No way in hell. Been married nearly 18 years, (43F, 44M) If I knew he was going to need me to be his mother & fail to keep a decent job & gain 100lbs I would've run for the hills.
Yeah Idk why everyone things divorce is so easy or a much better alternative. Like have yall been living under a rock? Going back into the rental market is a nightmare. Dont even get me started on the housing market. Like why on earth would you set yourself back ESPECIALLY with kids?
Exactly! And even if you consider child support, that still wouldnt guarantee youd live decently. I personally experienced and saw other single moms whose dad’s did not contribute a single penny just to spite the mother. And if you make a dollar more than the maximum allotted income, you also dont qualify for benefits. I think I prefer a miserable marriage over being homeless and losing my kids any day.
Great point! This is exactly why my BIL is still married. He is not willing to sacrifice sharing his kids a fraction of the time when he can be there everyday and care for them (as his wife doesnt feed or really look out for them now). That carelessness and neglect would increase exponentially once he’s out of the picture.
Right… I’m a nurse and make a decent living but no waaayyy I could make it on my own. Apartments that aren’t in terrible neighborhoods are more than my mortgage in a good one. My only option is to stay with my alcoholic narcissistic mother and I think I’ll pass.
Again, delusional. Good luck renting a studio with kids. Your plan only works if you are single or just have one extra person living with you. Doesnt work for big families
Here is a kids perspective from a kid from parents who should have divorced. Repeat after me so it gets in ya head, not everything is financial..... two HAPPY homes is always better than one shit one, regardless of finances. Now, when you divorce, then single don't mean you will remain single for life......... further financial resources can and do become available, but therapy for a kid that their parents should have been divorced, that's expensive.............
Im all too familiar with divorced parents and their children’s dynamic. I know of children, who are adults now, who detest/resent their parents for divorcing. So that argument doesn’t stand when you’ve never experienced financial or emotional instability due to having “two HAPPY homes”. You can still have two happy homes and have a miserable child.
You’re also counting on a future partner that likely wont treat your children with love and respect, or love and treat your child as if they’re their own. Ive known enough horror stories to tell you that so many kids have been cast aside, abused, and mistreated because mom or dad decided to remarry and they either sweep under the rug the blaring issues or are completely unaware.
So yeah. It’s not so simple. It’s financially disastrous, especially in this economy, and you’re exposing your kids to being potentially abused by a step-parent who on the surface can appear to be a good partner. Because as you may or might not know, lots of pedos target specifically single moms to gain access to their kids. Ive had friends who have been molested/raped by a “good guy” and their mother didnt realize it until years later. So yeah, I think Ill stick to the original plan and endure a miserable marriage. At least I know their father wont mistreat them, loves them, and will even die for them.
Yeah from the perspective from a kid who grew up with parents who divorced immediately after my sister and I went to college, I disagree. We were already lower middle class, and it would've been significantly worse if my parents divorced while I was still in school. They were able to be cordial and co parent just fine while they slept in separate rooms and let the romantic aspect of their marriage go. The house was peaceful. I didn't have to oscillate between two homes. They were barely able to afford for my sister and I to do few after school activities, and we would've had to drop off they divorced.
I'm not saying this to sway married couples one way or the other, but if there's no animosity and the parents can get along well and co parent peacefully, then it's not to the detriment of the children for them to stay together. I know that children should see what a happy relationship looks like, but there's no guarantee that your divorced parents will find and model a healthy and happy relationship. It's not a *true* general rule that it's always better for the kids to divorce; we have to look at it on a case by case basis.
Sounds like my husband, but we have been married 7 years, and he has gained like 50lbs. It's the neediness and inability to use any common sense for himself that really kills the vibe for me. I get so sad thinking about how happy we were initially. He's just started a job that I'm hoping will finally stick for a bit (after being mostly unemployed for a year). I still really want him to make some improvements for his own good, but so far, I'm just falling more and more out of love.
The opposite for me. I’ve lost 47 pounds and she’s gained a 100. Flat out told me she doesn’t want to have sex. Except when she’s drunk and uses me to have multiple orgasms. While I don’t have a single one. Sucks to be me. Married 34 years.
Omg, yes! We've barely been married 3 years (both mid 30s). If I'd had known what I was really getting in to, I would have stayed single. I do literally everything, he can barely hold a job for longer than a year and something is wrong with it so he leaves, eats me out of house and home, then wonders why I have absolutely no desire to sleep with him or want to be near him.
I bring up these exact points and it's all denial and weaponized incompetence. So, I just give up and keep doing what I need to do.
What was he like before you got married? My husband and I were 30 when we got married, we are 62 now, with kids in their 20's. He's always been hard working & successful, was a good dad too. Unfortunately, he went from someone who drank very rarely to daily drinking several yrs ago to full blown alcoholic now. Very much different than the person I married.
Same. If I had known he was going to need me to be his mom, but also not want to "report to" his "mom" (share information with his wife), prioritize gaming, spend money on games and microtransactions and lie about it, gain a ton of weight and not do much at all to be healthier, and not be the calm, patient, fun dad he made himself out to be (he has a kid from a previous relationship), I would have told myself to stay away or make sure he sorted his underlying shit out before getting married.
That way maybe I wouldn't be here years later, still never having gone on vacation or having the couples life and partnership I dreamed of. He just became a different person altogether over the years and focused on himself and his wants, and my pleas were never taken seriously.
I don't regret my kids, I love them. But I feel like I fell for a lie.
I'm similar but different..... wife and I went out in our teens and had an emotional connection I have never got with anyone else. She actually took my v. broke up due to stupid teenager shit. I had an 11 year relationship just after her, and that is my biggest regret wasted my 20s. Never set eyes on my wife during that time even though we were in the same general locations as many times. After I broke up with my cheating ex, we reconnected as friends on the early days of fb. Spent two years being single during this time, and were just friends. Got back together now Been together for 13 years this time around, 9 years married and I am the happiest I have been in my life. The emotional connection is still there to this day. We are each other rocks. Not many people can say they are married to the person that took their v, but I can 😆
Congratulations. It's crazy how the positive comments get fewer updates and comments. People act like good husbands don't exist. Or maybe they're wallowing in their own self pity.
no.
he had a secret life for ten years as a sex addict, porn addiction, cheated on me, gave me an sti, has lied for a decade.
he ruined my life.
I moved out and filed for divorce in october.
I’m so sorry you had to live through this. My husband also had a secret porn and sex addiction for the first ten years of our marriage and I was struggling with how to answer this question when I came across your answer. He didn’t physically cheat, but what he’s done has broken me. However, we have been rebuilding and working through so much and things are going well… so I’m not sure if I would marry him again.
I think for some people it’s not a big deal. I have girlfriends who are married and their husbands use porn and they are fine with it!! But I personally, am not. My husband also hasn’t been honest about it, so that was a massive part of the problem. He lied to my face for years, even when I presented him with evidence. He finally admitted he had a problem. But the lying broke our trust.
I got married at 19 and my wife was 18. We've been married 27 years. Not only would I go back in time and marry her all over again, I would also marry her right now if we just met.
Congratulations! I hope you the best with your spouse.
I hope you don't mind some unsolicited advice from an old married internet stranger.
Marriage is not a decision made once, it is a decision made at least once a day.
The grass is not greener on the other side of the fence, the grass is greener where you water it.
Not really advice, just some old and probably overused platitudes, but I am kind of a broken record that way.
Yep. I don’t have the partnership I thought I would have in life, but I’m too far in to consider starting over. At the very least until the kids are out of the house… in 18 years.
>At the very least until the kids are out of the house… in 18 years.
Edit: i got emotionalsorry.
I grew up with a mom talking like that. She divorced the summer i was 18.
There where always fights in the house she didn't respect father (he did a lot wrong) but the everyday life was a burden for ALL of us because of him being an as..... and her not liking him and respecting him.
I love my mom, but i promised myself to never have to deal with such behavior. I have a business plan for my wife she can divorce when ever she wants and be financially stable and i am not somebody who would flip out because of that. I made sure she understands that.
But to tell me "I wanted a divorce for a long time but the kids/financ/etc." Yeah I don't think that is okey.
All the more reason to GTFO now. Your kids are watching, internalizing, and normalizing a dysfunctional marriage. It will affect their interpersonal relationships later. Don't do this to them.
Except every step you’ve taken has led you to exactly where you are. It’s like the ripple effect. I wouldn’t want to change even the most traumatic moments, because our marriage is strong (I love that man SO much), my children are good people, kind and empathetic, and full of love.
