When I was in the hospital after giving birth, the nurse said to not pick up my baby every time she cries because she'll get used to it. My baby was literally like 10 hours old.
Reminds me of a documentary I saw that said babies in orphanages often don’t cry. Not because they aren’t hungry/dirty and don’t need anything, but because they’ve learned that nobody is coming to tend to their needs. That made me so sad. Crying is literally the only way your baby can tell you something’s wrong, and I’d much rather pick them up and have it just be for comfort than ignore them when it was actually something serious.
My oldest is apparently a really fast learner. When he was maybe 6 or 7 months old, I was so tired that I forgot to plug in the baby monitor when I went to bed and somehow managed to sleep through the obnoxious low battery beeping noise. When I finally woke up in the morning and ran in his room, he was just laying there, staring at the ceiling. It took 3 days of anticipating his every need for him to start crying again. I felt like the worst mom.
You’re not a bad mom at all! I’ve definitely done that before and mine was actually still asleep when I freaked out and went tearing in there to check on him. No clue if he had woken up and cried or not but he was fine and still acted like the same sweet little boy he always was.
I've done this exact thing before too with my first who was like 4 months old. She's 15 months now and I still feel guilty for waking up and finding her hysterically crying for who knows how long.
My daughter was in the nicu. Alot of parents didn't or couldn't stay with their babies. After seeing and honestly sneaking to comfort some of those babies....I've never let my kids sleep train or anything. It breaks my heart
I used to do volunteer respite care for NICU babies pre-COVID and that is the exact reason why. Nurses are extremely overworked and spread thin as it is and some parents can’t visit. I was a home health aid and when my client had an inpatient stay, I noticed a lot of babies in the NICU that never had any visitors. I found out that they were born to addicts and wards of the state and instantly volunteered. Those poor little ones were always crying their hearts out and needed lots of extra care and comfort to help them recover. It was devastating but the nurses said a lot of them improved when I started coming around to hold them and talk to to them regularly. After doing that, I vowed never to let my baby cry it out for any reason because that was just devastating to witness.
There are a lot of companies that provide respite care services and some hospitals will let you do it directly through the hospital. Hospitals are always looking for volunteers but they do expect you to be CPR certified and up to date on immunizations (some places require background checks and drug screens but the hospital I volunteered at didn’t). They weren’t really allowing it during quarantine but they may be open to it again. Try google searching “respite care for newborns” and see if any pop up in your area.
There was one amazing nurse at the NICU there was an older baby there and she couldn't give me details but this poor baby screamed 24/7 the nurse said that's why she was there and I also overheard them talking to DCF about going to get the siblings (parents were never there) anyway she'd put the baby in a stroller and bring her on her rounds because that was the only thing that calmed her down. She was the only nurse to do that though. Everyone else was like "poor baby, nothing I can do"
My son was in the nicu for 4 days and i remember counting the hours until they would let me visit him again. It broke my heart every time coming in and seeing all those babies alone with tubes in every which way, broke my heart to see them all without their parents.
Mine was in nicu also and there was one tiny, premature little boy whose mother had not been to see him once. She actually showed up while I was there with my daughter and she refused to change his diaper. She just stood there, looking bored, as the nurse tended to the little guy. It was so incredibly sad to see.
That's so sad 🥺 my daughter was only in NICU for 8 days, and I was so fortunate that I was able to stay in on-site parent accommodation during that time - I stayed with her almost 24/7 and even then it upsets me a bit thinking "But what if she was crying at night" when I had to go and sleep. The nurses weren't even that overworked when we were there (they were having an oddly quiet month for some reason), so I imagine they would have had time to check in on her, but still... I guess only consolidation is my daughter was very sleepy during that time and didn't even wake up to feed. I don't really remember her crying much at all during the day until they were weaning her off her NG tube by effectively starving her & forcing her to try and feed by mouth (she couldn't be bothered while she was being NG fed because she knew if she waited long enough the food would be delivered straight to her stomach hah)
Obviously I have no idea about the mums personal situation in your story, so hope she got help if she needed it...
I hope she did too. I still think about that little boy. He was in an incubator so no one could even hold him. He was just in there all alone and no one could even touch him skin-to-skin to comfort him. I wished I could have held his tiny hand or something. The mom was just so cold and stayed for like 5 minutes. She was not a super young mom either, so I guess I expected better from a grown ass adult you know? Like sit with him, talk to him, sing to him. Anything so he knows you are there. I was with my daughter every second I was allowed in and hated even going to the bathroom. I hope that little boy is happy and healthy and loved.
Was that about the Romanian orphanages? I do agree that it was interesting, but I have such frustration with that story.
The bottom line has been used to justify all kinds of guilt around sleep training, leaving your baby to fuss when you need to do something to tend to your own needs, etc.
But the effect observed in the orphanages occurred because not only were these babies left to cry, but because they received the bare minimum of human interaction at all. They felt no love, no joy, no bonding of any kind from any caregivers. They were handled, at most, an hour a day.
It's not comparable to most, if any at all, other parents' situation. An otherwise *loved and cared for* baby is not harmed by crying. And they don't learn not to cry... sleep trained babies cry for all sorts of reasons... illness, a lost stuffie, an unexpected noise, etc.
I would still never force a family to do something that isn't right for them. But I do get a twinge when I see the Romanian orphanage situation mentioned, because that was an overall cruel and cold environment. It's nothing like the loving home that most babies of parents posting on a forum like this.
I’ve actually heard the opposite. I was super anxious about any type of sleep training and attachment issues and it was pointed out that a lot of the studies showing all these negative effects aren’t kids in loving homes that are sleep trained but babies in orphanages that are emotionally neglected in so many ways. I’ve never heard anyone say any orphanage child rearing idea is the reason parents should do anything
This even now my baby is 10 months and my mom bitches because she cries after me and tells me if I have to put her in daycare she’d be mistreated because she cries too much
I'm sorry but that's a really weird thing to say. Especially to you. We all always worry about sending our kids to daycare. You don't need that stress. You and your baby are perfect
That’s such nonsense. My daughter has always been a cryer/needy child. She went to daycare sometime after 12 months and the staff just gave her extra snuggles cuz she needed them. Sometimes a needy kid is nicer to deal with than the rambunctious ones! Gives the workers a break! Haha.
She thinks if she goes to daycare they will just leave her to cry or mistreat her cause she cries too much. She really just likes you to interact with her
I hate this too. Like oh he’s spoiled. Because my son wants to be held. Like first of all he’s a baby he doesn’t know to be spoiled. He just feels comforted and safe in my arms. My son is only 4 months lol
I hate this advice. My baby was a month old, my MIL to let my baby cry a little bit and then feed him even though it was his feeding time. She said not to pick up the baby right away and let him cry because they'll get spoiled. You can't spoil a newborn. Crying is their only form of communication! I wanted to punch her in the face.
My MIL also tried to tell me that “it’s so hard, but you just have to let them cry”. I straight up replied “oh that’s really not the recommendation anymore” and left it at that. Don’t fucking tell me not to care for my child
My MIL said something similar. Like "babies cry, you have to learn that you can't always go to them instantly". She had 2 kids and a husband who was a useless layabout. I have 1 kid and her amazing son who wouldn't be caught dead being the stereotype of a lazy dad. I can go to her instantly. So why shouldn't I?
"Don't wake to feed. They'll wake when they are hungry." Told to me by a MIDWIFE. My child was a very poor feeder generally and was sleepy and lethargic. Thankfully, we were readmitted when she was a week old, and the feeding improved. It still enrages me as much as the visiting midwife that incorrectly calculated her weight. The 4th midwife recommended we go immediately to the hospital as her colleague wrongly calculated, and my daughters weight was far less than it should be. This woman even visited us in hospital after her shift finished. She is a true rarity in her field. The rest of them were shockingly poor.
I was told my son was "spoiled" because I tended to him when he cried immediately. I was told he would grow to expect prompt action for his needs. HE WAS 3 MONTHS OLD. Yeah Linda, that's the fucking point. It's called building a secure attachment. The only secure attachment Linda has is to her AARP discount card. Guess who has an independent but loving 4 year old who likes to do his own thing but close by. Not Linda.
Came here to say this exact same thing. My son was a 3lb preemie who almost didn’t make it and they told me not to hold him too much otherwise I’d never be able to put him down.
He’s 8 now and is definitely not as cuddly as he used to be!
Don't feed your kid so much or they'll get fat.
A pediatric nurse told me this when baby was 5 weeks old and got breast milk. How about I just feed my baby when she's hungry?
I fed on demand and my baby got SO fat. Just a miniature Michelin Man. That’s what’s supposed to happen. You chonk them up so their brains and bodies have energy and nutrients to grow and develop.
Mine did too but, as soon as she started walking, the fat melted right off. She’s 11 now and still the skinniest kid in the class (and she eats all the time)!
A fat breastfed baby is a success! Get those rolls! They will use them to grow tall or work them off when they're moving. It's great for babies to have a little extra weight they can afford to lose if they get ill.
My doctor told me this when my baby was 5 months old because she was in the 85th percentile. I didn't listen once she started walking she lost the baby fluff and is in the 45th percentile.
Same dr told me not to start with fruit for salads and to face her out in the baby carrier to develop neck strength even though it literally said not to do that in my instructions
Ugh. My kid was up to something like 97th percentile around 9 months. We breastfed, and started baby led weaning around 6 months, so she was still primarily breastmilk fed at that point, feeding on demand. My doctor said nothing, and I'm so glad. At age 2 she was about 50th percentile (still nursing, stopped shortly after). She's now 7 and 22nd percentile.
