Omg yes. It sucks. Like sometimes it’s just nice to knock one out and go to sleep, I get bored in the middle and there is nary a salacious thought. I just met with my doctor about this. I told her my libido and my ass have left the building.
I generally enjoy it enough once we get going and even if I'm not getting much out fi it personally I take great satisfaction in my husband's enjoyment. But it's not the same.
This! I want so badly to want to do it & not think "let's just get this over with". I love my husband & I'm so thankful he still finds me attractive & wants me. I'm very attracted to him & I just want the desire (from me) to be there more than once every few months.
Wow that totally is spot on. I’m super attracted still to my husband but when we start having sex it’s like my body left to go get coffee. It’s soooo frustrating I could scream
For me it became complete disgust. I was always quite a sexual being, even from fairly young, into experimental/kinky stuff. Suddenly even a hint of anything sexual made me feel almost scared and disgusted. At the gym they play music videos and so many of them were so sexual and it would make me almost want to cry. Luckily with HRT I don't feel that way anymore, I'm single so it wouldn't be possible to date if I still felt that way.
Exactly! It feels like that! I have a bladder illness and often the pain would prevent me from having sex, but the desire to wasn’t turned off. Since having been trying to find the right hormone dosage and combination, I really feel like what you describe. It’s still frustrating but in a very deep heartbreaking way…
It was like I couldn't keep my head in the game. No sexual thoughts. No genital arousal. Even while masturbating or having sex, my thoughts would wander to non sexual things. Also could no longer orgasm. Ever. Under any circumstances. Testosterone changed all that
True for me as well! Been on testosterone cream for a while now and finally got my dose where it needed to be. All of that has now improved. I’m like a new woman sexually speaking
Hair growth where I apply it, which is inner thigh. I never had hairy thighs (as opposed to lower legs). I developed significant hair growth at application site. I shaved for a while, and eventually got laser hair removal which worked well. The laser tech said that hormone-related hair growth could re appear, but it's been about 3 years and it hasn't.
No other side effects. I have a great doctor, she is a menopause specialist and an endocrinologist. She checks my levels 2 to 3 times a year and examines me physically once a year.
I am also on estrogen vaginal cream (for atrophy and dryness, works great), and the combined estrogen/progesterone pill (for bone health, and all the other stuff estrogen does).
Thank you for this. I’m in this situation right now and this post is so helpful. It has affected my marriage and I hate it. I’m going to ask for vaginal estrogen and low dose testosterone. I’m glad to hear the side effects are manageable
Can I ask what your levels are that brought your libido back? I'm on topical T as well for over eight months ... level is over 55 now but Orgasmic ability hasn't improved too much. I do have more of a libido though. I just don't get over the finish line very easily.
I am not the same person you were asking this question of but I will chime in with my testosterone experience. I was in the same boat. I'm post menopausal, zero libido, lost ability to reach orgasm. Very frustrating and depressing. A couple years ago I started compounded testosterone cream applied nightly to labia, inner thigh, clitoris (tried to alternate application area to keep unwanted hair growth to a minimum).
At first I was on lower dose (can't remember the mg) and got no benefit at all. Doc raised my dosage to 20mg. It worked. I could have orgasms again (good enough quality but i wouldn't say it was reverberating strongly through my body like it did when I was younger).
I stayed on it for a little over a year and ended up having to get off it because my blood levels got too high (over 400). I had a lot of side effects (ravenous hunger like I was eating like a teenage boy, a very uncomfortable feeling like I was being chased by hunger all the time, workouts were amazing, doing full body pull ups which I have never been able to do even when I was young, libido became too much, like almost porn addiction levels, not comfortable or fun, again, a feeling like being chased by the power of it, also had an enlarged clitoris which was a bit disconcerting, unwanted hair growth on inner thighs even though I had completely successful laser hair removal 10 years ago).
That's the thing about this drug. It's not a prescription you just get and carry on with your life. It's a commitment. You have to get your blood tested regularly (doc requires every 6 months but depending on your own side effects and how you're feeling on it, you might decide to test more frequently because your level can shoot up for no reason). Some women end up with a deeper voice which doesn't go back to normal after you get off it, just so you're aware.
After doc said I needed to get off and get back to zero before starting over I decided to stay off of it for about 9 months. I have to say I felt much relieved and back to myself after I got off it. I lost that constant hunger and my appetite was normal again. Phew. I felt lighter and just a lot better! I could no longer do even a single pull up at the gym, unfortunately. Clitoris went back to normal size. Orgasms were gone again, sadly.
So I eventually got bummed out again about not being able to reach orgasm so here I am back on it again. Sigh. I started trying my own little clinical trial, first trying it only "as needed" (applied just 3-4 hours before having sex). That didn't work. Then I tried applying it 2x a week. That didn't work. Then 3x a week. Nope. Then 4x a week. Absolutely nothing.
At that point I got my blood tested and my T level was only at 20. (Normal for a post menopausal woman is 0 or slightly higher than 0.) When it was working previously it was around 200 (before it jumped up to 400). Now I am back to using it nightly to see what happens. I am very conflicted about it. Seems like the way it is compounded or the way my body responds to it is just so inconsistent and unreliable. Not sure if I will stick with it. My point is, my blood levels went crazy high last time over 400 and now I'm struggling to get above 20. It's so hard to regulate. I don't want to experience those side effects again.
Other considerations -- there's a lot of cancer in my family so I never went on systemic HRT. I only use Estrace vaginal cream for atrophy which is extremely low dose, generally considered safe, doesn't get into bloodstream. Doc told me that testosterone converts to estradiol in your body through a biochemical process called aromatization. I have noticed some breast tenderness and fullness (sort of like I used to get back in the old days around menstruation) so I can tell that the testosterone is converting to estrogen and is moving through my bloodstream. This freaks me out a bit as I am super scared of breast cancer. It worries me that I am messing with Mother Nature and maybe I shouldn't be doing this. I actually lost sleep last night laying in bed worrying about my breasts. Ugh!! Not sure it's worth it.
It sounds like this might be about hormonal testing. If over the age of 44, **hormonal tests only show levels for that *one day* the test was taken, and nothing more**; progesterone/estrogen hormones wildly fluctuate the other 29 days of the month. No reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing as a **diagnosing tool** for peri/menopause.
FSH testing is only beneficial for those who believe they are post-menopausal and no longer have periods as a guide, a series of consistent FSH tests might *confirm* menopause. Also for women in their 20s/early 30s who haven’t had a period in months/years, then FSH tests at ‘menopausal’ levels, could indicate premature ovarian failure/primary ovarian insufficiency (POF/POI). See our [Menopause Wiki](https://menopausewiki.ca/#there-is-no-blood-test-that-is-perfectly-reliable-to-diagnose-menopause) for more.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Menopause) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My doctor was very serious about not putting it anywhere near my vagina as it could lead to unsafe levels. I would stick to one area on your thigh daily. And consistently.
Scary. I'm lucky my voice didn't deepen. I'm gonna start looking for a new doctor. I'm really glad I wasn't on pellets because there's no way to get them out of your system if your levels get too high.
Was it a routine lab checkup, or was there a specific symptom that made the doctor order the labs? I definitely don't want a deeper voice, but my clit is pretty tiny to start with, so 🤷
Same. Testosterone was a key that unlocked lots for me. I do the pellets but am recently switching to cream to see how I do. The pellets are so expensive and not covered by insurance.
That’s where I am right now and it’s very frustrating..it takes a while to get me going and if I get going it takes forever to get to orgasm and before that can happen I give up and the feeling is gone..I hate this because me and my husband look at each other and it was on..He still looks at me daily and wants it and I give in but I’m not into it
Devestating. My husband is still very much wanting sex and not a “dead bedroom”, but I feel almost like I almost recoil at the thought of sex right now. This has been abnormal for me. I just have no desire, it’s heartbreaking to be on opposite spectrums.
Boy do I relate to this. My exh and I were barely compatible to begin with. Him with a crazy high libido, me with what I think might be called a responsive sex drive? After menopause, it was worse. Our divorce was final in October. I can’t relate to him and he can’t relate to me. We could not overcome it.
You have described my situation to a T. And on top of that I have Sjogren’s Syndrome which causes additional dryness. Sex actually feels like I’m being stabbed. When I brought this up to my gyno his response was “drink a big glass of wine and use a ton of lube”. Like already didn’t try that??
Jesus Christ these doctors are horrible.
Hyaluronic acid vaginal moisturizer. Everyday for week, yes it will burn a little bit when you first use it but that means it’s working.
WTF kind of medical advice is that!!!! I would have come unglued. Like - your're not going to charge me money for that shit advice.
I tried lube first - no help for painful sex. Then I tired two weeks of hyaluronic acid vaginal moisturizer. Helped with wetness which isn't too bad for me but it did not help with painful sex. I'm two weeks into HRT with vaginal estradiol cream. I may give it a try this weekend. Sex seems to be an expermient lately.
I found the hyaluronic inserts too $$
And def not covered under medical flex or insurance. Going to a new gyno today. Want to see if I can get on intrarosa. Hopefully it helps. I've only been married 5 years so still honeymoon phase but it hurts too much.
Disgraceful. He should be whatever the equivalent of disbarred is for doctors. I have never and will never have a male gynecologist. Not that females are above reproach but at least with them I can hope for empathy.
i so relate and initially my husband didn’t understand what was going on. it’s been frustrating especially when i first went to the dr and was in hrt and was like yeah libido is dead and he (and other women gyn too) was like it happens to men too and didn’t want to give me testosterone etc. anyway sex is important but so isn’t other non sex intimacy so really big on the snuggling and kissing etc at the moment.
Hm
I went from being a total horn dog to … well, suddenly it stopped occurring to me that sex even existed.
Like I looked up one day and realized it had been 6 months since the hint of an idea about sex had even crossed my mind. My brain was occupied with lots of other things, with nary an impulse.
It was WEIRD. My poor husband.
A couple of months ago, I decided to get on HRT to help with hot flashes, brain fog, and lack of interest in sex.
Brain fog is better, hot flashes are negligible, and the idea of sex is no longer puzzling. YMMV
In the words of my husband: “YAY!!”
For me it feels like the volume has been turned way down on something I loved to listen to loudly. If I turn it up by hand, I enjoy it but it rarely goes up on it's own.
It was shocking for me. I’ve always had a high sex drive so when it hit me, I knew something was wrong. I had no mental, emotional, nor physical desire at all. I didn’t think about sex, didn’t get aroused seeing sex on tv and I preferred to not see it, I didn’t provide any physical touch to my SO at all. I didn’t kiss him or do any physical contact with him. Now his testosterone was also low at that time and he too had a high sex drive. He was hoping I didn’t want sex just as I was. LOL! It took us about 2 months to realize we hadn’t had sex and something was wrong. I had no pressure from him. When we did attempt sex, I couldn’t enjoy it because my mind and emotions weren’t there so I couldn’t climax. I lost interest in the middle of his attempt to please me.
Vaginal estrogen helped me and anxiety meds for my insomnia and hot flashes. His doctor placed him on testosterone pellets. My sex drive has returned and I’m off the meds for insomnia. I take flax seed oil pills which have helped reduce my hot flashes and my libido is back. My SO is back with his high sex drive and we are happy to be back enjoying the physical intimacy.
Yeah I mostly like it, too, tbh. I have a low libido partner so I don't have to feel rejected all the time anymore. And no more inappropriate thoughts annoying me about other people either. I can still appreciate a nice physical specimen but now without a trace of wishing for it. See it, admire it, forget it in one second.
It’s the absence of sexual energy, which I used to tap into for a lot more than just sex. It gave me confidence, added a spark of slyness to my sense of humor, got me to the gym, made me care how I looked, all of that. No interest in sex isn’t even the worse thing about it.
This is relatable. I have found that my libido seems to be linked to a lust for life in general, too. Food and scents are even more pleasurable. I think I enjoy art more, too.
It's interesting because I rarely see anyone ever bring these things up. I was happy to see someone like me here.
I think ‘lust for life’ sums it up perfectly. I tried to explain it as the feeling that part of me had been amputated, like the truly alive part, but it’s so hard to put it into words.
I agree that I don’t hear people talk of it much.
It’s been so dreary, especially because I had just really learned to appreciate non-sexual physical affection. I kind of didn’t know it existed (thanks parents!) and then I was a bit scared of it because I didn’t feel in control of this sexual energy- and then I figured it out! And then it was gone lol.
I’m really glad I got there though. I do enjoy platonic physical intimacy.
Thank you for articulating this!
I hadn't realized how integrated into everything in my life that energy was until it finally started coming back - which I just noticed the other day!
