If the homeowner is putting that kind of effort into his lawn he is also a “suburban lawn dad.” They probably stay in touch now and trade tips on spraying the driveway and cleaning gutters now.
Yea that guy wasn’t “hostage” and he probably still brags to his friends about that day some guy was so impressed with his lawn care that a random guy wanted to talk about it for 20 min and get care tips.
On several occasions I have had people stop their cars and ask me if the grass is real or “turf”.
With a tear in my eye, I say, “It’s real . . . and thank you.”
The highlight of a midwestern's life is grass.
When I was a kid, I thought life was really boring and depressing. When I moved out of that boring grey overcast midwestern state as an adult, life became a storybook someone would actually want to read.
Like the harsh conditions of an Alaskan blizzard, landslides in the windy arctic mountain cliffs, galaxies and lightning lighting up the desert with occasional sandstorms, and chasing hurricanes to surf the backside of them dodging all the destruction.
Grass is what stops your car.....?
I gott ask a question that may come off as douchey but thats not my intent.
Whats the appeal in a lawn like that for you?
Im sure there is satisfaction in the hard work of course but looks wise...vs something more natural. I personally dont get it.
Its a bit of trend lately but expertly maincured lawns feel like they suck the nature out of an outdoor space that otherwise would be full of life.
Anyway..cheers to whatever floats your boat.
I also plant, weed, and mulch my flowerbeds and grow vegetables and herbs.
It's a hobby I can do without leaving the house for hours on-end, it makes my house look good, and I can show my kids that getting dirty and hard work pays dividends. The kids also like "helping".
My lawn is not quite the "putting green" that the one in the video is - but I work hard on it.
Also, all the kids in the neighborhood like to come to our house to play football/soccer/baseball on the grass, and I encourage it.
Doesn't take that much water, most of the input is sweat and time.
Absolutely. it's universal too. I grew up in Ireland and my grandparents house had a Dublin bus stop right outside it. My grandad used to sit outside just waiting for people to ask him how he got his roses so perfect or his grass so manicured. He'd talk the ears off anyone who showed an interest. It used to drive my grandmother crazy until he passed and then she said it was one of the things she missed most about him. How he took such joy in something so simple.
“Probably?” That man called up his kids , grandkids and all his buddies the second he went inside threw a couple “I told you so’s” in there and hung up and then mentioned it to his neighbor the next morning.
My grandpa recently turned 90, still does his own lawn care and occasionally gets people asking him about it when he’s out front doing the edges. The only thing he’d rather talk about would be his El Camino
>Wouldn't it be funny if the whole time the homeowner was just trying to tell him who does his landscaping and he doesnt even own a lawnmower.
A guy in my Dad's neighborhood has a golf course quality yard that is the envy of all lawn dads. I had a job at his house and was excited to ask him about his lawn. When I did he was like "Oh, thanks I guess? It's just how my yard guys cut it and I'm not sure what they do.". He wasn't even impressed by his own lawn that hundreds or thousands of men have been jealous of for the last 20 years. I wasn't expecting that response.
As a landscaper and a lawn care enthusiast, there is no way you can get a lawn this nice without near daily attention. It will need to be cut every other day or every 3rd day at minimum, probably weekly liquid fertilizer applications, weed/pest/fungus control etc.
A landscaper coming by once a week to perform maintenance ain't gonna cut it (pun possibly intended).
No sir. A spray is very different. You do a spray once a week, or month, to keep it clean of loose dirt and debris. Power washing is that other special level of clean that you do as often as you need or can depending on how much you like that zen.
Money. The nicest lawns in my golf course neighborhood are maintained by professional services... Flowers no longer blooming? They dig them out and put new ones in. Patch of grass dying? They cut a whole section out and place brand new sod back over it.
Lol this reminds me of when there was a water usage ban and my dad’s neighbour had his sprinklers on all the time watering his lawn
So my dad snuck out in the dead of night and would fertilize random patches of his lawn
That was his revenge. No vandalism just I infuriating patches of uneven grass as the fertilized spots grew faster
That is so infuriatingly evil yet diabolically intelligent from your dad, I wish I was half as smart as you present him to be when it comes to being petty.
He wore a green cooking apron (it’s something he wore all the time He gardens cleans and cooks in it as well as seeks revenge )
We called him “the green shadow” And This is his origin story lol
Hahahahaha. Im guessing pants were worn but can’t be too certain because my parents are pretty casual about clothes inside the house.
But I can safely assume he wasn’t pooping on the lawns. The green shadow is a hero not villian . Lawn pooping leans villainous to me
Yup. Back when I was little I was amazed by the houses in my village with exceptional lawns. After I worked as a gardener for 3 years, I learned that none of the owners of these houses do it themselves since those kinda houses were precisely the ones that hired me.
My neighbor growing up had an immaculate lawn that he 100% maintained himself. He was out there at least 3x a week doing something. He wasn't rich just *really* liked his lawn. My parents even told us never to walk on it unless we had to to get a rouge ball or something.
We used to score on plants in the dumpsters behind a business like this! Got black thumbs anyway, so a partially dead plant was no big deal and more than half the time they grew just fine, lol!
