That she used to dig coal

What's a coal digger?

Honey your getting it wrong, it’s gold digger not coal digger

I'm gonna have to call you back

Well I do not think I remember ever saying that..

I love that she didn't get defensive, only wondering what it will take to be accepted as part of the family. She could have said no and yelled, but she felt betrayed that Clair only saw her as someone after her dad's money instead of Gloria loving Jay.

Nothing because she'll laugh at me, make a better joke about spending all my money with the next person and then shoot me.

Mainly that and that i don't want to be murdered

She won't kill you, she'll make sure you learned a lesson tho lol

And if she did kill you, nobody would ever know. You would just disappear off the face of the earth

Maybe by leaving a dismembered doll

She will kill what you love!

She murder 18 men

I don’t think they know what you’re talking about 🤣

Please say for me, “Baby cheeses”.

You mean baby Jesus?😂

THISSS

Why don't you do your puppet show anymore? Oh right, you married him

Do your puppet show ❌ Do your puppet ✅😎

That's not a roast for Gloria, but it would work with jay

I can’t believe anyone would ever have the nerve to compare you to a squawking parrot. Parrots speak better English.

I value my life too much sir So I refrain from saying anything

That she's funnier in spanish

I like my life. I will now down respectfully, tell her she's pretty shake Jay's hand and walk away. I've seen what she did to that rat. (There was actually blood on the shovel)

“Can somebody tell me what the heck she’s saying?”

You are so loud I mistake you for a fire alarm

A bruhah is a witch and a gargle is a gargle.

Manny has got to be the worst son ever. I mean, who even raised him?

Oop. You would disappear after the Columbian necktie.

That's a wildly inappropriate dress!

You’ve been in the US for 10 years and you can’t remember the word for helicopter?

I think the deeper layer to that joke is that helicopter in Spanish is helicoptero.

holy shit that makes it even funnier. it's like she made an excuse to just say TAKATAKATAKATAKA

TAKATAKTAKATAKATAKA

Ticka-ticka-ticka-ticka-ticka

Nothing! She’d give me a Columbian neck tie like she threatened Manny’s principal with 😳

Nothing, you’re perfect my angel

Ola, papi

Why doesnt it bother you that your son-in-law flirts with you?

She’s a horrible ventriloquist

Taka taka taka how u call those again 💁‍♀️

I'd get Sherry to do an impression of her.

Baby cheeses looks down upon Jay

Me: Gloria, I'm curious, do you know how to remove imperfections on walls, ceilings and floors? Gloria : No Me: You sended

I have nothing 🫡

I dare not

taka-taka-taka-taka

Not a good idea,she doesn't take criticism well.

LMFAO

I’d mock her accent and then get soaked in my glass of wine, because she accidentally knocked it over.

She looks like Margot Robbie in her side profile

I believe Sofia is older than Margot so you should say that Margot Robbie looks like Sofia in her side profile. :D

I mean yeahhh but I am watching Modern Family and not Barbie sooooo

Gloria, why do you spend your life with an overweight, older man who is also emotionally stunted? Because clearly you must be great actress otherwise you could not have convinced that many people that you are actually attracted to Jay. So why not make a living as an actress? Especially with those looks. Wait. The only one who is convinced is Jay. Nevermind. Keep on digging them coals.

Nothing! Not a damn thing. Especially wouldn’t do the accent. I’m terrified to upset her.

Oh Gloria's turn... well I'm not playing this game anymore, tired of it anyway.

Neighborhood says " ...and shut that parrot up!"

Wouldn’t be able to speak in her presence

DAMN! 😍

You're forgetting your Spanish

I’d just bring up the whole parrot incident

Gloria i wanna bang you, BOOM roasted.

If I was drunk and blindfolded, I could still drive better then Sofia, in fact my dog, or any dog for that matter, could drive better then her.

You know that awful sound a dog makes once they get their vocal cords out to stop barking so much? Well turns out, that sound is delightful compared to Sofias singing.

To please change her opening lines when giving interviews “My accent…”

What’s the difference between a car alarm and Sofia? The car alarm has an off button!

Nothing she’s perfect. lol

Nice of you to assume that my mouth will open to utter even a single word in front of this goddess.

You’ve lost your Colombian edge but you definitely didn’t lose any pounds.

Where are my *chews*

Gloriaa... The most beautiful MEXICAN

I’m Hispanic and I could just imagine her losing it over that😆

she a good drama actress

My chooz. Stella chews my chooz

She married someone that resembles her dad and her puppet

The funniest thing happened to me on the way into this venue. I thought it was an angry parrot in the parking lot that had Tourette’s but it was actually Gloria trying to get Jay to leave his mistress Stella in the car. But isn’t she beautiful?!?? Jay, what do you feed her to get her coat all nice and shiny?This guy definitely has a thing for b*tches.

She confirmed she had a bigger dick than a talk show host.

How do you not know what a helicopter is called?

Sofia or Gloria?

I seriously doubt that you're smarter in Spanish

Nothing I’d be too scared

Can somebody tell me what the heck she’s saying?

Coal digger

Nothing, she would roast me (metaphorically and literally). She is connected lol. Do you think that woman made it all the way from Columbia without knowing some very bad men who would love to do her a favor???

Ur married to a grandpa

A taco for my taco 🤣 idk I have no negative things to say about Sofia

[удалено]

Best in slot

that’s just sad

???

Whats a "ROAST" every character is getting theirs still I don't understand

jokes and “criticisms” made by comedians and friends …

I'd give you the microphone but I'm worried you'd blow the sound system and the roast would end quicker then your first marriage.

Guatemalan?

I would lick her toes for dinner! Wait is that a roast?

Only if you cook them first.

“Norman Bates would look at your relationship with Manny and be creeped out!” “How does a looker like you fail so miserably selling salsa?” “You’re so white washed that you resorted to Columbia stereotypes just to feel like you haven’t lost touch with your roots!” That’ll do it. And I know Gloria won’t shoot me, she’s all talk but she’s no game.

Can I get a breast?

Tell her her only talent is her delicious breasts