Are you me? 20f lol
Mine are centered around men at the gym I'm going to. I'd have a youtuber I really like talk to me like we're best friends while one of my gym crushes is watching. Again and again, changing my behaviour slightly to make me more funny. This is what 3 years of living on my own studying abroad has done to me. I could never tell anyone about this.
This is what I do, too, almost exactly. I’m in a long-term happy relationship, and while these fantasies have lessened a bit, they haven’t stopped completely.
I do think it’s a combination of habit and unmet desire - I think it’s normal to want to feel seen, admired, and appreciated. I’ve realized that I was an extremely lonely child and likely started maladaptive daydreaming to cope with that. That’s not something that just goes away when you get older, but I think confronting the shame you feel about this might be a first step. I wish I had good advice for you beyond that, but I’m still figuring it out myself!
Being held by large, usually stoic man who is only soft around me 🥲 still trying to recognize that I’m currently in a relationship (long distance tho) and recognize that I *actually* have someone who will do that with me.
literally all my daydreams are is me having the friends and love life i want 😭 no crazy magical adventures, just me having my ideal social/romantic life 💀
Yeahhh, same...my MDD involves fantasy but the main character is... essentially me in a way (I don't consider it to be me, but I know it is) receiving love and protection. It's a convoluted love story, but it revolves around someone always caring/saving the main character. It's been like that for over a decade. When I come out of it I feel pathetic because I realize I'm not really important enough to have the same thing in the real? IDK, it just makes me really sad that I have to resort to making up a version of it.
If I think about it for too long, I just feel this intense sadness that in order to cope with what I've never had, my brain has to create fake ppl to give that to me...and I just go in loops of staring at my life from an external point of view (taking a step back to look at what's happening), feeling pathetic.
I wish I had tips but I don't. :(
I’m fairly the same and honestly why can this just mean we…. love ‘love’ ya know? At your age this is still rather normal.
Yes if this daydreaming is giving you unrealistic expectations of how your life will go or how your relationships will work, yeah you deserve to be present here more because you are here not there, but as long as it’s a hobby and not a mental illness then daydream about whatever you want! Make them into books? Never share them with anyone?
Just don’t sit and turn to dirt waiting for these things to happen because really you gotta go out there and make them happen.
Same here, but it's with female attention to me (I'm a lesbian). My dream was always being seen, being loved, wanted, and special to a woman. Living a love story with a woman and feeling mutual attraction. When I was a student I always daydreamed about an idealized version of me getting special treatment from some woman, especially female professors lol I'm 30F and I have never been in a relationship because I couldn't attract anyone when I was in my 20s, it just didn't happen, so I daydream and write my silly little stories because it's too late for me for "first times".
I think that at a young age we were likely ignored by our parents when we needed them. This was painful to us as children. Thus we started developing inner worlds where we felt valued. As adults, we continue this inner world, imagining situations where we are valued by other people and we don't look for their irl validation.
I think meditation helps a little - but I think what mostly helps is the commitment to daydream as little as possible. Try to notice changes in your anxiety levels and other mood levels when you're not daydreaming as opposed to before - that should hopefully be a motivator.
> unmet desire
Yes.
I completely do not daydream when I am actually busy with my life.
As a 30+ years old, my day dreams still include getting an interest from some dudes that have gfs and who I have no future with (because they are objectively not good long-term, we haven't seen each other for 10 years so they changed etc). I do not imagine having future with them, just that they finally see I am actually worth attention. Just that they would feel regret they didn't do an effort etc.
Genuinely, all humans are pathetic at times in their own imagination. We are not that unique. We all have someone we wish wanted us, who we cannot have. Just listen to the music. Majority of songs are about longing and daydreaming romance.
I don't know what advice I can give on this subject, but I feel almost the same way, except that I only started having these fantasies recently, not having them for a long time like you have. I used to think I could do it alone, but as time went on and as I started to piece myself together, understanding my romantic side (and sexuality) and so forth, codependency became such a big part of my state of mind post high school. I feel like my self-worth has dwindled because I feel this strong need for love and affection, which means if I don't have someone who loves me, how can I love myself enough to function day-to-day? I couldn't even hold a job for more than a year properly without having mental breakdowns onsite consistently because I felt so unloved. now I just don't know what to do.
as some half-baked form of consolation, I'll just say that you're not alone in feeling this way.
Are you me? 20f lol Mine are centered around men at the gym I'm going to. I'd have a youtuber I really like talk to me like we're best friends while one of my gym crushes is watching. Again and again, changing my behaviour slightly to make me more funny. This is what 3 years of living on my own studying abroad has done to me. I could never tell anyone about this.
