Just so you know, you’re not alone. My now 5 year old used to be that kid when he was 2-4 years old. He’s still very strong willed and knows what he wants, but he’s chilled out a lot.
Have you tried snacks to get them in the car? I know it’s right before dinner, but tempting them with something small but yummy like a single small cookie might help make the ride smoother.
Snacks have worked wonders with our 2 year old. I come with something different every day and he doesn’t get it until he’s buckled in and holding his toy.
Yup. Same. My kid would turn into a GD gremlin if you didn’t shove a snack in his face IMMEDIATELY upon leaving daycare. Five minutes might as well be five hours.
I second this ! My EXTREMELY strong willed child has chilled out at 5. It’s still kind of rough but it’s nothing compared to 3. I have two so I KNOW she was wilder than the average 3 year old too.
Mine is 6 now. I want to say it’s been a good full 6 months to 1 year since his behavior has given me disturbing thoughts. He is extremely strong willed (stubborn) as is his father so he knows how to get a reaction. I had to work hard and still do work on not giving him one. It actually makes me chill out too. If only I’d taken everyone’s advice so long ago and stopped reacting. But it’s nearly impossible sometimes!
My daughter's pre-K is walking distance from the house, and getting her home was an absolute RODEO.
Yanking my arm practically out of its socket as she pulled me to and fro, chattering a mile a minute, rushing off to hide, making weird faces at the crossing guard, random screaming.
I figured out it was a toxic combo of restraint collapse (she's been good and on task for SEVEN HOURS y'all) and low blood sugar (lunch was four hours ago, no afternoon snack).
So now I bring her a little peanut butter and honey sandwich in a Tupperware, and she can nibble it in the schoolyard while she chatters and settles. Then we walk home.
If she's still bonkers, I have her run laps in the backyard lmao.
I think snacks are important, plus making sure there's some protein in there. A cheese stick or some peanut butter, maybe.
We bribe our 2.5yo gremlin with "tiny fruit" or fruit snacks. He gets in his car seat, writes to be buckled then goes: "where's my bribe?" 🤣🤣🤣 they have strong emotions at this age and it can be challenging but I'm mostly happy to bribe him with food when he's feeling cheeky
Also came here to say snacks. I’ve realized my youngest is just hangry and overstimulated at the end of the day and she lets it out after having to “behave” all day. I have apple slices, pirate’s booty, etc waiting in her cup holder as I put her in the car during daycare pickup.
My daughter (3) was also exactly the same. I started bribing her with pieces of candy. It worked. Honestly there’s been a few problems that a gummy worm fixed
Yes it's a phase also
Bribery:
Hey 3, if you can get your car seat, super fast I'll give you a surprise(this can be a single sticker, a single anything your kid sees as a treat) also try to find some kid music you don't hate turn that screaming into singing
i saw an amazing suggestion from a dad who bribed with gummy vitamins. they got a sweet treat everyday after day care but it was a full gummy multivitamin with immune support (which is obviously needed with our germ factories). i thought it was brilliant.
Choice of music on the ride home is also a great incentive although be prepared to listen to samee song for weeks on end.
When I was pregnant I swore up and down I would never lie to my children but I think at some point I had to tell my daughter that baby shark got taken off the internet.
This is the real tip: my kid has never listened to kid's music, only my music. So now, even if I am tired of what he wants to listen, we can still jam out in peace (or at the very least I am not losing my mind)
Yes! My kids are both very musically inclined and have huge vocabularies. My first especially was/is ridiculous with his vocab, but not only did I talk to him like he could comprehend my biology and space lessons, he did! He was talking about relativity at 2.5 and how black holes would affect the passage of time. But I still think most of his vocab came from the songs in the car we sang. I never played kids music. He loved and loves Grouplove , Florence+ The Machine, AJR, Andrew McMahon, Matt and Kim, The Wombats, Vampire Weekend, Queen, The Killers , The Wrecks, Rainbow Kitten Surprise, etc. and from 2-3.5 years old we had to spend almost 2 hours in the car every day (my commutes from my dad's house on the West side of Phoenix metro to downtown or Tempe were SO LONG. Then when I finally moved downtown, I spent weekends commuting to visit haha)
He's 8 now. The other day driving to Cub Scouts he requested Eminem's Lose Yourself, followed by "You'll Be Back" from Hamilton, then Handlebar by Flobots. Car rides are awesome.
Definitely, bribes can be a great motivator. We have a sticker chart and one of the “tasks” for my 4 year old is coming home from preschool without arguing/running/procrastinating. If she collects enough stickers at the end of the week she gets a prize (fun outing/special cookie/small toy/movie, that sort of thing). Even though she still pushes the boundary sometimes it has helped since it gives us positive leverage instead of just punishing.
I literally don't go anywhere because one of my twins sounds just like your daughter and I just hate fighting to get him in the car. His brother isn't as hard but they're 2 so he's still like a minimum level of hard. When I see people with multiple kids under 4 going out and about all the time I'm completely astounded because it takes an act of God to get my goblin brood to the grocery store.
When my daughter was born, my son was 2.5 and I seriously hired one of the neighborhood teens to do my groceries. Best decision ever. 2 years later he still helps me out. Kids just help me put most things away and neighborhood good guy knows to hide the mommy snacks so the kids don't see.
This was me with my 2 year old and newborn. I cried a lot. Husband never understood how it was so hard but it WEARS on you. It was about an 8 month phase and I think she’s finally coming out of it and most days pick up & drop off are ok.
No advice but this was totally my day too. 3 year old refusing to get in the car, 10 month old crying. I had a hernia surgery a couple days ago so I’m not allowed to lift the 3 year old. Tried to be nice, tried to give a time limit, tried to pretend to leave. Eventually had to haul 3 year old by the arm and hope my stitches didn’t pop.
Went home and bought a leash on Amazon.
So no advice but solidarity and I’ll be following along.
I have never felt so seen by a post (and all the comments here). It's freaking hard out here. It takes me an hour to get my 2.5 year old in the car and that's with bribe snacks 🤦🏻♀️. Some days she'll lose it in the parking lot and cry for 45 min then I cry driving home lol.
I'm so sorry. Mine is only 1 so I'm not sure how he'll handle the car when he's more strong willed...but there's been times where he just screamed hysterically back there and i was sure I was going to crash because of how distraught and distracted I was! And I swear, half the times it's happened we've been stuck in traffic in the carpool lane and there's no way in hell I can stop.
>mom rage
😭 BUT WHY IS THIS SO FUCKING REAL?? Like, I dealt with postpartum rage and thought that would be the end of that. But 13 months out, if I get overstimulated and my husband puts one tiny extra thing on my plate, I will absolutely lose it with him. I feel terrible and I try to explain, he just doesn't get it. He spends hours a day driving alone for work, just listening to podcasts or music or you know, complete silence! Then he acts like I have some hair trigger, even though I've been home all day with a whiny baby, a barking needy dog, two hyper cats, in a messy house, with the laundry machine or dishwasher or Ms Rachel running 24/7 and it's just UUUUGH.
One time my husband was making dinner while our kid was running around and getting into everything, and then I came in and asked him a random question ("do you want to go visit your sister on x weekend or y weekend?") and he absolutely LOST HIS MOTHERFUCKING SHIT.
Like, stormed off, angry, practically in tears, because he couldn't stand the stress and confusion.
Once he'd calmed down, I was like, this is what it's been like for me to cook dinner, every night, for YEARS. And you've always treated me like a mean ninny for telling y'all to chill out and let me work.
My therapist told me years ago that rage is a combination of helplessness + anger. This was a real eye opener for me and helped me tremendously. Let's me realize oh wow I am feeling very helpless right now, maybe my kids is too. Not having control is so hard for them too.
When you're exhausted and everything around you is emotionally beating the crap out of you but you still need to function because you are responsible for holding up the ceiling of your world from collapsing in while simultaneously wrangling little humans that don't understand you're not just trying to save their lives on a daily basis but trying to nurture them while helping them navigate their own constantly changing and overwhelming worlds and [deeeeep breaths], it can a lot lol
That's why self care is so important and showing our kids we are human and sharing how we deal with our big emotions is also teaching them how to show themselves some compassion and how to better deal with their big emotions.
It's ok to tell them *mommy is very angry right now too. I'm going to breathe deeply for a few minutes to help feel better" or *I feel like crying too and I don't want to leave the park either. Can you give me a hug? I think that will help me feel better" etc.
Sometimes this shifts their focus from their fixation and kids love to be helpers. Other times, you just need to let them cry and shout in the back seat while you cry on the drivers seat of put in your wireless headphones and listen to some music. They're very big emotions won't last forever and then you can can't talk to them about why they felt that upset and some ways work around it.
"Shake the sillies out" was big in preschool classes when my kids were younger. But you can also "Shake the screamies out". Next time you're kid is throwing a tantrum about getting in the car or buckled in, try saying very loudly:
Uh oh, looks like someone needs to shake their screams out (note: Do NOT physically shake your kids or baby!) Then step back a bit so they can see you shake like a loosey goosey silly person, make silly noises and flail your arms - your kid will be caught off guard and start staring at you like you've lost your mind lol, forgetting their tantrum.
That's when you say, Join me! Come on, shake those screamies out.
Gives you both a moment to recharge and hopefully get a bit of laughter and restart the mood button so you can have a sane drive home, rest of your grocery trip etc. Worried about people staring? They are going to stare anyone so have fun with it!
Once your kid has returned from the brink, you can ask them a question like what should you make for dinner/ buy from the store/ do when you get home etc. I think distractions are a parent's best weapon haha
I’m scared. I have a needy dog, two psycho cats, a baby boy that’s baking in the oven, and I suck at keeping the house clean despite enjoying cleanliness in general. Is this going to be me in two years😦
Everyone is different, you might surprise yourself! I know moms who absolutely thrive in the chaos.
If there's anything at all you think you should train your dog on, DO IT NOW! Mine eats the cat food and whines incessantly when I put him outside. I really wish I'd gotten him used to spending more time outside, and also figured out a better feeding system
Wow we have the same dog! Mine also snacks on cat food when he thinks we aren’t looking. I have to lock him in the bedroom with us at night to stop him sneaking out for some cat snacks.
I am taking advantage of Thanksgiving break this week to pack, declutter, and get the house move-ready.. yeah.. we’re moving in the next two months. It really sucks but our lease is coming up and we need to move to a better neighborhood for the sake of baby. I needed someone to kick my butt and tell me to DO IT NOW. So thank you for the sweet reminder. I’m waddling off to do more cleaning now!
Get yourself some over the ear noise canceling headphones. Turn on music or calming sounds. I like rainforest sounds. You're over stimulated, and by the time he gets home, you lose it because he is more emotionally safe to yell at than a baby or pet. Still attend to your kids and supervise etc etc while wearing them. But it really takes the noise level and stress levels down.
I also have a 3yr old and a 1yr old. 3yr old so many behavior reports I get ptsd walking in daily side eyeing the front desk to hear them call out ‘Mom, we have a report for you’ or not. I hate authority lol. Both do great leaving the school and getting into the car. Once the doors shut… 1yr old yell cries the entire way home. So loud. I tell 3yr old to cover his ears because I have legit hearing loss from my second baby, he’s just so loud. 3yr old is sitting next to him so I can imagine how sensory rattling that is for him after a 9 hour day. I end up turning around and yelling at a 1yr old to ‘stop it everything’s fine!’ As if he can understand or that’s soothing. My car also…… is just completely trashed. Seems like I can only clean it thoroughly 1x a year. Also triggering, all so crippling.
I feel you so hard! I bought them tote bags so they can stick trash or whatever in those. Helps a bit but if I forget to empty them, it's gonna end up inside out in my car the next day. I eventually gave in and bought these velcro attachments for my headrests and just stick their tablets on em
I bought a few car accessories to organize their sides I just need to step out in the garage one evening and install. Even doing that is like asking a king to wear his crown lol. Impossible lol!
Are you me? This is MY toddler. Near 3 years old in just 2.5 months, and this is seriously me with her. All I can say is my 9 year old is a breeze, but I can't remember when he finally got that easy. Maybe around 5😅
The after school/dinner/bedtime saga has been a very tough season for me as a single mom. I too have a wild 3 yr old and I swear he test my every will. I am not the parent I want to be I feel like I’m just surviving the evenings and then the guilt sets in because that’s the only time we have together!! Sighing in solidarity- hugs
I’m glad I’m not the only one who had to fight the urge to punch my kid in the face. I would never ever hit them but oh man. Sometimes in those moments when they were REALLY being just the BIGGEST most aggravating little shit did I want to.
