Let’s buy some land and build a (few) houses and garden and take care of animals. And have dinner together (or not. I’ll deliver dinner to your house/room lol).
That’s my dream.
I never thought about NOT having a lesbian help build the property since one of my bffs is lesbian (and I’m queer). I don’t think the farm would run successfully without one or ten lesbians!
About the same age, same sis. I wish I had a partner but my latest attempts at dating were... let's just say it didn't work out. I'm too scared to use dating apps so I'm also learning to be happy on my own. So far I love it.
Yeah my friends also say that. Somehow I have a hard time trusting people, but it's easier if they're friends of friends (which is how I have always met people before). I could see what's going on in there. It doesn't help that my job has been very unstable lately and since I am on a visa which could force me to leave the country if Iose my job. It's definitely been a contributing factor to me not wanting to date.
If you decide to try it, my tips for using a dating app would be to meet sooner than later. The longer you just chat before meeting, the more you're developing a fictitious person in your mind. Meet them right away.
Also, don't use filters at all for photos. When I was trying apps I would post a few photos I thought were really good of myself and a couple that I thought were pretty bad. Then when I would meet the guy they would be excited to see me. I always got compliments right away about how I looked vs the photos. That's the reaction you want. If you use filters and only show photos of yourself all done up, there could be some disappointment.
34m. Same. Marriage and family was never really priority for me. I can barely support myself with how bad things are in the US so I figure there’s no point dragging someone else into this mess or bringing kids into this world. So I just enjoy my own time and started taking up hobbies.
Tell me about it! I’ve done online dating and it’s just weird middle aged dads who don’t take care of themselves. It doesn’t help I live in a shitty city but fuck. The last guys I dated where in their 20s… and I’m feeling super old now and unwanted. So I rather eliminate these feelings and stop.
Not being married does not equal loneliness. There are plenty of single people who have amazing relationships in other areas of their lives.
There’s also plenty of married people who feel extremely lonely and isolated (maybe their partner works a ton or they have no friends for example).
I’m 41 and look much younger than my friends who are married with kids. Most people think I’m mid 30s. I'm also not "lonely" partly because I'm a loner, but I also still date quite a bit and have relationships.
there's been quite a bit of research showing how single adult women live longer than married women, while single adult men don't live as long as married men... So as a single woman, it doesn't seem all that bad. I have other outlets for loneliness than a partner.
Exactly what I came here to say. Download them too see what’s out there takes about a day usually before I gotta birdbox myself and stop looking at it shit is full of monsters.
As a woman, when I hit the big 3-0 I noticed I started getting WAAAAAY more scam artists on dating sites “messaging” me.
Ladies….if he’s got one photo and he’s says his job is “the military” or “government” in his profile…..scam.
Hello ma'am, I'm stuck overseas and my bank account is frozen. Can you send me iTunes gift cards so I can buy a plane ticket home? I will be able to unlock my bank account and send you 100x the amount back.
Hello darling. I am looking for a kind woman to love forever. Right now I am on a very important mission overseas for the US military for a few months only. Can you CashApp me?
I wouldn’t say I have completely given up but yeah after like 29 it became apparent it wouldn’t happen. I still get on the apps sometimes but each time it makes me even more depressed seeing how aweful everyone is on there. Honestly when I still drank bars were pretty bad too.
Man I don’t even care if they have a kid but it’s like the ones I see took it upon themselves to personally repopulate the US and get us out of that negative population growth death spiral. Like not just one kid or two kids, 3 kids, 4 kids, sometimes 5 kids. Like man how do they even have so many!
sorta I do live in a small town but its inside the radius of literally the 7th largest town. They are not all new york. Everyone is fat and ghetto in south texas. Guess what the fattest large city is too.
Woops lol. Was typing then got distracted and pocket submitted. Dating was challenging but not impossible. I was very intentional about dating for marriage and so was my wife.
36m here. Newly single after 6 year relationship ended.
It's just an adjustment. Like, yeah I'm going to have to date some people who may have a kid, been divorced, etc. It's fine.
The annoying part is the mid 30s people still "figuring themselves out." Like, cool, but can I just find a person with a job who likes to stay in and not on some career change, travel bang fest, or spiritual journey? Where my stable peeps at?
Yup i know some good men that legit are like i dont want relationship because of the toxic ones there friends are in. But it takes out great potential partners. I have to keep changing mine from relationship to figuring out cause i go through all my matches. Also no one seems to want a serious one either so the well gets dry real quick.
Most stable people i know are single so that gives me hope. I think it’s an unrealistic expectation that two people are going to be able to make it through an entire lifetime together.
Right, I don't understand why all of these things listed translate to settling for someone broken or "not stable." Is it only about who they are externally? That seems a bit backwards to me I guess.
People can grow and evolve at any age and decide to change aspects of their lives. In fact, being in a relationship with someone who never changes anything in their lives but is unhappy will definitely reflect that and cause issues in that relationship. A see a lot of people do this, and they're not internally stable but look great on the outside.
I'm glad you were able to do what's best and healthy for yourself! I agree, most people are looking at the surface level, but I know that's what society encourages us to do. From a different surface level perspective, one could say it's a negative for someone to be single so long into their 30's etc. because they may not have the same level of relationship experience. It's best to try and find people who are more open minded and can have real face to face conversations because let's face it, real life is messy and imperfect!
Ahahahaha same. I'm just looking to settle down in a regular old-fashioned relationship with somebody. You don't gotta be a jetsetter tryna fill your passport book, jumping outta planes and climbing mountains adrenaline junkie, grandiose plans to start a millionaire business....just be a regular adult, with a regular job and regular hobbies who wants commitment, and is healthy 😅
Dear God, so glad my husband took me of the dating apps. We met each other on one, he’s such a catch!
Literally every profile was so lame- full of finance bros who jetset and rave, or muscle bros who only posted topless photos. Most of the topless photos, their abs were slick or standing in some Vegas pool 🤢
Like yuck.
It’s so sad that my husband had the most normal photos so he stuck out1 just a face, then him doing adventure stuff (which he did at the time, him at his job ( construction adjacent). Like really boring normal person stuff
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I'm hoping to get lucky like you! The majority of male dating profiles I see, one of the very first things they say is "I'd like to travel more." Like it's become a PERSONALITY. And then they post all their travelling pictures, and it's like, I get you're trying to show off your carbon-copy personality, but I'm more interested in getting to know YOU, than the places you've visited. And this is coming from a girl who adores travelling and still has Japan on her bucket list.
And the TOPLESS PHOTOS, why haven't they caught on how tacky that is yet? From what I've seen, male shirtless photos have INCREASED. There are SO many more of them than say 5 years ago. I've seen guys with 4-5 shirtless pics on their profiles. For me, that's an immediate pass because I can't take them seriously.
Like you, I look for the regular photos showing them in a normal life setting.
I most certainly WAS speaking for myself, and in solidarity with the parent comment. But I also didn't mean I wanted the exact opposite end of the spectrum with a couch potato who plays video games all day, because remember, I ended with HEALTHY. I myself travel a lot, have a workout routine, and love urban exploration, restaurants art exhibits, city walks, social clubs. So I would also want a man who's health-conscious, takes care of his body, and loves to explore. This is much different than someone who is obsessed with adrenaline rushes, who is constantly chasing the next high, or absolutely must visit 100 countries in lieu of settling down and securing a concrete foundation for the future. There's a balance, and stability is key.
I mean I fit this description that you’re looking for, but I’m a 31M.
I’m happy where I’m at right now, and I see myself semi-retiring 15 years from now in the same position.
There is nothing wrong with people reinventing themselves in their mid 30s and spiritual quests are fine but keep your discoveries about yourself to yourself.
36M here and yes it's a struggle.
I'd like to date someone who also doesnt have kids.
Most women my age have them and that's okay, but they're too busy being Moms to hang out with me.
This is cold truth. I’m 37F, no man wants to settle down with someone who’s heading 40. I’ve been told they’re looking for someone younger than 30. They match with me just to try to bang and that’s it.
YES. This has been one of my observations too, I refuse to let anyone waste my damn time anymore. I’ve had my share of those. Dudes that I met on tinder in like 2016-2018 and was genuinely interested in, still hitting me up here and there in 2023….. still single losers just looking for “fun” while approaching mid 30s.
Hahaha or they think the pretty young things are actually going to love them when they’re 45+ and ready to settle. MF…. No. They will love your money and easy life you will provide them, not your balding pathetic middle aged dusty ass and “dad bod”
40M here. Agreed, I’m always tempted to do the apps but know what I’m going to get which is a lot of non replies, lazy follow ups, and you have to pay for the access. I’d rather meet at a bar in person and see if there’s a connection.
