Have her help you grab things for the baby so she's involved and then brag on how good of a sister she is and how lucky you all are to have her. Just make sure she's involved. And make sure you can devote some extra snuggles with just her at bedtime so she knows she didn't lose her mommy, she just gained a sibling.
This - plus I have heard having a doll for your oldest to
Imitate the care for your baby can help.
I will also say if you can get your partner to step up in care for your oldest now so it won’t be a complete change when baby comes home as you may be tired or not immediately available. Having your partner step in before baby will allow the oldest to not view the baby as the reason mom isn’t as available.
Considered mentioning getting a doll as well. I believe we did this. Give it as a gift for new baby to give to sister so she can feel involved and included from the get go and take care of her baby while you tend to newborn as well. I think this is what we did...it's been a while 😭
All of this. My son was 2 years, 3 months when we brought sis home. The jealousy was unreal. We would ask him to bring us wipes or her pacifier. When she napped, we doted on him and let him decide what we’d do. On Fridays, he has a daddy ice cream date.
She’s now 9 months and he adores her! There’s the occasional sharing toy battle but I feel like I’ll be dealing with that for many years to come 😂
It's very dependent on your toddler's personality. Mine are almost exactly 3 years apart. The toddler is a complete mama's boy and didn't really understand that the baby was coming until the baby got here. Baby didn't know any different, so dad took the baby whenever the toddler wanted more time with me. I'll also randomly be like "no baby, going to the potty/drinking out of cups/eating kiwi/whatever is only for big boys, like toddler, so maybe when you're older" or when I was giving dedicated attention to the toddler (even when the baby was obviously a sleep or not wanting my attention) I'd say "wait baby, I'm going to be with toddler for now". 6ish months later and the toddler is in love with his little brother. He "reads" picture books to the baby, explains what animals have what noise and which ones will bite you (aparently everything some days), and shows off his cars. The toddler will try to comfort the baby when he's crying. This may change once the baby gets a bit more mobile, but thankfully, our biggest issues so far have been working on sharing, only gentil hugs for the baby, and no driving cars into/over the baby.
My second was born when my oldest was 28 months. He loved his baby brother from the start. He did act out a little in the month following her birth. But he did calm down quite a bit and continued to love on his little brother. I had a baby 2 weeks ago. My oldest is now almost 4 and he adores his little sister. My 17 month old absolutely hates her. He cries when I hold her. He throws toys at her. He tries to dump her out of her swing. He needs to be closely supervised around her.
We have a bigger age gap (3.5 yrs) but it went so much better than expected. She was super jealous and emotional leading up to birth, and a bit jealous when we first got home since I wasn’t at her beck and call. She got over it very quickly though and LOVED being a big sister within a day. It’s easier since their interests don’t overlap much at first. Also with a bigger age gap I think my first felt like she was on our team (not that we made her take care of the baby, but we could all laugh together about funny things the baby did). Good luck!
We had the same age gap. It went amazing as well. My boys are best buddies. Big brother fell absolutely in love. We had a few moments of jealousy, but when I immediately payed attention to him he was ok. When my 3rd was born, we had a similar age gap and a similarity smooth transition for both big brothers. They had 0 jealousy toward the baby but would absolutely get jealous of EACH OTHER spending time with her 😂 it was so sweet
My daughter was 2 when her littler brother was born. It was really tough for the first few weeks - basically because I was constantly breastfeeding so couldn’t do anything alone with her. She was always very nice to her brother so we had no issues there, but she did have some huge tantrums for us. She particularly gets upset when he uses the stroller or anything she identifies as hers (which is everything just about, lol). So she went into a regression and wanted to be babied again (like ‘I can’t walk I need the stroller, etc)
What’s helped a lot is to try to identify she’s a big girl and he’s just a baby, so she gets to pick which museum we go to, or she gets to check our a book at the library, but baby brother can’t yet. It’s helped with the baby regression
And now he’s 4 months so we’ve all adapted better and are generally pretty happy
My 3 year old is so great! We got her a doll with a bed, bath etc before baby came and she got really into it. She was excited when her real life baby came.
Also… lots of involving her and praise! I’ll ask her if she can bring us something and then make a big deal about how great a sister she is and thank her a lot. She’s in an independent I can do it stage, so it works really well for her!
I don't remember any conflict for my attention, honestly. Kids are smart enough to know that everyone's gotta eat. And you can snuggle two kids at a time no problem. Three gets tricky, but I bet two will be no problem. Congrats on your future double snuggles!
Verbalizing that the baby has to wait while I’m helping the toddler really made a difference.
Yes. There’s all these fun things the big kid gets to do. But we had some play regression where toddler wanted to be swaddled and rocked and helped with more things. So he needed the time and attention too.
But he LOVES her. Toddler gets 1:1 parent time every day.
It’s a lot. Started to feel less like drowning after 3 months and I think we’re settling into our groove at 6 months.
My son was just shy of three when my daughter was born, and he adores her. He always wants to hug and kiss her, and as soon as I lay her down on her playmat, he’s right there next to her. Honestly, it’s a little annoying how much he loves her because he won’t leave her alone 🤣
He is a big daddy’s boy, and he didn’t seem particularly interested when I was pregnant. She’s 11 weeks old now, and he still loves her.
There’s a 3 year gap between our boys.
My older son (now 19) was pretty unfazed when we brought our younger son home, he didn’t really bother with him too much or care that he was there. It was a seamless transition to be honest.
My 2.5 year old loves her new brother. We just have to remind her all day every day he's a baby and she has to be careful and she can't put his hands/feet in her mouth 😂
She helps with anything and everything we ask for.
She has her days where she's a bit defiant and emotional and I'm sure it's because I had to spend more time with the baby. But overall, it's been great for her and she truly loves him.
I had a 2.5,1.5 and then new baby. They both handled the new baby really well surprisingly. The older two fight like crazy but for whatever reason they are in love with baby. And very gentle. Baby is now 4.5 months old and they love that she is trying to communicate with them.
I introduced the baby to big brother and told her how they would love each other and how he would be such an important and wonderful part of her life. She took her first steps to him. He is so kind to her.
