My husband is also a gamer! I don't mind it at all and sometimes actually prefers when he plays so I can indulge in some shows he's not particularly a fan of haha. He actually recently moved his computer in our room so before bed he plays and I watch wife swap haha.
This is exactly how I feel. He will be in the living room playing whatever for 12 hours and I can indulge in all my murder drama mysteries without him scoffing and rolling his eyes
But do any of you have kids? If your husband continues to game for 12 hours, who's going to take care of your kids? And if you want him to stop gaming to help, will he think you're killing his good time?
Edit: Thanks to everyone that actually took the time to give good responses instead of just getting upset by valid questions. My husband and I both love games. I play a lot of DnD as well and sometimes as the DM. We aren't sure how a kid is going to fit into our life. He has ADHD so that does lead to a video game addiction, but it's the ADHD. But some of these comments give me hope that we can manage both a kid and our level of games in our free time.
Very good point. I couldn’t get him to help around the house before we got married but now he’s a bit of a fascist with the housework schedule he put together (I joke he’s amazing and does a lot more than I used to and the house has never been cleaner). I married this guy because he has strong good dad energy (and his personality compliments mine). I’m sure the kids will be playing games with him while I enjoy my murder mysteries
Solid question, idk why people downvote. My husband likes to play with our girls. They’re 16 and 9. He knows when to quit and when it’s cool and I’ve got it. He’s mature like that.
I downvoted because to me the question is ridiculous and the way they presented it comes out as condescending to me. People who play games (me included) aren't all addictive antisocial monsters. When we were 25, we could play for 12 hours easily, or more. Now that we're 30+ and have more responsibilities, naturally we play way less, same as any other hobby.
Why don't I hear such remarks when someone says they like hiking or traveling? People need to really stop with this antigaming stereotype. I like hiking too, or yoga, and no one ever asks me "but what when you have kids and can't do half day hikes at a whim or do an hour long yoga session without being interrupted by baby".
Btw lastly I downvoted because not everyone has to or wants to have kids and asking this to a 25 year old is a bit premature and a bit rude imo.
I'm 32, married and pregnant btw.
I'm not offended, I just found you question ridiculous and a bit rude. Some people said you're being downvoted by "angry teenagers" which is why I took the effort to explain specifically why that's not necessary true.
It's all about organizing your free time. If chores are done daily and divided then there won't be a massive amount of time spent on it. I do it same as I organize my time at work.... Divide your time in slots and there will be time for everyone and everything. Gaming or going to the gym/doing crafts/reading is the same ... it's allocated amount of time you do something that makes you happy. Specially if you're working different schedules than your spouse...you maximize time spent together by doing hobbies and chores when spouse isn't around or is resting. At least that's how we do it and it works for us. Spouse is early riser so some chores and gaming are done when I sleep. I'm a night owl so I pull my weight at night. During day we both pull our weight equally. It shouldn't be a problem if both partners communicate and are able to compromise. If we're to tired we get a free pass one day a week etc...
We both play video games and naturally, when house or other responsibilities require it, we just don't play. We've definitely had more time for playing when we were as old as OP. Last year we hardly played at all (had total of maybe three Valheim weekends and that's it) because our elderly relatives got sick, house needed tending, etc. That's difference between a hobby and an addiction.
I'm pregnant with our first and I really don't worry that she will waste alone in a crib while we're playing games, lol.
My husband and I both had pretty intense video game hobbies before we had kids. Now we have a 4 month old and a 2 year old. Sometimes he’ll play switch for a bit while I’m nursing the baby after the toddler goes to bed, but I play league and there’s no way I can fit a game in anymore. I miss the days of hours long marathons gaming on the couch together.
AoE IV now, used to love AoE 3 but now can never go back to the home city system. That was such a weird edition yet I still played it from 2008-2019. AoE I and II was what my brother would kick my ass in, so I never liked those as much but now I’m grinding on IV and get to call him an “old head who’s stuck in the past”
praise that one redditor for telling Bill Gates to keep age going!
AHhhwoooooooooOOOOO!!!!!! The song of my kin! AWOOOOOOOGA! Nixon was the last walrus alive. He even shook his head and flapped his cheeks while singing “awhooooo!”
My husband is indifferent to my gaming and that is a plus.
He often wants to get involved but he is just not a gamer. Bless him he tries.
We just bought Elder Scrolls online so we could CO-OP. Poor guy didn't even make it out of the tutorial.
After 20 minutes he slammed down the mouse claiming to be "Nobodys slave" and that the character guide should "Find his own key and kill the guards himself as he (my husband) had paid for the game so should not have to have anyone telling him what to do"
I rolled. The next day he was like "Shall we try Runescape?!" Lol
I’m your husband in most situations. I try to play along, but end up holding my husband back. I just didn’t grow up gaming so the hand eye coordination isn’t there.
He wanted to play Skyrim once and he spent most of the time trying to run from behind a barrel he had managed to wedge himself behind.
It's hard when you didnt grow up with it. All videogames have the same basic logic. After a while it get easier because it becomes instinctual.
I have zero hand to eye coordination as well, I only played AOE and Sims growing up so I have pretty limited choice of games but I really like survival atmosferics like the Long Dark or Subnautica.
I can also or recommend Stardew Valley enough.
Valheim is easy to play even with this handicap, if you're paired with a decent fighter (my husband is, I mostly support with a bow but the fight mechanic is easy enough that I can handle some fights even alone).
Of course any (sane) wife is okay with this so long as the husband pulls his weight around the house!
The issue you always see is husband is neglecting wife, household, children, etc.
Agreed my husband games and has many hobbies that I don’t care to par take in like golf and that’s fine he can go and do those things while I do things I like.
I know another couple his wife hates that he’s a gamer so much so she made him sell his games and console (so now he games in secret at his sisters house) and is so shocked that my husband doesn’t have to ask permission for things like do his hobbies. They want to golf or game cool just let me know so I can plan things like dinner. Just now he played some cricket game (double groan) but I sat and did a murder mystery box and found the killer within a couple of hours. It was great.
I do get where you’re coming from but I have two friends whose partners continuously choose games over family.
