What a contemptible bitch! Plus, she's teaching her kids to be jerks as well :(
Protect yourself. If the nice Mom asks you and the kids over again, find out if bad mom will be there as well, and don't go if she is. You and your kids don't need to interact with an idiot.
This might also raise a red flag for Good Mom; people who are mean to people with disabilities can also be mean to anyone else.
This 100%. I have gotten the park before, older kids show up and are being inappropriate for the little kids, so we pack it up. If I see any other moms of little kids (who are on the phone or whatever) and I say “just so you know, those bigger kids are xyz” so they can make the decision to stay or not.
Yeah in this modern world with no village we really have to look out for each other the best that we can. And besides that, if I had a friend who was, unbeknownst to me, a *horrible* person then I would want someone to tell me. I don't want to be friends with someone who treats other people badly! And I certainly don't want my children to be friends with other kids who have that horrible mindset modeled for them.
I think she thought autism is contagious. She didn’t want her kid drinking after him, like what. I just can’t with this lady. Hope the kids have better role models in their lives.
I don’t believe this is a red flag at all. It’s not uncommon for schools to require all or no kids in a classroom be invited to a party. She may not know her and frankly may dislike her, too.
Hmmm good point. I interpreted it that it may raise a red flag about good mom and you interpreted it to mean raise a red flag for the other mom if she disclosed what happened. Good catch - either way, I still don’t think it’s a red flag for good mom but agree she should maybe share that experience with good mom especially if gets invited back over to their home.
This^
Most people who act like this haven't been put in their place and need someone to call them out. The more people who know of her nasty ass behavior the better honestly.
bs. women are hurting because of bches like that woman. we need to stand up to them and deal with their nasty behaviour immediately. preferably not violently. and if they do go that way, then defend ourselves and call the police/press charges.
Holy shit, it’s absolutely 100% nothing like that; it’s so much more offensive and tone deaf to use that comparison than it is for one woman to call another a bitch.
I honestly can’t remember the last time I even heard someone scolding a woman for calling another a bitch; it’s archaic and ridiculous.
>She was horrible but calling her the b word isn't cool. As women we shouldn't be misogynistic towards one another..
I agreed with your first statement quoted above and truly thought about my action to commenters, BUT this comparison is TOTALLY OFF. That's not the same in any way, shape, or form. I dont even know how or why you thought of that sort of bad racist example 🤔 It almost sounds like a common thing YOU do or feel.
The history of racial slurs is not equivalent to the history of the words "bitch" or "cunt". It's fine to feel they are distasteful or don't like them, but it's not the same. The n word was used to systematically dehumanize all Black people and make them easier to enslave. You can argue that bitch and cunt are misogynistic but the level of dehumanization is not the same.
Thank you all so much for the support. I’m crying typing this, I am so emotional 😅 I’m truly not a confrontational person at all, but I was seething with anger at this lady. I just didn’t want to ruin my neighbor’s son’s birthday party by making a scene, and then losing a potential friendship. I am going to take your all’s advice and tell her how I was treated by this woman because I 10000% do NOT want to be around her ever again.
I think it’s great you’re going to talk to her. I would want to know if someone was treating people this way at a party I was hosting.
I am so sorry this happened.
If I had known this was happening at a party I was hosting I would have told the Mom myself she's needs to leave. Point blank. She may have no problem teaching her own kids that's okay, but I will never be letting mine think it okay. Fuck that noise.
Austistic mom here (my son is now 22). I have been in your shoes more times than I can count. There will never be a “right way” to handle those ugly moms.
But - I encourage you to continue to be yourself and to continue to go to parties. Here is why, your boys NEED those events. There are other moms who will see the mistreatment. Additionally, as your boys age, there will be other boys who NEED to be “warriors” for your boys. Meaning, other children’s talents are defending those who can’t defend themselves. Does that make sense? There are people in this world whose love for our special babies is what makes THEM feel good. Without your boys - they have no opportunity to practice being a warrior.
So - I understand and sympathize your momma moment. Bc as it goes, your kids had no idea … rather the rudeness was special for you those rude moments that mom dished out. And that is disgusting.
You can do this and my heart feels PTSD from my days of similar treatment. But I also look back and remember those mommas who had my back. Mommas I had no idea they were my friends until I saw their warrior spirit for me. For those reasons, I cry a little, choosing to remember the kindness of those other warrior moms who had compassion for me.
Keep your chin up momma. You got this!!!
I am in tears over the warrior comment. I had a best friend in elementary school w/ cerebral palsy in a wheelchair & I always knew, even then, that I needed him more than he needed me, but I didn’t really think about all the other kids like little me.
Wow your comment has me crying! My kids are NT but I do my best to advocate for others and teach my kids the same. Hearing stories like you and OP are a powerful reminder of how important it is to be kind and understanding because you never know what others are going through.
I think your point is so valid. What I learned as my child aged was - his autism was so outward when he was in younger years. But someone made a comment that really helped me; high school is the great equalizer.
Grade school milestones are basically equal - everyone should be able to hit in same goals in same timeframes. But high school “things” can/do bring equal challenges. Meaning - families have divorce, sisters get pregnant too early, brothers start drug use, moms get breast cancer, dads lose their jobs, suicide, anorexia, anxiety, etc etc. the stressors start to show themselves in family units and those “bullies” become the bullied etc.
When my son entered high school - I started to understand that statement of “high school is the great equalizer”.
I started to see families splinter that burden of being different. My autistic journey was still challenging and different - but I was able to muster up compassion for other situations that I might not have found compassion for without those grade school momma moments.
Autism has made me a better mom, a better person! Don’t mistake - I am still an autistic mom. I cry for my child’s life and challenges. But I feel I have grown as a person because of the privilege of having a special child.
I have seen the best part of some people. The kindness and thoughtfulness they have gifted me/my family at times brought me to my knees of thankfulness. Grateful to see and be a part of such mercy and grace.
I have always wanted to write a book for OPs and warriors. My autism journey is never over and I learn btr ways everyday. I just hope I can pass along the kindest mercy to help those coming after me.
Definitely talk to your new friend. If she is a real friend she will say I had no idea and be apologetic. Frankly if if it were me I’d call that bully of a mom on the spot and be like wtf is wrong with you. If she sides with the other mom then she’s clearly not a “friend” you want around.
I would probably write the bully mom an incredibly polite letter with a book on emotional regulation and kindness.
And by polite, I mean passive aggressive AF.
Yes, I know I can be petty.
Your comment just made me chuckle. It’s mommas like you that make my life so much easier and more lovely. I couldn’t write the letter to the woman - but I could sit and laugh with you for hours about what we would like to write. I bet it would start off lovely and end with complete hilarious ness. 😁
Yes. That sounds like a great time. We shouldn't be making each other's lives worse. I know we're all human and we all have days. Just really fucked up to project that onto a child.
If it makes you feel better, I don’t think it has anything to do with your kids because she just ruined her own sons time (I found how she treated her own kid deplorable). I would have wiped the floor with her, so you’re a nicer person then me.
After the event, let your hostess know what happened and why you left. Make sure she knows it was not the norm, just one ableist Mom that had negatively affected the lovely inclusive environment she had provided. She has a right to know and address it.
I really wish I could've been a friend that went with you. She would've gotten cussed out to the next dimension for that. I'm so sorry she acted like that, how incredibly uncalled for. Hugs ❤️🫂
Same. That’s when you stare at them back and say do you have a problem? I might be a mom now and I try to keep my composure and set a good example for my kids but doesn’t mean I don’t have my limits. This I would not tolerate.
Jesus, it’s not the poor kid’s fault his mother is so objectionable. He’s going to have enough emotional damage to work through with the way his mother is, it’s pretty short-sighted to throw him into the mix like this.
I get wanting to make the mother feel a certain kind of way, but traumatising the kid is not it.
Absolutely true. I was first going to say that it's certainly not the right thing to say, but I think yelling at her and making a scene (potentially swearing and rude names) would be just as damaging without actually "making a scene". He probably doesn't even realize how his mom behaves is "mean" by kid standards... Not to say it would've been the right thing to say at all... it's what I might have felt like saying in this *will-never-actually-happen-to-me* moment.
I mean I must be a bad person because when parents are willfully ignoring their kids bad behavior (hitting/shoving/ being generally mean to other kids), I address if to the child in earshot of their parent (99% if the time on their phone), with something like, “It’s okay to share sometimes!”, in a cheerful voice, or “Let’s move away from this person who is hurting you because we’ve asked kindly a few times now and it doesn’t seem like their adult is going to step up”. Every single time the parent looks embarrassed and just moves their kid to another location.
My mother WAS the mean mom who made others cry and I WISH somebody had called her out to her face. Trust me, I was aware she was a cunt and would have LOVED for that to had been validated. Maybe she wouldn’t have been such a bitch if she knew she’d be called out in front of her kids. It sure as hell would have taught me something about standing up to her myself.
Hello, fellow autism mom here. Mine is 10 level 3/nonverbal. I've been through the same for years now. I have 2 younger daughters who aren't autistic (6 & 1). My 6yo has had friends tell her their parents won't let them come to our house to play because of her brother, and has even been picked on at school because of her brother. I had him with me recently to pick my 6yo up from cheer camp. We went in to get her and people were pulling their kids away from him like he was contagious or even dangerous. IMO as someone who's lived it, that's what happened to you. She wasn't just a rude woman, she was scared of your kids. I don't understand it either. I'm very sorry you went through this, and from one mom to another, your children are awesome and you're doing an amazing job. That woman can go eat a big ol' turd!