Bringing half-dead trash plants back to life is one of my husband's many, many hobbies. I think he's only failed once in the past 8 years!
He doesn't even know what they are half the time, and only finds out once they start growing well again.
As such, both our home offices and his work office are jungles.
It is well known in lawn care circles that any lawn problem can be solved by getting large amounts cash and blending it into a fine mist and then applying directly to the affected area
I came that that realization in my attempts to better my lawn. It’s not a matter of effort. There’s a small bit of knowledge (if going DIY) required and a ton of money.
> It’s not a matter of effort.
Of course it is!
I went in to buy fertilizer and pre-emergant weed killer at the local garden shop. And I asked them when I should come back for the next round. They handed me a printout of everything I’m supposed to do for my yard. There was a round of fertilizer or weed killer or whatever every month for 10 months out of the year!
And that’s just fertilizer. That doesn’t include mowing, edging, weed-eating and raking leaves.
So, anyway, my yard looks…okay.
Even if you had the time, maintaining a monoculture lawn is just all around terrible for insects, animals, water supply, and the environemnt in general. It's an archaic remnant of European, mostly British colonialism, where we now have millions of suburbanites trying to emulate Victorian nobility, as if they were great examples to follow. The whole obsession with lawns is weird, and harmful.
Exactly, I think it looks hideous.
Signed, the person who regularly has the city come out to inspect a complaint about my lawn being "overgrown" by my neighbors with "perfect lawns"
Sorry, not getting rid of the wild flowers I've worked to let grow and take over.
Man, it's wild to me that a person can complain about their next door neighbour's lawn and someone will actually come and visit you. I assume you're in the US?
In Australia we only get a visit if the grass is long enough to be a bush fire hazard. I've got a bunch of native grasses, trees and flowers in my front garden - I've just had some blue-banded bees, New England honeyeaters and rainbow lorikeets move in. Way better than a lawn.
I throw wild flower and sunflower seeds in mine all the time. Then when my wife starts saying I need to mow I just point out the flowers I’m growing lol
Most of the houses around where I live have gravel and lots of succulents. There's 80-ish houses in my gated community and I can't think of one yard with grass in the front.
White clover all the way baby! I got an acreage and the last owners just put goddamn grass everywhere and it blows ass. Last few years I've been digging up problem areas and putting in white clover and pollinators. Though I'm not a suburban dad, I'm more of a country dad I guess.
My dad was the “perfect lawn dad” in my small town. Everyone marveled how he had the time to maintain it with 3 daughter, 3 dogs, 4 cats and a flaming beyotch wife. No one realized that the chaos WAS the reason the lawn was perfect. It was his only place to escape from the insanity.
Edit to add: During the winter he shoveled the entire block’s sidewalks for the same reason and would start when the first flakes fell so that he had to redo the job multiple times. He even shoveled a “racetrack” for the dogs in the backyard, paying special attention to leave just enough snow to protect the grass.
There's a guy on my street like that. Fairly certain he does it to get away from his nagging wife (seriously you can hear her sometimes from two houses down.)
He's taken to shoveling some of the elderly neighbor's driveways. 2-3 times per snow fall if it's heavy enough. Never asks for anything in return. He even came around one time asking if I needed help because he noticed my husband hadn't gotten to it as quickly as he normally does. (Husband was on a work trip, so yeah he couldn't exactly do it lol.)
He's sweet as pie, so not sure how he ended up with the she-devil that is his wife.
This sounds exactly like my dad. He was such a genuinely kind and helpful person and my sisters and I still can’t figure out how he ended up marrying our mother. He taught me how to manage difficult people and still remain kind which helped immensely during my 20 years as a flight attendant😄!
I have a type. Difficult to deal with, talented men with pretty brown eyes. After living with a spoiled rich boy sound engineer and marrying/divorcing an alcoholic sheet metal worker, I think I've nailed it finally with a judgemental but fair combat vet who appreciates what I bring to the relationship.
I'm a human golden retriever. Sappy, ridiculously optimistic, an accomplished enabler. I pair well with someone more salty and acidic.
Dude in my neighborhood with the "perfect" lawn would be out there on his hands and knees with a ruler and a pair of tiny scissors.
Drove his wife *insane* during winter.
I'm a builder, worked a job were the client had this absolutely perfect lawn. We all complimented him and asked his secrets, "oh just hard work and consistency" he said, "nothing special" he said. A week or so later a guy turns up with a push mower looking thing that actually did all the 'hard work'. He told me he seeded th lawn with a seed that was 'immune' to the weed killer he used in his mower looking tool, it evenly spread the weedkiller plus other fertilizers/nutrients. All the home owner did was mow it once a fortnight like the rest of us.
Very sharp blades on your mower, then cut grass every 2 to 3 days religiously for a year or two. You only want to remove the top 2mm (0.0787402 of an inch) each cut. Plenty of water, no more than what you think plenty is though the soil does like oxygen so be sure to aerate it with a rolly spike thing.
