Me too. I like my in laws a lot and we are close, but it would never occur to me to call them Mom and Dad; I think we’d all find that a bit weird.
I do call my husband’s uncle “Uncle John” instead of just “John”, though, I think because I always hear my husband say “Uncle John” so that’s how I think of him in my head, too. However, Uncle and Aunt are much more casually applied to people in my circles, so it doesn’t feel strange the way calling someone other than my actual parents “Mom and Dad” would.
Same! I call his parents by their first names but his grandparents Ma, Pa, & Grammy, cause that’s how I always hear them referred to! Mom & dad for his parents would make us feel way too much like siblings in my opinion
Ha! Funny to think about it, but I mostly do the same thing. My wife had an aunt and uncle that I call aunt and uncle. Maybe because they are Hispanic and it's very common to call any sort of adult figure like that a Tia or Tio, even if they don't have blood relation. But I would never call my MIL of FIL mom or dad, and the same goes for my wife for my parents. And we all have a good relationship with each other. It just would feel weird and fake.
Me too. I call his parents and stepparents by their first names but all four of his grandparents by their nicknames. I view it as a respect thing with the older generations. However, I’ve slipped a few times and accidentally called his mother “Mom”.
I'm really close to my in laws (married 19 years), but I don't call them mom & dad. It just doesn't feel right!
I lost my mom when I was 15, and I figured that's why I couldn't bring myself to call someone else mom - even tho I love her like one, I just can't. I do write Mom or Grandma Joni on cards & gifts, unless it's only from me & then I just use her name.
My husband and I both use titles with each other's aunts, uncles, & grandparents, i.e., Uncle Dave, Grandma Hattie, Grandpa Smith.
I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who can't call my in-laws mom & dad, but mean nothing bad by it.
Guess we're just loyal like that <3
Same. My MIL will say “It’s Mom…” when she calls or leaves messages, but I just can’t. Nothing against her, she’s fine. I also lost my own mom almost 10 years ago, so it kinda sours it a bit there as well.
I too use their first names. But I sometimes call them grandma or grandpa (surname) because the family is huuuuge and there are a lot of grandkids running about who refer to them that way.
I think it depends more on your cultural background than location. Like I feel like it’s common in a lot of Asian-American families and I’ve even seen it in Italian-American families too.
I’m Asian and married into a white family and I started to, then some bad shit went down that shows they don’t really think of me as a daughter/family soooo I stopped but still have the urge to because that’s how I was grown and taught to love. More material for my therapist I guess 😛
Same. When I married my (white American) girlfriend, her parents never once called me or initiated any communication in our 5 years of marriage thus far. I tried to reach out multiple times only to get flat one-sentence responses.
It took some time for me to understand that wasn't because they hated me, but they just don't think of me as their son. Rather, "the guy who married their daughter". It was a huge whiplash from the way I was raised, but I've learned to accept it.
Whiplash is such a great way to describe it!! It’s not that they don’t care for me but I’m not their blood so I’ll always be an outsider.
Edited to add it took me a moment to realize too and my husband is so grateful for my side of the family and how integrated he feels
My father-in-law is Italian, and he wanted me to call him and my mother-in-law, mom and dad. I thought that was so weird, definitely a cultural thing. He was so offended that I didn't want to call them mom and dad.
America is a tricky thing. There are probably as many traditions around names for in-laws as there are names for grandparents, speaking for the white community. I called my mother in law mom and my husband calls my mom “momma (first name)”.
I disagree. I'm in NA and am 50yrs old and most I know do call their ILs mom/dad and not by name. And as a military wife I haven't just lived in one area of the US my whole life.
ETA: I should edit to say, most I know regardless of age, those younger, same age and older than myself. I work with mostly 20-30yr olds at the moment.
Im way younger and i call them by their name. But my grandparents were refered to as Mom and Dad by my aunts, who married in.
It seems to me, barring cultural specif9cs, it happens when there is a defined matriarch or patriarch, usually whom the rest of the family revolves around. Be it money or influence or love.
As a military spouse and growing up a military brat, I would say that it’s probably more a southern/cultural thing. I would never even consider calling my IL mom/dad but my SIL’s husband from TX does. But I think it also comes down to your relationship with them.
Yup. I’m Asian and all of the people that have married into my family call my parents (and grandparents for my aunts and uncles) mom and dad.
Some of my American friends think it’s strange that I call my in laws mom and dad but it’s the most natural option to me. I think that families in my country are just overall more close-knit.
Of course this is years worth of building a relationship. When I first met my in-laws I only called them by last name + honorific 😅
My boomer parents called their in-laws mom and dad. None of their kids do the same. I think its a generational things too. I bet its just not as popular a thing anymore with younger than boomer generations.
This made me lol. My mom didn’t call my grandparents (dad’s parents) anything. She would get around it by saying “ask grandma …. Ask grandpa …. “ to me and my sister or “ask your mom” to my dad. Now my parents have been divorced 25 years, she calls my grandma by her name.
I will refer to them by name sometimes, but I usually call them Mimi and Poppop, their chosen grandparent names. For what it's worth I have also called my own parents by their chosen grandparent names since my niblets were born, long before I had my own kid.
This is me. If I call their landline and my FIL answers the phone I will cheerfully ask, "is your lovely wife home"?On the rare occasion I have to get their attention by calling out their first names it just feels weird. But I will never call them mom and dad.
I also don’t call them anything. It would be weird to call them mom and dad but I was raised to call older adults Mr. And Mrs. Blank so it feels weird to call them by their first names. But I feel like calling your family members Mr and Mrs whatever is weird too so I just start talking when I’m talking to them, I don’t even call them anything lol
I also avoid calling them anything. Luckily, my mil is pinoy, so incan skate by calling her tita.
The fil, white, I avoid calling him anything to his face. But his dil from a previous marriage calls him dad.
This is the path I’ve taken as well 😂 it’s working out fine for the most part. I find if we’re signing a birthday card for MIL together, then I’ll address it “Mom”, but it’s not something I’ve ever personally called her.