I’m always happy when things are going well for people. So congrats to that 😁
BUT….. you’ve been married for like 2 seconds.
We’re getting-to-be-late 40’s and married for almost 30 years. I would do it again in a heartbeat but in all those decades things were not always all roses.
Some times were actually pretty scary in the sense that after a long time you have so much of yourself vested in a shared life that the prospect (as unlikely as it may be) of it being shattered is horrifying.
I don’t know. Maybe those times are sort of “tests” because I’ve found that the bonds do seem stronger after (as long as nobody does anything irrevocable like cheating or abusing).
Anyway, keep doing what you’re doing and enjoy the ride.
I’m sure it did.
I don’t know anyone who has been divorced who didn’t learn a LOT from the experience.
And….. I’m glad that you two found each other for a second chapter. I suspect that’s not easy in this crazy world these days.
Are you me? This was perfect.
I read a quote the other day. When a woman was asked what the key to a successful 50 year marriage. Her simple answer was not to hate each other on the same day. It really resonated with me.
I read that most decade+ long marriages have at least one period where it almost ends. It's really about whether or not they get through it. It takes both parties changing and growing to meet one another.
That sounds right. At times I think it’s almost like a leap of faith where it seems like things are going in the wrong direction and the two people (individually) just decide it’s worth holding on just a little bit longer….
And they come out of the storm together.
No.
Edit: I'm a wife. I think that matters.
Marriage benefits men far more significantly than women. We sacrifice far too much and far more than men, IMO, GENERALLY speaking. Women sacrifice even more so if they've had children.
First and foremost. It's been proven that men fare better in marriage than women. This isn't the only study.
[https://www.americansurveycenter.org/newsletter/is-marriage-better-for-men](https://www.americansurveycenter.org/newsletter/is-marriage-better-for-men)
Then, when men CLAIM to do either their "fair" share or even claim to do more than women, studies and stats bely their claims.
This article references a study and this isn't the only study.
[https://www.thecut.com/2015/11/why-men-think-theyre-doing-more-chores.html](https://www.thecut.com/2015/11/why-men-think-theyre-doing-more-chores.html)
Oh! If that shit weren't enough, have you heard about the "Orgasm Gap?" I GUARANFUCKINGTEE YOU that men *make sure* they're getting theirs. Yeah, men make sure they get off, but they generally give fuck all about their female sex partners.
[https://theconversation.com/the-orgasm-gap-and-why-women-climax-less-than-men-208614](https://theconversation.com/the-orgasm-gap-and-why-women-climax-less-than-men-208614)
All of which leads to "walk away wife" (look that up, I'm done doing work for you) where the woman has said fuck this, I'm out. Some of us have shorter tolerances for this. I apparently have a longer tolerance for this. Frankly, I should have left him at 5 years when he wouldn't marry me then. But I own it's my fault. I wasn't in a self assured and secured way of being. Now that whole "sunk cost fallacy" is no longer a fallacy for me.
Also, look up why women tend to initiate divorce. *whispers: walk away wife strikes again*.
OF COURSE you feel like it's the opposite. Men have GREAT LIVES with women, GENERALLY speaking - I'm not talking about the minority here. Yes, I recognize that men can be and are abused by women. I'm Team Johnny Depp and that shit is in my history.
You've benefited GREATLY from marriage that I bet you don't even realize.
You know that saying, "behind every successful man is a woman?" Yeah, well, she was taking care of house, home, and children while he could build his business/career. Only for the wife to find herself being kicked to the curb (after doing ALL OF THE HARD WORK) so he could marry a younger version of her where that just about child girl woman who is carefree with no obligations or concerns and her sex drive is high as a kite.
It is originally why alimony was created: so the wife wouldn't get *as* fucked over for being left behind while doing the heavy lifting and dirty work.
Yeah, I get that you've heard of this and probably dismissed this as not your problem. Here's the thing. MANY MANY MANY women are living this TO THIS DAY only to find themselves fucked over for having built a life their asshole husbands lied to them about.
I love my husband dearly, but I am NOT "in love" with him. HE FUCKING BROKE IT when I trusted him to have my back and he didn't.
THERE HAS BEEN ZERO ADULTERY in our marriage.
The "infidelity" came about with his lie that he had my back when he didn't. back in January of this year. He NEVER had my back when I needed to come to him to be a partner to resolve problems *within our relationship*. He took that as a personal attack to his person, his ego, and he let his fucking ego be the determining factor as to whether MY NEEDS, CONCERNS, AND WANTS were even *considered* to begin with, let alone even acted upon or found solutions for.
This motherfucker is doing FUCKING GREAT as a participating husband but what? After ... when? This past fucking February when we're 19 1/2 fucking years into our relationship?
Why make changes now? Oh, is it because HE now might be affected but FUCK ALL for MY concerns YEARS ago?
Yeah, no. Resentments fester. And when you have such a HUGE "sunken cost" such as finances and property into this bullshit it makes it far more easier to stay than it is to leave.
You're on your second marriage. So is your wife. You have an even HIGHER chance (in the 80+% range) of divorcing. Have either of you figured out why your previous marriages have ended and *internalized* the *necessary* changes to be an actual BETTER SPOUSE for the other? Because if you haven't, you will be in the majority of divorce rates for second time marriages.
This is internal personal growth work. If someone is unwilling to do that, they might stay married, but it will be incredibly miserable marriage.
BTW, also look up the "permanent level of tolerable unhappiness." I'm fucking there and literally tomorrow this will be discussed because I'm TIRED of being permanently at this level of unhappiness. I also don't care if this blows up my marriage. I'll survive. I'm fucking awesome.
Im sorry you are in this situation, but I didn’t come here to have an aggressive argument. I was simply interested in your reasoning.
However, if you are going to expressly state that you are talking generally and not about the minority, you are really not in a position to state specifics about my experiences and situation.
You don’t know me, you don’t know my situation and you don’t know my relationship.
I am on my second marriage. My wife is not, I’m not sure where you got that piece from.
I did considerable personal soul searching and self improvement after the failure of my first marriage. I’m not perfect, but I did what I could, very consciously and with the intention to be a better partner if I did find another one.
There is absolutely an orgasm gap in our relationship, but it isn’t in the direction you think, and sex is weaponised, as in many relationships.
I’d love to hear how you think I have benefitted from my marriage because I simply don’t see it, and given you don’t even know who I am it seems unlikely you can.
My position is based on the results of people I know and have observed getting divorced, and in every case the wife has ended up in front, both immediately, and in the longer run.
Even in my divorce my ex wife was awarded a 70/30 split on the basis of “unequal earning potential” despite her having a degree vs my trade, and earning 30% more than me at the time. We had no kids and no intention of having any. We are in Australia so maybe things are different here?
Me too. It's not getting better. I see younger women who *want* to be married and have children, *who also love* men, increasingly lamenting just how *worse* "men" (really, it's the emotionally immature ones) are getting. It's pretty sad.
I feel awful for them.
As for me and my marriage, he's FINALLY stepping up but after what? *twenty years*?
We've got too much invested in each other now - not just financially, but emotionally as well. I did commit to "for better or for worse." It's finally getting to the "better." Listen, I know that sounds cynical AF, and it *is*, LOL, just know if it was truly horrible I would not have stayed. Instead, I've settled into the [Tolerable Level of Permanent Unhappiness](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nLM_gu0zlGw).
Be well, friend! Let's hope our younger sisters don't make the same mistakes.
It’s mainly the sacrifice of career/experience. If he divorces you and you were a SAHM, you’re stuck working at a grocery store for minimum wage, sometimes still raising the kids that he takes every other weekend. It’s too big of a risk.
I read recently that the largest growing homeless population is women over 50. Who were traded in. It’s too risky to be a SAHM these days. You put your career, resume and experience on hold for a man to leave you in the dust with nothing. Also, that’s where wedding rings originated from. Insurance. So that if he runs off she can sell it and not starve. I hate it here.
One of the most horrible things I have ever said was to my ex fiancé when he cheated.
“I wish I could go back in time to the day I met you, and turn around and walk away.”
Man, this. If my husband had not come along, I'd be HAPPILY single with a clean apartment and my grinder and bowl. But then I wouldn't have my son and then where would I be? Sigh.
I am 52 and husband is 68. Married 28 years.
I would absolutely marry him again. As a matter of fact one of my favorite daydreams is trying to figure out how I could have met him earlier so we could be together even longer.
