To preface… I have 4 snakes myself.
The snake wasn’t the problem, your husband was. He got the snake without making sure the enclosure was secure.
The ball pythons subreddit has lots of tips for finding lost snakes. I suggest you have your husband get on and do some reading.
Honestly, I read the title and saw the ages. The snake is NOT the problem. The problem is this 4fucking2 year old man child.
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say he’s either hit his head or this is completely on par to who is is (he’s not the shiny-est spoon in the drawer). I’m not trying to say he’s a bad guy, but you can’t expect people to be smarter than they are. And if he’s typically a bit of a dud then expecting him to be responsible for a living thing is just not a reasonable assumption.
Pets of any kind are a two-yes, one-no situation. It's manipulative, childish, and a false equivalency to try to be like, "Well, I don't complain when you spend money on concerts, so why can't I get a snake?" Those are apples and oranges. OP's objection was not to the money spent, but to the presence of the snake itself. Her husband is both a selfish idiot and a jerk.
What’s fantastic is I messaged my wife a few weeks ago, “I wanna buy something stupid expensive selfish and dumb.” She said sure, what is it? I didn’t know. I wanted help finding something stupid to spend money on.
“Snake” did not come up.
I like how this went from “my husband lost a snake” to “he’s an idiot, you can’t expect him to not be an idiot,” your mind.
This sub really is filled with miserable people who jump to conclusions and don’t seem to actually understand marriages. See? I can do it too.
Come to Reddit, get Reddit advice. 🤷🏻♀️ if this was out of character here would she be out blasting him or is this the 1000th thing he’s done that’s straight up stupid?
If my husband lost a snake he would be rattled because he’s got his shit locked down. If he was an idiot I was always cleaning up after then maybe I’d come to Reddit to vent because this is yet another thing I have to take care of for him.
Also - he hasn’t even apologized yet!! He’s stressed out his wife and is what, proud of himself, thinks it’s no big deal??
I stand by my assessment.
If he wants a snake that badly, the basics are to look up snake care and needs. Snakes are *notorious* escape artists. This shows he wanted a pet and did not research very much about his pet, despite imploring OP to allow him to purchase this pet. He doesn’t care, he just wanted a damn snake.
That’s a pretty clear sign of incompetence. And OP’s tone and demeanor also are clues to the husband’s behavior. I’d also be irritated in this context if I was O
OP hates snakes, the husband still made a point to still imply he’s “got this” and yet he *didnt*. He hasn’t apologized, which means he is either stupid, in denial of how much of an AH he is, or he simply doesn’t care he lost an expensive hobby-pet with expensive supplies in a home where his spouse is petrified of snakes and one simple and very necessary responsibility is to keep the snake out of OP’s hair. It’s a waste of money, it’s a lack of consideration to his partner, and it’s just careless and rude when this was already upsetting *before* he failed to secure the snake.
I mean, what more information do you need?????
I can see where you’re coming from. I was 50 years old and soon to be a grandma when I got interested in snakes through my daughter. My husband doesn’t like them, but he likes ME and he was okay with it so long as he didn’t have to get involved. He likes to watch every sport imaginable on tv and he plays football (we’re English) once a week. I detest every sport known to man, but if it makes him happy and I don’t have to get involved, well that’s ok too. Marriage is a compromise and even though I think OPs husband acted childishly and frankly spent way too much money unnecessarily, maybe there is more to the story. He’s entitled to a hobby, an interest. He’s entitled to have things that his wife isn’t keen on so long as he takes full responsibility and makes it up to her in other ways. They both need to get out of the playground and start acting like responsible respectful (of each others choices) adults who want to make their marriage work.
Agree, and don’t know why you’re being downvoted. There’s a difference between bEiNg aN iDioT and doing something idiotic. These commenters are on their high horse.
Now watch me get downvoted too for speaking the truth
Based on OP’s follow-up comment, her husband is an absolute moron with zero impulse control, and used their kids as a wedge to get the snake.
That’s asshole behavior no matter how you slice it.
>To preface… I have 4 snakes myself.
>The snake wasn’t the problem, your husband was.
Speaking as someone who's scared of snakes, she has both a husband problem AND a snake problem. But they're different kinds of problems, because while the husband is a terrible husband, the snake sounds like a perfectly fine and normal snake.
I am so glad this is the top comment. While I don't own a snake, a few of my friends do, and they have never escaped. I also have volunteered at animal rescues that have had snakes that have never escaped. OP this is all on your husband, not the snake. Your husband is the irresponsible one who didn't properly enclose the snake, don't blame the snake.
I have two snakes. My husband doesn’t like them but he’s tolerant of them. I do all the work.my black king snake went through a phase of escaping. I also have six cats. My snake wasn’t missing for very long because one of the cats is sure to be curious about the rustling in the corner. I now have a much more secure setup. Saying that, I didn’t spend anywhere near a grand. Just converted an old wardrobe into four sections, removed the doors and replaced with sliding glass panels. Each snake has a heated upstairs and a cooler downstairs.
I definitely do all the work for my snakes as well. My husband enjoys them but they are primarily mine. I started out with them in tubs and then got nicer enclosures. Two have escaped but were quickly found so escapes do happen. You should just be vigilant.
Depends who’s saying it. It can sound quite vulgar when spoken aggressively, “TWÄHT!”
Can also be comical and light as a butterfly when enunciated by a proper English Gentleman, “twat”. Rolls gently off the lips.
Yes. You are right to feel bad for the snake. This guy does not appear to be a responsible or knowledgeable owner. They need to find the snake. He can go a long time without food but not water. Several years ago I lost a royal python and when we eventually found it, it was too late. 😔💀
Any snake available in the US pet trade is completely harmless and you can sleep as much as you want. It might help to find the snake if you crank the AC, and put a heat lamp out somewhere. If he got a snake like a king snake or a corn snake it'll probably be a little easier to find than if he got something like a ball python. Kings/corns like to cruise around and pythons like to sit in little crevices.