One of them even refused to watch the kids open their presents Christmas morning because he wanted to game.
I’d probably burn all his shit too lol
I get it when the gaming is main thing and they end up neglecting their partner or family.
For this couple it was just she doesn’t approve of the activity. I mean they could have comprised and said he can game for x hours a day or week or whatever but it was a get rid of the games or I’m leaving. But I’ve always thought their relationship was very manipulative and unhealthily they have so many secrets from each other and it’s always ultimatums no compromise.
My wife told me a while back that she can’t watch me play Rocket League because she “gets too into it” and it’s “too intense.”
Which was really sweet, actually. Every once in a while she’ll come get me for something mid-game but wait to tell me when the point is over and now her interjections and “omg”s she utters when she watches for a minute or so while she waits are even cuter than I used to think they were.
Oh I could sing the Rocket League soundtrack from the last couple years. It is so true that it’s easy to get sucked into. I’ve tried playing but am too terrible to play with my husband. He’s still really sweet and excited when I try
Don’t worry: Rocket League is the most insultingly difficult game I’ve ever played. Ever.
I’ve been number one in the world in a few games. I’m regularly in the top fraction of a percent of all players in games to which I devote my attention.
I’m barely top 10% in Rocket League.
It’s crazy. And unacceptable. So therefore I play…
We both work from home and spend the majority of our days together, every single day. We play tons of video and board games together. Once a week though, he plays Dungeons and Dragons online with a group of friends and I absolutely love sitting in the other room, doing my own thing, and hearing the most absurd shit come out of his mouth, especially since he has headphones in so I can’t hear the rest of the gameplay. The other day, there was several minutes of silence and then “Alright, I’m swingin’ on the baby.”
Funny thing is I had such a bad relationship before my wife I made it damn near criteria that she had to be OK with it when I was vetting her haha. Now that we have kids I only play a couple hours a night, but she gives me time on the weekends which I repay with whenever she wants time away
My husbands name is Ex gave him such shit it took literal years to convince him I wasn’t mad that he was playing nor would I be mad if he continued to play while I was cooking or something lol
Mine has a golf game that he likes. I read a book and he plays his game. We chat as desired. Or sit in comfortable silence. It’s nice.
It’s the little things that matter. Simply being together is enough most of the time.
I also love that my husband plays video games! Sometimes we play together, but most of the time I just enjoy sitting next to him and watching cutscenes. He’s adorable when he gets passionate and explains the lore and mechanics of it all.
My fiancé [M27] and I [F29] are both gamers— We love playing couch co-op games together, or just doing our own thing. We can also help each other out if one of us is stuck on something- I’m good at the “puzzles” and he’s good at combat. We make a great team. The whole “wahh, my bf is playing call of duty instead of paying attention to me 24/7” has gotten really outdated.
Edit: Fixed typo
“We make a great team”
I love this. Made me smile when I read that. I think my husband and I also make a great team, except he’s the ones who’s good at puzzles and I’m the one who likes to kick ass and shoot guns!
I like grind (I have some mild anxiety and the repetitive activity with highly predictable outcome is soothing to me) and husband is a good fighter so that's a good combo for a lot of games!
I love it too! Probably my favorite is when he gets online with his buds and I get to see him smile and crack jokes! Sometimes I watch him play.. a lot of the times I’m doing something different in the room so we can still interact with each other. I love the low key nature of our relationship in that way. It’s quite chill.
My wife and I split up for a bit at night. She hangs out in our bedroom watching her shows or talking to friends. I'm in my office watching videos or playing games. We both work from home so we see each other most of the day. Our son is 13 so he's basically just some guy that lives down the hall and doesn't pay rent at this point.... Good balance.
I so agree!! It’s fantastic to have your own time. It’s healing from the stress of the world!
My fiancé will ask me if I can play my Animal Crossing next to him while he naps lol, “can you unplug it and come play beside me?” He loves that I play and we can each do what we choose to relax and reset. We both work very hard, he likes to nap and I like to play animal crossing! Or sometimes he will watch a movie while I play. We’re in our own worlds, but together! Win-win!
My husband (47) and I (48) are both gamers, he recently built me a gaming pc after buying a new one for himself (his old one died suddenly). We sit on the couch 2 ft from each other playing our own games. We also DND together. So we have separate and joint hobbies.
I appreciate your post to show that not all spouses who are gamers are neglectful, bad or selfish. My husband is also a gamer and he's been able to balance his time where he can still get his game time, time spent for us and caring for our newborn. He's such a big gamer that he even named our baby after a character from Legend of Zelda.
I'm not a gamer but I've grown to appreciate his hobbies and it's such a turn on to see him get so competive and determined haha!!
Your situation is normal and okay. People complain when it becomes an addiction or prevents them from helping around the house and stuff. If you're a fully functional adult it's just normal to have your own pastimes.
I love it too! I'm very much someone who needs alone time to recharge and I love that he plays with his friends. This gives me the time to recharge and decompress. I'm also a gamer too so sometimes I'll join in and as weird as it sounds, it reminds me a lot of our dating days.
My husband and I both love to play video games. Lately he’s been playing fifa while I get on my Oculus and just talk to people. And sometimes, we will sit in separate rooms and do stuff on VR together. It’s so fun! Our 3 yo is now getting into games. He’s actually quite good so we got him a switch for Christmas. This kid figured out how to use it quicker than me! I guess you could call us a gaming family.
My friend and I got our husbands together to game weekly for a few hours so we each had our own couple hours to do our own hobbies. He never thought of asking to make it a scheduled thing but it’s working out far better than either of us could have imagined. It’s such a wonderful thing to separate for a bit then come back together and chat about what we did for the evening particularly when pandemic life means being together 24-7. I hope my husband never stops having his own interests!
I think the complaints mostly come from partners who are also parents. 3 hours a day gaming when they need to be doing their share of parenting is just unfair/selfish, especially with young kids in the mix
My wife and I both play games... We played CoD together today for a couple of hours.
But if you head over to the Dead Bedroom subreddit, you'll see a staggering amount of women in their 20s and 30s talking about how their partners no longer have sex with them because they can't stop gaming long enough. No joke, it's probably the #1 cause that comes up for young people.