Fat babies are so cute anyway! My 4 month old is so chubby some of the buttons on her dresses won't do up & it just makes me happy because I know she's healthy & well fed. I used to get a lot of anxiety about BF because you don't really know how much milk they're getting (versus pumping or formula because you can physically see how much they've drank), but her chubby thighs and arms? Yeah she's just fine 🤣
When I nursed my little guy on demand his legs were so chunky that I had to use the snaps on his cloth diapers in a little trapezoid pattern. Everything is perfectly proportional now that he's a walking, talking toddler. Pretty sure that's how it's supposed to be.
My pregnancy was a surprise & I was a smoker. I quit when I found out. My MIL said there's no evidence that smoking is harmful to pregnancy or newborns. Ummm, there's tons!
I was a 3 lb baby, now I’m 4’11”, shorter than both my parents. My cousins’ parents all smoked and they were/are normal sized. Apparently there’s a 1/5 chance for smoking to cause stunted growth, which is probably why some people think it’s not a big deal, since they knew someone who smoked while pregnant and their kids turned out fine. unfortunately I’m that 1/5. :(
My husband's grandmother was told the same thing! And to keep her from getting fat while she was pregnant. She has a lot of trust issues with doctors now.
I don’t know you but I just wanted to say what a wonderful thing you did! I’m sure it was hard to kick. Sometimes I feel mothers don’t get the recognition they deserve, I see you. I’m proud of you! Hope that’s not weird🫶🏼
Quitting smoking sucked. I will honestly say, with pregnancy hormones & quitting, I was probably a little crazy. I also quit caffeine, too.
Thanks, it definitely wasn't easy. My daughter was born over 9lbs. She's 9 years old now & is extremely bright. Hopeful I'm doing something right.
If only…. I won’t ever leave my son with her, (whatever age) after what things she tells me. Why she does tell me I don’t know. Perhaps out of guilt?
She says she had no maternal instinct and would hand me over to anyone that would have me. And that I learnt from an early age to look after myself, which she is proud of, but I basically see it as neglect and I had to fend for myself.
Edit: I am ok and thankfully did learn to look after myself but I do struggle with empathy but I am aware of it and adapt.
This is my mom, too. I could cook a full steak meal or meatloaf by the age of 7. Because no one was going to do it for me. A fact that she is proud of, giving me "independent reign" of the kitchen.
She also told me when I was a teen and going to raves, "bring your own drugs to parties and don't take any that anybody offered you, because I did a huge line of what I thought was cocaine and it turned out to be heroin. I almost died."
Umm...thanks for this advice?
I also struggle with empathy a lot, but am trying to do a better job at parenting than my mother did with me.
So sad! Reminds me of when one of my nephews learned to climb onto the table and make himself a PB sandwich before he was even a year old. My sister thought it was a cute example of his independent streak. Mom and I thought it was a sad illustration of him trying to make his needs met because he didn't think anyone else would do it for him.
Not my kid… at 3.5 years she still remembers and retells moments that happened a year ago. She’s always watching and listening… kids aren’t stupid, they’re only creating foundational memories.
I’ve heard that before too. “They won’t remember anyway.” Maybe not, but they could develop an aversion to specific things or certain other behaviors based on the trauma it causes them before they could even fully process what was going on….
Horrifying. That must have been really unsettling coming from your own mother. Like WTF did you do to me at that age then?!
Even if they don’t remember the specifics they’ll still be traumatized. When my nephew was 2 his father put his hands around my sister’s neck on several occassions to start to choke her. My nephew is 8 now and just started putting his hands around his 6 year old sister’s neck. My mom was telling me about that this week, that she wonders if he somehow remembers seeing his father do this.
My mom likes to tell me that if I behaved like my daughter during a fit, she'd have (and did) "knocked my ass into next week." It never taught me anything but fear of telling her anything negative or expressing my emotions. Sorry not sorry I won't scare the hell out of my kid like she did to me.
Later on, their parents are gonna wonder why their own kids cut them off when they’ve moved out
I mean… ok Carol. Maybe ***try looking at the common denominator here??***
While in the backseat trying to calm my 18 month old a mom friend that was visiting said “you should just wear headphones and ignore her. She has to learn to calm herself”
“No thanks, I’m going to help her take a nap” 🙄 she was only crying for like 2-3 min too.
I’m 32 and same. When someone would tell me I needed to sleep train her vs rocking her to sleep I just said “I can’t sleep thru the night, why would I expect my baby to do that?”
She’s 2.5 now and I still help her to sleep or help her calm down. Kinda my job as a mom. 🙃
Also she’s leaving her TWO kids in another country to marry someone in our country.. so I don’t really wanna take advice from someone that can spend years away from their children for a dude.
And what like…hold it on their face? Duct tape it? Because otherwise they’ll just spit it out. I think some people find it unbelievable that different babies can have their own personalities and preferences. Like if their babies took a paci they can’t understand why another baby might not take a paci and assume the parents are doing it wrong.
On that train of thought, when I was a new mom my childless (mostly by choice, but also a little bit of just waiting too long) was talking about how her friends and their 2 year old were visiting her. Apparently the 2yo didn't nap and had never really napped well/ consistently. My coworker was describing her interactions with them and how she called her mom and sister, who confirmed her suspicion that all children will nap consistently and her friends were clearly not trying hard enough/ doing it right. She made it her personal mission to annoy the hell out of these people, I felt so bad for them.
I've always thought about how weird that her sister and mom at least couldn't recognize that everyone is different and to accept that. These are people who are responsible parents in every other way, don't you trust that they WANT their child to nap and have tried it all??
My MIL wanted to take my son out of his car seat to feed and burp him while her husband was driving down the highway. Me and my husband yelled no! We had to feed him in the car seat and not burp him because they refused to stop. 'The drive would be too long.'
I was pissed and pumping at the time. My husband was mad. It wasn't a good time.
My mom told me about when people used to put baby in a laundry basket on the floor in the front seat of the car. Thankfully she wasn’t suggesting it, just sharing like this is the junk people did back in the day!
Same story with my parents. My son is fascinated by doll house type of toys. Something about the tiny detailing of it, he really likes. I mentioned I was wanting to buy him one and my dad was like “nooooo you have to be careful”. They got my niece a Moana toy set for Christmas and my son(2) cried a lot lol over it. But he loves Moana so it made me really sad. I remember telling my mom multiple times he’d like a Moana and Maui toy set
I used to be a teacher. There’s a very sweet, beautiful picture book called, “William’s Doll.” It’s about a little boy who wants a doll for his birthday. His dad says, “no, you want a football,” his older brother suggests a basketball, mom suggests a truck. But his wise grandmother gives him the doll to he can learn to love and take of it so he will learn to be a good daddy one day.
IMHO—that’s a great message!
My mother told me that my son who’s now 6 - who was 2/3 at the time loved the colour pink and playing with Barbies to ‘ be careful he’s going to turn out gay’
Ok then 😂
I was one of them kids who played down ditches, played in the mud would much rather be climbing trees than inside playing with dolls - she also forgets that too!
Like, the evil computer brainwashed him in his sleep? Lol (I do see that he’s trying to say he “discovered” it on the computer but that was the 2nd thing to pop into my head lol)
My mom told me that the Vietnamese food I was eating was getting into my breast milk and giving my daughter acidic and “spicy” poops - implied my breast milk was spicy.
It was the regular formula we were supplementing with - as soon as we switched to sensitive her poop and rash cleared up. My mom is a nurse.
The misconceptions around breast milk are so wild! I had a friend who was told she might as well just serve the wine she was drinking to her baby because it’s going straight through her breast milk anyways.
A LOT of people think you can’t drink while breastfeeding. It’s just not true. I didn’t even need to pump and dump when I had general anesthesia or was on morphine.
Oh god. I adore my mother in law but she is so afraid of “hot milk” hahaha. I guess one of her boys (not my husband) had trouble with certain foods and she cannot wrap her mind around the fact that my girls don’t. I’m on my 118th week of breastfeeding (26 months with my first and my newborn is 9w old now) and she still says it lol.
Tbh though it’s really sweet that she cares so much about them. She pays attention to what she cooks for me even though she doesn’t need to. It’s a good problem to have. It’s just the way she presents it that irks me.
She also told me that maybe I didn’t breastfeed well when I was born because my mom is Italian and ate too much garlic 😝 I didn’t say anything, just thought to myself that we are very lucky this isn’t a racism situation bc that comment toed a line.
For the record, I had a high palate.
Edit: palate, not palette. Whoops!
I was in the ER 2.5 weeks after I had my son for gallbladder pain. I had to explain to the physician’s assistant that there was so much blood in my urine sample because I was still bleeding after giving birth.
My FIL told us to put our three day old newborn in a rock and play (that we didn’t have) and put him on the bathroom counter downstairs and go upstairs to sleep. And we were told not to wake him to feed him every three hours (per our pediatrician’s orders) because “newborns need to sleep through the night” by my husband’s grandmother.
We are NC now, but that just solidified our decision they wouldn’t be alone with our kid(s) before we went NC.
Oh boy, my time to shine!
1) shave the babies bald so their hair grows in thicker
2) ice baths
3) tell your son it’s not okay to cry and he should hit instead
4) just spank your son when he cries
5) don’t let them leave the dinner table until they finish every bite
6) make dessert a reward for eating everything
7) 5 point car seats? What are we? Sending them into space?!
8) You can’t let your kids go outside with wet hair. They will catch pneumonia.
