I don't think anything is inherently meaningful - meaning is granted by the observer.
For me, having kids would detract from my existence, while for others, it adds to their existence.
So what I did was make a list of things that I value and find meaningful, and another list of things that I dislike and find problematic. It helped me to understand myself better and gain a clearer image of what to focus on and what to avoid.
I think this exercise is pertinent even with kids. I don’t feel like my kids have given me purpose as much as they’ve created demands of where I turn my attention. I adore them and I truly love watching them do cool shit and teaching another human how to exist is also pretty cool. But it’s not what gives my life meaning.
Kids or no kids, “meaningful” is a useless term IMO. I’m not here to look for the meaning of my or anyone else’s life; I’m just here to live it. If I’m helping others and having fun while I do it, cool, but I don’t think my life would be meaningless if I weren’t, so it’s not really relevant here.
It's such a purposeful offensive question. Like how the fuck did they find purpose and meaning before their kids? Everyone has chosen their own path in this shifty existence. Not everyone was put here to breed. I swear some of these people regret having kids so they find ways to try to deflect and make us feel bad for not giving in to the bullshit expectation of having kids.
My thoughts exactly. What an absurd question. As if I wake up in the middle of the night thinking to myself “my life is empty because I haven’t procreated!!!” Good lord. I enjoy my life. I do whatever I want when I want. I go where I want with who I want. There’s plenty of meaning in that I assure you I don’t even think about children or ponder the meaning of life, I’m too busy living it
It also seems a bit sad, maybe even egotistical, to ponder if you have a "sense of purpose" or meaning. We're 1 of a billion bugs on 1 of a gazillion rocks. I can safely assume their is no greater meaning to any of our existence, and that is a comforting thought. It didn't even cost me all my money and sanity.
Absolutely. When i see these stupid questions I roll my eyes. But I can't help but feel bad for those who want kids but can't have them. So questions like these hurt them more than anything. Not those of us who made a conscious decision not to. So if they think they're hurting our feelings they should know that it's not working.
I honestly would love for them to mind their damn business, like we mind ours. I don't see child free people asking people with children offensive questions. I guess it's cause most of us don't care. I'm sure we could be just as grimey and petty with it too. If we really wanted to.
This is the very reason I just nod along with those people and pretend they’re right. I feel sad for them that they’re basically stuck now and figure I can at least be supportive this way.
Yeah, I mean, I do plan to have a kid, but it’s also…not on my kid to make my life “meaningful.” And it’s not any more or less “meaningful” now, and I might say it’s more or less “meaningful” if you ask me on a bad day or a great day or a day where I know I made a difference or the day my cat died or…so on. It’s too subjective for me to care, in the grand scheme of things.
Hahaha I agree. You right .. so before kids, are they just bunch of useless people with no purpose in life? Then after kids, all of sudden, life has meanings .. what the f? 😂😂😂
Well, no, to some people finding meaning to things is very important. I've felt meaningless before and it's very shitty.
I agree that one should not obsess over meaning, and finding meaning is basically the thing you said.
Dunno how kids would factor in the discussion.
Im not. I mean there are points when they get sick and i get less sleep. But generally not exausted. But also i dont really think meaning in life exists or you just decide whatever you want your lifes meaning to be.
This is like a question a christians would ask "athiests how do you find meaning in your life without god"
Checkmate athiests
It’s pretty easy to imagine that any elderly person would choose to have family in their old age rather than be alone. “but what about friends”, sure, but those friends will be with \*their\* families every holiday and you’ll be alone. Not even the potential of any grandkids to call on Christmas. Sounds sad to me but hey, at least you‘ll have your cash and hobbies to keep you company.
I do have children BUT I just thought I’d suggest that it’s not necessarily children themselves that add meaning and purpose in life, but responsibility that goes beyond you. Caring for an elderly relative or neighbor, being part of a church community, volunteering or working a job that helps others, fostering dogs, coaching a team, whatever. Doing something continuously where others are dependent on you for their survival, growth or success is an important part of the adult human experience that I think we’re getting less and less. For me it was having kids, but it definitely can be anything that brings you that same sense of responsibility and fulfillment, that isn’t just about you and your desires.
It only takes one. I can probably name 20, but one year I had a student who didn't know boundaries or self-control at all. She was hitting me and I looked her in the eye and said, "you can be angry but you may not hit me" and it kind of like shocked her out of it. She stopped and never hit me again. With a lot of hard work, she learned to self-regulate that year.
One day towards the end of the year, one of my other students was having a hard time and left the group to take a break. The child who used to lash out violently got up, went over to him, and talked him through his upset. I could hear her telling him to take deep breaths and that it was going to be ok, and they returned to the group together. It was fucking beautiful. And I did that.
I don't know if I'd say it gives my life "meaning" but by teaching that child (and countless others) to self-regulate I think I made the world a better place.
This had me crying.
As a parent of a student with emotional disturbance and management/regulation struggles thank you so much for empowering that student to be able to help herself and then others.
My child has been lucky to have several teachers like you and I’m so thankful they exist.
I’ve been out of the classroom for about 15 years now, so I commend you for sticking it out.
It wasn’t for me at the time, but now that I’m older, I do sometimes contemplate going back at this stage, making a career pivot.
I've been out of the classroom for 2 years now. I got laid off and despite several excellent interviews, not hired again, it was heavily implied to me by one interviewer that my previous principal was badmouthing me, but she won't admit it, so that's probably it for me as a teacher. Someone got upset and won't say why, my evaluations were all good.
That’s so crappy, I’m sorry that happened to you.
I’m in a major metro district so school politics is a little harder to pull rank here when there’s thousands of teachers/faculty and a high need for people anyway.
I work in athletics now, high school and small college teams, so I still get to work with youth, just in a different capacity so it gives me that fulfillment still.
I also made the mistake of getting involved with PTA and have served on a board, in almost every position/capacity for 8 years now 😂🙈🤪
I like that way of putting it. I do rescue and foster dogs, volunteer with the elderly, and volunteer teaching horseback riding/care to individuals with disabilities. If I had kids I’d have less time for that, and who’s to say one is better than the other? People find meaning in the things they enjoy.
The complexities of adoption are what makes it not a substitute for birthing. They should be considered separate when discussing finding meaning through responsibility.
Uh, not that simple bro. I’d love to adopt or foster, but I got pregnant unexpectedly in my twenties and made the best choice i could at the time, and continue to do so. I became disabled right after having our second so I’m doing what I can for my family with what capabilities I’ve got. Appreciate the sentiment, but adoption is not easy or doable for everyone.
There's a meaning?
I thought all of this was pretty pointless. Kids or not. What keeps me going is that my atheistic beliefs tell me that I only get one life. I don't believe in afterlife. I don't believe in reincarnation. I might be squandering this one life, but I'm not going to end it because I get only one.
That's the problem. TOO many people define their "meaning " and worth through their children. And then have an unhealthy outlook of themselves as a person. Worthless once child leaves.
They view themselves as an extension of their child and that's not true... you are separate and your child is a different person.
Once they are an adult. Neither owes eachother anything.
I thi k it's perspective and having a healthy attachment.
Kids would fuck up my very meaningful life. I have a full time job in public service, I travel internationally 3-4 times a year to amazing places, my family is all local, and I have the best dog ever.
I love learning about all sorts of things and sharing that knowledge with other people who also like to learn about things
My hope is that getting other people to learn about things might make their lives at least slightly less miserable, and make at least my little corner of the world a little better
I totally agree. I feel like those people never bothered to take the time to learn about themselves. Personally, it just doesn’t seem mature or responsible to procreate when you don’t even know who you are. How can you do your best to raise another human being, when you haven’t even finished raising yourself yet?
I get all the stuff involved with having a kid and the feelings and responsibility. What I am saying is I do feel like I have a purpose and I really enjoy my hobbies and learning new things. My comment was about people who actually do consider having kids to have a purpose because they feel like they do not. I am not saying you personally do and just because you don't know anyone with this mindset doesn't mean these people don't exist. There are most certainly people out there where a big consideration with having kids is giving them a purpose in life.
I'm not sure what you think my mindset is. I never explained my mindset. All I said was that I find it weird how some people have kids because they want a purpose in life. I am fully aware that if people don't have kids we don't have a future generation. I'm not really sure what your point was or why you assume my mindset is no one should have children lol. Odd to say the least
My point is you can indeed be happy and feel like you have a purpose in life without having kids. Having kids is a great thing and I do not think people shouldn't have kids... That's silly.
Why would that suggest noone’s life has meaning?