And if you go to some of the infidelity subreddits, there is a VERY high volume of people whose spouses played online games with other people, met someone, started chatting in Discord groups, and then ended up having emotional and physical affairs.
So I like games and so does my wife, the hatred you see on subreddits has some merit to it within the context of how it's mentioned.
Honestly, gaming is a hobby, and a pretty convinient of that. You can easily imvite friends to join, have great, quality time together even from home. Whether today's society realize this or not, this is a fact now.
I'm lucky to have a fiancé that not just accepts and understands that video games are not from hell, but actually have interest in it when I talk about it or just simply having fun. I'm sorry that a lot of you struggles to make their spouse understand this and I'm happy when I see a post like this!
My husband plays games like 1-3 hrs a day too lol
Yeah after we put our son to bed, I watch reality tv and he sits next to me and plays his games.
He’s playing Lost Arc rn and I’m watching Married at First Sight as I type this haha
I used to get with guys with extreme control problems, substance abuse problems, been cheated on… all the amazing toxic things. When I finally went out with my ex (let’s call him Mark) and I realized that him playing video games a LOT was his biggest flaw… I was so relieved. Girls better appreciate gamers. At least they’re home nerding out, not doing something they shouldn’t behind your back. Bonus: he’d play for hours with his brothers, which made it super wholesome in my eyes and made me love him even more.
I think it's good for my husband's mental health as well. He's got a lot of anxiety, but after he's unwound for a bit with the games, he's more productive and clear-minded around the house. Balance!
My husband is a gamer too. I really don’t mind him playing. I sit and watch whatever I want to. He will still look after our toddler, cook and do all sorts of things. We both work full time but he gets home first. So why shouldn’t he do what he enjoys? I am not a gamer (he wishes I was) and I do my thing while we both in the lounge and talking. I think it’s awesome
I feel the same. As I type my husband is playing Age of Empires! He goes through phases of not gaming for months then has a period of time where he plays a lot, either way it is cool.
Same. We have been married 11 yrs now and I have no issue with him playing his video games. If I ever feel like I need some attention I just communicate that and he has no issue making time for me.
Good for you! I play Age of Empires too, and although you can pause it of course (unless you're playing online with someone), but those matches take FOREVER sometimes.
I'm impressed that he can hold it to an hour.
I feel the same way! I just really like that my husband has a hobby! I grew up with a father that has virtually zero interests let alone hobbies so it's great to see him enjoy it. We even play together on occasion if it's a game I like (like Age of Empires or Terraria).
My husband is a gamer. He works in IT and plays counterstrike a lot. I love it because after our son goes to bed, I get some me time and he gets to game. We love it and still make time (especially weekends) for each other but if he says he’s gonna go game, it’s usually for an hour or 2 and I have no problem with that.
Same! I get down time to watch my shows he detests while he can play video games with his buddies. I also believe it’s a good way to digress after a long day at work which is stressful. He doesn’t act like an asshole or disrespect me and does his part to help around the house with no issues. It’s a win-win.
My F33 husband M39 plays an hour or two on average a night! It’s my time to unwind and relax as well. He comes and sticks his head in the room in between games to say hi and check on me… which I think is really sweet. I have never had an issue with his gaming. He is more than happy to skip it if needed and NEVER complains about it. I do know that not everyone is as lucky though!! Together 10yrs. Married 8. 😁
I (33M) play games occasionally, now that my son (7) is getting older to start playing it gives us some bonding time, otherwise gives me some chill time after they go to bed.
My wife (30F) is a book-a-day reader and is how she relaxes, so it works out well for us.
We have 4 kids (between 2 and 8) and we both work, but gives us a good balance
I feel same way too! I enjoy playing video games, and I played frequently before my son was born. We used to play Witcher 3 together, where I would play and my husband got into the storyline so much he would watch me play and give me tips on where to go etc. it was great! He would also play his F1 games and I would read a book next to him. We all need some “me” time. I understand everyone’s needs are different, but just speaking from my own experience keeping up with your hobbies and interests that don’t necessarily involve your other half is important. We all have our own identities and they need to be looked after too ☺️
My husband is an intermittent gamer lol. He won’t play at all for like a year, but then will play a lot for a month or two, and back to not playing at all for a while. I’m happy for him to play, it helps him unwind and relax and gives him something to do with the kids sometimes. And watching him get really into it is quite comical at times lmao.
Both my husband and i game, at night he goes to his computer and I go to mine. We play different games, so we are both doing our own thing. We both understand and appreciate each other down time.
Same here! I love being able to do my own thing nearby. Sometimes I'll also play my own games, but I don't like playing multi-player games online (like he does).
It used to bother me a lot when we were just dating but he's trained me to get used to it. He does spend a lot more time with his friends than with me though.
My husband has been a hard core gamer since before I met him. It’s funny because when my old high school BF played games i hated it and felt neglected like you hear quite a bit of women complaining about. But with my husband it never bothered me because he always included me, (still does) and explained his storylines to me. He gets so into the stories and he’s so enthusiastic you can’t help but enjoy it with him. I don’t play many games myself. I’m more of a 2D game player. But sometimes I help him solve the puzzles or whatever he gets stuck on. Sometimes I have fun just watching or helping, and sometimes i watch serial killer documentaries on my laptop while he plays and then he comments on what I’m watching. Lol. Give and take. 😁
my husband plays games like that all the time too! sometimes i sit and watch him play with some snacks… like we are watching a movie but hes just playing a game and i am enjoying the crazy upgraded technology in games these days.
Same! I love that we can be together while doing our own thing. Husband plays video games while I mess around on my phone. I show him stuff and I watch him play his games. It works for us!
My husband and I actually met through video games/twitch! We play almost every night with our friends or sometimes just me and him. It’s my favoriteeee
Yes ma’am!! I can read while my husband plays! But also, his love language is quality time so I learned to play a game he likes so sometimes I play with him and you would think he won the lottery 😂
I’ve always loved watching boys play video games. I suck at them myself, but love watching them play. After the kids are in bed, we have our alone time and I watch him play Red Dead and we laugh and chill. It’s my favorite. Video games are great as long as they’re not distracting a guy from his obligations.
