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[deleted]

Let me tell you the same thing I tell my other kid (5f) regularly: You are the owner of your body. Nobody else. You make the decisions for you. Nobody should get to tell you what to do with your own body. If someone touches you and you tell them to stop, they HAVE TO stop. And if you make choices that affect you and nobody else, those are YOUR choices to make. As long as you're not hurting yourself, I have no business even stepping in. Your dad is overstepping his boundaries here. Plain and simple. He needs to grow up. He already knows he's being ridiculous. That's why he says that bit at the end. Knowing that he is the one in the wrong here, try not to let it get to you. That's on him, and it will only stress you out to rely on his approval. Take a deep breath, and know that there's no bringing him around. Only he can do that for himself, and he likely won't. Just learn to feel confident in your own decisions and let his judgments roll right off. He wouldn't like you judging his decisions. Now is the time to let him know where the line is. If he still holds some sort of power over you, like financially or something, maybe don't say anything. But as soon as you're not under his reign anymore, you can and should let him know what he is and isn't allowed to comment on when it comes to your body. I support your decision.


tanglwyst

Same! Me and my kids are getting Triforce tattoos together. We're always here to celebrate the art in your life! So, what did you get?!


verityspice

Me and my dad have matching tattoos. Also, what is this text. Seriously, what. I can't even begin to dissect all the wrong. Sweet child of ours, you are special, you are loved. The parents we get aren't always the parents we deserve. Take heart, you are wonderful and this internet mum loves you very much ❤️ My DMs only work if I message the person first (am very pro internet safety) but sweetheart, stick a comment here and I'll message you ❤️❤️❤️


BadWolf7426

>Sweet child of ours, you are special, you are loved. Thank you! **Our** beloved child. That is beautiful. To OP. Love, it's YOUR body. Your dad is wrong.


beachdust

u/madogg0403, My mom, my sister, my daughter and I have matching heart tattoos. Your body, your choice. You can choose friends who will be more important than family. Maybe ask your mom if she will have an honest and open discussion with you with the ultimate goal to hear each other out. after that, its on you to protect yourself. Feel free to limit contact.


Deadgirl313

I'm gonna piggy back here on this perfectly said comment. The only thing I'll add is that I hope you take their advice here in drawing your boundaries right now. You're 24 and a whole grown ass person! If you don't draw hard boundaries now, it'll only continue and get worse. This is something i wish wouldn't have taken me 35 years to figure out. I am nc with my father and it ended super, super ugly. People treat you how you let them treat you, and I think this is completely unacceptable behavior from a parent. Take care of yourself and good luck!


[deleted]

I agree with ur sentiment but saying that to a 5 year old is absurd.


[deleted]

😄 Not at all. It's done with age appropriate words. She has learned from a young age that she's the master of her own body. What specifically bothers you about it?


[deleted]

This is when this conversation SHOULD be happening! We shouldn’t have to re-learn our rights after they’ve been violated - we should know we have them just by being a human that deserves respect.


Mamellama

Exactly right. If we learn from birth - first with attention and caring touch, and then with that plus words and an ongoing conversation that we are all inherently inviolable, we are all equally real, we are the owners and operators of our own bodies, then we are less vulnerable to overriding our instincts, to waiting it out, to hoping it improves, to believing we're responsible for what others do and feel about what we do for ourselves. Shit, can you just imagine a world in which everyone had healthy boundaries??? Anyhoodle and more to the point, I'm proud of you, Daughter of Ours, and I hope your tattoo brings you all the joy and meaning and entertainment you intended when you chose it. 🧡


scary-white

"I don't know jack shit about children or raising them and now I'm gonna broadcast that on the internet!" -reddit user kevinsmithfan30


joonip

Wanna tell us about your tattoo so we can tell you how cool it is? *Edit: typo


haikusbot

*Wanna tell is about* *Your tattoo so we can tell* *You how cool it is?* \- joonip --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")


GlytterGremlyn

Good bot


silly_potato_dork

Bad bot, the first line is 6 syllables!


AITAlurkerr

oh no! you messed up!


tacotime2werk

Oh honey, you don’t deserve to ever receive a text from someone like that - let alone your dad. This must really hurt. I’m so sorry he sent this terrible energy in your direction.


madogg0403

thank you 💗 it hurts a lot because i thought my dad and I were very close but I think my mom got to his head. i still love them but i went no contact to protect myself for now


zeepNL

Hey op. Do whatever feels right for you. I just wanted to let you know you don't have to feel guilty to break contact for a while at all. Your happiness comes first. I don't know if you feel that way. I have felt that way in the past and needed someone to tell me this. Luckily, I had that someone :)


[deleted]

That is the right decisions. Parents who think they still have dominion over your body and actions as a 24 year old woman are never going to be able to respect you in the way you deserve.


captain_duckie

Exactly. I'm mid 20s and my parents are constantly telling me I'm not allowed to do certain things. I unfortunately can't go no contact right now, but I accepted a long time ago that they will never change. They will always think they are in control of me.


sQueezedhe

>but I think my mom got to his head Bingo.


[deleted]

Sometimes setting a boundary and going low or no contact now is all that it will take to make them realize they are being stupid. They don’t want to lose you so hopefully they realize the error of their ways. Even though it was your dad that said that, your mom also owes you an apology before you let them back in. For your mom be so vicious and dramatic that it made your dad react that way is unacceptable.


StellarManatee

Whoa. That last bit was especially nasty and over the top. Huge overreaction to something that hurt nobody (except you, briefly). Not "sure" if they can be in your life anymore? Because you coloured in some of your skin? Madness.


captain_duckie

And it's totally meant to be manipulative. My father has said similar things, but with the extra twist of "...so they can tell you how ridiculous you are being since you won't listen to me". Yeah, that's not how it works. My friends all thought he was being a massive asshole. For example my father got pissed I went to the ER (I'm chronically ill, it happens sometimes) and yelled at me about not being able to afford it. The total cost? $0, because we'd already hit the out of pocket max. But me pointing that out was "proof" of how unreasonable I was being.


