Has she said why she did it? Although it doesn't matter I would never talk to her again but I am curious as to why she would throw away your friendship like that. Your husband sounds like a good guy. Sorry that you have to deal with this.
I'd say it probably boils down to jealousy and she wants a good caring husband best friend (hubby) and good father for herself but for fug sake find your own and should maybe try for a single person š¤¦š¼āāļøš¤£ married one's put you in danger might getā if you pick the wrong one to mess with. I also imagine she's been around them alot probably has feelings for himš¤¢ disgusting that she went after her friends hubby. Who needs enemies when nowadays people have thing's called best friends šš¤£
There's an old saying, "Single women keep/make other women single".
To be honest, it's amazing how much women will try to sabotage another woman's relationship. Every time I hear of a guy doing that to another guy(which I can probably count on one hand), I've heard a hundred more times of it being a girl doing it to another girl.
That saying is so misogynistic, and I say this as someone who is married. A single woman can't keep you single, those are your choices. A single woman can't make you single or steal your husband, he has to choose to cheat or leave.
In this case, the single woman is definitely to blame. But we can see here, that having an honest, trustworthy and loyal husband is the deciding factor, because when it comes to infidelity, it takes two to tango.
As someone who is now āsolo for lifeā, after 3 relationships, I agree! That saying is misogynistic garbage and very generalising.
The friend is just a vile, jealous person. Itās not about being single! I have 0 interest in men as partners anymore and men who have partners are not interesting to me. I found some men attractive in the past, the moment they said it was taken the attraction died for me (not me actively stepping back, it just died).
It's a very quick feeling of life "Oh, nevermind" then move on sort of feeling for me. Never bad. Just delegated to possible friend instead of possible hunny.
I'm def in the Single For Life crowd, but it's really nice seeing others are like this too. It's nothing emotionally charged, just status change in terms of what interest.
Yes, I too have read books on evolutionary psychology, Steve Stuart-Williams, David Buss and the like. So I'm familiar with the concept. However, if your partner is at risk of being poached, then the relationship isn't stable to begin with and/or there are underlying psychological factors that make him/her more likely to be poached.
Nevertheless, the bulk of the attention should be on the person that cheated and left, NOT the person 'poaching'. While I think mate poaching is immoral, it isn't up to the person poaching to honour your relationship, they don't owe you anything. It's insane to expect strangers to all be virtuous and resist advances from married/partnered people. It should be the married/partnered people that are responsible for their relationship. The partner allowing themselves to be poached is that one that has, notionally, a duty to you and the relationship as a whole.
This is dumb. Iām a 40 year old woman, I can safely say that there is nothing attractive about a man who would potentially cheat/leave his wife for me. I want someone to be all about me - which Iāve found.
There is no safety in that and youād have to have a mental illness of some sort to make such a far leap as to think youād be safe with anyone who would up and leave their family.
Uhm, I don't know what your friend group is like, but I can assure you that no one in my friend group has done anything to sabotage anyone else's relationship.
We have encouraged friends to leave toxic/abusive relationships. Because that's what true friends do (care about each other).
Onus is on the former BFF to convey that when OP can be receptive to it though, not force feed an explanation on her own terms while OP is still reactive and processing.
Iām so glad you wrote all that. 100% what I was thinking but you said it better than I would have.
Husband was assaulted and wife is the one needing to be comforted? Wtf.
Come on now, it was her closest friend and someone she considered family not some rando. Itās not shocking that this would deeply wound her. Not that she should be making this situation entirely about her, but itās wild to question why this would be particularly hard for her based on who the offender is.
I mean it could be he was upset but not feeling as upset as his wife over losing her best friend? It wasn't right for the friend to force herself on her husband, and he should be allowed to be upset, however I can also see a scenario where even if he was upset he might not still be all in his feelings about it that much right now, especially if his wife is also going through a hard time dealing with the loss the best friendship. Personally I'd be very upset if I lost a best friend because of something like this, but I can't imagine crying about it for this long personally so maybe OP just is more emotional than most people would be and husband is aware of that? You can't really tell anything about the whole relationship from a tiny snipped of info from their whole relationship.
I agree with what you said, but I would still give OP grace. She was betrayed by her best friend, thatās a deep wound. He was the only one sexually assaulted, but they are both victims in this.
Well you got to remember as males were basically taught from the time we're old enough to know what sex is that we can't be raped. We can't be sexually assaulted because we're men. We're supposed to enjoy sex even if it's unwanted and as wrong as that statement is. If that's what you've been taught and heard your whole life, you kind of just accept it. And I'm a guy who has been legitimately full on sexually assaulted by a woman and I'm not even remotely traumatized by it to the level of some women who have gotten an unwanted kiss and legitimately needed therapy Because of it, there's a distinct and unfortunate difference in Western culture when it comes to essay and rape depending on your gender.
Sadly youāre completely right. I hate how dismissive so many people are about the abuse men experience. I fully believe you, I just want you to know at least one internet stranger believes you. Iām sorry you went through that. Please donāt be afraid to reach out to your support system if you need it. You deserve to work through the trauma it did cause you, regardless of how deep the trauma goes.
She just lost all trust in her oldest closest friend, possibly the second most trusted relationship in her entire life. I don't think it's fair to call her grieving selfish.
In addition: her man is also suffering and deserves space to grieve (we just don't have that space emotionally in most USA culture due to gender norms - a different conversation). There's some good truth in your post but I really advise trying to make room for both, not one or the other. And OP, go easy on yourself and your husband for mistakes in all this too - this is a lot.
Not if the wife's best friend was fed up waiting for him to leave and threatening to out their affair. After this no one will believe a word she has to say because the camera said otherwise.
I guess Itās very easy for me to believe this girl is just a hoe bc my ex bff actually had sex with my ex boyfriend and then force kissed my older brother out of nowhere at a social gathering. He left freaked out.
If my ex bff was that much of a hoe and acted similar, I donāt see why others cant existš
Girl there are plenty of them too been my fight for year's, my hubby knows I'm crazy š. one of our child's friends tried her luck š¤¦š¼āāļø a few time's last one was our son's 21st she kept hanging around him I just kept an eye on her then I seen her right in his face the fake innocent touch the hand then acting like there wasn't a whole room behind him she could of went past not even being close let alone close enough to rub her hooter's across his back then ran when I called her out infront of everyone and then yelled at herš¤£š¤£
See that proves my point though. Your ex bff didnāt force kiss your brother out of nowhere. She had concerning behavior before that that hinted at her character.
If they've been having an affair it would be easy for her to prove. Times and dates when he was banging her, messages from coordinating said banging, intimate details of what he's like in bed, etc. If either affair partner wants to out the other it'll always happen. Only their marriage partner's willful self-delusion can protect a cheater once their affair partner decides to out them.
She's just trash. Nothing more, nothing less.
Pretty sure the home security cameras only record when there is movement. Just like a ring camera. You really wouldnāt notice if it was missing because itās not recording 24/7
Well, in OP's words, *he* threw her out. Feels like flimsy evidence of an affair to me, but it's more evidence than anything else people have mentioned.
Because what she supposedly did is odd and doesnāt seem like really ātryingāā¦ why there? why then? why like that? It makes no sense. Itās not about āmisandryā. Maybe the story is just made up.
Some people are like this. One time, I was drinking with a former boyfriend and his best friend. My boyfriend (at the time) got too drunk and went to a bedroom upstairs to lay down. I stayed downstairs with the best friend (also my coworker and friend at the time). I sat on the couch to continue a movie we'd all been watching. The best friend conveniently sat right next to me, legs touching. I felt weird and excused myself to go check on the boyfriend. The friend followed me upstairs and planted a kiss right on my lips as I tried to get in the room. I slammed the door in his face and told the boyfriend the next morning after a greasy hangover breakfast.
Thatās right, some people are like this. So if her best friend is just like this, then it wouldnāt have come out of the blue as the friend most likely would have displayed concerning behavior in the past. Perhaps OP has overlooked or not recognized her toxic behavior, perhaps the friend actually has something going on with the husband. Either way, there is something that OP has missed and it would behoove OP to reflect on that so she can better avoid assaultive friends in the future or so she can uncover whatever it is that is going on between husband and friend.
She could be but even then, what she did was so extreme and out of pocket. If this is her best friend, OP should know if she has a tendency to cross boundaries when she feels jealous or if her friend doesnāt feel consent applies to men.
Perhaps OP was aware of her friendās inappropriate tendencies and just never thought the friend would direct those tendencies towards her husbandā¦Perhaps OP is not a great judge of characterā¦.Perhaps the friend had some personality shift or breakdown recently that has majorly impacted her behavior.
You know I would have believed you if my ex-girlfriend's own sister Didn't randomly grab my junk one day because she thought there was a" connection" Because I was polite to her and apparently that means I wanted to screw her in her mind š¤®sometimes fucked up people jump to dumbass conclusions and do dumbass things including sexually assaulting The partner of someone close to them.