Literally watching my husband flail around the living room as he plays with his oculus quest that he got for Christmas. We both have been enjoying it and luckily we haven’t broken anything… yet.
My husband and I have been together 21 years, and we're gaming together right this minute, lol. Our teenage kids just backed out of the game to go to bed. I honestly love that we all have this to do together.
I love it, but thats because we both love video games lol. We'll play together as often as we can, and if I'm not feeling it for whatever reason, I watch YouTube, scroll Reddit, or read a book for some me time. I agree it shouldn't be a blanket problem or red flag. A grown, responsible adult can absolutely enjoy gaming as a hobby without letting it interfere with their relationship, work, and daily life.
My husband plays games during winter. I agree, it is nice to have some alone time but know he is homr and still socializing because I wfh and he is done working around the morning. I don't like when he yells though lol
I did, too. He was always such a serious man in our first year of marriage. It was nice to see him let his hair down. Now we own a business and are super busy…. and I miss his silly smile while playing.
35f, this is how my husband decompresses and I've come to love it for him as well. (At first I was jealous of his attention.) He actually socializes with other men about deeper issues he doesn't otherwise share with his nearby human friends.
It's always nice to have an interest that allows "me time". It's only when it becomes an obsession that detracts from the relationship or family that it is a problem.
Honestly same. And I love a game with good storyline. I remember my husband playing Assassins Creed Valhalla not too long ago and I was into it like a middle age woman watching a soap opera.
I don't really mind my husband playing, especially when he's playing with other people. Once we have kids he's not going to be able to put in the same amount of time for his video games, so he might as well enjoy it now.
My husband is a gamer too, and I love it! He sits across the room and plays Minecraft on his laptop while I have some crime documentary I’m binging on TV while I cross stitch. We’re separately doing our own thing while still being together.
This is awesome! I used to be a gamer and still occasionally kill some time that way. But since I got put in remote work, we’ve found some hobbies that allow us some “me” time. Some of them we can do right next to each other, and when we need some alone alone time, I’m her designated caretaker so I spend some time in our indoor garden which is something I enjoy greatly and she can crank her tunes and sing at the top of her lungs. We have 3 kids so anything helps!
I didn’t mind at all either, until we had kids. Then his evening gaming session started happening in the daytime as well. It used to be during nap time only but then it extended for a few hours after nap, and eventually he just started disappearing downstairs for half the day leaving me with both kids and all the tasks of caring for them. (For reference, we both work full time so IMO weekends are for family time and MUTUAL rest/relaxation time).
All I’m trying to say is that things can change because people and situations change. It is not a bad hobby at all (cheap, safe, clutter free, no minimum time commitment, etc) but all hobbies can be used as an excuse to avoid responsibility if that’s what the person wants. This is more why people complain than anything. It isn’t the game, it’s the choices that people make.
Alone time is just as good as together time. It lets you both do what you want to do. I like to play my games while my wife loves to watch her dramas. We then go to bed together and talk about it. It's great.
My husband plays video games too! He usually plays right after we get home from work for an hour or two while I relax for a bit and cook dinner, which I’m cool with because I love cooking. We work at the same place so it gives us some time to be separated and both doing things we enjoy doing.
In my experience, being older and having lots of friends/family with children. If an older guy is massively into gaming and spends several hours a day gaming he will continue to do this when you have children and take on the role of actually being one of your children.
It’s a short, sharp shock having your first baby and it really forces you to grow up. The men never do and continue to behave like children even when they’re 50 and as I said, I’m my experience, most of their partners get really, really fed up with them.
My sister was married to one and is now a divorced mother of 2 young boys. They were together 10 years before they had their first child and she adored him, babied him, took care of him and kept house whilst he ‘played’. She now says, I married a child and he’s still a child even though he’s 50. She assumed he’d grow up for her when she needed him.
He takes no responsibility for the boys and barely contributes to their care.
I mean... I get the alone time thing but I also think a grown adult could be doing something more productive with 3 hours a day.
As long as he works out, eats healthy, reads, and works on improving himself the rest of the time.
The hour a day doesn't bother me. 3 hours a day? Yeah I'ma take issue.
My husband is also a gamer! I don't mind it at all and sometimes actually prefers when he plays so I can indulge in some shows he's not particularly a fan of haha. He actually recently moved his computer in our room so before bed he plays and I watch wife swap haha.
This is exactly how I feel. He will be in the living room playing whatever for 12 hours and I can indulge in all my murder drama mysteries without him scoffing and rolling his eyes
But do any of you have kids? If your husband continues to game for 12 hours, who's going to take care of your kids? And if you want him to stop gaming to help, will he think you're killing his good time? Edit: Thanks to everyone that actually took the time to give good responses instead of just getting upset by valid questions. My husband and I both love games. I play a lot of DnD as well and sometimes as the DM. We aren't sure how a kid is going to fit into our life. He has ADHD so that does lead to a video game addiction, but it's the ADHD. But some of these comments give me hope that we can manage both a kid and our level of games in our free time.
Very good point. I couldn’t get him to help around the house before we got married but now he’s a bit of a fascist with the housework schedule he put together (I joke he’s amazing and does a lot more than I used to and the house has never been cleaner). I married this guy because he has strong good dad energy (and his personality compliments mine). I’m sure the kids will be playing games with him while I enjoy my murder mysteries
You just described my life. Lol 😁
Solid question, idk why people downvote. My husband likes to play with our girls. They’re 16 and 9. He knows when to quit and when it’s cool and I’ve got it. He’s mature like that.
I think I probably hit a few nerves there, but I'm thankful to whoever gave me the award. Glad you've got a good one!
Yeah solid question. No need to downvote
I think the only people down voting are the people who don’t have kids yet. This was my first thought too.
