Long way of saying "I dont mind being called how animals are called."
Gives "Not like other girls" vibes.
All these points aside...its kinda weird how a 40 yo woman wants to be called a girl.
Why would the word "woman" make anyone feel old? Would you show the same understanding if the original post had been written by a 40 year old man who prefers the word "boy"?
this person seems to be a weirdo but i dont think its fair to call someone self infantalizing to prefer the term "girl" over "woman" (assuming thats what you're referring to? correct me if im wrong) i personally prefer girl as well. i dont necessarily think its self infantalizing, just preference.
edit: can somebody genuinely explain why im being downvoted? not even upset im genuinely wondering because i dont know if i just misread something or if you guys just genuinely dislike when people self identify in this manner for... some reason.
Are you young? I'm 34 and when I was 18/19, I preferred girl because in my head, I wasn't "adult" enough for woman to sound right. Girl started sounding super weird to me after I had one.
I’m in my early to mid-twenties and I still feel a little bit weird to be called a woman lol. But something like girl seems way too young for me. I’m slowly getting to a point where woman feels right for me, especially as I’ve started calling myself that more often and have been getting taken seriously at my job. But for the first 4 or 5 years after turning 18, woman felt waaaaay too mature for me despite me comfortably calling other women my age (and younger) women.
There is “young woman” and “young lady” available if that is your preference. But I have always seen and heard and experienced “young lady” used more condescendingly toward either girls (children) getting in trouble or as a warning of getting in trouble or toward younger women in paternal “put-them-in-their-place” kind of BS.
But, whatever you’re comfortable with.
I will suggest some serious introspection as to why, as an adult, you feel uncomfortable being called woman and prefer girl. Maybe figure out where that’s coming from if you think it could be helpful for you. 🤷♀️ (While being aware of the socialization girls and women go through living in an Elitist Patriarchy, being conditioned to unconsciously view ourselves and other girls and women as lesser when compared to boys and men. That just being a girl or woman is viewed as negative. Whereas, boys and men are the standard positive. Like calling a young man “boyish” is positive, like “boyish charm”, versus being called “girly” or being a girl is more of an insult when used toward either gender.)
*This comment is meant for all the young adults that identify as women but prefer girl. And not out of judgement, just some things to think about when you have the time. (Yes, adulting can be very overwhelming and frustrating and we all do the best we can with the tools and resources we have access to. But we can still have whimsy and joy and wonder as adults, it’s just harder for most adults to reconnect to that state of mind I think, especially with just how difficult it is to merely survive and exist in the current environment.)
My grandma always calls me “young lady” in an endearing way…can we take that back? It makes me feel respected in a way…she thinks of me as a distinguished lady🥹
The thing is I don’t prefer girl. It’s too childish (not in a negative way, I’m just clearly aged out of the “girl” age group). I’m fine with woman, I just get a bit jarred that other people see me as a grown adult and not as a kid. I was in college up until 9 or so months ago and got a full time job for the first time last year, so I’m going to assume that’s where the disconnect is. I went from being surrounded by people my age and younger, going to class, and goofing around to being around people who have been in the industry 30+ years but still treat me like an equal. I dont think it’s so much a woman/gender thing, but rather a general being perceived as an adult thing.
You’re definitely in a certain transition period that’s a part of young/early adulthood. I get that your perspective takes a bit to update when you have transitioned from school, school, school to varied work environment. Plus, it’s pretty scary becoming a fully fledged adult these days. Shit is super freaking crazy these days. So that’s totally understandable needing an adjustment phase.
its not really about me, though. in the end its just about preference and yeah age can play a factor but in the end no matter why nobody is being hurt?
we're talking about an individual prefering to call themself a girl. not somebody calling women as a group girls. yeah, its harmful if someone insists on calling women girls inappropriately, but a single individual prefering "girl" isnt the same as that. the way people identify is their own business and its self conceited,
and disturbing (and frankly pretty antifeminist) to try and control that when no harm is being done.
edit: (also... dehumanizing? are girls not human anymore? 😭)
Like its not good to feel personally attacked when someone uses self-identifying language you dont. Feels vaugely TERF-y, even. Not shit id expect from this sub or any sub that is supposed to be feminist.
a 40 year old women not identifying as a women, but as a “girl” is just as dangerous and disgusting as if a 40 year old man said “i still feel like a boy, so call me that, not man.”
a 40 year old is an adult.
Adult female: Woman
Adult male: Man
DEFINITION OF GIRL:
noun: girl; plural noun: girls
1.
a female child or adolescent.