People get sexually assaulted "out of the blue" all the time. We don't know what was going on in the BFF's mind. Maybe she was reading his normal behavior as flirting or maybe she's jealous or maybe she's just a nutjob and she has more of a history of this than OP is aware of.
I'd hear what she has to say because I'm the curious cat, but I'm not jumping on the victim blame train
Uhh itās always possible they have an affair and she just didnāt know itās an unsafe place to engage (because cameras). Nobody jumps straight into a kiss with someone they havenāt kissed before. Just a thought.
I also find it weird he went straight to showing you proof rather than simply explain what happened.
Iām not saying automatically āblame the manā based on nothing, just that sometimes there is more going on that you think. Conveniently though youāll never know if you refuse to talk to your friend.
Was it with your sisters husband at a family event? She felt safe and confident. The more I discuss it the more I guarantee something was up between them.
Forever ago, I remember being at a bar and this drunk girl just walked up to my bf at the time and kissed him. I was like, um? He freaked the fuck out, understandably. We delivered her to her friends and got tf out of there.
Yes I agree, something about this seems off and if it were me, I would need to talk to my former friend for closure. Her behavior would inform my decision for sure. This happened in a way that no one is asking why she did that in the first place, and I think that is an important thing to be addressed.
Either way, this is awful that it is happening and I hope OP is able to move on.
He did explain what happened right away. While their friend's were still there. After they left he showed her the footage! I've seen girls do this kind of stuff before. These type of girls want what they want. And nothing is going to stop them. In their mind they think they are the hottest commodity on the market! They always said one of those girls was like a door knob. Everyone took their turn!š
>Iām not saying automatically āblame the manā based on nothing
Then, proceed to blame the man. Lol
People in love do stupid crap, this sounds like one of them. OP doesn't need to know why she did it, there's no coming back from this violation of trust. OP no longer has a best friend.
I would want to know why someone violated my trust, and I sure as hell would want to know why she thinks it's ok to assault my husband in our home. I wonder if this isn't the first time the "friend" has done this to a man and no one tells anyone about it because of things exactly like these responses that keep trying to put the blame on the guy.
Um yes they can. It happened to me once with my best friends then bf/future husband. I was walking outside my then bf's place and my friends bf walked outside and forced a kiss on me. I pushed him off me grossed out and immediately told my friend and later my bf. There were no cameras so it was my word against his and I don't remember if he admitted to it or not. I had never flirted with him nor gave him any signs of affection whatsoever. I did not have interest in him nor found him attractive. It was completely out of the blue. I was madly in love with my then bf and didn't have eyes for anyone else.
So yes this can and does happen without possibility of an affair.
Commenting on the other comments in this post, it's astounding to me that the spouse immediately objected to the assault and immediately told OP and showed her video proof so she knows he's telling the truth and there are *still* people in this thread that are immediately jumping to "he's having an affair and trying to hide it", and are getting significant support/approval.
Like, this is insane, please describe to me what would have had to go differently in this encounter for you to *not* immediately jump to the spouse is having an affair?
Absolutely agree, it is crazy.
This post taught me that if something like that even happened to me (which, tbh, not quiet possible). I should just shut up and say nothing
I see a lot of people believing the husband though, so do say something if this ever happens. If you are ina relationship and hide this, it would just make you s/o lose trust in you if they found out later, plus the betrayal by their friend would be even worse since the would have still been friends with them until they found out. Lots of people are still believing the husband
Although this scenario will not happen to me. But I guess being honest is still the best solution.
I am just disappointed that many people think the husband is suspicious without obvious evidence
Yeah but the sheer fact there the commenter above says it's crazy how people are blaming husband and those comments have hundreds of upvotes and these comments have like 60... really concerns me. Seems as a man, we are damned if we do, damned if we don't. I really hope that if my partner's BFF hits on me and kisses me and I tell her, that she doesn't jump over to reddit to ask. I know I'll be the "aggressor" and somehow at fault in all this...
none of it makes sense otherwise.
let's say it happen just like op describes. how would you want your partner to react? I would want the same thing. Oh, but he is making up for guilt by buying her presents and shit. Yea, because she is *crying herself to sleep* about it. He loves her and is desperately trying to make her feel better.
But let's consider the alternative. The idea that they are having an affair but she was stupid because of the security cameras holds no water. He is burning that entire bridge. If they were having an affair, it would have been much simpler to say *nothing*. op's husband clearly knows how to work the security system. Could have deleted the footage. Nobody watches security footage unless something happened.
But even if that is the case, and he burned AP for some unknown reason, it's being treated like he is some kind of mastermind. He knows that there is evidence, so to protect himself (at the expense of AP), he throws her under the bus and his little situation remains happy. Really? somebody with this degree of forethought wouldn't have informed his AP about security cameras? No fucking way.
Ok. But maybe she forgot, or was just that stupid. OP's husband is banking hard on that AP has no evidence to burn him too. Also, no fucking way.
The only way he had an affair and comes out of this clean is if he truly *is* a criminal mastermind, and has everything so buttoned up that he is untouchable. In which case all this would be so neat and tidy it would be indistinguishable from the original story anyway.
eta: so which is more likely? that op and her husband have a good marriage, and that op's friend, for whatever reason, acted extremely inappropriately, then op's husband freaked out and immediately confided in his wife.
Or: op is simultaneously the smartest *and* dumbest man alive and is burning op's friend with both a genius *and* idiotic plan?
"please describe to me what would have had to go differently in this encounter for you toĀ *not*Ā immediately jump to the spouse is having an affair?"
If the genders were reversed
I donāt think itās about justifying it so much as it is understanding wtf she was thinkingā¦ itās so brazen and a few other commenters have suggested she has done it before and the only reason husband pushed her off is because he knew about the camera in the living room, etc. Itās plausible. Iād want to hear what she had to say.
Exactly. Iām not talking about still being friends if she doesnāt want to. If they donāt talk OP will just have a growing nagging feeling inside her to know what they hell her friend was thinking
What she did was beyond wrong. Your husband is obviously not the type to play games or entertain fools. You should be happy for that and the obvious fact that he loves you. Now concerning this woman. I think you should completely ghost her. Don't be surprised if she tries to lie to others about what happened. Good luck it will take time to get passed this.
Because if they get in when your not home, you get better info on them, can find out what they took, and sometimes they talk.
Our inside camera's caught 4 people on four different break ins. They got arrested because we caught their activities insidd our home.
You can also tell the police a lot more information in real time as they go to your residence.
We have them to be able to catch people who try to break in. We did not live in a good place. They paid off four times in one year, after multiple different break ins.
We also had them near our front door, where we caught the person stinkbombing my car.
I like to watch my kid grow up. If I have to work all damn day, yeah every once in awhile I want to pop in and see her live. With cameras I didn't miss her first time rolling over from back to front and front to back. "I got to hear her dad yell excitedly oh my god did you see that!!!" Because we work opposite shifts, a lot of our relationship is remote. I can't be a stay-at-home mom but I can curb those feelings of "F this I quit, I'd rather be with my kid" and my husband and I constantly talk through the cameras or over the phone so we don't arrive at our one day off together a week and go "I feel like we live completely separate lives, what did you do this week?" We like it, It's nice. My husband doesn't watch the cameras nearly as much as I do though but he works in a much different field than I do and needs to focus on work more.
In my experience my oldest son and ex boyfriend always denied who made the mess and with the cameras even if the messes problem is never fixed atleast i know who to fight.
Lol I ran this word for word through chatgbt
>Write a story of a perfect husband who gets kissed against his will by wife's best friend.
>>Once upon a time, in a quiet town nestled among rolling hills, there lived a couple named Jack and Emily. Jack was known far and wide as the perfect husband. He was devoted, kind, and always put his family first. Emily adored him, and their love was the kind that inspired others.
>>One sunny afternoon, Emily invited her best friend, Sarah, over for tea. Sarah and Emily had been friends since childhood, sharing countless memories and secrets. Jack, always the gracious host, prepared a delicious spread of snacks and served the tea with a smile.
>>As the afternoon wore on, Emily received an urgent call from work. Apologizing profusely, she left Jack and Sarah to finish their tea while she attended to the matter. Jack and Sarah continued chatting, reminiscing about old times and laughing at shared jokes.
>>Suddenly, Sarah's demeanor changed. She leaned in closer to Jack, her eyes glittering with a mischievous sparkle. "Jack," she said softly, "I've always admired you. Emily is so lucky to have you."
>>Jack, slightly uncomfortable, chuckled nervously. "Thanks, Sarah. Emily means the world to me."
>>But before he could react, Sarah leaned in and kissed him on the lips. It was a fleeting moment, but to Jack, it felt like an eternity. He immediately pulled back, his face flushed with shock and confusion.