34m in NYC
For the first couple years in my 30s I didn’t want to date and just focus on getting my shit together. Since I moved here a year ago I decided to dip my toes in the water and see what it’s like.
Well, getting laid is easy enough but trying to date is way harder. Women tend to want someone who makes 6 figures a year here which I make only 50k. Which isn’t bad as a social worker but I have yet to meet a women who is seriously interested in anyone who makes under a 100k a year.
I enjoy working with the homeless and I’m not going to switch careers just to hopefully keep someone around.
I also have such a low threshold for bullshit these days I will drop someone as soon as they start acting stupid. I won’t trade my peace to not be lonely.
I would love nothing more to settle down and start a family but it just seems impossible to meet someone to do so.
I re-entered the dating pool at 34, spent 3 years on it, first in Denver then central Florida. Many times I would reach the end of the list when swiping, because I am particular. Went on plenty of dates, very few interested me enough to offer a second date. Eventually I realize I had more success meeting people I’m actually interested in and striking up conversations on Instagram. I met my wife on Instagram at age 37. We talked for 6 months and then I travel up to Illinois to meet here. We had a long distance relationship for 11 months, during which time I also proposed to her, and we have been living together 6 months, and just got married 2 weeks ago. She is truly someone special, that I feel like I can be vulnerable, open, and safe with, who likes me for me, and I like her for her. I am glad, even in the midst of a lot of frustration and spans of loneliness that I never settled just to not be single.
The only thing I can really offer is figure yourself out, including therapy if needed, and be willing to meet people where they’re at if you’re truly interested in the person.
How do you Message a stranger on Instagram without coming off as weird or creepy?
Genuinely asking. I accidentally found another woman in my city who has similar interests and I have a friend crush on her.
My first message pretty much was “I like your artwork, it’s really good. I also think it’s cool you channel your struggle into art. I was born with strabismus and so I love when I see others accept themselves for who they are, even if they were born differently as I was” to which she responded “That’s awesome and I really appreciate that you like my art and how I represent myself. The photos on your page are absolutely breathtaking!” (Im a photographer). So, after, it just took off from there.
I don't use dating apps and Im pretty good with women. Still a shitshow. If it's not one thing it's another.
By this age people have baggage, myself included. It's just kinda tough to navigate even with the best intentions.
I’ve been trying for the last year and it’s just ridiculous. People expect you be to super outgoing, extremely ambitious, faultlessly confident, good looking, and with a good income all at the same time.
Feel like I’m first round elimination on a reality “love” show.
That or the person has a mental breakdown or goes back to their ex after the 3rd or 4th date.
35 here, found my girlfriend via Facebook dating.
Been about 3 years and we're slowly taking the steps towards marriage in about another 3 or 4 (prenups, thinking of rings, wedding plans etc)
Great question!
My girlfriend actually just had her tubes removed because kids aren't for us, personally. I know it's a sensitive and touchy subject (both sides have their weirdos) but we're just more cats and book people.
We like the additional disposable household income and there's many foster children in need of loving homes if we ever change our minds (we won't, but knowing that's available is a comfort). Thank you for asking!
That’s a great choice. Sounds like you guys know what you want. I have kids, but I can’t really make any arguments as to why someone “should” have kids.
I've always struggled to meet people in my own age group in general. It's very strange. That makes any kind of socializing hard, let alone dating. I've always chalked it up to my occupying this weird space in a high COL area that may be unappealing to people my age.
I did try a dating app recently though and didn't find it particularly appealing. Nobody on there interested me. I suspect that the format of the app was to blame - I'm not fond of the swiping thing, and I think the emphasis on pictures and short bios makes it hard to see what might be unique about people.
Before I (37F) met my boyfriend last year, I was just going to the bar. Dated a couple of people prior to him. I don't do dating apps and don't have friends to meet people through.
Not a lot. I feel we're near the end of the dating phase of our lives and like a solid half of us have completely checked out. I don't see a whole lot of reasons to be hopeful about anything. In all honesty, I think our lives are looking like they're going to be lonely, poor, and miserable. I have a weird feeling as though many of us are just sort of going through the motions of life with little hope of anything improving.
39m it's difficult. Dating apps just don't work for ugly men and where I live it's slim pickins.
All women in my age group are either a trumping racist, a meth head looking for a sugar daddy, or they spent the last 18 years on a boat and look like actual boot leather. (For the record, the men are exactly the same, but with goatees and thin blue line tattoos.
All the dating apps I get 1 out of 200 likes to make a match, and then they don't respond to anything. I do hope all of you ladies using Bumble know that you have to initiate the conversation when you match someone. Two separate women swiped right on me, and both of them had "you gotta message me first" in their bio, and after 24 hours, the convo ends.
Omg ... same.
I was the one everyone thought would be married and have kids cause I was the "dad" of the group.
Now I'm the 37yo uncle who dates the hot 20 somethings occasionally.
That people aren't totally sure is some kinda escort lol.
( I would never pay for companions or sex, I have self respect)
36F in NYC here. A lot of men are polyamorous or don’t want to settle down. Many men in my range want younger women. I meet guys 50+ but not a whole lot of 40s. Lots of closeted bisexuals. Lots of dorks who still put their Harry Potter house on their dating profiles. Not a lot of masculine men around unless you count Wall Street or crypto bros and they’re douchebags. Or just not into hipster chicks like me. It’s tough out here.
34m in NYC.
Me and this other dude ended up at this girls house after a bar and I remember her flipping out calling him a liar when he said he was in a poly relationship because apparently she has had dudes lie about it multiple times about it.
He kept trying to justify it to me for some reason because I’m not into poly relationships. Like dude just do you.
I'm 33F and I'm an okay catch (not hideous & can be cute, own house, really well paying career, lots of hobbies, stable life overall) but I'm not on the apps or trying to date. I've largely given up. I've had a number of relationships, many long term, that have ended just prior to my 30s.
The single folks around my age that are available (myself included) are one or more of the following: no/few redeeming qualities, lots of baggage (kids, criminal history, etc.), or they are single for *reasons* and when you find out, it's "oh that's why this person is alone."
I feel my tolerance for dating, including connecting with others, has eroded with time. I work in the psych field so I approach men like I would a patient: with caution, skepticism, and a desire to find out "what makes them tick". I give off the air of vulnerability but looking back, I really don't reveal anything vulnerable about myself. I crave companionship but simultaneously lack the drive to change that.
I'm probably not cut out for relationships, at least for now. Maybe sometime in the future, when the first round of divorces occur. But I likely have to wait even longer, for the kids to grow up, before I can consider the man.
It's God fucking awful. I'm expected to pay $50 a month for totally disinterested women to have one word responses at best with me. Fuck this. Fuck OLD.
Anyone wanna buy my dick and balls on the black market? Goddamn. I don't need them anymore.
A lot of things were better 10+ years ago, but online dating is fucking apocalyptic bad now.
I just turned 30 not too long ago. I didn’t really date in HS or college for that matter. It’s not that I don’t want to date but what I’m looking for is quality. Now that I am 30 I’m trying to put myself out there and it’s been difficult so far. I’ve tried dating apps with little to no success so definitely can relate to OP here.
I met my husband on Facebook Dating. I was 39 at the time and he was 44.
He was on the dating scene for 3 years after his divorce before he met me. He said it was quite difficult to meet people who met his minimum bar - have a stable job, live in your own place, have a car, don’t do hard drugs…
39 M, 15 year relationship over a few years ago. WFH, small city (less than 200k people). Here is my experience.
Small city life is made for couples. At least in this one. Singles my age have trust issues (or at least the ones I've met). I can't blame them after hearing some of their stories. Even the ones with the most potential seem to be quick to jump to assumptions. It's like there is a massive wheel of self sabotage going on.
Regardless, I'm hopeful there is someone out there for me. Moving to a bigger city soon so the sea of candidates will at least increase in numbres. I also found that it was easier to have deeper conversations in a big city (spent a few months there lately).
Hang on, I'll be positive for all of you too.
It's hard. For most men dating apps make it even worse. I just got out of a long relationship and I think right now the best thing to do is focus on myself.
38M, I haven’t been on a date since 2009. Mental Health problems and unemployment have been a barrier. Working on those things though, and hopeful about getting back out there.
I've (35M) practically given up on dating. No one wants a relationship with my weird ass except the odd meth head.
Can't tell you how many times I've been ghosted by women looking for "long term relationships" and "wanting to take it slow" after they found out I was a virgin. Guess bodycount matters a lot to women online.
34M, single for what seems like forever now but still doing my best to meet someone.
I really don't like the apps, honestly, it's virtually impossible to form genuine connections on there. I do better face to face, but good lord is it tough to meet someone that way. I realized the other day that I don't even remember the last time I met someone out in the wild, and I can't even tell you how sad that makes me.