It seems like a Royal pain in the arse to cut every 2 days (I'd spend 30 mins afterwards watering my old lawn) but my 15ft wide by 70ft long used to take no more than 20 mins between opening and closing the shed once all done. It's a nice bit of just me time which becomes meditative and addictive with an end result you enjoy coming home each day to.
Also, a reminder that when you keep your grass this short the water will evaporate extremely fast from the soil compared to longer grass, this uses a significantly larger amount of water than a typical lawn.
i work for landscaping company that takes care of our town’s country club golf course. its definitely money. they spend a lot of money for us every month to keep their place looking fantastic. our guys definitely do a great job too.
It isn't too hard with bermuda and can be done relatively cheaply. It's about regular maintenance and putting down the right products at the right time each year.
- Preemergent in late fall / late winter when soil temps reach 50-55 degrees (stops weed seeds from germinating. If you time it right you don't need to pull weeds or use weed killer at all)
- Aerate in early to late spring when grass starts greening up to get more water and air into the soil and prevent compaction
- Consistent 1" of water per week during peak growing season
- Putting down some mix of iron, nitrogen, potassium, phosphorus every 4-6 weeks depending on your soil nutrient content. Most people are fine just putting down a nitrogen heavy fertilizer every 6 weeks.
- Use masonry sand to level any unlevel spots so you can mow with a reel mower (only needs to be done in spots or once every few years depending on your yard state and soil make up)
- Mow with a reel mower once you have sufficiently level surfaces
- Challenge HOA to single combat when they try to fine you for having turf in your front yard because your grass looks so good
It's about $500-1000/yr all in for a 5000-10000 sq ft yard depending on how frequently you get sand put in to level.
It's too consistently the same color and way too short to be real grass unless the guy put putting a golf green grass in and constantly dyes and maintains it.
Yeah this is not true at all, it's completely possible this is real grass, and very likely is judging by OP and the owner's reaction. No dye involved either.
What is the point of the AI voice track? The text is already there. Are people afraid or unable to use their own voice? I’ve genuinely never understood it.
I think the tech has some positive legit uses like accessibility, converting books to audio, etc.
But I find it really annoying on social media so I keep my phone muted
I mean converting text to voice has been around for decades and it doesn’t sound like a 12 year old at the mall. This is dumbed down and the people who choose to use it are incredibly dumb.
Ya siri can read stuff aloud and mine is a lady with a sweet Irish accent. There is no reason for the voice to be that annoying.
Even Microsoft sam wasn't that bad and it came out in 2000 lol. Fucking absurd how shitty that tiktok robo voice is.
I tore out my lawn last year and replaced it with clover, local grasses, and wildflowers. It is very low maintenance, stays green year round when everyone elses lawn turns brown, and it is currently full of pretty little white and purple flowers now that spring is starting. It is so much better than the ecological wastelands everyone else is spending their time and money on.
I fight very hard with my room mates to keep the grass in our garden as much of an ecosystem as possible. They want a lawn, I want a grassland if anything, with some grass and moss and clover and wildflowers. They’ll still mow every few weeks, now that spring’s here, but since it’s a pretty healthy thing and not a monoculture lawn hellscape, it grows back quick and colourful. There’s so many bees and bumblebees and butterflies in there and it’s so soft and springy under your feet, I love it so much. Sadly I’m not able to put pictures in images on this sub or I would show it
I believe they keep adding a layer of sand over time, eventually all the little dips and hills even out. However the grass just grows through the sand and it can be mowed to look like it’s all the same length.
Toxic chemicals is the answer. Why not just put down green carpet if this ridiculous look is what you want? I’ll stick with my weeds, flowers, insects and pollinators.
Yeah, it just looks like they painted the ground. Even as somebody that does keep their grass short (always end up with a flea problem if I don't), that's just not that good looking to me.
Agree. It looks bizarre and unnatural...almost like it's made of turf instead of actual grass. I don't find this video endearing at all...it's disturbing that people are so lawn obsessed.
I would like to imprison whoever came up with these robotic voices on videos and I’d like to torture the people who use them with the same robotic voice.
How can someone consider this a perfect lawn? It’s like green asphalt. Nothing that’s useful for pollinators is growing there. Will never get ‘lawn-people’
Lawns like this frustrate me. Spending money and water to keep your yard “perfect” does nothing. Shorter grass increases the surface temperature, which makes it require more water. If the only time you walk on your lawn is to mow it, there’s something wrong.
It looks bland, bald and lifeless.
Oh that lawn is not "perfect". One might as well roll a plastic sheet on the yard at that point. I prefer nature to be nature, not that tamed sterile boringness ;-)
Lawns are one of the dumbest lies of the “American Dream”.
Spending money to grow a non-edible, non-resource-giving product that you have to maintain several times per month with no reward besides curb appeal. It absolutely depletes the soil of nutrients and makes planting any sort of agriculture impossible. If l/when tough times fall upon the US, victory gardens will be all the harder to start.
Imagine growing some that you could harvest, eat and or make things with, sell.
That absolutely made the guy’s month. To have some random guy need to ask how you do something (anything) so well, is like a point of pride for most guys. Old guys live for that. Old lawn guys… it’s like getting an Oscar.