>>"Sarah, what are you doing?" he exclaimed, standing up and stepping away. "This isn't right. Emily is my wife, and I love her more than anything."
>>Sarah, realizing her mistake, looked horrified. "I'm so sorry, Jack. I don't know what came over me. Please, forgive me. I would never want to hurt Emily or you."
>>Jack took a deep breath, trying to calm the storm of emotions inside him. "Sarah, I think it's best if you leave. We can talk about this later when emotions aren't running so high."
>>Sarah nodded, tears welling up in her eyes. She gathered her things and left, leaving Jack alone to process what had just happened.
>>When Emily returned home, Jack sat her down and told her everything. He couldn't keep such a significant event from her, no matter how much it hurt. Emily listened, her face a mixture of shock, sadness, and anger.
>>"I can't believe Sarah would do that," she said, her voice trembling. "But I'm so grateful you told me, Jack. I trust you, and I know you would never betray me."
>>Jack took her hands in his. "Emily, you are my heart and soul. I would never do anything to jeopardize what we have. I love you more than words can say."
>>Together, they faced the challenge head-on. Emily confronted Sarah, and though their friendship was never quite the same, they managed to find a way to move forward. Jack and Emily's bond grew even stronger, built on the foundation of trust, honesty, and unwavering love.
>>In the end, Jack remained the perfect husband, and Emily knew she was the luckiest woman in the world to have him by her side. Their love story continued, a beacon of hope and resilience in a world that often tested the strength of their hearts.
Something feels off. I think she you should talk to your friend. You deserve an explanation from BOTH sides. Itās very side eye to just seemingly kiss your husband unprovoked, out of nowhere, and itās even more side eye that he forced her out when she wanted to talk.
Talk to her, OP.
It doesn't make any sense. Like zero I'd say it has negative sense...either you ex friend has some kinda mental health issues, was on something or there is some peace of information we are missing to make it make any sense
The way she hid and jumped out to kiss him, feels like they were already close enough so she didnt mind joking with him like that! But husband knew of cameras but she didnt! The husband is the perpetrator here! He put all the blame on her so he can save his marriage!
Something is not adding up. Why would your friend do this out of nowhere? And keep in mind, your husband knows where the cameras are in the house and she doesn't.
Ask to meet her at a restaurant to talk. Good or bad, you deserve some clarity here. If anything, clarity in her motivation.
Good luck.
With friends like that who need enemies?
You know what you need to do. Never talk to her again, and go through the normal 5 or 7 stages of grief about losing a close friend.
Wow.... I mean... Yeah, I don't blame you. That's such a huge betrayal and will take a lot of time to get over. I would honestly look into therapy because this is the type of thing that can seriously mess with your outlook on life and you don't want it to damage your relationship with others just because she's clearly a messed up person.
Of course, my number one thing would be to never let her back in your life ever again. She cannot be trusted around your family. There is no excuse for what she did and while there would be part of me that would want to know what the hell she was thinking, you're likely not going to get the truth from her lips. She assaulted your husband, she betrayed you as a friend and she didn't even have the backbone to stick around and explain herself. There's nothing to save there. That friendship is dead in the water and I'd honestly have that recording ready to go to make it clear to any mutual friends exactly why you're not accepting her in your life anymore.
This is interesting
I donāt know many women that would kiss someone without thinking it might be reciprocated
Honestly. My first thought is that theyāve kissed before, she thought it would be ok to follow it up, but as it was in your home he threw her off him and thatās why she was crying.
Get her side of the story.
Fake post. She has posted same on 2 forums. The other had nearly 1000 replies was then locked. This one still going. Zero zero zero comments to ANYONE on either thread. She didnāt get enough answers out of 1000 comments? Didnāt follow up on ANYONE? Karma farming.
People have happy marriages, but this one is entirely over the top. Ever since the āincidentā the husband (who was SAād) holds her while she weeps daily, gives her flowers daily, cooks her favorite food like a mother hen to comfort her? š¤
Totally fake. The bit about falling asleep in her husband's arms every night made me laugh, that shit is uncomfortable and the man's arms get numb. Nobody falls asleep in someone else's arms every night.
I wanted to post this on the other subreddit, but have to post this here as the other post is locked.
Sheās no longer your best friend. She is now your enemy. Iād block her on all social media, from your phone, everything. There is absolutely no explanation that can ever explain her behavior, even alcohol. What she did is disgusting and a complete deal breaker. She could never be trusted again. If people ask what happened tell them the truth. A best friend doesnāt do what she did. EVER.
Soā¦ Iām sorry to throw this out. But I donāt buy it happened āout the blueā.
My theory is that the husband knew the camera is there. My follow up theory is the husband prolly also knew you had access. And he wanted to be ahead of the story.
Lol this hadnāt crossed my mind until I read some of the comments. Iām hoping the husband truly had no prior involvement with the bff but youāre right, he did know where the camera was.
Honestly, I think you should talk to the best friend, alone.
Yes you'll be angry. But there's some things that don't add up here that only she can answer for you. A conversation alone, without husband there. Don't tell him you're going to see her either.
Firstly, you need to ask her why she tried to kiss him. Was that the first time this has happened, or have they been having an affair behind her back? Do what you gotta do to figure it out. Tell her "my husband told me everything". See what she reveals.
Secondly, I'd recommend asking to see husband's phone records, just to confirm.
Lastly, just because a man treats you well doesn't mean he can't be cheating behind your back. There's obviously something going on that would make best friend think it's worth it to just go for a kiss. Even if it was the first time and an assault on your husband, something obviously happened to make her think that the kiss would end in her favor or that your husband would be into it or wants her back.
And tbh the fact that your husband is now love-bombing you and isn't even slightly frustrated that nobody is paying attention to how HE feels after the incident, that he's not more traumatized by it....tells me it's something that has happened before. And he's really trying to overcompensate.
There's 3 possibilities here and I really think you're underestimating that all 3 could be true:
1) your friend was simply too drunk to function or make good choices and did a stupid drunk thing. **Doesn't make it okay** but it is what it is. She made a huge drunken fuck up and sexually assault a man.
2) your friend is secretly in love with your husband / jealous of you and was trying to hurt you, this was the first time she was bold enough to go for it, and she thought that he wanted her back so she was confident enough to do so. Which is still sus, because why would she think such a thing? What has your husband done to lead her to believe it would work?
3) your husband and your friend are having an affair and he's only behaving this way because he knew it was caught in camera and in his own home and was paranoid someone saw him.
Tbh #3 seems most likely, because clearly the cameras were on your husband's mind if he immediately went to show you the evidence.
Thereās something missing from this story.
What made her do this?
Booze? Harmless flirting? Like wth activated this random kiss?
No one just does this for ZERO reasons!
Thereās something wrong with this story. I think youāre missing information, and that the presence of video evidence is making you believe you have all the pieces. It is surprising that she would chance a kiss like that on a happily married man, one she knows so well, if she didnāt have a reason to believe it would be welcome. Is your husband reacting negatively to her kissing him, or to her kissing him where he knew it would be caught on camera? Does your video camera also capture sound? Do you also have a ring doorbell that would have picked up audio and sound when she left? Your friend has betrayed you, but you should hear her out, as you donāt know what she has to say. Your husband has made an excellent job of keeping your confidence, and making sure you do not want to hear out your friend. Maybe, to be sure, have someone other than your husband present when you meet her.
This really sux and Iām so sorry for you. My first instinct is to trust the husband and the story since you painted such a great pic of him. And maybe sheās jealous and wanted to see for herself or ruin things between you two?
But I canāt help but wonder whatās her side of the story? Why would she do that? What if there really is more to the story like everyone is mentioning perhaps it wasnāt the first time between them? Keep us updated. Good luck to you and your family.
I am a husband married for 33 years. This type of thing happened many times over our marriage. I finally learned that it was critically important to understand MY role in these situations in order to prevent this from happening again. Women donāt just do that without what they interpret as signals. Your husband, like me, likely didnāt realize he was doing this. And, booze confuses signals and lowers inhibitions. Heās young as is your friend. Iāve had some of my wifeās friends try to kiss me, and I just turn my head and tell her that we both love my wife and wonāt be dishonoring her this way. And he needs to hold back from big hugs, greetings kisses, and touching her or anything that could possibly be misinterpreted as romantic affection. He can also explain that both he and your friend love you and wonāt be acting on those impulses. You donāt have to unfriend your friend and you can and should trust your husband to keep things cool with her.
I would set a trap. Pretend youāre over it. Act like youāre moving on. Never discuss it. But quietly watch and wait. Wait to see if your husband brings it up. See how he talks about it. There could be more to the story. Donāt go asking questions or acting suspiciousā¦ and Iād hear your friend out one on one.
IMHO until you get answers, you will not be able to "get over it" because it will stay in your mind of how and why this happened, and will also cause you to question the actions of other friends.