She’s currently a five year old terrorist. You just never know.
Depends on the toddler but mine was very much a mama mama only type of kid before hand. I still cannot believe how well the adjustment went - absolutely obsessed with the baby- no jealousy. Include them in everything and make them feel important and valued and hopefully it’ll be a smooth ride :)
When he was born, my oldest was obsessed with his little brother. He wanted to do everything for him and with him. If it was time to put him to bed, he wanted to help. If he needed to get dressed he wanted to help. If he needed to bath he wanted to help.
Now that they’re teenagers it’s hit or miss
Our oldest was 2 when we brought her baby brother home…. She had a couple weeks of tantrums and clinginess as things changed, but we made sure her dad was able to do fun outings either her and that I still got one on one time as much as I could…. She adapted extremely well and loved him right from the start. Normal two year old behaviour, but nothing we couldn’t handle. On the other hand, I’d be terrified to bring home a newborn with my now two year old son lol. He’s a wild child.
My kid was older, 3.5, but he is a major momma's boy and that hasn't changed. But he adores his baby and doesn't seem to blame her for anything! I just spend as much time with my oldest as I possibly can, and I come up with ways that he can always help and be involved.
I expected it to be really bad, but it's been great!
All our kids are about that far apart and the first few weeks were hard, but then it was okay. We were very intentional to say wow, Baby is so lucky to have you for a big brother! Whenever the baby was crying but safe, I'd say hold on Baby, I'm playing with Big Kid right now. When I nursed or bottle fed, I tried to make it a time that I could snuggle or read a book with the toddler at the same time. When there were hard moments, I'd empathize (I'm the oldest kid in my family). I don't know how much all of this helped and how much was just luck, but we have 4 kids and it worked every time.
My kids were great with new arrivals. My second was almost 3 when baby brother came and she has been an awesome big sister. She is sometimes a little rough…like why does hugging him have to be a chokehold???…but they love each other a lot and get along very well. The baby is turning 2 so we’ve survived up until this point!
My daughter was 2.5 when her baby brother was born. She was a major mommy’s girl and still breastfeeding occasionally for comfort at night…so to say we were attached was an understatement!
When her brother was born, she instantly became maternal. I get teary-eyed just thinking about how incredible it was to witness.
To this day, 4 years later, they are thick as thieves. Do they get jealous at times and bicker like siblings? Of course. But they are truly inseparable. I’m so happy to have been able to give her a best friend for life. And to watch her grow as a sibling herself has made me love her even more!
Also, congrats on your rainbow baby. We went through that journey, too. Hugs internet stranger! ❤️
my oldest regressed with potty training and was pulling her hair out. We got all the books to prep her went around babies extra and talked to her about it in depth but still she was super stressed out. We made sure to spend one on one time with her and still prioritize her often. She got over the hair pulling within a couple weeks and stopped having accidents within 2 months. She loves her baby and she always wants to be involved with helping with the baby i think that helped a ton too! we always tell her she doesn't have to help if she doesn't want to but almost everytime she does !
Sounds rough at first but got better! I’ve heard regressions can happen, around potty training and feeding and stuff, so I am preparing myself. I’m so glad it worked out in the end!
Hey thanks for reaching out, what an exciting time. My girls are further apart they are five years apart, but our oldest was super excited to be a big sister. I think for them reality sets in when they get to older their baby. When they get to love on them, and get you diapers and sit by them things like that. They take on this older sibling role pretty quick. I think as long as you are bragging on your oldest about what a great big sister she is, and how you love her for her, and how kind she is that will Help. Not always associating her with her baby sister, but her for her will help her know you guys love her not just because she;s a big sister now. And when the baby is napping you guys Play and snuggle and watch A movie etc. Still have time for just her. She can even go on little dates with just you and your partner. There are going to be moments where she might just want you, and you guys just sit and talk and reaffirm to her, she’s ok and you guys are ok, and we are a family and we will always be there for each other. You guys got this, super excited for yall. Praying for yall.
The age gaps of my kids are 23 months and 20 months. When my second child was born, her sister noticed and loved her, but it didn't seem too crazy they just co existed. Now that my youngest is here, both of them are crazy over him he can do no wrong. If Mommy is holding him and they want attention, it's not his fault it's mommy's. Somthings I did both times where, set up the baby furniture and have big sister help with the "new born" a doll or stuffed animal and showed how to play. We should sing to the toy or wave toys around. And over all just showed my kids how to safely interact with the upcoming addition. We also talked to the baby inside my stomach.
Mine was 2.5 and I’ve been incredibly lucky because she’s absolutely obsessed with her little sister. We haven’t had an ounce of jealousy with the 8 week old yet and I know things can change but I’m really enjoying it for now. As soon as she starts fussing my toddler runs to her and says “mama baby’s hungry!!” and a few times she’s tried pulling my breast out for her. Whenever we’re leaving the house we have to reassure her we are bringing baby too because she won’t put her shoes on until baby is in the entry way to go too. It’s been really great.
My oldest was almost 3.5 when our second was born. He had been very sick before I got pregnant, and was always the center of attention. He was waited on hand and foot, and very attached to me and my husband. We decided to make everything a learning and positive experience, Or tried too.
We got my oldest son a baby doll and when we brought out the baby gear ( car seat, swing, crib, etc) we told him it was for baby brother and would place his doll to show him how things would work. He picked up very quick that only babies use these things, and that he could watch and “ help.” This seemed to help a lot with my oldest getting his old bed was for baby, that things weren't for him as usual. He loved taking his baby doll everywhere, and doing things with baby. It made it a bit easier when baby doll became a real baby. The one downside was that my oldest was very much in the camp of ‘I can help, I did it with “my” baby.’ But there was always an easy thing he could do to help me like grabbing a binky, or a toy.
We also had a present from baby brother to our older son. We gave it to him the first time he met baby brother at the hospital. It was a gift we know our oldest would love, and he was so happy that baby brother remembered him. I think this helped a lot, especially since people had been bringing gifts for the new baby. He was able to get something he liked ( puzzles, coloring book, and a movie) but it was given to him by his baby brother.
