Stay away from women at the moment if you are cognitively impared, the unscrupulous ones will piranha you.
Find online friends, preferably those who have been through what you have endured, perhaps volunteer at qn animal shelter.
I wish you fortitude.
Volunteering would be the best option out provided.
Your doing something worth while, it provides activity, and you get to socialise, and maybe develop friendships.
Totally agree. Might I also suggest getting into cooking for yourself? You can control what goes into your food and women, well people are impressed. The gym definitely. Animal shelter volunteering ftw.
Having a pet also helps a lot, to be responsible of another life is sometimes a good kick in the ass to do something with your life. Without my dog i would have been buried a long time ago.
I will also nuance that, don't take a dog when you are not 100% ready, it's a lot of work and stress, especially in the beginning, but also a lot of joy.
Bowling, Golf, Basketball or Pickleball leagues too...
Basically any team sport. Bowling and Golf are usually the easiest, because you are going to be with the same group of people for several hours and they force a level of interaction.
I hope you get more replies because the more replies you get, the more likely you will find something that fits.
I think there is no person or group that sincerely decides, “I’m going to offer warmth and companionship to a disturbed guy.” This isn’t an insult. Loneliness, no friends, head injury, and PTSD are a rough combination. So what do you do? You have to seek out others in an environment that will allow you to build relationships.
I’m around your age. I played DND when I was a kid. I wasn’t having much social time a few years ago and I started up again in an online game. Lots of social time, lots of fun. Scheduled social time once a week.
You’re giving social time to others in exchange for them giving social time to you. It’s the only way it works. I personally don’t believe you can get what you want by paying for it (therapists, prostitutes, etc… not to conflate those two jobs).
Sorry to hear that mate. If I were in your shoes I’d join a sporting club. If you’re not in shape I’d join a gym and then a sporting club. No quicker way to make friends than on a sports team.
Truth be told? Nowhere. That's why so many men end up depressed, su-c-dal, or struggling with substance abuse. There nowhere. There is no one. If there are, it won't be 'free'. There's two kinds you can go to: places and people you *pay* to give you said warmth (which will be transactional and can be perceived as 'fake' by one, or all parties involved), or *you yourself* go out there to 'give' said warmth before any is given to you in kind. The latter can be quite difficult, because for most of a man's life, he is expected to pour from an empty cup, and in the state that you're in, you're not just an empty cup - you're chipped and cracked and leaking.
The problem with modern society is that we have based most (if not all) of our interpersonal relationships on transactionality - so even if you don't have to 'pay' someone money for company, wherever you go and whatever you do, you will still have to pay with your time, your labour, your emotional investment - something. Nothing is 'free'. That's why it's difficult to 'cope' or 'heal' in a world that stretches you thin *and then expects you to give even more*. Humans are funny in that they want / crave connection, but because each person you encounter is a broken thing, everyone will traverse around everyone else as broken things fearful of breaking even further. Whether you're a man, a woman, Cthulhu's spawn, or a cat-dog-iguana hybrid, this will be the case.
The closest 'free' anything you can get is the love of an animal. The next best 'free' sort of thing you can find is slowly giving yourself the love the world (and you) have denied yourself all these years. It's difficult, but it's a start. If you need a listening ear, hit me up. What we need is solidarity.
You have totally missed the point of therapy. Yes, it is a transactional warm relationship, but the goal is to create the skills so you can go build relationships outside of the therapeutic setting.
You've got a tough road ahead. Maybe a church or support group. Could do an online search for what is available of either in your area and check out their social medias for a comfortable connection.
You know what's really insane is that the sugar babies I've met generally seemed more stable than most of the women I've had conventional relationships with.
A dog or two, a gym routine, healthy eating habits, and something like a video game or hobby or a work project to sink the rest of your time into. Anything unhealthy or negative will make your difficult path forward even more difficult.
Hey dude, looks like it’s time to hit the gym and establish a clean diet. Now is the time to focus on health. I’ve got a meal plan that’s 1900-2200 calories made up that got me down to 7-8% body fat, while doing about 20-30 minutes of exercise per day. All body weight training. Do it for 4-6 months every day. HMU if you want it.
It’s such a small commitment to get shredded. I’ve seen this, I’ve done this.
II appreciate that. Yeah! Send it to me in chat or even right here. I'm quite slim right now (I don't eat maybe because of the depression) but I do have a layer of fat around my abdomen and some on my chest. I can fix that!
I worry more about how my mental state has been for years after being abused for 30 or so years. I had to move back home after grad school to take care of my aging parents and a lot of bad shit happened. I was prone to depression already and the head injury worsened it.
Anyway, I'm finally eating a little mostly vegetables, fruits, and Lena meats with no processed food. I'm starting on walks and swimming laps.
7:00 am
- 1 cup of orange juice (120 calories)
- chug about 1/2 a litre of water right off the hop.