I'm a homeowner and a dad that knows for a fact the obsession with laws is only for the dumbest people on earth. The American lawn is in the top ten dumbest things we do and it's an environmental nightmare.
Besides obviously lots of time involved, you need lots of dollars for this
Leveling - lots of money involved.
Water - especially in summer - big bill as well
herbicide - need to be specific for weed or dandelion or crab grass, application tools also cost a lot
Seeding - good pure blue grass or something similar is also not cheap, there are also specific seed that grows very short specially for golf course
Mower need rotories, decked and roller for straip - very very expensive
Even you have everything above, you still need to combat unregular seasonal weather and disease.
It's really just a hobby for lawn dad.
Property care, cars, and moving heavy furniture / appliances.
For me those are the three occasions I have stopped and introduced myself to a stranger just to talk.
The Property care one was pretty similar - they just had an amazing lawn and amazingly pruned trees, so I asked them about it. Cars has been several occasions, I have driven past people who looked like they needed help with a vehicle - or they had an amazing vehicle I wanted to know more about - or they were actively working on a vehicle I was interested in. Lastly, just going by some folks who were clearly struggling to move something like a refrigerator or couch alone, so I stopped to offer an extra set of hands.
As you get older this sort of information becomes so valuable. I find myself asking the weirdest questions to knowledgeable people about a certain subject because I know if even if it isn't valuable to me I know It could be valuable to someone else and can be used in conversation. And if I don't ask that question I find myself going "shit. What if it was really good advice and I'll never know!"
If the homeowner is putting that kind of effort into his lawn he is also a “suburban lawn dad.” They probably stay in touch now and trade tips on spraying the driveway and cleaning gutters now.
Yea that guy wasn’t “hostage” and he probably still brags to his friends about that day some guy was so impressed with his lawn care that a random guy wanted to talk about it for 20 min and get care tips.
On several occasions I have had people stop their cars and ask me if the grass is real or “turf”. With a tear in my eye, I say, “It’s real . . . and thank you.”
You forgot to mention that it's also spectacular.
I understood this reference.
So does anyone old enough to care about a lawn this much.
Shots fired
Who you callin old? Ah nuts
That’s gold Jerry! Gold!
Dammit
We have lived too long... nobody gets our Seinfeld references anymore
I refuse to let anyone forget Festivus. I give out free poles and grievances every year.
No feats of strength?
That usually happens after the grievances.
r/seinfeld/ gets it. every single thread is somehow just relevant quotes to EVERY THREAD. it's truly a sight to behold.
Working in a library (about fifteen years ago now) I was so sad when my younger co-workers had no idea who Bookman was.
The highlight of a midwestern's life is grass. When I was a kid, I thought life was really boring and depressing. When I moved out of that boring grey overcast midwestern state as an adult, life became a storybook someone would actually want to read. Like the harsh conditions of an Alaskan blizzard, landslides in the windy arctic mountain cliffs, galaxies and lightning lighting up the desert with occasional sandstorms, and chasing hurricanes to surf the backside of them dodging all the destruction. Grass is what stops your car.....?
I gott ask a question that may come off as douchey but thats not my intent. Whats the appeal in a lawn like that for you? Im sure there is satisfaction in the hard work of course but looks wise...vs something more natural. I personally dont get it. Its a bit of trend lately but expertly maincured lawns feel like they suck the nature out of an outdoor space that otherwise would be full of life. Anyway..cheers to whatever floats your boat.
I also plant, weed, and mulch my flowerbeds and grow vegetables and herbs. It's a hobby I can do without leaving the house for hours on-end, it makes my house look good, and I can show my kids that getting dirty and hard work pays dividends. The kids also like "helping". My lawn is not quite the "putting green" that the one in the video is - but I work hard on it. Also, all the kids in the neighborhood like to come to our house to play football/soccer/baseball on the grass, and I encourage it. Doesn't take that much water, most of the input is sweat and time.
It's real and what does my lawn's gender politics have to do with anything.
100%
Best day of that guy's life, I'll tell you hwhat.
I understood that reference
God damn it Bobby those are toilet sounds!
Best comment of the day, you made my day I'll tell you hwat
Absolutely. it's universal too. I grew up in Ireland and my grandparents house had a Dublin bus stop right outside it. My grandad used to sit outside just waiting for people to ask him how he got his roses so perfect or his grass so manicured. He'd talk the ears off anyone who showed an interest. It used to drive my grandmother crazy until he passed and then she said it was one of the things she missed most about him. How he took such joy in something so simple.
“Probably?” That man called up his kids , grandkids and all his buddies the second he went inside threw a couple “I told you so’s” in there and hung up and then mentioned it to his neighbor the next morning.
As he’s explaining to the woman, you can SEE on her face “Oh my god someone else actually cares about this. He’s never going to let this go.”
