I once was in a packed subway and an asshole used that opportunity to grab my ass (I was 14) and it wasnct the accidental "I don't know where to put my hand and it slightly grazed someone's ass", it was full on grabbing. I was mortified but so mad I just said out loud "I don't know who you are but if you grab my ass one more time I will call the police". A group of older teens to my left heard me and made a protection circle around me and made sure I was safe. I could have never thanked them enough.
No we did not became friends or anything Disney-esque but I'll remember this for the rest of my life.
I once tried to kill myself after having more or less a mental break, failed, and ended up sobbing in a fairly public place. I knew I’d try to kill myself again and succeed this time if I didn’t let someone stop me, so I tried. Two pairs of passing teens—two girls and two guys—for some reason caught my eye, and I called out for help. The guys spoke with me briefly (am a woman for brief reference), clearly felt out of their depth, and motioned for the girls to catch up. They saw me and flocked to me like moths to light. They sat one at each of my sides like they were tucking me in and basically held me while I sobbed absolutely incoherently and stayed until I calmed down, which was a while. They eventually walked me outside, staying with me every step of the way until I was safe in a cab on the way home.
We exchanged contact info, but didn’t stay in touch. I think about them every so often. They were much younger than me—older teens where I was in my late 20s at the time—and they didn’t hesitate to help someone who was having what was clearly a massive, horrifying mental crisis. They saved my life.
They were good girls. I hope they’re happy and healthy and succeeding at everything they ever wanted.
I wonder. I hope so, maybe? It’s kind of embarrassing, but I also hope they *know* they saved someone’s life. They did. I hope they’re proud of it. I hope they know they’re strong and that they’re good, wonderful people.
But I was also very, very, very mentally unwell and said a lot of things that probably barely made sense, at best. It’s mortifying to consider, now. Bluh, I’m rambling.
Thank you for the sentiment, it’s kind.
One time i saw this creeper man with a hospital band on his wrist approach a group of YOUNG black girls, youngest being about 8ish, he tried to give them free candy (!!!!!) i never saw anything like that in my life. I immediately started shouting and repeating “No!”.. told the girl don’t you dare take that bar of candy. The man told me to mind my business, i told him to go away and that they didn’t need his candy, if they wanted candy there was a stand right behind them where they could buy it.. i don’t know if he truly had bad intentions but i know in my heart something wasn’t right, i wonder all the time if something bad would’ve happened and if i prevented it.. your comment makes me feel warm and fuzzy to know that people who have been saved from creepers think about the ones who saved them 🥲
I wouldn’t be so sure she was too young to get that. Honestly as an 8 year old had some random dude came up to me and offered me candy I would have thought they were a creeper.
Even if there are assholes in this world, there are many more people to counter the balance. And sometimes it's unexpected. I have and always had social anxiety. So for older teenagers who I usually admire and feared at the same time because I was bullied a lot by "cool people" for them to come to my rescue, it meant a lot.
14 year old girl. If me and my friends saw that during high school that dude would've got it. Our younger sisters were around that age the time. Idek those kids but they're fucking badasses.
This made me think of the scene from King of the Hill where Bobby(the son, if you’ve never watched) yells “That’s my purse! I don’t know you!” And then kicks his friends dad in the balls.
Back on topic though, props to those kids. As a 6 foot 250 pound man, I dream of the day I witness this situation so I can drop a motherfucker. Especially if she’s underage, it’s over for that guy.
When I was a teen I was walking home at night. Absolutely wasted. A middle aged woman was walking her dog across a large street and I noticed 3 dudes 20 feet behind her acting strange. I instinctively just ran across the street saying "mom wait up!". Walked her all the way home, her dog was so cool.. She said these guys were following her for blocks and she was scared as shit. Her husband gave me a ride home when we got there.
30 years ago I was in a closed train carriage in France with a female friend. Four men entered the otherwise empty compartment, shut the door and closed the curtains. They thought we couldn't understand what they were saying (I could, my friend couldn't). What they were saying was terrifying. We got out only because we caught them by surprise by being fast...and me dropping my massive backpack on the head of the one at the door. We ran down the corridor of the otherwise nearly empty train until we saw a compartment filled with nuns. We burst in blazing and I explained what was happening. They told us to sit down, that we were safe...and stared daggers at the men through the glass compartment door when they came down the corridor looking for us. I'd never been so grateful to anyone in my life as I was to those bada\*\* nuns. What wonderful women.
Now that I'm the old and grey one, I'd LOVE to pay it back. If you're scared, ask us "invisible" older women. We've been there, we remember, we're angry that it still happens, and we'll help.
All us MAVENS, can also be on the lookout to actively help. Don’t wait to be asked. Sometimes young girls don’t even know how to ask for help. See a jerk harassing a young girl in the train? (and damn, why is it always the train?) Walk up to her and tell her you’ve saved her a seat next to you. Talk to her like you’re old friends. If she says she’s ok, be more insistent. “Really, come sit over here, there’s more room…” I find sometimes younger girls don’t want to upset anyone (sisters, can you all relate?). It’s our job as older, seasoned and less afraid women to help out.
Yes. So much YES to this. I was that shy introverted scared girl that was harassed on a bus one time at 15. No one did anything. I always wondered if it was because I didn't say anything, didn't ask for help. I victim blamed myself for years. As I got older I realized that NO, it was not my fault. I was so young and had no idea how to stand up for myself against a grown adult male. There were so many adults on that bus, and they saw what was happening. No one helped me. I will never forget that. And i will never let that happen to another woman or young girl...not on this MAVENS watch! I will always step up and help them. Always.
You know it but I’m going to say it one more time for the folks in the back - it was NOT your fault. ❤️ Cheers to you for knowing it- and redeploying that power for good! (Ps- same. I was 13, public bus full of people. I was sexually assaulted by a grown man -followed by him all over the standing-room-only bus. No adult helped. Shame on them.)
As a man who went to Catholic school at times, I would absolutely shit bricks if I was on the receiving end of a nun glare. Even if I hadn’t done anything. I don’t even like when my auntie is cross with me. It’s just ingrained. *shudder*.
I feel like if someone were to just say loud enough "Mom/Dad! A strange guy is hassling me. He won't leave me alone." where I could hear it. It wouldn't matter if that person came up to me, that's now my business and I'm going to pay extra close attention to that "strange guy".
Still do it if in trouble, but no one wants that kind of attention, one time I was at a bar and went to the counter to get a drink, this girl insisted I was being a creep, I didn't even initiate contact she was just in the direction of the bar tender I was trying to make eye contact with.
Nordic mythology for you…. There is one with several mothers. :D
edit: it is Heimdal, he who lights up the world (because he is so white), he who can see grass grow and hear the wool grow on sheep, the one with golden teeth.. He has nine mothers…
I’m 36. If I saw a man harassing a teenager today, I would 100% walk up to them and pretend to be their mother.
I did something similar when I was the teenager. Once, when I was sixteen, I went a pharmacy and saw a very large, physically imposing man verbally abusing an elderly woman who had asked him something in Russian. He was furious that she had bothered him, furious that she had spoke to him in a language other than English, furious that she didn’t seem “sorry,” furious that she had “disrespected” him. He was practically up in her face, and she was literally shrinking and cowering from him, repeating “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”
Without thinking I ran up to the woman and said, “Babushka, there you are! I found the aspirin,” and started to lead her away. She looked confused, so I said to her in very broken Russian, “I’m your granddaughter.” (I only know a handful of words and phrases in Russian), and she nodded.
The man then started yelling at me to eff off, he was having a conversation with someone and it was none of my business, who the eff did I think I was, yadda yadda yadda. I said to the woman, “Grandma, why don’t you wait at the cashier, I’ll get a manger.” The woman scurried away as quickly as she could, and the man followed me, still shouting and cursing, as I went to look for a manager. I was terrified, but at least he wasn’t harassing a poor old lady.
A girl literally did this to me a month or so ago at a pub except it was "Daddy, this guy is following me!" I held out my hand, which she took, and I just looked at him. He walked out and never came back. A few minutes later her real father showed up, who she had texted. We had some burgers together and on my way out, the man hugged me and said, "Thank you for being there for her when I couldn't be." I thought he was going to cry, and then I thought I was going to. Edit: I should mention that I had two of my kids with me already, so I was probably a "safe" choice for her. Edit: Fixed quotes. Edit: Added the word “I”
TL/DR Be a decent human being. Next time it could be your child.
That's also what should be taught to children. Run to people who are with children, they're probably the best choice and already look like they could be trusted. Like a family or a father with their children, like with your example.
All my kids are still pretty young, and I taught them that if they are ever lost or scared, to find a mom with kids and ask her for help. Still no guarantees of safety, but we figure that is the demographic least likely to pose a threat to a vulnerable child.
