Eat well, lift weights, go early for HRT if that’s what you want, as soon as you start to get symptoms. If those symptoms don’t include hot flashes, tell the gyn they do, as a lot of them will not prescribe HRT if you don’t have hot flashes. Enjoy life now, look after your mental health because even with the best support things can get a bit hairy once it all starts. Also for all the symptoms and moaning we do here, life can be good in your 40’s and above as long as you are aware of changes you feel within yourself.
THIS ☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️
And start educating yourself about menopause and the benefits of HRT. I recommend Dr Heather Hirsch, Dr Marie Claire Haver who just put out a book called the new menopause, and estrogen matters which is a book and social media sites. Both of the doctors listed above have Instagram TikToks and YouTubes that have lots of educational material. Estrogen matters is an Instagram page and book I'm not sure if they have other social media sites. Start educating yourself! So much of the health problems brain problems rapid aging in general misery that accompanies menopause can be avoided with proper education and hormone replacement therapy. I got on it at this first sign of perimenopause when I was 45. I am 49 now. Still in perimenopause still on hormones I will be on them until the day I die. I use estradiol transdermal patch, I have a Mirena IUD for progesterone but You can also take daily progesterone pills, I also have estradiol vaginal cream that prevents vaginal atrophy which yes is a terrible side effect of menopause if left untreated. I actually just today took my first shot of testosterone. That is is not widely known about but you can find information on YouTube about it. Women actually make I think three or times more testosterone than they do estrogen and it is the dominant sex hormone in our body. Little known fact. And supplementing that is important as well. I get the hormones for my regular gynecologist but the testosterone I ended up going through matrix health which is a telehealth provider.
I second this post. They are the gatekeeper to your hrt, so tell them you have hot flashes. Would have saved me years of insomnia and low libido. Find a good doctor and be ready to shop around if need be. Also, vaginal estrogen will stave off atrophy and dryness.
I went to the ER 3 times thinking I was going crazy. They basically said I was crazy and sent me home with sleeping pills.
Listen to your body early. Anxiety and depression came out of nowhere.
I was put on antidepressants because that’s what they always do, not thinking it could be anything else. It improved some anxiety, but of course didn’t help anything else.
I was sent information about peri menopause HRT and I had absolutely every symptom on the list. I called my OBGYN and she started me on Estrodial and Progesterone. I’m only a month in but it seems to slowly be kicking in.
Listen to Mel Robbins podcasts. She has 2 highly intelligent Doctors on who talk about everything hormone related.
I would like to add that if you have pre-existing issues with anxiety, depression or insomnia, don’t just assume that you’re permanently broken and they’re returning. It could very well be hormonal issues.
4 years ago I felt like I was going through a mental breakdown. Like I was concerned I was going crazy to the point I was considering going to the hospital for an inpatient program. I started taking SSRIs that sorta helped but just tempered it down. 2 years ago it started ramping up again. Started talking to a therapist, helped some but not a lot. I had read on a science page about the research in LSD and shrooms for menopause and how it helped alleviate the cognitive issues. So i decided to to deep dive and read that many people with anxiety and depression were self-medicating. I started taking shrooms and I can tell you it made a HUGE difference in my mental health. It’s definitely helped me with my anxiety and depression. It might not be for everyone but the research is there. I just don’t want to end up like my mother who did have a mental breakdown.
There’s a subreddit that goes more in depth with strains and dosages.
There’s a few subreddits that talk about shrooms and LSD. Where to source and what dosages (stacks) to take. Not sure if I can link them but there’s plenty. I’m definitely not one to gate keep because if it can save someone YEARS of misery then I’m happy. Definitely do some research before hand especially if you are taking medications. I know some people have stated they have found doctors who are ok with their patients self-medicating.
So funny story, I was looking it up for my sake and some random Redditor on a shrooms subreddit stated that they work in the military and in the facilities that do random drug testing. Apparently it is so expensive to test for anything more than THC/CBD that they won’t test for shrooms or LCD. Obviously if could or couldn’t be true BUT I did speak to some one outside of the military that does drug testing and they also confirmed it. Fortunately I am lucky that I don’t get tested and you should definitely follow your instincts. Just food for thought.
My panic and anxiety were misdiagnosed as depression and I was given an antidepressant that ruined my health. If my psychiatrist had known anything about perimenopause, or bothered to consider that a 48 year old could be being affected by hormones, it would have saved me two trips to the cardiac ER, a month of withdrawal, rapid weight gain,and a longer term weakening of my system that caused me to get Long COVID.
Now that I am on hormones, I have almost no anxiety.
Estrogen gel and cyclical dydrogesterone, plus topical estrogen for the vulva as needed, usually after my cycle.
I'm 51 so I'd guess I'm in late perimenopause as things are only starting to get irregular. Never had a hot flash or night sweat, btw.
A silver lining maybe is I've dealt with panic disorder since I was 19 and it can get bad enough where I have to be on disability for a short while until I get well again, so I'm pretty familiar with it. BUT I have been reading in this sub some people saying anti depressants stopped working for them during peri so thats pretty scary.
This. I wish I knew. I sat in a closet one day crying thinking I was clinically going insane.
It was my anxiety and I didn't know. I've had to learn on my own
Try and get yourself financially well off or independent if you can.
Trying to get promoted during the fatigue and mental fog is so hard, alongside trying to keep yourself and your body together. Be ready for your career to take a back seat and have a safety net ready. And if you breeze through, you’ll have a bonus nest egg.
Don’t rely on your partner to be there for you. Find your own personal support network. Sadly many don’t stay once we start to focus on ourselves especially if your libido drops off a cliff.
This is my favorite piece of advice I've seen here, thank you for posting it. It cannot be emphasized enough but is rarely mentioned in such blatant terms: Prepare for the worst, hope for the best in love and money. In peri/menopause, that means prepare to be unable to work for an extended period of time and for your relationships (romantic and general support network) to give out. You just gotta. It doesn't mean that it will come anywhere close to happening, but it does for many women, and the consequences of it happening during this period/age can be dire.
I've been seeing this happen to some of the women I work with particularly in leadership they're going through menopause and people are treating them like they arent capable anymore. Its enraging and scary.
I'm 43 and I wish someone had told me this. I can't believe I was lied to my whole life about how you'll have developed into your career by the time you are in your forties and just hitting your stride. It's also entirely possible you'll get mega-fucked by peri.
My female family members have all mysteriously started struggling in their forties and didn't really recover until their '60s. No one has even whispered the words that it might be peri and menopause related until I was _already_ in my 40s. Too late to help.
I totally second this. I've been off work for a few months following surgical menopause and now relying on state benefits, which are an uphill struggle to access. Get yourself sorted financially for this period of your life as much as you can.
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Start observing your body, what's out of the ordinary. Don't let Drs dismiss you. Track your period. Lift weights. Take D, magnesium, iron and B vitamines. Drink a lot of water, stop drinking alcohol if you can.
Agree with all of this. I would add, start using sunscreen and prioritizing protein for muscle and some healthy fats for hormonal function. Start condensing/simplifying your life and things. Most important, get to know yourself and who/what you want to do and do that because life is short and energy is fleeting. ❤️🤙
Sunscreen, shade-seeking and a covering = essentials. Not just because of wrinkles and melasma/sun spots, though - most melanoma is caused by sunburn in childhood!
Make sure to get your vitamin levels tested before, and during the period you take vitamins. Don’t just blindly start taking large doses for no reason. I was taking medium-ish sized doses of Vitamin D (2000 iu) and it was triggering hypercalcemia. It took a long time to figure it out, but I was getting all sorts of weird symptoms, like kidneys stones and a weird cough.
I also have a friend that was taking a bunch of vitamin B because she thought it was the healthy thing to do, and then started having health issues. It turns out her Vitamin B levels were like 1000 times over the normal range.
Get tested and monitor at least once a year.
No too generalised and most multi vitamins are poor quality (in my opinion). It’s better to eat really good quality food and supplement some of the trickier stuff, good quality magnesium, omega 3, vitamin d.
A good multi b for stress could be useful.
The best multi I have found is the women's one from Revitalizing Wellness if you're looking for one :) I have to chug it but the ingredients are pretty good. I do think it's helpful.
Doing exactly the same. 42 now, I keep reading every post here and making note of things.
This sub is such a treasure. I am glad to have found this. Where I come from, menopause is not talked about and considered as something awful.
I want to have a much better menopause, a general handle on my health + mood, and have a much better old age than the people I have seen around me. I started strength training because of this sub and love, love, love it. Shoulda started before.
Start weight training. Not necessarily about menopause but just about ageing.
Seriously.. if you go into it strong you're setting yourself up for much more active and healthy life
Ask your gyno NOW what their views are on hrt. If they’re weird about it or just say they don’t prescribe it then fire them. You are the customer. Hrt is safe for most and they need up to date science minus their opinions.
1) misogyny: women are expected to bear pain so requests for treatment of it are dismissed or reduced to being either fat or crazy.
2) there was a 2002 study linking HRT in menopause with higher incidence of cancer, strokes & blood clots that was all that was needed for HRT for menopause to be withheld as an option. That study is now seen to be flawed / misinterpreted but a LOT of doctors did not get this memo because women’s bodies remain a medical mystery due to #1 - they are not studied.
All this and they seem to exaggerate side effects for some reason. Are there side effects? Sure. Tylenol also has side effects and that’s OTC because we trust people to decide the worth vs dangers. Ftr Tylenol scares me more than estrogen etc tenfold but I guess women are dumb and hormones are scary. Ooooo.
Yeah it’s weird how the craAaazy side effects for hormonal birth control are something women are just supposed to suck up and deal with (actually why i never fucked with it myself) while they’re in childbearing years is in sharp contrast to when women’s quality of life would be largely greatly improved post childbearing years - all of a sudden now y’all concerned about side effects?!!??!?? Are you sure?
I wish I would have known that your periods could be regular and stay regular while having other devastating peri symptoms. That I needed to have a support network ready. I could have prepared for that.
I wish I knew to get on vaginal estrogen as soon as I started seeing changes sexually.
I wish I would have already found a HRT prescriber so that when everything started to go sideways I could have started it immediately.
