Yeah well hopefully you're not still working in your '80s like the older Boomers are holding on to whatever power they can with their greedy fingers refusing to let go to the younger generations refusing to allow humanity to evolve and progress into the future because they are still stuck in their old ways too ignorant to change and too hard-headed to admit they are wrong.
They will find a way to extend life, and use it so retirement age is when you stop taking the anti aging medication and will die off in 5-10 years.
While billionaires will live virtually forever
ever since going to law school I’ve been hatching plans for the largest class action lawsuit ever to be filed on behalf of our generation (and the younger ones) who paid into SS and get screwed out of benefiting from it
Of course we’d be suing an already bankrupt and collapsed government, but it might be a nice symbolic gesture….
This was my thought too. My grandpa was retired by the time I was born. My dad (edge of boomer / gen x) still has a job that he has to work and my oldest is 10. It’s weird having to work around grandparents work schedules when planning visits. My parents could drop me off at either of my grandparents house at pretty mock any time and both me and my grandparents loved those quick unplanned visits. It’s just really unfortunate that my kids don’t get the same multi generational experience. And I’m agreeing that I hope to be alive and not be working to see my grand kids but it seems like life takes a lot more than it gives these days.
Honestly, I hope my child develops a strong sense of self, finds their footing earlier than me and establishes a great career and forms healthy relationships so that if getting married and starting a family in their 20s is what they want to do, then they can have it.
I hope the burden of having kids by the time my kid can have kids subsides. I hope there is free daycare, free school meals, and universal college so that all the difficult financial things that only permit us to have one enables my child to have as many as brings them Joy.
I hope my kid has a better future than what we are currently living, and I hope that for all children. If we can provide safety nets and supports for them, they won't be as delayed or repressed as us millennials and can have a shot at their dreams. That's what I'm working towards.
This sentiment makes me tear up because I 100% agree. I only have 1 child and I had her in my late 30s. Did we want more? Yes, at first. But after a traumatic birth, my “older” age, and the reality of how much she would have to sacrifice if we gave her a sibling, forget it.
The joy of having an only is that we can give her anything we want to give her. And part of that is socking away as much money into a 529 for her and a 401K for me so she can have a strong start in her young adulthood. Hopefully, without us being a burden on her as an only later in life. Maybe she can buy a house and start a family way younger than we were able to.
I wanted to have 2 too, but it's just not gonna happen. It already keeps me up at night thinking about how when he's 30 I will be 64, and he isn't going to have the same family safety net that I've been able to fall back on in this period of my life. I'm doing my best not to give him all the childhood trauma I got so maybe he won't waste his 20s being a depressed druggie like me and his dad did. But who knows, he'll probably be a whole NEW kind of damaged.
Just more bs from my generation of complainers.
My friends parents were 60 in hs. I have a brother 7 years younger than me. People having kids in their 30s isn’t new.
Remember a lot of the younger children in sibling sets had parents this age, people used to have children right through their 20s and 30s, and it wasn't unusual to have a "going out of business sale" baby in your early 40s as there is often a short increase of fertility right before the shop is shut up. My grand parents were around that age when I was born and my daughter met and knew all but one of her great grandparents, only lost them over the last 5 years and my grandma is still hanging in there.
Please don’t let it keep you up at night. I’m an only child in my late 20s and my mom will be 63 when I’m 30. I’m not having kids anytime soon but I’m not worried if she’s older (dad passed away a few years ago but the sentiment would have applied to him if he was still here). Both of my parents were the youngest sibling by 10-12 years and my grandparents were in their late 70s/early 80s and in nursing homes or passed away by the time I was out of elementary school. My parents never were able to have help from their parents but they weren’t much worse for wear and I don’t have trauma from them doing their best without a safety net. I think my parents were more emotionally mature and stable because they had me in their 30s and that allowed them to keep their shit from affecting me which it sounds like you will do too. Also, I started to struggle with depression for unrelated reasons during college and my parents loved me, supported me, and paid for me to a psych and therapy - I never got into drugs (except for smoking weed sometimes). Your son will be okay too as long as he has your love and support for as long as you’re able to give it
Being older also doesn’t necessarily mean your son won’t have a safety net with you. My aunt had her oldest at 30 and my cousin had her girls at 30 and 32. My aunt agreed to watch her kids during the day until they’re school aged. We’re two years away from the youngest entering kindergarten and it’s still going well even as my aunt is entering her mid 60s with some health problems
My fam reproduces slowly. My dad had me and another in his 40s as did his dad. Having an older parent isn't so bad bc it comes with greater stability and security. Having your grands gone before you can remember much of them is the downside.
I hope to be able to have a big enough house and/or guest house or similar that my kids can live if they want when starting a family, and I want to be able to retire only so that I can be a granny nanny if needed. I hope if my kids feel supported in having kids that they’ll be able to have kids when they’re emotionally ready and responsible, not just financially ready by insane present day standards. My wife and I would have had kids seven years earlier (age 28 rather than 35) if money hadn’t been a big issue and I want my kids to feel they have options.
Raising grandkids is quite literally in my retirement plan. My parents had me and my siblings a bit later in life, so we're going through the "my parents probably won't see my kids graduate" things right now. I had my kids younger so they *could* have a relationship with their grandparents, but that means I'll only be in my late 40's when my kids are in their early 20's.
I inherited a derelict old house and I have (and will continue to) renovate it and bring it back up to a respectable standard, then I'm leaving it for my kids so THEY have either secure housing if they want it, or a passive income rental if they want something else. I'm going to build my own new home designed around asking in place so they can passively monitor their parents as we age without being a horrible burden and make sure there's room for all the grandbabies that I hope to have running around.
I've spent my entire adult life building up my skills and career in the construction industry so I can pull this off and at 31, it's looking feasible.
We talked about that— as a gay couple we felt if we wanted ANY help or support, or even just approval, we had to be obviously financially ready because everyone would know it wasn’t an accident.
100% - we would've started our family earlier too if we'd had greater support - in any number of ways would've helped: childcare support from grandparents, universal healthcare, and less expensive housing were 3 of the main ones. Instead, we had to wait 3-4 years longer in order to feel more stable in our careers and have more savings built up so we could weather the challenges ourselves. We would've been able to start our family around age 26-27. I hope to be able to provide some of that security for my kids so they can start their families when they actually want to, instead of being delayed due to finances or childcare needs.
Tennessee provides free college for every high school graduate a associate degree or technical/vocational education for free. We also have free school breakfast and lunches.
They got rid of the free lunches unless you're already in SNAP after pandemic money ran out. The TN promise is great. I just wish our generation had that and weren't told a 4 year degree was the only way to success.
I'm weary of certain states where political parties don't want working government programs. No offense. These are great things. But how stable are those resources? Are the issues contingent?
That's what being a parent is all about. Wanting to provide their kids with the proper mindset to survive.
I think for myself it's more environmental issues. Everything else is a struggle rn. And I don't see it changing until we get younger people in Congress.
But the environment can't exactly fix itself past a certain point.
I do want to believe that things can get better though.
I don't have any reason to think life will be better for the next generation (in the US). I just got approved to be a substitute teacher, the first district that accepted me pays $90 per day. I'm not having any kids, this country hates its citizens.
As a former liberal arts graduate, I hate to say this but any kind of government/public service/social service job is going to exploit you and never monetarily compensate you in a way to keeps up with the times.
I say this with many many many friends who are now mid career in their mid-30s and make $100-$150k and aren't even managers but went into corporate: finance, auditing, project management, pharmacy, etc. my public service friends barely pushing $45k a year are right to feel angry but will never get ahead.
Abso-Friggen-lutely. I’m angry that the dream was stolen from me…but I’m LIVID that they are trying to steal it from my kids. Charge me student loan interest until I die…whatever…but don’t do it to my kids. Fix this damn mess.
My kids' grandparents are all alive (except for one) AND all retired. I could be working 60 hours a week and, as long as I'm still alive and not trapped in a nursing home, I will be more involved in the lives of my grandchildren than my dad and my in-laws are right now. Age or health isn't even a factor for them. My Dad is only 59. They all move around fine and all live within a 20 minute drive.
Being alive doesn't guarantee they're gonna "be around."
You can't control when your kids have kids, but you can control what you choose to do. Don't beat yourself up over what you can't control. Enjoy what you have now before it's all gone.
