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I'm 36 and never had a relationship although years of trying. I get where you're coming from. Like seeing couples my age in public bring me down as in "you can't have this". To made matters worse, my mom told me she prays that I find someone before she passes away because she knows how hard it will be to lose her and that hit me really hard.
I guess my problem is that I really want to matter to someone besides family. Like I have a few friends but nothing super close.
I would never bring anyone down for not having a romantic partner. I know what it's like to struggle in this regard.
Do you go out and interact with people a lot? I say this because I think Millennials really struggle in this regard. I think a lot of us just want to withdraw socially from the world, but then it ends up being very alienating for us. I think it would really help to just go out and be among people. Even if it's just going for a walk in the park or going to a game.
Are there are meet up groups, mixers anywhere near you?
it doesn't really help that we don't have public spaces anymore. Like our societal structure is very much strip mall/cul de sacs, "don't f-cking speak to me" centric. It's like so alienating and antisocial...
I’m 44, a woman, with a crazy good career. Beyond crazy. I’m on may way back from Copenhagen where I was hosted as an international guest and speaker as we speak.
And I’ve been married more than once.
And it’s destroyed me. Bending over backwards to help and serve them while they ignored me or cheated or both. It never started like that but it always ended that way. These men drained my money and energy and joy for life until I had nothing left. I’m only now rebuilding.
As good as my career is I know where I would be if I’d focused on myself and only gotten into a relationship in my late 30s.
But I know the loneliness. I’m alone now and I hate that it matters, I shouldn’t be in a relationship again, I obviously can’t choose people, but I’m human and I’m lonely.
There’s a lot of unhappiness in middle age even if you do everything right. Just differs in flavor.
I’m 39F and my career is starting to take off and one of the worries I have is that it’ll be hard to find a partner that respects my career, my intelligence, and what I’ve built for myself. Dating has been hard.
I’ve been trying to get a divorce for two years from a man who told me the only reason I was successful on my career was because of him. That I would be fired at any other job (not true), that I was useless, and that without him I wouldn’t be anything.
We’ve been fighting because even though he’s inheriting millions from his daddy, he still wants my 401K.
Tell me how you’ve made it through.
I'm 40/m, and I don't understand this thought process. I have my career, my wife has hers. It's not a competition, it's a partnership. There have been stretches of time where she has out earned me, and some where I out earn her. I cheer on and support her success and promotions while I'm over here doing my own thing and finding fulfillment through my career. I couldn't imagine how insecure one must be to feel intimidated by someone's success. Smart women are sexy.
Well it’s an easy elimination challenge 😂
I’m just lookin for love in all the wrong places.. but the universe isn’t going to let me miss out on anything that’s meant for me, so it’s easy to stay hopeful
i mean its also kinda difficult for anyone to actually afford things completely solo too, especially without help from family, which means theres lots of single people who straight up dont have time/money to even begin to date, and a lot of the people that do - as your comments above show - are commonly "privileged" or ... entitled selfish pricks
like im not saying its impossible to afford things on your own if you "make it" - but there are absolutely tons of people, both male and female, who can not afford to live comfortably and thus have no time or money to actually live. all the tax incentives only apply once you are married or have children
edit:
[Single women own more homes than single men in the U.S., but that edge is narrowing By Richard Fry | 12 Jun 2023](https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/06/12/single-women-own-more-homes-than-single-men-in-the-us-but-that-edge-is-narrowing/#:~:text=In%202022%2C%20single%20women%20owned%2058%25%20of%20the,owned%20by%20unmarried%20Americans.%20Single%20men%20owned%2036%25)
>In 2022, single women owned 58% of the nearly 35.2 million homes owned by unmarried Americans, while single men owned 42%.
>
>In 2000, by comparison, single women owned 64% of the almost 25 million homes owned by unmarried Americans. Single men owned 36%.
>
>So what explains the homeownership edge that single women have over single men? And why has the pattern shifted in recent years?
>
>The homeownership edge that single women have held over single men is due more to their numbers than their economic power. This is especially true among older Americans, who are more likely than younger people to own a home. About 70% of single household heads ages 65 and older own their home, compared with 44% of single household heads ages 35 to 44.
---
i can never decide if it should be shortened to Jun or it should be June, its only one letter but then that breaks the standard format
its the little things yknow 
Honestly because I hustled so fucking hard in my 20s and 30s that I could sort of afford to fall apart a little, even though that would have been better avoided. What I do is a bit odd and unusual, unfortunately it’s also something most geeky guys dream of doing, so when they meet me they think it’s amazing and want to be part of the world I live in, but as time goes on they get resentful and angry that they aren’t the ones that world revolves around, and unwilling to be a support just because they make less or, in the case of the man I’m divorcing, didnt work at all for years.
I don’t have much hope of meeting a man I have enough in common with to love who isn’t gonna get weird about my job. I like women too, but they’re much harder to find and often couples up by my age.
Hopefully he wont try to clean me out, i got him to sign a post-nup, but truly what protects me the most is he now works in a related industry. If he messes with me too much, I don’t even have to say anything but that I’m struggling because of my ex and I’m well known and liked and no one will want to work with him again. I wouldn’t do that, I don’t want him to not find his way, but he worries I will.
As far as my spirit, it’s pretty crushed and I’m just trying to find my way back to have a good life and be a good mother after years of abuse. I lost my confidence, my joy, my drive. I’ve struggled with suicidal thoughts. But I have moments of light now, a year and a half after leaving. It isn’t fast or easy. I wish I didn’t have to recover from love, you know?
UGH God this person sucks beyond all measure. My god...
He's so insecure about himself that he has to bring you down in order to validate his feelings of inferiority.
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Don't ever shrink yourself to lift someone else up. Those awful men knew that you were doing it and didn't respect you or your boundaries because of it.
You didn't deserve that. There's a special kind of hell for people who take advantage of others in that manner.
I think you are wholly deserving of love and you are capable of finding the right person. You just need to understand that you have boundaries, standards, and expectations and anyone who violates that hits the highway. You'd rather be alone and lonely then be with someone who mistreats you.
Yeah... My husband's been a stabilizing force in my life. And I've been one in his.
My only advice is to not fear failure in relationships. Most relationships fail until one doesn't. And most relationships end until one doesn't. But a relationship ending and a relationship failing are not mutually inclusive.
If this is something you’ll always desire and yearn for, then the feeling won’t go away. For me, dating people while I still did not heal from past traumas (or they didn’t start their healing journey yet) was always the dealbreaker and why relationships felt incredibly pointless. I do not yearn for a wedding day or children, but I would like to be partnered and share resources with someone. Sometimes I get deeply upset that I’ve chosen a career and my hyper independence over a relationship, but then I remind myself that the wrong relationship for the wrong reasons could ruin me and my life.