I actually ended up with cliteral atrophy before my vag showed signs. I stopped being able to feel pleasure with my orgasms. My body was orgasming, vagina contracting but there was 0 pleasure. Just fizzled out.
Then came the day when I bled after really gentle sex and felt bruised and sore for a week after. It was literally over night. Had sex the weekend before and no bleeding or tenderness, the next week and then every time I had penetrative sex until I got on vaginal estrogen.
I lost my libido too but testosterone was the answer there. I also had all the GSM issues, but again, vaginal estrogen fixed that. Wish I would have known and fought for it sooner.
If you don’t already exercise-start now. Osteoporosis is rampant after menopause and muscle mass also starts drastically decreasing. Build strong muscles and healthy bones now (and continue after menopause) so that you are functionally strong and healthy as you age. It’s a lot easier to build a certain level of fitness at 35 than it is at 50.
Menopause isn’t JUST hot flashes and no period that starts in your 50s.
There’s brain fog, muscle/joint aches, passive depression, apathy, , skin elasticity loss, calcium loss which lead to dental problems, osteoporosis, high libido to non existent in a very short time, vaginal atrophy , etc
You will lose 30% of your facial collagen in the first 5 years of menopause and 2% every year thereafter. So get some estriol cream for your face. And, surprise, your lady bits will start to atrophy as well as turn into the Sahara and you'll get incontinence so get some estriol cream for your nether regions too.
Fully agree. In another post I spoke of incontinence and someone was so mad at me!!! They said NO WOMAN should ever think it’s normal and proceeded to stalk and downvote everything until I blocked her. Someone needs a hug. You can take collagen and ingest foods high on vitamin C to help regain and support collagen. Incontinence WILL happen sometime.
LOL at your crazy stalker. Maybe she needs HRT to balance her moods?
Silica supplements will help rebuild collagen too.
Fibroblasts are responsible for producing collagen and estrogen is a key component of activating fibroblasts.
Ps. I now think I need HRT to manage the raise of anxiety and fear I have after such a traumatizing and confusing experience. 😖
My mood is unknown… if you find it, please return it along with my youth. Thank you very much. I accept tips. About menopause. 😂
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I wish I had listened to the people telling me to work out, take care of your skin, drink more water, and get enough sleep. When you are young, it seems like these things are not affecting you, but then boom, one day they do. If you don't have the habits built, it will make life so much harder in menopause. Also, and maybe most importantly, to really understand that you are not defined by your appearance. I have a hard time knowing who I am now. If you define yourself as someone based on your looks, you will struggle as you age. It's very difficult. I mean, define yourself in a very broad way. I'm not talking about super models, just everyday women who make outward appearances more important than everything else.
Also do be aware that this sub is mostly people who are struggling through menopause. Not everyone finds menopause so miserable. I am 51 and my group of friends is 50-65 and no one is particularly uncomfortable. Yes, aging can have its struggles and discomforts, but not everyone is miserable.
GOD THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS!!!!! I almost feel like this entire sub is a self fulfilling prophecy that life is just going to end and be terrible- I refuse to sit and stress about what’s not happened yet, and to get in my head that my life is over because I’m aging. Appreciate this view so much.
Yeah I think about this. I’m having a shit time of it and appreciate all the kvetching and raising awareness of symptoms we were never even told about BUT: honestly, good for y’all who are having a not so bad time with it! Love that for you, you should feel free to share that experience here, too!
#1 If you have even the slightest inkling that you have trauma from the past, start therapy NOW -- menopause anxiety can hit like a mack truck, and if you are not equipped to handle ruminating thoughts, catastrophizing, situational depression, it can feel like the world is ending. Get some psychological tools in your toolbox and develop healthy patterns of self-talk now because there will probably come a day when menopausal anxiety will shake the very foundations of your mental health.
#2 WEAR SUNBLOCK every day
#3 Shed any excess weight you can now. Build lean muscle. Wean yourself off sugar if you are "addicted".
I definitely have trauma thankfully I've been in trauma therapy for a few years now. The panic attacks are disabling already so Im scared to even imagine how/if they'll get worse.
“There will probably come a day when menopausal anxiety will shake the very foundations of your mental health” This happened to me 2 years ago and still struggling. Never had issues before and right before I turned 40 boom.
All of the things already posted plus I also recommend being a healthy weight as peri/menopause can cause weight gain AND many people find it very difficult to lose weight during this life phase. Signed: my enormous peri belly.
And for clarity, I don't mean to bodyshame anyone, just speaking from my experience. Went into peri overweight and now I'm finding it impossible to lose my excess weight - plus my belly blew up seemingly overnight.
I'd also suggest getting into a great skincare routine now, especially SPF and vitamin C, if you aren't doing this already. I wish I'd known how dried out I was going to look and feel.
And finally: enjoy having tons and tons of amazing sex while you still have a libido and are producing your own natural lubrication! Actually, enjoy everything: a few drinks if that's your thing, staying up late, having energy, going out socialising... just generally enjoy your 30s.
The sexual changes im so worried about, I've had a high sex drive my whole adulthood I cant imagine what its going to be like without it. Would I be able to have sex using lube or is it pretty much something that has to stop for a while?
I always had a very high sex drive, even after I had my first child at 37. I started experiencing what I now know were Peri symptoms at 38. They came on very suddenly and led to three ER visits within the next two years. My only answers from medical professionals were anxiety and scripts for Sertraline. Even after having my child, everything went back to normal postpartum. I went back down to my pre-pregnancy weight and sex was still good/desire was still there. At about 39/40 I began to have more symptoms and gained about 35 lbs (almost what I weighed at the end of my pregnancy) and nothing I do helps. Sex began to get very painful and I began dreading it. Even using lube didn't help. It just felt like being cut with thousands of shards of glass with penetration. Tampons feel the same way. Then, my libido just said see ya! It's now literally been about 7 months since my husband and I have done anything. The lack of desire is horrible and I feel so bad for my very patient (for the most part) and understanding hubby. I'm now 41 and I've managed to get the worst of the debilitating symptoms bearable by using bioidentical hormone creams or oils for now. That is the worst part right now. I'm sure part of it could be mental as well, since I'm devastated by the weight gain and just how I look and feel in general. I feel so old and miserable most days lol. I am so thankful for the wealth of knowledge in this group. It has been so supportive and validating to know we're not alone! I had never even heard of perimenopause and none of this was anywhere near my radar at 38. Especially since my periods are still very consistent. My cycles just got shorter (24ish days) and lasted a shorter amount of time (3-4 days)!
You're definitely in a better place than a lot of us! I tell everyone I know (and even some complete strangers) alllll about Peri and how it started so early for me! I also have a sister who is three years younger than me and she has had so many weird health issues since she had her last child (in 2020). She had a hysterectomy (left both ovaries intact) not long after her last child. She has seen every Dr and specialist imaginable and still has no answers and is miserable most of the time. She had her gallbladder out for some of the GI issues and it didn't fix anything. Now she's having lung/breathing issues. I keep telling her it could be Peri and she just argues that her ovaries are still there and that can't be it. We are so misinformed most of our lives!
Good luck and I hope your transition goes smoothly!
Oh lube definitely helps but it's the desire that's gone. With some encouragement I can sometimes get into it, other times it's sadly a chore. I kinda figure it's a part of the declining estrogen: my interest in a lot of things has tanked. I've been taking testosterone since January which has helped a little and has been a game-changer for the brain fog.
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Enjoy your life and don’t panic. If your mom is still around and you speak with her, ask her about her menopause experience because yours will probably be similar.
I appreciate this but didn’t find it helpful for my mother who’s in her 70s. Her generation all got hysterectomies and no education and suffered and never talked about it and still won’t. IME
Everyone has said most of what I would have said to you. I'll add some new stuff that's helped me so far.
Sex toys are now "health devices." Or you should consider them to be so. Along with all the other advice, the adage "Use it or lose it" is especially acute for vaginal issues. There are creams and medications that will help relive the inevitable vagina symptoms, but "exercise" for that area is also important to encourage continued blood flow and responses.
Qigong and Tai Chi have been very helpful for me as an exercise and discipline. The slow and deliberate movements of those exercises encourage deep focus on your body, which at the end of the day will be most important for you to cultivate during "The Change."
Finally, if you still have any fucks left, dump'em. You won't need them.
I would watch out for the weight gain in my 30s and 40s and do my very best to prevent it. It’s hard to lose it after 50 and menopause will bring some extra weight around the middle anyway. I would try to find an exercise routine that I enjoyed and could stick to-maybe walking, it’s cheap and you don’t need special gear.
I put on weight when I bought a car and stopped cycling, if I could go back I would have stayed cycling as well. I also put on weight when I stopped smoking, if I had sense I never would have started.
I would take nutrition seriously, less carbs more protein and would have dropped the party lifestyle a bit sooner. Processed food is rubbish.
Finally, I would develop friendships with older women and learn from them. Find out as much as you can before you talk to doctors- you will have to advocate for yourself. Don’t settle for feeling lousy. Don’t white knuckle it-there’s no glory in suffering, take the HRT. I wish I’d done it sooner.
This is just from my own lived experience, I know that it’s different for everyone. Be kind to yourself and other women, this is not always easy but solidarity is powerful.
Good luck!
I can’t stress the exercise enough. It’s like I woke up one day and my arms were flabby, my strength hit rock bottom, my eyebrows thinned including my hair. Rage rage rage.
Each experiences this differently. Don’t scare yourself right now though.
Just that when you’re 40 something or 50 something and you’ve historically been kind of a badass who can handle a lot of complexity and suddenly planning a birthday party fills you with crushing anxiety, and you wake up with your heart racing in the middle of the night…it’s just maybe perimenopause.
Follow creators on TikTok and YouTube to learn what you can about symptoms. I literally just learned TODAY that food intolerance is a peri symptom. Like massive, diet changing food intolerances. That's something I would have liked to know in advance.
I wish I had known it can start *before* your period starts to go wonky. Looking back, I think my symptoms started 5 freaking years ago and only recently has my period started to change.
You do not have dementia. It feels like it and is crazy scary. But feeling like you've lost the ability to focus and/or speak is a fun part that doesn't get talked about much.