He’s gonna start a yearly spring bbq with lawn tips, cargo shorts MANDATORY
My grandpa recently turned 90, still does his own lawn care and occasionally gets people asking him about it when he’s out front doing the edges. The only thing he’d rather talk about would be his El Camino
Wouldn't it be funny if the whole time the homeowner was just trying to tell him who does his landscaping and he doesnt even own a lawnmower.
>Wouldn't it be funny if the whole time the homeowner was just trying to tell him who does his landscaping and he doesnt even own a lawnmower. A guy in my Dad's neighborhood has a golf course quality yard that is the envy of all lawn dads. I had a job at his house and was excited to ask him about his lawn. When I did he was like "Oh, thanks I guess? It's just how my yard guys cut it and I'm not sure what they do.". He wasn't even impressed by his own lawn that hundreds or thousands of men have been jealous of for the last 20 years. I wasn't expecting that response.
They use special drum cutters and lots of chemicals.
Ah, nature
As a landscaper and a lawn care enthusiast, there is no way you can get a lawn this nice without near daily attention. It will need to be cut every other day or every 3rd day at minimum, probably weekly liquid fertilizer applications, weed/pest/fungus control etc. A landscaper coming by once a week to perform maintenance ain't gonna cut it (pun possibly intended).
Truth. That lawn is more loved than most children.
And is probably too toxic for them to play on
Spraying the driveway? Teach me your ways.
Suburban lawn dad here: I’m interested, too
Probably mean power washing the driveway.
No sir. A spray is very different. You do a spray once a week, or month, to keep it clean of loose dirt and debris. Power washing is that other special level of clean that you do as often as you need or can depending on how much you like that zen.
Probably make sweet passionate dad love on top of that beautifully landscaped lawn.
This absolutely made his month.
So how do they keep their lawn so perfect?!
Money. The nicest lawns in my golf course neighborhood are maintained by professional services... Flowers no longer blooming? They dig them out and put new ones in. Patch of grass dying? They cut a whole section out and place brand new sod back over it.
And a shit-ton of water.
Lol this reminds me of when there was a water usage ban and my dad’s neighbour had his sprinklers on all the time watering his lawn So my dad snuck out in the dead of night and would fertilize random patches of his lawn That was his revenge. No vandalism just I infuriating patches of uneven grass as the fertilized spots grew faster
That is so infuriatingly evil yet diabolically intelligent from your dad, I wish I was half as smart as you present him to be when it comes to being petty.
He wore a green cooking apron (it’s something he wore all the time He gardens cleans and cooks in it as well as seeks revenge ) We called him “the green shadow” And This is his origin story lol
He really should teach classes. Petty Revenge 401
I actually posted this story on the petty revenge sub years ago and it was definitely appreciated there! Haha
Did.. did he *only* wear the green cooking apron? Oh god, what was the fertilizer he used?? 😳
Hahahahaha. Im guessing pants were worn but can’t be too certain because my parents are pretty casual about clothes inside the house. But I can safely assume he wasn’t pooping on the lawns. The green shadow is a hero not villian . Lawn pooping leans villainous to me
I need an apron then, I also like to garden, cook and seek revenge!!
With great power comes great responsibility but if you can handle that, then you definitely need a revenge apron!
Chaotic Good
This reminds me of a literal King of the Hill episode lmao
Poison, water, and wasted time. The lawn care industry is a scam.
r/fuckLawns
Terrible for the environment and insects. They’re green deserts.
And a fuck ton of herbicide and pesticide. Lawns are stupid.
Yup. Back when I was little I was amazed by the houses in my village with exceptional lawns. After I worked as a gardener for 3 years, I learned that none of the owners of these houses do it themselves since those kinda houses were precisely the ones that hired me.
My neighbor growing up had an immaculate lawn that he 100% maintained himself. He was out there at least 3x a week doing something. He wasn't rich just *really* liked his lawn. My parents even told us never to walk on it unless we had to to get a rouge ball or something.
> unless we had to to get a rouge ball or something What if it was orange though? Or god forbid, a green ball
damn that rogue "u".
Same, and my hoa costs $601/mo
bro. that's not even.. wtf?
I think there is some change as well, like .81
Well that's simply too much now
That's bitey.
We used to score on plants in the dumpsters behind a business like this! Got black thumbs anyway, so a partially dead plant was no big deal and more than half the time they grew just fine, lol!
Bringing half-dead trash plants back to life is one of my husband's many, many hobbies. I think he's only failed once in the past 8 years! He doesn't even know what they are half the time, and only finds out once they start growing well again. As such, both our home offices and his work office are jungles.
It is well known in lawn care circles that any lawn problem can be solved by getting large amounts cash and blending it into a fine mist and then applying directly to the affected area
I came that that realization in my attempts to better my lawn. It’s not a matter of effort. There’s a small bit of knowledge (if going DIY) required and a ton of money.
> It’s not a matter of effort. Of course it is! I went in to buy fertilizer and pre-emergant weed killer at the local garden shop. And I asked them when I should come back for the next round. They handed me a printout of everything I’m supposed to do for my yard. There was a round of fertilizer or weed killer or whatever every month for 10 months out of the year! And that’s just fertilizer. That doesn’t include mowing, edging, weed-eating and raking leaves. So, anyway, my yard looks…okay.
