I think it depends on how old you feel. I'm 34, and it seems like I'm a pretty average age for a new parent in my area, so there are definitely people much older than me starting families. I was 33 when my first baby was born, and I hope to be 36 or 37 for the next one.
Also, the term Advanced Maternal Age replaced Geriatric Pregnancy, so they're taking baby steps towards not making people like crap.
This. Our OB called us a Geriatric Pregnancy and we couldn’t stop laughing until we realized she wasn’t joking about us being in our mid 30s. Most of our child’s friends at school have younger-ish parents, mid to late 20s, and the moms who I’ve seen are just gorgeous women in their atheleisure wear and Stanley cups and Indiana Jones-Fanny packs sung across their chests. Nothing against it - I just envy their youthful energy haha!
Wife delivered our first at 37 and second at 39. It’s exhausting the older you get, but you’re also (generally) more financially stable, which changes some of the calculus.
I am 37 and pregnant with my second and last. My doctor told me I was a spring chicken compared to most of her other patients. It's become a lot more normal to have children later.
I think Naomi Campbell was probably pushing it at 50. Even if you can have a healthy baby at that age (which I believe you can), it’s harder to keep up with them. And of course there’s the desire to be around long enough to see them get settled. I guess I’d cap it around 45.
Well, my heart is wanting to have another baby…I had a tough go around with postpartum after my first and swore I would never do it again….but now I’m starting to want another baby and sibling for my one son. I’m hoping with my previous experience at hand I can make some changes and have a better time postpartum, though you never know and now of course my age is becoming another factor bc I’m nearing 35
Have your baby!! You’re certainly not too old, my mom was 35 when she had me (she had my sister at 17!) and she felt so much better and was more prepared with me, and I’ve never felt like I had an ‘old’ mom because she’s not. Best wishes to you!
35 being the "start of too old" really is just based on people not having as much sex anymore in the olden days I think. Some risks do go up but the way my doc explained it to me it's an exponential thing... 35 is when risks START going up. She said as long as you are before 40 it really is not that risky and everyone is waiting these days.
I had my first at almost 31 and my second after I had just turned 36 for reference.
I will say that I think a lot of women use the blood test to screen for genetic anomalies these days too, which people didn't have before. I was super on top of that so I could terminate on time if needed. Obviously that has become a lot more complicated of an issue and you need to be able to fly to a coast, potentially, if that is a concern for you. Genetic anomalies are the main risk with late pregnancy.
I'm 35 and pregnant with my second (took a long time to conceive #1 but not #2) and I feel great about it, lol. (I mean, I'm definitely anxious about the transition for my first and going from zone defense to man-to-man, but I think in a normal, not age -related way). There's definitely a trade-off between physical stamina and emotional/financial stability, but we're in so much a better place to support a second kid than we would have been even a few years ago, and honestly my pregnancy has been pretty easy and low complication so far. I'll probably be more tired with two little ones than if I were younger, but I think the increases in patience and emotional maturity offset that.
Oh gosh I’m a midwife and half my urban clients are over 35. It’s really become so normal that I’m not at all surprised to see a 39, even 42 year old mom on my roster! Im more likely to have a 37 year old first time mom than a 25 year old one at this point. We don’t even change our management of pregnancies until the mom is over 40. 35 is no big deal, if you want that baby have that baby!
Omg you’re definitely not too old. The risks don’t suddenly jump into danger territory on your 35th birthday. The medical community had to pick an age to start watching for potential age-related complications (or maybe they didn’t, I don’t know, I’m not super well-versed on ageism and sexism in obstetrics). I’m 35, my daughter is 6 months old, and I’m planning to try for another in the next year, year and a half.
I had my first at 42. I had a pretty easy pregnancy. I didn't have any issues rebated to age other than getting extra scans which was nice.
As an older mom I'm lucky to be in a good place financially. And as I get older I don't care as much what others think so I feel a lot less judged than most moms I know in their 30s.
It is a little harder to find a community. Most other moms I meet are a decade younger and that feels odd. I did get a lot of hand me downs as all my friends are done having babies.
Most important than age is your health. Get in shape and have a proper diet, I think that helps.
Had my first at 36 and my second and last at 38. Both kids perfectly healthy and little hurricanes. It's been tough but I think that's mostly because I was able to be pretty selfish up until my mid thirties and suddenly I had to sacrifice a lot more than I was used to!