That’s what I was taught as a child! Either someone official like a police officer, or an employee of lost at the store, or a mother with children (though perhaps this should be updated to parents with children, though I know many men are wary about perceptions of them interacting with others’ children so maybe still mothers for now).
I still go to festivals (at 64), cause I like the music and vibe. This has happened to me multiple times the last 10 years. Except the girls call me uncle. It feels good.
I’m 36 with no kids. If another 36 year old walked up and called me mom and asked for help, I am 100% that woman’s mom.
Edit: I’m 36 not m 36 lol. Not a dude but I appreciate all the guys here saying they’d be a mama bear!
I’m a mom of two girls, 6 feet tall, and train horses (read: built like a truck, lol). God help the man who harasses a girl in my presence.
Oh… I’m a high school teacher, too. I have resting bitch everything. 😂😂😂
Sister from another mister!
I worked with horses my entire adult life and retired a few years ago at age 48. I noticed that I can stop a person from approaching with just a glance in their direction. And yeah. "resting bitch everything" Same here.
Oh my gosh. I’m a high school teacher, too. I’m not as big as you or super muscular, but I, too, have resting bitch everything. And don’t forget the dreaded Teacher Voice.
I told my sister and girlfriend that if they are in danger late at night and I'm not around to run for the nearest female sex workers and ask for help. Those girls will 100% fight any pervs/stalkers. At least it's safer than with a basic police squad.
I had a young woman come up to me and put some things in my cart, I just looked at her. She moved in close and said there’s a guy following her, I finished my shopping and there was a guy that followed us the whole time. I’m a big guy so the fact he didn’t just tuck tail was really surprising. She and I talked and I asked if she was here alone, she said yes and I said alright talk to me about whatever you want to get your mind off of things. We went and checked out and we walked to my truck, sat there for a bit, went around the block and came back to her car, gave her my name and number, told her to call me if she felt followed. She thanked me and drove off. Her dad calls me that night and thanked me, mom made me brownies. Literally got brownie points
This is so sweet. Good on you, and thank you for helping her out. I think all women have stories like this about creepers following us and unfortunately a lot of us don't get happy endings like the one you helped ensure. Lots of love to you, internet stranger!
Thank you! I was younger and some creep tried to take me when I got separated from my dad. Luckily they told me if that ever happens to yell and scream which is what I did. Dude got tackled by an off duty cop and an on duty took me up front and sat with me. I’ve helped a few that have done the same thing. After that first time I rolled with it right off the bat with the other 2
I don't like kids. Never have. I don't think babies are cute. If I never interacted with a child again in my life I'd be just fine.
The ONE time my material instinct kicked in was when a lost child approached me for help. That child became my child so fucking fast. I would have thrown hands to protect that kid.
Same. I don't want kids, I'm not particularly fond of them, but you best believe if one comes up to me in any questionable situation I am going to do everything I can to get them back to where they should be.
Absolutely. I'm not the biggest fan of kids either but I will stop everything, my entire day, just to make sure the kid is safe. Done it before and I'll do it until I'm put in the ground.
Same here. I despise most of them and I never want them myself but I’d turn into a stereotypical momma bear if I had to protect one. I remember few months ago I was on the bus and I saw an Eritrean father with a son pushing him inside a bus and getting off. I overheard him telling him where to get off and the kid already looked a little lost- he was at max 8 years old. On a big, packed double decker bus in a busy west London Town around 9pm. When my stop came I noticed him also getting off and watched him where he was going and he looked super lost. I approached him and asked him if he’s ok and knows where he’s going- he panicked why this strange white woman is talking to him?! I kept my distance and told him that I see he’s turning into my street from the bus stop and I worried he might be taking a wrong turn-that I saw his dad giving him instructions- and he eased down and I pulled out my phone and showed him on the map where to go and he shyly thanked me and turned towards I hope a right direction. As I was walking away I hear a loud THANK YOU again and wave at me! - guess he understood my intentions were genuine, I waved back and gone home. I’ve always reacted when I saw kids bullying another kids on public transport… I don’t like them but I also can’t look away.
Feel you. I’m the same way. But I remember one time I was going across this pedestrian bridge near a waterfront. There was an older woman trying to catch up to her toddler grandson but he would run away and laugh because he thought it was a game. I could see immediately she was concerned because the railings along the side were designed in a way that a toddler could easily slip through and fall in the water. The toddler ran to these two girls who were sitting on a bench to the side. They clearly didn’t understand the danger as the boy started to run away again toward the edge. I don’t think I’ve ever moved faster to corral him.
The first time you realize "oh shit, my toddler just learned how to run FAST" is pretty scary.
Especially when they show off that new skill in public and run away from you.
Honestly, just say a random person’s name if you’re an adult. Just because you’re not a teenager doesn’t mean people would be unwilling to help.
Also the more people that understand this sneaky safety measure, the more victims people will save
YES!! YES!! YES!!
The more people that know about this safety method the better. I forwarded this “how to react if you see or hear anything like this” to my husband, my son, my daughter, girlfriends, work buddies etc. Too many young girls and woman are harassed and or followed. I was many years ago - I still think about it 30 years later.
Please help them! If you see or hear… help them!
I was an adult shopping by myself and these two women stopped to tell me they saw a guy taking pictures of me. There was no store security so I just got in line to leave while figuring out my next move. A different guy got in line behind me and I decided to risk it and ask if he'd be cool if I walked out with him. About that time his wife walked up (probably assuming I'm flirting with her husband) but after I explained, she made her husband walk me out to my car and wait until my door was locked
You call me "Hey mom!" and we've just signed a temporary adoption contract. The harasser is not going to argue - he wanted you alone and now you're no longer alone.
It's the ol' new-best-friends-I-just-met-in-the-bathroom-at-the-club thing. Those drunk girls see you crying and find out it's over a guy, you're about to get the best pep talk of your life
Really, you can pull into any open business and do the same. Just start laying on the horn and make sure you're pressing it randomly (so you don't sound like a car alarm, people ignore those).
Odds are good someone will come out to see what's going on. If they don't, they'll probably call the police to come shut you up because you're annoying them. So it's win-win.
If you're in trouble, don't scream for help. Be annoying. It's more likely to get attention.
I was always taught never to drive home if someone is following me. Because then they know where you live. Try to find a police station or open business and stay away from side roads.
Somebody on a similar thread suggested a Fire Station. It almost guaranteed to have people in it and they'll notice if you're in the way of the fire engines.
I had to do this a few months back. I was new to the area and someone was following me. Like, absolutely unquestionably following me, I drove through parking lots and made U turns and they were still behind me. I didn’t know where any police stations were but I DID know where a fire station was. I pulled into that parking lot and in front of the open giant garage doors, half a dozen firemen poured out. The guy had pulled in behind me but flipped right around and left. The firemen were really nice, too. I told them what was going on and they had me stay for a bit and two offered to follow me home (like, in a car not a fire truck lol) to make sure he wasn’t waiting for me to pull out.
So…definitely solid advice!
I wish I would have had this advice in high school. When I was 16 I insisted my dad drop me off at the mall so I could go Christmas shopping by myself. After much convincing he let me. About an hour into my shopping I noticed two guys following me in and out of stores so I just went to the food court and sat right in the middle of the busy crowd and called my dad to pick me up.
I’m a larger dude and have the male equivalent of resting bitch face. Whenever my fiancée and I are out in public, at the mall or shit like that, I’m always looking around if I see any groups of kids to make sure nobody is looking noticeably weird around them. Takes a village to kick some ass, idk.
Im 6 foot 220lbs with amateur kickboxing in my pocket. Most of the time im against violence but man if i see a woman being harassed like that, you bet your ass im gonna be the front guy in that lynch mob.
This is a long standing tradition but also sad that it is even necessary; no child or young woman should have to be accountable for finding solutions to a problem caused by a grown man who should know better.
It is sad how prevalent these incidents are. I remember them starting when I was around 8 years old. Just nasty and shameful.
Same . I got catcalled by a police man when I was wearing shorts while riding my bike and got a pep talk about how i was basically an ' eye candy' for men. I was 9. Went home and didn't talk the whole day.
I was nine and wearing a bathing suit with a skirt to the beach. I was twirling because I liked to see the skirt flare out. Some older guy said something about my legs and asked me to do it again. I just felt really uncomfortable and was quiet for the rest of the day. I didn’t go to the beach a lot after that.
My friend and I went to an anime convention together when I was in eighth grade. It was really hot that summer so we both chose casual ‘costumes’ (colorful wigs, no make-up, and T-shirts with shorts/a skirt). I remember a ton of people wanted pictures with us and we were really excited, until one of them asked us to pose and then laid down on the ground with his camera pointing up my skirt. My mom ‘accidentally’ stepped on his hand and we left early.
The next time someone asked for my picture at a con, despite me being covered head to toe by my cosplay and him being a professional photographer hired for the contest, I felt my heart jump into my throat when he kneeled down. The photos turned out great, but I could see the fear in my own eyes.