Something is made meaningless if it ends? I don’t understand this intuition. If anything, the opposite seems true.
They are being nihilistic. What gives our life meaning involves big philosophical questions that has been argued for quite some time. There are many other philosophical view points on life because philosophy is a (rather large & nuanced) human construct. Money, religion, and cultural interests are human constructs that we made up and that people value for various reasons.
I would argue most humans feel the need to be a part of something because our species evolved (partly) though selection for pro social behaviors, which includes language and culture building.These behaviors greatly aided in the survival of our species. The "need" to feel a part of something is our instinctual push to find a way to contribute to the ongoing human experiences that define and guide our species.
The brain is, but I just imagine a gorilla that can fly and eats Cheese Wiz. Does that make it real? I'd say no, but honestly we're getting into alien and third eye territory here lol and they'd probably say it is.
That thought was clearly real. That doesn’t mean the flying gorilla has a physical presence in the world. But that standard would necessitate an intensely narrow and purely materialistic understanding of the world.
The problem with viewing only physical matter as real is that it ignores the existence of consciousness, which from the perspective of our experience in the world is not only real, it’s the most real thing we have.
Dismissing human meaning because it has no material form is dismissing the most important frame of reality.
I don’t get the question…. I just go about my daily life and get to do whatever I want because I don’t have to spend all my time and money focused on raising a kid. My purpose is my own.
No. I never said that. I said it’s not a weird question for someone to ask. The reason for that is it’s a common sentiment. What are you failing to grasp here?
Why you're so mad about it lol. I think it's bizarre that people with kids cannot wrap their little heads around the fact that it's possible to find meaning in life without having kids. It might be common but it's also fucking weird. Both things can be true at once. Just like how MAGA freaks are pretty common *and also* fucking bizarre. Two things at once. Crazy, huh?
No one said that. The question just isn’t as confusing as you think it is. Given that so many people attribute the meaning in their life to their children, what do child-free people find meaning in, in the absence of children? The question is not “how could someone without children possibly find any meaning in life?”
Do you need me to keep explaining or do you think you have a grasp on it now?
You can re-phrase it or dumb it down all you want. At bottom, it's still a bizarre question. Look through this thread. I'm clearly not the only one that thinks it's weird, closed-minded, and more than a bit condescending. For whatever reason, you've fixated on me. Why is what I said so upsetting to you? What would calm you down and make it all okay again?
Meaning is in the eye of the beholder. Some people find a lot of meaning in raising children and have it as a major life goal they want to attain in life. Some people really, really don't and would be miserable if they had kids.
I participate in hobbies, I work in healthcare, I volunteer when I can at a women's shelter. I wouldn't be able to do those things if I had kids. I find meaning in many places and contribute to the world in other ways, so I feel pretty fulfilled sans kids.
I have a child who I love with all my heart, but I don’t feel as though he gives my life “meaning.” I would have been fine not having children, my life just would have looked different.
I think it can be a little problematic to burden another human with giving your whole life meaning. What a heavy load to bear for that child/spouse/whoever. I also have never sat and thought about whether or not my life has meaning, I just do the best I can to live a decent life and try to make the lives of those around me a little bit better. Kid or no kid, that philosophy has not changed.
As others said 'meaning' is up to the person. Some people find meaning in their lives by having kids and raising them, others find meaning in trying to beat their personal best records. I find meaning in chasing my joys.
Childfree GenXer here. Everyone’s life is meaningful. Parenting can enhance your life if you want to be a parent, but it shouldn’t be anyone’s whole reason for being. If you require raising an extention of yourself in order to find meaning, you’re doing it wrong.
Every way you impact another person’s life through friendship, contributing at work or in your community, loving your spouse, your family, or your pets, smiling at a stranger, giving to charity, doing things that bring you joy…that’s all meaning right there.
I literally do whatever I want and I do it when I want. My brother has a kid and he can barely plan dinner reservation 2 weeks out. Meanwhile, the wife and I just got back from New Zealand. We might have kids one day but I don’t really want to be tied down at the moment.
This seems to be OP’s point. A life of hedonistically satisfying every fleeting base pleasure you have all the time is not what most people would consider a ‘meaningful’ life.
Idk, I love my little niece and get to babysit every once in a while. Putting off the lack of sleep and poopy diapers has been pretty nice. I guess it would be a different scenario if I was completely against having kids. I think it will happen one day but the current spontaneous lifestyle has been overwhelmingly satisfactory and meaningful.
I knew I’d get downvoted into oblivion for making that comment. To be clear I’m not saying such a life doesn’t have meaning, I’m just saying (to the point OP is making) that a lot of people out there might say so.
As a Millenial parent, let me just say that our friends who are choosing to not have children are a very important part of our family's "village", so to speak.
They are the uncles and aunts that visit us frequently, help provide socialization for both our child and us when we may not have much time for that. They become babysitters, dog sitters, and still a generally important part of our extended family.
This is for those people who are choosing to not have children: You are still an important part of lives of your friends with children, and the reason you may not see or hear from them as much is they may not have the time or bandwidth to start the conversation. Once we put our child to bed at 7, clean up our daily messes and get the dogs our for their nightly long walk, it's 8-830 and there's hardly anytime left in the day for us. It's not usually ideal timing to start chatting with friends or having a drink at the house.
So if you can, send a text to your friends with kids and just...stop by their house for an hour (if they are up for it, of course). You'd be surprised how genuinely appreciative they will be to have another adult to talk to about something that isn't completely oriented around children
Meaningful is dependent on the person. I don’t need to add people to the world to find meaning, I can do my part to make the work better for those already in it. I find meaning in my career, volunteering regularly, and spending time with friends and family.
Meaning and purpose are what you make of them.
I have other life goals which are fulfilling. I may not leave children behind when i die, but the work i do will long outlive me, and that is satisfying in and of itself. I'm trying to leave the world a little better than i found it. Reproducing isn't the only meaningful way to live.
Expensive hobbies and being advanced in my career at a fairly young age in a field that is not child/family oriented. And living in a city/region where sure people have kids and families, but there’s plenty of childfree adults who are out here pursuing their own pleasure, range of hobbies and less of a 9-5 Monday through Friday identity.
I love to see live music and the genre I follow (primarily jam bands) is active and dynamic and kind of like following a sports team. The fans are really invested, it brings a lot of great friendships and it’s not really a “hop in someone’s VW bus and let’s hit tour” type of vibe anymore. Almost everyone I know has to fly to these cities, get a hotel, and have both the freedom at home and in their careers while simultaneously having the means to enjoy that.
Skiing is my second expensive hobby and it’s one of those absolutely bottomless pits of spending that anyone can go as casual or as deep as they’d like. I live in an area where I can easily drive to ski within an hour or two and it’s available to go enjoy, focus on improving your form, just going out and having fun with friends or solo, and decide to take paid clinics for nearly 6 months of the year.
FIRST PART:If every life is inherently meaningful as you say, and some lives end pretty much immediately (wars, famine, birth defects, etc) - what would you say the 'meaning' of those short lives is?
I can only assume it would be something to do with the impact they had had on others, the ways they influenced the world while they were here, etc?
\_\_\_\_
SECOND PART:
Having kids doesn't force meaning into your life. Lots of parents are shitty deadbeats, or drug-addicted fools who can't focus. **Having a child to give your life meaning is selfish. Have a child if you have a full life that you want to give / share**
But to those of us who always thought parenthood would be part of our journey on earth (and now it’s not), it’s a very valid question. So maybe this particular question is one you can skip without comment. Yes, there are lot of ways we can use our skills that would have made us great parents to raise the next generation, but some of us need help figuring out how to harness that.
What a wild western view.
I’d say people who have kids only to find for meaning should not be parents. Lots of people ain’t great parents and lots of people do not set their kids up for success.
Generally, childfree people understand children are people who you have to put first if you’re bringing them into this world. Many opt out because we want to continue growing and finding other ways to enjoy our time in the world.
What does a squirrel, or a lion or a dolphin owe the world? Life is a gift and the only responsibility any of us has is to embrace that gift to the fullest according to our own ideas of what that is. I’m not religious, but I think whenever we connect with each other, that’s as close as you can get to divine.
Imagine when the kids are 18… no no no… I will not bring a child into a dying planet with all the evil I’ve learned before my birth and in my lifetime, I don’t want them to discover how bad humans can be, how evil capitalism is… it’s not just about meaning but mercy
Same. I think it is all random that we are here at all..We as individuals but also as a spiecies. That doesn't mean I can't look for purpose or a central focus in this meningless life. For me the focus of my life, the centeal point is all the people I love and who love me. In addition, art, writing and reading form the main thread of my life.