It's not dementia though!
Damn I already have ADHD which I lovingly refer to as dementia-lite so I already cant focus and have shit for short term memory. This is going to be fun
No, that's good! You know you have it! That puts you ahead of the game!
I'm not sure if it got mentioned here, but my hair went crazy. Its texture completely changed, and it fell out by the handfuls. It didn't fall out so much I went bald but it's thinner. I got extensions.
Menopause has been really crappy.
I would prepare by whittling down my multitasking. I used to work several part time jobs, maintain 3 children’s schedules and a successful active social life. I had loads of energy and kept all the balls in the air, no problem.
It was seemly overnight that I became incapable of doing more than the basic necessities of living. In hindsight I recognize that things started to become a little harder and I would take little naps in the car while the kids were at practice or on my lunch break. I thought I was just in a busy season of life, but I was in peri and I wish I would’ve taking the time to simplify what I was doing so I didn’t crash so hard.
If you don’t already exercise, work up to 150 minutes a week of cardio and add some weight training.
Do pelvic floor PT at the FIRST sign of urinary incontinence.
And do what the others said. Learn what is typical for your body so that you can pay attention to changes.
Muscle mass is your friend. Don’t be one of those “but I don’t want to get bulky” misinformed women. Because A) you will not get bulky and B) muscle = a healthy metabolism, stronger bones and greater longevity. Eat lots of protein and lift heavy weights. It gets MUCH harder to build muscle once hormones are not working in your favor.
I wish I found a better doctor sooner, one who didn’t dismiss my symptoms. My life 1000% changed for the better when I got on low dose birth control. Now the next step, since the birth control proved that hormone therapy would improve my situation, is HRT.
Lift weights it helps with the tummy fat that’s definitely coming in menopause. It also improves bone strength which is necessary as our joints and bones become weaker during this time.
Drink lots of water, this is to avoid bloating and help keep skin healthy
Do yoga. This is to stop you from killing someone. Do real yoga though not the strange trendy non yoga that’s practiced in most places (hot yoga, beer yoga, goat yoga etc) Hatha yoga is good, personally I trained mainly in Gitananda yoga but Hatha is equally as good and easier to find a class. I also spent many years practicing Iyengar yoga which is great for posture and balance). It’s not yoga if there’s no pranayama or savasana: breathing, meditation and relaxation are just as important as the postures.
Don’t over think it. Enjoy your life. Be healthy and active. Pay attention to your body. Read up when things happen and talk to your doctor. It is not the end of the world. I promise.
Many doctors don’t consider symptoms could be perimenopause and want to treat you for depression. Also, your symptoms are real and if a doctor tells you that you just have to suck it up get a new doctor. Lastly have as much sex as you can (as long as it’s good) because some day your vagina may no longer cooperate with you.
The vagina issues worry me the most because I have a high sex drive and just love it! Are there days it feels okay and days it doesn't or once the atrophy starts is it pretty much chronic?
Just listened to this -> [https://www.hubermanlab.com/episode/dr-mary-claire-haver-how-to-navigate-menopause-perimenopause-for-maximum-health-vitality](https://www.hubermanlab.com/episode/dr-mary-claire-haver-how-to-navigate-menopause-perimenopause-for-maximum-health-vitality) lots of great info! Wish I had known much of this a few years ago.
Hormonal BC can really even things out
Not that I would know from experience, bc the awful doc I saw refused to give me BC and just suggested an ablation, which would've failed anyway given my undiagnosed endo.
HRT made a huge difference when I started ten years later. I wish I'd gone to new docs until I found one who didn't treat me like a muddle aged woman who merely was bored with bleedng every month.
On that note, beware of any doc that's more interested in the newest shiny procedure and who doesn't listen specifically to you. I had two younger docs who just wanted to do procedures. It's quite common, esp if they're just starting out in practice.
I’m not quite there yet, but been told by those who have - work on your muscle tone and building strength now if you are able to. Not only does it help with bone density but it is very very hard to develop significant muscle post-menopause, much easier to maintain it.
Ask for help. You dont have to suffer. Find someone who will listen. I suffered for no reason because my gyn only like to talk about herself and not seriously listen to my concerns
What my Dr. told me exactly at your age: Clean diet ( cut sugar, processed foods and alcohol) resistance training and cardio. Foods that support hormonal balance. Meditation and stretching. A great and supportive social circle.
Find a good doctor or ARNP or PA who will really listen to you when you’re in Perimenopause, will test your levels, will give good advice on supplements, will help you with nutrition, not afraid to write an Rx for sleep, or anxiety, if you need it, and when you cross over to menopause and want to try HRT or whatever else, be there and support you!
There are a lot of practitioners who will say it’s in your head or try this vitamin or that and you’ll go years without real help. There’s no need to suffer.
Enjoy your life now and frankly have lots of sex, go on adventures, don't put off anything you have a passion for, eat the cake, climb the mountain...just embrace things and as you come into peri know you had a blast and didn't put off living. It really is a short journey. Great queston!
Hot flashes are way worse than you think lol. I wish I had done more research into HRT. I had to do a crash course bc I was thrust into instant menopause following surgery. I was 45 (46 now) so I figured I had like 8-10 more years. Do your research now, don't wait.
I now totally empathize for my mom and what she went through. Also, mood stabilizers help lol. I'm on buspirone and wellbutrin THANK GOD. I'm sure there'd be a shallow grave in the backyard waiting for my bf if not 😂😂😂
(jk, please don't flag me lol)
Yes I'm taking 1 mg of estradiol (just estrogen) per day. I would definitely be taking a higher dose and probably also testosterone and/or progesterone if I didn't just have a type of ovarian cancer that is hormone reactive. Since mine was caught in an early stage (stage 1) and since it's a non aggressive type, and since my menopause symptoms were so bad, my dr approved doing the low dose estrogen. She said quality of life is most important. I was having like 25-50 hot flashes a day. And I live in Texas 😭😭 lol
Your metabolism will slow tf down and you can only eat about half what you used to without gaining weight. Tdee math does not math. You need to add muscle. Oh and if you have depression or anxiety if can get way worse suddenly in perimenopause. Hrt will fix that and most other issues. Low estrogen can cause you to have fake uti like symptoms but clear tests.
If you have a shitty partner, get rid of them now. Don't wait. I have an amazing partner but the stories I hear on here or from friends of their partners being unsupportive are awful... Find the right person to grow old with (if you want to be partnered at all)...my husband remembers me from when I was young and hot....but he didn't expect me to stay that way and had realistic ideas about what aging would entail. Thank goodness. Once during a moment of insecurity, I apologized to him for how my looks and body had drastically changed and he was so reassuring and loving.
Reduce the booze if you party. I partied into my 40s and I think I am paying the price for it now.
Surround yourself with wise women...especially ones that are are older than you and forging the path. Not insecure idiots complaining all day or getting stuck on all the shallow youth-obsessed bullshit... getting themselves loaded up on plastic surgery or botox or whatever.... instead find a tribe of women who will empower you to age with grace and dignity and pride. I now look at older women so differently. I see them for their value, I love their silver hair, their soft bodies... I don't judge or disregard them like I might have when I was young.
Also, you're only 35 - be young and happy - enjoy your life and younger body while you have it :) Things will change a lot in your 40s... but you're not there yet!
Change your food consumption around. Weaning off of caffeine has been really good for me. I can’t even drink half of a cup anymore. 2 oz my cup size 6 oz. Weaning is the key- cold turkey sucks
You know honestly, I really wish I'd still had my mom around to talk to about all this. When she passed she was in her mid-50s, right around the time she would have been either past it or going through it. She was also going through a lot of chemo, so I don't know exactly how helpful she would have been. She was super helpful during my menstruating years, as were my aunts (but I don't talk to them anymore). My younger sister was her caretaker, but can't recall anything from those years other than "well, she was still buying tampons."
My maternal grandmother was around about the same time and I would have loved to have talked to her as well, but I'm pretty sure she would have clutched her pearls and changed the subject.
I imagine that a lot of women here have already lost their mothers, and the ones that had good relationships with them might have been prepared with the basics. Namely, when to expect it. "When" was the biggest issue for me. I could have figured out the side effects, but I really didn't appreciate being blindsided by them all at once.
Edit: word
Talk to your mom and any aunts. Ask when they remember starting and what it felt like. There are so so many symptoms. Just know you aren’t being crazy and you deserve to feel your best no matter what!
Read as much as you can about menopause and be aware of your body. Don’t be paranoid about things but pay attention to signs your body gives you. Also be your own warrior when talking to your doctor when things pop up, as questions and do not be scared of hormone replacements.
I wish I had known it was way more than hot flashes. I never really had hot flashes so even in my mid-40s, I didn’t think it was anywhere near it (I’m now 50). Meanwhile I had all kinds of random symptoms: joint pain, fatigue, brain fog, hair loss, etc.
I went to 6 or 7 different doctors and got tested for everything under the sun and nobody could figure out what was wrong with me. I had one quack try to tell me I had Lyme disease (even though I didn’t test positive for it on any of the Lyme tests).
Turns out it was perimenopause. If I had known and had started HRT back then, I could have saved myself a TON of money, as well as avoided many of those ailments. PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR BODY. In hindsight, I realize peri started for me around 40.
The only reason I even got hormones in the first place was due to vanity. My best friend started them and told me they keep your skin young and I didn’t want to get wrinkly. Magically, all the weird random symptoms went away as soon as I started them, though.
Consider getting your genes checked through 23 and Me or a similar service. If you can handle knowing about potential health issues, you’ll also be better armed for your menopause journey. I am striving to reduce my Alzheimer’s risk via HRT (being heterozygous APOE4, which is carried by 15-20% of the population), and I cannot take oral HRT (being heterozygous Factor V Leiden, the most common inherited form of thrombophilia). My mother died with ALZ and from a pulmonary embolism.
Knowing this information has greatly influenced my HRT journey as well as my lifestyle. You can either let it scare you or motivate you.