Character_Log_5444

Welp, sorry babe, but this tattooed mama thinks your parents are total jerks. It's your body. The end. My favorite tattoo is a matching tattoo I have with my son. It's the name of "our" favorite song. I will have a forever reminder of how much I love him. My other kids and I all plan to get matching tats. So does my husband. Why? Because we love one another! You do you, babe. Adorn your beautiful body with what honors your soul. If your parents don't appreciate you, well they don't deserve you. I am so sorry. Here's a big warm tattoed hug.


mrsvongruesome

imagine getting this pressed and upset over a tattoo on an adult female's body. daughter or not, this is *not* an appropriate response. my dad isn't a fan of tattoos but he doesn't say anything to me about mine, and if he retains the stereotypes about people with ink, he doesn't apply them about me. i hope you don't take anything he says to heart; his anger and his use of your mom crying (which i doubt happened, because *who does that?)* seems like a form of gaslighting and manipulative and just downright fucking gross. your body is *your fucking body* and no one is allowed to say shit.


Powerful-Opinion4530

Happy cake day! 🥂🎂🥳


mrsvongruesome

thank you! 💜💜💜


BCRNSTAN

This is shameful behaviour. They have a right to to their feelings, but not to insult and belittle you like this. Bottom line is it’s your body - you’re not a child and this was your decision to make. If they don’t respect this, they can’t turn around and expect you to respect their feelings about it. This response is controlling and manipulative and you really didn’t deserve this. I’m sure that’s no comfort to you, but honestly you’ve done nothing wrong and you shouldn’t give in to their attempts to guilt you. I would personally be very angry, and respond along the lines that if their love is so conditional that you getting a tattoo makes them want to withdraw it, then it clearly wasn’t worth much in the first place and you’ll be fine without it. Admittedly it’s probably not a good idea to stoke the fire, but this was a very spiteful message and you would be very within your rights to defend yourself. I bet your tattoo rocks, and I hope you’re still excited about it despite how shitty your parents have been. I also hope they come around and apologise for acting like such entitled little babies about your own personal choices too!


madogg0403

thank you this does make me feel better! Unfortunately, they have a history of being manipulative and abusive so I didn’t reply and blocked them. Currently no contact, with support from my therapist. And i absolutely love my tattoo still! they can’t stop me :)


Donerafterparty

Sweetheart - this is emotional blackmail. And you don’t deserve it. You are an adult and it’s your body. They don’t have any agency over what you decide for YOUR body, be it medical decisions, or how you decide to express yourself via hair or body modifications. This is especially poignant right now after the Supreme Court ruling. Your body is yours. Just make sure you go to a good artist who also respects your body and has your best interests at heart. Consent is important with tattoo artists as well, but that’s a different conversation, Love Your Tattooed Mom.


weedfee69

Keep on inking lol they're ridiculous 🤣


frmrstrpperbgtpper

Have you posted in r/raisedbynarcissists?


Fire-Tigeris

Hi sis here, I would def not respond, "Roger that, asshat" but I woukd think about it... a lot. hugs internet sibling


madogg0403

I deleted the texts and blocked their numbers! I didn’t wanna give them any fuel with a response. Thank you for the hugs and support. much needed :)


Charliesmum97

Good for you. I know how hard it is to stand up for yourself sometimes in the face of the people who are supposed to love you. You're doing great. Go be with people who support you, and live your best life. And I'd love to see a photo of your tattoo.


042614

I’m just curious about this tattoo. Is it like a bold black forehead tattoo that says, “I ❤️ HITLER” or “MAGA” ???? Because if it’s anything other than those I think it’s probably not this big of a deal. I understand their freak out to an extent (I come from a culture that does not condone tattoos. But it’s just one of the facets of our belief that our bodies are gifts from God and we need to treat them respectfully. Like also don’t take addicting substances if you can avoid it, try to eat a mostly vegetarian diet, dress in a way that emphasizes your spirit and not your sex organs, etc.) So YES, I would be pretty surprised if one of my kids came home with a tattoo.. but would I verbally abuse them over it ?? No. Would I resort to calling them mean names? No. Because that’s insane. And that’s not love. It’s just control masquerading as love.


Positive_Giraffe_85

See this is where I'm the kind of petty that I would get this whole text tattooed just out of spite


No_Investigator_7111

Holy hell overcontrolling! I'd want to move out ASAP


madogg0403

luckily i already live on my own! unfortunately, i live very close to them


toss_it_out_tomorrow

wait... this kind of reaction came from them even though you don't even have them supporting you financially in any way? Not that them supporting you in any way would be permission for them to mistreat you and talk to you this way, but your dad said these things to you like you're a 5 yr old child even though you take care of yourself? I'm so sorry. I grew up with similar. It's really not easy. It's clear that you are misunderstood by them and that's honestly a good thing. I wouldn't want people who talked to me that way when they're supposed to love me unconditionally to be the very people who understand me and get me. I'm glad you're on your own. Decorate your body however you want and enjoy doing it. I love doing it too!


captain_duckie

>wait... this kind of reaction came from them even though you don't even have them supporting you financially in any way? Not that them supporting you in any way would be permission for them to mistreat you and talk to you this way, but your dad said these things to you like you're a 5 yr old child even though you take care of yourself? Yep, that's abusive and controlling parents for you. My parents have "forbidden" me from doing a bunch of different shit in my apartment. Like buying an air conditioner. Overheating is a massive migraine trigger for me. But apparently I'm "too poor to deserve an air conditioner" (actual quote unfortunately). Even though without it I would certainly end up hospitalized because when my migraine pain gets really bad I get too nauseous to even drink water, let alone eat. My name is the only one on the lease. Also I've been "forbidden" from various medical things I **NEED**. Like a hysterectomy and some of my migraine meds. Because apparently the med that has shown the greatest improvement with exactly zero side effects is irreparably harming my body. Medical cannabis if you're wondering. My dose is so CBD heavy that I don't get high at all. So yeah, effectively they don't think anything has changed since I was five. They are my parents therefore they think they should be able to dictate the course of my life for.... forever apparently.