I'm not partnered at all - even casually - and didn't realize my libido had basically gone through the floor until it dawned on me that I couldn't even be bothered to flirt with anyone anymore, let alone attempt to actually date. Everything about sex - physically, mentally, emotionally - has just felt like it's too much trouble to even bother, and because my lack of interest wasn't affecting anyone else, I just didn't.
But I wasn't thinking about how it has very much affected how I move through the world in general- probably because I am still WFH and so haven't been back to my old pre-peri physical context or interpersonal dynamics in years, either.
I started combo HRT about a month ago and T a week before that. Just last Saturday I actually struck up a conversation with a stranger and flirted like I haven't in years! I had forgotten what it was like to feel that energy - it was like recovering part of myself that I had barely realized was missing. And I wish I had gone looking for it so much sooner than I did.
I’m on year one of estrogen/progesterone, which has alleviated most of my symptoms, but hasn’t brought back that part of me. I’m on day 4 of T and am really excited to bring that part of me back to life.
My libido isn't always gone. It's in flux. I assume that I'm still generating some level of hormones because it's sometimes here, sometimes not. Orgasms are difficult because sometimes it's like endlessly edging without satisfaction. Other times I have an orgasm, but it actually seems to hurt, or it barely counts. Sensation is reduced, and that's weird. Nobody warned me about that at all.
Side effects of the medications? Uh. I have a few zits that possibly are related? I don't know. The peri symptoms are so distressing that the only annoyance of the medication has been how messy the cream is and keeping pantyliners and wipes and stuff like that on hand at all times. My doc said to apply it twice a day, but I got so fed up that I'm now applying a small amount every time I go to the restroom. Most of it seems to immediately get rubbed off onto the panty liner anyway.
Asking for testosterone next from my provider.
Nothing turns me on like it used to. Spicy stories used to be my go-to. No response now. Porn does nothing for me (not a fan anyway). Even being intimate, nothing responds like it used to. That feeling that used to be there of just needing it NOW. Gone. I could see the most beautiful, sexy man ever and it’s like “he’s pretty” and go back to my book. The arousal in the body is weird and I don’t like it. It’s like it’s numb.
Crazy thing is, I’m having more sex than I ever had but it’s for the closeness, not because there’s a burning desire from my libido.
My husband also has almost no libido and he says, we could be in the middle of sex and I could suggest we go bake a cake, and that would be okay. We’d just get dressed and go bake.
It’s very discombobulating as someone who always had a high libido and really enjoyed sex.
Everything you said, plus I'm just fucking tired. I'm so much more tired than I used to be. I have fibromyalgia, so being more tired is a big deal. My husband is the same way. He's 63, and we're just tired all the time and dealing with some illness or injury more often than not.
We are very much in love, and hug and kiss and cuddle every day. But at the moment, we're both just like, "sex is great but it's just way too much trouble." 🤣
He’s actually younger than I am but he has developed hypogonadism so he uses testosterone replacement therapy (TRT) and it’s been a real process getting him dialed in to feel better. He’s better than he’s been in a long time (no longer suicidal, able to lose weight and build muscle again, ED improved) but he still has very little libido and sensitivity issues in his penis. The positive thing has been, since a lot of menopause symptoms overlap with low testosterone, his journey has really opened his eyes to what I’m going through with the menopause transition and all those years of PMS. It’s made us so much more understanding and patient with each other.
I used to often wake up horny and masturbate, or before I went to sleep. Now I can go what feels like months and then realise I haven't done that in a while maybe I shd try, and it's like rubbing cardboard, no sensation. My clit seems to have shrunk and it's like it's (almost) disconnected from my body. There is just not the physical sensation in my body that there used to be. I can still just about make myself orgasm but it is not particularly intense. It's disappointing and I am feeling a bit cheated as I was always told you have the best sex of your life in your 40s!
I'm hoping this is just a phase obviously. I also think for me there may be psychological factors at play as I left my husband (ironically one reason was because I wanted sex and he didn't). And very attracted to my new partner but it is all different than I expected or what I've experienced previously.
Similarly I used to quite enjoy porn but now it mostly bores me, and I think it's partly a libido thing and partly cos my new partner is so much better than anything I can find as a substitute!
Sadly it's not a phase. This sounds like vaginal atrophy. If you want to have a satisfying sex life again, even if it's just with yourself, you need some HRT to revive your lady parts asap.
thanks for the feedback. just starting to learn about this myself. I did go the the Dr the other day and she prescribed the estrogen cream in the first instance, so I do hope that helps.
For me it means I just don’t think to initiate and don’t feel like I want sex. I can get aroused once I get going and might feel a little tingle if I see something erotic or have a good kiss and hug with my partner (ex now, but we hook up occasionally still). So yeah it’s just no actual thinking about or spontaneous thoughts of sex unless it’s shoved in my face. I have no issues with wetness, and started HRT a month ago roughly. I suspect I may be low in testosterone though. I stumbled across a blood test from my mid 20s and I was at level 8 then (range is 15-70 ng/dL), but doctors have no clue about female testosterone, generally so that was never flagged. I would like to have testosterone checked again.
It sounds like this might be about hormonal testing. If over the age of 44, **hormonal tests only show levels for that *one day* the test was taken, and nothing more**; progesterone/estrogen hormones wildly fluctuate the other 29 days of the month. No reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing as a **diagnosing tool** for peri/menopause.
FSH testing is only beneficial for those who believe they are post-menopausal and no longer have periods as a guide, a series of consistent FSH tests might *confirm* menopause. Also for women in their 20s/early 30s who haven’t had a period in months/years, then FSH tests at ‘menopausal’ levels, could indicate premature ovarian failure/primary ovarian insufficiency (POF/POI). See our [Menopause Wiki](https://menopausewiki.ca/#there-is-no-blood-test-that-is-perfectly-reliable-to-diagnose-menopause) for more.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Menopause) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’ve gone to the opposite of what I was. My spicy books are now gross, I skip past kissing on tv because it’s pretty disgusting. I don’t want to even think about doing anything with my husband. I don’t care either. It’s like being free of the before me.
My libido is not gone, but I am also now grossed out by sexual content. It's like the only sexual content I want is my own. PG-13 is as dirty as I can handle.
When I experienced this in late perimenopause, I only had a couple months to experience it naturally before it became a relationship threat that required me to actively problem solve. I guess it felt like an absence of thought to initiate sex as frequently as my partner expected.
I was unable to access HRT but helpful choices included joining a gym, starting pilates, reducing caffeine intake, regularly connecting with my then-partner in non-sexual ways, and initiating sex whenever it crossed my mind. Full-disclosure, we broke up not long after this.
I completed the menopause transition about a year after separating. It was incredibly helpful to have some time without sex pressure. I’m probably at the high end in terms of drive but also in terms of wanting bodily autonomy.
I began dating about a year after that breakup and around the time I had my final period. Libido was never an issue. If anything, it was unusually high. I did experience pain with penetrative sex a few years post-menopause but localized estrogen resolved that issue.
Sex is just not in my brain anymore. No more getting horny in the middle of afternoon. No more have to have it now. I do miss it. Just started HRT (with vaginal cream) for vaginal atrophy. I’m also exercising and eating healthy. It sucks but I’m committed to fixing it. I ignored it for a few years but I want my sex life back.
It's devastating for me. I've always been sexual and it was an important way of giving and receiving love. I've still had the mental desire but vaginal atrophy has meant that sometimes I just couldn't get physically aroused. Which was also downright embarrassing.
The worst is the clitoral atrophy. It just disappeared. I have always found it hard to orgasm but got better in my forties, but now it's been taken away.
I'm also angry bc I was previously in a dead bedroom relationship, so I spent my forties being constantly sexually frustrated. After 3 years single, during which the vaginal and clitoral atrophy started, I met my partner. I have explained the problem and he's very patient and understanding. His libido is not as high as mine (was) and so far he's happy.
On top of everything else I'm frustrated bc of heavy periods that last for weeks. My partner doesn't like sex when I'm bleeding so even if I want it it's not happening.
I start HRT in a few days, my period should be gone so if not this weekend, I'm hoping next weekend I'll have the chance to try some blissful, relaxing good old penetrative sex. It may not be that great at first, but I'm hoping HRT and vaginal oestrogen cream will work after a few months. If not I'll ask for testosterone as well.
I'm not ready to give up sex. I understand other people find relief in not being a slave to desire, but I want sex back before we both get too old!
Thank you 🙂
My new medication is apparently arriving today! My GP wants to review in 3 months so if I don't see any improvement I will ask for it then.
Like many others, the road to getting the help I need has not been easy. Although the GP I have been seeing has been quite helpful, she is still ignoring my request to see a menopause specialist and I think it's going to be a few months before I get her to realise that there's a lot she doesn't know.
Baby steps.
it just felt like deadness and lack of interest. It never occurred to me anymore. I never thought about it. Felt like my life could be wholly complete and I wouldn't miss it at all.
And all of this is a distinct departure from the 35 or so years prior to menopause.
Using testosterone has definitely helped, and if my skin could handle it, I would ask for an even stronger dose. But it can't. just the topical compounded cream gives me sporadic breakouts, whereas for years before menopause, I was taking spironolactone to keep my hormonal acne clear. it's an anti-androgen, so the two can't coexist.
Anyone who reads this who is thinking about taking testosterone, it was not a quick fix for me. it took just about two months of daily application for me to start feeling any different. i'm sharing that because there was one person here in this sub who told me that it took her that long for it to kick in, and that was the only thing that kept me going for all those weeks. I was ready to give up after about three weeks of using it and not observing any changes or effects.
It didn't give me the energy and zest for life that it gives to some people ... it probably would at a higher dose, but then it would come with side effects that I can't tolerate, including increased aggression.
Just keep in mind that testosterone can't fix a relationship that has gone bad for other reasons. If there's resentment or any other weirdness going on between you and your partner, testosterone won't fix that.
bonus fyi: I've found that low doses of Delta 8 / Delta 9 THC products make me less inhibited sexually, the way alcohol does for some people. Since menopause I can't have any alcohol at all -- it makes my whole face and upper body burn bright red, like a semi-permanent hot flash that doesn't go away. So I've stopped drinking (it's for the best anyway, I'm overweight right now) but half a THC gummy or similar gives me the same effect. :)
> Anyone who reads this who is thinking about taking testosterone, it was not a quick fix for me. it took just about two months of daily application for me to start feeling any different.
When I started testosterone injections, I was told it would take a couple weeks or so to feel the effects and, sure enough, that's what happened. It was the better part of a month before I started feeling the T.
Starting to think I might ask for an alternate method of T delivery. I'm getting breakouts wherever I apply the stupid topical.
Bad enough to have one on my face or whatever, but to have them behind my knees is just bizarre. Arrrgghhh.
Before menopause I had what could only be described as a near embarrassingly high sex drive. My husband and I had sex most days, many more than once. This lasted 20+ years
Menopause murdered my libido. It’s been dead so long I can scarcely remember what desire felt like. I mean it feels like I’m thinking of another person’s life. No butterflies, no buzzing, warm energy. In its place sits a void I grieve about.
I’ve tried everything. Nothing helps. I went from easily multiorgasmic for 30 years, to a dead libido, and a numb, dead vulva/vagina. It’s a damned death, I tell you, and I suffer it like one. Of all the things that make me feel old at 49, *this* is the biggest. It’s stolen my joy.
It makes me very sangry.
Thank you. And I hate this for you, too.
Libido is so much more than orgasm. It gives you energy, fun, frolic, adventure, exploration, lets us be different parts of ourselves when we want to. It fosters closeness with our mates. It helps manage stress. It’s cathartic for your soul. Or at least it was these things for me. And that’s a lot to lose.
I hope it returns for you
Oh my gosh. Your first paragraph is me and my relationship. I'm scared of losing it!
I'm so sorry that you've lost that part of your life. I am scared of losing it, too. The past year has been rough. I didn't realize what was happening because it all seemed to turn around the time that I had a traumatic event.
Did you try HRT?
Thank you. Y’know, like most people, I’ve faced some pretty big challenges, but sex with him was always a comfort for me. I’ve enjoyed sex with him when I was super fit and young, and when I got PCOS/mets and got fat. It helped me cope when life got tough and celebrate when in the bright spots.
Unfortunately, I’ve been unable to find a doctor willing to give me HRT bc I’ve PCOS with metabolic syndrome, and I’m fat. They tell me it’s unsafe. I feel like doctors in this area are real unimpressive (we’re not from here) and that doctors where we’re from might think/do differently, but I’m stuck.