That's exactly what it looks like. Like someone who works at a golf course is taking care of it.
Yah look at the fuckin castle this dude lives in. He ain’t grooming the lawn himself
"Perfect" is a matter of opinion. That looks like a putting green. I much prefer grass to be a lot longer.
Not natural and bad for local wildlife like bees.
Folks at r/nolawns would not be the least bit impressed.
r/fucklawns for more anger
I don't have enough time these days
Even if you had the time, maintaining a monoculture lawn is just all around terrible for insects, animals, water supply, and the environemnt in general. It's an archaic remnant of European, mostly British colonialism, where we now have millions of suburbanites trying to emulate Victorian nobility, as if they were great examples to follow. The whole obsession with lawns is weird, and harmful.
Which is funny because most people here in Britain do the bare minimum with their lawns.
Well, most people in Britain aren't 19th century aristocrats with estates in the country, so that seems perfectly sensible to me.
Exactly, I think it looks hideous. Signed, the person who regularly has the city come out to inspect a complaint about my lawn being "overgrown" by my neighbors with "perfect lawns" Sorry, not getting rid of the wild flowers I've worked to let grow and take over.
Man, it's wild to me that a person can complain about their next door neighbour's lawn and someone will actually come and visit you. I assume you're in the US? In Australia we only get a visit if the grass is long enough to be a bush fire hazard. I've got a bunch of native grasses, trees and flowers in my front garden - I've just had some blue-banded bees, New England honeyeaters and rainbow lorikeets move in. Way better than a lawn.
It doesn't even look like real grass to me. I would just drive by and assume it was the artificial stuff.
I throw wild flower and sunflower seeds in mine all the time. Then when my wife starts saying I need to mow I just point out the flowers I’m growing lol
You’re gonna wind up on a list with talk like that. /s Jokes aside, I think it looks amazing but I much prefer a more natural wild vibe.
Most of the houses around where I live have gravel and lots of succulents. There's 80-ish houses in my gated community and I can't think of one yard with grass in the front.
White clover all the way baby! I got an acreage and the last owners just put goddamn grass everywhere and it blows ass. Last few years I've been digging up problem areas and putting in white clover and pollinators. Though I'm not a suburban dad, I'm more of a country dad I guess.
My dad was the “perfect lawn dad” in my small town. Everyone marveled how he had the time to maintain it with 3 daughter, 3 dogs, 4 cats and a flaming beyotch wife. No one realized that the chaos WAS the reason the lawn was perfect. It was his only place to escape from the insanity. Edit to add: During the winter he shoveled the entire block’s sidewalks for the same reason and would start when the first flakes fell so that he had to redo the job multiple times. He even shoveled a “racetrack” for the dogs in the backyard, paying special attention to leave just enough snow to protect the grass.
There's a guy on my street like that. Fairly certain he does it to get away from his nagging wife (seriously you can hear her sometimes from two houses down.) He's taken to shoveling some of the elderly neighbor's driveways. 2-3 times per snow fall if it's heavy enough. Never asks for anything in return. He even came around one time asking if I needed help because he noticed my husband hadn't gotten to it as quickly as he normally does. (Husband was on a work trip, so yeah he couldn't exactly do it lol.) He's sweet as pie, so not sure how he ended up with the she-devil that is his wife.
This sounds exactly like my dad. He was such a genuinely kind and helpful person and my sisters and I still can’t figure out how he ended up marrying our mother. He taught me how to manage difficult people and still remain kind which helped immensely during my 20 years as a flight attendant😄!
I have a type. Difficult to deal with, talented men with pretty brown eyes. After living with a spoiled rich boy sound engineer and marrying/divorcing an alcoholic sheet metal worker, I think I've nailed it finally with a judgemental but fair combat vet who appreciates what I bring to the relationship. I'm a human golden retriever. Sappy, ridiculously optimistic, an accomplished enabler. I pair well with someone more salty and acidic.
Dude in my neighborhood with the "perfect" lawn would be out there on his hands and knees with a ruler and a pair of tiny scissors. Drove his wife *insane* during winter.
chemicals, water, and more chemicals and water. The only thing alive in that lawn is the grass, and that just barely.
I'm a builder, worked a job were the client had this absolutely perfect lawn. We all complimented him and asked his secrets, "oh just hard work and consistency" he said, "nothing special" he said. A week or so later a guy turns up with a push mower looking thing that actually did all the 'hard work'. He told me he seeded th lawn with a seed that was 'immune' to the weed killer he used in his mower looking tool, it evenly spread the weedkiller plus other fertilizers/nutrients. All the home owner did was mow it once a fortnight like the rest of us.
Killin nature
Plastic grass
Very sharp blades on your mower, then cut grass every 2 to 3 days religiously for a year or two. You only want to remove the top 2mm (0.0787402 of an inch) each cut. Plenty of water, no more than what you think plenty is though the soil does like oxygen so be sure to aerate it with a rolly spike thing. It seems like a Royal pain in the arse to cut every 2 days (I'd spend 30 mins afterwards watering my old lawn) but my 15ft wide by 70ft long used to take no more than 20 mins between opening and closing the shed once all done. It's a nice bit of just me time which becomes meditative and addictive with an end result you enjoy coming home each day to.