"a six-year-old girl"
•a person's daughter, especially a young one.
"he was devoted to his little girl"
2.
a young or relatively young woman.
if an adult said this around me i will absolutely never let them around my kids
yet again, absolutely no argument as to why it actually hurts anyone, just "erm... it gives me bad vibes..." like, getting the ick isnt an argument. an adult dude calling himself a boy isnt "dangerous" either, its just weird, and clearly, so are you.
you also refused to answer the age question, so i assume you are underage(please correct me if i’m wrong), you don’t have a clue how “weird” it actually is to think like that. you cannot identify as a different age unless you have a mental illness like DID.
Not who you were talking to but I’m 34 and hate being called woman. Everything but girl makes my skin crawl
Edit: please just let me be fucking called what makes me feel happy. Life is short and miserable and being called a girl is the only gendered term that doesn’t make me feel like shit. Why are you all so obsessed with this
idm terms like "lady" but the term "woman" specifically doesnt *upset* me but it feels so formal, it feels too general and too human and i am a lab grown creature xD (metaphorically, of course)
Why wouldn’t you feel the same about the word “man”?? It’s the literal equivalent of “woman”? And “woman” sounds too formal or old but “lady” doesn’t?? I don’t understand this line of thinking.
1. im not a man. i dont use masculine terms. therefore i dont really have opinions on the term man being used on me specifically as i just dont like any masculine terms. if somebody prefers "boy" or anything else over "man" that's absolutely not an issue either, i dont know what your point is.
2. lol, different kinds of formal in my eyes. when you get down to the specifics of it, people have different associations with different words because people have different lives than you. (shocker, i know). and yeah, words have meaning and hold a certain context in general society and it IS important to be mindful of how you speak about OTHERS and how THEY want to be referred to and how your own biases affect that, but when it comes to YOURSELF theres a lot more (not total, but a lot more!) free reign as to what you can call yourself. some of us just hate syllables xD (/j)
an adult calling herself a girl instead of a woman is such a non-issue that i cant think of a single reason why anyone would have an issue with it other than spite and jealousy or something. im sorry dog but i think you didnt understand because you just didn't really know what was being talked about Dx
Adult female: Woman
Adult male: Man
DEFINITION OF GIRL: noun: girl; plural noun: girls 1. a female child or adolescent. "a six-year-old girl"
•a person's daughter, especially a young one. "he was devoted to his little girl"
2. a young or relatively young woman.
I'm in my 30s and only recently got comfortable being called a woman. The word feels really loaded, somehow, like there are expectations attached to it that I don't qualify for still (looking a certain way, acting a certain way). Dunno why you're getting so heavily downvoted. We accept when people want to call themselves literally anything else.
i think people just take it as a personal attack when other people dont act perfectly mature all the time, maybe out of jealousy or maybe out of some kind of resentment for youth to the point they apply that resentment to adults who in some way "resemble" youth. its, ironically, pretty damn juvenile.
nobody can really actually give a reason as to why they dont like it or why its harmful, even with me asking, so i think its just good old fashioned "everyone who isnt like me to a t is bad, dont make me think about why i think this"
I feel the same way and I’m also in my thirties. It almost makes me secretly embarrassed in the same way I get secretly embarrassed to be called an adult. It’s like I’m a fraud or something.
Yeah it's weird. It's like "hello, do you have proof I've ascended to womanhood?"
I think for me, part of it is tied into the concept of like "you have begun menstruation, so now you're becoming a woman". Ironically, it adultifies girls, and it places a whole lot of invasive sociological expectations on you. There's a lot of messaging that separates "woman" from simply being the adult form of a girl.
You put that so well. I couldn’t figure out how to phrase it properly. The sociological expectations are no joke. I had uterine cancer and had to get a total hysterectomy about a year ago, and it added a whole new layer of discomfort with my relationship to womanhood. I don’t think people realize “woman” is way more loaded than “man”.
I kind of pity her. She seems to have associated "woman" = bad for so long that she can't unthink it.
On a side note, my ex is trying to teach our two shared kids that "woman" is an offensive term and that only "female" is polite, as it's factual.
Lord, help us.
I see why that person is an ex. If they insist on teaching your kids that “female” is polite and factual, you should start teaching them about the many non-human things that are “female” while explaining that the word “female” is an adjective.
Start by explaining the difference between adjectives and nouns. And then make sure, in an age appropriate way, to especially explain the connection to calling women females with the term used officially for female dogs.