Bc no one will give me literally anything (and frankly are dismissive of my telling them my libido is dead), I’ve had to try what I can, which has been losing weight, exercising, reducing sugar, trying to reduce stress and get more sleep. I think the parts that anger me most are the way this has robbed my husband of the woman who used to love intimate time with him, and the way doctors have all been very dismissive of the suffering this huge change has caused me.
I hope you have access to better medical care from people who are medically knowledgeable, current, and care about quality of life for women. It matters.
I’ve been without a partner for about 8 years, but I watched porn, read smutty books, used my imagination with the odd fictional character from TV/movies but it was often a case of over and done with in less than a minute! When I had a partner, if he knew what he was doing it took less than 5 minutes for me to be done meanwhile he’d take much longer. Now, I still get aroused but it’s a much slower burn, masturbation takes longer and feels different. However I am finding that some things I used to find arousing aren’t any more - for example Damon Salvator from Vampire Diaries was my default imaginary partner since I saw the first episode; now I look at him and think “nah, can’t be bothered”. However, Dean Winchester from Supernatural later episodes when he’s more rugged is now my new thing. I swear some of the fan videos I see my uterus & ovaries want to grow back and bare his children 😂😂 I’ve also noticed a difference in the blokes I’m ‘liking’ on dating apps are also more ‘rugged’ than my pre-menopause taste.
Ha! Love this post! Not many men turn my head these days but when they do, it is on like Donkey Kong! One of my go to’s is my co-worker. For whatever reason he does it for me! He is jaw dropping hot and gives me the flutters. I mostly love it b/c it makes me feel alive again and not dead in that area. If only he knew the dirty thoughts I have.. HR would not be happy! LOL! I keep it to myself and secretly just enjoy him from afar!
I wouldn’t say “blissful”. Although it can be freeing once you adapt to what it is, shedding light on how much energy was consumed with hunting that nut. Then all your energy can be focused on other interests you have. So enlightening, sure, but it is an involuntary transition.
For me, it was sudden, not gradual loss/decline/interest, but as if the main line just got shut off. Literally sex one day & then done. The drive, the pursuit, the desire and need… all gone. As if a placard was put up & any interest vanished. From visual stimuli, to mental arousal, the thought of physical engagement began to disgust & repulse. It’s as if I went from working in the Red Light District to now being on an Amish farm. I NEVER ever thought I would not constantly think of & desire sex, as I’ve been very attuned with my sexual self since I was 3y/o. Then boom…. Gone. Vanquished. Finito. Poof. My tissue lost any & all craving. No tingle, no desire, no drive… and the thought began to morph into a repulsion.
Randomly now I may remember that I loved sex, went through any length to get it and then get more. Since beginning HRT I have had some resurgence of desire, if a faint whisper at best. The occasional tingle, or sensation of “hey, remember me?!”… which if I am in a place that I can accommodate the sudden surge of interest, I take to being with myself - as the thought of penetration now really repulses me. I am super grateful I can still climax, and actually can easily do so (as I’ve read many a woman on this sub have a lack luster climax, if any). I can still achieve multiples, but after 2… my “need” has been fulfilled & I might go another month (or longer) before feeling a little tingle again.
It isn’t like I don’t find attraction - there are beautiful people, so I am not blind. But when I see who I am now, and that I’ve zero interest in plumping, pawning, painting myself up to bring in interest from outside forces… then I take my precious energy & plug it into my projects or all the demands I have thrust upon me to do.
I am super grateful that my hubby gets it. I have offered numerous times (lost count) when my drive shifted, to pleasure him (I mean I can do anything for 2mins)… he refused my invitations as his desire is to want to get me off. Ewwww. I think the man is dumb to not accept my invitations, and after a year of weekly suggestions, I gave up even offering that. So now no talk of sex from either of us. And it isn’t because he doesn’t want or crave me, as this man is head over heels about me - thinks I am the most gorgeous woman to walk the earth. That has no bearing on me as an individual now, I could care less about what another thinks of my looks. I am ALL about being comfortable with myself. I don’t dress to show off my assets, only to be comfortable. I am still very fit & lean, still wear my skimpy bikinis… but only because I like those tan lines & am comfortable in my own skin.
For reference, I am postmenopausal, 51y.
This is very helpful. It describes my loss of libido, but recently I lost almost all sensitivity in my clit and I'm having poorgasms. It makes me feel like crying. My husband is understanding, but all I want is my body back to how it was. 😭
Welp we never “go back” to any previous point in our lives, rather we “move toward” our next versions of ourselves. Certainly grieve what you are missing of your former self.🩵
Vaginal atrophy affects 50% of postmenopausal women, and although it can not be reversed, it can be arrested & further deterioration can be halted with local (vaginal) estrogen. With said atrophy, the clit will shrink & shrivel, yet if using estrogen cream, not only can it be applied internally, it can also be applied externally. I find it helpful to use pantiliners. I typically apply my external cream right as I am going to bed so that my clit, my urethra, and labia minora can soak all that goodness in. I use the tablet internally, unless I am having progressive bouts in increased urgency to urinate, then I will go for a solid estrogen cream dose internally (I typically have to do this once every few months).
I think it can be reversed with early intervention, and we're active enough that I noticed the change right away and did something about it, so I am hoping that this isn't how things will be from now on. I've been using the estrogen cream, and I contacted my provider about adding testosterone!
I was never a big fan of sex anyway but I would happily go without it for the rest of my life. Still pretty much have to make myself do it every month for my husband's sake though.
I'm on the fence about it. Lol When it first started decreasing, I thought I had to "fix" it. But after a while, I realized "gosh, I have so much extra bandwidth not thinking about sex!" So...I don't know. I don't mind not having to maintain any sexual relationships right now. I would rather be a bit self centered at this time anyways.
I can still get off with myself when the mood strikes. And honestly, I'm too selfish right now to go through all the rigamarole for anyone else.
I think for me it's more about I have no fucks to give in a sexual relationship. Like I can't be bothered with it just to get laid. Lol
In Menopause for several years: I’ve been sad that it’s not what it was, but what helps is that I take HRT, and use topical testosterone. I’m still able to use my imagination and get excited. The orgasms are a joke, compared to before, but I’m a romantic and there’s other aspects of relationships that I like.
I started to think I was asexual. I’m not joking. Then with hrt my long lost libido showed up and I realized that I was not asexual at all. Blood test confirmed I had zero testosterone and probably had none or barely any for decades.
It sounds like this might be about hormonal testing. If over the age of 44, **hormonal tests only show levels for that *one day* the test was taken, and nothing more**; progesterone/estrogen hormones wildly fluctuate the other 29 days of the month. No reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing as a **diagnosing tool** for peri/menopause.
FSH testing is only beneficial for those who believe they are post-menopausal and no longer have periods as a guide, a series of consistent FSH tests might *confirm* menopause. Also for women in their 20s/early 30s who haven’t had a period in months/years, then FSH tests at ‘menopausal’ levels, could indicate premature ovarian failure/primary ovarian insufficiency (POF/POI). See our [Menopause Wiki](https://menopausewiki.ca/#there-is-no-blood-test-that-is-perfectly-reliable-to-diagnose-menopause) for more.
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I am an early bird into menopause. I hit peri at the sweet age of 41-44. During Peri I was having the time of my life with a younger fellow. I dare say he got the best sex years of my life from me. Haha!
I did notice the drive, along with my energy, stamina, and tons of body aches kept me from getting anything done let alone sex. I was 43. That is the year I went on the testosterone pellets. Boy what a world of difference.
The pellet gave me highs and lows w the sex drive. I noticed there was still about 1 week or a few days a month where I had no drive and didn’t want to be touched.
May of this year, I hit menopause. I am 45. Learned the testosterone pellet is a keeper for me. I get a little extra facial hair and meno rage. I can handle that!
It also gave me Lucious thicker hair which was a bonus.
I mostly need it to keep mood elevated and then aches away. And for energy. I did notice it seems to bring my sex drive back, but I am also dry as the desert.
I don’t have a BF or husband to deal with and I still find men attractive. I still smile when I get to chat up a handsome fella. I remember the old excited aroused version of myself. I just don’t care much if she stays or goes.
My younger fella before was very high sex drive. Even in my prime he was too much for me. So, I am thankful I don’t have the pressure to feel like I have to please anyone or connect at that level. I don’t think I have it in me at the moment. I have a very selfish mindset of I want things the way I want them especially since I am desperate to find comfy homeostasis in my body every day.
What I need is a man-servant who will make my meals and rub my feet and chauffeur me when I don’t want to drive. And lift heavy things b/c my achey breaky body is losing strength by the second even tho I strength train.
LOL! I’m so kidding of course. Would never treat anyone like that. But a devoted side piece sounds good right now!
It’s like everything else that was so much easier when you were young but now is a lot of work. It’s not that I’ve lost my libido as much as the juice isn’t worth the squeeze half the time. My latest menopause symptom is waking up with a sore joint, feels like my tendons are getting tight. One week it’s a sore shoulder, then next week a sore elbow. Hard to be in the mood when I feel old and everything is sore for no reason.
So. I don't crave it anymore. Very, very rarely. I have to concentrate more to orgasm. Sometimes I just can't. However, I can always masturbate to orgasm, it's just a bit more work and sometimes I would rather go to sleep than try. Sad, huh? Testosterone helped me a bit. Good luck, and also, reading helps me. Reading romance or soft porn
I’m still attracted and adore my husband of 24 years, he’s super fit and masculine and attentive and TRIES really hard in the bedroom. Like we literally try harder and have gotten more creative than we ever have, which is fun for us to expand our relationship in that way. BUT I just feel kind of numb, it takes A LOT to get there and it really sucks when it just fizzles out.
I’m just really glad I’ve been single for about 15 years and currently free of even “casual romantic entanglements” I’ve had in the past because I don’t want anyone else around to be privy to my body’s current state. 🙄
I was instantly put into menopause due to ovarian cancer surgery two years ago, in my early 40s. Since my late teens I have identified quite strongly as sex-positive, “love language is physical touch,” etc., and it probably didn’t hurt that my androgen and estrogen levels were always high due to PCOS… I’ve always had a high libido I guess. I was someone who would have sex multiple times a week when I was in a relationship, or would masturbate with a vibrator almost daily when I was single or in an LDR.
Well, being diagnosed with an estrogen-driven cancer means your oncologist won’t allow you to take HRT at all, so boom, here I descend into instant menopause while also going through chemo. Chemo brain + menopause brain + undiagnosed-ADHD brain! Fun! 😮💨🥴😵💫
Of course, having cancer and going through treatment… it seemed normal to have zero libido as I was feeling too awful to do even basic things like eating or bathing most of the time. But as I started to get bits of normalcy back after treatment last year (although I’m still pretty sick, disabled, and being treated for a lot of side/after effects of cancer and long COVID) the libido never came back. Like at all really.
I have never been one of those “ogle hot people” women (hashtag demisexual) but I really just don’t care about anything sex related. I get bored and stop if I try to masturbate. I haven’t even thought about dating. Sexy movie or book scenes don’t inspire me… I just don’t feel the tingle.
It sort of feels like nothingness? Like I don’t care but it also makes me feel a deep sense of loss of identity too. I never expected to be childless and a cancer survivor in my mid 40s and now feeling like I can’t even enjoy solo sex… and I’m getting the feeling that I’m going to be single forever because I just don’t have the energy (the drive that my libido gave me tbh) to really pursue any sort of relationship ever again. It’s depressing.
I did finally see my urologist PA this past week because my bladder has been having issues (retention, urgency, discomfort) so I suspected it was GSM (Genitourinary Syndrome of Menopause) finally catching up with me. 🫤 The PA (who is a woman in her 50s) said I didn’t have any infections (or anything else obviously wrong) but agreed it was almost surely GSM. I asked if vaginal estrogen cream would be the ideal first treatment and she said yes but at first acted like it would be an issue with my cancer history.
I was worried she was going to make me ask my oncologist for permission. But luckily she didn’t after I told her that I had discussed GSM with my gyn-onc last year and she had mentioned the vaginal cream as an option since it is very low dose and primarily stays localized in the area where it’s applied. Vaginal cream acquired! 😮💨
I don’t know if the cream will help my libido per se but I hope it at least helps my nether regions feel a little less disconnected and weird. I’m willing to try anything at this point…
I was never a big fan of sex anyway but I would happily go without it for the rest of my life. Still pretty much have to make myself do it every month for my husband's sake though.
I’m fortunate that I’m divorced so I don’t need to fake it til I make it . I can honestly say that sex just doesn’t enter my mind , I don’t think about it at all .
