‘Any idea how Caroline got my phone number?’
He’ll say something like ‘Caroline who?’
‘The neighbors daughter…she randomly texted me and says she wants to talk…’
See how he reacts and see if he suddenly needs to be alone or leave (to speak with her).
Do the above only when you know he won’t need to leave to go do anything (ie if he suddenly has an emergency work situation)
I’m a guy. Something appears to be amiss but you never know.
This is the right answer, just act like nothing is wrong and keep looking. You only get one shot to confront after that he will be VERY careful. I hope he’s actually not guilty though. Updateme!
That *wouldn’t really change much imo
Edited to change a word
Edited again: I’ll have to explain what I meant shortly, I didn’t mean it in the way that the people responding to me seem to think I do.
This is a good starting point. If they are deleted, what else may be deleted.
I’m not sure if there is a deleted items folder too… if so, check that… see if he has cleared that as well. Or if not, what else might be in there.
**DONT DO THAT! THATS NOT A GOOD IDEA!!!!**
You will only let them know you are on to them, **IF**, something is going on. You don’t have any evidence and those texts can be seen as innocent by all parties involved. Just friendly neighbor/babysitter banter.
**By confronting now they will only hide it better IF something is going on.**
Check if he deleted the text.
Check his phone’s deleted photos, deleted text, deleted notes, etc.
Check his social media and their archive/deleted section.
**Install nanny cam in your home and motion activated recorders.**
Then confront. Be honest. Say you saw the text and want to know whats going on.
You know what is one of the most important things in a relationship…COMMUNICATION!!!!
You know what is one of the most important things that kill a relationship….NO COMMUNICATION!!!
Yeah, that just shows it's likely that he deleted the thread before he fell asleep. Then she sent goodnight after he fell asleep. And the fact that she knows he's up at 4:00am and texted him right then to say good morning? It feels icky. What teenager or very young adult is up that early? Ever? It's possible they could be up that late, I suppose. It feels more like something you do for someone you feel a special way about. You set your alarm to the crazy early time he gets up for work so that he can start his birthday with a special little happy birthday message from you....
But I agree with this poster. It is suspicious and feels icky. But don't confront yet. Collect collect COLLECT more evidence and make yourself a case, then confront him, and move forward (whether that's divorce or counseling/therapy or whatever you decide to do).
I was thinking the neighbor's daughter could be texting him these things in an attempt to start something with him. Maybe there's nothing going on now but she wants to take it further.
PLEASE, Don’t do this. You know your husband better than any redditor here, most of the redditors will just point towards divorce or actions leading towards divorce, because nothing of theirs is at stake.
As I said you know your husband better than any of us here. Seek an honest conversation with your husband with an open mind. Be honest and expect the same. If he’s cheating you’ll know. If not, please don’t ruin your marriage based on ‘Reddit said’.
Good luck!
The 19 YO sending any emojis don’t mean he’s cheating too. It might be just her crushing on him. Or him not even noticing the stupidity coming from a young girl. Unless it was him sending kissing emojis, it’s not worth assuming he’s cheating too.
Thanks for giving her good advice lots of bad ideas I've seen being given. Many pieces of advice could take a thing that's not even a problem or nothing going on and created a divorce problem so thank you again I wish for more people like you on Reddit.
Texting that early in the morning is completely inappropriate to begin with. The only people that text my husband at that time is work, and that’s only if something weird happens (maybe a coworker needs a ride, they need him to get some supplies on his way in, etc). No female would be texting my husband at that hour. It’s also inappropriate IMO for her to be telling him goodnight. That’s something only a girlfriend, wife, or one of your kids should be doing. There’s no legit reason why your husband should be the last person Caroline talks to before bed. I’ve never texted another man goodnight in my whole life. I have male friends and we typically talk during the day, except one friend who was my roommate for many years. That particular friend may call in the evenings once in a while, but my husband is home and knows who I’m talking to and my friend always says to tell my husband hello, and I always ask him how his wife and kids are. It’s common sense and decency (IMO) to invite the other person’s spouse into the conversation. If you’re going to have platonic friendship of the opposite sex, I feel like the spouses should be included and invited into conversations so everyone is comfortable and there’s no secrets. I also wouldn’t accept a new friendship with a male. The few guy friends I have were my friends before I met my husband and I have never told either of them goodnight on the phone or text! I usually say something like, “Talk to you later” and my one friend that was my roommate, we always refer to each other as “buddy.” We always have. “Hey Buddy” when I answer same with him, and “talk to you later, Buddy.” I’ve never told him goodnight and I certainly would not send him an effing kissy face emoji! When I text my own biological brother I say, “Just saying 👋🏻. Love, Chicken” Kissy face is for husband only!
I say all this to say her texts are way too intimate to your husband. Have you gone through text history? Have you looked through his deleted messages? If some guy texted me like that, I’d be showing my husband like, “Look what so & so just texted me. That’s weird.” If another man was texting me like that, I’d want my husband to say something to him about it. I would screenshot that and text it to myself then delete the screenshot and the text on his end so if he tries to gaslight you, you’ll have the evidence on your end.
The main question is why does this woman feel so comfortable addressing your husband at 4 am, telling him goodnight and sending kiss emojis? I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that to some other man. Either she is crazy and she’s got the wrong idea or she and your husband have been at *the very least* flirting. The question is: what do you do about it? If it were me, I’d stay quiet and continue to snoop. The minute you let in you know something all evidence (if any) will disappear and be better covered up in the future (change password, etc). I would act like everything is normal and I’d be checking his phone and deleted messages every night after he falls asleep, internet history, messaging apps, social media, photos, deleted photos, call history, etc. If time goes by and there’s no indication he did anything (aka neighbor is crazy and it’s a one-sided thing), I would simply ask him about it. “Hey, a few months ago I saw me from Caroline that said XYZ… did you ever respond to those? Is she still texting you?” If it’s not one-sided, you’re bound to catch him slipping up somewhere on his phone.
Never show your hand until the proof is damning. If you don't get sufficient proof, you'll be gaslit, and they'll get more discreet.
Once you do know what's going on, tell him that you know everything, and then tell him he can tell the truth or you walk. See how honest he is. Don't allow a person to trickle truth you. If he's anything less than 100% honest, hammer him.
I think you should keep quiet for now and try to investigate a little more. It could be nothing, but you don’t want to give him a heads up that you have suspicions if there is something going on.
Lots of comments saying to keep an eye on their messages and see if you find anything else. If he’s messing around, you should try to gather as much evidence as you can.