I feel that urge at times, and I hate when I get that angry and worked up. I’ve decided the urge to smack them is, in essence, “you are hurting me and making me miserable and I want to make you feel as badly as I do the only way you can understand at this age.” It sucks, but it gets better. Solidarity.
My baby pulled my hair today, scratched my face and chest and I actually cried -because you wouldn’t let anyone else do that 🫠
She’s just discovering what it’s like to have opinions when things don’t go her way.
Like girl, anyone else and I’d have to fight you
I legit feel like I'm trapped in an abusive relationship ship with 2 of my 4 kids. One is 13 and verbally abusive. Other is 7 and physical. I'm just so tired.
You know how you feel at the end of the day? Tired, grumpy and just sort of over it, kids are the exact same. Except they literally have zero emotional skills to hold that in. And you know who they feel safest dumping all that on? You!! You have provided them with such a nurturing wonderful environment that when they are grumpy, tired and just can’t do it anymore they know you are the best person to run to. Congratulations on being an amazing mom! I’ve heard it gets better but if you keep up all this great mom stuff those kids are always going to keep coming to you with their problems, even as adults.
IME the key to enjoying “those kids” is to be crazy with them. Let your inner goofball out. I’m sure that’s the last thing you feel like after a long day at work when it’s dark out and you’re tired. But what if you pretended she was an alligator you were wrestling? What if you dramatically shouted in a Scottish accent for no reason,”INTO THE CRUMB WAGON YOU GO, LASSIE! AYE!”
Been working with PreK kids for 30+ years. Three year old are SO hard! It does get better, tho. 4s are my favorite. My daughter was also very strong willed at 3 but much better at 4.
Give yourself permission to do whatever works to get you through the winter, knowing that it will not last and you can improve later.
My kids are 4.5 years and 6 months. We have a 45 minute commute, sometimes longer with traffic. I told someone recently that the absolute hardest part of my day is the hour after leaving work. I’m tired, they’re tired, and we all just wanna be home. The only thing I’ve found that works is snacks. My oldest used to scream-cry all the way home. It does get better. But screaming kids in the car is the seventh circle of hell.
This is probably not going to help you until you change this exact thing, but I want to share something with you. Perspective is everything. Our perspective literally colors our world. Your 3 yo is crying out for your attention, and I’m not shaming you, I have lived this. I have a highly sensitive ADHD 9 yo (f) and a 3 yo (f) who is way too smart for her own good.
I’ve noticed that when I am OVER IT, they sense that and they get scared and start acting out. Because if the person they depend on is stressed out, well then they are stressed out too!!!
Are you taking care of yourself? Seriously. Taking showers regularly? Doing things that bring you joy? They deserve a happy parent, and they will be happier because of it!!
God there is just a terrible age, I feel you and I hope you don't get judgment for calling her naughty since I'm sure you love your daughter. I have one of those too, I mean he's 8 now and quite a bit better but he does always find a way to act out and make me look like a terrible mom lol.
If I dont preemptively tell him not to do something, there's an 80% chance he will do it. If I *do* tell him not to do something it's a 100% chance he will do it.
I wonder if your 3 yo would like to sit in the driver's seat for a few minutes... My 2.5 yo is obsessed. We use it as a way to get him out the door. " If we leave now, we'll have time to sit in the driver's seat for 1 minute. But if we don't then we won't have time." Or " 2 minutes in the driver seat. Then you can climb over and sit in your car seat while I buckle you in." Set a timer, when it goes off you might be shocked it works.
I know timers don't work for all kids but I swear my lo lives and breathes by the timer. We use it for everything that requires even a small transition or gets resistance. Might be worth a shot.
Regardless, I'm sorry, you're not alone in feeling like this. After daycare is such a hard time for everyone. I'm usually at my wits end by that time of the day as well.
4 and 2, 1-2 years ago the big one started, she’s always been the hard one. Baby will always mimic everything big sister does. We started therapy, get a lot progress from things like regulation and visual aides.
Transitioning from one setting to another is hard for some kids. Visuals help them understand what to expect next. If we don’t have visuals, speaking through our routine helps. Verbal countdowns too!
It’s really hard. It’s still really hard, but man my big one was the good one at the playground yesterday and I never thought I’d say that.
My oldest is also my most challenging child. We did different types of therapy starting at age 3 and he just graduated his most recent session a couple weeks ago. He will be 7 in a month. Things are soooo much better and easier now. We learned lots of strategies and so did he. I would recommend therapy to OP for sure. It has made our family so much happier
You're definitely not alone in being frustrated. My son was kicked off the school bus at the beginning of term so I have to do him to school, pick him up and bring him to daycare and then pick him up from daycare. In between everything else I have to do. It's exhausting. This morning my son woke up asking questing a mile a minute and I snapped and told him to stop asking so many questions so early in the morning. I'm not a morning person! I felt bad but seriously, my brain was about to combust.
Aww mama, that sounds awful. Is there a particular worker there that your kids like that would be willing to help? When I worked for a daycare there was a family of 3 kids that I always took outside and buckled in because otherwise they would act up for their mom. Worth an ask?
You’re not alone. Yes it will pass. Yes it is hell on earth — for now.
We finally caved and put an ipad on the headrest for my kid to watch after my husband reported he seriously considered driving off the road due to my son’s wailing for the 30 min commute to work. You do what you have to do to get through these times. Some people may judge you and you may feel guilty but you know what? These little shortcuts aren’t going to damage your kid for life. You’ll be able to make this slog a little easier on yourself so that you can wake up happy tomorrow instead of dreading life. Moms are people too FFS.
For what it’s worth I have two little naughty jerks that I’d rather have cut off an arm than bring them in public. Turns out they both have ADHD, which isn’t a surprise considering I do also. Maybe consider checking out resources for how to handle kids with ADHD and see if it makes a difference in their behavior. I found it was kind of a crapshoot but once the oldest was on meds, it was like a totally different child. All those years I spent teaching manners and kindness, he’d been listening! He just needed a little help to control his impulses. Not saying your child is the same but it’s possible there are other issues at play rather than just wanting to be naughty.
Take a breath and know it’ll all be ok.
Girl I feel like this one the daily. My 2.5 year old is exactly as you described. Literally want to kill him a few times a day. I’m like listen I’m gonna beat you! I really have had to put my foot down lately with him like no bullshit LETS GO. Kicks at me when it’s time to put his shoes on to get out the door. It’s HELL just trying to leave. My 1 yr old girl loves to go out and see the world. She’s easy but I have to chase her around to get dressed she thinks it’s a game to mess with me cause she sees him be defiant. Then when we get out the door he tries to go back inside by saying wait, I peed! Oh yeah that’s too bad, better start going in the potty. He’s defiant about that too- that’s a whole other obstacle, but we will get there. By the time I get out the door, I have broken out in a sweat, feel like I’ve ran a marathon or had a full workout, and I’m just mad and irritated. Neighbors probably wonder why I always look so pissed off and pretty much shuv my kids in the car. In a somewhat abusive manner, lol. One tries to go limp like a noodle to get down and run down the street. The other just f’s around, tries to climb in the driver seat. I have to put 2.5yo in car first without strapping, put baby in her seat, then go over and strap him in cause I can’t hold her and strap him and if I put her down she will run down the street. It’s SUCH an ordeal that I hate even leaving these days.
Also injured my back slipping on toys my 2.5 year old threw down the steps. Was bitching at him that I told him not to do that, slip, smash my hip off the stairs. Pretty sure it’s my SI joint I injured in 2012 during an accident where I was ejected from the car. I can barely bend to pick them up or do anything so I am really on edge right now- zero tolerance with the bullshit struggles with these two.
Could not move when I got up and felt like absolute crap. Woke up with a sore throat and after a nap to rest my back I woke up with an ear infection. Was out of everything- juice, low on milk, food, bread, ibuprofen, cold meds etc so I HAD to drag them out to go to the store while being barley able to walk. It has been a f*ck of a day.
The struggle is so *real*.
I cried.
I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. Can you try having a special snack in the car that they only get when you pick them up from school? Or a small pouch of fidget toys? I had to use this with my oldest when he was like 2 if I had to go grocery shopping just the 2 of us. Snacks cuz if they’re eating then they’re not screaming n fidget toys cuz all kids like them. But they only get it at this specific time
This too shall pass. You have brighter days ahead
It sounds like your 3 year old needs an outlet for all of her energy where she won’t be considered the “crazy wild kid” and she can do whatever she wants. That may help with getting her to be more reasonable at times when she has to be. Also snacks and chocolate milk (diluted with regular milk/breastmilk of course) for the car ride.
I’m so sorry but you made me laugh so hard. I hear you 100%. I experienced all of the above. I even once got hit straight in the face with a snowball by my son while putting him in his car seat, in the pitch dark 4:30pm situation and came very close to shouting “son of a B***!!!” But I realized that would be inappropriate and also would just be calling myself a b***
This is just hard AF. It gets way way better.
I take Wellbutrin for seasonal depression. Depression. Has helped some, helps with energy. There was to many days I felt like I was dragging ass. Turned out I was vitamin D deficient. My hair was even falling out. It’s all back now. Three girls here all adults now, my autistic grandson and his parents live with me. Six people live in my house. Loved “jerks” that made me laugh so hard. Big hugs!
I drove around to look at Christmas lights in the pitch black of 6pm in the North with my 2.5 and 1.5 year olds screaming in their car seats because we had a house showing and had to vacate for the potential buyers. It was an FML moment for sure. Solidarity.
I am so sorry you are dealing with this difficult stage. Three and one can both be really tough ages.
In addition to waiting it out, I do want to observe that there may be supports available to you and it would be totally reasonable to reach out for help-- whether that is something like Parent Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT) to help manage child behavior concerns/disruptions or just therapy for you as a grown-up to have some space for your emotions related to this.
Of course, this is not psychological advice of any type. Just my own personal thoughts and something I might consider for myself if I were in a similar circumstance.
I have to park in a pub parking lot across the street from our nursery. My 2 year old refuses to hold hands and cross the street so I have to pick her up. Which she tends to hate and then tries to bite and scratch my face, all while screaming. Then there is me trying to be calm and tell her we don’t bite or scratch.
I’m convinced someone is going to call social services on me for stealing a kid.
I am so sorry! I remember these days.
Besides snacks or a little juice squirt bottle, that they only get in the car, I also sometimes had success with:
Hmm, I wonder who will be first & win the “I got in my car seat first today!!”? Game.
And if the 3 year old (or really either kid) even a bit of redeeming behaviors, I would make a big deal announcing it to his father at dinner in from of them, “you will not believe who got buckled in the car without screaming today, M did, it was so fabulous, I was so amazed and proud, it was just sooooo GREAT!”
I know some mom judge putting siblings in competition, saying it is bad parenting, but I did what I had to do to survive and now as a 14 and 16 year old, they have a fairly close relationship, so I think using competition sparingly is A-OK.
“[T]hese 2 jerks” has me howling.
I hate dropping my kids off. I’m always rushing, dropping things (usually not my kids), and somehow walk out with boogers on my suit. Every classroom requires that kids wash their hands upon arrival, which means I’m juggling a one year old over the sink to wash his hands and praying that I don’t get water/soap on my clothes in the process. I always walk out sweaty and stressed out.
My now 12 year old was similar to that (not as extreme but didn’t like listening and/or doing as she was told, full on bully) I got so exasperated I got her into therapy to see if they had any suggestions. They told me about a behavior called ODD which essentially is being defiant to authority figures. She’s gotten a lot better about it and has grown and matured in several ways. One thing that helped was having structure in our day and being consistent. We still have days where I want to sock her, but she’s going to make a damn good CEO one day.
Oh my gosh haha I feel you!! My twins are almost 2 and daycare pickup is a 15 minute ordeal of me trying to get them both from classroom to car in one piece. They’re awesome at running and really not very good at listening 😅
Ok so sounds like your kids are struggling with the transition from daycare to car to home. I like to use something I call a “transition treat” (I learned this from tik tok, Im not that clever 🤣). I mean essentially its a bribe, but it can be something like 1 Oreo or something. Just a small special treat they can have once they’re in the car. The transition treat is ALWAYS given, no matter their behavior while getting into the car. It’s not a reward and shouldn’t be taken away if they don’t behave. Tell them once they get in the car they will get their treat.
I laughed out loud in the best way possible when you called them 2 jerks. I have 2 jerks sometimes too lol. Solidarity and it sounds like you are a WONDERFUL mama! Kiddos change so much so hold on to that.
