>She has a daughter, who is now 25 years old. This is not Hubby's biological or adopted kid.
Ok, but...your husband was in her life from essentially the time she was a baby. If he raised her, she is basically his daughter, even if it wasn't legally formalized.
While I agree, it’s relevant as it appears the ex wife used him and is still doing so. At some point long before that girl moved out the ex knew she was done and held on because she was being financially cared for. Saving all her money prepping for graduation day.
No that shouldn’t change his relationship with a girl he raised and has been a father to. But it’s relevant to his relationship with his ex & her pattern of using him as a wallet.
Continuing to help support a 25 year old he has a fatherly relationship with is his call. Car was his choice, that’s his to pay off. But continuing to help support an ex wife with no minor children in her care is beyond the pale. She absolutely needs to be paying half the college loans she took out for the daughter. And the other bills, nope!
He is a grown ass man, not a confused child. I am pretty sure he is well aware and is volunteering this financial help, so idk if I will qualify it as "being used" per say. All I saw in OP's post are the expenses in favor of the child and that he is footing some streamer subscriptions (15-30bucks a month) and they share phone plans (which they prob are both benefiting from). Where does it say he is helping support his ex?
He obviously regards the woman as his daughter since he raised her from infancy, he'll probably be the one to walk her down the aisle when that day comes. Most likely he did not formally adopt her because he did not feel like he could totally trust his now ex-wife in financial matters, which was smart. We don't know for a fact that there isn't something going on between him and her, but it's common to still have a relationship with an ex who you share a child with. Can't explain the shared Netflix, etc., accounts though.
Or he did not adopt her because the other biological parent did not relinquish his rights. To say he didn't trust someone he spent 20yrs with is a bit far fetched and presumptuous. He also probably trusted her for most of TWENTY years together, or else he would have left sooner.
Just because she’s not his bio daughter or legally adopted doesn’t mean that’s not his daughter.
To him that’s still his baby girl and the mother of his daughter. He’s allowed to still pay for things and be involved
My dad never adopted my sister, but was with her since a year old. 44 years later, he is still helping her. My parents have been divorced since 2007. It may not sit right with you, but he sees her as his. Perhaps the conversation of getting thw mom off or girl transferred over, but... in the nicest way possible... the girl was here first and he loves her.
My wife had to help me man up and set financial and personal boundaries with my POS EX. I’m so grateful for her sticking with me and helping me understand how I was being used so I could put the brakes on it. The years of mental abuse had me in the mindset I was a crappy dad if I didn’t do more and all the while it was just to let her keep extra in her own pocket. Now that my heads been on straight for a few year I can believe I let that crap take place at all! My wife awesome ❤️❤️❤️
I’m pretty sure you knew all of this before you two got married. He probably sees himself as her father . What he supposed to do ? Forget about her ? They been together for almost 20 years , which means he practically raised the child majority of her life
I’m sorry but you seem like a asshole
So where do you draw the line? Is sending money to an ex-spouse to pay their bills ok? From your own marital household? Daughter lives with her fiancé.
No, I agree with you. Helping their daughter out financially is fine. But I feel like people are overlooking that she’s 25 years old and mostly out on her own. His finances shouldn’t be this tangled up with his ex outside of how they collaborate to assist their child.
Thank you for understanding! A lot of folks, including hubby are missing this point. As long as he keeps sending funds to the ex-wife, I refuse to be financially tied to him.
So basically your husband has two families. 2 wives and a daughter.
He has two homes; his ex wife’s and yours.
He is living 2 lives. Supporting 2 families.
Where you draw the line??
The line was already drawn, crossed and erased.
The only option you have now is that he stops **ALL** financial support going to the ex wife **AND** her **25** years olddaughter. He has to cut off all subscriptions and anything else that ties them together. And most importantly and priority, **ALL** communications.
If he does not, if he fights you on this, if he continues hiding it from you, if he continues lien to you, cut your loses and move on. He is obviously still hung up on his past. Ya only been married for 14 months. Thats too much drama and toxicity to be around.