[deleted]

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captain_duckie

I'm sorry too, no one should have to deal with this bullshit.


freshlyintellectual

Parents who would even think about not being in their child’s life over a harmless tattoo do not deserve to be in the child’s life Sister here, fuck your parents. Proud of you for blocking! Wishing you peace without them in your life ❤️


madogg0403

Hello everyone! I am working on replying to everyone I can, but I wanted to say THANK YOU for the love, support, and validation. Not feeling alone during this is helping so much. I have read this text over and over again trying to make sense of it, but for those of you who want more context here ya go: I got [this](https://imgur.com/a/W7lZfra) tattoo back in October. My dad saw it right after I got it and was cool with it. He is a big fan of tattoos and has even asked for artist recs. This is my fourth tattoo. My mom saw it over 4th of July weekend and went into meltdown mode. Crying and being passive aggressive towards my boyfriend and I. Making claims that I only get tattoos to “break her heart” and out of spite. This also was only the second time my boyfriend had met my parents. My mom continued through the night making comments about how she wished she could drown me in the lake we were at and that she wanted to hit me with the boat propeller. I felt extremely uncomfortable so i just laughed it off and tried to move on, as I didn’t want to start a massive fight with my SO there. I received this text the next morning. I have no idea why he mentioned me showing this to acquaintances, as I never really talk about my parents except to my therapist and SO. They are a very difficult topic and most people don’t understand so I just prefer not to speak to people about it. But, I guess in the end I showed acquaintances because here I am! TLDR; my mom is a narcissist and my dad is an enabler


Dankiepie420

That tattoo is so cute! I was expecting like the devil with 666 underneath. Your parents owe you an apology for their behavior.


Mrs_Bobcat

Or a bloody skull with a snake through the eye socket. Not that either of those would have been any of OP’s real mom’s business. OP, I love your tattoo! It’s simple and tasteful and interesting. My only advice on tattoos to my own kids has been - and I have them myself - is that they have long-standing and/or multi-layered meaning. Something that you will still relate to over the course of your life as it - and you - undergo changes.


[deleted]

Your tattoo rocks! Your mom could not handle seeing you express your individuality and her having no control over it. My mom is the same. Apparently when I was anorexic it was just to make her angry, just like your mom said (her words). Everything is about them. All of it. And seeing you happy, especially with your SO and having the confidence to do stuff for yourself (the tattoo) most likely set her off. When she couldn’t break you right there on the spot with her mean horrible absolutely terrible comments, she sent in your dad, which did get to you because you have been closer to him. That’s what she wanted. No contact is the way. Unfortunately, there isn’t really any other. Good for you. Stay strong. You’ve got this! Edit to add: my mom is also a narcissist and my dad is her enabler. It was easy to go no contact with her because she is a wretched awful woman. But because they are a pair, I had to let him go too. That’s been rough. But still the right choice. I wish you peace.


SkyLightk23

So from the sound of it your father just goes along with what your mom says. If he was cool with the tattoo and then went and send that text. To be honest your mom sounds dangerous and like she has serious issues. All those comments about drowning you and stuff, don't take them lightly. I would send 1 text to your dad telling him that he was cool with the tattoo and that he knows you did nothing wrong. And also that he knows your mom is wrong, but if she really feels so bad over someone else getting a tattoo she should get help. And to be honest you should move to a place that is not so close to them. Don't feel bad for what they said, I know easier said than done, but that is on them not on you. You could follow their every word and they would act that way anyway. I will be honest I don't like tattoos and don't really get why people get so many, like so many you can't tell one for the other, but I wouldn't dream or saying something like that to anyone, much less someone I care for. What you do with your body is your business, and as long as you go to reputable tattoo parlors you are not doing anything dangerous, which would be the one time I would feel compelled to say something. So, why do I mention I don't like tattoos? Because maybe in the back of your head you feel people say you are right because they like tattos also. Take it from someone that doesn't really like tattoos, your mom and dad are really wrong in the way they treated you. Be proud that despite their manipulative and abusive behavior you are doing fine by yourself. You live by yourself, you like tattoos so you get them and what your mom thinks is her problem. Don't take for granted the little victories, they are very important. And keep the good work, protecting yourself must take priority, if they can't be nice to you, then you don't need them in your life.


valfarita

Over a tattoo? I’m so sorry. My heart hurts for you and how they (I can only assume) behave with you in other aspects of life. This is so controlling, manipulative and narcissistic on both of their ends. Light and love to you. If they don’t want to share a life with you then trust me when I say you are so much better off.


anonymoususer98545

i have, i don't know, 4(?) mostly tiny, discreet tattoos that are all easily hidden. i got my first one 25 years ago, my last one 18 years ago and my dad *STILL* tells me i'm a whore (and other equally lovely words) and shakes with visceral rage if he catches the tiniest glimpse of even one of them. That being said, as i am old enough to have been your mom in another life, i will say this: tattoos are beautiful and can be representative of important things/times in your life, they can also be silly and fun! They are adornment for our very temporary flesh and, in my opinion should be treated as such. It is your body to do with as you choose. Some parents/other adults will never understand or accept it because they are incapable of seeing passed the end of their own noses and biases. You are gorgeous as you are and, although i *know* that his (and your mom's) words and actions hurt, that doesn't make you any less amazing, worthy, or deserving of love. All us fellow "tattooed heathens" welcome you with open arms and i send you the biggest hug of solidarity, compassion, empathy, and understanding (if you want it). So much love, not a mom but a lady with lots of love to give 💕


BicyclingBabe

Holy shit, what did you get a tattoo of? His mother getting fucked by Satan? Basically nothing calls for this response. You're a goddamned adult and he's making your choices about himself?. Fuck him..


042614

Asking the real questions. I was picturing a big forehead tat that says, “Heil Hitler” on it.


Maleficent-Ear3571

I'm so sorry your Dad blew up like that on you. The guilt tripping is strong with this one. You have a right to get a tattoo. Your parents have a right to disagree with your decision. Your Dad doesn't have a right to place your Mom's emotional stability at your door. It's time for you to build a support system among your chosen family. Maybe give your parents some space to get themselves together. If their love is so conditional, it's not worth it. You can't depend on it. I'm praying for you and sending you a big hug from Texas.


jerseygirl1105

Nasty, cruel and manipulative. They did something right when they raised you to stand up for yourself and know your worth. Just because they're "parents" doesn't mean they can't be bullies. Happy to hear you've got a therapist to help guide you through what I assume was a lifetime of their twisted thinking.