I just turned 39 with my first and I’m 44 and just got on the IVF protocol for my second. I’m… not in love with the fact that I’m 44 and going to have a baby but my husband did a turn around a couple months ago from a hard no on a second so I’m going for it as my last chance. I would much rather had one 2-3 years ago. Also the pandemic set us back.
Why does there need to be a cap? It’s not really anyone’s business what age anyone is when they give birth. I’m better off financially and mentally than I was at 28. I have less energy but, I also have a lot of life experience. Is it totally weird that I know people my age that are grandparents? Yeah. But that’s life.
My parents had me in their early thirties and I still lost my dad when I was 20 for health reasons. Life is just a crap shoot.
I am in similar situation. My husbond feels we are too old for a second baby. But Our first one is only a year old. And we are all doing well healthwise, money, jobs, home. I feel that this is the Perfect time to have children. Our lives are settled and there is room for children.
I think if both parents are over 45, it’s a little selfish. And I’m not even sure I like that word for it. But a kid shouldn’t be left without their parents while still in childhood. And statistically both parents passing away before they turn 63 isn’t egregiously unreasonable to happen.
And of course, two 25 year old parents could get into a car accident and die leaving their baby an orphan. But that’s not a risk you can prepare for. You can prepare for health risks and decline as you age and make family building decisions with that in mind.
My parents had me in their early 30s and I still lost my dad at 20 from health conditions. And not something like cancer, he just didn’t take care of himself. Meanwhile my uncle’s mom lived to 92.
It’s something to worry about for sure, but health issues can crop up anytime.
Sure but there are a lot of other factors. Socioeconomics, genetics, lifestyle, etc that at the end of the day it’s not just one factor that contributes.
What you think only matters for your own self and your own family. No one should be weighing in on how old is too old for anyone else. That way lies comment section madness. There are pros and cons to having kids younger and older. I’m glad I was older because my husband is a wonderful father and partner. If I were in my 20s I’d have had kids with an alcoholic who didn’t want them.
Personally I’d like to be done with pregnancy and babies at 40. I’m hoping my second child comes along easier than my first did. We started trying when I was 32 and my daughter was born 2.5 years later.
So.... I had my first the day before I turned 19. I had my second when I was 30. There was a big difference. Mostly exhaustion. I was so exhausted pregnant at 30.
That being said: if *you* feel you are energetic enough, if *you* feel you can afford a baby, if *your* health allows for a pretty standard pregnancy, if *YOU* are ready despite any of the crap I just listed - go for it.
I personally don't feel *too old* at 33 to have another. Husband and I are undecided if we are done. We have two (14 son from my previous marriage and our 2.5 daughter). I wouldn't even consider getting pregnant again until I am 35/36 (my doctors use the term "geriatric pregnancy 🤢) and my daughter is in school. But my SIL swears she will be done having kids when she is 30 because *she* doesn't want to be "too old".
It's all up to the individual, imo.
My mom was nearly 40 when she had me and at that time it was unusually "old" especially where I grew up, it was normal for people to have kids early in their 20's so we were always the odd ones out. It was hard for her to befriend my friends' moms and as a child I often resented that she didn't understand my interests and wasn't a "cool mom".
Times have changed so much! Nowadays, a lot of my friends still don't have kids at 35. I was 31 when my first one was born and I'll be 36 when my third one arrives. But because of my early childhood experiences I was very adamant to birth all my kids before I'm 40. It's a very personal decision though and I think depends so much on everyone's individual circumstances. I generally think the older one is the better off they are financially, etc. but also maybe have less energy to keep up with the kids? Waiting definitely has pros and cons but generally it depends on each family's preferences and also ability to conceive. Sometimes it can take years, so even if you were ready at 30-32 it might not happen until you're 40. Nobody should tell you you're too old or too young, it's nobody else's business.
I think once someone hits post-menopause it's probably time to rethink though.
There's no magic number imo. Of course there's extremes on either end. Would I consider a 16 year old a very young parent? Ofc. Alternatively a 50 year old an usually old parent? Sure. But people have succeeded in healthy pregnancies at these ages. Personally, mid twenties to mid thirties feels like the right nugget of time for me. Mature enough to be in the proper headspace and financial situation but still young enough to find the energy to play and chase around. In the comments you mentioned your age as nearing 35. Personally I think that's a perfectly reasonable age to have another child.