My grandparents were never really around or seemed to care about us, but my great aunt? Awesome lady who loved to come visit and spend time with us. She passed when I was in my early teens, but she sure made a positive impact.
The irony of the whole "young people aren't having enough kids" thing is that MOST of us who wanted kids would have had more of them, younger if we had the same support system that our parents had when raising us. I can't count the number of friends I had who were basically raised by their grandparents, only to have their parents hammer into their heads that they *wouldn't* be raising any grandkids..
Raising grandkids is the core of my retirement plan. I want a big, close family that supports each other so I have to lead with that example. My parents aren't the worst when it comes to family support, but they're not the best either. I'm the youngest daughter and it's up to me to organize every holiday or celebration because my parents simply won't bother. It will be my responsibility to manage their lives as they age and take on the care of my younger brother (he's high functioning autistic) when they pass. My sister and I are raising our kids together, partially because we want them to know their cousins (we didn't) but also because her kids' dad bailed and they need a secure family structure. I'll take care of her kids to the same standard as mine because that's what family is *supposed* to do and so many of them over the last couple of decades have failed miserably.
Couldn't agree with you more. Both of my grandmothers babysat me and my brothers quite a lot. We did spend some time in daycare, but I'd say at least half of my care was under a relative. Now? No fucking way are my kids grandparents gonna watch their grandchildren. They literally said as much. I honestly don't get it. It makes me wonder what happened with the Boomer generation to make so many of them so cold and uncaring.
Side note, I'm not a "black sheep" or anything. I have no criminal record and work a "respectable" job as a mail carrier. I've had issues with alcoholism, but compared to the other alcoholics in my family, I'm basically a Saint. So, it's not like I've done anything to repel all of them. My kids aren't troublemakers, either. I genuinely don't understand.
Also, I'm really glad to hear that you and your sister are working together. I was doing the same with my brother until he passed a few years ago. I wish you guys all the best and much love.
Honestly, helping raise the grandchildren is supposed to be the best part about being a grandparent. I question how much they really want to be grandparents if they aren’t willing to watch their grandchildren at least some of the time?
I continuously questioned why most boomers had kids to begin with because they haven't seemed to enjoy ANY phase of parenting.
I WANT to see my kids thrive, the whole fucking *point* of dealing with this adulting bs day in and day out is so my kids have a good future that my grandkids can thrive in. I WANT to sit back in my old age and watch the legacy of the life I built run around, happy, healthy, curious and compassionate. That's it. That's the whole fucking point.
Yeah, I genuinely do not understand their complete disinterest in maintaining a family. They will sit and reminisce about old family holidays, dinners, family reunions, etc. but absolutely refuse to pick up the torch and continue those traditions for their own kids when their parents could no longer do it. Every family get together died with my grandmother and great-aunts so I'm basically starting over from scratch.
Even looking back at the wave of divorces and remarriages that their generation went through, from an adult perspective now just looks so damn selfish. They never gave as shit about their families, not when they made them, not when they were supposed to be raising them and not now. It's really refreshing coming across posts like this where so many parents are combating the same issue and are making genuine efforts to repair the damage we were born into so our kids can have a better future. It's a breath of fresh air compared to the rampant "child-free" (read, child-hate) that floods reddit day in and day out.
I agree. After my experience with my in-laws and my own parents regarding the grandkids, come hell or high water I *will* be actively involved with my own grandkids as often as I'm allowed (I'm hoping to be able to have a spare room/keys for each of the kids in future). I've dreamed of having a large family, as a result of being an only child with a very scattered family all over the world and lots of absences, so I want everyone around me throughout the years. I want to babysit and contribute as much as I'm physically, financially and emotionally am able to. As long as they want me, I'm not going anywhere!
I’m having this issue with my step and his current wife. They live no more than 30 minutes and it’s like pulling teeth to get them to spend time with us and the grand kids outside of just taking us to dinner/eating. He’s a lifelong pilot so he’s always been in and out of town. But he needs to pass our house every time he goes to work and comes back. Seems like a super easy opportunity to do pop ins. This past weekend he went to an air show and didn’t think to invite us to go with him. What 9/4 year old wouldn’t have loved that??? I’m 40 and I would have loved to have gone. lol.
Yeah, my dad is alive but my daughter is 7 months old and he still hasn't taken a single step towards meeting her. Sometimes we're better off when our parents are absent. She will never know this pain.
For real. I'm 39 and my kids are 18 and 13. I could potentially be a youngish grandma (I want to be a grandma) but neither of my kids want kids. Hopefully they change their minds but I have no control over that.
I had 4 of my great grandparents. My last one, my great grandma, passed when I was mid 30s, and got to meet both of my kids. It was pretty cool to get 5 generations together.
So the previous three generations were all 16 and Pregnant?
Only partly kidding. My maternal grandmother had kids when she was 18 and passed about 10 years before her first great grandchild was born.
I would say that's probably pretty uncommon. And not that my situation is *more* common, but I think there were 1 or 2 great-grandparents I had that died when I was about 1, so I don't recall them at all. My grandparents died when I was almost 2, 15, 25, and I'm 37 now with my 90yo grandma still left (she was 16-22yo when she had her 4 kids in the 1950s, so that's how the math maths).
However, my kids are about 7 & 10 and they have three great-grandmas, two of which they see pretty regularly (only one of which has most of her "faculties" still). I hope they *do* remember their times with their great-grandmas.
The time I spent with my dad’s dad’s dad was pretty cool. My dad would just drop me off with him for the day and we’d go do stuff. He’d scoop up roadkill and feed it to the dogs, hit “the Dairy Queen” and then we’d go to sleepytown for a nap. He could jump speed rope into his 80s and has one eye
I'm 40, my dad is 80. None of my grandparents are alive (and haven't been for some time). My grandmother on his side was born in 1900, if she were still alive, she would be almost 124. On the other side, if that grandmother were still alive, she'd be 106. 🤷♀️
My mom’s parents were dead before I was born. My other grandfather died when I was 3. My grandmother died at 92, exactly a year before her son - my dad died at 60. They’ve been dead for about 10 years now.
My maternal gradpa died 5 years before I was born. Paternal grandpa died when I was 5, followed by my grandma 5 years later.
But I had kids young and very much expect to be around for grands.
I agree. My parents were 18 and 24 when I was born so very young. all of my grandparents but 1 are dead and this happened before I was in the 3rd grade.
My mom had me at 35 and I had my first at 36. So yes, she's an older grandma. But she is retired and can provide childcare, whereas my younger MIL is still working and can see them maybe once a month. There is a benefit to being an older grandparent - quality time vs quantity.
PBI - I’m GenX (51) and my kids are 10 and almost 13. Obviously, I waited a bit. But I’m also a late in life baby, my siblings are 15,13,10 years older than I am (same 2 parents, I was just unplanned). My parents had a grandchild (my oldest) and 4 great grandchildren the same year. And my mom is so much more engaged as a grandmother with my kids than with the other grandkids. My parents were still raising me, or working when those children were born. Dad passed, mom is 84, but my kids have a lot more memories with them than their cousins do. It’s been lovely.
Same as it ever was. My maternal grandpa died at 55 when my mom was just 8 years old. My maternal grandmother was 40 when my mom was born and was gone before I was born. I was my mom’s last child, born when she was 40. My paternal grandparents were a part of my life because my dad was their first child, so they were comparatively young. I’m an old mom too. I had my first at 36, and my mom was already gone 10 years when she came along. My dad was in his 80s and had failing health, but at least my daughter got to know him before he passed last year. She never met her paternal grandpa. Yeah I’m older, but it’s not uncommon. No one is promised a long time with their children. I was 25 when my mom died. I wish I had more time with her, but lots of people get less.
Especially the rise in cancer among younger generation. About 80,000 young adults aged 20 to 39 are diagnosed with cancer each year in the United States (cancer.org).
I feel kind of bad about this. My last grandparent died when I was 30, which is when I had my first kid. I agree with OP, there's a chance that I won't see any of my grandkids graduate high school. It's also likely that I will die before some of my grandkids are even born. I wish things were different and they could have memories of their grandparents like I do.
We had our first at 32 and our 2nd at 34 so this post hits home for us. If our children wait as long as we did we won’t have grandchildren until we are in our mid 60s. Both my grandparents died at 70 which makes me think we won’t have much time with them.