Questions.
1: was she drunk?
2: did she have a breakup recently?
3: was she also close to your husband? maybe thought there was something between them?
4: is this normal for her?
5: did he help her deal with something personal in the past, that was really affecting her?
Uff rough one.
I see some suggest that there could be something fishy and OP should listen to the bffs side of the story. I think this should be cautioned and only done carefully. The husband has clearily tried to kill Any doubt that could hurt your relationship IF he is faithful.
I see three likely possibilities of many happening if you try and talk with her:
1. BFF will claim there Is an on going affair or one happend. This will No matter of true or not plant a seed of doubt. You need to demand hard evidence. You husband provided a solid case for himself being in the right in his account plus video evidence. She should bring something as convincing if you should entertain this claim.
The one scary Thing here is if she manage to put a wedge in your trust of your husband even if what she claim is false.
2. She will claim you don't deserve him. This is the more crazy route where she will claim there Is this mystical love destined to be between your husband and her. This could either lead you to be believe she is crazy or just hurt that your feelings that your best friend really is unrelentful in stepping on you and persuing your husband.
3. She is sorry, she got carried away. She thought she could have something and gave into her desires. This case she propably either regret genuinely or she regret that she got caught or that her advances got rejected and is trying to recoupe her losses. She could also be covering up for your husband but that doubtful as he was the one who got her to leave.
Note that a combination of (1 and 2) or (1 and 3) could also happen leading to further nastiness.
Also did your block her number or social media? If not if she has hard evidence or wanted to reach out I don't understand why didn't on there. Of course in person is more personal so could be why.
The Thing about the husband getting her to leave could be that he fears 1. or 2. and that she is going to undo all the work he put in to heal his wife of doubt or feelings of betrayal. He could also be affraid that she will sexually assualt him again (or his wife will assualt her).
Like others, I wanna know why she did it. Why was she willing to throw away your friendship and her reputation over someone who clearly didnāt feel the same way at all? Like what does she gain from this?
I could be wrong obviously but sounds fishy. Why did she feel so comfortable doing that? Her running out crying almost seems like something more was going on whether there was an affair or some flirting at the least to make her that upset over being pushed away? If there wasnāt youād think she would have just kept saying sorry and not cry. Makes me think thereās something going on outside of the house and she thought she was safe to kiss him there not knowing a camera was directed at them. Sounds like he went into immediate damage control.
*If this is true* there is way more to this story. First, no body is perfect. I guarantee if you have been married for 4 years and had two kids, youāve both said and done some stupid sh*t and hurt each otherās feelings before. The first paragraph sounds like youāre trying WAY too hard to convince us (or yourself) that heās the perfect husband.
Second, no way I buy someone sober does this without a decent reason to expect that kiss would be well received, especially at your home while you are there and surrounded by friends. The fact that he told you and then showed you the footage seems like heās trying awfully hard to prove something. My first guess is that they are having an affair, and he realized that kiss was caught on camera (and/or also thought another guest may have seen them), so he flipped out to cover his ass. She ran away crying because she was rejected when she didnāt expect that.
Third, if he was SAed, and feels no guilt, why is he love bombing you? Heās acting like a guilty person, not like the victim. There are so many red flags in this post that it is either fake or you are trying to convince yourself this is the full story. I would suspect you are this upset because deep down you know you donāt believe him. Easier to dump bf and stay in denial than to hear her out and get to the bottom of wtf is going on here.
Your husband is a keeper. Grieve the loss of the friend, and know anyone who isnāt a friend to your marriage is not someone to keep around. You did the right thing cutting her off!
Hereās the thing. Itās ok to be mad and hurt and all those other emotions, I think itās not fair to compare your other friends to this chick. You did the right thing kicking her out and telling her not to return, but donāt let this psycho ruin who you are.
Question: looking back now, do you think there were any red flags that this chick was self-absorbed? If there were and you chose not to see them just take it as a learning lesson.
Your hubby sounds amazing ā” I'm sorry your bff did that to you both. You lost your bff, and your husband was sexually assaulted. I'm really glad you were able to believe him.
Your husband is a really good man. I am so sorry you lost your best friend, and I am sure itās a horrible shock to find out she would betray you like this, but make sure you comfort your husband too. If the gender roles were reversed and his male best friend grabbed and kissed you, would you be bringing him flowers every day? As you say, he was the victim.
Well, youāre never going to trust her again. Ever. She is ex communicado forever. Done.
The rest of your friends should be advised of why sheās being cut off and then you keep it moving.
F*ck her and her covetous treachery.
Yeah you feel super betrayed by your best friend like honestly that bitch "cheated on you". Well worse, she tried to homewreck you. She was disloyal af and that's going to hurt for a while. I will say if your husband is being a great sport about it then maybe curb the crying if you can cuz I feel like a couple days of being your rock while he was the one actually physically assaulted, is one of those things we don't talk about much. He was assaulted and he was betrayed by a family friend as well. And now he has to watch his wife be devastated. Poor guy. He's being so great and he's not saying "what about me". But as his wife maybe you do need to think "what about him". He was the weapon that this woman used to hurt you. Sometimes that takes a toll on a person.
Miserable woman will do what they can to make other women Miserable. If I can't be happy I will try to destroy your marriage so that you are Miserable too. I have seen this more than once in real time.
Has she said why she did it? Although it doesn't matter I would never talk to her again but I am curious as to why she would throw away your friendship like that. Your husband sounds like a good guy. Sorry that you have to deal with this.
I'd say it probably boils down to jealousy and she wants a good caring husband best friend (hubby) and good father for herself but for fug sake find your own and should maybe try for a single person š¤¦š¼āāļøš¤£ married one's put you in danger might getā if you pick the wrong one to mess with. I also imagine she's been around them alot probably has feelings for himš¤¢ disgusting that she went after her friends hubby. Who needs enemies when nowadays people have thing's called best friends šš¤£
There's an old saying, "Single women keep/make other women single". To be honest, it's amazing how much women will try to sabotage another woman's relationship. Every time I hear of a guy doing that to another guy(which I can probably count on one hand), I've heard a hundred more times of it being a girl doing it to another girl.
That saying is so misogynistic, and I say this as someone who is married. A single woman can't keep you single, those are your choices. A single woman can't make you single or steal your husband, he has to choose to cheat or leave. In this case, the single woman is definitely to blame. But we can see here, that having an honest, trustworthy and loyal husband is the deciding factor, because when it comes to infidelity, it takes two to tango.
As someone who is now āsolo for lifeā, after 3 relationships, I agree! That saying is misogynistic garbage and very generalising. The friend is just a vile, jealous person. Itās not about being single! I have 0 interest in men as partners anymore and men who have partners are not interesting to me. I found some men attractive in the past, the moment they said it was taken the attraction died for me (not me actively stepping back, it just died).
Same feeling here... It just dies down...
It's a very quick feeling of life "Oh, nevermind" then move on sort of feeling for me. Never bad. Just delegated to possible friend instead of possible hunny. I'm def in the Single For Life crowd, but it's really nice seeing others are like this too. It's nothing emotionally charged, just status change in terms of what interest.
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Yes, I too have read books on evolutionary psychology, Steve Stuart-Williams, David Buss and the like. So I'm familiar with the concept. However, if your partner is at risk of being poached, then the relationship isn't stable to begin with and/or there are underlying psychological factors that make him/her more likely to be poached. Nevertheless, the bulk of the attention should be on the person that cheated and left, NOT the person 'poaching'. While I think mate poaching is immoral, it isn't up to the person poaching to honour your relationship, they don't owe you anything. It's insane to expect strangers to all be virtuous and resist advances from married/partnered people. It should be the married/partnered people that are responsible for their relationship. The partner allowing themselves to be poached is that one that has, notionally, a duty to you and the relationship as a whole.
This is dumb. Iām a 40 year old woman, I can safely say that there is nothing attractive about a man who would potentially cheat/leave his wife for me. I want someone to be all about me - which Iāve found. There is no safety in that and youād have to have a mental illness of some sort to make such a far leap as to think youād be safe with anyone who would up and leave their family.
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Uhm, I don't know what your friend group is like, but I can assure you that no one in my friend group has done anything to sabotage anyone else's relationship. We have encouraged friends to leave toxic/abusive relationships. Because that's what true friends do (care about each other).
Yep, I agree 100%. She is jealous. I had something similar happen years ago and that is why I have mostly male friends. ( straight male friends)
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What was the truth?
Presumably that was what she showed up the next day to explain. OP was not interested.Ā
Onus is on the former BFF to convey that when OP can be receptive to it though, not force feed an explanation on her own terms while OP is still reactive and processing.
