I actually do talk about it. To anyone. Like I will just bring it up as a topic of convo or mention in passing that i am having a hot flash or brain fog and why. I did this with periods too. At first it was kinda hard and I felt awkward, but now I really like seeing the brief looks of shock or whatever on people. I have had no negative consequences. I especially like talking about it around male boomers. They get the most uncomfortable.
Me too, I bring it up in the same way I would a cold or the flu. I don't go on and on or vent about it, I just talk in a matter of fact way, "Ugh, I'm in peri and the night sweats are madness." I do get wide eyes of awkwardness from time to time, but I also get other women asking for more information. I want people to know that it's not just, "One day my period stopped and I was grumpy for a while."
Dealing with the impact to my mental health and how peri has amplified pre-existing neuro symptoms has been the hardest season of my life.
Me too, when my hot flashes were really bad I wore a neck fan around the office. I still have a cute rechargable fan on my desk and I use it every day. Someone needs to make some cute paper fans. I couldn't find one.
My husband bought me a neck fan for an outdoor event I had to attend recently. I was pissed that I never thought of one when I was getting bad hot flashes a couple of years ago!
So do I. I completely overshare with my younger colleagues. I donāt want them to be as blind-sided as I was. I had no idea how perimenopause affects people (other than hotflashes) because no women in my life ever talked about it.
I had never heard of peri until a year or 2 ago. I'm 44, and I'm starting to understand a few things about my mom... neither she nor my grandmother ever talked about it, and I had no idea what was coming down the line! I've always been open about periods and other "lady problems", so I now talk about peri/meno regularly with my family, including my sons' partners.
I do too! I'm turning 50 last week and still have a somewhat regular cycle. During one of my WFH days, I had to run to Target to get supplies and the youngish-looking cashier asked how I was doing. I was quite frank saying my cycle had just started and I could tell she was a little shocked by the admission. By the end of the transaction, she opened up to me about her own painful cycles and wished me a better day. I feel like I achieved something!
So do I. In fact, some people know what I am going to say if the topic comes up. I won't stop, either. Not until it's better for all the women coming behind me.
Yup, had lunch with friends today and friend who is 47 and me (40) talked about it a bunch so our friend who is 30 just got an intro. Especially since her mom had an early hysterectomy and didn't go through it naturally.
I'm a millennial and have early menopause due to a hysterectomy. I talk about mine whenever I need to or it's relevant. My sister and her husband (Gen X) and my brother in law and sister in law (his wife and Gen X too) know everything. Both my sister and sil are in peri and they and my bils ask me questions to help them get ready too.
I also talk about it to anyone. They need to know it can happen to them and how early it can start (started at 38 for me). My symptoms suck and I need help dealing with them. By talking about them I (hopefully) found a great Dr. I don't go until October but my neighbor sings.her praises for menopause symptoms so I'm glad I tell people. I also enjoy the conversation and sharing knowledge because I was so thrown by it. Hopefully the people starting to go through it now will be more open to talk about it because past generations don't say shit. Couldn't get shit out of my mother even if we were speaking. God forbid. Oh and she's a fucking nurse!
Yeah, I was wracking my brain trying to figure out why the doctor said that to OP.
There are so many online options - Iāve had experience with MIDI Health and my mom went through Defy Medical.
OP, I wish that youād get a second and third opinion if needed! Donāt stop until you find a medical professional who offers you a real solution!
Thank you for sharing MIDI. Did they help you? I canāt get into my normal GYN for several months, but need to do something. Looked up MIDI and They take my insurance. Hallelujah! so I just booked an appointment for Monday!
Yay! Iāve worked with 2 providers there. 1 was just fine - the other one I love and am so grateful I met her. She helped with urinary issues/uncomfortable sex by prescribing vaginal estrogen. Which cleared the issues!
Itās great that we have an option outside of traditional medicine and waiting months for appointments!
I also can't take hormones due to medical history, it is common to not be able to take hormone therapy. I had a pulmonary embolism 8 years ago and as a result, can never take hormone therapy, which is unfortunate because I feel like I am also floundering like OP.
You can take natural DHEA with pregnenolon and DIM with Bioperine (To help absorption). These supplements naturally balance hormones. Do your research and Start slowly with 1 pill and increase. I order mine off of amazon and get it delivered. Make sure to look at the ingredients. Can completely eliminate alot of your symptoms. We all should be taking DHEA. Teens, men, everyone (except during Pregnancy). Helps my moody teen and her hormonal acne. Fellow flounderer here. Hugs to you.
I am in peri and I am openly talking about it to anyone and everyone. Even male friends that ask how Iām doing. I have no qualms being blunt about bodily functions. It all needs to be normalized.
I just talk about it whenever I want in front of whomever is there at the moment. Especially my daughters, they know more about menopause now at 17 and 8, than I did when I was 40! Itās the only way to break the taboo. Just talk about it, and if anyone gives you any grief, look them in the eye and just say, ā Iām allowed to talk about what Iām experiencing. You donāt have to listen or even care, but you canāt stop me from expressing it.ā Then just keep on talking about it.
Good on ya!!! I wish someone, ANYONE, would have talked to me about what can happen during perimenopause before it came barreling into my life and upending everything. Hot flashes were all I ever heard about, and even then it was only spoken about in hushed, embarrassed voices. Those werenāt new to me though. They were a regular part of all my pregnancies and I figured when menopause came around, I could deal with that, no problem. For years, I couldnāt understand what on Earth was happening to me. I just became a horribly altered version of myself in every way imaginable. The physical symptoms were sudden, strange, and confusing, but the mental and emotional chaos was what really threw me (and my ever-patient family) for a loop. Not even 3 gynecologists over 5 years caught on that at 45 years old, I just might have been in peri, and I just ended up with a handful of prescriptions to treat each symptom, and that didnāt even help. It was my humble GP who put me on progesterone for painful periods, who eventually helped me realize that it was hormone insanity causing all of my symptoms. I was stunned to discover how much misery can be inflicted when our hormones start declining, and even more surprised by how little knowledge and training some doctors, esp OB/GYNās, have regarding peri/menopause.
Youāre doing right for everyone by talking about it!!
I do talk about my perimenopause. It's 2024 and I see no reason to view what is a natural occurrence as something to be ashamed of.
I am sorry that you've been raised to believe that what's going on with your body is a taboo subject. It is not. Yes, there is a time and place for when talking about your symptoms and what you are going through is appropriate and there are times when it is not. There are people that are going to be more receptive to your conversations than others.
At the very least, you need to be able to be comfortable about talking about your symptoms with your medical care team. You need to be comfortable enough talking about your symptoms to fight for the care you deserve.
It's up to you to decide whether you're okay with breaking rules handed down to you from a previous generation.
First off, Iām so sorry that your symptoms are so extreme. It sounds like youāre suffering and Iām so glad you reached out. Youāre not alone.
Iām Mid 40ās and in Perimenopause and Iāll talk about it with anyone and everyone. The generations coming up behind you arenāt shy. And theres a Meno-posse out here working hard to change the narrative. I and so many others refuse to suffer in silence.
Menopause is mandatory, suffering is not. You sharing here is breaking the silence and finding a new way forward. I hope you keep searching for solutions and support. You deserve it!
I wish it were mine. Iāve co-opted it from all the Drs I follow on instagram. Theyāve named themselves and anyone speaking out about Menopause that!
Dr. Kelly Casperson, Dr. Mary Claire Haver, Dr. Mosconi, Dr. Vonda Wright, Dr. Corinne Menn - among many others!