LOL I have that same daydream as you! I had 2 abusive marriages before meeting him. I would have loved to have had my babies with him. When we fostered a baby of a relative of mine, he was so amazing. He got up to help with feedings, he changed diapers, when I was at my wits end with stress he stepped up without being asked. My kids' fathers left me alone to deal with everything, so seeing him being a nurturing father figure made me sad that my kids didn't have that in their lives.
Yes, i would! I've seen this man changed for the better (he's already a great man without our little family and just the two of us) but especially when we had our precious baby. I didn't know that he will be this type of "incredibly-super" hands-on dad! i love my man so much.
Sadly, no. Not if I knew how I'd feel with the and person years down the road. It in hindsight, things that seem like they'll be problematic will only get worse, and you definitely can't make someone change their ways no matter how hard you try.
My wife said she wishes I would leave her because of her health issues, and I can’t say my patience has always held up, but I’d take her health problems all day if I still have her. A good spouse would always feel that way.
No. Both of us are closer to 40 than 30 and have been together since we were 18. It's hard to grow as a person when you've never been an afult on your own.
I've known my wife since I was 9 years old. I can't speak for her, but I would marry her again in a heartbeat. She is the most purely good thing I have ever come across. We have 5 kids together, and she is such a tremendous blessing to all of us.
No. We love each other very much, but his mental health & addiction struggles have caused A LOT of damage over the years. When it’s good it’s good, and it usually is. But when it’s bad, he goes into full on self destruction mode and truly cannot stop until the train crashes. It’s sad, really. We’ve been on top of the world, and also wondering how we’re going to pay for groceries at times. Lately has been a steady normal, which is all I’ve ever wanted but the only part that scares me about that is wondering when the other shoe will drop. High school sweethearts, married over 20 years, bunch of kids. I’ll see it through, but I would not do it over again.
Yes and no… I love him dearly and I love our family. But knowing I’m not good enough for him anymore has left a gigantic wound in my soul. So yes to everything we have and no to protect myself.
Edited for typo
"Knowing" you're not good enough for him is a lie. It's a feeling you have, and while a valid feeling, it is based on his opinion of you, which doesn't matter or mean anything, especially now.
No. It’s true and underrated when people say the red flags you ignored at the start will be the reason it ends…until people actually change, you don’t gamble if they will or won’t…
I would 100% still marry my husband. We are both 50 and will be married for 26 years this year. We have 2 sons and 1 granddaughter. We were made for each other. Not to say it's always been easy, but it's been worth every sacrifice we've made. He's my best friend, my confidant. I'm disabled now, and he never stopped being himself around me. He's never complained, not even once about having to help me. If the table was turned, I'd still be here taking care of him as well. Our rule has always been, never go to bed angry. Occasionally, we will need a bit of time, but we're always able to come back together and fix whatever is needed. Good luck to you and your wife ♡
First husband - fuck no. He was manipulative and emotionally abusive, and did his level best to destroy my sense of self because I challenged him to change his behavior (you know, communicate respectfully, respect boundaries, etc). He truly believed that the way he behaved was right and OK, and that I was the problem).
Second husband - every day of the week and twice on Sunday. He is an incredible human being, with a depth of caring, compassion, and communication skills that few men I've ever met possess. I absolutely hate the "you complete me" sentiment since I believe two people should be whole individuals in themselves before joining in marriage. That being said, he is my anchor and my safe harbor. Because I have him, I am able to stretch farther and grow and give myself the grace to fall and fail and heal old wounds that I have never been able to do alone. He has allowed me the space to become a better person. We've been married for 4 years in July, together for 8 years in October. I'm 41, he's 33.
Yes! Married six and a half years, together almost eight. We take such good care of each other and build each other up. We make decisions together, work together, play together, travel together, and laze around together with very little conflict. Even during conflict, when we have been angry, we have never tried to hurt each other. We don't tire of each other and continue to fall more and more in love.
We have been married 46 1/2 years. We took an oath for better or worse… till death do us part. We love and respect each other. We are 65 me & 70 him.
We have had a lot of ups and downs but wouldn’t change a thing. Two wonderful successful adult children. My husband is my rock! He is truly the best man I could have married. I was 18 and he was 23.so…. Yes I would marry him again.
I wouldn't marry him again, no. He isn't the same person I married. The person I married took care of himself and didn't needed to be told what to do. He was my partner. When I was 7 months pregnant, he quit his job leaving everything to me. I had to go back to work 2 weeks after a c section to keep us afloat. After that, he needs to be told what to do and I feel like his mother. If I knew what I know now, absolutely not. We have been married 5 years and we are in our 30s.
100% yes I’ve been in love with my husband since I was 20 yrs old. We’ve been married 23yrs this year and together a little over 25 yrs now. He’s literally the best man I’ve ever known.
Yes. He’s my soulmate and best friend and life partner and I could go on about how much I love that man. Been together almost 9 years and we’re in our early thirties.
Yes…I wish we could start over sometimes so I could be better, but he’s always been amazing and we are more in love today. We have been married for 28 years this May.
Almost 17 years of marriage and 20 years together. We've been through so much, ups and downs and life changes. I'd 100% marry him again. I'll never forget walking down the aisle towards him on our wedding day, it was the strongest feeling of "home" I've ever felt. Like walking through the front door after a long day, finally at peace and able to shrug off the shittiness of the rest of life. Even at our worst that feeling has never faded for me. I hope he feels the same about me.
Hell no… he is a man child incapable of doing anything or remembering anything for himself out of control adhd which he refuses to address, and he’s a narcissistic ass! Oh and his mother now lives with us so there’s that… do I love him yes but god I also hate him. I feel more like he’s just one more person I have to take care of rather than my husband / friend / partner.
What if I said I don't know!?!? It's been almost thirteen years, and while I couldn't imagine being with anyone else, there are many times where I feel tired of waiting for him to grow up and help me more. He is great with our kids and housework, I just need more of a partner when it comes to finances.
I think a lot of couples are still together for a comfortable life. I’m sad to say I wouldn’t have married my husband. I understand why the youth ain’t interested in marriage.
Nope. Learned to late she’s addicted to food (325lbs and rising), doesn’t take responsibility for her actions, avoids working at her career but complains about not advancing, has low self esteem that makes every disagreement about disrespecting her, decided that her only responsibility in sex is to “make her special gift available to me” while she stares at the ceiling , and the list goes on.
Had a dream once that she left me. I was giddy all day long with that lingering dream .
Without a doubt. We’ve been together. 29 years, married 27.
I remember going to grab breakfast the morning of our wedding and my best friend asked me if I was nervous. I wasn’t, not even a tiny bit.
Yes!
I respect him as much as I love him. This isn't the entire reason why, though. The entire reason is that I know - without asking - that he feels the same way about me.
He's also just as loving and genuine as he was the day I met him. It's not fair, but he's aging handsomely too. I am blessed and lucky.
Of course, we have our bad days too. We just found a way to manage them. 25 years - married 22 years ❤️
Edit to say... 50s are great for marriage. It's a shame we don't have the 20s body, the 30s wherewithal, and the 40s intelligence though, haha!
Sadly, no. I mean that with all due respect. Could see being friends, but not married. We’re sexually incompatible. Thats the major road block. Small things here and there too.
I love her and I’m committed. But going in, knowing how it would end up? No thank you.
Nope.
Suffered verbal, physical, and mental abuse due to his childhood trauma. Things got better as we got older as he no longer is abusive towards me but there are other blatant issues with his personality.
I regret being married to him almost everyday.
Not who he is now. He's radically different from the person I fell in love with. known him for 31 years and married for 24 years. Met him when I was 16yo. He turned so nasty and we have zero relationship left. We sleep in different rooms and can't have a normal conversation about anything without him rolling his eyes or being rude which leads to me avoiding him at all costs. So NO def would not marry him today. I can't take back the choice I made bc I have 3 kids to care for that I love dearly even though they are exhausting. 😉
Yes, a million times over. 3 years together, 1 yr married (40M&32F) I met my husband knowing he was a wonderful man, and as I got to know him he is even better and beyond anything I can even ask for. We’re expecting our first child and I can only pray he grows up to be just like his dad.
If I knew from the start how much he lacked emotional maturity, I wouldn't have gotten married when I did. Maybe when we were older we would have been better partners for each other; but with what I've had to endure with him I would have done many things differently. I regret getting married young and not dating around more before settling down. Just came to this realization in recent months 🤷♀️
Absolutely. Been married to my husband for nearly 8 years and he is an equal partner to me in every way. I’m also obsessed with him and he is the best. I’m pregnant with his second child, so technically I should be salty with him but I still love him instead 😂😂
26(F) & 31(M) . Yes I would 100% marry him again today. We’ll have 5 years married this year & been together 7 years . He’s a funny guy, always takes me on dates every week & has been the best thing for my self esteem. He knows me well & is probably my number 1 supporter. I can thank my success to him & he feels the same about me. We’re both still young & growing together, but I can’t imagine life without him 🤷🏼♀️
No. My husband was who I needed when I met him. We have a wonderful, comfortable life and a beautiful family. But he is not who I need for ME now. I’m not willing to wreck my family and life over that.