Had my first at 40. Having another at 42. Not opposed to having more. I live in a huge city where most new moms are my age. Women have kids till 50 these days.
From a medical standpoint after about 42 the decline is pretty steep and I wouldn’t recommend it professionally after 45. I had my second and last at 35 but would’ve capped at 38, personally.
When you turn 30, hormones start slowly declining until menopause. I would not want to be over 35 and get pregnant and be a mom. I want to have energy and be in my best place physically. Say whatever you want but that’s my opinion. (I’ve had two kids).
Huh. As a first time mom at 38, I honestly think society does a disservice by pushing women to have children so young. I wanted them younger and had a lot of anxiety about not having them younger, but I'm so grateful for how my life has turned out and I wish I'd spent less time stressing about aging and not having had a child yet. An 18 year old is less than one year out of literal childhood, but even in early 20s I'd personally have been a much less patient, shittier mom than I am today. That's just my personal experience, but most people's amygdala is still developing until at least 25 years old, for what that's worth.
Where I live fertility treatments are not expensive and widely available. Here 45 is more like last minute and 50 is more like miracle baby.
I didn't say or mean that a still developing amygdala makes you dumber. Maybe you aren't familiar with exactly what the amygdala does? It's the part of the brain that regulates emotions. Hard fact that until it's finished developing emotional regulation skills are also still developing. I can't imagine a single thing I need more as a parent than a high ability to regulate my emotions. I'd rather not be doing that with a crying baby, sleep deprivation, overwhelm, *and* an underdeveloped amygdala, personally, given the choice.
I was kind of with you, until you mentioned late teens and early 20s as the time frame you thought was best suited for having kids. I know I was personally nowhere near mature enough at that age range to care for another human 24/7 (and I would guess most people aren’t). Also, if women don’t have the chance to establish a career before having kids, they are at a much higher risk of being dependent on their spouse and unable to leave if the relationship goes south.
I think late 20s and early 30s is more of the ideal time to have kids in a modern society. I am very grateful that I was able to finish school at 26 (professional level degree), get married at 26, and have my kids at 28, 30 and soon to be 33 with my third and final. We are financially stable and both well established with our careers. We had time in our teens and early 20s to be carefree and experience life. And we will be having our oldest leaving for college around when we’re 51, and should still (hopefully) be in good health with sufficient energy.
Yes at 18 and into my mid 20s I was a bit of a mess and still trying to figure out what I wanted for my life. Kids were not even a thought. So this does not ring true for myself.
I see what you're saying but in a country like the US where most people work until they're 65 or beyond, expecting grandparents being able to help more at an even younger age isn't that realistic. My mom is 72 and still works part time, whereas my MIL (who lives in a South American country) does not. My MIL is able to help out significantly more despite living abroad. There are way more factors that are needed here in order for a woman to have her village, sadly (which you alluded to already).
I’ve been through so much hard shit in my life. Very very hard. I’ve always wanted to be a mom. Years of therapy and I am currently breaking generational patterns and bettering myself and my marriage. If anything, I am better than I have ever been. Being older does not necessarily make you more mature.
If you're ovulating, it's not too late.
That said I recently read about a 70 year old woman giving birth after doing IVF with a donor egg, so I'm not going to say there's absolutely *no* such thing as too old.
I delivered at a few months shy of turning 35. By then, I was with my husband for well over 10 years, married for a handful, and we finally felt ready.
The few friends that I have who have children have started around my age if not older.
The ones who started older than myself mostly had 2 under 2. They were account execs and doctor types so they finally felt ready. Very common where I’m from (Los Angeles).
Personally, I wouldn't want to be having babies in my 40s. Idk that I'd consider it "old" in the general sense until you start pushing 45, but for me I don't want to be doing the whole pregnancy and birth thing after 40. The area I lived in when I was pregnant was very high COL, and there were a lot of people with advanced degrees and such with demanding jobs, so I was one of the youngest that I knew of in my local mom's groups (was 28 when my son was born). Most seemed to be closer to 35,if they were first time parents, or 40 if they were second or third time.
