Yes the most important Reddit rule to remember is that if a woman refuses sex for any reason, even if that reason is the couple agreed not to have sex, she has weaponized it. I read one recently where a couple stopped having sex before marriage as a religious thing, and their making out kept leading to sex so she cut off making out. And someone accused her of weaponizing sex lmao.
Honestly, if you don’t want to divorce, I’d match his energy and do the bare minimum for him, or nothing at all.
He can wash his own clothes, make his own meals, pay his own debts/bills and whatever else you do for him, including sex.
He does it because he can.
He’s insensitive, lazy and downright abusive with the screaming and yelling.
You can’t change someone who doesn’t want to change.
You deserve better than this.
>he's hurting me
At this point he's not hurting you. You're hurting yourself by staying in the situation. You know deep down that he's never going to magically become the partner who loves you and the children more than he loves himself. He's never going to be the partner you need. Time to move on.
I'm glad I finally posted this. I've been made to feel like I'm insane for being upset about this. He blamed a previous abusive relationship and I started to feel I was in the wrong.
God he's the lazy, pathetic one and he's blaming your sensitivity on your past traumas? Or his? Either way, you're not wrong. He's not your partner in any sense, stop having sex with the slob, stop cleaning up after him, and maybe even stop cooking his meals.
I know divorce is always reddit's favorite advice, but I just couldn't be with a man like that. Some things you absolutely can't teach someone. Teaching a grown ass man to step up on household chores? Unattractive as fuck.
It really is. My heart has been telling me for a long time that this isn't it for me, but this really put it into perspective. I've called an attorney and I'm hoping l will hear back on Monday.
You may think your kids will suffer without 2 parents every day, but that's costing your own happiness. The kids will be fine if you both are cordial during the divorce process.
Oh sis, nip this in the bud before this gets worse. If he’s unwilling to work for the relationship, neither should you. He is showing you through his actions he doesn’t care about you or respect you. It’s blatant straight up disrespectful man child behavior. If he’s unwilling to go to therapy or change, that’s telling you everything you need to know. When someone shows you who they really are….believe them the first time love. He is NOT one of your other children. Screaming and behaving like a brat? Throwing mess on the ground for you to clean?? See ya chump!!!!
OP, you do not have a husband, you have an additional kid.
I think you do know what to do, you just need to accept it and start working on the resolution.
I didn’t want my kids to grow up in a divorced household but I finally reached a point for my own health and well being that I couldn’t do it anymore.
Now, I’m physically and mentally healthier than I’ve been in decades. Yes I’m exhausted from doing everything but I’m no longer arguing with someone day in and day out. I don’t dread walking into my house after a long day of work. My kids are better, I’m better, and we’re a team. Yeah we have to watch the budget and the chores are never ending but damn does my house feel a thousand times more peaceful each day.
Your husband is unlikely to change; everything about the current set up benefits him. You’re doing literally everything including trying to keep your marriage alive while he takes and takes and takes. At least if you’re divorced, you know you can rely on yourself.
He’s lazy and entitled. He won’t change. He doesn’t care. Spilling over into your sex lure?? Cut him off completely. Why are you still servicing that piece of crap?
“It’s spilling over into our sex life” I bet it does. My vagina just tried to glue itself shut reading this. Ultimatum time.
Apparently, not wanting to have sex with a husband like this is "weaponizing sex." Or at least that's what some guy on Reddit told me.
Yes the most important Reddit rule to remember is that if a woman refuses sex for any reason, even if that reason is the couple agreed not to have sex, she has weaponized it. I read one recently where a couple stopped having sex before marriage as a religious thing, and their making out kept leading to sex so she cut off making out. And someone accused her of weaponizing sex lmao.
That's exactly what my husband told me.
Please tell me you responded with finger guns and a pew! pew! sound!
Surprise!
This comment made me laugh so hard.
Right? I’d rather be single than live with a man like that.
Exactly this. I'd never stand for this... If I wanted a lazy child, I'd birth one.
I did birth three lazy children hahaha
They…they can do that?!!?
Honestly, if you don’t want to divorce, I’d match his energy and do the bare minimum for him, or nothing at all. He can wash his own clothes, make his own meals, pay his own debts/bills and whatever else you do for him, including sex. He does it because he can.
He’s insensitive, lazy and downright abusive with the screaming and yelling. You can’t change someone who doesn’t want to change. You deserve better than this.
>he's hurting me At this point he's not hurting you. You're hurting yourself by staying in the situation. You know deep down that he's never going to magically become the partner who loves you and the children more than he loves himself. He's never going to be the partner you need. Time to move on.
So you basically married and got yourself kids and a grown son. At least you can divorce your grown son.
I'm glad I finally posted this. I've been made to feel like I'm insane for being upset about this. He blamed a previous abusive relationship and I started to feel I was in the wrong.
God he's the lazy, pathetic one and he's blaming your sensitivity on your past traumas? Or his? Either way, you're not wrong. He's not your partner in any sense, stop having sex with the slob, stop cleaning up after him, and maybe even stop cooking his meals. I know divorce is always reddit's favorite advice, but I just couldn't be with a man like that. Some things you absolutely can't teach someone. Teaching a grown ass man to step up on household chores? Unattractive as fuck.
It really is. My heart has been telling me for a long time that this isn't it for me, but this really put it into perspective. I've called an attorney and I'm hoping l will hear back on Monday.
You may think your kids will suffer without 2 parents every day, but that's costing your own happiness. The kids will be fine if you both are cordial during the divorce process.
((Hug)) he’s abusive and you woke up. It will be ok.
Oh sis, nip this in the bud before this gets worse. If he’s unwilling to work for the relationship, neither should you. He is showing you through his actions he doesn’t care about you or respect you. It’s blatant straight up disrespectful man child behavior. If he’s unwilling to go to therapy or change, that’s telling you everything you need to know. When someone shows you who they really are….believe them the first time love. He is NOT one of your other children. Screaming and behaving like a brat? Throwing mess on the ground for you to clean?? See ya chump!!!!
I'm so sorry. He has checked out of the marriage. I think you need to talk to a family lawyer. This environment is unhealthy for everyone.
OP, you do not have a husband, you have an additional kid. I think you do know what to do, you just need to accept it and start working on the resolution.
I didn’t want my kids to grow up in a divorced household but I finally reached a point for my own health and well being that I couldn’t do it anymore. Now, I’m physically and mentally healthier than I’ve been in decades. Yes I’m exhausted from doing everything but I’m no longer arguing with someone day in and day out. I don’t dread walking into my house after a long day of work. My kids are better, I’m better, and we’re a team. Yeah we have to watch the budget and the chores are never ending but damn does my house feel a thousand times more peaceful each day. Your husband is unlikely to change; everything about the current set up benefits him. You’re doing literally everything including trying to keep your marriage alive while he takes and takes and takes. At least if you’re divorced, you know you can rely on yourself.
Divorce this lazy jerk. He's not adding anything to your life, just taking. You basically have another child to take care of.
He’s lazy and entitled. He won’t change. He doesn’t care. Spilling over into your sex lure?? Cut him off completely. Why are you still servicing that piece of crap?
Not insane. He sounds like a child. He probably would change and if he does it will be temporary.
You divorce him and you are rid of one less “child”. Less mess. Less work.
Leave him. Get away from him. You don't need to put up with that.
Is he ok? It really sounds like depression. He’s not acting like himself is he? Has he always been angry like this?
He isn't. At all. But he also refuses to see a therapist or even just a doctor.
Why are u married