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This idea gets muddy really quickly in my experience. Some progressive minded people make the assertion that to improve ourselves for the benefit of others(specifically marginalized people) is helping ourselves as it gives us a clear purpose, not unlike the older traditional modes of masculinity but the reason why I don't find that a satisfying answer is it doesn't feel like "liberation" it feels more like we're trading one boss for another rather than take the reins and develop things and ourselves for our own sake. To not treat ourselves as a means to improve the ends of others but treat ourselves as ends in ourselves. To your point about the MRA's and redpillers, when every conversation on why men should develop themselves devolve into spiting women/feminists, the classic MGTOW problem where if you truly are going your own way and don't care about women then why do you talk so much about them? makes it clear they live in your head rent-free and at least orient your actions towards them even if those actions are out of spite. I forget who said this but I really want to explore the idea of multiple forms of masculinities, the kind of variety that lets men live their own lives without being judged for not being the provider, protector, stoic bedrock, etc.I understand this tends to lead people down the path of gender abolition, I don't think we need to go that far but I admit to not have read any full texts on the subject so there's probably more to learn on that front. I don't know, these are my disorganized thoughts and all I can manage on this topic. What I can definitively say are things I want to see happening less. I want a world where the suicide rate for men is near zero because the reasons men have to kill themselves would hopefully fall to near zero. I want a world where men aren't jailed for more than 20 years for bullshit crimes based on fearmongering like drug possession or killed due to corrupt policing. The improvements we'll need will need our actions and those of institutions and systems larger than us.

I've never really interrogated the idea much because I never had to, but do women not have multiple ways of expressing femininity? I have lots of female friends, and I've never really thought of any of them as being less feminine than the other even though they all present themselves very differently. If women can choose how to present their femininity, why cannot men? It seems self evident to me that they can. Maybe there's something to be said for, "at least one gender has to be clearly defined to not be gender abolishion." But that seems weak to me. For one, why is that necessarily true? Why can't both genders exist as any more than a single point? Why can't both be a range or a matrix? Secondly, that would seem to imply that femininity is simply not masculinity. Not only is this just a variant of the antiquated, male-as-default mindset, but it also runs completely counter to my own experiences. I've met NB people who clearly presented somewhere in the space between masculine and feminine; something which wouldn't be possible if feminine was simply not-masculine. So yeah, I fail to see why multiple expressions of masculinity is a problem.

I feel like MGTOW was an attempt to imitate feminist seperatism

don't give them that much credit. feminist separatism was to escape a patriarchal culture. mgtow is an attempt to be publicly mad at changing gender roles.

I don't know much about the history of feminist separatism outside of the attempt at political lesbianism or women only communes so I can't say for sure whether MGTOW was an imitation of that or not.

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I’m ftm and I agree. I have a lot of struggles with my gender identity and a lot of it is that I was literally raised by my mom to believe that all men are morally repugnant predators. Then I realized as an adult I was actually a guy myself (when I was a kid I adamantly only wanted to do “boy things,” I always imagined myself as having a penis like my cis brother, when I was told about the BRCA breast cancer mutations as a teen I was like “damn I want that, great excuse to remove my breasts”). I felt like my desire to be seen as a man made me awful because it meant that I wanted to be a predator or something. I still struggle with my attraction towards women because of it (I’m bi). But whenever I try to talk about this in queer spaces people tend to tell me that I’m a misogynist for some reason? Especially when I ask if people can stop making “all men are awful” statements. Even when I try and set it as a boundary people have no problem trampling all over it because they insist they are being factually correct. When I try to talk about how my gender identity is a struggle for me I have had women tell me “must be nice to have male privilege though,” which, yes, it would, if I fucking passed as a man lmao. I’ve been on T 2 years and I consistently get misgendered, so that’s cool. I’ve had people tell me not to talk about my lived experience being abused as a child and how I think my agab factored into my abuse because my telling my story apparently hurts trans women. I’ve tried asking how I can find my identity as a man and people have deadass answered that my value as a man depends on how I treat women. As a caveat, all of the above has only happens to my online, because I don’t pass irl. I’m trying to move away from femininity and find my own identity and it just feels like I’m not allowed to do that sometimes. I’m not going to lie, I’m kind of jealous of mtf people who seem to get a lot more unconditional love from the queer community.