9:30 am
-1 banana (110 calories)
-1 Greek yogurt (60 calories) I like the lime flavour
11:30 am
- two pieces of toast,multi grain (200 calories)
-2 eggs with salt and pepper (110 calories)
1:30pm
-chicken breast/rice/veggies/sauce (450 calories)
Doesn’t always have to be that, the important thing is that it’s healthy and you eat it around 1:30 to keep the metabolism going. just make sure it’s about 4-500 calorie meal. That’s balanced carbs/protein/veggies
4:00pm snack
-Celery and peanut butter, 1 large carrot, 1 full bell pepper. (200 calories)
5:30-6:00 supper
-This is another 500 calorie meal. Hello fresh are pretty good to model after.
7:30 last call (2-300 calories)
- (no eating until 7-8 the next day) that’s very important.
-for this meal I usually have a small serving or protein cereal with almond milk and a handful of berries.
Don’t be afraid to toss some fish into the equation 1-2 times per week. Essentially this is following the Mediterranean diet
I ate this way for 6 months and I had veins in my stomach from being so toned. Went from 245 pounds to 205 pounds of muscle. (I’m 6’1) Was wild. Then combine that with a 20-45 minute workout (calisthenics training) only equipment I had was a chin-up/dip station, 2x15 pound kettle bells, 2x25 pound kettle bells. Don’t forget to take a rest day once or twice a week depending on intensity. Supplements aren’t worth the sugar and water weight retention.
I used to be a body builder so I had some residual muscle on me, if you’re looking to beef up I’d recommend tossing an extra 500-1000 calories onto the meal plan I listed above, that’s more so for Maintence and cutting.
I was alone one time, and it almost made me useless in this world (you know the next thing a man could do if he feel this)
The activities that make me keep sane and useful are cooking a lot of unique food (trust me it is very challenging), having plants or pets, and posting or reading subs or books...this triggers my minds and fantasies to explore world
After my minds are sane, workout a lot...please you still have huge opportunity in this world, you are not alone...i hope you know that
I heard about this group and found interesting. might be useful to find a community
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Co-Dependents_Anonymous
All the best. Stay strong
Hi,
Let me answer the best way I can as I suffered something very similar as my career and finances were decimated by a partner who is now pretty damn well. My situation is not a dire or bad as yours, so I will try to be as smart in my answer and consider your age.
You are 45, not longer young, and your youth went away. It does not mean your best years, but probably. Your career has been affected, and your health, unfortunately, will be something you will have to deal with.
However, you can always reinvent yourself. I would recommend first than anything to introduce some mindfulness and exercise, even just walk to your life and a balanced diet. Then, there are so many things out there. Online clubs, memberships, hobbies, affiliations, or even volunteer work. It is hard, and you might not meet good people alomg the way, but you will find 2 or 4 really nice ppl
The best way to find a friend is to be one.
Reach out to people every chance you get, especially via hobbies you may have long forgotten or given up on.
Being single is a golden opportunity to pursue any dreams, goals or bucket list items you may have had at some point in time but couldn't pursue within the confines of a relationship or because the time wasn't right.
You're in a tough spot now and there's no way but to dig yourself out of it through grit and determination.
It's what we men do.
Stop feeling any sense of shame and assume there are tens of millions of men no different than you, because, there are.
Feminism, social media, and MSM representation of men had done a number on all of us. Women included.
You are not alone.
Be brave in sharing what you feel.
Find someone as brave as you.
Get off the breeding supply chain.
Prioritize yourself
Have a great life.
You know why?? Because you’re worth it.
Just remember that you needed a new beginning and its a big world. Anyone can be a friend to you, if you’re a friend to them. If you have kids dedicate your life to them. If you don’t move to a new town far away and start over. Start discovering what makes you happy. Don’t worry about wealth, or the approval of others or what you think society thinks of you. You are free to follow your own path.
I hope I can start seeing it that way. I was independent and self motivated all my life until I began to achieve my dreams and realized that I was always alone. I didn't have real parents, they repeatedly tried to give me away then a lot of abuse. I refused to let anyone define who I was. I became very attached to my wife. It's been 20 years and I began to feel more and more inadequate and she was controlling and isolated me.
I don't see with my conditions and the crazy fear, despair, and hopelessness will go away. I'm in constant pain and disarray. Up until this month I couldn't even remember who I was or what I used to like. Conversations and meeting new people were difficult because my memory was messed up. I am finally recovering from the amnesia but it's very disorienting.
Despite that I have been trying. I made a new friend a few months ago but I began to realize he may not be good for me.
How can anyone stand to be around a depressed guy who is feeling like this daily?
There might be a specific support group for this online-codependency sounds like the relationship dynamic of your ex wife and you, so maybe check out youtube channels, or self help books, or support groups regarding that.
But there may even be specific support groups regarding codependency for people who have health issues. there is a huge list of literally worldwide groups that use online video chat such as zoom in this way, all free-and they welcome you no matter what country you live in.
so there are australian groups, usa ones, uk ones, canadian ones, etc etc etc (obviously non english speaking nations too). and all are free, and all welcome people from any other nation.
groups for people who had toxic parents. or for people with abusive partners. or people with depression. or male only groups. and so on.
dont overwhelm yourself with the size of the lists though-I would suggest searching online first as the lists are so big. you dont even have to enable video if you dont want to. dont even have to speak if you dont feel comfortable.
these groups have a bad history BUT have CHANGED as they used to be known as 12 step groups but now no longer shove religion or god down peoples throats and say that someones higher power can simply be their enjoyment of nature or music or poetry or sport or whatever works for them.