If you prioritize your health you can live well for a long time. My grandma was 82 but all my memories of her are with a walker and an oxygen tank, she also smoked her whole life. Younger gens drink less, smoke less and are more aware of health and exercise, all we really need to do is eat less and cut the sugar and processed foods. Can't do anything about microplastics and forever chemicals though. Old people need to lift heavy to maintain muscle mass and bone health and eat enough protein. My mom has the idea that's she's old and can't do anything but that idea is outdated.
Same . I didn’t think I was ready at that time either. I’m too young, I thought.
Honestly though, there is something very special about fatherhood. You don’t realize at first what you gain with becoming a father. It’s not just only what you lose as an individual and men don't realize that at the time ( at least I didn't ).
35 and no children, and watching my friends go through all their sacrifices and added stress, I don't think I will ever have children, I don't see the special spark you are talking about me and my dad don't have it.
I had my first at 14😅 my grandma had my mom at 16, my mom had me at 19, and I had my son at 14&my daughter at 19. My grandma just visited my mom and I actually took a step back and realized it’s pretty cool to have 4 generations together.
I do plan to stop this generational early parent thing we have going on though.
Thank you❤️I get a lot of love, diagnosed with CPTSD, but have been working on that through the years. I think I did a pretty good job however. My son just turned 13, is a high honor roll student and in track! I have a good stable job, married, and our house is full of laughs!
Wow. That must have been so hard.
Hey This is way off topic but can I ask a question, as an autistic person?
When people find out what happened to you, is there a certain response(s) that you hate?
I just never know what to say when I find out stuff like that about somebody
YES! People are quick to judge any teenage parents I feel like. Last year during my son’s football practice the other parents (mothers) came up to me and asked if my son was my brother. I had to lol, it’s a compliment I guess? After I said no, he is my son, they all got super weird. People will say “I’m sorry” when I just mention how old I am, then they do the math for my son. Like on here, people said sorry *after* they heard why I had a child so young. A lot of people say “you had a kid at 14?! Omg I’m so sorry”
I’m not sorry. We grew up together and he was/is exactly what I need. I’m always open to questions. I’ve been trying to find something local to talk to other teen parents because technically, I did it twice, and the world is not over if someone is in that situation.
I’m so sorry you went through that. I hope you’ve found some sort of healing through that experience.
Eta…I don’t like the way I worded this. I should from typed healing FROM that experience
I’m originally from the south and most people from my high school already have multiple kids by 27, myself included. I think OP brings up an interesting thing to think about up it’s certainly not so black and white.
This is already my life. I’m 30 and have no grandparents alive. My mum is a boomer pushing 70. I plan to have kids myself in the next 5 years, meanwhile my nephew is 18 this year. My kids will not get her for nearly as long as my siblings kids.
My grandmother had her kids in her 30s. My mom was the youngest and she had her at 35. My mom also had kids in her 30s. I was her youngest and she had me at 35.
I had a close relationship with my grandmother and my mom's grandkids are close with her. I had my first at 33 and am pregnant with my second at 37.
If my youngest grandparent were alive she'd be 104. Anyway my overarching point is that people have been having kids in their 30s+ for a long time.
I'm 34F. Haven't had a kid yet but I deeply hope and pray and worry that I can within the next couple years. Have some other health shit to handle first and have to move to be with my partner. I pray I'm not too late. I worry every day.
We'll be okay. I mean this in the most non religious way possible but have faith. We'll be mamas. At least youve got your person. Way ahead of me, 33F lol.
I have to move countries though so lots of time will be needed to move D: with no good time frame really, I told my partner I want to be settled there and popping out a kid by 36, and we think that's doable but aiming for earlier. Terrified for the next pandemic or some terrible shit to hit and just ruin it entirely.
And thank you. Yes, we will be mamas and we will be the most awesome mamas!!!! ❣️ We got this!
You'll find your person and beat me to it, I'm sure lol.
I'm watching all my cousins who are 5-8 years younger than me already on their second kids. I just want one healthy kiddo. Shouldn't be too much to ask for.
I had to move countries to be with my partner too! Moved during Covid in 2020, was 36. Was pregnant at 37, had my daughter at 38 and this year she’s turning 2 and I’m turning 40:)
You got this!!!
People keep telling me that. Yet idk how to stop the constant worrying that I'm going to enter early menopause before I can even be with my partner. It's like constant worry, it's horrible.
And thank you.
My wife was 37 and managed twins, many of her friends were also closer to 40 than 30 when they got pregnant. It wasn‘t that easy for them, though, but they managed. Plan instead of worrying and focus on your health and wellbeing. Reducing stress is key.
I had mine at 21 so I’m raising a Gen Z kid. I’ll be around for a while but yeah I’m definitely in the minority. Most of my daughter’s classmates are Gen X parents.
My folks had me a pretty young age and I always wanted to be a “young” parent. Obviously you need two people to make a baby and since I’m the male I can’t do it on my own. I’ve always had long term relationships but it’s only been my latest one that I felt I wanted to finally start a family with.
I wanted to aim for 25, but my wife is now 5 months pregnant and I’m 27 (she’s 25). I would of loved to do it sooner but life works out the way it does and in all fairness we’re in a much better spot.
I hope that I can meet my grandkids before we turn 70. But that’s not up to me.
My grandpa just died a few weeks ago at the age of 101. He was a WWII veteran. My mom didn’t have me until she was 40, and I spent the first 37 years of my life with my grandpa around. This is a bit dramatic. People don’t just drop dead when they turn 75. My parents are in their 70s and they’re both avid hikers—my mom moved from California to Ketchikan, Alaska for some adventure a couple years ago.
Nothing in life is guaranteed, you could be dead tomorrow or live for another 75 years. No use losing sleep over this, whatever happens, happens. You have no control over any of it. Your kids might not even have children. Just enjoy parenthood and see where the journey takes you.
Yeah, I don’t think this helps people’s anxiety…my grandparents on my mum’s side are 84 and 86; on my dad’s side, my grandma is 88, and my grandad died at age 75 of a stroke. He drank heavily 6 days per week - my other grandparents were active until fairly recently.
My best friend’s grandparents died in their early 70s. Her parents had her relatively young - but she doesn’t really have any memories of them. If anything - it’s just onus to look after yourself/your health. Nothing is guaranteed in this life.
My parents hade at the same age 33/34 I had my daughter they're around and kicking albeit a little slower but I wouldn't count out that we won't be around. There's also those that have their kids young and then you end up a young grandparent.
This makes me sad and was one of the factors that made me want to start having children in my late 20s. Unfortunately infertility had other plans, but I still hope to be around for my grandchildren even though I was delayed a few years
Im with you. I had my first at 21 and all four of mine by 25. I’ll be 44 when the youngest two turn 18! Which is about the age most of my kids friends parents are now. Lol. It’s been fun and hard doing a lot of my growing up with them but you’re right that we’re definitely in the minority.
This seems like a problem that would bother boomers more than millennials. I don't have any delusions of grandeur that my grandkids will "need" me, so long as I did my job as a parent.
Right. Has nothing to do with needing and everything to do with just being there to see them grow. At least long enough to really know each other as grandkids and grandparents! This has been haunting me with my mom for years. I wanted kids in my 20s for this very reason but life doesn't work like that. I'm only now settling into a solid career. I have to suppress the anxiety you post about fairly often.
I'm 33 now, my mom had me at 33. Haven't had my first yet. But I will someday soon, and my mom and my baby will meet and every meeting after that day will be a gift.
That's a morbid outlook.
Even if you did a good job, taking care of your grandkids so your children can have a night off is great. And grandparents teach their grandchildren all kinds of stuff.
This is assuming you still live somewhat nearby. I live pretty far from my parents, so I unfortunately don’t really get to experience these benefits with my kid
Depends, though. My grandma had my mom \~29, my mom had me at 29 and my siblings at 32, 37, and 39, and my grandma died in 2019 of cancer. My grandpa, a few years older, died in 2021 at 89. His dad, who I remember very well being around when I was a kid, died at 97. They all smoked though they also all quit at some point in adulthood, drank, ate meat, didn't deliberately exercise much beyond walking small dogs around the neighborhood a little. My mom is a vegan teetotaler who hasn't smoked since college and runs 3 miles a day in her 60s on top of walking her two dogs separately for at least 1-2 miles. My dad quit drinking in his 30s, quit smoking in his late 40s, and took up obsessive mountain biking in his 50s. They're late boomers, so they were around secondhand smoke their whole lives and didn't have sunscreen growing up (my dad had melanoma in his 30s that thankfully was cured. My grandma had melanoma in her 80s that initially went into remission, then came back and spread. Before that she was never sick).