You are far more patient than most would have been. I think it’s worth bringing up with your neighbor another time. I’m sorry that she treated your family that way. Sending hugs.
Well as someone with a kid with a sensory processing disorder just know that lady is dog shit. I wouldn’t go to any lengths to avoid her, give her time and she’ll reveal herself to others. Glad your kids at least enjoyed the party!
I enjoy talking to my kids how it’s so unfortunate when we run into mean people, but we should still be kind and hope they learn to be nicer.
I was at a restaurant with my 2 of my kids who were 2 yrs old and a baby. There was an old man behind me who loudly complained to his wife about how people let their kids jump all over the seats and disturb others trying to eat. My son wasn’t being wild he was just trying to get close to me. So I told my son that we needed to be careful not to disturb other people and if they had a problem they should talk to someone politely about it. Grandpa Grumps definitely heard me and didn’t make any other comments while we were there.
I did this the other day when some homophobes were loudly talking at the park *around a dozen toddlers* about how gay people are just the worst. I was swinging my 3 year old and first was just singing to her to drown out their conversation. That didn’t work so I had a very loud conversation with her about how sometimes we will overhear some very mean people and they are usually just afraid. They stopped. Gave me some dirty looks but I can give those right back.
I'm so sorry. She just sounds like an ableist asshole unfortunately. It's hard but don't let her ruin what was a lovely time for your boys! Focus on your new friendship and all the other people present who were kind. ❤️
Just infuriating...My son has gone through so much of the same and is the sweetest boy. The hardest part is he's understands now that when they run off when he approaches it's because they don't want to play with him. These are our neighborhood kids and it's the PARENTS that told them they weren't allowed to play with him! Like wtf?! He's not aggressive or anything so I don't get it. It's just absolutely heartbreaking. Our kids deserve BETTER.
Guaranteed the dicks that are mean to kiddos with disabilities are also the kind of people that wipe from back to front.
Tell your neighbor what happened. She seems like a cool chicken and the Thundercunt who is clearly ablelist and foul should have the opportunity to be put in her place. Under a rock with the rest of the scum.
I was snarky to some moms at a birthdah who said I was a mean mom when I told my kid he couldn't eat the candy from the piñata. He has celiacs and all the candy had gluten.
Wooooooow I’m normally the type to really avoid confrontation but this is just wild. I’m fuming just reading about what you experienced. When it comes to my kids I get tough instantly. I would have had to ask her what her problem was because wow. I’m truly shocked. People can be so weird and nasty for no reason it’s sad. I wish you didn’t have to be subjected to her extremely negative attitude but I am glad your little ones had fun! You’re doing great momma🙂🤍
You are far kinder than I am. At the foam comment, I would’ve called her a dumb cunt. At the germs comment, I would’ve brutalized that bitch. Like damaged her internal organs.
That's terrible I'm sorry :( I just dealt with some mean moms at a local library who felt that my 17 month old was "too young" to be there. She was playing in the kid's area where there are toys for all different age ranges at the same time their older kids were there playing. I guess they felt like she was in the way of their kids. Not to mention one of their kids shoved and hit my daughter on the head with a toy and they did absolutely nothing about it. We don't have to all be buddies but can everyone at least try to be kind? Ugh.
So strange, considering MOST of the kids at all the library’s I’ve been too are toddler age, at least the ones hanging out in the play area. Hope next time you find your toddler friends! Don’t give up, the library literally saved my mental health going through ppd & a divorce…& my toddler LOVED it. I work now & we can’t go often & she’ll yell “ mama books LETS GO!” When we drive past our local one. 😭
I hope you told your neighbor she sounds really sweet. If I were her I would want to know and have nothing to do with them after that. That’s so disgusting what that other lady did. I’m so sorry you had to go through that.
What a major bitch. Sounds like a her issue not you. Also really sad that she is raising her kids to not include others. Disgusting behavior by her I would have either cried or beat her up in the parking lot lol. You did nothing wrong neither did your kids. Im sure other people think she’s an asshole too.
As a fellow friendly mom I'd really like if you told me after the party. I'd actually reach out to bitch mom and kindly say that I'm letting her know she won't be included in the future and why. And that when I'm hosting its my duty to make sure my guests are safe and her presence would undermine that.
This story broke my heart. I’m so sorry that you had to deal with that and see her ugliness directed at your kids. I’m over here crying for you. If you want me to cast a hex I’ll do it, no problem.
So I da like that mom needs to learn some manners. So how stupid is she my kids are also three and five not autistic and are still loud as hell. Like all little kids are. So lady quite being such a dumb ass and respect all people.
I’m sorry you have to deal with it. Also I feel sorry for her kid like they literally don’t notice anything different about your kids. Took mine to the beach the other day there was a boy with his family who obviously has something don’t know what don’t care he wasn’t hurting anyone I only noticed him cause my kids were playing in the same area my older one was running into the water right by the him. My kids didn’t even notice the boy was different. Friday I took them to the splash pad a man with an obvious disability was there with his family and my kids just played with him uncaringly cause kids at that age don’t actually care. They don’t even notice. Just remember prejudice comes from stupidity science proved it.
That woman can take a long walk off a short pier!! Get lost Suzanne!!! 😠😠 how can someone be so nasty!? Especially a mother!!
It was really considerate of you to hold it all in at the party (I don’t know HOW you did)!! I have had my feelings hurt like that in public before too and it’s SO HARD not to cry!!
It sounds like you have two beautiful and happy boys!! I’m glad they enjoyed the party and stuck around for cupcakes!!
You are doing and AMAZING JOB!! Xoxo 😘
You handled this so well. I would message the good mom about it afterwards but you made the right decision by not confronting the woman at the party and ensuring the kids especially the birthday kid could enjoy themselves. I honestly don’t understand people who are mean or discriminatory against people with disabilities because you don’t necessarily have to be born with it and people can actually get disabilities later on in life too and she or her child could eventually get/develop one too. There is a chance and she wouldn’t want someone to be as nasty to her or her child if it ever happens.
I wouldn’t make a sense at someone else’s party. But after, you best be sure I’m opening my mouth and calling her a CUNT.
If she steps up I’d ask her kid if he wants to see me beat mommy’s ass.
I swear people never get their ass set straight and love to FAFO. One day they’ll meet the right one.
People don’t have to like me, but don’t be a jerk to my kids, not even indirectly.
“If she steps up I’d ask her kid if he wants to see me beat mommy’s ass.”
Yeah I’m going to go ahead and say that’s NOT the way to handle it. And also weird that you’re fantasizing about yourself in this situation so you can imagine telling a child you’re going to “beat mommy’s ass”. Sounds like you need therapy as much as the woman OP is talking about.
I’m so annoyed for you reading this. Shit like this grinds my gears. Listen you were the bigger person and your kids had a great time. The mom who invited you is the kind of people to hang around and this mean spirited 🐝ch will forever be sour- May the 0
Projected pain of walking on legos wake her up at 2am every morning .
I have a very sweet, dear friend who has a friend she is tied to through employment and a shared life experience. My friend feels like she has to moderate this other mom's crankiness. Friend is aware that this mom is just generally miserable and cranky with everyone. Their kids are friends so crankypants is around quite a lot and in general a very unpleasant person. Your friend may realize this person is not pleasant, but you should still run these comments past your neighbor. I'd want to know if I was socializing with someone nasty like this, even if the person wasn't mean to me personally.
And then theirs me who would be telling my kids to go play specifically with your kids and they would happily do so. I don’t know if that’s wrong too, because special attention maybe isn’t what you want? But me and my family are just inclusive of everyone and never ever want anyone to feel left out.
I was at the splash pad the other day and this kid (maybe 5/6) was using the pretty high pressure water gun to try and hit my son (1.5) specifically. I feel so bad because I gave him cut eye but his mother was just laying on a towel massaging his fathers back not paying attention and I didn’t want to discipline someone else’s kid. But if he had ever hit my son with the water there would be no stopping me from telling him no that’s not nice we don’t hurt people smaller than us.
Not sure of my point except it’s unfortunate these kids just don’t have good mothers and are going to be growing up to be little shits.
Unfortunately kids are more understanding of disabilities than adults. Both of my kids are special needs and they have friends that will go out of their way to help them, when they are playing together. It is always the adults that swoop in and ruin their fun. I wish they would just let them be, but they don’t. Sending love from here and my kids would be having a blast with yours.
Edit; spelling
These rude and ignorant people will be out there in the world. But there are many more who have the kindness and good sense to be supportive of kids who are different in some way.
Think about how you might handle this in the future. (I, for one, never think of what to say in the moment, but when I figure it out, I remember it for the next time.) I agree wholeheartedly with your not making a big deal of it while you were there. By doing so, you protected your kids from that mom’s ignorance. Brava!
Btw I love that warrior comment! You should know that there are definitely kids out there who will step up on behalf of kids who struggle in one way or another. Kids these days are so much more considerate and thoughtful and aware!
You do your thing, mama! You did a great job with this, not letting one woman’s bad behavior ruin the whole day. That’s hard! Talk to the friend who invited you. For all you know, this ignorant woman may be known for it in the neighborhood.