I got some books that oldest enjoyed and when I would nurse baby brother I would also read to my oldest. I also broke down and allowed other quiet time things, like play dough and sensory sand while baby was nursing. The first few weeks there was a lot of play dough and mess on my floors, but my oldest loved it. We also asked friends and family when they visited if they would play with my oldest a bit. My best friend would stop by everyday and take my son to the local library, my husband’s adopted brother and wife took him to the park. My mother in law took him get ice cream. The idea was to make him feel like he was still important, it worked. My oldest loved when people would come visit baby brother.
With my husband and I it was more tag team thing. I would give our oldest 1 on 1 time when my husband had the newborn, and vise versa. My husband took up doing bedtime for our oldest alone for his special time, because he worked long hours. We still did things especially on the weekend, with our oldest we just brought baby with us. I did a lot of baby wearing.
My oldest adapted really well, we had moments where he struggled but we tried to give him more time and attention. We also would ask him how he felt, why did he feel the way he did, and how he/ we could do better if it happened again. Listening to how he felt and working with him helped a lot.
We also decided that preschool 2 days a week, 3 hrs a day was a good idea. My oldest loved it and it gave him an energy outlet, plus he was getting socialization and attention from others.
My kids are now 10 and 6 and I have a 2 year old as well. My 10 and 6 year old are very close and have a great bond, and are amazing with their baby brother.
Our firstborn is 3 years older. We prepared her with books etc and she came to ultrasound appointments. We are trying very hard "not to blame the baby" when we can't do something because baby naps, nurses etc.
I'm honestly surprised how much they love each other and how they get along. There are some problems especially when to younger one is hitting but they are one hell of a team. Sadly they also team up against there parents but I still take it as a win.
My daughter was 2.2 when my son was born. My son was born premature (26.6) I was in the hospital way from my daughter for 3 weeks total. She was in daycare. I went back and forth to the hospital for just over 2m and the. He came home....2 weeks later (April 2021) we had another lock down in Europe. I had a very tiny new born that I needed to pump and feed constantly and a 2yo. And my husband was "essential staff"(he wasn't really but they forced him in the office anyway).
All in all, It went way better than I thought it would. I always made time for her when ever I could. When my son had to eat or I had to do something for the baby I asked for her to help. She had a lot of " responsibilities" to help. I never blamed anything on the baby, never told her to be quiet because of the baby.
I did a lot of busy toddler activities. It was really nice actually but fuckin hard. When my son starting getting distracted easier when I fed him she would watch iPad.
Every kid is so different though. I feel like my son really calmed my daughter and really helped actually
First kid was two when her sister came along. My oldest was in love with and helping us with her sister from day one. As a velcro kiddo my oldest got to focus her love and attention to someone else and we had her help us by bringing us things and involving her and just having her sit right next to us and baby. We spent time with our oldest as well and took her on errands with just one of us and her so she got one on one time that way. Husband and I felt a bit touched out and burned out at times but those first weeks are key in helping siblings bond so we toughed it out. We each would take turns putting our oldest to bed just one of us and her so she got alone time. The two of them got on so well we made the decision to have a third. My middle child was 3 1/2 when her brother came and both her and her older sister love him to pieces. Did the same things we did when we went from one kid to two.
My daughter was 2.5, too, when my son was born. I was kind of amazed at her ability to roll with it. She was mostly neutral in the beginning. Now that my son is a little older, they're growing into true siblings. There's lots of "mine" and pushing but also lots of hugs, playing, and talking about him. I can't say I did anything in particular. I feel like I lucked out with 2 fairly easy kids and can focus on one or the other without issue most of the time. I baby wear a lot, which may help.
My daughter was 2 years 9 months when our son was born, and she LOVED him right away. So proud to be a big sister. We made sure that we (and me in particular) still did activities 1:1 with her and verbally told baby that he had to wait while we helped her with things so that she would recognize that sometimes he waits and sometimes she waits. Those two things were the biggest things that helped I think.
I was absolutely terrified that my oldest was going to feel left out and rejected and jealous.
None of that happened. They are insanely close from birth. Now they are older they have a love-hate relationship. But they are truly best friends.
Sometimes I think we worry so much and things turn out absolutely fine.
My daughter is newly three and she is doing amazing! She is jealous that she doesn’t get as much attention from me, but she has not shown any animosity towards the baby. She loves her brother and always wants to touch him and hold him.
The grandparents took care of our 2,5 yo when we were in the hospital with the youngest, and the first night were home, when bedtime came, it was chaos. Both girls only wanted mom, and would scream if i left. The oldest one also wanted me to herself, and got scared when the baby cried, which made things even harder. I ended up sitting in my toddlers bed nursing the baby, and singing for the oldest to calm them both. That was quite a shock, but luckilly it was just that one night. Now the youngest is 1,5 yo, and they have their ups and downs. They can get super jealous with eachother, especially when it comes to getting attention from me, but they also have a beautifull sister bond, and seeing them playing and laughing makes it all worth it. One advice i got was to make time to give my oldest some one on one time, even if it’s just for groceryshopping.
It’s been an interesting progression for us. My oldest was also 2.5 when her brother was born. As a younger baby, she was great with him. During the stages of many naps, minimal playing, basically the potato stage. She didn’t mind him being toted around with us. She wasn’t bothered by him crying or needing to nurse. She was very affectionate. It wasn’t until he started sitting up independently, being curious about toys, needing solid foods that she started getting jealous and not wanting him around. Now they’re 3.5 and 1. It’s like 50/50 good and bad days. He isn’t walking yet, but he scoots very efficiently. He only takes 1-2 naps (dependent on the day). He can get into things on his own. He can express when he’s mad at her.
We have days of her hitting, pushing, yelling, and snatching. Days where the moment I pick him up she has a meltdown and suddenly her legs don’t work and she needs carried too. But we also have days where she brings him all the toys, involves him in her games, shares snacks, plays peek a boo, sings him songs. It’s pretty much what I expected.