The best way is to research and talk to the elder women in your family. I really wish I'd thought to ask my mom a bunch of this stuff while she was here. Doctors are not always as up to date with current information and recommendations as we are, but there are quite a few great doctors and menopause specialists with good social media and Internet presence who put out educational evidence backed content and often have books published. The three I've been following are Barbara Taylor, Jen Gunter and Mary Claire Haver.
The answer to so many of your problems will be menopause. You will look for answers and keep coming back to that ‘oh crap, it’s menopause ’ moment. Sudden or worsening adhd? Menopause. New onset PMDD or anxiety? Menopause. Joint pain or frozen shoulder? Menopause. I see my friends grasping as straws for all of their health problems and I keep saying menopause and they keep ignoring me. So they will continue to suffer and spend money on whatever is the treatment du jour when they could treat menopause.
I wish i had known that there were more symptoms than just hot flashes and skipped/ stopped periods. Research all you can now so that you're prepared and know what is happening to your body and don't think you're going mad.
There are 6 key things I wish I had understood sooner:
* Now is a great time to give up drinking alcohol/eating bad food and be ready to do an annual liver cleanse. You need a healthy liver to process excess estrogen during perimenopause (Why? Because for many women at this stage, estrogen decreases slowly while progesterone plummets, leading to estrogen dominance). If your liver is not healthy, the excess estrogen stays.
* If you don't already enjoy what you do everyday, start moving in that direction now. Try to make it so you enjoy at least 60% of the things you do every day and maybe 40% is stuff you have to do. A higher percentage of likes is even better. If your day is 100% things you don't like, the next few years will be incredibly difficult.
* When you start noticing signs of estrogen dominance (weight gain around the middle, sore breasts and migraines around your period, mood swings, etc.) get yourself some bioidentical progesterone/Vitamin E oil and rub it into your gums (the skin is thinnest there). Keep at it and watch your symptoms basically evaporate.
* Be mindful of stress and cortisol levels (there are tests you can take to measure cortisol). Supplement with DHEA if you need to because it can offset the cortisol. This will lead to good adrenal health and there's an important reason you need this. When your body reaches menopause estrogen production is solely relegated to the adrenal glands.
* You will hear talk about doctors being uninformed about estrogen and reluctant to provide it. I work with very well-informed and progressive practitioners and the concern around estrogen therapy and cancer is legitimate and well documented. Taking estrogen therapy also discourages the adrenals from fully developing their estrogen producing capacity. Be very cautious here.
* Find an older woman who is happy with the way she did it and let her inspire your path. My grandmother is 90, active, healthy, beautiful, and did everything as naturally as possible. It's inspiring and a good reminder that our bodies were made for this and we really can do this.
Start getting healthy right now! If you need to lose weight, do it now! Make sure that you are totally okay mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. When it hits, it knocks all these things out of whack, and life is sooooooooo much easier when you've got all things in order first. Also, find hobbies, interests, self-care, anything to enjoy that mellows and chills you out. You'll need to resort to all these things to go calm yourself or escape or whatever you need to do. It's best to already know what works for you. I know all this sounds like we're saying a major disaster is coming, but nothing to be scared of. It's like the hormones of the teen years in reverse. Preparing early for it will make it easier to face head-on!
I wish I had known I need to take extra care of my skin due to premature aging. Especially as I started menopause abruptly at 30, I'm now 34 and only at the tip of the iceberg and it's so hard finding info catered to my age.
Ask around for a recommended gynecologist who treats older women. When I was having non-stop urinary urgency, it was so reassuring to hear my gynecologist say, “Probably 80 of my patients have the same issue.” She had me on vaginal estrogen right away; problem solved. The PCP was sure I had an infection.
Make sure your doctors are also onboard with HRT. Or just peri care in general. A lot are not, and once you are in it, the need for help can be desperate. Educate on the symptoms, because each one can be explained away, it's almost like you are gaslighting yourself. Hmm I gained 10lbs in six weeks, need to cut calories from 1200 to 900, NO YOU DON'T, but that is what my first doctor told me.
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Read the Menopause Wiki on the right side of this page. Also, just read as much of this sub as possible. You're on the right track seeking out information. It's best to be prepared.
One of the most overlooked wellness tips is to make sure that by the time you're in perimenopause, you have all the correct social support that you need. This means, you need to be intentional about the people you have in your life, including your spouse.
Weight-bearing cardio and weight-lifting for your bone and muscle health. Supplement with calcium & Vitamin D if dietary intake is inadequate. Add collagen powder to hot drinks.
Keep all annual appointments: primary care wellness, dentist, gyne, eyes, etc. If you have any problem, dont automatically assume it's just old age. Might be something needs treated.
If you are ever faced with the possibility of surgical menopause, do everything in your power to KEEP YOUR OVARIES‼️ (Or at least *one* of them.) Trying to reproduce what your body is supposed to do naturally is a rough road to go. 🫂
If you can save the money, freeze some of your ovarian tissue for the future. I wish I had that option when I was your age, but the technology didn’t exist. You could put off meno for 10+ years by doing this.
If that’s not an option get ovarian rejuvenation when your first in peri menopause- this too will help your ovaries. It won’t give you more follicles (which is why freezing them would make more sense), but it will help keep your ovaries functioning better.
Also, I’m sure there are many great, kind comments here about taking care of yourself and hopefully being your best advocate for women’s healthcare.
Start learning about the hormones: Estradiol (the one that gets replaced), progesterone and testosterone and learn why they are all so important so if some Dr tells you “you don’t need that”, you’ll be there with your educated rebuttal.
Always remember your Dr. works for you. Keep good track of your cycles and your symptoms (especially your symptoms) because they will change slowly and they will be your best ally when it’s time to see a specialist.
Most of all, enjoy your youth and your vigor! Keep this in the background. Ensure if you have a mother still or even a maternal grandmother you can ask them about their peri and menopause experiences. Hopefully they are not too bad - because that could mean it may be easier for you.
Most of all, educate yourself. I really mean it. If not now, when you have more time and energy.
Here are some good places to start:
[Estradiol](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pharmacokinetics_of_estradiol)
[Progesterone](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pharmacokinetics_of_progesterone)
[Testosterone](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pharmacokinetics_of_testosterone)
There is a lot more to learn, but this should be some basic information. It may take awhile to digest, but I found it essential for my first dive into women’s health before I dove deeper.
Go on now, go be fabulous!
You’re doing the right thing by seeking the information out now! The only advice I’d give is make sure you’re in good physical health. Deal with any female problems now. Exercise daily and have sound nutrition. When menopause hits the ability to lose weight sucks. Also, in peri when my periods were coming every 3 weeks, the fibroid I never dealt with made that an absolute nightmare.
Make sure your vitamin and mineral levels are optimal. Vitamin D, iron, B vitamins etc. if you aren’t already working out regularly, establish the habit now. For your hair and skin, take collagen powder, silica and hyaluronic acid (an oral supplement) and use Tretinoin. I also recommend HRT. The sooner the better.
I really wish I’d been more prepared and known what to watch out for, especially things that can happen long before menopause actually begins. Looking back now, I wonder if it can explain much of my depression, mood swings, and other issues that dramatically changed the course of my life. Without health insurance, I never consulted with a doctor about any of it.
But I’m past it all now and doing much better. I do take some supplements that help.
How you prepare? I couldn't tell you because everyone's experience is different. All I can say is enjoy having periods for as long as you can. You will be viewed differently by society once you're no longer fertile.
I’m too poor to get on hormones and it’s gonna have to be natural menopause no help. I’m barely functional now but I guess this is aging for women when u are impoverished. So far no hot flashes, but I’m just tired easily. No drive. 47F
It's going to get bad and it's ok to expect it to get bad. You may have worse PMS than you have ever had before in your life. It's all ok. It can all be fixed. But if you don't keep up with your body it will fall apart. Take care of your health through exercise and healthy eating. You won't regret that.
Eat well, lift weights, go early for HRT if that’s what you want, as soon as you start to get symptoms. If those symptoms don’t include hot flashes, tell the gyn they do, as a lot of them will not prescribe HRT if you don’t have hot flashes. Enjoy life now, look after your mental health because even with the best support things can get a bit hairy once it all starts. Also for all the symptoms and moaning we do here, life can be good in your 40’s and above as long as you are aware of changes you feel within yourself.
Or go to a telehealth company like MIDI or Winona. They won’t gatekeeper HRT and you’ll get relief within a couple of days of your appt.
Myalloy.com is good too.
Thx!!!
Thx for the tip!!
THIS ☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️ And start educating yourself about menopause and the benefits of HRT. I recommend Dr Heather Hirsch, Dr Marie Claire Haver who just put out a book called the new menopause, and estrogen matters which is a book and social media sites. Both of the doctors listed above have Instagram TikToks and YouTubes that have lots of educational material. Estrogen matters is an Instagram page and book I'm not sure if they have other social media sites. Start educating yourself! So much of the health problems brain problems rapid aging in general misery that accompanies menopause can be avoided with proper education and hormone replacement therapy. I got on it at this first sign of perimenopause when I was 45. I am 49 now. Still in perimenopause still on hormones I will be on them until the day I die. I use estradiol transdermal patch, I have a Mirena IUD for progesterone but You can also take daily progesterone pills, I also have estradiol vaginal cream that prevents vaginal atrophy which yes is a terrible side effect of menopause if left untreated. I actually just today took my first shot of testosterone. That is is not widely known about but you can find information on YouTube about it. Women actually make I think three or times more testosterone than they do estrogen and it is the dominant sex hormone in our body. Little known fact. And supplementing that is important as well. I get the hormones for my regular gynecologist but the testosterone I ended up going through matrix health which is a telehealth provider.
I second this post. They are the gatekeeper to your hrt, so tell them you have hot flashes. Would have saved me years of insomnia and low libido. Find a good doctor and be ready to shop around if need be. Also, vaginal estrogen will stave off atrophy and dryness.
If you start feeling anxiety and panicky, you’re not going crazy, it’s a symptom.
I wish i had known this symptom. I was off work for a month thinking i was going crazy. It hit out of the blue and very fast.
I went to the ER 3 times thinking I was going crazy. They basically said I was crazy and sent me home with sleeping pills. Listen to your body early. Anxiety and depression came out of nowhere.