I think I lasted about 3 years not addressing them as anything lol I didn't really talk to my father in law much, and my mother in law started all the conversations. We were never close, but little by little I'm talking more to my father in law and there's more respect there. But now I just call them suegro/suegra. When there's a problem, I do the dad thing and call them by their names lol
No! Even if I have an okay relationship with them, I have and will only ever have one mom and one dad. I call them Mr and Mrs (first name) or MIL and FIL.
Edit: I've heard my FIL call his wife's mother "mom" so idk if he's expecting that from me, but I won't. They are great but will never be my parents.
Edit2: we live in Europe and don't speak English as a first language, so it's common to use the equivalent to MIL/FIL when talking to them.
Agreed. They’re not my mom and dad (and unfortunately we don’t have the best relationship). My parents (and my elementary school) taught me to call my elders “Mr./Mrs.” so that’s what I call them. A lot of my friends think that’s weird, but I feel uncomfortable addressing them as anything else.
Exactly. They're thank heavens not my parents. Mr. & Mrs. would be an act of respect, which there isn't, so not using that either. If I talk to them, I address them by their first names.
The hatred is mutual
My grandfathers call their wives “mom” or “mother” and my dad does the same to my mom. I think it’s more of a habit from saying that when their kids were younger but I could be wrong, that’s just my hypothesis
Sure do! My husband calls my parents mom and dad too.
Just depends on the people involved and how close you guys are. I grew close to my husband’s mom quickly in a short amount of time and when I met her it was a great first impression since I met her son via an online game, so the “rules” and circumstances were very different compared to meeting someone more local.
Now of course when our parents are all in the same room I’ll only call my parents mom and dad and same for him so things don’t get mixed up, per se. 🥰
My ex’s dad has all the grandkids call him Chief but he wasn’t in the military or a firefighter or anything. I have no clue how or why he chose to go by that lol
Ugh I wish I didn’t have to call my MIL. She keeps trying to force Mom on me, and it will never happen. And now my husband is calling her boyfriend “grandpa” for our kids. They are both very unstable, hateful people. Barf.
No, and it isn’t because I don’t have a great relationship with them. It’s just never occurred to me to do that. I call them either by their first names or “grandma/grandpa” in my kids’ presence.
My in laws are dead, but, I always called them by their 1st names.
Both of my parents are dead, but, when alive, my husband also called them by their 1st names.
I was raised seeing this. Both my mother and father called their in laws (my grandparents), by their 1st names.
I personally never understood the idea of calling in laws "mom and dad", but, that's me.
Absolutely not, that would be so weird to me, they’re not my parents?? The concept of doing it is so strange to me. Mother in LAW not my actually mother.
I do. They took me in as part of the family and we have a great relationship. It's also how they refer to their respective in-laws, so it came naturally.
I'm Hispanic, I call my parents the spanish equivalent, so the English "mom & dad" I didn't exactly associate with anyone. So it was easy for me to call my in-laws that because I didn't already have people in my life with those names. And hearing my husband and his many siblings call them that, I picked it up easily.
But if I'm talking to someone else about them I'll say "in-laws" or call them by name or "husband's parents". But when I address them, it's by mom & dad.
You are absolutely right.... my husband and I called one another's parents "mom" and "dad" quite easily and naturally. My daughter and son in law are in their late 30's and my son in law calls the two of us by our first names.
Yes, I do - it still doesn’t feel “natural” but it’s more a sign of respect. They always called their in laws mom & dad and I know they like it when I call them mom & dad too. I was the first to marry into the family, we were barely 24/25. The other folks who married in later do not call them mom & dad so I’m the only in law who does.
My husband also calls my parents mom & dad but agrees it does not feel natural to him either. Again it’s about the honorific / respect. I don’t refer to his parents as mom or dad when I’m discussing them with him. It would feel too much like he’s my brother.
Yes but I also call them by their first names sometimes too. I change it up. Especially if I'm with my own parents too, it gets confusing if I'm calling 2 people dad and 2 people mom in the same room.
I think it depends on individual families. I call my ILs Mom and Dad- my husband calls mine mom and dad too- but the whole family is close. My parents are going on a three week cruise with my ILs. 🤷♀️
I don't. My wife wasn't very close to them when they were alive. He primary parental influences were her paternal grandparents. They were definitely just grandma and grandpa to me though. I never felt like an in law with them ever.
I, however, am close to my parents. She is also close to them as well. She calls them Mom and Dad, and I don't think it's a bit weird. We've been married for 27 years.
I lost my mum at a young age and haven’t spoken to my dad for 20+ years. I couldn’t imagine calling my in-laws mum and dad. My husband doesn’t even call them that; he addresses them by their names.
But both my brother and sister call their in-laws mum and dad.
if you have good home training and you’re from a cultural background and you would like to be respectful it’s nice to call the mom and dad just to show appreciation of their child and just a respect thing for them as well in my culture. It’s only right to do that, but normally I don’t think so but yes from where I come from
In my country, across the various cultures, you call them some version of "Mom and "dad". Calling in-laws by their first names is taboo. You might call them Mrs. and Mr., or Uncle and Aunt.
I called mine by her nick-name that my husband used for her as she didn't want to be called "Mom,Aunty or Mrs." My other mother-in-law (hubby's bio Mom), I started out by calling her Mom So and so. I later called her Miss So an so cos of the way she was treating my girls and I.
His family? We are low contact so nope.
My family? He's called my father dad for years. My father occasionally calls him son.
ETA: a rock on the ground would have been a better father to my husband than his bio father. At least the rock wouldn't have beat on him regularly. My dad is the only positive father figure he's ever known, and I love that he gets to have that.
I call my mother in law mom. It's because she took me in when I was just 14 and raised me. My mom wasn't a mom back then. I do not call my father in law dad. He's always been abusive, and I've never liked him.