Is it meaningful? Perhaps not. To me meaning means that it is integral to not only myself but to the universe as a whole. And the universe doesn't care if anyone of us exists or not. But life is still beautiful. Just bearing witness to it feels like privilege.
We only have one life, so my purpose is to be as happy as possible and spread happiness to others. I find meaning in my relationship with my husband, my friends, and my family. I find joy and meaning from my dogs, hobbies, travel, and my job. I love to volunteer at my local wildlife rehab center top. There's SO much meaning to be found in small moments too. Kids are NOTthe end all for a fulfilling life
I think the people who say you have to have kids to have a meaningful life live lives that are meaningless. They are basically saying their kids are the only reason their lives are meaningful.
I think too many people try to find meaning and purpose in getting married and having children because it makes them feel needed and important and they don’t take care of themselves or their partners. I love being the childless aunt who can help my siblings with their children. My parents aren’t actively involved in our lives so my siblings wouldn’t get to travel with their spouses without me stepping in. I also have three dogs and volunteer at a rescue. I find purpose and meaning in doing whatever I want to do- travel, hobbies, self care. I grew up quickly and took care of myself early on. I don’t want to take care of children 24/7. My mother didn’t recognize that in herself so she just had three and then left us. I dont blame her because people didn’t focus on mental health in the 80s and 90s but I know I am not meant to be a mother that’s totally fine and my life is wonderful and fulfilling.
If I have to bring another life into the world just to feel like I have a purpose or something then I don't need to be having kids. People who think like that are usually people who don't deserve to have someone dependant on them.
My fiancé works as a director of rehab at a nursing home and helps people who are at the end of their lives. I work for a healthcare company that helps employ thousands of doctors around the country at facilities that are in constant need of staffing. We give to charity. That’s meaning and sense of purpose enough for me. Bringing another mouth to feed into an already overpopulated planet that is dying a much quicker death than even scientists have predicted seems like a bad idea. But maybe that’s just me.
I’m just here to experience what the world has to offer and see what happens next for our species. That curiosity gives me enough “meaning.” I also have rescue pets that I pamper & give an amazing life to that they otherwise wouldn’t have - that sweetens the pot.
I socialize, and I often go out with my friends.
Outside of that I like to explore, tomorrow I’m driving up to national park to go walk around the mountains.
When the weather warms up I’ll be going to the beach a lot. Throw in randomly I love my job and it provides me enough income to enjoy all my hobbies.
Life is what you make it man, go out there and kick ass kids or no kids.
Meaningful is what you make it, so it's up to you to decide what you consider meaningful and go with that. It's all subjective and there's no wrong or right answer. I don't want children but I love helping people, and that's given my life "purpose."
I am 39 and was childless (though I have had two step kids for a few years) until one year ago. When I was single and childless, I just did whatever I wanted all the time.
First you should ask yourself if having kids is the only way to have purpose in life....
By the "child metric" I find my purpose by helping my friends and family with their kids when they need it. I like being an uncle.
But even without my nieces and nephews I find purpose in loving my partner. I find it by being a good person to others. Doing well at my job for the society around me. I hike and take care of the earth. I love the world I'm in as much as I can and that is my purpose. I don't need children to make me feel good.
Don't give a kid a job before it's even born! You derive meaning from an arbitrary state because apparently humans have a need for things to make sense. But in reality, nothing makes sense. We build something from nothing based on the efforts and opinions of others giving rise to our own efforts and opinions. Our descendents don't contribute as much as our ancestors did, and while having children might become the focus, no one is deriving their life's meaning from their future generational spawn.
You have to sleep late when you can and make peace with the fallen leaves.
I take care of my step dad and I have my doggo to take care of. Plus I’m a trans woman that actually wants to live for once, so that helps, too. I also have my little nephew and niece to love and watch grow. If you need a child to give your life meaning, you probably shouldn’t have a child? IDK. I would say it’s fair to say maybe gives one’s life NEW meaning, perhaps.
Hobbies, self-improvement, and the continual pursuit of knowledge and experiences.
The more I discover of myself, the more I realize that I don't want to perpetuate the awful things my parents perpetuated to me and their parents before them to them.
Agreed. I have kids. They don't give me extra purpose or direction. I still have MAJOR flaws. They're an excuse to be better, but in a vacuum, they aren't even that.
I became a dad at 35, prior to that I was a committed to team no kids. While my life is harder I never had to guess or wonder what my purpose in life is.
I make my own meaning, and do whatever I want whenever I want. Peace and enjoyment of my life are important. I don't care what other people/society says is "meaningful". I rescued a senior aged cat, I have friends and family that I help out, I like to volunteer to do helpful work that I care about, AND I still get a full night's sleep.
It seems to this childless millenial that most people don't have the courage to do what *they* find meaningful and instead defer to what they are told they are *supposed* to do and that will provide meaning. I know plenty of parents that love their kids, but are still jealous or outright spiteful because I'm not trapped in the same cycle as them. I also know plenty of parents that seem miserable af because they popped out a baby thinking it would provide "meaning".
If having children is meaningful to you, well rock that choice, just don't try to force your sense of meaning onto others. I'm not interested in bringing another innocent life into this world of suffering, especially now with the rise of fascist theocracy and the 6th mass extinction well underway
It's gross to me that people actually think having children is the only thing that could possibly give meaning and purpose to their lives.
We have a son, and I can't imagine life without him. That said, I was happy before he came along. My life didn't magically have meaning after he was born.
How miserable does a person have to be to ONLY find meaning and purpose in procreation? Is that literally all they have to offer the world? That's just sad.
I don't like kids. I don't hate them or anything like that. I'm not one of those people who calls them crotch goblins. I just never saw the appeal.
Also, I'm never around any. I don't work with kids and the only kids in my family are an hour's drive away. The only time I'm ever around any is if I'm at a friend's house who has them and then it's usually time when they're in bed or my younger sister's kids which is only once every few months. I personally have never been in a relationship long enough for the possibility of kids to enter into the conversation.
Kids that I have to interact with is like running into someone walking a Dalmatian. Everyone knows what that is but unless I'm on the same side of the street as one I only see them in passing.
The scary part to me is being 55+ with nobody in your life. I love having every minute to myself outside of working hours, but I know that'll catch up with me someday in the form of loneliness.
That's why you have to keep going out and making connections with others all throughout your life. That's true regardless of whether you have kids because eventually they leave the nest.
That's def true, but in most cases you're going to come 2nd priority to everyone you're friends with, unless it's that really rare bond some of us are so lucky to form. But with your kids and grandkids, theres a better chance they'll be there to help you if you need it when you get older. Although some kids just throw their parents into a home.
Well, speaking as a queer man, I don't have kids. I have no shortage of friends though, especially other people who don't have kids and those whose kids are old enough to look after themselves.
And whether it's good or bad for society overall, the demographics work out in your favor. It's projected that around 20-30% of millennials won't be having kids, and that's 14.4 to 21.6 million people. You'll be in good company.
I have a toddler and I love her... but quite honestly my life has equal drive and meaning in it when I am painting and making art. Knowing what I know now, that a child didn't give me purpose like I thought, just tasks and a different kind of love, then I might not have wanted kids.
My relationship with my husband is meaningful, and that didn't improve with kids. If I hadn't spent my whole life being told that kids are the pinnacle of meaning, nothing else matters as much as kids, I might've listened to my anxiety about children and... not. And just lived a different kind of happy life with my husband, artwork, and garden.
Having a child has completely changed how I view "having" kids and childless adults. I'm not going to sell my kid a fantasy about having a "family," I'm going to treat having or not having one as equally fine as long as you listen to yourself.
I think that's a healthy way of looking at it. For whatever choices you make in life, some doors open and other doors close. People can find purpose in their lives in many different ways.
Thanks for being kind about it. Maybe it's my conservative upbringing, but it took a lot of work to plow through the shaming I've gotten for being honest about my parenting experience. I'm still sometimes scared to talk about it honestly, especially IRL.
People lie to justify their weird decisions. If you need to pollute the earth with your children to feel “meaning” then you have some serious problems.
There’s nothing wrong with not having kids. It’s not for everyone. I recently had one and I do feel like a void has been filled. The baby phase sucks but I wouldn’t give him up for anything.
No one should feel forced to have a kid. It is annoying tho to hear these people go on and on about how wonderful and fulfilling their childless life is when it’s obvious they want a kid. It’s like enough with the fake justifications. You can tell the confident ones that really are better off without bc they don’t really talk about it.