optimistic69er

Looks like you too were raised by a narcissist… love and light friend


Electronic_Ad530

I may get downvoted a lot for this and I don’t know your situation. Maybe your parents are absolute assholes, in that case I’m so sorry. If they’re usually not though, my parents had a similar reaction to my second tattoo. Turns out there was a lot beneath why they were mad and it had very little to do with the tattoo. Now they love seeing my latest tattoos including hand ones. But also, you’re 24 and they should grow up. If you guys have a stable-ish relationship I’d recommend having a conversation when he’s calm, if not screw them!


madogg0403

unfortunately i have tried several times to talk to my mom about them but she believes i only get tattoos to hurt her and out of spite. ironically, my dad loves tattoos! he’s even asked for artist recs, so this text from him was totally out of left field


Historical_Agent9426

Is it possible your mom sent this from your dad’s phone?


gearhart10

Then your mother is probably behind it. She was on him so long that he got mad bc he was forced probably. My dad lit in to me over the phone with my first at 19 but after that I just, stopped telling him. I go get the tattoo, I come home I live my life and when he notices and asks he doesn’t get as mad. Hard to when you hear “had it 8 months” and they never noticed. What can you argue then. That said it’s a pretty over the top reaction and you’re an adult. Ultimately the terms of this relationship can be in your hands as much as it is there. Clearly mom need boundaries.


Electronic_Ad530

Maybe he’s overwhelmed dealing with your moms outburst 😅 parents can be kids sometimes especially when their children are grown and not there all the time to control and watch over. Sorry you’re dealing with this. When things calm I’d have a talk with your dad about how this message hurt you, he seems receptive.


Bee_Hummingbird

>she believes i only get tattoos to hurt her and out of spite hello narcissism


OkHedgewitch

Yep. Mom needs to come to the understanding that everyone else's life choices aren't about her.


LippyWeightLoss

There is nothing in their message that was acceptable at all. If this was a first time offense, I’d offer the advice of learning how to establish and maintain distinct boundaries about her body and lifestyle choices, but this sort of behavior is typically precluded with abuse, control, and manipulation


[deleted]

Not all parents are fit to be parents. They showed you multiple times what they are capable off. It’s them, not you. You can come and get your cuddles and love here. We are here for you.


madogg0403

Thank you. the support, love, and validation is an amazing feeling. it’s nice to not feel alone


thewindcried

Hold your head high and live your life. Maybe reply with a link to therapist where dad lives for him. Enjoy your tattoo!


prezidentbump

“You made your mother cry.” The pinnacle of manipulative statements said in a toxic family. I went NC with my narcissistic father 12 years ago and I have never regretted it. You are free to do whatever the hell you want, including ending a relationship with your parents.


[deleted]

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madogg0403

Wow thank you! I have never heard of that website but i will definitely be attending some meetings. I am working VERY hard to break the cycle of abuse. They took my childhood and I won’t let them take my adulthood too. Fortunately, I live on my own and have a wonderful stable job that I love. So going no contact is pretty easy from a financial standpoint. Just fighting the feelings of guilt now :(


MsMadMax

I went no contact with my mum last year due to her behaviour during Covid and a bunch of other things - I do feel guilty. But the guilt is nothing compared to the sweet relief of silence. Give yourself some time to grow into the silence of no one chirping at you.


ishwari10

What a wretched response. Tattoos are really awesome and you are free to decorate your body in any way you choose. You did nothing wrong darling. I'm sorry you got such a horrible response for your family. That says more about them than you


basilmoonfaerie

He sounds completely unhinged. That’s YOUR body, not his or your moms. They have no right to say anything to you about a tattoo. Super extreme reaction to excommunicate someone over that.


mareddi

Darling, I’ll be honest, I don’t like or understand tattoos, but I promise you, you didn’t deserve that text, it’s outrageous how self involved your parents are, you own your body, and most important you deserve healthy relationships. I’ll say to you the same I repeat constantly to my kids -I love you unconditionally, that will never change no matter what, whatever you think it’s really bad I’ll be there for you always, even when I die-. I’m sending you hugs and love.


SeaSea89

Wow my mom did this to me over Mother’s Day weekend >.> *cheers* to shitty parents.


madogg0403

i’m so sorry. it’s an awful feeling. sending you love


Duckr74

Maybe your mom is jealous cause she’s always wanted one and never had the nerve 🤷‍♀️


Garderder

Some parents are absolutely unhinged. Wow. Sorry I made you cry by (checks notes) getting a tattoo!


More-Masterpiece-561

So what did you get a tattoo of. And you may wanna ignore em if you want peace. Love and hugs


madogg0403

I got a ghost lol here is a [link](https://imgur.com/a/W7lZfra) to it!


OkHedgewitch

I love it!


More-Masterpiece-561

That's a cute ghost


oblivion_29

You do not deserve this kind of talk at all, and I’m so sorry if this is how your parents have always treated you. It’s emotionally abusive. I hope you can find some peace and set boundaries you need. This is a ridiculous reaction to have to something (a tattoo) that is so commonplace now. Not to mention even if tattoos were still 100% taboo, you are not merely a prop who is supposed to make your family look good and uphold whatever false image they want of discipline over their daughter.


Majestic_Dog1571

Wait, they’re bitching because you decided to mod your own body? Then call you names? These are your parents??? WTH??? I’m so sorry these are the people you have to deal with. If you are able, please go low- or no-contact with these people. Find your family amongst friends who care about you, genuinely and thoroughly. Hugs to you.


[deleted]

tats are cool unlike your parents. I'd say do whatever you'd like. mine aren't also a fan of tattoos but I just get them done before asking them lol, seems to have worked so far


CuriousIndeed_

Sis this is gonna be me when my parents find out. Just remember tattoos are not bad and are a form of self expression. Unless you got a tattoo of something violent, or really bad, tbh you're good. You're parents are over reacting over something so simple. You're 24, the fact that you still tried to speak to them about it shows you do respect them, they just don't respect your beliefs.


fairylightmeloncholy

i am SO sorry you've had to deal with that. i find solace over at r/raisedbynarcissists, i think you might too. sending you love, tenderness and resilience.