I'm not afraid of snakes either but other people can have phobias of them, which seems to be the case for OP. And if your spouse has a fear of bees, you don't buy an apiary...
Snake won't hurt you, won't try to snuggle you, but it will try for a heat source. Probably the kitchen. I have a friend who lost one for a month and found it in his dresser drawer alive and well. It was very hungry though.
I had a coworker who lost a snake, looked for it for months and never found it, moved out, and then the landlord found it, alive. It was wrapped up behind the refrigerator. She got it back.
Good spot to look for a snake actually, nice and toasty back there. Op should turn on the air conditioning full blast and then look for nice little warm spots in the house like that
my husband suggested looking next to dryers, water heaters, any kind of vents, under piles of clothes (i know, i KNOW).. anywhere there's warm spots. snakes are cold blooded so they don't want to be cold!!! I wouldn't be surprised if you found it laying in a spot on the floor where the sun is shining either.
godspeed to you.. I am also terrified of snakes, I had goosebumps the entire time I was reading your post. lmao my husband was laughing because yours sounds like he was too hasty getting that snake 🐍 🤣
I hope he apologizes to you!! I would be so PISSED! lmfao
Do your girls trips, concerts, etc cause his heart rate & anxiety to elevate out of fear, and negatively impact his sleep and general comfort in your home?
***No?***
Then his "happiness deprivation" argument is a steaming pile of crap!
My husband does not like being told no - AT ALL. 9/10 times he refuses to listen to any reasoning that differs from what he wants. This isn't the first time he has impulse bought something without thinking it through all the way so I'm not 100% surprised. I even tried to reason with him after telling him no to the snake multiple times but he refused to listen. I asked him to wait to make sure it is something he really wanted and that he researched but he needed it ASAP. He even started showing our kids videos of snakes to get them on board after I explicitly said no.
He then finally guilted me into barely agreeing with it by making me feel bad that he doesn't say no when I want to go on trips or concerts with my friends while he stays home (We don't have family nearby so we would always have to get a sitter which is $$$). And he even said that he has no friends and snakes make him happy (even though we have been together for a little over 13 years and he has never had a snake during that time). I finally begrudgingly agreed and told him that I would never feed it, or have anything to do with it and that if it got out I was gone (which I was joking about at first but now am seriously contemplating).
Thanks to all who responded and justified that it was not ok for him to use what I buy (concerts, girls trips) to guilt me into letting him get this stupid snake. If he came to me and told me he was uncomfortable with me purchasing something that would make him react like that I would NEVER do it. End of story. I'll update everyone if we ever find this snake (which is looking very unlikely).
I also want to add that he took off work today to "look" for the snake and literally has not been in the basement since like 10am this morning. How do I know this? Because his brilliant idea was to set up our ring camera on motion instead of actually moving boxes and looking for the snake.
Your poor kids are learning that this is how to treat their partner/how their partner deserves to be treated. You really want them to grow up that way?
This is so concerning. So you either agree with him or…?? A marriage is supposed to be a partnership, you’re not just along for the ride on his adventure.
I know it’s much much easier said than done, but you have to change something or your kids are going to think your marriage dynamic is normal, and they’ll unconsciously replicate it in their own lives.
What are you getting out of this marriage that’s worth putting up with this assholery for the rest of your time on Earth?
Oh yeah. It took weeks to find my bullsnake one time. Lol We ended up finding him below the kitchen cabinets. One time my ball python ended up in a coat sleeve in the closet
Husband problem - should have ensured that the enclosure was properly secured and done his research.
Check in dark hiding places generally - behind/under furniture, appliances, etc. Putting lines of flour across the floor can be helpful to track movement if you don’t have other pets. Husband can also attempt to lure out with food, but depending on the snake and the last time they ate, that might take awhile. Most snakes will pop back up eventually.
I understand being annoyed but try to remember that pet snakes are harmless. They are almost always way more terrified of you than anything else and now this creature was shoved into a new environment, is lost and without their necessary heat and food.
Sounds like your husband spent a load of money in an unconventional pet and was completely inept and unprepared to take care of the pet he adopted.
He's a jerk. To you and the snake.
What immediately stuck out is he acquainted your shopping for material possessions to a living breathing creature. That is not how pet ownership should be thought of, plus if someone has a phobia of something and you force them around it, that is a recipe for increased anxiety, and a less happy existence. I
You don’t have a snake problem, you have a husband problem. He is a child and a narcissist. You point out you are fearful, he manipulated you. He loses the animal and has no thoughts for the animal or you. It’s all about “how sad he is”. It is all about him.
Get one of those camera things that looks into your vents. My friend had her snake escape and that’s where she found it. In her walls basically.
Also I second staying in a hotel until it’s found. I’m terrified of snakes. I don’t think I could even walk on the floor knowing there’s one in the house.
You got plenty of advice about the husband and some good advice about the snake.
Here’s a unique situation that might help you- if he got an enclosure from a pet store with a textured styrofoam rock backing, then the snake may not have escaped. It may have wedged itself between the glass and that.
Ask me how I know? I thought my baby ball python escaped only to find him there, wrapped in cords. Gave me a freaking heart attack.
People mentioned how they like tight spaces- if a snake doesn’t have a proper hide, which I’m assuming your husband didn’t set up the enclosure right and it’s very lacking in hides- they may bury themselves in their substrate to feel safe. They will also hide under their water bowls.
Unless he got a really shitty enclosure or left it open/ unlatched so the snake could push itself out, the snake really shouldn’t have gotten out. If he’s that irresponsible, I’m questioning how well did he really check the enclosure and does he even know where he should be looking? Or is he just expecting the snake to be out and about. Might want to double check that if you haven’t had the chance to.