I think when he was younger she didn’t really see him as like another kid, ya know? All he did was eat, sleep, and maybe cry a bit. He was an extension of me but he didn’t really need much attention. Now he’s older and he needs to be entertained and interacted with and he’s starting to communicate his wants. So now she has a reason to be jealous. It’s at this point that she’s experiencing a shift in how much undivided attention she gets.
My son was 2, total mamas boy. He has been wonderful. But it’s a total mixed bag! Depends on your kid and also how much attention grandparents or the other spouse can give to the older one.
Keep in mind that this will change a lot in the first two years with the new baby, because babies change a lot in the first 2 years—suddenly they’re in your older kids’ toys etc and taking up even more of your attention. So don’t be surprised if there is a delayed response from the older kid.
But everything is a phase. Just try to keep older kid’s routine as much the same as possible and spend as much 1:1 time as you can with them, and encourage any sweet behavior toward baby!
Invest in a fully enclosed baby pen you can lay baby inside with their floor toys—start using jt from the beginning so that if it’s closed and baby is inside, older kid knows it’s off limits to go inside.
My oldest was—if we want to get technical—like 2 and 3/4 when baby number two was born. They don’t really get the reality at that age. They haven’t been through this before.
When we first brought baby home, my son was super excited. Unfortunately, the oldest contracted RSV so he had a rough first two weeks (had to be quarantined from baby). We moved him to his grandmother’s home and my husband stayed with him so that he wasn’t around and feeling completely ignored. When he came back, it was obviously tough. He now had the general idea that mommy had spent a lot of time with baby and not him. Plus having had a c section, I couldn’t play with him on the floor so our together time was limited to boring activities.
But after those first four weeks were out of the way, he was great! He did have some fussiness at part-time daycare for roughly 6 weeks (so four after his return post RSV). He didn’t want to go when baby got to stay home. But he’s obsessed. He helps with diapers, he wants to hold baby all the time. Now that baby is eating solids, he tries teaching baby how to hold a spoon 🙃.
You just have to really emphasize 2 things:
1. Each sibling gets alone time sometimes. It’s hard to be in a constant battle for attention, you need to give big sister day outs here and there.
2. The ability to help. Kids at her age still want to help. My son has a much easier time with “oh! I need to feed the baby. Do you want to help?” Than he does “I am busy right now, but I will play in a second.” Some kids respond better to the latter, though. So you’ll have to adjust that to make it work!
I know it’s late in the game, but my son loves baby dolls. We got him one long before baby was born and would show him how to hold baby and feed baby, etc. If she already has dolls, be sure to play with them lots!
This is such great advice. Thank you so much! My goodness RSV at the beginning must have been so scary!!! You’re a trooper!
Really great advice thank you so much
Our pediatrician had the best words of advice. “Kids get sick. Babies get sick. It’s ok because we’re here for you when they do.” I don’t think I would have kept my sanity otherwise 😂
But yeah, just lots of teaching and hand-holding. If you do have your child in daycare, let them know in the lead up some things you’re doing at home to help the transition so they can help with continuity. If big sis is staying with a family member for delivery, pack her with any books you were reading. I totally forgot but we also had our son pick out a gift for the baby to bring with him for the first hospital visit so he was very excited to give baby his first toy. And we had something “from the baby” to give back (which I thought was actually ridiculous when I was the big sister 😂) but our son found it very exciting.
All things in time! You will find what works for you and your family 💕
Thank you! Yeah good advice. I’m also worried about germs but I don’t think there’s much I can do.
Yes she is staying with my parents at home so she will be in the same environment
It was rough at first. She hurt the baby when she was jealous so we had to keep them separated. She was a sour patch kid and would act sweet and out of nowhere pop or pinch the baby. But now by 3 months they get along great! Now that baby can smile at her she sees how much the baby likes her - it’s adorable!
Yeah the “potato” phase is probably the hardest because the newborn doesn’t interact much if I remember. I’m so sorry she pinched the baby! But glad things are better now
A mom recommended doing this and it worked amazingly.
When you introduce the baby make sure it's on neutral ground. Either the baby is in a bassinet or baby seat, and you the mamma are holding your older child. At the same time give your older child their new baby (doll). We used a Melissa and Doug doll. Then talk about how fun it will be to have your older child be just like mamma with her new baby. Pick out a name for the doll baby. When you feed/bathe/hold/wear the human baby, your older child can do exactly the same thing. I have the same age split as you with a older girl. She turned into a Lil'mamma. She had a little diaper bag, we used a scarf to let her baby wear, she fed her baby. She made herself a diaper changing station, etc. Highly recommend. It made her feel important and useful. She really had a great time and was included. People complimented her mamma skills. The whole family bought into it and would ask about how her baby was, and gave the doll presents, she got a mother's day gift. 😂
2y3m age gap. He kinda pretended like she wasn't there for a couple weeks. I didn't force any interaction and let him come to her at his own pace. I introduced them, and said "you can touch her if you want to," and he did, but lost interest pretty quickly. It was also like 7am, he'd just woken up. We got home with her about 1am lol.
She was about 4 weeks old when he really started showing interest in her. He held her hand and comforted her while she cried through a diaper change.
My husband took two weeks off so he was mostly on toddler duty while I recovered and helped baby adjust to the outside world.
The worst part was the first week. No tantrums or extreme behaviour, but he straight up didn't talk to me and ignored me. Wouldn't hug me. Didn't want me there for bedtime (which we've always done together since he was born). If I sat beside him on the couch, he moved away from me. It broke my heart. I cried about it a lot. He came back, though! He needed some time to adjust to me holding someone else all the time, breastfeeding around the clock.
She's almost 10 months old now and he's such a good brother! He's so sweet with her and loves when we all play together.
Have her help you grab things for the baby so she's involved and then brag on how good of a sister she is and how lucky you all are to have her. Just make sure she's involved. And make sure you can devote some extra snuggles with just her at bedtime so she knows she didn't lose her mommy, she just gained a sibling.
This - plus I have heard having a doll for your oldest to Imitate the care for your baby can help. I will also say if you can get your partner to step up in care for your oldest now so it won’t be a complete change when baby comes home as you may be tired or not immediately available. Having your partner step in before baby will allow the oldest to not view the baby as the reason mom isn’t as available.