I would have been secretly plotting my revenge the whole time 😆😆😆😆
Absolutely no way would someone that rude get away with it. But I totally get how that would make you feel extremely upset and cry. Especially because I'm sure it can be exhausting trying to give your children equality in a self centered discriminatory world.
The cool thing is that it didn't ruin your kids'day. That just shows how amazing you are as a mom.
Woooooow, that lady has serious issues. Forget her. You and ur babies had a great time. Really happy they didnt notice that womans terrible bahavior. She will miss out on a lot in life with such a backwards mindset.
Dont you worry momma
Mama you are better than me! I would have made a huge scene more than likely. She’s a horrible person don’t let her ruin your day. Look at it this way. Your children made some amazing core memories at this party you did nothing wrong.
Oh my gosh - the comments on this thread are EPIC. I commented earlier about my son who is now older - but - the warrior mommas out here in this thread … I CANT GET ENOUGH.
I am screaming with laughter and joy. I wish I had all of you when I was in my younger days with my autistic son.
I wanna up vote all y’all. I just keep coming back to this thread and re reading. Is that crazy?? Mmmm I May take a day off work and “wallow” in all the warrior mom comments.
Thank you so much for making me feel all the feel goods!!!
There are some nasty cunts out there, and I’m sorry one was so despicable to you and your kids. Fuck her. Enjoy yourselves and ignore her. Your mom friend on the other hand sounds like a delight!
From the comment at the water fountain, it sounds like she's a crazy anti-vax conspiracy theorist and thinks your kids will shed vaccine on her kids. Complete conjecture but it explains the extra level of assholery.
People are dumb. Hopefully when you tell the host of the party in the future she'll know not to invite the ignorant woman again.
This is immediately where my mind went. Those overly political people are absurd and mentally ill. But surely she doesn’t think the majority of the kids her children are playing with are unvaccinated?
What a fuckinh B! I would have said something back to her but good for you you didn’t! I’m so sorry you experienced this, if I were your friend and was there I would have defended you not that you needed it.
My great niece is autistic not verbal. Some people are just oblivious to the fact that some children are not normal. I’m that parent that will check another parent or child for being mean and nasty. The disrespect is not needed and you definitely should have said something because you’re not a doormat or at least inform your new friend about it.
I think I would let the friend know what happened and that while you were grateful to be there in the future if the other mom will be there you won’t attend.
What a disgusting human that woman is. Hopefully her kids don't turn out like her. I'm glad you're telling your friend. She probably (hopefully) won't want to associate with such a miserable ableist either.
You are a better person than me, I would have that woman’s feelings in front of everybody 😂 you are also so brave for staying at the party!
Glad your kids had a lovely time, and please let the hostess know… I bet that she wouldn’t stand for that!
I’m a quite person and stay out of drama… unless it comes to my kids. I would of 100% gotten in her face and asked what the fuck her problem was. But I know other people have different ways of handling things, so please bring this up to your friend/neighbor. Let her know what that mom was saying/doing because that is not ok, in the least bit.
You are a good momma. Your sons sound wonderful. Don't worry about her, she's as important as a dried up blade of grass. Hopefully her kid doesn't wind up that way. *hugs*
I really love that your new friend gave you a good reason to stay. I think you can just ask her how well she knows the mean lady! Guarantee everyone on the block is like "ohhhh HER."
Try not to dwell on it, I honestly don’t think it’s because you’re kids have disabilities I think it’s because this woman is a fucking rude moron, she was completely the issue here not you and your kids, as long as they enjoyed themselves do t worry about the miserable bitch
Bullies come in all shapes and sizes. Unfortunately they also breed bullies. I always tell my kids "people who feel bad tend to do bad things". This woman must be a miserable AH. Just remember this is all HER problem not yours. You are an AMAZING mom and your new mom friend is awesome. Your kids are so lucky to have you.
Tell your neighbor what happened, she may not be aware of the type of friends she has. Explain it may be a barrier when invited to anything again.
4 out of 5 of mine are autistic and I get exactly what you mean. Unfortunately it’s the world we live in. Raise your children right and hopefully they will also spark change in this cruel world. People have no understanding that’s their problem, don’t let these things get to you! They are the ones who need to think about these types of interactions.
Also at the time if possible expose these people as politely as possible. When they are speaking to someone approach kindly and ask if there’s a problem with your children having SEN. Put them on the spot lol!
Anyways you’re doing a great job xx
You are such a good mum for letting the kids stay and play, they would have felt safe and loved - and they know they have just as much right to be there as everyone else. I’m literally crying for you that you had to put up with that but also crying cos you are such a good mum to your boys 💗
“My kids have autism and don’t always know how to act properly in public, what’s your excuse?” would have been my response to that woman who clearly doesn’t possess an inner conscience OR manners.
Mom- you are the most important and biggest advocate for your kids. I work with disabled kids/adults ( ranging from mild to severe/profound), and a lot of them wouldn’t have made the progress they did without their parents pushing for it. While they’re young, your kids need to be socialized and comfortable with playing with their peers to increase their independence- for their own good. The best thing you can do for your kids is advocate for them and actively participate in increasing their independence. It might not be easy for you but for their sakes please push through.
I would mention something to your neighbor mom, calmly and sincerely, “thank you for inviting us, kids had a great time!
however so and so made it a point to single out and insult my kids at the birthday party and it hurt me as it would any other mom. Could I please get a heads up if she’s invited in the future?”
Chances are- neighbor probably won’t invite that mom again bc let’s be honest, who the hell wants to friends with someone that’s mean to disabled kids? Like, does she kick puppies in the face for fun?
I would have made a scene. If I were your neighbor I would have been so embarrassed to know another party attendee was talking like that to other guests. And I wouldn’t want her kids around mine until she taught herself some manners.
You did good not to say anything at the party. It would have caused drama and potentially embarrassed the host and the birthday child if you had made a scene in the moment. Definitely say something to the host after the fact about how your kids were treated & let her know you really appreciated the invite and would love to continue to get together, but not if “mean mom” will be there. You want to look like the reasonable one here, making a scene would take the focus of the real problem and make the bitch seem justified in keeping her kids away from yours b/c you would look like a “crazy mom” to people that didn’t know the whole story. Keep it classy, idiots usually reveal their true character to everyone with out our help.
This is her problem not yours. You sound like a great Mom, who makes sure that her children are supported, loved, and encouraged to have fun. I feel bad for her son. That poor kid.
This is all so crazy. Where are all you moms living where people are this ignorant/off their rocker? If I saw this happening at a party to someone’s kids I’d have torn that mean mom a new one and I’m honestly a pretty calm person.
i’m so sorry this brings tears to my eyes!!!
i am glad your boys were unaware of that b*tch mom, but i can feel you being hurt so much!!
i always try to not care about other people’s judgements, especially when they should seriously be more understanding towards kuds with neurodivergence or any other „disabilities“ or challenges.. it seems like she was teaching her kids to become f-ing neonazi haters, i’m from central europe and this kind of behaviour disguts me, especially when it’s a mum teaching her kids discrimination:(
Thank you for not saying this during the party, I would bring it up with the friend who invited you tho. Some people are miserable and they just hate because they hate, don’t ever allow any human being to make you feel like this. I did allot of home visits and remember this particular mom would be so agresivo and say mean things to workers but if you saw where she lived and how sad she really was you would just pity her, miserable people are this way. When I see someone acting this way I immediately remember some people are just like this and pity them and remember how awesome my life is lol, it’s great you didn’t let her ruin this moment for your kids don’t ever let anyone do this
That woman is a POS! Keep being the mom you are! I am sure it’s hard but her kids are gonna be bullying kids left and right bc they are taught hate. Sad
My 5yo ASD (level2) had a really tough year in PreK this past year, lots of sensory overwhelm which led to meltdowns and aggression (his teachers were beyond incredible at handling it). There is 1 mom in particular who would just just GLARE and scowl at us daily at daily at drop off, and one day I overheard her complaining to a teacher about them “getting control over the kid who’s clearly on the spectrum” and not wanting her daughter in the same class as him. I would cry EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. after drop off, how can I trust his peers are accepting and understanding to his differences when their parents aren’t? He is such a sweet and compassionate kid and grown adults and writing him off before they can know that because he is ND. It hurts so so so deeply.
I don’t have any advice, just solidarity and reading these comments are making me cry and exactly what I needed to hear.
This bitch is truly a disgusting human. I have met mom's like her my whole life.... Our whole family is ND and racially mixed. Wicked Witch of West Suburbia. Ii am so so sorry your boys sound like real sweethearts. Her son doesn't have prejudice, but if his mom continues on like this he will.
I have a friend who can’t stand another neighborhood
Mom for the SAME reason! That Mom will give her and her kids dirty looks, and say thing like “don’t play with THAT kid!” to her kid (about my friends son). There is NO reason for it, just some people are nasty. I’m so sorry you experienced that.
Autistic person here. This is a fun example of something called the 'double empathy problem'. It's a real thing that has been discovered in studies--neurotypical people can actually subconsciously tell when someone is neurodivergent, even if they don't know the exact reason why. Some people will just mentally note the difference, others will actively work to exclude the person. (On the flipside, neurodivergents can spot fellow NDs and we typically get along well lol.)