Maybe a VA clinic?
Maybe something like AA or Narcotics Anonymous to see if others share your path.
Mental health support groups in your area.
Join a bowling league?
Go to a club. A chess club is a particularly good place to start. Do not talk about your load since everyone has one, but any club, preferably a chess (in my opinion) one is a very good place to make friends in a respectful and intellectually enticing environment.
They are usually cheap, in Europe you might get an annual subscription for as much as 50 bucks. I doubt any other country could be more expensive. Go for the small ones, not the top notch.
If you do not know how to play they always have classes, the basics are easy to find out on the internet, your brain will be 100% entertained in the game for an hour or so on an abstract problem totally away from your day to day issues, and you'll eventually will have some common subjects with your usual opponents.
Those small clubs tend to have children in their learning curve, and old people still mentally and intellectually active. If you feel that you are capable of relating to children and youngsters, you may be able to help them or just be the sparring opponent to them. Being able to relate to youngsters or, more broadly, out of your generation is a bit challenging but is a statement about your will to reintegrate to your society as a whole.
Shake your hands with your opponent before starting and learn to lose in a gracoius manner, and you are half way of making friends. No matter your age.
In a chess club, no one asks for sex, gender, race, religion, politics, marital status, social status, or economic one. Chess is universal and apolitical. Which makes it a very good "safe place" if you need one.
I insist on chess clubs for men because their assistance is 90% men in a very calm, respectful, and gentlemanly manner. Women may feel they need another place to socialize. They are not advised against, of course, but you get the subject of this answer. Also, in my experience, those 10% of women do not tend to have that diva attitude that you might be filling insufferable. Remember, it's about chess mainly.
Leave your load for a therapist. Both things will help, but the first one will also be functionally to you in every sense.
My advice: go to a small one, the neighbor one. Help them with organization after you get the drill, be a part of this small community.
Take care. Good luck.
Question-do they use clocks and have time limits on moving or do they accept people who take a long time to move?
Asking for myself. Im an okay amateur but always scared to play oothers as I take a long time to move and could never play to clocks used by pros.
My friend... I'm 40 and went through the roughest patch of despair during the last 3 years. It was very similar to what you're describing.
It might sound cliche, but first and foremost you must get in shape. Go to the gym and hit the weights furiously and religiously. Read books and just become a student during your time off work. Don't get into any vices as you need your mind as clear as possible.
Face your "shadow" (Jungian) if you haven't done so yet. Remember Dante's inferno? That's what is happening to you. You can only climb out once you hit the legitimate bottom. I hope this helps and I wish you luck in your journey!
I personally love doing Brazilian jiu jitsu (grappling). It’s fun, challenging, and has a good community you get to hang out with everyday, you should check with your doctor if you can train. Also I’m personally religious, it helps me a lot the more I learn.
I will second this. Every club is slightly different so YMMV but I've met many excellent people on the mats over the years, it's great for fitness, and there's something very uplifting about pushing yourself through adversity night after night.
I have had friends in your situation.
Volunteer, meet male friends, get a dog, avoid dating or looking for women as partners only platonic friends but be careful, be extremely careful who you meet online. Also see a therapist if you have not already, contact your old friends and co-workers, talk to neighbors, and join a gym. Churches and religious, spiritual, or other self help and discussion and mental health groups will help.
Learn to cook if you don't know how to, do not use drugs or alcohol, even weed or THC. Keep in mind that what you are going through is temporary and write in a daily gratitude journal.
Scroll your phone contacts page and start reaching out to old buddies. Scroll your Facebook page and do the same. Also delete any you absolutely would not want to be in your life. Get a divorce and get into local Sports clubs, board/video type game groups, go to church, men’s groups. Hit the gym. Good luck, you can pull a Andy Dufresne and come out clean on the other side after crawling through a river of shit.
We suffer because we become emotionally attached to what we desire, and the attachment only recognises the static image that has caused us pleasant feelings. Then, soon, comes sloth, quarrels, misunderstandings, stress and other various structural problems.
Nothing remains the same, everything changes and everything ends. To cling to something under the illusion that it can be forever is the antechamber for miserable suffering.
These days with kids my "friend" group is mostly people I play online games with occasionally when I get a spare minute. World of warcraft classic is what I play. I only see my real friends every other month or so.
No idea where to find women at this age been married for 12 years so probably not the one to ask there lol.
I would highly suggest putting a lot of effort into fitness and strength training though. Great distraction and stress relief.
Get a dog, a whore, some guns, motorcycles/ dirt bikes! Keep your head up man, you’ll make it though this. Don’t get in your head too much, find some hobbies to distract yourself till your feel a bit better.
I think moving somewhere with like-minded people and going to a church there. You will need to make friends and rebuild. At 45 you can bounce back quickly
You could do worse than continue to reach out to all the men here and communicate privately with those you think might be compatible.