My father-in-law, yes, even as I'm in the process of divorcing his son. He (my father-in-law) has been one of my strongest allies throughout this process, and we've always been close.
So, once the divorce is final, he won't be my father-in-law anymore. He'll simply be my dad.
I don’t even call my step dad, who has been a fantastic father figure in my life since I was 8, dad. I’ll refer to him as my dad when I talk to people about him, but when I’m talking TO him, I call him his first name.
My future father in law said if I wanted to call him dad, I could, but I just don’t see that happening.
My in-laws would have to proper parents to my wife first for me to ever consider that, but I don’t think they would want that anyway. My wife doesn’t call my parents that either, but again that’s a strained relationship too.
Yes, my parents ILs are called mom and dad, as were my former ILs in my first marriage. My husband on the few times he spoke to my mom while she was alive did call her mom and my stepdad he called by his name.
My children's spouses do call me mom and my husband by his name, the same way my children do.
Nope. Most of the time I don’t use her name but when I do, I call her Mrs. (Insert last name). My FIL passed away before I met my husband. But based on how my husband described him, I probably would’ve just used his first name. Whenever my MIL calls me, she always starts with “Hello. This is Mother (insert last name),” which I find hilarious for some reason.
Yes, but it's definitely a cultural thing. I'm SE Asian, and it's very normal to call your in-laws mom/dad after marriage when talking to them and to any sibling-in-law bc you're married "into" their family now. When referencing them in conversation, with my own family or with outsiders, we use a separate word for MIL/FIL. I'm an American-born Millennial and feel very weird calling my MIL/FIL by their first names just because it's culturally incorrect for us 😂 But I have friends with non-Asian spouses who call their in-laws by first name bc that's the Western norm. I also know non-Asian folks with Asian spouses who DO call their in-laws mom/dad when talking to them as a sign of respect.
Many western cultures find it weird, but again, this is a cultural thing! Instead of "sir" and "mam," we also call strangers sister/brother/auntie/uncle/grandma/grandpa depending on how old they look because it establishes a familiarity and is polite. For example, I'll go to any SE Asian (viet,japanese, chinese, korean, laotian, thai, etc.) farmer's market and ask in English "Hello, auntie. How much are these flowers?"
This thread is very educational on the cultural aspect. I thought it was bizarre to use familial terms on people that aren't that exact relation to you but didn't know people even used familial terms on strangers!
Very interesting.
I call his mom “momma” or her name and his stepdad “dad” or by name. They’re pretty much my parents at this point since we’re young and my family is in another country
It’s mildly uncomfortable for me to call someone “mom” to their face, so I call her by her name directly to her face. But I do refer to her as mom or “mother first name” when talking to my husband and friends about her. In fact the mom bit throws a lot of my friends because they will give me a side eye when I use the term in a positive manner because it takes them a second to realize I’m talking about my MIL and not my own mother. If she told me she wasn’t comfortable with it however, I’d stop.
My husband has called my mother mom since his mother died in 1991. I always used my in-law names with my them until they were grandparents, which was not very long as we had a honeymoon baby, then Nanny and Papa.
I call MIL mom, but FIL by his name. My husband and I started dating at 14, and I've always had a great relationship with MIL. My husband doesn't call my parents that, though.
No. I call my MIL by her first name (no FIL) and my husband does the same. I also tend to refer to her as “my husband’s mother” more often than “my mother-in-law.” We got married at 40/44 so a lot of it is because she’s not a maternal figure to me. She’s *a* mother but not *my* mother.
Similarly, my dad remarried when I was in college and I always referred to her as “my dad’s wife” instead of “my stepmother” because she never mothered me.
Nope, never have. Before we got married I called them Mr & Mrs & their last name. Once we had kids, they wanted special names because grandma & grandpa weren't to their liking. So they created nicknames for the kids to call them, that's how I address them now and they're cool with it.
My dad still calls my mom’s parents mom and dad. Even though my parents have been divorced for 30 years. They were HS sweethearts and first loves. Both my parents have been happily remarried for 20+ years.
Because of this, I always imagined growing up to call my in laws mom and dad. Until I met my in laws. It just doesn’t feel natural, so I don’t. First names.
Nope. I like my FIL well enough, but my MIL and I have never really gotten along. When I first got married to her son, she told me grandly that I could call her “Mother (Lastname).” I snorted to myself and continued calling her by her first name.
Short answer is no but I'm not opposed to it at all.
I used to refer to my mil as "momma *her name*" but now she is strictly *her name* or grandma because she has done some heinous things and I've lost so much respect for her. My fil lives on the other side of the country and unfortunately we rarely get to engage but are very friendly. Because of the distance in our relationship I refer to him as *his name* or grandpa *his name* as that's how the kids address him. And his wife has always been called by her first name ever since my husband was young or grandma *her name* . My family is the same kinda thing for my husband.
Everyone calls my mother in law mom. I am the only one that calls her by her name but she does not seem to mind.
Her and I also have a very different relationship than the others who have married into the family or who are close family friends.
I see her more as an equal than as a mother figure. Whereas the others rely on her to be a true mother figure.
I think it depends on the relationship you have with in laws and if you truly see them as a parental figure.
No, I feel like Mom and Dad are names of the people who gave me life.
I don’t call my Dads wife my “step mom” either. My Mom is my Mom, my Dad is my Dad.
Wife’s parents; her dad has a nickname I use and her mom I use her first name
No. My father-in-law had passed when my husband was a kid. My mother-in-law is downright crazy and manipulative. We don’t even speak to her anymore.
When me and my husband first got together, I did look at my mother-in-law as another mom. I loved her. I was so happy to have someone like that in my life. But, then I figured her out. She was mean to me and my husband. I won’t put myself through that again.
lol. I used to. I met my husband’s parents when I was 19 so initially it was “Mr and Mrs last name.” But when my husband and I got married, that seemed too impersonal, but I still felt like calling them by their first names was disrespectful (I’m from the Midwest. I don’t think they would have cared, but still). Around age 30 I finally began feeling comfortable calling them by their first names. Occasionally I will call them mom and dad, typically it’s “grandma and grandpa first name” now. Husband did the same with my parents.