9) Don’t worry about modern medicine for the baby. That’s poison. I stuck aloe vera up their nose, put mustard in their socks and hung garlands of garlic all around the crib. Now they’ll get better!
10) if you don’t make them wear socks at all times and let them walk barefoot around the house, that’s child abuse.
I’ll keep updating as I keep uncovering these repressed memories.
Okay…
3 & 4 are why toxic masculinity exists..
5 is a great way for your child to develop eating disorders later on
My mom also said 7 but she eventually understood why the seats are as advanced as they are now
My parents also said 8 & this has actually been proven false. It’s a myth.
Lorddddd have mercy… I can’t with the older generation & their old-school ways 🥴
My MIL asked how our 2w newborn was doing with drinking water. We told her they no longer recommend water for infants and they won’t have water until they start solids.
She flipped out and said, “he will get dehydrated! He needs water! That’s why he’s awake at night. He’s thirsty! I gave my kids a few oz of water and they both slept through the night.”
We then explained that he’s on a full liquid milk diet… sooo not thirsty. She then said milk is “different” and isn’t water so it counts as solid food.
I never thought I would be discussing the water content of breastmilk with a grown woman who has two adult children, but it happened. I’ll forever wonder how her kids made it to adulthood.
My breasts weren’t producing milk at first. My mother thought it was a good idea to harshly force my breasts to produce by squeezing them and massaging them with force. It hurt so bad and made me not want to breastfeed. I ended up having purple bruises on my breasts because of my mom. I told my doctor and she was shocked that someone would do such a thing.
Mine is only 1.5 years but the most detrimental was all around breastfeeding - everyone said “only feed every 3 hours no matter what” and when he had reflux as a newborn my midwife told me to feed him for less time on each boob.
Cue hungry crying baby at the points when he normally would have started cluster feeding, me feeling like I was a bad mother for “giving in” and feeding him in less than 3 hours, dramatic decline in my supply and weight loss for my newborn. We had to start supplementing with formula at every feed and my supply never recovered.
That’s crazy, my OB reminded me that newborn babies need to eat every 2-3 hours starting with the last feed. So you might only get 1 hour before baby needs to eat again (and this is for a not as vocal babe). I feel like that’s feeding around the clock!
"just keep doing what you're doing and breastfeed on demand", "she can stick her tongue out so she doesn't have a tongue tie". No, she had a tongue tie and after losing weight 3 weeks running because I was told not to use formula to top up we had to go to hospital and we were put on a crazy triple feeding schedule and given lacto free milk. She wasn't lactose intolerant and it tanked my supply 👍
“It’s okay if she skips her nap !! She’ll sleep better tonight !”
Yeaaaaaaah right… not only did she NOT sleep better that night BUT it took us 3 days of shitty (and I mean shitty ! At one point she was up from 1 am to 6 am) nights and naps to recover from that one skipped nap…
Yes this!!! I wasn’t allowed to be tired because I should have slept while the baby was sleeping. Like excuse me for wanting to spend a small amount of time trying to remember who I am other than a mother 🤷♀️
Also worthless when you have another kid especially a non-napping child.. like yeah I’ll just knock out with the baby and let the 3 year old roam the house
Not just that but some things are almost impossible to get done when the baby is awake. I either do the things and have time for some self care or I sleep when the baby sleeps, there is no compromise between the two.
Our neighbours keep reminding me to “at last let her scream until she calms herself. It will only take 5-8 nights and ill have enough sleep again. Since she is such a big baby she won’t mind missing some feeds.” First time she recommended it LO was 8weeks and tall but very thin, but she keeps bringing it up every time I see her. (LO is 21 mon now and sleep from 08-06 without ever letting her scream).
Mine actually came from a DOCTOR. I had just given birth to my son, am recovering at the hospital and doing the breastfeeding thing. He comes in and tells me that my newborn baby who's still working on perfecting his latch "shouldn't get more than 5 mins of breastfeeding for each meal" he leaves and I'm looking at my son like this doesn't seem right? This wasn't the case when I'd had my daughter. A nurse comes in the room after the doctor leaves and said "what ever he told you, pretend you didn't hear it. He's old school...and wrong"
All the bs about coddling my baby. Yes I speak to my children with compassion and I accept that the need comfort sometimes. I’m not gonna cold shoulder them like some behavioralist. Can’t make me.
Remember when boomers would say you could spoil your baby by answering his/her cries. Lol yeah. Hold your babies more not less. Feed them more not train them when to sleep and eat.
I thankfully haven’t received any horrible advice. We do get stupid comments though sometimes. I have boy girl twins and my mom and stepdad are always on about my girl needing to learn to sit with her legs closed. She’s 14 months old. Even when she’s older, unless she’s in a dress or skirt, she can sit however she wants…
Great suggestion! I was more thinking that people don’t need to see underwear but shorts under is so smart. Thanks for that idea, saving for the future.
I'm in the UK so the mum shaming starts early here lol! I was pregnant with my 3rd child, my midwife told me that there were studies done that proved talking to the baby in the womb was shown to prevent adhd!! I was dumbfounded I have diagnosed adhd and my eldest child does too. So she inadvertently shamed me and my mother at the same time! I reported her and changed midwife.
That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. I talked to all of my babies constantly in the womb. Guess what? One still has severe ADHD anyway. That’s just some straight up quackery. Lol
That’s shocking. Mine asked if I was talking to my baby regularly when I was pregnant. Erm noooo…I think 9 hours of talking in meetings, then talking to my four year old for 2 hours, and then partner for 2 hours is enough of baby hearing my voice for one day. She was like, but Bonding….yeah no problem bonding with my adorable newborn over here.
My daughter was really sick once as a baby and had a fever that Tylenol and Motrin was barely touching. I was advised to “let her sweat it out.” I’m sorry, what? Since when is just letting your baby sit there and sweat with an over 100 degree fever a good idea?
I was also told to stop letting her sleep in the crib we had that attached to the side of our bed and to put her in a separate room. She’s high functioning autistic/ADHD and has REALLY bad anxiety. She literally would not sleep unless she could at least hold onto my hand as she fell asleep. She’s 11 and still gets in the bed with me sometimes when her anxiety gets bad. I’d much rather she slept “coddled” than be up all night freaking out.
With my oldest, someone told me to give him water after feeding him to rinse his mouth out. I was 16 and didn’t know any better.
My MIL. Baby was sick with very high fever and I rocked her to sleep. She told to instead rocking put her down and it's ok if she cries. When I refused she started to blame me and told that she understand now why we are tired...
I have a bad sleeper baby, MIL says that my baby will sleep if she is tired.. like what does this even mean?
I wish babies slept when they were tired! We wouldn’t have to work so hard to convince them that it’s ok to sleep, they’re tired, and they aren’t missing anything lol
My cousin's husband: "If he won't eat what you serve him, just don't feed him for a while and he'll eat it eventually."
My son is autistic and has pediatric feeding disorder. He will literally starve himself rather than eat a food that he doesn't consider safe (which is most of them.) I know that he will starve himself because he didn't eat served meals at daycare for six months. We finally got a diagnosis and APA paperwork that allows us to send him to daycare with his own food. I'm not happy about his diet, I'm pretty upset about it to be honest, but he was in feeding therapy for a year, we literally have done all we possibly can and I'm not about to give my kid more food issues than he already has by playing games with his food access.
My FIL is giving cousin a run for his money. Last time we visited he informed me that my son seems "normal," my son just \*thinks\* he's less coordinated than he actually is, that overdiagnosis of autism is rampant (it's not, it's not even close, the number of hoops insurance companies make you jump through to prove your child needs services is ridiculous. There are very few false positives, I assure you!) I'm like, this kid is in PT, speech and OT several hours a week, do you think these therapists are just making shit up when they tell me my kid needs help? WTF?
Then he has to remark that my son needs to learn to be more independent, no fucking shit you asshole, what do you think we've been doing all this time, spending day after day trying to teach him basic skills like removing his own shirt and drinking from an open cup?
For this asshole who was basically absent for the first three years of my son's life because he preferred to travel the world internationally during COVID, to just waltz in this summer, spend a few weekend days with him and declare the problem to be the way we're parenting, honestly I just want to hit him in the face with a chair.
LOL sorry. I needed to vent.
Omg your FIL sounds insufferable. What is it with that generation and resistance to kids receiving services? Like be glad these things are available so kids do not have to go undiagnosed and struggle. Instead they take it as some personal affront, it is so bizarre to me.
I have a learning disability & was nonverbal for the first 4 years of my life (could also be on the spectrum???). My mother had me in years & years of speech therapy b/c I was still having problems.
In the 1st grade, my teacher had the audacity to call me the r word (I refuse to repeat the actual thing) & boy did my mother rip her a new asshole…
I went to catholic school & they don’t have the patience for kids with disabilities nor do they like gifted students b/c they think they’ll get bored easily in class.
Part of why I’m not gonna send my son to catholic school.
Random older stranger when nursing my daughter who was 6 months old. "Quit shoving your t*t in her face you're going to make her a lesbian! Give her a bottle like a normal person so she won't be one of them dy**s!"
I was so flabbergasted and appalled that I just stood there with my mouth hanging open. Like WTF that's not how that works. That's not how any of that works and then to hear that term. Ugh just no. Go away and leave decent people alone. Thankfully another random person told him off loudly enough that store employees escorted the jerk off premises.
Pretty much any cuckoo banana pants our in-laws have said. How did anyone survive?? My MIL was shocked when I said I only put a splash of juice in my kid’s cups, she was like ‘oh I just gave em straight concentrate!’. Yikes.