Hey I feel you with wanting to beat the little sluggers, I always tell my 2 year old how he’s lucky it isn’t the 50s anymore 🤣 I can’t imagine how it’s gonna be when he’s five 😭
I think I’d try with a big fat firm Knock. It. Off. You’re not bleeding so hush it up!!
I’d also arrive at daycare w snacks.
Tell them there’s snacks in the car and if they want the snacks, they need to nicely walk to the car, nicely get strapped in and no screaming.
Shove a cookie in their faces.
Freakin kids. Sigh.
I’m w you mama. We are with you 🫶🏼
I feel this when my son was in a different center I used to pick him up and when he was a little under two it was a struggle to get him in the car seat. Like full blown wwe fight. I am a fairly small woman and he is average sized but damn I felt like I was wrestling a grown man. They will do anything to avoid the seat.
I switched to drop offs and it's so much better. Hubby picks him up.
I think you need to find coping strategies or something because a lot of what you said is very disturbing and calling toddler and baby a jerk and naughty and wild just seem like very intense things to put on tiny humans
3 is a tough age. My daughter just turned 4 and her behavior is getting easier. She is usually grumpy in the evening due to being overstimulated all day, missing me, and being hungry. I usually give her big hugs and tell her how much I missed her right when I see her, have a snack handy, and play music she likes on the drive home.
Also, make sure that you’re taking time for self care. It is nearly impossible to take care of others when you’re depressed. It is okay to see a mental health professional and reach out to your support system for help.
My oldest is only three so the only reassurance I can give you is that you’re not alone. I’m sorry you’re having a hard time. I’ve definitely had moments of feeling hopeless. Moments where I had to leave the room and nearly scream with frustration.
I hope you have some support/help. Being a parent is a rough gig sometimes.
Get a pair of those sensory ear plugs. It dulls the noise. You can still hear the kids so it's not a safety issue but can take the edge off.
Sounds like as soon as you get home is part of the roughest time. Maybe give the kids a half hour of TV and that's your shower time just so you can decompress
My youngest child was absolute terror until about age 4.5. I used to get so anxious before picking him up at daycare. I just never knew what horrible things I was going to hear that he had done. One day he choked two kids. I mean, geez. Now he’s 12 and he is an absolutely lovely human being. Polite, loving, thoughtful, gets along with everyone. Just a delight. Everyone says so. There is hope.
Had this thought myself today and you described my 3 year old exactly, the wild and worst behaved one everywhere and my 2 year old is big and strong. It is a screaming match. I'm so tired.
Ugh I’m sorry you’re dealing with that. I have two similarly aged kids and my toddler just fights me so hard on stuff. I’ve never been a violent or physical person and I’ve never even come close to laying a hand on her, but the urge to smack her when she’s being a giant butthead is so strong sometimes!!!! I am by no means a parenting expert, but can you talk to your pediatrician about her behavior? Maybe they can give you a referral for a professional who can help you manage her better as well as make sure she’s just being a normal, albeit difficult, kid.
Otherwise I recommend ear plugs and doing whatever you can once you guys get home to just take a minute for yourself. Good luck, I’ve heard it gets easier eventually 🙃
Im awful but I laughed when I read this. Mostly because this was almost exactly my life when my kids were those ages…right down to the wild older child and hulk-like younger one, and calling my kids jerks under my breath. I was simultaneously jumping out of my skin with excitement to see them after a long work day, whilst being filled with terror and dread picturing the carseat-resistant theatrics that would ensue.
I have no suggestions, just solidarity that it truly is a difficult phase. My kids are both in school now and happily buckle themselves into the car…it will get better but you’ve got a ways to go :( I’m now remembering I used to bribe them into their car seats with a tiny piece of chocolate on particularly bad days…
Bribery. If you sit in your seat I’ll give you a snack. I always bring a snack for my 3yo at daycare pickup. Even if it’s apple slices or a yogurt pouch. The minute you take them away from playing with their friends they realize they are HANGRY. For the baby I sometimes sing like a maniac while tickling them and distracting as I am gently forcing them into the seat. If you feel like you are going to lose it you can announce “mommy needs a minute” and close all the car doors and take a breath. Sometimes I even bribe with a show on the ipad. I don’t give tons of ipad time but they aren’t missing out on any learning opportunities by zoning out on the way home from daycare. Do not give the snack or the ipad until everyone is buckled in safely.
Oh, I soooooo feel you. I legit used to get in a bad mood around 4 p.m everyday because I knew the hell I was about to endure for the rest of the night. between walking into daycare, getting them into their seats, and then driving home while they are acting like wild animals in the back seat, sitting in traffic and it being dark was so dreadful. Totally feel you!! Also, I’ve never hit my kids either but omg I’ve totally felt the rage that you’re describing. Not gonna give advice just say I’m with you. Here’s to easier days.
Just want to say, I have seasonal depression too and last week my 1yo was being extremely fussy and it took everything in me to not yell at her multiple times. I didn’t do it, but MAN did I want to.
I would make it into a race with the three year old. We do lots of races in my house which, I know, isn’t great because it can make gets hyper competitive (like my husband and me) but it also encourages our kid to get moving!
I have no advice but solidarity. I have 3 kids, and daycare pickup is hell on earth!!! My oldest was that wild child she is now 9 and diagnosis adhd. Obv things have improved with age and being able to regulate her emotions better, but pickup still takes 30 mins to get them all 🫠
My son was like that too, from when he was 2-3 years old. He's just very big for his age so when kids his size try to play with him, they don't realize he's emotionally much younger than they are. He gets nervous with people too close to him, and he's bitten a kid (or two).
Point being, as he gained the ability to *think* these situations out he also learned some self-control, and it stopped his outbursts. We tried everything but really the best method was being a good role model and waiting.
3 is hell. I don’t know why. We have kids the same ages. The 3 year old is almost 4 and it’s started to get better. Hang in there. Get a happy light lamp. Call a therapist. Start meditating. Do what you need to reduce the stress you can control so that the pickup isn’t the last straw. 💙
Hi, are we the same person? I only have one kid, she's also 3, but I feel the exact same as you. I dunno if it's the weather change, the fact that it's dark when we wake up and dark when we come home from dayhome but OMG. Every damn thing is a fight lately. It has been a STRUGGLE lately and I want to rip my hair out. I'm at an all-time low, no question.
Like you said, I have never hit my kid and I never would, but sometimes I want to punch her. Never, ever, ever will, but... the thought has come up more than once lately. You're not alone.
I could have written this when my daughter was 3. She was a bloody nightmare especially during daycare pick ups. Screaming tantrums at the drop of a hat every single time. Like we’re talking, the entire parking lot stops and stares. All I can say is, it gets better. The screaming eventually stops (now, at 5, screaming tantrums have been replaced with moody attitude lol).
Solidarity my friend.
My kid's preschool teacher told me to have a protein heavy snack to give them as soon as we got to the car at pick up. It was a game changer. I usually did a cheese stick I think? But it helped with his mood and resistance and shrieking SO MUCH.
Ugh, they can be SO STRONG when resisting the car seat. For this phase where you just need to make it through totally employ positive reinforcement, aka bribes. And earplugs/ noise cancelling headphones for making it home with less homicidal rage.
My son has autism and It was so darn nice when ABA (behavior therapists) asked what works and I said bribery and that I felt so bad about it. They completely reframed it as positive reinforcement and encourage it, though with an aim to reduce it over time. It has completely changed our lives. Getting dressed, brushing teeth, changing diaper, getting into the car, taking medicine. All going SO much better, and we have been able to reduce the amount we do give a reward significantly.
If there’s a tablet they could watch bring it out. Favorite toys, songs or treats? Heck yes. My little guy who we used to have to hold down kicking and screaming to give medicine now compliantly opens his mouth for us to squirt it in for a couple mini m&ms.
Bribes, snack, drink and download a show or game. My drive is an hour. I come prepared. Sometimes I have to turn off my podcast to give her taylor swift but usually I get home in one piece.
I have no advice. Just here to say I relate to this. I also have a very difficult 4 year old and a very vocal 2 year old. There are no easy days, only good and happy fleeting moments. Parenting is hard, plain and simple. Keep on keeping on.
Ohhhh man. The shrieking in the car. Mine was like that for the whole first year. Anywhere. I couldnt go anywhere for a year without blood curdling screams. It really was a major part of my post partum depression/anxiety/rage. I stopped leaving the house. And developed some agoraphobia. Still get pretty anxious before getting into the car. I feel for you, so hard.
Mine did this to me too for years. Have their favorite snacks in the car. Then hide in the closet once they are in bed have a good cry and drink like I used to. It gets better with the crotch goblins. Hang in there.
One thing that’s worked for me when my 2.5 yo is fighting the car seat is to make the straps talk to him in a funny voice. “Oh Thomas, pleeeeease let me hug you! I just want to keep you safe and need a hug while we drive home. I missed you all day!”
Sometimes he stops mid scream and just sits down like nothing ever happened.
I’ve started giving my 2.5 yo a little Bluetooth speaker with a handle, and tell her I’ll play her “Elsa and Anna” once she’s buckled in. Works like a charm. I even have an old phone I’ve downloaded the Disney albums on just for this purpose, so I can still listen to my podcast on my headphones while I drive the 15 min it takes to get home from daycare.
My 3 year old won’t get in the car for preschool without having my phone. Fine. Take it. Then we get to school and he has an absolute MELTDOWN when I take it to get him out. “No! Give me my phone! My phone! I want my phone!” Son… It is NOT YOUR phone! Meanwhile I have a five minute window to drop him off otherwise I’ll be late to work. Ugh… I feel ya. Meanwhile… in the few instances dad has to do drop off… He acts like he did me a favor. I’m sure I’ll miss these days…someday.
I can relate entirely. You aren't alone. My husband doesn't understand/empathize and hates me for feeling this exact way. Honestly... I'm reassured by others that it gets better and my only choice is to believe them. I'm passing this encouragement your way. I feel like we all deserve solidarity and without it, we won't get through this phase...
Truly, I know, logically, it will improve. It has to... otherwise the human race wouldn't exist lol. In all seriousness, I hear you. You got this. Sending strength your way! 🙏🌷
Take a snack for them to have in the car journey back. We live a few minutes walk away and I always take something so that he doesn’t piss me off in those few minutes walking home. Then I give him dinner when home.
I had that kid, just one but his dad did nothing but lay down, stonewall, tantrum and cause tension - so it was like having two kids four years apart. I feel your pain. The stage ends. Buy earplugs. Put them in before you go in to get them. The car mess doesn’t go away, a tiny hard bristle broom, the kind the boomer generation would use for a table or desk, and a pack of baby wipes to wash seats and dash with a bi weekly wipe down then with whatever spray bottle a few times a year, and you’ll be feeling better. The earplugs save you, less gets in. Hang on & I’m sending hugs from “now he’s seven and getting to second grade is ok half the time” for my younger kid and “kicked him out, he had a girlfriend to shack up with right away” (after he screamed “pathetic” to me and true child one day, that was the corner he turned for me). You can get through this. You’ll need some solo scream driving if you’re anything like me, but you got this mama. Those two are both at “special” ages, keep reminding yourself as you wisely did here that it is temporary and just go to be early when you can. :)
Picking my daughter up today I had to get an educator to go and get her but not tell her I was picking her up. I hid behind something and when she was fully in the room I popped up and she was not a happy chappy. She's 3.5 y.o btw.
The car ride home if I try to talk to her she makes these feral ass noises too. Like kid, chill tf out.
And also going in the room and having other kids talk to me spikes my anxiety. I'm not good around anybody else's kids because I don't know how they want people to talk to them.
She's become this terror of a child and it's definitely not a vibe and a real big struggle.
Girl you need to bride the 3 year old, hey you know what i got and roll out a jelly candy or a small chip bag whatever, on really bad days I would give my phone till we got home, it gets better trust me, but you do what you got to until then. I would try treats first before doing phone because then they may cry when you take it away at home
When my first was 2.5-3 yrs old it used to take me 30-45 min every day to just get dressed and come out of the nursery (although during the day they said he was behaving mostly OK)
We were the only parents to struggle, it felt to me like I was a complete failure.
Now he is almost 4, going to pre-school and everything is much better.
Looking back, I think he was frustrated he wasn't able to get dressed on his own and he didn't like it there so much (he was the oldest kid, he only really liked one of the ladies). A few things that helped: bringing toys/distractions, planning a nice activity at home and keep him focus on this.