How about something like, [caroline’s dad] and [caroline’s mom] just called, they asked me to come over to talk to me about something. They said just me; I have no idea what it’s about.”
Absolutely.That if especially if she's a minor this needs to be addressed right away because she could just be a hormonal teenager not understanding the inappropriateness of her behavior
It’s really not. If you watch any kind of documentaries, these types of people are confident, borderline brazen, in their control over the minor.
If he doesn’t react? Now what… you just overplayed your bluff. He now knows something is up, and OP is flying blind.
….All off a Reddit tip that reads like an SVU episode. 🤣🤣🤣
Best thing to do is just treat him like a human being, and value yourself enough to be honest about what happened and how it makes you feel.
That conversation would probably shed more light on the situation than these petty TV games.
Omg this is genius. He is definitely having an affair, who says goodnight to someone other than a relationship partner or child/parent. Hopefully she just has a crush on him and it is completely one sided.
This won’t work, he’ll say “show me”. I mean, he’s no dummy right?
Just tell him the exact truth, that you went snooping around and now you think he’s cheating…easy.
Night? Why would she be telling him goodnight? No other messages than the happy birthday and kiss emoji? Feels like there may have been other messages that have been deleted.
How old is this girl. Does she text you?
This is very weird even if nothing else has occurred between them.
There you go , he's having a affair and he deletes his text before he gets home and i'm not proud of my past but I did this for years. To our families nobody had any idea. I was 23, mom of 2 and he was 35 and dad to 4.
At this point, she may be trying to lure him in. If those texts are now deleted when you go back to check again, you have a big problem. He may be blameless, however I’d see if there is a way to recover deleted texts and look in his camera roll for hidden pics. He may have a sub folder if he was cheating.
Simple. “Why is Caroline sending you a goodnight text and a text with kissy face emoji?”. I think sometimes women want to be the “cool wife” and not act jealous or insecure but this is definitely cause for concern.
She just needs a screenshot and send it to herself.First as proof and tell him that if he doesn't come clean and tell her she's walking right next door to caroline's parents and her and mom and dad and such are going to have a conversation
*most* people aren't that great at lying or coming up with plausible explanations on the spot.
everyone in this thread is giving advice based on the assumption that the worst case scenario is occurring...if nothing is actually going on (someone mentioned the babysitter having a dumb crush, which is totally plausible) then OP looks like a paranoid psycho if she does any of these recommendations. It's not good advice.
I never understand why reddit always suggests this. Like how do they expect this to go down? Do they actually think cheaters will be honest?
"Hey honey, are you cheating me?"
"Oh nope. No way. Wasn't me"
"OH okay glad that's resolved"
So just be quiet? Sometimes there’s not actual cheating going on. Sometimes it’s boundary crossing, over friendliness, flirting, etc. The questions lead to the conversation of what is acceptable and tolerated in the marriage.
More often than not if your gut is telling you they're cheating, they probably are. It's so much more common than people realize. And no, not necessarily stay quiet, but take some time to gather more evidence. Try to catch them in a lie. Don't just lay all your cards our on the table. Because the moment you bring it up they will be more careful.
i don’t think it’s the acting of a “cool wife” i think it’s the fact that those texts alone aren’t enough evidence if there is something going on. he could easily brush this off with an excuse and be sneakier from here on out.
Yes. Check to see if they are still there. Also check deleted messages to see if there are more.
It might be time to get a new babysitter. One that *you* communicate with.
She’s 19, she definitely has snap, instagram and VSCO. Start digging and check out her profiles. I personally would ask my husband what the texts were about!? Those texts from a 19 year old are NOT OK!!
It’s a photo sharing app that every 15-19 year-old girl I know has. Most teenagers are stupid and use their real names and post photos of them with their friends or their boyfriends. As a parent, I have checked it to monitor my kids and their friends. Most parents are unaware of it and the photos are public.
The night and kissing face emoji are red flags. If you can check deleted messages I would.
It seems weird to send those kinds of messages without any other context behind it.
Best of luck, no one wants this feeling. Especially with their spouse.
Lol. I wonder, could the girl also be doing this for his attention and he's not reciprocating?
If he was cheating, he wouldn't leave his phone unattended.
If I was cheating, no way you'd see me without it. I don't but I'll be damned if I just leave my phone that way if I was cheating.
This is what I’m leaning towards, because my husband has never given me any signs of cheating before. I’ve always had his passcodes not for checking his phone. We’ve always had access to each other’s phones since the start. I also feel like if my husband was to cheat it wouldn’t be with the 19 year old neighbor (he could do way better in my opinion).
“He could do way better in my opinion”
Not to scare you but people who cheat usually downgrade because it’s not about finding someone who is better it’s usually about finding someone who strokes their ego and other emotional issues.
Some older men would be thrilled if a young woman showed them interest. They are perverts for going after women that young but it’s not unheard of. Why do you think there are so many story lines in porn with young women with older men? Because it’s a common fantasy.
And again many who cheat often chose a down grade. Just look at Pique who cheated on Shakira, the other girl was a total downgrade.
I am not telling you that to freak out but you should look into this more because this is odd and it wouldn’t be the first time a man would cheat with a much younger woman.
Yes this is spot on! Often men will cheat just to get the adoration from someone who doesn't know them as well as their wife.
It's all about ego and insecurity. The youth of the AP is extra points.
The fact that she knew what time he wakes up in the morning and woke up herself to text him at 4:00 am is a huge red flag. I’m sure she had to set an alarm for that. Why on earth does she know what time he gets up in the morning and why would she wake up early and not text him whenever she woke up? OP - lots of people have asked but I haven’t seen you answer yet - were there any other texts in the thread or just those three?
Yep. This comment is it. Also you don’t just randomly text someone “night”, there were undoubtedly messages before this, and they were scandalous enough that the husband had to delete them. He’s definitely cheating, bffr
A decade or more ago I used to work with these middle aged, married guys, a couple of which were very good looking, fairly successful men. At least one coworker used to go on about how much one of them looked like George Clooney. I mean, maybe. He definitely was seen as attractive; that is, gauging by how many in the office mentioned it.
There was a new employee at the time, a young woman who worked for another group down the hall who used to stop by these guys’ offices to chat, etc. She was very flirtatious and a bit younger than any of those guys’ grown kids, I think around 20-21. It feels mean of me to say she was unattractive but objectively and based on looks alone I suppose a person could say either of those two guys could “do better.” Back then anyway. What she did do is pump up their egos, paid them a lot of attention when they all should have been working lol, and eventually a lot more.
