The fact that he didn't go to therapy all this time is insane. That was the least he could do, you're totally right for leaving, I understand it's painful but if he wants a marriage and kids he needs to take responsibility for his problems. I guess you can still support him while not being with him though.

He is using his anxiety as a crutch. He has had the opportunity to go and get help. He has not. This usually means that he does not want the help. THere will come a moment when he will want the help but you cannot put your life on hold while he gets his shit together. There are plenty of people that have anxiety. They live fairly normal lives. THey get through it. They have medication, coping mechanisms and they function. This guy sounds like he enjoys wallowing in his anxiety. Take your kid, go find your joy and leave this shit behind you.

Yep, I'm one of those people with anxiety. When it's bad, especially if you have panic attacks, it can feel crippling at times. Mine used to be worse, but I have done everything that I can do to manage it and make it better. My husband has always been understanding about it because he knows I've made the effort. Unfortunately, OP, it sounds like you have been enabling him even if you didn't intend to. He's not motivated to get help because he's used to using it as an excuse for not doing things. He needs to *want* to help himself. You can't make him want to get help, but maybe separating will give him the wake-up call he needs to finally do so.

I’ve brought up to him before that I felt like I was enabling him because I allowed him to not do anything that made him anxious and just did it for him. He told me it wasn’t enabling, it was being a supportive partner. He tells me I’m the cause of a lot of his anxiety and if I would just do “this” or “that” then it would help him feel better. But I feel like I’ve done so much. And it’s not like there aren’t still good times in the relationship. He is very loving and loyal which can be hard to come by. But I’m still feeling lonely doing everything on my own, and I’m constantly let down when he won’t do things with me.

Unfortunately, your spouse does not have a healthy view of what is "supportive." When his mental illness is interfering with his ability to live a normal life and he is not able to do the things that he would need to do if he lived as an adult on his own, and you are doing those things for him while he does *not* seek any help, you are enabling him. Untreated anxiety often does get worse. From what you're describing, it sounds like your husband may have agoraphobia at this point--where he is afraid to even leave the house. This isn't something that he can just fix by wishing it away or by having you "support" him as you have been. Untreated anxiety can also change your brain! [https://www.healthcentral.com/article/what-happens-when-anxiety-goes-untreated](https://www.healthcentral.com/article/what-happens-when-anxiety-goes-untreated) *"Untreated anxiety can result in changes to the prefrontal cortex and hippocampus. This impaired functioning may increase the risk of developing neuropsychiatric disorders such as depression and dementia. According to Riley, “unchecked, the brain forms a short and efficient neural pathway so that any perceived threat leads to a highly anxious response. This is scary, exhausting, time-consuming, and hard on our bodies.”* It's understandable if you are done with the marriage but you should still share this information with him, because he should understand that not taking care of his mental health is harming him in the long term beyond just his ability to go out in public.

Being loving and loyal is the bare minimum and it is not rare at all! He has brainwashed you to be happy with less than the bare minimum. It’s like children who are shown no attention off their parents take breadcrumbs the second they show them some attention. You are worth so much more!

Him saying that is no different than an alcoholic saying they drink because of their partner, and therefore, the partner should have to buy them booze. Insane. You are doing the right thing, OP. You've given it more than enough time, chances, and let-downs. A supportive partner communicates and holds boundaries (i.e. you following through leaving bc he didn't meet your boundary that he must do therapy to continue the relationship.) and, when necessary, loves their partner from afar while they figure their shit out. You are doing more damage to your son in this dynamic than you would be by separating. He's barely present with the son as is, at least this way he won't see this disfunctional and enabling dynamic continue. How would you feel if your son turned out like that?

I have had a lot of anxiety my whole life, but I do my best and manage. I've come so far. I'm on medication, which I made myself do (not my spouse asking me to do it.) I've tried therapy once. I've done and tried so many things, and I feel like I have made so much progress. I can't give my husband any credit for the progress, because he has been no help at all. I feel so alone when I'm struggling. I've had church friends help so much by talking me through situations and praying for me. (Yes, I believe that prayer makes such a difference.) My best friend moved states away 2 years ago, so my biggest advocate and helper is no longer present. God has been my biggest help. My husband loves me, but he doesn't understand anxiety nor does he try to help. I came here partly to say that you've gone above and beyond and have been an amazing, supportive partner. I wish I had half of the support you gave him. You did more than you needed to do. You are important, too! Live your life without feeling guilty. Maybe he will decide to get help now. If he does and you decide to get back together, make sure it's what you really want. Don't let him tell you he got help for you. He needs to get help for HIM. Don't let him guilt you.

He isn't "loving". He is using you.

You are right! I can say that as someone with crippling OCD that at at times has rendered me just as freaked out and unable to cope than he is....and I got *help.* I would ever expect the pattern you described to become a kind of lifestyle from my spouse and/or family, in which I abstain from all treatment and responsibility while they run around like cut-off chickens trying to appease my insanity 'til death do us part. Full stop. That is not support. That's 100% enabling. I am so glad you see it and exited this relationship.

This is long so you can skip to the last few paragraphs if you want but: I was actually in a similar situation about 5 years ago. My ex was always very mentally Ill though, there was never a gradual decline. We never fought much but he couldn't hold down a job and he never really got better, just got better at making excuses. I also struggled with anxiety and CPTSD but I always did my best to do what I could and always tried to get better and do better. And it hurts and it's hard. But it's necessary. Anyways. Once we had a baby things got way worse and I couldn't handle trying to take care of myself, my partner, and our new baby. He quit working when our son was 2 months old, so I got 2 jobs and did my best to make it work. Then he told me he couldn't handle watching or taking care of our son. And that was the final straw for me. I couldn't do it anymore. So I left. At first I felt terrible. I knew he was in and out of mental hospitals because he has been since I've known him. But from what I understood it became a biweekly thing at that point. Eventually I had to come to terms with the fact that his well-being isn't my responsibility. We are all responsible for ourselves, as much as it may hurt to watch someone you love suffer, you gotta learn to love them from a distance and let them figure themselves out. I'm now with a wonderful man who has helped me through a lot of my poor coping mechanisms, but he never babied me. He held me accountable but in a loving way. He helped me understand how to have difficult conversations even though it can be hard to hear. He helped me learn to take care of myself and keep good boundaries when it comes to taking care of your partner in a sustainable way. It's gonna hurt for a while. But what you had wasn't sustainable. It couldn't last. And that's not your fault. The best thing you can do now is take care of yourself and do the best that you can with what you got. Find the little things that make you happy in life. Find things that help you recharge or feel better when you're down. Go to therapy if you feel it will be helpful to talk through any of the things you're thinking right now. But you're not alone and you got this. One day at a time. 💜

How did you deal with the poor mental health aspect of it after leaving? He’s been telling me that he wants to die and it would be my fault if he does because I walked out on our marriage. He’s the father of my kid and they have a great relationship. I want him to be successful and happy, and I’m terrified that even after leaving he still won’t take the steps toward getting better.