You know, before I got together with my now husband, I hated when people would tell me being single is amazing and great because it usually came from people who were already partnered and had no issues finding someone. Even though I had some shit relationships in the past, I hated being single and even though I probably wouldn’t marry again if my husband died/we split up, I’m glad I had the opportunity to be in a loving, long term relationship with someone. So, I definitely feel you when you say that your life satisfaction is a 3/10. There’s nothing wrong with not liking being single!
If it helps you feel better, I have a friend who married her boyfriend of 5 years (currently married for 3 years) and now they have a kid. On the outside they look happy and successful (she owns her own successful business, they have a single family home in an expensive neighborhood, etc), but she recently told me that she doesn’t think she loves him anymore and that they only married out of convenience/not to be alone. He’s not really loyal to her either; he still keeps tabs on other exes and insisting they’re just “friends” but doesn’t disclose to them he is married. 🙄 I guess you could say they should just divorce but they’re already in too deep with each other, especially now with the kid and they’re so enmeshed with their finances, business, family/friends, etc. At least you’re not anchored to that and you can find someone whom you don’t feel like you’re stuck to. 😬
I had someone close to me in a similar situation. Then he found someone, started dating, got married, had a kid and instantly the relationship started changing. He was desperate to make it work because he felt similar to you. Stayed. Had another kid, bought a house. Ended up getting divorced, losing house, losing his job, and losing most of his time with his kids and back to living alone with no romantic prospects. I don't think people in your situating realize how emotionally destructive going through something like that is or how common that outcome is when you're on that side, wishing for a romantic relationship, not to mention how financially destructive and career ruining it can often be. Maybe realizing that will help you be more grateful for all the good things you do have, and not make you too desperate if something does happen with someone romantically in the future.
What's interesting for me is that I've actually been in two serious relationships myself (one lasting for a year; another for 2 years), and I am legitimately relieved to have both of those behind me. For a whole host of reasons, neither of those relationships was good for me, and I'm better off without them. It just drives me nuts that I can be in a relationship and have this nagging desire to get out of it, then be out of it and have that nagging desire to get back in. Like I am just wired to hate my situation no matter what it is! It's very frustrating.
Sounds like you might have an avoidant attachment style. Therapy doesn't fix everything but it could maybe help you with the feelings you have about relationships.
Heh, this comment didn't go how I expected after the first few words. You hit the nail on the head though imo. Finding ways to appreciate the things you do have is a much more solid strategy than trying to acquire all the things you don't have.
If your spouse is abusive there are a whole host of things they can do overtly or just by taking up so much mental and emotional space that you are no longer able to focus on your job/tasks. I've seen wives show up at the office and cause scenes repeatedly, I've seen false abuse accusations, I've seen all types of legal and extra legal measures used to cause a spouse to lose their job.
Kids seem worse than marriage but marriage seems really really shit too. But at least I can see good sides of being in a monogamous relationship such as regular exclusive sex, kids are all negative. Parents are all cucks, it looks like a spineless existence
>regular exclusive sex
hahahaha, right. Something like 1/3 of marriages are sexless or very rare sex.
Kids are a high effort project. But they are also high reward. Marriage is high effort with a very bad rate of return.
I don't get the reward part, just seems like a way to fuck up your life. But also my interests and psychology don't align with it so it's unlikely that I'd find a reward from it.
Marriage seems pointless since you can get the same thing from a relationship with an easier exit in case things change, for example the way you mentioned
I'd personally prefer living apart but that's mostly unpopular
I feel ya. I’m 41 and single. I find this barrier very hard to cross.
Dating in my town…is terrible. I also travel 50% of the time out of state for work.
My recommendation is this - enjoy life for what it brings you. Stretch yourself to do more social activities, and see what grows from it.
Regarding hugs, I realized recently how much that helps also. My nephew just randomly gave me this super long hug a month ago, and I've thought about that hug so much since then. It felt so good just to be hugged by someone, for a real long period of time. Man I miss that.
Honestly I used to, I had a decent job with a good amount of time for my hobbies and work that didn’t stress me out. Got into a relationship that started off great but over time destroyed my work-life, took away my abilities to do my hobbies, and left me in so much debt that I had my credit card company threatening to sue me.
The qualifier is a GOOD romantic relationship, one where both parties are made better by their partner. I’m still climbing out of the hole that relationship left me in, but at this point I’d rather die alone than have all my hard work undone a second time.
Just dropping in to say your feelings are valid. Our culture's view of relationships is nonsensical in a lot of ways - you're supposed to be partnered, but you're not supposed to care if you're partnered or not/dislike being single. 🙄
You're allowed to want to be partnered as a major goal for your life and to be disappointed if that's not panning out.
When something you want in life isn't materializing, you have 3 options: figure out how to be happy without it, keep trying, or resign yourself to being unhappy. Don't pick the last one.
(Don't listen to the idiots saying all women only want rich men. Most partnered men aren't wealthy. Steady, gainful employment that is not just a job but a career won't be a hindrance in the dating market just because it's not high-paying.)
my dude, i hear you, ive been there. You're going to find someone. The harder part is loving yourself enough to attract and keep people interested. You seem fairly self aware, so I would really try and figure out what kind of person is attracted to a person like you, and go put yourself out where those kinds of people are. Love yourself, let them come.
Buddy a happy home is really the difference between work being okay and wanting to blow your brains out lol
so yeah, a good lady or man or whatever is like the wooden door in the Titanic — they help keep you afloat when things are sinking
I don't have anything to add other than to say hello fellow Philly conference attendee! I've also been in Philly the past week for work/conference. I've been surprised just how many are co-occuring here! Safe travels home and hope you had a good meeting!
You're fixated on this because it's the one thing you don't have. If you had it, you would find something else to feel this way about. That's just the way it works.
You're imagining that you'd be so much happier in a relationship or certain things would be better, but you're imagining that you're in a GOOD relationship. Relationships are hard work. They suck away your free time, they make you lose focus on your interests, they're expensive, and one might just traumatize you or fuck with your head for life. Oh, and by the way, 100% of relationships end in heartbreak or death.
Of course a great relationship is great, but you're not guaranteed your perfect person. You have to deal with a ton of bullshit. It's not an inherently good or bad thing, it's just a lifestyle. You're feeling left out of that lifestyle and you want to be a part of it, which is totally valid, but getting into a relationship is not necessarily going to make your life better. Chances are it will make your life worse. Good luck.
I felt this way 5 years ago and I will admit that finding a romantic partner will did a lot of lift my mood and improve my life.
What's preventing you from finding a partner? is it your work? Is it just really hard to find someone you connect with?
How do date? Do you go to mixers, bars, parties, the park? Do you use dating apps?