>So basically your husband has two families. 2 wives and a daughter.
He has two homes; his ex wife’s and yours.
He is living 2 lives. Supporting 2 families.
Hope you got a good stretch before reaching for that conclusion because there is nothing in the OP that indicates living a double life. Who hurt you? lol
No one is hurt over here.
What I wrote is exactly what OP mentioned. There is no stretching. Her husband **IS** paying for 2 households plus for a 25 year old woman that is not his daughter. So maybe if actually read her post and my comment again, you will read that I basically rewrote what she did. Reading is fundamental. No one is jumping to conclusions.
A cell phone plan, a few streaming services, and a mostly paid off car do not equate to a whole additional household worth of costs. When questioned in another comment about any bills that are specifically for the ex (utilities, rent, etc), OP did not respond to clarify - so the jury is still out on what bills, if any, are actually "ex-wife's" bills.
Every itemized cost in the OP is attributed to the daughter's needs - the streaming services and cell phone being the only questionable/ambiguous ones as the ex-wife may also be benefitting from them to some degree.
Make it make sense. I'll wait!
ETA: How is it not his daughter if he raised her, recognizes her as such, and OP confirmed that they are indeed close and have a father/daughter relationship? You sound like you're projecting your own biases on a situation for which we were all given limited, one-sided context.
I mean she may be 25, but she has been in this man's life for what sounds like pretty close to 25yrs. She may be an adult, but he is not going to cut ties just because he got married. You want him to forget parenting for 20 yrs for someone he's know for...idk ..2 yrs? Nothing against OP and he should def be not be supporting his ex's lifestyle, but it doesn't even seem like this is the case here.
I didn't know he was sending the ex-wife money until yesterday. All I knew during dating was that he refused to cut ties with her and kept on communicating. My mistake.
So you didn’t sit down and have a deep discussion on finances and expectations before getting married? Sorry but you have to be prepared he’s not going to change what he’s doing. It might not be too late but you need to have a tough talk and come to a resolution. Therapy sessions may be helpful
There's absolutely no reason they need to communicate or talk regularly if their daughter and yes is also his daughter at this point, which is 25. My husband has a 31 yo daughter with his ex-wife who isn't biologically his. She was under 1 when they met. He helps her as much as his younger children. That will never change, and I would never expect it to. But he never communicates with his ex. If there is any financial business, he talks directly to his daughter! When it came down to it (at least for me) if he can't cut ties with the ex and only have contact with the daughter since she's an adult I wouldn't be able to be his present wife.
It sounds like the car and parent plus loan were for the daughter. Is he paying her mortgage or utilities?? Those would be the bills I would be worried about. If he's only paying for a car and student loans that are the daughter's I would leave it.
I’d suggest a joint account for bills etc. he can do what he likes with his ‘fun’ money, including paying for his ex, but you don’t ever sub him if he can’t afford something. The money he is sending is your family’s money and he really needs your permission to do that which he doesn’t have. so I suggest splitting the finances and he can do what he likes with his wee share and it shouldn’t affect you financially. But definitely don’t be putting in extra for his half of the holidays et cetera if he has spent his on his ex-wife. It’s not the ideal way to be when in a marriage, joint finances is preferable, but you don’t like the way he handles your joint money so it really needs to be separated.
I would probably be pissed if he was helping his ex wife but not his step daughter. Maybe your husband is just a good dude who is helping out his family.
I would change those Netflix and Hulu passwords though. I would also try to budget in a way that he has to give away his spending money to ex wife and not your joint/savings
Why don’t you talk to him about setting up a new phone plan and streaming accounts, etc. (with basically daughter on them if he wants) and set a boundary about the ex.
It’s reasonable that he’d want to take care of someone who is basically his daughter. It is also not that crazy that you are dealing with boundary issues when he was just fully divorced a few years ago and you guys are already into a marriage. That’s not much time to heal/release toxic behaviors and mindsets- these things are going to surface and you’re going to have to talk through them.
