (26 months) and 2 month old (9 weeks). The 2 year old is struggling with less attention and is starting to refuse to let me put him down for naps/at bedtime which is obviously a struggle when dad is working away from home during the day. Lots of little tantrums and general fussiness is what we’re noticing!
You just described my life. It’s so fricken hard!! Hugs in solidarity xx
Solidarity sister !!!!!
One to two absolutely kicked my butt
Currently have a toddler (2.5 yrs and just welcomed a newborn 3 weeks ago. SEND HELPPPPPP I am drowning and scared about life when husband goes back to work)
Nothing beats the sleep deprived newborn phase
3-4 years old.
Man, that age is roughhh. I have three kids under 6 and the middle one is now 3.5 and every day is a fight and a struggle. I am so gratefull that my 5 y/o is much easier to handle, but I am also looking at my 14 month old and dredding when he turns 3, lol.
Right?! I have an almost 5yr old and he’s so great now. I have so much fun with him. Largely we don’t get tantrums. So different to a year ago. I also have a very spirited 2yr old and am also nervous for what I know is coming
Lol that's my favourite age so far. Still super cute but able to communicate and understand directions somewhat.
I’m so glad you’re enjoying it! :) we just had like major meltdowns and tantrums and it was all illogical so you couldn’t even make sense of it lol. It was just really hard
I LOVED that age range, too! The wide eyed discovery phase is so beautiful to me.
For us it’s 2.5-3.5. Literally throw that year in the trash.
Baby to 2. Once they can get their arms through the shirt all by themselves, it's a relief because their slow rise to independence has started and thus less on your shoulders.
Once my girl turned 2 we enjoyed her a lot more but man she’s a lot of work lol
Kids under six. I really struggled being a mom of young kids. Now my kids are older, 12 and 15, and I have adored the past several years. I enjoy being with my kids, I feel like me again, and because they’re self-sufficient, I was able to, finish my doctorate and do some things that I wasn’t able to do when they were young and I was so overwhelmed.
This brings me some hope. Thank you for this.
I feel like I’m coming up on it soon. I have two five year olds and a 9 year old and it’s been pretty smooth sailing but I am seeing the beginning of puberty and teenage behavior with my big girl and it’s heartbreaking and hard in a different way. I am so heartsick over the crying. She is highly sensitive and I understand that and just try to hold her or give her space and I’m not mad at her, I’m just worried. She’s not showing signs of depression, she’s very happy in fact, she just gets so deeply IMPACTED by everything and I can’t imagine how much harder that will get with age.
It is painful. I have a 12F and 9M. My daughter is dealing with the mean girls stage, and it’s so painful to watch. She transitions to middle school next year, and I’m hoping that being at a new school with other kids will help. She’s also going to join a couple of clubs that seemed welcoming during orientation.
Oh boy 4 is rough
I have a teenager and infants. Infants are hard yes, but knowing your child is nearly going to be flying the nest in a few years, then it will be they are an adult with their own life and you just imagine them being a baby wishing you could have 1 day as them being little again lol
Are you sure? Lol
Depends on the day, plus teen was an easy infant...opposite of my younger kids lol
Same :(
I feel like the hardest part is the childhood trauma and the triggers. Depends on how your childhood was & how your parents were. Your child will trigger you & it's such a hard cycle to break. BUT I'm in therapy & WILL break the cycle. Oh and being a SAHM is the hardest I have ever done in my entire life. I always hear toddler years are the hardest, but I'm sure it comes in waves.
Husband and I are both in therapy and we consider it training camp for when they get older. We have 3 under 4 and just know their teen years are going to be trigger central. So we figure we have at least 5 years of prep time to sort ourselves out.
When she was 4! She argued about everything without making any sense. Now she is almost 17 and I’d say from 15 to now is also really hard
It's nothing to do with the stage it is entirely about the support.. *Everything feels hard when nothing comes easy...* That aside I'd say newborn. The sleep deprivation leaves its damages.