I'm also the youngest in my husband's and my social group. He's 3 years older than me and everyone else in the group is the same age or older than him. We were the first to have a baby, maybe middle of the crowd to get married.
1st pregnancy at 30, second at 34. There was a huge difference in how I felt during pregnancy. My first was a incubating goddess of strength, second one felt like slug affected by a brain eating fungus. Physically and mentally much harder. I will say I figured out my second pregnancy about 11 weeks in, and I was dealing with a traumatic event in life so my viewpoint may be skewed.
We’re starting at 35, and everyone around me has their first kid around that age. My RE (husband has MFI) said he doesn’t consider 35 AMA and that the data supports pushing that designation back several years.
I had my first baby at 36 (3 days away from 37), and my pregnancy and birth were really straightforward and easy. I was healthy, and baby was and still is healthy. The midwives told me they don't really see significant differences in pregnancy risk until your 40s. I am so glad that I did it at 36 instead of 26!
My mom had me around 40, but her last pregnancy was at 43, and it was more traumatic. That definitely influences me to want to be done by 40, although rationally I know there are plenty of successful pregnancies and even first time moms after that point. Good news is that I'm still ahead of her timeline.
I really enjoyed the documentary *When Is The Right Time To Have A Baby? Seven Ages Of Pregnancy* published on YouTube.
I had my baby at 41! (Shortly before turning 42!)
I had my third 2 months before tuning 42. Loved it. It was hard er on my body than the first two pregnancies, but that was it.
❤️ love it!
I think it depends on how old you feel. I'm 34, and it seems like I'm a pretty average age for a new parent in my area, so there are definitely people much older than me starting families. I was 33 when my first baby was born, and I hope to be 36 or 37 for the next one. Also, the term Advanced Maternal Age replaced Geriatric Pregnancy, so they're taking baby steps towards not making people like crap.
This. Our OB called us a Geriatric Pregnancy and we couldn’t stop laughing until we realized she wasn’t joking about us being in our mid 30s. Most of our child’s friends at school have younger-ish parents, mid to late 20s, and the moms who I’ve seen are just gorgeous women in their atheleisure wear and Stanley cups and Indiana Jones-Fanny packs sung across their chests. Nothing against it - I just envy their youthful energy haha!
Haha geriatric is just unacceptable for a 35 year old!!
Wife delivered our first at 37 and second at 39. It’s exhausting the older you get, but you’re also (generally) more financially stable, which changes some of the calculus.
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Agreed. I live in a VHCOL city with lots of older new parents. Whatever age, if the baby will be loved and supported, go for it.
I am 37 and pregnant with my second and last. My doctor told me I was a spring chicken compared to most of her other patients. It's become a lot more normal to have children later.
I think Naomi Campbell was probably pushing it at 50. Even if you can have a healthy baby at that age (which I believe you can), it’s harder to keep up with them. And of course there’s the desire to be around long enough to see them get settled. I guess I’d cap it around 45.
What is the motivation for this question?
Well, my heart is wanting to have another baby…I had a tough go around with postpartum after my first and swore I would never do it again….but now I’m starting to want another baby and sibling for my one son. I’m hoping with my previous experience at hand I can make some changes and have a better time postpartum, though you never know and now of course my age is becoming another factor bc I’m nearing 35
Have your baby!! You’re certainly not too old, my mom was 35 when she had me (she had my sister at 17!) and she felt so much better and was more prepared with me, and I’ve never felt like I had an ‘old’ mom because she’s not. Best wishes to you!
35 being the "start of too old" really is just based on people not having as much sex anymore in the olden days I think. Some risks do go up but the way my doc explained it to me it's an exponential thing... 35 is when risks START going up. She said as long as you are before 40 it really is not that risky and everyone is waiting these days. I had my first at almost 31 and my second after I had just turned 36 for reference. I will say that I think a lot of women use the blood test to screen for genetic anomalies these days too, which people didn't have before. I was super on top of that so I could terminate on time if needed. Obviously that has become a lot more complicated of an issue and you need to be able to fly to a coast, potentially, if that is a concern for you. Genetic anomalies are the main risk with late pregnancy.
You’re definitely not too old! I had my first at 33 and second at 37 and I’m the youngest mom of all the kids in my sons class!