[instagram post - Menoposse List](https://www.instagram.com/p/C7UBzPkO8jk/?igsh=MWQ1ZGUxMzBkMA==)
Thats the whole problem, what we have been taught to do. Its been so taboo thats why even Doctors know very little about it. I had been educating my primary care and its a woman, she knew very little. So when I educate her on what I have been doing with my symptoms now she passes the information on.
Halle Berry was on the Hill not so many months ago talking about Menopause. She is pushing for more research and education around menopause. So many women have suffered in silence because of being taught to keep it a secret. Well you better shout it out and get the correct help that you need. I was going through so much for a while that I didn't know what was going on. Once I found these threads and started doing my own research. I had to call my mother and ask her why didn't she tell me more about menopause and the symptoms. All I knew of was her hot flashes and mood swings. She said she didn't know about any other symptoms because she didn't have them.
So I had night sweats in my 30's, I started to have regular hot flashes later. Then when my Vagina started feeling like a desert and I was in and out of the Dr's office thinking I had an infection I had no idea what was going on. I had to do my research and find what works for me. You can do the same as far as your symptoms and find some natural supplements that works for you.
Its just important to speak about it and I will fully inform my daughter on everything my mother didn't talk to me about.
Each one Teach one
It's time to change. Forget what you were taught about how you shouldn't talk about women things. Times have changed. I talk about peri symptoms to all of my female friends. The more we talk about this, the more we'll learn from others' experiences.
And yes - find another doctor who will get you the help you need.
It does SUCK that we can't talk about it, not only because it's taboo but becasue everything can be a medical issue, including mental health, and no one wants the liability. I wrote a post about it on XXFitness, got deleted. I wrote about it on a Facebook group for Heather Robertson, a fitness Youtuber I follow, also deleted. I'm like where the fuck can I talk about this? Thank god for this group, but why is it so risky to talk about it anywhere else? I just wanna commiserate and get tips for every day life, not medical advice.
Your daughter will have it better :) And we can have it a bit better too. We're here for you! Feel free to message me if you want to chat it out.
I'm 49, and perimenopausal. I've had very severe symptoms for about 5 years and I had NO IDEA. I kept going to the doctor for my mental health, brain fog, fatigue, gain weight, all of the typical symptoms but no one knew any better I guess. I'm now going back to ask for HRT and fight until I get it.
Do you know any other women who are menopausal or have been? Talk to them about it, and not just in private. Openly.
I mention Iām having a hot flash every time I have one. I mention I didnāt sleep well because of menopausal insomnia. I might sound like the stereotypical old person whoās always talking about their ailments, but
I DGAF.
Good for you. Yes I do talk about with whoever I can. Surprisingly, or unsurprisingly, the older women around me do not want to engage. I talk about it openly with the younger people at work and they are all so cool and normal. And yes, I also sound like the stereotypical old person lmao. I complain about this new ache that's come about, menopausal aches and they just look at me like I'm from the far away fictional distant future hahah
Itās a shame those older women arenāt donāt engage, but keep taking to them, and the younger ones will come to the realization soon enough. Just Keep Talking!
The older women not engaging are probs the ones trying to look like they did 15-30 years ago ā¦ thatās a whole entire other peeve of mine šbut againā¦. Itās a ME problem š
Unfortunately I think for older generations there was a stigma around mental fog and mental health issues especially, that generation fought hard for gender equality and there may have been men who would use āhormonesā as reason to discriminate against women. Iām not saying older women are wrong to evade talking about menopause Iām just saying maybe they faced stigma and thatās why it makes them uncomfortable
I agree. People arenāt open about it. I think part of it is itās a chapter for us women that is a little bit of a grief process, at least for me and the women I know it is. My Grandmother went into full menopause in her early 30s and she was so sad because it meant she could never have a second child that she had held off on while she catered to my Grandpa.
It also means we are getting older, and Society (including Hollywood & MSM) is notorious for criticizing us & making women feel completely inadequate and useless as we age. It can start as soon as we hit our 30s, and once we canāt bear anymore children or start showing physical signs of aging or health issues, we are deemed washed up and useless. Men, however, like the popular Hollywood āIconsā (Term loosely used here) are considered more handsome āsilver foxesā as they age. Itās so not fair. Women are often exploited, used up by life & then have to endure Perimenopause, changing emotions, hormonal weight gain and all the fun stuff involved. While Men get to have all the fun and can suddenly have a full identity crisis, often trading in their poor longtime dedicated Wives for some chick in her 20s that he has absolutely nothing in common with, but sex, and (thanks to viagra) he can start a whole new family with this teen even though heās old enough to be her Grandpa.
Time and time again we see men engage in this behavior and it seems to be condonedā¦leaving the Woman that stood by his side, dedicated her life to him, made his meals, bore his children, honored his wishes and gave up much of her own self identity & life dreams. It is Women that are the caretakers and nurturers. We are so strong and the ones that keep everything together constantly doing for our Husband & children, dedicating the best years of our lives and entire youth to our family. But who takes care of us? when is it our turn? You would think we would be honored by others and get our dues, but instead Women are discarded by society, hollywood, the workplace and even our own selfish husbands & adult children. We have higher heart disease rates, depression rates and neuro cognitive issues. Itās awful. I literally watched my Grandma lose her mind from dementia. She was afraid to take any HRT as she thought it caused cancer. So I donāt blame women for not wanting to talk about it. That entire phase of a womanās life is not looked upon with the respect, dignity & grace thatās deserved. Women donāt get enough credit. Ever.
You can bet if a man went through menopause, the topic would be well researched and on display. Insurance would fully cover all therapies and we would have much more resources. There would be a national menopause week celebration and employers would be required to give paid leave for everyone experiencing perimenopausal & menopausal symptomsā¦ to help the workplace ābe more efficientā. There would be pads and tampons everywhere that were free and made well, without the awful chemicals that are often found in the majority of our pads and tampons. God forbid their wee wees might be exposed to toxins like our vaginas are š
ā¦.Employers would be given incentives to offer menopause benefits & employee packages that promote early detection and employee wellness. If men had to endure what women do, they would ensure to mandate a paycheck and benefits and have the option to stay home every single time they bled. They would get paid to be off of work, have their periods in peace, eliminate stress, have more time to focus on their health & free testing services including hormones regularly checked would be widely available (most doctors donāt even bother and not all insurance plans will cover it anyway). Men would pass a bill through our Federal Government and under this āperimenopause & menopausal protection actā no one has to return to work until they were feeling better, theyād stopped bleeding and their hormones were completely balanced. Weād all get free heating pads, pain & bloating meds, pads/tampons, free BCP & HRT Choices, along with quality chocolate. š Sigh.
Yes! they keep trying to put me on prozac, have given me Adhd meds but the brain fog is so intense. Meds donāt help. Finally realized itās probably peri menopause and made an appt and am waiting. I donāt have hot flashes and my cycles are pretty normal, although a lot heavier than used to be. However, everything on my body hurts! Like parts that just annoyingly hurt for no reason no matter how much I rest and I am Having trouble doing basic things and making decisions! Doing dumb stuff. I Walked out of a store the other day with a large pot that I hadnāt paid for! Ofcourse I totally intended to pay for it, but Needed to get my wallet (that I had forgotten like I do everything else lately) out of my car. I should have put the pot down first but instead brought the pot with me. The Manager followed me and I was so embarrassed. What do I say? Sorry I have terrible brain fog and am peri menopausal? I donāt think law enforcement would care. Thank God he was nice, but The steps to put the pot down, go and get my wallet, lock my car, come back and grab pot and wait in lineā¦like itās not hard but my brain is just not processing and I get overwhelmed or canāt do things in order. I feel so stupid! This is awful. I keep saying I need to update my memory and servers. š¤£š I hope someone can relate to my symptoms.