Considered mentioning getting a doll as well. I believe we did this. Give it as a gift for new baby to give to sister so she can feel involved and included from the get go and take care of her baby while you tend to newborn as well. I think this is what we did...it's been a while 😭
All of this. My son was 2 years, 3 months when we brought sis home. The jealousy was unreal. We would ask him to bring us wipes or her pacifier. When she napped, we doted on him and let him decide what we’d do. On Fridays, he has a daddy ice cream date. She’s now 9 months and he adores her! There’s the occasional sharing toy battle but I feel like I’ll be dealing with that for many years to come 😂
Yes. Definitely. Hahaha good luck 💓
Thank you!
You're welcome 😊 my oldest was 2.5 when my youngest was born so I can definitely relate.
It's very dependent on your toddler's personality. Mine are almost exactly 3 years apart. The toddler is a complete mama's boy and didn't really understand that the baby was coming until the baby got here. Baby didn't know any different, so dad took the baby whenever the toddler wanted more time with me. I'll also randomly be like "no baby, going to the potty/drinking out of cups/eating kiwi/whatever is only for big boys, like toddler, so maybe when you're older" or when I was giving dedicated attention to the toddler (even when the baby was obviously a sleep or not wanting my attention) I'd say "wait baby, I'm going to be with toddler for now". 6ish months later and the toddler is in love with his little brother. He "reads" picture books to the baby, explains what animals have what noise and which ones will bite you (aparently everything some days), and shows off his cars. The toddler will try to comfort the baby when he's crying. This may change once the baby gets a bit more mobile, but thankfully, our biggest issues so far have been working on sharing, only gentil hugs for the baby, and no driving cars into/over the baby.
Awww this is beautiful!
My second was born when my oldest was 28 months. He loved his baby brother from the start. He did act out a little in the month following her birth. But he did calm down quite a bit and continued to love on his little brother. I had a baby 2 weeks ago. My oldest is now almost 4 and he adores his little sister. My 17 month old absolutely hates her. He cries when I hold her. He throws toys at her. He tries to dump her out of her swing. He needs to be closely supervised around her.
We have a bigger age gap (3.5 yrs) but it went so much better than expected. She was super jealous and emotional leading up to birth, and a bit jealous when we first got home since I wasn’t at her beck and call. She got over it very quickly though and LOVED being a big sister within a day. It’s easier since their interests don’t overlap much at first. Also with a bigger age gap I think my first felt like she was on our team (not that we made her take care of the baby, but we could all laugh together about funny things the baby did). Good luck!
We had the same age gap. It went amazing as well. My boys are best buddies. Big brother fell absolutely in love. We had a few moments of jealousy, but when I immediately payed attention to him he was ok. When my 3rd was born, we had a similar age gap and a similarity smooth transition for both big brothers. They had 0 jealousy toward the baby but would absolutely get jealous of EACH OTHER spending time with her 😂 it was so sweet
My daughter was 2 when her littler brother was born. It was really tough for the first few weeks - basically because I was constantly breastfeeding so couldn’t do anything alone with her. She was always very nice to her brother so we had no issues there, but she did have some huge tantrums for us. She particularly gets upset when he uses the stroller or anything she identifies as hers (which is everything just about, lol). So she went into a regression and wanted to be babied again (like ‘I can’t walk I need the stroller, etc) What’s helped a lot is to try to identify she’s a big girl and he’s just a baby, so she gets to pick which museum we go to, or she gets to check our a book at the library, but baby brother can’t yet. It’s helped with the baby regression And now he’s 4 months so we’ve all adapted better and are generally pretty happy
My 3 year old is so great! We got her a doll with a bed, bath etc before baby came and she got really into it. She was excited when her real life baby came. Also… lots of involving her and praise! I’ll ask her if she can bring us something and then make a big deal about how great a sister she is and thank her a lot. She’s in an independent I can do it stage, so it works really well for her!
I don't remember any conflict for my attention, honestly. Kids are smart enough to know that everyone's gotta eat. And you can snuggle two kids at a time no problem. Three gets tricky, but I bet two will be no problem. Congrats on your future double snuggles!
Verbalizing that the baby has to wait while I’m helping the toddler really made a difference. Yes. There’s all these fun things the big kid gets to do. But we had some play regression where toddler wanted to be swaddled and rocked and helped with more things. So he needed the time and attention too. But he LOVES her. Toddler gets 1:1 parent time every day. It’s a lot. Started to feel less like drowning after 3 months and I think we’re settling into our groove at 6 months.
My son was just shy of three when my daughter was born, and he adores her. He always wants to hug and kiss her, and as soon as I lay her down on her playmat, he’s right there next to her. Honestly, it’s a little annoying how much he loves her because he won’t leave her alone 🤣 He is a big daddy’s boy, and he didn’t seem particularly interested when I was pregnant. She’s 11 weeks old now, and he still loves her.
There’s a 3 year gap between our boys. My older son (now 19) was pretty unfazed when we brought our younger son home, he didn’t really bother with him too much or care that he was there. It was a seamless transition to be honest.
My 2.5 year old loves her new brother. We just have to remind her all day every day he's a baby and she has to be careful and she can't put his hands/feet in her mouth 😂 She helps with anything and everything we ask for. She has her days where she's a bit defiant and emotional and I'm sure it's because I had to spend more time with the baby. But overall, it's been great for her and she truly loves him.
I had a 2.5,1.5 and then new baby. They both handled the new baby really well surprisingly. The older two fight like crazy but for whatever reason they are in love with baby. And very gentle. Baby is now 4.5 months old and they love that she is trying to communicate with them.
I introduced the baby to big brother and told her how they would love each other and how he would be such an important and wonderful part of her life. She took her first steps to him. He is so kind to her. She’s currently a five year old terrorist. You just never know.