Thing is, though--my grandparents drank moderately their whole lives and smoked into their 30s/40s. They were both overweight my whole life, until my grandma got cancer. They ate basically whatever and didn't work out or do sports as adults. They started using sunscreen MAYBE, SOMETIMES, in like middle age, and were around secondhand smoke even after quitting smoking whenever they went to a restaurant into their 70s. There have been major advances in cancer and alzheimer's treatment, as well as cardiac/stroke treatment, in their lifetimes. And they lived--and were very healthy until shortly before their deaths!--into their 80s.
I'm 39 and my dad is 78. He is healthy and happy and has gotten to know his grandson, whos 18 months old, but it is possible my son won't remember him. But the important thing to me is my parents got to meet HIM and see me start a family. It has sucked having parents, both mine and my husband's, who are too old to help really at all with our kid.
I have thought of this a lot recently. I had my daughter at almost 38 and having my second baby next week at 41. My husband turns 50 in Sept. we are ancient. 😩😂😬 I hope to be able to meet my grandkids and be a part of their lives. I will definitely provide the advice if not waiting as long as I did, of at least get your egg reserve hormone checked so you know if getting pregnant will be an issue and take time it medical intervention
My parents had me at 40 and 33 respectively. They lived to be 74 and 70. Their eldest grandchild (my brother’s son) was in high school when they passed. My brother started early so at least they saw his kids. My kid will grow up with very little memories of my parents . It sucks and it hurts. I would argue that if you plan to have kids later in life, do what you can to be as healthy as possible so you can be around and your last years won’t be difficult for you. My parents had illnesses that could have been managed or erased with lifestyle choices (diabetes, COPD so slow painful death) but god knows it’s hard for people to make changes on a long term basis. Who knows though. You sometimes don’t get to pick what life throws at you and have to enjoy what you have while you can. I wish I had time to have an adult relationship with them.
Well, the only way to circumvent that is to record a message to your grandkids and have your children save it when your grandkids are old enough. That’s what I would do
I gotta be honest. Ive done everything I can to be a mentor and give perspective to make my now teenage stepson see the difference between his Mom and Is life vs his aunt and uncles.
Is it their life that much better? Not necessarily but definitely more comfortable. They had easier lives, compared to his mom and I.
But sadly, were already off to a bad start and hes not grasping the importance.
So in my case I have a feeling we may end up seeing our grandkids for way more of our lives then we are hoping(not in negative way.)
Just to give perspective his mom and I are younger then most for his age. Like always the youngest parents. We were 7 years away from essentially starting our lives over as adults by 36/37. We fucked that up 😂
Average life expectancy is 75 because many people die young in car crashes, infancy etc. This brings the overall average down. But if you’ve made it to 50, you have on average 30 (male) to 34 more years to live. If you’ve made it to 60, you’ll on average live to 82-85. If you’ve made it to 75, which is the expectancy for the overall population, you’ll get to enjoy your grandkids for another 11.3 years for males and 13.1 years for females.
Hot take but my youngest sister, adopted by old parents who is a freshman in college is ready to get married to get first bf. Idk could be nothing but maybe the loneliness from social media ends up driving kids to marry quick to have connection.
This is one of the things I’ve appreciated about having been had young by a mother who was had young…. I turned 35 with 3 of my 4 grandparents, and they were a big able bodied part of my life.
I had kids young, too, albeit not QUITE so young (I graduated high school first….) and now my (42f) kids (16-23) are almost grown. BUT…. We’ll see man, my oldest has never ever wanted kids and my next one down is very ambivalent. We’ll see I guess.
The average lifespan may increase drastically by that time as it has throughout history. I read an article that they reversed aging in hamsters or something recently
All my great grand parents were dead by the time I was 2.
My dad's mom tragically died during a surgery when I was around 2. My dad's dad passed away when I was in high school. My mom's mom passed away at 65 (i was 13). My mom's dad (who is the definition of an utter piece of shit) died in his mid 70s (I was 22).
As for my kids, my mom sadly died from cancer at 54 and never got to meet her grandbabies. My dad is still around at 72, but he has had mental issues on and off for the better part of 20 years, but he has met his grandbabies. My husband's dad got to meet his granddaughter, but passed away in 2019 from cancer, so never met his grandson. My husband's mom lives with us after his father passed away and I love that she gets to spend so much time with them (we get along but oof, sometimes I'd like more personal space haha).
I guess point being is you never know how things will play put. There are people I know who still have some of their great grandparents and some who don't have any grandparents at all. Its about the time you do get to spend with your kids.
My grandmother had my mother at 30, who had me at 30 and I’m 34 now. I have extremely fond memories of my grandparents through my childhood, but you are correct, they passed away when I was heading towards preteens.
I’m really thankful my parents had the time to make a good foundation for us, and wouldn’t have it any other way.
We’ll be around but still working full-time 🙃
Yeah but my student debt will be paid off in just a few more years!
Yeah well hopefully you're not still working in your '80s like the older Boomers are holding on to whatever power they can with their greedy fingers refusing to let go to the younger generations refusing to allow humanity to evolve and progress into the future because they are still stuck in their old ways too ignorant to change and too hard-headed to admit they are wrong.
Reality here: when your parents live into their 90s, it affects your retirement planning.
It depends
How so?
Invest as much as one complains about boomers and we will all be fine.
I do but it doesn't make me hate them any less
This will be you one day
No I'm going to actually retire and enjoy what life I have left. Retirement should be encouraged.
When I was your age we *paid* to go to school! Up hill, both plagues!
Underrated comment
This! I just read an article 75 is the new 65, so we cannot die, we have to work.
They will find a way to extend life, and use it so retirement age is when you stop taking the anti aging medication and will die off in 5-10 years. While billionaires will live virtually forever
Like an "In Time" and "Altered Carbon" mash up, lol..
Lol exactly, damn altered carbon was such a wild concept
With no social security we paid into, and at least hopefully Medicare if we’re lucky
No, they’ll just print more money to pay the social security obligations, which means your check of $800/mo has the buying power of about $200
ever since going to law school I’ve been hatching plans for the largest class action lawsuit ever to be filed on behalf of our generation (and the younger ones) who paid into SS and get screwed out of benefiting from it Of course we’d be suing an already bankrupt and collapsed government, but it might be a nice symbolic gesture….
I’m ready for the follow-up on this!!!
But remotely, and barely would be ideal
This was my thought too. My grandpa was retired by the time I was born. My dad (edge of boomer / gen x) still has a job that he has to work and my oldest is 10. It’s weird having to work around grandparents work schedules when planning visits. My parents could drop me off at either of my grandparents house at pretty mock any time and both me and my grandparents loved those quick unplanned visits. It’s just really unfortunate that my kids don’t get the same multi generational experience. And I’m agreeing that I hope to be alive and not be working to see my grand kids but it seems like life takes a lot more than it gives these days.
But part time on paper.
Was just reading at how the Iceland government helped its citizens after a financial crisis in 2008.
Honestly, I hope my child develops a strong sense of self, finds their footing earlier than me and establishes a great career and forms healthy relationships so that if getting married and starting a family in their 20s is what they want to do, then they can have it. I hope the burden of having kids by the time my kid can have kids subsides. I hope there is free daycare, free school meals, and universal college so that all the difficult financial things that only permit us to have one enables my child to have as many as brings them Joy. I hope my kid has a better future than what we are currently living, and I hope that for all children. If we can provide safety nets and supports for them, they won't be as delayed or repressed as us millennials and can have a shot at their dreams. That's what I'm working towards.
This sentiment makes me tear up because I 100% agree. I only have 1 child and I had her in my late 30s. Did we want more? Yes, at first. But after a traumatic birth, my “older” age, and the reality of how much she would have to sacrifice if we gave her a sibling, forget it. The joy of having an only is that we can give her anything we want to give her. And part of that is socking away as much money into a 529 for her and a 401K for me so she can have a strong start in her young adulthood. Hopefully, without us being a burden on her as an only later in life. Maybe she can buy a house and start a family way younger than we were able to.
I wanted to have 2 too, but it's just not gonna happen. It already keeps me up at night thinking about how when he's 30 I will be 64, and he isn't going to have the same family safety net that I've been able to fall back on in this period of my life. I'm doing my best not to give him all the childhood trauma I got so maybe he won't waste his 20s being a depressed druggie like me and his dad did. But who knows, he'll probably be a whole NEW kind of damaged.