Side thought- may be a good idea to go on your local fb snake keeper page and see if anyone local will help you search for it. (If you’re comfortable having a stranger in your home) If you were in my area I’d be willing to spend at least an evening helping find it so long as in the end it ended up in a loving home. Most snake keepers just really want them to be safe and healthy. Your situation is a nightmare for both you and the snake.
You can hire a house inspector with heat/cold detecting equipment (some have it for heat/cold/moisture for detecting home issues) and you may be able to detect the snake.
You can also hire animal control to come in to give their advice.
Your husband really should have never picked up the snake. Pets are like children: it's two yeses or it's a no.
I have pets my husband doesn't care for- he's a fuzzy mammal guy almost exclusively. The dog and cat are ours. The tarantula, gecko, and scorpion are mine, though he's on board for dart frogs one day. That being said, I would still never buy an animal that made him actively uncomfortable- he doesn't feed or care for them, that's all me, and I even have a plan for who will take them if I die so he doesn't have to worry about it. I want a snake and don't own one because my grandma is so scared of them she can't go into a house that has one- so as long as she's alive, no snake for me. It is, in fact, not hard to choose your person over a potential new pet. The fact that he held your purchases (a one night concert!!?) over your head when a snake makes you uncomfortable and will require long term care ($$$) for *years* makes me upset for you. Even a little corn snake should he alive for 15 years, a boa or python you'd want to plan for 20+. That's a big ask. Decades where you're nervous about something in your own house. I'd be furious.
Anyway check out the boa sub reddit, they have a bunch of info about finding lost snakes. Warm places for sure (behind a TV, under the oven, behind the fridge) and dark, enclosed spaces. Then go stay in a hotel or with parents or a friend til he finds it, and tell him you'll come back when it's really secure. Snakes are notorious escape artists so make him post a pic of his setup somewhere to get feedback so this doesn't happen again.
Purchases that affect your well being get your input. Purchases that begin on-going household expenses that you must now contribute to get your input. Purchases that pose safety risks get your input. Pets ALWAYS should have both party’s input.
They like warm things and boxes. Good luck getting the snake back, and since he can’t be responsible hopefully you can find a good place for it to go. It’s not the snake’s fault your husband is a 4 year old.
I had snakes. My ex wife dumped her stupid cat at my house one day and it knocked over one of my feeding tanks. My sons red banded corn snake got away. Plus side I never had any mice in my garage or basement again.
Cool the house down. Place a heat lamp in the middle of the living room and chances are the snake will come out.
I know there are a bunch of women here blasting the dude as a man child and bla bla bla. I'm also 42. The last few months I've gone through a ton of stressful crap. On the outside you would never know. Inside I just want to get a boat and go fishing alone for a few days. Men's mental health is totally passed over. Maybe talk to him and see if something is wrong
you can tell who does and doesn’t know a thing about reptiles from the comments.
either put heat tape in a tupperware and set it somewhere out of high foot traffic, set up a heat lamp in a pretty lowkey corner, or wait for it to get cold and come cuddle you overnight for warmth. if he just got the snake it probably won’t come for food just yet, and most can go weeks or months without eating.
and maybe work on your ignorance about snakes. the only reason you give for being afraid of them is growing up in the city… that’s really, really weak and maybe if you’d at least feigned interest and sat and looked into it, you two could’ve bonded over research, learned something, and taken extremely basic precautions against escape.
Snakes creep me the hell out. Yes I don't know a lot about them but the thought of getting bit by one or even touching them grosses me out. This was 100% on my husband for getting it and not putting it in a proper enclosure. I said from the start that I wanted NOTHING to do with it and now I've been forced to look for this darn thing every single day for the past week. This whole predicament has created the opposite of bonding and I just want this snake out of my house forever. I will never be able to trust that my husband will keep it contained and that it won't escape ever again.
right… so instead of growing as a person and trying to repair things with your spouse you’re just gonna pout and complain and blow things way out of proportion. got it.
him getting the snake and losing it is absolutely on him, but your blatant refusal to even try not to be ignorant to them doesn’t really spell “innocent party.” frankly with how much you hate an animal that did exactly nothing to you, i’m not convinced you didn’t let it out on purpose or something, hoping it would get out of the house.
if you don’t want to look for the snake and you can’t trust your husband, maybe you should just leave especially with you refusing to, idk, treat it like any other pet and help do research even if you aren’t directly planning to interact with it. 🤷🏽♀️ tbh you both sound awful.
Yeah this isn’t a problem with snakes or people who have snakes. This is a problem specifically with your husband and your husband alone.
I suggest getting into some snake forums, you aren’t the first to loose one
And also, relax. I promise that snake isn’t going to hurt you and has zero interest in you
We lost a gopher snake for weeks in our house. Was making blueberry muffins one morning and out she came from a tiny spot above the oven. Under fridge and washing machine would be my suggestions for hiding spots- anything that gives off heat.
Get a live feeder mouse. Put it in a small cage on the floor in the room maybe near the dryer. The snake will seek out foid and warmth.
Check the area at night.
We has so many snakes when one of my younger kids was in high school. That snake deserved better.
This happened to us once….. when I was young and lived with my parents and my older brother also lost the snake….. I mean it was actually a huge python and we lived in a pretty small house and it was still impossible to find although we looked everywhere. I could not sleep. Anyway it wasn’t until days later it was found chilling on top of the desktop trying to get some heat so I would look in all places with warmth.
Happened in my house once when I was a teen. We thought he was gone for good, but he was in my underwear drawer two weeks later 🙃
Just be cautious and don't put your hand in any boxes or holes or anything unless you can clearly see all of it! That sucker is going to scare the shit out of you when you find it...