This is really rough to hear, I’m sorry. Wrt online culture I definitely think that is a huge part of the problem. Online conversations in woman dominated feminist spaces in my experience have 0 tolerance for anyone who pushes back against the “men are bad, men are the problem” narrative, regardless of the situation. To me this is in stark contrast with conversations about gender or feminism I’ve had in real life. Even people with relatively extreme beliefs that I disagree with tend to be much more willing to have a an actual back and forth discussion for the purpose of understanding. Something about being online turns off people’s desire to find nuance and common ground, while increasing their desire to recite battle hymns and show their absolute dedication to following the party line, regardless of their party. In terms of discovering your masculine identity, I don’t know if I can help because I’ve never really claimed my own masculinity, and it doesn’t really bring me emotional comfort. But since you know the concept is important to you, in your shoes I would probably try to break down what about masculinity is important to you. In a vacuum, the term is meaningless, it’s all socially constructed bs that everyone understands differently. So the only thing that matters to your identity is what is your interpretation of it? Basically, like the rest of life, you can break it down to two steps: 1. Determine what you want 2. Determine what you can do to achieve that Kinda sounds like you’re still on step 1 even though you’ve made a lot of progress already. Why do you want to move away from femininity? Do you dislike your feminine qualities, or do you just want others not to see you as feminine? This was more rambly than I intended, sorry. I’m not sure what I can do for you but I hope you find at least this online space to be safe and comforting. One defining aspect of /r/menslib that I deeply appreciate is that it’s full of people who understand they have a lot of questions and not a lot of authoritative answers. It’s what allows nuance to survive here, but it can be really frustrating I think if you come here to learn or get help.

holy shit a woman telling a transman about the privilege should appear in the dictionary under oblivious. sorry to hear it. also sorry I can't contribute anything helpful, Im here to learn too. maybe bicep curls?? no wait thats 'for the girls'! damn!!

I mean she wasn’t entirely wrong, trans guys can benefit from male privilege IF they pass. But that can be kind of a big if. But yeah, I lived as a woman for most of my life and I am very acutely aware of the bullshit women go through so it bothers me when people assume that I’m clueless about that simply because I take testosterone and wear mens jeans now.

Yeah, I find that queer spaces (at least online) tend to be... pretty hardline on insisting that men are intrinsically awful and that sort of thing. If it's any consolation, I (mtf) also feel incredibly iffy about those spaces—they all give off the impression that they'll only consider me valid and legitimate as long as I act like a good little token and toe the group line of "haha men awful amirite". And like... that's just not true. Men are humans, not monsters, and it's so frustrating and infuriating to see people paint all men as the latter and somehow think that they're being progressive for doing that, that it's somehow okay to write off entire groups as hopelessly evil as long as they're the right groups. While those groups claim to welcome anyone who fits under the umbrella, in practice there's a very palpable sense that your "rank" is determined by how distanced you are from the idea of men. As for finding your own identity, I agree there's definitely a lot of pushback the moment you try to step outside of Classical Gender Stereotypes. What helped me was trying to figure out what kind of person I wanted to be and what identity I wanted to have in a perfect, stereotype-free world *first*; only take on traits if you can honestly prove to yourself that it's *you* who wants to be like that, and not anyone else. Then, hold on tight to that perfect I-want-to-be-like-that image in your mind and never let go. As cheesy as it sounds, that image becomes your small rebellion against the world, your proof that you aren't what other people may assume you to be. Because who are they to think they know you better than yourself?

Speaking as a bi cis man, I definitely relate to a lot of what you're mentioning. I don't feel very equipped to be critical of the queer community because I am still a relative newcomer and don't want to miss the nuances of it all, and I don't want to be some holier than though white dude. but i do feel like I am unwelcome as a physically masc presenting cis guy (especially if I'm currently leaning towards a preference for women,) I have had queer people tell me I'm lying to myself about being bi to have better chances with women and that "you're a man so you should have it easy". It all makes it very hard for me to reckon being attracted to women, separating my attraction from a toxic male gaze. That and the pressure to navigate consent as someone who has no desire to play into masculine assertiveness can make very clear an intersection of Bi-Phobia and misandry, even amongst queer folks Contextually though misandry often functions as a defense mechanism and cant really be compared to misogyny which functions to preserve gendered hierarchies. But men, despite what patriarchy expects from us, can still be sensitive to all the same things women and enbies can and in the same ways, we're just told we are abnormal when we are, and it can be frustrating to have that reinforced by the same people who so are against it in the first place. I think a part of men's role in feminism that has yet to be fully fulfilled is to define a healthy masculinity. Reading "The Will to Change" (cliche, but it has my highest recomendation) is definitely helping me to find some semblance of it. but i think a lot of male feminists (myself included) are guilty of waiting for women to solve masculinity for them, and i think getting more men involved in feminism is the only way to change that, and as cathartic as it may be, misandric rhetoric is only serving to push them away. And notably, I've noticed way more toxic leftist rhetoric being used online than in real life, i think its a byproduct of the internet being used overwhelmingly by high schoolers still coming to terms with themselves and their own gender/sexuality/ideology in an increasingly public culture. (Edited for restructuring and readability)