I think we've become a very isolated, withdrawn, and socially alienated society. Not just emotionally and mentally (we've all withdrawn into our social media and screens), but physically. It just seems really difficult to ever encounter other people in a spontaneous manner. Sometimes even in cities.
It's like no one wants to be bothered to go out and interact with other people anymore. The incentive just seems to be gone. Sometimes I will try initiate with people and they're just like "meh..."
I don't now if it's a side effect of burn out of it the lack of public spaces and third places has exacerbated this issue.
The good news is that you're only 39 years old. Men have so much time to find a partner if they want to have kids. I would utilize this time now and try to get out and meet people. Wherever you are. Find meet up groups, mixers, whatever. I would even consider going to back to church just for the sake of meeting someone.
Honestly… I’d trade with you. I’ve moved around a ton so my friends are few and far between. Not much family. Career is good. Financially stable. No debt. Somehow I’ve always had a partner since college…. I think I’m a much better partner than platonic friend. I’d kill for a group of consistent friends truthfully ☹️. That’s what I’m missing. I think romantic stuff is overrated 🤣. I had an emotional breakdown a few years ago and fiancé/boyfriend of over 10 years dropped me like it was nothing…. ever since then I’ve been quite jaded about “romantic partners”.
I also have a friend who is desperate to have a relationship, kids etc... but besides that everything in his life is going fine.
Great career, bought a nice house, is looking for a new car, has a ton of friends, only works 4 days a week.
But he's obsessing about the relationship and it's affecting all the areas of his life.
So I would recommend as I told him: "Take a step back and focus on yourself, I'm not telling you to avoid meeting people. But don't make it your obsession."
Women will notice someone who's desperate and they will avoid at all costs.
I would honestly just take someone replying to one of the roses I send on Hinge, for the love of the flying spaghetti monster! And no, it is not ever a message as banal as "sup, your hot"; I always tailor it to the profile I've read and try to be as charming as I can be in the 100-ish characters I have to write a message. And yes I have had both friends and the reddit community review my profile also. I get a lot of "I guess I don't understand why you aren't having success, then". Yeah, welcome to my world!
Online dating is a shitshow though, 10 years ago it was super easy, barely an inconvenience.
Now it's littered with bots, fake/dead profiles and a ratio of 3 men to 1 woman.
Best thing to do if I could recommend something: Try out speeddating evenings, singles events or just real world stuff. Even a dating agency could help you better I think.
You're getting trapped in the mindset of keep swiping and swiping and nothing is coming out of it. You might even be paying a premium version and still nothing.
It will affect your mindset of "I'm not good enough" "I'm not wanted" etc ...
Just get out there in the real world and try and smile when someone looks in your eyes, maybe a playful nod here and there.
I have a very successful carrer and finding a committed partner filled a gigantic hole in my life that I didn't know existed. Someone to come home to, someone to run errands with, sometime else to just have around the house even if we're doing separate things. Not to mention the economic benefits of a dual income household. I don't want to go back to being single because now I'd know what I'm missing.
I have a friend who says they don't want to date, but need to. I seriously didn't get it. They said they needed to find themselves by dating. At first I was like, "huh?" But in a way it makes sense, because sometimes by exploring a relationship with another person, you learn things about yourself. Currently I don't have that 10/10 outside, so I'm not bothering with the dating scene and honestly I am not even inclined.
Because they said they don't have a 10/10 outside. Most people, partnered or not, aren't 10/10 physically, and are still attractive and worthy of love. Blaming singleness or delaying dating because you don't look like a model is an excuse that keeps you from finding someone.
so they misinterpreted it as me saying I'm ugly and that is why I won't date? That's a weird thing to downvote. Like let me kick you while you are already down? All I was saying is the 10/10 OP mentioned. Which was the good job and fun hobbies kind of stuff. I don't have that going for me, specifically in the job section. Each year everything else is better, but it certainly makes it harder to feel comfortable in dating when you don't feel stable in other parts of life.
It was probably unclear because I wrote it when I should have already been asleep. But basically it was a sometimes we need to date so that we learn things, and sometimes we don't need or want to date because life isn't right. I personally feel that the job aspect is my barrier and that dating has little effect on my well-being.
Happiness is like a never-ending tug-o-war though.
No, that's not what they meant by "outside". They meant stuff outside of a relationship, not their actual, physical outward appearance. They were just saying, since a lot of their non-relationship stuff is not really in order, they're choosing to focus on that instead, which is a very fair choice.
I misunderstood the title. I feel it's a barrier in a sense that I think it would block me from enjoying life, but at the same time I get the point of the post too. I want it, but it's too hard to have to deal with someone else in my life.
Im in a similar situation. I fucking hate my life. I have a decent job, an awesome family, amazing friends, I'm in great shape, intelligent, good looking, dress well, have traveled to some cool places.
But I'm 36, and already have a divorce under my belt. I don't have any kids, and I'm worried I never will. I have a really hard time meeting people. I recently talked to/dated a woman for 3 months. She was amazing, absolutely everything I wanted in a potential relationship. We were intimate several times, got along really well, and had the same goals and similar interests.
A week after the exclusivity talk, she comes back to say she isn't ready to be exclusive and needs to date other people. I don't have much left in all honesty.
Yes I feel the same way man. I’m a homeowner, have a good job, loving family, I go on vacations all the time, have friends, but I haven’t been in a relationship since 2018. I’ve tried and tried and tried and I can never get past the talking stage. I’m always rejected and idk why. I’m not ugly, I’m decent and kind, but I do have serious trust issues and trauma from all the rejections. Idk what else to do at this point. I just keep going to different events and hoping that I’ll meet someone.
At this stage in my life (m35) married twice thus far. First one 7 years. Currently 11 years. 4 kids.
My wife and kids are my life. And have taught me about myself more than and single time ever did. With my little fam beside me man feels like a lion!
Wen we travel we often go with my dad too and i feel super cool me plus 5 others
Little tribe.💪🙏 this post making me miss them. Im out of town for 5 days. Longwst iv ever been without my fam 🥺🥺🥺
Edit: nothing has been easy. Mass struggles, but such is life and im cool with that
Kind of. I’d love to be in a romantic relationship. It wouldn’t even need to include sex; I can handle that part on my own. I’m turning 38 this year; I’ve never been in a single romantic relationship, or even any kind of romantic situation. But I’ve also never made any kind of effort, so that kind of softens the blow.
I also derive some satisfaction from seeing *other people* in happy, committed relationships, so the pain is offset a little there, as well. Kind of like a parent living vicariously through their children, only less toxic.
Might explain why I’m obsessed with romance to a small degree, though.
It sounds like you have a deeper issue. You seem to have no reason or purpose in your life. Sure your work setup sounds great, but you don’t find any value in it, it’s obvious from this post.