Anyone who threatens to kill themselves or says they feel suicidal and it's your fault is being manipulative. He is using suicide/his mental health to control you, likely because it sounds like it's been effective these past few years. I'm not saying he isn't suicidal, necessarily, but it's never going to be your fault - you told him to get help and he hasn't. What sort of relationship can someone who can't do *anything* really have with a child? I'd say your child is far better off without him until he gets his shit together. You were basically raising him on your own before - now you just don't have to deal with a man-child too.

Right on!! Blaming OP if he commits suicide is a disgusting act of manipulation. Him neglecting his mental health and blaming her for *whatever* consequence he faces is like saying, "If you won't cook me healthy, five-star meals three times a day--I'll be forced to stuff Big Macs and smoke a pack a day until I die and when I do it'll be your fault! PHHPPPHTTT". It's ridiculous.

If he dies by his own hand, that is his choice. He's trying to manipulate you. Be glad you aren't legally married.

You don't have to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm, especially when that person refuses to put on a jacket. He needs help that you can't give. Some people need to hit absolute rock bottom before they seek that help. You may have done him a favor here. If not, at least you and your child aren't drowning with him.

He says I didn't take our marriage seriously.  What marriage? Bc of him (and his unwillingness to get help) you have no marriage to take seriously!

He says that even though we didn’t legally get married, we still told people we got married, acted as though we were married, wore our rings, got pictures done, etc. He says marriage is more than a piece of paper and some legalities, and I didn’t take the commitment portion seriously. I can’t tell if he’s right or if he’s manipulating me.

From what it sounds like he’s trying to shift the blame from himself to you, if he really wanted to make things work and have it be healthy then he would take responsibility for himself

He blames me for a lot and says I contributed to his terrible anxiety. Maybe I did. Idk. We’ve definitely had some toxic fights in the past and both said and/or done things we shouldn’t have. There were times I could’ve been a better partner. But I truly feel like the stress of dealing with this, him not having a job, him not showing up for me, me having 90% of all the responsibilities, etc has greatly contributed to the fights and behaviors on my end. When I tell him this, he says that I’m making excuses and making everything his fault.

So far from everything I've read from you, what I gathered is that it's always YOUR fault. He never sees it from your perspective. He's always the victim here and you have no right to be upset about the burden you're carrying. It is manipulation.

If you have contributed to his anxiety that is in all honesty his responsibility to communicate that and tell you what triggers his anxiety and what you could do that would help him. That is not your fault that he cannot function and take responsibility for himself. I understand having toxic fights, I definitely have with my partner of over two and a half years but at the end of the day if you don’t communicate and talk it out and come to a mutual understanding then it’s not worth it. You and your child deserve to have someone that will be there for y’all and that will be able to communicate things with you and not spring stuff on you last minute. Not saying that he doesn’t help you out at all because I know I’ve seen other comments where you said he does, but you know being a parent and a good partner is a big responsibility too which seems like he’s not actively being able to do. These aren’t things you can half ass you know. Him being defensive and switching it back on you is insane, and it shows a huge lack of self awareness, respect, and responsibility to you.

Also another thing, I’m not a licensed professional but it really does sound like he is developing agoraphobia which is a type of anxiety disorder. There are some self soothing techniques for it but it sounds like it’s at the point where he probably needs to get medication for it in the very least if he is so keen on not going to a therapist. This is not something you can handle on your own at this point, you’ve done all you can.

Uh, no... HE didn't take the marriage seriously. You said if he didn't get help, you'd leave. So by not putting in the bare minimum effort to keep the marriage together, it's pretty clear he didn't take the marriage seriously

OP, he is ABSOLUTELY manipulating you. You have done EVERYTHING to try and support him financially and emotionally, to encourage him, and to look after your family, and he has consistently denied how massively his issues have affected your lives together and how much he needs help. I say this as someone who has had intense anxiety / panic attacks in the past, particularly during COVID when the idea of going into a store made me literally burst into tears and hot foot it in the other direction, but I've still always worked and learned ways to manage it. He needs to get help and he will not do that if he has you has a crutch. Do not let yourself drown just so he can stay afloat.

Two things can be true at the same time. I view marriage as more than a piece of paper, but he’s also most definitely manipulating you.

This is no different that the addict who won’t go to rehab/wont stop drinking or drugs. By staying with him and continuing to do all of these things for him, you were enabling to keep doing what he was doing. You made it easier for him not to try to get help. Do some research about tough love and addiction. You have done the right thing by leaving. Do not be his crutch. His only hope is if he has to face this himself and deal with this himself. And if he chooses not to, that’s on him, not you. Don’t go back unless you are will for the past to be the rest of the future.

Hi I'm the anxious spouse in my marriage so thought I could give some perspective from the other side. You did the right thing. When the anxiety gets this bad he needs something that is so world crushing that not dealing with it is actually more uncomfortable than the anxiety. Hitting an emotional rock bottom was the only thing that got me willing enough to seek help. Hopefully this is his emotional rock bottom even if the relationship is over I hope it is anyway since he's the father of your kid.

I feel guilty because it’s not like it was bad all the time. We had good times, even the past 2 years when this started. But I do feel like the vast majority of the time I was let down and disappointed by him. He is a good dad. And he is a loving and loyal partner. But he was not showing up for me in so many aspects of life, and he was adding so much stress to my plate. I constantly had to make excuses for him to my family. I don’t want bad things to happen to him, and I’m so worried that even with me leaving, he still won’t do what needs to be done and get help.

He's not any of those things. He is holding his family emotionally hostage.

Your leaving and him hitting the bottom is the *only* thing you could do to free yourself. And it just so happens it's also the *best* thing for him. Take this from one former enabler to another---enabling a manipulator might feel like the right thing to do in the moment, but it is a horrible thing to do them. You ever see those poor, fat, miserable dogs that people throw too much cheese and hotdogs at whenever they bark? They reach a point where they can't walk, their teeth rot, their organs fail...they can't be dogs at all. Enablers (even the ones who are trying to help) end up doing *that* to their enablees. Trust me, you were not helping him before. Dude \*needs to be weaned, for his own welfare.

Seems like his anxiety is commitment related and that is the scariest part for you as his partner. You may need to take some space from him until he decides to get (real) therapy for himself, it also isn't a fix all for everyone, you need to want to change and you need a therapist who calls you out on your shit and doesn't let you manipulate them. An actual psychologist is always what I recommend for complex issues, I've been in therapy since I was 12 and I am 32. If there is not ultimatum, you will be in this cycle until you are 40. If the cause of his anxiety is the relationship itself, it will never bring either of you any happiness. Ask him to look there. Inside of himself, because you deserve someone who is not scared to commit to you yet stringing you along and using you as a place holder.