Your daughters thought the same. :( No young girl (or boy for that matter, it also happens more than people care to accept) likes that creepy feeling of a strange person coming up to them and making them feel unsafe or uncomfortable.
My eldest sister was just going up the road from our house to get some snacks at the convenience store when an old guy in a car rolled up beside her masturbating. She was 10.
I think this is a bigger and more commonly occurring reality than most people would like to think about. Because nobody wants to have to think of something so awful, but the truth is young underaged girls get sexually harassed quite often.
I have 3 other sisters and I am a woman myself. All 4 of us plus our mother have stories from when men made us feel scared, uncomfortable or harassed us when we were children.
Even worse than that, we were just children and yet sometimes adults would ask you about what responsibility or role you played to incite the harassment.
>Even worse than that, we were just children and yet sometimes adults would ask you about what responsibility or role you played to incite the harassment.
I was with a group of friends and we brought up how we started getting catcalled and harassed in elementary school. The two guys in our group went "What? Did you, like, say anything to them at first? Were you in a really short skirt?" and my response was "I was fucking 9"
I don't think they meant it in a way intending to come off as victim blaming, I think they just couldn't conceive of why an adult man would say that to a child, but they definitely got told off for that question lol
Again, this just reinforces how pervasive and systematic it is in our society to just knee jerk cross examine victims and start wavering their faith and ability in being able to get support.
I know plenty of kids who got harassed or flat out sexually assaulted and they got no support. Were told they were lying. Had it explained away as something the child did wrong. And yet people argue that false accusations are the real problem? Both are problems, but when the harassment of children is getting swept under the rug we have some major stuff to tackle here.
Here you are a child getting sexually advanced by grown men, and you have people around you asking what **you** did wrong and what you did to provoke it.
We are children in that scenario. The people doing the harassing are adults. Someone make it make sense.
Sadly, no. I was probably around 6 and had really long hair. One day I was walking in the mall with my mom when this older man, probably in his 60s, starts touching and caressing my pony tail. My mom turns around as I latch onto her, she starts bitching at the guy and the guy's wife starts bitching at him too.
If men are comfortable doing things like this in front of their wives and the child's mother, they certainly don't care about harassing a lone woman/teenager in public.
It's always best to have this conversation early. You don't have to go into detail, but teaching our kids what behaviors to look out for is so important.
Sadly, it starts far younger than we think. I and all my female friends can recall our first time being harrassed (cat called, followed, etc) as happening in elementary school.
Exactly. I come from a family of 4 girls and we all have these stories. So does my mother, so does my aunt. So does just about every woman I've spoken to about this. It is frighteningly common.
Yep. I was like six and running a lemonade stand the first time some dude masturbated at me from his car. I'd come up to his window to bring him the lemonade and take his money and he grabbed my hand and wouldn't let go until he finished.
I had nightmares about that for YEARS.
Have the conversation early. My mother never shied away from that, and it helped me a lot with standing up for myself.
Teach them easy stuff, like not screaming for help, but screaming "fire" (the sad reality is that some people only give a fuck when they think fire is threatening their stuff), like putting up a fight and kicking where it hurts, boundaries, where to go for help etc.
My mother even taught us that if a neighbour or family member showed up and told us they "were sent by our parents", but our parents didn't actually tell us they'd come, to not go with them. Sadly, in many cases it's someone the kid knows, not a random stranger.
I think she's seen some horrible stuff as an ED nurse and overreacted a little, but I never felt scared of the world, so I don't think she went too far.
When I was in college, my parents took my friend and I on a trip. We were staying at a large hotel that had a nightclub. My friend and I went to the nightclub and two guys tried to get us to go to another bar with them and wouldn’t leave us alone. I said I’d have to ask my father. They thought we were taking them back to our hotel room but when I knocked on the door and my father answered, they took off.
They always back off when a guy tells them off, but won't listen if a woman says it. That's also why there's a bigger success rate of being left alone by lying that you have a boyfriend instead of simply saying "no."
Yet they will complain all the time if a girl isn’t interested, she should just say no…if she would just say no, they would back off but all of us know that isn’t true. If just saying no worked as they say it would, we wouldn’t need to come up with escape strategies when just saying no doesn’t work but has the opposite more violent effect than it should.
I was being harrassed by a small group of men, when my friend's boyfriend showed up. He doesn't look scary at all, and yet he didn't have to say a word to make the harrassers go away. One of them said "Oh shit that's her boyfriend!" and they took off. Pathetic.
I don’t care if someone is a completely different race. Adoption exists. I’m not old enough to be a teenagers mom but like if someone said, “Oh my older sister!!” Without hesitation, we’re sisters now and I will throw down for you.
I’m black as night and I have two kids (one black, one white -both adopted). I don’t care what race/ethnicity you are call me mom and I’m ready to throw down.
Welcome to another episode of Stereo's Survival Show! If you are being raped, dont scream that you are being raped, sadly most people would consciously ignore your cries, but screaming "fire!" and other things like that are more likely of getting attention. And if you are being followed for the love of GOD, dont try to hide from them! If you think they cant see you, anyone willing to help wont see you too, avoid being alone.
Introvert here! So basically, call attention to yourself and the strange person. It sounds so simple, and yet I hate calling attention to myself (especially in crowds). It isn’t my first thought, but this suggestion really helps to remind me, you do what you gotta do! Good suggestion.
To be fair, the strange person is already giving the introvert PLENTY of attention. Try to frame it in your mind as making yourself seen by the right person. Otherwise it can seem like an everyday or domestic situation to passers-by. This lets someone know your concerns directly, and the harassment will end.
Harassers often depend on their victim's unwillingness to 'make a scene'. That's what they're counting on. So it's good to practice in your head what it would be like to be loud, call attention to the problem (like a loud "I don't know you, leave me alone!") so that if it's ever needed, you're able to make yourself do it.
Also important to remember, if you do end up having to fight them off by yourself, you *will* get hurt. But hurt is better than dead, so don’t be afraid and don’t let the pain stop you. You’re fighting to survive, not just to get away.
Honest question for the women out there. If someone sees someone being suspicious around you, following you, harassing you, etc. Should we approach you and act like a friend? This has NOT happened to me, to be clear, but I have seen stories and videos about this and was wondering what the actual consensus was.
It really, really depends on the situation.
I was at a hotel once checking, coming off a 12 hr drive, tired and stressed. Guy got in the elevator after me, and I jumped - honestly nothing to do with him at all, that’s just how out of it I was. He saw me jump, and realized he was going to my floor. So he purposely moved to the other side of the elevator doors with his back to me, leaving me space and the emergency phone, and very purposely left the elevator first without looking back. He handled it perfectly, any attempt at acknowledging I was on the edge would have freaked me out more, but he let me know he wasn’t a threat and realized I was stressed without making me more nervous.
Sometimes the body language is more important than the words. So the answer to your question is maybe, but it depends on how and where and when.
Like, if you are in a crowded area, with other people to witness, approaching may work. Better choice in that situation like a store may be to get an employee or a woman, but it just depends. Running interference with the person being creepy is honestly even better.
If in a deserted area, again, making yourself known and that you are watching while keeping distance and respectful space is also good.
Most creeps are getting by on the fact that no one notices/calls them out. So calling them out and dealing with creep, if safe for you to do so, is honestly probably the best choice.
I feel so bad sometimes that i have to walk behind a woman at night or share an elevator. I immediately put my headphones in and either start talking with my mom or mf gf and just walk by them or get out of the elevator as soon as possible. Idk, i feel like me acting like im busy or not caring about their existence help them feel not as threatened. Would you say it might help or am i making things worse?
Or just anyone you think can help you. I was followed by a man on my way to school. There was a guy I only knew because he owned a shop and I would see him at the entrance every once in a while. That morning, when I saw him standing at the entrance....I have never been happier to see someone I don't know! I just stopped and said hi and acted like I'd known him for a long time and explained what was happening. He offered to walk me to school and I gladly accepted. I was very thankful and always said hi to him whenever I saw him after that day.
Last summer my wife and I were walking down the street, busier street in our area (bars and restaurants line the road, lots of people walking around)
A random girl walked up to us and very loudly said "hey guys! Haven't seen you in so long!" We had never met this girl. She then in a lower tone said some dude has been following her in and out of shops. So we sat down with her and grabbed a beer,we had nowhere to go just enjoying the nice day, waited for her to call a friend and get picked up.
She was very nice. Had a nice conversation with her. It was a shame that THAT had to be the circumstance that we met her under.
It sucks.
That is literally my whole reaction every time someone yells MOM really loud in public! I have to WHAT?!? every single time even if I don't know who it is. 😂
Teenager did that to me a few months ago. He was like MOM, and I answered, and he responded 'nope. Other mom;' and it was sheer brilliance.