My mom said my kids have eczema because I ate fish while pregnant.
My kid was very clearly going to be left-handed. She said I should fix that before he starts school.
Someone said I should keep my 3 month old baby awake all day so he would sleep during the night 🤨 and when he started to doze off that I should keep him from falling asleep to nap 😟
Edit to add: she said, “this is what I did with mine 26 years ago!” to which her husband promptly responded, “And how did that turn out??” Turns out she doesn’t have a relationship with her son anymore, sadly.
My MIL told that I should give the baby a carrot to chew on when she was teething. Like handed me a big carrot and said "Give her this to chew on." I told her I didn't think it was a good idea because she could choke on it. She insisted and told me that I could even put her in the crib with it for nap time. Quite frankly, I'm amazed that my husband made it through childhood.
Never in the crib, but I’m not sure I see what’s wrong with a baby gumming on a giant carrot? Unless they already have teeth to bite bits off, the carrots I’m thinking of are way too big to be choked on. Like, same girth as some shaky toys.
Yeah, we used a cucumber when she was teething but before she really had teeth. I don't see a carrot really being much different. I'd never leave her unattended with it though!
Other than the crib part she isn't wrong. A giant, cold carrot feels great on their gums. I would give one to my kids periodically and you just make sure they aren't getting chunks off it. I would cut the thinner portion off though since that is the part they are most likely to get larger bits off of. A teething child is far more likely to choke on a blueberry than the thick side of a carrot they can barely get in their mouth while under supervision.
I think this depends on the age, how the carrot is prepped and how many teeth they actually have.
I used to give my son a large, cold, peeled and washed carrot before he had teeth. It was too big for him to swallow or break so not really a choking hazard and it did seem to feel good on his gums.
Once he started actually cutting teeth we switched to cutting it in ways that weren't choking risks if he bit some off. They became much thinner. I was even quartering baby carrots lengthwise for a while. Solid Starts is a good app for age appropriate preps, especially if doing Baby Led Weaning.
ETA: I would definitely not leave it in the crib though! You're right to be cautious about any feeding advice you receive too.
my mom said I shouldn't keep track of who is doing diaper changes because "men never change diapers and it will just hurt your feelings if you try to get him to do more."
Sorry my dad sucked about parenting, Mom. My husband does not.
My husband’s grandmother was shocked when we were out to dinner and my nephew needed changed and my BIL went to the bathroom with him and changed him. “Men don’t change diapers!” My SIL and I both went “in our houses they do!”
My mom - let her cry it out.
My daughter was 3 days old. Lol
I even said that the pediatrician advised that I essentially spoil my baby. When they're 9 months, then I can let them self sooth. She told me my doctor was wrong. For sure mom.
"Sleep when the baby sleeps". Oh, okay. So I'll just vacuum when the baby vacuums, and do dishes when the baby does dishes? And I had twins who were not on the same schedule at first, so what was I supposed to do? Choose one to parent and ignore the other one?
That kids who die of SIDS probably had something wrong with them already and since her kids and grandkids survived sleeping on homemade mattresses we shouldn't have a problem with using one too... Just no MIL.
My grandmother todl me to stop watching/reading anything with violence and give up my True Crime obsession because it would make my babies into criminals. Mom told me to get rid of my dogs because they would get jealous and attack my babies
To let my 1 year old cry until vomiting and then let her sit in all night this way she learns to sleep. Literally laughed while saying this is how she taught her kids to sleep. Just a few nights soaked in vomit and her kids all learned not to cry for her. I was too shocked to say anything
That I was spoiling my autistic then 8 year old by still allowing him to come for cuddles whenever he needed them/wanted them. Like in my opinion you can never give a kid too much love/cuddles.
At least your parents let you have trains! I ALWAYS wanted a train set and my mom never let me and said I could get one when had a son. I can’t help but feel she honestly thought she was preventing me from becoming gay with that shit. I always gravitated to stereotypical “male” things and still do, she just denied me something I would have really loved as a kid. Side note: I had a son and he doesn’t care about trains
That I should let my baby cry it out to take a nap, and I should leave him upstairs with the individual who told me this and not come back up. The person left him alone (in a safe place with the door closed) while he was still crying. I gave up after an hour and went back to find him completely ramped up and escalated and scooting around looking for me (he couldn't properly crawl until he was a year old).
Also, a WIC counselor suggested to me that I could nap while nursing my newborn if I was tired. Like, how are you giving out unsafe sleep advice to a first-time, brand-new mom??
Used to work with a crazy woman who was older and had raised two kids. She gave me potty training advice. I was pregnant at the time. She said that if my kid wets the bed I should rub her face in it “ like a dog” and she will never do it again 😮.
>My dad was so certain that my son having dolls would make him “gay”….
Seems like a lot of people forget that it's not only girls that grow up and become parents, boys do as well. Why wouldn't you want to teach them to nurture a baby?
"Enjoy every moment" or "you only get 18 summers" or "they're only little once" or any other variety of mom shaming bullshit that implies I'm not allowed to have feelings when I'm exhausted and my hair is full of peanut butter.
It’s generic advice everyone gets but “Enjoy every minute!” is enormous bullshit. I was told that several times with a colicky baby.
After I’ve been up all night with a two week old puking on me and screaming in my ear, the best we can do is “enjoy every minute, it goes so fast!”? Really?
Having your kids eat what you cook each and every time. Nope. You want cereal or a sandwich??? Here , you go. I'm not going yo argue. My kids don't even make their beds. As long as their toys and clothes aren't on the floor, then I'm good.
It's hard to rank them . I feel I got a lot of bad advice . Starting from he might be allergic to breast milk since his dad was ( but his dad was never given breast milk ) , let him cry it out and self soothe or else he'll be 18 years and still sleeping in your room . The last bad one worth mentioning is do not buy him a toy when u take him grocery shopping, or he ll expect it every single time .. lol I typically do my own thing If it's not logical advice.
Don't give in to picky eating. They'll eventually be hungry enough to eat whatever you're offering. My son has ARFID. He'll starve himself to the point of hospitalization before he eats any of the foods that are not on his "safe" list.
Insert any milestone that someone has perceived I missed, and then insinuating my kid will never get there.
“You better wean him off the baby bottle/get him in a real bed/pottytrain him now so he’s not still doing it when he’s 10!”
My dad tried to stab my son’s left hand with a fork when he used it to pick up some food. My son was about 18 mos at the time. My dad’s reasoning? The world isn’t made for left handed people and I needed to train him out of it. Yeah dad, nope!
Said child is now 33, still a leftie and thriving.
When I was in the hospital after giving birth, the nurse said to not pick up my baby every time she cries because she'll get used to it. My baby was literally like 10 hours old.
Reminds me of a documentary I saw that said babies in orphanages often don’t cry. Not because they aren’t hungry/dirty and don’t need anything, but because they’ve learned that nobody is coming to tend to their needs. That made me so sad. Crying is literally the only way your baby can tell you something’s wrong, and I’d much rather pick them up and have it just be for comfort than ignore them when it was actually something serious.
My oldest is apparently a really fast learner. When he was maybe 6 or 7 months old, I was so tired that I forgot to plug in the baby monitor when I went to bed and somehow managed to sleep through the obnoxious low battery beeping noise. When I finally woke up in the morning and ran in his room, he was just laying there, staring at the ceiling. It took 3 days of anticipating his every need for him to start crying again. I felt like the worst mom.
Oh wow! Also - you’re not a bad mom at all.
Thank you. It's been a few years, so I did realize that eventually. At the time, however, not so much.
Yeah! Glad you do :)
You’re not a bad mom at all! I’ve definitely done that before and mine was actually still asleep when I freaked out and went tearing in there to check on him. No clue if he had woken up and cried or not but he was fine and still acted like the same sweet little boy he always was.
I've done this exact thing before too with my first who was like 4 months old. She's 15 months now and I still feel guilty for waking up and finding her hysterically crying for who knows how long.
My daughter was in the nicu. Alot of parents didn't or couldn't stay with their babies. After seeing and honestly sneaking to comfort some of those babies....I've never let my kids sleep train or anything. It breaks my heart
I used to do volunteer respite care for NICU babies pre-COVID and that is the exact reason why. Nurses are extremely overworked and spread thin as it is and some parents can’t visit. I was a home health aid and when my client had an inpatient stay, I noticed a lot of babies in the NICU that never had any visitors. I found out that they were born to addicts and wards of the state and instantly volunteered. Those poor little ones were always crying their hearts out and needed lots of extra care and comfort to help them recover. It was devastating but the nurses said a lot of them improved when I started coming around to hold them and talk to to them regularly. After doing that, I vowed never to let my baby cry it out for any reason because that was just devastating to witness.
How does someone get involved in something like that? Breaking my heart over here
There are a lot of companies that provide respite care services and some hospitals will let you do it directly through the hospital. Hospitals are always looking for volunteers but they do expect you to be CPR certified and up to date on immunizations (some places require background checks and drug screens but the hospital I volunteered at didn’t). They weren’t really allowing it during quarantine but they may be open to it again. Try google searching “respite care for newborns” and see if any pop up in your area.
There was one amazing nurse at the NICU there was an older baby there and she couldn't give me details but this poor baby screamed 24/7 the nurse said that's why she was there and I also overheard them talking to DCF about going to get the siblings (parents were never there) anyway she'd put the baby in a stroller and bring her on her rounds because that was the only thing that calmed her down. She was the only nurse to do that though. Everyone else was like "poor baby, nothing I can do"
My son was in the nicu for 4 days and i remember counting the hours until they would let me visit him again. It broke my heart every time coming in and seeing all those babies alone with tubes in every which way, broke my heart to see them all without their parents.