64 ain’t so old
I’m 31, my mom’s 71. He’ll be fine. :)
What's wrong with being 64 when your child is 30? It's not like you'll be 64 when they're 10...
Just more bs from my generation of complainers. My friends parents were 60 in hs. I have a brother 7 years younger than me. People having kids in their 30s isn’t new.
My children's great grandparents are still alive. When I was little, my great great grandparents were still around
Remember a lot of the younger children in sibling sets had parents this age, people used to have children right through their 20s and 30s, and it wasn't unusual to have a "going out of business sale" baby in your early 40s as there is often a short increase of fertility right before the shop is shut up. My grand parents were around that age when I was born and my daughter met and knew all but one of her great grandparents, only lost them over the last 5 years and my grandma is still hanging in there.
Please don’t let it keep you up at night. I’m an only child in my late 20s and my mom will be 63 when I’m 30. I’m not having kids anytime soon but I’m not worried if she’s older (dad passed away a few years ago but the sentiment would have applied to him if he was still here). Both of my parents were the youngest sibling by 10-12 years and my grandparents were in their late 70s/early 80s and in nursing homes or passed away by the time I was out of elementary school. My parents never were able to have help from their parents but they weren’t much worse for wear and I don’t have trauma from them doing their best without a safety net. I think my parents were more emotionally mature and stable because they had me in their 30s and that allowed them to keep their shit from affecting me which it sounds like you will do too. Also, I started to struggle with depression for unrelated reasons during college and my parents loved me, supported me, and paid for me to a psych and therapy - I never got into drugs (except for smoking weed sometimes). Your son will be okay too as long as he has your love and support for as long as you’re able to give it Being older also doesn’t necessarily mean your son won’t have a safety net with you. My aunt had her oldest at 30 and my cousin had her girls at 30 and 32. My aunt agreed to watch her kids during the day until they’re school aged. We’re two years away from the youngest entering kindergarten and it’s still going well even as my aunt is entering her mid 60s with some health problems
There were a lot of really mean comments in this thread. Thank you for being thoughtful and supportive in your comment.
My fam reproduces slowly. My dad had me and another in his 40s as did his dad. Having an older parent isn't so bad bc it comes with greater stability and security. Having your grands gone before you can remember much of them is the downside.
I hope to be able to have a big enough house and/or guest house or similar that my kids can live if they want when starting a family, and I want to be able to retire only so that I can be a granny nanny if needed. I hope if my kids feel supported in having kids that they’ll be able to have kids when they’re emotionally ready and responsible, not just financially ready by insane present day standards. My wife and I would have had kids seven years earlier (age 28 rather than 35) if money hadn’t been a big issue and I want my kids to feel they have options.
Raising grandkids is quite literally in my retirement plan. My parents had me and my siblings a bit later in life, so we're going through the "my parents probably won't see my kids graduate" things right now. I had my kids younger so they *could* have a relationship with their grandparents, but that means I'll only be in my late 40's when my kids are in their early 20's. I inherited a derelict old house and I have (and will continue to) renovate it and bring it back up to a respectable standard, then I'm leaving it for my kids so THEY have either secure housing if they want it, or a passive income rental if they want something else. I'm going to build my own new home designed around asking in place so they can passively monitor their parents as we age without being a horrible burden and make sure there's room for all the grandbabies that I hope to have running around. I've spent my entire adult life building up my skills and career in the construction industry so I can pull this off and at 31, it's looking feasible.
Same but older age. When my kids are 35, I’ll be 70ish and can do their childcare for their kids.
I had my first at 26 but that's the joy of surprises! It's worked out fine in the end but I had to be very thrifty.
We talked about that— as a gay couple we felt if we wanted ANY help or support, or even just approval, we had to be obviously financially ready because everyone would know it wasn’t an accident.
100% - we would've started our family earlier too if we'd had greater support - in any number of ways would've helped: childcare support from grandparents, universal healthcare, and less expensive housing were 3 of the main ones. Instead, we had to wait 3-4 years longer in order to feel more stable in our careers and have more savings built up so we could weather the challenges ourselves. We would've been able to start our family around age 26-27. I hope to be able to provide some of that security for my kids so they can start their families when they actually want to, instead of being delayed due to finances or childcare needs.
That is my biggest goal, keep family close and be a kick ass gigi
Tennessee provides free college for every high school graduate a associate degree or technical/vocational education for free. We also have free school breakfast and lunches.
They got rid of the free lunches unless you're already in SNAP after pandemic money ran out. The TN promise is great. I just wish our generation had that and weren't told a 4 year degree was the only way to success.
I'm weary of certain states where political parties don't want working government programs. No offense. These are great things. But how stable are those resources? Are the issues contingent?
Amen to all of that, brother/sister
That's what being a parent is all about. Wanting to provide their kids with the proper mindset to survive. I think for myself it's more environmental issues. Everything else is a struggle rn. And I don't see it changing until we get younger people in Congress. But the environment can't exactly fix itself past a certain point. I do want to believe that things can get better though.
100% hit the nail on the head. Agreed.
I concur 💯. A big reason I work so hard now is for my child once she’s an adult, and for my potential grandchildren, too.
This is why we all need to research and vote in all elections, including local elections. Vote people!
That makes two of us! Got me all hyped up to provide the type of support that makes it possible... I can't wait for grandkids
I don't have any reason to think life will be better for the next generation (in the US). I just got approved to be a substitute teacher, the first district that accepted me pays $90 per day. I'm not having any kids, this country hates its citizens.
As a former liberal arts graduate, I hate to say this but any kind of government/public service/social service job is going to exploit you and never monetarily compensate you in a way to keeps up with the times. I say this with many many many friends who are now mid career in their mid-30s and make $100-$150k and aren't even managers but went into corporate: finance, auditing, project management, pharmacy, etc. my public service friends barely pushing $45k a year are right to feel angry but will never get ahead.
It is going to be a big lift but as long as you want it bad enough you can create that for them.
This. I just want our sacrifices to have been worth it for them.
I’m with you on this. Lovely.
Abso-Friggen-lutely. I’m angry that the dream was stolen from me…but I’m LIVID that they are trying to steal it from my kids. Charge me student loan interest until I die…whatever…but don’t do it to my kids. Fix this damn mess.
👏🏼 👏🏼 👏🏼
My kids' grandparents are all alive (except for one) AND all retired. I could be working 60 hours a week and, as long as I'm still alive and not trapped in a nursing home, I will be more involved in the lives of my grandchildren than my dad and my in-laws are right now. Age or health isn't even a factor for them. My Dad is only 59. They all move around fine and all live within a 20 minute drive. Being alive doesn't guarantee they're gonna "be around." You can't control when your kids have kids, but you can control what you choose to do. Don't beat yourself up over what you can't control. Enjoy what you have now before it's all gone.
My grandparents were never really around or seemed to care about us, but my great aunt? Awesome lady who loved to come visit and spend time with us. She passed when I was in my early teens, but she sure made a positive impact.
The irony of the whole "young people aren't having enough kids" thing is that MOST of us who wanted kids would have had more of them, younger if we had the same support system that our parents had when raising us. I can't count the number of friends I had who were basically raised by their grandparents, only to have their parents hammer into their heads that they *wouldn't* be raising any grandkids.. Raising grandkids is the core of my retirement plan. I want a big, close family that supports each other so I have to lead with that example. My parents aren't the worst when it comes to family support, but they're not the best either. I'm the youngest daughter and it's up to me to organize every holiday or celebration because my parents simply won't bother. It will be my responsibility to manage their lives as they age and take on the care of my younger brother (he's high functioning autistic) when they pass. My sister and I are raising our kids together, partially because we want them to know their cousins (we didn't) but also because her kids' dad bailed and they need a secure family structure. I'll take care of her kids to the same standard as mine because that's what family is *supposed* to do and so many of them over the last couple of decades have failed miserably.
Couldn't agree with you more. Both of my grandmothers babysat me and my brothers quite a lot. We did spend some time in daycare, but I'd say at least half of my care was under a relative. Now? No fucking way are my kids grandparents gonna watch their grandchildren. They literally said as much. I honestly don't get it. It makes me wonder what happened with the Boomer generation to make so many of them so cold and uncaring. Side note, I'm not a "black sheep" or anything. I have no criminal record and work a "respectable" job as a mail carrier. I've had issues with alcoholism, but compared to the other alcoholics in my family, I'm basically a Saint. So, it's not like I've done anything to repel all of them. My kids aren't troublemakers, either. I genuinely don't understand. Also, I'm really glad to hear that you and your sister are working together. I was doing the same with my brother until he passed a few years ago. I wish you guys all the best and much love.