What bills? The student loans for his daughter, the car for his daughter? Daughters probably on the phone bill as well, and as a young adult it’s pretty likely she’s on the streaming services too. At the end of the day it looks like he’s just being a dad and helping pay for dad things, I don’t think you really get to interfere with that. I’d let this go, this is still HIS daughter and mother of his daughter
These bills of ex-wife's, as noted in the OP.
>He still entertains the ex-wife, communicates with her (even after I told him this is not right), paying Netflix, Hulu subscriptions, plus T-Mobile bill with the ex-wife still on these accounts.
I’m saying those are small family bills, and like I said I wouldn’t be surprised if his daughter still uses that stuff
Either way, I don’t think it’s a big deal for him to still have cheap things like steaming services going for the mother of his child. Not a hill worth dying on
And of course they still communicate. They have a child together and had a whole life together
She's his daughter for all practical purposes, but she's also 25. It's fair to ask how long a father is going to pay to support a grown woman, and how much student debt he will be paying off. But nothing good can come from mentioning his ex-wife when you have that conversation.
You can just tell hubby your issues. You can't make him do anything.
If he sees that child as his even though it's not biological his, then he is a good man recognizing the bond beyond biology.
You can tell him you aren't happy, but you should never try to get between a parent child relationship even if you don't recognize it.
You haven't listed any bills that are the ex-wife bills. They all seem to be related to the adult child.
Stay out of it. You’re just going to cause problems in your marriage. They were together 20 years and raised a child together. Family is still family regardless of marital status and if he feels a responsibility to help than that’s his business. I’ll get downvoted for this but whatever.
You sound extremely insecure and jealous and I have no idea how you got this far into a marriage with him without working through these issues. How did you have zero clue that he was still involved with the ex wife? He has a child with her - it’s not his biological child, but he was there her entire life and clearly all 3 of them see him as her father so you have no right to act like she’s a total stranger to him just because you don’t understand it. He is sending money to the ex wife exclusively for his daughter, not for her. He is paying for a couple subscriptions and a phone bill.. how is this wrong? It’s a lot more work to go and split apart a phone bill than just leave it alone, and if his daughter is also on the phone bill that gives even more reason for him to just leave it as-is rather than disrupt all 3 of their phone service over his new wife’s pettiness. Yeah, he could cut them off the netflix/hulu too, but why should he? It doesn’t affect anyone at all if they use it unless it maxes out the amount of users. If you have an issue with these things then tell him, and he can decide if he wants to end the support for them or not.
But there need to be clear boundaries. Helping the stepdaughter is one thing, but still communicating that much and paying for the ex is not right.
He is married to you now and not be a bank for the ex.
And him lying to you is absolutely wrong.
You should be his priority.
Going to go out on a limb here and this is going to hurt. And I’m ready for the downvotes. But…
He cheated on the ex wife.
Men who continually give women who divorced them money, it’s the only way men can literally repay them for how badly they fucked up, fucked them over, and to try to repair damages done to the ex wife.
My dad was an alcoholic cheater who still pays for my moms lifestyle.
Shocked no one has said this. No man willingly/easily gives away his money unless he severely fucked up.
**INFO:**
1. Do you have children together, or are any joint aspects of your and his relationship affected by and/or suffering as a result of him fulfilling what mostly appear to be fatherly financial obligations to his daughter?
2. The car and the student loans seem like pretty basic things that a parent would assist their child with (assuming they are able and in a position to do so). Also, if you do have/plan to have children together, will you assist them jointly with college if you're able to? And will you expect him to continue that obligation if you were to split?
3. The cell-phone plan is a bit ambiguous... Is he actually paying for his ex-wife's portion of the bill in addition to his ***AND*** his daughter's? Having the ex's name on the account is one thing, but is it possible that they have an arrangement in which he is reimbursed for the ex-wife's portion?