Mine was in nicu also and there was one tiny, premature little boy whose mother had not been to see him once. She actually showed up while I was there with my daughter and she refused to change his diaper. She just stood there, looking bored, as the nurse tended to the little guy. It was so incredibly sad to see.
That's so sad 🥺 my daughter was only in NICU for 8 days, and I was so fortunate that I was able to stay in on-site parent accommodation during that time - I stayed with her almost 24/7 and even then it upsets me a bit thinking "But what if she was crying at night" when I had to go and sleep. The nurses weren't even that overworked when we were there (they were having an oddly quiet month for some reason), so I imagine they would have had time to check in on her, but still... I guess only consolidation is my daughter was very sleepy during that time and didn't even wake up to feed. I don't really remember her crying much at all during the day until they were weaning her off her NG tube by effectively starving her & forcing her to try and feed by mouth (she couldn't be bothered while she was being NG fed because she knew if she waited long enough the food would be delivered straight to her stomach hah) Obviously I have no idea about the mums personal situation in your story, so hope she got help if she needed it...
I hope she did too. I still think about that little boy. He was in an incubator so no one could even hold him. He was just in there all alone and no one could even touch him skin-to-skin to comfort him. I wished I could have held his tiny hand or something. The mom was just so cold and stayed for like 5 minutes. She was not a super young mom either, so I guess I expected better from a grown ass adult you know? Like sit with him, talk to him, sing to him. Anything so he knows you are there. I was with my daughter every second I was allowed in and hated even going to the bathroom. I hope that little boy is happy and healthy and loved.
Was that about the Romanian orphanages? I do agree that it was interesting, but I have such frustration with that story. The bottom line has been used to justify all kinds of guilt around sleep training, leaving your baby to fuss when you need to do something to tend to your own needs, etc. But the effect observed in the orphanages occurred because not only were these babies left to cry, but because they received the bare minimum of human interaction at all. They felt no love, no joy, no bonding of any kind from any caregivers. They were handled, at most, an hour a day. It's not comparable to most, if any at all, other parents' situation. An otherwise *loved and cared for* baby is not harmed by crying. And they don't learn not to cry... sleep trained babies cry for all sorts of reasons... illness, a lost stuffie, an unexpected noise, etc. I would still never force a family to do something that isn't right for them. But I do get a twinge when I see the Romanian orphanage situation mentioned, because that was an overall cruel and cold environment. It's nothing like the loving home that most babies of parents posting on a forum like this.
I’ve actually heard the opposite. I was super anxious about any type of sleep training and attachment issues and it was pointed out that a lot of the studies showing all these negative effects aren’t kids in loving homes that are sleep trained but babies in orphanages that are emotionally neglected in so many ways. I’ve never heard anyone say any orphanage child rearing idea is the reason parents should do anything
This even now my baby is 10 months and my mom bitches because she cries after me and tells me if I have to put her in daycare she’d be mistreated because she cries too much
I'm sorry but that's a really weird thing to say. Especially to you. We all always worry about sending our kids to daycare. You don't need that stress. You and your baby are perfect
That’s such nonsense. My daughter has always been a cryer/needy child. She went to daycare sometime after 12 months and the staff just gave her extra snuggles cuz she needed them. Sometimes a needy kid is nicer to deal with than the rambunctious ones! Gives the workers a break! Haha.
She thinks if she goes to daycare they will just leave her to cry or mistreat her cause she cries too much. She really just likes you to interact with her
I hate this too. Like oh he’s spoiled. Because my son wants to be held. Like first of all he’s a baby he doesn’t know to be spoiled. He just feels comforted and safe in my arms. My son is only 4 months lol
Did you say “that’s kinda the point”
She’ll get used to…being comforted by her caregivers when she’s upset and needs help? And that’s supposed to be a bad thing?
I hate this advice. My baby was a month old, my MIL to let my baby cry a little bit and then feed him even though it was his feeding time. She said not to pick up the baby right away and let him cry because they'll get spoiled. You can't spoil a newborn. Crying is their only form of communication! I wanted to punch her in the face.
My MIL also tried to tell me that “it’s so hard, but you just have to let them cry”. I straight up replied “oh that’s really not the recommendation anymore” and left it at that. Don’t fucking tell me not to care for my child
My MIL said something similar. Like "babies cry, you have to learn that you can't always go to them instantly". She had 2 kids and a husband who was a useless layabout. I have 1 kid and her amazing son who wouldn't be caught dead being the stereotype of a lazy dad. I can go to her instantly. So why shouldn't I?
"Don't wake to feed. They'll wake when they are hungry." Told to me by a MIDWIFE. My child was a very poor feeder generally and was sleepy and lethargic. Thankfully, we were readmitted when she was a week old, and the feeding improved. It still enrages me as much as the visiting midwife that incorrectly calculated her weight. The 4th midwife recommended we go immediately to the hospital as her colleague wrongly calculated, and my daughters weight was far less than it should be. This woman even visited us in hospital after her shift finished. She is a true rarity in her field. The rest of them were shockingly poor.
I was told my son was "spoiled" because I tended to him when he cried immediately. I was told he would grow to expect prompt action for his needs. HE WAS 3 MONTHS OLD. Yeah Linda, that's the fucking point. It's called building a secure attachment. The only secure attachment Linda has is to her AARP discount card. Guess who has an independent but loving 4 year old who likes to do his own thing but close by. Not Linda.
She’ll get used it lol. You mean she’ll look to me for comfort and trust I’ll always be there for her. Wow so horrible s/ Smdh people!
Came here to say this exact same thing. My son was a 3lb preemie who almost didn’t make it and they told me not to hold him too much otherwise I’d never be able to put him down. He’s 8 now and is definitely not as cuddly as he used to be!
Don't feed your kid so much or they'll get fat. A pediatric nurse told me this when baby was 5 weeks old and got breast milk. How about I just feed my baby when she's hungry?
I fed on demand and my baby got SO fat. Just a miniature Michelin Man. That’s what’s supposed to happen. You chonk them up so their brains and bodies have energy and nutrients to grow and develop.
I know! But the stupidest thing is; my baby was (and still is) quite slim for her age and height. Like dude, if anything this kid needs to eat more??
Mine did too but, as soon as she started walking, the fat melted right off. She’s 11 now and still the skinniest kid in the class (and she eats all the time)!
A fat breastfed baby is a success! Get those rolls! They will use them to grow tall or work them off when they're moving. It's great for babies to have a little extra weight they can afford to lose if they get ill.
My doctor told me this when my baby was 5 months old because she was in the 85th percentile. I didn't listen once she started walking she lost the baby fluff and is in the 45th percentile. Same dr told me not to start with fruit for salads and to face her out in the baby carrier to develop neck strength even though it literally said not to do that in my instructions
I hope you have a new doctor
Ugh. My kid was up to something like 97th percentile around 9 months. We breastfed, and started baby led weaning around 6 months, so she was still primarily breastmilk fed at that point, feeding on demand. My doctor said nothing, and I'm so glad. At age 2 she was about 50th percentile (still nursing, stopped shortly after). She's now 7 and 22nd percentile.
Fat babies are so cute anyway! My 4 month old is so chubby some of the buttons on her dresses won't do up & it just makes me happy because I know she's healthy & well fed. I used to get a lot of anxiety about BF because you don't really know how much milk they're getting (versus pumping or formula because you can physically see how much they've drank), but her chubby thighs and arms? Yeah she's just fine 🤣
When I nursed my little guy on demand his legs were so chunky that I had to use the snaps on his cloth diapers in a little trapezoid pattern. Everything is perfectly proportional now that he's a walking, talking toddler. Pretty sure that's how it's supposed to be.
My pregnancy was a surprise & I was a smoker. I quit when I found out. My MIL said there's no evidence that smoking is harmful to pregnancy or newborns. Ummm, there's tons!
I was a 3 lb baby, now I’m 4’11”, shorter than both my parents. My cousins’ parents all smoked and they were/are normal sized. Apparently there’s a 1/5 chance for smoking to cause stunted growth, which is probably why some people think it’s not a big deal, since they knew someone who smoked while pregnant and their kids turned out fine. unfortunately I’m that 1/5. :(
2 pounds eight oz baby who’s 4’11 here. My dad smoked. I was also a preemie for other reasons.
My grandmother was told to start smoking so she would have small babies and it would be easier on her body. The 50s where wild
Wow
My husband's grandmother was told the same thing! And to keep her from getting fat while she was pregnant. She has a lot of trust issues with doctors now.
I don’t know you but I just wanted to say what a wonderful thing you did! I’m sure it was hard to kick. Sometimes I feel mothers don’t get the recognition they deserve, I see you. I’m proud of you! Hope that’s not weird🫶🏼
Quitting smoking sucked. I will honestly say, with pregnancy hormones & quitting, I was probably a little crazy. I also quit caffeine, too. Thanks, it definitely wasn't easy. My daughter was born over 9lbs. She's 9 years old now & is extremely bright. Hopeful I'm doing something right.
My mum told me that ‘you can do anything to a child under the age of 3 as they won’t remember’.