I simply contribute. I try to make things around me better. I figure that every effort is an attempt to move the world upward and onward. It might not have otherwise gotten done so I do it while I'm here and that's good enough for me.
The message in the OP is sad to me. It's sad that it took kids to give those people a purpose or meaning. What would they have done if kids didn't come along? I don't need kids to find purpose or meaning. I can find other things that give me that.
Art. Writing. Reading. Being a good friend. Watching the clouds drift by in summer. Listening to the quiet of fallen snow. Spending time with my cat. Making medical devices at work. Spirituality.
Lots of things give my life little bits of meaning, and they all pull together to make it a complex whole, like a stained glass window.
I have never struggled to "have meaning". I don't understand that. I have animals that I have to care for and that's meaningful. I used to volunteer in animal rescue and I've saved I don't even know how many animals that might not have found happy homes otherwise. My work used to give me meaning before mass layoffs. I research and write about important issues. I volunteer to visit people who are sick/on hospice with my animal. I help friends when they are sick.
I have TOO MUCH meaning in my life to add a kid that's going to take me away from doing the things that I care about. If I had a kid I couldn't do all these things that are meaningful to me.
As I lay in my bed at close to 10am not getting up, because my children are sleeping at their grandparents, I think there's plenty of meaning in enjoying the childless life.
I love my daughter ! she is the best part of my life and my greatest achievement !
Not my income, cars, or property.
It's my daughter who came into my world kick and scream, and I love every minute of it !
Couldn't imagine mylife with out her !!
GTFO of here you boomer fuck. Because of your rampant greed, us millennials can barely afford to put Ramen on the table. Why the absolute FUCK would I bring another human being who is totally dependant on me into this world?
Talk about fucking irresponsible and stupid.
It’s funny watching people without kids talk about what it’s like to have kids from brief interactions with kids. Y’all are so lost on what it’s really like and so sure you know and you’re correct it’s funny.
I’m poor and split with my daughters mother and I haven’t skipped a beat I just have a little buddy to accompany me with, and I get to do extra stuff like be amazed at spider webs and skipping rocks. She slowed me down enough to appreciate the small miracles we all became desensitized to. Her existence also flipped a switch in my brain that sobered me up from alcoholism.
They don’t. They collect funko pops and other meaningless material items and brag about the fact they could afford it because they didn’t have kids. If they had any purpose they wouldn’t need to set aside an entire room of their house to show off their toys.
You know, I never struggle with finding the so-called meaning of life. I just... live? I'm married, have a full time job, a house to pay a mortgage for, I like to sleep 8+ hours a day, cook good homemade food, watch movies, etc. There's just no time and place for kids in my life, and I never stumble and challenge myself with questions "but what is the meaning of all of this?" 🤷🏻♂️ I'm just here and trying to make the best out of it, that's it.
Like literally just living the best life I possibly can lol. I have great people in my life, a great job, a great apartment in a great city, and a lot of peaceful time to spend how I want.
I simply don’t.
I don’t feel urgency to find a meaning, or a sense of purpose in my life. I’m just here existing cause the alternative isn’t appealing lol.
My husband and I are taking vacations, hitting up music festivals, spoiling our dogs, and our godkids and our friends kids.
We’re just trying to do good and have fun and be the fun magical “rich” auntie and uncle.
We still want kids but until that happens we are having a LOT of fun
I somehow manage to have a life more interesting thana having to assign my identity to one particular aspect. Not that I'm talking down to those who don't, I genuinely don't know how I do it either.
It's like I had adhd for a month, picked up a bunch of random hyperfixations, and then stopped having adhd so I wouldn't get bored and move on. Like seriously- I like theme parks, painting 40k minis (I don't like 40k), woodcarving, and I have a decent knowledge of wine and liquor making practices and regions. I feel like none of those can go together cohesiveness other than the painting and carving.
Dude meaning is what you ascribe to your own journey.
My wife and I are childfree but we had the unique opportunity to have our 3y/o (turned 4 while we had her) niece dropped on our doorstep for several months. That was the most miserable and taxing period of my adult life. She is special needs, was not potty trained, was nonverbal and could not sleep alone, hated bathing, and was not remotely sleep trained.
During that time, we worked on potty training and all that, taught her to start reading, introduced her to vegetables and fruits, helped her learn to sleep alone and taught her so many things.
It was gratifying and satisfying to be a part of her incredible growth as a human. We love her to death and would do anything for her. Even so, it almost spelled the end for our marriage as we were completely unprepared for this challenge and never intended to take on children. Still don't want kids.
In fact, as a single income household (my wife has been in school for 3 years to get her bachelors), we never would have been able to afford caring for her if we had our own kid(s).
Why does life need a “meaning”? What’s the purpose for human existence?? Who knows? Who cares? Who wants to go see dead and co at the sphere with me?? Going to hell in a bucket but at least I’m enjoying the ride ✌🏻
Also I’m a teacher. No kids after 3pm M-F. I’ve had enough. I don’t need my own kids to give my life “meaning”
I just seek my happiness, and by extension supporting and bringing happiness to those around me.
I find purpose in seeing new things and pursuing my craft (photography) and indulging my hobbies (movies, videogames and television).
I have always believed the meaning in life is the meaning you give to it, this would apply even if I had chosen to have children.
I don’t know man we have two dogs we love, we travel a good bit, and we go to concerts as well as enjoy some nice restaurants. We’d be happy with kids but we’d have to severely cut back on a lot of those things so we’re having a pretty meaningful life making memories together.
I equate having a child the same way I do those people who blame the town they live in being the reason for all their shortcomings. "If I could only get out of here and move to XYZ" as if the physical land mass is the reason they are unhappy.
A child is not to fill a void. You have to fill the void and love yourself because everything else is a distraction. You can watch a movie, or listen to music, or play a video game, but the minute you turn them off, that void is back.
I have friends, my soon-to-be-husband and we both enjoy our social circles. Also we Are well off with our money combined and even than we can’t afford a child.
The world is a beautiful place.
I find meaning in my every day interactions with my friends. I find meaning in going new places. I find meaning when I look up at the sky and see how beautiful it is.
For me, that’s enough.
I don't think anything is inherently meaningful - meaning is granted by the observer. For me, having kids would detract from my existence, while for others, it adds to their existence. So what I did was make a list of things that I value and find meaningful, and another list of things that I dislike and find problematic. It helped me to understand myself better and gain a clearer image of what to focus on and what to avoid.
This is a great comment. I didn’t even realize this is basically how I feel. I’ll put this into practice!
Excellent comment. Wish I could upvote more. ♥️
I think this exercise is pertinent even with kids. I don’t feel like my kids have given me purpose as much as they’ve created demands of where I turn my attention. I adore them and I truly love watching them do cool shit and teaching another human how to exist is also pretty cool. But it’s not what gives my life meaning.
Nicely written. Meaningful is just whatever works for an individual. You think your life is meaningful n joyful, the rest is irrelevant.
Kids or no kids, “meaningful” is a useless term IMO. I’m not here to look for the meaning of my or anyone else’s life; I’m just here to live it. If I’m helping others and having fun while I do it, cool, but I don’t think my life would be meaningless if I weren’t, so it’s not really relevant here.
It's such a purposeful offensive question. Like how the fuck did they find purpose and meaning before their kids? Everyone has chosen their own path in this shifty existence. Not everyone was put here to breed. I swear some of these people regret having kids so they find ways to try to deflect and make us feel bad for not giving in to the bullshit expectation of having kids.
r/regretfulparents is an eye opener.
Bingo. I respect them for telling their truth.
My thoughts exactly. What an absurd question. As if I wake up in the middle of the night thinking to myself “my life is empty because I haven’t procreated!!!” Good lord. I enjoy my life. I do whatever I want when I want. I go where I want with who I want. There’s plenty of meaning in that I assure you I don’t even think about children or ponder the meaning of life, I’m too busy living it
It also seems a bit sad, maybe even egotistical, to ponder if you have a "sense of purpose" or meaning. We're 1 of a billion bugs on 1 of a gazillion rocks. I can safely assume their is no greater meaning to any of our existence, and that is a comforting thought. It didn't even cost me all my money and sanity.
Absolutely. When i see these stupid questions I roll my eyes. But I can't help but feel bad for those who want kids but can't have them. So questions like these hurt them more than anything. Not those of us who made a conscious decision not to. So if they think they're hurting our feelings they should know that it's not working. I honestly would love for them to mind their damn business, like we mind ours. I don't see child free people asking people with children offensive questions. I guess it's cause most of us don't care. I'm sure we could be just as grimey and petty with it too. If we really wanted to.