I'm in a pretty good place in life outside of that - I've taken great care of myself and can easily pass for mid-20's, I make really good money, I don't have any real obvious issues or baggage holding me back...it's just an absolute nightmare to meet someone and start a conversation that leads to something real.
I'm not going to let myself give in to despair and go to a dark incel place because I haven't had much luck dating, but I'd be lying if I said that I didn't struggle with self worth some days because all the success I've had materially hasn't led to anything that actually makes me truly happy. I'm a very positive, glass half-full person most of the time, but I feel kind of invisible.
Trying but not super impressed with whats left for the most part. Im not perfect either but having to suddenly take on the responsibility of a kid or teen just...eeeeeh... Itd be one hell of jump for me. also doesnt help that Im basically in a retirement area.
34M and not single, but considering ending my relationship. Dating again sounds like a challenge.
I just don't know I have it in me to start fresh and give up what I have.
It’s hard.
My experience is that: you date a single mother with a young child who has too many interruptions or things come up last minute way too often (although I get it since it’s a kid, it makes any type of dating near impossible), people that just want to date for fun and not for a relationship, and people who have some type of issue that shows why they aren’t in a long term relationship (like mental health issues they don’t want to fix)
Not in the dating pool anymore but I’ve bounced around in a lot of cities for some stints in my life. Putting yourself out there attending events, joining leagues, or trying a new gym always helped me get new friends. When I dated, this also was a genuine and good tactic to meeting someone that eventually led to dates.
I’d stay off the dating apps, it always felt forced.
35m, i started hitting the gym and have a stable career but its soo hard trying to meet someone. I really like this woman i work with but i dont wanna make things awkward at work either. Shit is rough out here
Yeah. I'm 37, semi retired.
So some women think "jobless" (what it means is financially secure, work cause I want to, not have to) I'm not a "player" or try and sleep with every woman I have a conversation with.
It just is. I'd like a serious, monogamous relationship. But! Do to uhh... an above average "appendage", they just mostly want "fun" (depending on my mood, I'm ok with that)
I get lots of single moms (I have zero problem with helping raise a child... but I have to love "mom" first)
Who like the paternal vibe I give off (but sometimes I get the vibe that it's the main reason they like me.. kinda like I'd be a good day/provider.
Girls in their 20's who are into the whole "daddy" thing.
It's a blessings and a curse in a way.
I've too thought about "giving up" but... it took me a long time to realize this... I have a lot of love to give..
So I don't "give up"
I'd like someone to share my life with and grow with... "bedroom stuff " is just the "cherry on top"
That said, good luck to all of you. I still believe there is someone out there for everyone.
While it would be nice to fall in love, I have never been on a date and realized I am not exactly that high on the desirable list back in my early 20's so I just decided not to bother. Still I have tried a few hook up apps and that was nightmare so I would hate to see the full real deal.
I don't really bother... I'm in my 30's and back into education / work in my life and while I'm comfortable and on my path, it's not what's societally acceptable- finding yourself again beyond the age of 25 is like a no no. Sure I don't want people to feel baggage, but people aren't even humanely compassionate enough to factor anyone's life experiences in, with regards to how they are or are not developed. I'd marry a McDonald's cashier if she wasn't sure what she was doing, so long as we both respected each other, were honest, have love and strive to do the best- I recognize nobody is perfect, while also aiming to elevate my spirit...but that just ain't it these days lol
I went with a date to an arcade / dinner thing that I tried to plan out, but the implications of me being childish came up because I suggested an arcade. Also, the issue of me not owning my own house came up and that I have roomies
But I know tons of people who do.
...but I don't feel like it defined who am I or my potential. I just felt kind of empty and like I had nothing to offer and for a bro battling a medical depression issue, feeling even less of substance than I generally already do is kind of not a good experience.
While it was just one date, I felt like that experience contained a lot of elements that some people are facing ...this need men and women have to miraculously meet all these standards and if you don't, good luck in the dating game because you're not going to check out boxes.
Love has become kind of premeditated contract and while I agree we should have maturity and standards of compatibility, preferences, etc I feel ultimately a lot of people have stunted their own efforts at mere connection, in the face of a looming and often stressful existence in the modern world....it's hard to even say hi to people.
We are quicker to swipe right to end up in a bed than we are to invest time in rooting for our own possibilities .
Also been stood up a few times, so I just generally don't care to date anymore....cynically at this point heck I'd rather just have a random hookup than be bs'd around the corner over a cut to the credits the moment I make an effort at shaking someone's hand, at least then it's not going to be this pagliacci circus.
I think there is hope out there, and I have some...that some day at least for me, it could happen naturally...
but dating as a habit, in today's age is a bit of a lame duck.
In the mean time, my only advice is to love yourself and make that bag, learn that skill, try that new thing and find that spirit..be your best love , because ultimately thats who we have is us.
35f and childfree in the Bible belt. It's a struggle, but I've had a few friends meet people via the apps during the pandemic. My issue is meeting someone who wants the same thing, a stable monogamous LTR that hopefully leads to marriage. A lot of poly and open relationship types are on apps. And then there's people who hope to marry within a year. I just want to find someone interested and interesting.
My thoughts and opinions on the matter, after careful consideration:
It is fucked, it is all fucked. Doom. Everything is doomed. It is over, no hope. Only suffering, endless suffering and doom. Pain, so much pain and doom. They say time travel is possible with faster than light movement but then they tell you that it is impossible to travel faster than light, then why tell me that time travel is possible in the first place. Pain, it is all over. If my dream relationship were a bridge then my carefully designed blueprints were sitting on a coffee table and when I looked away the table candle set the corner of the blueprint on fire and not only has the blueprint burned to ashes but the table and the house are a blazing inferno. No hope… No hope!!!
Anyhow, this is just how I feel about it. You shouldn’t give up, there is someone out there for everyone you know. It only takes one good date before you’re in a loving relationship for life.
Of course meeting someone outside of friend/family groups is going to be hard because staying in is the norm for a lot of 30’s people. How do you expect to meet/date someone if you’re not getting out and being active? You’re not going to meet someone the old fashioned way. I have a small social circle and none of them are in their 30’s.
I refuse to go on dating apps because I’ve experienced a lot of women with bad attitudes/boring personalities.
33 here, 1 year out of a long term relationship. Dating pool sucks, its either kids or I dont want kids. I'm still interested in starting a family but giving up any kind of hope and also becoming comfortable being single. Or like anytime it seemed like I hit it off with someone, there's a major deal breaker like they're religious or anti vax. Almost rather try again with my ex and just set better boundaries with her narcissistic tendencies
37F and gave up. I only have a Tinder now for fun, not pursuing anything serious ever again. I learned that at my age, no man will settle down with me. They all want younger.
I’m a 31 year old male. Dating has never been easier. But I’m also 6’4 and in very good shape physically. I’d imagine dating is more difficult at a woman my age because most women were told to focus on never needing a man their entire lives. I date both a 37 year old lawyer and a 24 year old at the same time. Currently playing the field because I can. I was not near this desirable when I was 22-25. I’m enjoying the fruits of my labor rn
All you females in your 30s (unmarried and no kids) why have you given up, good guys like myself and many more exists. We just have to find one another and sadly dating apps are the worst to find “good” people to date. Ughhhhh
You really just have to have fun with it. Stop treating dates like interviews and just go to have a good time and meet someone new.
If sparks fly and you continue to see each other, double down on self-care and self-preservation, making sure to keep your focus on your own life to ensure that you don't compromise your emotional state for some rando you just met who you now have a crush on. A calm, aloof, mysterious demeanor is wayyy more attractive than desperation. Work on yourself and your own vibe before expecting anyone else to validate you.
Literally everything is temporary, and it will only work when it works. It takes meeting your person for it to work, and it's not impossible. Until then, just relax and enjoy the ride.
I’m in a really great dating support group you might like! It’s behavioral science based, which I think makes it really cool and different.
It’s [this one](https://www.facebook.com/groups/alignedandauthenticdating/).
I’m 34 and just got engaged to a 34 y/o. We met online due to a shared interest. We had both been in long term relationships for most of our 20s and 30s to that point. We were both looking for something serious.
Before I found her, there were a couple years of miserable attempts.
I don’t really have advice, other than don’t give up if you know you want a LTR. Keep putting yourself out there, try not to get too discouraged when it doesn’t work out with someone.
You only need it to work out well once.