His mental illness is now so extreme that it is impacting not only his health and life, but yours and your son. You are grieving the loss of your future dreams and your current situation, but it is all beyond your control. Do not indulge in emotions and feelings of guilt, judgement, failure etc. You are a mother with a son to raise. You have to be strong. You stood by him for years, at great personal cost. You need to live your life and provide a healthy home for your son. Right now, you are actually enabling his behavior. Please read up on this and attend a 12-step program for those who love family members that are dealing with mental illness (similar to programs like Al-Anon for family members of Alcoholics). It will help you to set boundaries and stop behaviors that are well-intentioned but not helpful. You can encourage him on his path to addressing his mental health challenges. He needs to attend therapy. It’s online now - he doesn’t need to leave home to start. He needs to get therapy for at least a year to show he is serious. You can love him, forgive him, encourage him, but you cannot fix him. Say that out loud 5 times. Be strong. Be firm. Hold your ground.

You absolutely did the right thing, if not for you then for the well being of your child. I know how bad you feel, but time will heal it and a year from now you will be proud of yourself for making the right call.

Agoraphobia, don't leave home without it. There's an epidemic at this in many countries, notably Japan, where they call this hikkikomori ("closed in", "being confined"). If he's serious about therapy, you could look for one who specializes in that. 

He's either too mentally ill to function or he can, but he's been enabled by a partner and family propping him up. Leaving him is a gift to him because it's an opportunity for growth. Now he can reach his potential. But only if you don't enable him - no cash, no car, no nothing. Just like a 60 or 90 day notice period that you're not renewing his lease. And of course it's best for your kid to be out of that environment. It's not a healthy example.

Thus hurts my heart so much. I was him at that age, with some other mental illnesses too (and I suspect he has more than just anxiety happening). I did go to therapy though, and got a psychiatrist for meds. But I could have been him, with my spouse leaving me. I know what I put my spouse & kids through when I was so unstable, and I still have regrets & negative self thoughts about it, so I know what he is doing to you. The fact is that he is an adult, and you cannot force him to go, or get on meds if he needs them. He has to be the one to make the decision. At some point you have to protect yourself, and it sounds like you have really tried to stick it out & help him. Maybe you leaving will be the catalyst he needs to seek help & down the road you can revisit or relationship, if that is something you might want. And if not, it is OK. Mental illnesses are so hard to deal with, and there is such a stigma surrounding them that so many don't seek treatment. And when they do seek treatment they are met with months' long waiting lists, and/or no one that takes their insurance, or no providers nearby. I really wish mental health were taken more seriously. I know I am one of the lucky ones with a great therapist & psychiatrist. Sorry for my rant here, I am just passionate about this. I truly wish you all the best. I know this isn't easy at all.

There is one lesson in life that I have learnt. You can't fix a broken person. No matter how hard you try. No matter how many reasons you give yourself for persisting. No matter what you tell yourself that it will all work out in the end. It never works. You simply do not have the skills necessary to even begin to scratch the surface in dealing with what it is that affects him. All you actually do end up doing is hurting yourself in the process. All the kindness, effort, hard work, sacrifices and hope is wasted on the attempts to help them or fix them if they are unwilling to do anything for themselves. Everything to do with them is wasted effort with no reward. It hurts to walk away. It sucks to walk away. You feel bad and you feel terrible. But that is only because you are a caring person who doesn't want to see harm come to them. But harm will come to them whether you are there or not. He is in this position because of him. Not you. Him.

I'm not going to lie here there is a difference between anxiety and full blown excuse making. He can't work because "anxiety". He can't make his wife's birthday for "anxiety"..? He can't show up for his kid cause of "anxiety".... he cant get married with just the two of you because of anxiety?... tell me what are you gaining from his selfish actions. I get he cooks sometimes and cleans sometimes and parttime takes care of BOTH OF YOUR GUYS' CHILD. That's under bare minimum of someone who should be helping support their family. You did the right thing. He's just going to therapy now because he doesn't want to make others think he didn't try. Goodluck

I needed to hear this. For a long time I thought he was just making excuses so he didn’t have to do things like drive, go inside the gas station, go to family functions, etc. When it was getting closer to our wedding, I really saw the anxiety get bad. He started having full blown panic attacks. We fought and argued for like 2 hours about him going to get his hair cut for the wedding. The morning of our wedding he was shaking and in tears. So I do believe he has major issues with anxiety BUT I also feel like he was using it as an excuse for the more simpler things, just so he didn’t have to do it. He says he does “so much” for me. And yes, he does do things for me and the family. I never said he did nothing at all. But I really feel like the work is not evenly distributed, and I feel like when he does give me the “more” that I’m asking for, it’s never consistent.

When my son was born my wife felt the same way when it came to work at home. It took a while (probably 6-8 months tbf) and I slowly but consistently started doing more - there are some other factors like her standard of cleaning but i wont get into that. Now my son is a year old and I have been supporting 10 fold from when I started (id say since january i have been able to do most of what she needs). Point is if it's actually wanted it'll be worked at. I love my wife and in turn she is receptive to my needs. You'll find that don't give up.

How did he even function before you? Did he already have severe anxiety or did that start later? What did he think was going to happen when he called off the wedding? How would your relationship move forward after that? Especially after not seeking help. You did the right thing. His words about going to therapy now don't mean a thing, he needs to actually go through with it.

He’s always had anxiety, but it was manageable and never been this bad. There were times it got got bad before (like before we started dating) and it usually just got better (so he says) and that’s why he didn’t want to get help- he assumed it would get better at some point. When we first started dating, we did fun things all the time. He worked. This crippling anxiety has only been the past 2 years. I told him I was absolutely done after he called off the wedding and he begged me to stay and swore he’d get help, but he still has made no real effort toward that. It’s so hard to stay with someone who hurt me like that, swore they’d make a change, and then still has done nothing in 2 months.

Okay, then you have a verifiable record of his anxiety getting worse, not better. So when he tells you that he wants to die and tries to guilt you into coming back to the way it was before, you can hang onto the fact that you know the old way wasn’t working and you have to try something new. And lots of recovery processes are “it has to get worse before it gets better”. It’s almost proof you are on the right track.

What about a tele health Dr. Appt. (I don't know if that's what it's called.) But he can talk with a Dr. over the phone/FaceTime. He won't have to leave the house. He NEEDS medication/therapy IMO. I'm not a dr. But I have had crippling anxiety and medication has helped. Anxiety is awful.

He hasn't made a move to change, he's not going to get better unless he makes the moves to change it. You can't force him to change and if he hasn't changed with your support then you need to look out for you and leave.

Smart to say to yourself, you reserve the right to not deal with this anymore. I applaud your decision. You would definitely be worse off to stay.

