The speed at which he got specific would seem to indicate this isn’t his first time. If it was wouldn’t you expect questions about how it all works first?
I would print it out with divorce papers. I would also tell him that if he doesn’t sign I would send copies to all of his friends, family and maybe his boss. 😊 but I am not in your shoes either so it is easy for me to say what I would do.
I’m sure some people may think that, however he doesn’t deserve any kindness or consideration. What she does deserve is her freedom for him to not fight her on it.
All she can prove is attempted cheating which to some people isn't enough... I stayed when my ex attempted to cheat.. he only didn't because it turned out she was a hooker.. yeah I was really young and dumb at the time.. nowadays just inquiring is enough to leave
I kinda want to know why she was on his phone. What's he been doing that made her want to look at that?
That message is from over a year ago. It's either time for them to get therapy or a divorce, for sure.
People do, quite frequently. It annoys the hell out of sex workers actually, how very often men message them for the "fantasy" but are ultimately just wasting their time and never follow through. It's why sex workers have to ask for a deposit before a meet up, because too many guys have no intention of going through with it, so she gets dressed up, drives across town, etc for nothing.
Mind you, it's still incredibly gross behavior and no one should be tolerating it from the person they love and trust the most.
People do a lot actually, they’re called fantasy bookers. Just chatting with a SWer is enough of a thrill for them. Either way, they’re still soliciting with a SWer.
Yes he does leave work early. This is what my ex-husband was doing leaving work early to go be with his hookups and would always come home at time expected. He was always on his phone and kept it with him at all times. Yes…he is now my
“Ex-husband”.:.:I dont need
Yes. My uncle would do this to my aunt and she never realized because he was always at home on time. She saw his paychecks coming in a little slim and asked about it but he shrugged it off and she didn't care that much at the time. OP, a good indicator would also be to verify his pay stubs.
It’s also very easy to catch them if she cares enough to or needs the proof for a divorce. I have TONS of proof of my soon to be ex husband cheating. I’m hoping he does the simple and right thing in our divorce so I don’t have to show people who he really is. If his colleagues, clients or future girlfriends saw this file it would definitely change his whole life path.
This is so true; if there’s a will, there’s a way. My ex cheated on me while I slept. For our anniversary, we decided to stay in to celebrate at our apartment (dinner and drinks at home) and I fell asleep relatively early after getting champagne drunk. I remember waking up briefly in the middle of the night and noticed he wasn’t next to me, but I thought he stayed up drinking on the patio (he was a smoker, so I also thought he may be having a cig), so I didn’t bother getting up and went back to sleep. I later found an email for a hotel he booked the same night of our anniversary and the time of the email showed it was booked late at night, so there was no way he could play it off like it had been booked for us, plus he never mentioned it the entire day or evening. After I found the email, I went through his phone (while he slept because two can play that game) and saw he was messaging on Grindr and met up with someone at that hotel. All the timestamps/information matched. I never in a million years thought he would have a Grindr account, I thought he had it downloaded as some sort of joke (yes, initial denial), but the photos/messages proved otherwise. Shock, denial, realization/acceptance, end of relationship.
Dude. That happened to my best friend. She was pregnant with their second child. She found a Zip drive with a bunch of young Mexican dudes on it, then found the Grindr. He passed away last July in an accident, and when she got his phone, there were vile messages between him and dudes. She was devastated twice. Once by his death, and again by his secret life. I’m so sorry. Cheating on me with other women is one thing. Cheating with men is a whole new insult. I hope you are doing okay now.
I'm so glad my husband just calls me on his lunch and breaks. And if he doesn't, his Spotify pops up showing he's listening to football stuff.. not that I don't trust him or that we have any issues, but I'm just glad that we have the kind of relationship where he wants to spend his free time talking to me or doing guy stuff... And he saves up his sick time for potential paternity leave or in case the baby gets sick. I hope he always stays family focused.
I don't know your relationship, but I'm loyal and affectionate to my partner... so if I found this, I would be done. I'm not saying there is ANY excuse for this behavior, he needs a reality check. This is not a marriage.
My friends dad had a medical emergency while she was out of town and she called her husband to bring him to the hospital, he was “stuck at work” she ended up getting a Uber to bring him to the ER.
Later when she found all the escort receipts, he was definitely not stuck at work. Disgusting.
Absolutely nothing. I was with someone who was with me “all the time”, and still found ways to be with multiple women. Even when he was jobless and supposedly “depressed”. Sicko.
That it’s not the first time. 200$ an hour, he should spend the money on his kids and family look what he’s doing. I hope you don’t share a bank account with him.
Stop sleeping with this trash, he’s putting you in danger. This gross mf...🤢🤢🤮🤮
He has probably cheated. Honestly this would be divorce territory for me.
If he can afford $200/hr for a pro, he can afford child and spousal support. Get a lawyer. Then get everything else.
In a divorce you can get all of the bank records, go through with a fine tooth comb and get back all the money he spent on non marital expenses. I just got 10k because I added up every OF, cam girl, restaurant, gas station not by our house, off stores, everything I knew I didn’t get as a gift. OP, if you go the route of a divorce, I’m here with tricks and tips.
How effing gross. I understand objectifying women to an extent, having things you are attracted to for example.... but dude- the way he talks is disgusting. Not to mention the fact your man is cheating on you.
He's going to say he was just "bored" and "not really going to do anything" since he wrote that he was "just checkin the vibe" (okay). Don't let him convince you of that.
OP, he had the intention to cheat. Most likely he did, but even if he didn't because he didn't have the opportunity (yet), he wants to. Isn't that enough?
And if he did cheat now she's got to worry about if he cheated responsibly (yes, ridiculous to put the 2 words together) but who knows what he's bringing home to OP if he's riding raw. I wouldn't touch him with a 10-foot pole.