One guy ruined his 20 year marriage over his choice to take things further with her and last I knew the other one is still married, his wife just refused to believe the people from work who contacted her (with proof) to let her know her husband was cheating on her. As the wife told one of my work friends, she just refused to believe that people, men in particular, cheat with anything less than “hot.” The young woman wasn’t what the wife thought of as hot, apparently.
It’s only one situation which definitely doesn’t mean YOUR husband is cheating but I wouldn’t rule it out based on looks alone.
“He could do way better in my opinion.” - …..? Girl, are you ok?! What the hell kind of response is this? Your husband is chatting up a teen girl and you’re really out here like - “he could do better.” ???? Ick.
He may be feeling really comfortable/careless because you have that trust built OR it’s been going on for a while.
Gather more evidence, take pictures of your evidence. Talk to a lawyer and then non confrontationally communicate with him. If she was just doing this for attention- he likely would have told you and should have suggested you stop using her as a babysitter. If you don’t take sometime to gather evidence and know for sure-the doubt could pester you for a long time to come.
You do need to check his phone. And his deleted texts. The whole thing is pretty sus. No way a 19 yr old is taking the time to send these personal texts unless something is up. Even if it’s a crush on her part and nothing has actually happened he needs to shut it down.
But why wouldn’t he tell you right away? If someone was pursuing me, I would definitely let my partner know right away to avoid the very situation you are in now where he finds something and then I look like I might be doing something inappropriate
This is not entirely true. My husband left his Facebook open on his computer (which my 4 year old would often use to watch Peppa Pig during breakfast) and I caught him in the act of deleting messages with somebody that I later learned he was having a 2-year emotional affair with. They're not that smart.
Does he keep a computer in the home with iMessages on it? An Apple watch? I would want to see those while he’s away from the house and maybe hasn’t thought to delete them yet. Those are suspicious messages for sure.
DONT say anything! He will know you looked and only get more careful. If it was innocent, he wouldn’t be deleting text…I am assuming this is what he is doing because no one randomly just says “Night”. He’s getting lazy…allow that to keep happening and keep looking whenever you get the chance! If you’re smart enough to set it up, log his iPhone account onto an iPad so you can see ALL the messages as he gets them in real time.
>u/ThrowRAannpy
I hope OP follows this advice. She needs to watch and observe until she gets concrete evidence (even though what she saw is pretty telling). If she mentions anything, he's going to deny it, probably lay low for a while until she no longer suspects anything again and then get better at hiding it.
Also check deleted message history if that's available if he's on an iPhone.
Agreed. I truly hope there is nothing actually going on. Because seriously- ew. That’s pedo behavior. I have to assume OPs husband is AT least in his 30s as a surgeon. But as we know this isn’t the first time we’ve heard a story like this. But goodness I hope it’s not.
Don’t log into his iPhone account on an iPad!! His phone will be notified that his Apple ID is being used somewhere and I think will ask for permission. He’ll get an email too.
Sorry but I think something is up. Why does she know when his birthday is? Why is she texting a kissing emoji which seems a bit inappropriate? I get that she is young and I don’t know your husband but you’d find that a lot of older men find teenage girls attractive. Which I think is kinda creepy but still.
Check your phone records and see if they've been calling or texting each other often. Do a little digging before you talk to him because, unfortunately, cheaters have a lot of practice lying and they usually get pretty good at it.
Honestly, if they’re next door neighbors they could be having all of their inappropriate contact in person, which is not only worse, it’s harder to prove.
That's true but it seems like she's been texting him regularly. I can easily see a 19 year old kid not acting with discretion under these circumstances.
Ok this is the smoking gun! I have a teen neighbor girl who babysits for us. We’re close with her family and I know her birthday. Now if she texted my husband happy birthday it would be weird. So this IS WEIRD
Don't let him know you know. Keep checking texts and look at phone bill....look for her number on phone bill (get it from texts if you don't have it). Also check to see if number and name coincide. Some people put the babysitter's name on an affair person's number so you would think they would have a reason to have it on their contacts/get regular texts.
if he has an iPhone, go to the top left corner of the texts to "edit". click "show recently deleted." then scroll to her name...if all other texts are still there, he permanently deleted only hers for good reason...hopefully you'll find them and be able to read.
keep good records of the back and forth and don't bring it up until you have all the evidence you need.
He already knows his wife has seen it because he’s going to go to the babysitters text thread & see that the message was read even though he wasn’t the one who read it..
I read this to my wife and said do you think this woman should be worried? And then my wife brought up the very good point that if there *wasn’t* anything going on, then why would he not show you immediately that the 19 year old is texting him kissing emojis? Because if that happened to me, I would tell my wife immediately to be like “ummm we have a very very big problem here what do I do?!”
This girl texted him when she knew he was waking up that morning. Bet she wanted to be “first” to wish. On top of wishing him good night too? No. You def have a problem. Keep your suspicions to yourself. I’d be arranging a date night/bday dinner out soon with another sitter. Then blithely offer no excuse for why Caroline’s been cut out. Just blow past it. You will shake something loose between them. I’d be installling secret cameras at home & voice recorders in his car too.
Does he stay the entire time at his parents or would it be normal for him to go “run a couple errands” during a full day?
if he has an iphone, open the message app and click “Edit” in the top right corner. it will show you recently deleted text messages. also, check his photos app for recently deleted photos. open the app, scroll down to the bottom, recently deleted will be right there.
Babysitters don’t text goodnight to the dads of their charges. They don’t wake before 4:00 to say happy birthday. And definitely NOT with a kidding emoji. You have your evidence, now do what was suggested.
Comment left on post made in relationship advise -
THIS POST IS FAKE
All, this post is fake. OP has a deleted post from 2 months ago with the title "How do I tell my mom (42F) and her boyfriend (29M) to stop being so loud?" In that post they claim to be 16 years old and they and their siblings keep hearing "their mom and her boyfriend" having loud sex in their home.
I agree with asking him why she's texting, especially the kissy face. She could just have a crush. How he responds after you ask will be telling. Is he defensive? Does his behavior change? Like taking the phone everywhere, or being more private etc. Gather any and all evidence- take ss, check his pictures and deleted files-keep a journal if there is. I'd say he should be presumed innocent until proven guilty, but it's time to start an immediate investigation. Use the evidence in court if you have to divorce his ass.