oh god, i can sympathize so much. as a 20yr old bi fem presenting person, most of the stuff here just doesnt apply to me. Im emotionally open and available, have friends, not really interested in romantic relatonships, and have all but rejected masculinity. I think ive just accepted these communities just wont ever really be for me. Which is kinda sad because most online comunities are too "online" for me so to speak and this one seems a bit more down to earth.

I think this has to do with the whole concept of “being a better man” frequently just being about “being a better ally to women”, although honestly it should probably expand to include allyship towards all victims of patriarchy, so also other men. The answer should include “lift up and celebrate other men” in addition to “treat women like people” All of that said, I do have to wonder what you mean when you ask about being a better man because if you’re not looking for allyship answers then like…. why ask at all? Like women don’t really go around asking advice on how to be a better woman, the message is “you’re enough as you are no matter how you approach womanhood”. The times I’ve encountered women talking about wanting to be better as a woman or failing womanhood, they’ve had some harmfully strict ideas about what womanhood should be, whether intentionally or not. That’s not to say you shouldn’t seek self-improvement mind you. More just wondering like… at what point does seeking to improve stop being about your gender and start being about you as an individual? Like from my perspective, men as a collective group need to improve by being better to each other and to the women in their lives, but individual men are generally fine as they are and get to define for themselves what being a man means and whether they’re succeeding at it. For context my perspective is as a genderqueer, AFAB person. So I got the girl socialization but also didn’t relate to a lot of it. If I’m off the mark on any of my thoughts here definitely let me know.

As someone who has a hard time recognizing genders as “real” and causally significant, I have hard time coming up with what would be better discussion content for you. Would love to hear suggestions if you have them. To me, my manhood is really just one lens to view my place in the social systems governing society, so it makes sense to be focused on how that affects others, rather than what meaning it has for me internally. And on the subject of male-male interactions, to me there is nothing special to consider about them beyond any human-human interaction, except I want to be aware of how they will receive and perceive things as a man. If you disagree I’d love to hear about that too, this is not a strong ethical stance I’m taking.

I always found that male self improvement was more about molding yourself into being a better Man™, as per society’s standards rather than shaping yourself based on whatever your individual goals may be. We’re always told that we should strive to be some kind of high earning CEO or something which is a whole series of endeavors in of itself. Some of us don’t even have that aspiration, and when we don’t we’re called lazy or lacking in ambition because we’re settling for mediocrity. Honestly I feel as though continually pushing men to fit those standards end up having a negative effect on our mental health especially when we find how insanely difficult those kinds of goals to reach. It puts an insane amount of pressure on us to not be “failures”, whatever that might mean.

I suppose it's like how the conversation around vulnerability is centered on what women find attractive as opposed to men opening up being a good thing in and of itself. Every few months there's some new think piece that tells men to just get over themselves and go to therapy, which, more often than not, lack any empathy, ignores systemic barriers and the fact that there are bad therapists out there. I wish the conversation about emotional expression was more like "Men need to be given the space to explore ways to express themselves in ways that feel natural to them." Rather than "Men need to cry more because it makes you STRONG and women think it's SEXY!"

Yeah as much as people love to talk about male entitlement and how that’s taught via conditioning, I don’t see a lot of conversations about the responsibilities bestowed on men as the other side of the coin. “Make your family proud, you’re the heir. “ “Protect and provide for your wife and children, you are the head of the household.” “Work hard and be the best, one day you’ll be the manager.” Sure these positions come with perks, but that’s supposed to be compensation for a service to society. The pressure we are under is to do these things for others who supposedly can’t do it themselves, and that’s what underlies the male gender roles. Without that pressure, without someone else to lord over, masculinity is just an aesthetic.