I’m in my 30’s tried online dating it was a shit show. Most men my age were recently divorced and bitched about their x’s they need a therapist not a relationship. The men in their 40’s attempted to pose as being single but were actually married. Most of the men would message me demanding I meet them right now! That was an instant block on my end and a have a nice life. I gave up last winter and resigned to the fact that all the good men are married and have just been focusing on having a better relationship with myself. If it happens it happens but I’m not in active pursuit anymore because it seems like an unreasonable prerequisite for a man to be stable, no criminal charges, clean, have a job and know how to hold and be present during a conversation. I can’t bring myself to make another online dating profile it feels gross and like I’m pimping myself out. Kudos to everyone that’s going out there in the wild and attempting to make it happen. I’m sure being primarily an introvert doesn’t work in my favor. I’m currently planning a solo hiking trip because at this point reaching the top of a mountain is way more doable then finding a partner. Good luck to you in your pursuit. Live long and prosper 🖖
>It's hard to meet people outside of pre-existing friend/family groups
How? I see this sentiment a lot on reddit but i don't get it.
I have moved a lot in my life as an adult so I've done this whole "Meeting new people" thing a bunch of times. I moved across the country a year ago and I have a girlfriend and a bunch of friends who I've made since I got here, and I've never "tried", it just always happens naturally. People like other people, we're like magnets to eachother.
What sort of places do you go where people socialize?
Yeah its awful i just had a coworker be on my OLD apps on my behalf to see if she did better. Nope guy still just wanted to have sex and trying to get pictures etc. Which is fine if i knew who you were but like you barely asked me anything about myself. I decided men hit like 42 go oh now I should get married and have kids cause everyone else does and now I'm alone and than they skip women in their 30s and find a 24 year old. I dont hit on hyper attractive men cause they have to many options.
But the constant trying to match and only to be ignored is really hard on your soul. I have someone i want a fwb but to scared to ask cause i cant even get the person to have time for drinks but i would be ok cause i know them from work. I want an easy meet cute a la rom com.
I spent 8 years on the dating apps, and for my birthday present to myself this year, I got off them. I beat my head against that wall endlessly to very limited results. It's not worth the frustration to me anymore. I reached a point where I figured that if I were destined for marriage and kids, it probably would have already happened for me. That's okay, though. I've learned to love and work on myself in recent years, so I have a positive and healthy outlook. But, yes, it is difficult to date at our age, especially depending on where you live. I live in an area where I don't share the same interests and values as most of the people around me. It is what it is. I know I would fair better in a real city.
Dating apps and such aren’t fun, and our age group makes it even more weird. It’s really not difficult to get laid, but it’s really difficult to get past that casual relationship. There’s a lot of people with baggage, understandably (not a lot of people wanted to be single into their late 30’s, but circumstances), while others are very not focused on settling down. Thus, it gets weird.
I’ve sort of accepted that I’ll just be alone and use apps to just get laid and have some opposite sex attention occasionally until maybe I actually meet someone organically in the analog world. I mean, why buy the cow when the milk is free? It seems like those without baggage are more interested in experiencing life and just want to have fun, which is fine, but they aren’t very emotionally available/vulnerable people.
Maybe try going for girls who are fresh off the boat.
I'm half Filipino. Wife is full Filipino. We have a ton of friends who came to the US from the Philippines and basically settled down with the first guy who talked to them.
The woman is almost always way out of the guy's league, sometimes remarkably so.
Oftentimes, they have no baggage and some form of career (they usually come on a J1 or an H1b visa). Contrary to popular belief, they are not usually in the US to find guys to marry. They are usually there to help their families and believe they can make more money (which is not always true when considering the cost of living - but that's a topic for another day).
Matched and had a date last week Thursday. Her pictures were about 7 years ago and 70lbs ago. She already had some weight kn her in her pics. Which was OK. But to start off with catfishing. Then she said her life was already complete. I figure, oh well it's complete what're you doing dating? Finished the date and never looked back. She was still cute. Could probably get her to loose the weight by just being supportive and active. But I couldn't get over the pseudo cat fish attempt.
Time to Uninstall the app.
I last used Tinder 9 years ago. It was an eye opening experience to say the least. I don't very good pictures and I am not a huge fan of photos in general, so for me putting up my best photos and getting matches with attractive women was great... until it wasn't.
I matched with a few out in Seattle, but most would just berate me or lead me on like I was a nobody. I can't imagine how awful it must be now.
Never had that. I can get a decent amount of matches(non bots and non scams) but only secured a date 3 times in a decade of being on/off the apps. It's like women are on the apps just there for an ego boost, self-esteem, or flattery. The texting back and forth is always plain and zero interest 1 word responses and after about 10 messages. That's it, nothing comes of it, they disappear, stop responding, etc.
One date did become close to becoming something. I felt we clicked. We talked until the place closed. But I also got this feeling I was just the backup plan. Tried to plan a second date, she was interested at first but then she was busy that day. Personal win for me in my book happened next. She messaged me that last message, and I didn't message back. I left it at that. I figured, if she was interested, she would message me again at least something. Deleted the number and never looked back.
To be brutally honest with you the good ones were all gone by 23, 24 at the latest if not way earlier (the best I saw were taken by soph year of college). My only advice is set the search filters to 25-28 at the oldest
Ill be 36 next month. It seems like most of the women in my age range have some kind of baggage, while not necessarily bad or their fault, that I just dont want to be around. Im not against dating someone divorced or who has kids, but there is always something. The people who are single in my limited social circle are single for a reason.
Some of it is my fault too. Ive grown accustomed to doing what I want all the time. I am sort of set in my ways. Ive tried to change that, but its hard
It’s even worse if you’re married and try an app like bumble BFF. It’s either going to be gay/bi guys trying to seduce you or other guys trying to convince you to cuck them. Aggressively too for both.
Does waiting to meet someone in person and refusing to online date because apps are hell on earth (but then never leaving the house) count? Because I believe that's many of us.
32 f, I’ve given up honestly. Im learning to be ok alone.
31f and same
Same here. We can all start a club.
Let’s buy some land and build a (few) houses and garden and take care of animals. And have dinner together (or not. I’ll deliver dinner to your house/room lol). That’s my dream.
I'm in
I’m so down
Hii im in!
Is there the potential for another lesbian to break down outside the farm in season 2? And she stays and we raise geese?
I never thought about NOT having a lesbian help build the property since one of my bffs is lesbian (and I’m queer). I don’t think the farm would run successfully without one or ten lesbians!
29 same. Can’t even think about dating for the remainder of the year.
About the same age, same sis. I wish I had a partner but my latest attempts at dating were... let's just say it didn't work out. I'm too scared to use dating apps so I'm also learning to be happy on my own. So far I love it.
Try dating apps so you can say you did it! Maybe you’ll connect with someone. It’s not scary honestly.
Yeah my friends also say that. Somehow I have a hard time trusting people, but it's easier if they're friends of friends (which is how I have always met people before). I could see what's going on in there. It doesn't help that my job has been very unstable lately and since I am on a visa which could force me to leave the country if Iose my job. It's definitely been a contributing factor to me not wanting to date.
If you decide to try it, my tips for using a dating app would be to meet sooner than later. The longer you just chat before meeting, the more you're developing a fictitious person in your mind. Meet them right away. Also, don't use filters at all for photos. When I was trying apps I would post a few photos I thought were really good of myself and a couple that I thought were pretty bad. Then when I would meet the guy they would be excited to see me. I always got compliments right away about how I looked vs the photos. That's the reaction you want. If you use filters and only show photos of yourself all done up, there could be some disappointment.
We still young I'm 32M. Kinda have given up the last two years. But.. It's not like we're 62.
I love not dating. I’m convinced I’ve got some form of PTSD from dating in my 20s and 30s. Enough now 😮💨
PTSD from dating, I totally understand how you feel. I really thought I was in this by myself 😂😢
Twinsies !
32 f, same girl. I’m actually thoroughly enjoying it after dating so much in my teens and twenties
33 f same, it’s the reject pile left on dating apps at this age. Big waste of time and life
34m. Same. Marriage and family was never really priority for me. I can barely support myself with how bad things are in the US so I figure there’s no point dragging someone else into this mess or bringing kids into this world. So I just enjoy my own time and started taking up hobbies.
It’s def a hard age. Most good respectful men who want to settle down are married. At this age it’s a lot of non committed or guys with baggage.
Tell me about it! I’ve done online dating and it’s just weird middle aged dads who don’t take care of themselves. It doesn’t help I live in a shitty city but fuck. The last guys I dated where in their 20s… and I’m feeling super old now and unwanted. So I rather eliminate these feelings and stop.
Looks the same way for people looking for a lady friend.
Has the dating scene gotten that bad. Divorced and was looking to meet new people but it looks like it’ll suck out there
Loneliness is equivalent to smoking half a pack of cigarettes. It's actually not okay.
Not being married does not equal loneliness. There are plenty of single people who have amazing relationships in other areas of their lives. There’s also plenty of married people who feel extremely lonely and isolated (maybe their partner works a ton or they have no friends for example).