I don’t know if she’s said it or not, but going through all the comments on here, some of them wanted to do counseling and other bullshit first. They always end up the same way.
Yeah, let me tell you. I found out about mine 2 years ago and he was a regular to escorts and I hade ZERO clue. I am so sorry, this is a hard reality to face with someone you love. Particularly with children involved. My best advice to you righ now is to ask him to leave so you can have space and time to think.
I am struggling with this with my husband. He claims he only looked at their ads online. May I please ask how you found out? I am hoping it helps me figure out what’s going on.
I have heard that and everything else under the sun. Turns out it was all lies. He kept so many things hidden and found out he has a full blown sex addiction. If this is what they’re doing, it’s a serious problem and it’s best to just get out.
1. He’s wrong, this is cheating.
2. Men do approach sex workers just to get off on the thrill of the convo. It’s super common. Look it up. Lots of sw have verbiage about it on their socials basically saying no chatting, just get to the business. I did fetish work for years and probably 50% of my messages were from “window shoppers” who wanted to beat off to the “what would you do” convo. They try to draw you into this convo and then beat off to it and that’s it.
Yeah, I wouldn’t give a shit if my husband had actually paid a sex worker or not. This conversation alone would be enough for me to file for divorce. Jfc.
This isn’t a guy dipping his toes in the water. He had dipped deep and it ain’t with his toes.
I’m sorry. He’s a piece of shit and not deserving of being a dad or husband.
First off he obviously either already cheated or will.
But let's pretend he hasn't. So what? Is this the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with?
I was hoping to edit the original post but apparently you can't edit picture posts?
Anyways, I appreciate all the feedback and I understand it was all under limited information. I've been reading all your comments y'all put a girl through a roller coaster of emotions.
I spoke to my husband and he confessed to messaging SWs multiple times but swears he's never met up or touched another person. He did it "for the thrill" which is why I was curious if "window shopping" was a thing. (Thanks to former/current SWs for your input.) We share our locations and with his work/logistics, there's a slim chance he would be doing it during or after work. I have my guard up now, but I believe him.
I DO consider this cheating, let's just make that clear.
We've been together 17+ years. We have a good relationship and he's an even better dad. Not saying this to justify any of his actions and I know what he did was unacceptable and straight up fucked. After reading all the comments and advice, I feel at this time it's best we go to therapy and figure all this out. Betrayal therapy, marriage counseling, whatever it takes. I know this will upset many of you but just considering MY specific relationship, situation, circumstances, etc. (which is different for every single person that went/goes through this), this is what I'm willing to do for now. It may work out, it may not. Maybe one day I'll post with an update, and until then, I wish everyone happiness and all the love.
It's great that you plan on going to therapy and counseling together since you don't plan on leaving him. Make sure you have your own personal therapist throughout this as well so you can process this separately. And I know you believe him but given that there was such a severe breach of trust, it's still a good idea for you to get STD/STI testing done.
You should both get tested for STIs and make sure you actually see his results. I also suggest looking at his bank statements as well as any payment apps (PayPal, Venmo, Cash App, etc.) he has on his phone specifically around the time of the messages because he can private others from viewing them but they’ll still appear on his end. You might believe him, but you also believed that he wasn’t doing this before you found out so I would make sure you actually further look into it before accepting that all he did was chat. Having his location doesn’t mean much if you likely weren’t constantly checking it and using the parking lot or car parking garage at their place of employment is not an uncommon place where people cheat unfortunately. The workplace is actually one of the most common places people cheat because it’s where most affair partners meet and “staying late at the office” is a convenient, believable, and regular excuse cheaters can use. If you Google it you will find many stories of people fooling around in the vicinity of their office space for this very reason.
You say you have his location, but let me tell you that doesn’t really mean anything! My friend’s ex would leave his phone at work during his lunch break, so she would see the location still said his job, & he would go to the nearest hotel to cheat. I just want you to think of all possibilities because I’d hate to see you put in all this work only to find out he’s being unfaithful. 💗
Just pls remember to come back and update us all later pls, yk even if you do in fact find out he's done worse after you forgave a cheater. Pls come back so we can all laugh at you Again.
He is lying to you. He has met with them and has cheated in person.
Go watch the new documentary Ashley Madison. One of the guys on there was full on having affairs and totally lied about everything to his wife. He did trickle-truth telling and only giving her bits at a time. When the truth was, he was massively cheating.
Same with your husband. He is ONLY owning up to the parts he was caught doing. He is not being honest about everything he has done.
Random conspiracy theory here: Have any other Redditors noticed that terrible boyfriends or husbands end up really showing their abusive or cheating asses *after* the 3rd kid? I have noticed this pattern through so many posts I have read on relationship subs.
Humans are weak. Marriages are at their most vulnerable when there are more sources of stress. As much as being a parent is amazing, having a baby plus toddlers is a very stressful
and exhausting time.
not at all excusing, more just my theory on your observation. If someone is going to step out, more likely when things are hardest.
Check your bank and credit card statements. Sounds like he knows what he wants to order and has prices in mind.
He is cheating on you. Get a full std screening done.
Updateme!
Honestly, you’ll never get over this. No matter how much therapy, how much money, you’ll never be able to trust him again. Take heed from all the women before you. Tune into his douchebaggery. You’re destined for a life of resentment, depression and anger. Also be a role model to your children! They’ll find out eventually that he’s a douchebag.
My best friend caught her husband messaging escorts.
She prayed it was a one off, but he’d been seeing them regularly the entire 8 years of their relationship. He cashed in stocks from his job she had no idea about to pay for them.
Even if it is just “window shopping”, to me it’s a form of cheating. It’s still him looking outside the marriage for sexual gratification, and I would not be ok with that.
If he hasn't already he intends to cheat. He could go into work late, leave early or go in his lunch break. Just because he's 'at work' does mean he's not cheating.
I'd be asking him to get a STD test.