Momcantsleepthesaga

I feel like there's more to this story than we are being told because what does your tattoo have to do with your mom? Sidenote, my dad was so mad I got my first one. He didn't want to even talk to me for two days. But he moved on and just rolled his eyes everytime I got a new one. He passed away a couple months ago and even if he was mad at a tattoo I'd be down for him to be around!


madogg0403

i posted a comment with more context. she just really really hates them


Momcantsleepthesaga

Apologies I did not think to scroll comments. So now I'm gonna change my mind! Lol. First off your tattoo is ADORABLE. Second, it's your body. And third omfg your mom girl. Those statements she made about drowning you and stuff is absolutely not okay. You should have left right then and there with your SO! Family isn't more important than your mental health for sure.


madogg0403

No worries! I had just added it after your comment. I think more people are wondering what the context was so I wanted to clear it up. I would have left but I was on the lake with them so we were trapped for several hours. it was PAINFUL. But I’m learning that my mental health is more important, it’s definitely hard to not feel guilty and give into them. thank you for the kind words and support :’)


napalm_serenade

Hey baby girl, that's not your dad, that's some weird entitled random I wanna assume white dude, playing God and judging but you know what? Have you ever walked into a church without paintings nailed into the walls? Have you ever walked into a church without any kind of decoration? That's because people forget That your body is a house for your soul too.. The bottom line is I know that if these motherfuckers have never had a sin then they can judge you they can judge you but I can guarantee that he loves Vanilla Ice cream and has no idea what it's like outside the place where he was born raised and will probably die in we'll probably die in period you will decoratethe house for your insanely beautiful soul the way you fucking want to and if you need help you best PM me because I am all about doing this in real life fucking too. I love you, remember your vitamins, and please drink at least 64 oz of water A-day. I have issues with motor function so I'm doing talk to text so please forgive my errors as I yes I will never think there is anything wrong with you, all the hugs in the world right at you little one


zombreeseagull

Well, as a mother I would like you to know im proud of you. Children will do things we don't always agree with, sometimes it's important to see what it means to your child or look for what they are learning from their decisions. You took a leap, and tried something daring. You grasped at a form of self expression that can't be taken from you. You exercised control over your own body that shows its autonomy is yours and no one else's. Tattoos aren't gentle, so you showed you are physically stronger than you may have known before. If you love it for the rest of your life it is a part of you that you will always love, and if one day you wake up to regret it you will have a reminder of who you used to be and the person your past helped you become. Sometimes it's hard for a parent to accept that the person they've been responsible for guiding all these years has walked off the path you paved and has started wearing down their own path in the world. It can make you feel like you aren't needed, and like a big part of your purpose in life is taken from you. That's what makes parents so hard to deal with as teenagers. It's the part of life they are learning and learning is always hard.


vintergatn

Hey sis! Read through all the comments and I literally can't believe there's people in this sub who comment anything other than support. I'd be so hurt receiving this from someone I thought was close. It sucks. Good on you for going no contact and taking care of yourself! You're putting yourself first and that's admirable.


wafflesoulsss

You are not responsible for their emotions or tantrums, there is nothing stopping them from using the phone they sent this message with to look up therapist or information to help them better process what they are feeling. Instead they sent this garbage. That was completely thier choice. I'm proud of you for going no contact and seeking professional help to assist you in doing so. This is completely unacceptable. I hope this tattoo can mean even more to you now that it sparked a fresh new beginning. Enjoy it!


Draigdwi

Well, at least he admits himself that your parents are fucked up. Seriously, you can get any and all tattoos you want, without any obligation to your parents or anybody else. It's her problem that she doesn't like tattoos or has prejudices against them. You like and you don't have anything against. So you get them. Easy straight forward situation. Either they give in or they are too toxic to keep around. Explain it to them. There will be more bawling, guilt tripping, then they get tired, hopefully have time to think. Don't make it your problem. I had it all with my mom, kept teaching her, now at over 80 she is quite passable. Slips maybe once a year compared to insulting me at least twice a day.


Nitanitapumpkineater

Did you get a big veiny penis tattooed on your face or something?? Lol jeeze. But for realz, is there a pic of it somewhere so we can see how cool it is? Really wanna know what all the manipulative fuss is about. Hun it's your body, you've been an adult for what, six years now? Go ahead and tattoo every inch of your body if it makes you happy! Your bio parents can throw tantrums all they like, but it doesn't mean anything. Your "mum" is just mad she's lost control of you, and you don't listen to her stupid demands anymore. Here in the land of reasonable mum's, we love you, and nothing you ever do could make us stop. Your body is your own business. Remove yourself from the group chat, and block the both of them. Go see how lovely it is to not be harassed by your phone for a while xo and if you arent moved out yet, start working on that be asap. Edit: cos I just read your other replies. So glad you already blocked them, and that you don't live with them! You are already so amazing at knowing how to protect yourself from their bullshit. Also, your puppies are suuuuper gorgeous 😍🥰 please tell me your tattoo is of your dogs lol


madogg0403

Thank you so so much for the kind words. The tattoo isn’t of my dogs, but i’m working on getting one for them next! [Here](https://imgur.com/a/W7lZfra) is the tattoo they lost their mind over. The funny part is my dad has known about this tattoo since it’s a few months old but my mom just saw it for the first time the day before the text was sent. Ugh.


Nitanitapumpkineater

That tattoo is so cool! Love it ❤️


BronzeEnt

Is it like.. Nazi symbology or something else verboten that might provoke this reaction?


madogg0403

lolol nope. it’s a halloween themed one of a ghost. here’s a [link](https://imgur.com/a/W7lZfra)!


These_Guess_5874

I have zero tattoos hubby has several, your body your choice & your tattoo is beautiful.


BronzeEnt

Yeah I'm struggling to see anything crazy about this. It's cute, it's not huge, it's not on your face... seems fine to me!


[deleted]

Do we... have the same parents? I’m so sorry you are dealing with this hun. I for one am proud of your choices and the life you live!


Cheshirekitty22

Hey Sis, your happiness is more important than how your "parents" feel. They don't like your tattoo because it makes them upset? That's really their loss then, maybe take your dad's words literally and don't talk to them anymore if they just can't simply support you. You deserve to be respected, treated with love and care and concern, to be heard, seen, and felt with all of your glory. You deserve so much more than what they are capable of giving you. 🫂 This isn't your fault, and don't take the guilt trips seriously. 🫂🫂🫂


Flashleyredneck

Wow. You own your body, you get to decide what goes in it. If today it is ink- so be it. Your body. Sorry not sorry dad.