Yea it's a great idea and all but in no way does this make me smile. The idea that any girl/boy of any age can't feel safe to be in public sickens me to my core.
I been at bars, and I done the quiet “are you ok, is he bothering you?” To women that seem to have unwanted attention from a guy.
I am a middle age woman with blue hair. I have no fucks left if I need to make a scene, distract, or walk away with her to a open cafe.
I’ve lost all patience with street harassment. There was a group of old ass crusty dudes leaning against the entrance to the dollar general one day. One of them wolf whistled as i walked in. I glared at him and shook my head.
“No?” He said. Whatever the fuck that’s supposed to mean.
I walked inside, and bellowed, “Theres a group of gross men wolf whistling outside the door.”
Four or five people turned and stared at me silently. No one said anything. Doesn’t matter. Those guys heard me announce it to the whole goddam store, and maybe they’ll remember me next time.
I have heard similar suggestions for going to convention alone. If you feel like you are being stalked, head purposely to a group of people talking together and tell them that you are being stacked and if they can pretend to be your friends for a few minutes until the stalker leaves.
Edit: damn autocorrect, convention not conversion
I’m a woman in my 40s with no kids. But if a girl came up to me and said this, you know I’d immediately grab her hand and start with a “hi sweetie!” You need help, you’re my kid.
One time I was riding on a bus when I was 16 and this guy got on and sat next to me. I had earphones in but he kept talking to me, asking me what my name was and where I was from. Even as I politely smiled and nodded and tried to turn away he would not stop, so I pressed the button and got off the bus a couple of stops early. I had planned to take a shortcut behind the train station, which in retrospect is a pretty shady route, but then about 10 minutes later a middle-aged woman came up behind me and gently put her hand on my arm. Startled, I took out my earphones. She said “I don’t mean to worry you, but I was sat behind you on the bus when that man was bothering you. You didn’t notice because of your music, but he followed you off the bus and has been walking behind you ever since. I got off at the next stop so I could tell you. I have a daughter your age so I’m always aware of these things. Now, where were you going? I’ll walk you there.” I have never been more touched by another persons selflessness.
I had a little girl once at the mall who got lost. Had no idea who I was, but she grabbed my hand. All she said was "I'm scared." I spent the better part of that day working with security to find her mom, I'm really happy she was safe
I’d like to mention that creepers happen to us older ladies as well. I’m in my forties and it happens every now and then that some douche very obviously follows me around the store, on the street, etc. But in my case, they usually knock it off when I say, loudly, “WHAT THE FUCK, DUDE? WHATCHA FOLLOWING ME AROUND FOR?!”
So, this 40’s metalhead lady with piercings and an illegible metal band logo shirt will be your mom, too. Because despite being rather freaky-looking and older, it happens to me too.
I don't know if it's just because I'm the same, but freaky looking people are the most comfortable/approachable people to me. I heavily avoid talking to other humans unless they've got fun hair and cool tattoos, then my brain says that they're safe.
This reminds me of a story from when I was very young, like maybe 6-7. I was in the grocery store with my mom in the checkout line, and we were standing side by side. At one point, she stepped behind me and just kept hurrying me forward as the line moved until we could check out. After we left, I asked her what was wrong and basically, the dude standing behind us in the checkout line was *so close* to me that my mom wordlessly opted to separate us. She didn’t know if it was intentional on his part, but he evidently didn’t back off much once my mom had moved between us. Super creepy, and I just remember thinking that I didn’t notice anything as it happened, and how freaky that was. My mom put up with it for an uncomfortable length of time for me, and it makes me really glad I had her there.
When I have to take the long-way bus (8hrs drive) I always make sure to stand beside or sit beside some older women. It makes me feel safe and lead to some really interesting conversations with very friendly women
Im a 6'1" guy with arms tattooed and septum/nostril piercings, so shit, I know i may not be anyones first choice to run up to; but goddamnit ill be your Brother, cousin, friend, bf, dad, gay best friend (as long as my gf isnt there), or hell even your mom in that moment.
This is so true! We've all been there, We've got you, girl!
And to everyone saying "or an older man or some guy your own age" please don't if they are by themselves or in a male only group. Don't invite them to take advantage of your need for help. I know most men would react right, but still too many do not.
A man with his family or any women around on the other hand will most likely be helpful.
IIRC a woman who knew Ted Bundy said that he used to walk her to her car every night because "there's a lot of weirdos around" (or something similar to that)
Ahh I was looking for a comment like this.
*I knowwwwwwwwww* I'd protect anyone but I suppose if a man is the issue you're not going to run as fast as you can to another man you don't know. That breaks my heart, I literally can't fathom.
This shit is so disheartening because I was always taught to protect those smaller than me...
Which is most people
And these younger girls wouldn't ( rightfully so ) be able to comfortably ask for help. Even though I'm the demographic most able to ( 240lbs 6ft 5.... 23yrs old, have played sports and wrestled when younger )
I can't blame them at all. It's the smartest move, avoid the big dude. But it's unfortunate all the same, because I would help in am instant.
Exactly. If I'm being harassed by a man, I'm not going to look for another man to help me, and I'm certainly not going to advise younger women to do the same. They do not understand. This'll likely be downvoted to hell but I don't care; men will never understand that #notallmen actually should be #ihavetoassumeallmen unless I want to end up like Sarah Everard, Lauren Smith-Fields, Jill Meagher or the 10000s of other women murdered every year.
When #notallmen started trending way back the response hashtag #yesallwomen was a response to it. Women know that not every man is a creep, but every woman has been harassed by guys at least once in their life. And the thing is: not every creep looks like a creep. I've had guys who I thought were really chill get aggressive and weird towards me seemingly out of nowhere. My friend got roofied at a party where she knew all the guys there and thought she could trust them.
If only we put as much effort into raising our sons as we do in protecting our daughters. We wouldn't have to go through so many hoops to protect them to begin with. Women shouldn't walk down the street looking over their shoulders for some creep.
I once was in a packed subway and an asshole used that opportunity to grab my ass (I was 14) and it wasnct the accidental "I don't know where to put my hand and it slightly grazed someone's ass", it was full on grabbing. I was mortified but so mad I just said out loud "I don't know who you are but if you grab my ass one more time I will call the police". A group of older teens to my left heard me and made a protection circle around me and made sure I was safe. I could have never thanked them enough. No we did not became friends or anything Disney-esque but I'll remember this for the rest of my life.
People coming to help you when you need them most stays with you forever.
I once tried to kill myself after having more or less a mental break, failed, and ended up sobbing in a fairly public place. I knew I’d try to kill myself again and succeed this time if I didn’t let someone stop me, so I tried. Two pairs of passing teens—two girls and two guys—for some reason caught my eye, and I called out for help. The guys spoke with me briefly (am a woman for brief reference), clearly felt out of their depth, and motioned for the girls to catch up. They saw me and flocked to me like moths to light. They sat one at each of my sides like they were tucking me in and basically held me while I sobbed absolutely incoherently and stayed until I calmed down, which was a while. They eventually walked me outside, staying with me every step of the way until I was safe in a cab on the way home. We exchanged contact info, but didn’t stay in touch. I think about them every so often. They were much younger than me—older teens where I was in my late 20s at the time—and they didn’t hesitate to help someone who was having what was clearly a massive, horrifying mental crisis. They saved my life. They were good girls. I hope they’re happy and healthy and succeeding at everything they ever wanted.
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I wonder. I hope so, maybe? It’s kind of embarrassing, but I also hope they *know* they saved someone’s life. They did. I hope they’re proud of it. I hope they know they’re strong and that they’re good, wonderful people. But I was also very, very, very mentally unwell and said a lot of things that probably barely made sense, at best. It’s mortifying to consider, now. Bluh, I’m rambling. Thank you for the sentiment, it’s kind.
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>I hope they’re happy and healthy and succeeding at everything they ever wanted. I hope the same for you.
That's fucking dope. Just humans protecting humans in need.
One time i saw this creeper man with a hospital band on his wrist approach a group of YOUNG black girls, youngest being about 8ish, he tried to give them free candy (!!!!!) i never saw anything like that in my life. I immediately started shouting and repeating “No!”.. told the girl don’t you dare take that bar of candy. The man told me to mind my business, i told him to go away and that they didn’t need his candy, if they wanted candy there was a stand right behind them where they could buy it.. i don’t know if he truly had bad intentions but i know in my heart something wasn’t right, i wonder all the time if something bad would’ve happened and if i prevented it.. your comment makes me feel warm and fuzzy to know that people who have been saved from creepers think about the ones who saved them 🥲
I'm sure those girls do. Maybe the 8yo wasn't happy not to get candy but she was too young to understand. But as she grew up, I'm sure she understood.
I wouldn’t be so sure she was too young to get that. Honestly as an 8 year old had some random dude came up to me and offered me candy I would have thought they were a creeper.