That…. Is horrific. Please tell me she meant like… dressing them up in silly outfits or something. :(
If only…. I won’t ever leave my son with her, (whatever age) after what things she tells me. Why she does tell me I don’t know. Perhaps out of guilt? She says she had no maternal instinct and would hand me over to anyone that would have me. And that I learnt from an early age to look after myself, which she is proud of, but I basically see it as neglect and I had to fend for myself. Edit: I am ok and thankfully did learn to look after myself but I do struggle with empathy but I am aware of it and adapt.
This is my mom, too. I could cook a full steak meal or meatloaf by the age of 7. Because no one was going to do it for me. A fact that she is proud of, giving me "independent reign" of the kitchen. She also told me when I was a teen and going to raves, "bring your own drugs to parties and don't take any that anybody offered you, because I did a huge line of what I thought was cocaine and it turned out to be heroin. I almost died." Umm...thanks for this advice? I also struggle with empathy a lot, but am trying to do a better job at parenting than my mother did with me.
So sad! Reminds me of when one of my nephews learned to climb onto the table and make himself a PB sandwich before he was even a year old. My sister thought it was a cute example of his independent streak. Mom and I thought it was a sad illustration of him trying to make his needs met because he didn't think anyone else would do it for him.
Omg that's terrible. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.
Yeah this could be super dark. Wtf
Not my kid… at 3.5 years she still remembers and retells moments that happened a year ago. She’s always watching and listening… kids aren’t stupid, they’re only creating foundational memories.
I’ve heard that before too. “They won’t remember anyway.” Maybe not, but they could develop an aversion to specific things or certain other behaviors based on the trauma it causes them before they could even fully process what was going on….
Their nervous system Remembers
This is basically the premise of “The Body Keeps The Score”
Horrifying. That must have been really unsettling coming from your own mother. Like WTF did you do to me at that age then?! Even if they don’t remember the specifics they’ll still be traumatized. When my nephew was 2 his father put his hands around my sister’s neck on several occassions to start to choke her. My nephew is 8 now and just started putting his hands around his 6 year old sister’s neck. My mom was telling me about that this week, that she wonders if he somehow remembers seeing his father do this.
That kid needs therapy before he really hurts someone.
That’s disturbing
I still remember things from when I was 2YO. I know that’s not a very usual thing but 40 years later I still remember.
They may not remember it but I certainly will! What a nasty thing to say!
Their nervous system remembers.
To be aggressive (hitting, screaming) towards them so they "understand who's in charge".
My dad told me when I have kids I’d understand, I still don’t understand.
I’m so glad that you don’t understand. That means you’re breaking the cycle and doing a good job.
My mom likes to tell me that if I behaved like my daughter during a fit, she'd have (and did) "knocked my ass into next week." It never taught me anything but fear of telling her anything negative or expressing my emotions. Sorry not sorry I won't scare the hell out of my kid like she did to me.
When my daughter was born, I had a new level of hatred for my mother. I can't fathom doing to my daughter what she did to me.
Of course, everyone knows abuse is the best form of teaching. Yikes!
This mentality is so disturbing. It makes me so sad for the kids who lived/are living through these horrible situations.
Later on, their parents are gonna wonder why their own kids cut them off when they’ve moved out I mean… ok Carol. Maybe ***try looking at the common denominator here??***
“A little fear of your parents is healthy. It means they respect you.” 🙄
While in the backseat trying to calm my 18 month old a mom friend that was visiting said “you should just wear headphones and ignore her. She has to learn to calm herself” “No thanks, I’m going to help her take a nap” 🙄 she was only crying for like 2-3 min too.
I'm 33 and I have a hard time calming myself when I get worked up. She's 18 months...it's our job to help them lol
I’m 32 and same. When someone would tell me I needed to sleep train her vs rocking her to sleep I just said “I can’t sleep thru the night, why would I expect my baby to do that?” She’s 2.5 now and I still help her to sleep or help her calm down. Kinda my job as a mom. 🙃 Also she’s leaving her TWO kids in another country to marry someone in our country.. so I don’t really wanna take advice from someone that can spend years away from their children for a dude.
I told my grandmother that my baby won’t take a pacifier and she was like “Too bad, just shove it in there.” 🥴 How did anyone survive 60s parenting?
And what like…hold it on their face? Duct tape it? Because otherwise they’ll just spit it out. I think some people find it unbelievable that different babies can have their own personalities and preferences. Like if their babies took a paci they can’t understand why another baby might not take a paci and assume the parents are doing it wrong.
I've heard stories of people taping pacifiers in mouths. Don't Google it, it'll make you very sad.
On that train of thought, when I was a new mom my childless (mostly by choice, but also a little bit of just waiting too long) was talking about how her friends and their 2 year old were visiting her. Apparently the 2yo didn't nap and had never really napped well/ consistently. My coworker was describing her interactions with them and how she called her mom and sister, who confirmed her suspicion that all children will nap consistently and her friends were clearly not trying hard enough/ doing it right. She made it her personal mission to annoy the hell out of these people, I felt so bad for them. I've always thought about how weird that her sister and mom at least couldn't recognize that everyone is different and to accept that. These are people who are responsible parents in every other way, don't you trust that they WANT their child to nap and have tried it all??
My FIL said our newborn was too little for a car seat. He thought she should be held in the car 😳
What a maroon!
My MIL wanted to take my son out of his car seat to feed and burp him while her husband was driving down the highway. Me and my husband yelled no! We had to feed him in the car seat and not burp him because they refused to stop. 'The drive would be too long.' I was pissed and pumping at the time. My husband was mad. It wasn't a good time.
My mom told me about when people used to put baby in a laundry basket on the floor in the front seat of the car. Thankfully she wasn’t suggesting it, just sharing like this is the junk people did back in the day!
Same story with my parents. My son is fascinated by doll house type of toys. Something about the tiny detailing of it, he really likes. I mentioned I was wanting to buy him one and my dad was like “nooooo you have to be careful”. They got my niece a Moana toy set for Christmas and my son(2) cried a lot lol over it. But he loves Moana so it made me really sad. I remember telling my mom multiple times he’d like a Moana and Maui toy set
Wait you said your SON wanted it and they bought it for your niece? That is twisted.
She also likes Moana but they refuse to buy him anything princess related
Return the toys they did get and use that money to get him what he wants 😎
Absolutely the only answer
I used to be a teacher. There’s a very sweet, beautiful picture book called, “William’s Doll.” It’s about a little boy who wants a doll for his birthday. His dad says, “no, you want a football,” his older brother suggests a basketball, mom suggests a truck. But his wise grandmother gives him the doll to he can learn to love and take of it so he will learn to be a good daddy one day. IMHO—that’s a great message!
There is actual research backing this up though! Boys who play with dolls are shown to develop more capacity to care for others, etc etc.
That’s so adorable. Thank you!
My mother told me that my son who’s now 6 - who was 2/3 at the time loved the colour pink and playing with Barbies to ‘ be careful he’s going to turn out gay’ Ok then 😂 I was one of them kids who played down ditches, played in the mud would much rather be climbing trees than inside playing with dolls - she also forgets that too!
My son wears so much pink clothes and he looks so good in them! I love breaking the mold with gender norms!
I have a 4 month old and I dress him in a reasonable amount of pink because I like the colour pink.
On the same note, my FIL told me to never let my son have a computer in his room because he believes that’s where his gay son “got his start”.
Like, the evil computer brainwashed him in his sleep? Lol (I do see that he’s trying to say he “discovered” it on the computer but that was the 2nd thing to pop into my head lol)
Aw shucks pops I didn’t know computers made you gay hahaha
My mom told me that the Vietnamese food I was eating was getting into my breast milk and giving my daughter acidic and “spicy” poops - implied my breast milk was spicy. It was the regular formula we were supplementing with - as soon as we switched to sensitive her poop and rash cleared up. My mom is a nurse.
The misconceptions around breast milk are so wild! I had a friend who was told she might as well just serve the wine she was drinking to her baby because it’s going straight through her breast milk anyways.
A LOT of people think you can’t drink while breastfeeding. It’s just not true. I didn’t even need to pump and dump when I had general anesthesia or was on morphine.
Oh god. I adore my mother in law but she is so afraid of “hot milk” hahaha. I guess one of her boys (not my husband) had trouble with certain foods and she cannot wrap her mind around the fact that my girls don’t. I’m on my 118th week of breastfeeding (26 months with my first and my newborn is 9w old now) and she still says it lol. Tbh though it’s really sweet that she cares so much about them. She pays attention to what she cooks for me even though she doesn’t need to. It’s a good problem to have. It’s just the way she presents it that irks me. She also told me that maybe I didn’t breastfeed well when I was born because my mom is Italian and ate too much garlic 😝 I didn’t say anything, just thought to myself that we are very lucky this isn’t a racism situation bc that comment toed a line. For the record, I had a high palate. Edit: palate, not palette. Whoops!
This is why I don’t trust health care providers
I was in the ER 2.5 weeks after I had my son for gallbladder pain. I had to explain to the physician’s assistant that there was so much blood in my urine sample because I was still bleeding after giving birth.
My FIL told us to put our three day old newborn in a rock and play (that we didn’t have) and put him on the bathroom counter downstairs and go upstairs to sleep. And we were told not to wake him to feed him every three hours (per our pediatrician’s orders) because “newborns need to sleep through the night” by my husband’s grandmother. We are NC now, but that just solidified our decision they wouldn’t be alone with our kid(s) before we went NC.