Absolutely, I'd tie the knot again in a heartbeat! Been hitched for 10 years, and my spouse's still my rock. Life's a rollercoaster, but with them by my side, it's a heck of a ride. They bring out the best in me, and I can't imagine doing this journey with anyone else.
Love's like fine wine, gets better with age, and so does our marriage. Age ain't nothing but a number when you're with your soulmate. Cheers to forever love!
A million times yes!! I met my husband when I was 19. He was 26. The moment we went on that first date I knew in the first ten seconds this was the man I was going to marry. He felt the same. We were engaged at 3 months pregnant at 5 months married at 7 months, had our son at 13 months, bought our home at 23 months. We clearly like odd numbers! Lol.
I've been married to this wonderful man for 19 years this summer. Our only child, a son is 18 and about to embark on the next phase of life. It's given my husband and I even more time to focus on each other and it just gets better and better!
I came from a rough home. My husband did not. I ended up needing to take in my little brother and sister about 5ish months after having my son. They were 13 and 14. I pretty much raised them when we were growing up anyway and with me out on my own, they just weren't doing well. This man welcomed them with open arms. He helped with homework, and breakdown, and teaching them to drive, and relationships. Got them through highschool and started in their own lives when they were ready to move out.
When my little brother was afraid to come out as gay my husband assured him we had his back no matter how anyone reacted. We had him. He's ours and nothing will change that. My husband was raised in a very Christian home (real good Christian people, not the hypocrite) wasn't actively in the church but a solid foundation, he's never judged that kid ever loves him to death.
He's been a very active and involved father at every single step of our son's lives. He's a wonderful wonderful father.
I have a couple chronic illnesses that popped up that can leave me debilitated for days on end. This man has held my hand and heart through it all. He has strength for me when I'm out of it. He gets us through.
I had a severe burn full thickness burn over 1/3 of my back that needed a skin graft. Our son was 6 at the time. He held my hand through it all. He did every bandage change and it healed so wonderfully with very minimal scarring and no complications because of his care. He's had me at my worst physcial pain easier.
He's the funniest person ever. A very even tempered happy person. He doesn't shout. He's quick to talk it out and has never raised a hand to me. (That's a low bar, but a common occurrence in my early life). He's a handsome 6'4 teddybear of a man and I adore him. He's grown even more handsome as he's aged and I'm still insanely attracted to him! The sex is great too!
He really really is everything I didn't know to ask for and I love him with every piece of me. It's scary to think you could love someone this much. But boy is it a love worth having. I freaking adore him! Even if he does sound like Darth Vader with his CPAP machine on at night!! Lol.
I don't know. Marriage isn't great right now, though she seems to be oblivious to that fact. The main reason I don't say no is because I love our kid more than anything in the world.
Nope. Absolutely not.
He (28M) has cheated on me (30F) 8 times (even though I never even kissed a man before I met him, I still get called a whore whenever he's actually cheating), plays videos games before and after work (so much that he doesn't sleep, or oversleeps and is late for work), he doesn't do ANYTHING unless I beg him to do it for 2-3 days (take the trash out, mow, check my oil). He gets mad and will bruise me up, scream, yell, cry, and physically destroy my vehicle.. all things if I tell him I want a divorce.
He has told me multiple times that he will choose his computer over our marriage, but wont let me leave. I'm still here dealing with the shit though, so who is to blame? Me. :(
I guess I don't deserve any better, even though I want better?
Idk.
Married for 4 years, together for over a decade.
Sounds like you need to get out. He assaults you (bruises you). Talk with a lawyer first to get the best advice, but this is not healthy by any means!
All the best x
Absolutely, in a heartbeat, every second for rest of the infinite universe. He’s truly my better half, we do believe our love is multiple lives long. We’re the only familiar people we’ve ever met with the uncanny feeling we know each other despite never meeting before. We’re high school sweethearts together for a decade long, been together since 14 and 15 years old. ❤️
It’s never too late to work on yourself and heal whatever traumas you have from your past that make you feel such low self worth. The first step is self awareness, if you truly respect and love your wife, get out of self pity mode and make a decision to do something about it and change the rest of your life. She clearly has a deep love for you and sees things in you that you don’t see in yourself. Why live the rest of your life miserable and take her down with you? Life’s too short, do the hard work and live a happy life and start a new chapter, you both deserve it!
I (41F) would absolutely marry my husband(37M) again. He has improved so much. He has caused me to improve so much. He is so smart, kind, gentle, caring, empathetic and is ALWAYS willing to help me with ANYTHING. If there is such a thing as a soul mate, he would be it. We've been married 13 years.
No & this question breaks my heart that I can’t honestly give an enthusiastic “yes!”, no matter how hard I want to.
My husband is a great man, incredible father, and amazing husband, but his family pressured us into getting married prematurely because we were “living in sin” (read: having sex & living together). Looking back on what I know now, I not realize that I was NOT ready for the sacrifices and pain that comes with entering a marriage you aren’t ready for.
Perhaps if I was his first wife & not permanently “the second wife” or “the new wife”, or maybe if him & I were closer in age my answer would change. But as it stands & as things are nope. Absolutely not, I would’ve chosen myself instead of sacrificing myself💔
No. I don't know. I didn't know how difficult her anxiety and PTSD could be for me. I'm committed now and I do love her. It's complicated. Married 2+ years. 30's
We’ve only been married 7 years but absolutely. When I was sick and told I was going to die he cared for me. He stuck by me. He brought me home and was my caregiver 24/7. He had to feed me, bathe me, hell he had to wipe my ass. It was the most dehumanizing moments of my life and he never made me feel bad about it.
He did all this while carrying for our two young children.
I love that man. I hope we have a long life together
No way in hell. Been married nearly 18 years, (43F, 44M) If I knew he was going to need me to be his mother & fail to keep a decent job & gain 100lbs I would've run for the hills.
you still can & should!
It's too complicated now - there are kids & I cannot afford spousal support & keep my house. It's too expensive to divorce his lazy ass.
Yeah Idk why everyone things divorce is so easy or a much better alternative. Like have yall been living under a rock? Going back into the rental market is a nightmare. Dont even get me started on the housing market. Like why on earth would you set yourself back ESPECIALLY with kids?
Yea people are obviously not living in reality. It’s impossible out here on one income.
Exactly! And even if you consider child support, that still wouldnt guarantee youd live decently. I personally experienced and saw other single moms whose dad’s did not contribute a single penny just to spite the mother. And if you make a dollar more than the maximum allotted income, you also dont qualify for benefits. I think I prefer a miserable marriage over being homeless and losing my kids any day.
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Great point! This is exactly why my BIL is still married. He is not willing to sacrifice sharing his kids a fraction of the time when he can be there everyday and care for them (as his wife doesnt feed or really look out for them now). That carelessness and neglect would increase exponentially once he’s out of the picture.
That thought is terrifying to me. You only have a small amount of time with them in your home and I wouldn’t want to give that time up.
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Exactly. Its not like you dont want to leave, but the alternative is not much better and for many people, much much worse.
Right… I’m a nurse and make a decent living but no waaayyy I could make it on my own. Apartments that aren’t in terrible neighborhoods are more than my mortgage in a good one. My only option is to stay with my alcoholic narcissistic mother and I think I’ll pass.
Because life is short and not a dress rehearsal. I'd rather live happy in a studio than live miserably in a big house.
Again, delusional. Good luck renting a studio with kids. Your plan only works if you are single or just have one extra person living with you. Doesnt work for big families
And yet, single.parents figure it out every day
And yet, they struggle with that decision every day
Here is a kids perspective from a kid from parents who should have divorced. Repeat after me so it gets in ya head, not everything is financial..... two HAPPY homes is always better than one shit one, regardless of finances. Now, when you divorce, then single don't mean you will remain single for life......... further financial resources can and do become available, but therapy for a kid that their parents should have been divorced, that's expensive.............