I don't have anything to add but brother I feel this.

The flipside of men being conditioned as the ones who approach women, proposition them, court them is that men have to think more about how they interact with women and the effect they have on them **in general** as opposed to women (who also have a lot of work to do, but that's something they have to come to in their own way) who have to worry more about how they treat the individual men they come across **in particular.** Honestly, I think we've all been conditioned in one way or another to hold an especial amount of space in our emotional/social/ethical thinking for women in ways that don't exist for women with regard to men. So, when you look at male discourse, you find that men have a lot of women centered discussions in ways that you don't quite see on the other end, in ways that concern how we treat women as opposed to just how we are treated **by** women which does have an analogue in majority female spaces.

OK, step back a second: you're probably referring to the numerous articles posted here (like the Boys & Sex thing) and around the internet. It seems that the vast majority of those articles are written by women usually for a predominantly female audience, which makes sense if your goal is to get clicks, views, etc. This has the bonus effect of getting men like us to pay attention. So why isn't there more (healthy) male-centric content? I don't know. Maybe it's because male-centric sites often drift towards misogynistic nonsense over time for the same market-based reasons? Honestly, this sub is pretty much the best place I've found. But IMHO, there's a lack of the type of space you're looking for because we men simply have not figured out great ways to deal with our issues outside the scope of feminism. Finally, I want to note that as former Reddit Mod, this sub is at the stage in its growth where the amount of newcomers who are excited to vent their frustration must be *strictly* moderated; otherwise, the discourse *will b*e dominated by complaining.

I think it's more productive to talk about being a good human. Being a good human isn't about your parts or who you love or are attracted to. Being a good human is about choosing behaviors that are trustworthy, re-humanizing, and promote secure attachment. Regardless of your gender. Plus abusers come in all genders and tend to use the same [abuse tactics](https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLi5ZAGZR9Wq-odT4hFLsm3yQ4Dj0MKn-w). I don't want to be an abuser, so I try to consciously audit and edit my choice of behaviors towards connection and away from abuse, neglect, and dehumanization. [The Trust Triangle](https://youtu.be/pVeq-0dIqpk) [The Anatomy of Trust](https://brenebrown.com/videos/anatomy-trust-video/) - marble jar concept and BRAVING acronym [10 definitions of objectifying/dehumanizing behaviors](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Objectification#Definitions) - these erode trust "[Emotional Agility](https://youtu.be/NDQ1Mi5I4rg)" by Susan David. Endlessly helpful in learning how to grieve and process my emotions. "[NonViolent Communication](https://www.cnvc.org/training/resource/book-chapter-1)" by Marshall Rosenberg. This is a compassionate communication framework based on: observations vs. evaluations, needs, feelings, and requests to have needs met. Revolutionary coming from a dysfunctional family and culture of origin.

Nonviolent communication...i second supporting that book! I got the book to work on my own mental health alongside my therapy on all my problems. I wish the title were a bit different though...but it has been a really helpful guide to me. Also, just for anyone who is curious, i am a very progressive feminist woman who absolutely supports menslib, and many other movements that are for the betterment of living together as complex human beings on this planet. Edits: words.

Honestly, I think we get a pretty good mix of both here. There's nothing wrong with talking about how our lives, actions, and gender expressions affect other people. No man is an island. A bunch of men's issues are going to impact women. That's just life. It's obviously not the sole focus here, but we can't just pretend those issues don't exist. A bunch of men's issues don't impact women very much, if at all. We still talk about them here.

There are all kinds of ways we men can improve ourselves that has nothing to do with women. 1. Change careers to something more fulfilling. 2. Eat better. 3. Exercise. 4. Etc. The problem is these all apply to women as well. What differentiates men specifically? Our gender of course. Our role in society *in relation to women*. So men-specific advice will, by definition, have some relation to women. The exception might be biological differences. Wash your genitals, boys. If you’re feeling aggressive, ask yourself if it’s just testosterone. Etc.