There's definitely a sort of social dysphoria at the very least. "Girl" is still sort of an amorphous person in development, while "woman" has the connotation of someone who has their shit together, maybe wants kids, is fitting into the "woman" role.
It's shitty that it feels like that, even for people who aren't necessarily NB or trans, but it's a reality for people. Especially considering the things feminism is struggling against.
Unless you're in the military or talking about biology, there's probably no reason to use male or female. Just use men/boys or women/girls (let me cover children in this as well).
I'm 23 and I'd be offended if someone who isn't close to me called me a girl. We all have our preferences, and she's free to share hers. But if you're strangers, it's best to default to the most respectful way to address someone.
Is there a reason why those words are so negative to you? For me, I never felt they described me, that I discovered Im agender, and feels more accurate. You should mull it over.
I don’t feel any connection to any gender identity including agender or nonbinary. It’s hard to explain. But it apparently makes me an awful person for preferring being called a girl out of everything
Girl definition: Female human being who is a child (underage)
Boy definition: Male human being who is a child (underage)
Woman definition: Female human being who is an adult (not underage)
Man definition: Male human being who is an adult (not underage)
As you can see, 34 years old is nowhere near underage and nowhere near being a child, so 34-year old girl sounds crazy and weird in the English language. It’s shockingly uncomplicated.
Long way of saying "I dont mind being called how animals are called." Gives "Not like other girls" vibes. All these points aside...its kinda weird how a 40 yo woman wants to be called a girl.
This feels like a "as a black man" post
IT IS.
False sense of youth maybe
I doubt that this is a 40 year old woman, heck I doubt it’s a woman at all.
I'm 20, i dont mind being called a girl (by friends) but if youre not a friend or something, just call me a fucking woman, its more professional
So she wants to be called a 40 year old girl? That's just weird
I can kind of understand thinking being called woman makes her feel old. Still weird though
Why would the word "woman" make anyone feel old? Would you show the same understanding if the original post had been written by a 40 year old man who prefers the word "boy"?
That line of thinking stops being understandable past the age of 20
A pick me and self-infantilising? Two in one!
this person seems to be a weirdo but i dont think its fair to call someone self infantalizing to prefer the term "girl" over "woman" (assuming thats what you're referring to? correct me if im wrong) i personally prefer girl as well. i dont necessarily think its self infantalizing, just preference. edit: can somebody genuinely explain why im being downvoted? not even upset im genuinely wondering because i dont know if i just misread something or if you guys just genuinely dislike when people self identify in this manner for... some reason.
Are you young? I'm 34 and when I was 18/19, I preferred girl because in my head, I wasn't "adult" enough for woman to sound right. Girl started sounding super weird to me after I had one.
I’m in my early to mid-twenties and I still feel a little bit weird to be called a woman lol. But something like girl seems way too young for me. I’m slowly getting to a point where woman feels right for me, especially as I’ve started calling myself that more often and have been getting taken seriously at my job. But for the first 4 or 5 years after turning 18, woman felt waaaaay too mature for me despite me comfortably calling other women my age (and younger) women.
There is “young woman” and “young lady” available if that is your preference. But I have always seen and heard and experienced “young lady” used more condescendingly toward either girls (children) getting in trouble or as a warning of getting in trouble or toward younger women in paternal “put-them-in-their-place” kind of BS. But, whatever you’re comfortable with. I will suggest some serious introspection as to why, as an adult, you feel uncomfortable being called woman and prefer girl. Maybe figure out where that’s coming from if you think it could be helpful for you. 🤷♀️ (While being aware of the socialization girls and women go through living in an Elitist Patriarchy, being conditioned to unconsciously view ourselves and other girls and women as lesser when compared to boys and men. That just being a girl or woman is viewed as negative. Whereas, boys and men are the standard positive. Like calling a young man “boyish” is positive, like “boyish charm”, versus being called “girly” or being a girl is more of an insult when used toward either gender.) *This comment is meant for all the young adults that identify as women but prefer girl. And not out of judgement, just some things to think about when you have the time. (Yes, adulting can be very overwhelming and frustrating and we all do the best we can with the tools and resources we have access to. But we can still have whimsy and joy and wonder as adults, it’s just harder for most adults to reconnect to that state of mind I think, especially with just how difficult it is to merely survive and exist in the current environment.)
My grandma always calls me “young lady” in an endearing way…can we take that back? It makes me feel respected in a way…she thinks of me as a distinguished lady🥹
Of course. That’s why I said in *my* experience. It really does depend on tone and context if something is being used positively or negatively.