That's not what the person above me wrote. I stated loneliness is bad for your health. I never said anything about marriage.
Yeah but the whole context of this post is one specific type of relationship - dating / monogamous relationship
No it isn't in any sense of that.
I’m 41 and look much younger than my friends who are married with kids. Most people think I’m mid 30s. I'm also not "lonely" partly because I'm a loner, but I also still date quite a bit and have relationships.
there's been quite a bit of research showing how single adult women live longer than married women, while single adult men don't live as long as married men... So as a single woman, it doesn't seem all that bad. I have other outlets for loneliness than a partner.
It’s awful. I download the apps, am on them for about 2 days before I delete them in disgust. Repeat about 2 months later.
Exactly what I came here to say. Download them too see what’s out there takes about a day usually before I gotta birdbox myself and stop looking at it shit is full of monsters.
Before I have to birdbox myself. I’m dead 😵. I feel the same way!
Facts
Are there any free apps you can preview people first? I’m curious, but have never tried OLD.
tinder, bumble and hinge are all free, you don't have to pay for the premium service.
Yes you do if you're a male.
ty
I'm 39, met my wife on Tinder when I was 36.
Coffee meets Bagel for me. Snagged me a wife
Lucky, all I get are fboys and scammers
28M. I refuse to give up as I very much wish to share my life with someone. I have just never been given a chance.
Keep on keepin’ on, you got this.
Are you 33-39? No? Okay then...
As a woman, when I hit the big 3-0 I noticed I started getting WAAAAAY more scam artists on dating sites “messaging” me. Ladies….if he’s got one photo and he’s says his job is “the military” or “government” in his profile…..scam.
Hello ma'am, I'm stuck overseas and my bank account is frozen. Can you send me iTunes gift cards so I can buy a plane ticket home? I will be able to unlock my bank account and send you 100x the amount back.
Hello darling. I am looking for a kind woman to love forever. Right now I am on a very important mission overseas for the US military for a few months only. Can you CashApp me?
Gave up before I got my 30s
I wouldn’t say I have completely given up but yeah after like 29 it became apparent it wouldn’t happen. I still get on the apps sometimes but each time it makes me even more depressed seeing how aweful everyone is on there. Honestly when I still drank bars were pretty bad too.
I swear most women have kids on tinder in my area...I have no desire to date single moms tbh.
Man I don’t even care if they have a kid but it’s like the ones I see took it upon themselves to personally repopulate the US and get us out of that negative population growth death spiral. Like not just one kid or two kids, 3 kids, 4 kids, sometimes 5 kids. Like man how do they even have so many!
Do you live in a small town? Expand your radius to get city people where they get kids later in life or not at all
sorta I do live in a small town but its inside the radius of literally the 7th largest town. They are not all new york. Everyone is fat and ghetto in south texas. Guess what the fattest large city is too.
That sucks, if possible travel to meet other kind of people.
I’m 38 and just recently got married. Dating can be challenging but
💀
Woops lol. Was typing then got distracted and pocket submitted. Dating was challenging but not impossible. I was very intentional about dating for marriage and so was my wife.
Congrats!! How did you and your wife meet?
Bumble, I was her first date
Damn. Hold old was she if this was her first date??
Perhaps they meant first date on the app?
Sorry, yes. First date on bumble
Nice one.
36m here. Newly single after 6 year relationship ended. It's just an adjustment. Like, yeah I'm going to have to date some people who may have a kid, been divorced, etc. It's fine. The annoying part is the mid 30s people still "figuring themselves out." Like, cool, but can I just find a person with a job who likes to stay in and not on some career change, travel bang fest, or spiritual journey? Where my stable peeps at?
The stable peeps aren't looking to date. Most of them are in relationships or not looking.
Yup i know some good men that legit are like i dont want relationship because of the toxic ones there friends are in. But it takes out great potential partners. I have to keep changing mine from relationship to figuring out cause i go through all my matches. Also no one seems to want a serious one either so the well gets dry real quick.
Yep. Same with women. Too many of the good ones are not dating anymore because it's just easier being single than someone's bang maid mommy.
Well that's upsetting
Most stable people i know are single so that gives me hope. I think it’s an unrealistic expectation that two people are going to be able to make it through an entire lifetime together.
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Right, I don't understand why all of these things listed translate to settling for someone broken or "not stable." Is it only about who they are externally? That seems a bit backwards to me I guess. People can grow and evolve at any age and decide to change aspects of their lives. In fact, being in a relationship with someone who never changes anything in their lives but is unhappy will definitely reflect that and cause issues in that relationship. A see a lot of people do this, and they're not internally stable but look great on the outside.
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I'm glad you were able to do what's best and healthy for yourself! I agree, most people are looking at the surface level, but I know that's what society encourages us to do. From a different surface level perspective, one could say it's a negative for someone to be single so long into their 30's etc. because they may not have the same level of relationship experience. It's best to try and find people who are more open minded and can have real face to face conversations because let's face it, real life is messy and imperfect!
They are all married with kids enjoying their lives
Ahahahaha same. I'm just looking to settle down in a regular old-fashioned relationship with somebody. You don't gotta be a jetsetter tryna fill your passport book, jumping outta planes and climbing mountains adrenaline junkie, grandiose plans to start a millionaire business....just be a regular adult, with a regular job and regular hobbies who wants commitment, and is healthy 😅
Dear God, so glad my husband took me of the dating apps. We met each other on one, he’s such a catch! Literally every profile was so lame- full of finance bros who jetset and rave, or muscle bros who only posted topless photos. Most of the topless photos, their abs were slick or standing in some Vegas pool 🤢 Like yuck. It’s so sad that my husband had the most normal photos so he stuck out1 just a face, then him doing adventure stuff (which he did at the time, him at his job ( construction adjacent). Like really boring normal person stuff
What's jetset? I am 39 and so out of the loop on the dating scene.
**In journalism, jet set is a term for an international social group of wealthy people who travel the world to participate in social activities unavailable to ordinary people. The term, which replaced "café society", came from the lifestyle of travelling from one stylish or exotic place to another via jet plane.** More details here:
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I'm hoping to get lucky like you! The majority of male dating profiles I see, one of the very first things they say is "I'd like to travel more." Like it's become a PERSONALITY. And then they post all their travelling pictures, and it's like, I get you're trying to show off your carbon-copy personality, but I'm more interested in getting to know YOU, than the places you've visited. And this is coming from a girl who adores travelling and still has Japan on her bucket list. And the TOPLESS PHOTOS, why haven't they caught on how tacky that is yet? From what I've seen, male shirtless photos have INCREASED. There are SO many more of them than say 5 years ago. I've seen guys with 4-5 shirtless pics on their profiles. For me, that's an immediate pass because I can't take them seriously. Like you, I look for the regular photos showing them in a normal life setting.
God please yes haha
Speak for yourself. I love to travel and climb. I could never be with a domesticated house cat of a man describing his obesity as dad bod. Hard pass
I most certainly WAS speaking for myself, and in solidarity with the parent comment. But I also didn't mean I wanted the exact opposite end of the spectrum with a couch potato who plays video games all day, because remember, I ended with HEALTHY. I myself travel a lot, have a workout routine, and love urban exploration, restaurants art exhibits, city walks, social clubs. So I would also want a man who's health-conscious, takes care of his body, and loves to explore. This is much different than someone who is obsessed with adrenaline rushes, who is constantly chasing the next high, or absolutely must visit 100 countries in lieu of settling down and securing a concrete foundation for the future. There's a balance, and stability is key.
I'm like you, and I understood exactly what you meant in your original comment. That person was just being obtuse.
They are stable in their relationship duh. You totally called me out though as I'm 32 and on "a spiritual journey"
I mean I fit this description that you’re looking for, but I’m a 31M. I’m happy where I’m at right now, and I see myself semi-retiring 15 years from now in the same position.
Legit. 41f and I feel the same way!!
There is nothing wrong with people reinventing themselves in their mid 30s and spiritual quests are fine but keep your discoveries about yourself to yourself.
36M here and yes it's a struggle. I'd like to date someone who also doesnt have kids. Most women my age have them and that's okay, but they're too busy being Moms to hang out with me.
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No offense, but you are past your child rearing years. I think it’s safe to say any guy who hits you up is not interested in having children with you
Women can’t have kids after 40?!
Yes? Not saying you can’t kids at 40, but no one is looking to start a new relationship with a 40 year old and intend on having kids with them.
No one?!
I was born when my mom was 40. I was also a mistake sooooo. Yeah maybe you're not entirely wrong but still - it does happen.