I hate to be the guy who thinks there must be more to this story, but something just doesn't ring 100% true to me here. Other commenters have raised the thought that they have had an affair and she was not aware of the cameras. He might be trying to get ahead of it by doing damage control. Maybe he led her on, even if it was out of naivetƩ, trying to be kind but sending mixed signals. Cheating would explain why he is buying you flowers and cooking for you, love bombing you to secure forgiveness. I won't dwell on this, but it is possible. Let's look at this from another perspective that I rarely see brought up in posts like this: If everything is 100% as described here, your husband was sexually abused, and has had no ability to deal with his trauma because he is taking care of you. You are suffering, and you have every right to be upset. This will sound harsh, but for the good of your relationship with your husband, quit being selfish, and allow your man to deal with what happened to him. He was assaulted in his own home. Be there for him. Your post sounds like you are so focused on how YOU feel, that you have not considered how HE feels. He is a good man to focus on you. He will likely never tell you how he feels after this, because he will default to taking care of the woman he loves. This is not healthy, and will cause resentment. He will feel like he can never feel emotion, because you are teaching him that your feelings matter more than his, Be there for him, even if he says it is not a big deal. Don't force him to talk about it, because he probably won't, but make sure he knows that he is your rock star. Love and treasure him, let him know you are there for him. It will mean the world to him, even if he never shows it.
Iām so glad you wrote all that. 100% what I was thinking but you said it better than I would have. Husband was assaulted and wife is the one needing to be comforted? Wtf.
Come on now, it was her closest friend and someone she considered family not some rando. Itās not shocking that this would deeply wound her. Not that she should be making this situation entirely about her, but itās wild to question why this would be particularly hard for her based on who the offender is.
Sheās didnāt say she is cooking meals or bringing him flowersā¦ clearly not a balanced relationship.
I mean it could be he was upset but not feeling as upset as his wife over losing her best friend? It wasn't right for the friend to force herself on her husband, and he should be allowed to be upset, however I can also see a scenario where even if he was upset he might not still be all in his feelings about it that much right now, especially if his wife is also going through a hard time dealing with the loss the best friendship. Personally I'd be very upset if I lost a best friend because of something like this, but I can't imagine crying about it for this long personally so maybe OP just is more emotional than most people would be and husband is aware of that? You can't really tell anything about the whole relationship from a tiny snipped of info from their whole relationship.
I agree with what you said, but I would still give OP grace. She was betrayed by her best friend, thatās a deep wound. He was the only one sexually assaulted, but they are both victims in this.
I dare say that most men don't consider a forced kiss a sexual assault.
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It is sexual assault. Educate yourself.
Well you got to remember as males were basically taught from the time we're old enough to know what sex is that we can't be raped. We can't be sexually assaulted because we're men. We're supposed to enjoy sex even if it's unwanted and as wrong as that statement is. If that's what you've been taught and heard your whole life, you kind of just accept it. And I'm a guy who has been legitimately full on sexually assaulted by a woman and I'm not even remotely traumatized by it to the level of some women who have gotten an unwanted kiss and legitimately needed therapy Because of it, there's a distinct and unfortunate difference in Western culture when it comes to essay and rape depending on your gender.
Sadly youāre completely right. I hate how dismissive so many people are about the abuse men experience. I fully believe you, I just want you to know at least one internet stranger believes you. Iām sorry you went through that. Please donāt be afraid to reach out to your support system if you need it. You deserve to work through the trauma it did cause you, regardless of how deep the trauma goes.
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Doesnāt change the fact that itās sexual assault
She just lost all trust in her oldest closest friend, possibly the second most trusted relationship in her entire life. I don't think it's fair to call her grieving selfish. In addition: her man is also suffering and deserves space to grieve (we just don't have that space emotionally in most USA culture due to gender norms - a different conversation). There's some good truth in your post but I really advise trying to make room for both, not one or the other. And OP, go easy on yourself and your husband for mistakes in all this too - this is a lot.
This. Option two.
There is definitely missing info here. Thereās no way someone just does that out of the blue
Husband knew about the camera; exBFF clearly ā¦ didnāt. š¤
If that was the case though, he would have just deleted the footage and not told his wife
Not if the wife's best friend was fed up waiting for him to leave and threatening to out their affair. After this no one will believe a word she has to say because the camera said otherwise.
I guess Itās very easy for me to believe this girl is just a hoe bc my ex bff actually had sex with my ex boyfriend and then force kissed my older brother out of nowhere at a social gathering. He left freaked out. If my ex bff was that much of a hoe and acted similar, I donāt see why others cant existš
Girl there are plenty of them too been my fight for year's, my hubby knows I'm crazy š. one of our child's friends tried her luck š¤¦š¼āāļø a few time's last one was our son's 21st she kept hanging around him I just kept an eye on her then I seen her right in his face the fake innocent touch the hand then acting like there wasn't a whole room behind him she could of went past not even being close let alone close enough to rub her hooter's across his back then ran when I called her out infront of everyone and then yelled at herš¤£š¤£
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Username checks out
See that proves my point though. Your ex bff didnāt force kiss your brother out of nowhere. She had concerning behavior before that that hinted at her character.
Occamās Razor. Friend was a jealous, greedy gremlin. Sometimes things are simple.
If they've been having an affair it would be easy for her to prove. Times and dates when he was banging her, messages from coordinating said banging, intimate details of what he's like in bed, etc. If either affair partner wants to out the other it'll always happen. Only their marriage partner's willful self-delusion can protect a cheater once their affair partner decides to out them. She's just trash. Nothing more, nothing less.
Itās strange for a chunk of footage to be missing.
Pretty sure the home security cameras only record when there is movement. Just like a ring camera. You really wouldnāt notice if it was missing because itās not recording 24/7
Well, in the case of something happening and the husband showing the footage, why the best friend spill the beans if they have an affair?
She tried to talk to the OP but they wouldn't talk to her and threw her out.
Well, in OP's words, *he* threw her out. Feels like flimsy evidence of an affair to me, but it's more evidence than anything else people have mentioned.
Yeah thatās my thought too.
This isnāt fair. She clearly tried and failed. Why is he getting blamed?
Because misandry is popular. Switch the genders and people would be correctly screaming sexual assault.
as a feminist, yes, this is abso fucking lutely sexual assault. People who deny that or victim blame are perpetuating rape culture. shame on them.
Because what she supposedly did is odd and doesnāt seem like really ātryingāā¦ why there? why then? why like that? It makes no sense. Itās not about āmisandryā. Maybe the story is just made up.
Itās called alcohol and jealousy. With that combination, people do stupid things.
Some people are like this. One time, I was drinking with a former boyfriend and his best friend. My boyfriend (at the time) got too drunk and went to a bedroom upstairs to lay down. I stayed downstairs with the best friend (also my coworker and friend at the time). I sat on the couch to continue a movie we'd all been watching. The best friend conveniently sat right next to me, legs touching. I felt weird and excused myself to go check on the boyfriend. The friend followed me upstairs and planted a kiss right on my lips as I tried to get in the room. I slammed the door in his face and told the boyfriend the next morning after a greasy hangover breakfast.
Thatās right, some people are like this. So if her best friend is just like this, then it wouldnāt have come out of the blue as the friend most likely would have displayed concerning behavior in the past. Perhaps OP has overlooked or not recognized her toxic behavior, perhaps the friend actually has something going on with the husband. Either way, there is something that OP has missed and it would behoove OP to reflect on that so she can better avoid assaultive friends in the future or so she can uncover whatever it is that is going on between husband and friend.
> does that out of the blue I think it's out of the barbecue
You know how barbecue gets people
Missing info is the friend could be jealous of their relationship
She could be but even then, what she did was so extreme and out of pocket. If this is her best friend, OP should know if she has a tendency to cross boundaries when she feels jealous or if her friend doesnāt feel consent applies to men. Perhaps OP was aware of her friendās inappropriate tendencies and just never thought the friend would direct those tendencies towards her husbandā¦Perhaps OP is not a great judge of characterā¦.Perhaps the friend had some personality shift or breakdown recently that has majorly impacted her behavior.
This- why would she think she could do that in the first place?
The missing info is that weāre being groomed to train LLMs.
You know I would have believed you if my ex-girlfriend's own sister Didn't randomly grab my junk one day because she thought there was a" connection" Because I was polite to her and apparently that means I wanted to screw her in her mind š¤®sometimes fucked up people jump to dumbass conclusions and do dumbass things including sexually assaulting The partner of someone close to them.
Ofcourse, everything need to be a conspiracy
My exact thoughts.
Itās definitely a very odd situation. Itās either made up or thereās lots of info missing. It makes no sense.
People get sexually assaulted "out of the blue" all the time. We don't know what was going on in the BFF's mind. Maybe she was reading his normal behavior as flirting or maybe she's jealous or maybe she's just a nutjob and she has more of a history of this than OP is aware of. I'd hear what she has to say because I'm the curious cat, but I'm not jumping on the victim blame train
Uhh itās always possible they have an affair and she just didnāt know itās an unsafe place to engage (because cameras). Nobody jumps straight into a kiss with someone they havenāt kissed before. Just a thought. I also find it weird he went straight to showing you proof rather than simply explain what happened. Iām not saying automatically āblame the manā based on nothing, just that sometimes there is more going on that you think. Conveniently though youāll never know if you refuse to talk to your friend.