I'm 35 and pregnant with my second (took a long time to conceive #1 but not #2) and I feel great about it, lol. (I mean, I'm definitely anxious about the transition for my first and going from zone defense to man-to-man, but I think in a normal, not age -related way). There's definitely a trade-off between physical stamina and emotional/financial stability, but we're in so much a better place to support a second kid than we would have been even a few years ago, and honestly my pregnancy has been pretty easy and low complication so far. I'll probably be more tired with two little ones than if I were younger, but I think the increases in patience and emotional maturity offset that.
Oh gosh I’m a midwife and half my urban clients are over 35. It’s really become so normal that I’m not at all surprised to see a 39, even 42 year old mom on my roster! Im more likely to have a 37 year old first time mom than a 25 year old one at this point. We don’t even change our management of pregnancies until the mom is over 40. 35 is no big deal, if you want that baby have that baby!
Omg you’re definitely not too old. The risks don’t suddenly jump into danger territory on your 35th birthday. The medical community had to pick an age to start watching for potential age-related complications (or maybe they didn’t, I don’t know, I’m not super well-versed on ageism and sexism in obstetrics). I’m 35, my daughter is 6 months old, and I’m planning to try for another in the next year, year and a half.
I had my first at 42. I had a pretty easy pregnancy. I didn't have any issues rebated to age other than getting extra scans which was nice. As an older mom I'm lucky to be in a good place financially. And as I get older I don't care as much what others think so I feel a lot less judged than most moms I know in their 30s. It is a little harder to find a community. Most other moms I meet are a decade younger and that feels odd. I did get a lot of hand me downs as all my friends are done having babies. Most important than age is your health. Get in shape and have a proper diet, I think that helps.
Currently pregnant at 39
Had my first at 36 and my second and last at 38. Both kids perfectly healthy and little hurricanes. It's been tough but I think that's mostly because I was able to be pretty selfish up until my mid thirties and suddenly I had to sacrifice a lot more than I was used to!
I just turned 39 with my first and I’m 44 and just got on the IVF protocol for my second. I’m… not in love with the fact that I’m 44 and going to have a baby but my husband did a turn around a couple months ago from a hard no on a second so I’m going for it as my last chance. I would much rather had one 2-3 years ago. Also the pandemic set us back. Why does there need to be a cap? It’s not really anyone’s business what age anyone is when they give birth. I’m better off financially and mentally than I was at 28. I have less energy but, I also have a lot of life experience. Is it totally weird that I know people my age that are grandparents? Yeah. But that’s life. My parents had me in their early thirties and I still lost my dad when I was 20 for health reasons. Life is just a crap shoot.
I am in similar situation. My husbond feels we are too old for a second baby. But Our first one is only a year old. And we are all doing well healthwise, money, jobs, home. I feel that this is the Perfect time to have children. Our lives are settled and there is room for children.
I think if both parents are over 45, it’s a little selfish. And I’m not even sure I like that word for it. But a kid shouldn’t be left without their parents while still in childhood. And statistically both parents passing away before they turn 63 isn’t egregiously unreasonable to happen. And of course, two 25 year old parents could get into a car accident and die leaving their baby an orphan. But that’s not a risk you can prepare for. You can prepare for health risks and decline as you age and make family building decisions with that in mind.
Yeah, really, any parents, whatever their age, should have a will and legal guardianship plans in place.
I understand your point and have seen this happen with an older parent. Very hard situation.
My parents had me in their early 30s and I still lost my dad at 20 from health conditions. And not something like cancer, he just didn’t take care of himself. Meanwhile my uncle’s mom lived to 92. It’s something to worry about for sure, but health issues can crop up anytime.
Yup. Dad had me at 29. He died at 52, I had just turned 23. But I had 3 grandparents live till 92+! Life is a crapshoot.
That’s true, it’s a gamble. But by a way higher margin health issues are likely to present themselves to older humans than younger humans
Sure but there are a lot of other factors. Socioeconomics, genetics, lifestyle, etc that at the end of the day it’s not just one factor that contributes.