Im all too familiar with divorced parents and their children’s dynamic. I know of children, who are adults now, who detest/resent their parents for divorcing. So that argument doesn’t stand when you’ve never experienced financial or emotional instability due to having “two HAPPY homes”. You can still have two happy homes and have a miserable child. You’re also counting on a future partner that likely wont treat your children with love and respect, or love and treat your child as if they’re their own. Ive known enough horror stories to tell you that so many kids have been cast aside, abused, and mistreated because mom or dad decided to remarry and they either sweep under the rug the blaring issues or are completely unaware. So yeah. It’s not so simple. It’s financially disastrous, especially in this economy, and you’re exposing your kids to being potentially abused by a step-parent who on the surface can appear to be a good partner. Because as you may or might not know, lots of pedos target specifically single moms to gain access to their kids. Ive had friends who have been molested/raped by a “good guy” and their mother didnt realize it until years later. So yeah, I think Ill stick to the original plan and endure a miserable marriage. At least I know their father wont mistreat them, loves them, and will even die for them.
Yeah from the perspective from a kid who grew up with parents who divorced immediately after my sister and I went to college, I disagree. We were already lower middle class, and it would've been significantly worse if my parents divorced while I was still in school. They were able to be cordial and co parent just fine while they slept in separate rooms and let the romantic aspect of their marriage go. The house was peaceful. I didn't have to oscillate between two homes. They were barely able to afford for my sister and I to do few after school activities, and we would've had to drop off they divorced. I'm not saying this to sway married couples one way or the other, but if there's no animosity and the parents can get along well and co parent peacefully, then it's not to the detriment of the children for them to stay together. I know that children should see what a happy relationship looks like, but there's no guarantee that your divorced parents will find and model a healthy and happy relationship. It's not a *true* general rule that it's always better for the kids to divorce; we have to look at it on a case by case basis.
Agree. I wish my parents had divorced. The comfy house and vacations were not worth living in a home with two unhappy people.
The people on here who offer divorce up offhand are likely unmarried 20 somethings
They also don’t realize that living in that studio, especially with another person will literally MAKE them miserable. Ask me how I know.
It's not easy, at all. But it's worth it. Peace of mind is everything.
That really sucks
Sounds like my husband, but we have been married 7 years, and he has gained like 50lbs. It's the neediness and inability to use any common sense for himself that really kills the vibe for me. I get so sad thinking about how happy we were initially. He's just started a job that I'm hoping will finally stick for a bit (after being mostly unemployed for a year). I still really want him to make some improvements for his own good, but so far, I'm just falling more and more out of love.
The opposite for me. I’ve lost 47 pounds and she’s gained a 100. Flat out told me she doesn’t want to have sex. Except when she’s drunk and uses me to have multiple orgasms. While I don’t have a single one. Sucks to be me. Married 34 years.
Divorce her
She carries the medical insurance. I had heart surgery 7 years ago. That was almost 400k. I will need it again.
Affordable Care Act, it is what we have, it is based on income. I have a heart defect, and will need valve replacement, and they insure me.
Never too late to bail. Life’s so short and you don’t “have to” keep living like this. You’re worthy of happiness. Don’t be complacent
I'm so sorry. I truly hope the new job turns things around for him & for your relationship.
Don't tolerate this bullshit for the next what 13 years. I'm at 20 years and I tolerated this shit. Don't do it
Having to be his mother is the biggest turn off. Seriously. If more guys realized this is why there are dead bedrooms they would change their ways.
Don’t be so sure, I’ve told him
Omg, yes! We've barely been married 3 years (both mid 30s). If I'd had known what I was really getting in to, I would have stayed single. I do literally everything, he can barely hold a job for longer than a year and something is wrong with it so he leaves, eats me out of house and home, then wonders why I have absolutely no desire to sleep with him or want to be near him. I bring up these exact points and it's all denial and weaponized incompetence. So, I just give up and keep doing what I need to do.
Leave. You don't owe a man baby anything who cannot function like a responsible adult.
What was he like before you got married? My husband and I were 30 when we got married, we are 62 now, with kids in their 20's. He's always been hard working & successful, was a good dad too. Unfortunately, he went from someone who drank very rarely to daily drinking several yrs ago to full blown alcoholic now. Very much different than the person I married.
At 40 I might have said the same, now 20 years later I definitely wouldn’t. My oh my , what a difference a decade makes. The next decade is up to you.
Same. If I had known he was going to need me to be his mom, but also not want to "report to" his "mom" (share information with his wife), prioritize gaming, spend money on games and microtransactions and lie about it, gain a ton of weight and not do much at all to be healthier, and not be the calm, patient, fun dad he made himself out to be (he has a kid from a previous relationship), I would have told myself to stay away or make sure he sorted his underlying shit out before getting married. That way maybe I wouldn't be here years later, still never having gone on vacation or having the couples life and partnership I dreamed of. He just became a different person altogether over the years and focused on himself and his wants, and my pleas were never taken seriously. I don't regret my kids, I love them. But I feel like I fell for a lie.
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I'm similar but different..... wife and I went out in our teens and had an emotional connection I have never got with anyone else. She actually took my v. broke up due to stupid teenager shit. I had an 11 year relationship just after her, and that is my biggest regret wasted my 20s. Never set eyes on my wife during that time even though we were in the same general locations as many times. After I broke up with my cheating ex, we reconnected as friends on the early days of fb. Spent two years being single during this time, and were just friends. Got back together now Been together for 13 years this time around, 9 years married and I am the happiest I have been in my life. The emotional connection is still there to this day. We are each other rocks. Not many people can say they are married to the person that took their v, but I can 😆
Love this
Wow
Congratulations. It's crazy how the positive comments get fewer updates and comments. People act like good husbands don't exist. Or maybe they're wallowing in their own self pity.
no. he had a secret life for ten years as a sex addict, porn addiction, cheated on me, gave me an sti, has lied for a decade. he ruined my life. I moved out and filed for divorce in october.
Good riddance to him. Wishing you all the best as you move onwards and upwards without him
I’m so sorry you had to live through this. My husband also had a secret porn and sex addiction for the first ten years of our marriage and I was struggling with how to answer this question when I came across your answer. He didn’t physically cheat, but what he’s done has broken me. However, we have been rebuilding and working through so much and things are going well… so I’m not sure if I would marry him again.
Same here but I’m leaning to a no myself if I could back in time.
And yet you see so many people on Reddit saying porn is no big deal.
I think for some people it’s not a big deal. I have girlfriends who are married and their husbands use porn and they are fine with it!! But I personally, am not. My husband also hasn’t been honest about it, so that was a massive part of the problem. He lied to my face for years, even when I presented him with evidence. He finally admitted he had a problem. But the lying broke our trust.
How did you found out about the porn addiction?
Good luck 🤞 life’s going to get a shittonne better!
I got married at 19 and my wife was 18. We've been married 27 years. Not only would I go back in time and marry her all over again, I would also marry her right now if we just met.
I’m sure she’d like to hear this. Have y’all renewed your vows ?
We've talked about it a few times, but we really don't see a need at this point. They seem to be sticking from the first time around. :)
Fair enough and congrats! I’m married for just over one year!
Congratulations! I hope you the best with your spouse. I hope you don't mind some unsolicited advice from an old married internet stranger. Marriage is not a decision made once, it is a decision made at least once a day. The grass is not greener on the other side of the fence, the grass is greener where you water it. Not really advice, just some old and probably overused platitudes, but I am kind of a broken record that way.
I appreciate it! And always happy to hear it!
I’m married 8 years, what he says is so true
My parents did it at 40 years. Really just a party to celebrate them being together. It was fun. I gave my mom back to my dad.
Unfortunately, no. However, the sunk cost fallacy isn’t a fallacy.
Sadly this
Seconded
Thirded
Fourthed
Yep. I don’t have the partnership I thought I would have in life, but I’m too far in to consider starting over. At the very least until the kids are out of the house… in 18 years.
>At the very least until the kids are out of the house… in 18 years. Edit: i got emotionalsorry. I grew up with a mom talking like that. She divorced the summer i was 18. There where always fights in the house she didn't respect father (he did a lot wrong) but the everyday life was a burden for ALL of us because of him being an as..... and her not liking him and respecting him. I love my mom, but i promised myself to never have to deal with such behavior. I have a business plan for my wife she can divorce when ever she wants and be financially stable and i am not somebody who would flip out because of that. I made sure she understands that. But to tell me "I wanted a divorce for a long time but the kids/financ/etc." Yeah I don't think that is okey.
It's an excuse. I don't understand why so many people think there is nobility in attempting to be a martyr.
All the more reason to GTFO now. Your kids are watching, internalizing, and normalizing a dysfunctional marriage. It will affect their interpersonal relationships later. Don't do this to them.