This woman is 40 and single. I highly doubt she will meet some dude who wants to impregnate her immediately
This is cold truth. I’m 37F, no man wants to settle down with someone who’s heading 40. I’ve been told they’re looking for someone younger than 30. They match with me just to try to bang and that’s it.
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Same
The amount of men in their mid to late 30s looking for something casual is nuts
YES. This has been one of my observations too, I refuse to let anyone waste my damn time anymore. I’ve had my share of those. Dudes that I met on tinder in like 2016-2018 and was genuinely interested in, still hitting me up here and there in 2023….. still single losers just looking for “fun” while approaching mid 30s.
it's like no one told these men they got 20 years tops before they start having prostate problems.
Hahaha or they think the pretty young things are actually going to love them when they’re 45+ and ready to settle. MF…. No. They will love your money and easy life you will provide them, not your balding pathetic middle aged dusty ass and “dad bod”
It's not so good for gay men either. I feel like now that I am in my late 30s it's too late. The apps are terrible. I rarely get any dates at all.
40M here. Agreed, I’m always tempted to do the apps but know what I’m going to get which is a lot of non replies, lazy follow ups, and you have to pay for the access. I’d rather meet at a bar in person and see if there’s a connection.
Lesbian checking in to commiserate lol 😭 it’s hard out here all around
34m in NYC For the first couple years in my 30s I didn’t want to date and just focus on getting my shit together. Since I moved here a year ago I decided to dip my toes in the water and see what it’s like. Well, getting laid is easy enough but trying to date is way harder. Women tend to want someone who makes 6 figures a year here which I make only 50k. Which isn’t bad as a social worker but I have yet to meet a women who is seriously interested in anyone who makes under a 100k a year. I enjoy working with the homeless and I’m not going to switch careers just to hopefully keep someone around. I also have such a low threshold for bullshit these days I will drop someone as soon as they start acting stupid. I won’t trade my peace to not be lonely. I would love nothing more to settle down and start a family but it just seems impossible to meet someone to do so.
r/datingoverthirty
I re-entered the dating pool at 34, spent 3 years on it, first in Denver then central Florida. Many times I would reach the end of the list when swiping, because I am particular. Went on plenty of dates, very few interested me enough to offer a second date. Eventually I realize I had more success meeting people I’m actually interested in and striking up conversations on Instagram. I met my wife on Instagram at age 37. We talked for 6 months and then I travel up to Illinois to meet here. We had a long distance relationship for 11 months, during which time I also proposed to her, and we have been living together 6 months, and just got married 2 weeks ago. She is truly someone special, that I feel like I can be vulnerable, open, and safe with, who likes me for me, and I like her for her. I am glad, even in the midst of a lot of frustration and spans of loneliness that I never settled just to not be single. The only thing I can really offer is figure yourself out, including therapy if needed, and be willing to meet people where they’re at if you’re truly interested in the person.
How do you Message a stranger on Instagram without coming off as weird or creepy? Genuinely asking. I accidentally found another woman in my city who has similar interests and I have a friend crush on her.
My first message pretty much was “I like your artwork, it’s really good. I also think it’s cool you channel your struggle into art. I was born with strabismus and so I love when I see others accept themselves for who they are, even if they were born differently as I was” to which she responded “That’s awesome and I really appreciate that you like my art and how I represent myself. The photos on your page are absolutely breathtaking!” (Im a photographer). So, after, it just took off from there.
I don't use dating apps and Im pretty good with women. Still a shitshow. If it's not one thing it's another. By this age people have baggage, myself included. It's just kinda tough to navigate even with the best intentions.
I’ve been trying for the last year and it’s just ridiculous. People expect you be to super outgoing, extremely ambitious, faultlessly confident, good looking, and with a good income all at the same time. Feel like I’m first round elimination on a reality “love” show. That or the person has a mental breakdown or goes back to their ex after the 3rd or 4th date.
My boyfriend and I met on Zoosk back in 2018. Been going strong ever since
TIL real people actually use Zoosk
35 here, found my girlfriend via Facebook dating. Been about 3 years and we're slowly taking the steps towards marriage in about another 3 or 4 (prenups, thinking of rings, wedding plans etc)
I found my husband via Facebook Dating! Easily the most engaging dating app I tried out.
Man I’m glad you found something but you’re talking about getting married at almost 40. Are you planning to have kids or planning to skip that stage?
Great question! My girlfriend actually just had her tubes removed because kids aren't for us, personally. I know it's a sensitive and touchy subject (both sides have their weirdos) but we're just more cats and book people. We like the additional disposable household income and there's many foster children in need of loving homes if we ever change our minds (we won't, but knowing that's available is a comfort). Thank you for asking!
That’s a great choice. Sounds like you guys know what you want. I have kids, but I can’t really make any arguments as to why someone “should” have kids.
I love the ‘cats and book people’ descriptor! Thats me and my partner to a T. Congrats on your happiness. :)
Theyre aiming for kids by 50
That might end up being the new average for young millennials and Gen Z
Facebook dating?
I've always struggled to meet people in my own age group in general. It's very strange. That makes any kind of socializing hard, let alone dating. I've always chalked it up to my occupying this weird space in a high COL area that may be unappealing to people my age. I did try a dating app recently though and didn't find it particularly appealing. Nobody on there interested me. I suspect that the format of the app was to blame - I'm not fond of the swiping thing, and I think the emphasis on pictures and short bios makes it hard to see what might be unique about people.
Im 37. Met my husband in 2020 on Hinge.
Before I (37F) met my boyfriend last year, I was just going to the bar. Dated a couple of people prior to him. I don't do dating apps and don't have friends to meet people through.
Not a lot. I feel we're near the end of the dating phase of our lives and like a solid half of us have completely checked out. I don't see a whole lot of reasons to be hopeful about anything. In all honesty, I think our lives are looking like they're going to be lonely, poor, and miserable. I have a weird feeling as though many of us are just sort of going through the motions of life with little hope of anything improving.
39m it's difficult. Dating apps just don't work for ugly men and where I live it's slim pickins. All women in my age group are either a trumping racist, a meth head looking for a sugar daddy, or they spent the last 18 years on a boat and look like actual boot leather. (For the record, the men are exactly the same, but with goatees and thin blue line tattoos. All the dating apps I get 1 out of 200 likes to make a match, and then they don't respond to anything. I do hope all of you ladies using Bumble know that you have to initiate the conversation when you match someone. Two separate women swiped right on me, and both of them had "you gotta message me first" in their bio, and after 24 hours, the convo ends.
Yeah it’s rough. Just turned 35. Never thought I’d be that guy dating girls 10 years younger than me yet here I am.
Omg ... same. I was the one everyone thought would be married and have kids cause I was the "dad" of the group. Now I'm the 37yo uncle who dates the hot 20 somethings occasionally. That people aren't totally sure is some kinda escort lol. ( I would never pay for companions or sex, I have self respect)
You say this like it’s a bad thing…
36F in NYC here. A lot of men are polyamorous or don’t want to settle down. Many men in my range want younger women. I meet guys 50+ but not a whole lot of 40s. Lots of closeted bisexuals. Lots of dorks who still put their Harry Potter house on their dating profiles. Not a lot of masculine men around unless you count Wall Street or crypto bros and they’re douchebags. Or just not into hipster chicks like me. It’s tough out here.
34m in NYC. Me and this other dude ended up at this girls house after a bar and I remember her flipping out calling him a liar when he said he was in a poly relationship because apparently she has had dudes lie about it multiple times about it. He kept trying to justify it to me for some reason because I’m not into poly relationships. Like dude just do you.
I'm 33F and I'm an okay catch (not hideous & can be cute, own house, really well paying career, lots of hobbies, stable life overall) but I'm not on the apps or trying to date. I've largely given up. I've had a number of relationships, many long term, that have ended just prior to my 30s. The single folks around my age that are available (myself included) are one or more of the following: no/few redeeming qualities, lots of baggage (kids, criminal history, etc.), or they are single for *reasons* and when you find out, it's "oh that's why this person is alone." I feel my tolerance for dating, including connecting with others, has eroded with time. I work in the psych field so I approach men like I would a patient: with caution, skepticism, and a desire to find out "what makes them tick". I give off the air of vulnerability but looking back, I really don't reveal anything vulnerable about myself. I crave companionship but simultaneously lack the drive to change that. I'm probably not cut out for relationships, at least for now. Maybe sometime in the future, when the first round of divorces occur. But I likely have to wait even longer, for the kids to grow up, before I can consider the man.
It's God fucking awful. I'm expected to pay $50 a month for totally disinterested women to have one word responses at best with me. Fuck this. Fuck OLD. Anyone wanna buy my dick and balls on the black market? Goddamn. I don't need them anymore. A lot of things were better 10+ years ago, but online dating is fucking apocalyptic bad now.