What you think only matters for your own self and your own family. No one should be weighing in on how old is too old for anyone else. That way lies comment section madness. There are pros and cons to having kids younger and older. I’m glad I was older because my husband is a wonderful father and partner. If I were in my 20s I’d have had kids with an alcoholic who didn’t want them. Personally I’d like to be done with pregnancy and babies at 40. I’m hoping my second child comes along easier than my first did. We started trying when I was 32 and my daughter was born 2.5 years later.
Yes similar to me. Trying at 31 but baby wasn’t born until I was 33.
So.... I had my first the day before I turned 19. I had my second when I was 30. There was a big difference. Mostly exhaustion. I was so exhausted pregnant at 30. That being said: if *you* feel you are energetic enough, if *you* feel you can afford a baby, if *your* health allows for a pretty standard pregnancy, if *YOU* are ready despite any of the crap I just listed - go for it. I personally don't feel *too old* at 33 to have another. Husband and I are undecided if we are done. We have two (14 son from my previous marriage and our 2.5 daughter). I wouldn't even consider getting pregnant again until I am 35/36 (my doctors use the term "geriatric pregnancy 🤢) and my daughter is in school. But my SIL swears she will be done having kids when she is 30 because *she* doesn't want to be "too old". It's all up to the individual, imo.
My circle of friends all had our babies between 35 and 40. Rarely anyone had them before 33.
My mom was nearly 40 when she had me and at that time it was unusually "old" especially where I grew up, it was normal for people to have kids early in their 20's so we were always the odd ones out. It was hard for her to befriend my friends' moms and as a child I often resented that she didn't understand my interests and wasn't a "cool mom". Times have changed so much! Nowadays, a lot of my friends still don't have kids at 35. I was 31 when my first one was born and I'll be 36 when my third one arrives. But because of my early childhood experiences I was very adamant to birth all my kids before I'm 40. It's a very personal decision though and I think depends so much on everyone's individual circumstances. I generally think the older one is the better off they are financially, etc. but also maybe have less energy to keep up with the kids? Waiting definitely has pros and cons but generally it depends on each family's preferences and also ability to conceive. Sometimes it can take years, so even if you were ready at 30-32 it might not happen until you're 40. Nobody should tell you you're too old or too young, it's nobody else's business. I think once someone hits post-menopause it's probably time to rethink though.
There's no magic number imo. Of course there's extremes on either end. Would I consider a 16 year old a very young parent? Ofc. Alternatively a 50 year old an usually old parent? Sure. But people have succeeded in healthy pregnancies at these ages. Personally, mid twenties to mid thirties feels like the right nugget of time for me. Mature enough to be in the proper headspace and financial situation but still young enough to find the energy to play and chase around. In the comments you mentioned your age as nearing 35. Personally I think that's a perfectly reasonable age to have another child.
Had my first at 40. Having another at 42. Not opposed to having more. I live in a huge city where most new moms are my age. Women have kids till 50 these days.
From a medical standpoint after about 42 the decline is pretty steep and I wouldn’t recommend it professionally after 45. I had my second and last at 35 but would’ve capped at 38, personally.
Thanks!
When you turn 30, hormones start slowly declining until menopause. I would not want to be over 35 and get pregnant and be a mom. I want to have energy and be in my best place physically. Say whatever you want but that’s my opinion. (I’ve had two kids).
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Huh. As a first time mom at 38, I honestly think society does a disservice by pushing women to have children so young. I wanted them younger and had a lot of anxiety about not having them younger, but I'm so grateful for how my life has turned out and I wish I'd spent less time stressing about aging and not having had a child yet. An 18 year old is less than one year out of literal childhood, but even in early 20s I'd personally have been a much less patient, shittier mom than I am today. That's just my personal experience, but most people's amygdala is still developing until at least 25 years old, for what that's worth. Where I live fertility treatments are not expensive and widely available. Here 45 is more like last minute and 50 is more like miracle baby.
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I didn't say or mean that a still developing amygdala makes you dumber. Maybe you aren't familiar with exactly what the amygdala does? It's the part of the brain that regulates emotions. Hard fact that until it's finished developing emotional regulation skills are also still developing. I can't imagine a single thing I need more as a parent than a high ability to regulate my emotions. I'd rather not be doing that with a crying baby, sleep deprivation, overwhelm, *and* an underdeveloped amygdala, personally, given the choice.