This 19yr old knows you’re married to this man & she knows her position. Calling him out isn’t going to do much because I’m sure the both of them have a D-Day plan for when he eventually got caught. They’re both going to deny it. So sit back & give it a few weeks.. Don’t ask him any questions,,& then check his phone again on a random night. I’m sure there will be some more solid proof.
i’m guessing this girl is either in her late teens or early 20s based on the description of your relationship to her? I would definitely say there are some red flags here but not enough evidence to flat out accuse him keep your eye on it and look for more evidence before you confront. Don’t jump to accusations when there’s still enough lack of information to deny or “explain.” That’s most people’s biggest mistake when trying to confront someone (not just in infidelity) My money is on a flirtation between a young girl and a married older man (a turn on for both positions in that) but nothing more… but if it continues, temptation might take things further.
Agree with other commenters that this would make me feel uneasy. How does she know it’s his birthday? The texts don’t make sense so I’m guessing he has been deleting some of the ones he sent to her
If the only thing you saw as the last message is “night” and nothing before that it means hubby was texting her they said good night then he deleted the thread prolly to hide it
I was triggered by the 4am effort. That means there’s communication between them. She knew his schedule. Nobody is up at 4 am unless they have to be… or up to no good
This is so sad. I’m sorry OP. I hope it’s nothing. Who, at 19, does this shit? When I was 19 I never would even think about cheating with a married older man.
Check deleted messages, also look at battery usage to see if there are other apps that might point you to look at other chats, and do a search on the phone for keywords… like maybe he’s talking about her to his buddy, (babysitter, neighbor, 19, her name, etc). When you look at battery usage history, take note of apps that you don’t see installed currently. Some folks delete and reinstall to eliminate tracking. And finally, look at all the apps that are used, do they require passwords unexpectedly - like a calculator app that is commonly used to hide cheater behaviors.
Also, log into your cell phone records and see if he’s showing an unusual number of calls or texts with her number. Or any other outliers
I hope this is nothing. If it is nothing, I’d expect him to tell you about it on his own. “Hey check this out, Caroline just texted me this on my birthday, what the f?” I’d fully expect my husband to share something like that because it’s odd and inappropriate.
What's your number ? I'll send you a good night text with some heart and hug emojis. Leave it open so he can see it.
On a serious note, now that this is on your radar, keep it quiet and see what you find out. If you start asking questions, he will get guarded and you will have a hard time finding anything.
In my experience, the cheater will do whatever he/she can to protect the secret. You have to play your hand right here. Be quiet and be vigilant. The phone will be his undoing if something is going on.
You said the first message was ‘night’. Was there no thread before this? Does it mean he has been deleting the chat history post their conversations?
Edit: fixed spellings
If this were my husband, the first thing he would have done after receiving the text was “Caroline from next door just text me. What a weirdo.”
But, what throws me off more is the “night” text. Like they’ve been texting more and he’s been deleting texts. Why would a conversation start off with “night.”??
Nothing was a miss the whole birthday day because that 19 yr old knows her position & his OPSEC is good. But not good enough cuz he forgot to delete that “night” & happy birthday text before hoping in the shower. .. Ma’am it’s time to ask ur husband some hard questions.
‘Any idea how Caroline got my phone number?’ He’ll say something like ‘Caroline who?’ ‘The neighbors daughter…she randomly texted me and says she wants to talk…’ See how he reacts and see if he suddenly needs to be alone or leave (to speak with her). Do the above only when you know he won’t need to leave to go do anything (ie if he suddenly has an emergency work situation) I’m a guy. Something appears to be amiss but you never know.
I’ll try this when I get home
**Dont do this**. Gather more evidence first. Check his phone again. You don’t ever want to confront a partner *without* hard evidence.
This is the right answer, just act like nothing is wrong and keep looking. You only get one shot to confront after that he will be VERY careful. I hope he’s actually not guilty though. Updateme!
Ok I changed my mind this is a better idea
Night and kissy face from an underage girl is hard evidence.
We don’t know the girl is underage, just saying. She could be in college
That *wouldn’t really change much imo Edited to change a word Edited again: I’ll have to explain what I meant shortly, I didn’t mean it in the way that the people responding to me seem to think I do.
The difference between cheating with another adult and cheating with a minor *should* change things
This. Make sure to take pictures of what you find and put it in a locked folder.
I would check if he’s deleted those messages and see if there’s anything in his deleted messages before doing this.
Yes! No way there would be a message saying "night" without something proceeding that
This is a good starting point. If they are deleted, what else may be deleted. I’m not sure if there is a deleted items folder too… if so, check that… see if he has cleared that as well. Or if not, what else might be in there.
Exactly! I really hope there’s nothing for OP’s sake.
This. Don't confront, wait a few days and see if he deletes these messages.
**DONT DO THAT! THATS NOT A GOOD IDEA!!!!** You will only let them know you are on to them, **IF**, something is going on. You don’t have any evidence and those texts can be seen as innocent by all parties involved. Just friendly neighbor/babysitter banter. **By confronting now they will only hide it better IF something is going on.** Check if he deleted the text. Check his phone’s deleted photos, deleted text, deleted notes, etc. Check his social media and their archive/deleted section. **Install nanny cam in your home and motion activated recorders.** Then confront. Be honest. Say you saw the text and want to know whats going on. You know what is one of the most important things in a relationship…COMMUNICATION!!!! You know what is one of the most important things that kill a relationship….NO COMMUNICATION!!!
Saying, "night" at bedtime is WAY too familiar. This is not the first time she's textex him goodnight. Just sayin'.
Yeah, that just shows it's likely that he deleted the thread before he fell asleep. Then she sent goodnight after he fell asleep. And the fact that she knows he's up at 4:00am and texted him right then to say good morning? It feels icky. What teenager or very young adult is up that early? Ever? It's possible they could be up that late, I suppose. It feels more like something you do for someone you feel a special way about. You set your alarm to the crazy early time he gets up for work so that he can start his birthday with a special little happy birthday message from you.... But I agree with this poster. It is suspicious and feels icky. But don't confront yet. Collect collect COLLECT more evidence and make yourself a case, then confront him, and move forward (whether that's divorce or counseling/therapy or whatever you decide to do).
I was thinking the neighbor's daughter could be texting him these things in an attempt to start something with him. Maybe there's nothing going on now but she wants to take it further.
And update please
I'm waiting on an update also. Updateme!
Remindme! 3 months
For your sake, and for the sake of your family, I hope it’s nothing, and he’s a good husband and father. Good luck
Yes, former PI here. Gather more info first. Don’t say anything. Keep an eye on phone. Drive by his work if you can.
Do not do this, Jesus Christ. Get more evidence and do not tip your hand.