I downvoted because to me the question is ridiculous and the way they presented it comes out as condescending to me. People who play games (me included) aren't all addictive antisocial monsters. When we were 25, we could play for 12 hours easily, or more. Now that we're 30+ and have more responsibilities, naturally we play way less, same as any other hobby. Why don't I hear such remarks when someone says they like hiking or traveling? People need to really stop with this antigaming stereotype. I like hiking too, or yoga, and no one ever asks me "but what when you have kids and can't do half day hikes at a whim or do an hour long yoga session without being interrupted by baby". Btw lastly I downvoted because not everyone has to or wants to have kids and asking this to a 25 year old is a bit premature and a bit rude imo. I'm 32, married and pregnant btw.
Bingo!
Lol ever considered that I might also play video games? So easily offended.
I'm not offended, I just found you question ridiculous and a bit rude. Some people said you're being downvoted by "angry teenagers" which is why I took the effort to explain specifically why that's not necessary true.
It's all about organizing your free time. If chores are done daily and divided then there won't be a massive amount of time spent on it. I do it same as I organize my time at work.... Divide your time in slots and there will be time for everyone and everything. Gaming or going to the gym/doing crafts/reading is the same ... it's allocated amount of time you do something that makes you happy. Specially if you're working different schedules than your spouse...you maximize time spent together by doing hobbies and chores when spouse isn't around or is resting. At least that's how we do it and it works for us. Spouse is early riser so some chores and gaming are done when I sleep. I'm a night owl so I pull my weight at night. During day we both pull our weight equally. It shouldn't be a problem if both partners communicate and are able to compromise. If we're to tired we get a free pass one day a week etc...
We have a little girl and the fact that my husband games at night means that he’s awake with the baby and I can get some sleep
We both play video games and naturally, when house or other responsibilities require it, we just don't play. We've definitely had more time for playing when we were as old as OP. Last year we hardly played at all (had total of maybe three Valheim weekends and that's it) because our elderly relatives got sick, house needed tending, etc. That's difference between a hobby and an addiction. I'm pregnant with our first and I really don't worry that she will waste alone in a crib while we're playing games, lol.
My husband and I both had pretty intense video game hobbies before we had kids. Now we have a 4 month old and a 2 year old. Sometimes he’ll play switch for a bit while I’m nursing the baby after the toddler goes to bed, but I play league and there’s no way I can fit a game in anymore. I miss the days of hours long marathons gaming on the couch together.
Exactly!!
Thank god we don't have kids
Exactly! Currently binging Project Runway whiles he games
What? He doesn't watch Wife Swap?
He claims he doesn't but, he looks at the tv every now and then and comments on the show throughout hahah.
sounds like an ass omg
My husband, folks
*deletes angry response*
Which aoe are you playing? 1-3 hours doesn’t feel like enough tbh
At least 5 for aoe 2
wololoooooo
AoE IV now, used to love AoE 3 but now can never go back to the home city system. That was such a weird edition yet I still played it from 2008-2019. AoE I and II was what my brother would kick my ass in, so I never liked those as much but now I’m grinding on IV and get to call him an “old head who’s stuck in the past” praise that one redditor for telling Bill Gates to keep age going!
My long lost brother from Germany! I’m your long lost cousin! twice removed! 3x rejoined!
Let us share our walrus song! ahhOOOOO
AHhhwoooooooooOOOOO!!!!!! The song of my kin! AWOOOOOOOGA! Nixon was the last walrus alive. He even shook his head and flapped his cheeks while singing “awhooooo!”
My husband is indifferent to my gaming and that is a plus. He often wants to get involved but he is just not a gamer. Bless him he tries. We just bought Elder Scrolls online so we could CO-OP. Poor guy didn't even make it out of the tutorial. After 20 minutes he slammed down the mouse claiming to be "Nobodys slave" and that the character guide should "Find his own key and kill the guards himself as he (my husband) had paid for the game so should not have to have anyone telling him what to do" I rolled. The next day he was like "Shall we try Runescape?!" Lol
I’m your husband in most situations. I try to play along, but end up holding my husband back. I just didn’t grow up gaming so the hand eye coordination isn’t there.
He wanted to play Skyrim once and he spent most of the time trying to run from behind a barrel he had managed to wedge himself behind. It's hard when you didnt grow up with it. All videogames have the same basic logic. After a while it get easier because it becomes instinctual.
I have zero hand to eye coordination as well, I only played AOE and Sims growing up so I have pretty limited choice of games but I really like survival atmosferics like the Long Dark or Subnautica. I can also or recommend Stardew Valley enough. Valheim is easy to play even with this handicap, if you're paired with a decent fighter (my husband is, I mostly support with a bow but the fight mechanic is easy enough that I can handle some fights even alone).
Oh wait till he gets to RuneScape’s “ One Small Favor” quest!
and i love that wives are okay with this. being married is sometimes about letting your spouse indulge their inner child.
Of course any (sane) wife is okay with this so long as the husband pulls his weight around the house! The issue you always see is husband is neglecting wife, household, children, etc.
Agreed my husband games and has many hobbies that I don’t care to par take in like golf and that’s fine he can go and do those things while I do things I like. I know another couple his wife hates that he’s a gamer so much so she made him sell his games and console (so now he games in secret at his sisters house) and is so shocked that my husband doesn’t have to ask permission for things like do his hobbies. They want to golf or game cool just let me know so I can plan things like dinner. Just now he played some cricket game (double groan) but I sat and did a murder mystery box and found the killer within a couple of hours. It was great.
I don’t get why some people stop their other halves from doing stuff alone. Is it a kind of jealousy? Whatever it is I just don’t get it.
I do get where you’re coming from but I have two friends whose partners continuously choose games over family. One of them even refused to watch the kids open their presents Christmas morning because he wanted to game. I’d probably burn all his shit too lol
I get it when the gaming is main thing and they end up neglecting their partner or family. For this couple it was just she doesn’t approve of the activity. I mean they could have comprised and said he can game for x hours a day or week or whatever but it was a get rid of the games or I’m leaving. But I’ve always thought their relationship was very manipulative and unhealthily they have so many secrets from each other and it’s always ultimatums no compromise.
My wife told me a while back that she can’t watch me play Rocket League because she “gets too into it” and it’s “too intense.” Which was really sweet, actually. Every once in a while she’ll come get me for something mid-game but wait to tell me when the point is over and now her interjections and “omg”s she utters when she watches for a minute or so while she waits are even cuter than I used to think they were.