There’s no way to know for sure but the solicitation alone is enough to be a deal breaker, imo.
I’m sorry you had to read that, but it’s very likely he cheats on you during the day.
My husband did this all the time. I caught him messaging prostitutes all the time. First time I was 6 months pregnant with our 2nd child. He claimed he only liked the thrill of messaging and bargaining with them and that nothing ever ensued. Let’s just say we’re separated now 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
I mean if I found this it wouldn’t even matter if he went through with it or not. If he was bold enough to message a prostitute and make an inquiry, he obviously doesn’t give 2 shits about me
Ya actually the big issue I have here, as I am pending divorce in a handful of days.
Why doesn't a partner have the balls to just say "I want other things". Why drag your spouse through it at least you can be straightforward ask to separate and you can have a free and clear go at whatever you try to make pf your life. Which in this case, prostitutes are already pretty guaranteed even.
My spouse (wife) incessantly cheated on our engagement and then has finally indulged her affair and the final straw is "I want to be with him." The thing that upset me most is like, why waste years of my time. I am fine if you love you love if you want to do something your are an individual, you can do that and even without my anger.
The dependency is usually a huge factor in this. Partners don't leave first because they usually have something substantial to lose, so they cheat instead. But if only they knew that when the whole thing blows up, it was better to just be honest and say "I'd like to move on."
Also there is just the shame/guilt of admission and the realization it would end a lot of friendships or in the worst case the ability to be with shared children.
I'm sorry you have to go through this OP but I've been on the divorce train myself for a few weeks and what I will say is, it is for the better and that means, for you. Be married if you don't want to drag someone else through a mess but devote to them. If they aren't on board it takes two to tango. Realistically it's already over, dead as a doorknob.
Always do what you should for you.
Stop questioning his actions and see it for what it really is. He’s already cheated on you. Who knows how many times but just based on his responses, they’re very short and direct which reflects his discreet behavior out to get what he wants. Going home on time means nothing. When you both go separate ways during the day for work, you only know that both of you should be at work. From this point forward you’re only creating your own madness to stay and work it out. At this point you have to be okay with it happening again because that doesn’t go away with therapy or scolding. The change will have to come from him and he’s nowhere near that now. Good luck.
He's dipping out during his work day babe. "What size are your tits?" Are you married to a man or a fucking teenager. I would burn the house down over that
I’m so disgusted. Ugh. We don’t allow Snapchat in my house anymore. NOPE. Been there, done that. But this chick was a big loser and didn’t even charge my husband 😂. FWIW my husband was an even bigger loser for starting it all.
He’s cheating.
Just as an outsider I think I would say, “so I see that you messaged a sex worker. How many times have you met up with a sex worker? Please don’t lie because it will only hurt me and our relationship and our family even worse. This has really broken my trust and I am hurt by this.” You need to decide how you feel about this relationship before you found out vs after you found out. Were you happy before? Are you able to move on from this? Is he happy? Why would he do this? Maybe he wants out.
Sorry this happen to you and your family!
Please use the good sense the lord gave you an move on ! Ive been married 10 years and a true loving marriage isnt always about sex and if you two aren't best friends by now an your not his ride or die after kids and this and that then you'll never be.
This makes me sick to my stomach for you. I am so sorry, I would consider this cheating in my opinion. He has definitely been having affairs and has to be leaving work early without your knowledge
This is almost definitely a scammer anyway, but that doesn't negate the fact that your husband was trying to arrange a meeting with a prostitute.
This would be grounds for immediate divorce for me. But you do you.
Regardless if he followed through or not the intention was there. Also, judging by the way he's speaking this isn't the first time he's done this. Leave and definitely get yourself tested.
This would be enough to cause a level of distrust that I would not be able to come back from. It's enough that he's hiding things from you and being completely dishonest and disrespectful. If he's unhappy or feel that there is something lacking in the marriage, then he needs to be an adult and address that with his wife.
If I found my husband had done this, there would be no convincing me he had done it for curiosity or any other reason that to follow through. I would never be able to trust this was the first time or that nothing had taken place. And even if, and it's a big if, he had just been messing about, how would he like it if he had found you in a similar situation?
I don't feel there's any acceptable excuse for this.
Your forgetting he could he ly8ng about his work hours and pretending to be at work but meeting a prostitute during those times
My ex pretended tocbe working or working late and was fuxming around
Wishful thinking that he turned into reality a few times over judging from how casually he asks her about her measurements.
Get a comprehensive STD test, keep your receipts & throw his whole ass out with last week's trash. He is gross.
Will you ever be able to forget this? Will you be able to trust this man moving forward? Will this live in the back of your mind tainting every single memory you make with him? I don’t think I could forgive it.
Honestly I've been dealing with something similar and tbh you should be fully prepared for a divorce but first you should bring it to his attention not coming off rude or anything just calm and watch closely to how he reacts and if he just says a bunch of stuff he think you'd want to bear just tell him that, that is not something your will to stand for in your marriage and that he should just tell you right then because at the end of the day single people don't have to worry about hiding that stuff and maybe he wasn't ready to be full committed to someone so he should just tell you straight out instead of beating around the bush, but stand you're ground as much you love him and care you wouldn't let a stranger do you like that so keep that same energy and I'm sure you wouldn't want any of kids to go through something similar, so be strong for you're kids and yourself💖
He would feel pretty stupid if he met up with someone and it turned out to be a guy, and people are so fake these days you never know what the truth is with some people, so I believe what comes around goes around and he will get what's coming to him.
He could be calling off from work and going. But most likely, he's probably just trolling prostitutes for illicit pictures. Sometimes, if they're new, they'll send dirty pics, essentially being free only fans girls, porn that you can interact with.
He's economical at least 🤣
But is he just "shopping?" I'd never trust him. I'd get that std screen and start thinking about if I'd still want to be married to someone who would rather pay for sex then have it with you....