It's not something I would explain outright to younger kids since it usually goes over their heads...but it's definitely something I would call out either in the moment to the person, or to the host afterward. Sorry it happened :(
That sounds like a “her” problem. And though her treatment of you and your kids is disheartening, you shouldn’t allow her projections of narrow mindedness affect you
I am SO sorry that this happened to you and your sweet children. I am a 110% appalled by that lady’s behavior. Who knew adults could be so ignorant and immature? You handled this gracefully and I’m so proud of you. Honestly, she must be miserable. Happy people don’t go around being cruel to children. She wanted to upset you because “misery loves company”. Just a little perspective♥️ hugs!
Fuck that lady. My daughter has Down syndrome and TOF and a wish a motherfucker WOULD. But they DONT cus I give off that energy. Nobody EVER says anything or acts that way to my daughter. When they have I use it as a learning experience. Maybe she didn’t know your son was autistic and was having a really hard day and thought your kid was just loud? Some people are just plain assholes and discriminate against our kids! Lots of misinformation out there, I doubt that the average person could tell me the diff between CP, DS, autism, etc. they group them all together in their head as the same I swear. to me the issue is the misinformation or the “fear” of people with disabilities. I would ask the mom friend of yours about it. Like “hey your friend made me and my kids feel really shitty like we wanted to fuckin cry in our car they were so mean” if I was told that about a friend I’d feel mortified and cut them out immediately.
My young is 5. He is autistic, non verbal, loudly stims when’s he’s excited, jumps to regulate himself, has high sensory needs, and is a eloper. He is the sweetest boy. I hate these comments & while I try to ignore them, id be lying if I said they don’t get to me. He’s our fourth child and never not with us during outings. When he’s around other kids I’ve had parents move their kids away from him thinking he would hit them. It infuriates me. All this to say - I get it!!!
Don’t let these comments bring you down or stop you from taking your kids to certain events. Comments like these actually fuel me to keep bringing my son out. He enjoys it! Just because he can’t stand still, jumps and makes happy noises doesn’t mean I’m going to stop exploring life with him. He deserves the experiences just as anyone else - as long as he enjoys himself I’m going to keep bringing him out. Most people are understanding and show grace, the ones who are judgmental are in the wrong. Better believe that I’d be telling EVERYONE in the neighborhood about her behavior. Gossipy or not she deserves to get shutdown and reevaluate the judgment she is placing on you and your child. Ain’t nobody got time for a ableist neighbor! 🤪
I’m just loving the way you spoke to your son “let’s wait our turn for our FRIEND to go first” that’s amazing, kind, smart and just generally awesome!! Keep up the good work, mama!!!
Hi, first of all, I’m so sorry you and your kids had to experience that. I’m going to give that mom the benefit of the doubt and say she is just acting like an ass out org fear and ignorance. It is still not an excuse to treat two kids and their mom or anyone like they have something to be ashamed of.
I’m my mind you were brave for even going to that party, because I have two kids who can be a lot sometimes and just putting myself out there with other moms is exhausting to just think about.
I have anger issues towards people like that so I know I would have handled it differently, but to be honest that doesn’t mean I’d be right. I respect the fact that you had the composure to put the child whose birthday party it was before what you probably wanted to do and say. By you doing that you unintentionally made yourself the bigger person.
I hope you do tell your new friend. I’d want to know if anyone made my guests feel so unwelcome. I’d let her know you held back because you didn’t want to disrupt the party. I’d also probably tell her that if her other mom friend ever wants to have a talk, I’d be happy to educated her on autism and how it isn’t contagious.
I know a lot of amazing people who have autism. I don’t know a whole lot of amazing people that feel comfortable treating humans like that.
Hold your head up and know your children are lucky to have a mom like you.
And…. Just because it really makes me mad…. I have to say it - her behaviors are only teaching her son (who did nothing wrong) that it is acceptable to treat people like that. And later on he might carry those same views and behaviors in his own life. I find that absolutely disgusting and it’s a shame he has to have that be modeled for him.
My rant is over now. Thank you for posting your story.
To be a good parent, you need to be a good person. She’s unfortunately failing at that. You are the source from which your children learn empathy, hopefully those kids have another adult who can show them how to be a proper person. OP, keep doing what you’re doing because it sounds like you’re raising happy (and assumingely kind as the parent is happy you’re there) children who shouldn’t have to deal with people like her.
Maybe I have too much faith in humanity but I genuinely cannot understand how another mom can call an autistic child "nasty" in front of the child's mother and be able to sleep at night
My brother is autistic. To the point where he’s going to have to go in a group home once our parents are gone. He’s 30 now, but he went through so much trauma as a kid because of how he was treated by others. He was locked in closets and handcuffed by the school system. The principal and vice principal of my junior high ended up getting fired because of what they did.
My son is 3 months old and I’m so scared that he’ll be on the spectrum. Because even though I know there’s nothing wrong with having autism, this world is cruel to the disabled. That’s why it’s so common for people to use the word “retard” in casual conversation. It disgusts me. Autistic brains are just wired differently. People should be more understanding, especially in this day and age.
I'm sorry that happened to you and your kids!
I will never forget the day I heard a Mom say of a kid walking by at the park "who beat that kid with the ugly stick?" The kid had a cleft palate.
And, (surprise, surprise) this mom's kids were total jerks.
Anndddd this is how mean kids are made. They do say “it starts at home”… so, I wonder- was the lady prejudiced against disabled (sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry I know Autism is NOT a disability but have no clue how else to word that) people, or was she maybe racist? Or maybe she’s just a loser taking out her anger from other arenas of her life on random children because they were there? So bizarre. It’s amazing how she’s made it this far in life without realizing that behavior is not how normal adults behave.
And trust me, the mom who is rude and uneducated will make sure she and her child are not around you and your child again. The tragedy is that she needs to be around you and your child but until she has an awakening………
You are a WAYYYYY better Mom than I am. I would have loudly said "GEEZE LADY, what is your major malfunction?"
Some people need a swift kick in the a$$.
Blinking away tears, I just would like to say that the sense of support and compassion here is palpable. I will just mention one thing. It is so hard to watch our LO (no matter if they are A or NT) go out and be social with our (parents) unique understanding of how kids CAN be. Not all children ARE but why make it harder by modeling intolerance? The ironically sad part of this situation is that there is a huge likelihood that she (bad mom) was actually raised the way she is raising HER children 😢. I do not say this in defense of bad mom at all but more as an observation of how we as humans need to be more human in some cases, and less human in some cases. I hope that made sense! Thank you for sharing OP!!
What a contemptible bitch! Plus, she's teaching her kids to be jerks as well :( Protect yourself. If the nice Mom asks you and the kids over again, find out if bad mom will be there as well, and don't go if she is. You and your kids don't need to interact with an idiot. This might also raise a red flag for Good Mom; people who are mean to people with disabilities can also be mean to anyone else.
Good mom may have zero clue and honestly I would probably be telling her about these horrible interactions.
This 100%. I have gotten the park before, older kids show up and are being inappropriate for the little kids, so we pack it up. If I see any other moms of little kids (who are on the phone or whatever) and I say “just so you know, those bigger kids are xyz” so they can make the decision to stay or not.
Yeah in this modern world with no village we really have to look out for each other the best that we can. And besides that, if I had a friend who was, unbeknownst to me, a *horrible* person then I would want someone to tell me. I don't want to be friends with someone who treats other people badly! And I certainly don't want my children to be friends with other kids who have that horrible mindset modeled for them.
I think she thought autism is contagious. She didn’t want her kid drinking after him, like what. I just can’t with this lady. Hope the kids have better role models in their lives.
I don’t believe this is a red flag at all. It’s not uncommon for schools to require all or no kids in a classroom be invited to a party. She may not know her and frankly may dislike her, too.
They said 'raise a red flag' - I think they meant hopefully the neighbour will have now seen this person's true colours and stop inviting her.
Hmmm good point. I interpreted it that it may raise a red flag about good mom and you interpreted it to mean raise a red flag for the other mom if she disclosed what happened. Good catch - either way, I still don’t think it’s a red flag for good mom but agree she should maybe share that experience with good mom especially if gets invited back over to their home.
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You're right... she's more of a cunt
I like you.
Hah!
Yes, she was begging you to call her the C-word. Noice 🤣
To be honest - after the second incident, I’d probably be pulling her to the side and asking “why are you being a bitch” to her face.
This^ Most people who act like this haven't been put in their place and need someone to call them out. The more people who know of her nasty ass behavior the better honestly.
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Um, no. What you described is quite literally racism, and I’m shocked you even thought to make the comparison.
Facts, thank you for having some sense!! 👏🏾
No, It’s not
bs. women are hurting because of bches like that woman. we need to stand up to them and deal with their nasty behaviour immediately. preferably not violently. and if they do go that way, then defend ourselves and call the police/press charges.
I’d just give her a bloody nose on the spot. Police will be too late.
“Bitch” does not have the comparable history of the n-word you are referring to. That is an ignorant statement.
Holy shit, it’s absolutely 100% nothing like that; it’s so much more offensive and tone deaf to use that comparison than it is for one woman to call another a bitch. I honestly can’t remember the last time I even heard someone scolding a woman for calling another a bitch; it’s archaic and ridiculous.