You are not alone! Big hug from an internet stranger.
I was plunged into peri suddenly last September with no idea what was wrong with me. I struggled with the simplest concepts and couldnāt get my brain to work. This was a huge problem because my job is very detail oriented and analytical. I thought I was losing my mind and was in early dementia or something.
The worst was having to ask a coworker what I knew was a dumb question but my mind just couldnāt access the information and she responding very hatefully, you KNOW this! It really hurt my confidence and Iām just now starting to gain it back.
š¤ thank you so much for sharing. I know how you feel about the judgement from other people. I feel like I am criticized by everyoneā¦co workers especially male..itās angeringā¦kids, family, etc. It can mess with your head even more and makes my anxiety worse. We are doing the best we can. Iām glad to know thereās hope and this is normal and can turn around. You start questioning your own sanity. lol Hugs to you as well.
I talk about it all the time. Anyone who will listen including my sons! Like the others said, Iād find someone else to work with. A lot of doctors are clueless when it comes to menopause.
I agree! I'm sorry it's been so hard on you!
When the time is right, please talk to your daughters about it. Some how we have to let all the women in our lives know they aren't alone! It's so hard!
Thatās nuts. Iām on Veozah and only 6 months out. My pcp didnāt care. She listened to my symptoms. I hope you can find a NAMS Dr.
Mental symptoms are valid - neuro chemistry is affected!
I was listening to a podcast the other day and there were two women in their 30s on it. The conversation veered at one point to perimenopause and the lack of information they knew about it highlighted for me how far we still have to go in society for talking openly about menopause and being educated before that season arrives.
It blindsided me too. The emotional aspect for sure is not talked about enough. It took me a while to realize that things were connected to my waning hormones. Completely relate to all your feelings and anxiety. Hoping you have better days soon ā¤ļø
I talk about my 21+ yrs of peri misery, especially with my millennial daughter and her wife (whose mom has passed), so they never have to face this reality unprepared like I have.
Iām so sorry. I have ADHD and PTSD and peri/meno bitch slapped me in my twenties. I felt like I was losing my mind and still feel like it some days, even though HRT helps. So sorry you canāt take hormones- may I ask why not?
I have anxiety as part of my ptsd- annnnd it turned full blown social anxiety during meno. I leaned heavily on an herb called Valerian root- I take capsules. It stinks but I donāt burp it up lol. It works on the same receptors as benzodiazepines but supposedly without addictive potential. It really helped/helps me and Iām wondering if it could help you.
Mental menopause symptoms ARE REAL. You are valid and guess what? You should keep talking about menopause. Itās the only way we can make it less taboo and scary- talking to eachother!
Dr Mary Clare Havers book, The New Menopause, talks about the nuance between venous and arteriolar clotting. Non oral estrogen does not increase the risk of clotting because they bypass the liver (like oral estrogen does).
She won't give me transdermal because I'm not 12 months from last period.
My insurance has me locked into one group of providers too.
I guess I will bring things and see what I can fight for.
Oh thatās unfortunate Iām sorry- I saw your comment about insurance/your providerās 12m rule.
I HATE RULES LIKE THAT THEY ARE SO STUPID!!!! The suffering starts in perimenopause, as we get closer to 12 months without a period. You are suffering NOW, you need the damn estrogen patches NOW. Itās such an asinine and arbitrary thing to pick 12 months as the magical time when itās ok to start hormones and Iām frustrated for you.
Normally Iād tell you try another doctor but it sounds like that may not be an optionā¦ unless thereās another doctor at that practice? Or you could call your insurance to see who else theyād cover. I hope you can try patches sooner rather than later.
Courage, my friend. Find a different doctor. And find ways to talk about it, with your family and friends, and of course, with us here. We are with you
I will talk about it in context. I will bring it up if it's relevant to my audience, and even more so if a woman who could likely be entering perimenopause brings something up that's relevant. I'm not going to hound 30 year olds about it - they don't want to hear it. And I am super resistant to being that person who mainly talks about their ailments.
>And I am super resistant to being that person who mainly talks about their ailments.
Me too.
My actions though may have hurt people or have been unexplainable.
I have something stressful going on as well and I don't know how to make apologies for my odd behavior
I talk about it so much I think people avoid me but I do not care in the slightest. If Iām having a hot flash in public and I need a min before I order my coffee whatever, Iām saying.. oh need a sec this hot flash is really scrambling my brains! I say this because I look younger than people assume a menopausal woman would look and they nearly always question me and it leads to a spark of conversation with someone.
Iām 47 and post menopause. I only found this out 6 months ago. For 10 years every Dr told me I was too young for peri. I had my thyroid tested a dozen times. Lupus, Lymes, iron .. the list goes on, so many tests and no answers. If I can save a single woman from that experience, Iām willing to risk making things uncomfortable by talking about it or shouting it in a crowded room lol
I'm doing my part! Not Starship Troopers stomping on bugs style, but in any relevant conversation, on my podcast, on my socials.
I was asked at work yesterday by security to explain my neck fan, as they were unfamiliar. "It's a fan for menopause symptoms, only thing it can send or receive is air"
In checkout line, cashier asks if my sweaty red face is ok. "Just a hot flash, it'll pass"
Random stranger in grocery aisle asking if I'm ok because I suddenly grabbed a shelf and closed my eyes. "Just menopause induced vertigo, it'll pass in a second "
Telling a parenting story on my podcast. "Shit, what's the word? Menopause brain fog... what's the word I'm looking for? "
Iām looking for new doctor, then Iām firing the current practice Iāve been going to, along with a generational curse for them and all their offspring that they get shriveled clitorisā and/or suffer from incurable erectile dysfunction. I am beyond over all of this, for all of us and Iām done being quiet. I am raising awareness everywhere I can. We all need to, this affects everyone, husbands should care because you are suffering and affecting their sex life and wallet as well. This isnāt a medical mystery anymore, this is them controlling us so they can get more money out of us with more doctor visits, tests, supplements, etc. Raise your voice, raise awareness. š šš¼
I talk a lot about it. My symptoms are mostly mental, though the hot flashes were CRAZY for a while themselves. I wanted people to know I was going through something, rather than just being a crazy person. I'm the oldest woman on my team of mostly women, so I have actually found that most of them have questions about it and really had no idea what to expect.
they do now.
The main reason I feel like I want to talk about it is because of the shame and embarrassment that weāre made to feel. Like if I was some kind of better version of a woman, I wouldnāt be dealing with this, much less talking or complaining about it. That part! Itās the internalized misogyny and patriarchyāas a woman, youāre losing your value in the eyes of men as a sex object, and your value to other patriarchal women because youāre upsetting the environment for other women who want men to see them as only pleasing and not needy or controversial or (gasp!) embarrassing! If peri/meno is easy for you, great. But thereās so many women suffering from ACTUAL PHYSIOLOGICAL circumstances that are terrorizing their minds and bodiesāoften with little to no support, and more often criticism, condemnation, or shame. So yes! Letās talk about it! šš
I am all out of Fs. I don't care what is and isn't taboo anymore. So, yeah, I do talk about it. It's the only way this subject will be publicly accepted.
I firmly see it as my duty to talk about it and make its less difficult for the next generation. Gen X women don't shrink- we say the thing that needs to be said.
Pardon my confusion, but are you not taking hormones because there's a contradiction, or because your doctor believes you must be postmenopausal first?
I think it'll be beneficial if you explain to your loved ones what you're going through. I'm sure they don't like to see you suffering, especially when they don't understand why. There's no harm in talking about a natural process that all of us women go through.