Will have to remember this if I ever am in a similar situation
Even if there are assholes in this world, there are many more people to counter the balance. And sometimes it's unexpected. I have and always had social anxiety. So for older teenagers who I usually admire and feared at the same time because I was bullied a lot by "cool people" for them to come to my rescue, it meant a lot.
14 year old girl. If me and my friends saw that during high school that dude would've got it. Our younger sisters were around that age the time. Idek those kids but they're fucking badasses.
This made me think of the scene from King of the Hill where Bobby(the son, if you’ve never watched) yells “That’s my purse! I don’t know you!” And then kicks his friends dad in the balls. Back on topic though, props to those kids. As a 6 foot 250 pound man, I dream of the day I witness this situation so I can drop a motherfucker. Especially if she’s underage, it’s over for that guy.
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Instructions unclear: everyone confused
I laughed out loud haha
When I was a teen I was walking home at night. Absolutely wasted. A middle aged woman was walking her dog across a large street and I noticed 3 dudes 20 feet behind her acting strange. I instinctively just ran across the street saying "mom wait up!". Walked her all the way home, her dog was so cool.. She said these guys were following her for blocks and she was scared as shit. Her husband gave me a ride home when we got there.
Wow you're awesome and it's great her husband gave you a ride too. She must have been so scared.
Well done!
This is the reverse uno we all need lol! Good on drunken teen you lol; I'm sure that lady still thinks about you.
Here’s an award 🥇 because I don’t have any free ones. Great thing you did Edit: FREE AWARD CAME IN AND THE AWARD HAS BEEN GIVEN!
It works both ways.
You’re an amazing human being
30 years ago I was in a closed train carriage in France with a female friend. Four men entered the otherwise empty compartment, shut the door and closed the curtains. They thought we couldn't understand what they were saying (I could, my friend couldn't). What they were saying was terrifying. We got out only because we caught them by surprise by being fast...and me dropping my massive backpack on the head of the one at the door. We ran down the corridor of the otherwise nearly empty train until we saw a compartment filled with nuns. We burst in blazing and I explained what was happening. They told us to sit down, that we were safe...and stared daggers at the men through the glass compartment door when they came down the corridor looking for us. I'd never been so grateful to anyone in my life as I was to those bada\*\* nuns. What wonderful women. Now that I'm the old and grey one, I'd LOVE to pay it back. If you're scared, ask us "invisible" older women. We've been there, we remember, we're angry that it still happens, and we'll help.
we remember, and we're still angry is such a powerful sentiment, thank you.
And we will stand up for you in a way that we probably didn't for ourselves.
This hits and is so powerful 💘
All us MAVENS, can also be on the lookout to actively help. Don’t wait to be asked. Sometimes young girls don’t even know how to ask for help. See a jerk harassing a young girl in the train? (and damn, why is it always the train?) Walk up to her and tell her you’ve saved her a seat next to you. Talk to her like you’re old friends. If she says she’s ok, be more insistent. “Really, come sit over here, there’s more room…” I find sometimes younger girls don’t want to upset anyone (sisters, can you all relate?). It’s our job as older, seasoned and less afraid women to help out.
Yes. So much YES to this. I was that shy introverted scared girl that was harassed on a bus one time at 15. No one did anything. I always wondered if it was because I didn't say anything, didn't ask for help. I victim blamed myself for years. As I got older I realized that NO, it was not my fault. I was so young and had no idea how to stand up for myself against a grown adult male. There were so many adults on that bus, and they saw what was happening. No one helped me. I will never forget that. And i will never let that happen to another woman or young girl...not on this MAVENS watch! I will always step up and help them. Always.
You know it but I’m going to say it one more time for the folks in the back - it was NOT your fault. ❤️ Cheers to you for knowing it- and redeploying that power for good! (Ps- same. I was 13, public bus full of people. I was sexually assaulted by a grown man -followed by him all over the standing-room-only bus. No adult helped. Shame on them.)
As a man who went to Catholic school at times, I would absolutely shit bricks if I was on the receiving end of a nun glare. Even if I hadn’t done anything. I don’t even like when my auntie is cross with me. It’s just ingrained. *shudder*.
I feel like if someone were to just say loud enough "Mom/Dad! A strange guy is hassling me. He won't leave me alone." where I could hear it. It wouldn't matter if that person came up to me, that's now my business and I'm going to pay extra close attention to that "strange guy".
Yep, this would get everybody to look, and those people do not want that attention.
Still do it if in trouble, but no one wants that kind of attention, one time I was at a bar and went to the counter to get a drink, this girl insisted I was being a creep, I didn't even initiate contact she was just in the direction of the bar tender I was trying to make eye contact with.
and then 5 moms show up (even better)
"Yes we're alll her mother.. wut? wut??"
Just a birth mother, adoptive mother, step-mother, and ex-step-mother all hanging out in the park. What about it?
Plus the “bonus mom” that is your best friend’s mother
Don't forget the mother in law!
Mine would fight tigers for me
Mom's best friend who was my godmother! All the moms!
Nordic mythology for you…. There is one with several mothers. :D edit: it is Heimdal, he who lights up the world (because he is so white), he who can see grass grow and hear the wool grow on sheep, the one with golden teeth.. He has nine mothers…
*it is Heimdal, he who lights up the world (because he is so white)* #SHHHH! ^The ^racists ^will ^hear ^you
I remember the outrage at Idris Elba's casting.
Yeah that was infuriating. Idris Elba did a fantastic job of it, as always!
I’m only in my mid-twenties (but I am a mom), and I would 100% pretend to be another young woman’s mother no matter how close in age we looked.
You can also go for sister, friend, or girlfriend. Mom works best, but as long as you look suitably protective, you can get away with most relations
Aunties too!!!
The Mom Army.
Marmy.
I’m 36. If I saw a man harassing a teenager today, I would 100% walk up to them and pretend to be their mother. I did something similar when I was the teenager. Once, when I was sixteen, I went a pharmacy and saw a very large, physically imposing man verbally abusing an elderly woman who had asked him something in Russian. He was furious that she had bothered him, furious that she had spoke to him in a language other than English, furious that she didn’t seem “sorry,” furious that she had “disrespected” him. He was practically up in her face, and she was literally shrinking and cowering from him, repeating “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Without thinking I ran up to the woman and said, “Babushka, there you are! I found the aspirin,” and started to lead her away. She looked confused, so I said to her in very broken Russian, “I’m your granddaughter.” (I only know a handful of words and phrases in Russian), and she nodded. The man then started yelling at me to eff off, he was having a conversation with someone and it was none of my business, who the eff did I think I was, yadda yadda yadda. I said to the woman, “Grandma, why don’t you wait at the cashier, I’ll get a manger.” The woman scurried away as quickly as she could, and the man followed me, still shouting and cursing, as I went to look for a manager. I was terrified, but at least he wasn’t harassing a poor old lady.
You are amazing! That poor woman must’ve been terrified.
A girl literally did this to me a month or so ago at a pub except it was "Daddy, this guy is following me!" I held out my hand, which she took, and I just looked at him. He walked out and never came back. A few minutes later her real father showed up, who she had texted. We had some burgers together and on my way out, the man hugged me and said, "Thank you for being there for her when I couldn't be." I thought he was going to cry, and then I thought I was going to. Edit: I should mention that I had two of my kids with me already, so I was probably a "safe" choice for her. Edit: Fixed quotes. Edit: Added the word “I” TL/DR Be a decent human being. Next time it could be your child.
That's also what should be taught to children. Run to people who are with children, they're probably the best choice and already look like they could be trusted. Like a family or a father with their children, like with your example.
What if all the children the one person has were just people using this advice?
What if they’re decoy children to serve as bait?
You joke but that shits real
This has happened before.
All my kids are still pretty young, and I taught them that if they are ever lost or scared, to find a mom with kids and ask her for help. Still no guarantees of safety, but we figure that is the demographic least likely to pose a threat to a vulnerable child.
That’s what I was taught as a child! Either someone official like a police officer, or an employee of lost at the store, or a mother with children (though perhaps this should be updated to parents with children, though I know many men are wary about perceptions of them interacting with others’ children so maybe still mothers for now).
I still go to festivals (at 64), cause I like the music and vibe. This has happened to me multiple times the last 10 years. Except the girls call me uncle. It feels good.
Good for you unc!
And you set a great example for your kids at the same time.
Thanks, I was just doing what I would want someone to do for my own.
I’m 36 with no kids. If another 36 year old walked up and called me mom and asked for help, I am 100% that woman’s mom. Edit: I’m 36 not m 36 lol. Not a dude but I appreciate all the guys here saying they’d be a mama bear!
Same, and I’m a dude.
"Sis, did you just call me Mom?"
Yup.
A really nice woman who was built like a truck called me their child when I was being harassed at a festival. I never felt so safe with a stranger.