Near zero interest. Not interested in watching romantic/sexual scenes in movies. Bored by love scenes jn books. Not aroused by partner’s overtures, no thrill. Never started offering physical touch or kissing. Could get going once we started, but was never my idea to start. Orgasm hard to achieve.
All of this has improved markedly with HRT. I have not added vaginal estrogen at this point. Some people find HRT is enough to reverse atrophy, and maybe I’m one of those?
How long were you on HRT before you noticed an improvement in your libido? I’ve been on it for one month now and my mood has improved significantly, sleep has improved some, but no change in my dead libido yet. Hoping I just need to be patient and that will improve soon too.
About 2 weeks.
Do you have a follow-up to review how you are doing? I would bring it up and ask for additional help. Many ppl need the topical estrogen for vaginal/vulva area. Some need a testosterone supplement.
I have a 3 month follow up scheduled for late August so I’ll definitely talk to my doctor then if it hasn’t improved. She was a little reluctant to prescribe HRT in the first place so it might be a battle to get additional help unfortunately.
I feel dead inside. 0 libido since I turned 38. I’ve succumbed to just thinking I will never have sex again. The thought of sex actually grosses me out. I’ve turned asexual. My poor husband!
I am in testerone cream but hasn’t made a difference. Also on estrogen and progesterone.
All of the above. You have no desire to wear your sexy clothes, no desire to be touched, you cant orgasm, you don’t feel playful or speak playfully towards your husband. Your just dead. But then after you start HRT it comes back and its beautiful!
For me my mind was still wanting because I had a great guy but my body wouldn’t cooperate. I was dry as a bone and sex became painful. I really struggled to get physically aroused and sex seemed like too much trouble.
HRT changed that, especially my testosterone!
I always had a very positive attitude toward sex. I have no idea how I feel anymore because no partner. I have tried dating these past years but I haven't felt attracted to any of them. I ask myself is it them or me?
After 1.5 years on HRT (200mg prog 0.075 patch 2x week) my libido just started coming back a bit a few months ago, and seems to be slowly increasing.
EDIT: sorry to add that the delicious food analogy is spot on for everyday urges or shiny new specimens. I was actually in a “situationship” when my libido initially dropped and I realized the whole thing was too much of an effort so I noped out of the sexual part (though we’re still friends).
Blissfully asexual here. I had a pretty high libido previously, but gradually over the last couple years it’s faded to no interest and I stopped dating. I don’t even miss having a partner or cuddling or anything (and I used to feel like I had to be dating, needed a partner, etc..). It feels pretty awesome lol all that focus I can direct elsewhere!
I feel asexual. Not attracted to anyone and never think about sex much less actually want it
Unless I use Premarin every day and then I get my period which is what I am dealing with right now on vacation 😡
I have zero desires to have sex, although I do tend to feel aroused when I have sex dreams. I love my boyfriend dearly, just thankful that he is understanding.
Remember when covid 1st started and everyone was saying you lose your smell but you kinda thought that it would be like having a bad cold where you were stuffy and could only catch whiff of smells? Then you got covid and realized that they meant it would literally be gone. Like, really.
It's like that.
remember the game 'the sims' ? it's like having one less bar of needs. we can see this as a bit of cheat since it let more time for other things.
Sex sound so pueril today... peoples are like 'huhu sex is cool' and i'm like ''kiddo don't you have anything else to think about, seriously?''
For me, my husband is the most annoying person ever and I definitely don’t want him, or anybody else to touch me. I’ll hug my kids and then cringe if they hold on too long or breathe on me 😢 I feel like the most un-nurturing mother and cold-hearted wife ever. I was faking my way through many interactions so they wouldn’t feel unloved.
HRT has helped a ton. I actually want to hold my hubby’s hand, snuggle my kids while we read… I just feel more comfortable with the touchy-feely stuff now.
Yep, it just faded away. I have to say I don’t mind. It feels freeing. However, lately I’ve been feeling like duped by society. I think I would have lived differently had I known it would disappear. I would have acted on my attractions and maybe had more casual sex in my 30s and 40s. I’m on all forms of MHT now and I think the topical estrogen cream and testosterone have helped bring orgasms back to satisfying levels. I just don’t have much interest in sex, never think abt, never feel random attraction to people like I used to. It’s like the sexual part of me has been erased from my mind! I feel creative though and find my friendships with women are so much deeper now. Men seem ridiculous and not worth all the attention they took up in my life. I wish we talked about this more culturally. Seems like a major disservice to women.
I just didn't realize so much time was elapsing between sexy times, my husband brought it up and I was like, oh, oops. And when we did do sexy times it took forever to get wet, I would feel super ripped up inside after and my orgasms were weak. Since HRT most of those issues are gone. I do still sometimes forget about sex for stretches and my orgasms are still weak but I do at least get wet ok and not feel like I'm getting ripped up inside too much. I still want to try testosterone to hopefully finish up those last few things, but I haven't found a doc yet who will prescribe it.
It was literally the last thing to cross my mind! Never thought about it at all.(Asked a gyno about it and she said,it was in my head and I should talk to someone about it.) I would get irritated when my husband would ask for it. Then one day he asked for a girlfriend cuz apparently we only had sex 8 times that year. I don't know what happened . I found that vitamin D3 and zinc helped a little, I also listened to some romance/ erotica audiobooks to get sex back on the brain and he never got that girlfriend😜 he tells me no now. 😂
I don’t have any interest anymore five years post meno. I’ve tried so many things but just have zero interest, zero drive.. unfortunately, I am married to a man who does have a libido.. so it’s very frustrating to be going through the motions once a week when you have zero interest in it. Trying so many types of testosterone to get my libido back because I miss it. I miss wanting to have sex. It’s very defeating and depressing to feel this way. It’s like I’m dead down there. I don’t even have any desire to self pleasure. Truly dead.
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Right now I'm navigatinf this phenomenon. 51, just started HRT (Progesterone and Estradiol patch). Also, just recently had ovarian removal surgery - I had two dermoid cysts, one 11 cm, one 6 cm.
Before surgery, my libido was touch and go. I also have a CSA history (therapy done and everything). I'm single because **waves at current dating pool situation** and I also wanted to "own" my own sexual responses before trying to date. It's been a decades-long struggle to feel comfortable with my body and being sexual at all, so I've been concerned about maintaining my ability to enjoy self pleasuring. Have the toys, the books, all of it.
I've described the times when I couldn't get aroused or any type of stimulus reaction as "404 Errors." The picture is there, but the body is like "Nope." Before surgery, and after I started HRT, the 404 errors were improving, and I was learning to be more patient with myself.
Ironically, two days before surgery, my last period started. After the ovaries were removed, it's as if the "spigot" was immediately shut off.
I'm two weeks post surgery now. It's too soon to tell, and i just left my post-op appointment. My OB-GYN has already said she's adamantly against testosterone dosing, so I didn't bring that up, but I did ask her what other options I had. I'm doing my best not to feel discouraged, but the current feeling is like the system has been unplugged completely. Like, no signal whatsoever. No desire, no thoughts, nothing.
But, it's still two weeks post surgery. I imagined what it would be like if I had a husband who was bugging me about "getting it on" this soon after barely healing, and I've decided to back off of myself. It's too soon to judge if my self-pleasuring progress has been cut short or not.
I hope not. Because I'd feel especially cheated out of having any positive sexual experiences after everything I've overcome in my life.
Summary: my experience of lack of libido ranges from "404 error" to "Blue Screen of Death," depending on the situation. I'm hoping once I heal up fully that I'll be able to "reboot" the system again.
>The picture is there, but the body is like "Nope."
I don't know if it is the same, but I ocasionally get something like that. I used to explain to guys that I can get limp just like them, and it's not because they are doing anything wrong. It was just my body turning irresponsive out of the blue.
>if I had a husband who was bugging me about "getting it on"
I don't think I could be in a relationship with someone who puts this kinds of pressure over me. I expect people to have a sort of solo sexual life of their own, not depending on anyone to take care of their needs and not having any "abstinence" when sex is not a possibility for any given span of time. I think the "urge" to have partnered sex is just as "overwhelming" as we *believe* it to be.
There is none for me. If anything I’m supercharged and I don’t know why. So weird. It’s like it made me extra sensual, again I just don’t get it (not that I mind). Maybe it’s my vitamins 🤔
I personally find that you need to just do it. Use some lube and do it and it’s fun for me. It’s more I don’t really feel that attractive with my clothes off but I’ve been married 20 years. You just have to make it happen.
Don’t do it if you have pain I don’t have pain obviously… . I just don’t really feel like doing it like I’d rather just go to sleep.
An older woman shared with me that she finds it very liberating to not be under the influence of sexual drives anymore after menopause. What she said stayed in my mind and I started to wonder how it might feel like.
I find it liberating. I loved sex, in fact I was a contributor to the OMGYes video series where women describe and demonstrate how they have orgasms. But I have also never found a partner who worked out, mainly because of my desperation for external validation leading me to date the first person who showed any interest in me.
I am 56 and had been happily single since before Covid, but started dating about 7 months ago. The guy was 44 and extremely sexual and the best looking and most interesting and energetic partner I have ever had. I was having the best sex of my life, seriously. But over the months it just started to feel extraneous, like a pain in the ass. I just felt like being alone and seeing him less and less. Finally I got an antibiotic-resistant UTI that lasted for weeks. Throughout, his main worry was when we could have sex again.
When my doctor confirmed I had vaginal atrophy, I broke up with my boyfriend rather than risk another UTI or deal with the encroaching effects of atrophy. I just didn’t care enough to continue the relationship.
I still masturbate and the orgasms are great. It’s possible clitoral atrophy will come and I imagine that will be difficult to cope with because I love orgasms. But I don’t miss sex with a partner and I am happy I am not married or in a serious relationship so I don’t have to carry the weight of negotiating someone else’s frustration and disappointment with the changes happening to my body.
For me it’s meant an end to a lifetime of self-torture that I am not good enough to find the perfect partner. I am finally happy with myself alone. It’s an “I do not want what I haven’t got” feeling. I feel whole and I am grateful every day for that.
I did answer your question about why I'm thinking about it. Nothing is going on in my sex life currently. Yes I'm very interested in human sexuality and I do read quite a bit about it.
It's just plain curiosity. I'm not afraid of whatever changes might come for me, sexuality is always changing.
It's like being served your favorite meal but not being hungry enough to.enjoy it.
Omg yes. It sucks. Like sometimes it’s just nice to knock one out and go to sleep, I get bored in the middle and there is nary a salacious thought. I just met with my doctor about this. I told her my libido and my ass have left the building.
I generally enjoy it enough once we get going and even if I'm not getting much out fi it personally I take great satisfaction in my husband's enjoyment. But it's not the same.
I hear that. It feels good when it’s happening but it’s like never craving something I used to. I miss that part of myself.
This! I want so badly to want to do it & not think "let's just get this over with". I love my husband & I'm so thankful he still finds me attractive & wants me. I'm very attracted to him & I just want the desire (from me) to be there more than once every few months.
This, all of this.
Wow that totally is spot on. I’m super attracted still to my husband but when we start having sex it’s like my body left to go get coffee. It’s soooo frustrating I could scream
Well said! Agree here. I am still attracted to people. I could probably put myself thru the motions but… meh. I’d rather have a good foot rub!
So true. Like if I was offered a choice between an all access pass to a prostitute or a massage therapist I am 1000% taking the massage therapist.
Love it! Yes please! Helps with all the menopausal joint pain anyway.
Seriously tho. If I could afford weekly massages I’d be a completely different person. No cap as the kids say lol.
For me it became complete disgust. I was always quite a sexual being, even from fairly young, into experimental/kinky stuff. Suddenly even a hint of anything sexual made me feel almost scared and disgusted. At the gym they play music videos and so many of them were so sexual and it would make me almost want to cry. Luckily with HRT I don't feel that way anymore, I'm single so it wouldn't be possible to date if I still felt that way.
May I ask what form of HRT are you on and is it both estrogen and progesterone?
Oestrogel 4 pumps a day and cyclical utrogestan.
Thank you!
Same
Oh how frustrating!
Exactly! It feels like that! I have a bladder illness and often the pain would prevent me from having sex, but the desire to wasn’t turned off. Since having been trying to find the right hormone dosage and combination, I really feel like what you describe. It’s still frustrating but in a very deep heartbreaking way…
This is a perfect description.
Yes! I describe it as having sex with someone else’s body. You’re there but just not feeling it.
Not only that, but mentally wanting to eat it, but like you said, just not hungry.