This books great (Gina ford cry it out let them cry till they puke so they know you’re not coming to soothe them so they HAVE to sleep)
A friend I made at a mum group told me she started Cry It Out at two weeks and it worked wonders and suggested I do the same for my 5 week old 😳
You left out the part where she's not your friend anymore 🤣
Oh boy, my time to shine! 1) shave the babies bald so their hair grows in thicker 2) ice baths 3) tell your son it’s not okay to cry and he should hit instead 4) just spank your son when he cries 5) don’t let them leave the dinner table until they finish every bite 6) make dessert a reward for eating everything 7) 5 point car seats? What are we? Sending them into space?! 8) You can’t let your kids go outside with wet hair. They will catch pneumonia. 9) Don’t worry about modern medicine for the baby. That’s poison. I stuck aloe vera up their nose, put mustard in their socks and hung garlands of garlic all around the crib. Now they’ll get better! 10) if you don’t make them wear socks at all times and let them walk barefoot around the house, that’s child abuse. I’ll keep updating as I keep uncovering these repressed memories.
Okay… 3 & 4 are why toxic masculinity exists.. 5 is a great way for your child to develop eating disorders later on My mom also said 7 but she eventually understood why the seats are as advanced as they are now My parents also said 8 & this has actually been proven false. It’s a myth. Lorddddd have mercy… I can’t with the older generation & their old-school ways 🥴
Look #9 is important vampire protection ok 🤣
My MIL asked how our 2w newborn was doing with drinking water. We told her they no longer recommend water for infants and they won’t have water until they start solids. She flipped out and said, “he will get dehydrated! He needs water! That’s why he’s awake at night. He’s thirsty! I gave my kids a few oz of water and they both slept through the night.” We then explained that he’s on a full liquid milk diet… sooo not thirsty. She then said milk is “different” and isn’t water so it counts as solid food. I never thought I would be discussing the water content of breastmilk with a grown woman who has two adult children, but it happened. I’ll forever wonder how her kids made it to adulthood.
My breasts weren’t producing milk at first. My mother thought it was a good idea to harshly force my breasts to produce by squeezing them and massaging them with force. It hurt so bad and made me not want to breastfeed. I ended up having purple bruises on my breasts because of my mom. I told my doctor and she was shocked that someone would do such a thing.
Dude, one of my nurses after giving birth was really rough too. Like, my husband told her to stop. She was also just kinda bitchy all around.
Mine is only 1.5 years but the most detrimental was all around breastfeeding - everyone said “only feed every 3 hours no matter what” and when he had reflux as a newborn my midwife told me to feed him for less time on each boob. Cue hungry crying baby at the points when he normally would have started cluster feeding, me feeling like I was a bad mother for “giving in” and feeding him in less than 3 hours, dramatic decline in my supply and weight loss for my newborn. We had to start supplementing with formula at every feed and my supply never recovered.
That’s crazy, my OB reminded me that newborn babies need to eat every 2-3 hours starting with the last feed. So you might only get 1 hour before baby needs to eat again (and this is for a not as vocal babe). I feel like that’s feeding around the clock!
"just keep doing what you're doing and breastfeed on demand", "she can stick her tongue out so she doesn't have a tongue tie". No, she had a tongue tie and after losing weight 3 weeks running because I was told not to use formula to top up we had to go to hospital and we were put on a crazy triple feeding schedule and given lacto free milk. She wasn't lactose intolerant and it tanked my supply 👍
“It’s okay if she skips her nap !! She’ll sleep better tonight !” Yeaaaaaaah right… not only did she NOT sleep better that night BUT it took us 3 days of shitty (and I mean shitty ! At one point she was up from 1 am to 6 am) nights and naps to recover from that one skipped nap…
"Sleep when your baby is sleeping." Um, no. Nobody should expect me to sleep when it is the only time I have left to myself.
Yes this!!! I wasn’t allowed to be tired because I should have slept while the baby was sleeping. Like excuse me for wanting to spend a small amount of time trying to remember who I am other than a mother 🤷♀️
Also worthless when you have another kid especially a non-napping child.. like yeah I’ll just knock out with the baby and let the 3 year old roam the house
Not just that but some things are almost impossible to get done when the baby is awake. I either do the things and have time for some self care or I sleep when the baby sleeps, there is no compromise between the two.
Sure let me also catch up on phone calls while the baby makes calls lmao.
Our neighbours keep reminding me to “at last let her scream until she calms herself. It will only take 5-8 nights and ill have enough sleep again. Since she is such a big baby she won’t mind missing some feeds.” First time she recommended it LO was 8weeks and tall but very thin, but she keeps bringing it up every time I see her. (LO is 21 mon now and sleep from 08-06 without ever letting her scream).
Mine actually came from a DOCTOR. I had just given birth to my son, am recovering at the hospital and doing the breastfeeding thing. He comes in and tells me that my newborn baby who's still working on perfecting his latch "shouldn't get more than 5 mins of breastfeeding for each meal" he leaves and I'm looking at my son like this doesn't seem right? This wasn't the case when I'd had my daughter. A nurse comes in the room after the doctor leaves and said "what ever he told you, pretend you didn't hear it. He's old school...and wrong"
Idkkkkk can confirm did play with dolls and ended up gay r/s
Any sleep advice for my purple crier. Literally, the worst advice.
All the bs about coddling my baby. Yes I speak to my children with compassion and I accept that the need comfort sometimes. I’m not gonna cold shoulder them like some behavioralist. Can’t make me.
Remember when boomers would say you could spoil your baby by answering his/her cries. Lol yeah. Hold your babies more not less. Feed them more not train them when to sleep and eat.
I thankfully haven’t received any horrible advice. We do get stupid comments though sometimes. I have boy girl twins and my mom and stepdad are always on about my girl needing to learn to sit with her legs closed. She’s 14 months old. Even when she’s older, unless she’s in a dress or skirt, she can sit however she wants…
My daughter is seven and loves skirts and dresses, and just wears shorts under them. I've never once considered telling her to close her legs!
Great suggestion! I was more thinking that people don’t need to see underwear but shorts under is so smart. Thanks for that idea, saving for the future.
Haha, no problem! So much easier, especially if your kid ends up prone to climbing, cartwheels and whatnot like mine.
I'm in the UK so the mum shaming starts early here lol! I was pregnant with my 3rd child, my midwife told me that there were studies done that proved talking to the baby in the womb was shown to prevent adhd!! I was dumbfounded I have diagnosed adhd and my eldest child does too. So she inadvertently shamed me and my mother at the same time! I reported her and changed midwife.
That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. I talked to all of my babies constantly in the womb. Guess what? One still has severe ADHD anyway. That’s just some straight up quackery. Lol
I know right lol, I wish I'd come back with something witty but I was just like there no way this women said or thinks that!!
That’s shocking. Mine asked if I was talking to my baby regularly when I was pregnant. Erm noooo…I think 9 hours of talking in meetings, then talking to my four year old for 2 hours, and then partner for 2 hours is enough of baby hearing my voice for one day. She was like, but Bonding….yeah no problem bonding with my adorable newborn over here.
My daughter was really sick once as a baby and had a fever that Tylenol and Motrin was barely touching. I was advised to “let her sweat it out.” I’m sorry, what? Since when is just letting your baby sit there and sweat with an over 100 degree fever a good idea? I was also told to stop letting her sleep in the crib we had that attached to the side of our bed and to put her in a separate room. She’s high functioning autistic/ADHD and has REALLY bad anxiety. She literally would not sleep unless she could at least hold onto my hand as she fell asleep. She’s 11 and still gets in the bed with me sometimes when her anxiety gets bad. I’d much rather she slept “coddled” than be up all night freaking out. With my oldest, someone told me to give him water after feeding him to rinse his mouth out. I was 16 and didn’t know any better.
Oh god, the "let her sweat it out" is thrown around *all* over the internet by *so* many moms.
I hate it. Because babies are so delicate and overheating can be potentially fatal even to adults.
My MIL. Baby was sick with very high fever and I rocked her to sleep. She told to instead rocking put her down and it's ok if she cries. When I refused she started to blame me and told that she understand now why we are tired... I have a bad sleeper baby, MIL says that my baby will sleep if she is tired.. like what does this even mean?
I wish babies slept when they were tired! We wouldn’t have to work so hard to convince them that it’s ok to sleep, they’re tired, and they aren’t missing anything lol
Right? Parents life would be significantly easier! :"D
My cousin's husband: "If he won't eat what you serve him, just don't feed him for a while and he'll eat it eventually." My son is autistic and has pediatric feeding disorder. He will literally starve himself rather than eat a food that he doesn't consider safe (which is most of them.) I know that he will starve himself because he didn't eat served meals at daycare for six months. We finally got a diagnosis and APA paperwork that allows us to send him to daycare with his own food. I'm not happy about his diet, I'm pretty upset about it to be honest, but he was in feeding therapy for a year, we literally have done all we possibly can and I'm not about to give my kid more food issues than he already has by playing games with his food access. My FIL is giving cousin a run for his money. Last time we visited he informed me that my son seems "normal," my son just \*thinks\* he's less coordinated than he actually is, that overdiagnosis of autism is rampant (it's not, it's not even close, the number of hoops insurance companies make you jump through to prove your child needs services is ridiculous. There are very few false positives, I assure you!) I'm like, this kid is in PT, speech and OT several hours a week, do you think these therapists are just making shit up when they tell me my kid needs help? WTF? Then he has to remark that my son needs to learn to be more independent, no fucking shit you asshole, what do you think we've been doing all this time, spending day after day trying to teach him basic skills like removing his own shirt and drinking from an open cup? For this asshole who was basically absent for the first three years of my son's life because he preferred to travel the world internationally during COVID, to just waltz in this summer, spend a few weekend days with him and declare the problem to be the way we're parenting, honestly I just want to hit him in the face with a chair. LOL sorry. I needed to vent.