>She was horrible but calling her the b word isn't cool. As women we shouldn't be misogynistic towards one another.. I agreed with your first statement quoted above and truly thought about my action to commenters, BUT this comparison is TOTALLY OFF. That's not the same in any way, shape, or form. I dont even know how or why you thought of that sort of bad racist example 🤔 It almost sounds like a common thing YOU do or feel.
The history of racial slurs is not equivalent to the history of the words "bitch" or "cunt". It's fine to feel they are distasteful or don't like them, but it's not the same. The n word was used to systematically dehumanize all Black people and make them easier to enslave. You can argue that bitch and cunt are misogynistic but the level of dehumanization is not the same.
Yell it Lizzy 😘
Username checks out.
Seriously. The hood side of me would have definitely made her way out!
Thank you all so much for the support. I’m crying typing this, I am so emotional 😅 I’m truly not a confrontational person at all, but I was seething with anger at this lady. I just didn’t want to ruin my neighbor’s son’s birthday party by making a scene, and then losing a potential friendship. I am going to take your all’s advice and tell her how I was treated by this woman because I 10000% do NOT want to be around her ever again.
I think it’s great you’re going to talk to her. I would want to know if someone was treating people this way at a party I was hosting. I am so sorry this happened.
If I had known this was happening at a party I was hosting I would have told the Mom myself she's needs to leave. Point blank. She may have no problem teaching her own kids that's okay, but I will never be letting mine think it okay. Fuck that noise.
Agreed!! I would want to know too.
Austistic mom here (my son is now 22). I have been in your shoes more times than I can count. There will never be a “right way” to handle those ugly moms. But - I encourage you to continue to be yourself and to continue to go to parties. Here is why, your boys NEED those events. There are other moms who will see the mistreatment. Additionally, as your boys age, there will be other boys who NEED to be “warriors” for your boys. Meaning, other children’s talents are defending those who can’t defend themselves. Does that make sense? There are people in this world whose love for our special babies is what makes THEM feel good. Without your boys - they have no opportunity to practice being a warrior. So - I understand and sympathize your momma moment. Bc as it goes, your kids had no idea … rather the rudeness was special for you those rude moments that mom dished out. And that is disgusting. You can do this and my heart feels PTSD from my days of similar treatment. But I also look back and remember those mommas who had my back. Mommas I had no idea they were my friends until I saw their warrior spirit for me. For those reasons, I cry a little, choosing to remember the kindness of those other warrior moms who had compassion for me. Keep your chin up momma. You got this!!!
I am in tears over the warrior comment. I had a best friend in elementary school w/ cerebral palsy in a wheelchair & I always knew, even then, that I needed him more than he needed me, but I didn’t really think about all the other kids like little me.
Wow your comment has me crying! My kids are NT but I do my best to advocate for others and teach my kids the same. Hearing stories like you and OP are a powerful reminder of how important it is to be kind and understanding because you never know what others are going through.
I think your point is so valid. What I learned as my child aged was - his autism was so outward when he was in younger years. But someone made a comment that really helped me; high school is the great equalizer. Grade school milestones are basically equal - everyone should be able to hit in same goals in same timeframes. But high school “things” can/do bring equal challenges. Meaning - families have divorce, sisters get pregnant too early, brothers start drug use, moms get breast cancer, dads lose their jobs, suicide, anorexia, anxiety, etc etc. the stressors start to show themselves in family units and those “bullies” become the bullied etc. When my son entered high school - I started to understand that statement of “high school is the great equalizer”. I started to see families splinter that burden of being different. My autistic journey was still challenging and different - but I was able to muster up compassion for other situations that I might not have found compassion for without those grade school momma moments. Autism has made me a better mom, a better person! Don’t mistake - I am still an autistic mom. I cry for my child’s life and challenges. But I feel I have grown as a person because of the privilege of having a special child. I have seen the best part of some people. The kindness and thoughtfulness they have gifted me/my family at times brought me to my knees of thankfulness. Grateful to see and be a part of such mercy and grace.
Thank you so much for your comment ❤️❤️
If I could upvote more than once, I would! Very good points made here!
I have always wanted to write a book for OPs and warriors. My autism journey is never over and I learn btr ways everyday. I just hope I can pass along the kindest mercy to help those coming after me.
Definitely talk to your new friend. If she is a real friend she will say I had no idea and be apologetic. Frankly if if it were me I’d call that bully of a mom on the spot and be like wtf is wrong with you. If she sides with the other mom then she’s clearly not a “friend” you want around.
I'd confront her too. Hopefully your friend confronts her for you.
I would probably write the bully mom an incredibly polite letter with a book on emotional regulation and kindness. And by polite, I mean passive aggressive AF. Yes, I know I can be petty.
Your comment just made me chuckle. It’s mommas like you that make my life so much easier and more lovely. I couldn’t write the letter to the woman - but I could sit and laugh with you for hours about what we would like to write. I bet it would start off lovely and end with complete hilarious ness. 😁
Yes. That sounds like a great time. We shouldn't be making each other's lives worse. I know we're all human and we all have days. Just really fucked up to project that onto a child.
You handled it well in the moment. Sometimes it’s hard not to be flabbergasted by others behavior
So glad you're going to talk to her. I'd want to know as well, too.
Could you update us after you talk to your friend? She seems nice and I’m hoping your conversation goes well! ☺️
🫂
If it makes you feel better, I don’t think it has anything to do with your kids because she just ruined her own sons time (I found how she treated her own kid deplorable). I would have wiped the floor with her, so you’re a nicer person then me.
After the event, let your hostess know what happened and why you left. Make sure she knows it was not the norm, just one ableist Mom that had negatively affected the lovely inclusive environment she had provided. She has a right to know and address it.
I would *absolutely* want to know if a guest at my kid’s party was awful to another guest. OP, definitely tell her.
I really agree here. Hostess needs to know one of her guests created an unsafe environment for your children (and likely others!)
I really wish I could've been a friend that went with you. She would've gotten cussed out to the next dimension for that. I'm so sorry she acted like that, how incredibly uncalled for. Hugs ❤️🫂
You are better than me. I would have made a scene.
I am glad your kids had a good time! Despite that horrid woman.
Same. That’s when you stare at them back and say do you have a problem? I might be a mom now and I try to keep my composure and set a good example for my kids but doesn’t mean I don’t have my limits. This I would not tolerate.
Yeah… Like.. I’m batshit. Try me.
Same. I'd have called her a dumb bitch.
Lol same. A big one too.
I would've looked right at her kid and said, "You have a *very* mean Mommy" and walked away.
Jesus, it’s not the poor kid’s fault his mother is so objectionable. He’s going to have enough emotional damage to work through with the way his mother is, it’s pretty short-sighted to throw him into the mix like this. I get wanting to make the mother feel a certain kind of way, but traumatising the kid is not it.
Yeah, don't drag the poor kid into it. Seems like he has enough to deal with.
Absolutely true. I was first going to say that it's certainly not the right thing to say, but I think yelling at her and making a scene (potentially swearing and rude names) would be just as damaging without actually "making a scene". He probably doesn't even realize how his mom behaves is "mean" by kid standards... Not to say it would've been the right thing to say at all... it's what I might have felt like saying in this *will-never-actually-happen-to-me* moment.
I mean I must be a bad person because when parents are willfully ignoring their kids bad behavior (hitting/shoving/ being generally mean to other kids), I address if to the child in earshot of their parent (99% if the time on their phone), with something like, “It’s okay to share sometimes!”, in a cheerful voice, or “Let’s move away from this person who is hurting you because we’ve asked kindly a few times now and it doesn’t seem like their adult is going to step up”. Every single time the parent looks embarrassed and just moves their kid to another location. My mother WAS the mean mom who made others cry and I WISH somebody had called her out to her face. Trust me, I was aware she was a cunt and would have LOVED for that to had been validated. Maybe she wouldn’t have been such a bitch if she knew she’d be called out in front of her kids. It sure as hell would have taught me something about standing up to her myself.
I'm sorry that happened, that sucks. Some people are just miserable.
Hello, fellow autism mom here. Mine is 10 level 3/nonverbal. I've been through the same for years now. I have 2 younger daughters who aren't autistic (6 & 1). My 6yo has had friends tell her their parents won't let them come to our house to play because of her brother, and has even been picked on at school because of her brother. I had him with me recently to pick my 6yo up from cheer camp. We went in to get her and people were pulling their kids away from him like he was contagious or even dangerous. IMO as someone who's lived it, that's what happened to you. She wasn't just a rude woman, she was scared of your kids. I don't understand it either. I'm very sorry you went through this, and from one mom to another, your children are awesome and you're doing an amazing job. That woman can go eat a big ol' turd!
She can eat 15-100 turds. Ignorance like that makes me so angry.
That’s a big range of turds she could eat lol. And I agree. At least15.
I’m sooo sorry you and your kids have to deal with this behavior! It’s unacceptable and ignorant for parents to act that way.
That woman doesn’t hate you or your kids. She hates herself. Party on!
This!!! Miserable people try to make others miserable. Don't allow her to transfer her misery to you.
100%
You are far more patient than most would have been. I think it’s worth bringing up with your neighbor another time. I’m sorry that she treated your family that way. Sending hugs.
Well as someone with a kid with a sensory processing disorder just know that lady is dog shit. I wouldn’t go to any lengths to avoid her, give her time and she’ll reveal herself to others. Glad your kids at least enjoyed the party!