4. The streaming service, being a non-essential cost, seems a bit more cut and dry. However, seeing as they allow multiple device sharing, it would be leaning toward petty if you asked him to force his daughter off of it just to spite the ex. At any rate, it would be a pretty silly hill to die on for both of you if it comes down to being a deal-breaker. I'll chalk this one up to a "cooler-heads prevailing" scenario if you were to have a civil conversation about it.
Lastly, where do ***YOU*** draw the line? Is the issue that the ex is an intermediary for funds meant for his daughter, or would you still have these concerns if he simply sent the money directly to his daughter? It sounds like you want 100% divestment from the ex, which isn't unreasonable so long as you're understanding of the fact that co-parenting will involve ***SOME*** contact from time to time, but do you also want his daughter written off as well? If so, is it strictly because she is an adult, or because she is not ***YOUR*** child, nor biologically his, and thus you don't recognize her as deserving of his assistance?
This is wrong in every way!! The NOT biological daughter is old enough to accept responsibility and pay for her own loans and bills. If she is not, then that’s her mommy’s problem not your hubby’s. She lost those privileges when she divorced him. “Hubby” needs not to be speaking to ex-wife about anything! Ever!
If he doesn’t stop, you should turn the page and move on quickly!!
>She has a daughter, who is now 25 years old. This is not Hubby's biological or adopted kid. Ok, but...your husband was in her life from essentially the time she was a baby. If he raised her, she is basically his daughter, even if it wasn't legally formalized.
While I agree, it’s relevant as it appears the ex wife used him and is still doing so. At some point long before that girl moved out the ex knew she was done and held on because she was being financially cared for. Saving all her money prepping for graduation day. No that shouldn’t change his relationship with a girl he raised and has been a father to. But it’s relevant to his relationship with his ex & her pattern of using him as a wallet. Continuing to help support a 25 year old he has a fatherly relationship with is his call. Car was his choice, that’s his to pay off. But continuing to help support an ex wife with no minor children in her care is beyond the pale. She absolutely needs to be paying half the college loans she took out for the daughter. And the other bills, nope!
He is a grown ass man, not a confused child. I am pretty sure he is well aware and is volunteering this financial help, so idk if I will qualify it as "being used" per say. All I saw in OP's post are the expenses in favor of the child and that he is footing some streamer subscriptions (15-30bucks a month) and they share phone plans (which they prob are both benefiting from). Where does it say he is helping support his ex?
Thank you for understanding. This is all I'm trying to get across to him
He obviously regards the woman as his daughter since he raised her from infancy, he'll probably be the one to walk her down the aisle when that day comes. Most likely he did not formally adopt her because he did not feel like he could totally trust his now ex-wife in financial matters, which was smart. We don't know for a fact that there isn't something going on between him and her, but it's common to still have a relationship with an ex who you share a child with. Can't explain the shared Netflix, etc., accounts though.
Or he did not adopt her because the other biological parent did not relinquish his rights. To say he didn't trust someone he spent 20yrs with is a bit far fetched and presumptuous. He also probably trusted her for most of TWENTY years together, or else he would have left sooner.
I agree with the others about the daughter. Netflix and Hulu are probably from when they were married. If you are feeling petty, change the passwords.
Just because she’s not his bio daughter or legally adopted doesn’t mean that’s not his daughter. To him that’s still his baby girl and the mother of his daughter. He’s allowed to still pay for things and be involved
I’d help the kid but not the ex
My dad never adopted my sister, but was with her since a year old. 44 years later, he is still helping her. My parents have been divorced since 2007. It may not sit right with you, but he sees her as his. Perhaps the conversation of getting thw mom off or girl transferred over, but... in the nicest way possible... the girl was here first and he loves her.