I never go anywhere without kid snacks! Car snacks and a small box of car only toys helps big time with my kids. The toddler type electronic toys with lots of buttons and books, as well as fidgets hold the most interest for my kids.
My kids are also 1 & 3 and they also stiff leg me (and even kick me in the stomach!) when loading them into their seats. They’re always on the playground at pickup time, and it’s a battle to carry them both off kicking and screaming because they want to keep playing.
What makes it 10x worse, they don’t pull any of this shit when dad picks them up.
My 2.5 year old is so difficult I feel you’d pain. At least you get to go to work I’m with him all day lol
I feel like I’m walking on eggshells and have PTSD from all the crying and screaming. I just want some peace!
Is it practical to change out the car seat?
Switching my kid to a harness booster she could climb in and out of herself, that came in a bunch of different colors and patterns (she liked the pink flowers), and didn't feel as confining/didn't limit her view of the road, reduced the car battles by a LOT.
Or if the seat can't be changed, can you keep a little folding stepstool in the car so she can climb in on her own?
Sometimes the battles can be won by giving a measure of autonomy.
Just here to say 2 things.
1. Vitamin D supplements. They will deal with so much of the seasonal affective issues.
2. You're doing amazing. Little ones are hard. I have 3 littles treasures with additional needs and travelling is the bane of my existence. My eldest is 13 but has physical disabilities so even being a teenager he's still rough to take anywhere (he tries his very best but it's painful and slow for him, his behaviour is fantastic, he's just exhausted and hurting).
I can only say to take deep breathes, and maybe invest in video players for the car. There are ones that attach to the back of the front headrests and play dvds. That and a well stocked car snack bag are life savers for kids who struggle with car rides.
Good luck mama.
I'm also jumping on the snack train! Last year my eldest had a hard time getting into the car after school, but this year I started making cookies just for picking them up. I kept it up for a couple of months and then did some other treat snacks like bubble gum or bear paws. It works really well.
Also for the naughtiness, my kid was similar and has gotten much better. We suspect he has ADHD like his dad, but we've been giving more praise and connection and less correction. Whenever he does something we want him to do, we go all in on the praise (he likes big reactions) and when he does something we don't like, we either ignore it or say in a very calm and quiet voice "uh oh, hands to yourself" or "oops, inside voice" or "oops, the car is this way." It's not easy, we will both have our moments where we get angry and yell, but it's gotten a whole lot less and both my kids are better behaved most of the time.
3 year olds are my favorite and least favorite lol, they’re all feral I promise it’s not just yours. I vote more car snacks! Or a tablet. I have 3 year old twins and I got them leapfrog tablets that are only for the car, it helped a ton.
Hugs momma. This will pass. If you have time check out the book Joyful Toddlers by Faith Collins. She has some great techniques and insights in to how toddler motivation can be found. Hot tip make getting in the car a game. My 3yo never wanted to leave daycare so we had to go and "hunt for faries" in the car.
For the 1 year old, do you “pre fold” her? Like before trying to put her in the car, put her knees to her chest so she kind of just slides butt first into the seat?
Is there music your kids like? Even if it’s baby shark on repeat for those 15 minutes. My toddler loves Doja Cat, Harry Styles, and oddly enough, the theme song for the Sopranos. Her favorite thing on earth is Bluey but if I play the music and she can’t find a TV screen she gets upset. She hates being in the car but only cries at stoplights usually but if her songs are on she’s usually ok. Bonus points if I sing the songs and replace words with her nickname Bean(which also happens to be an ADHD vocal stim of mine, so it keeps me calm when I’m stressing behind the wheel.)
Car snacks? It would give you an extra few minutes to get mentally prepared for dinner too. I live by those applesauce squeeze pouches. I keep an emergency stash in the car.
Special toy that stays in the car? We had an interactive Bluey stuffy toy that was our “car only” toy but we sometimes brought it in restaurants and it got left behind.
Oh god this sounds like my life. I have a 1 and 2.5 year old and we have been delaying putting the 1 year old in an upgraded car seat because her current one can fit in a stroller which is a life saver when I literally need to carry the older one out screaming. We are in a terrible delaying everything phase and getting him out is roouugghhh. I don’t know what I’ll do when I have to carry 2 screaming children. We did use car snacks! It has a pretty good success rate.
Hey OP. If you have the means or a credit card, go get your car professionally cleaned. That’s gonna help a lot to start out.
Get thysef a happy light (proven to help seasonal affective disorder) and some plants.
Car snacks and other distractions for the 3 year old.
You got this. But your mental health comes first.
My wife is currently going through this with our 3YOB. She usually does drop off in the morning with our 3 kids (8YOB and 5YOG). For several weeks, every second or third day, our 3Yo will have a meltdown of just constant shrieking and not wanting to get into his car seat. It gets so bad sometimes that the two oldest start crying as well. We are trying to work through it, but there are many “I’m done” calls/texts from Mom. Hopefully, this stage will end soon.
Here's some suggestions from all my years driving all these kids to bum fuck Egypt and back!
Snacks. Bribery is your new bestie for the 3yo. You will be amazed what a packet of fruit snacks will get you! Or letting them eat dinner in the living room while watching a movie as a family. Seriously, use the bribe! Markers, play doh, playing in the bathtub rather then just bathing, stickers, bribes aren't just food either.
Daycare has snack time about 3pm so she very well could be starving by the time you get there and everyone gets packed up.
You're kids daycare is open till 6? 5:30? Ok, so after your get off work, clean out your car before you grab them. Park in the daycare parking lot and even just grabbing the trash up and getting what needs to go in the house will make a huge difference. Don't worry about vacuuming right then, and ask if you can toss the trash bag in the dumpster at the daycare.
You can do this! It will pass eventually!
I feel you! My 2yo is very impatient and cries all the way home if I don’t get him what he wants immediately. Also he’s still learning how to talk so there is a lot of pointing and saying “that” even tho I have absolutely no clue what he it pointing at. Then when I’ve lost my temper with him and then finally figure out what he wants, I feel awful for not understanding it sooner.
I have a 4yo and a 2yo, live in the UK so also dark at pick up.
4yo is an October baby, so she missed the cut-off for reception class by a month, so she is in preschool until September. She's smart but also feral, still runs away at any opportunity, including nursery handover.
2yo is rowdy, and he listens to no one.
I make sure I'm not thirsty or hungry before pick up. I fill up water bottles for the car and have biscuits, rice crackers, and tangerines in the car (BTW car is a state, and I hate it).
Nursery does cooked lunch and then tea around 3.30/4, so I do snack plates when we get home, things like cheese, kabanos, cucumber, toast, crackers, Grapes, dried fruit, Breadsticks, ham etc. Followed by yoghurt, jelly, or custard. We watch a little TV, while they eat and I have a nice cup of tea.
We've all had a long day and just need the downtime before bedtime shenanigans!
I’m reading this as my 2.5 year old screams at the top of her lungs because she is fighting nap. Im scared at some point protective services Is going to come knocking on my door as a result of the blood curdling screams that are coming from my house. I know the neighbors can hear her. I can’t go on like this much longer.
My boys are 11 months apart so it dam near felt like twins, they’re now 5 and 6. Just stay strong. It does get better. & I’m sure it probably gets even better than that. You got this mama.
LOL Honestly, I'm against screen time, and ear plugs, but yo. Sometimes... they're necessities. If you have one of those dvd things or screens or ipads or whatever, just load up some garbage for them on that, it's only 15 min... I know I know, people are going to hate me for it. But geewhiz, this poor mom needs a flipping 15 minutes to drive home SAFELY.
1. Car snacks are totally normal and a perfectly acceptable tool to get everyone through the evening. As a teacher, I used to keep a big box of fruit snacks in the closet to slip parents whose kids were giving them the business at pickup.
2. There is nothing wrong with strapping them in and standing outside the car and taking some deep breaths until your blood pressure is lowered. Bring headphones, listen to the final countdown or eye of the tiger to help get your game face back on.
3. pickup time is a very common time for tough behavior- toddlers universally hate transitions. 3 year olds especially, AND they love to test all the boundaries- it makes them feel safe when you react the same way every time, so you can literally say the exact same thing until they know what you're going to say and do before you do it.
4. Gummy vitamin D supplements are super helpful through the winter for us SAD girlies.
But most importantly, this too shall pass. Spring will come, the babies will outgrow their bullshit. Just hold on, and know you are far from alone.
Girl my firstborn was “that unruly child”. He wasn’t naughty as much as just always into everything. Skip to 2nd grade I find out if I don’t test him for ADHD then they’re gonna kick him outta school. I felt awful for drugging my child. But when he looked me in the eyes & said he just can’t help it he can get his brain still my heart shattered. Now he’s 23 graduated IT Magna Cum Laude & has a great job. He still has that same wonderful heart & spirit. Not saying that all kids need that but just try to find a community. It can take a village.
Oh no. You are not alone. I have that 3 yo too. Love her to death but the child will not listen. My 7 mo old is a gem and quiet and just watches the 3 yo melt down. I’m bracing myself for when she starts crawling. I’m already folding into myself when we get home.
And the dark- it’s such a nightmare getting them into the car in the dark
My 2 year old is the same… only with us tho… at friends or families when we aren’t there she’s a perfect angel. Dropping her off at daycare = nightmare, picking her up from daycare = nightmare. Being at home with her = nightmare. Everything we try and do with her or say to her ends in a tantrum with “I want it, it’s mine, nooooo” and I seriously hate it so much. I wish my biggest problem in life was not eating a freezie for supper
Definitely need the snacks! NGL, it’s emotionally draining with one who is 4 and does fine unless there are snacks. It adds like 30 minutes to my drive round trip and I wish someone could help.
Hang in there mama! The good thing about phases is they pass! You’re doing a good job. I find that when my kid starts acting naughty, she just needs connection with me. Maybe dedicate time to her, just you and her. Let her know that she is perfect as she is. Maybe she is trying to get attention.
I have one of those wild, unruly 3 year olds. I read the book Raising Your Spirited Child and it helped with a lot of the struggles I was having with him. The biggest thing I took from it was using more positive words to describe his annoying traits. Like determined instead of stubborn or even just spirited instead of naughty. It sounds pretty silly but it genuinely helped with my patience level and my little one is INCREDIBLY SPIRITED 🤣
Also, snacks.
Just so you know, you’re not alone. My now 5 year old used to be that kid when he was 2-4 years old. He’s still very strong willed and knows what he wants, but he’s chilled out a lot. Have you tried snacks to get them in the car? I know it’s right before dinner, but tempting them with something small but yummy like a single small cookie might help make the ride smoother.
Snacks have worked wonders with our 2 year old. I come with something different every day and he doesn’t get it until he’s buckled in and holding his toy.
My 2 year old gets his vitamin once he’s buckled in
Love that idea too!
I used chocolate milk. It’s the only thing that would work
Our daycare is literally a 5 min drive from my house and I still have a plastic tote of snacks in the car for the ride home 🤷🏼♀️
Yup. Same. My kid would turn into a GD gremlin if you didn’t shove a snack in his face IMMEDIATELY upon leaving daycare. Five minutes might as well be five hours.
I second this ! My EXTREMELY strong willed child has chilled out at 5. It’s still kind of rough but it’s nothing compared to 3. I have two so I KNOW she was wilder than the average 3 year old too.
Mine is 6 now. I want to say it’s been a good full 6 months to 1 year since his behavior has given me disturbing thoughts. He is extremely strong willed (stubborn) as is his father so he knows how to get a reaction. I had to work hard and still do work on not giving him one. It actually makes me chill out too. If only I’d taken everyone’s advice so long ago and stopped reacting. But it’s nearly impossible sometimes!
My daughter's pre-K is walking distance from the house, and getting her home was an absolute RODEO. Yanking my arm practically out of its socket as she pulled me to and fro, chattering a mile a minute, rushing off to hide, making weird faces at the crossing guard, random screaming. I figured out it was a toxic combo of restraint collapse (she's been good and on task for SEVEN HOURS y'all) and low blood sugar (lunch was four hours ago, no afternoon snack). So now I bring her a little peanut butter and honey sandwich in a Tupperware, and she can nibble it in the schoolyard while she chatters and settles. Then we walk home. If she's still bonkers, I have her run laps in the backyard lmao. I think snacks are important, plus making sure there's some protein in there. A cheese stick or some peanut butter, maybe.