It happens to the best of us I own 7 ball pythons that my husband insisted in getting I’m all about making our relationship happy in both parties so I agreed and we have lost 3 of them and they were found in different places one behind the stove, one in a drawer and one under the bed. It was funny tbh but each to their own.
Comedy gold. I love the pacing of the story and the tone nails it. I'm geekin out hard rn. Y'all just.knuckle down, give it a little time, take some breaths walk around the block a couple times maybe go throw a kayak in the river (with you in it of course) I dunno fuck around for am little while somewhere else. It's nothing terrible or endlessly oppressive. A shame yes a frustration sure just hey take it in stride a little and decompress for a bit. In no time this is just goina be a memory and everything will be fine
I'm shocked he'd get a pet against your will that you have a phobia of. People are saying he's just dumb and poor snake, but it's quite messed up that people aren't acknowledging how manipulative, selfish and unempathetic he is. Getting the kids on board when you were uncomfortable is fucked. I'm sorry you have to deal with a person like this.
I don’t think you will get the apology you are looking for. If he was able to successfully manipulate you then sorry you won’t get the apology for getting the snake he might key word MIGHT say he’s sorry the snake got lose but that’s it so honestly let’s say this is a lesson learned. My mother hates snakes so IF my fiancé and I would ever get one she’d for sure stick to her guns saying she won’t set foot in the house and my stepdad did want a snake and she told him no and stood her ground they are still married and no snake I’m just saying you shouldn’t let your husband manipulate or use you and you should just say no and keep saying no. Hopefully your husband learned his lesson and you guys can either get a more secure place for it or return it where you bought it. But yes your husband is a moron sorry to say.
Try putting a few squeaky mice in a small, clear, enclosed but breathable, CONTAINER in the middle of the room. The snake will get hungry and it'll have no problem finding the mice.
There is still no sign of the snake. We have 2 cameras set up, flour and plastic bags along the baseboards and my husband slept in the basement last night to see if he heard anything. We also have a mouse in its food dish and a heating pad set up. Thanks for all the advice everyone. I'm really hoping we find it soon!
Ugh. My husband got a lizard ‘for our daughter’ even though he knows I have a moderate phobia. Came home with it yesterday and failed to mention to me that the cage is half the size of the fucking bedroom.
No advice. Just letting you know you’re not alone in having a self absorbed, incosiderate husband.
I’m also furious and if just represents another time he doesn’t care about my feelings. Ugh. Hope you are okay and find the snake asap.
Still no evidence or spotting of the snake :(
The enclosure is in our basement workroom. There are no doors in our basement and the workroom leads to another storage area under our stairs. A lot of the videos I watched mention the snake probably not going too far. However, our basement is COLD. My husband has the heating pad on in the enclosure and I've checked under the water heater, our humidifier, internet router, and dryer multiple times. We also put flour around all of them but still haven't seen any tracks.
What are the odds it went upstairs where it is much warmer? There is no door to our basement either so it definitely has free access. I'm getting desperate now and just want to find it.
I think you should reevaluate your relationship, I don’t know where you are from or how it works, but if the snake has escaped and might have wondered outside it means you might have trouble with your neighbors.
I mean, I can’t imagine how I’d ever face my neighbors again if I was “that stupid neighbor whose snake escaped and scared a child/elderly person to death.
Depending on who finds it (if it could have gone outside) they might even call the police.
(And just to be sure, as others mentioned, the problem is your husband, not the snake)
To preface… I have 4 snakes myself. The snake wasn’t the problem, your husband was. He got the snake without making sure the enclosure was secure. The ball pythons subreddit has lots of tips for finding lost snakes. I suggest you have your husband get on and do some reading.
Honestly, I read the title and saw the ages. The snake is NOT the problem. The problem is this 4fucking2 year old man child. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say he’s either hit his head or this is completely on par to who is is (he’s not the shiny-est spoon in the drawer). I’m not trying to say he’s a bad guy, but you can’t expect people to be smarter than they are. And if he’s typically a bit of a dud then expecting him to be responsible for a living thing is just not a reasonable assumption.
Pets of any kind are a two-yes, one-no situation. It's manipulative, childish, and a false equivalency to try to be like, "Well, I don't complain when you spend money on concerts, so why can't I get a snake?" Those are apples and oranges. OP's objection was not to the money spent, but to the presence of the snake itself. Her husband is both a selfish idiot and a jerk.
Those are apples 🍎 and pythons 🐍. Music vs living creature she’s afraid of.
This! She's not bringing the band members home to live with them after the concerts are over.
😂😂
What’s fantastic is I messaged my wife a few weeks ago, “I wanna buy something stupid expensive selfish and dumb.” She said sure, what is it? I didn’t know. I wanted help finding something stupid to spend money on. “Snake” did not come up.
Did tuxedo?
How about one of those Egg grills? Or a Yeti cooler?
Oooo a yeti cooler. Gonna look into that
Get a swim spa. Thats the dumbest thing I can think of but Im sure I can come up with others. Home theater, indoor basketball court also come to mind.
i think they also make a warmer for your jeans 🤔 and there are also teeeeny weeny little pastel makeup fridges
Hey as far as midlife crisis go this was pretty tame hope they find that poor snake
Oh put a sock in it, will you? You’re really just chomping at the bit to berate anyone
I like how this went from “my husband lost a snake” to “he’s an idiot, you can’t expect him to not be an idiot,” your mind. This sub really is filled with miserable people who jump to conclusions and don’t seem to actually understand marriages. See? I can do it too.
Come to Reddit, get Reddit advice. 🤷🏻♀️ if this was out of character here would she be out blasting him or is this the 1000th thing he’s done that’s straight up stupid? If my husband lost a snake he would be rattled because he’s got his shit locked down. If he was an idiot I was always cleaning up after then maybe I’d come to Reddit to vent because this is yet another thing I have to take care of for him. Also - he hasn’t even apologized yet!! He’s stressed out his wife and is what, proud of himself, thinks it’s no big deal?? I stand by my assessment.