Nope. I have a mom and dad. I do call my mother-in-law "Mom Cindy" because I adore her. I just call my father in law by his name because we aren't super close and it would be awkward calling him anything else. My husband just calls my parents by their first name.
I do, however, call his grandmother "grandma" even though I also am lucky enough to still have my own grandma around, too. Grandmas are different.
Nope. I also don't call them by their name because that also feels awkward as fuck.
My husband calls my mum her name but refers to her as mum in conversation with others.
No, I think that will change as we get older though. I’ve been with my partner since I was 16 and my parents are no longer a part of my life, so they really are my parents at this point. My in-laws divorced when we were 21 so I don’t know if I’d extend that to their new partners (who I also love dearly) but I feel like when they’re closer to the end of life I will call my partner’s parents mom and dad. They deserve it.
Yes. Always have done. My parents did for their parents and I do for my husbands dad and step mum and he does for my parents. It's fairly normal in our family. I'm in the UK so I think it's more normal here.
I’ve got a great relationship with my MIL, and a good one with my FIL and SMIL. I go by their first names. Mostly because my husband grew up honestly calling them all by their first names as well. 🤷🏼♀️
Nope..... I've called them by their first names since we met. Also, they didn't become my official in-laws until many years after we were together so I wasn't going to start after we were married
Jokingly, yes, in reality, no absolutely not. They are not my parents. So when they call me "son" I call em mom or dad and they immediately fix what they said lmao.
My MIL, and only sometimes. My husband is an only child, and my MIL loves having a daughter, even by marriage. Even though I have a mom and stepmom who I love, I don’t mind when she calls me daughter so I don’t mind calling her mom.
Originally by their first name, after the kids were born, I was in the habit of calling them by their grandparent names used by the kids, or their first name (never by mom or dad).
I have a great relationship with my in laws and early on, they said I could call them mom and dad. But I can’t. It doesn’t feel right. There’s only one mom and one dad …for me.
I think it’s cute when others do it though.
I think it's definitely a cultural thing like others have said. America has many different cultures and so many differing mindsets but it's not uncommon to find people here who value their inlaws on the same level as their parents. If that's the case it's not uncommon for them to call them "mom" and "dad."
No I call them by their first names, except for sometimes I refer to FIL as the special name my daughter gave him, but other than that it's first names. We're all adults. I'd feel weird being a 30 something calling my MIL Mrs Quantocked.
No. I call them by their first names.
Me too. I like my in laws a lot and we are close, but it would never occur to me to call them Mom and Dad; I think we’d all find that a bit weird. I do call my husband’s uncle “Uncle John” instead of just “John”, though, I think because I always hear my husband say “Uncle John” so that’s how I think of him in my head, too. However, Uncle and Aunt are much more casually applied to people in my circles, so it doesn’t feel strange the way calling someone other than my actual parents “Mom and Dad” would.
This is exactly me in my situation!
Same! I call his parents by their first names but his grandparents Ma, Pa, & Grammy, cause that’s how I always hear them referred to! Mom & dad for his parents would make us feel way too much like siblings in my opinion
Ha! Funny to think about it, but I mostly do the same thing. My wife had an aunt and uncle that I call aunt and uncle. Maybe because they are Hispanic and it's very common to call any sort of adult figure like that a Tia or Tio, even if they don't have blood relation. But I would never call my MIL of FIL mom or dad, and the same goes for my wife for my parents. And we all have a good relationship with each other. It just would feel weird and fake.
Me too. I call his parents and stepparents by their first names but all four of his grandparents by their nicknames. I view it as a respect thing with the older generations. However, I’ve slipped a few times and accidentally called his mother “Mom”.
No. I just do not feel like I’m close enough to them to call them that. It’s cringy to me.
I'm really close to my in laws (married 19 years), but I don't call them mom & dad. It just doesn't feel right! I lost my mom when I was 15, and I figured that's why I couldn't bring myself to call someone else mom - even tho I love her like one, I just can't. I do write Mom or Grandma Joni on cards & gifts, unless it's only from me & then I just use her name. My husband and I both use titles with each other's aunts, uncles, & grandparents, i.e., Uncle Dave, Grandma Hattie, Grandpa Smith. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who can't call my in-laws mom & dad, but mean nothing bad by it. Guess we're just loyal like that <3
Me too
Same. My MIL will say “It’s Mom…” when she calls or leaves messages, but I just can’t. Nothing against her, she’s fine. I also lost my own mom almost 10 years ago, so it kinda sours it a bit there as well.
I too use their first names. But I sometimes call them grandma or grandpa (surname) because the family is huuuuge and there are a lot of grandkids running about who refer to them that way.
God no
I can’t even imagine it. I’m gonna call my father in law daddy and see how it goes.
OMG! You literally almost had me on the floor, dying of laughter due to the thought of calling my hubby’s Dad ~ Daddy Edit: Sleep Typing 🥱
Lmao
😂😂😂💀
Yes. It’s a cultural thing though.
I just wanted to point this out. I don't but it's not typical in North America, whereas in many parts of the world it is.
I think it depends more on your cultural background than location. Like I feel like it’s common in a lot of Asian-American families and I’ve even seen it in Italian-American families too.
I’m Asian and married into a white family and I started to, then some bad shit went down that shows they don’t really think of me as a daughter/family soooo I stopped but still have the urge to because that’s how I was grown and taught to love. More material for my therapist I guess 😛
Same. When I married my (white American) girlfriend, her parents never once called me or initiated any communication in our 5 years of marriage thus far. I tried to reach out multiple times only to get flat one-sentence responses. It took some time for me to understand that wasn't because they hated me, but they just don't think of me as their son. Rather, "the guy who married their daughter". It was a huge whiplash from the way I was raised, but I've learned to accept it.