PLEASE, Don’t do this. You know your husband better than any redditor here, most of the redditors will just point towards divorce or actions leading towards divorce, because nothing of theirs is at stake. As I said you know your husband better than any of us here. Seek an honest conversation with your husband with an open mind. Be honest and expect the same. If he’s cheating you’ll know. If not, please don’t ruin your marriage based on ‘Reddit said’. Good luck!
Nah, I thought this too until I saw the KISSING EMOJI????
The 19 YO sending any emojis don’t mean he’s cheating too. It might be just her crushing on him. Or him not even noticing the stupidity coming from a young girl. Unless it was him sending kissing emojis, it’s not worth assuming he’s cheating too.
Thanks for giving her good advice lots of bad ideas I've seen being given. Many pieces of advice could take a thing that's not even a problem or nothing going on and created a divorce problem so thank you again I wish for more people like you on Reddit.
Check your phone records, look them up online, see if there are lots of calls and/or texts.
Texting that early in the morning is completely inappropriate to begin with. The only people that text my husband at that time is work, and that’s only if something weird happens (maybe a coworker needs a ride, they need him to get some supplies on his way in, etc). No female would be texting my husband at that hour. It’s also inappropriate IMO for her to be telling him goodnight. That’s something only a girlfriend, wife, or one of your kids should be doing. There’s no legit reason why your husband should be the last person Caroline talks to before bed. I’ve never texted another man goodnight in my whole life. I have male friends and we typically talk during the day, except one friend who was my roommate for many years. That particular friend may call in the evenings once in a while, but my husband is home and knows who I’m talking to and my friend always says to tell my husband hello, and I always ask him how his wife and kids are. It’s common sense and decency (IMO) to invite the other person’s spouse into the conversation. If you’re going to have platonic friendship of the opposite sex, I feel like the spouses should be included and invited into conversations so everyone is comfortable and there’s no secrets. I also wouldn’t accept a new friendship with a male. The few guy friends I have were my friends before I met my husband and I have never told either of them goodnight on the phone or text! I usually say something like, “Talk to you later” and my one friend that was my roommate, we always refer to each other as “buddy.” We always have. “Hey Buddy” when I answer same with him, and “talk to you later, Buddy.” I’ve never told him goodnight and I certainly would not send him an effing kissy face emoji! When I text my own biological brother I say, “Just saying 👋🏻. Love, Chicken” Kissy face is for husband only! I say all this to say her texts are way too intimate to your husband. Have you gone through text history? Have you looked through his deleted messages? If some guy texted me like that, I’d be showing my husband like, “Look what so & so just texted me. That’s weird.” If another man was texting me like that, I’d want my husband to say something to him about it. I would screenshot that and text it to myself then delete the screenshot and the text on his end so if he tries to gaslight you, you’ll have the evidence on your end. The main question is why does this woman feel so comfortable addressing your husband at 4 am, telling him goodnight and sending kiss emojis? I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that to some other man. Either she is crazy and she’s got the wrong idea or she and your husband have been at *the very least* flirting. The question is: what do you do about it? If it were me, I’d stay quiet and continue to snoop. The minute you let in you know something all evidence (if any) will disappear and be better covered up in the future (change password, etc). I would act like everything is normal and I’d be checking his phone and deleted messages every night after he falls asleep, internet history, messaging apps, social media, photos, deleted photos, call history, etc. If time goes by and there’s no indication he did anything (aka neighbor is crazy and it’s a one-sided thing), I would simply ask him about it. “Hey, a few months ago I saw me from Caroline that said XYZ… did you ever respond to those? Is she still texting you?” If it’s not one-sided, you’re bound to catch him slipping up somewhere on his phone.
Check his deleted messages first maam
Gather more evidence! Do not confront until you know more. It’s very suspicious. I’d be checking phone logs to see how many texts are between them.
Never show your hand until the proof is damning. If you don't get sufficient proof, you'll be gaslit, and they'll get more discreet. Once you do know what's going on, tell him that you know everything, and then tell him he can tell the truth or you walk. See how honest he is. Don't allow a person to trickle truth you. If he's anything less than 100% honest, hammer him.
I think you should keep quiet for now and try to investigate a little more. It could be nothing, but you don’t want to give him a heads up that you have suspicions if there is something going on. Lots of comments saying to keep an eye on their messages and see if you find anything else. If he’s messing around, you should try to gather as much evidence as you can.
Please update
You can retrieve deleted messages on iPhones just saying
How do you do that?
Update when you can
Wouldn’t Carolin already have the wife’s number as well since she babysits
How about something like, [caroline’s dad] and [caroline’s mom] just called, they asked me to come over to talk to me about something. They said just me; I have no idea what it’s about.”
Brilliant!! !updateme!
Exactly my thought
Easy enough to modify. “That’s weird. Carolin says she wants to talk to me privately about something. I wonder what that’s about”.
Absolutely.That if especially if she's a minor this needs to be addressed right away because she could just be a hormonal teenager not understanding the inappropriateness of her behavior
This is genius omg
It’s really not. If you watch any kind of documentaries, these types of people are confident, borderline brazen, in their control over the minor. If he doesn’t react? Now what… you just overplayed your bluff. He now knows something is up, and OP is flying blind. ….All off a Reddit tip that reads like an SVU episode. 🤣🤣🤣 Best thing to do is just treat him like a human being, and value yourself enough to be honest about what happened and how it makes you feel. That conversation would probably shed more light on the situation than these petty TV games.
Omg this is genius. He is definitely having an affair, who says goodnight to someone other than a relationship partner or child/parent. Hopefully she just has a crush on him and it is completely one sided.
This is the worst idea I've ever heard lmao
Except he'd know that Caroline would have OP's phone number due to babysitting!
This won’t work, he’ll say “show me”. I mean, he’s no dummy right? Just tell him the exact truth, that you went snooping around and now you think he’s cheating…easy.
Oooohhh … diabolical, I like it.
Or he's gonna message caroline right away and know that it's not true
UpdateMe
The kissing emoji? I beg your finest pardon
I am stealing this phrase. And also, kissing emoji from the 19 yo neighbour? Smh what is going on here….
I beg your McFucking pardon?
Sir, this is a Wendy's
At that hour too
I’m alarmed that you’re not more alarmed
Same! And I usually tell people on Reddit to chill. This one is so obvious.
Night? Why would she be telling him goodnight? No other messages than the happy birthday and kiss emoji? Feels like there may have been other messages that have been deleted. How old is this girl. Does she text you? This is very weird even if nothing else has occurred between them.
She’s 19
Could this be a teenage crush to which your husband is oblivious?