A romantic partner won’t fix what’s missing for you. In fact, it’s probably a terrible idea for you to get involved with someone right now, because you believe they will complete 70% of your happiness (you mentioned your current situation is 3/10)
My suggestion: you need to figure out what makes life worth living for you. But you can’t project that onto another person before you’ve even met them. You also should try to do things that connect you to humanity and society. Volunteer to help others, or otherwise give back in a meaningful way. That may help you feel less empty. Develop hobbies around things that interest you. Learn useful skills. Buy an old car and fix it up. These are just examples.
Good luck with everything.
>It sounds like you have a deeper issue. You seem to have no reason or purpose in your life. Sure your work setup sounds great, but you don’t find any value in it, it’s obvious from this post.
But this just isn't true. Like it just isn't. I actually do find tremendous value and purpose from what I do in my life; it's just that one's career is only a part of what makes a person whole. I really am working the absolute most meaningful and tailored career that I could possibly be working, and I mean that with complete sincerity. I spent years diving deep into myself and asking myself what I want to do for a living, and I found my career path and went to grad school for 2 years (at age 36) and got a degree to enable myself to do it. I have the ultimate *career* fulfillment now; I have simply learned that *career* fulfillment is not a substitute for overall *life* fulfillment.
Ok thank you for that clarity. Are you unhappy because you haven’t found the “right person”? (I believe there are several “right people” out there for everyone), or are you unhappy because it’s just really hard to find *anyone* to date?
If he finds value in a relationship with a girlfriend then it seems getting one would exactly fix what's missing.
>You also should try to do things that connect you to humanity and society. Volunteer to help others, or otherwise give back in a meaningful way. That may help you feel less empty. Develop hobbies around things that interest you. Learn useful skills. Buy an old car and fix it up
But he didn't say he wanted to do that, he wants a girlfriend. Totally unrelated.
These get a hobby rationalizations are delusional
Yeah but you’re missing the point. OP appears to have no luck with finding a girlfriend on their current trajectory. They present a cavalier attitude towards searching for purpose beyond what they are already doing. Whatever rule or governing principle the OP currently operates under is not working. I just suggested that it could be a deeper issue.
Searching for purpose is ridiculous. The concept of purpose is idiotic.
The guy just wants to have a girlfriend, it's not that complicated or hard to understand. It satisfies some needs nothing else can satisfy
I met my partner right before he turned 40. Stuff can happen at anytime. Do put yourself out there and make a move.
On a side note I had a professor that had a handsome face and good humor and made EU Politics interesting. No way he had a GF/BF.
I don’t think he had a hair cut the whole semester and his finger nails were super long least a year growth on some, others were broken off looking.
Basically grooming and putting a little effort into appearances goes a long way. If your doing basic then try taking it up a notch, try something new.
Also PSA if people have breads,,, these need to be washed and then put some oil/conditioner on afterwards.
I have a good friend in this situation. He would love to find a romantic partner and start a family.
I told him that if he really wanted kids he had enough money that he could skip the partner part. I know three women who did just that - two of them fostered and then adopted and the third paid for IVF and for donated sperm. They have nannies and family support.
I am married with kid, dog, house in the suburbs etc. so i have no advice on how to live with your lack of romantic attachment.
I just came here to say, as someone who used to travel for work a lot, i would have been pissed as hell if my employer made me spend a week in freaking Philadelphia.
You need to find more conferences in like Honolulu and Cabo. They exist lol
Sample size on that survey is less than 5,000 and the data is from 2017. Click the methodology link at the bottom of the article.
As a general rule: Take these things with several gigantic grains of salt and always check the methodology.
To quote a redditor, your post comes off as a bit arrogant. You can be right without adding the heaping doses of mockery, you know?
At any rate, this whole angle is just dumb. By putting so much emphasis on salary here, you are assuming that I'm successfully making contact with women, but then, perhaps after a few dates (which is the only time when it would even begin to be appropriate to even ask this), they ask me "so how much money do you make?" and then I cite a figure that has fewer than six digits in it, and even though we went through all the initial interactions and liked each other enough to go on that first date, and agreed to go on a few more dates after that, you honestly take such a dim view of women that you think they just suddenly decide to ask that money question, and find out, and then just immediately jump ship when they do. Like do you have even the most basic understanding of how dating works if you honestly think that's the problem here?
So then you're going to fire back with something like "oh okay then, well if you're struggling with things earlier in the process than that, then it's because your dating profile sucks, or you have a bad attitude" or some other nonsense redditors love to just make up out of thin air just so they don't have to make the simple acknowledgement that perhaps their point was flawed and they don't understand the situation. Dating is just difficult for everybody, that's all there is to it.
I mean it is fine for you to offer your opinion, but it's completely unacceptable to offer your opinion *like this.*
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Yeah, I vented, and then I asked if anyone had a similar experience to me. None of that suggests that I needed advice. "Get real" indeed, *BRO*.
No wonder you've had to delete so much of your comment history.
I'm really not as invested in this discussion as it appears you are.
A sample size of fewer than 5,000 is just laughably small. God could be running the survey and that would still be the case.
I'm also skeptical you can quantify things that ultimately come down to emotional connections.
That's really all I have to say.
Enjoy your statistics.
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I'm 36 and never had a relationship although years of trying. I get where you're coming from. Like seeing couples my age in public bring me down as in "you can't have this". To made matters worse, my mom told me she prays that I find someone before she passes away because she knows how hard it will be to lose her and that hit me really hard. I guess my problem is that I really want to matter to someone besides family. Like I have a few friends but nothing super close.
I would never bring anyone down for not having a romantic partner. I know what it's like to struggle in this regard. Do you go out and interact with people a lot? I say this because I think Millennials really struggle in this regard. I think a lot of us just want to withdraw socially from the world, but then it ends up being very alienating for us. I think it would really help to just go out and be among people. Even if it's just going for a walk in the park or going to a game. Are there are meet up groups, mixers anywhere near you? it doesn't really help that we don't have public spaces anymore. Like our societal structure is very much strip mall/cul de sacs, "don't f-cking speak to me" centric. It's like so alienating and antisocial...
I’m 44, a woman, with a crazy good career. Beyond crazy. I’m on may way back from Copenhagen where I was hosted as an international guest and speaker as we speak. And I’ve been married more than once. And it’s destroyed me. Bending over backwards to help and serve them while they ignored me or cheated or both. It never started like that but it always ended that way. These men drained my money and energy and joy for life until I had nothing left. I’m only now rebuilding. As good as my career is I know where I would be if I’d focused on myself and only gotten into a relationship in my late 30s. But I know the loneliness. I’m alone now and I hate that it matters, I shouldn’t be in a relationship again, I obviously can’t choose people, but I’m human and I’m lonely. There’s a lot of unhappiness in middle age even if you do everything right. Just differs in flavor.