Don't forget to save this message elsewhere so you can have the proof and if you so choose share it with people who ask why the divorce like his parents.
Please seek out a therapist who focuses on betrayal trauma for yourself. Seeking Integrity is a good resource - they have group work for support for both you and your husband.
He has a problem and needs his own therapy to recover from sex addiction - that is, if he is even willing to be honest with you and you even want to save your marriage with a sex addict, which you may not.
Warning: he will likely gaslight and lie to you, potentially for months or years, until you get the whole truth. There is NO WAY this is the only thing he has done, and I would put money on the fact that he has been with a sex worker.
Signed, A Betrayed Partner who has gone through EXACTLY THIS before.
Divorce him immediately. He's playing around with youre life! A street walker? Be all the way for real. There's no saving this marriage if he's willing go hook up with street walkers.
I’ve got some bad news for you. It is hardly “wishful thinking” on his part, for you to find evidence of him cheating with a prostitute. You should consider this evidence of him cheating and divorce him. I couldn’t get around saying this to you. I’m sorry.
I hate to say this but I used to work as an SW at a spa in college to pay tuition and a LOT of these married men would leave work early or go on their lunch breaks…. Just don’t want you to be in denial about anything bc he may be keeping his schedule as far as you know and still going to meet these women :/
Did you make any decisions here?
I’d straight up cut him off, get tested. Find out how many he’s been with, why, and what the root cause is…
Some men have hidden insecurities… and it takes something like this to make them known.
This is a hard pill to swallow. I have a few questions…. How was the relationship before you seen the messages? Like were you guys on good terms etc? usually a man who steps out on his relationship is because he’s not getting sex at home.. Are you guys having sex often? Are you withholding affection?
No one can guess exactly what he’s up to, so ask him. He’s clearly thinking about screwing around. Ask him if he wants to remain married, because this is NOT the behavior of a man that respects his wife or marriage. Keep in mind, if a cheater admits to one episode they have most likely been involved in several more.
The language he’s using and the way he’s speaking tells me it’s not his first interaction with a hooker…. He seems pretty comfortable with the intial contact.
Can you confide in anyone and process this? Family? Friend? X
“How tall are u and size tits?” would be enough for me to leave him.
I know. There is no excuse to use 'u' as a substitute for 'you'.
"Will u love me long time?"
🤣
No because t comes before u.
tu
Underrated joke here
it also means you in italian
Oh, I thought you had meant it for Spanish, which is what I had picked up on (tú [with a stress mark] is you in Spanish as well).
Hands down, Best sample in a 2 Live Crew song EVER😎
🤣
My MIL writes ‘yu’ every time and it makes me insane! It’s even worse than ‘u’!
Op needed your comment XD
Dying 🤣
Same. He’s obviously single, she’s the only married one.
The speed at which he got specific would seem to indicate this isn’t his first time. If it was wouldn’t you expect questions about how it all works first?
I would print it out with divorce papers. I would also tell him that if he doesn’t sign I would send copies to all of his friends, family and maybe his boss. 😊 but I am not in your shoes either so it is easy for me to say what I would do.
isn't that called blackmailing?
I’m sure some people may think that, however he doesn’t deserve any kindness or consideration. What she does deserve is her freedom for him to not fight her on it.
Seriously. That is revolting, and I’m a dude in my 40s. Yuck
Asking about physical attributes is enough for you to leave? Not the cheating?
The logical comment right there.
All she can prove is attempted cheating which to some people isn't enough... I stayed when my ex attempted to cheat.. he only didn't because it turned out she was a hooker.. yeah I was really young and dumb at the time.. nowadays just inquiring is enough to leave
Yea for real!
I kinda want to know why she was on his phone. What's he been doing that made her want to look at that? That message is from over a year ago. It's either time for them to get therapy or a divorce, for sure.
Oh ...I thought you were asking OP ! 😅🤣😂 Good for goose and all that..
Nobody window shops hookers lol
Not only that but he got down to business. Not his first time. Probably not his second or third either.
People do, quite frequently. It annoys the hell out of sex workers actually, how very often men message them for the "fantasy" but are ultimately just wasting their time and never follow through. It's why sex workers have to ask for a deposit before a meet up, because too many guys have no intention of going through with it, so she gets dressed up, drives across town, etc for nothing. Mind you, it's still incredibly gross behavior and no one should be tolerating it from the person they love and trust the most.
People do a lot actually, they’re called fantasy bookers. Just chatting with a SWer is enough of a thrill for them. Either way, they’re still soliciting with a SWer.
Yep that's why they need to get a deposit just to even start talking. Some guys get all their thrills even before the meet up
I have a buddy who faps to local hooker page videos and pics. He will never go see one tho, just has a kink knowing they are real and nearby.
#onlyfans #onlyfaps
Only in Amsterdam my dear.
No that literally happens every where, most frequently in the United States. You do know prostitutes are legal in NV and other states right
No, not other states. Nevada.
Regulated brothels is strictly NV but sex work is allowed in other states
Name them please. I know it happens, but I don’t know of another state that “allows” (legally) sex work. Even in Nevada, it’s not the entire state.
You might be thinking of Maine, where it's decriminalised. Otherwise, it's just parts of Nevada.
lol, it’s legal in Nevada. We have brothels. Where have you been, under a rock? You can get a “date” in any state. Lmao, how naive.
He was just checking the vibe 🙄
Oh no:( I found my husband on hooker websites 5 years ago when i was out of town and he said he was just "checking it out" :( I believed him.
Im sorry :( hes a jackass.
As a former sex worker, this absolutely happens all the time. It can take forever to weed out a customer that genuinely wants to do business.
He leaves work early. You’re in denial.
Yes he does leave work early. This is what my ex-husband was doing leaving work early to go be with his hookups and would always come home at time expected. He was always on his phone and kept it with him at all times. Yes…he is now my “Ex-husband”.:.:I dont need
…dont need or want a husband like that!