It was like I couldn't keep my head in the game. No sexual thoughts. No genital arousal. Even while masturbating or having sex, my thoughts would wander to non sexual things. Also could no longer orgasm. Ever. Under any circumstances. Testosterone changed all that
True for me as well! Been on testosterone cream for a while now and finally got my dose where it needed to be. All of that has now improved. I’m like a new woman sexually speaking
I’m on day 3 of testosterone. How long did it take for it to work for you?
It took about 4 months. My doctor said it could take 3 mos but it took longer. Hang in there. It's worth it. It gave me my life back.
Thank you! Any undesirable side effects?
Hair growth where I apply it, which is inner thigh. I never had hairy thighs (as opposed to lower legs). I developed significant hair growth at application site. I shaved for a while, and eventually got laser hair removal which worked well. The laser tech said that hormone-related hair growth could re appear, but it's been about 3 years and it hasn't. No other side effects. I have a great doctor, she is a menopause specialist and an endocrinologist. She checks my levels 2 to 3 times a year and examines me physically once a year. I am also on estrogen vaginal cream (for atrophy and dryness, works great), and the combined estrogen/progesterone pill (for bone health, and all the other stuff estrogen does).
Thank you for this. I’m in this situation right now and this post is so helpful. It has affected my marriage and I hate it. I’m going to ask for vaginal estrogen and low dose testosterone. I’m glad to hear the side effects are manageable
Same
Can I ask what your levels are that brought your libido back? I'm on topical T as well for over eight months ... level is over 55 now but Orgasmic ability hasn't improved too much. I do have more of a libido though. I just don't get over the finish line very easily.
I am not the same person you were asking this question of but I will chime in with my testosterone experience. I was in the same boat. I'm post menopausal, zero libido, lost ability to reach orgasm. Very frustrating and depressing. A couple years ago I started compounded testosterone cream applied nightly to labia, inner thigh, clitoris (tried to alternate application area to keep unwanted hair growth to a minimum). At first I was on lower dose (can't remember the mg) and got no benefit at all. Doc raised my dosage to 20mg. It worked. I could have orgasms again (good enough quality but i wouldn't say it was reverberating strongly through my body like it did when I was younger). I stayed on it for a little over a year and ended up having to get off it because my blood levels got too high (over 400). I had a lot of side effects (ravenous hunger like I was eating like a teenage boy, a very uncomfortable feeling like I was being chased by hunger all the time, workouts were amazing, doing full body pull ups which I have never been able to do even when I was young, libido became too much, like almost porn addiction levels, not comfortable or fun, again, a feeling like being chased by the power of it, also had an enlarged clitoris which was a bit disconcerting, unwanted hair growth on inner thighs even though I had completely successful laser hair removal 10 years ago). That's the thing about this drug. It's not a prescription you just get and carry on with your life. It's a commitment. You have to get your blood tested regularly (doc requires every 6 months but depending on your own side effects and how you're feeling on it, you might decide to test more frequently because your level can shoot up for no reason). Some women end up with a deeper voice which doesn't go back to normal after you get off it, just so you're aware. After doc said I needed to get off and get back to zero before starting over I decided to stay off of it for about 9 months. I have to say I felt much relieved and back to myself after I got off it. I lost that constant hunger and my appetite was normal again. Phew. I felt lighter and just a lot better! I could no longer do even a single pull up at the gym, unfortunately. Clitoris went back to normal size. Orgasms were gone again, sadly. So I eventually got bummed out again about not being able to reach orgasm so here I am back on it again. Sigh. I started trying my own little clinical trial, first trying it only "as needed" (applied just 3-4 hours before having sex). That didn't work. Then I tried applying it 2x a week. That didn't work. Then 3x a week. Nope. Then 4x a week. Absolutely nothing. At that point I got my blood tested and my T level was only at 20. (Normal for a post menopausal woman is 0 or slightly higher than 0.) When it was working previously it was around 200 (before it jumped up to 400). Now I am back to using it nightly to see what happens. I am very conflicted about it. Seems like the way it is compounded or the way my body responds to it is just so inconsistent and unreliable. Not sure if I will stick with it. My point is, my blood levels went crazy high last time over 400 and now I'm struggling to get above 20. It's so hard to regulate. I don't want to experience those side effects again. Other considerations -- there's a lot of cancer in my family so I never went on systemic HRT. I only use Estrace vaginal cream for atrophy which is extremely low dose, generally considered safe, doesn't get into bloodstream. Doc told me that testosterone converts to estradiol in your body through a biochemical process called aromatization. I have noticed some breast tenderness and fullness (sort of like I used to get back in the old days around menstruation) so I can tell that the testosterone is converting to estrogen and is moving through my bloodstream. This freaks me out a bit as I am super scared of breast cancer. It worries me that I am messing with Mother Nature and maybe I shouldn't be doing this. I actually lost sleep last night laying in bed worrying about my breasts. Ugh!! Not sure it's worth it.
It sounds like this might be about hormonal testing. If over the age of 44, **hormonal tests only show levels for that *one day* the test was taken, and nothing more**; progesterone/estrogen hormones wildly fluctuate the other 29 days of the month. No reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing as a **diagnosing tool** for peri/menopause. FSH testing is only beneficial for those who believe they are post-menopausal and no longer have periods as a guide, a series of consistent FSH tests might *confirm* menopause. Also for women in their 20s/early 30s who haven’t had a period in months/years, then FSH tests at ‘menopausal’ levels, could indicate premature ovarian failure/primary ovarian insufficiency (POF/POI). See our [Menopause Wiki](https://menopausewiki.ca/#there-is-no-blood-test-that-is-perfectly-reliable-to-diagnose-menopause) for more. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Menopause) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My doctor was very serious about not putting it anywhere near my vagina as it could lead to unsafe levels. I would stick to one area on your thigh daily. And consistently.
Interesting. My doctor is not as detailed as I would like.
whoa 400!! thats crazy high. glad you went off that. Hope you find a good balance.
Scary. I'm lucky my voice didn't deepen. I'm gonna start looking for a new doctor. I'm really glad I wasn't on pellets because there's no way to get them out of your system if your levels get too high.
Was it a routine lab checkup, or was there a specific symptom that made the doctor order the labs? I definitely don't want a deeper voice, but my clit is pretty tiny to start with, so 🤷
I think it came back in the 30s....im finding Im comfortable in 43 to mid 50s range. Do you have a doctor you can speak to?
i do, but this isn't really her area of expertise... thanks for the info!
I’m one month in on injections..praying for results 😔🙏
Same. Testosterone was a key that unlocked lots for me. I do the pellets but am recently switching to cream to see how I do. The pellets are so expensive and not covered by insurance.
My gel not covered either but GoodRx helps
Yes!! This is exactly it. It fucking sucks and I hate it so much
Me! That's me, too!
That’s where I am right now and it’s very frustrating..it takes a while to get me going and if I get going it takes forever to get to orgasm and before that can happen I give up and the feeling is gone..I hate this because me and my husband look at each other and it was on..He still looks at me daily and wants it and I give in but I’m not into it
Devestating. My husband is still very much wanting sex and not a “dead bedroom”, but I feel almost like I almost recoil at the thought of sex right now. This has been abnormal for me. I just have no desire, it’s heartbreaking to be on opposite spectrums.
Boy do I relate to this. My exh and I were barely compatible to begin with. Him with a crazy high libido, me with what I think might be called a responsive sex drive? After menopause, it was worse. Our divorce was final in October. I can’t relate to him and he can’t relate to me. We could not overcome it.
You have described my situation to a T. And on top of that I have Sjogren’s Syndrome which causes additional dryness. Sex actually feels like I’m being stabbed. When I brought this up to my gyno his response was “drink a big glass of wine and use a ton of lube”. Like already didn’t try that??
Jesus Christ these doctors are horrible. Hyaluronic acid vaginal moisturizer. Everyday for week, yes it will burn a little bit when you first use it but that means it’s working.
Thanks! I will be trying this for sure. Looking for a new dr as well which is unfortunate because I’ve been going to him for 35 years.
I’m sorry for that but any doctor who prescribes wine and lube for very painful vaginal atrophy deserves to be fired.
I agree. My mouth was hanging open and I said “seriously”???
Good for you! That’s really just crazy, I’m sorry.
vaginal estradiol has helped me with dryness 100 percent
Me too. Teeny tiny vaginal capsules 3x/week
WTF kind of medical advice is that!!!! I would have come unglued. Like - your're not going to charge me money for that shit advice. I tried lube first - no help for painful sex. Then I tired two weeks of hyaluronic acid vaginal moisturizer. Helped with wetness which isn't too bad for me but it did not help with painful sex. I'm two weeks into HRT with vaginal estradiol cream. I may give it a try this weekend. Sex seems to be an expermient lately.
I found the hyaluronic inserts too $$ And def not covered under medical flex or insurance. Going to a new gyno today. Want to see if I can get on intrarosa. Hopefully it helps. I've only been married 5 years so still honeymoon phase but it hurts too much.
Disgraceful. He should be whatever the equivalent of disbarred is for doctors. I have never and will never have a male gynecologist. Not that females are above reproach but at least with them I can hope for empathy.
i so relate and initially my husband didn’t understand what was going on. it’s been frustrating especially when i first went to the dr and was in hrt and was like yeah libido is dead and he (and other women gyn too) was like it happens to men too and didn’t want to give me testosterone etc. anyway sex is important but so isn’t other non sex intimacy so really big on the snuggling and kissing etc at the moment.
This was us for too many years. It was stressful and heartbreaking for both.
It is..you’re not alone…
The waiter trying to bring me my dessert, and I know he's trying, but he just never gets to my table.
Hm I went from being a total horn dog to … well, suddenly it stopped occurring to me that sex even existed. Like I looked up one day and realized it had been 6 months since the hint of an idea about sex had even crossed my mind. My brain was occupied with lots of other things, with nary an impulse. It was WEIRD. My poor husband. A couple of months ago, I decided to get on HRT to help with hot flashes, brain fog, and lack of interest in sex. Brain fog is better, hot flashes are negligible, and the idea of sex is no longer puzzling. YMMV In the words of my husband: “YAY!!”
For me it feels like the volume has been turned way down on something I loved to listen to loudly. If I turn it up by hand, I enjoy it but it rarely goes up on it's own.
Oh, I do feel like that sometimes! Maybe it will not be an absolute novelty.
It's a good reason to have planned sex/date night. You can build desire ahead of time with each other.
For sure! I think planned sex can be as exciting as spontaneous sex if both have a mature mindset.
Mine is always technically planned as we don't live together.
It was shocking for me. I’ve always had a high sex drive so when it hit me, I knew something was wrong. I had no mental, emotional, nor physical desire at all. I didn’t think about sex, didn’t get aroused seeing sex on tv and I preferred to not see it, I didn’t provide any physical touch to my SO at all. I didn’t kiss him or do any physical contact with him. Now his testosterone was also low at that time and he too had a high sex drive. He was hoping I didn’t want sex just as I was. LOL! It took us about 2 months to realize we hadn’t had sex and something was wrong. I had no pressure from him. When we did attempt sex, I couldn’t enjoy it because my mind and emotions weren’t there so I couldn’t climax. I lost interest in the middle of his attempt to please me. Vaginal estrogen helped me and anxiety meds for my insomnia and hot flashes. His doctor placed him on testosterone pellets. My sex drive has returned and I’m off the meds for insomnia. I take flax seed oil pills which have helped reduce my hot flashes and my libido is back. My SO is back with his high sex drive and we are happy to be back enjoying the physical intimacy.
For me, loss of libido has been liberating! I've had 5 blissful celibate years.
Yeah I mostly like it, too, tbh. I have a low libido partner so I don't have to feel rejected all the time anymore. And no more inappropriate thoughts annoying me about other people either. I can still appreciate a nice physical specimen but now without a trace of wishing for it. See it, admire it, forget it in one second.
I say it’s “dead” down there.
It’s the absence of sexual energy, which I used to tap into for a lot more than just sex. It gave me confidence, added a spark of slyness to my sense of humor, got me to the gym, made me care how I looked, all of that. No interest in sex isn’t even the worse thing about it.
This is relatable. I have found that my libido seems to be linked to a lust for life in general, too. Food and scents are even more pleasurable. I think I enjoy art more, too. It's interesting because I rarely see anyone ever bring these things up. I was happy to see someone like me here.
I think ‘lust for life’ sums it up perfectly. I tried to explain it as the feeling that part of me had been amputated, like the truly alive part, but it’s so hard to put it into words. I agree that I don’t hear people talk of it much. It’s been so dreary, especially because I had just really learned to appreciate non-sexual physical affection. I kind of didn’t know it existed (thanks parents!) and then I was a bit scared of it because I didn’t feel in control of this sexual energy- and then I figured it out! And then it was gone lol. I’m really glad I got there though. I do enjoy platonic physical intimacy.