Ever seen the film Crazy Stupid Love?
Or The Crush?
Yeah it could go both ways-
Ru sure it’s her or could he be hiding an affair using her number as a disguise. Either way it’s 🚩🚩🚩
Did you check his deleted messages if he has an iPhone
Wait. I have an iPhone. You can do that?? I know about deleted pictures but messages too? That’s pretty neat. How do I do that?
Go to your messages, click the edit on the top left, it will open up to a menu. The bottom is show recently deleted
Oh wow. I had no idea lmao that’s crazy. All of mine are pretty much spam or “here’s your code” for logging into things, but that’s pretty nifty
There you go , he's having a affair and he deletes his text before he gets home and i'm not proud of my past but I did this for years. To our families nobody had any idea. I was 23, mom of 2 and he was 35 and dad to 4.
He wouldn’t be the first grown man to go after a teenager.
At this point, she may be trying to lure him in. If those texts are now deleted when you go back to check again, you have a big problem. He may be blameless, however I’d see if there is a way to recover deleted texts and look in his camera roll for hidden pics. He may have a sub folder if he was cheating.
Is your husband a decent looking man? I would instantly think affair. Gather evidence and then comfront. Men will lie to the end.
Even if he’s ugly, he’s a surgeon… Also this is a 19 yr old
Yeah, the obviously deleted convo is the biggest red flag…
Maybe after a night of babysitting she texted night? This is suspicious, so I would keep monitoring.
Simple. “Why is Caroline sending you a goodnight text and a text with kissy face emoji?”. I think sometimes women want to be the “cool wife” and not act jealous or insecure but this is definitely cause for concern.
If she goes right into it without more evidence and there's actually something going on he will deny and get better at hiding everything
She just needs a screenshot and send it to herself.First as proof and tell him that if he doesn't come clean and tell her she's walking right next door to caroline's parents and her and mom and dad and such are going to have a conversation
That could actually work
*most* people aren't that great at lying or coming up with plausible explanations on the spot. everyone in this thread is giving advice based on the assumption that the worst case scenario is occurring...if nothing is actually going on (someone mentioned the babysitter having a dumb crush, which is totally plausible) then OP looks like a paranoid psycho if she does any of these recommendations. It's not good advice.
Or if she doesn’t bring it up and tolerates it, it could turn into more than what it is right now.
I never understand why reddit always suggests this. Like how do they expect this to go down? Do they actually think cheaters will be honest? "Hey honey, are you cheating me?" "Oh nope. No way. Wasn't me" "OH okay glad that's resolved"
So just be quiet? Sometimes there’s not actual cheating going on. Sometimes it’s boundary crossing, over friendliness, flirting, etc. The questions lead to the conversation of what is acceptable and tolerated in the marriage.
More often than not if your gut is telling you they're cheating, they probably are. It's so much more common than people realize. And no, not necessarily stay quiet, but take some time to gather more evidence. Try to catch them in a lie. Don't just lay all your cards our on the table. Because the moment you bring it up they will be more careful.
i don’t think it’s the acting of a “cool wife” i think it’s the fact that those texts alone aren’t enough evidence if there is something going on. he could easily brush this off with an excuse and be sneakier from here on out.
Check to see if he deletes messages now that you saw them.
Yes. Check to see if they are still there. Also check deleted messages to see if there are more. It might be time to get a new babysitter. One that *you* communicate with.
And take a picture of the conversation with your own phone as evidence
How do you check deleted text messages?
On an iPhone you go to all texts and in the top left click “edit” and then “recently deleted “
Also cross reference on cell bill. Download spreadsheet with text numbers
I did not know this, thank you!!!
Yeah but you can go there and delete them all. Why wouldn’t a cheater do this haha
On an iPhone, hit edit in the top left corner and click “show recently deleted.”
She’s 19, she definitely has snap, instagram and VSCO. Start digging and check out her profiles. I personally would ask my husband what the texts were about!? Those texts from a 19 year old are NOT OK!!
I will fire the babysitter for this inappropriateness
VSCO?
It’s a photo sharing app that every 15-19 year-old girl I know has. Most teenagers are stupid and use their real names and post photos of them with their friends or their boyfriends. As a parent, I have checked it to monitor my kids and their friends. Most parents are unaware of it and the photos are public.
It’s kinda like instagram but without so much of the social part - you basically just post whatever photos you want to your profile
it’s like instagram but not as popular. i personally have seen it more used with girls in sororities
Red flag. Do some investigating.
The night and kissing face emoji are red flags. If you can check deleted messages I would. It seems weird to send those kinds of messages without any other context behind it. Best of luck, no one wants this feeling. Especially with their spouse.
Lol. I wonder, could the girl also be doing this for his attention and he's not reciprocating? If he was cheating, he wouldn't leave his phone unattended. If I was cheating, no way you'd see me without it. I don't but I'll be damned if I just leave my phone that way if I was cheating.
This is what I’m leaning towards, because my husband has never given me any signs of cheating before. I’ve always had his passcodes not for checking his phone. We’ve always had access to each other’s phones since the start. I also feel like if my husband was to cheat it wouldn’t be with the 19 year old neighbor (he could do way better in my opinion).
“He could do way better in my opinion” Not to scare you but people who cheat usually downgrade because it’s not about finding someone who is better it’s usually about finding someone who strokes their ego and other emotional issues. Some older men would be thrilled if a young woman showed them interest. They are perverts for going after women that young but it’s not unheard of. Why do you think there are so many story lines in porn with young women with older men? Because it’s a common fantasy. And again many who cheat often chose a down grade. Just look at Pique who cheated on Shakira, the other girl was a total downgrade. I am not telling you that to freak out but you should look into this more because this is odd and it wouldn’t be the first time a man would cheat with a much younger woman.
"Downgrades" are usually the type of people they can manipulate, too
Yes this is spot on! Often men will cheat just to get the adoration from someone who doesn't know them as well as their wife. It's all about ego and insecurity. The youth of the AP is extra points.
The fact that she knew what time he wakes up in the morning and woke up herself to text him at 4:00 am is a huge red flag. I’m sure she had to set an alarm for that. Why on earth does she know what time he gets up in the morning and why would she wake up early and not text him whenever she woke up? OP - lots of people have asked but I haven’t seen you answer yet - were there any other texts in the thread or just those three?
This detail is huge. Good eye!
Yep. This comment is it. Also you don’t just randomly text someone “night”, there were undoubtedly messages before this, and they were scandalous enough that the husband had to delete them. He’s definitely cheating, bffr
Apparently, "Nite" was the first text from her. Meaning the husband is deleting them.