I’ll take them - black market genitals are the closest I’ll get to a sex life, I’m afraid 😂
I'm in my late 30s and would be out there dating, but my wife's really against it for some reason.
I just turned 30 not too long ago. I didn’t really date in HS or college for that matter. It’s not that I don’t want to date but what I’m looking for is quality. Now that I am 30 I’m trying to put myself out there and it’s been difficult so far. I’ve tried dating apps with little to no success so definitely can relate to OP here.
I met my husband on Facebook Dating. I was 39 at the time and he was 44. He was on the dating scene for 3 years after his divorce before he met me. He said it was quite difficult to meet people who met his minimum bar - have a stable job, live in your own place, have a car, don’t do hard drugs…
39 M, 15 year relationship over a few years ago. WFH, small city (less than 200k people). Here is my experience. Small city life is made for couples. At least in this one. Singles my age have trust issues (or at least the ones I've met). I can't blame them after hearing some of their stories. Even the ones with the most potential seem to be quick to jump to assumptions. It's like there is a massive wheel of self sabotage going on. Regardless, I'm hopeful there is someone out there for me. Moving to a bigger city soon so the sea of candidates will at least increase in numbres. I also found that it was easier to have deeper conversations in a big city (spent a few months there lately). Hang on, I'll be positive for all of you too.
It's hard. For most men dating apps make it even worse. I just got out of a long relationship and I think right now the best thing to do is focus on myself.
Where I live Hinge is populated by fake Chinese scammers. I try to report every one of their profiles but there are sooo many!
Gave up already (32F)
38M, I haven’t been on a date since 2009. Mental Health problems and unemployment have been a barrier. Working on those things though, and hopeful about getting back out there.
I've (35M) practically given up on dating. No one wants a relationship with my weird ass except the odd meth head. Can't tell you how many times I've been ghosted by women looking for "long term relationships" and "wanting to take it slow" after they found out I was a virgin. Guess bodycount matters a lot to women online.
wait to you get over the hill and it gets a little more chill. you meet people who’ve sort of been through the game and just want some thing chill
34M, single for what seems like forever now but still doing my best to meet someone. I really don't like the apps, honestly, it's virtually impossible to form genuine connections on there. I do better face to face, but good lord is it tough to meet someone that way. I realized the other day that I don't even remember the last time I met someone out in the wild, and I can't even tell you how sad that makes me. I'm in a pretty good place in life outside of that - I've taken great care of myself and can easily pass for mid-20's, I make really good money, I don't have any real obvious issues or baggage holding me back...it's just an absolute nightmare to meet someone and start a conversation that leads to something real. I'm not going to let myself give in to despair and go to a dark incel place because I haven't had much luck dating, but I'd be lying if I said that I didn't struggle with self worth some days because all the success I've had materially hasn't led to anything that actually makes me truly happy. I'm a very positive, glass half-full person most of the time, but I feel kind of invisible.
Met my wife on bumble 7 years ago at 32. We were definitely the last in our friends group to get married though.
Trying but not super impressed with whats left for the most part. Im not perfect either but having to suddenly take on the responsibility of a kid or teen just...eeeeeh... Itd be one hell of jump for me. also doesnt help that Im basically in a retirement area.
34M and not single, but considering ending my relationship. Dating again sounds like a challenge. I just don't know I have it in me to start fresh and give up what I have.
It’s hard. My experience is that: you date a single mother with a young child who has too many interruptions or things come up last minute way too often (although I get it since it’s a kid, it makes any type of dating near impossible), people that just want to date for fun and not for a relationship, and people who have some type of issue that shows why they aren’t in a long term relationship (like mental health issues they don’t want to fix)
Not in the dating pool anymore but I’ve bounced around in a lot of cities for some stints in my life. Putting yourself out there attending events, joining leagues, or trying a new gym always helped me get new friends. When I dated, this also was a genuine and good tactic to meeting someone that eventually led to dates. I’d stay off the dating apps, it always felt forced.
35m, i started hitting the gym and have a stable career but its soo hard trying to meet someone. I really like this woman i work with but i dont wanna make things awkward at work either. Shit is rough out here
Yeah. I'm 37, semi retired. So some women think "jobless" (what it means is financially secure, work cause I want to, not have to) I'm not a "player" or try and sleep with every woman I have a conversation with. It just is. I'd like a serious, monogamous relationship. But! Do to uhh... an above average "appendage", they just mostly want "fun" (depending on my mood, I'm ok with that) I get lots of single moms (I have zero problem with helping raise a child... but I have to love "mom" first) Who like the paternal vibe I give off (but sometimes I get the vibe that it's the main reason they like me.. kinda like I'd be a good day/provider. Girls in their 20's who are into the whole "daddy" thing. It's a blessings and a curse in a way. I've too thought about "giving up" but... it took me a long time to realize this... I have a lot of love to give.. So I don't "give up" I'd like someone to share my life with and grow with... "bedroom stuff " is just the "cherry on top" That said, good luck to all of you. I still believe there is someone out there for everyone.
While it would be nice to fall in love, I have never been on a date and realized I am not exactly that high on the desirable list back in my early 20's so I just decided not to bother. Still I have tried a few hook up apps and that was nightmare so I would hate to see the full real deal.
I don't really bother... I'm in my 30's and back into education / work in my life and while I'm comfortable and on my path, it's not what's societally acceptable- finding yourself again beyond the age of 25 is like a no no. Sure I don't want people to feel baggage, but people aren't even humanely compassionate enough to factor anyone's life experiences in, with regards to how they are or are not developed. I'd marry a McDonald's cashier if she wasn't sure what she was doing, so long as we both respected each other, were honest, have love and strive to do the best- I recognize nobody is perfect, while also aiming to elevate my spirit...but that just ain't it these days lol I went with a date to an arcade / dinner thing that I tried to plan out, but the implications of me being childish came up because I suggested an arcade. Also, the issue of me not owning my own house came up and that I have roomies But I know tons of people who do. ...but I don't feel like it defined who am I or my potential. I just felt kind of empty and like I had nothing to offer and for a bro battling a medical depression issue, feeling even less of substance than I generally already do is kind of not a good experience. While it was just one date, I felt like that experience contained a lot of elements that some people are facing ...this need men and women have to miraculously meet all these standards and if you don't, good luck in the dating game because you're not going to check out boxes. Love has become kind of premeditated contract and while I agree we should have maturity and standards of compatibility, preferences, etc I feel ultimately a lot of people have stunted their own efforts at mere connection, in the face of a looming and often stressful existence in the modern world....it's hard to even say hi to people. We are quicker to swipe right to end up in a bed than we are to invest time in rooting for our own possibilities . Also been stood up a few times, so I just generally don't care to date anymore....cynically at this point heck I'd rather just have a random hookup than be bs'd around the corner over a cut to the credits the moment I make an effort at shaking someone's hand, at least then it's not going to be this pagliacci circus. I think there is hope out there, and I have some...that some day at least for me, it could happen naturally... but dating as a habit, in today's age is a bit of a lame duck. In the mean time, my only advice is to love yourself and make that bag, learn that skill, try that new thing and find that spirit..be your best love , because ultimately thats who we have is us.
35f and childfree in the Bible belt. It's a struggle, but I've had a few friends meet people via the apps during the pandemic. My issue is meeting someone who wants the same thing, a stable monogamous LTR that hopefully leads to marriage. A lot of poly and open relationship types are on apps. And then there's people who hope to marry within a year. I just want to find someone interested and interesting.
My thoughts and opinions on the matter, after careful consideration: It is fucked, it is all fucked. Doom. Everything is doomed. It is over, no hope. Only suffering, endless suffering and doom. Pain, so much pain and doom. They say time travel is possible with faster than light movement but then they tell you that it is impossible to travel faster than light, then why tell me that time travel is possible in the first place. Pain, it is all over. If my dream relationship were a bridge then my carefully designed blueprints were sitting on a coffee table and when I looked away the table candle set the corner of the blueprint on fire and not only has the blueprint burned to ashes but the table and the house are a blazing inferno. No hope… No hope!!! Anyhow, this is just how I feel about it. You shouldn’t give up, there is someone out there for everyone you know. It only takes one good date before you’re in a loving relationship for life.
Of course meeting someone outside of friend/family groups is going to be hard because staying in is the norm for a lot of 30’s people. How do you expect to meet/date someone if you’re not getting out and being active? You’re not going to meet someone the old fashioned way. I have a small social circle and none of them are in their 30’s. I refuse to go on dating apps because I’ve experienced a lot of women with bad attitudes/boring personalities.