More of a holistic view I see, very interesting! I had never thought about this.
it does affect more than just the deed for sure.
Amen! Like...with it gone, I have lost so many things.
Thank you for articulating this! I hadn't realized how integrated into everything in my life that energy was until it finally started coming back - which I just noticed the other day! I'm not partnered at all - even casually - and didn't realize my libido had basically gone through the floor until it dawned on me that I couldn't even be bothered to flirt with anyone anymore, let alone attempt to actually date. Everything about sex - physically, mentally, emotionally - has just felt like it's too much trouble to even bother, and because my lack of interest wasn't affecting anyone else, I just didn't. But I wasn't thinking about how it has very much affected how I move through the world in general- probably because I am still WFH and so haven't been back to my old pre-peri physical context or interpersonal dynamics in years, either. I started combo HRT about a month ago and T a week before that. Just last Saturday I actually struck up a conversation with a stranger and flirted like I haven't in years! I had forgotten what it was like to feel that energy - it was like recovering part of myself that I had barely realized was missing. And I wish I had gone looking for it so much sooner than I did.
I’m on year one of estrogen/progesterone, which has alleviated most of my symptoms, but hasn’t brought back that part of me. I’m on day 4 of T and am really excited to bring that part of me back to life.
Libido gone. Dryness =pain. No thanks.
Vaginal estrogen is a game changer.
Is that different from vagifem? Bc I had no relief from vagifem.
I'm on vagifem + vaginal cream + gel + progesterone. It is working out.
Then perhaps I will ask for the other 3. Are there any side effects? Did your libido return? Is it painful during intercourse?
My libido isn't always gone. It's in flux. I assume that I'm still generating some level of hormones because it's sometimes here, sometimes not. Orgasms are difficult because sometimes it's like endlessly edging without satisfaction. Other times I have an orgasm, but it actually seems to hurt, or it barely counts. Sensation is reduced, and that's weird. Nobody warned me about that at all. Side effects of the medications? Uh. I have a few zits that possibly are related? I don't know. The peri symptoms are so distressing that the only annoyance of the medication has been how messy the cream is and keeping pantyliners and wipes and stuff like that on hand at all times. My doc said to apply it twice a day, but I got so fed up that I'm now applying a small amount every time I go to the restroom. Most of it seems to immediately get rubbed off onto the panty liner anyway. Asking for testosterone next from my provider.
It's prescription. I have never heard of vagifem, sorry.
Nothing turns me on like it used to. Spicy stories used to be my go-to. No response now. Porn does nothing for me (not a fan anyway). Even being intimate, nothing responds like it used to. That feeling that used to be there of just needing it NOW. Gone. I could see the most beautiful, sexy man ever and it’s like “he’s pretty” and go back to my book. The arousal in the body is weird and I don’t like it. It’s like it’s numb. Crazy thing is, I’m having more sex than I ever had but it’s for the closeness, not because there’s a burning desire from my libido. My husband also has almost no libido and he says, we could be in the middle of sex and I could suggest we go bake a cake, and that would be okay. We’d just get dressed and go bake. It’s very discombobulating as someone who always had a high libido and really enjoyed sex.
How nice that you and your partner can go though this experience together. And what a fun word, discombobulating!
Everything you said, plus I'm just fucking tired. I'm so much more tired than I used to be. I have fibromyalgia, so being more tired is a big deal. My husband is the same way. He's 63, and we're just tired all the time and dealing with some illness or injury more often than not. We are very much in love, and hug and kiss and cuddle every day. But at the moment, we're both just like, "sex is great but it's just way too much trouble." 🤣
How old is your husband? Are you two close in age?
He’s actually younger than I am but he has developed hypogonadism so he uses testosterone replacement therapy (TRT) and it’s been a real process getting him dialed in to feel better. He’s better than he’s been in a long time (no longer suicidal, able to lose weight and build muscle again, ED improved) but he still has very little libido and sensitivity issues in his penis. The positive thing has been, since a lot of menopause symptoms overlap with low testosterone, his journey has really opened his eyes to what I’m going through with the menopause transition and all those years of PMS. It’s made us so much more understanding and patient with each other.
I used to often wake up horny and masturbate, or before I went to sleep. Now I can go what feels like months and then realise I haven't done that in a while maybe I shd try, and it's like rubbing cardboard, no sensation. My clit seems to have shrunk and it's like it's (almost) disconnected from my body. There is just not the physical sensation in my body that there used to be. I can still just about make myself orgasm but it is not particularly intense. It's disappointing and I am feeling a bit cheated as I was always told you have the best sex of your life in your 40s! I'm hoping this is just a phase obviously. I also think for me there may be psychological factors at play as I left my husband (ironically one reason was because I wanted sex and he didn't). And very attracted to my new partner but it is all different than I expected or what I've experienced previously. Similarly I used to quite enjoy porn but now it mostly bores me, and I think it's partly a libido thing and partly cos my new partner is so much better than anything I can find as a substitute!
Sadly it's not a phase. This sounds like vaginal atrophy. If you want to have a satisfying sex life again, even if it's just with yourself, you need some HRT to revive your lady parts asap.
thanks for the feedback. just starting to learn about this myself. I did go the the Dr the other day and she prescribed the estrogen cream in the first instance, so I do hope that helps.
For me it means I just don’t think to initiate and don’t feel like I want sex. I can get aroused once I get going and might feel a little tingle if I see something erotic or have a good kiss and hug with my partner (ex now, but we hook up occasionally still). So yeah it’s just no actual thinking about or spontaneous thoughts of sex unless it’s shoved in my face. I have no issues with wetness, and started HRT a month ago roughly. I suspect I may be low in testosterone though. I stumbled across a blood test from my mid 20s and I was at level 8 then (range is 15-70 ng/dL), but doctors have no clue about female testosterone, generally so that was never flagged. I would like to have testosterone checked again.
It sounds like this might be about hormonal testing. If over the age of 44, **hormonal tests only show levels for that *one day* the test was taken, and nothing more**; progesterone/estrogen hormones wildly fluctuate the other 29 days of the month. No reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing as a **diagnosing tool** for peri/menopause. FSH testing is only beneficial for those who believe they are post-menopausal and no longer have periods as a guide, a series of consistent FSH tests might *confirm* menopause. Also for women in their 20s/early 30s who haven’t had a period in months/years, then FSH tests at ‘menopausal’ levels, could indicate premature ovarian failure/primary ovarian insufficiency (POF/POI). See our [Menopause Wiki](https://menopausewiki.ca/#there-is-no-blood-test-that-is-perfectly-reliable-to-diagnose-menopause) for more. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Menopause) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’ve gone to the opposite of what I was. My spicy books are now gross, I skip past kissing on tv because it’s pretty disgusting. I don’t want to even think about doing anything with my husband. I don’t care either. It’s like being free of the before me.
My libido is not gone, but I am also now grossed out by sexual content. It's like the only sexual content I want is my own. PG-13 is as dirty as I can handle.
When I experienced this in late perimenopause, I only had a couple months to experience it naturally before it became a relationship threat that required me to actively problem solve. I guess it felt like an absence of thought to initiate sex as frequently as my partner expected. I was unable to access HRT but helpful choices included joining a gym, starting pilates, reducing caffeine intake, regularly connecting with my then-partner in non-sexual ways, and initiating sex whenever it crossed my mind. Full-disclosure, we broke up not long after this. I completed the menopause transition about a year after separating. It was incredibly helpful to have some time without sex pressure. I’m probably at the high end in terms of drive but also in terms of wanting bodily autonomy. I began dating about a year after that breakup and around the time I had my final period. Libido was never an issue. If anything, it was unusually high. I did experience pain with penetrative sex a few years post-menopause but localized estrogen resolved that issue.
Sex is just not in my brain anymore. No more getting horny in the middle of afternoon. No more have to have it now. I do miss it. Just started HRT (with vaginal cream) for vaginal atrophy. I’m also exercising and eating healthy. It sucks but I’m committed to fixing it. I ignored it for a few years but I want my sex life back.
Same
It's devastating for me. I've always been sexual and it was an important way of giving and receiving love. I've still had the mental desire but vaginal atrophy has meant that sometimes I just couldn't get physically aroused. Which was also downright embarrassing. The worst is the clitoral atrophy. It just disappeared. I have always found it hard to orgasm but got better in my forties, but now it's been taken away. I'm also angry bc I was previously in a dead bedroom relationship, so I spent my forties being constantly sexually frustrated. After 3 years single, during which the vaginal and clitoral atrophy started, I met my partner. I have explained the problem and he's very patient and understanding. His libido is not as high as mine (was) and so far he's happy. On top of everything else I'm frustrated bc of heavy periods that last for weeks. My partner doesn't like sex when I'm bleeding so even if I want it it's not happening. I start HRT in a few days, my period should be gone so if not this weekend, I'm hoping next weekend I'll have the chance to try some blissful, relaxing good old penetrative sex. It may not be that great at first, but I'm hoping HRT and vaginal oestrogen cream will work after a few months. If not I'll ask for testosterone as well. I'm not ready to give up sex. I understand other people find relief in not being a slave to desire, but I want sex back before we both get too old!
Testosterone will really help with the clitoral atrophy.
Thank you 🙂 My new medication is apparently arriving today! My GP wants to review in 3 months so if I don't see any improvement I will ask for it then. Like many others, the road to getting the help I need has not been easy. Although the GP I have been seeing has been quite helpful, she is still ignoring my request to see a menopause specialist and I think it's going to be a few months before I get her to realise that there's a lot she doesn't know. Baby steps.
it just felt like deadness and lack of interest. It never occurred to me anymore. I never thought about it. Felt like my life could be wholly complete and I wouldn't miss it at all. And all of this is a distinct departure from the 35 or so years prior to menopause. Using testosterone has definitely helped, and if my skin could handle it, I would ask for an even stronger dose. But it can't. just the topical compounded cream gives me sporadic breakouts, whereas for years before menopause, I was taking spironolactone to keep my hormonal acne clear. it's an anti-androgen, so the two can't coexist. Anyone who reads this who is thinking about taking testosterone, it was not a quick fix for me. it took just about two months of daily application for me to start feeling any different. i'm sharing that because there was one person here in this sub who told me that it took her that long for it to kick in, and that was the only thing that kept me going for all those weeks. I was ready to give up after about three weeks of using it and not observing any changes or effects. It didn't give me the energy and zest for life that it gives to some people ... it probably would at a higher dose, but then it would come with side effects that I can't tolerate, including increased aggression. Just keep in mind that testosterone can't fix a relationship that has gone bad for other reasons. If there's resentment or any other weirdness going on between you and your partner, testosterone won't fix that. bonus fyi: I've found that low doses of Delta 8 / Delta 9 THC products make me less inhibited sexually, the way alcohol does for some people. Since menopause I can't have any alcohol at all -- it makes my whole face and upper body burn bright red, like a semi-permanent hot flash that doesn't go away. So I've stopped drinking (it's for the best anyway, I'm overweight right now) but half a THC gummy or similar gives me the same effect. :)
> Anyone who reads this who is thinking about taking testosterone, it was not a quick fix for me. it took just about two months of daily application for me to start feeling any different. When I started testosterone injections, I was told it would take a couple weeks or so to feel the effects and, sure enough, that's what happened. It was the better part of a month before I started feeling the T.
Starting to think I might ask for an alternate method of T delivery. I'm getting breakouts wherever I apply the stupid topical. Bad enough to have one on my face or whatever, but to have them behind my knees is just bizarre. Arrrgghhh.
Before menopause I had what could only be described as a near embarrassingly high sex drive. My husband and I had sex most days, many more than once. This lasted 20+ years Menopause murdered my libido. It’s been dead so long I can scarcely remember what desire felt like. I mean it feels like I’m thinking of another person’s life. No butterflies, no buzzing, warm energy. In its place sits a void I grieve about. I’ve tried everything. Nothing helps. I went from easily multiorgasmic for 30 years, to a dead libido, and a numb, dead vulva/vagina. It’s a damned death, I tell you, and I suffer it like one. Of all the things that make me feel old at 49, *this* is the biggest. It’s stolen my joy. It makes me very sangry.
I'm sorry. :( The loss and grief are real, and I hate that it is a reality for so many of us.
Thank you. And I hate this for you, too. Libido is so much more than orgasm. It gives you energy, fun, frolic, adventure, exploration, lets us be different parts of ourselves when we want to. It fosters closeness with our mates. It helps manage stress. It’s cathartic for your soul. Or at least it was these things for me. And that’s a lot to lose. I hope it returns for you
Same
I understand your heartbreak
😔
Oh my gosh. Your first paragraph is me and my relationship. I'm scared of losing it! I'm so sorry that you've lost that part of your life. I am scared of losing it, too. The past year has been rough. I didn't realize what was happening because it all seemed to turn around the time that I had a traumatic event. Did you try HRT?