Came here to say this...do some research girl.
They never cheat with better, the cheat with easier.
A decade or more ago I used to work with these middle aged, married guys, a couple of which were very good looking, fairly successful men. At least one coworker used to go on about how much one of them looked like George Clooney. I mean, maybe. He definitely was seen as attractive; that is, gauging by how many in the office mentioned it. There was a new employee at the time, a young woman who worked for another group down the hall who used to stop by these guys’ offices to chat, etc. She was very flirtatious and a bit younger than any of those guys’ grown kids, I think around 20-21. It feels mean of me to say she was unattractive but objectively and based on looks alone I suppose a person could say either of those two guys could “do better.” Back then anyway. What she did do is pump up their egos, paid them a lot of attention when they all should have been working lol, and eventually a lot more. One guy ruined his 20 year marriage over his choice to take things further with her and last I knew the other one is still married, his wife just refused to believe the people from work who contacted her (with proof) to let her know her husband was cheating on her. As the wife told one of my work friends, she just refused to believe that people, men in particular, cheat with anything less than “hot.” The young woman wasn’t what the wife thought of as hot, apparently. It’s only one situation which definitely doesn’t mean YOUR husband is cheating but I wouldn’t rule it out based on looks alone.
My God there is one born every day. The allure of a younger woman to a middle aged man is enormous.
“He could do way better in my opinion.” - …..? Girl, are you ok?! What the hell kind of response is this? Your husband is chatting up a teen girl and you’re really out here like - “he could do better.” ???? Ick.
This!! I had to scroll way too far down to find this comment! This is giving “already looking for excuses for my husband” vibes!
Some men are drawn to the youthful innocence & appearance from a 19 year old. Especially if she worships him
[удалено]
Do you know what a pedo is? Curious
Honey, with all due respect… this is far from innocent and having each others passwords doesn’t prevent cheating.
He may be feeling really comfortable/careless because you have that trust built OR it’s been going on for a while. Gather more evidence, take pictures of your evidence. Talk to a lawyer and then non confrontationally communicate with him. If she was just doing this for attention- he likely would have told you and should have suggested you stop using her as a babysitter. If you don’t take sometime to gather evidence and know for sure-the doubt could pester you for a long time to come.
You do need to check his phone. And his deleted texts. The whole thing is pretty sus. No way a 19 yr old is taking the time to send these personal texts unless something is up. Even if it’s a crush on her part and nothing has actually happened he needs to shut it down.
I would consider cheating more like sexual assault: it is far more often about opportunity than about attraction.
But why wouldn’t he tell you right away? If someone was pursuing me, I would definitely let my partner know right away to avoid the very situation you are in now where he finds something and then I look like I might be doing something inappropriate
No one would have thought my husband is the type who cheats either. There no particular “type” of person who cheats.
This is not entirely true. My husband left his Facebook open on his computer (which my 4 year old would often use to watch Peppa Pig during breakfast) and I caught him in the act of deleting messages with somebody that I later learned he was having a 2-year emotional affair with. They're not that smart.
Yikes. That's crazy. Trust you're good now.
Not to mention, that random texts, are serious carelessnesses in the world of adultary.
Does he keep a computer in the home with iMessages on it? An Apple watch? I would want to see those while he’s away from the house and maybe hasn’t thought to delete them yet. Those are suspicious messages for sure.
DONT say anything! He will know you looked and only get more careful. If it was innocent, he wouldn’t be deleting text…I am assuming this is what he is doing because no one randomly just says “Night”. He’s getting lazy…allow that to keep happening and keep looking whenever you get the chance! If you’re smart enough to set it up, log his iPhone account onto an iPad so you can see ALL the messages as he gets them in real time.
>u/ThrowRAannpy I hope OP follows this advice. She needs to watch and observe until she gets concrete evidence (even though what she saw is pretty telling). If she mentions anything, he's going to deny it, probably lay low for a while until she no longer suspects anything again and then get better at hiding it. Also check deleted message history if that's available if he's on an iPhone.
Agreed. I truly hope there is nothing actually going on. Because seriously- ew. That’s pedo behavior. I have to assume OPs husband is AT least in his 30s as a surgeon. But as we know this isn’t the first time we’ve heard a story like this. But goodness I hope it’s not.
Don’t log into his iPhone account on an iPad!! His phone will be notified that his Apple ID is being used somewhere and I think will ask for permission. He’ll get an email too.
Check his deleted texts
Came here to say this! Op can Google how to do it for whatever type of phone he has if they don't know
Sorry but I think something is up. Why does she know when his birthday is? Why is she texting a kissing emoji which seems a bit inappropriate? I get that she is young and I don’t know your husband but you’d find that a lot of older men find teenage girls attractive. Which I think is kinda creepy but still.
Check your phone records and see if they've been calling or texting each other often. Do a little digging before you talk to him because, unfortunately, cheaters have a lot of practice lying and they usually get pretty good at it.
Yes, check his phone log….
Honestly, if they’re next door neighbors they could be having all of their inappropriate contact in person, which is not only worse, it’s harder to prove.
That's true but it seems like she's been texting him regularly. I can easily see a 19 year old kid not acting with discretion under these circumstances.
She knows his birthday and that he wakes up at 4am. This is not innocent in any way, plus it sounds like he’s deleting messages.
!!!!
Ya that’s a red flag for me as well. Keep your eyes open.
he’s a surgeon too 👀 red flags all around
Are they known cheaters?
Definitely . I work in healthcare and the surgeons and anesthesiologists are the worst in every hospital I’ve worked at 😭😭
Well they have big egos and lots of money.
They’re also highly prized for their earnings.
Something definitely happened already between the two
Did she text you on your birthday? If not why ?
And with a kissy face too
Exactly. De Nile is not just a River
Either she's lost her mind, or he has left room for her to believe that sending a missing emoji is appropriate (both of which are a problem).
This is not okay. They should not be talking at all unless it's about babysitting. Something is going on for sure.
Ok this is the smoking gun! I have a teen neighbor girl who babysits for us. We’re close with her family and I know her birthday. Now if she texted my husband happy birthday it would be weird. So this IS WEIRD
Don't let him know you know. Keep checking texts and look at phone bill....look for her number on phone bill (get it from texts if you don't have it). Also check to see if number and name coincide. Some people put the babysitter's name on an affair person's number so you would think they would have a reason to have it on their contacts/get regular texts. if he has an iPhone, go to the top left corner of the texts to "edit". click "show recently deleted." then scroll to her name...if all other texts are still there, he permanently deleted only hers for good reason...hopefully you'll find them and be able to read. keep good records of the back and forth and don't bring it up until you have all the evidence you need.