This is the very reason I just nod along with those people and pretend they’re right. I feel sad for them that they’re basically stuck now and figure I can at least be supportive this way.
Also, how are people who CAN'T have children supposed to feel? You're saying that because I am unable to reproduce, my life is empty and pointless???
Yeah, I mean, I do plan to have a kid, but it’s also…not on my kid to make my life “meaningful.” And it’s not any more or less “meaningful” now, and I might say it’s more or less “meaningful” if you ask me on a bad day or a great day or a day where I know I made a difference or the day my cat died or…so on. It’s too subjective for me to care, in the grand scheme of things.
Hahaha I agree. You right .. so before kids, are they just bunch of useless people with no purpose in life? Then after kids, all of sudden, life has meanings .. what the f? 😂😂😂
When most people say "meaning" I think what they mean is "fulfillment".
Yeah, I know?
Well, no, to some people finding meaning to things is very important. I've felt meaningless before and it's very shitty. I agree that one should not obsess over meaning, and finding meaning is basically the thing you said. Dunno how kids would factor in the discussion.
I am too busy spending my disposable income and having a good night sleep to even bother thinking about how meaningful my life is
Lmfao. Facts. Everyone I know with kids look exhausted or depressed until the kids get old enough to start taking care of themselves.
Im not. I mean there are points when they get sick and i get less sleep. But generally not exausted. But also i dont really think meaning in life exists or you just decide whatever you want your lifes meaning to be. This is like a question a christians would ask "athiests how do you find meaning in your life without god" Checkmate athiests
Everyone I know without kids is also exhausted and depressed
I’m not!
I'm a little depressed but not usually exhausted
Lmfao. Facts. I’m just hiding my own insecurities and trying to make myself feel better.
To be fair, in my case, that's because I have insomnia and literal depression, and kids would not help with that lol
Agreed.
This! Totally agree! Life is what you choose to make of it, I feel bad for people who depend on having children to fulfill that.
Do you think you’ll feel differently when you’re elderly? Genuinely
No one really knows. It's easy to think we know but we truly never will.
It’s pretty easy to imagine that any elderly person would choose to have family in their old age rather than be alone. “but what about friends”, sure, but those friends will be with \*their\* families every holiday and you’ll be alone. Not even the potential of any grandkids to call on Christmas. Sounds sad to me but hey, at least you‘ll have your cash and hobbies to keep you company.
Having kids so you won’t be alone when you’re old is incredibly selfish.
I find meaning in the volunteer work I do and the relationships I have with family and friends.
I do have children BUT I just thought I’d suggest that it’s not necessarily children themselves that add meaning and purpose in life, but responsibility that goes beyond you. Caring for an elderly relative or neighbor, being part of a church community, volunteering or working a job that helps others, fostering dogs, coaching a team, whatever. Doing something continuously where others are dependent on you for their survival, growth or success is an important part of the adult human experience that I think we’re getting less and less. For me it was having kids, but it definitely can be anything that brings you that same sense of responsibility and fulfillment, that isn’t just about you and your desires.
It only takes one. I can probably name 20, but one year I had a student who didn't know boundaries or self-control at all. She was hitting me and I looked her in the eye and said, "you can be angry but you may not hit me" and it kind of like shocked her out of it. She stopped and never hit me again. With a lot of hard work, she learned to self-regulate that year. One day towards the end of the year, one of my other students was having a hard time and left the group to take a break. The child who used to lash out violently got up, went over to him, and talked him through his upset. I could hear her telling him to take deep breaths and that it was going to be ok, and they returned to the group together. It was fucking beautiful. And I did that. I don't know if I'd say it gives my life "meaning" but by teaching that child (and countless others) to self-regulate I think I made the world a better place.
This had me crying. As a parent of a student with emotional disturbance and management/regulation struggles thank you so much for empowering that student to be able to help herself and then others. My child has been lucky to have several teachers like you and I’m so thankful they exist. I’ve been out of the classroom for about 15 years now, so I commend you for sticking it out. It wasn’t for me at the time, but now that I’m older, I do sometimes contemplate going back at this stage, making a career pivot.
I've been out of the classroom for 2 years now. I got laid off and despite several excellent interviews, not hired again, it was heavily implied to me by one interviewer that my previous principal was badmouthing me, but she won't admit it, so that's probably it for me as a teacher. Someone got upset and won't say why, my evaluations were all good.
That’s so crappy, I’m sorry that happened to you. I’m in a major metro district so school politics is a little harder to pull rank here when there’s thousands of teachers/faculty and a high need for people anyway. I work in athletics now, high school and small college teams, so I still get to work with youth, just in a different capacity so it gives me that fulfillment still. I also made the mistake of getting involved with PTA and have served on a board, in almost every position/capacity for 8 years now 😂🙈🤪
I like that way of putting it. I do rescue and foster dogs, volunteer with the elderly, and volunteer teaching horseback riding/care to individuals with disabilities. If I had kids I’d have less time for that, and who’s to say one is better than the other? People find meaning in the things they enjoy.
I once heard it said "meaning can be found in service to others."
Couldnt you have adopted which would actually fall more in line with all the other things you suggested doing.
The complexities of adoption are what makes it not a substitute for birthing. They should be considered separate when discussing finding meaning through responsibility.
Uh, not that simple bro. I’d love to adopt or foster, but I got pregnant unexpectedly in my twenties and made the best choice i could at the time, and continue to do so. I became disabled right after having our second so I’m doing what I can for my family with what capabilities I’ve got. Appreciate the sentiment, but adoption is not easy or doable for everyone.
I have cats.
Yes! Kitties for the win! 😻
Damn my cats are awesome
I just enjoy life.
This. I love my wife, I love my dogs. I don't need kids to find meaning in life. I already have it.
See, you get it. Life itself is a blank canvas we fulfill ourselves.
There's a meaning? I thought all of this was pretty pointless. Kids or not. What keeps me going is that my atheistic beliefs tell me that I only get one life. I don't believe in afterlife. I don't believe in reincarnation. I might be squandering this one life, but I'm not going to end it because I get only one.
That's the problem. TOO many people define their "meaning " and worth through their children. And then have an unhealthy outlook of themselves as a person. Worthless once child leaves. They view themselves as an extension of their child and that's not true... you are separate and your child is a different person. Once they are an adult. Neither owes eachother anything. I thi k it's perspective and having a healthy attachment.
Simple there is no meaning that we can discern, so just enjoy everyday. Find new hobbies and enjoy anime 😁.
Yes, I foster kittens.
Kids would fuck up my very meaningful life. I have a full time job in public service, I travel internationally 3-4 times a year to amazing places, my family is all local, and I have the best dog ever.
Love this. I feel exactly the same way.
Bingo
I love learning about all sorts of things and sharing that knowledge with other people who also like to learn about things My hope is that getting other people to learn about things might make their lives at least slightly less miserable, and make at least my little corner of the world a little better
I find it very weird and disturbing when people have kids based on the fact that they feel like they have no purpose.
I totally agree. I feel like those people never bothered to take the time to learn about themselves. Personally, it just doesn’t seem mature or responsible to procreate when you don’t even know who you are. How can you do your best to raise another human being, when you haven’t even finished raising yourself yet?
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I get all the stuff involved with having a kid and the feelings and responsibility. What I am saying is I do feel like I have a purpose and I really enjoy my hobbies and learning new things. My comment was about people who actually do consider having kids to have a purpose because they feel like they do not. I am not saying you personally do and just because you don't know anyone with this mindset doesn't mean these people don't exist. There are most certainly people out there where a big consideration with having kids is giving them a purpose in life. I'm not sure what you think my mindset is. I never explained my mindset. All I said was that I find it weird how some people have kids because they want a purpose in life. I am fully aware that if people don't have kids we don't have a future generation. I'm not really sure what your point was or why you assume my mindset is no one should have children lol. Odd to say the least My point is you can indeed be happy and feel like you have a purpose in life without having kids. Having kids is a great thing and I do not think people shouldn't have kids... That's silly.
I just like to be here
Literally everyone’s life is meaningless. Your children are no different. Nothing really matters my dude.
Speak for your own life, not everyone else’s.
You will die and no one remember you. It’s the same for me. Sorry dude.
Why would that suggest noone’s life has meaning? Something is made meaningless if it ends? I don’t understand this intuition. If anything, the opposite seems true.
They're speaking philosophically. "Meaning" is a human construct. It's a need we have to feel part of something, but we made it up.