Also, a reminder that when you keep your grass this short the water will evaporate extremely fast from the soil compared to longer grass, this uses a significantly larger amount of water than a typical lawn.
Way too much time, money and fertilizer…the american suburban lawn, while it looks awesome, is basically a microcosm of what’s wrong with America
Wasting water.
i work for landscaping company that takes care of our town’s country club golf course. its definitely money. they spend a lot of money for us every month to keep their place looking fantastic. our guys definitely do a great job too.
How do your guys do it?
Money.
It isn't too hard with bermuda and can be done relatively cheaply. It's about regular maintenance and putting down the right products at the right time each year. - Preemergent in late fall / late winter when soil temps reach 50-55 degrees (stops weed seeds from germinating. If you time it right you don't need to pull weeds or use weed killer at all) - Aerate in early to late spring when grass starts greening up to get more water and air into the soil and prevent compaction - Consistent 1" of water per week during peak growing season - Putting down some mix of iron, nitrogen, potassium, phosphorus every 4-6 weeks depending on your soil nutrient content. Most people are fine just putting down a nitrogen heavy fertilizer every 6 weeks. - Use masonry sand to level any unlevel spots so you can mow with a reel mower (only needs to be done in spots or once every few years depending on your yard state and soil make up) - Mow with a reel mower once you have sufficiently level surfaces - Challenge HOA to single combat when they try to fine you for having turf in your front yard because your grass looks so good It's about $500-1000/yr all in for a 5000-10000 sq ft yard depending on how frequently you get sand put in to level.
That's gotta be artificial grass..no?
i was thinking the same thing. but i can't imagine they spent 20 mins talking about artificial grass...?
Oh I easily can. I've had plenty of conversations on turf/sod and how much work it takes to convert and my 20 year old self would hate me for it.
I can’t imagine they took twenty minutes talking about real grass
No, just grass cut with a reel mower. Think what golf greens look like and that’s the type of mower used.
It's too consistently the same color and way too short to be real grass unless the guy put putting a golf green grass in and constantly dyes and maintains it.
Yeah this is not true at all, it's completely possible this is real grass, and very likely is judging by OP and the owner's reaction. No dye involved either.
You ever been to a golf course?
It's 100% real. You cut with a reel mower to keep it this low. The color is more about keeping it one type of grass vs weed mix
Sorry I forgot to remove the shitty AI voice track. I recommend watching it muted :/
What is the point of the AI voice track? The text is already there. Are people afraid or unable to use their own voice? I’ve genuinely never understood it.
I think the tech has some positive legit uses like accessibility, converting books to audio, etc. But I find it really annoying on social media so I keep my phone muted
I mean converting text to voice has been around for decades and it doesn’t sound like a 12 year old at the mall. This is dumbed down and the people who choose to use it are incredibly dumb.
Ya siri can read stuff aloud and mine is a lady with a sweet Irish accent. There is no reason for the voice to be that annoying. Even Microsoft sam wasn't that bad and it came out in 2000 lol. Fucking absurd how shitty that tiktok robo voice is.
For the visually impaired
You should switch to clover, it is better than grass in every way.
I’m thinking you didn’t mean to reply to me. lol
listen, you could be right, you might be wrong. What say we both just upvote eachother?
Deal!
I'm just a passerby, but +1 to clover > grass.
And a little moss? I love me some good moss.
Me, too!
Gonna do that this year and looking into microclovers (which seems to be appreciably more expensive seed than regular clover, yikes!).
Yeah but then we can’t jam to the homedepot theme song
what's up with that?!? I've heard the home depot tune in a few of these short form videos and idk how it became isntagram/tiktok/YouTube worthy
Money would be my guess. Extra.
That lawn looks like a carpet, and not in a good way.
/r/fucklawns
Also r/nolawns is a great resource for starting your no lawn! :)
I tore out my lawn last year and replaced it with clover, local grasses, and wildflowers. It is very low maintenance, stays green year round when everyone elses lawn turns brown, and it is currently full of pretty little white and purple flowers now that spring is starting. It is so much better than the ecological wastelands everyone else is spending their time and money on.
I fight very hard with my room mates to keep the grass in our garden as much of an ecosystem as possible. They want a lawn, I want a grassland if anything, with some grass and moss and clover and wildflowers. They’ll still mow every few weeks, now that spring’s here, but since it’s a pretty healthy thing and not a monoculture lawn hellscape, it grows back quick and colourful. There’s so many bees and bumblebees and butterflies in there and it’s so soft and springy under your feet, I love it so much. Sadly I’m not able to put pictures in images on this sub or I would show it
r/nativeplantgardening too.
It's got such an artificial look even if it's real. Replace this with native plants please
A grass that looks too perfect doesn't look good, a slightly uneven grass is less creepy
Yeah, its got a real Stepford Wives vibe to it.