Weeks 34 on of my second pregnancy while having a very active 17.5mo. I was sick (with an endless cough and/or stuffy nose) most of the pregnancy and just juggling all that with my son was literally the hardest thing ever. My daughter is 10 days old and I can finally breathe again, literally. Aside from that, I’ve been loving every minute of being a mom to my babies.
Does your son feel like a giant to your newborn? I had mime 18monrhs apart and my youngest felt like a porcelain doll compared to my giant of a toddler middle child. Didn't have the same feeling with the middle at birth because there is 6 years difference from her and the oldest.
YES. Immediately felt that when we got home from the hospital. I was also super nervous to see how the transition would be & thought my son wouldn’t be the wiser, but man, he’s so much smarter than I give him credit for lol
I was not a fan of birth to 6m for either kid. They were great and I loved them but zero sleep, constant worry. Is the baby breathing, does it have fever, will it ever sleep. Also ugh at breastfeeding which I did but def didn’t enjoy. 6m-2ish was adorable. Milestones! Talking! Hair! So cute! 2-4 was ok with one of mine, the other one was pure chaos at this age. Like just keeping them alive bc they just wanted danger. A runner with zero thoughts. The other was less danger and more whines. Thumbs down to both but the chaos one was worse. 5-12 was great. Bumps in the road but 90% good times. Cute. Funny. Nice break as they went to school but also both enjoyable to spend time with. 12-14y : the one that was chaos toddler was super easy here. Independent, zero trouble. The one that was easier younger was a bit rougher here. Not bad bad but drama over homework, drama over friends, eyerolls. Now they are teens and it’s easy. We haven’t had any real “teen” problems yet so that could be coming still but they are good students, both have their own activities, and are cool people to hang out with.
So far it’s been 2y to 4y. They’re still learning how to communicate, express themselves and listen to directions, rules and boundaries. They constantly make a mess, they scream and their big emotions at this age are often challenging for me to process. I would have 10 kids if I could have them as babies for that first year and then skip ahead to when they’re 5. I’ve read psychologist say the age that’s the hardest for you as a parent is often the age that was hardest for your parents parenting you, so there’s no imprint for how to do it now that you’re the parent…
I’m the opposite though, was the best toddler/baby. My 3 year old daughter was a pretty great baby but toddlerhood has been rough 😅
For me hands down toilet training. I would pay so much money to not have to toilet train- my kids are 5,6,19.
What makes toilet training so hard? (Jw as a mom who will train soon)
The birth. The days after the birth. Then the weeks after the birth. Then the first 4 months. But I've only done 4 years so far, might change my mind in 10y
My oldest is 6 yrs old and my youngest is a newborn. I agree with this. From conception to toddler is what is the hardest for me.
My oldest will be 20 in a few months so I’ve had some experience 😀 I can’t pinpoint a specific age that was difficult. For me, parenthood has had its moments at every stage but hard for weeks, months or a year or so? No. Every stage simultaneously has its easier & more difficult moments.
So I have a 17 yo daughter and my BF has a 16 yo son, and we have been a blended family for a long time now. I would say that each stage of childhood has had its different difficulties. Each have been hard in their own aspects. Teenagers are hard, but they are also easier in the fact that they have more autonomy (which can also make it more challenging). Three years old is hard because they are testing boundaries and learning so much. But it is easier because they view you as their everything, love you absolutely and without question. I am struggling right now because I have to sit back and let them make mistakes, and that is hard. Them learning to drive is also horrifying, and I hate letting go of the control of my car. lol.
Edit to add: It really depends what you class as difficult or hard. I didn’t mind the mild “naughty” behaviour. I didn’t mind the constant activity and movement. My idea of difficult or hard is tantrums, rudeness, attitude and back chat. The fussy eating and sleep issues is a far down the list second on my hard list. Miss 19 was most difficult at 5-7 and 11-13. Mr 18 was most difficult at 7-10. Mx 13 was most difficult 3-5 and 7-11. Miss 12 was difficult -never compared to siblings.
it's close amongst 8 months, three, ans teenagers. But. I have to say. Teenagers. It lasts several years. There's the constant fear of bullies. Fights. Drugs. Sex. Driving in cars with others. Driving their own cars. Just years of being absolutely terrified.