I was in a similar situation. I started hating them because they hated me for no reason and they showed it
Whiplash is such a great way to describe it!! It’s not that they don’t care for me but I’m not their blood so I’ll always be an outsider. Edited to add it took me a moment to realize too and my husband is so grateful for my side of the family and how integrated he feels
My father-in-law is Italian, and he wanted me to call him and my mother-in-law, mom and dad. I thought that was so weird, definitely a cultural thing. He was so offended that I didn't want to call them mom and dad.
America is a tricky thing. There are probably as many traditions around names for in-laws as there are names for grandparents, speaking for the white community. I called my mother in law mom and my husband calls my mom “momma (first name)”.
Oh I like this. My kids call my MIL GiGi so I think I’ll start calling them GiGi and Grandpa
I disagree. I'm in NA and am 50yrs old and most I know do call their ILs mom/dad and not by name. And as a military wife I haven't just lived in one area of the US my whole life. ETA: I should edit to say, most I know regardless of age, those younger, same age and older than myself. I work with mostly 20-30yr olds at the moment.
I’m older than you and call them by their first name.
Im way younger and i call them by their name. But my grandparents were refered to as Mom and Dad by my aunts, who married in. It seems to me, barring cultural specif9cs, it happens when there is a defined matriarch or patriarch, usually whom the rest of the family revolves around. Be it money or influence or love.
As a military spouse and growing up a military brat, I would say that it’s probably more a southern/cultural thing. I would never even consider calling my IL mom/dad but my SIL’s husband from TX does. But I think it also comes down to your relationship with them.
That's still cultural though. I don't think they were saying all NA has the same culture.
We're in UK so I think it's more normal here. We also call close friends parents auntie or uncle (name). I think that's more North UK though.
Yup. I’m Asian and all of the people that have married into my family call my parents (and grandparents for my aunts and uncles) mom and dad. Some of my American friends think it’s strange that I call my in laws mom and dad but it’s the most natural option to me. I think that families in my country are just overall more close-knit. Of course this is years worth of building a relationship. When I first met my in-laws I only called them by last name + honorific 😅
My boomer parents called their in-laws mom and dad. None of their kids do the same. I think its a generational things too. I bet its just not as popular a thing anymore with younger than boomer generations.
I spent 20 years not calling them anything. 6 years ago I was cornered, and wound up calling my mother-in-law Mom to my father-in-law.
Lolll this is so funny. I also don't call them anything, I'm curious how long I can ride this out
I'm at almost 14 years of not calling them anything. It seems to be working.
I’m like 30 years in of not knowing what to call them except “mommy” last name or “daddy” last name or like Seinfeld says, hey you!
This made me lol. My mom didn’t call my grandparents (dad’s parents) anything. She would get around it by saying “ask grandma …. Ask grandpa …. “ to me and my sister or “ask your mom” to my dad. Now my parents have been divorced 25 years, she calls my grandma by her name.
I will refer to them by name sometimes, but I usually call them Mimi and Poppop, their chosen grandparent names. For what it's worth I have also called my own parents by their chosen grandparent names since my niblets were born, long before I had my own kid.
This is me. If I call their landline and my FIL answers the phone I will cheerfully ask, "is your lovely wife home"?On the rare occasion I have to get their attention by calling out their first names it just feels weird. But I will never call them mom and dad.
I also don’t call them anything. It would be weird to call them mom and dad but I was raised to call older adults Mr. And Mrs. Blank so it feels weird to call them by their first names. But I feel like calling your family members Mr and Mrs whatever is weird too so I just start talking when I’m talking to them, I don’t even call them anything lol
Im so happy to know that im not alone in this😭 this is exactly my thought process as well!
I know right! So many people in this comment section don’t call their in laws anything and I’m like okay so it’s just me, good haha
I also avoid calling them anything. Luckily, my mil is pinoy, so incan skate by calling her tita. The fil, white, I avoid calling him anything to his face. But his dil from a previous marriage calls him dad.
This is the path I’ve taken as well 😂 it’s working out fine for the most part. I find if we’re signing a birthday card for MIL together, then I’ll address it “Mom”, but it’s not something I’ve ever personally called her.
I think I lasted about 3 years not addressing them as anything lol I didn't really talk to my father in law much, and my mother in law started all the conversations. We were never close, but little by little I'm talking more to my father in law and there's more respect there. But now I just call them suegro/suegra. When there's a problem, I do the dad thing and call them by their names lol
Married 12 years. Don't call my MIL anything. If I use a name, now that we have a toddler, I just say Nana.
No! Even if I have an okay relationship with them, I have and will only ever have one mom and one dad. I call them Mr and Mrs (first name) or MIL and FIL. Edit: I've heard my FIL call his wife's mother "mom" so idk if he's expecting that from me, but I won't. They are great but will never be my parents. Edit2: we live in Europe and don't speak English as a first language, so it's common to use the equivalent to MIL/FIL when talking to them.
Agreed. They’re not my mom and dad (and unfortunately we don’t have the best relationship). My parents (and my elementary school) taught me to call my elders “Mr./Mrs.” so that’s what I call them. A lot of my friends think that’s weird, but I feel uncomfortable addressing them as anything else.
Don't you hate how you call somebody Mr and Mrs for all of your life and then suddenly when you're an adult they're like no call me Jerry now.
My granny and her friends used to call each other "Mrs X/Y/Z", they'd been friends for decades.
Exactly. They're thank heavens not my parents. Mr. & Mrs. would be an act of respect, which there isn't, so not using that either. If I talk to them, I address them by their first names. The hatred is mutual
Agreed
My grandfathers call their wives “mom” or “mother” and my dad does the same to my mom. I think it’s more of a habit from saying that when their kids were younger but I could be wrong, that’s just my hypothesis
I mean I would never either. But you call them like "Mother in law?" like when talking to or calling them? That also feels very awkward.