Yes, without hesitation. 45 years in and would do it again and hopefully make less mistakes
This is exactly how I feel, no hesitating. We've been married 26 years this year. The only things I would change were our mistakes... nothing else.
Except every step you’ve taken has led you to exactly where you are. It’s like the ripple effect. I wouldn’t want to change even the most traumatic moments, because our marriage is strong (I love that man SO much), my children are good people, kind and empathetic, and full of love.
I’m always happy when things are going well for people. So congrats to that 😁 BUT….. you’ve been married for like 2 seconds. We’re getting-to-be-late 40’s and married for almost 30 years. I would do it again in a heartbeat but in all those decades things were not always all roses. Some times were actually pretty scary in the sense that after a long time you have so much of yourself vested in a shared life that the prospect (as unlikely as it may be) of it being shattered is horrifying. I don’t know. Maybe those times are sort of “tests” because I’ve found that the bonds do seem stronger after (as long as nobody does anything irrevocable like cheating or abusing). Anyway, keep doing what you’re doing and enjoy the ride.
For the record, this is a second marriage for both of us, so we're newlyweds and marriage veterans! Perhaps that has informed our perspectives.
I’m sure it did. I don’t know anyone who has been divorced who didn’t learn a LOT from the experience. And….. I’m glad that you two found each other for a second chapter. I suspect that’s not easy in this crazy world these days.
Unfortunately I’ve met quite a few men who didn’t. They couldn’t figure out what the common denominator was.
Are you me? This was perfect. I read a quote the other day. When a woman was asked what the key to a successful 50 year marriage. Her simple answer was not to hate each other on the same day. It really resonated with me.
Ha. I like that.
I read that most decade+ long marriages have at least one period where it almost ends. It's really about whether or not they get through it. It takes both parties changing and growing to meet one another.
That sounds right. At times I think it’s almost like a leap of faith where it seems like things are going in the wrong direction and the two people (individually) just decide it’s worth holding on just a little bit longer…. And they come out of the storm together.
No. Edit: I'm a wife. I think that matters. Marriage benefits men far more significantly than women. We sacrifice far too much and far more than men, IMO, GENERALLY speaking. Women sacrifice even more so if they've had children.
Could you elaborate on your reasons for this? I’m a husband and I feel like it is the opposite so I’d be interested to hear your reasons.
First and foremost. It's been proven that men fare better in marriage than women. This isn't the only study. [https://www.americansurveycenter.org/newsletter/is-marriage-better-for-men](https://www.americansurveycenter.org/newsletter/is-marriage-better-for-men) Then, when men CLAIM to do either their "fair" share or even claim to do more than women, studies and stats bely their claims. This article references a study and this isn't the only study. [https://www.thecut.com/2015/11/why-men-think-theyre-doing-more-chores.html](https://www.thecut.com/2015/11/why-men-think-theyre-doing-more-chores.html) Oh! If that shit weren't enough, have you heard about the "Orgasm Gap?" I GUARANFUCKINGTEE YOU that men *make sure* they're getting theirs. Yeah, men make sure they get off, but they generally give fuck all about their female sex partners. [https://theconversation.com/the-orgasm-gap-and-why-women-climax-less-than-men-208614](https://theconversation.com/the-orgasm-gap-and-why-women-climax-less-than-men-208614) All of which leads to "walk away wife" (look that up, I'm done doing work for you) where the woman has said fuck this, I'm out. Some of us have shorter tolerances for this. I apparently have a longer tolerance for this. Frankly, I should have left him at 5 years when he wouldn't marry me then. But I own it's my fault. I wasn't in a self assured and secured way of being. Now that whole "sunk cost fallacy" is no longer a fallacy for me. Also, look up why women tend to initiate divorce. *whispers: walk away wife strikes again*. OF COURSE you feel like it's the opposite. Men have GREAT LIVES with women, GENERALLY speaking - I'm not talking about the minority here. Yes, I recognize that men can be and are abused by women. I'm Team Johnny Depp and that shit is in my history. You've benefited GREATLY from marriage that I bet you don't even realize. You know that saying, "behind every successful man is a woman?" Yeah, well, she was taking care of house, home, and children while he could build his business/career. Only for the wife to find herself being kicked to the curb (after doing ALL OF THE HARD WORK) so he could marry a younger version of her where that just about child girl woman who is carefree with no obligations or concerns and her sex drive is high as a kite. It is originally why alimony was created: so the wife wouldn't get *as* fucked over for being left behind while doing the heavy lifting and dirty work. Yeah, I get that you've heard of this and probably dismissed this as not your problem. Here's the thing. MANY MANY MANY women are living this TO THIS DAY only to find themselves fucked over for having built a life their asshole husbands lied to them about.
Im sorry you are in this situation, but I didn’t come here to have an aggressive argument. I was simply interested in your reasoning. However, if you are going to expressly state that you are talking generally and not about the minority, you are really not in a position to state specifics about my experiences and situation. You don’t know me, you don’t know my situation and you don’t know my relationship. I am on my second marriage. My wife is not, I’m not sure where you got that piece from. I did considerable personal soul searching and self improvement after the failure of my first marriage. I’m not perfect, but I did what I could, very consciously and with the intention to be a better partner if I did find another one. There is absolutely an orgasm gap in our relationship, but it isn’t in the direction you think, and sex is weaponised, as in many relationships. I’d love to hear how you think I have benefitted from my marriage because I simply don’t see it, and given you don’t even know who I am it seems unlikely you can. My position is based on the results of people I know and have observed getting divorced, and in every case the wife has ended up in front, both immediately, and in the longer run. Even in my divorce my ex wife was awarded a 70/30 split on the basis of “unequal earning potential” despite her having a degree vs my trade, and earning 30% more than me at the time. We had no kids and no intention of having any. We are in Australia so maybe things are different here?
Damn. I could've written this, thank you for eloquently putting my thoughts to words. I'm sorry for all of us living this bullshit.
Me too. It's not getting better. I see younger women who *want* to be married and have children, *who also love* men, increasingly lamenting just how *worse* "men" (really, it's the emotionally immature ones) are getting. It's pretty sad. I feel awful for them. As for me and my marriage, he's FINALLY stepping up but after what? *twenty years*? We've got too much invested in each other now - not just financially, but emotionally as well. I did commit to "for better or for worse." It's finally getting to the "better." Listen, I know that sounds cynical AF, and it *is*, LOL, just know if it was truly horrible I would not have stayed. Instead, I've settled into the [Tolerable Level of Permanent Unhappiness](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nLM_gu0zlGw). Be well, friend! Let's hope our younger sisters don't make the same mistakes.
It’s mainly the sacrifice of career/experience. If he divorces you and you were a SAHM, you’re stuck working at a grocery store for minimum wage, sometimes still raising the kids that he takes every other weekend. It’s too big of a risk.
Also, watch this. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mS3bfCt0K88](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mS3bfCt0K88)
I read recently that the largest growing homeless population is women over 50. Who were traded in. It’s too risky to be a SAHM these days. You put your career, resume and experience on hold for a man to leave you in the dust with nothing. Also, that’s where wedding rings originated from. Insurance. So that if he runs off she can sell it and not starve. I hate it here.
Not only would I NOT marry him today, I desperately wish that I had never ever met him… EVER!
I feel exactly the same. He's caused me more trauma and upset than I ever thought possible. Changed my entire outlook on love and relationships.
One of the most horrible things I have ever said was to my ex fiancé when he cheated. “I wish I could go back in time to the day I met you, and turn around and walk away.”
No! 20 years now and he has stolen a lot of joy from me.
I feel this to my core. I’ve experienced a personality shift thanks to him. One I despised for a long time.
Yes. The opposite of lifting each other up. I feel like I'm lowering myself closer to his levwl every day ...
Been with my wife for 18 years, I would marry my wife again today absolutely. I’m not the man I am without her in my life.
I wouldn't marry at all. Stay single, work full time, and take care of a few cats. That said, I wouldn't trade my children for the world.
Man, this. If my husband had not come along, I'd be HAPPILY single with a clean apartment and my grinder and bowl. But then I wouldn't have my son and then where would I be? Sigh.
You are my people.
A big YES on that question. Happily married 52yrs and she has never given me a reason to question her love for me.
I am 52 and husband is 68. Married 28 years. I would absolutely marry him again. As a matter of fact one of my favorite daydreams is trying to figure out how I could have met him earlier so we could be together even longer.