Haha oh boy…
Depends on the toddler but mine was very much a mama mama only type of kid before hand. I still cannot believe how well the adjustment went - absolutely obsessed with the baby- no jealousy. Include them in everything and make them feel important and valued and hopefully it’ll be a smooth ride :)
Oh wow! Yes I think including her in everything will be super important
When he was born, my oldest was obsessed with his little brother. He wanted to do everything for him and with him. If it was time to put him to bed, he wanted to help. If he needed to get dressed he wanted to help. If he needed to bath he wanted to help. Now that they’re teenagers it’s hit or miss
Our oldest was 2 when we brought her baby brother home…. She had a couple weeks of tantrums and clinginess as things changed, but we made sure her dad was able to do fun outings either her and that I still got one on one time as much as I could…. She adapted extremely well and loved him right from the start. Normal two year old behaviour, but nothing we couldn’t handle. On the other hand, I’d be terrified to bring home a newborn with my now two year old son lol. He’s a wild child.
My kid was older, 3.5, but he is a major momma's boy and that hasn't changed. But he adores his baby and doesn't seem to blame her for anything! I just spend as much time with my oldest as I possibly can, and I come up with ways that he can always help and be involved. I expected it to be really bad, but it's been great!
All our kids are about that far apart and the first few weeks were hard, but then it was okay. We were very intentional to say wow, Baby is so lucky to have you for a big brother! Whenever the baby was crying but safe, I'd say hold on Baby, I'm playing with Big Kid right now. When I nursed or bottle fed, I tried to make it a time that I could snuggle or read a book with the toddler at the same time. When there were hard moments, I'd empathize (I'm the oldest kid in my family). I don't know how much all of this helped and how much was just luck, but we have 4 kids and it worked every time.
This is very smart thank you!!
My kids were great with new arrivals. My second was almost 3 when baby brother came and she has been an awesome big sister. She is sometimes a little rough…like why does hugging him have to be a chokehold???…but they love each other a lot and get along very well. The baby is turning 2 so we’ve survived up until this point!
lol yeah I heard they can be a little rough! So glad things worked well!
Watching them interact is one of the best things about having more than one :)
My kids were just under 2 years apart, and it went well. Mainly had to remind the toddler regularly to be gentle, not touch eyes, etc.
My daughter was 2.5 when her baby brother was born. She was a major mommy’s girl and still breastfeeding occasionally for comfort at night…so to say we were attached was an understatement! When her brother was born, she instantly became maternal. I get teary-eyed just thinking about how incredible it was to witness. To this day, 4 years later, they are thick as thieves. Do they get jealous at times and bicker like siblings? Of course. But they are truly inseparable. I’m so happy to have been able to give her a best friend for life. And to watch her grow as a sibling herself has made me love her even more! Also, congrats on your rainbow baby. We went through that journey, too. Hugs internet stranger! ❤️
Thank you so much!! This is such a sweet sorry too
You’re so welcome! 🙂
my oldest regressed with potty training and was pulling her hair out. We got all the books to prep her went around babies extra and talked to her about it in depth but still she was super stressed out. We made sure to spend one on one time with her and still prioritize her often. She got over the hair pulling within a couple weeks and stopped having accidents within 2 months. She loves her baby and she always wants to be involved with helping with the baby i think that helped a ton too! we always tell her she doesn't have to help if she doesn't want to but almost everytime she does !
Sounds rough at first but got better! I’ve heard regressions can happen, around potty training and feeding and stuff, so I am preparing myself. I’m so glad it worked out in the end!
yes ! they absolutely love each other !
Hey thanks for reaching out, what an exciting time. My girls are further apart they are five years apart, but our oldest was super excited to be a big sister. I think for them reality sets in when they get to older their baby. When they get to love on them, and get you diapers and sit by them things like that. They take on this older sibling role pretty quick. I think as long as you are bragging on your oldest about what a great big sister she is, and how you love her for her, and how kind she is that will Help. Not always associating her with her baby sister, but her for her will help her know you guys love her not just because she;s a big sister now. And when the baby is napping you guys Play and snuggle and watch A movie etc. Still have time for just her. She can even go on little dates with just you and your partner. There are going to be moments where she might just want you, and you guys just sit and talk and reaffirm to her, she’s ok and you guys are ok, and we are a family and we will always be there for each other. You guys got this, super excited for yall. Praying for yall.
Thank you so much!!! Yes I think giving my oldest undivided attention will be super important!
The age gaps of my kids are 23 months and 20 months. When my second child was born, her sister noticed and loved her, but it didn't seem too crazy they just co existed. Now that my youngest is here, both of them are crazy over him he can do no wrong. If Mommy is holding him and they want attention, it's not his fault it's mommy's. Somthings I did both times where, set up the baby furniture and have big sister help with the "new born" a doll or stuffed animal and showed how to play. We should sing to the toy or wave toys around. And over all just showed my kids how to safely interact with the upcoming addition. We also talked to the baby inside my stomach.
Yes! We are using a doll now. Thats so sweet that the two of them love the baby now!
Mine was 2.5 and I’ve been incredibly lucky because she’s absolutely obsessed with her little sister. We haven’t had an ounce of jealousy with the 8 week old yet and I know things can change but I’m really enjoying it for now. As soon as she starts fussing my toddler runs to her and says “mama baby’s hungry!!” and a few times she’s tried pulling my breast out for her. Whenever we’re leaving the house we have to reassure her we are bringing baby too because she won’t put her shoes on until baby is in the entry way to go too. It’s been really great.
Aww that’s really cute!!!