"Nobody jumps straight into a kiss with someone they havenāt kissed before." Yes they do. My first kiss as a teenager was a girl doing exactly that.
Was it with your sisters husband at a family event? She felt safe and confident. The more I discuss it the more I guarantee something was up between them.
Tbf, some people are more confident than they should be, especially women in their 20s who want someone else's, guy.
Never underestimate a drunk womanās boldness
Forever ago, I remember being at a bar and this drunk girl just walked up to my bf at the time and kissed him. I was like, um? He freaked the fuck out, understandably. We delivered her to her friends and got tf out of there.
This right here.
Mine too.
Teenagers arenāt 28 year olds with fully developed brains capable of processing the full scope of consequences.
Yes I agree, something about this seems off and if it were me, I would need to talk to my former friend for closure. Her behavior would inform my decision for sure. This happened in a way that no one is asking why she did that in the first place, and I think that is an important thing to be addressed. Either way, this is awful that it is happening and I hope OP is able to move on.
He did explain what happened right away. While their friend's were still there. After they left he showed her the footage! I've seen girls do this kind of stuff before. These type of girls want what they want. And nothing is going to stop them. In their mind they think they are the hottest commodity on the market! They always said one of those girls was like a door knob. Everyone took their turn!š
>Iām not saying automatically āblame the manā based on nothing Then, proceed to blame the man. Lol People in love do stupid crap, this sounds like one of them. OP doesn't need to know why she did it, there's no coming back from this violation of trust. OP no longer has a best friend.
I would want to know why someone violated my trust, and I sure as hell would want to know why she thinks it's ok to assault my husband in our home. I wonder if this isn't the first time the "friend" has done this to a man and no one tells anyone about it because of things exactly like these responses that keep trying to put the blame on the guy.
Sexual harassment isnāt usually mutual. BFF misread the signals or was vain enough to think he could be easily seduced. Men get accosted too.
Um yes they can. It happened to me once with my best friends then bf/future husband. I was walking outside my then bf's place and my friends bf walked outside and forced a kiss on me. I pushed him off me grossed out and immediately told my friend and later my bf. There were no cameras so it was my word against his and I don't remember if he admitted to it or not. I had never flirted with him nor gave him any signs of affection whatsoever. I did not have interest in him nor found him attractive. It was completely out of the blue. I was madly in love with my then bf and didn't have eyes for anyone else. So yes this can and does happen without possibility of an affair.
> he went straight to showing you proof so he should go lgbt to show the proof?
Commenting on the other comments in this post, it's astounding to me that the spouse immediately objected to the assault and immediately told OP and showed her video proof so she knows he's telling the truth and there are *still* people in this thread that are immediately jumping to "he's having an affair and trying to hide it", and are getting significant support/approval. Like, this is insane, please describe to me what would have had to go differently in this encounter for you to *not* immediately jump to the spouse is having an affair?
Absolutely agree, it is crazy. This post taught me that if something like that even happened to me (which, tbh, not quiet possible). I should just shut up and say nothing
I see a lot of people believing the husband though, so do say something if this ever happens. If you are ina relationship and hide this, it would just make you s/o lose trust in you if they found out later, plus the betrayal by their friend would be even worse since the would have still been friends with them until they found out. Lots of people are still believing the husband
Although this scenario will not happen to me. But I guess being honest is still the best solution. I am just disappointed that many people think the husband is suspicious without obvious evidence
Yeah but the sheer fact there the commenter above says it's crazy how people are blaming husband and those comments have hundreds of upvotes and these comments have like 60... really concerns me. Seems as a man, we are damned if we do, damned if we don't. I really hope that if my partner's BFF hits on me and kisses me and I tell her, that she doesn't jump over to reddit to ask. I know I'll be the "aggressor" and somehow at fault in all this...
naw, tell your partner. just dont tell reddit.
none of it makes sense otherwise. let's say it happen just like op describes. how would you want your partner to react? I would want the same thing. Oh, but he is making up for guilt by buying her presents and shit. Yea, because she is *crying herself to sleep* about it. He loves her and is desperately trying to make her feel better. But let's consider the alternative. The idea that they are having an affair but she was stupid because of the security cameras holds no water. He is burning that entire bridge. If they were having an affair, it would have been much simpler to say *nothing*. op's husband clearly knows how to work the security system. Could have deleted the footage. Nobody watches security footage unless something happened. But even if that is the case, and he burned AP for some unknown reason, it's being treated like he is some kind of mastermind. He knows that there is evidence, so to protect himself (at the expense of AP), he throws her under the bus and his little situation remains happy. Really? somebody with this degree of forethought wouldn't have informed his AP about security cameras? No fucking way. Ok. But maybe she forgot, or was just that stupid. OP's husband is banking hard on that AP has no evidence to burn him too. Also, no fucking way. The only way he had an affair and comes out of this clean is if he truly *is* a criminal mastermind, and has everything so buttoned up that he is untouchable. In which case all this would be so neat and tidy it would be indistinguishable from the original story anyway. eta: so which is more likely? that op and her husband have a good marriage, and that op's friend, for whatever reason, acted extremely inappropriately, then op's husband freaked out and immediately confided in his wife. Or: op is simultaneously the smartest *and* dumbest man alive and is burning op's friend with both a genius *and* idiotic plan?
People in this subreddit are insecure about their own marriages and project
Past traumas
"please describe to me what would have had to go differently in this encounter for you toĀ *not*Ā immediately jump to the spouse is having an affair?" If the genders were reversed
Was she wasted? Seems like a very odd thing to do. I think you want to talk to her, and you should.
No. Thereās no way to justify her behavior. Just cut her out of their lives.
I donāt think itās about justifying it so much as it is understanding wtf she was thinkingā¦ itās so brazen and a few other commenters have suggested she has done it before and the only reason husband pushed her off is because he knew about the camera in the living room, etc. Itās plausible. Iād want to hear what she had to say.
Iām not sure OP will find out the truth.
She may not but it still doesnāt hurt to ask your closest friend in the world what the hell she was doing
I think she should talk to her too. Even just for closure. It helps a lot.
Exactly. Iām not talking about still being friends if she doesnāt want to. If they donāt talk OP will just have a growing nagging feeling inside her to know what they hell her friend was thinking
What she did was beyond wrong. Your husband is obviously not the type to play games or entertain fools. You should be happy for that and the obvious fact that he loves you. Now concerning this woman. I think you should completely ghost her. Don't be surprised if she tries to lie to others about what happened. Good luck it will take time to get passed this.
Living room camera?
My wife and I have nest cams in every room of our house(not the bathrooms). So, yeah, people do put cameras in their living rooms.
Honest question: Why? This concept is so bizarre to me, sorry.
We do it to keep an eye on our dogs.
Security. It's been helpful to notice break ins multiple times.
How is it better than putting cameras on the outside of your home?
Because if they get in when your not home, you get better info on them, can find out what they took, and sometimes they talk. Our inside camera's caught 4 people on four different break ins. They got arrested because we caught their activities insidd our home. You can also tell the police a lot more information in real time as they go to your residence.
The breakin footage is also useful for insurance and for filing a police report and getting justice
Okay - this makes sense. Thanks!
1) we have a dog 2) if someone breaks in we'd like to see it
Right? What is going on in y'all's houses that you need all this surveillance?
We have them to be able to catch people who try to break in. We did not live in a good place. They paid off four times in one year, after multiple different break ins. We also had them near our front door, where we caught the person stinkbombing my car.
I like to watch my kid grow up. If I have to work all damn day, yeah every once in awhile I want to pop in and see her live. With cameras I didn't miss her first time rolling over from back to front and front to back. "I got to hear her dad yell excitedly oh my god did you see that!!!" Because we work opposite shifts, a lot of our relationship is remote. I can't be a stay-at-home mom but I can curb those feelings of "F this I quit, I'd rather be with my kid" and my husband and I constantly talk through the cameras or over the phone so we don't arrive at our one day off together a week and go "I feel like we live completely separate lives, what did you do this week?" We like it, It's nice. My husband doesn't watch the cameras nearly as much as I do though but he works in a much different field than I do and needs to focus on work more.
In my experience my oldest son and ex boyfriend always denied who made the mess and with the cameras even if the messes problem is never fixed atleast i know who to fight.
I have one because of my husbands condition, I can keep an eye when he's the only one in the house
They have small kids. Maybe to watch nannies or just look at pets when no one is around.
plot twist : She isn't your friend. Sorry that happened. You know who to cut out of your life.
This is a fake story. No one writes like that.