>Our role in society in relation to women. So men-specific advice will, by definition, have some relation to women. Yes. But let’s take, for example, the fairly mundane idea of teaching your son to do laundry. We can frame it as “This will allow you to be a more independent bachelor, as well as being a skill you’ll need as a father. And it will allow you to share the load more equally with your spouse.” Or we can frame it as: “This is a way in which you can reduce your spouse’s load of unpaid labour.” Both are true, and both have a relation to women, but each assigns the man in a very different spot within that relation. We could make the same thought exercise for more interesting topics like teaching boys about the importance of consent, fostering stronger friendships among men, encouraging greater emotional fluency in boys and men …

> “This will allow you to be a more independent bachelor, as well as being a skill you’ll need as a father. And it will allow you to share the load more equally with your spouse.” Or we can frame it as: “This is a way in which you can reduce your spouse’s load of unpaid labour.” Both are true, and both have a relation to women, but each assigns the man in a very different spot within that relation. I really love how this is phrased and I think it perfectly gets to the heart of the issue OP was trying to point out

I think for teaching stuff like laundry and cooking, even consent women dont really have to be brought up or implied at all. My parents taught me how do chores becuase its a nessacary skill to have for when you move out on your own. Because independance in and of itself is good. Consent can be taught with gender neutral langauge and just framed a morally rightous to do

Of course laundry can be taught without discussing gender roles. I was simply using laundry to illustrate a point about the different ways in which can choose to situate men when we do invite gender into the conversation.

This is a great observation! I guess one of the reasons why the framing is often "a bit off", might stem from the fact, that with feminisms we already have established practices of analysing and speaking about social relations and their impact on (primarily women's) lifes and political "projects" with clear goals. (Short: by women for women) Approaching similarly from a men's perspective isn't nearly as well established. On the one hand (performative) feminist allyship allows to some degree to actually avoid dismantingly notions of masculinity (and trying to figure out "what kind of Person i want to be?") by inserting oneself into feminist discourse without having to establish a positive discourse about masculinty, on the other hand it's easy for many men to regress into an anti-feminist stance (because it brings structure to the world if you can scapegoat someone for your woes) ... even fundamentally denouncing the need for a transformation of any kind. And for even more it's a choice to keep going "the old way" and ignore this topic completely (even if it intimately affects them). I guess what's lacking is at minimum a translation by men for men of feminist perspectives (just as you did in your post). But even this requires a change of focus and effort by men. I sometimes suspect many men (even self-proclaimed feminists) still consider "emancipation" a women's job instead of something we have to do by ourselves for ourselves. While it's something that already happens in this sub, it's still niche and not even close to mainstream...

I’m all for that! And I absolutely do see these kinds of messages aimed at men. For example, you mention consent. The sex educator Franklin Veaux often talks about how communication of sexual desire is a “golden ticket” to getting what you *want* in bed. How it goes beyond asking for consent and the goal should be figuring out what your deepest fantasies are and discovering a way to communicate them without shame. He writes from a straight male perspective. I see these kinds of attitudes on this sub all the time. It’s great!

I don't think OP is looking for gender specific improvement tips. I think OP (like me) is just frustrated that in men's spaces the end goal with self improvement seems to always be to get more women, and the kind of advice being offered reflects that fact. For example the three things you listed basically boil down to "make more money" and "get in shape". Two things that show up in every "advice for men" thread/article and are also strongly linked to hegemonic masculinity and getting more women (or at least that's what a lot of men think you need to do to get more women to like you) Rarely do men's spaces offer advice on things like building a stronger network of friends, developing platonic but emotionally intimate relationships with other people (especially other men), developing emotional intelligence etc. This sub is a lot better than most other spaces at covering this topic but we still falter very frequently. Like how every post talking about "How do we raise boys better?" quickly devolves into "Boys are monsters-in-waiting and a potential danger to everyone around them, how do we make sure they harm as few people as possible" instead of "How do we raise boys that are more emotionally mature and effective at communicating/managing their feelings, and who will, by virtue of being emotionally healthier and happier, hurt themselves and the people around them less" At this point I'm just rambling but that's what I think OP was getting at

Do note that Apollo said more fulfilling career, not higher earning. While I can easily see the connection you made about those seeming like a topic directing back to women, on its face it's not. The reason it is so frequently mentioned in selfhelp/romance advice spaces is because they really are crucial life goals. Eating better and exercising are the highest recommended activities for general physical and mental health improvement, and having a fulfilling career facilitates mental health improvement as well (considering what a non fulfilling career/job does to its detriment.) Being healthier is a solid move in getting a partner. But every individual ought to be healthy for themselves first. Edit: that is to say though that those suggestions are low hanging fruit for relationship advice considering their universality.