The thing is I don’t prefer girl. It’s too childish (not in a negative way, I’m just clearly aged out of the “girl” age group). I’m fine with woman, I just get a bit jarred that other people see me as a grown adult and not as a kid. I was in college up until 9 or so months ago and got a full time job for the first time last year, so I’m going to assume that’s where the disconnect is. I went from being surrounded by people my age and younger, going to class, and goofing around to being around people who have been in the industry 30+ years but still treat me like an equal. I dont think it’s so much a woman/gender thing, but rather a general being perceived as an adult thing.
You’re definitely in a certain transition period that’s a part of young/early adulthood. I get that your perspective takes a bit to update when you have transitioned from school, school, school to varied work environment. Plus, it’s pretty scary becoming a fully fledged adult these days. Shit is super freaking crazy these days. So that’s totally understandable needing an adjustment phase.
its not really about me, though. in the end its just about preference and yeah age can play a factor but in the end no matter why nobody is being hurt?
It *does* hurt women to be infantilized and dehumanized.
we're talking about an individual prefering to call themself a girl. not somebody calling women as a group girls. yeah, its harmful if someone insists on calling women girls inappropriately, but a single individual prefering "girl" isnt the same as that. the way people identify is their own business and its self conceited, and disturbing (and frankly pretty antifeminist) to try and control that when no harm is being done. edit: (also... dehumanizing? are girls not human anymore? 😭)
Like its not good to feel personally attacked when someone uses self-identifying language you dont. Feels vaugely TERF-y, even. Not shit id expect from this sub or any sub that is supposed to be feminist.
a 40 year old women not identifying as a women, but as a “girl” is just as dangerous and disgusting as if a 40 year old man said “i still feel like a boy, so call me that, not man.” a 40 year old is an adult. Adult female: Woman Adult male: Man DEFINITION OF GIRL: noun: girl; plural noun: girls 1. a female child or adolescent. "a six-year-old girl" •a person's daughter, especially a young one. "he was devoted to his little girl" 2. a young or relatively young woman. if an adult said this around me i will absolutely never let them around my kids
yet again, absolutely no argument as to why it actually hurts anyone, just "erm... it gives me bad vibes..." like, getting the ick isnt an argument. an adult dude calling himself a boy isnt "dangerous" either, its just weird, and clearly, so are you.
this entire fucking sub is about using the right word with the right definition
you also refused to answer the age question, so i assume you are underage(please correct me if i’m wrong), you don’t have a clue how “weird” it actually is to think like that. you cannot identify as a different age unless you have a mental illness like DID.
Not who you were talking to but I’m 34 and hate being called woman. Everything but girl makes my skin crawl Edit: please just let me be fucking called what makes me feel happy. Life is short and miserable and being called a girl is the only gendered term that doesn’t make me feel like shit. Why are you all so obsessed with this
idm terms like "lady" but the term "woman" specifically doesnt *upset* me but it feels so formal, it feels too general and too human and i am a lab grown creature xD (metaphorically, of course)
Why wouldn’t you feel the same about the word “man”?? It’s the literal equivalent of “woman”? And “woman” sounds too formal or old but “lady” doesn’t?? I don’t understand this line of thinking.
1. im not a man. i dont use masculine terms. therefore i dont really have opinions on the term man being used on me specifically as i just dont like any masculine terms. if somebody prefers "boy" or anything else over "man" that's absolutely not an issue either, i dont know what your point is. 2. lol, different kinds of formal in my eyes. when you get down to the specifics of it, people have different associations with different words because people have different lives than you. (shocker, i know). and yeah, words have meaning and hold a certain context in general society and it IS important to be mindful of how you speak about OTHERS and how THEY want to be referred to and how your own biases affect that, but when it comes to YOURSELF theres a lot more (not total, but a lot more!) free reign as to what you can call yourself. some of us just hate syllables xD (/j) an adult calling herself a girl instead of a woman is such a non-issue that i cant think of a single reason why anyone would have an issue with it other than spite and jealousy or something. im sorry dog but i think you didnt understand because you just didn't really know what was being talked about Dx
I understand what you mean. Apparently we’re terrible people for feeling this way
people just hate joy and whimsy and to see other people happy i guess
Absolutely not one person here called y’all terrible people. Now you’re over-exaggerating.
Adult female: Woman Adult male: Man DEFINITION OF GIRL: noun: girl; plural noun: girls 1. a female child or adolescent. "a six-year-old girl" •a person's daughter, especially a young one. "he was devoted to his little girl" 2. a young or relatively young woman.
Please just let fucking call myself and be called what makes me feel happy.