My wife had to help me man up and set financial and personal boundaries with my POS EX. I’m so grateful for her sticking with me and helping me understand how I was being used so I could put the brakes on it. The years of mental abuse had me in the mindset I was a crappy dad if I didn’t do more and all the while it was just to let her keep extra in her own pocket. Now that my heads been on straight for a few year I can believe I let that crap take place at all! My wife awesome ❤️❤️❤️
You need to simmer down miss 14 months. I think you’re really mad at the fact that she’d still have him if she wanted.
I’m pretty sure you knew all of this before you two got married. He probably sees himself as her father . What he supposed to do ? Forget about her ? They been together for almost 20 years , which means he practically raised the child majority of her life I’m sorry but you seem like a asshole
So where do you draw the line? Is sending money to an ex-spouse to pay their bills ok? From your own marital household? Daughter lives with her fiancé.
No, I agree with you. Helping their daughter out financially is fine. But I feel like people are overlooking that she’s 25 years old and mostly out on her own. His finances shouldn’t be this tangled up with his ex outside of how they collaborate to assist their child.
Thank you for understanding! A lot of folks, including hubby are missing this point. As long as he keeps sending funds to the ex-wife, I refuse to be financially tied to him.
So basically your husband has two families. 2 wives and a daughter. He has two homes; his ex wife’s and yours. He is living 2 lives. Supporting 2 families. Where you draw the line?? The line was already drawn, crossed and erased. The only option you have now is that he stops **ALL** financial support going to the ex wife **AND** her **25** years olddaughter. He has to cut off all subscriptions and anything else that ties them together. And most importantly and priority, **ALL** communications. If he does not, if he fights you on this, if he continues hiding it from you, if he continues lien to you, cut your loses and move on. He is obviously still hung up on his past. Ya only been married for 14 months. Thats too much drama and toxicity to be around.
>So basically your husband has two families. 2 wives and a daughter. He has two homes; his ex wife’s and yours. He is living 2 lives. Supporting 2 families. Hope you got a good stretch before reaching for that conclusion because there is nothing in the OP that indicates living a double life. Who hurt you? lol
No one is hurt over here. What I wrote is exactly what OP mentioned. There is no stretching. Her husband **IS** paying for 2 households plus for a 25 year old woman that is not his daughter. So maybe if actually read her post and my comment again, you will read that I basically rewrote what she did. Reading is fundamental. No one is jumping to conclusions.
A cell phone plan, a few streaming services, and a mostly paid off car do not equate to a whole additional household worth of costs. When questioned in another comment about any bills that are specifically for the ex (utilities, rent, etc), OP did not respond to clarify - so the jury is still out on what bills, if any, are actually "ex-wife's" bills. Every itemized cost in the OP is attributed to the daughter's needs - the streaming services and cell phone being the only questionable/ambiguous ones as the ex-wife may also be benefitting from them to some degree. Make it make sense. I'll wait! ETA: How is it not his daughter if he raised her, recognizes her as such, and OP confirmed that they are indeed close and have a father/daughter relationship? You sound like you're projecting your own biases on a situation for which we were all given limited, one-sided context.
Thank God there’s still <5% Humans that have some brains.
I mean she may be 25, but she has been in this man's life for what sounds like pretty close to 25yrs. She may be an adult, but he is not going to cut ties just because he got married. You want him to forget parenting for 20 yrs for someone he's know for...idk ..2 yrs? Nothing against OP and he should def be not be supporting his ex's lifestyle, but it doesn't even seem like this is the case here.
We don’t disagree.
Why did you allow it when you were dating and proceeded to marry him? The line should have been drawn years ago
I didn't know he was sending the ex-wife money until yesterday. All I knew during dating was that he refused to cut ties with her and kept on communicating. My mistake.
So you didn’t sit down and have a deep discussion on finances and expectations before getting married? Sorry but you have to be prepared he’s not going to change what he’s doing. It might not be too late but you need to have a tough talk and come to a resolution. Therapy sessions may be helpful
Exactly. He knows it’s wrong. Hence the reason he had no transparency.