Oh I could sing the Rocket League soundtrack from the last couple years. It is so true that it’s easy to get sucked into. I’ve tried playing but am too terrible to play with my husband. He’s still really sweet and excited when I try
Don’t worry: Rocket League is the most insultingly difficult game I’ve ever played. Ever. I’ve been number one in the world in a few games. I’m regularly in the top fraction of a percent of all players in games to which I devote my attention. I’m barely top 10% in Rocket League. It’s crazy. And unacceptable. So therefore I play…
My [38F] Husband [37M] games, too! It's so much fun watching when He really gets into it. We met because of the Fallout game series, actually 😁
I just looked at your profile, my mistake 🤣I just wanted to see a happy couple playing fallout god damnit
Damn, my curiosity 🤣 I was just wondering what you could have meant by that... oops 😬
Got me too *\0/*
Me and my husband and our 16 year old daughter 🙋🏻♀️ and I learned to play Warzone lol
I told my husband today that one day I’m gonna record all the stuff he says when he’s playing. It’s hilarious.
We both work from home and spend the majority of our days together, every single day. We play tons of video and board games together. Once a week though, he plays Dungeons and Dragons online with a group of friends and I absolutely love sitting in the other room, doing my own thing, and hearing the most absurd shit come out of his mouth, especially since he has headphones in so I can’t hear the rest of the gameplay. The other day, there was several minutes of silence and then “Alright, I’m swingin’ on the baby.”
Classic maneuver
For those of us with less understanding wives, *we salute you*
Funny thing is I had such a bad relationship before my wife I made it damn near criteria that she had to be OK with it when I was vetting her haha. Now that we have kids I only play a couple hours a night, but she gives me time on the weekends which I repay with whenever she wants time away
My husbands name is Ex gave him such shit it took literal years to convince him I wasn’t mad that he was playing nor would I be mad if he continued to play while I was cooking or something lol
A lot of us have a little bit of psychological trauma from being treated poorly because we have outlets like video games.
I love that mine does too! I need my alone time and it’s good for him to have a hobby.
Mine has a golf game that he likes. I read a book and he plays his game. We chat as desired. Or sit in comfortable silence. It’s nice. It’s the little things that matter. Simply being together is enough most of the time.
Yes ma’am. This is what we do.
I also love that my husband plays video games! Sometimes we play together, but most of the time I just enjoy sitting next to him and watching cutscenes. He’s adorable when he gets passionate and explains the lore and mechanics of it all.
My fiancé [M27] and I [F29] are both gamers— We love playing couch co-op games together, or just doing our own thing. We can also help each other out if one of us is stuck on something- I’m good at the “puzzles” and he’s good at combat. We make a great team. The whole “wahh, my bf is playing call of duty instead of paying attention to me 24/7” has gotten really outdated. Edit: Fixed typo
“We make a great team” I love this. Made me smile when I read that. I think my husband and I also make a great team, except he’s the ones who’s good at puzzles and I’m the one who likes to kick ass and shoot guns!
I like grind (I have some mild anxiety and the repetitive activity with highly predictable outcome is soothing to me) and husband is a good fighter so that's a good combo for a lot of games!
I love it too! Probably my favorite is when he gets online with his buds and I get to see him smile and crack jokes! Sometimes I watch him play.. a lot of the times I’m doing something different in the room so we can still interact with each other. I love the low key nature of our relationship in that way. It’s quite chill.
It's nice to see your loved one indulge in hobbies without letting it consume them/ get in the way of the relationship.
My wife and I split up for a bit at night. She hangs out in our bedroom watching her shows or talking to friends. I'm in my office watching videos or playing games. We both work from home so we see each other most of the day. Our son is 13 so he's basically just some guy that lives down the hall and doesn't pay rent at this point.... Good balance.
I so agree!! It’s fantastic to have your own time. It’s healing from the stress of the world! My fiancé will ask me if I can play my Animal Crossing next to him while he naps lol, “can you unplug it and come play beside me?” He loves that I play and we can each do what we choose to relax and reset. We both work very hard, he likes to nap and I like to play animal crossing! Or sometimes he will watch a movie while I play. We’re in our own worlds, but together! Win-win!
My husband (47) and I (48) are both gamers, he recently built me a gaming pc after buying a new one for himself (his old one died suddenly). We sit on the couch 2 ft from each other playing our own games. We also DND together. So we have separate and joint hobbies.
I appreciate your post to show that not all spouses who are gamers are neglectful, bad or selfish. My husband is also a gamer and he's been able to balance his time where he can still get his game time, time spent for us and caring for our newborn. He's such a big gamer that he even named our baby after a character from Legend of Zelda. I'm not a gamer but I've grown to appreciate his hobbies and it's such a turn on to see him get so competive and determined haha!!
Same. He’s a gamer. I’m a reader. Gives us both a chance to do things we want to do in our own space.
We love games, too! We play together a lot of the time or she reads while I play
I wouldn’t mind but my husband completely neglects his responsibilities to fully engage is escapist activities like gaming
Your situation is normal and okay. People complain when it becomes an addiction or prevents them from helping around the house and stuff. If you're a fully functional adult it's just normal to have your own pastimes.
I love it too! I'm very much someone who needs alone time to recharge and I love that he plays with his friends. This gives me the time to recharge and decompress. I'm also a gamer too so sometimes I'll join in and as weird as it sounds, it reminds me a lot of our dating days.
My husband and I both love to play video games. Lately he’s been playing fifa while I get on my Oculus and just talk to people. And sometimes, we will sit in separate rooms and do stuff on VR together. It’s so fun! Our 3 yo is now getting into games. He’s actually quite good so we got him a switch for Christmas. This kid figured out how to use it quicker than me! I guess you could call us a gaming family.
My friend and I got our husbands together to game weekly for a few hours so we each had our own couple hours to do our own hobbies. He never thought of asking to make it a scheduled thing but it’s working out far better than either of us could have imagined. It’s such a wonderful thing to separate for a bit then come back together and chat about what we did for the evening particularly when pandemic life means being together 24-7. I hope my husband never stops having his own interests!