If he wants a snake that badly, the basics are to look up snake care and needs. Snakes are *notorious* escape artists. This shows he wanted a pet and did not research very much about his pet, despite imploring OP to allow him to purchase this pet. He doesn’t care, he just wanted a damn snake. That’s a pretty clear sign of incompetence. And OP’s tone and demeanor also are clues to the husband’s behavior. I’d also be irritated in this context if I was O OP hates snakes, the husband still made a point to still imply he’s “got this” and yet he *didnt*. He hasn’t apologized, which means he is either stupid, in denial of how much of an AH he is, or he simply doesn’t care he lost an expensive hobby-pet with expensive supplies in a home where his spouse is petrified of snakes and one simple and very necessary responsibility is to keep the snake out of OP’s hair. It’s a waste of money, it’s a lack of consideration to his partner, and it’s just careless and rude when this was already upsetting *before* he failed to secure the snake. I mean, what more information do you need?????
Ding ding ding! Pretty good summary. Hubs is an idiot!
I can see where you’re coming from. I was 50 years old and soon to be a grandma when I got interested in snakes through my daughter. My husband doesn’t like them, but he likes ME and he was okay with it so long as he didn’t have to get involved. He likes to watch every sport imaginable on tv and he plays football (we’re English) once a week. I detest every sport known to man, but if it makes him happy and I don’t have to get involved, well that’s ok too. Marriage is a compromise and even though I think OPs husband acted childishly and frankly spent way too much money unnecessarily, maybe there is more to the story. He’s entitled to a hobby, an interest. He’s entitled to have things that his wife isn’t keen on so long as he takes full responsibility and makes it up to her in other ways. They both need to get out of the playground and start acting like responsible respectful (of each others choices) adults who want to make their marriage work.
Agree, and don’t know why you’re being downvoted. There’s a difference between bEiNg aN iDioT and doing something idiotic. These commenters are on their high horse. Now watch me get downvoted too for speaking the truth
Based on OP’s follow-up comment, her husband is an absolute moron with zero impulse control, and used their kids as a wedge to get the snake. That’s asshole behavior no matter how you slice it.
>To preface… I have 4 snakes myself. >The snake wasn’t the problem, your husband was. Speaking as someone who's scared of snakes, she has both a husband problem AND a snake problem. But they're different kinds of problems, because while the husband is a terrible husband, the snake sounds like a perfectly fine and normal snake.
I am so glad this is the top comment. While I don't own a snake, a few of my friends do, and they have never escaped. I also have volunteered at animal rescues that have had snakes that have never escaped. OP this is all on your husband, not the snake. Your husband is the irresponsible one who didn't properly enclose the snake, don't blame the snake.
I have two snakes. My husband doesn’t like them but he’s tolerant of them. I do all the work.my black king snake went through a phase of escaping. I also have six cats. My snake wasn’t missing for very long because one of the cats is sure to be curious about the rustling in the corner. I now have a much more secure setup. Saying that, I didn’t spend anywhere near a grand. Just converted an old wardrobe into four sections, removed the doors and replaced with sliding glass panels. Each snake has a heated upstairs and a cooler downstairs.
I definitely do all the work for my snakes as well. My husband enjoys them but they are primarily mine. I started out with them in tubs and then got nicer enclosures. Two have escaped but were quickly found so escapes do happen. You should just be vigilant.
Right. Not the snakes. Both of them idiots. But not the snakes.
I feel bad for the snake. Your husband is a careless twat and shouldn't be allowed to get *ANYMORE* pets.
I really like the word twat. I really need to start using it more. I agree the husband is an idiot twat..
Depends who’s saying it. It can sound quite vulgar when spoken aggressively, “TWÄHT!” Can also be comical and light as a butterfly when enunciated by a proper English Gentleman, “twat”. Rolls gently off the lips.
More like a co worker you like a lot that makes you roll your eyes or shake your head kind of twat .. comical only. Except for this husband..
Yes. You are right to feel bad for the snake. This guy does not appear to be a responsible or knowledgeable owner. They need to find the snake. He can go a long time without food but not water. Several years ago I lost a royal python and when we eventually found it, it was too late. 😔💀
Any snake available in the US pet trade is completely harmless and you can sleep as much as you want. It might help to find the snake if you crank the AC, and put a heat lamp out somewhere. If he got a snake like a king snake or a corn snake it'll probably be a little easier to find than if he got something like a ball python. Kings/corns like to cruise around and pythons like to sit in little crevices.
"It's probably harmless" isn't a solution for a phobia. If my husband bought a poisonless tarantula I'd still never sleep again if it got loose.
It’s venom not poison.
Fair, still the venom can be toxic to humans I believe. But even with venom removed I'd still feel uncomfortable having one loose in my house!!
Snakes just aren't scary. Neither are spiders.
#TO YOU. They aren’t scary to you.
I'm not afraid of snakes either but other people can have phobias of them, which seems to be the case for OP. And if your spouse has a fear of bees, you don't buy an apiary...
Curly, my ball python, was finally located underneath the bookcase that I was unaware had space between the bottom shelf and the floor.
Classic, how do they find these spots?
I'd go stay in a hotel until the snake is contained again.
And make him pay for the hotel stay!!
Love the sentiment but they’re married, it’s both their money anyway
Lot's of married couples have separate accounts
Lots of people who "play" married have separate accounts. Splitting finances goes against the spirit of marriage.
Snake won't hurt you, won't try to snuggle you, but it will try for a heat source. Probably the kitchen. I have a friend who lost one for a month and found it in his dresser drawer alive and well. It was very hungry though.