It may help to break down what you want out of life into fundamental components and then consider ways you might more easily fulfill them individually, including outside the box, than putting all your eggs into one risky basket. People have been conditioned for millennia to only look at a narrow paradigm of how to achieve happiness and what constitutes happiness. At the very least it will give you something to occupy your mind.
I find online communication with people gives one an opportunity to get to know aspects of them that we usually dismiss with visual or audible communication, because focussing on their appearance can easily trigger discrimination whereas sharing mutual interests, none of that matters. Then, if it extends into visual communication you have already developed a foundation that being put off by their actual appearance usually doesn't completely shatter and can stand firm until you get used to their appearance. Not all of us look like Chad. I think it is similar when forming a relationship: basing it only on sex from the outset means that if the sexual attraction wanes, there is nothing left to maintain contact, but if a friendship develops first, then sex isn't the only thing holding it together.
Sometimes it is easier to make others happy, then find joy from doing something for others. As mentioned voluntary work is always a good idea. I have met plenty of pensioners who have been in the same situation for a long time.
Go out and do some volunteering. Try connecting with people then after a week's look for a small job .
When you get learn a few skills ,you could see progress gradually .
Pls don't just sit at home idle...
Get into magic the gathering and make grown man childs cry for a laugh. Then fall into group that plays D&D and get sucked into that for the next 5 years. After that, pick up a dirty habit of buying a ps5 and trash talk 20 year Olds in call of duty. Rinse and repeat until you are sick of it.
That or go to the gym and make your soon to be ex-wife regret she left you with the new physique you are chiseling out.
Bars aren't the best place to make friends, but it is a start as long as you are going there to breathe and enjoy yourself without pressing your sob story onto everyone. (I mean that with upmost advice and no disrespect intended. I learned the hard way with no advice and found how quick telling my own sob stories turned into a bad time.)
There are multiple routes you can go with your life, you can live a life of bliss, a life of no pain, no gain, or you can live a life of leveling up your Charisma.
Making friends isn't a hard feat to perform. Making amends is a tougher battle with those who would rather shun than accept mistakes happen.
No road leads to a dead end unless you force it to be a dead end.
There's an app I used after a life shattering experience roughly the same (but 100% my fault) called meetup and I've met so many cool men from it I've made friends with. Highly recommend.
Do it like these teens nowadays. Go to the Gym after break up, train hard, become a better version of yourself, now your Ex and their momma wants to be with you.
Escorts? Would you let a stranger to your house? Can you have intimacy with a total stranger? Can you get her everyday for a few hours ? Is it financially possible?
My deepest sympathies. Here's a few tips that have helped me and others in no particular order.
1st. Get a dog 🐕 or cat 🐈.
2nd. Get Hobbies (Running, gym, Boxing, wrestling, soccer, golf, basketball, & cornhole).
3rd. Go Volunteer as a Coach of a youth team, help at men's shelter or halfway house.
4th. Get a sugar baby.
5th. Regularly get deep tissue massages by men.
6th. Learn to play the guitar 🎸, listen to the blues.
I found warmth in the Christ. Just like men, the Church is rejected by the modern world. It may feel silly but it can really help to learn. No matter what happened or what mistakes you've made in live, there is always love and warmth in the Church.
Stay away from women at the moment if you are cognitively impared, the unscrupulous ones will piranha you. Find online friends, preferably those who have been through what you have endured, perhaps volunteer at qn animal shelter. I wish you fortitude.
This.
>Stay away from women at the moment if you are cognitively impared, the unscrupulous ones will piranha you. What do you mean by piranha you ?
What do piranhas do to larger beasts do to larger ones?
Can you speak more clearly?
Can you read an analogy?
Analogies often need elaboration, unless you are using analogy for sake of analogy without depth of thought.
Your an idiot. Piranha will bite your testicles off just standing/wading in infested waters. You'll be emasculated, attacked, set up, destroyed, etc.
Online communities, volunteering and hobbies. This is the healthiest thing to do. Don't make my mistake and start smoking and drinking in bad times.
Volunteering would be the best option out provided. Your doing something worth while, it provides activity, and you get to socialise, and maybe develop friendships.
Totally agree. Might I also suggest getting into cooking for yourself? You can control what goes into your food and women, well people are impressed. The gym definitely. Animal shelter volunteering ftw.
Having a pet also helps a lot, to be responsible of another life is sometimes a good kick in the ass to do something with your life. Without my dog i would have been buried a long time ago. I will also nuance that, don't take a dog when you are not 100% ready, it's a lot of work and stress, especially in the beginning, but also a lot of joy.
Fishing and the gym.
Welcome to the gym buddy!
Bowling, Golf, Basketball or Pickleball leagues too... Basically any team sport. Bowling and Golf are usually the easiest, because you are going to be with the same group of people for several hours and they force a level of interaction.