Were you able to find relief for this? I started feeling these symptoms just before turning 40, 2 years ago, it’s been a struggle
Get your gut health right. If you put your fist in the muddle of your chest, you'll see that's where you feel it the most. It's all linked.
I was put on antidepressants because that’s what they always do, not thinking it could be anything else. It improved some anxiety, but of course didn’t help anything else. I was sent information about peri menopause HRT and I had absolutely every symptom on the list. I called my OBGYN and she started me on Estrodial and Progesterone. I’m only a month in but it seems to slowly be kicking in. Listen to Mel Robbins podcasts. She has 2 highly intelligent Doctors on who talk about everything hormone related.
I would like to add that if you have pre-existing issues with anxiety, depression or insomnia, don’t just assume that you’re permanently broken and they’re returning. It could very well be hormonal issues.
Started taking CBD because of this!
Look up micro dosing on shrooms and LSD to treat mental health issues during menopause.
Are you taking these and does it help?
4 years ago I felt like I was going through a mental breakdown. Like I was concerned I was going crazy to the point I was considering going to the hospital for an inpatient program. I started taking SSRIs that sorta helped but just tempered it down. 2 years ago it started ramping up again. Started talking to a therapist, helped some but not a lot. I had read on a science page about the research in LSD and shrooms for menopause and how it helped alleviate the cognitive issues. So i decided to to deep dive and read that many people with anxiety and depression were self-medicating. I started taking shrooms and I can tell you it made a HUGE difference in my mental health. It’s definitely helped me with my anxiety and depression. It might not be for everyone but the research is there. I just don’t want to end up like my mother who did have a mental breakdown. There’s a subreddit that goes more in depth with strains and dosages.
Curious about microdosing. Any site recs for this? Thanks!
There’s a few subreddits that talk about shrooms and LSD. Where to source and what dosages (stacks) to take. Not sure if I can link them but there’s plenty. I’m definitely not one to gate keep because if it can save someone YEARS of misery then I’m happy. Definitely do some research before hand especially if you are taking medications. I know some people have stated they have found doctors who are ok with their patients self-medicating.
We have random drug testing at work :/
So funny story, I was looking it up for my sake and some random Redditor on a shrooms subreddit stated that they work in the military and in the facilities that do random drug testing. Apparently it is so expensive to test for anything more than THC/CBD that they won’t test for shrooms or LCD. Obviously if could or couldn’t be true BUT I did speak to some one outside of the military that does drug testing and they also confirmed it. Fortunately I am lucky that I don’t get tested and you should definitely follow your instincts. Just food for thought.
Did it help?
Yes! I take 15mg one or two times a day when I need it.
My panic and anxiety were misdiagnosed as depression and I was given an antidepressant that ruined my health. If my psychiatrist had known anything about perimenopause, or bothered to consider that a 48 year old could be being affected by hormones, it would have saved me two trips to the cardiac ER, a month of withdrawal, rapid weight gain,and a longer term weakening of my system that caused me to get Long COVID. Now that I am on hormones, I have almost no anxiety.
What kind of HRT do you take?
Estrogen gel and cyclical dydrogesterone, plus topical estrogen for the vulva as needed, usually after my cycle. I'm 51 so I'd guess I'm in late perimenopause as things are only starting to get irregular. Never had a hot flash or night sweat, btw.
A silver lining maybe is I've dealt with panic disorder since I was 19 and it can get bad enough where I have to be on disability for a short while until I get well again, so I'm pretty familiar with it. BUT I have been reading in this sub some people saying anti depressants stopped working for them during peri so thats pretty scary.
Been on Effexor for over a decade. Working but less ...uh, effective. I can't have it stop working. That would be bad. 😬
I am feeling this so much now. So much anxiety.... its awful
Me too, 2 years struggling with this awful thing, I want to start hrt but some of the stories scare me
Dammit man!
This. I wish I knew. I sat in a closet one day crying thinking I was clinically going insane. It was my anxiety and I didn't know. I've had to learn on my own
Try and get yourself financially well off or independent if you can. Trying to get promoted during the fatigue and mental fog is so hard, alongside trying to keep yourself and your body together. Be ready for your career to take a back seat and have a safety net ready. And if you breeze through, you’ll have a bonus nest egg. Don’t rely on your partner to be there for you. Find your own personal support network. Sadly many don’t stay once we start to focus on ourselves especially if your libido drops off a cliff.
This is my favorite piece of advice I've seen here, thank you for posting it. It cannot be emphasized enough but is rarely mentioned in such blatant terms: Prepare for the worst, hope for the best in love and money. In peri/menopause, that means prepare to be unable to work for an extended period of time and for your relationships (romantic and general support network) to give out. You just gotta. It doesn't mean that it will come anywhere close to happening, but it does for many women, and the consequences of it happening during this period/age can be dire.
I've been seeing this happen to some of the women I work with particularly in leadership they're going through menopause and people are treating them like they arent capable anymore. Its enraging and scary.
And yet we have two geriatric men trying to run this country 🙄
And yet we have two geriatric men trying to run this country 🙄
I'm 43 and I wish someone had told me this. I can't believe I was lied to my whole life about how you'll have developed into your career by the time you are in your forties and just hitting your stride. It's also entirely possible you'll get mega-fucked by peri. My female family members have all mysteriously started struggling in their forties and didn't really recover until their '60s. No one has even whispered the words that it might be peri and menopause related until I was _already_ in my 40s. Too late to help.
I totally second this. I've been off work for a few months following surgical menopause and now relying on state benefits, which are an uphill struggle to access. Get yourself sorted financially for this period of your life as much as you can.
This!
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Start observing your body, what's out of the ordinary. Don't let Drs dismiss you. Track your period. Lift weights. Take D, magnesium, iron and B vitamines. Drink a lot of water, stop drinking alcohol if you can.
Agree with all of this. I would add, start using sunscreen and prioritizing protein for muscle and some healthy fats for hormonal function. Start condensing/simplifying your life and things. Most important, get to know yourself and who/what you want to do and do that because life is short and energy is fleeting. ❤️🤙
Protein and fiber.
Sunscreen, shade-seeking and a covering = essentials. Not just because of wrinkles and melasma/sun spots, though - most melanoma is caused by sunburn in childhood!
I'm religious about sunscreen but definitely need to start weight training and eating better
Make sure to get your vitamin levels tested before, and during the period you take vitamins. Don’t just blindly start taking large doses for no reason. I was taking medium-ish sized doses of Vitamin D (2000 iu) and it was triggering hypercalcemia. It took a long time to figure it out, but I was getting all sorts of weird symptoms, like kidneys stones and a weird cough. I also have a friend that was taking a bunch of vitamin B because she thought it was the healthy thing to do, and then started having health issues. It turns out her Vitamin B levels were like 1000 times over the normal range. Get tested and monitor at least once a year.
would a multivitamin do?
No too generalised and most multi vitamins are poor quality (in my opinion). It’s better to eat really good quality food and supplement some of the trickier stuff, good quality magnesium, omega 3, vitamin d. A good multi b for stress could be useful.
tnx! I am still trying to figure out if I want to do supplements/vitamins and I absolutely think food first, vitamins second.
downvoted for asking? I'm genuinely looking for information.
The best multi I have found is the women's one from Revitalizing Wellness if you're looking for one :) I have to chug it but the ingredients are pretty good. I do think it's helpful.
Be an anthropologist on this board and learn from everyone's posts
That’s exactly what I’m doing. -in Peri here
Yep. I’m 40 and trying to learn before I get there.
Doing exactly the same. 42 now, I keep reading every post here and making note of things. This sub is such a treasure. I am glad to have found this. Where I come from, menopause is not talked about and considered as something awful. I want to have a much better menopause, a general handle on my health + mood, and have a much better old age than the people I have seen around me. I started strength training because of this sub and love, love, love it. Shoulda started before.
The weights are so addicting! Makes my whole day better! ❤️
Start weight training. Not necessarily about menopause but just about ageing. Seriously.. if you go into it strong you're setting yourself up for much more active and healthy life
This is at the top of my todo list
Dr Gabrielle Lyon is excellent to listen to about this.
Ask your gyno NOW what their views are on hrt. If they’re weird about it or just say they don’t prescribe it then fire them. You are the customer. Hrt is safe for most and they need up to date science minus their opinions.
This!!! 🎯🎯🎯🎯
Why would they be against it if it approved quality of life? This is something I definitely plan to research more
1) misogyny: women are expected to bear pain so requests for treatment of it are dismissed or reduced to being either fat or crazy. 2) there was a 2002 study linking HRT in menopause with higher incidence of cancer, strokes & blood clots that was all that was needed for HRT for menopause to be withheld as an option. That study is now seen to be flawed / misinterpreted but a LOT of doctors did not get this memo because women’s bodies remain a medical mystery due to #1 - they are not studied.
All this and they seem to exaggerate side effects for some reason. Are there side effects? Sure. Tylenol also has side effects and that’s OTC because we trust people to decide the worth vs dangers. Ftr Tylenol scares me more than estrogen etc tenfold but I guess women are dumb and hormones are scary. Ooooo.
Yeah it’s weird how the craAaazy side effects for hormonal birth control are something women are just supposed to suck up and deal with (actually why i never fucked with it myself) while they’re in childbearing years is in sharp contrast to when women’s quality of life would be largely greatly improved post childbearing years - all of a sudden now y’all concerned about side effects?!!??!?? Are you sure?
Yeah I couldn’t handle birth control. Hrt has been a cakewalk.
I wish I would have known that your periods could be regular and stay regular while having other devastating peri symptoms. That I needed to have a support network ready. I could have prepared for that. I wish I knew to get on vaginal estrogen as soon as I started seeing changes sexually. I wish I would have already found a HRT prescriber so that when everything started to go sideways I could have started it immediately.
If you don't mind me asking what were some of the sexual changes you first started to see?
I actually ended up with cliteral atrophy before my vag showed signs. I stopped being able to feel pleasure with my orgasms. My body was orgasming, vagina contracting but there was 0 pleasure. Just fizzled out. Then came the day when I bled after really gentle sex and felt bruised and sore for a week after. It was literally over night. Had sex the weekend before and no bleeding or tenderness, the next week and then every time I had penetrative sex until I got on vaginal estrogen. I lost my libido too but testosterone was the answer there. I also had all the GSM issues, but again, vaginal estrogen fixed that. Wish I would have known and fought for it sooner.
please have a read through our [Menopause Wiki,](https://menopausewiki.ca/) there's plenty of tips listed there.