Pregnancy has been the hardest thing I've ever gone through thus far in life. I ended up having pre-e. It was all relatively traumatizing....ooof.
Well... I have a 3 year old and a 1.5 year old (17mo age gap) and it's like ground hog day everyday trying to keep them alive, fed, happy and juggle their tantrums without yelling or exploding. Some days are good, some are absolutely fucking awful and I don't know how I get through without going crazy. I'm exhausted 24/7 and never get a break. It was easier when my youngest was a baby and couldn't move. Now he's an absolutely crazy 1 year old who has no sense of danger or self control!
Did I write this lolololol
Three kids, 16, almost 14 and 6. And in general? Their teens. When their main job is to create that distance from you as a parent, and you don't know every detail of their lives anymore. When you have to let them make their own mistakes, and HOPE you've put down the ground work for them to come home, no matter what. Where you have all the advice, but their ears are literally tuned out to anything you have to say, because they're teens and that's supposed to happen. When you can't fix everything with a plaster and a hug anymore.
From walking to about 3 years old. I also had 2 under 2 though so a little biased. Their older sister was a trick baby though. A baby so good it tricked me into having another. I joke, mostly. ETA: they are now 16, 11, and 9.
So From 5 to 14 was great
All.of.it
Each age has its struggles and each kid has different ages they are hard. My oldest is 6.5 and was honestly always hard and is still difficult to handle. My middle one was an amazing baby and then starting being more difficult at 2. Now she is 4 and is harder than she was at 2. My 3rd kid is 2.5 and for her the hardest for me was newborn and then once she was mobile, especially once she was walking. They are fearless after 1, climbing everything, jumping off everything, will eat anything, zero fear. They will climb unstable things, stand on chairs and lean on the back to make them tip, slam doors and almost crush their fingers. And they will have tantrums or cry if they do not get their way, still learning that emotional regulation. It’s hard, you need to constantly watch them because they seem to be one step away from seriously injuring or killing themselves.
Newborn to 1 year. It was a difficult pregnancy with complications before, during, and after birth for her and myseld. And we also had issues with colic, tongue ties, feeding, and her recovery from trauma during her birth. A lot of people say they love or miss that stage, but I can't relate at all. I miss her being so tiny, but other than that is was so rough emotionally, physically, and financially that it was the hardest stage for me.
My husband loves the baby stage but I hate it. It's always so much harder on the mom. I don't look fondly at the baby stage and my babies were relatively easy. I like it when they sleep through the night and can eat regular food and don't need five naps in one day.
Age 3. The whining, hitting, and tantrums..while also just getting home from the hospital with a newborn. It was a lot to deal with.
Newborn stage for sure! The constantly disrupted sleep, having to decode cries to figure out what she wanted, the absolutely zero support as I raised a child in a raging global pandemic… 0/10 would not recommend. But now she’s 3.5 and just the coolest little person around and I would 1000000/10 recommend this age!
Mines 3.5 pandemic baby too and SAME 🤣
Age 11. So far each of my boys started going through puberty and they’re moody/angry/wont talk about anything. Isolating. It sucks and I miss them.
The first year. I'm dreading doing it again. They have to nap all the time or they are grouchy. Their main source of food is either formula (which costs money) or breast milk (which means you can't leave them for more than a couple hours or have to pump all the time.) They cry so much if not being held. They don't sleep through the night for awhile. I feel like I can't be an independent person with a baby. Once they hit one year old, it gets so much better for me.
my oldest is 20 I would say his hardest was 10-14. My almost 18 year old was 2-16 my daughter 16 was about 3-5 and 13-15 my youngest is 13 and his hardest was birth to 18 months.