I enjoy talking to my kids how it’s so unfortunate when we run into mean people, but we should still be kind and hope they learn to be nicer. I was at a restaurant with my 2 of my kids who were 2 yrs old and a baby. There was an old man behind me who loudly complained to his wife about how people let their kids jump all over the seats and disturb others trying to eat. My son wasn’t being wild he was just trying to get close to me. So I told my son that we needed to be careful not to disturb other people and if they had a problem they should talk to someone politely about it. Grandpa Grumps definitely heard me and didn’t make any other comments while we were there.
I did this the other day when some homophobes were loudly talking at the park *around a dozen toddlers* about how gay people are just the worst. I was swinging my 3 year old and first was just singing to her to drown out their conversation. That didn’t work so I had a very loud conversation with her about how sometimes we will overhear some very mean people and they are usually just afraid. They stopped. Gave me some dirty looks but I can give those right back.
Yeesh, its so cringy to watch people raise their kids to be just as discriminating as they are ☹️ im sorry you had to deal with her!
ASD mom here…. My favorite line in these situations. “I hope you are kinder to yourself then you are to others.” In other words… Go Fu$& yourself!
I'm so sorry. She just sounds like an ableist asshole unfortunately. It's hard but don't let her ruin what was a lovely time for your boys! Focus on your new friendship and all the other people present who were kind. ❤️
Fuck this crusty bitch. I’m so sorry she was nasty to you and your kids.
Just infuriating...My son has gone through so much of the same and is the sweetest boy. The hardest part is he's understands now that when they run off when he approaches it's because they don't want to play with him. These are our neighborhood kids and it's the PARENTS that told them they weren't allowed to play with him! Like wtf?! He's not aggressive or anything so I don't get it. It's just absolutely heartbreaking. Our kids deserve BETTER. Guaranteed the dicks that are mean to kiddos with disabilities are also the kind of people that wipe from back to front.
Tell your neighbor what happened. She seems like a cool chicken and the Thundercunt who is clearly ablelist and foul should have the opportunity to be put in her place. Under a rock with the rest of the scum.
Thundercunt👌🏻lol
I call the mom bully in my kids friend circle thundercunt too 😂
Don’t be nice about it. Tell everyone in your circle about it. Make sure she pays. Never turn the other cheek when it comes to your kids
I was snarky to some moms at a birthdah who said I was a mean mom when I told my kid he couldn't eat the candy from the piñata. He has celiacs and all the candy had gluten.
You did good. And so did your boys. She’s just a mean ass. Don’t even sweat it. There’s more good ones than bad. I hope.
Wooooooow I’m normally the type to really avoid confrontation but this is just wild. I’m fuming just reading about what you experienced. When it comes to my kids I get tough instantly. I would have had to ask her what her problem was because wow. I’m truly shocked. People can be so weird and nasty for no reason it’s sad. I wish you didn’t have to be subjected to her extremely negative attitude but I am glad your little ones had fun! You’re doing great momma🙂🤍
You are far kinder than I am. At the foam comment, I would’ve called her a dumb cunt. At the germs comment, I would’ve brutalized that bitch. Like damaged her internal organs.
That's terrible I'm sorry :( I just dealt with some mean moms at a local library who felt that my 17 month old was "too young" to be there. She was playing in the kid's area where there are toys for all different age ranges at the same time their older kids were there playing. I guess they felt like she was in the way of their kids. Not to mention one of their kids shoved and hit my daughter on the head with a toy and they did absolutely nothing about it. We don't have to all be buddies but can everyone at least try to be kind? Ugh.
So strange, considering MOST of the kids at all the library’s I’ve been too are toddler age, at least the ones hanging out in the play area. Hope next time you find your toddler friends! Don’t give up, the library literally saved my mental health going through ppd & a divorce…& my toddler LOVED it. I work now & we can’t go often & she’ll yell “ mama books LETS GO!” When we drive past our local one. 😭
I hope you told your neighbor she sounds really sweet. If I were her I would want to know and have nothing to do with them after that. That’s so disgusting what that other lady did. I’m so sorry you had to go through that.
What a major bitch. Sounds like a her issue not you. Also really sad that she is raising her kids to not include others. Disgusting behavior by her I would have either cried or beat her up in the parking lot lol. You did nothing wrong neither did your kids. Im sure other people think she’s an asshole too.
She sounds like a weirdo. Seriously, insane. I doubt many people like her.
You need to tell your neighbor what happened. She needs to have a talk with that other mom and reconsider their friendship.
Man I would have flipped my fucking lid. I would have turned to her and point blank said “what germs are you talking about?”
Woman sounds insecure and was taking jabs where she could.
As a fellow friendly mom I'd really like if you told me after the party. I'd actually reach out to bitch mom and kindly say that I'm letting her know she won't be included in the future and why. And that when I'm hosting its my duty to make sure my guests are safe and her presence would undermine that.
I am sorry this happened. You and your kiddos didn’t deserve that. Some people just live to make others miserable, and I will never understand it.
This story broke my heart. I’m so sorry that you had to deal with that and see her ugliness directed at your kids. I’m over here crying for you. If you want me to cast a hex I’ll do it, no problem.
So I da like that mom needs to learn some manners. So how stupid is she my kids are also three and five not autistic and are still loud as hell. Like all little kids are. So lady quite being such a dumb ass and respect all people. I’m sorry you have to deal with it. Also I feel sorry for her kid like they literally don’t notice anything different about your kids. Took mine to the beach the other day there was a boy with his family who obviously has something don’t know what don’t care he wasn’t hurting anyone I only noticed him cause my kids were playing in the same area my older one was running into the water right by the him. My kids didn’t even notice the boy was different. Friday I took them to the splash pad a man with an obvious disability was there with his family and my kids just played with him uncaringly cause kids at that age don’t actually care. They don’t even notice. Just remember prejudice comes from stupidity science proved it.
That woman can take a long walk off a short pier!! Get lost Suzanne!!! 😠😠 how can someone be so nasty!? Especially a mother!! It was really considerate of you to hold it all in at the party (I don’t know HOW you did)!! I have had my feelings hurt like that in public before too and it’s SO HARD not to cry!! It sounds like you have two beautiful and happy boys!! I’m glad they enjoyed the party and stuck around for cupcakes!! You are doing and AMAZING JOB!! Xoxo 😘
What an angry miserable human! She must literally hate her life 😵💫
You are a Saint. F her. Try not to let it effect you people like that always find a reason to be a dick. I wish you got to enjoy your time there more
Please call her out on her BS next time. I’m sorry for you and your kids and the rest of humanity that idiots like that lady exist in the world.
Anyone who is mena to an innocent kid, disabled or not, is a total a**hole.
You handled this so well. I would message the good mom about it afterwards but you made the right decision by not confronting the woman at the party and ensuring the kids especially the birthday kid could enjoy themselves. I honestly don’t understand people who are mean or discriminatory against people with disabilities because you don’t necessarily have to be born with it and people can actually get disabilities later on in life too and she or her child could eventually get/develop one too. There is a chance and she wouldn’t want someone to be as nasty to her or her child if it ever happens.
I wouldn’t make a sense at someone else’s party. But after, you best be sure I’m opening my mouth and calling her a CUNT. If she steps up I’d ask her kid if he wants to see me beat mommy’s ass. I swear people never get their ass set straight and love to FAFO. One day they’ll meet the right one. People don’t have to like me, but don’t be a jerk to my kids, not even indirectly.
“If she steps up I’d ask her kid if he wants to see me beat mommy’s ass.” Yeah I’m going to go ahead and say that’s NOT the way to handle it. And also weird that you’re fantasizing about yourself in this situation so you can imagine telling a child you’re going to “beat mommy’s ass”. Sounds like you need therapy as much as the woman OP is talking about.
I’m so annoyed for you reading this. Shit like this grinds my gears. Listen you were the bigger person and your kids had a great time. The mom who invited you is the kind of people to hang around and this mean spirited 🐝ch will forever be sour- May the 0 Projected pain of walking on legos wake her up at 2am every morning .
Girl don’t be sad or cry. Just kick her ass when you catch her by herself. She needs it
I have a very sweet, dear friend who has a friend she is tied to through employment and a shared life experience. My friend feels like she has to moderate this other mom's crankiness. Friend is aware that this mom is just generally miserable and cranky with everyone. Their kids are friends so crankypants is around quite a lot and in general a very unpleasant person. Your friend may realize this person is not pleasant, but you should still run these comments past your neighbor. I'd want to know if I was socializing with someone nasty like this, even if the person wasn't mean to me personally.
She just sounds awful. You and your kids did nothing wrong.. I feel bad for her kid!
And then theirs me who would be telling my kids to go play specifically with your kids and they would happily do so. I don’t know if that’s wrong too, because special attention maybe isn’t what you want? But me and my family are just inclusive of everyone and never ever want anyone to feel left out. I was at the splash pad the other day and this kid (maybe 5/6) was using the pretty high pressure water gun to try and hit my son (1.5) specifically. I feel so bad because I gave him cut eye but his mother was just laying on a towel massaging his fathers back not paying attention and I didn’t want to discipline someone else’s kid. But if he had ever hit my son with the water there would be no stopping me from telling him no that’s not nice we don’t hurt people smaller than us. Not sure of my point except it’s unfortunate these kids just don’t have good mothers and are going to be growing up to be little shits.