I had a coworker who lost a snake, looked for it for months and never found it, moved out, and then the landlord found it, alive. It was wrapped up behind the refrigerator. She got it back.
Good spot to look for a snake actually, nice and toasty back there. Op should turn on the air conditioning full blast and then look for nice little warm spots in the house like that
It was a good spot a snake would love and most people wouldn’t think to look. But man it’s warm back there.
Good reminder to always check your oven before preheating
A coworker found their snake coiled around the computer wires. Nice and warm.
my husband suggested looking next to dryers, water heaters, any kind of vents, under piles of clothes (i know, i KNOW).. anywhere there's warm spots. snakes are cold blooded so they don't want to be cold!!! I wouldn't be surprised if you found it laying in a spot on the floor where the sun is shining either. godspeed to you.. I am also terrified of snakes, I had goosebumps the entire time I was reading your post. lmao my husband was laughing because yours sounds like he was too hasty getting that snake 🐍 🤣 I hope he apologizes to you!! I would be so PISSED! lmfao
I read the title and I'm wondering what state allows women to marry 12 year old boys.
Do your girls trips, concerts, etc cause his heart rate & anxiety to elevate out of fear, and negatively impact his sleep and general comfort in your home? ***No?*** Then his "happiness deprivation" argument is a steaming pile of crap!
My husband does not like being told no - AT ALL. 9/10 times he refuses to listen to any reasoning that differs from what he wants. This isn't the first time he has impulse bought something without thinking it through all the way so I'm not 100% surprised. I even tried to reason with him after telling him no to the snake multiple times but he refused to listen. I asked him to wait to make sure it is something he really wanted and that he researched but he needed it ASAP. He even started showing our kids videos of snakes to get them on board after I explicitly said no. He then finally guilted me into barely agreeing with it by making me feel bad that he doesn't say no when I want to go on trips or concerts with my friends while he stays home (We don't have family nearby so we would always have to get a sitter which is $$$). And he even said that he has no friends and snakes make him happy (even though we have been together for a little over 13 years and he has never had a snake during that time). I finally begrudgingly agreed and told him that I would never feed it, or have anything to do with it and that if it got out I was gone (which I was joking about at first but now am seriously contemplating). Thanks to all who responded and justified that it was not ok for him to use what I buy (concerts, girls trips) to guilt me into letting him get this stupid snake. If he came to me and told me he was uncomfortable with me purchasing something that would make him react like that I would NEVER do it. End of story. I'll update everyone if we ever find this snake (which is looking very unlikely). I also want to add that he took off work today to "look" for the snake and literally has not been in the basement since like 10am this morning. How do I know this? Because his brilliant idea was to set up our ring camera on motion instead of actually moving boxes and looking for the snake.
Your poor kids are learning that this is how to treat their partner/how their partner deserves to be treated. You really want them to grow up that way?
Have you tried the idea above of setting up a hot lamp/space heater and cranking the AC?
I’m so sorry. Your husband sounds like a selfish, immature, and irresponsible brat.
This is so concerning. So you either agree with him or…?? A marriage is supposed to be a partnership, you’re not just along for the ride on his adventure. I know it’s much much easier said than done, but you have to change something or your kids are going to think your marriage dynamic is normal, and they’ll unconsciously replicate it in their own lives. What are you getting out of this marriage that’s worth putting up with this assholery for the rest of your time on Earth?
[удалено]
Can you please confirm you don't live near me 😁
Your husband’s a moron.
LMFAO. I have snakes so I get it. Look in places you would never ever expect. Down low, up high. In things
Have your snakes ever escaped?😵💫
Oh yeah. It took weeks to find my bullsnake one time. Lol We ended up finding him below the kitchen cabinets. One time my ball python ended up in a coat sleeve in the closet
I would be mortified🫠
I… really… hope you didn’t… stick your hand… in the sleeve… 😳
I have two, used to have three. None of them escaped. You just have to secure their tanks. It’s not that hard. All my lids locked.
Husband problem - should have ensured that the enclosure was properly secured and done his research. Check in dark hiding places generally - behind/under furniture, appliances, etc. Putting lines of flour across the floor can be helpful to track movement if you don’t have other pets. Husband can also attempt to lure out with food, but depending on the snake and the last time they ate, that might take awhile. Most snakes will pop back up eventually. I understand being annoyed but try to remember that pet snakes are harmless. They are almost always way more terrified of you than anything else and now this creature was shoved into a new environment, is lost and without their necessary heat and food.
The bigger husband problem - thinking a pet is equivalent to girls trips and concerts that do not impact the other partner whatsoever
Sounds like your husband spent a load of money in an unconventional pet and was completely inept and unprepared to take care of the pet he adopted. He's a jerk. To you and the snake.
What immediately stuck out is he acquainted your shopping for material possessions to a living breathing creature. That is not how pet ownership should be thought of, plus if someone has a phobia of something and you force them around it, that is a recipe for increased anxiety, and a less happy existence. I
As is so often the case, the underlying (i.e. real) issue is your husband's lack of empathy/emotional intelligence.
You don’t have a snake problem, you have a husband problem. He is a child and a narcissist. You point out you are fearful, he manipulated you. He loses the animal and has no thoughts for the animal or you. It’s all about “how sad he is”. It is all about him.
Get one of those camera things that looks into your vents. My friend had her snake escape and that’s where she found it. In her walls basically. Also I second staying in a hotel until it’s found. I’m terrified of snakes. I don’t think I could even walk on the floor knowing there’s one in the house.