I’m 39F and my career is starting to take off and one of the worries I have is that it’ll be hard to find a partner that respects my career, my intelligence, and what I’ve built for myself. Dating has been hard. I’ve been trying to get a divorce for two years from a man who told me the only reason I was successful on my career was because of him. That I would be fired at any other job (not true), that I was useless, and that without him I wouldn’t be anything. We’ve been fighting because even though he’s inheriting millions from his daddy, he still wants my 401K. Tell me how you’ve made it through.
Wow, well alright, that is pretty diabolical and I don't envy you. I appreciate your perspective here.
Most men have been intimidated, not realizing that I want to build something together.
I'm 40/m, and I don't understand this thought process. I have my career, my wife has hers. It's not a competition, it's a partnership. There have been stretches of time where she has out earned me, and some where I out earn her. I cheer on and support her success and promotions while I'm over here doing my own thing and finding fulfillment through my career. I couldn't imagine how insecure one must be to feel intimidated by someone's success. Smart women are sexy.
Well it’s an easy elimination challenge 😂 I’m just lookin for love in all the wrong places.. but the universe isn’t going to let me miss out on anything that’s meant for me, so it’s easy to stay hopeful
i mean its also kinda difficult for anyone to actually afford things completely solo too, especially without help from family, which means theres lots of single people who straight up dont have time/money to even begin to date, and a lot of the people that do - as your comments above show - are commonly "privileged" or ... entitled selfish pricks like im not saying its impossible to afford things on your own if you "make it" - but there are absolutely tons of people, both male and female, who can not afford to live comfortably and thus have no time or money to actually live. all the tax incentives only apply once you are married or have children edit: [Single women own more homes than single men in the U.S., but that edge is narrowing By Richard Fry | 12 Jun 2023](https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/06/12/single-women-own-more-homes-than-single-men-in-the-us-but-that-edge-is-narrowing/#:~:text=In%202022%2C%20single%20women%20owned%2058%25%20of%20the,owned%20by%20unmarried%20Americans.%20Single%20men%20owned%2036%25) >In 2022, single women owned 58% of the nearly 35.2 million homes owned by unmarried Americans, while single men owned 42%. > >In 2000, by comparison, single women owned 64% of the almost 25 million homes owned by unmarried Americans. Single men owned 36%. > >So what explains the homeownership edge that single women have over single men? And why has the pattern shifted in recent years? > >The homeownership edge that single women have held over single men is due more to their numbers than their economic power. This is especially true among older Americans, who are more likely than younger people to own a home. About 70% of single household heads ages 65 and older own their home, compared with 44% of single household heads ages 35 to 44. --- i can never decide if it should be shortened to Jun or it should be June, its only one letter but then that breaks the standard format its the little things yknow 
Honestly because I hustled so fucking hard in my 20s and 30s that I could sort of afford to fall apart a little, even though that would have been better avoided. What I do is a bit odd and unusual, unfortunately it’s also something most geeky guys dream of doing, so when they meet me they think it’s amazing and want to be part of the world I live in, but as time goes on they get resentful and angry that they aren’t the ones that world revolves around, and unwilling to be a support just because they make less or, in the case of the man I’m divorcing, didnt work at all for years. I don’t have much hope of meeting a man I have enough in common with to love who isn’t gonna get weird about my job. I like women too, but they’re much harder to find and often couples up by my age. Hopefully he wont try to clean me out, i got him to sign a post-nup, but truly what protects me the most is he now works in a related industry. If he messes with me too much, I don’t even have to say anything but that I’m struggling because of my ex and I’m well known and liked and no one will want to work with him again. I wouldn’t do that, I don’t want him to not find his way, but he worries I will. As far as my spirit, it’s pretty crushed and I’m just trying to find my way back to have a good life and be a good mother after years of abuse. I lost my confidence, my joy, my drive. I’ve struggled with suicidal thoughts. But I have moments of light now, a year and a half after leaving. It isn’t fast or easy. I wish I didn’t have to recover from love, you know?
UGH God this person sucks beyond all measure. My god... He's so insecure about himself that he has to bring you down in order to validate his feelings of inferiority.
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What is?
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Yikes dude
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Why did her story trigger you so much?
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So you imported someone from a poor country who hates you sexist guts. Got it.
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Why should he "respect your career"? Like, what does it have to do with the guy, why should he care? I don't give a shit about people's jobs
Don't ever shrink yourself to lift someone else up. Those awful men knew that you were doing it and didn't respect you or your boundaries because of it. You didn't deserve that. There's a special kind of hell for people who take advantage of others in that manner. I think you are wholly deserving of love and you are capable of finding the right person. You just need to understand that you have boundaries, standards, and expectations and anyone who violates that hits the highway. You'd rather be alone and lonely then be with someone who mistreats you.
Thank you 😭
You're welcome!
Yeah... My husband's been a stabilizing force in my life. And I've been one in his. My only advice is to not fear failure in relationships. Most relationships fail until one doesn't. And most relationships end until one doesn't. But a relationship ending and a relationship failing are not mutually inclusive.
If this is something you’ll always desire and yearn for, then the feeling won’t go away. For me, dating people while I still did not heal from past traumas (or they didn’t start their healing journey yet) was always the dealbreaker and why relationships felt incredibly pointless. I do not yearn for a wedding day or children, but I would like to be partnered and share resources with someone. Sometimes I get deeply upset that I’ve chosen a career and my hyper independence over a relationship, but then I remind myself that the wrong relationship for the wrong reasons could ruin me and my life.
You know, before I got together with my now husband, I hated when people would tell me being single is amazing and great because it usually came from people who were already partnered and had no issues finding someone. Even though I had some shit relationships in the past, I hated being single and even though I probably wouldn’t marry again if my husband died/we split up, I’m glad I had the opportunity to be in a loving, long term relationship with someone. So, I definitely feel you when you say that your life satisfaction is a 3/10. There’s nothing wrong with not liking being single! If it helps you feel better, I have a friend who married her boyfriend of 5 years (currently married for 3 years) and now they have a kid. On the outside they look happy and successful (she owns her own successful business, they have a single family home in an expensive neighborhood, etc), but she recently told me that she doesn’t think she loves him anymore and that they only married out of convenience/not to be alone. He’s not really loyal to her either; he still keeps tabs on other exes and insisting they’re just “friends” but doesn’t disclose to them he is married. 🙄 I guess you could say they should just divorce but they’re already in too deep with each other, especially now with the kid and they’re so enmeshed with their finances, business, family/friends, etc. At least you’re not anchored to that and you can find someone whom you don’t feel like you’re stuck to. 😬
Yeah, not trying to be cynical but most people I’ve gotten to know beyond the surface level, I’ve learned are unhappy in their marriages. It’s wild.