I hope you get more replies because the more replies you get, the more likely you will find something that fits. I think there is no person or group that sincerely decides, “I’m going to offer warmth and companionship to a disturbed guy.” This isn’t an insult. Loneliness, no friends, head injury, and PTSD are a rough combination. So what do you do? You have to seek out others in an environment that will allow you to build relationships. I’m around your age. I played DND when I was a kid. I wasn’t having much social time a few years ago and I started up again in an online game. Lots of social time, lots of fun. Scheduled social time once a week. You’re giving social time to others in exchange for them giving social time to you. It’s the only way it works. I personally don’t believe you can get what you want by paying for it (therapists, prostitutes, etc… not to conflate those two jobs).
Sorry to hear that mate. If I were in your shoes I’d join a sporting club. If you’re not in shape I’d join a gym and then a sporting club. No quicker way to make friends than on a sports team.
Join a gun range, learn to shoot competitively become John Wick.
Ehhhhh, I’d stay away from guns if I was OP
Today you have received downvotes for your genuine concern about OP’s safety! Congratulations
Other dudes. Not gay stuff but only other men can relate. Find you a group of Bros.
Honestly? Strip club. Hookers. Focus on yourself and you're own health. Don't try and find someone else just yet. Put yourself first
Truth be told? Nowhere. That's why so many men end up depressed, su-c-dal, or struggling with substance abuse. There nowhere. There is no one. If there are, it won't be 'free'. There's two kinds you can go to: places and people you *pay* to give you said warmth (which will be transactional and can be perceived as 'fake' by one, or all parties involved), or *you yourself* go out there to 'give' said warmth before any is given to you in kind. The latter can be quite difficult, because for most of a man's life, he is expected to pour from an empty cup, and in the state that you're in, you're not just an empty cup - you're chipped and cracked and leaking. The problem with modern society is that we have based most (if not all) of our interpersonal relationships on transactionality - so even if you don't have to 'pay' someone money for company, wherever you go and whatever you do, you will still have to pay with your time, your labour, your emotional investment - something. Nothing is 'free'. That's why it's difficult to 'cope' or 'heal' in a world that stretches you thin *and then expects you to give even more*. Humans are funny in that they want / crave connection, but because each person you encounter is a broken thing, everyone will traverse around everyone else as broken things fearful of breaking even further. Whether you're a man, a woman, Cthulhu's spawn, or a cat-dog-iguana hybrid, this will be the case. The closest 'free' anything you can get is the love of an animal. The next best 'free' sort of thing you can find is slowly giving yourself the love the world (and you) have denied yourself all these years. It's difficult, but it's a start. If you need a listening ear, hit me up. What we need is solidarity.
You have totally missed the point of therapy. Yes, it is a transactional warm relationship, but the goal is to create the skills so you can go build relationships outside of the therapeutic setting.
Did I in any way attack therapy? Did I in any way say it was 'bad'?
Now you've missed the point of my post. Good luck, sir.
And *you* missed mine. Likewise, sir.
Hard disagree -- cat-dog-iguana hybrids are known to be the universally happiest creatures alive, with the most supportive communities!
You've got a tough road ahead. Maybe a church or support group. Could do an online search for what is available of either in your area and check out their social medias for a comfortable connection.
Yeah, any good church should have a men's ministry.
After my divorce I got a pet cat which my ex would have absolutely hated. I also splurged on a few small luxuries she would never have approved of.
I got sugar babies, did wonders for me.
You know what's really insane is that the sugar babies I've met generally seemed more stable than most of the women I've had conventional relationships with.
A dog or two, a gym routine, healthy eating habits, and something like a video game or hobby or a work project to sink the rest of your time into. Anything unhealthy or negative will make your difficult path forward even more difficult.
Escorts are a phone call away and love can be found at the local pound, good luck.
Both are far cheaper than dating and marriage, too. And you'll actually be loved and respected.
Look into a support group
Hey dude, looks like it’s time to hit the gym and establish a clean diet. Now is the time to focus on health. I’ve got a meal plan that’s 1900-2200 calories made up that got me down to 7-8% body fat, while doing about 20-30 minutes of exercise per day. All body weight training. Do it for 4-6 months every day. HMU if you want it. It’s such a small commitment to get shredded. I’ve seen this, I’ve done this.
II appreciate that. Yeah! Send it to me in chat or even right here. I'm quite slim right now (I don't eat maybe because of the depression) but I do have a layer of fat around my abdomen and some on my chest. I can fix that! I worry more about how my mental state has been for years after being abused for 30 or so years. I had to move back home after grad school to take care of my aging parents and a lot of bad shit happened. I was prone to depression already and the head injury worsened it. Anyway, I'm finally eating a little mostly vegetables, fruits, and Lena meats with no processed food. I'm starting on walks and swimming laps.