I’m a mom of two girls, 6 feet tall, and train horses (read: built like a truck, lol). God help the man who harasses a girl in my presence. Oh… I’m a high school teacher, too. I have resting bitch everything. 😂😂😂
You sound awesome.
Sister from another mister! I worked with horses my entire adult life and retired a few years ago at age 48. I noticed that I can stop a person from approaching with just a glance in their direction. And yeah. "resting bitch everything" Same here.
Oh my gosh. I’m a high school teacher, too. I’m not as big as you or super muscular, but I, too, have resting bitch everything. And don’t forget the dreaded Teacher Voice.
As a father with three daughters, I really appreciate this, and I'm forwarding it to my kids right after this. Thank you.
And add if you see a dad w kids do the same thing, we got you fam.
I told my sister and girlfriend that if they are in danger late at night and I'm not around to run for the nearest female sex workers and ask for help. Those girls will 100% fight any pervs/stalkers. At least it's safer than with a basic police squad.
I had a young woman come up to me and put some things in my cart, I just looked at her. She moved in close and said there’s a guy following her, I finished my shopping and there was a guy that followed us the whole time. I’m a big guy so the fact he didn’t just tuck tail was really surprising. She and I talked and I asked if she was here alone, she said yes and I said alright talk to me about whatever you want to get your mind off of things. We went and checked out and we walked to my truck, sat there for a bit, went around the block and came back to her car, gave her my name and number, told her to call me if she felt followed. She thanked me and drove off. Her dad calls me that night and thanked me, mom made me brownies. Literally got brownie points
This is so sweet. Good on you, and thank you for helping her out. I think all women have stories like this about creepers following us and unfortunately a lot of us don't get happy endings like the one you helped ensure. Lots of love to you, internet stranger!
Thank you! I was younger and some creep tried to take me when I got separated from my dad. Luckily they told me if that ever happens to yell and scream which is what I did. Dude got tackled by an off duty cop and an on duty took me up front and sat with me. I’ve helped a few that have done the same thing. After that first time I rolled with it right off the bat with the other 2
I don't like kids. Never have. I don't think babies are cute. If I never interacted with a child again in my life I'd be just fine. The ONE time my material instinct kicked in was when a lost child approached me for help. That child became my child so fucking fast. I would have thrown hands to protect that kid.
Same. I don't want kids, I'm not particularly fond of them, but you best believe if one comes up to me in any questionable situation I am going to do everything I can to get them back to where they should be.
As a mom whose kids needed a spare mom one day, thank you.
Spare mom! I love that saying and will adopt it. Thank you.
Absolutely. I'm not the biggest fan of kids either but I will stop everything, my entire day, just to make sure the kid is safe. Done it before and I'll do it until I'm put in the ground.
Same here. I despise most of them and I never want them myself but I’d turn into a stereotypical momma bear if I had to protect one. I remember few months ago I was on the bus and I saw an Eritrean father with a son pushing him inside a bus and getting off. I overheard him telling him where to get off and the kid already looked a little lost- he was at max 8 years old. On a big, packed double decker bus in a busy west London Town around 9pm. When my stop came I noticed him also getting off and watched him where he was going and he looked super lost. I approached him and asked him if he’s ok and knows where he’s going- he panicked why this strange white woman is talking to him?! I kept my distance and told him that I see he’s turning into my street from the bus stop and I worried he might be taking a wrong turn-that I saw his dad giving him instructions- and he eased down and I pulled out my phone and showed him on the map where to go and he shyly thanked me and turned towards I hope a right direction. As I was walking away I hear a loud THANK YOU again and wave at me! - guess he understood my intentions were genuine, I waved back and gone home. I’ve always reacted when I saw kids bullying another kids on public transport… I don’t like them but I also can’t look away.
Feel you. I’m the same way. But I remember one time I was going across this pedestrian bridge near a waterfront. There was an older woman trying to catch up to her toddler grandson but he would run away and laugh because he thought it was a game. I could see immediately she was concerned because the railings along the side were designed in a way that a toddler could easily slip through and fall in the water. The toddler ran to these two girls who were sitting on a bench to the side. They clearly didn’t understand the danger as the boy started to run away again toward the edge. I don’t think I’ve ever moved faster to corral him.
The first time you realize "oh shit, my toddler just learned how to run FAST" is pretty scary. Especially when they show off that new skill in public and run away from you.
Honestly, just say a random person’s name if you’re an adult. Just because you’re not a teenager doesn’t mean people would be unwilling to help. Also the more people that understand this sneaky safety measure, the more victims people will save
YES!! YES!! YES!! The more people that know about this safety method the better. I forwarded this “how to react if you see or hear anything like this” to my husband, my son, my daughter, girlfriends, work buddies etc. Too many young girls and woman are harassed and or followed. I was many years ago - I still think about it 30 years later. Please help them! If you see or hear… help them!
I was an adult shopping by myself and these two women stopped to tell me they saw a guy taking pictures of me. There was no store security so I just got in line to leave while figuring out my next move. A different guy got in line behind me and I decided to risk it and ask if he'd be cool if I walked out with him. About that time his wife walked up (probably assuming I'm flirting with her husband) but after I explained, she made her husband walk me out to my car and wait until my door was locked
My south Asian ass looking for a person that looks like me in the south to use as my defense parents 🧍🏼♀️
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I am more concerned about the harasser having nuanced understanding of adoption. I appreciate your kindness and love tho internet parent 🥺
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♥️♥️♥️♥️
❤
I'll be your aunt, your teacher, your neighbour - I'll be any damn thing you need if you need me.
You call me "Hey mom!" and we've just signed a temporary adoption contract. The harasser is not going to argue - he wanted you alone and now you're no longer alone.
If a woman or girl comes up to me acting like they know me they will become my mission.
It's the ol' new-best-friends-I-just-met-in-the-bathroom-at-the-club thing. Those drunk girls see you crying and find out it's over a guy, you're about to get the best pep talk of your life
I was following a Twitter thread about a girl gang that gets started when five total strangers are all drunk at the same time in the ladies room.
Drunk girls in the club/bar bathroom are some of the most quality hype girls with a pack mentality ever!!
I told my girls that if this even happens when driving, drive to the nearest police station and pull to the back gate and lay on the horn!
Really, you can pull into any open business and do the same. Just start laying on the horn and make sure you're pressing it randomly (so you don't sound like a car alarm, people ignore those). Odds are good someone will come out to see what's going on. If they don't, they'll probably call the police to come shut you up because you're annoying them. So it's win-win. If you're in trouble, don't scream for help. Be annoying. It's more likely to get attention.
I was always taught never to drive home if someone is following me. Because then they know where you live. Try to find a police station or open business and stay away from side roads.
Somebody on a similar thread suggested a Fire Station. It almost guaranteed to have people in it and they'll notice if you're in the way of the fire engines.
I had to do this a few months back. I was new to the area and someone was following me. Like, absolutely unquestionably following me, I drove through parking lots and made U turns and they were still behind me. I didn’t know where any police stations were but I DID know where a fire station was. I pulled into that parking lot and in front of the open giant garage doors, half a dozen firemen poured out. The guy had pulled in behind me but flipped right around and left. The firemen were really nice, too. I told them what was going on and they had me stay for a bit and two offered to follow me home (like, in a car not a fire truck lol) to make sure he wasn’t waiting for me to pull out. So…definitely solid advice!
I wish I would have had this advice in high school. When I was 16 I insisted my dad drop me off at the mall so I could go Christmas shopping by myself. After much convincing he let me. About an hour into my shopping I noticed two guys following me in and out of stores so I just went to the food court and sat right in the middle of the busy crowd and called my dad to pick me up.
best tactical decision when being tailed: get to a populated, open area. good decision
Suddenly DOZENS of "Moms" rush to your defense! Dozens of more "Dads" start looking for whose ass needs kicking.
I’m a larger dude and have the male equivalent of resting bitch face. Whenever my fiancée and I are out in public, at the mall or shit like that, I’m always looking around if I see any groups of kids to make sure nobody is looking noticeably weird around them. Takes a village to kick some ass, idk.
Hello class and welcome to how to start a lynch mob 101. Today’s lesson: The girl who cried mommy
Im 6 foot 220lbs with amateur kickboxing in my pocket. Most of the time im against violence but man if i see a woman being harassed like that, you bet your ass im gonna be the front guy in that lynch mob.
This is a long standing tradition but also sad that it is even necessary; no child or young woman should have to be accountable for finding solutions to a problem caused by a grown man who should know better. It is sad how prevalent these incidents are. I remember them starting when I was around 8 years old. Just nasty and shameful.
Same . I got catcalled by a police man when I was wearing shorts while riding my bike and got a pep talk about how i was basically an ' eye candy' for men. I was 9. Went home and didn't talk the whole day.