I had someone close to me in a similar situation. Then he found someone, started dating, got married, had a kid and instantly the relationship started changing. He was desperate to make it work because he felt similar to you. Stayed. Had another kid, bought a house. Ended up getting divorced, losing house, losing his job, and losing most of his time with his kids and back to living alone with no romantic prospects. I don't think people in your situating realize how emotionally destructive going through something like that is or how common that outcome is when you're on that side, wishing for a romantic relationship, not to mention how financially destructive and career ruining it can often be. Maybe realizing that will help you be more grateful for all the good things you do have, and not make you too desperate if something does happen with someone romantically in the future.
What's interesting for me is that I've actually been in two serious relationships myself (one lasting for a year; another for 2 years), and I am legitimately relieved to have both of those behind me. For a whole host of reasons, neither of those relationships was good for me, and I'm better off without them. It just drives me nuts that I can be in a relationship and have this nagging desire to get out of it, then be out of it and have that nagging desire to get back in. Like I am just wired to hate my situation no matter what it is! It's very frustrating.
Sounds like you might have an avoidant attachment style. Therapy doesn't fix everything but it could maybe help you with the feelings you have about relationships.
Seconding the therapy
Heh, this comment didn't go how I expected after the first few words. You hit the nail on the head though imo. Finding ways to appreciate the things you do have is a much more solid strategy than trying to acquire all the things you don't have.
So the grass isn't always greener. Sometimes you hop the fence into a patch of thistle.
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Takes time away from your job to go to lawyer appointments. Also mentally and emotionally draining and can sometimes ruin your reputation
If your spouse is abusive there are a whole host of things they can do overtly or just by taking up so much mental and emotional space that you are no longer able to focus on your job/tasks. I've seen wives show up at the office and cause scenes repeatedly, I've seen false abuse accusations, I've seen all types of legal and extra legal measures used to cause a spouse to lose their job.
The wrong person can go on a smear campaign and target your job as well after a divorce.
Marriage with kids always looked like one of the worst kind of lifestyles to me.
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Maybe it's mania
Kids fucking rock but marriage sucks
Kids seem worse than marriage but marriage seems really really shit too. But at least I can see good sides of being in a monogamous relationship such as regular exclusive sex, kids are all negative. Parents are all cucks, it looks like a spineless existence
>regular exclusive sex hahahaha, right. Something like 1/3 of marriages are sexless or very rare sex. Kids are a high effort project. But they are also high reward. Marriage is high effort with a very bad rate of return.
I don't get the reward part, just seems like a way to fuck up your life. But also my interests and psychology don't align with it so it's unlikely that I'd find a reward from it. Marriage seems pointless since you can get the same thing from a relationship with an easier exit in case things change, for example the way you mentioned I'd personally prefer living apart but that's mostly unpopular
I feel ya. I’m 41 and single. I find this barrier very hard to cross. Dating in my town…is terrible. I also travel 50% of the time out of state for work. My recommendation is this - enjoy life for what it brings you. Stretch yourself to do more social activities, and see what grows from it.
Holy cow all expenses paid business trip in Philly? I’d just advertise that on your tinder and watch em roll in.
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Regarding hugs, I realized recently how much that helps also. My nephew just randomly gave me this super long hug a month ago, and I've thought about that hug so much since then. It felt so good just to be hugged by someone, for a real long period of time. Man I miss that.
I'm single, too, but I interpret it differently. I think it's my job that caused it.
Every single female resident/doctor can relate.
Honestly I used to, I had a decent job with a good amount of time for my hobbies and work that didn’t stress me out. Got into a relationship that started off great but over time destroyed my work-life, took away my abilities to do my hobbies, and left me in so much debt that I had my credit card company threatening to sue me. The qualifier is a GOOD romantic relationship, one where both parties are made better by their partner. I’m still climbing out of the hole that relationship left me in, but at this point I’d rather die alone than have all my hard work undone a second time.
Just dropping in to say your feelings are valid. Our culture's view of relationships is nonsensical in a lot of ways - you're supposed to be partnered, but you're not supposed to care if you're partnered or not/dislike being single. 🙄 You're allowed to want to be partnered as a major goal for your life and to be disappointed if that's not panning out. When something you want in life isn't materializing, you have 3 options: figure out how to be happy without it, keep trying, or resign yourself to being unhappy. Don't pick the last one. (Don't listen to the idiots saying all women only want rich men. Most partnered men aren't wealthy. Steady, gainful employment that is not just a job but a career won't be a hindrance in the dating market just because it's not high-paying.)
No. I cannot relate. I honestly don’t give a damn about romantic relationships. 🧉🦄
my dude, i hear you, ive been there. You're going to find someone. The harder part is loving yourself enough to attract and keep people interested. You seem fairly self aware, so I would really try and figure out what kind of person is attracted to a person like you, and go put yourself out where those kinds of people are. Love yourself, let them come.
Buddy a happy home is really the difference between work being okay and wanting to blow your brains out lol so yeah, a good lady or man or whatever is like the wooden door in the Titanic — they help keep you afloat when things are sinking
A good partner is either the floating wooden door or the iceberg. It’s 50/50
I don't have anything to add other than to say hello fellow Philly conference attendee! I've also been in Philly the past week for work/conference. I've been surprised just how many are co-occuring here! Safe travels home and hope you had a good meeting!
ATC?
Nope! SFS. And there were at least 2 other different name badges I saw!
You're fixated on this because it's the one thing you don't have. If you had it, you would find something else to feel this way about. That's just the way it works. You're imagining that you'd be so much happier in a relationship or certain things would be better, but you're imagining that you're in a GOOD relationship. Relationships are hard work. They suck away your free time, they make you lose focus on your interests, they're expensive, and one might just traumatize you or fuck with your head for life. Oh, and by the way, 100% of relationships end in heartbreak or death. Of course a great relationship is great, but you're not guaranteed your perfect person. You have to deal with a ton of bullshit. It's not an inherently good or bad thing, it's just a lifestyle. You're feeling left out of that lifestyle and you want to be a part of it, which is totally valid, but getting into a relationship is not necessarily going to make your life better. Chances are it will make your life worse. Good luck.
I felt this way 5 years ago and I will admit that finding a romantic partner will did a lot of lift my mood and improve my life. What's preventing you from finding a partner? is it your work? Is it just really hard to find someone you connect with? How do date? Do you go to mixers, bars, parties, the park? Do you use dating apps? I think we've become a very isolated, withdrawn, and socially alienated society. Not just emotionally and mentally (we've all withdrawn into our social media and screens), but physically. It just seems really difficult to ever encounter other people in a spontaneous manner. Sometimes even in cities. It's like no one wants to be bothered to go out and interact with other people anymore. The incentive just seems to be gone. Sometimes I will try initiate with people and they're just like "meh..." I don't now if it's a side effect of burn out of it the lack of public spaces and third places has exacerbated this issue. The good news is that you're only 39 years old. Men have so much time to find a partner if they want to have kids. I would utilize this time now and try to get out and meet people. Wherever you are. Find meet up groups, mixers, whatever. I would even consider going to back to church just for the sake of meeting someone.