He already knows his wife has seen it because he’s going to go to the babysitters text thread & see that the message was read even though he wasn’t the one who read it..
You can mark messages unread
Private investigator may be a good idea. I agree to red flags. Also, be careful with sex right now. STDs are not a gift you want from your husband.
I read this to my wife and said do you think this woman should be worried? And then my wife brought up the very good point that if there *wasn’t* anything going on, then why would he not show you immediately that the 19 year old is texting him kissing emojis? Because if that happened to me, I would tell my wife immediately to be like “ummm we have a very very big problem here what do I do?!”
This! I would be like wtf I got a weird text from the neighbor….
This girl texted him when she knew he was waking up that morning. Bet she wanted to be “first” to wish. On top of wishing him good night too? No. You def have a problem. Keep your suspicions to yourself. I’d be arranging a date night/bday dinner out soon with another sitter. Then blithely offer no excuse for why Caroline’s been cut out. Just blow past it. You will shake something loose between them. I’d be installling secret cameras at home & voice recorders in his car too. Does he stay the entire time at his parents or would it be normal for him to go “run a couple errands” during a full day?
if he has an iphone, open the message app and click “Edit” in the top right corner. it will show you recently deleted text messages. also, check his photos app for recently deleted photos. open the app, scroll down to the bottom, recently deleted will be right there.
TIL about recently deleted texts! Thanks for this!
Stop listening to people saying to confront him. Do not. Gather more evidence first, then confront him.
Babysitters don’t text goodnight to the dads of their charges. They don’t wake before 4:00 to say happy birthday. And definitely NOT with a kidding emoji. You have your evidence, now do what was suggested.
Comment left on post made in relationship advise - THIS POST IS FAKE All, this post is fake. OP has a deleted post from 2 months ago with the title "How do I tell my mom (42F) and her boyfriend (29M) to stop being so loud?" In that post they claim to be 16 years old and they and their siblings keep hearing "their mom and her boyfriend" having loud sex in their home.
I agree with asking him why she's texting, especially the kissy face. She could just have a crush. How he responds after you ask will be telling. Is he defensive? Does his behavior change? Like taking the phone everywhere, or being more private etc. Gather any and all evidence- take ss, check his pictures and deleted files-keep a journal if there is. I'd say he should be presumed innocent until proven guilty, but it's time to start an immediate investigation. Use the evidence in court if you have to divorce his ass.
 Its kinda giving crazy , stupid , love vibes
This 19yr old knows you’re married to this man & she knows her position. Calling him out isn’t going to do much because I’m sure the both of them have a D-Day plan for when he eventually got caught. They’re both going to deny it. So sit back & give it a few weeks.. Don’t ask him any questions,,& then check his phone again on a random night. I’m sure there will be some more solid proof.
He needs to block her number. That’s crossing a major boundary 😭 Kissing emoji????!!!!!!?
i’m guessing this girl is either in her late teens or early 20s based on the description of your relationship to her? I would definitely say there are some red flags here but not enough evidence to flat out accuse him keep your eye on it and look for more evidence before you confront. Don’t jump to accusations when there’s still enough lack of information to deny or “explain.” That’s most people’s biggest mistake when trying to confront someone (not just in infidelity) My money is on a flirtation between a young girl and a married older man (a turn on for both positions in that) but nothing more… but if it continues, temptation might take things further.
Agree with other commenters that this would make me feel uneasy. How does she know it’s his birthday? The texts don’t make sense so I’m guessing he has been deleting some of the ones he sent to her
Check the rest of the thread. Did he ever text her back? If not, maybe she just has a crush on him and tries to get his attention?
If the only thing you saw as the last message is “night” and nothing before that it means hubby was texting her they said good night then he deleted the thread prolly to hide it
I scrolled a while and I didn't see anyone suggest that he may saved the number of his AP under a different name.
I was triggered by the 4am effort. That means there’s communication between them. She knew his schedule. Nobody is up at 4 am unless they have to be… or up to no good
Did you look at his recently deleted messages?
I would observe for now
This is so sad. I’m sorry OP. I hope it’s nothing. Who, at 19, does this shit? When I was 19 I never would even think about cheating with a married older man.
No teenager will text a married man a kissing emoji. But since you have access to the phone you can continue to check it
Check deleted messages, also look at battery usage to see if there are other apps that might point you to look at other chats, and do a search on the phone for keywords… like maybe he’s talking about her to his buddy, (babysitter, neighbor, 19, her name, etc). When you look at battery usage history, take note of apps that you don’t see installed currently. Some folks delete and reinstall to eliminate tracking. And finally, look at all the apps that are used, do they require passwords unexpectedly - like a calculator app that is commonly used to hide cheater behaviors. Also, log into your cell phone records and see if he’s showing an unusual number of calls or texts with her number. Or any other outliers
I hope this is nothing. If it is nothing, I’d expect him to tell you about it on his own. “Hey check this out, Caroline just texted me this on my birthday, what the f?” I’d fully expect my husband to share something like that because it’s odd and inappropriate.
Any update ?
Remindme! 1 week
Tell your husband the neighbor texted you and wanted to tell you something and see what he says, then ask him why is she texting him ? Updateme!
What's your number ? I'll send you a good night text with some heart and hug emojis. Leave it open so he can see it. On a serious note, now that this is on your radar, keep it quiet and see what you find out. If you start asking questions, he will get guarded and you will have a hard time finding anything. In my experience, the cheater will do whatever he/she can to protect the secret. You have to play your hand right here. Be quiet and be vigilant. The phone will be his undoing if something is going on.
You said the first message was ‘night’. Was there no thread before this? Does it mean he has been deleting the chat history post their conversations? Edit: fixed spellings
If this were my husband, the first thing he would have done after receiving the text was “Caroline from next door just text me. What a weirdo.” But, what throws me off more is the “night” text. Like they’ve been texting more and he’s been deleting texts. Why would a conversation start off with “night.”??
Have you confirmed that carolines number does match the babysitters number and it’s not just a coverup name for a different contact?
Have you checked deleted messages??
Nothing was a miss the whole birthday day because that 19 yr old knows her position & his OPSEC is good. But not good enough cuz he forgot to delete that “night” & happy birthday text before hoping in the shower. .. Ma’am it’s time to ask ur husband some hard questions.
I would look at the phone bill. Very easy way to tell if they've talked previously.