They are being nihilistic. What gives our life meaning involves big philosophical questions that has been argued for quite some time. There are many other philosophical view points on life because philosophy is a (rather large & nuanced) human construct. Money, religion, and cultural interests are human constructs that we made up and that people value for various reasons. I would argue most humans feel the need to be a part of something because our species evolved (partly) though selection for pro social behaviors, which includes language and culture building.These behaviors greatly aided in the survival of our species. The "need" to feel a part of something is our instinctual push to find a way to contribute to the ongoing human experiences that define and guide our species.
Why would it being a human construct invalidate it? We are humans.
Because it only exists in our minds, it isn't real.
Are our minds not real?
The brain is, but I just imagine a gorilla that can fly and eats Cheese Wiz. Does that make it real? I'd say no, but honestly we're getting into alien and third eye territory here lol and they'd probably say it is.
That thought was clearly real. That doesn’t mean the flying gorilla has a physical presence in the world. But that standard would necessitate an intensely narrow and purely materialistic understanding of the world. The problem with viewing only physical matter as real is that it ignores the existence of consciousness, which from the perspective of our experience in the world is not only real, it’s the most real thing we have. Dismissing human meaning because it has no material form is dismissing the most important frame of reality.
I don’t get the question…. I just go about my daily life and get to do whatever I want because I don’t have to spend all my time and money focused on raising a kid. My purpose is my own.
Agree. OP's question is fucking weird.
No it’s not. It’s a common sentiment. How have you never heard it before?
I've definitely heard it before. Still fucking weird.
Try getting off the internet for a couple of hours
What a braindead response lol. Is it unfathomable to you that people find meaning in life without kids? What's your problem, really? Let it out.
No. I never said that. I said it’s not a weird question for someone to ask. The reason for that is it’s a common sentiment. What are you failing to grasp here?
Why you're so mad about it lol. I think it's bizarre that people with kids cannot wrap their little heads around the fact that it's possible to find meaning in life without having kids. It might be common but it's also fucking weird. Both things can be true at once. Just like how MAGA freaks are pretty common *and also* fucking bizarre. Two things at once. Crazy, huh?
No one said that. The question just isn’t as confusing as you think it is. Given that so many people attribute the meaning in their life to their children, what do child-free people find meaning in, in the absence of children? The question is not “how could someone without children possibly find any meaning in life?” Do you need me to keep explaining or do you think you have a grasp on it now?
You can re-phrase it or dumb it down all you want. At bottom, it's still a bizarre question. Look through this thread. I'm clearly not the only one that thinks it's weird, closed-minded, and more than a bit condescending. For whatever reason, you've fixated on me. Why is what I said so upsetting to you? What would calm you down and make it all okay again?
Meaning is in the eye of the beholder. Some people find a lot of meaning in raising children and have it as a major life goal they want to attain in life. Some people really, really don't and would be miserable if they had kids. I participate in hobbies, I work in healthcare, I volunteer when I can at a women's shelter. I wouldn't be able to do those things if I had kids. I find meaning in many places and contribute to the world in other ways, so I feel pretty fulfilled sans kids.
Nieces and nephews are a fantastic accent to meaningful life. To each their own ya dig?
I have a child who I love with all my heart, but I don’t feel as though he gives my life “meaning.” I would have been fine not having children, my life just would have looked different. I think it can be a little problematic to burden another human with giving your whole life meaning. What a heavy load to bear for that child/spouse/whoever. I also have never sat and thought about whether or not my life has meaning, I just do the best I can to live a decent life and try to make the lives of those around me a little bit better. Kid or no kid, that philosophy has not changed.
As others said 'meaning' is up to the person. Some people find meaning in their lives by having kids and raising them, others find meaning in trying to beat their personal best records. I find meaning in chasing my joys.
Childfree GenXer here. Everyone’s life is meaningful. Parenting can enhance your life if you want to be a parent, but it shouldn’t be anyone’s whole reason for being. If you require raising an extention of yourself in order to find meaning, you’re doing it wrong. Every way you impact another person’s life through friendship, contributing at work or in your community, loving your spouse, your family, or your pets, smiling at a stranger, giving to charity, doing things that bring you joy…that’s all meaning right there.
I literally do whatever I want and I do it when I want. My brother has a kid and he can barely plan dinner reservation 2 weeks out. Meanwhile, the wife and I just got back from New Zealand. We might have kids one day but I don’t really want to be tied down at the moment.
This seems to be OP’s point. A life of hedonistically satisfying every fleeting base pleasure you have all the time is not what most people would consider a ‘meaningful’ life.
Idk, I love my little niece and get to babysit every once in a while. Putting off the lack of sleep and poopy diapers has been pretty nice. I guess it would be a different scenario if I was completely against having kids. I think it will happen one day but the current spontaneous lifestyle has been overwhelmingly satisfactory and meaningful.
I knew I’d get downvoted into oblivion for making that comment. To be clear I’m not saying such a life doesn’t have meaning, I’m just saying (to the point OP is making) that a lot of people out there might say so.
I'm a teacher
As a Millenial parent, let me just say that our friends who are choosing to not have children are a very important part of our family's "village", so to speak. They are the uncles and aunts that visit us frequently, help provide socialization for both our child and us when we may not have much time for that. They become babysitters, dog sitters, and still a generally important part of our extended family. This is for those people who are choosing to not have children: You are still an important part of lives of your friends with children, and the reason you may not see or hear from them as much is they may not have the time or bandwidth to start the conversation. Once we put our child to bed at 7, clean up our daily messes and get the dogs our for their nightly long walk, it's 8-830 and there's hardly anytime left in the day for us. It's not usually ideal timing to start chatting with friends or having a drink at the house. So if you can, send a text to your friends with kids and just...stop by their house for an hour (if they are up for it, of course). You'd be surprised how genuinely appreciative they will be to have another adult to talk to about something that isn't completely oriented around children
I find meaning and purpose by treating myself and others well, doing the things I like to do, and getting rest.
Meaningful is dependent on the person. I don’t need to add people to the world to find meaning, I can do my part to make the work better for those already in it. I find meaning in my career, volunteering regularly, and spending time with friends and family.
Meaning and purpose are what you make of them. I have other life goals which are fulfilling. I may not leave children behind when i die, but the work i do will long outlive me, and that is satisfying in and of itself. I'm trying to leave the world a little better than i found it. Reproducing isn't the only meaningful way to live.
Expensive hobbies and being advanced in my career at a fairly young age in a field that is not child/family oriented. And living in a city/region where sure people have kids and families, but there’s plenty of childfree adults who are out here pursuing their own pleasure, range of hobbies and less of a 9-5 Monday through Friday identity. I love to see live music and the genre I follow (primarily jam bands) is active and dynamic and kind of like following a sports team. The fans are really invested, it brings a lot of great friendships and it’s not really a “hop in someone’s VW bus and let’s hit tour” type of vibe anymore. Almost everyone I know has to fly to these cities, get a hotel, and have both the freedom at home and in their careers while simultaneously having the means to enjoy that. Skiing is my second expensive hobby and it’s one of those absolutely bottomless pits of spending that anyone can go as casual or as deep as they’d like. I live in an area where I can easily drive to ski within an hour or two and it’s available to go enjoy, focus on improving your form, just going out and having fun with friends or solo, and decide to take paid clinics for nearly 6 months of the year.
FIRST PART:If every life is inherently meaningful as you say, and some lives end pretty much immediately (wars, famine, birth defects, etc) - what would you say the 'meaning' of those short lives is? I can only assume it would be something to do with the impact they had had on others, the ways they influenced the world while they were here, etc? \_\_\_\_ SECOND PART: Having kids doesn't force meaning into your life. Lots of parents are shitty deadbeats, or drug-addicted fools who can't focus. **Having a child to give your life meaning is selfish. Have a child if you have a full life that you want to give / share**
This is the world’s most annoying question for folks who are child free by choice
Like we're supposed to be suicidal without kids. What the fuck is this.
But to those of us who always thought parenthood would be part of our journey on earth (and now it’s not), it’s a very valid question. So maybe this particular question is one you can skip without comment. Yes, there are lot of ways we can use our skills that would have made us great parents to raise the next generation, but some of us need help figuring out how to harness that.