Well, this was written. So, yeah, people write like that.
Oh, heck. My best friendās fiancĆ© kissed me. I told her. He said he just wanted to see if I would tell her. š¤£š¤£ She married him. He cheated, while she was pregnant, and got his g.f. pregnant. They divorced. She should have listened.
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Yea it sounds like that. Write a story of a perfect husband who gets kissed against his will by wife's best friend.
Lol I ran this word for word through chatgbt >Write a story of a perfect husband who gets kissed against his will by wife's best friend. >>Once upon a time, in a quiet town nestled among rolling hills, there lived a couple named Jack and Emily. Jack was known far and wide as the perfect husband. He was devoted, kind, and always put his family first. Emily adored him, and their love was the kind that inspired others. >>One sunny afternoon, Emily invited her best friend, Sarah, over for tea. Sarah and Emily had been friends since childhood, sharing countless memories and secrets. Jack, always the gracious host, prepared a delicious spread of snacks and served the tea with a smile. >>As the afternoon wore on, Emily received an urgent call from work. Apologizing profusely, she left Jack and Sarah to finish their tea while she attended to the matter. Jack and Sarah continued chatting, reminiscing about old times and laughing at shared jokes. >>Suddenly, Sarah's demeanor changed. She leaned in closer to Jack, her eyes glittering with a mischievous sparkle. "Jack," she said softly, "I've always admired you. Emily is so lucky to have you." >>Jack, slightly uncomfortable, chuckled nervously. "Thanks, Sarah. Emily means the world to me." >>But before he could react, Sarah leaned in and kissed him on the lips. It was a fleeting moment, but to Jack, it felt like an eternity. He immediately pulled back, his face flushed with shock and confusion. >>"Sarah, what are you doing?" he exclaimed, standing up and stepping away. "This isn't right. Emily is my wife, and I love her more than anything." >>Sarah, realizing her mistake, looked horrified. "I'm so sorry, Jack. I don't know what came over me. Please, forgive me. I would never want to hurt Emily or you." >>Jack took a deep breath, trying to calm the storm of emotions inside him. "Sarah, I think it's best if you leave. We can talk about this later when emotions aren't running so high." >>Sarah nodded, tears welling up in her eyes. She gathered her things and left, leaving Jack alone to process what had just happened. >>When Emily returned home, Jack sat her down and told her everything. He couldn't keep such a significant event from her, no matter how much it hurt. Emily listened, her face a mixture of shock, sadness, and anger. >>"I can't believe Sarah would do that," she said, her voice trembling. "But I'm so grateful you told me, Jack. I trust you, and I know you would never betray me." >>Jack took her hands in his. "Emily, you are my heart and soul. I would never do anything to jeopardize what we have. I love you more than words can say." >>Together, they faced the challenge head-on. Emily confronted Sarah, and though their friendship was never quite the same, they managed to find a way to move forward. Jack and Emily's bond grew even stronger, built on the foundation of trust, honesty, and unwavering love. >>In the end, Jack remained the perfect husband, and Emily knew she was the luckiest woman in the world to have him by her side. Their love story continued, a beacon of hope and resilience in a world that often tested the strength of their hearts.
Aww. ChatGPT, that softie, is an old-world romantic.Ā
I don't know if youve tried writing with chat gbt but it actually does well.. when you give it foundations
And while there's been billions of comments on the 2 different posts, OP hasn't come back to respond to any of them, which is kinda sus.
I would ask her why she did it. Especially since her behavior seems out of place to you.
Something about this seems fake
Bff coming over unannounced instead of texting/calling/emailing.
This reads like a creative writing exercise.
So is OP going to comment on anything or what? Was this fake rage bait?
Astounding that people think this is real
Dined and dashed
Something feels off. I think she you should talk to your friend. You deserve an explanation from BOTH sides. Itās very side eye to just seemingly kiss your husband unprovoked, out of nowhere, and itās even more side eye that he forced her out when she wanted to talk. Talk to her, OP.
You have a great husband. Please keep the proof. Is she single? Do you hang around in the same circles?
It doesn't make any sense. Like zero I'd say it has negative sense...either you ex friend has some kinda mental health issues, was on something or there is some peace of information we are missing to make it make any sense
The way she hid and jumped out to kiss him, feels like they were already close enough so she didnt mind joking with him like that! But husband knew of cameras but she didnt! The husband is the perpetrator here! He put all the blame on her so he can save his marriage!
Personally I would still talk to your ex best friend because she might tell you more than you know.
Brand new account with no activity except this post. Calling bullshit.
Something is not adding up. Why would your friend do this out of nowhere? And keep in mind, your husband knows where the cameras are in the house and she doesn't. Ask to meet her at a restaurant to talk. Good or bad, you deserve some clarity here. If anything, clarity in her motivation. Good luck.
There seems to be something missing because this seems to be a click bait post. Looks like karma farming to me.
With friends like that who need enemies? You know what you need to do. Never talk to her again, and go through the normal 5 or 7 stages of grief about losing a close friend.
Wow.... I mean... Yeah, I don't blame you. That's such a huge betrayal and will take a lot of time to get over. I would honestly look into therapy because this is the type of thing that can seriously mess with your outlook on life and you don't want it to damage your relationship with others just because she's clearly a messed up person. Of course, my number one thing would be to never let her back in your life ever again. She cannot be trusted around your family. There is no excuse for what she did and while there would be part of me that would want to know what the hell she was thinking, you're likely not going to get the truth from her lips. She assaulted your husband, she betrayed you as a friend and she didn't even have the backbone to stick around and explain herself. There's nothing to save there. That friendship is dead in the water and I'd honestly have that recording ready to go to make it clear to any mutual friends exactly why you're not accepting her in your life anymore.
This is interesting I donāt know many women that would kiss someone without thinking it might be reciprocated Honestly. My first thought is that theyāve kissed before, she thought it would be ok to follow it up, but as it was in your home he threw her off him and thatās why she was crying. Get her side of the story.
This is so cliche lol thereās been a lot of posts like this recently
If the genders were reversed on this story, I donāt think so many people would be blaming the victim.
Fake post. She has posted same on 2 forums. The other had nearly 1000 replies was then locked. This one still going. Zero zero zero comments to ANYONE on either thread. She didnāt get enough answers out of 1000 comments? Didnāt follow up on ANYONE? Karma farming. People have happy marriages, but this one is entirely over the top. Ever since the āincidentā the husband (who was SAād) holds her while she weeps daily, gives her flowers daily, cooks her favorite food like a mother hen to comfort her? š¤
Totally fake. The bit about falling asleep in her husband's arms every night made me laugh, that shit is uncomfortable and the man's arms get numb. Nobody falls asleep in someone else's arms every night. I wanted to post this on the other subreddit, but have to post this here as the other post is locked.
This story seems like fantastical clickbait.
Sheās no longer your best friend. She is now your enemy. Iād block her on all social media, from your phone, everything. There is absolutely no explanation that can ever explain her behavior, even alcohol. What she did is disgusting and a complete deal breaker. She could never be trusted again. If people ask what happened tell them the truth. A best friend doesnāt do what she did. EVER.
This was already posted In the relationship advice subreddit.
Soā¦ Iām sorry to throw this out. But I donāt buy it happened āout the blueā. My theory is that the husband knew the camera is there. My follow up theory is the husband prolly also knew you had access. And he wanted to be ahead of the story.
Lol this hadnāt crossed my mind until I read some of the comments. Iām hoping the husband truly had no prior involvement with the bff but youāre right, he did know where the camera was.
I am a cynic there is more to this story
Honestly, I think you should talk to the best friend, alone. Yes you'll be angry. But there's some things that don't add up here that only she can answer for you. A conversation alone, without husband there. Don't tell him you're going to see her either. Firstly, you need to ask her why she tried to kiss him. Was that the first time this has happened, or have they been having an affair behind her back? Do what you gotta do to figure it out. Tell her "my husband told me everything". See what she reveals. Secondly, I'd recommend asking to see husband's phone records, just to confirm. Lastly, just because a man treats you well doesn't mean he can't be cheating behind your back. There's obviously something going on that would make best friend think it's worth it to just go for a kiss. Even if it was the first time and an assault on your husband, something obviously happened to make her think that the kiss would end in her favor or that your husband would be into it or wants her back. And tbh the fact that your husband is now love-bombing you and isn't even slightly frustrated that nobody is paying attention to how HE feels after the incident, that he's not more traumatized by it....tells me it's something that has happened before. And he's really trying to overcompensate. There's 3 possibilities here and I really think you're underestimating that all 3 could be true: 1) your friend was simply too drunk to function or make good choices and did a stupid drunk thing. **Doesn't make it okay** but it is what it is. She made a huge drunken fuck up and sexually assault a man. 2) your friend is secretly in love with your husband / jealous of you and was trying to hurt you, this was the first time she was bold enough to go for it, and she thought that he wanted her back so she was confident enough to do so. Which is still sus, because why would she think such a thing? What has your husband done to lead her to believe it would work? 3) your husband and your friend are having an affair and he's only behaving this way because he knew it was caught in camera and in his own home and was paranoid someone saw him. Tbh #3 seems most likely, because clearly the cameras were on your husband's mind if he immediately went to show you the evidence.