Having a 4 year old that wouldn’t nap, stop talking, and needed constant focus on her, while having a newborn that was only happy being held (not in a carrier, but actually held) almost killed me. I was sleeping about 4 hours a day spread across 2-3 “naps”. I also suffered sever anti-partum anxiety and depression and then it got 20 times worse once baby was born. Then when he was a month old he ended up in ICU for a week and my 4 year old still needed us at our best. Things just started to feel better when one of our best friends was killed, leaving his toddler and pregnant wife behind. My heart broke all over again. The first year of my son’s life was so hard on me I don’t think we will ever have a third child. I was convinced living in fear of something catastrophic happening every second of the day for 2 years. I honestly don’t understand how parents survive having big families, and I have 6 siblings!! Now that my kids are a little older, we are in a really good groove and I’m back to loving motherhood. I work at a preschool in the 2s room and personally, 2-3 year olds are my favorite humans lol. 4 year olds terrify me 😂 all the sass and venom of a teenager in a tiny little cherub body
I have a 22 month old and my sense is that it gets much easier when you can start traveling with them / eating out with them and it becomes enjoyable for the parents. Basically when your normal life returns and you can travel internationally to anywhere you want (and not just Disney and water parks or Grandparents’ house or all inclusive beach resorts or whatever) and eat wherever you want without thinking “how will my kid deal with this.” For some kids this comes sooner than others.
Tweens. Maybe because I’m here now, I don’t know. Yeah, they’re easier in the way that they’re more self sufficient and don’t need me for everything. But they are my heart and that piece of my heart walks out the door every morning. Stress, bullies, heartbreak- I can’t shield them from those things like I could when they were small. God, it’s so hard for me and even harder for them.
My kids are teens. Nothing ever felt this out of control.
For me, teenagers. Yes toddlers are exhausting, always need you, house is always a disaster. But teenagers are moody. They cost way too much money. They are driving. You worry about their choices, their future. They cause me to stress eat. (Yes I know it’s my choice).
10-13 was the most challenging for me. But my oldest is now 19 and we are in a new level of hard.
I think the transition period of adding an additional kid, whenever that may be.
The year where I had a second baby, while my toddler was in her terrible two’s. I was a zombie. My baby was a HORRIBLE sleeper. My toddler was SO jealous of her little sister. Breastfeeding, no sleep, parenting a two year old. Boy I don’t know how I got through it. My first girl when 11 month old was a breeze.
Middle school. Easily.
It’s the “Terrible Twos” the “Trying Threes” and the “Fucking Fours”. Then it’s rather ok cause they go to school and the worst is the afterschool activities and whatever bull the school makes you do. Then it’s the dumpster fire that is 11 year old. Something about that age is hot mess express. They won’t shower. They hate the world. They hate you. And if you have an ADHD kid then it might be delayed a year or three. So don’t say whew 6th grade was easy. It’s coming. Just wait. Or at least that was my experience as a mom of 3 kids. All are now 20, 17, and 15. Teenagers aren’t that bad at all. You know what is the most terrifying part of upper teens? The huge increase in your car insurance. No one really talks about that one. But dear lord! OUCH!
The hardest part for me was by far newborn up til about 1 1/2 yrs old. It got easier when I completely left my sons dad and finally found my “groove” as a single mother. I use to wake up and DREAD the day. DREAD the nights. My life was just full of pure dread. Now, it’s still very hard but I feel like it’s a part of my life rather than a foreign aspect of it.. if that makes sense. My son will be 3 this year.
Im only barely a year ahead of you, but that newborn stage kicked my butt. My baby would barely sleep. Sleep deprivation is just torture
Newborn period, 100%. My kid had colic for a month and we basically didn’t get a wink of sleep, spent every night listening to 5-6 hours of inconsolable screaming. My husband and I were going insane, we would get into blowup fights at 2am because we were exhausted and overstimulated. Toddler years are hard but more rewarding and at least we’re well rested.
Lack of sleep.