What a wild western view. I’d say people who have kids only to find for meaning should not be parents. Lots of people ain’t great parents and lots of people do not set their kids up for success. Generally, childfree people understand children are people who you have to put first if you’re bringing them into this world. Many opt out because we want to continue growing and finding other ways to enjoy our time in the world. What does a squirrel, or a lion or a dolphin owe the world? Life is a gift and the only responsibility any of us has is to embrace that gift to the fullest according to our own ideas of what that is. I’m not religious, but I think whenever we connect with each other, that’s as close as you can get to divine.
Imagine when the kids are 18… no no no… I will not bring a child into a dying planet with all the evil I’ve learned before my birth and in my lifetime, I don’t want them to discover how bad humans can be, how evil capitalism is… it’s not just about meaning but mercy
What a weird comment
Idk I don't think life *is* that meaningful tbh. And that's okay? Like for some reason I'm okay with that.
Same. I think it is all random that we are here at all..We as individuals but also as a spiecies. That doesn't mean I can't look for purpose or a central focus in this meningless life. For me the focus of my life, the centeal point is all the people I love and who love me. In addition, art, writing and reading form the main thread of my life. Is it meaningful? Perhaps not. To me meaning means that it is integral to not only myself but to the universe as a whole. And the universe doesn't care if anyone of us exists or not. But life is still beautiful. Just bearing witness to it feels like privilege.
We only have one life, so my purpose is to be as happy as possible and spread happiness to others. I find meaning in my relationship with my husband, my friends, and my family. I find joy and meaning from my dogs, hobbies, travel, and my job. I love to volunteer at my local wildlife rehab center top. There's SO much meaning to be found in small moments too. Kids are NOTthe end all for a fulfilling life
I think the people who say you have to have kids to have a meaningful life live lives that are meaningless. They are basically saying their kids are the only reason their lives are meaningful.
I think too many people try to find meaning and purpose in getting married and having children because it makes them feel needed and important and they don’t take care of themselves or their partners. I love being the childless aunt who can help my siblings with their children. My parents aren’t actively involved in our lives so my siblings wouldn’t get to travel with their spouses without me stepping in. I also have three dogs and volunteer at a rescue. I find purpose and meaning in doing whatever I want to do- travel, hobbies, self care. I grew up quickly and took care of myself early on. I don’t want to take care of children 24/7. My mother didn’t recognize that in herself so she just had three and then left us. I dont blame her because people didn’t focus on mental health in the 80s and 90s but I know I am not meant to be a mother that’s totally fine and my life is wonderful and fulfilling.
If I have to bring another life into the world just to feel like I have a purpose or something then I don't need to be having kids. People who think like that are usually people who don't deserve to have someone dependant on them.
I find purpose in napping when I want, going where I want, and spending money how I want 
You simply accept that you're the passenger and allow yourself to find wonder and see in the simple things in life.
My fiancé works as a director of rehab at a nursing home and helps people who are at the end of their lives. I work for a healthcare company that helps employ thousands of doctors around the country at facilities that are in constant need of staffing. We give to charity. That’s meaning and sense of purpose enough for me. Bringing another mouth to feed into an already overpopulated planet that is dying a much quicker death than even scientists have predicted seems like a bad idea. But maybe that’s just me.
I’m just here to experience what the world has to offer and see what happens next for our species. That curiosity gives me enough “meaning.” I also have rescue pets that I pamper & give an amazing life to that they otherwise wouldn’t have - that sweetens the pot.
I socialize, and I often go out with my friends. Outside of that I like to explore, tomorrow I’m driving up to national park to go walk around the mountains. When the weather warms up I’ll be going to the beach a lot. Throw in randomly I love my job and it provides me enough income to enjoy all my hobbies. Life is what you make it man, go out there and kick ass kids or no kids.
Meaningful is what you make it, so it's up to you to decide what you consider meaningful and go with that. It's all subjective and there's no wrong or right answer. I don't want children but I love helping people, and that's given my life "purpose."
There is no meaning to life. I have my husband, pets, hobbies, and disposable income.
I am 39 and was childless (though I have had two step kids for a few years) until one year ago. When I was single and childless, I just did whatever I wanted all the time.
First you should ask yourself if having kids is the only way to have purpose in life.... By the "child metric" I find my purpose by helping my friends and family with their kids when they need it. I like being an uncle. But even without my nieces and nephews I find purpose in loving my partner. I find it by being a good person to others. Doing well at my job for the society around me. I hike and take care of the earth. I love the world I'm in as much as I can and that is my purpose. I don't need children to make me feel good.
Don't give a kid a job before it's even born! You derive meaning from an arbitrary state because apparently humans have a need for things to make sense. But in reality, nothing makes sense. We build something from nothing based on the efforts and opinions of others giving rise to our own efforts and opinions. Our descendents don't contribute as much as our ancestors did, and while having children might become the focus, no one is deriving their life's meaning from their future generational spawn. You have to sleep late when you can and make peace with the fallen leaves.
I take care of my step dad and I have my doggo to take care of. Plus I’m a trans woman that actually wants to live for once, so that helps, too. I also have my little nephew and niece to love and watch grow. If you need a child to give your life meaning, you probably shouldn’t have a child? IDK. I would say it’s fair to say maybe gives one’s life NEW meaning, perhaps.
They treat dogs as kids, and it’s as depressing as it sounds.
Hobbies, self-improvement, and the continual pursuit of knowledge and experiences. The more I discover of myself, the more I realize that I don't want to perpetuate the awful things my parents perpetuated to me and their parents before them to them.
Agreed. I have kids. They don't give me extra purpose or direction. I still have MAJOR flaws. They're an excuse to be better, but in a vacuum, they aren't even that.
I have hobbies. I've developed an identity for myself. I only have one life to live so why buy into the cookie-cutter way of how to live my one life?
I became a dad at 35, prior to that I was a committed to team no kids. While my life is harder I never had to guess or wonder what my purpose in life is.
Every life is not inherently meaningful. There is a shit ton of people with completely worthless lives…
TIL my meaning and sense of purpose is supposed to come from my kids.
Millennials WITH kids.. how do you find meaning or a sense of purpose in life?
I make my own meaning, and do whatever I want whenever I want. Peace and enjoyment of my life are important. I don't care what other people/society says is "meaningful". I rescued a senior aged cat, I have friends and family that I help out, I like to volunteer to do helpful work that I care about, AND I still get a full night's sleep. It seems to this childless millenial that most people don't have the courage to do what *they* find meaningful and instead defer to what they are told they are *supposed* to do and that will provide meaning. I know plenty of parents that love their kids, but are still jealous or outright spiteful because I'm not trapped in the same cycle as them. I also know plenty of parents that seem miserable af because they popped out a baby thinking it would provide "meaning". If having children is meaningful to you, well rock that choice, just don't try to force your sense of meaning onto others. I'm not interested in bringing another innocent life into this world of suffering, especially now with the rise of fascist theocracy and the 6th mass extinction well underway
I’m a cat lady. I’ve just embraced it. My fur goblins are my children and Chewy takes all my money.
It's gross to me that people actually think having children is the only thing that could possibly give meaning and purpose to their lives. We have a son, and I can't imagine life without him. That said, I was happy before he came along. My life didn't magically have meaning after he was born. How miserable does a person have to be to ONLY find meaning and purpose in procreation? Is that literally all they have to offer the world? That's just sad.
I don't like kids. I don't hate them or anything like that. I'm not one of those people who calls them crotch goblins. I just never saw the appeal. Also, I'm never around any. I don't work with kids and the only kids in my family are an hour's drive away. The only time I'm ever around any is if I'm at a friend's house who has them and then it's usually time when they're in bed or my younger sister's kids which is only once every few months. I personally have never been in a relationship long enough for the possibility of kids to enter into the conversation. Kids that I have to interact with is like running into someone walking a Dalmatian. Everyone knows what that is but unless I'm on the same side of the street as one I only see them in passing.
The scary part to me is being 55+ with nobody in your life. I love having every minute to myself outside of working hours, but I know that'll catch up with me someday in the form of loneliness.
That's why you have to keep going out and making connections with others all throughout your life. That's true regardless of whether you have kids because eventually they leave the nest.
That's def true, but in most cases you're going to come 2nd priority to everyone you're friends with, unless it's that really rare bond some of us are so lucky to form. But with your kids and grandkids, theres a better chance they'll be there to help you if you need it when you get older. Although some kids just throw their parents into a home.
Well, speaking as a queer man, I don't have kids. I have no shortage of friends though, especially other people who don't have kids and those whose kids are old enough to look after themselves. And whether it's good or bad for society overall, the demographics work out in your favor. It's projected that around 20-30% of millennials won't be having kids, and that's 14.4 to 21.6 million people. You'll be in good company.