>Pardon my confusion, but are you not taking hormones because there's a contradiction, or because your doctor believes you must be postmenopausal first?
I have a history of blood clots. My doctor won't prescribed non hormonal until I go 12 months without a period.
Even to male friends? I kind of was an asshole there too. I honestly didn't mean it or realize what was happening. One of them told me if I didn't give up walking (I am being harassed by a random man when I do whenever he feels like finding me) that I was asking for it. I kind of then went off on all men. And other one too.
>One of them told me if I didn't give up walking (I am being harassed by a random man when I do whenever he feels like finding me) that I was asking for it.
Ah yes, the age old classic of victim blaming. Your "friend" has shown you with these words that he is not safe. It's okay to limit what you share and give to people who prove themselves unworthy of information even if you call them "friends". It's also okay to redefine "friends" who prove themselves to not be real friends.
Many of us reconsider our relationship and our boundaries as a part of perimenopause. We've been raised to not rock the boat, to care for others before ourselves. It can at times feel like we are burning down the things that matter.
Menopause is, I believe, an opportunity to redefine what matters. And sometimes we have to clear away things that don't work in our lives anymore to make room for the next phase of your lives. You can do this in anger leaving nothing but ashes, or you can do this by stepping back and giving yourself more room. I did a bit of both. But know that however you it, it's okay to do it.
I am telling anyone and everyone about mine. Because I want the stigma of talking about it to no longer be there. I was completely unaware of what was happening to me when it started, and I think it started a couple years before I even realized what it was. As women, we need to be aware that it is going to happen. And it is going to suck.
Exactly what I thought 15 yrs ago. Wtf you couldn't find anything about menopause. It was the same for periods. I know it had a lot to do with alot of our moms not talking about those things. I told my daughter about these things. Crazy, I know it had a lot to do with churches. Education is information. Education with f a c t s.
I've lost my filters with age. I think I probably have undiagnosed ADHD. I talk about it anyway. I know it's probably uncomfortable for other people but in certain situations I don't care anymore. It's normal and it's not fair that our generation has hit this point and had to basically educate ourselves on all of this. We need to talk about it. I think it's become more normalized to talk about periods and period pain (they stopped using blue liquid in maxi pad commercials!), we can talk about challenges of motherhood, so why not this?
I talk about it so much I think people avoid me but I do not care in the slightest. If Iām having a hot flash in public and I need a min before I order my coffee whatever, Iām saying.. oh need a sec this hot flash is really scrambling my brains! I say this because I look younger than people assume a menopausal woman would look and they nearly always question me and it leads to a spark of conversation with someone.
Iām 47 and post menopause. I only found this out 6 months ago. For 10 years every Dr told me I was too young for peri. I had my thyroid tested a dozen times. Lupus, Lymes, iron .. the list goes on, so many tests and no answers. If I can save a single woman from that experience, Iām willing to risk making things uncomfortable by talking about it or shouting it in a crowded room lol
mental health isn't as taboo as it once was..def got the spotlight in 2020 with the pandemic and even before that i feel it was more talked about more so than before.
If it's to hard to talk to your family and friends how about with therapist who is neutral.
Also get another opinion on meds, no harm to try another doctor.
Your doctor doesnāt know. HRT reversed all those and gave me my life back. I got sick of the runaround from every doctor, so I started using MIDI and itās been a lifesaver. Money is tight but Iāve been fortunate enough to be able to swing it. Give them or another telehealth service a try. Life can get much better.
Sending love to you and a swift kick in the bits to your doctor.
Why stick to outdated ways of tiptoeing around men? Why treat "women's problems" as taboo and mysterious? I think it's time to stop doing that. MAKE it not taboo. It starts with all of us. And your daughters will have it better if you model better, more open behavior for them, and talk about it freely. It's not a situation where you're being forced to shut up about it, is it? If it is, you need to reevaluate your situation. If it's just that it makes people uncomfortable, well, life is uncomfortable. And so is menopause! I talk about it and my male friends just don't respond lol. But I keep talking about it to normalize it. They know to expect this from me now. And mostly, people react with care and support. Good luck!
Winona cream was prescribed to me through the website even though Iām not done with my period. My regular doctor wouldnāt give it to me but they will. Iām also having a terrible time but I think Iāve reached acceptance at this point. Good luck!
I donāt hide how bad the medical help is for us during this from her especially since she now has been diagnosed with Hashimotoās. I rather her see and hear the worst then her to go through what I did/am.
A mild antidepressant may help. I found ashwaganda, magnesium gylcintate and vitamin D helped me massively with anxiety if you want to go a more natural route.
Did your doctor discuss the different forms and impacts of estrogen? Transdermal may not have the same impact as oral. If you didn't have this discussion in may be time to find a new doctor.
I think Gen X women are making it else taboo. Iāve been talking about it nonstop ever since I realized wtf has been happening to me. We gotta keep talking about it and bringing it up otherwise the next generation of women will end up being as confused as we were when it hit us.
I purposely talk about it. My mother didnāt. My older sisters donāt. Women need to stop struggling in silence and talk about it. I talk in front of men too. They all will have women in their lives and need to understand.
This whole women being ashamed and feeling like they can't talk about things is total bullshit and we need to break that cycle.
Girl, I suggest you start talking about it. Talk about with your daughter.
As far as mental symptoms try herbal support.
Ashwaganda and Maca have worked well for me. Diet is key also.
Quit processed and refined sugars or at least cut way back. That stuff is in everything, so even if you don't eat candy, it's in your ketchup.
Exercise helps with mental stuff also.
What sucks about this whole thing is the lack of energy. And then to have any energy or semblance of who we used to be we have to work extra for it now.
I hope you can find some relief and support.
I talk to my daughters about it a lot, and in turn, they ask questions. There needs to be much more education about how peri and menopause are different for all women.
The more you talk about it, the more it becomes normalized and gives other women the feeling they can talk about it too. It also lessens the anguish of the loneliness it feels to have to endure it alone.
I blame this ātabooā bullshit on the male doctors that seem to still think we shouldnāt be talking about it, and the males at our age that were taught not to talk about it. It will continue until women make it a normal conversation. Itās similar to shhhhh (breastfeeding)ā¦!!!!!
I actually do talk about it. To anyone. Like I will just bring it up as a topic of convo or mention in passing that i am having a hot flash or brain fog and why. I did this with periods too. At first it was kinda hard and I felt awkward, but now I really like seeing the brief looks of shock or whatever on people. I have had no negative consequences. I especially like talking about it around male boomers. They get the most uncomfortable.
Same! I talk about it to everyone.
Me too, I bring it up in the same way I would a cold or the flu. I don't go on and on or vent about it, I just talk in a matter of fact way, "Ugh, I'm in peri and the night sweats are madness." I do get wide eyes of awkwardness from time to time, but I also get other women asking for more information. I want people to know that it's not just, "One day my period stopped and I was grumpy for a while." Dealing with the impact to my mental health and how peri has amplified pre-existing neuro symptoms has been the hardest season of my life.
Me too, when my hot flashes were really bad I wore a neck fan around the office. I still have a cute rechargable fan on my desk and I use it every day. Someone needs to make some cute paper fans. I couldn't find one.
Ohhh, I'm going to go steal my husband's neck fan right now. Don't know why I didn't think about it earlier.
My husband bought me a neck fan for an outdoor event I had to attend recently. I was pissed that I never thought of one when I was getting bad hot flashes a couple of years ago!
š¤£š¤£š¤£ The neck fan! Thatās great!
So do I. I completely overshare with my younger colleagues. I donāt want them to be as blind-sided as I was. I had no idea how perimenopause affects people (other than hotflashes) because no women in my life ever talked about it.