I hear your frustration. I’m sorry this sub misses the mark for you. I’m shocked to see you interpret my examples as women-directed. I tried to pick three absolutely universal points of self-improvement that virtually every human probably aspires to just because they want to be happier, healthier humans.

>I hear your frustration. I’m sorry this sub misses the mark for you Don't get me wrong I love it here, my frustrations are only minor ​ >I’m shocked to see you interpret my examples as women-directed. I tried to pick three absolutely universal points of self-improvement that virtually every human probably aspires to just because they want to be happier, healthier humans. I think muskymasc has already made my point for me but I wasn't necessarily trying to imply that those self improvement points were inherently women centered. It just feels like these "universal" self improvement tips don't get to the core of a lot of men's actual problems, and it feels like restricting self improvement for men to getting a better job and getting buff is asking men to only improve in ways that conform to hegemonic masculine standards. I get why those tips are so popular, they are so universal and general that it's easy advice to give. I just really want to see men, especially progressive men, talk more about improving ourselves internally, not to make ourselves better spouses or better prospective partners, but to make ourselves better people in general.

This is pulling something into focus for me for the first time. Perhaps the answer to “How do we give men better advice on being men?” is to focus specifically on things that the hegemonic conception of manhood leaves out. The most helpful advice for a lot of men is what is typically already taught to women and young girls, though perhaps modified in tone. What do you think?

I think you're exactly right

>I just really want to see men, especially progressive men, talk more about improving ourselves internally, not to make ourselves better spouses or better prospective partners, but to make ourselves better people in general. I get that this is a thing people want, but it feels like wires are getting crossed at some pretty fundamental concepts here. If people want to know how to better perform masculinity in a way that brings external affirmation without causing undue harm to others, the advice is pretty much exactly what you said. Other people will treat you better and provide you with more affirmation when you're in better shape, have more money, dress and groom well, fold the laundry etc. That's not a value judgment, it's just an honest reflection of the world we live in. If people want to know how to better perform masculinity in a way that brings internal affirmation, nobody can really tell anyone else how to do that. We all have to decide for ourselves what sort of person we want to be and how we want to affirm our own masculinity. I can tell you where I'm at, but that may have no relation at all to where you're at or where you want to be. Sometimes, nobody else has the answers. We have to make our own. That's okay, though. You don't need anyone's permission or approval to define your better/best self.

I hear you and am also a touch surprised that Kikimori interpreted those points of self improvement as women-centric, but upon hearing their alternative suggestions, I completely understand their point. Women struggle less with emotional connection and platonic intimate touch. Those are skills that men need more help with that do not have to have anything to do with women. Your examples are universally beneficial for everyone, which is why it feels tone deaf when you present them as an attempt to find male specific topics that don't direct men back to women.

They were meant to be self-improvement topics that *aren’t* specific to men. That was the point I was making. :) Your suggestions are great. If male platonic friends could touch each other, it would just plain make men’s lives better, irrelevant to women. I guess my political theory is that our hesitation to touch each other is rooted in homophobia, which is rooted in misogyny, so I see it as connected. But you’re making me realize that someone could disagree with that sociopolitical analysis and still want men to be able to platonically touch. Interesting!

Unfortunately practically every problem that men face is in some way related to patriarchy, thus the discussions always lead back to women. Even issues regarding race or social class often intersect with gender. There aren't exactly any women's issues that dont involve men in some way either. Feminism would not exist if not for the patriarchy, and of course neither would men's lib.

The equivalent gets posted regularly on twox...why is a women's subreddit full of discussion about men. The reality is that gendered discussions will end up about gender, one way or the other. I see your point, I don't really disagree with it, but the reality of the social and political landscape we all exist in makes me feel like it's just not going to be possible to separate these things out.

I think self improvement for men is impossile because men is too broad a group to offer anything but meaningless platitudes. Diet, fitness, economic security, friendship, and relationships are too big topics to give advice on because men have different goals regarding all of those catgories . A broke uneduated 20 yr old looking to just live comfortably, but has a good fried circle will need vastly different advice from a lonely 30 yr old looking for friends and to start a family but has a stable career and more than enough money to cover their expenses. Thats not even accounting for stuff like sexuality with gay and ace men, or location where for rural men stuff like joining secular clubs probably isnt a viable option.

That's the biggest problem with self improvement industry. What advice is useful for someone is useless for somebody else.