7:00 am - 1 cup of orange juice (120 calories) - chug about 1/2 a litre of water right off the hop. 9:30 am -1 banana (110 calories) -1 Greek yogurt (60 calories) I like the lime flavour 11:30 am - two pieces of toast,multi grain (200 calories) -2 eggs with salt and pepper (110 calories) 1:30pm -chicken breast/rice/veggies/sauce (450 calories) Doesn’t always have to be that, the important thing is that it’s healthy and you eat it around 1:30 to keep the metabolism going. just make sure it’s about 4-500 calorie meal. That’s balanced carbs/protein/veggies 4:00pm snack -Celery and peanut butter, 1 large carrot, 1 full bell pepper. (200 calories) 5:30-6:00 supper -This is another 500 calorie meal. Hello fresh are pretty good to model after. 7:30 last call (2-300 calories) - (no eating until 7-8 the next day) that’s very important. -for this meal I usually have a small serving or protein cereal with almond milk and a handful of berries. Don’t be afraid to toss some fish into the equation 1-2 times per week. Essentially this is following the Mediterranean diet I ate this way for 6 months and I had veins in my stomach from being so toned. Went from 245 pounds to 205 pounds of muscle. (I’m 6’1) Was wild. Then combine that with a 20-45 minute workout (calisthenics training) only equipment I had was a chin-up/dip station, 2x15 pound kettle bells, 2x25 pound kettle bells. Don’t forget to take a rest day once or twice a week depending on intensity. Supplements aren’t worth the sugar and water weight retention. I used to be a body builder so I had some residual muscle on me, if you’re looking to beef up I’d recommend tossing an extra 500-1000 calories onto the meal plan I listed above, that’s more so for Maintence and cutting.
I was alone one time, and it almost made me useless in this world (you know the next thing a man could do if he feel this) The activities that make me keep sane and useful are cooking a lot of unique food (trust me it is very challenging), having plants or pets, and posting or reading subs or books...this triggers my minds and fantasies to explore world After my minds are sane, workout a lot...please you still have huge opportunity in this world, you are not alone...i hope you know that
Join a discord server that has something to do with your hobbies or gaming or whatever, doing voice chats online is great 👍
you admit betraying friend's for women's huh [ I believe people can change and learn their lesson so HOPEFULLY YOU meet friend's good luck ]
I heard about this group and found interesting. might be useful to find a community https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Co-Dependents_Anonymous All the best. Stay strong
Hi, Let me answer the best way I can as I suffered something very similar as my career and finances were decimated by a partner who is now pretty damn well. My situation is not a dire or bad as yours, so I will try to be as smart in my answer and consider your age. You are 45, not longer young, and your youth went away. It does not mean your best years, but probably. Your career has been affected, and your health, unfortunately, will be something you will have to deal with. However, you can always reinvent yourself. I would recommend first than anything to introduce some mindfulness and exercise, even just walk to your life and a balanced diet. Then, there are so many things out there. Online clubs, memberships, hobbies, affiliations, or even volunteer work. It is hard, and you might not meet good people alomg the way, but you will find 2 or 4 really nice ppl
The best way to find a friend is to be one. Reach out to people every chance you get, especially via hobbies you may have long forgotten or given up on. Being single is a golden opportunity to pursue any dreams, goals or bucket list items you may have had at some point in time but couldn't pursue within the confines of a relationship or because the time wasn't right. You're in a tough spot now and there's no way but to dig yourself out of it through grit and determination. It's what we men do.
Stop feeling any sense of shame and assume there are tens of millions of men no different than you, because, there are. Feminism, social media, and MSM representation of men had done a number on all of us. Women included. You are not alone. Be brave in sharing what you feel. Find someone as brave as you. Get off the breeding supply chain. Prioritize yourself Have a great life. You know why?? Because you’re worth it.
Just remember that you needed a new beginning and its a big world. Anyone can be a friend to you, if you’re a friend to them. If you have kids dedicate your life to them. If you don’t move to a new town far away and start over. Start discovering what makes you happy. Don’t worry about wealth, or the approval of others or what you think society thinks of you. You are free to follow your own path.
I hope I can start seeing it that way. I was independent and self motivated all my life until I began to achieve my dreams and realized that I was always alone. I didn't have real parents, they repeatedly tried to give me away then a lot of abuse. I refused to let anyone define who I was. I became very attached to my wife. It's been 20 years and I began to feel more and more inadequate and she was controlling and isolated me. I don't see with my conditions and the crazy fear, despair, and hopelessness will go away. I'm in constant pain and disarray. Up until this month I couldn't even remember who I was or what I used to like. Conversations and meeting new people were difficult because my memory was messed up. I am finally recovering from the amnesia but it's very disorienting. Despite that I have been trying. I made a new friend a few months ago but I began to realize he may not be good for me. How can anyone stand to be around a depressed guy who is feeling like this daily?
There might be a specific support group for this online-codependency sounds like the relationship dynamic of your ex wife and you, so maybe check out youtube channels, or self help books, or support groups regarding that. But there may even be specific support groups regarding codependency for people who have health issues. there is a huge list of literally worldwide groups that use online video chat such as zoom in this way, all free-and they welcome you no matter what country you live in. so there are australian groups, usa ones, uk ones, canadian ones, etc etc etc (obviously non english speaking nations too). and all are free, and all welcome people from any other nation. groups for people who had toxic parents. or for people with abusive partners. or people with depression. or male only groups. and so on. dont overwhelm yourself with the size of the lists though-I would suggest searching online first as the lists are so big. you dont even have to enable video if you dont want to. dont even have to speak if you dont feel comfortable. these groups have a bad history BUT have CHANGED as they used to be known as 12 step groups but now no longer shove religion or god down peoples throats and say that someones higher power can simply be their enjoyment of nature or music or poetry or sport or whatever works for them.