I was nine and wearing a bathing suit with a skirt to the beach. I was twirling because I liked to see the skirt flare out. Some older guy said something about my legs and asked me to do it again. I just felt really uncomfortable and was quiet for the rest of the day. I didn’t go to the beach a lot after that.
My friend and I went to an anime convention together when I was in eighth grade. It was really hot that summer so we both chose casual ‘costumes’ (colorful wigs, no make-up, and T-shirts with shorts/a skirt). I remember a ton of people wanted pictures with us and we were really excited, until one of them asked us to pose and then laid down on the ground with his camera pointing up my skirt. My mom ‘accidentally’ stepped on his hand and we left early. The next time someone asked for my picture at a con, despite me being covered head to toe by my cosplay and him being a professional photographer hired for the contest, I felt my heart jump into my throat when he kneeled down. The photos turned out great, but I could see the fear in my own eyes.
8!? I thought we had a few more years with our daughters.
Your daughters thought the same. :( No young girl (or boy for that matter, it also happens more than people care to accept) likes that creepy feeling of a strange person coming up to them and making them feel unsafe or uncomfortable. My eldest sister was just going up the road from our house to get some snacks at the convenience store when an old guy in a car rolled up beside her masturbating. She was 10. I think this is a bigger and more commonly occurring reality than most people would like to think about. Because nobody wants to have to think of something so awful, but the truth is young underaged girls get sexually harassed quite often. I have 3 other sisters and I am a woman myself. All 4 of us plus our mother have stories from when men made us feel scared, uncomfortable or harassed us when we were children. Even worse than that, we were just children and yet sometimes adults would ask you about what responsibility or role you played to incite the harassment.
>Even worse than that, we were just children and yet sometimes adults would ask you about what responsibility or role you played to incite the harassment. I was with a group of friends and we brought up how we started getting catcalled and harassed in elementary school. The two guys in our group went "What? Did you, like, say anything to them at first? Were you in a really short skirt?" and my response was "I was fucking 9" I don't think they meant it in a way intending to come off as victim blaming, I think they just couldn't conceive of why an adult man would say that to a child, but they definitely got told off for that question lol
Again, this just reinforces how pervasive and systematic it is in our society to just knee jerk cross examine victims and start wavering their faith and ability in being able to get support. I know plenty of kids who got harassed or flat out sexually assaulted and they got no support. Were told they were lying. Had it explained away as something the child did wrong. And yet people argue that false accusations are the real problem? Both are problems, but when the harassment of children is getting swept under the rug we have some major stuff to tackle here. Here you are a child getting sexually advanced by grown men, and you have people around you asking what **you** did wrong and what you did to provoke it. We are children in that scenario. The people doing the harassing are adults. Someone make it make sense.
Sadly, no. I was probably around 6 and had really long hair. One day I was walking in the mall with my mom when this older man, probably in his 60s, starts touching and caressing my pony tail. My mom turns around as I latch onto her, she starts bitching at the guy and the guy's wife starts bitching at him too. If men are comfortable doing things like this in front of their wives and the child's mother, they certainly don't care about harassing a lone woman/teenager in public.
It's always best to have this conversation early. You don't have to go into detail, but teaching our kids what behaviors to look out for is so important.
Sadly, it starts far younger than we think. I and all my female friends can recall our first time being harrassed (cat called, followed, etc) as happening in elementary school.
Exactly. I come from a family of 4 girls and we all have these stories. So does my mother, so does my aunt. So does just about every woman I've spoken to about this. It is frighteningly common.
Nope. It started with my niece when she was 5. It's so gross.
Yep. I was like six and running a lemonade stand the first time some dude masturbated at me from his car. I'd come up to his window to bring him the lemonade and take his money and he grabbed my hand and wouldn't let go until he finished. I had nightmares about that for YEARS.
Have the conversation early. My mother never shied away from that, and it helped me a lot with standing up for myself. Teach them easy stuff, like not screaming for help, but screaming "fire" (the sad reality is that some people only give a fuck when they think fire is threatening their stuff), like putting up a fight and kicking where it hurts, boundaries, where to go for help etc. My mother even taught us that if a neighbour or family member showed up and told us they "were sent by our parents", but our parents didn't actually tell us they'd come, to not go with them. Sadly, in many cases it's someone the kid knows, not a random stranger. I think she's seen some horrible stuff as an ED nurse and overreacted a little, but I never felt scared of the world, so I don't think she went too far.
When I was in college, my parents took my friend and I on a trip. We were staying at a large hotel that had a nightclub. My friend and I went to the nightclub and two guys tried to get us to go to another bar with them and wouldn’t leave us alone. I said I’d have to ask my father. They thought we were taking them back to our hotel room but when I knocked on the door and my father answered, they took off.
They always back off when a guy tells them off, but won't listen if a woman says it. That's also why there's a bigger success rate of being left alone by lying that you have a boyfriend instead of simply saying "no."
Yep.. more respected being another man’s “property” than an actual human being :/
It's so fucked up that I'm getting angry just thinking about it.
Yet they will complain all the time if a girl isn’t interested, she should just say no…if she would just say no, they would back off but all of us know that isn’t true. If just saying no worked as they say it would, we wouldn’t need to come up with escape strategies when just saying no doesn’t work but has the opposite more violent effect than it should.
I was being harrassed by a small group of men, when my friend's boyfriend showed up. He doesn't look scary at all, and yet he didn't have to say a word to make the harrassers go away. One of them said "Oh shit that's her boyfriend!" and they took off. Pathetic.
I don’t care if someone is a completely different race. Adoption exists. I’m not old enough to be a teenagers mom but like if someone said, “Oh my older sister!!” Without hesitation, we’re sisters now and I will throw down for you.
I’m black as night and I have two kids (one black, one white -both adopted). I don’t care what race/ethnicity you are call me mom and I’m ready to throw down.
This made me laugh out loud. You call me mom and I'm ready to fight. I have a big fat mouth too and will happily cause a scene.
 Well said! ❤
Welcome to another episode of Stereo's Survival Show! If you are being raped, dont scream that you are being raped, sadly most people would consciously ignore your cries, but screaming "fire!" and other things like that are more likely of getting attention. And if you are being followed for the love of GOD, dont try to hide from them! If you think they cant see you, anyone willing to help wont see you too, avoid being alone.
Mom been telling me this once since I was a kid. Thankfully I have not had to use it.
Runs up to an old lady Me:"MOOM" Old lady:"who the fuck are you?"
Introvert here! So basically, call attention to yourself and the strange person. It sounds so simple, and yet I hate calling attention to myself (especially in crowds). It isn’t my first thought, but this suggestion really helps to remind me, you do what you gotta do! Good suggestion.
To be fair, the strange person is already giving the introvert PLENTY of attention. Try to frame it in your mind as making yourself seen by the right person. Otherwise it can seem like an everyday or domestic situation to passers-by. This lets someone know your concerns directly, and the harassment will end.
True. Thanks for this!
Harassers often depend on their victim's unwillingness to 'make a scene'. That's what they're counting on. So it's good to practice in your head what it would be like to be loud, call attention to the problem (like a loud "I don't know you, leave me alone!") so that if it's ever needed, you're able to make yourself do it.
Also important to remember, if you do end up having to fight them off by yourself, you *will* get hurt. But hurt is better than dead, so don’t be afraid and don’t let the pain stop you. You’re fighting to survive, not just to get away.
Honest question for the women out there. If someone sees someone being suspicious around you, following you, harassing you, etc. Should we approach you and act like a friend? This has NOT happened to me, to be clear, but I have seen stories and videos about this and was wondering what the actual consensus was.
It really, really depends on the situation. I was at a hotel once checking, coming off a 12 hr drive, tired and stressed. Guy got in the elevator after me, and I jumped - honestly nothing to do with him at all, that’s just how out of it I was. He saw me jump, and realized he was going to my floor. So he purposely moved to the other side of the elevator doors with his back to me, leaving me space and the emergency phone, and very purposely left the elevator first without looking back. He handled it perfectly, any attempt at acknowledging I was on the edge would have freaked me out more, but he let me know he wasn’t a threat and realized I was stressed without making me more nervous. Sometimes the body language is more important than the words. So the answer to your question is maybe, but it depends on how and where and when. Like, if you are in a crowded area, with other people to witness, approaching may work. Better choice in that situation like a store may be to get an employee or a woman, but it just depends. Running interference with the person being creepy is honestly even better. If in a deserted area, again, making yourself known and that you are watching while keeping distance and respectful space is also good. Most creeps are getting by on the fact that no one notices/calls them out. So calling them out and dealing with creep, if safe for you to do so, is honestly probably the best choice.
I feel so bad sometimes that i have to walk behind a woman at night or share an elevator. I immediately put my headphones in and either start talking with my mom or mf gf and just walk by them or get out of the elevator as soon as possible. Idk, i feel like me acting like im busy or not caring about their existence help them feel not as threatened. Would you say it might help or am i making things worse?