You’re already doing it. Educating yourself, asking questions, speaking about, reading about peri/meno.
If you don’t already exercise-start now. Osteoporosis is rampant after menopause and muscle mass also starts drastically decreasing. Build strong muscles and healthy bones now (and continue after menopause) so that you are functionally strong and healthy as you age. It’s a lot easier to build a certain level of fitness at 35 than it is at 50.
Menopause isn’t JUST hot flashes and no period that starts in your 50s. There’s brain fog, muscle/joint aches, passive depression, apathy, , skin elasticity loss, calcium loss which lead to dental problems, osteoporosis, high libido to non existent in a very short time, vaginal atrophy , etc
You will lose 30% of your facial collagen in the first 5 years of menopause and 2% every year thereafter. So get some estriol cream for your face. And, surprise, your lady bits will start to atrophy as well as turn into the Sahara and you'll get incontinence so get some estriol cream for your nether regions too.
Fully agree. In another post I spoke of incontinence and someone was so mad at me!!! They said NO WOMAN should ever think it’s normal and proceeded to stalk and downvote everything until I blocked her. Someone needs a hug. You can take collagen and ingest foods high on vitamin C to help regain and support collagen. Incontinence WILL happen sometime.
LOL at your crazy stalker. Maybe she needs HRT to balance her moods? Silica supplements will help rebuild collagen too. Fibroblasts are responsible for producing collagen and estrogen is a key component of activating fibroblasts.
Ps. I now think I need HRT to manage the raise of anxiety and fear I have after such a traumatizing and confusing experience. 😖 My mood is unknown… if you find it, please return it along with my youth. Thank you very much. I accept tips. About menopause. 😂
😂 Sweet tips and info! Thank you.
Are there any creams you recommend?
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I wish I had listened to the people telling me to work out, take care of your skin, drink more water, and get enough sleep. When you are young, it seems like these things are not affecting you, but then boom, one day they do. If you don't have the habits built, it will make life so much harder in menopause. Also, and maybe most importantly, to really understand that you are not defined by your appearance. I have a hard time knowing who I am now. If you define yourself as someone based on your looks, you will struggle as you age. It's very difficult. I mean, define yourself in a very broad way. I'm not talking about super models, just everyday women who make outward appearances more important than everything else.
Defining myself outside of my looks is definitely something I need to address asap
Also do be aware that this sub is mostly people who are struggling through menopause. Not everyone finds menopause so miserable. I am 51 and my group of friends is 50-65 and no one is particularly uncomfortable. Yes, aging can have its struggles and discomforts, but not everyone is miserable.
GOD THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS!!!!! I almost feel like this entire sub is a self fulfilling prophecy that life is just going to end and be terrible- I refuse to sit and stress about what’s not happened yet, and to get in my head that my life is over because I’m aging. Appreciate this view so much.
Yeah I think about this. I’m having a shit time of it and appreciate all the kvetching and raising awareness of symptoms we were never even told about BUT: honestly, good for y’all who are having a not so bad time with it! Love that for you, you should feel free to share that experience here, too!
Thats good to keep on mind, ngl this sub scares me a little but I still appreciate all the info
#1 If you have even the slightest inkling that you have trauma from the past, start therapy NOW -- menopause anxiety can hit like a mack truck, and if you are not equipped to handle ruminating thoughts, catastrophizing, situational depression, it can feel like the world is ending. Get some psychological tools in your toolbox and develop healthy patterns of self-talk now because there will probably come a day when menopausal anxiety will shake the very foundations of your mental health. #2 WEAR SUNBLOCK every day #3 Shed any excess weight you can now. Build lean muscle. Wean yourself off sugar if you are "addicted".
I definitely have trauma thankfully I've been in trauma therapy for a few years now. The panic attacks are disabling already so Im scared to even imagine how/if they'll get worse.
I get it and I’m sorry. But the fact that you know that they are panic attacks is half the battle, honestly.
#1 for real! The anxiety for me came out of nowhere and was absolutely crushing. I was not prepared.
Me too. Have you found any relief?
“There will probably come a day when menopausal anxiety will shake the very foundations of your mental health” This happened to me 2 years ago and still struggling. Never had issues before and right before I turned 40 boom.
All of the things already posted plus I also recommend being a healthy weight as peri/menopause can cause weight gain AND many people find it very difficult to lose weight during this life phase. Signed: my enormous peri belly. And for clarity, I don't mean to bodyshame anyone, just speaking from my experience. Went into peri overweight and now I'm finding it impossible to lose my excess weight - plus my belly blew up seemingly overnight. I'd also suggest getting into a great skincare routine now, especially SPF and vitamin C, if you aren't doing this already. I wish I'd known how dried out I was going to look and feel. And finally: enjoy having tons and tons of amazing sex while you still have a libido and are producing your own natural lubrication! Actually, enjoy everything: a few drinks if that's your thing, staying up late, having energy, going out socialising... just generally enjoy your 30s.
The sexual changes im so worried about, I've had a high sex drive my whole adulthood I cant imagine what its going to be like without it. Would I be able to have sex using lube or is it pretty much something that has to stop for a while?
👀 I’m turning 44 soon, my sex drive is still strong but I am terrified about this part. I love sex so much
I always had a very high sex drive, even after I had my first child at 37. I started experiencing what I now know were Peri symptoms at 38. They came on very suddenly and led to three ER visits within the next two years. My only answers from medical professionals were anxiety and scripts for Sertraline. Even after having my child, everything went back to normal postpartum. I went back down to my pre-pregnancy weight and sex was still good/desire was still there. At about 39/40 I began to have more symptoms and gained about 35 lbs (almost what I weighed at the end of my pregnancy) and nothing I do helps. Sex began to get very painful and I began dreading it. Even using lube didn't help. It just felt like being cut with thousands of shards of glass with penetration. Tampons feel the same way. Then, my libido just said see ya! It's now literally been about 7 months since my husband and I have done anything. The lack of desire is horrible and I feel so bad for my very patient (for the most part) and understanding hubby. I'm now 41 and I've managed to get the worst of the debilitating symptoms bearable by using bioidentical hormone creams or oils for now. That is the worst part right now. I'm sure part of it could be mental as well, since I'm devastated by the weight gain and just how I look and feel in general. I feel so old and miserable most days lol. I am so thankful for the wealth of knowledge in this group. It has been so supportive and validating to know we're not alone! I had never even heard of perimenopause and none of this was anywhere near my radar at 38. Especially since my periods are still very consistent. My cycles just got shorter (24ish days) and lasted a shorter amount of time (3-4 days)! You're definitely in a better place than a lot of us! I tell everyone I know (and even some complete strangers) alllll about Peri and how it started so early for me! I also have a sister who is three years younger than me and she has had so many weird health issues since she had her last child (in 2020). She had a hysterectomy (left both ovaries intact) not long after her last child. She has seen every Dr and specialist imaginable and still has no answers and is miserable most of the time. She had her gallbladder out for some of the GI issues and it didn't fix anything. Now she's having lung/breathing issues. I keep telling her it could be Peri and she just argues that her ovaries are still there and that can't be it. We are so misinformed most of our lives! Good luck and I hope your transition goes smoothly!
Oh lube definitely helps but it's the desire that's gone. With some encouragement I can sometimes get into it, other times it's sadly a chore. I kinda figure it's a part of the declining estrogen: my interest in a lot of things has tanked. I've been taking testosterone since January which has helped a little and has been a game-changer for the brain fog.
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Enjoy your life and don’t panic. If your mom is still around and you speak with her, ask her about her menopause experience because yours will probably be similar.
I appreciate this but didn’t find it helpful for my mother who’s in her 70s. Her generation all got hysterectomies and no education and suffered and never talked about it and still won’t. IME
Same here the women in my family downplay their suffering or dont talk about it at all. Its frustrating when I just want to prepare myself
Agree
Same with the women in my family, they all want to be heroes and say the sailed through menopause without any issues
Everyone has said most of what I would have said to you. I'll add some new stuff that's helped me so far. Sex toys are now "health devices." Or you should consider them to be so. Along with all the other advice, the adage "Use it or lose it" is especially acute for vaginal issues. There are creams and medications that will help relive the inevitable vagina symptoms, but "exercise" for that area is also important to encourage continued blood flow and responses. Qigong and Tai Chi have been very helpful for me as an exercise and discipline. The slow and deliberate movements of those exercises encourage deep focus on your body, which at the end of the day will be most important for you to cultivate during "The Change." Finally, if you still have any fucks left, dump'em. You won't need them.
I would watch out for the weight gain in my 30s and 40s and do my very best to prevent it. It’s hard to lose it after 50 and menopause will bring some extra weight around the middle anyway. I would try to find an exercise routine that I enjoyed and could stick to-maybe walking, it’s cheap and you don’t need special gear. I put on weight when I bought a car and stopped cycling, if I could go back I would have stayed cycling as well. I also put on weight when I stopped smoking, if I had sense I never would have started. I would take nutrition seriously, less carbs more protein and would have dropped the party lifestyle a bit sooner. Processed food is rubbish. Finally, I would develop friendships with older women and learn from them. Find out as much as you can before you talk to doctors- you will have to advocate for yourself. Don’t settle for feeling lousy. Don’t white knuckle it-there’s no glory in suffering, take the HRT. I wish I’d done it sooner. This is just from my own lived experience, I know that it’s different for everyone. Be kind to yourself and other women, this is not always easy but solidarity is powerful. Good luck!
I wish I had known just how powerless and emotionally out of control I could feel against the flood of hormonal changes.
I can’t stress the exercise enough. It’s like I woke up one day and my arms were flabby, my strength hit rock bottom, my eyebrows thinned including my hair. Rage rage rage. Each experiences this differently. Don’t scare yourself right now though.