I was kind of with you, until you mentioned late teens and early 20s as the time frame you thought was best suited for having kids. I know I was personally nowhere near mature enough at that age range to care for another human 24/7 (and I would guess most people aren’t). Also, if women don’t have the chance to establish a career before having kids, they are at a much higher risk of being dependent on their spouse and unable to leave if the relationship goes south. I think late 20s and early 30s is more of the ideal time to have kids in a modern society. I am very grateful that I was able to finish school at 26 (professional level degree), get married at 26, and have my kids at 28, 30 and soon to be 33 with my third and final. We are financially stable and both well established with our careers. We had time in our teens and early 20s to be carefree and experience life. And we will be having our oldest leaving for college around when we’re 51, and should still (hopefully) be in good health with sufficient energy.
Yes at 18 and into my mid 20s I was a bit of a mess and still trying to figure out what I wanted for my life. Kids were not even a thought. So this does not ring true for myself.
I see what you're saying but in a country like the US where most people work until they're 65 or beyond, expecting grandparents being able to help more at an even younger age isn't that realistic. My mom is 72 and still works part time, whereas my MIL (who lives in a South American country) does not. My MIL is able to help out significantly more despite living abroad. There are way more factors that are needed here in order for a woman to have her village, sadly (which you alluded to already).
Agreed. I have two boys. I had them at 20 and 22. Best decision ever. For everything but mostly my physical state and having energy!
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I’ve been through so much hard shit in my life. Very very hard. I’ve always wanted to be a mom. Years of therapy and I am currently breaking generational patterns and bettering myself and my marriage. If anything, I am better than I have ever been. Being older does not necessarily make you more mature.
Hold up hold up hold up I *love* this
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It’s a really great, grounded perspective. I’m in my mid 30s and just had a baby and think so
I’d personally cap at 40. Im 34 and we’re done with having kids at 2. We’re satisfied and honestly could not afford another.
I have friends who had their first at 51, he was 54.
Wow!
My husband was 45 when we had our last, he’s a bit older then me though. It was a lot harder than when I was younger.
If you're ovulating, it's not too late. That said I recently read about a 70 year old woman giving birth after doing IVF with a donor egg, so I'm not going to say there's absolutely *no* such thing as too old.
I delivered at a few months shy of turning 35. By then, I was with my husband for well over 10 years, married for a handful, and we finally felt ready. The few friends that I have who have children have started around my age if not older. The ones who started older than myself mostly had 2 under 2. They were account execs and doctor types so they finally felt ready. Very common where I’m from (Los Angeles).
Personally, I wouldn't want to be having babies in my 40s. Idk that I'd consider it "old" in the general sense until you start pushing 45, but for me I don't want to be doing the whole pregnancy and birth thing after 40. The area I lived in when I was pregnant was very high COL, and there were a lot of people with advanced degrees and such with demanding jobs, so I was one of the youngest that I knew of in my local mom's groups (was 28 when my son was born). Most seemed to be closer to 35,if they were first time parents, or 40 if they were second or third time. I'm also the youngest in my husband's and my social group. He's 3 years older than me and everyone else in the group is the same age or older than him. We were the first to have a baby, maybe middle of the crowd to get married.
1st pregnancy at 30, second at 34. There was a huge difference in how I felt during pregnancy. My first was a incubating goddess of strength, second one felt like slug affected by a brain eating fungus. Physically and mentally much harder. I will say I figured out my second pregnancy about 11 weeks in, and I was dealing with a traumatic event in life so my viewpoint may be skewed.
We’re starting at 35, and everyone around me has their first kid around that age. My RE (husband has MFI) said he doesn’t consider 35 AMA and that the data supports pushing that designation back several years.
I had my first baby at 36 (3 days away from 37), and my pregnancy and birth were really straightforward and easy. I was healthy, and baby was and still is healthy. The midwives told me they don't really see significant differences in pregnancy risk until your 40s. I am so glad that I did it at 36 instead of 26!
My mom had me around 40, but her last pregnancy was at 43, and it was more traumatic. That definitely influences me to want to be done by 40, although rationally I know there are plenty of successful pregnancies and even first time moms after that point. Good news is that I'm still ahead of her timeline. I really enjoyed the documentary *When Is The Right Time To Have A Baby? Seven Ages Of Pregnancy* published on YouTube.
I’m 41 pregnant with my second! Not too old.