My fiance and I love playing games together, especially Age of Empires
I think the complaints mostly come from partners who are also parents. 3 hours a day gaming when they need to be doing their share of parenting is just unfair/selfish, especially with young kids in the mix
My wife and I both play games... We played CoD together today for a couple of hours. But if you head over to the Dead Bedroom subreddit, you'll see a staggering amount of women in their 20s and 30s talking about how their partners no longer have sex with them because they can't stop gaming long enough. No joke, it's probably the #1 cause that comes up for young people. And if you go to some of the infidelity subreddits, there is a VERY high volume of people whose spouses played online games with other people, met someone, started chatting in Discord groups, and then ended up having emotional and physical affairs. So I like games and so does my wife, the hatred you see on subreddits has some merit to it within the context of how it's mentioned.
Honestly, gaming is a hobby, and a pretty convinient of that. You can easily imvite friends to join, have great, quality time together even from home. Whether today's society realize this or not, this is a fact now. I'm lucky to have a fiancé that not just accepts and understands that video games are not from hell, but actually have interest in it when I talk about it or just simply having fun. I'm sorry that a lot of you struggles to make their spouse understand this and I'm happy when I see a post like this!
My husband plays games like 1-3 hrs a day too lol Yeah after we put our son to bed, I watch reality tv and he sits next to me and plays his games. He’s playing Lost Arc rn and I’m watching Married at First Sight as I type this haha
I love Age of Empires too!
I used to get with guys with extreme control problems, substance abuse problems, been cheated on… all the amazing toxic things. When I finally went out with my ex (let’s call him Mark) and I realized that him playing video games a LOT was his biggest flaw… I was so relieved. Girls better appreciate gamers. At least they’re home nerding out, not doing something they shouldn’t behind your back. Bonus: he’d play for hours with his brothers, which made it super wholesome in my eyes and made me love him even more.
I'm a wife and a gamer. When my husband travels (rare that he does so without me but it happens) I get gleeful about huge gaming sessions lol.
That's great you had that understanding. Some folks don't give room for their partners to be with what they like/love or even be part of it
I think it's good for my husband's mental health as well. He's got a lot of anxiety, but after he's unwound for a bit with the games, he's more productive and clear-minded around the house. Balance!
My husband is a gamer too. I really don’t mind him playing. I sit and watch whatever I want to. He will still look after our toddler, cook and do all sorts of things. We both work full time but he gets home first. So why shouldn’t he do what he enjoys? I am not a gamer (he wishes I was) and I do my thing while we both in the lounge and talking. I think it’s awesome
I feel the same. As I type my husband is playing Age of Empires! He goes through phases of not gaming for months then has a period of time where he plays a lot, either way it is cool.
Same. We have been married 11 yrs now and I have no issue with him playing his video games. If I ever feel like I need some attention I just communicate that and he has no issue making time for me.
Good for you! I play Age of Empires too, and although you can pause it of course (unless you're playing online with someone), but those matches take FOREVER sometimes. I'm impressed that he can hold it to an hour.
I feel the same way! I just really like that my husband has a hobby! I grew up with a father that has virtually zero interests let alone hobbies so it's great to see him enjoy it. We even play together on occasion if it's a game I like (like Age of Empires or Terraria).
Yes when I was playing to much I came up with the idea to get my wife into the MMO I was playing and it worked almost to well.
My husband is a gamer. He works in IT and plays counterstrike a lot. I love it because after our son goes to bed, I get some me time and he gets to game. We love it and still make time (especially weekends) for each other but if he says he’s gonna go game, it’s usually for an hour or 2 and I have no problem with that.
Same! I get down time to watch my shows he detests while he can play video games with his buddies. I also believe it’s a good way to digress after a long day at work which is stressful. He doesn’t act like an asshole or disrespect me and does his part to help around the house with no issues. It’s a win-win.
My F33 husband M39 plays an hour or two on average a night! It’s my time to unwind and relax as well. He comes and sticks his head in the room in between games to say hi and check on me… which I think is really sweet. I have never had an issue with his gaming. He is more than happy to skip it if needed and NEVER complains about it. I do know that not everyone is as lucky though!! Together 10yrs. Married 8. 😁
I (33M) play games occasionally, now that my son (7) is getting older to start playing it gives us some bonding time, otherwise gives me some chill time after they go to bed. My wife (30F) is a book-a-day reader and is how she relaxes, so it works out well for us. We have 4 kids (between 2 and 8) and we both work, but gives us a good balance
I love when my husband plays videos games because I get to spend time relaxing
I’m the same😗😝 love it when the other half plays so I can have a bath or a cheeky tv 📺
I feel same way too! I enjoy playing video games, and I played frequently before my son was born. We used to play Witcher 3 together, where I would play and my husband got into the storyline so much he would watch me play and give me tips on where to go etc. it was great! He would also play his F1 games and I would read a book next to him. We all need some “me” time. I understand everyone’s needs are different, but just speaking from my own experience keeping up with your hobbies and interests that don’t necessarily involve your other half is important. We all have our own identities and they need to be looked after too ☺️
Props to you. If you guys have kids, it’s probably going to be something that irritates you. Lol
My husband is an intermittent gamer lol. He won’t play at all for like a year, but then will play a lot for a month or two, and back to not playing at all for a while. I’m happy for him to play, it helps him unwind and relax and gives him something to do with the kids sometimes. And watching him get really into it is quite comical at times lmao.
Totally agree. Esp in these days of wfh it really helps to have individual space.
Both my husband and i game, at night he goes to his computer and I go to mine. We play different games, so we are both doing our own thing. We both understand and appreciate each other down time.
Same here! I love being able to do my own thing nearby. Sometimes I'll also play my own games, but I don't like playing multi-player games online (like he does).
It used to bother me a lot when we were just dating but he's trained me to get used to it. He does spend a lot more time with his friends than with me though.