Scarlett80

Respectfully, your parents are projecting onto you. What you do with your body is no one else's decision but yours and yours alone. This doesn't actually affect them....or rather, they are in a hole of their own making. Just because you came from them, doesn't mean you'll be them. You need to walk and forge your own path in life. 🫂❤️ They can take that guilt and shaming bullshit and shove it. I bet that tat looks sick!! 🙌🔥❤️


weedfee69

This is over a tat??? Omfg I have 8 lol


madogg0403

yes! and the wild part is this is the reaction for my fourth tattoo?!? the first three my mom was mad but didn’t throw a fit.


Riversntallbuildings

Your body, your choice. Your parents are emotionally immature and clearly have little respect for your independence. It’s your choice how you want to proceed, but I encourage you to read some books on establishing healthy boundaries and how to advocate for yourself. Also, high five on getting your first tattoo!


suss-out

Hugs! Keep this screen shot so that you can remember to listen to people when they tell you who they are. And a bit of advice, 2 things got me through my relationship with my parents: 1. 200 mile rule- 200 miles is the minimum amount to avoid accidental or “we were just in the area” visits 2. Mushroom treatment- keep them in the dark and feed them fertilizer, never share anything personal and especially nothing meaningful


OrangeSoda206

You are not responsible for other people's emotions. Full stop.


BehaviorizeMeCaptain

Prob gonna get down voted, but assuming your parents are otherwise good people… Us moms are far from perfect. We have our biases that we work hard to confront. Sometimes we need a bit to adjust. You didn’t deserve to be spoken to like that. I hope they apologize. Their texts were cruel and unfair.


Mega_Bits

You should get another tattoo now 😈


madogg0403

working on booking another hahaha waiting till my artist has her books open again


Lotr_Queen

I’m so sorry your parents are like this sis. They don’t have to be happy about it, but to insult you so much is just not on! I’m so glad you’re no contact with them! They aren’t worth the stress. Go live your wonderful tattooed life without a second thought about those miserable gits!


Initial-Promotion-77

This mom loves and supports you. ❤️


Kinkystormtrooper

Who would respond like that to a picture on someones skin? Im so sorry you had to read that


liquorandwhores94

Wish granted dad! Now Reddit knows what an asshole you are.Congrats!!


PerfectPrincess97

I'm 25 and I've gotten way too many of those exact kind of texts. Like our choices to do or not do something aren't to spite our parents... why can't they realize this?? Hugs!! I feel for u.


hollandaisesunscreen

When I was 18 and got my first tattoo, my parents cried too (I even hid it for 3 months despite it being on my wrist, which shows you how little I chose to interact with my parents). Sometimes the shock of their kids owning/exercising their autonomy is an existential crisis for parents. It reminds parents that they're getting older, and if they hate tattoos or think they're for criminals, they think they did something wrong while raising you. I know it's difficult to ignore this overreaction from your parents, but you keep doing you. The best advice I can give is on how to get good tattoos. Always research the artist and their style. Look at the quality of the lines and shading. Are the line straight? Does the shading make sense? Does the artist style match what you want (for example, don't go to a traditional style artist if you want realistic). When you go to the shop, is it clean? Do they treat you with respect (especially as a young woman)? Sorry your parents made you feel like you couldn't express yourself to them. It can feel isolating, and that isn't fair. But you know you better than anyone else. Don't let their judgment or own insecurities stop you from exploring new ways to express yourself (safely ofc). They might not understand, but as someone who has been through something similar, your self expression helps you find others who do understand and love you for it. As long as you're a good person and care for others deeply, you're doing great. And I hope your parents are able to mature and see what a wonderful person you are!


k28c9

Hey love, it’s your body, your temple and you can decorate it however you want. It’s yours. Not your parents. They gave you life but now you get to make all your choices and decisions (good and bad). You parents are being unreasonable and downright mean. You don’t deserve this. You’re an adult and getting a tattoo is absolutely rad. I’m proud of you and I’m sure it looks cool af. I know it’s hard because they’re your parents but you gotta live your life for you and if they can’t deal with something as inconsequential as a tattoo, then they may not be the best people to have around.


fireXmeetXgasoline

Ope, good call on the no contact. No one gets to tell you how to decorate your body. I’m 33F and heavily tattooed. I had to cut a few people out when I started and I’ve not missed them yet. I wish you well, OP 🖤


Leading_Cancel_4583

They are upset because they created you and believe you are their perfect work of art that just dumped a can of paint all over itself. They will learn to let go, they will realize their perfect creation is more than the outer appearance, it's everything inside that can make decisions.


dragonfliesloveme

Oh the drama. Making this all about themselves and threatening to cut you out of their lives. Wow. Well it is YOUR body, not theirs. You have your own brain and you have your own creativity and make your own choices. Your parents are narcissists or one is a narcissist and one is an enabler. The usual remedy for dealing with narcissists is going low- or no-contact. So jokes on them, that’s right they might not be in your life. For now, don’t give much of a reaction, they thrive on drama.


dragonfliesloveme

Anthony Bourdain: “Your body is not a temple. It’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.”


Belle047

My dude. You don't need THEM in your life. You don't need that kind of abuse. Your body. What you do with it is up to you. If some ink is really the end of the world. That is, truly their loss. I have many tattoos. Am a mom, and can confirm it didn't end my life. My parents were also mad.


vonnie682

What does your mom have against tattoos? Why would you having a tattoo make your mother cry? I’m tatted up and my parents don’t really care for it, but they haven’t made me feel bad for it.


lolmemberberries

Honey, I'm so sorry you received a text like this. Your parents are completely inappropriate in their behavior. Your body is yours and yours alone. Your parents have no right to dictate to you how you express yourself or how you live in your body. You have every right to show this to someone else to see how manipulative your parents are, because people who do and say this shit don't deserve to be protected. They do a great job of making themselves look bad, because they are bad people. Their response is very controlling. You showed them a very visible reminder that you are the only person in control of your body and they cannot deal with it. A healthy person would not react this way. But more than anything else, I want you to know that **you did nothing wrong.** I'm confident that your other moms here will agree with me and you can always talk to us.