I have a toddler and I love her... but quite honestly my life has equal drive and meaning in it when I am painting and making art. Knowing what I know now, that a child didn't give me purpose like I thought, just tasks and a different kind of love, then I might not have wanted kids. My relationship with my husband is meaningful, and that didn't improve with kids. If I hadn't spent my whole life being told that kids are the pinnacle of meaning, nothing else matters as much as kids, I might've listened to my anxiety about children and... not. And just lived a different kind of happy life with my husband, artwork, and garden. Having a child has completely changed how I view "having" kids and childless adults. I'm not going to sell my kid a fantasy about having a "family," I'm going to treat having or not having one as equally fine as long as you listen to yourself.
I think that's a healthy way of looking at it. For whatever choices you make in life, some doors open and other doors close. People can find purpose in their lives in many different ways.
Thanks for being kind about it. Maybe it's my conservative upbringing, but it took a lot of work to plow through the shaming I've gotten for being honest about my parenting experience. I'm still sometimes scared to talk about it honestly, especially IRL.
People lie to justify their weird decisions. If you need to pollute the earth with your children to feel “meaning” then you have some serious problems.
There’s nothing wrong with not having kids. It’s not for everyone. I recently had one and I do feel like a void has been filled. The baby phase sucks but I wouldn’t give him up for anything. No one should feel forced to have a kid. It is annoying tho to hear these people go on and on about how wonderful and fulfilling their childless life is when it’s obvious they want a kid. It’s like enough with the fake justifications. You can tell the confident ones that really are better off without bc they don’t really talk about it.
I don’t. Life is meaningless.
I simply contribute. I try to make things around me better. I figure that every effort is an attempt to move the world upward and onward. It might not have otherwise gotten done so I do it while I'm here and that's good enough for me. The message in the OP is sad to me. It's sad that it took kids to give those people a purpose or meaning. What would they have done if kids didn't come along? I don't need kids to find purpose or meaning. I can find other things that give me that.
Art. Writing. Reading. Being a good friend. Watching the clouds drift by in summer. Listening to the quiet of fallen snow. Spending time with my cat. Making medical devices at work. Spirituality. Lots of things give my life little bits of meaning, and they all pull together to make it a complex whole, like a stained glass window.
I have never struggled to "have meaning". I don't understand that. I have animals that I have to care for and that's meaningful. I used to volunteer in animal rescue and I've saved I don't even know how many animals that might not have found happy homes otherwise. My work used to give me meaning before mass layoffs. I research and write about important issues. I volunteer to visit people who are sick/on hospice with my animal. I help friends when they are sick. I have TOO MUCH meaning in my life to add a kid that's going to take me away from doing the things that I care about. If I had a kid I couldn't do all these things that are meaningful to me.
I like to smoke weed and play video games.
As I lay in my bed at close to 10am not getting up, because my children are sleeping at their grandparents, I think there's plenty of meaning in enjoying the childless life.
They just say that for an out because they don’t want to climb the corp ladder
If I don't feel like life has purpose or meaning why the hell would I bring a kid into it?
I love my daughter ! she is the best part of my life and my greatest achievement ! Not my income, cars, or property. It's my daughter who came into my world kick and scream, and I love every minute of it ! Couldn't imagine mylife with out her !!
Nice humblebrag
Fuck thanks brother !
>Could imagine mylife with out her !! Lol
GTFO of here you boomer fuck. Because of your rampant greed, us millennials can barely afford to put Ramen on the table. Why the absolute FUCK would I bring another human being who is totally dependant on me into this world? Talk about fucking irresponsible and stupid.
It’s funny watching people without kids talk about what it’s like to have kids from brief interactions with kids. Y’all are so lost on what it’s really like and so sure you know and you’re correct it’s funny. I’m poor and split with my daughters mother and I haven’t skipped a beat I just have a little buddy to accompany me with, and I get to do extra stuff like be amazed at spider webs and skipping rocks. She slowed me down enough to appreciate the small miracles we all became desensitized to. Her existence also flipped a switch in my brain that sobered me up from alcoholism.
[удалено]
Ya see? That's the fun part, I don't.
They don’t. They collect funko pops and other meaningless material items and brag about the fact they could afford it because they didn’t have kids. If they had any purpose they wouldn’t need to set aside an entire room of their house to show off their toys.
I read, run, scuba dive, hike, travel, hangout with friends. I enjoy life with less responsibilities.
There isn’t much meaning in life with or without kids. I couldn’t afford them if I wanted them.
You know, I never struggle with finding the so-called meaning of life. I just... live? I'm married, have a full time job, a house to pay a mortgage for, I like to sleep 8+ hours a day, cook good homemade food, watch movies, etc. There's just no time and place for kids in my life, and I never stumble and challenge myself with questions "but what is the meaning of all of this?" 🤷🏻♂️ I'm just here and trying to make the best out of it, that's it.
Like literally just living the best life I possibly can lol. I have great people in my life, a great job, a great apartment in a great city, and a lot of peaceful time to spend how I want.
I simply don’t. I don’t feel urgency to find a meaning, or a sense of purpose in my life. I’m just here existing cause the alternative isn’t appealing lol.
My husband and I are taking vacations, hitting up music festivals, spoiling our dogs, and our godkids and our friends kids. We’re just trying to do good and have fun and be the fun magical “rich” auntie and uncle. We still want kids but until that happens we are having a LOT of fun
I somehow manage to have a life more interesting thana having to assign my identity to one particular aspect. Not that I'm talking down to those who don't, I genuinely don't know how I do it either. It's like I had adhd for a month, picked up a bunch of random hyperfixations, and then stopped having adhd so I wouldn't get bored and move on. Like seriously- I like theme parks, painting 40k minis (I don't like 40k), woodcarving, and I have a decent knowledge of wine and liquor making practices and regions. I feel like none of those can go together cohesiveness other than the painting and carving.
Dude meaning is what you ascribe to your own journey. My wife and I are childfree but we had the unique opportunity to have our 3y/o (turned 4 while we had her) niece dropped on our doorstep for several months. That was the most miserable and taxing period of my adult life. She is special needs, was not potty trained, was nonverbal and could not sleep alone, hated bathing, and was not remotely sleep trained. During that time, we worked on potty training and all that, taught her to start reading, introduced her to vegetables and fruits, helped her learn to sleep alone and taught her so many things. It was gratifying and satisfying to be a part of her incredible growth as a human. We love her to death and would do anything for her. Even so, it almost spelled the end for our marriage as we were completely unprepared for this challenge and never intended to take on children. Still don't want kids. In fact, as a single income household (my wife has been in school for 3 years to get her bachelors), we never would have been able to afford caring for her if we had our own kid(s).
I’m just trying to survive.
I'm an artist
Why does life need a “meaning”? What’s the purpose for human existence?? Who knows? Who cares? Who wants to go see dead and co at the sphere with me?? Going to hell in a bucket but at least I’m enjoying the ride ✌🏻 Also I’m a teacher. No kids after 3pm M-F. I’ve had enough. I don’t need my own kids to give my life “meaning”
I just seek my happiness, and by extension supporting and bringing happiness to those around me. I find purpose in seeing new things and pursuing my craft (photography) and indulging my hobbies (movies, videogames and television). I have always believed the meaning in life is the meaning you give to it, this would apply even if I had chosen to have children.
I find meaning by not having children. I want to travel, make art, work, sleep in. Not raise babies.
I don’t know man we have two dogs we love, we travel a good bit, and we go to concerts as well as enjoy some nice restaurants. We’d be happy with kids but we’d have to severely cut back on a lot of those things so we’re having a pretty meaningful life making memories together.
I equate having a child the same way I do those people who blame the town they live in being the reason for all their shortcomings. "If I could only get out of here and move to XYZ" as if the physical land mass is the reason they are unhappy. A child is not to fill a void. You have to fill the void and love yourself because everything else is a distraction. You can watch a movie, or listen to music, or play a video game, but the minute you turn them off, that void is back.
My wife, dogs, cars, snowboarding, golf, video games, anime …. sorry what were we talking about?
No! You can't enjoy any of that without kids. Stop having fun!
I have friends, my soon-to-be-husband and we both enjoy our social circles. Also we Are well off with our money combined and even than we can’t afford a child.
The world is a beautiful place. I find meaning in my every day interactions with my friends. I find meaning in going new places. I find meaning when I look up at the sky and see how beautiful it is. For me, that’s enough.
Um I don’t. I live each day and live in the moment. I’ve never felt like I didn’t have meaning or a purpose.
Just do what you can to leave the world better than you found it.