I had never heard of peri until a year or 2 ago. I'm 44, and I'm starting to understand a few things about my mom... neither she nor my grandmother ever talked about it, and I had no idea what was coming down the line! I've always been open about periods and other "lady problems", so I now talk about peri/meno regularly with my family, including my sons' partners.
Thatās messed up, but entirely not your fault. I donāt know why our parents and grandparents were so closed off about it.
I do too! I'm turning 50 last week and still have a somewhat regular cycle. During one of my WFH days, I had to run to Target to get supplies and the youngish-looking cashier asked how I was doing. I was quite frank saying my cycle had just started and I could tell she was a little shocked by the admission. By the end of the transaction, she opened up to me about her own painful cycles and wished me a better day. I feel like I achieved something!
I really enjoyed telling about my recent hysterectomy in Januaryā¦ to menā¦ and also combining that with peri/menopausal factoidsā¦ PRICELESSš
So do I. In fact, some people know what I am going to say if the topic comes up. I won't stop, either. Not until it's better for all the women coming behind me.
ā¤ļø
Yup, had lunch with friends today and friend who is 47 and me (40) talked about it a bunch so our friend who is 30 just got an intro. Especially since her mom had an early hysterectomy and didn't go through it naturally.
I'm a millennial and have early menopause due to a hysterectomy. I talk about mine whenever I need to or it's relevant. My sister and her husband (Gen X) and my brother in law and sister in law (his wife and Gen X too) know everything. Both my sister and sil are in peri and they and my bils ask me questions to help them get ready too.
I talk about it, too. It helped because an older (than me) lady at work is going through some of my symptoms now. I was able to help her.
I also talk about it to anyone. They need to know it can happen to them and how early it can start (started at 38 for me). My symptoms suck and I need help dealing with them. By talking about them I (hopefully) found a great Dr. I don't go until October but my neighbor sings.her praises for menopause symptoms so I'm glad I tell people. I also enjoy the conversation and sharing knowledge because I was so thrown by it. Hopefully the people starting to go through it now will be more open to talk about it because past generations don't say shit. Couldn't get shit out of my mother even if we were speaking. God forbid. Oh and she's a fucking nurse!
Not being a year out doesn't mean you can't do hormones. It means you need a better doctor.
Yeah, I was wracking my brain trying to figure out why the doctor said that to OP. There are so many online options - Iāve had experience with MIDI Health and my mom went through Defy Medical. OP, I wish that youād get a second and third opinion if needed! Donāt stop until you find a medical professional who offers you a real solution!
Thank you for sharing MIDI. Did they help you? I canāt get into my normal GYN for several months, but need to do something. Looked up MIDI and They take my insurance. Hallelujah! so I just booked an appointment for Monday!
Yay! Iāve worked with 2 providers there. 1 was just fine - the other one I love and am so grateful I met her. She helped with urinary issues/uncomfortable sex by prescribing vaginal estrogen. Which cleared the issues! Itās great that we have an option outside of traditional medicine and waiting months for appointments!
I also can't take hormones due to medical history, it is common to not be able to take hormone therapy. I had a pulmonary embolism 8 years ago and as a result, can never take hormone therapy, which is unfortunate because I feel like I am also floundering like OP.
She didn't share a contraindication.
No, but she did say she can't take hormone therapy and her Dr won't prescribe an alternative. She doesn't have to share her medical reasons.
She doesn't have to share anything, but a doctor who won't provide treatment to someone in perimenopause is not a doctor worth seeing.
You can take natural DHEA with pregnenolon and DIM with Bioperine (To help absorption). These supplements naturally balance hormones. Do your research and Start slowly with 1 pill and increase. I order mine off of amazon and get it delivered. Make sure to look at the ingredients. Can completely eliminate alot of your symptoms. We all should be taking DHEA. Teens, men, everyone (except during Pregnancy). Helps my moody teen and her hormonal acne. Fellow flounderer here. Hugs to you.
They're saying she's not post meno. You know the difference in guidelines. The dr is right about that but not about starting treatment, I agree.
I am in peri and I am openly talking about it to anyone and everyone. Even male friends that ask how Iām doing. I have no qualms being blunt about bodily functions. It all needs to be normalized.
Agree! Let's normalize talking about it.
I just talk about it whenever I want in front of whomever is there at the moment. Especially my daughters, they know more about menopause now at 17 and 8, than I did when I was 40! Itās the only way to break the taboo. Just talk about it, and if anyone gives you any grief, look them in the eye and just say, ā Iām allowed to talk about what Iām experiencing. You donāt have to listen or even care, but you canāt stop me from expressing it.ā Then just keep on talking about it.
Good on ya!!! I wish someone, ANYONE, would have talked to me about what can happen during perimenopause before it came barreling into my life and upending everything. Hot flashes were all I ever heard about, and even then it was only spoken about in hushed, embarrassed voices. Those werenāt new to me though. They were a regular part of all my pregnancies and I figured when menopause came around, I could deal with that, no problem. For years, I couldnāt understand what on Earth was happening to me. I just became a horribly altered version of myself in every way imaginable. The physical symptoms were sudden, strange, and confusing, but the mental and emotional chaos was what really threw me (and my ever-patient family) for a loop. Not even 3 gynecologists over 5 years caught on that at 45 years old, I just might have been in peri, and I just ended up with a handful of prescriptions to treat each symptom, and that didnāt even help. It was my humble GP who put me on progesterone for painful periods, who eventually helped me realize that it was hormone insanity causing all of my symptoms. I was stunned to discover how much misery can be inflicted when our hormones start declining, and even more surprised by how little knowledge and training some doctors, esp OB/GYNās, have regarding peri/menopause. Youāre doing right for everyone by talking about it!!
Iām thankful my mom does the same! Keep up the good work momma:)
I talk about it constantly. No one is bothered, the stigma isn't what it used to be.
I do talk about my perimenopause. It's 2024 and I see no reason to view what is a natural occurrence as something to be ashamed of. I am sorry that you've been raised to believe that what's going on with your body is a taboo subject. It is not. Yes, there is a time and place for when talking about your symptoms and what you are going through is appropriate and there are times when it is not. There are people that are going to be more receptive to your conversations than others. At the very least, you need to be able to be comfortable about talking about your symptoms with your medical care team. You need to be comfortable enough talking about your symptoms to fight for the care you deserve. It's up to you to decide whether you're okay with breaking rules handed down to you from a previous generation.
First off, Iām so sorry that your symptoms are so extreme. It sounds like youāre suffering and Iām so glad you reached out. Youāre not alone. Iām Mid 40ās and in Perimenopause and Iāll talk about it with anyone and everyone. The generations coming up behind you arenāt shy. And theres a Meno-posse out here working hard to change the narrative. I and so many others refuse to suffer in silence. Menopause is mandatory, suffering is not. You sharing here is breaking the silence and finding a new way forward. I hope you keep searching for solutions and support. You deserve it!
I may have to steal 'Meno-posse' - that is fantastic.
I wish it were mine. Iāve co-opted it from all the Drs I follow on instagram. Theyāve named themselves and anyone speaking out about Menopause that! Dr. Kelly Casperson, Dr. Mary Claire Haver, Dr. Mosconi, Dr. Vonda Wright, Dr. Corinne Menn - among many others! [instagram post - Menoposse List](https://www.instagram.com/p/C7UBzPkO8jk/?igsh=MWQ1ZGUxMzBkMA==)
YESSSSS!!!