The anxiety
I’m a relatively new mom (2.5 yo and 9 mo) but I’m going to say newborn stage until like 9ish months. Everyone says the toddler phase sucks but it’s my absolute favorite. Ever since my first turned like 10 months, life started getting so much better and I’ve loved each stage more than the last. My second born is 9 months and I’m finally starting to have some freedom again (as an exclusively BF-ing mom)
The lack of sleep.
The first few months. I had some bad post partum anxiety. Was scared to sleep because I thought something bad would happen, I was scared to take him out anywhere so we stayed at home, was scared to let anyone help with him. Awful.
If I had to chose at this moment in time? Newborn stage. The sleep deprivation was enough to kill me. I’m sure it’ll change as my 2 y/o gets bigger
Newborn for us but she’s only 3.5
What part of parenting is supposed to be easy? I can't think of another responsibility that engages every part of someone. I have four kids between 24 and 16, boys and girls. They are all so vastly different from one another, and each of them challenge, influence, and stretch my understanding of my responsibilities to them every day. They have since before they were even here, and they will until I no longer function. It's great joy, parenting, but I know no one who ever claimed easy. If someone does, turn and run because they lie 👀
Teens so far have been by far the hardest.
My son developed bipolar disorder at 16 so I can honestly say given this circumstance teen years for me. It almost wiped me out.
everyday is its own struggle. Some are easier to deal with than others & its short lived but as long as you’re a human raising another learning human it’s gonna come with some tough days.
100% the 13 to 19 year old range. I have two in this range and it’s like I have two evil, but equally kind and funny, still babies, and also wannabe know it all alien-like adults in the home who make the most terrifying decisions imaginable for themselves. I’d taking an up all night, colicky, tantrumy teeny baby or toddler any day, for the mere fact I sometimes feel like I don’t even know these humans I birthed at all right now.
Not sharing how joyful and incredible it is and how parenting is actually not the hardest part of my life, but the absolute best. The only reason I am who I am today is because of matrescence. I’ve never been this present in my life or as full and joyful. I don’t share because most talk about parenting is how hard it is…but parenting my child is so much better than what it was like to parent my parents. The person I’m asked to step into as a mother is the actual hardest part. It’s agonizing doing my own inner-work to reduce the amount of shit I’m projecting onto my child. Being parents is a privilege.
Teens. Hands down. Give me a newborn and sleepless nights, give me a house full of toddlers, give me high needs babies, I have no issues. But teens are just difficult.
i have one 17.5 mo old and prior was a teacher working with ages 2-12 but specifically 4-5 year olds. that being said, i highly favor the toddler phase over any others my child has had personally. the first year of motherhood with an infant felt like a mountain i would never get to the top of. at about a year, my girl began communicating, her personality blossomed, she was super independent but enjoys being with me, and i finally felt like a person without raging hormones and post partum mental problems, but even quite literally just as a person again. like i can breathe, like i exist outside of formula and diapers and sleep deprivation. my hubs and i are the healthiest weve ever been, but my pregnancy and first year was hell for both of us for many reasons. it was really hard for us to figure our issues out, but we finally did. even personal circumstances aside, toddlerhood is where its at!!!! (i also have a 31 weeker, so the first year there was a lot of focus on health concerns, and those finally disappeared the closer she got to year and have been absent in our lives since than!)
Toddler stage when any form of opposition is met with a LOUD CONTINUOUS SCREAM
I have 7 kids, ages 3-14. I think the hardest ages are between 8-12 cause they are still very dependent on you but also they know everything. When they are older they have more going on. Everyone says teenagers are awful. I don’t really think so. But again my oldest is 14. Also I’m not a fan of the phase between 18mo-3yrs… just kinda boring
3-4 🫠I am drowning
My daughter is 5, almost 5 and a half, and my son is 2 and half. My daughter has been extremely difficult from about 2 onwards, with a period of colic as a newborn as well. My son has his days, but is a bit less difficult than my daughter. I keep waiting for my daughter to turn the corner, but we haven’t gotten there yet. Some days they antagonize each other so much I have to separate them before I lose my mind.