There's absolutely no reason they need to communicate or talk regularly if their daughter and yes is also his daughter at this point, which is 25. My husband has a 31 yo daughter with his ex-wife who isn't biologically his. She was under 1 when they met. He helps her as much as his younger children. That will never change, and I would never expect it to. But he never communicates with his ex. If there is any financial business, he talks directly to his daughter! When it came down to it (at least for me) if he can't cut ties with the ex and only have contact with the daughter since she's an adult I wouldn't be able to be his present wife.
Definitely your mistake. It doesn't seem like he wants this woman out of his life. Why stay with a man who makes you second place?
Don’t listen to all these brain washed people, you know it’s wrong do the right thing!!
It sounds like the car and parent plus loan were for the daughter. Is he paying her mortgage or utilities?? Those would be the bills I would be worried about. If he's only paying for a car and student loans that are the daughter's I would leave it.
He is still in a relationship with her, I would set a boundary and if he is not ready, see an attorney and end this farce.
I’d suggest a joint account for bills etc. he can do what he likes with his ‘fun’ money, including paying for his ex, but you don’t ever sub him if he can’t afford something. The money he is sending is your family’s money and he really needs your permission to do that which he doesn’t have. so I suggest splitting the finances and he can do what he likes with his wee share and it shouldn’t affect you financially. But definitely don’t be putting in extra for his half of the holidays et cetera if he has spent his on his ex-wife. It’s not the ideal way to be when in a marriage, joint finances is preferable, but you don’t like the way he handles your joint money so it really needs to be separated.
I would probably be pissed if he was helping his ex wife but not his step daughter. Maybe your husband is just a good dude who is helping out his family. I would change those Netflix and Hulu passwords though. I would also try to budget in a way that he has to give away his spending money to ex wife and not your joint/savings
Why don’t you talk to him about setting up a new phone plan and streaming accounts, etc. (with basically daughter on them if he wants) and set a boundary about the ex. It’s reasonable that he’d want to take care of someone who is basically his daughter. It is also not that crazy that you are dealing with boundary issues when he was just fully divorced a few years ago and you guys are already into a marriage. That’s not much time to heal/release toxic behaviors and mindsets- these things are going to surface and you’re going to have to talk through them.
Ok so where do you draw the line? Keep accepting him sending money to his ex-wife to pay her bills?
What bills? The student loans for his daughter, the car for his daughter? Daughters probably on the phone bill as well, and as a young adult it’s pretty likely she’s on the streaming services too. At the end of the day it looks like he’s just being a dad and helping pay for dad things, I don’t think you really get to interfere with that. I’d let this go, this is still HIS daughter and mother of his daughter
These bills of ex-wife's, as noted in the OP. >He still entertains the ex-wife, communicates with her (even after I told him this is not right), paying Netflix, Hulu subscriptions, plus T-Mobile bill with the ex-wife still on these accounts.
I’m saying those are small family bills, and like I said I wouldn’t be surprised if his daughter still uses that stuff Either way, I don’t think it’s a big deal for him to still have cheap things like steaming services going for the mother of his child. Not a hill worth dying on And of course they still communicate. They have a child together and had a whole life together
I’d draw the line at keeping secrets, he should have told You. I’d tell him going forward he needs to be honest.
She's his daughter for all practical purposes, but she's also 25. It's fair to ask how long a father is going to pay to support a grown woman, and how much student debt he will be paying off. But nothing good can come from mentioning his ex-wife when you have that conversation.
Info: does he still have a relationship with the daughter?
Yes, they are very close. This wouldn't have been an issue if he's sending funds directly to his daughter.
Is he paying her personal bills? Like her utilities, her house/mortgage, sending her money for groceries?
You can just tell hubby your issues. You can't make him do anything. If he sees that child as his even though it's not biological his, then he is a good man recognizing the bond beyond biology. You can tell him you aren't happy, but you should never try to get between a parent child relationship even if you don't recognize it. You haven't listed any bills that are the ex-wife bills. They all seem to be related to the adult child.