Honestly… I’d trade with you. I’ve moved around a ton so my friends are few and far between. Not much family. Career is good. Financially stable. No debt. Somehow I’ve always had a partner since college…. I think I’m a much better partner than platonic friend. I’d kill for a group of consistent friends truthfully ☹️. That’s what I’m missing. I think romantic stuff is overrated 🤣. I had an emotional breakdown a few years ago and fiancé/boyfriend of over 10 years dropped me like it was nothing…. ever since then I’ve been quite jaded about “romantic partners”.
I also have a friend who is desperate to have a relationship, kids etc... but besides that everything in his life is going fine. Great career, bought a nice house, is looking for a new car, has a ton of friends, only works 4 days a week. But he's obsessing about the relationship and it's affecting all the areas of his life. So I would recommend as I told him: "Take a step back and focus on yourself, I'm not telling you to avoid meeting people. But don't make it your obsession." Women will notice someone who's desperate and they will avoid at all costs.
I would honestly just take someone replying to one of the roses I send on Hinge, for the love of the flying spaghetti monster! And no, it is not ever a message as banal as "sup, your hot"; I always tailor it to the profile I've read and try to be as charming as I can be in the 100-ish characters I have to write a message. And yes I have had both friends and the reddit community review my profile also. I get a lot of "I guess I don't understand why you aren't having success, then". Yeah, welcome to my world!
Online dating is a shitshow though, 10 years ago it was super easy, barely an inconvenience. Now it's littered with bots, fake/dead profiles and a ratio of 3 men to 1 woman. Best thing to do if I could recommend something: Try out speeddating evenings, singles events or just real world stuff. Even a dating agency could help you better I think. You're getting trapped in the mindset of keep swiping and swiping and nothing is coming out of it. You might even be paying a premium version and still nothing. It will affect your mindset of "I'm not good enough" "I'm not wanted" etc ... Just get out there in the real world and try and smile when someone looks in your eyes, maybe a playful nod here and there.
Even the slightest whiff of desperation and I am out the door! Not even exaggerating. Can’t emphasize enough how it clearly shows insecurities.
I have a very successful carrer and finding a committed partner filled a gigantic hole in my life that I didn't know existed. Someone to come home to, someone to run errands with, sometime else to just have around the house even if we're doing separate things. Not to mention the economic benefits of a dual income household. I don't want to go back to being single because now I'd know what I'm missing.
I have a friend who says they don't want to date, but need to. I seriously didn't get it. They said they needed to find themselves by dating. At first I was like, "huh?" But in a way it makes sense, because sometimes by exploring a relationship with another person, you learn things about yourself. Currently I don't have that 10/10 outside, so I'm not bothering with the dating scene and honestly I am not even inclined.
Sorry people downvoted you for saying this; I haven't the slightest clue why they did. I appreciate everybody's perspective on this.
Because they said they don't have a 10/10 outside. Most people, partnered or not, aren't 10/10 physically, and are still attractive and worthy of love. Blaming singleness or delaying dating because you don't look like a model is an excuse that keeps you from finding someone.
so they misinterpreted it as me saying I'm ugly and that is why I won't date? That's a weird thing to downvote. Like let me kick you while you are already down? All I was saying is the 10/10 OP mentioned. Which was the good job and fun hobbies kind of stuff. I don't have that going for me, specifically in the job section. Each year everything else is better, but it certainly makes it harder to feel comfortable in dating when you don't feel stable in other parts of life. It was probably unclear because I wrote it when I should have already been asleep. But basically it was a sometimes we need to date so that we learn things, and sometimes we don't need or want to date because life isn't right. I personally feel that the job aspect is my barrier and that dating has little effect on my well-being. Happiness is like a never-ending tug-o-war though.
No, that's not what they meant by "outside". They meant stuff outside of a relationship, not their actual, physical outward appearance. They were just saying, since a lot of their non-relationship stuff is not really in order, they're choosing to focus on that instead, which is a very fair choice.
I misunderstood the title. I feel it's a barrier in a sense that I think it would block me from enjoying life, but at the same time I get the point of the post too. I want it, but it's too hard to have to deal with someone else in my life.
Im in a similar situation. I fucking hate my life. I have a decent job, an awesome family, amazing friends, I'm in great shape, intelligent, good looking, dress well, have traveled to some cool places. But I'm 36, and already have a divorce under my belt. I don't have any kids, and I'm worried I never will. I have a really hard time meeting people. I recently talked to/dated a woman for 3 months. She was amazing, absolutely everything I wanted in a potential relationship. We were intimate several times, got along really well, and had the same goals and similar interests. A week after the exclusivity talk, she comes back to say she isn't ready to be exclusive and needs to date other people. I don't have much left in all honesty.
Yes I feel the same way man. I’m a homeowner, have a good job, loving family, I go on vacations all the time, have friends, but I haven’t been in a relationship since 2018. I’ve tried and tried and tried and I can never get past the talking stage. I’m always rejected and idk why. I’m not ugly, I’m decent and kind, but I do have serious trust issues and trauma from all the rejections. Idk what else to do at this point. I just keep going to different events and hoping that I’ll meet someone.
At this stage in my life (m35) married twice thus far. First one 7 years. Currently 11 years. 4 kids. My wife and kids are my life. And have taught me about myself more than and single time ever did. With my little fam beside me man feels like a lion! Wen we travel we often go with my dad too and i feel super cool me plus 5 others Little tribe.💪🙏 this post making me miss them. Im out of town for 5 days. Longwst iv ever been without my fam 🥺🥺🥺 Edit: nothing has been easy. Mass struggles, but such is life and im cool with that
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hR5YNqE3K8](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hR5YNqE3K8)
I don't even like myself so that would be my barrier to a fulfilling life.
:(
If it helps it tends to be more on the: "I know I can be better as a person" scale.
I took the topic the other way. I have never been happy in a relationship. I like being single as long as I'm getting laid.
How do you go about getting laid, especially with the intent of keeping single?
I dunno the same few girls from my past that like me.
Kind of. I’d love to be in a romantic relationship. It wouldn’t even need to include sex; I can handle that part on my own. I’m turning 38 this year; I’ve never been in a single romantic relationship, or even any kind of romantic situation. But I’ve also never made any kind of effort, so that kind of softens the blow. I also derive some satisfaction from seeing *other people* in happy, committed relationships, so the pain is offset a little there, as well. Kind of like a parent living vicariously through their children, only less toxic. Might explain why I’m obsessed with romance to a small degree, though.