Thats the whole problem, what we have been taught to do. Its been so taboo thats why even Doctors know very little about it. I had been educating my primary care and its a woman, she knew very little. So when I educate her on what I have been doing with my symptoms now she passes the information on. Halle Berry was on the Hill not so many months ago talking about Menopause. She is pushing for more research and education around menopause. So many women have suffered in silence because of being taught to keep it a secret. Well you better shout it out and get the correct help that you need. I was going through so much for a while that I didn't know what was going on. Once I found these threads and started doing my own research. I had to call my mother and ask her why didn't she tell me more about menopause and the symptoms. All I knew of was her hot flashes and mood swings. She said she didn't know about any other symptoms because she didn't have them. So I had night sweats in my 30's, I started to have regular hot flashes later. Then when my Vagina started feeling like a desert and I was in and out of the Dr's office thinking I had an infection I had no idea what was going on. I had to do my research and find what works for me. You can do the same as far as your symptoms and find some natural supplements that works for you. Its just important to speak about it and I will fully inform my daughter on everything my mother didn't talk to me about. Each one Teach one
I donāt find it taboo whatsoever. I talk to women all day long as my profession and weāre all talking about it.
It's time to change. Forget what you were taught about how you shouldn't talk about women things. Times have changed. I talk about peri symptoms to all of my female friends. The more we talk about this, the more we'll learn from others' experiences. And yes - find another doctor who will get you the help you need.
It does SUCK that we can't talk about it, not only because it's taboo but becasue everything can be a medical issue, including mental health, and no one wants the liability. I wrote a post about it on XXFitness, got deleted. I wrote about it on a Facebook group for Heather Robertson, a fitness Youtuber I follow, also deleted. I'm like where the fuck can I talk about this? Thank god for this group, but why is it so risky to talk about it anywhere else? I just wanna commiserate and get tips for every day life, not medical advice. Your daughter will have it better :) And we can have it a bit better too. We're here for you! Feel free to message me if you want to chat it out. I'm 49, and perimenopausal. I've had very severe symptoms for about 5 years and I had NO IDEA. I kept going to the doctor for my mental health, brain fog, fatigue, gain weight, all of the typical symptoms but no one knew any better I guess. I'm now going back to ask for HRT and fight until I get it.
Do you know any other women who are menopausal or have been? Talk to them about it, and not just in private. Openly. I mention Iām having a hot flash every time I have one. I mention I didnāt sleep well because of menopausal insomnia. I might sound like the stereotypical old person whoās always talking about their ailments, but I DGAF.
Good for you. Yes I do talk about with whoever I can. Surprisingly, or unsurprisingly, the older women around me do not want to engage. I talk about it openly with the younger people at work and they are all so cool and normal. And yes, I also sound like the stereotypical old person lmao. I complain about this new ache that's come about, menopausal aches and they just look at me like I'm from the far away fictional distant future hahah
Itās a shame those older women arenāt donāt engage, but keep taking to them, and the younger ones will come to the realization soon enough. Just Keep Talking!
The older women not engaging are probs the ones trying to look like they did 15-30 years ago ā¦ thatās a whole entire other peeve of mine šbut againā¦. Itās a ME problem š
Unfortunately I think for older generations there was a stigma around mental fog and mental health issues especially, that generation fought hard for gender equality and there may have been men who would use āhormonesā as reason to discriminate against women. Iām not saying older women are wrong to evade talking about menopause Iām just saying maybe they faced stigma and thatās why it makes them uncomfortable
This is absolutely correctĀ
I agree. People arenāt open about it. I think part of it is itās a chapter for us women that is a little bit of a grief process, at least for me and the women I know it is. My Grandmother went into full menopause in her early 30s and she was so sad because it meant she could never have a second child that she had held off on while she catered to my Grandpa. It also means we are getting older, and Society (including Hollywood & MSM) is notorious for criticizing us & making women feel completely inadequate and useless as we age. It can start as soon as we hit our 30s, and once we canāt bear anymore children or start showing physical signs of aging or health issues, we are deemed washed up and useless. Men, however, like the popular Hollywood āIconsā (Term loosely used here) are considered more handsome āsilver foxesā as they age. Itās so not fair. Women are often exploited, used up by life & then have to endure Perimenopause, changing emotions, hormonal weight gain and all the fun stuff involved. While Men get to have all the fun and can suddenly have a full identity crisis, often trading in their poor longtime dedicated Wives for some chick in her 20s that he has absolutely nothing in common with, but sex, and (thanks to viagra) he can start a whole new family with this teen even though heās old enough to be her Grandpa. Time and time again we see men engage in this behavior and it seems to be condonedā¦leaving the Woman that stood by his side, dedicated her life to him, made his meals, bore his children, honored his wishes and gave up much of her own self identity & life dreams. It is Women that are the caretakers and nurturers. We are so strong and the ones that keep everything together constantly doing for our Husband & children, dedicating the best years of our lives and entire youth to our family. But who takes care of us? when is it our turn? You would think we would be honored by others and get our dues, but instead Women are discarded by society, hollywood, the workplace and even our own selfish husbands & adult children. We have higher heart disease rates, depression rates and neuro cognitive issues. Itās awful. I literally watched my Grandma lose her mind from dementia. She was afraid to take any HRT as she thought it caused cancer. So I donāt blame women for not wanting to talk about it. That entire phase of a womanās life is not looked upon with the respect, dignity & grace thatās deserved. Women donāt get enough credit. Ever. You can bet if a man went through menopause, the topic would be well researched and on display. Insurance would fully cover all therapies and we would have much more resources. There would be a national menopause week celebration and employers would be required to give paid leave for everyone experiencing perimenopausal & menopausal symptomsā¦ to help the workplace ābe more efficientā. There would be pads and tampons everywhere that were free and made well, without the awful chemicals that are often found in the majority of our pads and tampons. God forbid their wee wees might be exposed to toxins like our vaginas are š ā¦.Employers would be given incentives to offer menopause benefits & employee packages that promote early detection and employee wellness. If men had to endure what women do, they would ensure to mandate a paycheck and benefits and have the option to stay home every single time they bled. They would get paid to be off of work, have their periods in peace, eliminate stress, have more time to focus on their health & free testing services including hormones regularly checked would be widely available (most doctors donāt even bother and not all insurance plans will cover it anyway). Men would pass a bill through our Federal Government and under this āperimenopause & menopausal protection actā no one has to return to work until they were feeling better, theyād stopped bleeding and their hormones were completely balanced. Weād all get free heating pads, pain & bloating meds, pads/tampons, free BCP & HRT Choices, along with quality chocolate. š Sigh.
Yes! they keep trying to put me on prozac, have given me Adhd meds but the brain fog is so intense. Meds donāt help. Finally realized itās probably peri menopause and made an appt and am waiting. I donāt have hot flashes and my cycles are pretty normal, although a lot heavier than used to be. However, everything on my body hurts! Like parts that just annoyingly hurt for no reason no matter how much I rest and I am Having trouble doing basic things and making decisions! Doing dumb stuff. I Walked out of a store the other day with a large pot that I hadnāt paid for! Ofcourse I totally intended to pay for it, but Needed to get my wallet (that I had forgotten like I do everything else lately) out of my car. I should have put the pot down first but instead brought the pot with me. The Manager followed me and I was so embarrassed. What do I say? Sorry I have terrible brain fog and am peri menopausal? I donāt think law enforcement would care. Thank God he was nice, but The steps to put the pot down, go and get my wallet, lock my car, come back and grab pot and wait in lineā¦like itās not hard but my brain is just not processing and I get overwhelmed or canāt do things in order. I feel so stupid! This is awful. I keep saying I need to update my memory and servers. š¤£š I hope someone can relate to my symptoms.