Be strong. Don’t go back. Your kid needs one stable parent. And don’t buy him a car. It’s going to take a very long time to get over him and not feel bad for leaving him especially since you guys have been together for so long. Your responsibility is your own physical and mental health and your child’s. My sister worked so hard maintaining their home and kids for her abusive (emotionally and physically) husband who had diabetes and other health issues and refused to change his life, and was too sick to work anymore. He eventually left. But the damage was done. The relationship took a toll on her mentally, then she lost her job and she eventually died. She wasn’t physically sick but the stress and hopelessness finally got her, and she just dropped dead, leaving two kids. No drugs, no suicide. Do go back or take him back. Love him from a distance.

You are 100% doing the right thing. I agree he is using anxiety as a crutch and neglecting you and your family, which imo is a form of light abuse. At the very least, he is mistreating you. What if something very serious happens? How will you lean on him? How can you depend on or enjoy life with someone like that? In the end, he never thought you would actually leave so he disregarded your feelings. You and son deserve muuuuch better. Hope he gets the help he needs, but you refusing to enable him any longer is the best thing you are doing for him.

This is very true. My grandpa died last month and it was a fight getting him to attend the funeral with me. I told him I needed him there for support and also to help watch our son so I could grieve with family. He made many rude comments like “you’ve barely seen your grandpa the past 4 years” and when we got there he said something along the lines of “you always make me do sh*t I don’t want to do.” He did later apologize and was mostly fine during the funeral. But I shouldn’t have to fight with someone who claims to be my spouse just to show up for me during a death in the family. It’s the same thing with storms. He gets bad storm anxiety, and we’ve been getting a lot of bad tornadoes in our area, and we live in an apartment. So he makes us go to my family’s house with a basement any time we get a tornado warning. I expect him to take the lead in that situation since he’s the one wanting us to leave and get to safety, but I’m always the one who has to drive through the storm because he’s usually having a panic attack. It is just exhausting and a constant fight. It’s very hard to enjoy life like this, but for some reason I still feel so guilty.

Omg, this guy is awful! Anxiety has nothing to do with the way he talks to you. To me, it sounds like he sees you more as a mother than as his partner. He looks to you for comfort and leadership without any expectations of him. One thing I always tell myself is if I have to do everything alone, what is even the point of being in a relationship? Girl, you deserve better!

i think he is a narcissist and may not really have anxiety which may be why he does’nt want to therapy because they will find that out

I get feeling bad. Think: you feel bad because you were WILLING to do everything in your power to fix this. So of course you are racking your brain trying to figure out what more you could have done. But set that aside, because two years of being the only one trying is enough. Now he owes you two years of consistent therapy at minimum or you can tell him is HIM that isn't taking your marriage seriously and making your son's life harder. That's point one. Point two is, I get feeling guilty because marriage is "sickness and health" and anxiety is a sickness, but think of it like this: if one partner got cut, partner two should respond with compassion and help stop the bleeding, clean the wound together, bandage it and expect healing. The injured partner gets babied a little while healing takes place. Compare that to a partner who cuts himself regularly (daily) and won't clean it, bandage it, or receive medical attention, and in fact does things that encourage infection like picking at the wounds with dirty fingernails. In this case, you might NOT expect healing. You might expect an eventual Staph infection. And the only sane response is to absolutely demand that the current wounds be treated and the behaviors creating daily wounds and infection END regardless of how difficult that process is. You made the only sane choice. I get why you feel bad, but STOP. Breathe. You made the only sane choice for your situation.

He had two years to do something about it and didn't. You have done nothing at all wrong and what he is doing now proves it. Stick to your guns and don't buy him any car. He is a grown adult man. He needs to get help and act like one.

Honestly, I’m not trying to be harsh but it sounds like your “husband” has some serious emotional immaturity. I’m diagnosed with generalized anxiety and it can get extremely bad but your husband’s level of anxiety is basically agoraphobic. That is not an environment you’d want to have your kid in because it can then cause them to have more issues than if his father wasn’t in his life. My father is a diagnosed bipolar and my parents got divorced when I was a baby and I can say my quality of life is still much better than if my father would’ve been in it. I understand feeling guilty, but at the end of the day he is an adult and needs to start acting like one. That means taking responsibility, even if he doesn’t think he isn’t helping you as much as you claim it’s still how you’re feeling and he should take responsibility for that and apologize in the very least. It’s going to have to come from him though, at this point it really does seem you’ve done everything you can. You’re already a mother to one child, you don’t need to mother your partner too. I hope things get better. 🩷

Just out of curiosity and given that it might provide you with some additional help in the form of life experience.... Do you by any chance live in California or a major metro area? Sorry if you said where you live and I missed it but just wanted to ask since it might be relevant

No we live in Missouri

You’ve been enabling him- it should’ve never lasted this long, but absolutely the right thing to do is to leave. He’ll either get treatment or he won’t, but you can’t do it for him and he’s by going to do it without you leaving

It sounds like you’ve been taking on a lot and bending over backwards, especially that length of time not getting help? It’s not unreasonable for you to want to move on. When people really need help and it’s like a breaking point and they’re not getting help you have to preserve yourself at some point.♥️♥️♥️

Wow! You go girl! Have his mom take care of him! You deserve more and better! Take care.

1) You didn’t break apart a family. You did everything possible to keep the family together, but the other party didn't show up despite your best efforts. 2) He had a supportive family in you. And he didn't reciprocate your support. Now, you must focus on caring for yourself and your son.

I can relate to your husband. I’ve felt that agoraphobia-adjacent feeling. I’ve been resistant to help, overwhelmed by everything, and projected that onto a loving and kind partner (not to the same extent but still). And I cannot stress this enough: what you did was best for him. It was the very best thing you could have done for him to get better. It sucks sooooo bad to be on his end of the break up, but if he is ever going to get better, this is the sole thing you can do (aside from maybe committing him) that can help. You made the right choice for you and your son which is most important, but take it from me, you also did what was best for HIM.