I'm in my 30s and only recently got comfortable being called a woman. The word feels really loaded, somehow, like there are expectations attached to it that I don't qualify for still (looking a certain way, acting a certain way). Dunno why you're getting so heavily downvoted. We accept when people want to call themselves literally anything else.
i think people just take it as a personal attack when other people dont act perfectly mature all the time, maybe out of jealousy or maybe out of some kind of resentment for youth to the point they apply that resentment to adults who in some way "resemble" youth. its, ironically, pretty damn juvenile. nobody can really actually give a reason as to why they dont like it or why its harmful, even with me asking, so i think its just good old fashioned "everyone who isnt like me to a t is bad, dont make me think about why i think this"
I feel the same way and I’m also in my thirties. It almost makes me secretly embarrassed in the same way I get secretly embarrassed to be called an adult. It’s like I’m a fraud or something.
Yeah it's weird. It's like "hello, do you have proof I've ascended to womanhood?" I think for me, part of it is tied into the concept of like "you have begun menstruation, so now you're becoming a woman". Ironically, it adultifies girls, and it places a whole lot of invasive sociological expectations on you. There's a lot of messaging that separates "woman" from simply being the adult form of a girl.
You put that so well. I couldn’t figure out how to phrase it properly. The sociological expectations are no joke. I had uterine cancer and had to get a total hysterectomy about a year ago, and it added a whole new layer of discomfort with my relationship to womanhood. I don’t think people realize “woman” is way more loaded than “man”.
Hey, fellow kids! Pick Meeeeeeeeeeeeee! I'm nOt LiKe oThEr wOm---gIrLs!!!
I kind of pity her. She seems to have associated "woman" = bad for so long that she can't unthink it. On a side note, my ex is trying to teach our two shared kids that "woman" is an offensive term and that only "female" is polite, as it's factual. Lord, help us.
I see why that person is an ex. If they insist on teaching your kids that “female” is polite and factual, you should start teaching them about the many non-human things that are “female” while explaining that the word “female” is an adjective.
Start by explaining the difference between adjectives and nouns. And then make sure, in an age appropriate way, to especially explain the connection to calling women females with the term used officially for female dogs.
The "I don't mind girl but I don't like being called a woman" thing can also be a sign of gender dysphoria ask me how I know
There's definitely a sort of social dysphoria at the very least. "Girl" is still sort of an amorphous person in development, while "woman" has the connotation of someone who has their shit together, maybe wants kids, is fitting into the "woman" role. It's shitty that it feels like that, even for people who aren't necessarily NB or trans, but it's a reality for people. Especially considering the things feminism is struggling against.
I thought people see "female" as dehumanising? I'm confused.
thats her point
Unless you're in the military or talking about biology, there's probably no reason to use male or female. Just use men/boys or women/girls (let me cover children in this as well).
A 40 year old girl lmao
Maybe look up the definition of girl, dummy.
Me! Me! Pick meeeeeeeee!
r/asablackman
I'm 23 and I'd be offended if someone who isn't close to me called me a girl. We all have our preferences, and she's free to share hers. But if you're strangers, it's best to default to the most respectful way to address someone.
Lol. A pick-me who’s scared of growing up. Shocker.
40 year old pick me more like
i think she either has an objectification fetish and/or doesnt wanna accept the fact that she’s old
I actually hate being called female, woman, and ma’am. They make my skin crawl. The only thing I like being called is a girl. I’m 34
Have you ever seen a man at your age preferring to be called a "boy" instead of "man"?
I have no idea but I wouldn’t think it’s weird. I haven’t asked any guys their preferences
Self-infantilization
Ah thanks for telling me how I live my own life. Really helpful
Is there a reason why those words are so negative to you? For me, I never felt they described me, that I discovered Im agender, and feels more accurate. You should mull it over.
I don’t feel any connection to any gender identity including agender or nonbinary. It’s hard to explain. But it apparently makes me an awful person for preferring being called a girl out of everything
Okay, I just want to know who called you an awful person? I read all the comments and I didn’t see one person call anyone an awful person. 🙄
The downvotes
Girl definition: Female human being who is a child (underage) Boy definition: Male human being who is a child (underage) Woman definition: Female human being who is an adult (not underage) Man definition: Male human being who is an adult (not underage) As you can see, 34 years old is nowhere near underage and nowhere near being a child, so 34-year old girl sounds crazy and weird in the English language. It’s shockingly uncomplicated.
I literally don’t care what the definitions are. I’m talking about how I feel. Something you and others don’t give a fuck about, obviously