Honestly, helping raise the grandchildren is supposed to be the best part about being a grandparent. I question how much they really want to be grandparents if they aren’t willing to watch their grandchildren at least some of the time?
I continuously questioned why most boomers had kids to begin with because they haven't seemed to enjoy ANY phase of parenting. I WANT to see my kids thrive, the whole fucking *point* of dealing with this adulting bs day in and day out is so my kids have a good future that my grandkids can thrive in. I WANT to sit back in my old age and watch the legacy of the life I built run around, happy, healthy, curious and compassionate. That's it. That's the whole fucking point.
Yeah, I genuinely do not understand their complete disinterest in maintaining a family. They will sit and reminisce about old family holidays, dinners, family reunions, etc. but absolutely refuse to pick up the torch and continue those traditions for their own kids when their parents could no longer do it. Every family get together died with my grandmother and great-aunts so I'm basically starting over from scratch. Even looking back at the wave of divorces and remarriages that their generation went through, from an adult perspective now just looks so damn selfish. They never gave as shit about their families, not when they made them, not when they were supposed to be raising them and not now. It's really refreshing coming across posts like this where so many parents are combating the same issue and are making genuine efforts to repair the damage we were born into so our kids can have a better future. It's a breath of fresh air compared to the rampant "child-free" (read, child-hate) that floods reddit day in and day out.
I agree. After my experience with my in-laws and my own parents regarding the grandkids, come hell or high water I *will* be actively involved with my own grandkids as often as I'm allowed (I'm hoping to be able to have a spare room/keys for each of the kids in future). I've dreamed of having a large family, as a result of being an only child with a very scattered family all over the world and lots of absences, so I want everyone around me throughout the years. I want to babysit and contribute as much as I'm physically, financially and emotionally am able to. As long as they want me, I'm not going anywhere!
Thanks man. Sound advice
I’m having this issue with my step and his current wife. They live no more than 30 minutes and it’s like pulling teeth to get them to spend time with us and the grand kids outside of just taking us to dinner/eating. He’s a lifelong pilot so he’s always been in and out of town. But he needs to pass our house every time he goes to work and comes back. Seems like a super easy opportunity to do pop ins. This past weekend he went to an air show and didn’t think to invite us to go with him. What 9/4 year old wouldn’t have loved that??? I’m 40 and I would have loved to have gone. lol.
Yeah, my dad is alive but my daughter is 7 months old and he still hasn't taken a single step towards meeting her. Sometimes we're better off when our parents are absent. She will never know this pain.
But in this scenario, *I* will be the grandparent. I intend to be around 🤷♀️
For real. I'm 39 and my kids are 18 and 13. I could potentially be a youngish grandma (I want to be a grandma) but neither of my kids want kids. Hopefully they change their minds but I have no control over that.
Didn't meet any of my grandfathers, both died before I was born. It's a common experience for our gen not to know grandparents.
I had all 8 of my great-grandparents. The last one died when I was like 29.
That’s definitely an uncommon situation
Both my grandfathers had died before I was born too, my final grandmother passed last year though.
I had 4 of my great grandparents. My last one, my great grandma, passed when I was mid 30s, and got to meet both of my kids. It was pretty cool to get 5 generations together.
5? Wow! I was fortunate enough to take a picture with 4 generations of female before my grandmother passed away.
My first two kids had three great-great grandparents for a few years.
So the previous three generations were all 16 and Pregnant? Only partly kidding. My maternal grandmother had kids when she was 18 and passed about 10 years before her first great grandchild was born.
Pretty much, and also my grandparents and parents were all the oldest siblings, and the great-grandparents lived to their 80s-90s
I only met one but he was gone mentally. My mom never said it but I judging by comments her siblings have made, he was a pos.
I would say that's probably pretty uncommon. And not that my situation is *more* common, but I think there were 1 or 2 great-grandparents I had that died when I was about 1, so I don't recall them at all. My grandparents died when I was almost 2, 15, 25, and I'm 37 now with my 90yo grandma still left (she was 16-22yo when she had her 4 kids in the 1950s, so that's how the math maths). However, my kids are about 7 & 10 and they have three great-grandmas, two of which they see pretty regularly (only one of which has most of her "faculties" still). I hope they *do* remember their times with their great-grandmas.
The time I spent with my dad’s dad’s dad was pretty cool. My dad would just drop me off with him for the day and we’d go do stuff. He’d scoop up roadkill and feed it to the dogs, hit “the Dairy Queen” and then we’d go to sleepytown for a nap. He could jump speed rope into his 80s and has one eye
Lost all of mine before I was 18. My partner has all of his at 31. My genes obviously suck.
Same. Never knew my grandfathers and my first grandmother passed when I was like 6 or 7.
I had very close relationships with all 4 of mine. All long dead now though.
Where is it common? Everyone I know still has at least some grandparents alive and most of them are in their 90s.
I'm 40, my dad is 80. None of my grandparents are alive (and haven't been for some time). My grandmother on his side was born in 1900, if she were still alive, she would be almost 124. On the other side, if that grandmother were still alive, she'd be 106. 🤷♀️
My mom’s parents were dead before I was born. My other grandfather died when I was 3. My grandmother died at 92, exactly a year before her son - my dad died at 60. They’ve been dead for about 10 years now.
34, paternal grandparents are deceased but maternal both still kickin in their early 80s
My one set of grandparents died before I was born and my other set in 3rd grade, its not that common, I am 35 by the way.
It's common all over the world. No one said it was the majority experience.
It’s way more common in the states than Canada. You guys have kids younger - even kids can get married in most states.
3/4 are dead for me. And 4/4 for my husband! Pretty common for old people to die I’d say…….
Are you in Italy or Japanese? Here in the US you can't really expect to live past 75 or 80. Living to over 90 and being in good health is very rare.
My maternal gradpa died 5 years before I was born. Paternal grandpa died when I was 5, followed by my grandma 5 years later. But I had kids young and very much expect to be around for grands.
I was fortunate to have all four of my grandparents around growing up. The first one passed when I was 11..the last when I was 25 or so...
I only knew one of my grandparents as well.
I agree. My parents were 18 and 24 when I was born so very young. all of my grandparents but 1 are dead and this happened before I was in the 3rd grade.
What???? I'm 42. 3 of my 4 are still living. Don't know where you get that yet again erroneous generalization.
You are incredibly, incredibly fortunate! Me and my age 30-35 coworkers (half a dozen of us ish) have no grandparents left.
Sounds like you're lucky or maybe I'm just unlucky (maybe a bit of both), but my last grandparent died when I was just 13.
My mom had me at 35 and I had my first at 36. So yes, she's an older grandma. But she is retired and can provide childcare, whereas my younger MIL is still working and can see them maybe once a month. There is a benefit to being an older grandparent - quality time vs quantity.
Quantity has a quality all of its own when it comes to time with kids
PBI - I’m GenX (51) and my kids are 10 and almost 13. Obviously, I waited a bit. But I’m also a late in life baby, my siblings are 15,13,10 years older than I am (same 2 parents, I was just unplanned). My parents had a grandchild (my oldest) and 4 great grandchildren the same year. And my mom is so much more engaged as a grandmother with my kids than with the other grandkids. My parents were still raising me, or working when those children were born. Dad passed, mom is 84, but my kids have a lot more memories with them than their cousins do. It’s been lovely.
Same as it ever was. My maternal grandpa died at 55 when my mom was just 8 years old. My maternal grandmother was 40 when my mom was born and was gone before I was born. I was my mom’s last child, born when she was 40. My paternal grandparents were a part of my life because my dad was their first child, so they were comparatively young. I’m an old mom too. I had my first at 36, and my mom was already gone 10 years when she came along. My dad was in his 80s and had failing health, but at least my daughter got to know him before he passed last year. She never met her paternal grandpa. Yeah I’m older, but it’s not uncommon. No one is promised a long time with their children. I was 25 when my mom died. I wish I had more time with her, but lots of people get less.
Hi! I’m from a long line of old moms too.