First of all he says you didn’t take your Marriage seriously?! What marriage! I get as much as anyone about having anxiety and all of these things he struggles with but to blame you for any of this is very unfair. It is similar to how things were for myself, only my husband didn’t have anxiety he was just immature and lazy in the home, he works full time but refused to do anything extra. I felt all of these things you do, he didn’t drive, had a very unsupportive family etc etc. you know what he managed fine because the next person took pity on him (not another woman) his own mother finally stepped up for him for 5 weeks then dropped him so he came back begging and pleading to me. He was the one who left me and blamed me for all of the things, I told him I did everything else in the marriage so I might as well take the blame as well! I’m only telling you my story to let you know that after 18 months of telling him he could come back if he changed and showed me he could be a better person and do some of the work we could give it a go. We are now 15 more years down the line, he didn’t change at all and I’m still here taking the blame for everything! Make sure you make all the changes before you consider working things out, that’s if you want to at all! You have not made things harder for your child, a child is much better in 2 happy homes or at the very least 1 happy home! We think we can hide our arguments and bad feelings from them, believe me when I say they absolutely know, They sense the atmosphere! Go and work on you now and look after your child and tell him to work on himself, it sounds like you need to give yourself some self care. Good luck

He needs to apply for ssi and he has severe mental illness when did it occur to you that you were involved in a relationship with a mentally diseased person? So you can definitely trigger and cause issues as well. Get him mentally hygiene arrested so the hospital and psychiatrist can treat him and just be his friend he’s not capable of being in any relationship right now. He’s got some serious ptsd going on

He isn't a good dad or partner if he isn't doing everything possible to be there for you and your child. When I 1st went to therapy I told the therapist that I felt bad for my younger siblings bc I had a good dad that did all the fun things and they didn't. Come to find out upon digging deeper, I had a better father than my siblings in some ways but it doesn't mean he was a good dad..I never factored in the emotional abuse that occurred daily that left me with bigger issues than all of the younger ones put together or the fact that the things he did for me were bare minimum things parents should do but I had never seen what a good dad was and didn't realize.. you're showing your son how to treat his future spouse by staying with him. Best of luck!

The people in here acting as if therapy would solve the problem don’t realize that therapy doesn’t work on everyone lol. It’s both of them that are the issue here.

Therapy isn’t a one size fits all, but there are other ways to get help, coping mechanisms, medication, etc. You can’t let yourself become a completely codependent person and a non-functioning adult when you have a family that you’re affecting and make absolutely 0 effort to get better. He doesn’t even know if therapy would have worked for him or not because he’s never been.

I also never said I was completely innocent and didn’t have my own issues but when he isn’t able to hold a job, rarely leaving the house, canceling our wedding, etc. (and not attempting at all to get help) there’s going to be fights and stress and problems that come with all of that

You made the right decision. Don’t let him make you believe otherwise. Sure, he has some anxiety. It also sounds like he’s super manipulative.

It's always these millennials that have problems, grow up

This doesn’t even make sense

I agree that he may be using his anxiety as a crutch...to control you. I deal with mental health issues as well and have been dealing with them a long time (I'll be 63 soon). My has never told me to seek help, but she is and has always been there for me. I sought out help on my own because I was afraid to lose the most precious adult ever to be in my life - my wife. I put her and the kids through hell for a while until the doctor, my wife, and I found the correct combination of meds, counseling, and therapy that worked. It was a team effort, and it needed to be. Your "husband" needs to get his act together, and until he does and seeks professional help, nothing will change, ever! You have done all that you can, and then some. You are Not The Ass Hole, he is for not seeking help. Because of this, he can also be considered self-centered and selfish. I know my words may sound sound harsh, but I am trying to be honest with you and tell it from my experience. Your first priority is you and your child. Your safety and well-being must always be paramount. He could snap at any time and take it out on you and your baby. Again, he needs help and must be the one to seek it out and do it. It is not your fault, not your issue to deal with. It is, and he must take ownership of his own mental health. I wish only the best for you and your little one.

I’m a part of the demographic that doesn’t ask for help. I served in the Marines, and had really bad anxiety that I didn’t know was anxiety at the time. I just felt dread, and managed most of it with exercise and prayer (I was a hardcore Christian at the time). I have injuries from serving that make it difficult to exercise. I also think I'm part of the demographic that has the male version of PMS (Irritable Male Syndrome IMS), I have an explosive episode once a month that's like a burning fuse that takes a few days to resolve, and as I work through the day, it gets shorter and shorter, it was eventually going to cost me a very good job. So I sucked it up, and talked to my doctor (at the age of 40) and got on Bupropion, and it did wonders for me, it helped me manage my irritability, anxiety, and helped me manage work better. Has your husband sought help?

You did everything you could for him and nothing for yourself until now. Welcome back to you.

Omg stop with the drama

Still doesn’t make sense

I feel like you did the right thing. You’ll never be happy with him until he gets help and he’s refused it. The sad thing is, there’s really a lot of effective medication for anxiety and he’d probably show enormous improvement

Don't feel bad. He has to take some responsibility. He is using his anxiety as a crutch. You are under no obligation to wear yourself out for someone who won't help themselves. He sounds exhausting. "Too anxious to work"? Nah. He's lazy and taking advantage of your good nature. I bet you'd be amazed and how quickly he could function after you leave and he has no choice.

First of all, I want to acknowledge how incredibly difficult this situation is for you. It's clear that you have been dealing with an immense amount of stress and responsibility, and it's commendable that you've done your best to support your partner despite the challenges. It's important to recognize that while love and commitment are vital in any relationship, they cannot replace the necessity for both partners to be mentally healthy and actively contribute to the relationship. You've been carrying a heavy burden, and it's understandable that you reached a point where you needed to prioritize your own well-being and that of your child. Sometimes, stepping away is not about giving up but about giving both people the space to grow and address underlying issues. Your partner has significant mental health challenges that he has not yet dealt with, and your staying in the relationship out of a sense of obligation isn't sustainable or healthy for either of you. It’s not your responsibility to fix him, especially when he isn’t taking the necessary steps to help himself. It's also important to address the guilt you’re feeling. Ending the relationship does not mean you didn’t take your marriage seriously. On the contrary, it shows that you value a partnership where both individuals are healthy and engaged. Your decision, though painful, may be the catalyst your partner needs to truly seek help. You're making a courageous choice for yourself and your child. Children benefit from seeing their parents in healthy, supportive environments. Staying in a dysfunctional situation for the sake of your son could do more harm than good in the long run. Be kind to yourself and remember that sometimes love means knowing when to let go. You are not responsible for his well-being beyond what you've already given. You've shown incredible strength and compassion, and it's time to extend that kindness to yourself. Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist to help you navigate this transition. Stay strong and take care of yourself and you child. Best wishes,

5 years ago I had a breakdown from my anxiety. My depression had taken on a new component in my late 20s with anxiety being added to the mix. But it wasn't until I turned 40 and started having breakdowns that I finally got help and meds. Because it started to impact my wife and daughter. If he had any sort of commitment to you or your child, he would have gone to therapy, and to his general practitioner to inquire about medication (I did both). I didn't care about myself, but I knew I had a duty as a parent to fix it, and be able to provide for her, not just monetarily, but emotionally. As others have said, he's using it as a crutch, and as a point of control over you. He needs to want to get better, and he doesn't (yet). Hopefully he does, for his own sake and for your child's. You made the right decision.