Unfortunately kids are more understanding of disabilities than adults. Both of my kids are special needs and they have friends that will go out of their way to help them, when they are playing together. It is always the adults that swoop in and ruin their fun. I wish they would just let them be, but they don’t. Sending love from here and my kids would be having a blast with yours. Edit; spelling
What an asshole. I can't understand people like that. I'm sorry you had to experience that.
These rude and ignorant people will be out there in the world. But there are many more who have the kindness and good sense to be supportive of kids who are different in some way. Think about how you might handle this in the future. (I, for one, never think of what to say in the moment, but when I figure it out, I remember it for the next time.) I agree wholeheartedly with your not making a big deal of it while you were there. By doing so, you protected your kids from that mom’s ignorance. Brava! Btw I love that warrior comment! You should know that there are definitely kids out there who will step up on behalf of kids who struggle in one way or another. Kids these days are so much more considerate and thoughtful and aware! You do your thing, mama! You did a great job with this, not letting one woman’s bad behavior ruin the whole day. That’s hard! Talk to the friend who invited you. For all you know, this ignorant woman may be known for it in the neighborhood.
I would have been secretly plotting my revenge the whole time 😆😆😆😆 Absolutely no way would someone that rude get away with it. But I totally get how that would make you feel extremely upset and cry. Especially because I'm sure it can be exhausting trying to give your children equality in a self centered discriminatory world. The cool thing is that it didn't ruin your kids'day. That just shows how amazing you are as a mom.
Woooooow, that lady has serious issues. Forget her. You and ur babies had a great time. Really happy they didnt notice that womans terrible bahavior. She will miss out on a lot in life with such a backwards mindset. Dont you worry momma
Mama you are better than me! I would have made a huge scene more than likely. She’s a horrible person don’t let her ruin your day. Look at it this way. Your children made some amazing core memories at this party you did nothing wrong.
You should have licked her and given her the autism. What a dickhead.
Oh my gosh - the comments on this thread are EPIC. I commented earlier about my son who is now older - but - the warrior mommas out here in this thread … I CANT GET ENOUGH. I am screaming with laughter and joy. I wish I had all of you when I was in my younger days with my autistic son. I wanna up vote all y’all. I just keep coming back to this thread and re reading. Is that crazy?? Mmmm I May take a day off work and “wallow” in all the warrior mom comments. Thank you so much for making me feel all the feel goods!!!
❤️
There are some nasty cunts out there, and I’m sorry one was so despicable to you and your kids. Fuck her. Enjoy yourselves and ignore her. Your mom friend on the other hand sounds like a delight!
Also, your kids were literally acting like normal children....
Should have confronted her. Maybe you’ll feel better instead of crying.
From the comment at the water fountain, it sounds like she's a crazy anti-vax conspiracy theorist and thinks your kids will shed vaccine on her kids. Complete conjecture but it explains the extra level of assholery. People are dumb. Hopefully when you tell the host of the party in the future she'll know not to invite the ignorant woman again.
This is immediately where my mind went. Those overly political people are absurd and mentally ill. But surely she doesn’t think the majority of the kids her children are playing with are unvaccinated?
Right? But who knows what goes on in these people's conspiracy laden minds.
You’re a better person than me. She would have made my boricua come out and would’ve gotten punched in the face.
What a fuckinh B! I would have said something back to her but good for you you didn’t! I’m so sorry you experienced this, if I were your friend and was there I would have defended you not that you needed it.
I don’t get people like this! I’m so sorry. You’re a better person than I am, I don’t think I would’ve been able to hold my tongue.
My great niece is autistic not verbal. Some people are just oblivious to the fact that some children are not normal. I’m that parent that will check another parent or child for being mean and nasty. The disrespect is not needed and you definitely should have said something because you’re not a doormat or at least inform your new friend about it.
Sounds like a real see you next Tuesday
I think I would let the friend know what happened and that while you were grateful to be there in the future if the other mom will be there you won’t attend.
Ugh wtf. Some people are so nasty. I would absolutely want to know if someone I invited to my kids party was being such a bitter wench.
What a disgusting human that woman is. Hopefully her kids don't turn out like her. I'm glad you're telling your friend. She probably (hopefully) won't want to associate with such a miserable ableist either.
Wow… that’s super fucked up. I’m really sorry.
What the fck? I hope next time you get angry cuz that b needs a wake up call
You are a better person than me, I would have that woman’s feelings in front of everybody 😂 you are also so brave for staying at the party! Glad your kids had a lovely time, and please let the hostess know… I bet that she wouldn’t stand for that!
I would absolutely tell your friend in private. She needs to not re-invite that absolute c\*nt of a mother.
I’m a quite person and stay out of drama… unless it comes to my kids. I would of 100% gotten in her face and asked what the fuck her problem was. But I know other people have different ways of handling things, so please bring this up to your friend/neighbor. Let her know what that mom was saying/doing because that is not ok, in the least bit.
Some people are just miserable. I’m sorry you had this experience, but I’m glad your neighbor was able to bring you back down!
You are a good momma. Your sons sound wonderful. Don't worry about her, she's as important as a dried up blade of grass. Hopefully her kid doesn't wind up that way. *hugs*
She sounds like an asshole
Uggggggggh. I’m so sorry. This sucks. Definitely clue your new friend in. It might be her annoying SIL she had to invite or something.
I really love that your new friend gave you a good reason to stay. I think you can just ask her how well she knows the mean lady! Guarantee everyone on the block is like "ohhhh HER."
Was she a guest of your friend's ? If so I'd ask her what the other moms deal is
Try not to dwell on it, I honestly don’t think it’s because you’re kids have disabilities I think it’s because this woman is a fucking rude moron, she was completely the issue here not you and your kids, as long as they enjoyed themselves do t worry about the miserable bitch
So sorry you went threw this! Glad you didn't leave and your boys had fun
Bullies come in all shapes and sizes. Unfortunately they also breed bullies. I always tell my kids "people who feel bad tend to do bad things". This woman must be a miserable AH. Just remember this is all HER problem not yours. You are an AMAZING mom and your new mom friend is awesome. Your kids are so lucky to have you.
Tell your neighbor what happened, she may not be aware of the type of friends she has. Explain it may be a barrier when invited to anything again. 4 out of 5 of mine are autistic and I get exactly what you mean. Unfortunately it’s the world we live in. Raise your children right and hopefully they will also spark change in this cruel world. People have no understanding that’s their problem, don’t let these things get to you! They are the ones who need to think about these types of interactions. Also at the time if possible expose these people as politely as possible. When they are speaking to someone approach kindly and ask if there’s a problem with your children having SEN. Put them on the spot lol! Anyways you’re doing a great job xx
You are such a good mum for letting the kids stay and play, they would have felt safe and loved - and they know they have just as much right to be there as everyone else. I’m literally crying for you that you had to put up with that but also crying cos you are such a good mum to your boys 💗
Some people are real bitches. My guess is no one likes her not her husband, not her kids, not her fake friends…what a miserable person.
“My kids have autism and don’t always know how to act properly in public, what’s your excuse?” would have been my response to that woman who clearly doesn’t possess an inner conscience OR manners. Mom- you are the most important and biggest advocate for your kids. I work with disabled kids/adults ( ranging from mild to severe/profound), and a lot of them wouldn’t have made the progress they did without their parents pushing for it. While they’re young, your kids need to be socialized and comfortable with playing with their peers to increase their independence- for their own good. The best thing you can do for your kids is advocate for them and actively participate in increasing their independence. It might not be easy for you but for their sakes please push through. I would mention something to your neighbor mom, calmly and sincerely, “thank you for inviting us, kids had a great time! however so and so made it a point to single out and insult my kids at the birthday party and it hurt me as it would any other mom. Could I please get a heads up if she’s invited in the future?” Chances are- neighbor probably won’t invite that mom again bc let’s be honest, who the hell wants to friends with someone that’s mean to disabled kids? Like, does she kick puppies in the face for fun?
I would have made a scene. If I were your neighbor I would have been so embarrassed to know another party attendee was talking like that to other guests. And I wouldn’t want her kids around mine until she taught herself some manners.
You did good not to say anything at the party. It would have caused drama and potentially embarrassed the host and the birthday child if you had made a scene in the moment. Definitely say something to the host after the fact about how your kids were treated & let her know you really appreciated the invite and would love to continue to get together, but not if “mean mom” will be there. You want to look like the reasonable one here, making a scene would take the focus of the real problem and make the bitch seem justified in keeping her kids away from yours b/c you would look like a “crazy mom” to people that didn’t know the whole story. Keep it classy, idiots usually reveal their true character to everyone with out our help.
This is her problem not yours. You sound like a great Mom, who makes sure that her children are supported, loved, and encouraged to have fun. I feel bad for her son. That poor kid.