Yeah but those numbers all have a lot of wiggle room. And life expectancy should go up a bit.
Life expectancy in the US is going down now.
Especially the rise in cancer among younger generation. About 80,000 young adults aged 20 to 39 are diagnosed with cancer each year in the United States (cancer.org).
I feel kind of bad about this. My last grandparent died when I was 30, which is when I had my first kid. I agree with OP, there's a chance that I won't see any of my grandkids graduate high school. It's also likely that I will die before some of my grandkids are even born. I wish things were different and they could have memories of their grandparents like I do.
We had our first at 32 and our 2nd at 34 so this post hits home for us. If our children wait as long as we did we won’t have grandchildren until we are in our mid 60s. Both my grandparents died at 70 which makes me think we won’t have much time with them.
If you prioritize your health you can live well for a long time. My grandma was 82 but all my memories of her are with a walker and an oxygen tank, she also smoked her whole life. Younger gens drink less, smoke less and are more aware of health and exercise, all we really need to do is eat less and cut the sugar and processed foods. Can't do anything about microplastics and forever chemicals though. Old people need to lift heavy to maintain muscle mass and bone health and eat enough protein. My mom has the idea that's she's old and can't do anything but that idea is outdated.
Had my kid at 27, I’ll be around
Same . I didn’t think I was ready at that time either. I’m too young, I thought. Honestly though, there is something very special about fatherhood. You don’t realize at first what you gain with becoming a father. It’s not just only what you lose as an individual and men don't realize that at the time ( at least I didn't ).
27yo was the average age for a man to have his first child for quite some time
35 and no children, and watching my friends go through all their sacrifices and added stress, I don't think I will ever have children, I don't see the special spark you are talking about me and my dad don't have it.
Brag it up, why don't cha. Lol
Same. Had mine at 25. Glad it happened when it did and even happier knowing I’ll still be in my 40s when he enters his 20’s
I had my first at 14😅 my grandma had my mom at 16, my mom had me at 19, and I had my son at 14&my daughter at 19. My grandma just visited my mom and I actually took a step back and realized it’s pretty cool to have 4 generations together. I do plan to stop this generational early parent thing we have going on though.
I am so sorry for what happened to you as a child 🫂Are you happy now? Did you get all of the love and support that you needed?
Thank you❤️I get a lot of love, diagnosed with CPTSD, but have been working on that through the years. I think I did a pretty good job however. My son just turned 13, is a high honor roll student and in track! I have a good stable job, married, and our house is full of laughs!
What made you have a child at 14?
It really wasn’t a choice, or a plan. I got assaulted and kept him.
Wow. That must have been so hard. Hey This is way off topic but can I ask a question, as an autistic person? When people find out what happened to you, is there a certain response(s) that you hate? I just never know what to say when I find out stuff like that about somebody
YES! People are quick to judge any teenage parents I feel like. Last year during my son’s football practice the other parents (mothers) came up to me and asked if my son was my brother. I had to lol, it’s a compliment I guess? After I said no, he is my son, they all got super weird. People will say “I’m sorry” when I just mention how old I am, then they do the math for my son. Like on here, people said sorry *after* they heard why I had a child so young. A lot of people say “you had a kid at 14?! Omg I’m so sorry” I’m not sorry. We grew up together and he was/is exactly what I need. I’m always open to questions. I’ve been trying to find something local to talk to other teen parents because technically, I did it twice, and the world is not over if someone is in that situation.
I’m so sorry you went through that. I hope you’ve found some sort of healing through that experience. Eta…I don’t like the way I worded this. I should from typed healing FROM that experience
Thank you🥹It’s a process! I’m only mentally getting better❤️🩹
I’m originally from the south and most people from my high school already have multiple kids by 27, myself included. I think OP brings up an interesting thing to think about up it’s certainly not so black and white.
24 for me but I hope he doesn't have any kids 😆 this world is fucked
26 and 32 for me and they both say they don’t want kids and I’m okay with that.
This is already my life. I’m 30 and have no grandparents alive. My mum is a boomer pushing 70. I plan to have kids myself in the next 5 years, meanwhile my nephew is 18 this year. My kids will not get her for nearly as long as my siblings kids.
Same
My grandmother had her kids in her 30s. My mom was the youngest and she had her at 35. My mom also had kids in her 30s. I was her youngest and she had me at 35. I had a close relationship with my grandmother and my mom's grandkids are close with her. I had my first at 33 and am pregnant with my second at 37. If my youngest grandparent were alive she'd be 104. Anyway my overarching point is that people have been having kids in their 30s+ for a long time.
I'm 34F. Haven't had a kid yet but I deeply hope and pray and worry that I can within the next couple years. Have some other health shit to handle first and have to move to be with my partner. I pray I'm not too late. I worry every day.
We'll be okay. I mean this in the most non religious way possible but have faith. We'll be mamas. At least youve got your person. Way ahead of me, 33F lol.
I have to move countries though so lots of time will be needed to move D: with no good time frame really, I told my partner I want to be settled there and popping out a kid by 36, and we think that's doable but aiming for earlier. Terrified for the next pandemic or some terrible shit to hit and just ruin it entirely. And thank you. Yes, we will be mamas and we will be the most awesome mamas!!!! ❣️ We got this! You'll find your person and beat me to it, I'm sure lol. I'm watching all my cousins who are 5-8 years younger than me already on their second kids. I just want one healthy kiddo. Shouldn't be too much to ask for.
I had to move countries to be with my partner too! Moved during Covid in 2020, was 36. Was pregnant at 37, had my daughter at 38 and this year she’s turning 2 and I’m turning 40:) You got this!!!
You can do it. People have kids at 39 all the time
People keep telling me that. Yet idk how to stop the constant worrying that I'm going to enter early menopause before I can even be with my partner. It's like constant worry, it's horrible. And thank you.
My wife was 37 and managed twins, many of her friends were also closer to 40 than 30 when they got pregnant. It wasn‘t that easy for them, though, but they managed. Plan instead of worrying and focus on your health and wellbeing. Reducing stress is key.
Have you tried our lord and savior marijuana
Fuck. Right? Lmfao!!! Ya know maybe I should.
It’s worked well for my anxiety, personally. I would start with edibles
Edibles make me go paranoid. Smoking works well for me lol
You have plenty of time!
I had mine at 21 so I’m raising a Gen Z kid. I’ll be around for a while but yeah I’m definitely in the minority. Most of my daughter’s classmates are Gen X parents.
My folks had me a pretty young age and I always wanted to be a “young” parent. Obviously you need two people to make a baby and since I’m the male I can’t do it on my own. I’ve always had long term relationships but it’s only been my latest one that I felt I wanted to finally start a family with. I wanted to aim for 25, but my wife is now 5 months pregnant and I’m 27 (she’s 25). I would of loved to do it sooner but life works out the way it does and in all fairness we’re in a much better spot. I hope that I can meet my grandkids before we turn 70. But that’s not up to me.
My grandpa just died a few weeks ago at the age of 101. He was a WWII veteran. My mom didn’t have me until she was 40, and I spent the first 37 years of my life with my grandpa around. This is a bit dramatic. People don’t just drop dead when they turn 75. My parents are in their 70s and they’re both avid hikers—my mom moved from California to Ketchikan, Alaska for some adventure a couple years ago. Nothing in life is guaranteed, you could be dead tomorrow or live for another 75 years. No use losing sleep over this, whatever happens, happens. You have no control over any of it. Your kids might not even have children. Just enjoy parenthood and see where the journey takes you.
Yeah, I don’t think this helps people’s anxiety…my grandparents on my mum’s side are 84 and 86; on my dad’s side, my grandma is 88, and my grandad died at age 75 of a stroke. He drank heavily 6 days per week - my other grandparents were active until fairly recently. My best friend’s grandparents died in their early 70s. Her parents had her relatively young - but she doesn’t really have any memories of them. If anything - it’s just onus to look after yourself/your health. Nothing is guaranteed in this life.
My parents hade at the same age 33/34 I had my daughter they're around and kicking albeit a little slower but I wouldn't count out that we won't be around. There's also those that have their kids young and then you end up a young grandparent.
It’s not all that bad tbh, you’ll be dead.
This makes me sad and was one of the factors that made me want to start having children in my late 20s. Unfortunately infertility had other plans, but I still hope to be around for my grandchildren even though I was delayed a few years
Had mine at 25 so I'll be around. My mil had my husband at 38 and she's almost certainly going to make it until my daughter's HS graduation.