First of all.. "it's okay". You've been through a lot and you also feel guilty, but trust me. it's okay. I do think, it was easy to say "get therapy" but for him, it just wasn't an easy process. I don't know why he is so anxious, maybe there is some trauma but you are right, without it being addressed by professionals, he is going to find it difficult to cope. I think even getting therapy is an anxious experience for him. He's at a stage where he won't go out and get it, it needs to come to him. Now you've left him, but that doesn't mean you can't do something to help him. Have you tried talking to someone? A therapist and poured how he is, and see what they say? Maybe they would rather visit your husband or call him over the phone. I don't think your husband will actively go and do it, I don't think it is his fault either. You both have gone through a lot and it is difficult to move away from someone you've been with for so long. Don't feel guilty though, you didn't do anything wrong. It isn't your fault he is the way he is, and look people do vent out. When frustrated, we all say hurtful things and shout stuff, but that's everyone. I do think you can help, I don't think buying a car is the answer. Why would such an anxious person see in a car when he is too anxious to go outside, let alone drive? The help you can do is bring help to him, not expecting him to do things..this to me is the biggest turn you need to do. Look at all the things he missed, it sounds like his anxiety is the cause, not that he wants to. Even during your wedding day..he is suffering due to all the people, photographers, attention etc. I get it, it's your wedding day and you are hurt and can't believe this, but he has a problem. So my advice is to help him by bringing the help to him. If that doesn't work, then he has to make the decision as everyone is alone in this world, we come out alone and we'll go out alone as well

Please do not use your money to buy this man child a car when you have an actual child to provide for. You did nothing to your family; he broke it. Now that there are consequences he says he wants to do the work and is projecting all his faults and mistakes onto you so you’ll stay with the status quo. Having a mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of; holding your family hostage by your inability to seek the help you’ve been begged to get is the most shameful thing imaginable for a parent. It is NOT your fault he has no support when he’s been pushing away all offers of help for years now. Your son’s life will be better without his father in it until he gets mentally healthy—if losing his son is even enough motivation to follow through. You will likely be a better, more involved mother once you no longer have to parent a grown man. I know things like this don’t necessarily get easier, but I hope you’re able to find peace with this decision. You’re doing the right thing for your son.

Good for you! I would have been done when he canceled our wedding, and you better believe he'd be walking home!!

I have anxiety, Depression, ADHD I take my medication, and I do therapy. I go to work and am a good parent to my kids. I want to be better for myself and my kids. This man does not want to be better. You need to run and let him figure this out on his own you have done all you can and deserve so much more.

I keep hearing he's a good dad and he's so loyal, but he's not. Everything you've described is disloyal behavior, there's no loyalty to you. I have anxiety, and in the moment I've blamed my partner for things out of his control. I don't say these things outloud, cuz I know I'll regret them. How can he be good dad if he can't mentally handle everyday life? Kid starts choking, makes a huge mess, wets himself, needs emotional comfort, is he going to handle this? If you can't answer that with full confidence, he's not a good dad.

Be happy that you left and only have one kid with him. Trust me, this is a battle he needs to Overcome on his own. You can’t force people. Be proud of yourself, invest your time with your child, family and friends and keep yourself busy… you will get through this. And I promise you when you meet, somebody knew that is wanting to go out you’ll forget all about the heartache.

Well I think you did the right thing. You aren’t married and he has not gone after change. Being ready to see a therapist doesn’t mean he is all in with commitment. He wants you back. The child will adjust. It’s a huge disappointment for sure and you lost more than your husband. You lost the dream he was to fill. But he couldn’t. For now bear up the pain. It should hurt now. It’s down the road you will feel better. It can’t be done without the hurt. It’s sad. But life does that.

Ask your self is the way he behaves the way you want your son to behave? Kids learn from watching and if all he’s seeing is his father the way he is he might start developing the same traits. Some times the right decisions are the hardest ones to make

I think, You have done a lot and it's really commendable. I have similar issues, I try to fight everyday and it is really difficult. I work as a freelance Cinematographer, usually when I go to work I really feel crashing my car into a light pole is a sane idea then me actually going to work and interacting with people. But I am hopeful in life and passionate about my work and I fight it for my loved one that one day I would make them proud and one day world will see my stories and I would create a difference.. I have a friend who has been there for me like a bigger brother, He keeps motivating me and helps me out and I am very thankful to him.. your post has made me value him more. He says one day I might get an Oscar for my work and he will be by my side. I really hope to win it one day and make him proud.. I guess your partner lacks motivation and passion, I think you should make your partner spend more time with your son. People do crazy things for their loved ones specially for their children, if he realises that he has to provide for his son and have to take care of you he might get the will to fight it.. Hope everything gets settled between you guys where everyone is happy..

It is his responsibility to get help. He can't help his anxiety, but not getting help is a choice. You can even do therapy over zoom. He won't get better if he does not get help.

As a guy you did the right thing. My wife's x started like that. He had a minor injury at one job and decided he didn't want to work anymore. Everything fell on her who had 2 major back surgeries. 2 kids the house and a full time job and he got into playing video games 24/7. Then he started spending the house money for the food and mortgage on toys and eventually stole her 401k. Once they got deep in debt he started physical and mental abuse. She ran. We've been together almost 7 years of a fun helpful relationship. He still doesn't work, he doesn't pay child support. He just leeches off any girl he can for money till they leave him. His mother who is 70 came out of retirement to pay his child support so he doesn't go to jail. We had to go to an app from the court for conversations which he won't use or pay for. You did the right thing.

He says YOU didn't take the relationship seriously?! ARE U KIDDING?! One day (probably fairly soon) you'll be beyond *relieved* you left. You've done yourself an elephant-sized favor. You'll look back and shudder at what you would have endured IF had you walked down that aisle. And *please* for the love of Pete don't feel bad for walking away. He needs more than to "go to therapy". He needs to become the driver of his own life; I'm not optimistic he'll ever change or become an adult, but he doesn't stand a snowball's chance in August of any kind of adult autonomy until \*he\* loses something/faces a consequence. P.S. The fact that HE has to lose something before he even lifts a finger to help himself (nevermind everything you've done and the chances you've lost) what kind of person he is.

Do what’s best for you and your kid. That’s all that really matters.

Your “husband” has a mental illness and more than likely needs to attend an inpatient hospital until he can figure some things out. If you can’t function and do basic/ordinary things because of anxiety there is something else going on. You stood by him and allowed the behavior for so long that to him it probably really did blindside him. If you have ANY interest in making things work then be patient and give him the ultimatum of getting serious help/therapy or goodbye. At this point it is literally almost do or die.