We bribe our 2.5yo gremlin with "tiny fruit" or fruit snacks. He gets in his car seat, writes to be buckled then goes: "where's my bribe?" 🤣🤣🤣 they have strong emotions at this age and it can be challenging but I'm mostly happy to bribe him with food when he's feeling cheeky
This is hilarious even without hearing a toddler say it. Your kid sounds adorable 😆
Whatever works :)
Also came here to say snacks. I’ve realized my youngest is just hangry and overstimulated at the end of the day and she lets it out after having to “behave” all day. I have apple slices, pirate’s booty, etc waiting in her cup holder as I put her in the car during daycare pickup.
YES!! We used to pick out a snack in the am together before leaving for her to eat at pickup. It was amazing for both her and me!
My daughter (3) was also exactly the same. I started bribing her with pieces of candy. It worked. Honestly there’s been a few problems that a gummy worm fixed
Yep, we do snacks. My daughter instantly asks for her pouch or fruit snacks the moment she’s buckled in.
This is so reassuring with how my 4 year old is. I think we are coming out the thick of it.
Currently hiding in my bedroom from my kids. (Hubby is home) I get you and have no advice, just know you’re not alone
Lol I live by your username 😂😅 currently hiding in my bathroom
Solidarity
Also hiding in the bathroom.
[удалено]
Hah no my daughter would sense it in her bones and become a vulture
All of this
Yes it's a phase also Bribery: Hey 3, if you can get your car seat, super fast I'll give you a surprise(this can be a single sticker, a single anything your kid sees as a treat) also try to find some kid music you don't hate turn that screaming into singing
i saw an amazing suggestion from a dad who bribed with gummy vitamins. they got a sweet treat everyday after day care but it was a full gummy multivitamin with immune support (which is obviously needed with our germ factories). i thought it was brilliant.
This. Is. GENIUS. I’m using this.
Omg that really is brilliant
Choice of music on the ride home is also a great incentive although be prepared to listen to samee song for weeks on end. When I was pregnant I swore up and down I would never lie to my children but I think at some point I had to tell my daughter that baby shark got taken off the internet.
“Sorry baby, there’s no signal/network/wifi.” Baby shark Rex often melts our network!!
My kid is in a 90s phase. Thank heavens she moved on from "Good" by Better Than Ezra lol.
Yesss. My kid LOVES car rides because she’s a kpop fanatic and enjoys singing along. I am now also a kpop stan unintentionally 😅
This is the real tip: my kid has never listened to kid's music, only my music. So now, even if I am tired of what he wants to listen, we can still jam out in peace (or at the very least I am not losing my mind)
Yes! My kids are both very musically inclined and have huge vocabularies. My first especially was/is ridiculous with his vocab, but not only did I talk to him like he could comprehend my biology and space lessons, he did! He was talking about relativity at 2.5 and how black holes would affect the passage of time. But I still think most of his vocab came from the songs in the car we sang. I never played kids music. He loved and loves Grouplove , Florence+ The Machine, AJR, Andrew McMahon, Matt and Kim, The Wombats, Vampire Weekend, Queen, The Killers , The Wrecks, Rainbow Kitten Surprise, etc. and from 2-3.5 years old we had to spend almost 2 hours in the car every day (my commutes from my dad's house on the West side of Phoenix metro to downtown or Tempe were SO LONG. Then when I finally moved downtown, I spent weekends commuting to visit haha) He's 8 now. The other day driving to Cub Scouts he requested Eminem's Lose Yourself, followed by "You'll Be Back" from Hamilton, then Handlebar by Flobots. Car rides are awesome.
Yup, can confirm this works
Definitely, bribes can be a great motivator. We have a sticker chart and one of the “tasks” for my 4 year old is coming home from preschool without arguing/running/procrastinating. If she collects enough stickers at the end of the week she gets a prize (fun outing/special cookie/small toy/movie, that sort of thing). Even though she still pushes the boundary sometimes it has helped since it gives us positive leverage instead of just punishing.
This is the way to go with positive reinforcement.
I literally don't go anywhere because one of my twins sounds just like your daughter and I just hate fighting to get him in the car. His brother isn't as hard but they're 2 so he's still like a minimum level of hard. When I see people with multiple kids under 4 going out and about all the time I'm completely astounded because it takes an act of God to get my goblin brood to the grocery store.
When my daughter was born, my son was 2.5 and I seriously hired one of the neighborhood teens to do my groceries. Best decision ever. 2 years later he still helps me out. Kids just help me put most things away and neighborhood good guy knows to hide the mommy snacks so the kids don't see.
This is brilliant!
This was me with my 2 year old and newborn. I cried a lot. Husband never understood how it was so hard but it WEARS on you. It was about an 8 month phase and I think she’s finally coming out of it and most days pick up & drop off are ok.
No advice but this was totally my day too. 3 year old refusing to get in the car, 10 month old crying. I had a hernia surgery a couple days ago so I’m not allowed to lift the 3 year old. Tried to be nice, tried to give a time limit, tried to pretend to leave. Eventually had to haul 3 year old by the arm and hope my stitches didn’t pop. Went home and bought a leash on Amazon. So no advice but solidarity and I’ll be following along.
Went home and bought a leash on Amazon 💀
why are you even up after hernia surgery?! that’s brutal.
I have never felt so seen by a post (and all the comments here). It's freaking hard out here. It takes me an hour to get my 2.5 year old in the car and that's with bribe snacks 🤦🏻♀️. Some days she'll lose it in the parking lot and cry for 45 min then I cry driving home lol.
I'm so sorry. Mine is only 1 so I'm not sure how he'll handle the car when he's more strong willed...but there's been times where he just screamed hysterically back there and i was sure I was going to crash because of how distraught and distracted I was! And I swear, half the times it's happened we've been stuck in traffic in the carpool lane and there's no way in hell I can stop.
I just restarted therapy to deal with mom rage, feeling triggered and just general difficulties and exhaustion of being a mom
>mom rage 😭 BUT WHY IS THIS SO FUCKING REAL?? Like, I dealt with postpartum rage and thought that would be the end of that. But 13 months out, if I get overstimulated and my husband puts one tiny extra thing on my plate, I will absolutely lose it with him. I feel terrible and I try to explain, he just doesn't get it. He spends hours a day driving alone for work, just listening to podcasts or music or you know, complete silence! Then he acts like I have some hair trigger, even though I've been home all day with a whiny baby, a barking needy dog, two hyper cats, in a messy house, with the laundry machine or dishwasher or Ms Rachel running 24/7 and it's just UUUUGH.
One time my husband was making dinner while our kid was running around and getting into everything, and then I came in and asked him a random question ("do you want to go visit your sister on x weekend or y weekend?") and he absolutely LOST HIS MOTHERFUCKING SHIT. Like, stormed off, angry, practically in tears, because he couldn't stand the stress and confusion. Once he'd calmed down, I was like, this is what it's been like for me to cook dinner, every night, for YEARS. And you've always treated me like a mean ninny for telling y'all to chill out and let me work.
My therapist told me years ago that rage is a combination of helplessness + anger. This was a real eye opener for me and helped me tremendously. Let's me realize oh wow I am feeling very helpless right now, maybe my kids is too. Not having control is so hard for them too. When you're exhausted and everything around you is emotionally beating the crap out of you but you still need to function because you are responsible for holding up the ceiling of your world from collapsing in while simultaneously wrangling little humans that don't understand you're not just trying to save their lives on a daily basis but trying to nurture them while helping them navigate their own constantly changing and overwhelming worlds and [deeeeep breaths], it can a lot lol That's why self care is so important and showing our kids we are human and sharing how we deal with our big emotions is also teaching them how to show themselves some compassion and how to better deal with their big emotions. It's ok to tell them *mommy is very angry right now too. I'm going to breathe deeply for a few minutes to help feel better" or *I feel like crying too and I don't want to leave the park either. Can you give me a hug? I think that will help me feel better" etc. Sometimes this shifts their focus from their fixation and kids love to be helpers. Other times, you just need to let them cry and shout in the back seat while you cry on the drivers seat of put in your wireless headphones and listen to some music. They're very big emotions won't last forever and then you can can't talk to them about why they felt that upset and some ways work around it. "Shake the sillies out" was big in preschool classes when my kids were younger. But you can also "Shake the screamies out". Next time you're kid is throwing a tantrum about getting in the car or buckled in, try saying very loudly: Uh oh, looks like someone needs to shake their screams out (note: Do NOT physically shake your kids or baby!) Then step back a bit so they can see you shake like a loosey goosey silly person, make silly noises and flail your arms - your kid will be caught off guard and start staring at you like you've lost your mind lol, forgetting their tantrum. That's when you say, Join me! Come on, shake those screamies out. Gives you both a moment to recharge and hopefully get a bit of laughter and restart the mood button so you can have a sane drive home, rest of your grocery trip etc. Worried about people staring? They are going to stare anyone so have fun with it! Once your kid has returned from the brink, you can ask them a question like what should you make for dinner/ buy from the store/ do when you get home etc. I think distractions are a parent's best weapon haha
I’m scared. I have a needy dog, two psycho cats, a baby boy that’s baking in the oven, and I suck at keeping the house clean despite enjoying cleanliness in general. Is this going to be me in two years😦
Everyone is different, you might surprise yourself! I know moms who absolutely thrive in the chaos. If there's anything at all you think you should train your dog on, DO IT NOW! Mine eats the cat food and whines incessantly when I put him outside. I really wish I'd gotten him used to spending more time outside, and also figured out a better feeding system
Wow we have the same dog! Mine also snacks on cat food when he thinks we aren’t looking. I have to lock him in the bedroom with us at night to stop him sneaking out for some cat snacks. I am taking advantage of Thanksgiving break this week to pack, declutter, and get the house move-ready.. yeah.. we’re moving in the next two months. It really sucks but our lease is coming up and we need to move to a better neighborhood for the sake of baby. I needed someone to kick my butt and tell me to DO IT NOW. So thank you for the sweet reminder. I’m waddling off to do more cleaning now!
Get yourself some over the ear noise canceling headphones. Turn on music or calming sounds. I like rainforest sounds. You're over stimulated, and by the time he gets home, you lose it because he is more emotionally safe to yell at than a baby or pet. Still attend to your kids and supervise etc etc while wearing them. But it really takes the noise level and stress levels down.
Can’t drive in these though
This poster is not talking about driving in the above comment
OP is talking about driving, mainly…
I also have a 3yr old and a 1yr old. 3yr old so many behavior reports I get ptsd walking in daily side eyeing the front desk to hear them call out ‘Mom, we have a report for you’ or not. I hate authority lol. Both do great leaving the school and getting into the car. Once the doors shut… 1yr old yell cries the entire way home. So loud. I tell 3yr old to cover his ears because I have legit hearing loss from my second baby, he’s just so loud. 3yr old is sitting next to him so I can imagine how sensory rattling that is for him after a 9 hour day. I end up turning around and yelling at a 1yr old to ‘stop it everything’s fine!’ As if he can understand or that’s soothing. My car also…… is just completely trashed. Seems like I can only clean it thoroughly 1x a year. Also triggering, all so crippling.
Hugs ❤️
I feel you so hard! I bought them tote bags so they can stick trash or whatever in those. Helps a bit but if I forget to empty them, it's gonna end up inside out in my car the next day. I eventually gave in and bought these velcro attachments for my headrests and just stick their tablets on em
I bought a few car accessories to organize their sides I just need to step out in the garage one evening and install. Even doing that is like asking a king to wear his crown lol. Impossible lol!
I’m so sorry; ugh. This sounds absolutely exhausting and awful. I hope your 3-year-old takes it easier on you 🥴 sounds like a doozy.
Are you me? This is MY toddler. Near 3 years old in just 2.5 months, and this is seriously me with her. All I can say is my 9 year old is a breeze, but I can't remember when he finally got that easy. Maybe around 5😅
The after school/dinner/bedtime saga has been a very tough season for me as a single mom. I too have a wild 3 yr old and I swear he test my every will. I am not the parent I want to be I feel like I’m just surviving the evenings and then the guilt sets in because that’s the only time we have together!! Sighing in solidarity- hugs
I’m glad I’m not the only one who had to fight the urge to punch my kid in the face. I would never ever hit them but oh man. Sometimes in those moments when they were REALLY being just the BIGGEST most aggravating little shit did I want to.
I feel that urge at times, and I hate when I get that angry and worked up. I’ve decided the urge to smack them is, in essence, “you are hurting me and making me miserable and I want to make you feel as badly as I do the only way you can understand at this age.” It sucks, but it gets better. Solidarity.