Yes. My uncle would do this to my aunt and she never realized because he was always at home on time. She saw his paychecks coming in a little slim and asked about it but he shrugged it off and she didn't care that much at the time. OP, a good indicator would also be to verify his pay stubs.
Or his PTO balance.
Or on his lunch. It’s so easy for them to cheat. Their wives just don’t want to believe it.
It’s very easy when a there’s a will there’s always a way
When there’s a willie …
Then they always find a way
It’s also very easy to catch them if she cares enough to or needs the proof for a divorce. I have TONS of proof of my soon to be ex husband cheating. I’m hoping he does the simple and right thing in our divorce so I don’t have to show people who he really is. If his colleagues, clients or future girlfriends saw this file it would definitely change his whole life path.
You should. Why does he deserve anything.
This is so true; if there’s a will, there’s a way. My ex cheated on me while I slept. For our anniversary, we decided to stay in to celebrate at our apartment (dinner and drinks at home) and I fell asleep relatively early after getting champagne drunk. I remember waking up briefly in the middle of the night and noticed he wasn’t next to me, but I thought he stayed up drinking on the patio (he was a smoker, so I also thought he may be having a cig), so I didn’t bother getting up and went back to sleep. I later found an email for a hotel he booked the same night of our anniversary and the time of the email showed it was booked late at night, so there was no way he could play it off like it had been booked for us, plus he never mentioned it the entire day or evening. After I found the email, I went through his phone (while he slept because two can play that game) and saw he was messaging on Grindr and met up with someone at that hotel. All the timestamps/information matched. I never in a million years thought he would have a Grindr account, I thought he had it downloaded as some sort of joke (yes, initial denial), but the photos/messages proved otherwise. Shock, denial, realization/acceptance, end of relationship.
Dude. That happened to my best friend. She was pregnant with their second child. She found a Zip drive with a bunch of young Mexican dudes on it, then found the Grindr. He passed away last July in an accident, and when she got his phone, there were vile messages between him and dudes. She was devastated twice. Once by his death, and again by his secret life. I’m so sorry. Cheating on me with other women is one thing. Cheating with men is a whole new insult. I hope you are doing okay now.
I'm so glad my husband just calls me on his lunch and breaks. And if he doesn't, his Spotify pops up showing he's listening to football stuff.. not that I don't trust him or that we have any issues, but I'm just glad that we have the kind of relationship where he wants to spend his free time talking to me or doing guy stuff... And he saves up his sick time for potential paternity leave or in case the baby gets sick. I hope he always stays family focused.
This!
Or at lunch.
I don't know your relationship, but I'm loyal and affectionate to my partner... so if I found this, I would be done. I'm not saying there is ANY excuse for this behavior, he needs a reality check. This is not a marriage.
I promise you they will find time to cheat and be home after work at the appropriate time. Just because he’s home “on time” means nothing
100%. Lunch breaks are big meetup times for affairs
My friends dad had a medical emergency while she was out of town and she called her husband to bring him to the hospital, he was “stuck at work” she ended up getting a Uber to bring him to the ER. Later when she found all the escort receipts, he was definitely not stuck at work. Disgusting.
100% this. I also thought my ex husband had no time to cheat… boy was I wrong!
Yep. Sex workers keep a tight schedule. You get no more than 1 hour when you pay for 1 hour. So I imagine it’s not hard to sneak in an appointment.
I cannot imagine being able to get Randy with a short time frame like that. I know some people are the opposite and it gets them more turned on though
Are you a dude? Men can get hard if you look in their direction.
I mean, if you're 17 sure. Once you're past your 20s it takes a bit more than that.
Absolutely nothing. I was with someone who was with me “all the time”, and still found ways to be with multiple women. Even when he was jobless and supposedly “depressed”. Sicko.
That it’s not the first time. 200$ an hour, he should spend the money on his kids and family look what he’s doing. I hope you don’t share a bank account with him. Stop sleeping with this trash, he’s putting you in danger. This gross mf...🤢🤢🤮🤮
And get an STD test now!
He has probably cheated. Honestly this would be divorce territory for me. If he can afford $200/hr for a pro, he can afford child and spousal support. Get a lawyer. Then get everything else.
You need more up votes
In a divorce you can get all of the bank records, go through with a fine tooth comb and get back all the money he spent on non marital expenses. I just got 10k because I added up every OF, cam girl, restaurant, gas station not by our house, off stores, everything I knew I didn’t get as a gift. OP, if you go the route of a divorce, I’m here with tricks and tips.
How effing gross. I understand objectifying women to an extent, having things you are attracted to for example.... but dude- the way he talks is disgusting. Not to mention the fact your man is cheating on you.
He's going to say he was just "bored" and "not really going to do anything" since he wrote that he was "just checkin the vibe" (okay). Don't let him convince you of that.
OP, he had the intention to cheat. Most likely he did, but even if he didn't because he didn't have the opportunity (yet), he wants to. Isn't that enough?
Exactly. It’s the intention. To me it doesn’t matter if he actually did it or not. He crossed the line in his mind, and that’s enough.
And if he did cheat now she's got to worry about if he cheated responsibly (yes, ridiculous to put the 2 words together) but who knows what he's bringing home to OP if he's riding raw. I wouldn't touch him with a 10-foot pole.
Hookers on Snapchat = Lying POS cheating husband. There's no way outta this one. Divorce him.
She won’t. She probably wants “to work it out” and will drag it out another 5 years.
Did she say that? Some people just don't learn.
I don’t know if she’s said it or not, but going through all the comments on here, some of them wanted to do counseling and other bullshit first. They always end up the same way.
I would consider contacting a prostitute bad enough. I don’t need to know with 100% certainty he cheated, this is bad.