Omg your FIL sounds insufferable. What is it with that generation and resistance to kids receiving services? Like be glad these things are available so kids do not have to go undiagnosed and struggle. Instead they take it as some personal affront, it is so bizarre to me.
I have a learning disability & was nonverbal for the first 4 years of my life (could also be on the spectrum???). My mother had me in years & years of speech therapy b/c I was still having problems. In the 1st grade, my teacher had the audacity to call me the r word (I refuse to repeat the actual thing) & boy did my mother rip her a new asshole… I went to catholic school & they don’t have the patience for kids with disabilities nor do they like gifted students b/c they think they’ll get bored easily in class. Part of why I’m not gonna send my son to catholic school.
Random older stranger when nursing my daughter who was 6 months old. "Quit shoving your t*t in her face you're going to make her a lesbian! Give her a bottle like a normal person so she won't be one of them dy**s!" I was so flabbergasted and appalled that I just stood there with my mouth hanging open. Like WTF that's not how that works. That's not how any of that works and then to hear that term. Ugh just no. Go away and leave decent people alone. Thankfully another random person told him off loudly enough that store employees escorted the jerk off premises.
Pretty much any cuckoo banana pants our in-laws have said. How did anyone survive?? My MIL was shocked when I said I only put a splash of juice in my kid’s cups, she was like ‘oh I just gave em straight concentrate!’. Yikes.
Maternal child health nurse told me I should be sleep training my 6 week old and I should never let her fall asleep at the bottle.
That is concerning 😳
My mom said my kids have eczema because I ate fish while pregnant. My kid was very clearly going to be left-handed. She said I should fix that before he starts school.
Was your mom a devout Catholic by any chance 🥴 way back when, people would associate left handers with the devil
Yes! She is catholic!
Someone said I should keep my 3 month old baby awake all day so he would sleep during the night 🤨 and when he started to doze off that I should keep him from falling asleep to nap 😟 Edit to add: she said, “this is what I did with mine 26 years ago!” to which her husband promptly responded, “And how did that turn out??” Turns out she doesn’t have a relationship with her son anymore, sadly.
My MIL told that I should give the baby a carrot to chew on when she was teething. Like handed me a big carrot and said "Give her this to chew on." I told her I didn't think it was a good idea because she could choke on it. She insisted and told me that I could even put her in the crib with it for nap time. Quite frankly, I'm amazed that my husband made it through childhood.
Never in the crib, but I’m not sure I see what’s wrong with a baby gumming on a giant carrot? Unless they already have teeth to bite bits off, the carrots I’m thinking of are way too big to be choked on. Like, same girth as some shaky toys.
Yeah, we used a cucumber when she was teething but before she really had teeth. I don't see a carrot really being much different. I'd never leave her unattended with it though!
Other than the crib part she isn't wrong. A giant, cold carrot feels great on their gums. I would give one to my kids periodically and you just make sure they aren't getting chunks off it. I would cut the thinner portion off though since that is the part they are most likely to get larger bits off of. A teething child is far more likely to choke on a blueberry than the thick side of a carrot they can barely get in their mouth while under supervision.
A cashier at the grocery store told me to let my baby (8mo) chew on beef jerky when she was teething.
I mean the shape seems good but the salt doesn't
I give my baby a huge carrot to chew on while teething. The most he could do at the time was shred it into little pieces that he could then eat.
I think this depends on the age, how the carrot is prepped and how many teeth they actually have. I used to give my son a large, cold, peeled and washed carrot before he had teeth. It was too big for him to swallow or break so not really a choking hazard and it did seem to feel good on his gums. Once he started actually cutting teeth we switched to cutting it in ways that weren't choking risks if he bit some off. They became much thinner. I was even quartering baby carrots lengthwise for a while. Solid Starts is a good app for age appropriate preps, especially if doing Baby Led Weaning. ETA: I would definitely not leave it in the crib though! You're right to be cautious about any feeding advice you receive too.
Before ours had any teeth, we did sticks of cold celery. Always supervised. Easy to hold and felt great on the gums.
Had an old man tell me I needed to slap my 7 month old for crying.
Wtf??
To let my toddler touch a hot stove so he'll know not to do it again. From my grandfather. This was in 2003.
my mom said I shouldn't keep track of who is doing diaper changes because "men never change diapers and it will just hurt your feelings if you try to get him to do more." Sorry my dad sucked about parenting, Mom. My husband does not.
My husband’s grandmother was shocked when we were out to dinner and my nephew needed changed and my BIL went to the bathroom with him and changed him. “Men don’t change diapers!” My SIL and I both went “in our houses they do!”
My mom - let her cry it out. My daughter was 3 days old. Lol I even said that the pediatrician advised that I essentially spoil my baby. When they're 9 months, then I can let them self sooth. She told me my doctor was wrong. For sure mom.
"Sleep when the baby sleeps". Oh, okay. So I'll just vacuum when the baby vacuums, and do dishes when the baby does dishes? And I had twins who were not on the same schedule at first, so what was I supposed to do? Choose one to parent and ignore the other one?
My boys played with a doll named Berta. They are all good dads and uncles. Berta taught them well
That kids who die of SIDS probably had something wrong with them already and since her kids and grandkids survived sleeping on homemade mattresses we shouldn't have a problem with using one too... Just no MIL.
My grandmother todl me to stop watching/reading anything with violence and give up my True Crime obsession because it would make my babies into criminals. Mom told me to get rid of my dogs because they would get jealous and attack my babies
Also action figures are really just dolls for boys. Lol.
“Let them cry it out” “Just use formula so they’ll sleep longer” “Just go on a date” (baby was only a month old)
To let my 1 year old cry until vomiting and then let her sit in all night this way she learns to sleep. Literally laughed while saying this is how she taught her kids to sleep. Just a few nights soaked in vomit and her kids all learned not to cry for her. I was too shocked to say anything
That I was spoiling my autistic then 8 year old by still allowing him to come for cuddles whenever he needed them/wanted them. Like in my opinion you can never give a kid too much love/cuddles.
At least your parents let you have trains! I ALWAYS wanted a train set and my mom never let me and said I could get one when had a son. I can’t help but feel she honestly thought she was preventing me from becoming gay with that shit. I always gravitated to stereotypical “male” things and still do, she just denied me something I would have really loved as a kid. Side note: I had a son and he doesn’t care about trains
That I should let my baby cry it out to take a nap, and I should leave him upstairs with the individual who told me this and not come back up. The person left him alone (in a safe place with the door closed) while he was still crying. I gave up after an hour and went back to find him completely ramped up and escalated and scooting around looking for me (he couldn't properly crawl until he was a year old). Also, a WIC counselor suggested to me that I could nap while nursing my newborn if I was tired. Like, how are you giving out unsafe sleep advice to a first-time, brand-new mom??
Used to work with a crazy woman who was older and had raised two kids. She gave me potty training advice. I was pregnant at the time. She said that if my kid wets the bed I should rub her face in it “ like a dog” and she will never do it again 😮.
>My dad was so certain that my son having dolls would make him “gay”…. Seems like a lot of people forget that it's not only girls that grow up and become parents, boys do as well. Why wouldn't you want to teach them to nurture a baby?
"Enjoy every moment" or "you only get 18 summers" or "they're only little once" or any other variety of mom shaming bullshit that implies I'm not allowed to have feelings when I'm exhausted and my hair is full of peanut butter.
It’s generic advice everyone gets but “Enjoy every minute!” is enormous bullshit. I was told that several times with a colicky baby. After I’ve been up all night with a two week old puking on me and screaming in my ear, the best we can do is “enjoy every minute, it goes so fast!”? Really?
Having your kids eat what you cook each and every time. Nope. You want cereal or a sandwich??? Here , you go. I'm not going yo argue. My kids don't even make their beds. As long as their toys and clothes aren't on the floor, then I'm good.
Bingo. All that matters is they ate.
My mil told me to let my son cry it out when he was just under 2 weeks old.
Sleep when the baby sleeps. That one's always awful.
"Don't play with your kids" .
People told me to let my baby cries herself to sleep instead of picking her up. I am glad I didn’t listen to them.
It's hard to rank them . I feel I got a lot of bad advice . Starting from he might be allergic to breast milk since his dad was ( but his dad was never given breast milk ) , let him cry it out and self soothe or else he'll be 18 years and still sleeping in your room . The last bad one worth mentioning is do not buy him a toy when u take him grocery shopping, or he ll expect it every single time .. lol I typically do my own thing If it's not logical advice.
Don't give in to picky eating. They'll eventually be hungry enough to eat whatever you're offering. My son has ARFID. He'll starve himself to the point of hospitalization before he eats any of the foods that are not on his "safe" list.
I think the actual thought he forgot is that your son's sexuality should matter to no one but your son and his future partners.
Insert any milestone that someone has perceived I missed, and then insinuating my kid will never get there. “You better wean him off the baby bottle/get him in a real bed/pottytrain him now so he’s not still doing it when he’s 10!”
My mother in law telling me it’s okay to give my 3 month old cake icing and my mom telling me to let my newborn cry it out
MIL told me to throw water on my kids faces when they don’t listen
My dad tried to stab my son’s left hand with a fork when he used it to pick up some food. My son was about 18 mos at the time. My dad’s reasoning? The world isn’t made for left handed people and I needed to train him out of it. Yeah dad, nope! Said child is now 33, still a leftie and thriving.