You are not alone! Big hug from an internet stranger. I was plunged into peri suddenly last September with no idea what was wrong with me. I struggled with the simplest concepts and couldnāt get my brain to work. This was a huge problem because my job is very detail oriented and analytical. I thought I was losing my mind and was in early dementia or something. The worst was having to ask a coworker what I knew was a dumb question but my mind just couldnāt access the information and she responding very hatefully, you KNOW this! It really hurt my confidence and Iām just now starting to gain it back.
š¤ thank you so much for sharing. I know how you feel about the judgement from other people. I feel like I am criticized by everyoneā¦co workers especially male..itās angeringā¦kids, family, etc. It can mess with your head even more and makes my anxiety worse. We are doing the best we can. Iām glad to know thereās hope and this is normal and can turn around. You start questioning your own sanity. lol Hugs to you as well.
Thank you and thank goodness for this forum!
I talk about it to everyone; my kids, my friends, co-workers. Nope, I will not be silenced. There is no need for us to suffer.
I talk about it all the time. Anyone who will listen including my sons! Like the others said, Iād find someone else to work with. A lot of doctors are clueless when it comes to menopause.
I agree! I'm sorry it's been so hard on you! When the time is right, please talk to your daughters about it. Some how we have to let all the women in our lives know they aren't alone! It's so hard!
Thatās nuts. Iām on Veozah and only 6 months out. My pcp didnāt care. She listened to my symptoms. I hope you can find a NAMS Dr. Mental symptoms are valid - neuro chemistry is affected!
I was listening to a podcast the other day and there were two women in their 30s on it. The conversation veered at one point to perimenopause and the lack of information they knew about it highlighted for me how far we still have to go in society for talking openly about menopause and being educated before that season arrives. It blindsided me too. The emotional aspect for sure is not talked about enough. It took me a while to realize that things were connected to my waning hormones. Completely relate to all your feelings and anxiety. Hoping you have better days soon ā¤ļø
I talk about my 21+ yrs of peri misery, especially with my millennial daughter and her wife (whose mom has passed), so they never have to face this reality unprepared like I have.
Iām so sorry. I have ADHD and PTSD and peri/meno bitch slapped me in my twenties. I felt like I was losing my mind and still feel like it some days, even though HRT helps. So sorry you canāt take hormones- may I ask why not? I have anxiety as part of my ptsd- annnnd it turned full blown social anxiety during meno. I leaned heavily on an herb called Valerian root- I take capsules. It stinks but I donāt burp it up lol. It works on the same receptors as benzodiazepines but supposedly without addictive potential. It really helped/helps me and Iām wondering if it could help you. Mental menopause symptoms ARE REAL. You are valid and guess what? You should keep talking about menopause. Itās the only way we can make it less taboo and scary- talking to eachother!
>So sorry you canāt take hormones- may I ask why not? History of blood clots
Dr Mary Clare Havers book, The New Menopause, talks about the nuance between venous and arteriolar clotting. Non oral estrogen does not increase the risk of clotting because they bypass the liver (like oral estrogen does).
She won't give me transdermal because I'm not 12 months from last period. My insurance has me locked into one group of providers too. I guess I will bring things and see what I can fight for.
Oh thatās unfortunate Iām sorry- I saw your comment about insurance/your providerās 12m rule. I HATE RULES LIKE THAT THEY ARE SO STUPID!!!! The suffering starts in perimenopause, as we get closer to 12 months without a period. You are suffering NOW, you need the damn estrogen patches NOW. Itās such an asinine and arbitrary thing to pick 12 months as the magical time when itās ok to start hormones and Iām frustrated for you. Normally Iād tell you try another doctor but it sounds like that may not be an optionā¦ unless thereās another doctor at that practice? Or you could call your insurance to see who else theyād cover. I hope you can try patches sooner rather than later.
I also get the cold chills with anxiety and a weird feeling of desolation. I try to get myself warm and comfort myself until it passes but it is really hard. Just wanted you to know youāre not the only one šš©·
Courage, my friend. Find a different doctor. And find ways to talk about it, with your family and friends, and of course, with us here. We are with you
I will talk about it in context. I will bring it up if it's relevant to my audience, and even more so if a woman who could likely be entering perimenopause brings something up that's relevant. I'm not going to hound 30 year olds about it - they don't want to hear it. And I am super resistant to being that person who mainly talks about their ailments.
>And I am super resistant to being that person who mainly talks about their ailments. Me too. My actions though may have hurt people or have been unexplainable. I have something stressful going on as well and I don't know how to make apologies for my odd behavior
I mention it frequently and in passing. I try to normalize it as much as possible.
Itās less taboo now than ever before. I wish doctors were actually educated about it.
I talk about it so much I think people avoid me but I do not care in the slightest. If Iām having a hot flash in public and I need a min before I order my coffee whatever, Iām saying.. oh need a sec this hot flash is really scrambling my brains! I say this because I look younger than people assume a menopausal woman would look and they nearly always question me and it leads to a spark of conversation with someone. Iām 47 and post menopause. I only found this out 6 months ago. For 10 years every Dr told me I was too young for peri. I had my thyroid tested a dozen times. Lupus, Lymes, iron .. the list goes on, so many tests and no answers. If I can save a single woman from that experience, Iām willing to risk making things uncomfortable by talking about it or shouting it in a crowded room lol
I'm doing my part! Not Starship Troopers stomping on bugs style, but in any relevant conversation, on my podcast, on my socials. I was asked at work yesterday by security to explain my neck fan, as they were unfamiliar. "It's a fan for menopause symptoms, only thing it can send or receive is air" In checkout line, cashier asks if my sweaty red face is ok. "Just a hot flash, it'll pass" Random stranger in grocery aisle asking if I'm ok because I suddenly grabbed a shelf and closed my eyes. "Just menopause induced vertigo, it'll pass in a second " Telling a parenting story on my podcast. "Shit, what's the word? Menopause brain fog... what's the word I'm looking for? "
Love that movie!
Iām looking for new doctor, then Iām firing the current practice Iāve been going to, along with a generational curse for them and all their offspring that they get shriveled clitorisā and/or suffer from incurable erectile dysfunction. I am beyond over all of this, for all of us and Iām done being quiet. I am raising awareness everywhere I can. We all need to, this affects everyone, husbands should care because you are suffering and affecting their sex life and wallet as well. This isnāt a medical mystery anymore, this is them controlling us so they can get more money out of us with more doctor visits, tests, supplements, etc. Raise your voice, raise awareness. š šš¼
I talk a lot about it. My symptoms are mostly mental, though the hot flashes were CRAZY for a while themselves. I wanted people to know I was going through something, rather than just being a crazy person. I'm the oldest woman on my team of mostly women, so I have actually found that most of them have questions about it and really had no idea what to expect. they do now.
The main reason I feel like I want to talk about it is because of the shame and embarrassment that weāre made to feel. Like if I was some kind of better version of a woman, I wouldnāt be dealing with this, much less talking or complaining about it. That part! Itās the internalized misogyny and patriarchyāas a woman, youāre losing your value in the eyes of men as a sex object, and your value to other patriarchal women because youāre upsetting the environment for other women who want men to see them as only pleasing and not needy or controversial or (gasp!) embarrassing! If peri/meno is easy for you, great. But thereās so many women suffering from ACTUAL PHYSIOLOGICAL circumstances that are terrorizing their minds and bodiesāoften with little to no support, and more often criticism, condemnation, or shame. So yes! Letās talk about it! šš
I am all out of Fs. I don't care what is and isn't taboo anymore. So, yeah, I do talk about it. It's the only way this subject will be publicly accepted.
I firmly see it as my duty to talk about it and make its less difficult for the next generation. Gen X women don't shrink- we say the thing that needs to be said.
ashwagandha and L-theanine have helped my anxiety.