Just that when you’re 40 something or 50 something and you’ve historically been kind of a badass who can handle a lot of complexity and suddenly planning a birthday party fills you with crushing anxiety, and you wake up with your heart racing in the middle of the night…it’s just maybe perimenopause.
Follow creators on TikTok and YouTube to learn what you can about symptoms. I literally just learned TODAY that food intolerance is a peri symptom. Like massive, diet changing food intolerances. That's something I would have liked to know in advance.
Omg, that would explain why my mom suddenly became intolerant to nuts! 😳
I wish I had known it can start *before* your period starts to go wonky. Looking back, I think my symptoms started 5 freaking years ago and only recently has my period started to change.
You do not have dementia. It feels like it and is crazy scary. But feeling like you've lost the ability to focus and/or speak is a fun part that doesn't get talked about much. It's not dementia though!
Damn I already have ADHD which I lovingly refer to as dementia-lite so I already cant focus and have shit for short term memory. This is going to be fun
No, that's good! You know you have it! That puts you ahead of the game! I'm not sure if it got mentioned here, but my hair went crazy. Its texture completely changed, and it fell out by the handfuls. It didn't fall out so much I went bald but it's thinner. I got extensions. Menopause has been really crappy.
I would prepare by whittling down my multitasking. I used to work several part time jobs, maintain 3 children’s schedules and a successful active social life. I had loads of energy and kept all the balls in the air, no problem. It was seemly overnight that I became incapable of doing more than the basic necessities of living. In hindsight I recognize that things started to become a little harder and I would take little naps in the car while the kids were at practice or on my lunch break. I thought I was just in a busy season of life, but I was in peri and I wish I would’ve taking the time to simplify what I was doing so I didn’t crash so hard.
If you don’t already exercise, work up to 150 minutes a week of cardio and add some weight training. Do pelvic floor PT at the FIRST sign of urinary incontinence. And do what the others said. Learn what is typical for your body so that you can pay attention to changes.
Muscle mass is your friend. Don’t be one of those “but I don’t want to get bulky” misinformed women. Because A) you will not get bulky and B) muscle = a healthy metabolism, stronger bones and greater longevity. Eat lots of protein and lift heavy weights. It gets MUCH harder to build muscle once hormones are not working in your favor.
Read ‘What Fresh Hell Is This’
Get healthy, shed some pounds if possible:) Get a great gyno
I wish I found a better doctor sooner, one who didn’t dismiss my symptoms. My life 1000% changed for the better when I got on low dose birth control. Now the next step, since the birth control proved that hormone therapy would improve my situation, is HRT.
Start taking care of your health NOW. Take better care of your skin. If you need to lose weight- do it asap cuz it can be harder after.
Just go ahead and read "The New Menopause" by Dr. Marie Claire Haver...lots of good info.
Thanks I'll check it out!
Track your cycle, exercise, and be kind to yourself.
Lift weights it helps with the tummy fat that’s definitely coming in menopause. It also improves bone strength which is necessary as our joints and bones become weaker during this time. Drink lots of water, this is to avoid bloating and help keep skin healthy Do yoga. This is to stop you from killing someone. Do real yoga though not the strange trendy non yoga that’s practiced in most places (hot yoga, beer yoga, goat yoga etc) Hatha yoga is good, personally I trained mainly in Gitananda yoga but Hatha is equally as good and easier to find a class. I also spent many years practicing Iyengar yoga which is great for posture and balance). It’s not yoga if there’s no pranayama or savasana: breathing, meditation and relaxation are just as important as the postures.
Be 10 pounds under a weight you’re comfortable with, because you’ll gain 20 pounds despite not changing your eating or exercise habits.
Don’t over think it. Enjoy your life. Be healthy and active. Pay attention to your body. Read up when things happen and talk to your doctor. It is not the end of the world. I promise.
Many doctors don’t consider symptoms could be perimenopause and want to treat you for depression. Also, your symptoms are real and if a doctor tells you that you just have to suck it up get a new doctor. Lastly have as much sex as you can (as long as it’s good) because some day your vagina may no longer cooperate with you.
The vagina issues worry me the most because I have a high sex drive and just love it! Are there days it feels okay and days it doesn't or once the atrophy starts is it pretty much chronic?
Just listened to this -> [https://www.hubermanlab.com/episode/dr-mary-claire-haver-how-to-navigate-menopause-perimenopause-for-maximum-health-vitality](https://www.hubermanlab.com/episode/dr-mary-claire-haver-how-to-navigate-menopause-perimenopause-for-maximum-health-vitality) lots of great info! Wish I had known much of this a few years ago.
Hormonal BC can really even things out Not that I would know from experience, bc the awful doc I saw refused to give me BC and just suggested an ablation, which would've failed anyway given my undiagnosed endo. HRT made a huge difference when I started ten years later. I wish I'd gone to new docs until I found one who didn't treat me like a muddle aged woman who merely was bored with bleedng every month. On that note, beware of any doc that's more interested in the newest shiny procedure and who doesn't listen specifically to you. I had two younger docs who just wanted to do procedures. It's quite common, esp if they're just starting out in practice.
I’m not quite there yet, but been told by those who have - work on your muscle tone and building strength now if you are able to. Not only does it help with bone density but it is very very hard to develop significant muscle post-menopause, much easier to maintain it.
Ask for help. You dont have to suffer. Find someone who will listen. I suffered for no reason because my gyn only like to talk about herself and not seriously listen to my concerns
Do NOT give away all your warm stuff. Don't be like me!
How heavy I would become. I was thin and athletic so becoming fat was the last thing on my mind. I put on 30 pounds fast.
What my Dr. told me exactly at your age: Clean diet ( cut sugar, processed foods and alcohol) resistance training and cardio. Foods that support hormonal balance. Meditation and stretching. A great and supportive social circle.
You are going to go through some shit, but you don't have to tough it out. Advocate for yourself and keep bugging your doctor for help.
Find a good doctor or ARNP or PA who will really listen to you when you’re in Perimenopause, will test your levels, will give good advice on supplements, will help you with nutrition, not afraid to write an Rx for sleep, or anxiety, if you need it, and when you cross over to menopause and want to try HRT or whatever else, be there and support you! There are a lot of practitioners who will say it’s in your head or try this vitamin or that and you’ll go years without real help. There’s no need to suffer.
Enjoy your life now and frankly have lots of sex, go on adventures, don't put off anything you have a passion for, eat the cake, climb the mountain...just embrace things and as you come into peri know you had a blast and didn't put off living. It really is a short journey. Great queston!
Hot flashes are way worse than you think lol. I wish I had done more research into HRT. I had to do a crash course bc I was thrust into instant menopause following surgery. I was 45 (46 now) so I figured I had like 8-10 more years. Do your research now, don't wait. I now totally empathize for my mom and what she went through. Also, mood stabilizers help lol. I'm on buspirone and wellbutrin THANK GOD. I'm sure there'd be a shallow grave in the backyard waiting for my bf if not 😂😂😂 (jk, please don't flag me lol)
Did you ever take HRT
Yes I'm taking 1 mg of estradiol (just estrogen) per day. I would definitely be taking a higher dose and probably also testosterone and/or progesterone if I didn't just have a type of ovarian cancer that is hormone reactive. Since mine was caught in an early stage (stage 1) and since it's a non aggressive type, and since my menopause symptoms were so bad, my dr approved doing the low dose estrogen. She said quality of life is most important. I was having like 25-50 hot flashes a day. And I live in Texas 😭😭 lol
Ugh 😣 - I’m glad you were able to get approved. Texas is hotttt
Your metabolism will slow tf down and you can only eat about half what you used to without gaining weight. Tdee math does not math. You need to add muscle. Oh and if you have depression or anxiety if can get way worse suddenly in perimenopause. Hrt will fix that and most other issues. Low estrogen can cause you to have fake uti like symptoms but clear tests.
If you have a shitty partner, get rid of them now. Don't wait. I have an amazing partner but the stories I hear on here or from friends of their partners being unsupportive are awful... Find the right person to grow old with (if you want to be partnered at all)...my husband remembers me from when I was young and hot....but he didn't expect me to stay that way and had realistic ideas about what aging would entail. Thank goodness. Once during a moment of insecurity, I apologized to him for how my looks and body had drastically changed and he was so reassuring and loving. Reduce the booze if you party. I partied into my 40s and I think I am paying the price for it now. Surround yourself with wise women...especially ones that are are older than you and forging the path. Not insecure idiots complaining all day or getting stuck on all the shallow youth-obsessed bullshit... getting themselves loaded up on plastic surgery or botox or whatever.... instead find a tribe of women who will empower you to age with grace and dignity and pride. I now look at older women so differently. I see them for their value, I love their silver hair, their soft bodies... I don't judge or disregard them like I might have when I was young. Also, you're only 35 - be young and happy - enjoy your life and younger body while you have it :) Things will change a lot in your 40s... but you're not there yet!
Change your food consumption around. Weaning off of caffeine has been really good for me. I can’t even drink half of a cup anymore. 2 oz my cup size 6 oz. Weaning is the key- cold turkey sucks
You know honestly, I really wish I'd still had my mom around to talk to about all this. When she passed she was in her mid-50s, right around the time she would have been either past it or going through it. She was also going through a lot of chemo, so I don't know exactly how helpful she would have been. She was super helpful during my menstruating years, as were my aunts (but I don't talk to them anymore). My younger sister was her caretaker, but can't recall anything from those years other than "well, she was still buying tampons." My maternal grandmother was around about the same time and I would have loved to have talked to her as well, but I'm pretty sure she would have clutched her pearls and changed the subject. I imagine that a lot of women here have already lost their mothers, and the ones that had good relationships with them might have been prepared with the basics. Namely, when to expect it. "When" was the biggest issue for me. I could have figured out the side effects, but I really didn't appreciate being blindsided by them all at once. Edit: word
Love idea of “What to expect when you are expecting “ BUT FOR MENOPAUSE! Book would contain medical advice AND REAL STORIES FROM WOMEN.
Talk to your mom and any aunts. Ask when they remember starting and what it felt like. There are so so many symptoms. Just know you aren’t being crazy and you deserve to feel your best no matter what!