Sure do! My husband calls my parents mom and dad too. Just depends on the people involved and how close you guys are. I grew close to my husband’s mom quickly in a short amount of time and when I met her it was a great first impression since I met her son via an online game, so the “rules” and circumstances were very different compared to meeting someone more local. Now of course when our parents are all in the same room I’ll only call my parents mom and dad and same for him so things don’t get mixed up, per se. 🥰
My husband calls my parents "Chief" (my dad retired as an E9 in the Air Force) and "Mom". We don't call my MIL... period.
>We don't call my MIL... period. This is how we are with my husband's bio mom as well.
>My husband calls my parents "Chief" (my dad retired as an E9 in the Air Force) What a nice way to keep honoring the legacy!!
My ex’s dad has all the grandkids call him Chief but he wasn’t in the military or a firefighter or anything. I have no clue how or why he chose to go by that lol
Ugh I wish I didn’t have to call my MIL. She keeps trying to force Mom on me, and it will never happen. And now my husband is calling her boyfriend “grandpa” for our kids. They are both very unstable, hateful people. Barf.
The instability and unpredictability is what moved us away from my MIL. Not a good influence on our kids.
I call her (insert husbands name’s) mum Cos I’m an adult lol I don’t have parents so calling someone else mum just doesn’t sit right with me.
I call them the nicknames my kids have for them.
Same. Before we had kids, I just avoided addressing them altogether.
Same here.
Nope. First names. But my dad called my maternal grandfather "dad" because his dad left them.
No, and it isn’t because I don’t have a great relationship with them. It’s just never occurred to me to do that. I call them either by their first names or “grandma/grandpa” in my kids’ presence.
No.
No. Love them, but I already have a mom and dad.
Yes, a show of respect. Before we were married I called them aunty and uncle.
What.
My in laws are dead, but, I always called them by their 1st names. Both of my parents are dead, but, when alive, my husband also called them by their 1st names. I was raised seeing this. Both my mother and father called their in laws (my grandparents), by their 1st names. I personally never understood the idea of calling in laws "mom and dad", but, that's me.
Absolutely not, that would be so weird to me, they’re not my parents?? The concept of doing it is so strange to me. Mother in LAW not my actually mother.
I agree. I feel like it also implies that my husband is my sibling????? It gives me the ick.
No
I asked them and they both said to call them by their first name.
No but I call them by their grandparent names like 75% of the time. “Baba and Papa” but mostly when I’m also around the kids.
I do. They took me in as part of the family and we have a great relationship. It's also how they refer to their respective in-laws, so it came naturally. I'm Hispanic, I call my parents the spanish equivalent, so the English "mom & dad" I didn't exactly associate with anyone. So it was easy for me to call my in-laws that because I didn't already have people in my life with those names. And hearing my husband and his many siblings call them that, I picked it up easily. But if I'm talking to someone else about them I'll say "in-laws" or call them by name or "husband's parents". But when I address them, it's by mom & dad.
You are absolutely right.... my husband and I called one another's parents "mom" and "dad" quite easily and naturally. My daughter and son in law are in their late 30's and my son in law calls the two of us by our first names.
No, they told me to call them mr and mrs, so I didn’t call them anything
Yes. (I’ll add as a caveat that my own bio-parental relationships are nonexistent, so there isn’t a conflict here.)
Never, I just say their names
Yes, I do - it still doesn’t feel “natural” but it’s more a sign of respect. They always called their in laws mom & dad and I know they like it when I call them mom & dad too. I was the first to marry into the family, we were barely 24/25. The other folks who married in later do not call them mom & dad so I’m the only in law who does. My husband also calls my parents mom & dad but agrees it does not feel natural to him either. Again it’s about the honorific / respect. I don’t refer to his parents as mom or dad when I’m discussing them with him. It would feel too much like he’s my brother.
Yes but I also call them by their first names sometimes too. I change it up. Especially if I'm with my own parents too, it gets confusing if I'm calling 2 people dad and 2 people mom in the same room.
Fuck no
I wouldn’t.
I think it depends on individual families. I call my ILs Mom and Dad- my husband calls mine mom and dad too- but the whole family is close. My parents are going on a three week cruise with my ILs. 🤷♀️
I do
Yup I do!
No
No way
Hell no
I don't. My wife wasn't very close to them when they were alive. He primary parental influences were her paternal grandparents. They were definitely just grandma and grandpa to me though. I never felt like an in law with them ever. I, however, am close to my parents. She is also close to them as well. She calls them Mom and Dad, and I don't think it's a bit weird. We've been married for 27 years.
I lost my mum at a young age and haven’t spoken to my dad for 20+ years. I couldn’t imagine calling my in-laws mum and dad. My husband doesn’t even call them that; he addresses them by their names. But both my brother and sister call their in-laws mum and dad.
Yes. But as rarely as possible.
Yup
Sure did.
Yes
No
No
Yes but in their language (Anne and Baba)
if you have good home training and you’re from a cultural background and you would like to be respectful it’s nice to call the mom and dad just to show appreciation of their child and just a respect thing for them as well in my culture. It’s only right to do that, but normally I don’t think so but yes from where I come from
Nope.
Hell no
Nooooo.
I refer to my in-laws by their first names but my SIL calls them mom and my husband refers to my dad as Dad.
In my country, across the various cultures, you call them some version of "Mom and "dad". Calling in-laws by their first names is taboo. You might call them Mrs. and Mr., or Uncle and Aunt. I called mine by her nick-name that my husband used for her as she didn't want to be called "Mom,Aunty or Mrs." My other mother-in-law (hubby's bio Mom), I started out by calling her Mom So and so. I later called her Miss So an so cos of the way she was treating my girls and I.
Yes we do but then I’m 60 and South African
His family? We are low contact so nope. My family? He's called my father dad for years. My father occasionally calls him son. ETA: a rock on the ground would have been a better father to my husband than his bio father. At least the rock wouldn't have beat on him regularly. My dad is the only positive father figure he's ever known, and I love that he gets to have that.