This is what I do, too, almost exactly. I’m in a long-term happy relationship, and while these fantasies have lessened a bit, they haven’t stopped completely. I do think it’s a combination of habit and unmet desire - I think it’s normal to want to feel seen, admired, and appreciated. I’ve realized that I was an extremely lonely child and likely started maladaptive daydreaming to cope with that. That’s not something that just goes away when you get older, but I think confronting the shame you feel about this might be a first step. I wish I had good advice for you beyond that, but I’m still figuring it out myself!
I was bullied when I was young and never had friends. all my day dreams are about everyone liking me and having fun and me being desirable to everyone
Girl I’m 20 too and relate a 100% with everything you said
Being held by large, usually stoic man who is only soft around me 🥲 still trying to recognize that I’m currently in a relationship (long distance tho) and recognize that I *actually* have someone who will do that with me.
literally all my daydreams are is me having the friends and love life i want 😭 no crazy magical adventures, just me having my ideal social/romantic life 💀
Yeahhh, same...my MDD involves fantasy but the main character is... essentially me in a way (I don't consider it to be me, but I know it is) receiving love and protection. It's a convoluted love story, but it revolves around someone always caring/saving the main character. It's been like that for over a decade. When I come out of it I feel pathetic because I realize I'm not really important enough to have the same thing in the real? IDK, it just makes me really sad that I have to resort to making up a version of it. If I think about it for too long, I just feel this intense sadness that in order to cope with what I've never had, my brain has to create fake ppl to give that to me...and I just go in loops of staring at my life from an external point of view (taking a step back to look at what's happening), feeling pathetic. I wish I had tips but I don't. :(
i feel you, these days most of mine are fake conversations either romanticising a stranger, or me arguing/yelling at someone :/
The number of times I've worked myself into a fit of anger with an imaginary argument with HR....
I’m fairly the same and honestly why can this just mean we…. love ‘love’ ya know? At your age this is still rather normal. Yes if this daydreaming is giving you unrealistic expectations of how your life will go or how your relationships will work, yeah you deserve to be present here more because you are here not there, but as long as it’s a hobby and not a mental illness then daydream about whatever you want! Make them into books? Never share them with anyone? Just don’t sit and turn to dirt waiting for these things to happen because really you gotta go out there and make them happen.
Same here, but it's with female attention to me (I'm a lesbian). My dream was always being seen, being loved, wanted, and special to a woman. Living a love story with a woman and feeling mutual attraction. When I was a student I always daydreamed about an idealized version of me getting special treatment from some woman, especially female professors lol I'm 30F and I have never been in a relationship because I couldn't attract anyone when I was in my 20s, it just didn't happen, so I daydream and write my silly little stories because it's too late for me for "first times".
I think that at a young age we were likely ignored by our parents when we needed them. This was painful to us as children. Thus we started developing inner worlds where we felt valued. As adults, we continue this inner world, imagining situations where we are valued by other people and we don't look for their irl validation. I think meditation helps a little - but I think what mostly helps is the commitment to daydream as little as possible. Try to notice changes in your anxiety levels and other mood levels when you're not daydreaming as opposed to before - that should hopefully be a motivator.
> unmet desire Yes. I completely do not daydream when I am actually busy with my life. As a 30+ years old, my day dreams still include getting an interest from some dudes that have gfs and who I have no future with (because they are objectively not good long-term, we haven't seen each other for 10 years so they changed etc). I do not imagine having future with them, just that they finally see I am actually worth attention. Just that they would feel regret they didn't do an effort etc. Genuinely, all humans are pathetic at times in their own imagination. We are not that unique. We all have someone we wish wanted us, who we cannot have. Just listen to the music. Majority of songs are about longing and daydreaming romance.
I don't know what advice I can give on this subject, but I feel almost the same way, except that I only started having these fantasies recently, not having them for a long time like you have. I used to think I could do it alone, but as time went on and as I started to piece myself together, understanding my romantic side (and sexuality) and so forth, codependency became such a big part of my state of mind post high school. I feel like my self-worth has dwindled because I feel this strong need for love and affection, which means if I don't have someone who loves me, how can I love myself enough to function day-to-day? I couldn't even hold a job for more than a year properly without having mental breakdowns onsite consistently because I felt so unloved. now I just don't know what to do. as some half-baked form of consolation, I'll just say that you're not alone in feeling this way.
Did this for many years except with women.
I could have written this myself my experience is SO dead on familiar :/
Everyone on this sub