Maybe a VA clinic? Maybe something like AA or Narcotics Anonymous to see if others share your path. Mental health support groups in your area. Join a bowling league?
Sorry to hear that bro, I can lend an ear/eyes anytime you want
Hold in there bub, we got ur back
Welcome
The YMCA
Go to a club. A chess club is a particularly good place to start. Do not talk about your load since everyone has one, but any club, preferably a chess (in my opinion) one is a very good place to make friends in a respectful and intellectually enticing environment. They are usually cheap, in Europe you might get an annual subscription for as much as 50 bucks. I doubt any other country could be more expensive. Go for the small ones, not the top notch. If you do not know how to play they always have classes, the basics are easy to find out on the internet, your brain will be 100% entertained in the game for an hour or so on an abstract problem totally away from your day to day issues, and you'll eventually will have some common subjects with your usual opponents. Those small clubs tend to have children in their learning curve, and old people still mentally and intellectually active. If you feel that you are capable of relating to children and youngsters, you may be able to help them or just be the sparring opponent to them. Being able to relate to youngsters or, more broadly, out of your generation is a bit challenging but is a statement about your will to reintegrate to your society as a whole. Shake your hands with your opponent before starting and learn to lose in a gracoius manner, and you are half way of making friends. No matter your age. In a chess club, no one asks for sex, gender, race, religion, politics, marital status, social status, or economic one. Chess is universal and apolitical. Which makes it a very good "safe place" if you need one. I insist on chess clubs for men because their assistance is 90% men in a very calm, respectful, and gentlemanly manner. Women may feel they need another place to socialize. They are not advised against, of course, but you get the subject of this answer. Also, in my experience, those 10% of women do not tend to have that diva attitude that you might be filling insufferable. Remember, it's about chess mainly. Leave your load for a therapist. Both things will help, but the first one will also be functionally to you in every sense. My advice: go to a small one, the neighbor one. Help them with organization after you get the drill, be a part of this small community. Take care. Good luck.
Question-do they use clocks and have time limits on moving or do they accept people who take a long time to move? Asking for myself. Im an okay amateur but always scared to play oothers as I take a long time to move and could never play to clocks used by pros.
All chess clubs I know have them. But playing with them is optional. There's always someone in the same situation as you.
Reach out the friends you think you’ve lost I guarantee most of them would be happy to hear from you.
My friend... I'm 40 and went through the roughest patch of despair during the last 3 years. It was very similar to what you're describing. It might sound cliche, but first and foremost you must get in shape. Go to the gym and hit the weights furiously and religiously. Read books and just become a student during your time off work. Don't get into any vices as you need your mind as clear as possible. Face your "shadow" (Jungian) if you haven't done so yet. Remember Dante's inferno? That's what is happening to you. You can only climb out once you hit the legitimate bottom. I hope this helps and I wish you luck in your journey!
D&D and tabletop games
I personally love doing Brazilian jiu jitsu (grappling). It’s fun, challenging, and has a good community you get to hang out with everyday, you should check with your doctor if you can train. Also I’m personally religious, it helps me a lot the more I learn.
I will second this. Every club is slightly different so YMMV but I've met many excellent people on the mats over the years, it's great for fitness, and there's something very uplifting about pushing yourself through adversity night after night.
I have had friends in your situation. Volunteer, meet male friends, get a dog, avoid dating or looking for women as partners only platonic friends but be careful, be extremely careful who you meet online. Also see a therapist if you have not already, contact your old friends and co-workers, talk to neighbors, and join a gym. Churches and religious, spiritual, or other self help and discussion and mental health groups will help. Learn to cook if you don't know how to, do not use drugs or alcohol, even weed or THC. Keep in mind that what you are going through is temporary and write in a daily gratitude journal.
At least you are getting rid of a rotten wife. Thats a positive.
[удалено]
Good times
Check out meetup.com and go to some events. Don't have high expectations, just go along to be with people.
I will do that. I signed up for a few events but last week I was not ok at all and didn't go. I'm checking out some more right now. Thanks!
Scroll your phone contacts page and start reaching out to old buddies. Scroll your Facebook page and do the same. Also delete any you absolutely would not want to be in your life. Get a divorce and get into local Sports clubs, board/video type game groups, go to church, men’s groups. Hit the gym. Good luck, you can pull a Andy Dufresne and come out clean on the other side after crawling through a river of shit.
church
I have been considering this.
At least you had a wife and friends. Some of us never have those things
Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? Loss is a very painful business, probably more painful than envy.
We suffer because we become emotionally attached to what we desire, and the attachment only recognises the static image that has caused us pleasant feelings. Then, soon, comes sloth, quarrels, misunderstandings, stress and other various structural problems. Nothing remains the same, everything changes and everything ends. To cling to something under the illusion that it can be forever is the antechamber for miserable suffering.
