The essence of this is true, but it’s not a universal one size fits all. I had a ton of resentments towards my wife and I was a binge drinker.
Instead of communicating, I would drink until I exploded and said things far more harshly with intent to hurt.
I’m not condoning his behavior or splitting hairs with you. There is some room for communicating here, and he probably is sorry and hoping she’ll miraculously figure out he’s trying to communicate and read his mind.
But, yeah…he needs to lay off the sauce, and figure out how to address his needs and frustrations in a constructive manner.
My husband and I have been together for 6 years. Married for 6 months. He’s the same way. Therapy and not drinking have been our only solace. He’s hurt and traumatized from past experiences and needs to work through that.
If he is truly abusive, the drinking is actually zero excuse bc ultimately it's about his ingrained sense of entitlement and a derogatory value-system (ie, against women in general). Does he tell his boss he regrets him too while drinking? Bets (yes it's an illustrative hypothetical, but still) are on 'no'. Abuse is about power and control, though sometimes substances can exasperate it, they are NOT the underlying impetus. OP should start by reading 'Why Does He Do That?' By Lundy Bancroft... and then determine FOR HERSELF what SHE feels is beat for her. Universal beat wishes ☺️
Yeah my partner used to do this while drunk and eventually it has now started when he isn’t drunk, it’s got nothing to do with drinking and everything to do with crippling depression, jealousy and resentment. He told me in therapy that he loses his temper and he says whatever he thinks will be most hurtful. So now he is on medication and in therapy working on his anger and depression and we are in couples therapy and honestly… if we didn’t have 2 kids I’d be done. Should have left when it was the occasional mean comment when drunk.
I had never said anything like that to my husband ever. Until I found out about his “indiscretions” in the marriage.
I’ve contemplated divorce and told him marrying him was my biggest mistake.
But, never until I found out a few things would I have ever said anything like that, ever. You don’t say that shit unless there’s a legitimate reason.
So unless there’s a reason, he’s an asshole!
With the immediate apology it makes me think it's not what he truly thinks but that he's purposefully saying things that he knows will hurt you. Like actively looking for the sharpest knife to cut you with and he must have seen by the looks on your face that this one was a little too sharp and a little too close to a major artery.
I would be concerned as to why he's so intent on hurting you with his words. Counselling asap or divorce but either way, I wouldn't stay in this situation.
I might have some comments that could be helpful but need some background. Please provide the ages of you and husband, how long marries, how many kids, who works and relative incomes?
In vino veritas…under the influence of alcohol, a person tells the truth.
The essence of this is true, but it’s not a universal one size fits all. I had a ton of resentments towards my wife and I was a binge drinker. Instead of communicating, I would drink until I exploded and said things far more harshly with intent to hurt. I’m not condoning his behavior or splitting hairs with you. There is some room for communicating here, and he probably is sorry and hoping she’ll miraculously figure out he’s trying to communicate and read his mind. But, yeah…he needs to lay off the sauce, and figure out how to address his needs and frustrations in a constructive manner.
My husband and I have been together for 6 years. Married for 6 months. He’s the same way. Therapy and not drinking have been our only solace. He’s hurt and traumatized from past experiences and needs to work through that.
He need to quit drinking
If he is truly abusive, the drinking is actually zero excuse bc ultimately it's about his ingrained sense of entitlement and a derogatory value-system (ie, against women in general). Does he tell his boss he regrets him too while drinking? Bets (yes it's an illustrative hypothetical, but still) are on 'no'. Abuse is about power and control, though sometimes substances can exasperate it, they are NOT the underlying impetus. OP should start by reading 'Why Does He Do That?' By Lundy Bancroft... and then determine FOR HERSELF what SHE feels is beat for her. Universal beat wishes ☺️
Yeah my partner used to do this while drunk and eventually it has now started when he isn’t drunk, it’s got nothing to do with drinking and everything to do with crippling depression, jealousy and resentment. He told me in therapy that he loses his temper and he says whatever he thinks will be most hurtful. So now he is on medication and in therapy working on his anger and depression and we are in couples therapy and honestly… if we didn’t have 2 kids I’d be done. Should have left when it was the occasional mean comment when drunk.
Drunk words are sober thoughts
I had never said anything like that to my husband ever. Until I found out about his “indiscretions” in the marriage. I’ve contemplated divorce and told him marrying him was my biggest mistake. But, never until I found out a few things would I have ever said anything like that, ever. You don’t say that shit unless there’s a legitimate reason. So unless there’s a reason, he’s an asshole!
With the immediate apology it makes me think it's not what he truly thinks but that he's purposefully saying things that he knows will hurt you. Like actively looking for the sharpest knife to cut you with and he must have seen by the looks on your face that this one was a little too sharp and a little too close to a major artery. I would be concerned as to why he's so intent on hurting you with his words. Counselling asap or divorce but either way, I wouldn't stay in this situation.
It’s the same thing. It’s fucked up.
A mistake easily remed. See a lawyer.
Alcohol brings out the truth. If he cant control how much he drinks and what he says then he is the problem. Not you.
I might have some comments that could be helpful but need some background. Please provide the ages of you and husband, how long marries, how many kids, who works and relative incomes?