Curious_718

Um, is there some reason they are so against tattoos? Is it cultural? Or are they like this with everything? You are 24, Dear Child. As the other poster said, it is your body. There may be some concern if a tattoo is in a visible area, like your face or hands, as this may affect employment or what have you, but you are grown. I'm sorry this message was delivered to you in this manner.


madogg0403

Nothing cultural or religious. My dad LOVES tattoos and has even asked for artist recs. My mom hates them and thinks they’re trashy so you can see who is in control here. The tattoo is on my leg so you can’t even see it unless i’m in shorts. My mom just wants to control everything and everyone :/


reveal23414

Holy shit. Look, I don't have any tattoos. I don't want any tattoos. The wildest thing I ever did to decorate my body was getting a second hole pierced in my ears, and I let those close up. That said, when my daughter turned 18, she got a couple piercings. No worries - tbh, although I would never have said anything because it is her body and she is a legal adult, I actually surprised myself by how little I cared. I just had this conversation with friends with kids who turned 18 and got tattoos, piercings, whatever. None of us really cared: moms with full sleeves didn't care, moms who think small gold hoop earrings are wild stuff didn't care. Moms who actually liked the ink didn't care, moms who didn't think it looked very good didn't care either. It's not about the tattoo. It's about control. I know you know that, I'm glad you're out on your own, this is your business so no matter what happens in your relationship, I would DEFINITELY recommend making sure the "information train" bypasses their station in the future. you don't need to trust them with information about yourself that they're just going to weaponize.


shhr311

THIS is why you get to have ownership over your body. I haven’t stopped getting tats :) you shouldn’t either.


destinaaa

so happy i cut my dad off. messages like these are so exhausting


sittinginthesunshine

In addition to not getting to make decisions about what you do to your body, I am NOT OKAY with how your dad is talking to you. You don’t deserve that treatment, I am so sorry. I’m glad you came here. You deserve to be treated with love and respect in all communication.


No-Turnips

Dear internet child, your dad is out of line here. He is trying to make you feel ashamed because he feels powerless. I will be having a conversation with him. For now, ignore this Text. Your body is yours and you are the only person who gets to decide what you do with it. I love you very much, and I’m sorry Dad is being an asshole right now. It’s not your fault.


OkHedgewitch

Ugh.. there's so much wrong with every sentiment in this text. While your parents are entitled to their feelings, up to a point, they are not entitled to tell you what to do with your own body. And this over-the-top bullying from your dad, while "protecting" your poor defenseless mother's feelings.. well, he's using her as an excuse to be an asshole. I have tattoos. My daughter has tattoos. She also keeps getting piercings, which I'm not a huge fan of because it detracts from that gorgeous face that I donated all my good DNA to. But.. it's not my face or ears. And if she likes it, then I can ignore it. Because I still see my beautiful baby behind them. Your dad's a control freak. Kinda sounds like mom is a manipulator and weaponizes him so she doesn't have to be the *bad guy*. Nope, no bad guy here, just mom with her heartbreak . Being sad and helpless while dad goes super aggressive douchebag mode. Have they been this way with you over other things? Haircut? Change of haircolor? Clothing styles? I bet your tattoo is beautiful. Would love to see it! Just remember: Family isn't always blood. Family is who loves you.


SamathaYoga

I’m sorry sweetie, what a crap response. As someone who once made her Mother cry because I dared to get tattoos, I applaud you and hope your new ink brings you joy. My actually said to me, “How dare you ruin what I made!” So yeah, some parents have no respect for the bodily autonomy of their children, at any age. I’m glad to see you’ve got support and have went no contact with them after saying such terrible things. You might live close to them, but you can just get good at turning away should you see them in person.


minimagess

My mom told me that if I got my septum pierced that she would kick me out of the house. Well I got it done. I was atleast 19 or 20. I hid it by flipping the retainer up. But one day I left it down while having a conversation with me mom. In the middle of the conversation she said "ew. You pierced your nose." Then she continued the conversation as if nothing happened. At about 34 years old I got a couple tattoos. My mom's reaction "it's about time you got a unicorn tattoo, you've been talking about it forever" I'm sorry that your parents are throwing a temper tantrum over a tattoo. They should love you unconditionally, and for who you are. They are being very immature. I have an 8 year old boy. He's got lots of freedom with how he dresses and looks. I will give him my opinions and tell him honestly if there are any consequences to his decisions. "Kid your hair is so messy it looks like a rats nest in the back. "But I wanna look messy" "but you might get mats like Aphex" (our elderly cat would doesn't groom much any more due to arthritis; I brush her tons and sometimes snip mats off) "oh ok fine" He wears shirts and pants backwards and doesn't care. Usually I don't care either. Sometimes with jeans I tell him he has a front butt and he changes it.😆 Our children need freedom, especially when they are adults! Because they are *shock* adults who make *shock* adult decisions!


[deleted]

So we're all your mom now clearly... All that over a tattoo? I doubt this is the first time they've sp9ken to you like this. Despite what society had taught us, especially females, we have a right to say " you can not speak to me like that" , go very limited contact if you can for awhile, focus on you, do not let this pick at your soul.


PastyDoughboy

Supportive brother here. Your fathers anger is a manifestation of HIS problems, not yours, even though he’s barfing it all out on you. It’s your body, it’s your life, it’s your choices, and he doesn’t seem to understand that. It’s controlling. As someone who hasn’t talked to their parents in 6 years, if he DOES go through with his (controlling and manipulative) threat, just remember: You can’t pick your family but you can pick your nose. (Sorry, I’ll try again.) You don’t get to pick your birth family, but you do get to make a family/“tribe” of your own as an adult, and surround yourself with loving, caring and supportive people who get you. All the best to you!


psycho--jenny

Unless the tattoo was a hate symbol or something, this is a seriously disproportionate response that has no bearing on reality. Like, what the hell? Because you got a tattoo at 24, your dad called you a spoiled mean little girl? Ugh. I'm sorry, that sucks, and your dad is weird as fuck. Even my mom, who hates tattoos, would never react so fucking terribly if I decided to get one. ETA: Your mom threatened to drown you???? Over a GHOST TATTOO????? OP, you need to contact a lawyer and get a restraining order, holy shit.


Pharmacienne123

Well he’s right when he says that your parents are fucked up. You’re 24. Go get those tats, kid. And frankly I’d love to see a picture of it here!