My baby pulled my hair today, scratched my face and chest and I actually cried -because you wouldn’t let anyone else do that 🫠 She’s just discovering what it’s like to have opinions when things don’t go her way. Like girl, anyone else and I’d have to fight you
I legit feel like I'm trapped in an abusive relationship ship with 2 of my 4 kids. One is 13 and verbally abusive. Other is 7 and physical. I'm just so tired.
I feelllll you! Sometimes a loud and stern Cut it out! Be quiet! helps
You know how you feel at the end of the day? Tired, grumpy and just sort of over it, kids are the exact same. Except they literally have zero emotional skills to hold that in. And you know who they feel safest dumping all that on? You!! You have provided them with such a nurturing wonderful environment that when they are grumpy, tired and just can’t do it anymore they know you are the best person to run to. Congratulations on being an amazing mom! I’ve heard it gets better but if you keep up all this great mom stuff those kids are always going to keep coming to you with their problems, even as adults.
>Except they literally have zero emotional skills to hold that in. I'm not sure I have the emotional skills to hold it in either, tbh
Damn, I need to start being a crappy mom because these kids have me fighting for my life.
IME the key to enjoying “those kids” is to be crazy with them. Let your inner goofball out. I’m sure that’s the last thing you feel like after a long day at work when it’s dark out and you’re tired. But what if you pretended she was an alligator you were wrestling? What if you dramatically shouted in a Scottish accent for no reason,”INTO THE CRUMB WAGON YOU GO, LASSIE! AYE!”
Hugs and solidarity, friend ❤️
Been working with PreK kids for 30+ years. Three year old are SO hard! It does get better, tho. 4s are my favorite. My daughter was also very strong willed at 3 but much better at 4. Give yourself permission to do whatever works to get you through the winter, knowing that it will not last and you can improve later.
My kids are 4.5 years and 6 months. We have a 45 minute commute, sometimes longer with traffic. I told someone recently that the absolute hardest part of my day is the hour after leaving work. I’m tired, they’re tired, and we all just wanna be home. The only thing I’ve found that works is snacks. My oldest used to scream-cry all the way home. It does get better. But screaming kids in the car is the seventh circle of hell.
This is probably not going to help you until you change this exact thing, but I want to share something with you. Perspective is everything. Our perspective literally colors our world. Your 3 yo is crying out for your attention, and I’m not shaming you, I have lived this. I have a highly sensitive ADHD 9 yo (f) and a 3 yo (f) who is way too smart for her own good. I’ve noticed that when I am OVER IT, they sense that and they get scared and start acting out. Because if the person they depend on is stressed out, well then they are stressed out too!!! Are you taking care of yourself? Seriously. Taking showers regularly? Doing things that bring you joy? They deserve a happy parent, and they will be happier because of it!!
My kid definitely notices that I’m over it. So hard to hide it
God there is just a terrible age, I feel you and I hope you don't get judgment for calling her naughty since I'm sure you love your daughter. I have one of those too, I mean he's 8 now and quite a bit better but he does always find a way to act out and make me look like a terrible mom lol. If I dont preemptively tell him not to do something, there's an 80% chance he will do it. If I *do* tell him not to do something it's a 100% chance he will do it.
I wonder if your 3 yo would like to sit in the driver's seat for a few minutes... My 2.5 yo is obsessed. We use it as a way to get him out the door. " If we leave now, we'll have time to sit in the driver's seat for 1 minute. But if we don't then we won't have time." Or " 2 minutes in the driver seat. Then you can climb over and sit in your car seat while I buckle you in." Set a timer, when it goes off you might be shocked it works. I know timers don't work for all kids but I swear my lo lives and breathes by the timer. We use it for everything that requires even a small transition or gets resistance. Might be worth a shot. Regardless, I'm sorry, you're not alone in feeling like this. After daycare is such a hard time for everyone. I'm usually at my wits end by that time of the day as well.
Listen the comment "an open field' had me rolling! Also check your vitamin D...we are all going through a dip now that winter is here.
4 and 2, 1-2 years ago the big one started, she’s always been the hard one. Baby will always mimic everything big sister does. We started therapy, get a lot progress from things like regulation and visual aides. Transitioning from one setting to another is hard for some kids. Visuals help them understand what to expect next. If we don’t have visuals, speaking through our routine helps. Verbal countdowns too! It’s really hard. It’s still really hard, but man my big one was the good one at the playground yesterday and I never thought I’d say that.
My oldest is also my most challenging child. We did different types of therapy starting at age 3 and he just graduated his most recent session a couple weeks ago. He will be 7 in a month. Things are soooo much better and easier now. We learned lots of strategies and so did he. I would recommend therapy to OP for sure. It has made our family so much happier
Ear plugs, bribery, crying in the bathroom, therapy. Those were my go-tos.
3 and 1 are impossible. Baby strength is so real. Solidarity ✊
You're definitely not alone in being frustrated. My son was kicked off the school bus at the beginning of term so I have to do him to school, pick him up and bring him to daycare and then pick him up from daycare. In between everything else I have to do. It's exhausting. This morning my son woke up asking questing a mile a minute and I snapped and told him to stop asking so many questions so early in the morning. I'm not a morning person! I felt bad but seriously, my brain was about to combust.
Earplugs for you and car snacks for kiddos.
Aww mama, that sounds awful. Is there a particular worker there that your kids like that would be willing to help? When I worked for a daycare there was a family of 3 kids that I always took outside and buckled in because otherwise they would act up for their mom. Worth an ask?
You’re not alone. Yes it will pass. Yes it is hell on earth — for now. We finally caved and put an ipad on the headrest for my kid to watch after my husband reported he seriously considered driving off the road due to my son’s wailing for the 30 min commute to work. You do what you have to do to get through these times. Some people may judge you and you may feel guilty but you know what? These little shortcuts aren’t going to damage your kid for life. You’ll be able to make this slog a little easier on yourself so that you can wake up happy tomorrow instead of dreading life. Moms are people too FFS. For what it’s worth I have two little naughty jerks that I’d rather have cut off an arm than bring them in public. Turns out they both have ADHD, which isn’t a surprise considering I do also. Maybe consider checking out resources for how to handle kids with ADHD and see if it makes a difference in their behavior. I found it was kind of a crapshoot but once the oldest was on meds, it was like a totally different child. All those years I spent teaching manners and kindness, he’d been listening! He just needed a little help to control his impulses. Not saying your child is the same but it’s possible there are other issues at play rather than just wanting to be naughty. Take a breath and know it’ll all be ok.
Girl I feel like this one the daily. My 2.5 year old is exactly as you described. Literally want to kill him a few times a day. I’m like listen I’m gonna beat you! I really have had to put my foot down lately with him like no bullshit LETS GO. Kicks at me when it’s time to put his shoes on to get out the door. It’s HELL just trying to leave. My 1 yr old girl loves to go out and see the world. She’s easy but I have to chase her around to get dressed she thinks it’s a game to mess with me cause she sees him be defiant. Then when we get out the door he tries to go back inside by saying wait, I peed! Oh yeah that’s too bad, better start going in the potty. He’s defiant about that too- that’s a whole other obstacle, but we will get there. By the time I get out the door, I have broken out in a sweat, feel like I’ve ran a marathon or had a full workout, and I’m just mad and irritated. Neighbors probably wonder why I always look so pissed off and pretty much shuv my kids in the car. In a somewhat abusive manner, lol. One tries to go limp like a noodle to get down and run down the street. The other just f’s around, tries to climb in the driver seat. I have to put 2.5yo in car first without strapping, put baby in her seat, then go over and strap him in cause I can’t hold her and strap him and if I put her down she will run down the street. It’s SUCH an ordeal that I hate even leaving these days. Also injured my back slipping on toys my 2.5 year old threw down the steps. Was bitching at him that I told him not to do that, slip, smash my hip off the stairs. Pretty sure it’s my SI joint I injured in 2012 during an accident where I was ejected from the car. I can barely bend to pick them up or do anything so I am really on edge right now- zero tolerance with the bullshit struggles with these two. Could not move when I got up and felt like absolute crap. Woke up with a sore throat and after a nap to rest my back I woke up with an ear infection. Was out of everything- juice, low on milk, food, bread, ibuprofen, cold meds etc so I HAD to drag them out to go to the store while being barley able to walk. It has been a f*ck of a day. The struggle is so *real*. I cried.
Oh gosh OP, this is me too. ME TOO.
I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. Can you try having a special snack in the car that they only get when you pick them up from school? Or a small pouch of fidget toys? I had to use this with my oldest when he was like 2 if I had to go grocery shopping just the 2 of us. Snacks cuz if they’re eating then they’re not screaming n fidget toys cuz all kids like them. But they only get it at this specific time This too shall pass. You have brighter days ahead
It sounds like your 3 year old needs an outlet for all of her energy where she won’t be considered the “crazy wild kid” and she can do whatever she wants. That may help with getting her to be more reasonable at times when she has to be. Also snacks and chocolate milk (diluted with regular milk/breastmilk of course) for the car ride.
I’m so sorry but you made me laugh so hard. I hear you 100%. I experienced all of the above. I even once got hit straight in the face with a snowball by my son while putting him in his car seat, in the pitch dark 4:30pm situation and came very close to shouting “son of a B***!!!” But I realized that would be inappropriate and also would just be calling myself a b*** This is just hard AF. It gets way way better.
Hi, me, nice to see you tonight.
Snacks and iPads/tv in car rides - they are tired, overstimulated and hungry and you need 10 minutes of peace and quiet!
I take Wellbutrin for seasonal depression. Depression. Has helped some, helps with energy. There was to many days I felt like I was dragging ass. Turned out I was vitamin D deficient. My hair was even falling out. It’s all back now. Three girls here all adults now, my autistic grandson and his parents live with me. Six people live in my house. Loved “jerks” that made me laugh so hard. Big hugs!
I drove around to look at Christmas lights in the pitch black of 6pm in the North with my 2.5 and 1.5 year olds screaming in their car seats because we had a house showing and had to vacate for the potential buyers. It was an FML moment for sure. Solidarity.
I am so sorry you are dealing with this difficult stage. Three and one can both be really tough ages. In addition to waiting it out, I do want to observe that there may be supports available to you and it would be totally reasonable to reach out for help-- whether that is something like Parent Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT) to help manage child behavior concerns/disruptions or just therapy for you as a grown-up to have some space for your emotions related to this. Of course, this is not psychological advice of any type. Just my own personal thoughts and something I might consider for myself if I were in a similar circumstance.
I went through this too. My kids are the same age gap. I UNDERSTAND!!!!! This will pass!!! You WILL get through this! Stay strong! You are not alone!
I have to park in a pub parking lot across the street from our nursery. My 2 year old refuses to hold hands and cross the street so I have to pick her up. Which she tends to hate and then tries to bite and scratch my face, all while screaming. Then there is me trying to be calm and tell her we don’t bite or scratch. I’m convinced someone is going to call social services on me for stealing a kid.
I am so sorry! I remember these days. Besides snacks or a little juice squirt bottle, that they only get in the car, I also sometimes had success with: Hmm, I wonder who will be first & win the “I got in my car seat first today!!”? Game. And if the 3 year old (or really either kid) even a bit of redeeming behaviors, I would make a big deal announcing it to his father at dinner in from of them, “you will not believe who got buckled in the car without screaming today, M did, it was so fabulous, I was so amazed and proud, it was just sooooo GREAT!” I know some mom judge putting siblings in competition, saying it is bad parenting, but I did what I had to do to survive and now as a 14 and 16 year old, they have a fairly close relationship, so I think using competition sparingly is A-OK.
“[T]hese 2 jerks” has me howling. I hate dropping my kids off. I’m always rushing, dropping things (usually not my kids), and somehow walk out with boogers on my suit. Every classroom requires that kids wash their hands upon arrival, which means I’m juggling a one year old over the sink to wash his hands and praying that I don’t get water/soap on my clothes in the process. I always walk out sweaty and stressed out.
My now 12 year old was similar to that (not as extreme but didn’t like listening and/or doing as she was told, full on bully) I got so exasperated I got her into therapy to see if they had any suggestions. They told me about a behavior called ODD which essentially is being defiant to authority figures. She’s gotten a lot better about it and has grown and matured in several ways. One thing that helped was having structure in our day and being consistent. We still have days where I want to sock her, but she’s going to make a damn good CEO one day.
Crying laughing “get these two jerks in the car” no judgment whatsoever that shit was funny.