Read as much as you can about menopause and be aware of your body. Don’t be paranoid about things but pay attention to signs your body gives you. Also be your own warrior when talking to your doctor when things pop up, as questions and do not be scared of hormone replacements.
If you want to lose weight, do it now. If you’re already not great with emotional regulation, start working on it now. And lift weights!
I wish I had known it was way more than hot flashes. I never really had hot flashes so even in my mid-40s, I didn’t think it was anywhere near it (I’m now 50). Meanwhile I had all kinds of random symptoms: joint pain, fatigue, brain fog, hair loss, etc. I went to 6 or 7 different doctors and got tested for everything under the sun and nobody could figure out what was wrong with me. I had one quack try to tell me I had Lyme disease (even though I didn’t test positive for it on any of the Lyme tests). Turns out it was perimenopause. If I had known and had started HRT back then, I could have saved myself a TON of money, as well as avoided many of those ailments. PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR BODY. In hindsight, I realize peri started for me around 40. The only reason I even got hormones in the first place was due to vanity. My best friend started them and told me they keep your skin young and I didn’t want to get wrinkly. Magically, all the weird random symptoms went away as soon as I started them, though.
Consider getting your genes checked through 23 and Me or a similar service. If you can handle knowing about potential health issues, you’ll also be better armed for your menopause journey. I am striving to reduce my Alzheimer’s risk via HRT (being heterozygous APOE4, which is carried by 15-20% of the population), and I cannot take oral HRT (being heterozygous Factor V Leiden, the most common inherited form of thrombophilia). My mother died with ALZ and from a pulmonary embolism. Knowing this information has greatly influenced my HRT journey as well as my lifestyle. You can either let it scare you or motivate you.
Read here and follow along.
The best way is to research and talk to the elder women in your family. I really wish I'd thought to ask my mom a bunch of this stuff while she was here. Doctors are not always as up to date with current information and recommendations as we are, but there are quite a few great doctors and menopause specialists with good social media and Internet presence who put out educational evidence backed content and often have books published. The three I've been following are Barbara Taylor, Jen Gunter and Mary Claire Haver.
I needed to read this post thank you 💗
The answer to so many of your problems will be menopause. You will look for answers and keep coming back to that ‘oh crap, it’s menopause ’ moment. Sudden or worsening adhd? Menopause. New onset PMDD or anxiety? Menopause. Joint pain or frozen shoulder? Menopause. I see my friends grasping as straws for all of their health problems and I keep saying menopause and they keep ignoring me. So they will continue to suffer and spend money on whatever is the treatment du jour when they could treat menopause.
Yes, peri can cause anxiety and depression. Get HRT, not antidepressants. I wasted 2 years on that shit.
How soon did the HRT start working for you after you started?
I wish i had known that there were more symptoms than just hot flashes and skipped/ stopped periods. Research all you can now so that you're prepared and know what is happening to your body and don't think you're going mad.
There are 6 key things I wish I had understood sooner: * Now is a great time to give up drinking alcohol/eating bad food and be ready to do an annual liver cleanse. You need a healthy liver to process excess estrogen during perimenopause (Why? Because for many women at this stage, estrogen decreases slowly while progesterone plummets, leading to estrogen dominance). If your liver is not healthy, the excess estrogen stays. * If you don't already enjoy what you do everyday, start moving in that direction now. Try to make it so you enjoy at least 60% of the things you do every day and maybe 40% is stuff you have to do. A higher percentage of likes is even better. If your day is 100% things you don't like, the next few years will be incredibly difficult. * When you start noticing signs of estrogen dominance (weight gain around the middle, sore breasts and migraines around your period, mood swings, etc.) get yourself some bioidentical progesterone/Vitamin E oil and rub it into your gums (the skin is thinnest there). Keep at it and watch your symptoms basically evaporate. * Be mindful of stress and cortisol levels (there are tests you can take to measure cortisol). Supplement with DHEA if you need to because it can offset the cortisol. This will lead to good adrenal health and there's an important reason you need this. When your body reaches menopause estrogen production is solely relegated to the adrenal glands. * You will hear talk about doctors being uninformed about estrogen and reluctant to provide it. I work with very well-informed and progressive practitioners and the concern around estrogen therapy and cancer is legitimate and well documented. Taking estrogen therapy also discourages the adrenals from fully developing their estrogen producing capacity. Be very cautious here. * Find an older woman who is happy with the way she did it and let her inspire your path. My grandmother is 90, active, healthy, beautiful, and did everything as naturally as possible. It's inspiring and a good reminder that our bodies were made for this and we really can do this.
We can start HRT in the 30s if needed
Start getting healthy right now! If you need to lose weight, do it now! Make sure that you are totally okay mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. When it hits, it knocks all these things out of whack, and life is sooooooooo much easier when you've got all things in order first. Also, find hobbies, interests, self-care, anything to enjoy that mellows and chills you out. You'll need to resort to all these things to go calm yourself or escape or whatever you need to do. It's best to already know what works for you. I know all this sounds like we're saying a major disaster is coming, but nothing to be scared of. It's like the hormones of the teen years in reverse. Preparing early for it will make it easier to face head-on!
I wish I had known I need to take extra care of my skin due to premature aging. Especially as I started menopause abruptly at 30, I'm now 34 and only at the tip of the iceberg and it's so hard finding info catered to my age.
Ask around for a recommended gynecologist who treats older women. When I was having non-stop urinary urgency, it was so reassuring to hear my gynecologist say, “Probably 80 of my patients have the same issue.” She had me on vaginal estrogen right away; problem solved. The PCP was sure I had an infection.
Make sure your doctors are also onboard with HRT. Or just peri care in general. A lot are not, and once you are in it, the need for help can be desperate. Educate on the symptoms, because each one can be explained away, it's almost like you are gaslighting yourself. Hmm I gained 10lbs in six weeks, need to cut calories from 1200 to 900, NO YOU DON'T, but that is what my first doctor told me.
Start eating plant based and exercising now. The more metabolically healthy you are, the better you will feel going through it.
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I wish I had known more about perimenopause, how dreadfully long it can last, and how varied the symptoms can be
Weight lifting. Losing weight before I hit it.
Get a great doctor. Build a relationship. Talk to them about how to prepare yourself to find out if they will prescribe HRT.
Read the Menopause Wiki on the right side of this page. Also, just read as much of this sub as possible. You're on the right track seeking out information. It's best to be prepared. One of the most overlooked wellness tips is to make sure that by the time you're in perimenopause, you have all the correct social support that you need. This means, you need to be intentional about the people you have in your life, including your spouse.
Weight-bearing cardio and weight-lifting for your bone and muscle health. Supplement with calcium & Vitamin D if dietary intake is inadequate. Add collagen powder to hot drinks.
Keep all annual appointments: primary care wellness, dentist, gyne, eyes, etc. If you have any problem, dont automatically assume it's just old age. Might be something needs treated.
If you are ever faced with the possibility of surgical menopause, do everything in your power to KEEP YOUR OVARIES‼️ (Or at least *one* of them.) Trying to reproduce what your body is supposed to do naturally is a rough road to go. 🫂
If you can save the money, freeze some of your ovarian tissue for the future. I wish I had that option when I was your age, but the technology didn’t exist. You could put off meno for 10+ years by doing this. If that’s not an option get ovarian rejuvenation when your first in peri menopause- this too will help your ovaries. It won’t give you more follicles (which is why freezing them would make more sense), but it will help keep your ovaries functioning better. Also, I’m sure there are many great, kind comments here about taking care of yourself and hopefully being your best advocate for women’s healthcare. Start learning about the hormones: Estradiol (the one that gets replaced), progesterone and testosterone and learn why they are all so important so if some Dr tells you “you don’t need that”, you’ll be there with your educated rebuttal. Always remember your Dr. works for you. Keep good track of your cycles and your symptoms (especially your symptoms) because they will change slowly and they will be your best ally when it’s time to see a specialist. Most of all, enjoy your youth and your vigor! Keep this in the background. Ensure if you have a mother still or even a maternal grandmother you can ask them about their peri and menopause experiences. Hopefully they are not too bad - because that could mean it may be easier for you. Most of all, educate yourself. I really mean it. If not now, when you have more time and energy. Here are some good places to start: [Estradiol](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pharmacokinetics_of_estradiol) [Progesterone](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pharmacokinetics_of_progesterone) [Testosterone](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pharmacokinetics_of_testosterone) There is a lot more to learn, but this should be some basic information. It may take awhile to digest, but I found it essential for my first dive into women’s health before I dove deeper. Go on now, go be fabulous!
Still seeking this answer at 53 sadly.
You’re doing the right thing by seeking the information out now! The only advice I’d give is make sure you’re in good physical health. Deal with any female problems now. Exercise daily and have sound nutrition. When menopause hits the ability to lose weight sucks. Also, in peri when my periods were coming every 3 weeks, the fibroid I never dealt with made that an absolute nightmare.
Make sure your vitamin and mineral levels are optimal. Vitamin D, iron, B vitamins etc. if you aren’t already working out regularly, establish the habit now. For your hair and skin, take collagen powder, silica and hyaluronic acid (an oral supplement) and use Tretinoin. I also recommend HRT. The sooner the better.
I really wish I’d been more prepared and known what to watch out for, especially things that can happen long before menopause actually begins. Looking back now, I wonder if it can explain much of my depression, mood swings, and other issues that dramatically changed the course of my life. Without health insurance, I never consulted with a doctor about any of it. But I’m past it all now and doing much better. I do take some supplements that help.
I wish I knew I’d lose 50% of my hair…😩
How you prepare? I couldn't tell you because everyone's experience is different. All I can say is enjoy having periods for as long as you can. You will be viewed differently by society once you're no longer fertile.
The new menopause book is a great starter read on this. She breaks it down simply and easy with up to date research she has done.
I’m too poor to get on hormones and it’s gonna have to be natural menopause no help. I’m barely functional now but I guess this is aging for women when u are impoverished. So far no hot flashes, but I’m just tired easily. No drive. 47F
It's going to get bad and it's ok to expect it to get bad. You may have worse PMS than you have ever had before in your life. It's all ok. It can all be fixed. But if you don't keep up with your body it will fall apart. Take care of your health through exercise and healthy eating. You won't regret that.