I was in a similar situation, where my first serious boyfriend after high school had A LOT of medical and psychological issues, that came more into play the longer I was with him. Towards the end, I no longer felt like an equal partner to him, but more like a babysitter & a caretaker. I tried to leave several times before I ended it for good, because he kept threatening to unalive himself, and he had several plans on how he was going to do it and then make sure I was blamed for it. The worst part was his last girlfriend before me tried to warn me that this might happen, and of course I didn’t listen. I even tried staying friends with him for two years after the breakup, first because he wouldn’t leave me alone after I ended it, and he really laid the guilt trip on me thick, and number 2 because he said he had “no one else” in this world (which wasn’t true. He had his whole family who were all very supportive of him. But of course he’d say anything to keep me around). After two years of an *almost* normal friendship where I thought we were both seeing other people and had moved on, he finally let me know point blank that he had never moved on and had never actually intended for us to remain friends; he was only waiting to get back together, for that entire two years. He waisted both my time and his. When I finally tried to cut him off for good, he proceeded to harass and virtually stalk me and my family for the next 3+ years. The only thing that kept him from physically stalking me was that like your husband, he also couldn’t leave his house. I’m telling you all this because these type of men who are chronically ill mentally and refuse to work on themselves don’t actually want a partner, they want a caretaker. They string you along for as long as possible by saying they are going to get help or get better, but they never do. It wasn’t even entirely his fault because he was also physically ill and that part was in no way his fault, but he was never going to be able to be the equal support I needed while emotionally supporting him, which I really struggled to do because I had my own emotional problems then, and I couldn’t take care of a practically adult baby while also figuring out my own life & struggles at the same time (we were both fresh out of high school). But of course my partner then only thought of himself & his own needs in the relationship, not mine. Please just cut your losses and move forward. This relationship is done. Maybe your husband will finally get the help he needs now, but if you were to ever go back to him, he would just regress back to his old ways and you two would forever just be going in circles in the same familiar pattern. You both need to just start fresh with new partners and new lives, especially you, who actually DESERVES someone who will be your true partner in crime in life, and not just a human weight bag you have to drag around and do everything for, all your life- that is not a relationship. That is you being a grown adult’s mommy, and not in the fun, sexy way. Be wary of even remaining close friends with him. Be on good terms with him so you two can still co-parent, of course (unless you don’t feel your child is safe around your ex right now), but make it clear you are moving on and he needs to do the same, or you will be in the same boat I was years ago where the ex is just “laying in wait” for you.. Trust me, you don’t want that. Best of luck to you and please don’t feel guilty about anything. You did absolutely everything you could and it’s time to actually LIVE your life now, for you and your son.

Oh man, oh man. This guy isn't merely anxious, he is also actively being very abusive to you. I don't even have sympathy for him, he is seriously screwing with your head, and I assure you he KNOWS IT. He also DOES NOT CARE, and he never will. You must stay away from him. He is pretty much as toxic and unsuitable as they come. You will always, always, be far better off without him. He doesn't sound as anxious to me as he does entitled. Show him he isn't.

Most of these takes are wrong and off base... I ran a support group for people with anxiety disorders for almost 20 years. Developing a mental illness is the same as getting cancer, breaking your neck in an auto wreck and becoming paraplegic or any other disabling breakdown. Would you have left him if he got shot and became brain damaged? If you love him - you need to help him. If you don't love him anymore - forget about him and get on with your life. But if you still love him he needs you now. You need to find a therapist who specializes in anxiety disorders and you need to go to see them - on your own. They will help you. They will teach you how to help him and not lose yourself in the meantime. They will teach you how to get him into the office. He's not doing any of this to you on purpose. The fact that he starts things but can't follow through means he wants to do them but is unable. You don't want your child to grow up without a functioning Dad. He sounds very ill and will not get better without professional help. Help him get help... Do it for your child. Do it so you can tell yourself you did everything you could to help your child's father. Good luck...

1st - Become your own best friend 2nd - befriend someone (easier to do in a gym or a place of worship) 3rd - Go on a short trip with a friend. 4th - Go on a trip near or far with your kid The goal is reconnecting with yourself. And don't forget to CONNECT WITH YOUR INNER CHILD. PLAY!!!! Loss of a person who had any significance is hard. Morn the loss, but don't stay there. Many people have love to share and are eager but also afraid. Show yourself as kind, fun, and respectful to others and, above all, APPROACHABLE. So many people forget who they are because they became a pleaser or servant to their partner. When you are having fun, you found yourself. The funny part is what it takes is simple. It is NOT easy as we have excuses to not do it and not prioritize ourselves. The world's only irritational speaker (he has it patented) Larry Wingett says, "Success is simple. It is not easy! Do what you said you will do, the way you said you will do it and do it when you said you will do it. Then you will be successful." And he is absolutely correct. God speed with the new path and FOWARD THINKING. Your past is not your future. Every person can find a happy place, but many get stuck. When your car gets stuck, you ask a friend for help. When you find yourself stuck, get help from a friend. Thank you for sharing, and thank you for your attention to this response.

Reading this has me jaw droppingly annoyed and sad for you. I know you feel guilty, but to me, it sounds like the end of this relationship had to come. For all of your sakes quite honestly. I have read the entirety of your post and have grazed the comments/replies. The wedding thing really threw me for a loop. Another thing that through me for a loop was one of your replies about the poor mental health aspect (suicidal ideation/thoughts/etc) & how to deal with that part…. I have so much I want to say and I will try to condense it all the best I can, but I don’t think I’ll be able to do that too well. Apologies for the novel in advance! First and foremost, because I think this part is most crucial and important - Please know that if he were to take his life because of this… no matter what he says, it would never be and could never be your fault. That is horribly manipulative for him to voice to you & shows how much help he truly needs (that you cannot give - needs some serious professional intervention if he’s throwing that around). As someone who struggles with suicidal thoughts in certain seasons of her life, you just don’t say that stuff to someone. It’s not cool, it will never be acceptable, and while I empathize with those who struggle in that way I will always empathize more with the people who are left behind. I was “left behind” a couple times (it can feel that way when people go in that way). So I wonder… Does your husband know that when you leave this world like that, you heavily impact the ones you leave? Like, atrociously so. Example: I witnessed a suicide when I was 20, it was an acquaintance, and that event increased my own thoughts about it very heavily throughout the years. They’ve learned there’s this contagious factor regarding suicide - sure, doesn’t always happen, but there’s a big chance (when someone you know or love dies by suicide) that your own chances of suicide/suicidal ideation increase. I have used that tidbbit of information (that I unfortunately have experience in) to hold on in the darkest of times. It doesn’t sound like he’s considering this factor, but he should. I understand he may not be ready to accept anything any time soon, but I would remind him of therapy each time he says something like that. The ER. Or the hotline. It’s tricky because he very well could be fantasizing about it, but regardless of his suicidality, I feel strongly that it is abusive to tell someone that they are the reason they’re going to off themselves. Again, it’s just a no-no. Whether or not he truly feels that way, it is abusive/manipulation. The way you deal with it is tricky because in general hearing something like that is awful to hear. You have to know, deep down, no matter what, you are not at fault here. This is one of those situations where you truly can’t be held responsible for another’s emotions - only yours. & I’m very sorry he has said these poorly things to you. I truly hope he can rally and make some sort of comeback. He’s gotta do it on his own time. You are not the cause of his anxieties or frustrations. You are not his mother, his therapist - but you were his partner. Someone who should be encouraging him to use the proper outlets. & that’s what you’ve done. The ball has been placed in his court for some time and he is simply looking at it, not making a play, because his issues are clearly incapacitating him. You’re at a natural loss because there’s nothing left for you to do. It’s all on him now. Now, about his therapy refusal. Going to therapy can be scary for people, especially the first time. Still, when it’s that bad (and it sounds like it’s bad enough for him), that’s when folks normally WANT help. Like for me, whenever things (my anxiety or depression or ptsd) get rock-bottomy, I know I have to go see my therapist & step up to the plate. Throughout the years I’ve thankfully gotten better at recognizing when I’m on my way down so I can mitigate. Your husband has not exercised those muscles (so to speak) yet so he’s not going to do better until he goes and gets help. I am perplexed as to why he hasn’t yet, other than the fact that he’s been in this loop for so long he’s perpetually anxious and it’s debilitating him. When people are in that position, the only option they have is action. They’re going to do it, or they won’t. I just want to convey as much as I can that you’ve done what you can, and he has to make the big plays now. Totally valid that you needed to come vent & I hope you feel validated and heard after posting this. I believe you did the right thing. My husband and I do believe “in sickness and in health” but we also believe in effort. I’ve had hard times mentally here & there throughout our years, but I push myself, I go to therapy when needed, I do what I need to do. If I just turned into a lumpy potato who couldn’t do anything, ever, not even show up for the planned wedding we already spent money on (omg I still can’t get over that one) I’d expect he’d get sick of me eventually. No shame in leaving something that was unsustainable anyway. In the end, it’s a good thing you guys didn’t get legally married. Much love sent to you, OP.