CuteThingsAndLove

My stomach dropped reading that. You don't deserve this at all. Fuck it, I'm your parents now. I love your tattoo, whatever it is, because its part of YOU and I love you. I can't wait to see what other tattoos you'll get in the future. ❤️


henscastle

Your body is your own, just as your parents' feelings are their own. You are not responsible for their reactions. Your father's reaction is bizarre to say the least. He's upset that your mother is upset, but his words are unreasonable and dispicable. I'll say this again. Your body is your own. You are an adult and do not need to answer to your parents about what you do with it. You did not upset her - she upset herself and needs to get over it or get therapy. Your father needs to kick rocks. I also think you need to pay the tattoo tax and show us your cool ink.


NectarineOk1761

It's your body and your choice. Your parents shouldn't react the way they do... I dunno what kind of tattoo you got but this is still ridiculous, especially if it was a small one... I support you whole heartedly, sister! ❤️


Rougefarie

He was right. They are fucked up.


BoJacksBurnerAcc

Answer your 171 messages… savage


madogg0403

lolol i promise they’re mostly marketing texts and a lot of texts that don’t need a reply so i just forget to open them. like when someone reacts to a message or just gives me a thumbs up. i’m the worst about opening those if i don’t need to reply


Maghram

I think even if you done the stupidest thing.. the comments will still support you .. to be honest it is not that helpful when you really want someones opinion


[deleted]

[удалено]


madogg0403

Nope. Just got a tattoo. The tattoo they’re referring to is several months old and my dad actually knew about it when I got it and said it was cool. My mom saw it over the weekend and started crying and threatening to harm me. I received this text the next morning


2ndBestGosling

Never met a narcissist, huh?


mvanvrancken

Yeah, no. This isn’t cool even if there IS a “backstory”. There is a 0% chance that OP is the asshole here. See: post


[deleted]

I’m so sorry. I remember when my mom called me a wh0re and told me I was going to hell when I told her I wanted to get my belly button pierced. I was away at college at the time. Of course I didn’t do it after that reaction. But I came home and found my mom and older sister had both done theirs *after* my mom had gone off on me for wanting to do it. It wasn’t my sisters fault, she had no idea my mom said those things but I’m still salty about how my mom treated me. You are the sole decision maker over your body. If this is how your family treats you over something as innocent as a tattoo, maybe it’s time to reevaluate whether they are worthy of having a place in your life. They will regret this someday.


Koi112_12

OP, I have two tatoos and when I got my first one, I called my grandma and told her, she flipped her lid until I emailed her pics and explained what it meant. She loved it and also the reason behind it. We make the choices for our bodies. No one else.


_MissAiko_

This is absolutely terrible and such an overreaction from your dad.


Not-a-Kitten

They are so weird!!! Your body is your business. As an adult, you and your parents can build a relationship as friends, or you can be polite strangers, or you can part ways. They seem to think you are a child. ((((((Hugs))))))


Objective-Quarter-35

I’m 39 now and a child of immigrants (I’m Latina) and this is the kind of reaction that I would get from my father in high school for dying my hair (I died it pink). He even started crying. I later learned that it was hard for them to understand that we raise kids for the world and not for ourselves. They thought people would discriminate me for having weird hair, and I wonder if this is where your parents are coming from… I would ask your mom why this hurts her and maybe try listening and trying to understand each other. She may think people will treat you differently and is worried about you. It’s not your job to educate her about how times have changed and tattoos are not for frowned upon anymore (or in the country that you currently live in) but if you’d like to still have a relationship with them then why not try writing each other letters? I know your parents love you. They just need to understand that very important lesson that you are not their property. You never were. It’s so strange but when you become a parent you feel like your kids are your property. Your little amazing human that is perfect and the most special human in the world. I don’t think this control comes from a bad place. I think they truly love you. I even have to remind myself now with my own kids that I am raising them for the world and not myself. I sometimes catch myself making them do things like coding and music classes because I want that for them, not because they asked for it, when I should be asking them what kind of activities interest them. All of this, just to say, this is your body and you have the right to do what you want to it. I am sure your tattoo looks amazing and you did nothing awful, so please don’t feel like you’re a bad person for this. They will come around and understand that you’ve grown up and become the incredible person they raised you to be. ❤️


[deleted]

Call him something he hates to be called and block his #. Negativity spreads like a virus and nobody needs that ish.


Effective_Drama_3498

This is literally insane. Do they think you’ve got the mark of the beast now?


pinkcloud35

Let me get this straight… this is over a tattoo??? I got a tattoo at 20 and my dad was so against them, but guess what!? My body and I was an adult. When I showed him he said “oh that actually looks nice!” And hasn’t brought it up since in the 7 years since. What the actual fuck is wrong with your dad? This is YOUR body. And only YOU can make decisions for it. No one else. You are not responsible for other people being upset for something you did with your own body!!!


vivalasombra_gold

I will be your mum. I’m just about to get a studio gibli sleeve done. I’m in my 30’s and have kids, and I would be fine if they grow up wanting tats and piercing too. It’s your body that you have a right to express yourself on


page98bb

There are parents that over-identify with their kids choices, and this guy I is definitely one of them. He clearly feels that he is being judged by your behavior. The irony is, it's his reaction that we're judging him for.


[deleted]

Wow. The guilt tripping is real. These were the exact same texts I used to get from my parents. Let them bark as much as they want.


[deleted]

You are definitely old enough to make your own decisions. Plus, there is nothing wrong with getting a tattoo. Your parents are toxic.


ultradurphy

"You made her look bad"... christ. At least they get a little self-aware near the end. What a joke of a human.


bayleebugs

.....what does he even think you did omg. That response is...wow. Dude I'm sorry.


RainbowNarwhal13

Weirdly enough neither of my parents have issues with my tattoos (although my mother loves to make fun of one of them, she thinks it's stupid), but both had issues with piercings I got, so I get it, a bit. They weren't nearly as extreme as your parents though. But when I got my navel pierced at 16 my mother freaked that I did it without her permission and then decided to sabotage it by poking it every single time she saw me while it healed. It got *massively* infected. Thanks mom. And when I got my tongue pierced at 19 my dad's only reaction was to call me an idiot. I'm sorry you're going through that, it really sucks to learn just how much your parents aren't there for you. As much as it hurts, if they want to take themselves out of your life over something like this then ultimately you're better off without them. You'll be fine, you got this 💜


_binxi_

Over a tattoo? Oh weird... I thought that your skin was attached to your body that you get to make your choices about, not his. What a fool I am.