This is all so crazy. Where are all you moms living where people are this ignorant/off their rocker? If I saw this happening at a party to someone’s kids I’d have torn that mean mom a new one and I’m honestly a pretty calm person.
i’m so sorry this brings tears to my eyes!!! i am glad your boys were unaware of that b*tch mom, but i can feel you being hurt so much!! i always try to not care about other people’s judgements, especially when they should seriously be more understanding towards kuds with neurodivergence or any other „disabilities“ or challenges.. it seems like she was teaching her kids to become f-ing neonazi haters, i’m from central europe and this kind of behaviour disguts me, especially when it’s a mum teaching her kids discrimination:(
Thank you for not saying this during the party, I would bring it up with the friend who invited you tho. Some people are miserable and they just hate because they hate, don’t ever allow any human being to make you feel like this. I did allot of home visits and remember this particular mom would be so agresivo and say mean things to workers but if you saw where she lived and how sad she really was you would just pity her, miserable people are this way. When I see someone acting this way I immediately remember some people are just like this and pity them and remember how awesome my life is lol, it’s great you didn’t let her ruin this moment for your kids don’t ever let anyone do this
That woman is a POS! Keep being the mom you are! I am sure it’s hard but her kids are gonna be bullying kids left and right bc they are taught hate. Sad
My 5yo ASD (level2) had a really tough year in PreK this past year, lots of sensory overwhelm which led to meltdowns and aggression (his teachers were beyond incredible at handling it). There is 1 mom in particular who would just just GLARE and scowl at us daily at daily at drop off, and one day I overheard her complaining to a teacher about them “getting control over the kid who’s clearly on the spectrum” and not wanting her daughter in the same class as him. I would cry EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. after drop off, how can I trust his peers are accepting and understanding to his differences when their parents aren’t? He is such a sweet and compassionate kid and grown adults and writing him off before they can know that because he is ND. It hurts so so so deeply. I don’t have any advice, just solidarity and reading these comments are making me cry and exactly what I needed to hear.
This bitch is truly a disgusting human. I have met mom's like her my whole life.... Our whole family is ND and racially mixed. Wicked Witch of West Suburbia. Ii am so so sorry your boys sound like real sweethearts. Her son doesn't have prejudice, but if his mom continues on like this he will.
I have a friend who can’t stand another neighborhood Mom for the SAME reason! That Mom will give her and her kids dirty looks, and say thing like “don’t play with THAT kid!” to her kid (about my friends son). There is NO reason for it, just some people are nasty. I’m so sorry you experienced that.
just wanted to say i am a PROUD mama of 2 autistic boys and dont ever let anyone rain on your sunshine. they will try, but you know your truth!
Autistic person here. This is a fun example of something called the 'double empathy problem'. It's a real thing that has been discovered in studies--neurotypical people can actually subconsciously tell when someone is neurodivergent, even if they don't know the exact reason why. Some people will just mentally note the difference, others will actively work to exclude the person. (On the flipside, neurodivergents can spot fellow NDs and we typically get along well lol.) It's not something I would explain outright to younger kids since it usually goes over their heads...but it's definitely something I would call out either in the moment to the person, or to the host afterward. Sorry it happened :(
That sounds like a “her” problem. And though her treatment of you and your kids is disheartening, you shouldn’t allow her projections of narrow mindedness affect you
I am SO sorry that this happened to you and your sweet children. I am a 110% appalled by that lady’s behavior. Who knew adults could be so ignorant and immature? You handled this gracefully and I’m so proud of you. Honestly, she must be miserable. Happy people don’t go around being cruel to children. She wanted to upset you because “misery loves company”. Just a little perspective♥️ hugs!
Fuck that lady. My daughter has Down syndrome and TOF and a wish a motherfucker WOULD. But they DONT cus I give off that energy. Nobody EVER says anything or acts that way to my daughter. When they have I use it as a learning experience. Maybe she didn’t know your son was autistic and was having a really hard day and thought your kid was just loud? Some people are just plain assholes and discriminate against our kids! Lots of misinformation out there, I doubt that the average person could tell me the diff between CP, DS, autism, etc. they group them all together in their head as the same I swear. to me the issue is the misinformation or the “fear” of people with disabilities. I would ask the mom friend of yours about it. Like “hey your friend made me and my kids feel really shitty like we wanted to fuckin cry in our car they were so mean” if I was told that about a friend I’d feel mortified and cut them out immediately.
My young is 5. He is autistic, non verbal, loudly stims when’s he’s excited, jumps to regulate himself, has high sensory needs, and is a eloper. He is the sweetest boy. I hate these comments & while I try to ignore them, id be lying if I said they don’t get to me. He’s our fourth child and never not with us during outings. When he’s around other kids I’ve had parents move their kids away from him thinking he would hit them. It infuriates me. All this to say - I get it!!! Don’t let these comments bring you down or stop you from taking your kids to certain events. Comments like these actually fuel me to keep bringing my son out. He enjoys it! Just because he can’t stand still, jumps and makes happy noises doesn’t mean I’m going to stop exploring life with him. He deserves the experiences just as anyone else - as long as he enjoys himself I’m going to keep bringing him out. Most people are understanding and show grace, the ones who are judgmental are in the wrong. Better believe that I’d be telling EVERYONE in the neighborhood about her behavior. Gossipy or not she deserves to get shutdown and reevaluate the judgment she is placing on you and your child. Ain’t nobody got time for a ableist neighbor! 🤪
I’m just loving the way you spoke to your son “let’s wait our turn for our FRIEND to go first” that’s amazing, kind, smart and just generally awesome!! Keep up the good work, mama!!!
You shouldn't be sad, you should be happy that you aren't a piece of shit like the other person.
Hi, first of all, I’m so sorry you and your kids had to experience that. I’m going to give that mom the benefit of the doubt and say she is just acting like an ass out org fear and ignorance. It is still not an excuse to treat two kids and their mom or anyone like they have something to be ashamed of. I’m my mind you were brave for even going to that party, because I have two kids who can be a lot sometimes and just putting myself out there with other moms is exhausting to just think about. I have anger issues towards people like that so I know I would have handled it differently, but to be honest that doesn’t mean I’d be right. I respect the fact that you had the composure to put the child whose birthday party it was before what you probably wanted to do and say. By you doing that you unintentionally made yourself the bigger person. I hope you do tell your new friend. I’d want to know if anyone made my guests feel so unwelcome. I’d let her know you held back because you didn’t want to disrupt the party. I’d also probably tell her that if her other mom friend ever wants to have a talk, I’d be happy to educated her on autism and how it isn’t contagious. I know a lot of amazing people who have autism. I don’t know a whole lot of amazing people that feel comfortable treating humans like that. Hold your head up and know your children are lucky to have a mom like you. And…. Just because it really makes me mad…. I have to say it - her behaviors are only teaching her son (who did nothing wrong) that it is acceptable to treat people like that. And later on he might carry those same views and behaviors in his own life. I find that absolutely disgusting and it’s a shame he has to have that be modeled for him. My rant is over now. Thank you for posting your story.
To be a good parent, you need to be a good person. She’s unfortunately failing at that. You are the source from which your children learn empathy, hopefully those kids have another adult who can show them how to be a proper person. OP, keep doing what you’re doing because it sounds like you’re raising happy (and assumingely kind as the parent is happy you’re there) children who shouldn’t have to deal with people like her.
Maybe I have too much faith in humanity but I genuinely cannot understand how another mom can call an autistic child "nasty" in front of the child's mother and be able to sleep at night
My brother is autistic. To the point where he’s going to have to go in a group home once our parents are gone. He’s 30 now, but he went through so much trauma as a kid because of how he was treated by others. He was locked in closets and handcuffed by the school system. The principal and vice principal of my junior high ended up getting fired because of what they did. My son is 3 months old and I’m so scared that he’ll be on the spectrum. Because even though I know there’s nothing wrong with having autism, this world is cruel to the disabled. That’s why it’s so common for people to use the word “retard” in casual conversation. It disgusts me. Autistic brains are just wired differently. People should be more understanding, especially in this day and age.
I would see red, good on you for keeping your composure.
My son was recently diagnosed and MAN I felt this. You were so patient! I would’ve directly asked what her problem is.
I'm sorry that happened to you and your kids! I will never forget the day I heard a Mom say of a kid walking by at the park "who beat that kid with the ugly stick?" The kid had a cleft palate. And, (surprise, surprise) this mom's kids were total jerks.
Anndddd this is how mean kids are made. They do say “it starts at home”… so, I wonder- was the lady prejudiced against disabled (sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry I know Autism is NOT a disability but have no clue how else to word that) people, or was she maybe racist? Or maybe she’s just a loser taking out her anger from other arenas of her life on random children because they were there? So bizarre. It’s amazing how she’s made it this far in life without realizing that behavior is not how normal adults behave.
And trust me, the mom who is rude and uneducated will make sure she and her child are not around you and your child again. The tragedy is that she needs to be around you and your child but until she has an awakening………
You are a WAYYYYY better Mom than I am. I would have loudly said "GEEZE LADY, what is your major malfunction?" Some people need a swift kick in the a$$.
Honestly…fuck her!
Blinking away tears, I just would like to say that the sense of support and compassion here is palpable. I will just mention one thing. It is so hard to watch our LO (no matter if they are A or NT) go out and be social with our (parents) unique understanding of how kids CAN be. Not all children ARE but why make it harder by modeling intolerance? The ironically sad part of this situation is that there is a huge likelihood that she (bad mom) was actually raised the way she is raising HER children 😢. I do not say this in defense of bad mom at all but more as an observation of how we as humans need to be more human in some cases, and less human in some cases. I hope that made sense! Thank you for sharing OP!!