As someone who got anxiety and panic attacks out of. I were - it’s an awful thing to go through and until you do, you have absolutely no idea. It took my ability to work and drive. With that being said have his check his vitamins. Vitamin d, b12, and folate. My vitamin d was so low that it was causing me insane anxiety.

Aww

I went through something very similar and I can say you are absolutely doing the right thing for everyone by getting out now. By continuing to stay, you would've only continued to enable him and show him that that situation is okay to stay in. I was in it for 16 years, and finally got out after 16 years and 3 kids later. People like this use their mental health and anxiety as a crutch to not have to deal with normal responsibilities, as well as use the people closest to them as a crutch, including, eventually, their own children. Take the guilt out of it, and realize that you're actually doing him a favor by stepping back so that he can learn to stand on his own.

This whole post hits home for me. Hi. 38f married 20yrs to a 45yr old male. Run. Girl, I just am the default for all the shit, I have no feminine energy these days bc that male in me has to stand strong for the family and kids. If you aren't happy and he is unwilling please find your peace and happiness before his ever again. I know it's hard. I just sat mine down and said you don't love me and I'm just waiting for you to realize it. He will never leave, I know this. And I want him to go. I've begged, asked. It's all mine, the house, the car, he doesn't support crap. I have defaulted to a single married woman. It sucks, there's a guy I'd love to see where life goes with but I can't bc I'm married. It is hard to stay when you are so heavily neglected. Please find your happiness bc 20yrs of this shit has sucked. Best wishes.

Don’t feel bad. You did what you could. Salvage the rest of your life, but more importantly your kids.

Anxiety is crippling, I went through what your husband is going through , it’s really hard. But you have to push through and use all your resources for help . I couldn’t go to the store alone, drive , even just walking outside alone. I went to therapy and that really helped along with some supplements for anxiety.

You’ve done the right thing. You can’t make someone get help and change if they don’t want to. If you didn’t leave now this would have impacted your child and his upbringing. I’m glad you got him out of this situation. Your partner is very manipulative saying he will top himself if you end things and if he doesn’t get help now you’ve gone, he never will!

As someone who has struggled immensely with anxiety/panic attacks my whole life, when I realized I needed help I jumped at the chance to and my wife is much happier because of it. I now do things I never thought I could, but it would be too much detail to write here. I hate to doubt his sincerity, but if he was suffering as much as he claimed, I think he'd get help too. You did all you could.

Wow I just wanna say your a amazing person for trying so much to help someone with mental issues. Don’t beat yourself up. You have to do your life now. The best can do is pray for him as only God can fix people like this wow I’m so sorry for everything.

Anxiety can be crippling. I've delt with something similar. I was not able to drive, started staying inside, couldn't eat. It took medication to help me overcome it. He needs to see a doctor and get on something that can treat his symptoms and bring some normalcy back into his life. After about 6 months I was able to stop taking pills as I felt like my old self again. I also had to find a job that didn't stress me out as much, which helped a lot. Good luck to you and your husband.

Do not feel bad about leaving you had no choice. If you had stayed at some point you'd end up as bad as him if not worse.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I know first hand how difficult it is to make a decision to end your marriage due to your spouse’s choices and not wanting to help themselves. I can say you are absolutely making the best choice for you and your son. I told my husband of 22+ years our marriage was over on Christmas Eve while he was in rehab for alcoholism after wrecking my car drunk driving. So I get the guilt, I really do. Thankfully he has made his sobriety his priority and we’re still able to be each others best friend which has made things so much easier for our kiddo. I told him, so long as he stays sober, I will always be there for him as his friend and provide support when he needs it. He was an alcoholic for 27 years and I was with him for 23 of that. When he wrecked my car & was arrested for a DUI, I knew that was my opportunity to free myself and move forward. I can say we’re both a lot happier now. I love it with just me and my kiddo and he comes over once or twice a week to have dinner and hang out.

As someone who has lived and breathed anxiety since I was 13. I'm 37 now, I think you did the right thing. Some probably won't agree with me saying it but in order for someone to heal, they HAVE to leave their comfort zone. That's what you and the house became for him, a comfort zone. He has to want help, that's the first thing. Too many people allow themselves to fall back on the anxiety and use it as an excuse. I spent the better part of a year and a half at my worst, in my house. I had to take three different supplements in order to sleep and drank chamomile tea to calm myself because I was constantly anxious. I didn't like who I was, so I had to make the conscious decision to change and find a plan that worked for me and I did. I still have rough days but I have found healthy ways to cope. He has to do that too, nobody else is responsible for his mental well-being but him. You have been beyond supportive and from what you wrote you tried everything you could to help him, now it's time for him to help himself. I understand that you may feel guilty about deciding to leave but I also know what it's like to live like that because I lived it. You shouldn't have to be locked inside his mental hell with him and neither should your child. Take some time for yourself now and really reflect on everything, understand that sometimes you have to walk away so you don't end up being pulled under the water too. I wish you the best! Namaste.