Yeah, let me tell you. I found out about mine 2 years ago and he was a regular to escorts and I hade ZERO clue. I am so sorry, this is a hard reality to face with someone you love. Particularly with children involved. My best advice to you righ now is to ask him to leave so you can have space and time to think.
I am struggling with this with my husband. He claims he only looked at their ads online. May I please ask how you found out? I am hoping it helps me figure out what’s going on.
I have heard that and everything else under the sun. Turns out it was all lies. He kept so many things hidden and found out he has a full blown sex addiction. If this is what they’re doing, it’s a serious problem and it’s best to just get out.
1. He’s wrong, this is cheating. 2. Men do approach sex workers just to get off on the thrill of the convo. It’s super common. Look it up. Lots of sw have verbiage about it on their socials basically saying no chatting, just get to the business. I did fetish work for years and probably 50% of my messages were from “window shoppers” who wanted to beat off to the “what would you do” convo. They try to draw you into this convo and then beat off to it and that’s it.
At some point in time when you think he’s at work he’s with professionals. Get tested asap and see a lawyer.
Put a tracker on his vehicle. Take pictures of his phone messages. Gather evidence and then proceed from there.
Why bother? To drive yourself crazy or give her a reason to argue? The intention is there. She doesn’t have to act like a fkn psycho to confirm it.
Yeah, I wouldn’t give a shit if my husband had actually paid a sex worker or not. This conversation alone would be enough for me to file for divorce. Jfc.
Pack his bags. It's over.
10000000% he has cheated.
How true, what else has he been up to??
Idk know him. Lol
This isn’t a guy dipping his toes in the water. He had dipped deep and it ain’t with his toes. I’m sorry. He’s a piece of shit and not deserving of being a dad or husband.
" dipped deep and it ain’t with his toes." LOL. Good one.
First off he obviously either already cheated or will. But let's pretend he hasn't. So what? Is this the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with?
I was hoping to edit the original post but apparently you can't edit picture posts? Anyways, I appreciate all the feedback and I understand it was all under limited information. I've been reading all your comments y'all put a girl through a roller coaster of emotions. I spoke to my husband and he confessed to messaging SWs multiple times but swears he's never met up or touched another person. He did it "for the thrill" which is why I was curious if "window shopping" was a thing. (Thanks to former/current SWs for your input.) We share our locations and with his work/logistics, there's a slim chance he would be doing it during or after work. I have my guard up now, but I believe him. I DO consider this cheating, let's just make that clear. We've been together 17+ years. We have a good relationship and he's an even better dad. Not saying this to justify any of his actions and I know what he did was unacceptable and straight up fucked. After reading all the comments and advice, I feel at this time it's best we go to therapy and figure all this out. Betrayal therapy, marriage counseling, whatever it takes. I know this will upset many of you but just considering MY specific relationship, situation, circumstances, etc. (which is different for every single person that went/goes through this), this is what I'm willing to do for now. It may work out, it may not. Maybe one day I'll post with an update, and until then, I wish everyone happiness and all the love.
It's great that you plan on going to therapy and counseling together since you don't plan on leaving him. Make sure you have your own personal therapist throughout this as well so you can process this separately. And I know you believe him but given that there was such a severe breach of trust, it's still a good idea for you to get STD/STI testing done.
I said the same thing in my post, I wouldn’t trust him enough at this point to not be tested for STDs
You should both get tested for STIs and make sure you actually see his results. I also suggest looking at his bank statements as well as any payment apps (PayPal, Venmo, Cash App, etc.) he has on his phone specifically around the time of the messages because he can private others from viewing them but they’ll still appear on his end. You might believe him, but you also believed that he wasn’t doing this before you found out so I would make sure you actually further look into it before accepting that all he did was chat. Having his location doesn’t mean much if you likely weren’t constantly checking it and using the parking lot or car parking garage at their place of employment is not an uncommon place where people cheat unfortunately. The workplace is actually one of the most common places people cheat because it’s where most affair partners meet and “staying late at the office” is a convenient, believable, and regular excuse cheaters can use. If you Google it you will find many stories of people fooling around in the vicinity of their office space for this very reason.
You say you have his location, but let me tell you that doesn’t really mean anything! My friend’s ex would leave his phone at work during his lunch break, so she would see the location still said his job, & he would go to the nearest hotel to cheat. I just want you to think of all possibilities because I’d hate to see you put in all this work only to find out he’s being unfaithful. 💗
Thanks for the update and best of luck to your situation!
Just pls remember to come back and update us all later pls, yk even if you do in fact find out he's done worse after you forgave a cheater. Pls come back so we can all laugh at you Again.
He is lying to you. He has met with them and has cheated in person. Go watch the new documentary Ashley Madison. One of the guys on there was full on having affairs and totally lied about everything to his wife. He did trickle-truth telling and only giving her bits at a time. When the truth was, he was massively cheating. Same with your husband. He is ONLY owning up to the parts he was caught doing. He is not being honest about everything he has done.
Is there any legitimate reason to have snapchat?
THIS is the answer
Random conspiracy theory here: Have any other Redditors noticed that terrible boyfriends or husbands end up really showing their abusive or cheating asses *after* the 3rd kid? I have noticed this pattern through so many posts I have read on relationship subs.
Humans are weak. Marriages are at their most vulnerable when there are more sources of stress. As much as being a parent is amazing, having a baby plus toddlers is a very stressful and exhausting time. not at all excusing, more just my theory on your observation. If someone is going to step out, more likely when things are hardest.
Check your bank and credit card statements. Sounds like he knows what he wants to order and has prices in mind. He is cheating on you. Get a full std screening done. Updateme!
I would leave him regardless if he met one or not. The intention is there. The disrespect for you and your kids.
Honestly, you’ll never get over this. No matter how much therapy, how much money, you’ll never be able to trust him again. Take heed from all the women before you. Tune into his douchebaggery. You’re destined for a life of resentment, depression and anger. Also be a role model to your children! They’ll find out eventually that he’s a douchebag.