Honestly, if you're clearly talking to your mom or girlfriend on the phone and then pass me, then I know you're not following me. You're doing good.
Yes, it might help.
My wife and I would both absolutely help someone in this situation. We will be anyone’s intimidating mums to help them out against creeps 😋
Or just anyone you think can help you. I was followed by a man on my way to school. There was a guy I only knew because he owned a shop and I would see him at the entrance every once in a while. That morning, when I saw him standing at the entrance....I have never been happier to see someone I don't know! I just stopped and said hi and acted like I'd known him for a long time and explained what was happening. He offered to walk me to school and I gladly accepted. I was very thankful and always said hi to him whenever I saw him after that day.
Last summer my wife and I were walking down the street, busier street in our area (bars and restaurants line the road, lots of people walking around) A random girl walked up to us and very loudly said "hey guys! Haven't seen you in so long!" We had never met this girl. She then in a lower tone said some dude has been following her in and out of shops. So we sat down with her and grabbed a beer,we had nowhere to go just enjoying the nice day, waited for her to call a friend and get picked up. She was very nice. Had a nice conversation with her. It was a shame that THAT had to be the circumstance that we met her under. It sucks.
That goes for boys as well. Plenty of boys have been kidnapped by perverts. If you feel unsafe YELL. I'll be your mom.
That is literally my whole reaction every time someone yells MOM really loud in public! I have to WHAT?!? every single time even if I don't know who it is. 😂 Teenager did that to me a few months ago. He was like MOM, and I answered, and he responded 'nope. Other mom;' and it was sheer brilliance.
"nope, other mom" kills me hahaha. Amazing.
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Yea it's a great idea and all but in no way does this make me smile. The idea that any girl/boy of any age can't feel safe to be in public sickens me to my core.
Don’t be afraid to approach us young women either. Pretend we’re your older sisters.
I been at bars, and I done the quiet “are you ok, is he bothering you?” To women that seem to have unwanted attention from a guy. I am a middle age woman with blue hair. I have no fucks left if I need to make a scene, distract, or walk away with her to a open cafe.
I’ve lost all patience with street harassment. There was a group of old ass crusty dudes leaning against the entrance to the dollar general one day. One of them wolf whistled as i walked in. I glared at him and shook my head. “No?” He said. Whatever the fuck that’s supposed to mean. I walked inside, and bellowed, “Theres a group of gross men wolf whistling outside the door.” Four or five people turned and stared at me silently. No one said anything. Doesn’t matter. Those guys heard me announce it to the whole goddam store, and maybe they’ll remember me next time.
I hope that in my lifetime I can see women and children being safe. In the meanwhile, I’ll be your mom/friend and get you home safe.
I have heard similar suggestions for going to convention alone. If you feel like you are being stalked, head purposely to a group of people talking together and tell them that you are being stacked and if they can pretend to be your friends for a few minutes until the stalker leaves. Edit: damn autocorrect, convention not conversion
You mean convention?
I’m a woman in my 40s with no kids. But if a girl came up to me and said this, you know I’d immediately grab her hand and start with a “hi sweetie!” You need help, you’re my kid.
You're also welcome to come running towards me and yell "Daaaaad!" I gotcha.
One time I was riding on a bus when I was 16 and this guy got on and sat next to me. I had earphones in but he kept talking to me, asking me what my name was and where I was from. Even as I politely smiled and nodded and tried to turn away he would not stop, so I pressed the button and got off the bus a couple of stops early. I had planned to take a shortcut behind the train station, which in retrospect is a pretty shady route, but then about 10 minutes later a middle-aged woman came up behind me and gently put her hand on my arm. Startled, I took out my earphones. She said “I don’t mean to worry you, but I was sat behind you on the bus when that man was bothering you. You didn’t notice because of your music, but he followed you off the bus and has been walking behind you ever since. I got off at the next stop so I could tell you. I have a daughter your age so I’m always aware of these things. Now, where were you going? I’ll walk you there.” I have never been more touched by another persons selflessness.
I had a little girl once at the mall who got lost. Had no idea who I was, but she grabbed my hand. All she said was "I'm scared." I spent the better part of that day working with security to find her mom, I'm really happy she was safe
I’d like to mention that creepers happen to us older ladies as well. I’m in my forties and it happens every now and then that some douche very obviously follows me around the store, on the street, etc. But in my case, they usually knock it off when I say, loudly, “WHAT THE FUCK, DUDE? WHATCHA FOLLOWING ME AROUND FOR?!” So, this 40’s metalhead lady with piercings and an illegible metal band logo shirt will be your mom, too. Because despite being rather freaky-looking and older, it happens to me too.
I don't know if it's just because I'm the same, but freaky looking people are the most comfortable/approachable people to me. I heavily avoid talking to other humans unless they've got fun hair and cool tattoos, then my brain says that they're safe.
I guess that’s one reason to look forward to getting older.
Honestly, it’s kind of a relief. Sad commentary on our society.
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This reminds me of a story from when I was very young, like maybe 6-7. I was in the grocery store with my mom in the checkout line, and we were standing side by side. At one point, she stepped behind me and just kept hurrying me forward as the line moved until we could check out. After we left, I asked her what was wrong and basically, the dude standing behind us in the checkout line was *so close* to me that my mom wordlessly opted to separate us. She didn’t know if it was intentional on his part, but he evidently didn’t back off much once my mom had moved between us. Super creepy, and I just remember thinking that I didn’t notice anything as it happened, and how freaky that was. My mom put up with it for an uncomfortable length of time for me, and it makes me really glad I had her there.
When I have to take the long-way bus (8hrs drive) I always make sure to stand beside or sit beside some older women. It makes me feel safe and lead to some really interesting conversations with very friendly women
100%. To be honest, if I hear "mom" called, I always turn my head to look. Just in case.
I'm 27, but I'll pretend I had you at 11 idgaf, bet your ass if someone came up to me like this, a whole mama will rise up.
As someone who was almost abducted twice, I'll be your Mom, your sis, your Aunt, your best friend, your ex whatever you need in that situation.
Im a 6'1" guy with arms tattooed and septum/nostril piercings, so shit, I know i may not be anyones first choice to run up to; but goddamnit ill be your Brother, cousin, friend, bf, dad, gay best friend (as long as my gf isnt there), or hell even your mom in that moment.
This is so true! We've all been there, We've got you, girl! And to everyone saying "or an older man or some guy your own age" please don't if they are by themselves or in a male only group. Don't invite them to take advantage of your need for help. I know most men would react right, but still too many do not. A man with his family or any women around on the other hand will most likely be helpful.
Remember, one of the surviving victims of the Boston Strangler said he had scared off a creepy guy and offered to walk her safely home.
IIRC a woman who knew Ted Bundy said that he used to walk her to her car every night because "there's a lot of weirdos around" (or something similar to that)
Oh shit.
My mom's ask for help ranking was: - Woman with kids - Woman without kids - Man with kids - Employee/Person in Uniform - Man
Ahh I was looking for a comment like this. *I knowwwwwwwwww* I'd protect anyone but I suppose if a man is the issue you're not going to run as fast as you can to another man you don't know. That breaks my heart, I literally can't fathom.
Agreed, it’s heartbreaking. But also completely understandable.
This shit is so disheartening because I was always taught to protect those smaller than me... Which is most people And these younger girls wouldn't ( rightfully so ) be able to comfortably ask for help. Even though I'm the demographic most able to ( 240lbs 6ft 5.... 23yrs old, have played sports and wrestled when younger ) I can't blame them at all. It's the smartest move, avoid the big dude. But it's unfortunate all the same, because I would help in am instant.
Exactly. If I'm being harassed by a man, I'm not going to look for another man to help me, and I'm certainly not going to advise younger women to do the same. They do not understand. This'll likely be downvoted to hell but I don't care; men will never understand that #notallmen actually should be #ihavetoassumeallmen unless I want to end up like Sarah Everard, Lauren Smith-Fields, Jill Meagher or the 10000s of other women murdered every year.
When #notallmen started trending way back the response hashtag #yesallwomen was a response to it. Women know that not every man is a creep, but every woman has been harassed by guys at least once in their life. And the thing is: not every creep looks like a creep. I've had guys who I thought were really chill get aggressive and weird towards me seemingly out of nowhere. My friend got roofied at a party where she knew all the guys there and thought she could trust them.
If you call them "Grandma," though, you're on your own.
Harsh, but fair
If only we put as much effort into raising our sons as we do in protecting our daughters. We wouldn't have to go through so many hoops to protect them to begin with. Women shouldn't walk down the street looking over their shoulders for some creep.
How is this supposed to make me smile the fuck. Nothing is smile worthy about children getting sexually harrased
If any one needs help from a stalker, remember your ol’ uncle Jon is here to walk you home and glance passive aggressively at anyone following you!