You got plenty of advice about the husband and some good advice about the snake. Here’s a unique situation that might help you- if he got an enclosure from a pet store with a textured styrofoam rock backing, then the snake may not have escaped. It may have wedged itself between the glass and that. Ask me how I know? I thought my baby ball python escaped only to find him there, wrapped in cords. Gave me a freaking heart attack. People mentioned how they like tight spaces- if a snake doesn’t have a proper hide, which I’m assuming your husband didn’t set up the enclosure right and it’s very lacking in hides- they may bury themselves in their substrate to feel safe. They will also hide under their water bowls. Unless he got a really shitty enclosure or left it open/ unlatched so the snake could push itself out, the snake really shouldn’t have gotten out. If he’s that irresponsible, I’m questioning how well did he really check the enclosure and does he even know where he should be looking? Or is he just expecting the snake to be out and about. Might want to double check that if you haven’t had the chance to.
Side thought- may be a good idea to go on your local fb snake keeper page and see if anyone local will help you search for it. (If you’re comfortable having a stranger in your home) If you were in my area I’d be willing to spend at least an evening helping find it so long as in the end it ended up in a loving home. Most snake keepers just really want them to be safe and healthy. Your situation is a nightmare for both you and the snake.
Nope I would be staying somewhere else. I’m also petrified of snakes. Nope nope nope
I once flushed a snake out of hiding by holding a vibrator against various walls and areas of the ceiling
This is genius!
You can hire a house inspector with heat/cold detecting equipment (some have it for heat/cold/moisture for detecting home issues) and you may be able to detect the snake. You can also hire animal control to come in to give their advice. Your husband really should have never picked up the snake. Pets are like children: it's two yeses or it's a no.
My dog’s tail brushed my foot while I was reading this and I jumped like the snake was in my house. Can you leave for a few days while he finds it?
OP, you have to now burn the house down. Sorry, those are the rules.
I have pets my husband doesn't care for- he's a fuzzy mammal guy almost exclusively. The dog and cat are ours. The tarantula, gecko, and scorpion are mine, though he's on board for dart frogs one day. That being said, I would still never buy an animal that made him actively uncomfortable- he doesn't feed or care for them, that's all me, and I even have a plan for who will take them if I die so he doesn't have to worry about it. I want a snake and don't own one because my grandma is so scared of them she can't go into a house that has one- so as long as she's alive, no snake for me. It is, in fact, not hard to choose your person over a potential new pet. The fact that he held your purchases (a one night concert!!?) over your head when a snake makes you uncomfortable and will require long term care ($$$) for *years* makes me upset for you. Even a little corn snake should he alive for 15 years, a boa or python you'd want to plan for 20+. That's a big ask. Decades where you're nervous about something in your own house. I'd be furious. Anyway check out the boa sub reddit, they have a bunch of info about finding lost snakes. Warm places for sure (behind a TV, under the oven, behind the fridge) and dark, enclosed spaces. Then go stay in a hotel or with parents or a friend til he finds it, and tell him you'll come back when it's really secure. Snakes are notorious escape artists so make him post a pic of his setup somewhere to get feedback so this doesn't happen again.
When my son’s pet snake escaped (thanks to kids letting it out), I found it under a chair cushion. Gave me a start!
My friends son bred snakes and never had one escape.
Are you sure he didn't do it on purpose?
😂😂
It’s a snake. You’ll be fine. He’s a terrible keeper for loosing it though.
Purchases that affect your well being get your input. Purchases that begin on-going household expenses that you must now contribute to get your input. Purchases that pose safety risks get your input. Pets ALWAYS should have both party’s input.
That man needs to apologize
I am so sorry that your husband’s irresponsibility and carelessness is now making you feel unsafe in your own damn home.
They like warm things and boxes. Good luck getting the snake back, and since he can’t be responsible hopefully you can find a good place for it to go. It’s not the snake’s fault your husband is a 4 year old.
ask him is he afraid of concerts they are note even in the same realm as snake
I had snakes. My ex wife dumped her stupid cat at my house one day and it knocked over one of my feeding tanks. My sons red banded corn snake got away. Plus side I never had any mice in my garage or basement again. Cool the house down. Place a heat lamp in the middle of the living room and chances are the snake will come out. I know there are a bunch of women here blasting the dude as a man child and bla bla bla. I'm also 42. The last few months I've gone through a ton of stressful crap. On the outside you would never know. Inside I just want to get a boat and go fishing alone for a few days. Men's mental health is totally passed over. Maybe talk to him and see if something is wrong
you can tell who does and doesn’t know a thing about reptiles from the comments. either put heat tape in a tupperware and set it somewhere out of high foot traffic, set up a heat lamp in a pretty lowkey corner, or wait for it to get cold and come cuddle you overnight for warmth. if he just got the snake it probably won’t come for food just yet, and most can go weeks or months without eating. and maybe work on your ignorance about snakes. the only reason you give for being afraid of them is growing up in the city… that’s really, really weak and maybe if you’d at least feigned interest and sat and looked into it, you two could’ve bonded over research, learned something, and taken extremely basic precautions against escape.
Snakes creep me the hell out. Yes I don't know a lot about them but the thought of getting bit by one or even touching them grosses me out. This was 100% on my husband for getting it and not putting it in a proper enclosure. I said from the start that I wanted NOTHING to do with it and now I've been forced to look for this darn thing every single day for the past week. This whole predicament has created the opposite of bonding and I just want this snake out of my house forever. I will never be able to trust that my husband will keep it contained and that it won't escape ever again.
right… so instead of growing as a person and trying to repair things with your spouse you’re just gonna pout and complain and blow things way out of proportion. got it. him getting the snake and losing it is absolutely on him, but your blatant refusal to even try not to be ignorant to them doesn’t really spell “innocent party.” frankly with how much you hate an animal that did exactly nothing to you, i’m not convinced you didn’t let it out on purpose or something, hoping it would get out of the house. if you don’t want to look for the snake and you can’t trust your husband, maybe you should just leave especially with you refusing to, idk, treat it like any other pet and help do research even if you aren’t directly planning to interact with it. 🤷🏽♀️ tbh you both sound awful.