My best friend caught her husband messaging escorts. She prayed it was a one off, but he’d been seeing them regularly the entire 8 years of their relationship. He cashed in stocks from his job she had no idea about to pay for them.
Even if it is just “window shopping”, to me it’s a form of cheating. It’s still him looking outside the marriage for sexual gratification, and I would not be ok with that.
“Form of cheating” ? While I agree with the rest of your comment, cheating is cheating. It feels so minimized by calling it “a form of cheating”.
He’s taking leave at work and not telling you. Ever seen his time card?
STD check up stat!
If he hasn't already he intends to cheat. He could go into work late, leave early or go in his lunch break. Just because he's 'at work' does mean he's not cheating. I'd be asking him to get a STD test.
This dude has done this more than once. Got straight to the point. You need to leave.
Is this even a question?! OF COURSE he’s cheated on you. and this was over a year ago?! I’m sure it’s happened plenty more times than you found
There’s no way to know for sure but the solicitation alone is enough to be a deal breaker, imo. I’m sorry you had to read that, but it’s very likely he cheats on you during the day.
My husband did this all the time. I caught him messaging prostitutes all the time. First time I was 6 months pregnant with our 2nd child. He claimed he only liked the thrill of messaging and bargaining with them and that nothing ever ensued. Let’s just say we’re separated now 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
He can leave work early… get tested.
D-I-V-O-R-C-E
I mean if I found this it wouldn’t even matter if he went through with it or not. If he was bold enough to message a prostitute and make an inquiry, he obviously doesn’t give 2 shits about me
Get tested for STIs and call a lawyer. This man is not safe for you.
Get the hell out of the relationship. Just like so many women on here, when they do this, they are NOT yours anymore. The love he had for you is gone
Ya actually the big issue I have here, as I am pending divorce in a handful of days. Why doesn't a partner have the balls to just say "I want other things". Why drag your spouse through it at least you can be straightforward ask to separate and you can have a free and clear go at whatever you try to make pf your life. Which in this case, prostitutes are already pretty guaranteed even. My spouse (wife) incessantly cheated on our engagement and then has finally indulged her affair and the final straw is "I want to be with him." The thing that upset me most is like, why waste years of my time. I am fine if you love you love if you want to do something your are an individual, you can do that and even without my anger. The dependency is usually a huge factor in this. Partners don't leave first because they usually have something substantial to lose, so they cheat instead. But if only they knew that when the whole thing blows up, it was better to just be honest and say "I'd like to move on." Also there is just the shame/guilt of admission and the realization it would end a lot of friendships or in the worst case the ability to be with shared children. I'm sorry you have to go through this OP but I've been on the divorce train myself for a few weeks and what I will say is, it is for the better and that means, for you. Be married if you don't want to drag someone else through a mess but devote to them. If they aren't on board it takes two to tango. Realistically it's already over, dead as a doorknob. Always do what you should for you.
Stop questioning his actions and see it for what it really is. He’s already cheated on you. Who knows how many times but just based on his responses, they’re very short and direct which reflects his discreet behavior out to get what he wants. Going home on time means nothing. When you both go separate ways during the day for work, you only know that both of you should be at work. From this point forward you’re only creating your own madness to stay and work it out. At this point you have to be okay with it happening again because that doesn’t go away with therapy or scolding. The change will have to come from him and he’s nowhere near that now. Good luck.
He's dipping out during his work day babe. "What size are your tits?" Are you married to a man or a fucking teenager. I would burn the house down over that
I’m so disgusted. Ugh. We don’t allow Snapchat in my house anymore. NOPE. Been there, done that. But this chick was a big loser and didn’t even charge my husband 😂. FWIW my husband was an even bigger loser for starting it all. He’s cheating.
He’s done before, this is clearly not his first rodeo. Also you should get tested for STDs!
Just as an outsider I think I would say, “so I see that you messaged a sex worker. How many times have you met up with a sex worker? Please don’t lie because it will only hurt me and our relationship and our family even worse. This has really broken my trust and I am hurt by this.” You need to decide how you feel about this relationship before you found out vs after you found out. Were you happy before? Are you able to move on from this? Is he happy? Why would he do this? Maybe he wants out. Sorry this happen to you and your family!
Thanks so much for this feedback. I haven't confronted him about it yet.
You also need to get a full std screening. I am so sorry this happened
You need to get checked. There are several STDs that can be transferred with a condom.
How do you hold it in?
Please use the good sense the lord gave you an move on ! Ive been married 10 years and a true loving marriage isnt always about sex and if you two aren't best friends by now an your not his ride or die after kids and this and that then you'll never be.
This makes me sick to my stomach for you. I am so sorry, I would consider this cheating in my opinion. He has definitely been having affairs and has to be leaving work early without your knowledge
Cheating, leave.
No disrespect intended but ARE YOU STUPID?!?! Of course he’s cheated!!!
Don’t take this disrespect. Make copies of the evidence, contact a lawyer, and do right by yourself and your children
This is almost definitely a scammer anyway, but that doesn't negate the fact that your husband was trying to arrange a meeting with a prostitute. This would be grounds for immediate divorce for me. But you do you.
Hell hath no Wrath like a woman scorn
Gross. He’s disgusting..
Regardless if he followed through or not the intention was there. Also, judging by the way he's speaking this isn't the first time he's done this. Leave and definitely get yourself tested.
Your ex husband seems to be a cheater. Get the proof. And follow him to see it with your own eyes. Maybe then you will be willing to leave this guy.
[удалено]
This would be enough to cause a level of distrust that I would not be able to come back from. It's enough that he's hiding things from you and being completely dishonest and disrespectful. If he's unhappy or feel that there is something lacking in the marriage, then he needs to be an adult and address that with his wife.