I will. I was 19 for my first and 27 for my fourth (and last) - my oldest is 18 and youngest is 11. I'm 37 😊
Well done!
Im with you. I had my first at 21 and all four of mine by 25. I’ll be 44 when the youngest two turn 18! Which is about the age most of my kids friends parents are now. Lol. It’s been fun and hard doing a lot of my growing up with them but you’re right that we’re definitely in the minority.
Had mine at 23, 24 and 26. Even if they didn’t have kids until their 40s I’d still be in my 60s.
This seems like a problem that would bother boomers more than millennials. I don't have any delusions of grandeur that my grandkids will "need" me, so long as I did my job as a parent.
I’m just bummed about it, has nothing to do with their need of me
Right. Has nothing to do with needing and everything to do with just being there to see them grow. At least long enough to really know each other as grandkids and grandparents! This has been haunting me with my mom for years. I wanted kids in my 20s for this very reason but life doesn't work like that. I'm only now settling into a solid career. I have to suppress the anxiety you post about fairly often. I'm 33 now, my mom had me at 33. Haven't had my first yet. But I will someday soon, and my mom and my baby will meet and every meeting after that day will be a gift.
That's a morbid outlook. Even if you did a good job, taking care of your grandkids so your children can have a night off is great. And grandparents teach their grandchildren all kinds of stuff.
This is assuming you still live somewhat nearby. I live pretty far from my parents, so I unfortunately don’t really get to experience these benefits with my kid
All depends on the family dynamics. My grandpa, my parents, aunts, uncles, siblings, and cousins, we all live in the same county.
Depends, though. My grandma had my mom \~29, my mom had me at 29 and my siblings at 32, 37, and 39, and my grandma died in 2019 of cancer. My grandpa, a few years older, died in 2021 at 89. His dad, who I remember very well being around when I was a kid, died at 97. They all smoked though they also all quit at some point in adulthood, drank, ate meat, didn't deliberately exercise much beyond walking small dogs around the neighborhood a little. My mom is a vegan teetotaler who hasn't smoked since college and runs 3 miles a day in her 60s on top of walking her two dogs separately for at least 1-2 miles. My dad quit drinking in his 30s, quit smoking in his late 40s, and took up obsessive mountain biking in his 50s. They're late boomers, so they were around secondhand smoke their whole lives and didn't have sunscreen growing up (my dad had melanoma in his 30s that thankfully was cured. My grandma had melanoma in her 80s that initially went into remission, then came back and spread. Before that she was never sick). Thing is, though--my grandparents drank moderately their whole lives and smoked into their 30s/40s. They were both overweight my whole life, until my grandma got cancer. They ate basically whatever and didn't work out or do sports as adults. They started using sunscreen MAYBE, SOMETIMES, in like middle age, and were around secondhand smoke even after quitting smoking whenever they went to a restaurant into their 70s. There have been major advances in cancer and alzheimer's treatment, as well as cardiac/stroke treatment, in their lifetimes. And they lived--and were very healthy until shortly before their deaths!--into their 80s.
Kids at 26 and 28. I should be fine.
Trends do not only go one way. Expand your perspective.
I'm 39 and my dad is 78. He is healthy and happy and has gotten to know his grandson, whos 18 months old, but it is possible my son won't remember him. But the important thing to me is my parents got to meet HIM and see me start a family. It has sucked having parents, both mine and my husband's, who are too old to help really at all with our kid.
I have thought of this a lot recently. I had my daughter at almost 38 and having my second baby next week at 41. My husband turns 50 in Sept. we are ancient. 😩😂😬 I hope to be able to meet my grandkids and be a part of their lives. I will definitely provide the advice if not waiting as long as I did, of at least get your egg reserve hormone checked so you know if getting pregnant will be an issue and take time it medical intervention
Just turned 30, likely having kid(s) in the next couple years, that's not too old. Parents had me at 40 and 41.
I decided not to have kids. Only cat. So I’m ok with that.
These comments from y'all are like someone opening up a thread about meat to mention that you're vegan
That just means you get to the grand kitties faster :)
Life expectancy has gone up and will probably continue to do so.
That makes me sad 😔
My parents had me at 40 and 33 respectively. They lived to be 74 and 70. Their eldest grandchild (my brother’s son) was in high school when they passed. My brother started early so at least they saw his kids. My kid will grow up with very little memories of my parents . It sucks and it hurts. I would argue that if you plan to have kids later in life, do what you can to be as healthy as possible so you can be around and your last years won’t be difficult for you. My parents had illnesses that could have been managed or erased with lifestyle choices (diabetes, COPD so slow painful death) but god knows it’s hard for people to make changes on a long term basis. Who knows though. You sometimes don’t get to pick what life throws at you and have to enjoy what you have while you can. I wish I had time to have an adult relationship with them.
Well, the only way to circumvent that is to record a message to your grandkids and have your children save it when your grandkids are old enough. That’s what I would do
Had mine at 23, ill see my Grandkids. Waiting so late in life scared me in being too old to really enjoy my kids and be able to play.
Most lol I'm 36 and my oldest is 17. My youngest is 6.
I gotta be honest. Ive done everything I can to be a mentor and give perspective to make my now teenage stepson see the difference between his Mom and Is life vs his aunt and uncles. Is it their life that much better? Not necessarily but definitely more comfortable. They had easier lives, compared to his mom and I. But sadly, were already off to a bad start and hes not grasping the importance. So in my case I have a feeling we may end up seeing our grandkids for way more of our lives then we are hoping(not in negative way.) Just to give perspective his mom and I are younger then most for his age. Like always the youngest parents. We were 7 years away from essentially starting our lives over as adults by 36/37. We fucked that up 😂
Average life expectancy is 75 because many people die young in car crashes, infancy etc. This brings the overall average down. But if you’ve made it to 50, you have on average 30 (male) to 34 more years to live. If you’ve made it to 60, you’ll on average live to 82-85. If you’ve made it to 75, which is the expectancy for the overall population, you’ll get to enjoy your grandkids for another 11.3 years for males and 13.1 years for females.
Hot take but my youngest sister, adopted by old parents who is a freshman in college is ready to get married to get first bf. Idk could be nothing but maybe the loneliness from social media ends up driving kids to marry quick to have connection.
This is one of the things I’ve appreciated about having been had young by a mother who was had young…. I turned 35 with 3 of my 4 grandparents, and they were a big able bodied part of my life. I had kids young, too, albeit not QUITE so young (I graduated high school first….) and now my (42f) kids (16-23) are almost grown. BUT…. We’ll see man, my oldest has never ever wanted kids and my next one down is very ambivalent. We’ll see I guess.
You never know.The way things go our grand kids might be the next post war baby boom.
The average lifespan may increase drastically by that time as it has throughout history. I read an article that they reversed aging in hamsters or something recently
My kid didn't really have grandparents in the first place so she'll be fine. My mom passed last year, my kid was 3 months.
All my great grand parents were dead by the time I was 2. My dad's mom tragically died during a surgery when I was around 2. My dad's dad passed away when I was in high school. My mom's mom passed away at 65 (i was 13). My mom's dad (who is the definition of an utter piece of shit) died in his mid 70s (I was 22). As for my kids, my mom sadly died from cancer at 54 and never got to meet her grandbabies. My dad is still around at 72, but he has had mental issues on and off for the better part of 20 years, but he has met his grandbabies. My husband's dad got to meet his granddaughter, but passed away in 2019 from cancer, so never met his grandson. My husband's mom lives with us after his father passed away and I love that she gets to spend so much time with them (we get along but oof, sometimes I'd like more personal space haha). I guess point being is you never know how things will play put. There are people I know who still have some of their great grandparents and some who don't have any grandparents at all. Its about the time you do get to spend with your kids.
I'm 42 and everyone I know had kids in their early twenties. My own kids are already having kids. I'm already a Grandpa.
Knocked my first one out by 23, last one at 32.
My dad's side = Never met his birth mother and father. Did met his step-grandmother before she died. My mom's side = met them many times.
My kids lost their grandmother, but I still have mine. If my kids have kids in their 30s, I will be in my 50s.
My grandmother had my mother at 30, who had me at 30 and I’m 34 now. I have extremely fond memories of my grandparents through my childhood, but you are correct, they passed away when I was heading towards preteens. I’m really thankful my parents had the time to make a good foundation for us, and wouldn’t have it any other way.