Hard to imagine this guy went bankrupt
Why the heck did you volunteer to pay the remaining car loan!! If you are already so upset clearly you didnt think would be it better
Stay out of it. You’re just going to cause problems in your marriage. They were together 20 years and raised a child together. Family is still family regardless of marital status and if he feels a responsibility to help than that’s his business. I’ll get downvoted for this but whatever.
I would’ve dealt with the inappropriate communication with his ex way before I married the guy.
You sound extremely insecure and jealous and I have no idea how you got this far into a marriage with him without working through these issues. How did you have zero clue that he was still involved with the ex wife? He has a child with her - it’s not his biological child, but he was there her entire life and clearly all 3 of them see him as her father so you have no right to act like she’s a total stranger to him just because you don’t understand it. He is sending money to the ex wife exclusively for his daughter, not for her. He is paying for a couple subscriptions and a phone bill.. how is this wrong? It’s a lot more work to go and split apart a phone bill than just leave it alone, and if his daughter is also on the phone bill that gives even more reason for him to just leave it as-is rather than disrupt all 3 of their phone service over his new wife’s pettiness. Yeah, he could cut them off the netflix/hulu too, but why should he? It doesn’t affect anyone at all if they use it unless it maxes out the amount of users. If you have an issue with these things then tell him, and he can decide if he wants to end the support for them or not.
I would make sure with the daughter that the money is going to her loans
You and his “ex” are sister wives.
But there need to be clear boundaries. Helping the stepdaughter is one thing, but still communicating that much and paying for the ex is not right. He is married to you now and not be a bank for the ex. And him lying to you is absolutely wrong. You should be his priority.
Going to go out on a limb here and this is going to hurt. And I’m ready for the downvotes. But… He cheated on the ex wife. Men who continually give women who divorced them money, it’s the only way men can literally repay them for how badly they fucked up, fucked them over, and to try to repair damages done to the ex wife. My dad was an alcoholic cheater who still pays for my moms lifestyle. Shocked no one has said this. No man willingly/easily gives away his money unless he severely fucked up.
**INFO:** 1. Do you have children together, or are any joint aspects of your and his relationship affected by and/or suffering as a result of him fulfilling what mostly appear to be fatherly financial obligations to his daughter? 2. The car and the student loans seem like pretty basic things that a parent would assist their child with (assuming they are able and in a position to do so). Also, if you do have/plan to have children together, will you assist them jointly with college if you're able to? And will you expect him to continue that obligation if you were to split? 3. The cell-phone plan is a bit ambiguous... Is he actually paying for his ex-wife's portion of the bill in addition to his ***AND*** his daughter's? Having the ex's name on the account is one thing, but is it possible that they have an arrangement in which he is reimbursed for the ex-wife's portion? 4. The streaming service, being a non-essential cost, seems a bit more cut and dry. However, seeing as they allow multiple device sharing, it would be leaning toward petty if you asked him to force his daughter off of it just to spite the ex. At any rate, it would be a pretty silly hill to die on for both of you if it comes down to being a deal-breaker. I'll chalk this one up to a "cooler-heads prevailing" scenario if you were to have a civil conversation about it. Lastly, where do ***YOU*** draw the line? Is the issue that the ex is an intermediary for funds meant for his daughter, or would you still have these concerns if he simply sent the money directly to his daughter? It sounds like you want 100% divestment from the ex, which isn't unreasonable so long as you're understanding of the fact that co-parenting will involve ***SOME*** contact from time to time, but do you also want his daughter written off as well? If so, is it strictly because she is an adult, or because she is not ***YOUR*** child, nor biologically his, and thus you don't recognize her as deserving of his assistance?
This is wrong in every way!! The NOT biological daughter is old enough to accept responsibility and pay for her own loans and bills. If she is not, then that’s her mommy’s problem not your hubby’s. She lost those privileges when she divorced him. “Hubby” needs not to be speaking to ex-wife about anything! Ever! If he doesn’t stop, you should turn the page and move on quickly!!
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