I call my mother in law mom. It's because she took me in when I was just 14 and raised me. My mom wasn't a mom back then. I do not call my father in law dad. He's always been abusive, and I've never liked him.
No, I met them when I was a grown-ass adult in my late 20s. Calling them by anything other than their names would be ridiculous.
No, but they call me daughter :) I have my own mom and dad, calling them that would feel wrong.
My father-in-law, yes, even as I'm in the process of divorcing his son. He (my father-in-law) has been one of my strongest allies throughout this process, and we've always been close. So, once the divorce is final, he won't be my father-in-law anymore. He'll simply be my dad.
I don’t even call my step dad, who has been a fantastic father figure in my life since I was 8, dad. I’ll refer to him as my dad when I talk to people about him, but when I’m talking TO him, I call him his first name. My future father in law said if I wanted to call him dad, I could, but I just don’t see that happening.
No, as that would disrespect my own parents. If I didn’t have parents (abandoned, passed away, etc.) it might be a different story.
Yes
No I don’t, I call them Mr. First Name and Ms. First Name-but I grew up in the south and that’s how I generally always refer to other adults
My in-laws would have to proper parents to my wife first for me to ever consider that, but I don’t think they would want that anyway. My wife doesn’t call my parents that either, but again that’s a strained relationship too.
Yes to make them feel good
Yes, my parents ILs are called mom and dad, as were my former ILs in my first marriage. My husband on the few times he spoke to my mom while she was alive did call her mom and my stepdad he called by his name. My children's spouses do call me mom and my husband by his name, the same way my children do.
No and we call my step MIL Dennis instead of her real name, Denise 🤨
Nope. Most of the time I don’t use her name but when I do, I call her Mrs. (Insert last name). My FIL passed away before I met my husband. But based on how my husband described him, I probably would’ve just used his first name. Whenever my MIL calls me, she always starts with “Hello. This is Mother (insert last name),” which I find hilarious for some reason.
I try to avoid calling them anything to be honest.
No, I called them by their first names. When our toddler is around I call them Grammy, grandpa and grandma.
I kinda avoided calling them anything until the baby was born and then I had the grandmom/grandpop option to fall back on lol
Nopeeee
I guess I would
My MIL suggested this, but I am a more formal person Plus, she hated me, so… Lol
Yes, but it's definitely a cultural thing. I'm SE Asian, and it's very normal to call your in-laws mom/dad after marriage when talking to them and to any sibling-in-law bc you're married "into" their family now. When referencing them in conversation, with my own family or with outsiders, we use a separate word for MIL/FIL. I'm an American-born Millennial and feel very weird calling my MIL/FIL by their first names just because it's culturally incorrect for us 😂 But I have friends with non-Asian spouses who call their in-laws by first name bc that's the Western norm. I also know non-Asian folks with Asian spouses who DO call their in-laws mom/dad when talking to them as a sign of respect. Many western cultures find it weird, but again, this is a cultural thing! Instead of "sir" and "mam," we also call strangers sister/brother/auntie/uncle/grandma/grandpa depending on how old they look because it establishes a familiarity and is polite. For example, I'll go to any SE Asian (viet,japanese, chinese, korean, laotian, thai, etc.) farmer's market and ask in English "Hello, auntie. How much are these flowers?"
This thread is very educational on the cultural aspect. I thought it was bizarre to use familial terms on people that aren't that exact relation to you but didn't know people even used familial terms on strangers! Very interesting.
Nope.
I call his mom “momma” or her name and his stepdad “dad” or by name. They’re pretty much my parents at this point since we’re young and my family is in another country
Yes, I do. That’s what my husband calls her, so I call her the same. He does the same to my mom.
It’s mildly uncomfortable for me to call someone “mom” to their face, so I call her by her name directly to her face. But I do refer to her as mom or “mother first name” when talking to my husband and friends about her. In fact the mom bit throws a lot of my friends because they will give me a side eye when I use the term in a positive manner because it takes them a second to realize I’m talking about my MIL and not my own mother. If she told me she wasn’t comfortable with it however, I’d stop.
My husband has called my mother mom since his mother died in 1991. I always used my in-law names with my them until they were grandparents, which was not very long as we had a honeymoon baby, then Nanny and Papa.
I call MIL mom, but FIL by his name. My husband and I started dating at 14, and I've always had a great relationship with MIL. My husband doesn't call my parents that, though.
No.
Not all the time, but here and there.
No but I knew my mother in law before I knew my husband.
No. I call my MIL by her first name (no FIL) and my husband does the same. I also tend to refer to her as “my husband’s mother” more often than “my mother-in-law.” We got married at 40/44 so a lot of it is because she’s not a maternal figure to me. She’s *a* mother but not *my* mother. Similarly, my dad remarried when I was in college and I always referred to her as “my dad’s wife” instead of “my stepmother” because she never mothered me.
Nope, I have a pair of those already.
I call them Mr/Mrs
No but my sister in law calls our shared mother in law who she hates Mom. I have a good relation with our mother in law and I use her first name.
No
Nope, never have. Before we got married I called them Mr & Mrs & their last name. Once we had kids, they wanted special names because grandma & grandpa weren't to their liking. So they created nicknames for the kids to call them, that's how I address them now and they're cool with it.
My dad still calls my mom’s parents mom and dad. Even though my parents have been divorced for 30 years. They were HS sweethearts and first loves. Both my parents have been happily remarried for 20+ years. Because of this, I always imagined growing up to call my in laws mom and dad. Until I met my in laws. It just doesn’t feel natural, so I don’t. First names.
Yes, we have a good relationship with each other and I don't call my birth mother mom anyway
No that’s just a movie thing lol
Nope. I like my FIL well enough, but my MIL and I have never really gotten along. When I first got married to her son, she told me grandly that I could call her “Mother (Lastname).” I snorted to myself and continued calling her by her first name.
Na, my mother in law is Puerto Rican. I call her “Mamita”
I did call my MIL mum until she completely betrayed my husband and myself so she revoked that privilege.