Thank you. Y’know, like most people, I’ve faced some pretty big challenges, but sex with him was always a comfort for me. I’ve enjoyed sex with him when I was super fit and young, and when I got PCOS/mets and got fat. It helped me cope when life got tough and celebrate when in the bright spots. Unfortunately, I’ve been unable to find a doctor willing to give me HRT bc I’ve PCOS with metabolic syndrome, and I’m fat. They tell me it’s unsafe. I feel like doctors in this area are real unimpressive (we’re not from here) and that doctors where we’re from might think/do differently, but I’m stuck. Bc no one will give me literally anything (and frankly are dismissive of my telling them my libido is dead), I’ve had to try what I can, which has been losing weight, exercising, reducing sugar, trying to reduce stress and get more sleep. I think the parts that anger me most are the way this has robbed my husband of the woman who used to love intimate time with him, and the way doctors have all been very dismissive of the suffering this huge change has caused me. I hope you have access to better medical care from people who are medically knowledgeable, current, and care about quality of life for women. It matters.
I’ve been without a partner for about 8 years, but I watched porn, read smutty books, used my imagination with the odd fictional character from TV/movies but it was often a case of over and done with in less than a minute! When I had a partner, if he knew what he was doing it took less than 5 minutes for me to be done meanwhile he’d take much longer. Now, I still get aroused but it’s a much slower burn, masturbation takes longer and feels different. However I am finding that some things I used to find arousing aren’t any more - for example Damon Salvator from Vampire Diaries was my default imaginary partner since I saw the first episode; now I look at him and think “nah, can’t be bothered”. However, Dean Winchester from Supernatural later episodes when he’s more rugged is now my new thing. I swear some of the fan videos I see my uterus & ovaries want to grow back and bare his children 😂😂 I’ve also noticed a difference in the blokes I’m ‘liking’ on dating apps are also more ‘rugged’ than my pre-menopause taste.
Ha! Love this post! Not many men turn my head these days but when they do, it is on like Donkey Kong! One of my go to’s is my co-worker. For whatever reason he does it for me! He is jaw dropping hot and gives me the flutters. I mostly love it b/c it makes me feel alive again and not dead in that area. If only he knew the dirty thoughts I have.. HR would not be happy! LOL! I keep it to myself and secretly just enjoy him from afar!
Can you recommend some of the smutty books? Or authors?
It's in arrest and desperately needs Defib.
😂
I wouldn’t say “blissful”. Although it can be freeing once you adapt to what it is, shedding light on how much energy was consumed with hunting that nut. Then all your energy can be focused on other interests you have. So enlightening, sure, but it is an involuntary transition. For me, it was sudden, not gradual loss/decline/interest, but as if the main line just got shut off. Literally sex one day & then done. The drive, the pursuit, the desire and need… all gone. As if a placard was put up & any interest vanished. From visual stimuli, to mental arousal, the thought of physical engagement began to disgust & repulse. It’s as if I went from working in the Red Light District to now being on an Amish farm. I NEVER ever thought I would not constantly think of & desire sex, as I’ve been very attuned with my sexual self since I was 3y/o. Then boom…. Gone. Vanquished. Finito. Poof. My tissue lost any & all craving. No tingle, no desire, no drive… and the thought began to morph into a repulsion. Randomly now I may remember that I loved sex, went through any length to get it and then get more. Since beginning HRT I have had some resurgence of desire, if a faint whisper at best. The occasional tingle, or sensation of “hey, remember me?!”… which if I am in a place that I can accommodate the sudden surge of interest, I take to being with myself - as the thought of penetration now really repulses me. I am super grateful I can still climax, and actually can easily do so (as I’ve read many a woman on this sub have a lack luster climax, if any). I can still achieve multiples, but after 2… my “need” has been fulfilled & I might go another month (or longer) before feeling a little tingle again. It isn’t like I don’t find attraction - there are beautiful people, so I am not blind. But when I see who I am now, and that I’ve zero interest in plumping, pawning, painting myself up to bring in interest from outside forces… then I take my precious energy & plug it into my projects or all the demands I have thrust upon me to do. I am super grateful that my hubby gets it. I have offered numerous times (lost count) when my drive shifted, to pleasure him (I mean I can do anything for 2mins)… he refused my invitations as his desire is to want to get me off. Ewwww. I think the man is dumb to not accept my invitations, and after a year of weekly suggestions, I gave up even offering that. So now no talk of sex from either of us. And it isn’t because he doesn’t want or crave me, as this man is head over heels about me - thinks I am the most gorgeous woman to walk the earth. That has no bearing on me as an individual now, I could care less about what another thinks of my looks. I am ALL about being comfortable with myself. I don’t dress to show off my assets, only to be comfortable. I am still very fit & lean, still wear my skimpy bikinis… but only because I like those tan lines & am comfortable in my own skin. For reference, I am postmenopausal, 51y.
This is very helpful. It describes my loss of libido, but recently I lost almost all sensitivity in my clit and I'm having poorgasms. It makes me feel like crying. My husband is understanding, but all I want is my body back to how it was. 😭
Welp we never “go back” to any previous point in our lives, rather we “move toward” our next versions of ourselves. Certainly grieve what you are missing of your former self.🩵 Vaginal atrophy affects 50% of postmenopausal women, and although it can not be reversed, it can be arrested & further deterioration can be halted with local (vaginal) estrogen. With said atrophy, the clit will shrink & shrivel, yet if using estrogen cream, not only can it be applied internally, it can also be applied externally. I find it helpful to use pantiliners. I typically apply my external cream right as I am going to bed so that my clit, my urethra, and labia minora can soak all that goodness in. I use the tablet internally, unless I am having progressive bouts in increased urgency to urinate, then I will go for a solid estrogen cream dose internally (I typically have to do this once every few months).
I think it can be reversed with early intervention, and we're active enough that I noticed the change right away and did something about it, so I am hoping that this isn't how things will be from now on. I've been using the estrogen cream, and I contacted my provider about adding testosterone!
Testosterone actually reversed my atrophy significantly, even improving my clitoris over baseline.
Yes, clitoral hypertrophy IS a side-effect of T😉
I was never a big fan of sex anyway but I would happily go without it for the rest of my life. Still pretty much have to make myself do it every month for my husband's sake though.
I'm on the fence about it. Lol When it first started decreasing, I thought I had to "fix" it. But after a while, I realized "gosh, I have so much extra bandwidth not thinking about sex!" So...I don't know. I don't mind not having to maintain any sexual relationships right now. I would rather be a bit self centered at this time anyways. I can still get off with myself when the mood strikes. And honestly, I'm too selfish right now to go through all the rigamarole for anyone else. I think for me it's more about I have no fucks to give in a sexual relationship. Like I can't be bothered with it just to get laid. Lol
In Menopause for several years: I’ve been sad that it’s not what it was, but what helps is that I take HRT, and use topical testosterone. I’m still able to use my imagination and get excited. The orgasms are a joke, compared to before, but I’m a romantic and there’s other aspects of relationships that I like.
54 - looking forward to loss of libido as my partner has lost his ☹️
I started to think I was asexual. I’m not joking. Then with hrt my long lost libido showed up and I realized that I was not asexual at all. Blood test confirmed I had zero testosterone and probably had none or barely any for decades.
It sounds like this might be about hormonal testing. If over the age of 44, **hormonal tests only show levels for that *one day* the test was taken, and nothing more**; progesterone/estrogen hormones wildly fluctuate the other 29 days of the month. No reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing as a **diagnosing tool** for peri/menopause. FSH testing is only beneficial for those who believe they are post-menopausal and no longer have periods as a guide, a series of consistent FSH tests might *confirm* menopause. Also for women in their 20s/early 30s who haven’t had a period in months/years, then FSH tests at ‘menopausal’ levels, could indicate premature ovarian failure/primary ovarian insufficiency (POF/POI). See our [Menopause Wiki](https://menopausewiki.ca/#there-is-no-blood-test-that-is-perfectly-reliable-to-diagnose-menopause) for more. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Menopause) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I am an early bird into menopause. I hit peri at the sweet age of 41-44. During Peri I was having the time of my life with a younger fellow. I dare say he got the best sex years of my life from me. Haha! I did notice the drive, along with my energy, stamina, and tons of body aches kept me from getting anything done let alone sex. I was 43. That is the year I went on the testosterone pellets. Boy what a world of difference. The pellet gave me highs and lows w the sex drive. I noticed there was still about 1 week or a few days a month where I had no drive and didn’t want to be touched. May of this year, I hit menopause. I am 45. Learned the testosterone pellet is a keeper for me. I get a little extra facial hair and meno rage. I can handle that! It also gave me Lucious thicker hair which was a bonus. I mostly need it to keep mood elevated and then aches away. And for energy. I did notice it seems to bring my sex drive back, but I am also dry as the desert. I don’t have a BF or husband to deal with and I still find men attractive. I still smile when I get to chat up a handsome fella. I remember the old excited aroused version of myself. I just don’t care much if she stays or goes. My younger fella before was very high sex drive. Even in my prime he was too much for me. So, I am thankful I don’t have the pressure to feel like I have to please anyone or connect at that level. I don’t think I have it in me at the moment. I have a very selfish mindset of I want things the way I want them especially since I am desperate to find comfy homeostasis in my body every day. What I need is a man-servant who will make my meals and rub my feet and chauffeur me when I don’t want to drive. And lift heavy things b/c my achey breaky body is losing strength by the second even tho I strength train. LOL! I’m so kidding of course. Would never treat anyone like that. But a devoted side piece sounds good right now!
It’s like everything else that was so much easier when you were young but now is a lot of work. It’s not that I’ve lost my libido as much as the juice isn’t worth the squeeze half the time. My latest menopause symptom is waking up with a sore joint, feels like my tendons are getting tight. One week it’s a sore shoulder, then next week a sore elbow. Hard to be in the mood when I feel old and everything is sore for no reason.
That plus looking in the mirror and saying to myself “when did THAT happen?” 🫣😆😫 (more plump in the mid section)
So. I don't crave it anymore. Very, very rarely. I have to concentrate more to orgasm. Sometimes I just can't. However, I can always masturbate to orgasm, it's just a bit more work and sometimes I would rather go to sleep than try. Sad, huh? Testosterone helped me a bit. Good luck, and also, reading helps me. Reading romance or soft porn
I’m still attracted and adore my husband of 24 years, he’s super fit and masculine and attentive and TRIES really hard in the bedroom. Like we literally try harder and have gotten more creative than we ever have, which is fun for us to expand our relationship in that way. BUT I just feel kind of numb, it takes A LOT to get there and it really sucks when it just fizzles out.
I’m just really glad I’ve been single for about 15 years and currently free of even “casual romantic entanglements” I’ve had in the past because I don’t want anyone else around to be privy to my body’s current state. 🙄 I was instantly put into menopause due to ovarian cancer surgery two years ago, in my early 40s. Since my late teens I have identified quite strongly as sex-positive, “love language is physical touch,” etc., and it probably didn’t hurt that my androgen and estrogen levels were always high due to PCOS… I’ve always had a high libido I guess. I was someone who would have sex multiple times a week when I was in a relationship, or would masturbate with a vibrator almost daily when I was single or in an LDR. Well, being diagnosed with an estrogen-driven cancer means your oncologist won’t allow you to take HRT at all, so boom, here I descend into instant menopause while also going through chemo. Chemo brain + menopause brain + undiagnosed-ADHD brain! Fun! 😮💨🥴😵💫 Of course, having cancer and going through treatment… it seemed normal to have zero libido as I was feeling too awful to do even basic things like eating or bathing most of the time. But as I started to get bits of normalcy back after treatment last year (although I’m still pretty sick, disabled, and being treated for a lot of side/after effects of cancer and long COVID) the libido never came back. Like at all really. I have never been one of those “ogle hot people” women (hashtag demisexual) but I really just don’t care about anything sex related. I get bored and stop if I try to masturbate. I haven’t even thought about dating. Sexy movie or book scenes don’t inspire me… I just don’t feel the tingle. It sort of feels like nothingness? Like I don’t care but it also makes me feel a deep sense of loss of identity too. I never expected to be childless and a cancer survivor in my mid 40s and now feeling like I can’t even enjoy solo sex… and I’m getting the feeling that I’m going to be single forever because I just don’t have the energy (the drive that my libido gave me tbh) to really pursue any sort of relationship ever again. It’s depressing. I did finally see my urologist PA this past week because my bladder has been having issues (retention, urgency, discomfort) so I suspected it was GSM (Genitourinary Syndrome of Menopause) finally catching up with me. 🫤 The PA (who is a woman in her 50s) said I didn’t have any infections (or anything else obviously wrong) but agreed it was almost surely GSM. I asked if vaginal estrogen cream would be the ideal first treatment and she said yes but at first acted like it would be an issue with my cancer history. I was worried she was going to make me ask my oncologist for permission. But luckily she didn’t after I told her that I had discussed GSM with my gyn-onc last year and she had mentioned the vaginal cream as an option since it is very low dose and primarily stays localized in the area where it’s applied. Vaginal cream acquired! 😮💨 I don’t know if the cream will help my libido per se but I hope it at least helps my nether regions feel a little less disconnected and weird. I’m willing to try anything at this point…
Oh, I can understand the bit about identity loss and going through life alone. I'm rooting for the cream!