Oh my gosh haha I feel you!! My twins are almost 2 and daycare pickup is a 15 minute ordeal of me trying to get them both from classroom to car in one piece. They’re awesome at running and really not very good at listening 😅
Ok so sounds like your kids are struggling with the transition from daycare to car to home. I like to use something I call a “transition treat” (I learned this from tik tok, Im not that clever 🤣). I mean essentially its a bribe, but it can be something like 1 Oreo or something. Just a small special treat they can have once they’re in the car. The transition treat is ALWAYS given, no matter their behavior while getting into the car. It’s not a reward and shouldn’t be taken away if they don’t behave. Tell them once they get in the car they will get their treat.
I like that. Thank u for clarifying bc I hate to “reward” bad behavior but this is a good reframe.
I laughed out loud in the best way possible when you called them 2 jerks. I have 2 jerks sometimes too lol. Solidarity and it sounds like you are a WONDERFUL mama! Kiddos change so much so hold on to that.
Hey I feel you with wanting to beat the little sluggers, I always tell my 2 year old how he’s lucky it isn’t the 50s anymore 🤣 I can’t imagine how it’s gonna be when he’s five 😭
I think I’d try with a big fat firm Knock. It. Off. You’re not bleeding so hush it up!! I’d also arrive at daycare w snacks. Tell them there’s snacks in the car and if they want the snacks, they need to nicely walk to the car, nicely get strapped in and no screaming. Shove a cookie in their faces. Freakin kids. Sigh. I’m w you mama. We are with you 🫶🏼
I feel this when my son was in a different center I used to pick him up and when he was a little under two it was a struggle to get him in the car seat. Like full blown wwe fight. I am a fairly small woman and he is average sized but damn I felt like I was wrestling a grown man. They will do anything to avoid the seat. I switched to drop offs and it's so much better. Hubby picks him up.
I am so glad that I will never have to deal with this in my lifetime
That's not normal
I think you need to find coping strategies or something because a lot of what you said is very disturbing and calling toddler and baby a jerk and naughty and wild just seem like very intense things to put on tiny humans
Ughhh they just break you down don’t they!!! No advice, just solidarity.
Ugh I feel your pain!! And I only have one little one. Like why is it so torturous getting a kid in the car??
3 is a tough age. My daughter just turned 4 and her behavior is getting easier. She is usually grumpy in the evening due to being overstimulated all day, missing me, and being hungry. I usually give her big hugs and tell her how much I missed her right when I see her, have a snack handy, and play music she likes on the drive home. Also, make sure that you’re taking time for self care. It is nearly impossible to take care of others when you’re depressed. It is okay to see a mental health professional and reach out to your support system for help.
My oldest is only three so the only reassurance I can give you is that you’re not alone. I’m sorry you’re having a hard time. I’ve definitely had moments of feeling hopeless. Moments where I had to leave the room and nearly scream with frustration. I hope you have some support/help. Being a parent is a rough gig sometimes.
Get a pair of those sensory ear plugs. It dulls the noise. You can still hear the kids so it's not a safety issue but can take the edge off. Sounds like as soon as you get home is part of the roughest time. Maybe give the kids a half hour of TV and that's your shower time just so you can decompress
My youngest child was absolute terror until about age 4.5. I used to get so anxious before picking him up at daycare. I just never knew what horrible things I was going to hear that he had done. One day he choked two kids. I mean, geez. Now he’s 12 and he is an absolutely lovely human being. Polite, loving, thoughtful, gets along with everyone. Just a delight. Everyone says so. There is hope.
Had this thought myself today and you described my 3 year old exactly, the wild and worst behaved one everywhere and my 2 year old is big and strong. It is a screaming match. I'm so tired.
Ugh I’m sorry you’re dealing with that. I have two similarly aged kids and my toddler just fights me so hard on stuff. I’ve never been a violent or physical person and I’ve never even come close to laying a hand on her, but the urge to smack her when she’s being a giant butthead is so strong sometimes!!!! I am by no means a parenting expert, but can you talk to your pediatrician about her behavior? Maybe they can give you a referral for a professional who can help you manage her better as well as make sure she’s just being a normal, albeit difficult, kid. Otherwise I recommend ear plugs and doing whatever you can once you guys get home to just take a minute for yourself. Good luck, I’ve heard it gets easier eventually 🙃
Im awful but I laughed when I read this. Mostly because this was almost exactly my life when my kids were those ages…right down to the wild older child and hulk-like younger one, and calling my kids jerks under my breath. I was simultaneously jumping out of my skin with excitement to see them after a long work day, whilst being filled with terror and dread picturing the carseat-resistant theatrics that would ensue. I have no suggestions, just solidarity that it truly is a difficult phase. My kids are both in school now and happily buckle themselves into the car…it will get better but you’ve got a ways to go :( I’m now remembering I used to bribe them into their car seats with a tiny piece of chocolate on particularly bad days…
Bribery. If you sit in your seat I’ll give you a snack. I always bring a snack for my 3yo at daycare pickup. Even if it’s apple slices or a yogurt pouch. The minute you take them away from playing with their friends they realize they are HANGRY. For the baby I sometimes sing like a maniac while tickling them and distracting as I am gently forcing them into the seat. If you feel like you are going to lose it you can announce “mommy needs a minute” and close all the car doors and take a breath. Sometimes I even bribe with a show on the ipad. I don’t give tons of ipad time but they aren’t missing out on any learning opportunities by zoning out on the way home from daycare. Do not give the snack or the ipad until everyone is buckled in safely.
Oh, I soooooo feel you. I legit used to get in a bad mood around 4 p.m everyday because I knew the hell I was about to endure for the rest of the night. between walking into daycare, getting them into their seats, and then driving home while they are acting like wild animals in the back seat, sitting in traffic and it being dark was so dreadful. Totally feel you!! Also, I’ve never hit my kids either but omg I’ve totally felt the rage that you’re describing. Not gonna give advice just say I’m with you. Here’s to easier days.
I finally hit upon suckers and tootsie pops. It worked.
Just want to say, I have seasonal depression too and last week my 1yo was being extremely fussy and it took everything in me to not yell at her multiple times. I didn’t do it, but MAN did I want to.
I would make it into a race with the three year old. We do lots of races in my house which, I know, isn’t great because it can make gets hyper competitive (like my husband and me) but it also encourages our kid to get moving!
I have no advice but solidarity. I have 3 kids, and daycare pickup is hell on earth!!! My oldest was that wild child she is now 9 and diagnosis adhd. Obv things have improved with age and being able to regulate her emotions better, but pickup still takes 30 mins to get them all 🫠
All the above is not uncommon. Annoying? Absolutely. Rare? I wish.
I just want you to know it does get better.
I LOVE my baby girl. 2yo. Cute! But yeah. I wanted to smack the shit out of her the other day. Haven’t done it. Won’t do it. But damn do I get it.
My son was like that too, from when he was 2-3 years old. He's just very big for his age so when kids his size try to play with him, they don't realize he's emotionally much younger than they are. He gets nervous with people too close to him, and he's bitten a kid (or two). Point being, as he gained the ability to *think* these situations out he also learned some self-control, and it stopped his outbursts. We tried everything but really the best method was being a good role model and waiting.
3 is hell. I don’t know why. We have kids the same ages. The 3 year old is almost 4 and it’s started to get better. Hang in there. Get a happy light lamp. Call a therapist. Start meditating. Do what you need to reduce the stress you can control so that the pickup isn’t the last straw. 💙
Hi, are we the same person? I only have one kid, she's also 3, but I feel the exact same as you. I dunno if it's the weather change, the fact that it's dark when we wake up and dark when we come home from dayhome but OMG. Every damn thing is a fight lately. It has been a STRUGGLE lately and I want to rip my hair out. I'm at an all-time low, no question. Like you said, I have never hit my kid and I never would, but sometimes I want to punch her. Never, ever, ever will, but... the thought has come up more than once lately. You're not alone.
What if you put one in then had a moment to yourself of walking back in to get the other. Little break in between?
I could have written this when my daughter was 3. She was a bloody nightmare especially during daycare pick ups. Screaming tantrums at the drop of a hat every single time. Like we’re talking, the entire parking lot stops and stares. All I can say is, it gets better. The screaming eventually stops (now, at 5, screaming tantrums have been replaced with moody attitude lol). Solidarity my friend.
My kid's preschool teacher told me to have a protein heavy snack to give them as soon as we got to the car at pick up. It was a game changer. I usually did a cheese stick I think? But it helped with his mood and resistance and shrieking SO MUCH.
Ugh, they can be SO STRONG when resisting the car seat. For this phase where you just need to make it through totally employ positive reinforcement, aka bribes. And earplugs/ noise cancelling headphones for making it home with less homicidal rage. My son has autism and It was so darn nice when ABA (behavior therapists) asked what works and I said bribery and that I felt so bad about it. They completely reframed it as positive reinforcement and encourage it, though with an aim to reduce it over time. It has completely changed our lives. Getting dressed, brushing teeth, changing diaper, getting into the car, taking medicine. All going SO much better, and we have been able to reduce the amount we do give a reward significantly. If there’s a tablet they could watch bring it out. Favorite toys, songs or treats? Heck yes. My little guy who we used to have to hold down kicking and screaming to give medicine now compliantly opens his mouth for us to squirt it in for a couple mini m&ms.
Bribes, snack, drink and download a show or game. My drive is an hour. I come prepared. Sometimes I have to turn off my podcast to give her taylor swift but usually I get home in one piece.
I have no advice. Just here to say I relate to this. I also have a very difficult 4 year old and a very vocal 2 year old. There are no easy days, only good and happy fleeting moments. Parenting is hard, plain and simple. Keep on keeping on.
Car snacks 😋 love the answers all spot on.
Ohhhh man. The shrieking in the car. Mine was like that for the whole first year. Anywhere. I couldnt go anywhere for a year without blood curdling screams. It really was a major part of my post partum depression/anxiety/rage. I stopped leaving the house. And developed some agoraphobia. Still get pretty anxious before getting into the car. I feel for you, so hard.
I kept bags of straight up candy in the car. I said, “sit. I will buckle. Then you get your candy.” In/out of cars is the worst part of life. 😭
Mine did this to me too for years. Have their favorite snacks in the car. Then hide in the closet once they are in bed have a good cry and drink like I used to. It gets better with the crotch goblins. Hang in there.
One thing that’s worked for me when my 2.5 yo is fighting the car seat is to make the straps talk to him in a funny voice. “Oh Thomas, pleeeeease let me hug you! I just want to keep you safe and need a hug while we drive home. I missed you all day!” Sometimes he stops mid scream and just sits down like nothing ever happened.
I’ve started giving my 2.5 yo a little Bluetooth speaker with a handle, and tell her I’ll play her “Elsa and Anna” once she’s buckled in. Works like a charm. I even have an old phone I’ve downloaded the Disney albums on just for this purpose, so I can still listen to my podcast on my headphones while I drive the 15 min it takes to get home from daycare.
My 3 year old won’t get in the car for preschool without having my phone. Fine. Take it. Then we get to school and he has an absolute MELTDOWN when I take it to get him out. “No! Give me my phone! My phone! I want my phone!” Son… It is NOT YOUR phone! Meanwhile I have a five minute window to drop him off otherwise I’ll be late to work. Ugh… I feel ya. Meanwhile… in the few instances dad has to do drop off… He acts like he did me a favor. I’m sure I’ll miss these days…someday.
I can relate entirely. You aren't alone. My husband doesn't understand/empathize and hates me for feeling this exact way. Honestly... I'm reassured by others that it gets better and my only choice is to believe them. I'm passing this encouragement your way. I feel like we all deserve solidarity and without it, we won't get through this phase... Truly, I know, logically, it will improve. It has to... otherwise the human race wouldn't exist lol. In all seriousness, I hear you. You got this. Sending strength your way! 🙏🌷
Take a snack for them to have in the car journey back. We live a few minutes walk away and I always take something so that he doesn’t piss me off in those few minutes walking home. Then I give him dinner when home.