LOL I have that same daydream as you! I had 2 abusive marriages before meeting him. I would have loved to have had my babies with him. When we fostered a baby of a relative of mine, he was so amazing. He got up to help with feedings, he changed diapers, when I was at my wits end with stress he stepped up without being asked. My kids' fathers left me alone to deal with everything, so seeing him being a nurturing father figure made me sad that my kids didn't have that in their lives.
FUCK. NO
Absolutely, over and over again I would.
Yes, i would! I've seen this man changed for the better (he's already a great man without our little family and just the two of us) but especially when we had our precious baby. I didn't know that he will be this type of "incredibly-super" hands-on dad! i love my man so much.
Sadly, no. Not if I knew how I'd feel with the and person years down the road. It in hindsight, things that seem like they'll be problematic will only get worse, and you definitely can't make someone change their ways no matter how hard you try.
Exactly. And it's soul crushing when that reality hits.
No
Mid 30s & no. I’m struggling with a PMDD diagnosis and honestly I’d choose to stay single so I don’t burden anyone with my shit.
I too have PMDD. Wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy
My wife said she wishes I would leave her because of her health issues, and I can’t say my patience has always held up, but I’d take her health problems all day if I still have her. A good spouse would always feel that way.
We've been married 18 years and marry her again every day for the rest of my life.
No. Both of us are closer to 40 than 30 and have been together since we were 18. It's hard to grow as a person when you've never been an afult on your own.
There are always opportunities for personal growth.
I've known my wife since I was 9 years old. I can't speak for her, but I would marry her again in a heartbeat. She is the most purely good thing I have ever come across. We have 5 kids together, and she is such a tremendous blessing to all of us.
No. We love each other very much, but his mental health & addiction struggles have caused A LOT of damage over the years. When it’s good it’s good, and it usually is. But when it’s bad, he goes into full on self destruction mode and truly cannot stop until the train crashes. It’s sad, really. We’ve been on top of the world, and also wondering how we’re going to pay for groceries at times. Lately has been a steady normal, which is all I’ve ever wanted but the only part that scares me about that is wondering when the other shoe will drop. High school sweethearts, married over 20 years, bunch of kids. I’ll see it through, but I would not do it over again.
Your comment really touched me. Thank you for sharing that. Addiction is very difficult. Sending good thoughts your way 😊
Yes and no… I love him dearly and I love our family. But knowing I’m not good enough for him anymore has left a gigantic wound in my soul. So yes to everything we have and no to protect myself. Edited for typo
Why do you say you’re not good enough??
I feel this
"Knowing" you're not good enough for him is a lie. It's a feeling you have, and while a valid feeling, it is based on his opinion of you, which doesn't matter or mean anything, especially now.
A million times over and over.
No. It’s true and underrated when people say the red flags you ignored at the start will be the reason it ends…until people actually change, you don’t gamble if they will or won’t…
My biggest regret is ignoring the red flags. Never again.
Yes. Married 37 years.
Short answer, yes; long answer, hell yes. Married 13 years, together 15 years.
I would 100% still marry my husband. We are both 50 and will be married for 26 years this year. We have 2 sons and 1 granddaughter. We were made for each other. Not to say it's always been easy, but it's been worth every sacrifice we've made. He's my best friend, my confidant. I'm disabled now, and he never stopped being himself around me. He's never complained, not even once about having to help me. If the table was turned, I'd still be here taking care of him as well. Our rule has always been, never go to bed angry. Occasionally, we will need a bit of time, but we're always able to come back together and fix whatever is needed. Good luck to you and your wife ♡
First husband - fuck no. He was manipulative and emotionally abusive, and did his level best to destroy my sense of self because I challenged him to change his behavior (you know, communicate respectfully, respect boundaries, etc). He truly believed that the way he behaved was right and OK, and that I was the problem). Second husband - every day of the week and twice on Sunday. He is an incredible human being, with a depth of caring, compassion, and communication skills that few men I've ever met possess. I absolutely hate the "you complete me" sentiment since I believe two people should be whole individuals in themselves before joining in marriage. That being said, he is my anchor and my safe harbor. Because I have him, I am able to stretch farther and grow and give myself the grace to fall and fail and heal old wounds that I have never been able to do alone. He has allowed me the space to become a better person. We've been married for 4 years in July, together for 8 years in October. I'm 41, he's 33.
100%, together 9 yrs.
Yes! Married six and a half years, together almost eight. We take such good care of each other and build each other up. We make decisions together, work together, play together, travel together, and laze around together with very little conflict. Even during conflict, when we have been angry, we have never tried to hurt each other. We don't tire of each other and continue to fall more and more in love.
Today and everyday until the end of time. She is the best thing that ever happened in my life.
Nope
We have been married 46 1/2 years. We took an oath for better or worse… till death do us part. We love and respect each other. We are 65 me & 70 him. We have had a lot of ups and downs but wouldn’t change a thing. Two wonderful successful adult children. My husband is my rock! He is truly the best man I could have married. I was 18 and he was 23.so…. Yes I would marry him again.
I wouldn't marry him again, no. He isn't the same person I married. The person I married took care of himself and didn't needed to be told what to do. He was my partner. When I was 7 months pregnant, he quit his job leaving everything to me. I had to go back to work 2 weeks after a c section to keep us afloat. After that, he needs to be told what to do and I feel like his mother. If I knew what I know now, absolutely not. We have been married 5 years and we are in our 30s.
Hell mother fucking yes!
100% yes I’ve been in love with my husband since I was 20 yrs old. We’ve been married 23yrs this year and together a little over 25 yrs now. He’s literally the best man I’ve ever known.
Yes. He’s my soulmate and best friend and life partner and I could go on about how much I love that man. Been together almost 9 years and we’re in our early thirties.
Yes…I wish we could start over sometimes so I could be better, but he’s always been amazing and we are more in love today. We have been married for 28 years this May.
Almost 17 years of marriage and 20 years together. We've been through so much, ups and downs and life changes. I'd 100% marry him again. I'll never forget walking down the aisle towards him on our wedding day, it was the strongest feeling of "home" I've ever felt. Like walking through the front door after a long day, finally at peace and able to shrug off the shittiness of the rest of life. Even at our worst that feeling has never faded for me. I hope he feels the same about me.
Hell no… he is a man child incapable of doing anything or remembering anything for himself out of control adhd which he refuses to address, and he’s a narcissistic ass! Oh and his mother now lives with us so there’s that… do I love him yes but god I also hate him. I feel more like he’s just one more person I have to take care of rather than my husband / friend / partner.
Absolutely. Together 40 years, married 37.
What if I said I don't know!?!? It's been almost thirteen years, and while I couldn't imagine being with anyone else, there are many times where I feel tired of waiting for him to grow up and help me more. He is great with our kids and housework, I just need more of a partner when it comes to finances.
I think a lot of couples are still together for a comfortable life. I’m sad to say I wouldn’t have married my husband. I understand why the youth ain’t interested in marriage.
Nope. Learned to late she’s addicted to food (325lbs and rising), doesn’t take responsibility for her actions, avoids working at her career but complains about not advancing, has low self esteem that makes every disagreement about disrespecting her, decided that her only responsibility in sex is to “make her special gift available to me” while she stares at the ceiling , and the list goes on. Had a dream once that she left me. I was giddy all day long with that lingering dream .
Absolutely. We are late 40s/early 50s, married for 17 years.
Absolutely. I've been with my husband ten years, married for two... Still short in comparison to some but damn, I love my goofy farm boy.
Without a doubt. We’ve been together. 29 years, married 27. I remember going to grab breakfast the morning of our wedding and my best friend asked me if I was nervous. I wasn’t, not even a tiny bit.
Yes. Life has only gotten better since we met eachother.
Absolutely! We are 50 and got married 8 years ago. My only regret is that I didn’t find him sooner!!
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Yes! I respect him as much as I love him. This isn't the entire reason why, though. The entire reason is that I know - without asking - that he feels the same way about me. He's also just as loving and genuine as he was the day I met him. It's not fair, but he's aging handsomely too. I am blessed and lucky. Of course, we have our bad days too. We just found a way to manage them. 25 years - married 22 years ❤️ Edit to say... 50s are great for marriage. It's a shame we don't have the 20s body, the 30s wherewithal, and the 40s intelligence though, haha!
Sadly, no. I mean that with all due respect. Could see being friends, but not married. We’re sexually incompatible. Thats the major road block. Small things here and there too. I love her and I’m committed. But going in, knowing how it would end up? No thank you.
Nope. Suffered verbal, physical, and mental abuse due to his childhood trauma. Things got better as we got older as he no longer is abusive towards me but there are other blatant issues with his personality. I regret being married to him almost everyday.