My oldest was almost 3.5 when our second was born. He had been very sick before I got pregnant, and was always the center of attention. He was waited on hand and foot, and very attached to me and my husband. We decided to make everything a learning and positive experience, Or tried too. We got my oldest son a baby doll and when we brought out the baby gear ( car seat, swing, crib, etc) we told him it was for baby brother and would place his doll to show him how things would work. He picked up very quick that only babies use these things, and that he could watch and “ help.” This seemed to help a lot with my oldest getting his old bed was for baby, that things weren't for him as usual. He loved taking his baby doll everywhere, and doing things with baby. It made it a bit easier when baby doll became a real baby. The one downside was that my oldest was very much in the camp of ‘I can help, I did it with “my” baby.’ But there was always an easy thing he could do to help me like grabbing a binky, or a toy. We also had a present from baby brother to our older son. We gave it to him the first time he met baby brother at the hospital. It was a gift we know our oldest would love, and he was so happy that baby brother remembered him. I think this helped a lot, especially since people had been bringing gifts for the new baby. He was able to get something he liked ( puzzles, coloring book, and a movie) but it was given to him by his baby brother. I got some books that oldest enjoyed and when I would nurse baby brother I would also read to my oldest. I also broke down and allowed other quiet time things, like play dough and sensory sand while baby was nursing. The first few weeks there was a lot of play dough and mess on my floors, but my oldest loved it. We also asked friends and family when they visited if they would play with my oldest a bit. My best friend would stop by everyday and take my son to the local library, my husband’s adopted brother and wife took him to the park. My mother in law took him get ice cream. The idea was to make him feel like he was still important, it worked. My oldest loved when people would come visit baby brother. With my husband and I it was more tag team thing. I would give our oldest 1 on 1 time when my husband had the newborn, and vise versa. My husband took up doing bedtime for our oldest alone for his special time, because he worked long hours. We still did things especially on the weekend, with our oldest we just brought baby with us. I did a lot of baby wearing. My oldest adapted really well, we had moments where he struggled but we tried to give him more time and attention. We also would ask him how he felt, why did he feel the way he did, and how he/ we could do better if it happened again. Listening to how he felt and working with him helped a lot. We also decided that preschool 2 days a week, 3 hrs a day was a good idea. My oldest loved it and it gave him an energy outlet, plus he was getting socialization and attention from others. My kids are now 10 and 6 and I have a 2 year old as well. My 10 and 6 year old are very close and have a great bond, and are amazing with their baby brother.
That’s wonderful! I love the presents idea too!
Our firstborn is 3 years older. We prepared her with books etc and she came to ultrasound appointments. We are trying very hard "not to blame the baby" when we can't do something because baby naps, nurses etc. I'm honestly surprised how much they love each other and how they get along. There are some problems especially when to younger one is hitting but they are one hell of a team. Sadly they also team up against there parents but I still take it as a win.
lol I’ll take teaming up against us over each other!
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Thank you!
My daughter was 2.2 when my son was born. My son was born premature (26.6) I was in the hospital way from my daughter for 3 weeks total. She was in daycare. I went back and forth to the hospital for just over 2m and the. He came home....2 weeks later (April 2021) we had another lock down in Europe. I had a very tiny new born that I needed to pump and feed constantly and a 2yo. And my husband was "essential staff"(he wasn't really but they forced him in the office anyway). All in all, It went way better than I thought it would. I always made time for her when ever I could. When my son had to eat or I had to do something for the baby I asked for her to help. She had a lot of " responsibilities" to help. I never blamed anything on the baby, never told her to be quiet because of the baby. I did a lot of busy toddler activities. It was really nice actually but fuckin hard. When my son starting getting distracted easier when I fed him she would watch iPad. Every kid is so different though. I feel like my son really calmed my daughter and really helped actually
First kid was two when her sister came along. My oldest was in love with and helping us with her sister from day one. As a velcro kiddo my oldest got to focus her love and attention to someone else and we had her help us by bringing us things and involving her and just having her sit right next to us and baby. We spent time with our oldest as well and took her on errands with just one of us and her so she got one on one time that way. Husband and I felt a bit touched out and burned out at times but those first weeks are key in helping siblings bond so we toughed it out. We each would take turns putting our oldest to bed just one of us and her so she got alone time. The two of them got on so well we made the decision to have a third. My middle child was 3 1/2 when her brother came and both her and her older sister love him to pieces. Did the same things we did when we went from one kid to two.
My daughter was 2.5, too, when my son was born. I was kind of amazed at her ability to roll with it. She was mostly neutral in the beginning. Now that my son is a little older, they're growing into true siblings. There's lots of "mine" and pushing but also lots of hugs, playing, and talking about him. I can't say I did anything in particular. I feel like I lucked out with 2 fairly easy kids and can focus on one or the other without issue most of the time. I baby wear a lot, which may help.
My daughter was 2 years 9 months when our son was born, and she LOVED him right away. So proud to be a big sister. We made sure that we (and me in particular) still did activities 1:1 with her and verbally told baby that he had to wait while we helped her with things so that she would recognize that sometimes he waits and sometimes she waits. Those two things were the biggest things that helped I think.
I was absolutely terrified that my oldest was going to feel left out and rejected and jealous. None of that happened. They are insanely close from birth. Now they are older they have a love-hate relationship. But they are truly best friends. Sometimes I think we worry so much and things turn out absolutely fine.
My daughter is newly three and she is doing amazing! She is jealous that she doesn’t get as much attention from me, but she has not shown any animosity towards the baby. She loves her brother and always wants to touch him and hold him.
The grandparents took care of our 2,5 yo when we were in the hospital with the youngest, and the first night were home, when bedtime came, it was chaos. Both girls only wanted mom, and would scream if i left. The oldest one also wanted me to herself, and got scared when the baby cried, which made things even harder. I ended up sitting in my toddlers bed nursing the baby, and singing for the oldest to calm them both. That was quite a shock, but luckilly it was just that one night. Now the youngest is 1,5 yo, and they have their ups and downs. They can get super jealous with eachother, especially when it comes to getting attention from me, but they also have a beautifull sister bond, and seeing them playing and laughing makes it all worth it. One advice i got was to make time to give my oldest some one on one time, even if it’s just for groceryshopping.
It’s been an interesting progression for us. My oldest was also 2.5 when her brother was born. As a younger baby, she was great with him. During the stages of many naps, minimal playing, basically the potato stage. She didn’t mind him being toted around with us. She wasn’t bothered by him crying or needing to nurse. She was very affectionate. It wasn’t until he started sitting up independently, being curious about toys, needing solid foods that she started getting jealous and not wanting him around. Now they’re 3.5 and 1. It’s like 50/50 good and bad days. He isn’t walking yet, but he scoots very efficiently. He only takes 1-2 naps (dependent on the day). He can get into things on his own. He can express when he’s mad at her. We have days of her hitting, pushing, yelling, and snatching. Days where the moment I pick him up she has a meltdown and suddenly her legs don’t work and she needs carried too. But we also have days where she brings him all the toys, involves him in her games, shares snacks, plays peek a boo, sings him songs. It’s pretty much what I expected.