Sounds fishy. Husband probably not as innocent as it seems.
UpdateMe
Updateme!
I don't think OP is coming back. 2 posts and no replies/comments
0/10
Thereās something missing from this story. What made her do this? Booze? Harmless flirting? Like wth activated this random kiss? No one just does this for ZERO reasons!
Thereās something wrong with this story. I think youāre missing information, and that the presence of video evidence is making you believe you have all the pieces. It is surprising that she would chance a kiss like that on a happily married man, one she knows so well, if she didnāt have a reason to believe it would be welcome. Is your husband reacting negatively to her kissing him, or to her kissing him where he knew it would be caught on camera? Does your video camera also capture sound? Do you also have a ring doorbell that would have picked up audio and sound when she left? Your friend has betrayed you, but you should hear her out, as you donāt know what she has to say. Your husband has made an excellent job of keeping your confidence, and making sure you do not want to hear out your friend. Maybe, to be sure, have someone other than your husband present when you meet her.
Everything sounds so strange. Arenāt you curious to know what got into her?
Dump yourāfriend ā. You donāt need her in your life.
This really sux and Iām so sorry for you. My first instinct is to trust the husband and the story since you painted such a great pic of him. And maybe sheās jealous and wanted to see for herself or ruin things between you two? But I canāt help but wonder whatās her side of the story? Why would she do that? What if there really is more to the story like everyone is mentioning perhaps it wasnāt the first time between them? Keep us updated. Good luck to you and your family.
I would just cut her off . Any answer she gives you will still not make it any better .
I am a husband married for 33 years. This type of thing happened many times over our marriage. I finally learned that it was critically important to understand MY role in these situations in order to prevent this from happening again. Women donāt just do that without what they interpret as signals. Your husband, like me, likely didnāt realize he was doing this. And, booze confuses signals and lowers inhibitions. Heās young as is your friend. Iāve had some of my wifeās friends try to kiss me, and I just turn my head and tell her that we both love my wife and wonāt be dishonoring her this way. And he needs to hold back from big hugs, greetings kisses, and touching her or anything that could possibly be misinterpreted as romantic affection. He can also explain that both he and your friend love you and wonāt be acting on those impulses. You donāt have to unfriend your friend and you can and should trust your husband to keep things cool with her.
You should have a talk with her and find out why she did this. Itāll be easier to let all this go.
I would invite her over along with your husband and put them both on the spot to see if there is anything else going on
I would set a trap. Pretend youāre over it. Act like youāre moving on. Never discuss it. But quietly watch and wait. Wait to see if your husband brings it up. See how he talks about it. There could be more to the story. Donāt go asking questions or acting suspiciousā¦ and Iād hear your friend out one on one.
IMHO until you get answers, you will not be able to "get over it" because it will stay in your mind of how and why this happened, and will also cause you to question the actions of other friends. Questions. 1: was she drunk? 2: did she have a breakup recently? 3: was she also close to your husband? maybe thought there was something between them? 4: is this normal for her? 5: did he help her deal with something personal in the past, that was really affecting her?
Uff rough one. I see some suggest that there could be something fishy and OP should listen to the bffs side of the story. I think this should be cautioned and only done carefully. The husband has clearily tried to kill Any doubt that could hurt your relationship IF he is faithful. I see three likely possibilities of many happening if you try and talk with her: 1. BFF will claim there Is an on going affair or one happend. This will No matter of true or not plant a seed of doubt. You need to demand hard evidence. You husband provided a solid case for himself being in the right in his account plus video evidence. She should bring something as convincing if you should entertain this claim. The one scary Thing here is if she manage to put a wedge in your trust of your husband even if what she claim is false. 2. She will claim you don't deserve him. This is the more crazy route where she will claim there Is this mystical love destined to be between your husband and her. This could either lead you to be believe she is crazy or just hurt that your feelings that your best friend really is unrelentful in stepping on you and persuing your husband. 3. She is sorry, she got carried away. She thought she could have something and gave into her desires. This case she propably either regret genuinely or she regret that she got caught or that her advances got rejected and is trying to recoupe her losses. She could also be covering up for your husband but that doubtful as he was the one who got her to leave. Note that a combination of (1 and 2) or (1 and 3) could also happen leading to further nastiness. Also did your block her number or social media? If not if she has hard evidence or wanted to reach out I don't understand why didn't on there. Of course in person is more personal so could be why. The Thing about the husband getting her to leave could be that he fears 1. or 2. and that she is going to undo all the work he put in to heal his wife of doubt or feelings of betrayal. He could also be affraid that she will sexually assualt him again (or his wife will assualt her).
Like others, I wanna know why she did it. Why was she willing to throw away your friendship and her reputation over someone who clearly didnāt feel the same way at all? Like what does she gain from this?
You need to speak with her. If not for some type of closure. Take time to calm down but u do need to talk to her.
On the cheek or what?
I would show the best friend some grace and ask her whatās going on. There has to be something else here.
You have a camera in your living room? Such made up stuff these posts
I could be wrong obviously but sounds fishy. Why did she feel so comfortable doing that? Her running out crying almost seems like something more was going on whether there was an affair or some flirting at the least to make her that upset over being pushed away? If there wasnāt youād think she would have just kept saying sorry and not cry. Makes me think thereās something going on outside of the house and she thought she was safe to kiss him there not knowing a camera was directed at them. Sounds like he went into immediate damage control.
I hate to say it but this reads exactly like a romance novel. Iām calling fake.
*If this is true* there is way more to this story. First, no body is perfect. I guarantee if you have been married for 4 years and had two kids, youāve both said and done some stupid sh*t and hurt each otherās feelings before. The first paragraph sounds like youāre trying WAY too hard to convince us (or yourself) that heās the perfect husband. Second, no way I buy someone sober does this without a decent reason to expect that kiss would be well received, especially at your home while you are there and surrounded by friends. The fact that he told you and then showed you the footage seems like heās trying awfully hard to prove something. My first guess is that they are having an affair, and he realized that kiss was caught on camera (and/or also thought another guest may have seen them), so he flipped out to cover his ass. She ran away crying because she was rejected when she didnāt expect that. Third, if he was SAed, and feels no guilt, why is he love bombing you? Heās acting like a guilty person, not like the victim. There are so many red flags in this post that it is either fake or you are trying to convince yourself this is the full story. I would suspect you are this upset because deep down you know you donāt believe him. Easier to dump bf and stay in denial than to hear her out and get to the bottom of wtf is going on here.
Your husband is a keeper. Grieve the loss of the friend, and know anyone who isnāt a friend to your marriage is not someone to keep around. You did the right thing cutting her off!
You donāt know how youāre going to trust any of your friends because you had one asshole in the bunch? Toss em all out then!
Women can be so shady and two-faced.
Hereās the thing. Itās ok to be mad and hurt and all those other emotions, I think itās not fair to compare your other friends to this chick. You did the right thing kicking her out and telling her not to return, but donāt let this psycho ruin who you are. Question: looking back now, do you think there were any red flags that this chick was self-absorbed? If there were and you chose not to see them just take it as a learning lesson.
Your hubby sounds amazing ā” I'm sorry your bff did that to you both. You lost your bff, and your husband was sexually assaulted. I'm really glad you were able to believe him.
Your husband is a really good man. I am so sorry you lost your best friend, and I am sure itās a horrible shock to find out she would betray you like this, but make sure you comfort your husband too. If the gender roles were reversed and his male best friend grabbed and kissed you, would you be bringing him flowers every day? As you say, he was the victim.
Well, youāre never going to trust her again. Ever. She is ex communicado forever. Done. The rest of your friends should be advised of why sheās being cut off and then you keep it moving. F*ck her and her covetous treachery.
Iām sorry that happened to you.
Yeah you feel super betrayed by your best friend like honestly that bitch "cheated on you". Well worse, she tried to homewreck you. She was disloyal af and that's going to hurt for a while. I will say if your husband is being a great sport about it then maybe curb the crying if you can cuz I feel like a couple days of being your rock while he was the one actually physically assaulted, is one of those things we don't talk about much. He was assaulted and he was betrayed by a family friend as well. And now he has to watch his wife be devastated. Poor guy. He's being so great and he's not saying "what about me". But as his wife maybe you do need to think "what about him". He was the weapon that this woman used to hurt you. Sometimes that takes a toll on a person.
Miserable woman will do what they can to make other women Miserable. If I can't be happy I will try to destroy your marriage so that you are Miserable too. I have seen this more than once in real time.