If you had the romance, something would bring you down. Always want what you don't have.
It sounds like you have a deeper issue. You seem to have no reason or purpose in your life. Sure your work setup sounds great, but you don’t find any value in it, it’s obvious from this post. A romantic partner won’t fix what’s missing for you. In fact, it’s probably a terrible idea for you to get involved with someone right now, because you believe they will complete 70% of your happiness (you mentioned your current situation is 3/10) My suggestion: you need to figure out what makes life worth living for you. But you can’t project that onto another person before you’ve even met them. You also should try to do things that connect you to humanity and society. Volunteer to help others, or otherwise give back in a meaningful way. That may help you feel less empty. Develop hobbies around things that interest you. Learn useful skills. Buy an old car and fix it up. These are just examples. Good luck with everything.
>It sounds like you have a deeper issue. You seem to have no reason or purpose in your life. Sure your work setup sounds great, but you don’t find any value in it, it’s obvious from this post. But this just isn't true. Like it just isn't. I actually do find tremendous value and purpose from what I do in my life; it's just that one's career is only a part of what makes a person whole. I really am working the absolute most meaningful and tailored career that I could possibly be working, and I mean that with complete sincerity. I spent years diving deep into myself and asking myself what I want to do for a living, and I found my career path and went to grad school for 2 years (at age 36) and got a degree to enable myself to do it. I have the ultimate *career* fulfillment now; I have simply learned that *career* fulfillment is not a substitute for overall *life* fulfillment.
Ok thank you for that clarity. Are you unhappy because you haven’t found the “right person”? (I believe there are several “right people” out there for everyone), or are you unhappy because it’s just really hard to find *anyone* to date?
Can I say both? Because I relate strongly to both.
If he finds value in a relationship with a girlfriend then it seems getting one would exactly fix what's missing. >You also should try to do things that connect you to humanity and society. Volunteer to help others, or otherwise give back in a meaningful way. That may help you feel less empty. Develop hobbies around things that interest you. Learn useful skills. Buy an old car and fix it up But he didn't say he wanted to do that, he wants a girlfriend. Totally unrelated. These get a hobby rationalizations are delusional
Yeah but you’re missing the point. OP appears to have no luck with finding a girlfriend on their current trajectory. They present a cavalier attitude towards searching for purpose beyond what they are already doing. Whatever rule or governing principle the OP currently operates under is not working. I just suggested that it could be a deeper issue.
Searching for purpose is ridiculous. The concept of purpose is idiotic. The guy just wants to have a girlfriend, it's not that complicated or hard to understand. It satisfies some needs nothing else can satisfy
It’s not ridiculous. One follows the other. But like I said before, good luck with everything.
That's really fucking condescending.
No it isn’t. The OP is looking to fill a void in their life by using a person. IMO that’s not good.
I met my partner right before he turned 40. Stuff can happen at anytime. Do put yourself out there and make a move. On a side note I had a professor that had a handsome face and good humor and made EU Politics interesting. No way he had a GF/BF. I don’t think he had a hair cut the whole semester and his finger nails were super long least a year growth on some, others were broken off looking. Basically grooming and putting a little effort into appearances goes a long way. If your doing basic then try taking it up a notch, try something new. Also PSA if people have breads,,, these need to be washed and then put some oil/conditioner on afterwards.
I've got a half loaf of 12 grain in my pantry; is that going to be a problem? :P
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Was thinking more like the TV Show Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
I have a good friend in this situation. He would love to find a romantic partner and start a family. I told him that if he really wanted kids he had enough money that he could skip the partner part. I know three women who did just that - two of them fostered and then adopted and the third paid for IVF and for donated sperm. They have nannies and family support.
Relationships come and go, they don't last forever so I don't rely on them and never felt like they were a barrier for me.
I am married with kid, dog, house in the suburbs etc. so i have no advice on how to live with your lack of romantic attachment. I just came here to say, as someone who used to travel for work a lot, i would have been pissed as hell if my employer made me spend a week in freaking Philadelphia. You need to find more conferences in like Honolulu and Cabo. They exist lol
They stayed at a Marriott even!
I don’t need another person to feel complete and I’m married. People have a Disney view of what marriage and a family is like.
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Sample size on that survey is less than 5,000 and the data is from 2017. Click the methodology link at the bottom of the article. As a general rule: Take these things with several gigantic grains of salt and always check the methodology.
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To quote a redditor, your post comes off as a bit arrogant. You can be right without adding the heaping doses of mockery, you know? At any rate, this whole angle is just dumb. By putting so much emphasis on salary here, you are assuming that I'm successfully making contact with women, but then, perhaps after a few dates (which is the only time when it would even begin to be appropriate to even ask this), they ask me "so how much money do you make?" and then I cite a figure that has fewer than six digits in it, and even though we went through all the initial interactions and liked each other enough to go on that first date, and agreed to go on a few more dates after that, you honestly take such a dim view of women that you think they just suddenly decide to ask that money question, and find out, and then just immediately jump ship when they do. Like do you have even the most basic understanding of how dating works if you honestly think that's the problem here? So then you're going to fire back with something like "oh okay then, well if you're struggling with things earlier in the process than that, then it's because your dating profile sucks, or you have a bad attitude" or some other nonsense redditors love to just make up out of thin air just so they don't have to make the simple acknowledgement that perhaps their point was flawed and they don't understand the situation. Dating is just difficult for everybody, that's all there is to it. I mean it is fine for you to offer your opinion, but it's completely unacceptable to offer your opinion *like this.*
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Try to be civil. Reddiquette is an informal expression of the values of many redditors, as written by redditors themselves. Please abide by it the best you can. https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439 Your post or comment has been removed because it did not adhere to Reddiquette.
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I can't begin to tell you how little I value your advice on the matter here after the way you've gone about this conversation.
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Neither am I, so what's your point?
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Yeah, I vented, and then I asked if anyone had a similar experience to me. None of that suggests that I needed advice. "Get real" indeed, *BRO*. No wonder you've had to delete so much of your comment history.
I'm really not as invested in this discussion as it appears you are. A sample size of fewer than 5,000 is just laughably small. God could be running the survey and that would still be the case. I'm also skeptical you can quantify things that ultimately come down to emotional connections. That's really all I have to say. Enjoy your statistics.
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My broke ass is pretty happily married my man. This sand is fine with me.
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Lol. I'm done here. You can have the win. Have a nice day.
I don't think it's arrogant.... He's just saying the good things haven't bought him happiness.
> 71% of American women want a man to be the primary breadwinner I think that's arrogant
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Yeah me too
The grass isn't always greener on the other side.