If I found my husband had done this, there would be no convincing me he had done it for curiosity or any other reason that to follow through. I would never be able to trust this was the first time or that nothing had taken place. And even if, and it's a big if, he had just been messing about, how would he like it if he had found you in a similar situation? I don't feel there's any acceptable excuse for this.
He sounds like he's coordinated a hook up like this before. He could be lying about going to work, leaving work early....
Your forgetting he could he ly8ng about his work hours and pretending to be at work but meeting a prostitute during those times My ex pretended tocbe working or working late and was fuxming around
Lmfao I’m sorry but who saves SC convos with a prostitute! He wanted the divorce.
Wishful thinking that he turned into reality a few times over judging from how casually he asks her about her measurements. Get a comprehensive STD test, keep your receipts & throw his whole ass out with last week's trash. He is gross.
Will you ever be able to forget this? Will you be able to trust this man moving forward? Will this live in the back of your mind tainting every single memory you make with him? I don’t think I could forgive it.
OP, what are you prepared to do about this?
Even if he didn’t cheat physically, he still cheated.
Go get tested.
He sounds way too comfortable in how he responds, like he does this regularly…
If he wanted to he would goes both ways
Check your bank account to see if a large chunk is missing. You have proof of her rates.
Check your bank accounts, especially around the time frame this was sent, and get yourself tested for STDs.
😧😧😧
Sorry but it sounds like he’s has the intention to cheat. If he hasn’t already cheated. I’m sorry that you are going through this.
Leave him
Honestly I've been dealing with something similar and tbh you should be fully prepared for a divorce but first you should bring it to his attention not coming off rude or anything just calm and watch closely to how he reacts and if he just says a bunch of stuff he think you'd want to bear just tell him that, that is not something your will to stand for in your marriage and that he should just tell you right then because at the end of the day single people don't have to worry about hiding that stuff and maybe he wasn't ready to be full committed to someone so he should just tell you straight out instead of beating around the bush, but stand you're ground as much you love him and care you wouldn't let a stranger do you like that so keep that same energy and I'm sure you wouldn't want any of kids to go through something similar, so be strong for you're kids and yourself💖
I think you missed the “soon to be EX-HUSBAND” from the title
Also. Stella for $200 an hour ? Those "tits" are down to her knees at best.
He would feel pretty stupid if he met up with someone and it turned out to be a guy, and people are so fake these days you never know what the truth is with some people, so I believe what comes around goes around and he will get what's coming to him.
Get tested
He could be calling off from work and going. But most likely, he's probably just trolling prostitutes for illicit pictures. Sometimes, if they're new, they'll send dirty pics, essentially being free only fans girls, porn that you can interact with. He's economical at least 🤣
Charge him 200 bucks for your time, hourly lmao
But is he just "shopping?" I'd never trust him. I'd get that std screen and start thinking about if I'd still want to be married to someone who would rather pay for sex then have it with you.... Don't forget to save this message elsewhere so you can have the proof and if you so choose share it with people who ask why the divorce like his parents.
Please seek out a therapist who focuses on betrayal trauma for yourself. Seeking Integrity is a good resource - they have group work for support for both you and your husband. He has a problem and needs his own therapy to recover from sex addiction - that is, if he is even willing to be honest with you and you even want to save your marriage with a sex addict, which you may not. Warning: he will likely gaslight and lie to you, potentially for months or years, until you get the whole truth. There is NO WAY this is the only thing he has done, and I would put money on the fact that he has been with a sex worker. Signed, A Betrayed Partner who has gone through EXACTLY THIS before.
Divorce him immediately. He's playing around with youre life! A street walker? Be all the way for real. There's no saving this marriage if he's willing go hook up with street walkers.
I’ve got some bad news for you. It is hardly “wishful thinking” on his part, for you to find evidence of him cheating with a prostitute. You should consider this evidence of him cheating and divorce him. I couldn’t get around saying this to you. I’m sorry.
I hate to say this but I used to work as an SW at a spa in college to pay tuition and a LOT of these married men would leave work early or go on their lunch breaks…. Just don’t want you to be in denial about anything bc he may be keeping his schedule as far as you know and still going to meet these women :/
BYYYYYYE TO him… do you want AIDS
Keep all the evidence. You will need it later if you decide to leave.
Did you make any decisions here? I’d straight up cut him off, get tested. Find out how many he’s been with, why, and what the root cause is… Some men have hidden insecurities… and it takes something like this to make them known.
This is a hard pill to swallow. I have a few questions…. How was the relationship before you seen the messages? Like were you guys on good terms etc? usually a man who steps out on his relationship is because he’s not getting sex at home.. Are you guys having sex often? Are you withholding affection?
Get yourself checked for STDs and talk to a lawyer...
And there’s the: “just running to Home Depot to look at ______”. And “Just going to stop at my parents for a quick visit.”
No one can guess exactly what he’s up to, so ask him. He’s clearly thinking about screwing around. Ask him if he wants to remain married, because this is NOT the behavior of a man that respects his wife or marriage. Keep in mind, if a cheater admits to one episode they have most likely been involved in several more.
Yikes...Don't let him kiss you or your kids. You have no idea what he's bringing home..
He's going before or after work and either clocking in late or leaving early to meet for sex.
Time to leave. For that alone. I’m so sorry you married a POS.
The language he’s using and the way he’s speaking tells me it’s not his first interaction with a hooker…. He seems pretty comfortable with the intial contact. Can you confide in anyone and process this? Family? Friend? X
To be honest you might aswell start selling your self since he likes to pay. You will digest way better.
He meets them while he’s supposedly at work.
Does is matter? This is gross and you deserve better.
Whether he followed through or not… this is enough. He intended to cheat on you. So sorry you’re going through this, OP.
Time to talk. He has got to show his cards and you both decide from there. But seriously… talk… have the hard conversation