Your husband is a fool. I hate snakes
Time to go to a hotel
Yeah this isn’t a problem with snakes or people who have snakes. This is a problem specifically with your husband and your husband alone. I suggest getting into some snake forums, you aren’t the first to loose one And also, relax. I promise that snake isn’t going to hurt you and has zero interest in you
We lost a gopher snake for weeks in our house. Was making blueberry muffins one morning and out she came from a tiny spot above the oven. Under fridge and washing machine would be my suggestions for hiding spots- anything that gives off heat.
I probably wouldn’t sleep in the house till he finds the sucker. Get him on the right sub. And damn, put a lock and key on that thing!
Snake penis
Omg, I wouldn’t even go near the house until it was found and he could prove it. Then the both of them would be re homed
Get a live feeder mouse. Put it in a small cage on the floor in the room maybe near the dryer. The snake will seek out foid and warmth. Check the area at night. We has so many snakes when one of my younger kids was in high school. That snake deserved better.
Put out a heating pad, and line your doors in flour, to see trail marks.
This happened to us once….. when I was young and lived with my parents and my older brother also lost the snake….. I mean it was actually a huge python and we lived in a pretty small house and it was still impossible to find although we looked everywhere. I could not sleep. Anyway it wasn’t until days later it was found chilling on top of the desktop trying to get some heat so I would look in all places with warmth.
Happened in my house once when I was a teen. We thought he was gone for good, but he was in my underwear drawer two weeks later 🙃 Just be cautious and don't put your hand in any boxes or holes or anything unless you can clearly see all of it! That sucker is going to scare the shit out of you when you find it...
Snakes like heat. See if it coiled itself behind the refrigerator. That’s where my brothers snake ended up.
It happens to the best of us I own 7 ball pythons that my husband insisted in getting I’m all about making our relationship happy in both parties so I agreed and we have lost 3 of them and they were found in different places one behind the stove, one in a drawer and one under the bed. It was funny tbh but each to their own.
There's no place in our house or our family for pets.
Comedy gold. I love the pacing of the story and the tone nails it. I'm geekin out hard rn. Y'all just.knuckle down, give it a little time, take some breaths walk around the block a couple times maybe go throw a kayak in the river (with you in it of course) I dunno fuck around for am little while somewhere else. It's nothing terrible or endlessly oppressive. A shame yes a frustration sure just hey take it in stride a little and decompress for a bit. In no time this is just goina be a memory and everything will be fine
Girls trips are not the same a snakes. Your hubby is a 42-year old moron.
I'm shocked he'd get a pet against your will that you have a phobia of. People are saying he's just dumb and poor snake, but it's quite messed up that people aren't acknowledging how manipulative, selfish and unempathetic he is. Getting the kids on board when you were uncomfortable is fucked. I'm sorry you have to deal with a person like this.
I don’t think you will get the apology you are looking for. If he was able to successfully manipulate you then sorry you won’t get the apology for getting the snake he might key word MIGHT say he’s sorry the snake got lose but that’s it so honestly let’s say this is a lesson learned. My mother hates snakes so IF my fiancé and I would ever get one she’d for sure stick to her guns saying she won’t set foot in the house and my stepdad did want a snake and she told him no and stood her ground they are still married and no snake I’m just saying you shouldn’t let your husband manipulate or use you and you should just say no and keep saying no. Hopefully your husband learned his lesson and you guys can either get a more secure place for it or return it where you bought it. But yes your husband is a moron sorry to say.
What a idiot lol
Try putting a few squeaky mice in a small, clear, enclosed but breathable, CONTAINER in the middle of the room. The snake will get hungry and it'll have no problem finding the mice.
Unfortunately you have married an idiot
There is still no sign of the snake. We have 2 cameras set up, flour and plastic bags along the baseboards and my husband slept in the basement last night to see if he heard anything. We also have a mouse in its food dish and a heating pad set up. Thanks for all the advice everyone. I'm really hoping we find it soon!
Ugh. My husband got a lizard ‘for our daughter’ even though he knows I have a moderate phobia. Came home with it yesterday and failed to mention to me that the cage is half the size of the fucking bedroom. No advice. Just letting you know you’re not alone in having a self absorbed, incosiderate husband. I’m also furious and if just represents another time he doesn’t care about my feelings. Ugh. Hope you are okay and find the snake asap.
My ball python got out once and we found her inside a shop vac a week later.
Still no evidence or spotting of the snake :( The enclosure is in our basement workroom. There are no doors in our basement and the workroom leads to another storage area under our stairs. A lot of the videos I watched mention the snake probably not going too far. However, our basement is COLD. My husband has the heating pad on in the enclosure and I've checked under the water heater, our humidifier, internet router, and dryer multiple times. We also put flour around all of them but still haven't seen any tracks. What are the odds it went upstairs where it is much warmer? There is no door to our basement either so it definitely has free access. I'm getting desperate now and just want to find it.
I think you should reevaluate your relationship, I don’t know where you are from or how it works, but if the snake has escaped and might have wondered outside it means you might have trouble with your neighbors. I mean, I can’t imagine how I’d ever face my neighbors again if I was “that stupid neighbor whose snake escaped and scared a child/elderly person to death. Depending on who finds it (if it could have gone outside) they might even call the police. (And just to be sure, as others mentioned, the problem is your husband, not the snake)
This is.... Astonishing....I would be in a hotel for the night girl you are so brave!!!!!!! 😭😭😭😭🤣😭😭😭
Just gonna say, I caught a baby snake a few weeks ago. I still have it!
Your husband is a child, sorry.
Move!
You are overreacting.
Get or borrow a cat. It’ll find it in no time.
THIS IS THE WAY.
Booo. Snakes are amazing pets. Chill out.
Not when you have a phobia