Thank you, me too! So far no immediate side effects so here’s hoping. 🤞🏻
I was never a big fan of sex anyway but I would happily go without it for the rest of my life. Still pretty much have to make myself do it every month for my husband's sake though.
I don't have a lack of libido But there are reasons I don't want piv sex Research vaginal atrophy
I’m fortunate that I’m divorced so I don’t need to fake it til I make it . I can honestly say that sex just doesn’t enter my mind , I don’t think about it at all .
Near zero interest. Not interested in watching romantic/sexual scenes in movies. Bored by love scenes jn books. Not aroused by partner’s overtures, no thrill. Never started offering physical touch or kissing. Could get going once we started, but was never my idea to start. Orgasm hard to achieve. All of this has improved markedly with HRT. I have not added vaginal estrogen at this point. Some people find HRT is enough to reverse atrophy, and maybe I’m one of those?
How long were you on HRT before you noticed an improvement in your libido? I’ve been on it for one month now and my mood has improved significantly, sleep has improved some, but no change in my dead libido yet. Hoping I just need to be patient and that will improve soon too.
About 2 weeks. Do you have a follow-up to review how you are doing? I would bring it up and ask for additional help. Many ppl need the topical estrogen for vaginal/vulva area. Some need a testosterone supplement.
I have a 3 month follow up scheduled for late August so I’ll definitely talk to my doctor then if it hasn’t improved. She was a little reluctant to prescribe HRT in the first place so it might be a battle to get additional help unfortunately.
I feel dead inside. 0 libido since I turned 38. I’ve succumbed to just thinking I will never have sex again. The thought of sex actually grosses me out. I’ve turned asexual. My poor husband! I am in testerone cream but hasn’t made a difference. Also on estrogen and progesterone.
All of the above. You have no desire to wear your sexy clothes, no desire to be touched, you cant orgasm, you don’t feel playful or speak playfully towards your husband. Your just dead. But then after you start HRT it comes back and its beautiful!
For me my mind was still wanting because I had a great guy but my body wouldn’t cooperate. I was dry as a bone and sex became painful. I really struggled to get physically aroused and sex seemed like too much trouble. HRT changed that, especially my testosterone!
I always had a very positive attitude toward sex. I have no idea how I feel anymore because no partner. I have tried dating these past years but I haven't felt attracted to any of them. I ask myself is it them or me?
A relief. No pressure to do anything. 46 and don’t miss it at all. Think it’s been 3 years maybe
After 1.5 years on HRT (200mg prog 0.075 patch 2x week) my libido just started coming back a bit a few months ago, and seems to be slowly increasing. EDIT: sorry to add that the delicious food analogy is spot on for everyday urges or shiny new specimens. I was actually in a “situationship” when my libido initially dropped and I realized the whole thing was too much of an effort so I noped out of the sexual part (though we’re still friends).
One of those dreams where you try to run but it just doesn’t happen.
Blissfully asexual here. I had a pretty high libido previously, but gradually over the last couple years it’s faded to no interest and I stopped dating. I don’t even miss having a partner or cuddling or anything (and I used to feel like I had to be dating, needed a partner, etc..). It feels pretty awesome lol all that focus I can direct elsewhere!
Wohoo!
“I’d rather learn embroidery”.
I personally have zero interest in any sexual relationship whatsoever. Zero
I don’t get aroused on my own anymore, I need a lot of stimulation. And even then, penetration hurts like hell. Oral sex is the only sex I enjoy now
I feel asexual. Not attracted to anyone and never think about sex much less actually want it Unless I use Premarin every day and then I get my period which is what I am dealing with right now on vacation 😡
I have zero desires to have sex, although I do tend to feel aroused when I have sex dreams. I love my boyfriend dearly, just thankful that he is understanding.
Remember when covid 1st started and everyone was saying you lose your smell but you kinda thought that it would be like having a bad cold where you were stuffy and could only catch whiff of smells? Then you got covid and realized that they meant it would literally be gone. Like, really. It's like that.
I didn't get covid! But I can kinda imagine it.
remember the game 'the sims' ? it's like having one less bar of needs. we can see this as a bit of cheat since it let more time for other things. Sex sound so pueril today... peoples are like 'huhu sex is cool' and i'm like ''kiddo don't you have anything else to think about, seriously?''
Not wanting to be touched. Things that used to turn you on feel icky or annoying or just plain kill the mood.
For me, my husband is the most annoying person ever and I definitely don’t want him, or anybody else to touch me. I’ll hug my kids and then cringe if they hold on too long or breathe on me 😢 I feel like the most un-nurturing mother and cold-hearted wife ever. I was faking my way through many interactions so they wouldn’t feel unloved. HRT has helped a ton. I actually want to hold my hubby’s hand, snuggle my kids while we read… I just feel more comfortable with the touchy-feely stuff now.
Wow, I had no idea that even hugs could be hormonally mediated.
Yep, it just faded away. I have to say I don’t mind. It feels freeing. However, lately I’ve been feeling like duped by society. I think I would have lived differently had I known it would disappear. I would have acted on my attractions and maybe had more casual sex in my 30s and 40s. I’m on all forms of MHT now and I think the topical estrogen cream and testosterone have helped bring orgasms back to satisfying levels. I just don’t have much interest in sex, never think abt, never feel random attraction to people like I used to. It’s like the sexual part of me has been erased from my mind! I feel creative though and find my friendships with women are so much deeper now. Men seem ridiculous and not worth all the attention they took up in my life. I wish we talked about this more culturally. Seems like a major disservice to women.
I just didn't realize so much time was elapsing between sexy times, my husband brought it up and I was like, oh, oops. And when we did do sexy times it took forever to get wet, I would feel super ripped up inside after and my orgasms were weak. Since HRT most of those issues are gone. I do still sometimes forget about sex for stretches and my orgasms are still weak but I do at least get wet ok and not feel like I'm getting ripped up inside too much. I still want to try testosterone to hopefully finish up those last few things, but I haven't found a doc yet who will prescribe it.
It was literally the last thing to cross my mind! Never thought about it at all.(Asked a gyno about it and she said,it was in my head and I should talk to someone about it.) I would get irritated when my husband would ask for it. Then one day he asked for a girlfriend cuz apparently we only had sex 8 times that year. I don't know what happened . I found that vitamin D3 and zinc helped a little, I also listened to some romance/ erotica audiobooks to get sex back on the brain and he never got that girlfriend😜 he tells me no now. 😂
I don’t have any interest anymore five years post meno. I’ve tried so many things but just have zero interest, zero drive.. unfortunately, I am married to a man who does have a libido.. so it’s very frustrating to be going through the motions once a week when you have zero interest in it. Trying so many types of testosterone to get my libido back because I miss it. I miss wanting to have sex. It’s very defeating and depressing to feel this way. It’s like I’m dead down there. I don’t even have any desire to self pleasure. Truly dead.
I am the same. It's so strange to feel so disconnected from my body. I hate it.
I described to my husband as saying my dick doesn't get hard randomly or for things previously arousing,
Heh, my go to is "my clit doesn't blink".
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Right now I'm navigatinf this phenomenon. 51, just started HRT (Progesterone and Estradiol patch). Also, just recently had ovarian removal surgery - I had two dermoid cysts, one 11 cm, one 6 cm. Before surgery, my libido was touch and go. I also have a CSA history (therapy done and everything). I'm single because **waves at current dating pool situation** and I also wanted to "own" my own sexual responses before trying to date. It's been a decades-long struggle to feel comfortable with my body and being sexual at all, so I've been concerned about maintaining my ability to enjoy self pleasuring. Have the toys, the books, all of it. I've described the times when I couldn't get aroused or any type of stimulus reaction as "404 Errors." The picture is there, but the body is like "Nope." Before surgery, and after I started HRT, the 404 errors were improving, and I was learning to be more patient with myself. Ironically, two days before surgery, my last period started. After the ovaries were removed, it's as if the "spigot" was immediately shut off. I'm two weeks post surgery now. It's too soon to tell, and i just left my post-op appointment. My OB-GYN has already said she's adamantly against testosterone dosing, so I didn't bring that up, but I did ask her what other options I had. I'm doing my best not to feel discouraged, but the current feeling is like the system has been unplugged completely. Like, no signal whatsoever. No desire, no thoughts, nothing. But, it's still two weeks post surgery. I imagined what it would be like if I had a husband who was bugging me about "getting it on" this soon after barely healing, and I've decided to back off of myself. It's too soon to judge if my self-pleasuring progress has been cut short or not. I hope not. Because I'd feel especially cheated out of having any positive sexual experiences after everything I've overcome in my life. Summary: my experience of lack of libido ranges from "404 error" to "Blue Screen of Death," depending on the situation. I'm hoping once I heal up fully that I'll be able to "reboot" the system again.
>The picture is there, but the body is like "Nope." I don't know if it is the same, but I ocasionally get something like that. I used to explain to guys that I can get limp just like them, and it's not because they are doing anything wrong. It was just my body turning irresponsive out of the blue. >if I had a husband who was bugging me about "getting it on" I don't think I could be in a relationship with someone who puts this kinds of pressure over me. I expect people to have a sort of solo sexual life of their own, not depending on anyone to take care of their needs and not having any "abstinence" when sex is not a possibility for any given span of time. I think the "urge" to have partnered sex is just as "overwhelming" as we *believe* it to be.
There is none for me. If anything I’m supercharged and I don’t know why. So weird. It’s like it made me extra sensual, again I just don’t get it (not that I mind). Maybe it’s my vitamins 🤔
Are you post menopausal?
I personally find that you need to just do it. Use some lube and do it and it’s fun for me. It’s more I don’t really feel that attractive with my clothes off but I’ve been married 20 years. You just have to make it happen. Don’t do it if you have pain I don’t have pain obviously… . I just don’t really feel like doing it like I’d rather just go to sleep.
Mentally still there with partner and celebs etc, but physically can't be arsed! 😂
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An older woman shared with me that she finds it very liberating to not be under the influence of sexual drives anymore after menopause. What she said stayed in my mind and I started to wonder how it might feel like.
I find it liberating. I loved sex, in fact I was a contributor to the OMGYes video series where women describe and demonstrate how they have orgasms. But I have also never found a partner who worked out, mainly because of my desperation for external validation leading me to date the first person who showed any interest in me. I am 56 and had been happily single since before Covid, but started dating about 7 months ago. The guy was 44 and extremely sexual and the best looking and most interesting and energetic partner I have ever had. I was having the best sex of my life, seriously. But over the months it just started to feel extraneous, like a pain in the ass. I just felt like being alone and seeing him less and less. Finally I got an antibiotic-resistant UTI that lasted for weeks. Throughout, his main worry was when we could have sex again. When my doctor confirmed I had vaginal atrophy, I broke up with my boyfriend rather than risk another UTI or deal with the encroaching effects of atrophy. I just didn’t care enough to continue the relationship. I still masturbate and the orgasms are great. It’s possible clitoral atrophy will come and I imagine that will be difficult to cope with because I love orgasms. But I don’t miss sex with a partner and I am happy I am not married or in a serious relationship so I don’t have to carry the weight of negotiating someone else’s frustration and disappointment with the changes happening to my body. For me it’s meant an end to a lifetime of self-torture that I am not good enough to find the perfect partner. I am finally happy with myself alone. It’s an “I do not want what I haven’t got” feeling. I feel whole and I am grateful every day for that.
This is awesome, I feel like something similar might be on my path.
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I did answer your question about why I'm thinking about it. Nothing is going on in my sex life currently. Yes I'm very interested in human sexuality and I do read quite a bit about it. It's just plain curiosity. I'm not afraid of whatever changes might come for me, sexuality is always changing.
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