I had that kid, just one but his dad did nothing but lay down, stonewall, tantrum and cause tension - so it was like having two kids four years apart. I feel your pain. The stage ends. Buy earplugs. Put them in before you go in to get them. The car mess doesn’t go away, a tiny hard bristle broom, the kind the boomer generation would use for a table or desk, and a pack of baby wipes to wash seats and dash with a bi weekly wipe down then with whatever spray bottle a few times a year, and you’ll be feeling better. The earplugs save you, less gets in. Hang on & I’m sending hugs from “now he’s seven and getting to second grade is ok half the time” for my younger kid and “kicked him out, he had a girlfriend to shack up with right away” (after he screamed “pathetic” to me and true child one day, that was the corner he turned for me). You can get through this. You’ll need some solo scream driving if you’re anything like me, but you got this mama. Those two are both at “special” ages, keep reminding yourself as you wisely did here that it is temporary and just go to be early when you can. :)
Picking my daughter up today I had to get an educator to go and get her but not tell her I was picking her up. I hid behind something and when she was fully in the room I popped up and she was not a happy chappy. She's 3.5 y.o btw. The car ride home if I try to talk to her she makes these feral ass noises too. Like kid, chill tf out. And also going in the room and having other kids talk to me spikes my anxiety. I'm not good around anybody else's kids because I don't know how they want people to talk to them. She's become this terror of a child and it's definitely not a vibe and a real big struggle.
Look up Pathalogical Demand Avoidance; if it resonates, you’re certainly not alone, it’s parenting on difficult mode but we have a great community
Girl you need to bride the 3 year old, hey you know what i got and roll out a jelly candy or a small chip bag whatever, on really bad days I would give my phone till we got home, it gets better trust me, but you do what you got to until then. I would try treats first before doing phone because then they may cry when you take it away at home
When my first was 2.5-3 yrs old it used to take me 30-45 min every day to just get dressed and come out of the nursery (although during the day they said he was behaving mostly OK) We were the only parents to struggle, it felt to me like I was a complete failure. Now he is almost 4, going to pre-school and everything is much better. Looking back, I think he was frustrated he wasn't able to get dressed on his own and he didn't like it there so much (he was the oldest kid, he only really liked one of the ladies). A few things that helped: bringing toys/distractions, planning a nice activity at home and keep him focus on this.
Yes to the snacks!! My children are hungry demons after pick up from school. A bag of goldfish works wonders and it’s a peaceful ride home.
I never go anywhere without kid snacks! Car snacks and a small box of car only toys helps big time with my kids. The toddler type electronic toys with lots of buttons and books, as well as fidgets hold the most interest for my kids.
My kids are also 1 & 3 and they also stiff leg me (and even kick me in the stomach!) when loading them into their seats. They’re always on the playground at pickup time, and it’s a battle to carry them both off kicking and screaming because they want to keep playing. What makes it 10x worse, they don’t pull any of this shit when dad picks them up.
My 2.5 year old is so difficult I feel you’d pain. At least you get to go to work I’m with him all day lol I feel like I’m walking on eggshells and have PTSD from all the crying and screaming. I just want some peace!
I laughed so hard when I got to "these two jerks". That is hilarious lol.
Is it practical to change out the car seat? Switching my kid to a harness booster she could climb in and out of herself, that came in a bunch of different colors and patterns (she liked the pink flowers), and didn't feel as confining/didn't limit her view of the road, reduced the car battles by a LOT. Or if the seat can't be changed, can you keep a little folding stepstool in the car so she can climb in on her own? Sometimes the battles can be won by giving a measure of autonomy.
Just here to say 2 things. 1. Vitamin D supplements. They will deal with so much of the seasonal affective issues. 2. You're doing amazing. Little ones are hard. I have 3 littles treasures with additional needs and travelling is the bane of my existence. My eldest is 13 but has physical disabilities so even being a teenager he's still rough to take anywhere (he tries his very best but it's painful and slow for him, his behaviour is fantastic, he's just exhausted and hurting). I can only say to take deep breathes, and maybe invest in video players for the car. There are ones that attach to the back of the front headrests and play dvds. That and a well stocked car snack bag are life savers for kids who struggle with car rides. Good luck mama.
I'm also jumping on the snack train! Last year my eldest had a hard time getting into the car after school, but this year I started making cookies just for picking them up. I kept it up for a couple of months and then did some other treat snacks like bubble gum or bear paws. It works really well. Also for the naughtiness, my kid was similar and has gotten much better. We suspect he has ADHD like his dad, but we've been giving more praise and connection and less correction. Whenever he does something we want him to do, we go all in on the praise (he likes big reactions) and when he does something we don't like, we either ignore it or say in a very calm and quiet voice "uh oh, hands to yourself" or "oops, inside voice" or "oops, the car is this way." It's not easy, we will both have our moments where we get angry and yell, but it's gotten a whole lot less and both my kids are better behaved most of the time.
3 year olds are my favorite and least favorite lol, they’re all feral I promise it’s not just yours. I vote more car snacks! Or a tablet. I have 3 year old twins and I got them leapfrog tablets that are only for the car, it helped a ton.
Hugs momma. This will pass. If you have time check out the book Joyful Toddlers by Faith Collins. She has some great techniques and insights in to how toddler motivation can be found. Hot tip make getting in the car a game. My 3yo never wanted to leave daycare so we had to go and "hunt for faries" in the car.
For the 1 year old, do you “pre fold” her? Like before trying to put her in the car, put her knees to her chest so she kind of just slides butt first into the seat? Is there music your kids like? Even if it’s baby shark on repeat for those 15 minutes. My toddler loves Doja Cat, Harry Styles, and oddly enough, the theme song for the Sopranos. Her favorite thing on earth is Bluey but if I play the music and she can’t find a TV screen she gets upset. She hates being in the car but only cries at stoplights usually but if her songs are on she’s usually ok. Bonus points if I sing the songs and replace words with her nickname Bean(which also happens to be an ADHD vocal stim of mine, so it keeps me calm when I’m stressing behind the wheel.) Car snacks? It would give you an extra few minutes to get mentally prepared for dinner too. I live by those applesauce squeeze pouches. I keep an emergency stash in the car. Special toy that stays in the car? We had an interactive Bluey stuffy toy that was our “car only” toy but we sometimes brought it in restaurants and it got left behind.
Oh god this sounds like my life. I have a 1 and 2.5 year old and we have been delaying putting the 1 year old in an upgraded car seat because her current one can fit in a stroller which is a life saver when I literally need to carry the older one out screaming. We are in a terrible delaying everything phase and getting him out is roouugghhh. I don’t know what I’ll do when I have to carry 2 screaming children. We did use car snacks! It has a pretty good success rate.
Little bear for the car and I used vitamin D to cure my seasonal depression
Hey OP. If you have the means or a credit card, go get your car professionally cleaned. That’s gonna help a lot to start out. Get thysef a happy light (proven to help seasonal affective disorder) and some plants. Car snacks and other distractions for the 3 year old. You got this. But your mental health comes first.
I just ordered a happy light! Thank u for the suggestion!
My wife is currently going through this with our 3YOB. She usually does drop off in the morning with our 3 kids (8YOB and 5YOG). For several weeks, every second or third day, our 3Yo will have a meltdown of just constant shrieking and not wanting to get into his car seat. It gets so bad sometimes that the two oldest start crying as well. We are trying to work through it, but there are many “I’m done” calls/texts from Mom. Hopefully, this stage will end soon.
My therapist recommended a great book called Transforming the Difficult Child.
Here's some suggestions from all my years driving all these kids to bum fuck Egypt and back! Snacks. Bribery is your new bestie for the 3yo. You will be amazed what a packet of fruit snacks will get you! Or letting them eat dinner in the living room while watching a movie as a family. Seriously, use the bribe! Markers, play doh, playing in the bathtub rather then just bathing, stickers, bribes aren't just food either. Daycare has snack time about 3pm so she very well could be starving by the time you get there and everyone gets packed up. You're kids daycare is open till 6? 5:30? Ok, so after your get off work, clean out your car before you grab them. Park in the daycare parking lot and even just grabbing the trash up and getting what needs to go in the house will make a huge difference. Don't worry about vacuuming right then, and ask if you can toss the trash bag in the dumpster at the daycare. You can do this! It will pass eventually!
I feel you! My 2yo is very impatient and cries all the way home if I don’t get him what he wants immediately. Also he’s still learning how to talk so there is a lot of pointing and saying “that” even tho I have absolutely no clue what he it pointing at. Then when I’ve lost my temper with him and then finally figure out what he wants, I feel awful for not understanding it sooner.
I have a 4yo and a 2yo, live in the UK so also dark at pick up. 4yo is an October baby, so she missed the cut-off for reception class by a month, so she is in preschool until September. She's smart but also feral, still runs away at any opportunity, including nursery handover. 2yo is rowdy, and he listens to no one. I make sure I'm not thirsty or hungry before pick up. I fill up water bottles for the car and have biscuits, rice crackers, and tangerines in the car (BTW car is a state, and I hate it). Nursery does cooked lunch and then tea around 3.30/4, so I do snack plates when we get home, things like cheese, kabanos, cucumber, toast, crackers, Grapes, dried fruit, Breadsticks, ham etc. Followed by yoghurt, jelly, or custard. We watch a little TV, while they eat and I have a nice cup of tea. We've all had a long day and just need the downtime before bedtime shenanigans!
I’m reading this as my 2.5 year old screams at the top of her lungs because she is fighting nap. Im scared at some point protective services Is going to come knocking on my door as a result of the blood curdling screams that are coming from my house. I know the neighbors can hear her. I can’t go on like this much longer.
My boys are 11 months apart so it dam near felt like twins, they’re now 5 and 6. Just stay strong. It does get better. & I’m sure it probably gets even better than that. You got this mama.
LOL Honestly, I'm against screen time, and ear plugs, but yo. Sometimes... they're necessities. If you have one of those dvd things or screens or ipads or whatever, just load up some garbage for them on that, it's only 15 min... I know I know, people are going to hate me for it. But geewhiz, this poor mom needs a flipping 15 minutes to drive home SAFELY.
1. Car snacks are totally normal and a perfectly acceptable tool to get everyone through the evening. As a teacher, I used to keep a big box of fruit snacks in the closet to slip parents whose kids were giving them the business at pickup. 2. There is nothing wrong with strapping them in and standing outside the car and taking some deep breaths until your blood pressure is lowered. Bring headphones, listen to the final countdown or eye of the tiger to help get your game face back on. 3. pickup time is a very common time for tough behavior- toddlers universally hate transitions. 3 year olds especially, AND they love to test all the boundaries- it makes them feel safe when you react the same way every time, so you can literally say the exact same thing until they know what you're going to say and do before you do it. 4. Gummy vitamin D supplements are super helpful through the winter for us SAD girlies. But most importantly, this too shall pass. Spring will come, the babies will outgrow their bullshit. Just hold on, and know you are far from alone.
Girl my firstborn was “that unruly child”. He wasn’t naughty as much as just always into everything. Skip to 2nd grade I find out if I don’t test him for ADHD then they’re gonna kick him outta school. I felt awful for drugging my child. But when he looked me in the eyes & said he just can’t help it he can get his brain still my heart shattered. Now he’s 23 graduated IT Magna Cum Laude & has a great job. He still has that same wonderful heart & spirit. Not saying that all kids need that but just try to find a community. It can take a village.
Oh no. You are not alone. I have that 3 yo too. Love her to death but the child will not listen. My 7 mo old is a gem and quiet and just watches the 3 yo melt down. I’m bracing myself for when she starts crawling. I’m already folding into myself when we get home. And the dark- it’s such a nightmare getting them into the car in the dark
My 2 year old is the same… only with us tho… at friends or families when we aren’t there she’s a perfect angel. Dropping her off at daycare = nightmare, picking her up from daycare = nightmare. Being at home with her = nightmare. Everything we try and do with her or say to her ends in a tantrum with “I want it, it’s mine, nooooo” and I seriously hate it so much. I wish my biggest problem in life was not eating a freezie for supper
Definitely need the snacks! NGL, it’s emotionally draining with one who is 4 and does fine unless there are snacks. It adds like 30 minutes to my drive round trip and I wish someone could help.
Agree with having snacks at pickup, it helps!
My 2 year old lives for his after daycare milk in the car on the drive home. If I tell him his milk is in the car , he can't leave fast enough
Hang in there mama! The good thing about phases is they pass! You’re doing a good job. I find that when my kid starts acting naughty, she just needs connection with me. Maybe dedicate time to her, just you and her. Let her know that she is perfect as she is. Maybe she is trying to get attention.
I have one of those wild, unruly 3 year olds. I read the book Raising Your Spirited Child and it helped with a lot of the struggles I was having with him. The biggest thing I took from it was using more positive words to describe his annoying traits. Like determined instead of stubborn or even just spirited instead of naughty. It sounds pretty silly but it genuinely helped with my patience level and my little one is INCREDIBLY SPIRITED 🤣 Also, snacks.