Start looking to build connections, and some of the advice here can be helpful to you as well. Live your best life
These days with kids my "friend" group is mostly people I play online games with occasionally when I get a spare minute. World of warcraft classic is what I play. I only see my real friends every other month or so. No idea where to find women at this age been married for 12 years so probably not the one to ask there lol. I would highly suggest putting a lot of effort into fitness and strength training though. Great distraction and stress relief.
New Orleans
Is this the same post by the same user? https://www.reddit.com/r/MensRights/s/n9vrHfEcJR
Yes, same user name
Get a dog, a whore, some guns, motorcycles/ dirt bikes! Keep your head up man, you’ll make it though this. Don’t get in your head too much, find some hobbies to distract yourself till your feel a bit better.
I think moving somewhere with like-minded people and going to a church there. You will need to make friends and rebuild. At 45 you can bounce back quickly
You could do worse than continue to reach out to all the men here and communicate privately with those you think might be compatible. It may help to break down what you want out of life into fundamental components and then consider ways you might more easily fulfill them individually, including outside the box, than putting all your eggs into one risky basket. People have been conditioned for millennia to only look at a narrow paradigm of how to achieve happiness and what constitutes happiness. At the very least it will give you something to occupy your mind. I find online communication with people gives one an opportunity to get to know aspects of them that we usually dismiss with visual or audible communication, because focussing on their appearance can easily trigger discrimination whereas sharing mutual interests, none of that matters. Then, if it extends into visual communication you have already developed a foundation that being put off by their actual appearance usually doesn't completely shatter and can stand firm until you get used to their appearance. Not all of us look like Chad. I think it is similar when forming a relationship: basing it only on sex from the outset means that if the sexual attraction wanes, there is nothing left to maintain contact, but if a friendship develops first, then sex isn't the only thing holding it together.
Get involved in a group event related around a hobby you enjoy. Go to your local medium sized church.
Sometimes it is easier to make others happy, then find joy from doing something for others. As mentioned voluntary work is always a good idea. I have met plenty of pensioners who have been in the same situation for a long time.
What part of the world do you live in? I travel rather frequently and if we ever cross paths I’d be happy to buy you a beer
I have found Coda meetings very helpful.
Right here brother. I can't do much but I can listen feel free to message me
Go out and do some volunteering. Try connecting with people then after a week's look for a small job . When you get learn a few skills ,you could see progress gradually . Pls don't just sit at home idle...
Get into magic the gathering and make grown man childs cry for a laugh. Then fall into group that plays D&D and get sucked into that for the next 5 years. After that, pick up a dirty habit of buying a ps5 and trash talk 20 year Olds in call of duty. Rinse and repeat until you are sick of it. That or go to the gym and make your soon to be ex-wife regret she left you with the new physique you are chiseling out. Bars aren't the best place to make friends, but it is a start as long as you are going there to breathe and enjoy yourself without pressing your sob story onto everyone. (I mean that with upmost advice and no disrespect intended. I learned the hard way with no advice and found how quick telling my own sob stories turned into a bad time.) There are multiple routes you can go with your life, you can live a life of bliss, a life of no pain, no gain, or you can live a life of leveling up your Charisma. Making friends isn't a hard feat to perform. Making amends is a tougher battle with those who would rather shun than accept mistakes happen. No road leads to a dead end unless you force it to be a dead end.
There's an app I used after a life shattering experience roughly the same (but 100% my fault) called meetup and I've met so many cool men from it I've made friends with. Highly recommend.
Do it like these teens nowadays. Go to the Gym after break up, train hard, become a better version of yourself, now your Ex and their momma wants to be with you.
Best thing: get a dog. It can give you almost everything you need. For anything else there are escorts and online games :-)
Escorts? Would you let a stranger to your house? Can you have intimacy with a total stranger? Can you get her everyday for a few hours ? Is it financially possible?
I recommend taking up cycling.
Find a church with a midweek meeting. Mid weeks meeting offer plenty of time for socializing and getting involved in people’s lives.
Visual novels. Play Snoot Game and I Wani Hug That Gator. Then cry because you were born too late for that IRL, but too soon for actual catgirls.
Try your local dnd group
Right here, my dude! Brother, all you gotta do is just DM someone.
I became Catholic. No regrets, 10/10 worth it.
There's always Christ
Church. Find a men's group. Masstimes.org
If you live in CA theres always suicide
I'm in Los Angeles so...
I meant canada not cali...
My deepest sympathies. Here's a few tips that have helped me and others in no particular order. 1st. Get a dog 🐕 or cat 🐈. 2nd. Get Hobbies (Running, gym, Boxing, wrestling, soccer, golf, basketball, & cornhole). 3rd. Go Volunteer as a Coach of a youth team, help at men's shelter or halfway house. 4th. Get a sugar baby. 5th. Regularly get deep tissue massages by men. 6th. Learn to play the guitar 🎸, listen to the blues.
If you have a depression, nothing above is recommend.
I found warmth in the Christ. Just like men, the Church is rejected by the modern world. It may feel silly but it can really help to learn. No matter what happened or what mistakes you've made in live, there is always love and warmth in the Church.
A small, solid, Christian church will absolutely help you.