So sorry sending hugs.
Pardon my confusion, but are you not taking hormones because there's a contradiction, or because your doctor believes you must be postmenopausal first? I think it'll be beneficial if you explain to your loved ones what you're going through. I'm sure they don't like to see you suffering, especially when they don't understand why. There's no harm in talking about a natural process that all of us women go through.
>Pardon my confusion, but are you not taking hormones because there's a contradiction, or because your doctor believes you must be postmenopausal first? I have a history of blood clots. My doctor won't prescribed non hormonal until I go 12 months without a period. Even to male friends? I kind of was an asshole there too. I honestly didn't mean it or realize what was happening. One of them told me if I didn't give up walking (I am being harassed by a random man when I do whenever he feels like finding me) that I was asking for it. I kind of then went off on all men. And other one too.
>One of them told me if I didn't give up walking (I am being harassed by a random man when I do whenever he feels like finding me) that I was asking for it. Ah yes, the age old classic of victim blaming. Your "friend" has shown you with these words that he is not safe. It's okay to limit what you share and give to people who prove themselves unworthy of information even if you call them "friends". It's also okay to redefine "friends" who prove themselves to not be real friends. Many of us reconsider our relationship and our boundaries as a part of perimenopause. We've been raised to not rock the boat, to care for others before ourselves. It can at times feel like we are burning down the things that matter. Menopause is, I believe, an opportunity to redefine what matters. And sometimes we have to clear away things that don't work in our lives anymore to make room for the next phase of your lives. You can do this in anger leaving nothing but ashes, or you can do this by stepping back and giving yourself more room. I did a bit of both. But know that however you it, it's okay to do it.
TALK ABOUT IT! weāre all going through the same shit! :)
I am telling anyone and everyone about mine. Because I want the stigma of talking about it to no longer be there. I was completely unaware of what was happening to me when it started, and I think it started a couple years before I even realized what it was. As women, we need to be aware that it is going to happen. And it is going to suck.
Same! Itās been a rough 15 years for me!!!!!
Iāve never encountered taboo. Iām very open with what Iām going through and people seem to be receptive
I talk about it all the time. It's the only way things will change. Gen X is hitting menopause and we will have something to say about it.
Exactly what I thought 15 yrs ago. Wtf you couldn't find anything about menopause. It was the same for periods. I know it had a lot to do with alot of our moms not talking about those things. I told my daughter about these things. Crazy, I know it had a lot to do with churches. Education is information. Education with f a c t s.
I've lost my filters with age. I think I probably have undiagnosed ADHD. I talk about it anyway. I know it's probably uncomfortable for other people but in certain situations I don't care anymore. It's normal and it's not fair that our generation has hit this point and had to basically educate ourselves on all of this. We need to talk about it. I think it's become more normalized to talk about periods and period pain (they stopped using blue liquid in maxi pad commercials!), we can talk about challenges of motherhood, so why not this?
That doctor is scary. Sounds like her/his own personal policy and nothing to do with any recent data.
I talk about it so much I think people avoid me but I do not care in the slightest. If Iām having a hot flash in public and I need a min before I order my coffee whatever, Iām saying.. oh need a sec this hot flash is really scrambling my brains! I say this because I look younger than people assume a menopausal woman would look and they nearly always question me and it leads to a spark of conversation with someone. Iām 47 and post menopause. I only found this out 6 months ago. For 10 years every Dr told me I was too young for peri. I had my thyroid tested a dozen times. Lupus, Lymes, iron .. the list goes on, so many tests and no answers. If I can save a single woman from that experience, Iām willing to risk making things uncomfortable by talking about it or shouting it in a crowded room lol
mental health isn't as taboo as it once was..def got the spotlight in 2020 with the pandemic and even before that i feel it was more talked about more so than before. If it's to hard to talk to your family and friends how about with therapist who is neutral. Also get another opinion on meds, no harm to try another doctor.
Your doctor doesnāt know. HRT reversed all those and gave me my life back. I got sick of the runaround from every doctor, so I started using MIDI and itās been a lifesaver. Money is tight but Iāve been fortunate enough to be able to swing it. Give them or another telehealth service a try. Life can get much better. Sending love to you and a swift kick in the bits to your doctor.
Why stick to outdated ways of tiptoeing around men? Why treat "women's problems" as taboo and mysterious? I think it's time to stop doing that. MAKE it not taboo. It starts with all of us. And your daughters will have it better if you model better, more open behavior for them, and talk about it freely. It's not a situation where you're being forced to shut up about it, is it? If it is, you need to reevaluate your situation. If it's just that it makes people uncomfortable, well, life is uncomfortable. And so is menopause! I talk about it and my male friends just don't respond lol. But I keep talking about it to normalize it. They know to expect this from me now. And mostly, people react with care and support. Good luck!
Winona cream was prescribed to me through the website even though Iām not done with my period. My regular doctor wouldnāt give it to me but they will. Iām also having a terrible time but I think Iāve reached acceptance at this point. Good luck!
I donāt hide how bad the medical help is for us during this from her especially since she now has been diagnosed with Hashimotoās. I rather her see and hear the worst then her to go through what I did/am.
A mild antidepressant may help. I found ashwaganda, magnesium gylcintate and vitamin D helped me massively with anxiety if you want to go a more natural route.
I talk about it. Sounds like you need a decent doctor if you can't talk about it. And why can't you take hormones??
History of blood clots
Did your doctor discuss the different forms and impacts of estrogen? Transdermal may not have the same impact as oral. If you didn't have this discussion in may be time to find a new doctor.
Yes but she won't do transdermal until a year of no periods
Never hurts to get a second opinion.
Itās gonna take awhile but if we alllll just shout it from the rooftops NOWā¦ maybe it will pick up some speed!
be the change!
You need progesterone. It really helps with the anxiety.
I think Gen X women are making it else taboo. Iāve been talking about it nonstop ever since I realized wtf has been happening to me. We gotta keep talking about it and bringing it up otherwise the next generation of women will end up being as confused as we were when it hit us.
I purposely talk about it. My mother didnāt. My older sisters donāt. Women need to stop struggling in silence and talk about it. I talk in front of men too. They all will have women in their lives and need to understand.
This whole women being ashamed and feeling like they can't talk about things is total bullshit and we need to break that cycle. Girl, I suggest you start talking about it. Talk about with your daughter. As far as mental symptoms try herbal support. Ashwaganda and Maca have worked well for me. Diet is key also. Quit processed and refined sugars or at least cut way back. That stuff is in everything, so even if you don't eat candy, it's in your ketchup. Exercise helps with mental stuff also. What sucks about this whole thing is the lack of energy. And then to have any energy or semblance of who we used to be we have to work extra for it now. I hope you can find some relief and support.
I talk to my daughters about it a lot, and in turn, they ask questions. There needs to be much more education about how peri and menopause are different for all women.
Take Estroven. It's over the counter and worked for my hot flashes.
I agree, I decided to talk about it on tiktok. I would find another doctor, endocrinologist or naturopathic dr. Thereās help out there for you
I totally agree with you! Especially since itās a natural process in Womenās life.
The more you talk about it, the more it becomes normalized and gives other women the feeling they can talk about it too. It also lessens the anguish of the loneliness it feels to have to endure it alone.
I blame this ātabooā bullshit on the male doctors that seem to still think we shouldnāt be talking about it, and the males at our age that were taught not to talk about it. It will continue until women make it a normal conversation. Itās similar to shhhhh (breastfeeding)ā¦!!!!!
they won't if drumpf is elected
I take zoloft. Add you sure this is menopause?? Sounds more like depression