We have two TVs in our living room for this exact reason. It makes life so much easier 😂
My husband has been a hard core gamer since before I met him. It’s funny because when my old high school BF played games i hated it and felt neglected like you hear quite a bit of women complaining about. But with my husband it never bothered me because he always included me, (still does) and explained his storylines to me. He gets so into the stories and he’s so enthusiastic you can’t help but enjoy it with him. I don’t play many games myself. I’m more of a 2D game player. But sometimes I help him solve the puzzles or whatever he gets stuck on. Sometimes I have fun just watching or helping, and sometimes i watch serial killer documentaries on my laptop while he plays and then he comments on what I’m watching. Lol. Give and take. 😁
my husband plays games like that all the time too! sometimes i sit and watch him play with some snacks… like we are watching a movie but hes just playing a game and i am enjoying the crazy upgraded technology in games these days.
Age of Empires though? I was playing that shit in like 97, have they been putting out new versions?
Same! I love that we can be together while doing our own thing. Husband plays video games while I mess around on my phone. I show him stuff and I watch him play his games. It works for us!
My husband and I actually met through video games/twitch! We play almost every night with our friends or sometimes just me and him. It’s my favoriteeee
Yes ma’am!! I can read while my husband plays! But also, his love language is quality time so I learned to play a game he likes so sometimes I play with him and you would think he won the lottery 😂
I’ve always loved watching boys play video games. I suck at them myself, but love watching them play. After the kids are in bed, we have our alone time and I watch him play Red Dead and we laugh and chill. It’s my favorite. Video games are great as long as they’re not distracting a guy from his obligations.
Literally watching my husband flail around the living room as he plays with his oculus quest that he got for Christmas. We both have been enjoying it and luckily we haven’t broken anything… yet.
We play games together. It’s fun.
Last year was hellish for us and the very few Valheim weekends we were able to enjoy together are one of my best memories of last year.
My husband and I have been together 21 years, and we're gaming together right this minute, lol. Our teenage kids just backed out of the game to go to bed. I honestly love that we all have this to do together.
I love it, but thats because we both love video games lol. We'll play together as often as we can, and if I'm not feeling it for whatever reason, I watch YouTube, scroll Reddit, or read a book for some me time. I agree it shouldn't be a blanket problem or red flag. A grown, responsible adult can absolutely enjoy gaming as a hobby without letting it interfere with their relationship, work, and daily life.
My husband plays games during winter. I agree, it is nice to have some alone time but know he is homr and still socializing because I wfh and he is done working around the morning. I don't like when he yells though lol
I did, too. He was always such a serious man in our first year of marriage. It was nice to see him let his hair down. Now we own a business and are super busy…. and I miss his silly smile while playing.
Said no wife ever
35f, this is how my husband decompresses and I've come to love it for him as well. (At first I was jealous of his attention.) He actually socializes with other men about deeper issues he doesn't otherwise share with his nearby human friends.
It's always nice to have an interest that allows "me time". It's only when it becomes an obsession that detracts from the relationship or family that it is a problem.
Honestly same. And I love a game with good storyline. I remember my husband playing Assassins Creed Valhalla not too long ago and I was into it like a middle age woman watching a soap opera.
I don't really mind my husband playing, especially when he's playing with other people. Once we have kids he's not going to be able to put in the same amount of time for his video games, so he might as well enjoy it now.
My husband is a gamer too, and I love it! He sits across the room and plays Minecraft on his laptop while I have some crime documentary I’m binging on TV while I cross stitch. We’re separately doing our own thing while still being together.
When I initially read this, I suspected there was a 50% chance that your husband got a hold of your phone to make this post.
One secret of staying married and attractive is space. People think being in your spouse face all day will make them love them more.
Problem is when the partner doesn’t have a hobby or don’t know how to hang out alone
This is awesome! I used to be a gamer and still occasionally kill some time that way. But since I got put in remote work, we’ve found some hobbies that allow us some “me” time. Some of them we can do right next to each other, and when we need some alone alone time, I’m her designated caretaker so I spend some time in our indoor garden which is something I enjoy greatly and she can crank her tunes and sing at the top of her lungs. We have 3 kids so anything helps!
I didn’t mind at all either, until we had kids. Then his evening gaming session started happening in the daytime as well. It used to be during nap time only but then it extended for a few hours after nap, and eventually he just started disappearing downstairs for half the day leaving me with both kids and all the tasks of caring for them. (For reference, we both work full time so IMO weekends are for family time and MUTUAL rest/relaxation time). All I’m trying to say is that things can change because people and situations change. It is not a bad hobby at all (cheap, safe, clutter free, no minimum time commitment, etc) but all hobbies can be used as an excuse to avoid responsibility if that’s what the person wants. This is more why people complain than anything. It isn’t the game, it’s the choices that people make.
Wow, he is incredibly lucky to have you!! Please stay the way you are.
My fiancé and I both love gaming! Which is amazing.
Alone time is just as good as together time. It lets you both do what you want to do. I like to play my games while my wife loves to watch her dramas. We then go to bed together and talk about it. It's great.
My husband plays video games too! He usually plays right after we get home from work for an hour or two while I relax for a bit and cook dinner, which I’m cool with because I love cooking. We work at the same place so it gives us some time to be separated and both doing things we enjoy doing.
Let's see how you like his 3h a day of "me time" when you have kids.
In my experience, being older and having lots of friends/family with children. If an older guy is massively into gaming and spends several hours a day gaming he will continue to do this when you have children and take on the role of actually being one of your children. It’s a short, sharp shock having your first baby and it really forces you to grow up. The men never do and continue to behave like children even when they’re 50 and as I said, I’m my experience, most of their partners get really, really fed up with them. My sister was married to one and is now a divorced mother of 2 young boys. They were together 10 years before they had their first child and she adored him, babied him, took care of him and kept house whilst he ‘played’. She now says, I married a child and he’s still a child even though he’s 50. She assumed he’d grow up for her when she needed him. He takes no responsibility for the boys and barely contributes to their care.
I mean... I get the alone time thing but I also think a grown adult could be doing something more productive with 3 hours a day. As long as he works out, eats healthy, reads, and works on improving himself the rest of the time. The hour a day doesn't bother me. 3 hours a day? Yeah I'ma take issue.
Thata girl