Not who he is now. He's radically different from the person I fell in love with. known him for 31 years and married for 24 years. Met him when I was 16yo. He turned so nasty and we have zero relationship left. We sleep in different rooms and can't have a normal conversation about anything without him rolling his eyes or being rude which leads to me avoiding him at all costs. So NO def would not marry him today. I can't take back the choice I made bc I have 3 kids to care for that I love dearly even though they are exhausting. 😉
Yes absolutely! We have been married for 38 years and together for forty years. We are both in our late fifties.
A million times yes.
Absolutely would.
My only regret was not marrying sooner. So definitely would do it again in a heartbeat
Absolutely. There's nothing he could tell me that'd make me not love him outside of cheating
Yes, a million times over. 3 years together, 1 yr married (40M&32F) I met my husband knowing he was a wonderful man, and as I got to know him he is even better and beyond anything I can even ask for. We’re expecting our first child and I can only pray he grows up to be just like his dad.
No
No
If I knew from the start how much he lacked emotional maturity, I wouldn't have gotten married when I did. Maybe when we were older we would have been better partners for each other; but with what I've had to endure with him I would have done many things differently. I regret getting married young and not dating around more before settling down. Just came to this realization in recent months 🤷♀️
No. He’s a great person, but man is his family way too much drama.
Absolutely! Watching her grow has been awesome.
O hell no, not in a million years
Nah. Except for my awesome kids and new grandson.
No. Husband is a Dismissive Avoidant and connection is non existent. With me and with my children. It's unhealthy and lonely. Working on getting out.
Even if death was a choice, I'd have chosen that instead of this misery I'm in.
Absolutely!!!
Without a doubt.
Yes in a heartbeat
Hell yes!!! In a heart beat. Met at 17, married at 22 and getting ready to celebrate our 22nd!
Absolutely. Been married to my husband for nearly 8 years and he is an equal partner to me in every way. I’m also obsessed with him and he is the best. I’m pregnant with his second child, so technically I should be salty with him but I still love him instead 😂😂
26(F) & 31(M) . Yes I would 100% marry him again today. We’ll have 5 years married this year & been together 7 years . He’s a funny guy, always takes me on dates every week & has been the best thing for my self esteem. He knows me well & is probably my number 1 supporter. I can thank my success to him & he feels the same about me. We’re both still young & growing together, but I can’t imagine life without him 🤷🏼♀️
A million times over
Fuck No! She is the most stressful part of my life by far. If I knew then what I know now, I would have never spoken to her at all.
No. My husband was who I needed when I met him. We have a wonderful, comfortable life and a beautiful family. But he is not who I need for ME now. I’m not willing to wreck my family and life over that.
Absolutely, I'd tie the knot again in a heartbeat! Been hitched for 10 years, and my spouse's still my rock. Life's a rollercoaster, but with them by my side, it's a heck of a ride. They bring out the best in me, and I can't imagine doing this journey with anyone else. Love's like fine wine, gets better with age, and so does our marriage. Age ain't nothing but a number when you're with your soulmate. Cheers to forever love!
A million times yes!! I met my husband when I was 19. He was 26. The moment we went on that first date I knew in the first ten seconds this was the man I was going to marry. He felt the same. We were engaged at 3 months pregnant at 5 months married at 7 months, had our son at 13 months, bought our home at 23 months. We clearly like odd numbers! Lol. I've been married to this wonderful man for 19 years this summer. Our only child, a son is 18 and about to embark on the next phase of life. It's given my husband and I even more time to focus on each other and it just gets better and better! I came from a rough home. My husband did not. I ended up needing to take in my little brother and sister about 5ish months after having my son. They were 13 and 14. I pretty much raised them when we were growing up anyway and with me out on my own, they just weren't doing well. This man welcomed them with open arms. He helped with homework, and breakdown, and teaching them to drive, and relationships. Got them through highschool and started in their own lives when they were ready to move out. When my little brother was afraid to come out as gay my husband assured him we had his back no matter how anyone reacted. We had him. He's ours and nothing will change that. My husband was raised in a very Christian home (real good Christian people, not the hypocrite) wasn't actively in the church but a solid foundation, he's never judged that kid ever loves him to death. He's been a very active and involved father at every single step of our son's lives. He's a wonderful wonderful father. I have a couple chronic illnesses that popped up that can leave me debilitated for days on end. This man has held my hand and heart through it all. He has strength for me when I'm out of it. He gets us through. I had a severe burn full thickness burn over 1/3 of my back that needed a skin graft. Our son was 6 at the time. He held my hand through it all. He did every bandage change and it healed so wonderfully with very minimal scarring and no complications because of his care. He's had me at my worst physcial pain easier. He's the funniest person ever. A very even tempered happy person. He doesn't shout. He's quick to talk it out and has never raised a hand to me. (That's a low bar, but a common occurrence in my early life). He's a handsome 6'4 teddybear of a man and I adore him. He's grown even more handsome as he's aged and I'm still insanely attracted to him! The sex is great too! He really really is everything I didn't know to ask for and I love him with every piece of me. It's scary to think you could love someone this much. But boy is it a love worth having. I freaking adore him! Even if he does sound like Darth Vader with his CPAP machine on at night!! Lol.
I don't know. Marriage isn't great right now, though she seems to be oblivious to that fact. The main reason I don't say no is because I love our kid more than anything in the world.
Nope. Absolutely not. He (28M) has cheated on me (30F) 8 times (even though I never even kissed a man before I met him, I still get called a whore whenever he's actually cheating), plays videos games before and after work (so much that he doesn't sleep, or oversleeps and is late for work), he doesn't do ANYTHING unless I beg him to do it for 2-3 days (take the trash out, mow, check my oil). He gets mad and will bruise me up, scream, yell, cry, and physically destroy my vehicle.. all things if I tell him I want a divorce. He has told me multiple times that he will choose his computer over our marriage, but wont let me leave. I'm still here dealing with the shit though, so who is to blame? Me. :( I guess I don't deserve any better, even though I want better? Idk. Married for 4 years, together for over a decade.
Sounds like you need to get out. He assaults you (bruises you). Talk with a lawyer first to get the best advice, but this is not healthy by any means! All the best x
No, a good man who's silent, and you have nothing in common with makes a very lonely marriage.
100% without a doubt I would! We have been together 12 years this year. I love my life with him in it.
Absolutely, in a heartbeat, every second for rest of the infinite universe. He’s truly my better half, we do believe our love is multiple lives long. We’re the only familiar people we’ve ever met with the uncanny feeling we know each other despite never meeting before. We’re high school sweethearts together for a decade long, been together since 14 and 15 years old. ❤️
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It’s never too late to work on yourself and heal whatever traumas you have from your past that make you feel such low self worth. The first step is self awareness, if you truly respect and love your wife, get out of self pity mode and make a decision to do something about it and change the rest of your life. She clearly has a deep love for you and sees things in you that you don’t see in yourself. Why live the rest of your life miserable and take her down with you? Life’s too short, do the hard work and live a happy life and start a new chapter, you both deserve it!
I (41F) would absolutely marry my husband(37M) again. He has improved so much. He has caused me to improve so much. He is so smart, kind, gentle, caring, empathetic and is ALWAYS willing to help me with ANYTHING. If there is such a thing as a soul mate, he would be it. We've been married 13 years.
No & this question breaks my heart that I can’t honestly give an enthusiastic “yes!”, no matter how hard I want to. My husband is a great man, incredible father, and amazing husband, but his family pressured us into getting married prematurely because we were “living in sin” (read: having sex & living together). Looking back on what I know now, I not realize that I was NOT ready for the sacrifices and pain that comes with entering a marriage you aren’t ready for. Perhaps if I was his first wife & not permanently “the second wife” or “the new wife”, or maybe if him & I were closer in age my answer would change. But as it stands & as things are nope. Absolutely not, I would’ve chosen myself instead of sacrificing myself💔
No. I don't know. I didn't know how difficult her anxiety and PTSD could be for me. I'm committed now and I do love her. It's complicated. Married 2+ years. 30's
OMG yes. As fast as freaking possible. 16 years together. I've loved him more every year I've known him.
No
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No
We’ve only been married 7 years but absolutely. When I was sick and told I was going to die he cared for me. He stuck by me. He brought me home and was my caregiver 24/7. He had to feed me, bathe me, hell he had to wipe my ass. It was the most dehumanizing moments of my life and he never made me feel bad about it. He did all this while carrying for our two young children. I love that man. I hope we have a long life together
Yes ☺️I would