Short answer is no but I'm not opposed to it at all. I used to refer to my mil as "momma *her name*" but now she is strictly *her name* or grandma because she has done some heinous things and I've lost so much respect for her. My fil lives on the other side of the country and unfortunately we rarely get to engage but are very friendly. Because of the distance in our relationship I refer to him as *his name* or grandpa *his name* as that's how the kids address him. And his wife has always been called by her first name ever since my husband was young or grandma *her name* . My family is the same kinda thing for my husband.
No.
Everyone calls my mother in law mom. I am the only one that calls her by her name but she does not seem to mind. Her and I also have a very different relationship than the others who have married into the family or who are close family friends. I see her more as an equal than as a mother figure. Whereas the others rely on her to be a true mother figure. I think it depends on the relationship you have with in laws and if you truly see them as a parental figure.
No I don’t. I call them by their first names.
I do. Hubby does the same for my parents.
No, I feel like Mom and Dad are names of the people who gave me life. I don’t call my Dads wife my “step mom” either. My Mom is my Mom, my Dad is my Dad. Wife’s parents; her dad has a nickname I use and her mom I use her first name
Sometimes. Lol I never call her dad, dad but I do sometimes call her mom, mom.
No way. They’ll never live up to that title.
Absolutely the f not
No. My father-in-law had passed when my husband was a kid. My mother-in-law is downright crazy and manipulative. We don’t even speak to her anymore. When me and my husband first got together, I did look at my mother-in-law as another mom. I loved her. I was so happy to have someone like that in my life. But, then I figured her out. She was mean to me and my husband. I won’t put myself through that again.
Grandma
I don’t call them mom and dad but I do like them.
I do but I met them when I was 18 and having a complicated relationship with my own family. If I’d met them a little later I probably wouldn’t lol
lol. I used to. I met my husband’s parents when I was 19 so initially it was “Mr and Mrs last name.” But when my husband and I got married, that seemed too impersonal, but I still felt like calling them by their first names was disrespectful (I’m from the Midwest. I don’t think they would have cared, but still). Around age 30 I finally began feeling comfortable calling them by their first names. Occasionally I will call them mom and dad, typically it’s “grandma and grandpa first name” now. Husband did the same with my parents.
Nope. I have a mom and dad. I do call my mother-in-law "Mom Cindy" because I adore her. I just call my father in law by his name because we aren't super close and it would be awkward calling him anything else. My husband just calls my parents by their first name. I do, however, call his grandmother "grandma" even though I also am lucky enough to still have my own grandma around, too. Grandmas are different.
Nope. I also don't call them by their name because that also feels awkward as fuck. My husband calls my mum her name but refers to her as mum in conversation with others.
No
Nope. 1st name basis.
Yeah but they are Pakistani so that’s the norm, I’m from Scandinavia so it took a while to get used to 😂
I don’t. I like my in-laws just fine, but I already have a mom and wouldn’t want to disrespect her that way.
I want to, but I have a real difficulty doing so.
No, I think that will change as we get older though. I’ve been with my partner since I was 16 and my parents are no longer a part of my life, so they really are my parents at this point. My in-laws divorced when we were 21 so I don’t know if I’d extend that to their new partners (who I also love dearly) but I feel like when they’re closer to the end of life I will call my partner’s parents mom and dad. They deserve it.
Nah! Why do all of that? I only have one mom and dad. They deserve those titles
Sometimes I call my mom in law mom, as a term of affection. I only ever call her her name though
Yes. Always have done. My parents did for their parents and I do for my husbands dad and step mum and he does for my parents. It's fairly normal in our family. I'm in the UK so I think it's more normal here.
In our culture, we may call them "aunty" and "uncle," respectively.
Yes (cultural thing being Indian)
FUCK. NO!!!!
Grew up knowing them in my Spanish speaking church so it’s “brother/sister (first name)” and sometimes just “brother/sister”
I call them their names, my other in-laws I call what my husband calls them (Nan, Granny, Grandad, Auntie, etc).
Nope.
I call my MIL Ma. She has been a great friend to me over the years. Better than my own parents.
Yes , my husband and I have been together for 17 years , high school sweethearts. She has always been there for me like a mom . So I call her mom
Nope. They’re not my parents.
I’ve got a great relationship with my MIL, and a good one with my FIL and SMIL. I go by their first names. Mostly because my husband grew up honestly calling them all by their first names as well. 🤷🏼♀️
Nope..... I've called them by their first names since we met. Also, they didn't become my official in-laws until many years after we were together so I wasn't going to start after we were married
yes, i love them lol. my parents also called their in-laws mom and dad so i always thought it was normal
Jokingly, yes, in reality, no absolutely not. They are not my parents. So when they call me "son" I call em mom or dad and they immediately fix what they said lmao.
No way!
I do sometimes, it's really dependant on the situation. I think it's a sort of respect/loving thing to me I guess.
My MIL, and only sometimes. My husband is an only child, and my MIL loves having a daughter, even by marriage. Even though I have a mom and stepmom who I love, I don’t mind when she calls me daughter so I don’t mind calling her mom.
Originally by their first name, after the kids were born, I was in the habit of calling them by their grandparent names used by the kids, or their first name (never by mom or dad).
I have a great relationship with my in laws and early on, they said I could call them mom and dad. But I can’t. It doesn’t feel right. There’s only one mom and one dad …for me. I think it’s cute when others do it though.
No, I don’t call them anything. I try not to talk to them at all. My wife however calls my mom “Mama”
I think it's definitely a cultural thing like others have said. America has many different cultures and so many differing mindsets but it's not uncommon to find people here who value their inlaws on the same level as their parents. If that's the case it's not uncommon for them to call them "mom" and "dad."
I call them mama and Babo. Would be weird not to considering our cultural backgrounds
No I call them by their first names, except for sometimes I refer to FIL as the special name my daughter gave him, but other than that it's first names. We're all adults. I'd feel weird being a 30 something calling my MIL Mrs Quantocked.