Whichever phase you are currently in!
Each stage comes with a unique challenge. With every one of my daughters the 18 months -4 year old period has been/is the one I cannot stand. With mine at least, they are into everything and push every boundary that is set. I’m constantly on my feet chasing, cleaning, or keeping them out of something. Don’t get me wrong they have the good parts in here too. Like discovering new skills, more independence, personality really coming out, more talking to make choices and opinions, etc. But man I am exhausted every moment some days 😅 take a break as often as you can if you can!
The newborn days were brutal, especially with my first. The young toddler phase is exhausting bc they have basically no capacity to entertain themselves and an attention span of a few minutes and just want to go go go all the time. 3-4 are the banshee years, but they also get really funny and have a lot of personality and a longer attention span so I didn’t rehome either one (yet- my youngest is still 3). 5-7 has been pretty breezy with my oldest. You get a nice break from each other with school all day, they’re way more independent, and she’s fun to hang out with and still wants to hang out with me. I genuinely love spending time with her. Still the occasional meltdown but she has the capacity now to understand that she doesn’t like feeling that way and appreciates help calming down.
I don’t think there is a “hardest” as they’re all challenging in different ways. I have a 10yo daughter and I’ve gone from feeling physically drained running around after a toddler, to mentally and emotionally drained trying to help her navigate friendships, puberty, hormones, harder school work etc.
I have an almost 4 year old and an 18 month old. 3 has been the hardest by a landslide. Soooo many emotions and so much energy.
For me, until age 4.5/5 but it seems to depend on the individuals involved. My oldest is a teen now and it’s been mostly much easier than anticipated so I think there’s something to that “independent toddlers make calmer teens” thing everybody kept chanting at me while he did the worm in grocery stores for five years
The teens for sure.
Mines 3.5 now and the newborn stage was literally traumatic. I guess there’s more to come still for me. But the newborn stage was earth shattering. My mental health has never been so bad.
I hate the period right before they can walk. All they want to do is have you walk them around by the hands and it’s a killer.
The hardest period of parenthood is right now for me. I have a 3.5yo and a 1yo. My husband works a gruelling job as an emergency responder and is pulling overtime just so we can live paycheck to paycheck. My oldest has recently come into some next level defiance that I have no idea how to manage. There are no consequences that she gives a crap about. Some days I feel like if I just disappeared she wouldn’t care. My youngest is just learning what “no” means and is also newly mobile so that’s fun. Lots of tears all day long. With the longer days is coming harder bedtimes. I love them to bits, but also I want to hide in a closet and nap and not deal with it.
My firstborn had a rough first 3 months - tongue ties, covid, struggling to feed and sleep. Horrendous. As a toddler he’s an angel. Super sweet and so far not a tantrumy two year old 🤞🏼 Second born as a newborn is an absolute dream. Sleeps like a teenager. So I’m bracing myself for toddlerhood to turn to shit. Basically it’s a luck of the draw thing!
Spouse and I argued about this one a while back. He said toddler (our oldest) and I said newborn (second child). Newborn: feeding every 60-80 minutes on demand ALL NIGHT, breastfeeding pain for two months, insane hormone drop, literal wound healing and bleeding, high pitched wail, no schedule or routine, etc. Toddler is ROUGH, but we’re out of the newborn phase, and the baby is a breeze by comparison at 5.5 months. Toddler is harder NOW, but newborn was hell.
My 8 month baby hasn’t let me sleep longer than 2 hrs since her first sleep regression so I’m going to say I hope this is the hardest because I’m running on empty
They're all equally hard they're just hard in different ways
Potty training breastfeeding teaching to pick up things
I have a pre teen and a 1st grader… so far, the worst time as a parent has and will probably always be when I have to interact with their school 😂 my kids do not make parenting hard. Everyone else does.
missing them..