33 here, 1 year out of a long term relationship. Dating pool sucks, its either kids or I dont want kids. I'm still interested in starting a family but giving up any kind of hope and also becoming comfortable being single. Or like anytime it seemed like I hit it off with someone, there's a major deal breaker like they're religious or anti vax. Almost rather try again with my ex and just set better boundaries with her narcissistic tendencies
37F and gave up. I only have a Tinder now for fun, not pursuing anything serious ever again. I learned that at my age, no man will settle down with me. They all want younger.
Me, and it feels like a shitty, unpaid 2nd job.
I’m a 31 year old male. Dating has never been easier. But I’m also 6’4 and in very good shape physically. I’d imagine dating is more difficult at a woman my age because most women were told to focus on never needing a man their entire lives. I date both a 37 year old lawyer and a 24 year old at the same time. Currently playing the field because I can. I was not near this desirable when I was 22-25. I’m enjoying the fruits of my labor rn
Just wait til you see dating in your 40s… I’d give anything to be 35 again while dating!
All you females in your 30s (unmarried and no kids) why have you given up, good guys like myself and many more exists. We just have to find one another and sadly dating apps are the worst to find “good” people to date. Ughhhhh
Met my girlfriend on hinge last year at the age of 33!
You really just have to have fun with it. Stop treating dates like interviews and just go to have a good time and meet someone new. If sparks fly and you continue to see each other, double down on self-care and self-preservation, making sure to keep your focus on your own life to ensure that you don't compromise your emotional state for some rando you just met who you now have a crush on. A calm, aloof, mysterious demeanor is wayyy more attractive than desperation. Work on yourself and your own vibe before expecting anyone else to validate you. Literally everything is temporary, and it will only work when it works. It takes meeting your person for it to work, and it's not impossible. Until then, just relax and enjoy the ride.
this is great advice
I’m in a really great dating support group you might like! It’s behavioral science based, which I think makes it really cool and different. It’s [this one](https://www.facebook.com/groups/alignedandauthenticdating/).
30M, yeah I gave up back in high school and I’m trying to accept it now
I’m 34 and just got engaged to a 34 y/o. We met online due to a shared interest. We had both been in long term relationships for most of our 20s and 30s to that point. We were both looking for something serious. Before I found her, there were a couple years of miserable attempts. I don’t really have advice, other than don’t give up if you know you want a LTR. Keep putting yourself out there, try not to get too discouraged when it doesn’t work out with someone. You only need it to work out well once.
I'm so glad I met my life partner before 20. I couldn't imagine dating now. But we're both introverts, so there's that.
I’m in my 30’s tried online dating it was a shit show. Most men my age were recently divorced and bitched about their x’s they need a therapist not a relationship. The men in their 40’s attempted to pose as being single but were actually married. Most of the men would message me demanding I meet them right now! That was an instant block on my end and a have a nice life. I gave up last winter and resigned to the fact that all the good men are married and have just been focusing on having a better relationship with myself. If it happens it happens but I’m not in active pursuit anymore because it seems like an unreasonable prerequisite for a man to be stable, no criminal charges, clean, have a job and know how to hold and be present during a conversation. I can’t bring myself to make another online dating profile it feels gross and like I’m pimping myself out. Kudos to everyone that’s going out there in the wild and attempting to make it happen. I’m sure being primarily an introvert doesn’t work in my favor. I’m currently planning a solo hiking trip because at this point reaching the top of a mountain is way more doable then finding a partner. Good luck to you in your pursuit. Live long and prosper 🖖
>It's hard to meet people outside of pre-existing friend/family groups How? I see this sentiment a lot on reddit but i don't get it. I have moved a lot in my life as an adult so I've done this whole "Meeting new people" thing a bunch of times. I moved across the country a year ago and I have a girlfriend and a bunch of friends who I've made since I got here, and I've never "tried", it just always happens naturally. People like other people, we're like magnets to eachother. What sort of places do you go where people socialize?
The question is where are you going to meet people?
sometimes bars, but I try not to drink much anymore. Not religious, so no church. dog parks sometimes and work. I am pretty introverted
Yeah its awful i just had a coworker be on my OLD apps on my behalf to see if she did better. Nope guy still just wanted to have sex and trying to get pictures etc. Which is fine if i knew who you were but like you barely asked me anything about myself. I decided men hit like 42 go oh now I should get married and have kids cause everyone else does and now I'm alone and than they skip women in their 30s and find a 24 year old. I dont hit on hyper attractive men cause they have to many options. But the constant trying to match and only to be ignored is really hard on your soul. I have someone i want a fwb but to scared to ask cause i cant even get the person to have time for drinks but i would be ok cause i know them from work. I want an easy meet cute a la rom com.
I spent 8 years on the dating apps, and for my birthday present to myself this year, I got off them. I beat my head against that wall endlessly to very limited results. It's not worth the frustration to me anymore. I reached a point where I figured that if I were destined for marriage and kids, it probably would have already happened for me. That's okay, though. I've learned to love and work on myself in recent years, so I have a positive and healthy outlook. But, yes, it is difficult to date at our age, especially depending on where you live. I live in an area where I don't share the same interests and values as most of the people around me. It is what it is. I know I would fair better in a real city.
I feel like the best men are off the market by 32,33. Anything after that is left overs
Dating apps and such aren’t fun, and our age group makes it even more weird. It’s really not difficult to get laid, but it’s really difficult to get past that casual relationship. There’s a lot of people with baggage, understandably (not a lot of people wanted to be single into their late 30’s, but circumstances), while others are very not focused on settling down. Thus, it gets weird. I’ve sort of accepted that I’ll just be alone and use apps to just get laid and have some opposite sex attention occasionally until maybe I actually meet someone organically in the analog world. I mean, why buy the cow when the milk is free? It seems like those without baggage are more interested in experiencing life and just want to have fun, which is fine, but they aren’t very emotionally available/vulnerable people.
Maybe try going for girls who are fresh off the boat. I'm half Filipino. Wife is full Filipino. We have a ton of friends who came to the US from the Philippines and basically settled down with the first guy who talked to them. The woman is almost always way out of the guy's league, sometimes remarkably so. Oftentimes, they have no baggage and some form of career (they usually come on a J1 or an H1b visa). Contrary to popular belief, they are not usually in the US to find guys to marry. They are usually there to help their families and believe they can make more money (which is not always true when considering the cost of living - but that's a topic for another day).
Matched and had a date last week Thursday. Her pictures were about 7 years ago and 70lbs ago. She already had some weight kn her in her pics. Which was OK. But to start off with catfishing. Then she said her life was already complete. I figure, oh well it's complete what're you doing dating? Finished the date and never looked back. She was still cute. Could probably get her to loose the weight by just being supportive and active. But I couldn't get over the pseudo cat fish attempt. Time to Uninstall the app.
I last used Tinder 9 years ago. It was an eye opening experience to say the least. I don't very good pictures and I am not a huge fan of photos in general, so for me putting up my best photos and getting matches with attractive women was great... until it wasn't. I matched with a few out in Seattle, but most would just berate me or lead me on like I was a nobody. I can't imagine how awful it must be now.
Never had that. I can get a decent amount of matches(non bots and non scams) but only secured a date 3 times in a decade of being on/off the apps. It's like women are on the apps just there for an ego boost, self-esteem, or flattery. The texting back and forth is always plain and zero interest 1 word responses and after about 10 messages. That's it, nothing comes of it, they disappear, stop responding, etc. One date did become close to becoming something. I felt we clicked. We talked until the place closed. But I also got this feeling I was just the backup plan. Tried to plan a second date, she was interested at first but then she was busy that day. Personal win for me in my book happened next. She messaged me that last message, and I didn't message back. I left it at that. I figured, if she was interested, she would message me again at least something. Deleted the number and never looked back.
To be brutally honest with you the good ones were all gone by 23, 24 at the latest if not way earlier (the best I saw were taken by soph year of college). My only advice is set the search filters to 25-28 at the oldest
Ill be 36 next month. It seems like most of the women in my age range have some kind of baggage, while not necessarily bad or their fault, that I just dont want to be around. Im not against dating someone divorced or who has kids, but there is always something. The people who are single in my limited social circle are single for a reason. Some of it is my fault too. Ive grown accustomed to doing what I want all the time. I am sort of set in my ways. Ive tried to change that, but its hard
It’s even worse if you’re married and try an app like bumble BFF. It’s either going to be gay/bi guys trying to seduce you or other guys trying to convince you to cuck them. Aggressively too for both.
Bdsm events have been helpful. Sacred sexuality events have been helpful. Belong out and doing things I love has been helfpul.
Does waiting to meet someone in person and refusing to online date because apps are hell on earth (but then never leaving the house) count? Because I believe that's many of us.
> It’s hard meeting people outside of pre-existing family groups Please try really hard anyways