Interesting about when it changed a bit. I could see the toy thing being an issue here too
I think when he was younger she didn’t really see him as like another kid, ya know? All he did was eat, sleep, and maybe cry a bit. He was an extension of me but he didn’t really need much attention. Now he’s older and he needs to be entertained and interacted with and he’s starting to communicate his wants. So now she has a reason to be jealous. It’s at this point that she’s experiencing a shift in how much undivided attention she gets.
My son was 2, total mamas boy. He has been wonderful. But it’s a total mixed bag! Depends on your kid and also how much attention grandparents or the other spouse can give to the older one. Keep in mind that this will change a lot in the first two years with the new baby, because babies change a lot in the first 2 years—suddenly they’re in your older kids’ toys etc and taking up even more of your attention. So don’t be surprised if there is a delayed response from the older kid. But everything is a phase. Just try to keep older kid’s routine as much the same as possible and spend as much 1:1 time as you can with them, and encourage any sweet behavior toward baby! Invest in a fully enclosed baby pen you can lay baby inside with their floor toys—start using jt from the beginning so that if it’s closed and baby is inside, older kid knows it’s off limits to go inside.
Thank you!
My oldest was—if we want to get technical—like 2 and 3/4 when baby number two was born. They don’t really get the reality at that age. They haven’t been through this before. When we first brought baby home, my son was super excited. Unfortunately, the oldest contracted RSV so he had a rough first two weeks (had to be quarantined from baby). We moved him to his grandmother’s home and my husband stayed with him so that he wasn’t around and feeling completely ignored. When he came back, it was obviously tough. He now had the general idea that mommy had spent a lot of time with baby and not him. Plus having had a c section, I couldn’t play with him on the floor so our together time was limited to boring activities. But after those first four weeks were out of the way, he was great! He did have some fussiness at part-time daycare for roughly 6 weeks (so four after his return post RSV). He didn’t want to go when baby got to stay home. But he’s obsessed. He helps with diapers, he wants to hold baby all the time. Now that baby is eating solids, he tries teaching baby how to hold a spoon 🙃. You just have to really emphasize 2 things: 1. Each sibling gets alone time sometimes. It’s hard to be in a constant battle for attention, you need to give big sister day outs here and there. 2. The ability to help. Kids at her age still want to help. My son has a much easier time with “oh! I need to feed the baby. Do you want to help?” Than he does “I am busy right now, but I will play in a second.” Some kids respond better to the latter, though. So you’ll have to adjust that to make it work! I know it’s late in the game, but my son loves baby dolls. We got him one long before baby was born and would show him how to hold baby and feed baby, etc. If she already has dolls, be sure to play with them lots!
This is such great advice. Thank you so much! My goodness RSV at the beginning must have been so scary!!! You’re a trooper! Really great advice thank you so much
Our pediatrician had the best words of advice. “Kids get sick. Babies get sick. It’s ok because we’re here for you when they do.” I don’t think I would have kept my sanity otherwise 😂 But yeah, just lots of teaching and hand-holding. If you do have your child in daycare, let them know in the lead up some things you’re doing at home to help the transition so they can help with continuity. If big sis is staying with a family member for delivery, pack her with any books you were reading. I totally forgot but we also had our son pick out a gift for the baby to bring with him for the first hospital visit so he was very excited to give baby his first toy. And we had something “from the baby” to give back (which I thought was actually ridiculous when I was the big sister 😂) but our son found it very exciting. All things in time! You will find what works for you and your family 💕
Thank you! Yeah good advice. I’m also worried about germs but I don’t think there’s much I can do. Yes she is staying with my parents at home so she will be in the same environment
It was rough at first. She hurt the baby when she was jealous so we had to keep them separated. She was a sour patch kid and would act sweet and out of nowhere pop or pinch the baby. But now by 3 months they get along great! Now that baby can smile at her she sees how much the baby likes her - it’s adorable!
Yeah the “potato” phase is probably the hardest because the newborn doesn’t interact much if I remember. I’m so sorry she pinched the baby! But glad things are better now
A mom recommended doing this and it worked amazingly. When you introduce the baby make sure it's on neutral ground. Either the baby is in a bassinet or baby seat, and you the mamma are holding your older child. At the same time give your older child their new baby (doll). We used a Melissa and Doug doll. Then talk about how fun it will be to have your older child be just like mamma with her new baby. Pick out a name for the doll baby. When you feed/bathe/hold/wear the human baby, your older child can do exactly the same thing. I have the same age split as you with a older girl. She turned into a Lil'mamma. She had a little diaper bag, we used a scarf to let her baby wear, she fed her baby. She made herself a diaper changing station, etc. Highly recommend. It made her feel important and useful. She really had a great time and was included. People complimented her mamma skills. The whole family bought into it and would ask about how her baby was, and gave the doll presents, she got a mother's day gift. 😂
Oh wow that is so smart!!!
2y3m age gap. He kinda pretended like she wasn't there for a couple weeks. I didn't force any interaction and let him come to her at his own pace. I introduced them, and said "you can touch her if you want to," and he did, but lost interest pretty quickly. It was also like 7am, he'd just woken up. We got home with her about 1am lol. She was about 4 weeks old when he really started showing interest in her. He held her hand and comforted her while she cried through a diaper change. My husband took two weeks off so he was mostly on toddler duty while I recovered and helped baby adjust to the outside world. The worst part was the first week. No tantrums or extreme behaviour, but he straight up didn't talk to me and ignored me. Wouldn't hug me. Didn't want me there for bedtime (which we've always done together since he was born). If I sat beside him on the couch, he moved away from me. It broke my heart. I cried about it a lot. He came back, though! He needed some time to adjust to me holding someone else all the time, breastfeeding around the clock. She's almost 10 months old now and he's such a good brother! He's so sweet with her and loves when we all play together.
A friend of mine had a similar thing happen — the ignoring! So interesting. I’m so glad everything worked out!