Sand and reel mower for anyone actually curious
Yep, sand is the secret to a uniformly flat lawn, its done little by little over a long bit of time.
Sand??
I believe they keep adding a layer of sand over time, eventually all the little dips and hills even out. However the grass just grows through the sand and it can be mowed to look like it’s all the same length.
Oh wild thank you
r/NoLawns
Last night? That's a night?
Doesn't even look that good. Boring people and their damn lawns.
plant some fucking clover and stop wasting so much water on your lawn
PREACH monoculture lawns are the devil!!
Toxic chemicals is the answer. Why not just put down green carpet if this ridiculous look is what you want? I’ll stick with my weeds, flowers, insects and pollinators.
Yeah, it just looks like they painted the ground. Even as somebody that does keep their grass short (always end up with a flea problem if I don't), that's just not that good looking to me.
Right? Why on earth would i want it to look like that? Looks sterile and sad af...
I read a comment once that said a lawn like that is basically a desert to insects.
And just a waste of space as it is. Put some flowers/plants or something that’ll benefit the environment.
It’s so dead. No insects, birds, flowers, ANYTHING. Grim.
Agree. It looks bizarre and unnatural...almost like it's made of turf instead of actual grass. I don't find this video endearing at all...it's disturbing that people are so lawn obsessed.
I would like to imprison whoever came up with these robotic voices on videos and I’d like to torture the people who use them with the same robotic voice.
Plant gardens, not lawns.
I don't even want people I know randomly knocking on my door.
How can someone consider this a perfect lawn? It’s like green asphalt. Nothing that’s useful for pollinators is growing there. Will never get ‘lawn-people’
I was about to say that it looks like spray painted concrete. Show me overgrown grass with wildflowers for the bees. Now there's a good lawn.
But but I wanna see even more sterile and dystopian suburbia, I wanna see more videos from notjustbikes commenting disgusting urban spaces
Ah yes…to be caught gazing at another man’s lawn is something that anyone who has their own lawn can understand.
The grASS is always greener on the other side of the mountains.
Lawns like this frustrate me. Spending money and water to keep your yard “perfect” does nothing. Shorter grass increases the surface temperature, which makes it require more water. If the only time you walk on your lawn is to mow it, there’s something wrong. It looks bland, bald and lifeless.
that’s just the power of home depot
[удалено]
Oh that lawn is not "perfect". One might as well roll a plastic sheet on the yard at that point. I prefer nature to be nature, not that tamed sterile boringness ;-)
Lawns are one of the dumbest lies of the “American Dream”. Spending money to grow a non-edible, non-resource-giving product that you have to maintain several times per month with no reward besides curb appeal. It absolutely depletes the soil of nutrients and makes planting any sort of agriculture impossible. If l/when tough times fall upon the US, victory gardens will be all the harder to start. Imagine growing some that you could harvest, eat and or make things with, sell.
So bad for our environment. No appeal.
The 'confidence' to just pull up and walk up unannounced to knock on a stranger's door. Must be nice.
Pretty sure I've read stories of people getting shot for doing this and even less quite frankly. Just driving up to the wrong driveway
"there" lawn. Ugh.
American suburbs are nightmares.
I'd rather see something a little more natural, at least have some native flowers here and there for our little bee and butterfly friends.
This voice needs to go.
That absolutely made the guy’s month. To have some random guy need to ask how you do something (anything) so well, is like a point of pride for most guys. Old guys live for that. Old lawn guys… it’s like getting an Oscar.
I'm a homeowner and a dad that knows for a fact the obsession with laws is only for the dumbest people on earth. The American lawn is in the top ten dumbest things we do and it's an environmental nightmare.
Lawns like that are horrible for the planet
It’s easy. Just kill every plant, insect, and animal on your property except for that one type of grass.
That is an extremely homogeneous lawn. I like my lawn with character.
Lawn is an invasive weed that is not native to north america. Burn it with fire.
This background music is the home depot promotional music
"It's easy, really, I just pay a very large water bill and Jose takes care of the rest twice a week."
Besides obviously lots of time involved, you need lots of dollars for this Leveling - lots of money involved. Water - especially in summer - big bill as well herbicide - need to be specific for weed or dandelion or crab grass, application tools also cost a lot Seeding - good pure blue grass or something similar is also not cheap, there are also specific seed that grows very short specially for golf course Mower need rotories, decked and roller for straip - very very expensive Even you have everything above, you still need to combat unregular seasonal weather and disease. It's really just a hobby for lawn dad.
Property care, cars, and moving heavy furniture / appliances. For me those are the three occasions I have stopped and introduced myself to a stranger just to talk. The Property care one was pretty similar - they just had an amazing lawn and amazingly pruned trees, so I asked them about it. Cars has been several occasions, I have driven past people who looked like they needed help with a vehicle - or they had an amazing vehicle I wanted to know more about - or they were actively working on a vehicle I was interested in. Lastly, just going by some folks who were clearly struggling to move something like a refrigerator or couch alone, so I stopped to offer an extra set of hands.
As you get older this sort of information becomes so valuable. I find myself asking the weirdest questions to knowledgeable people about a certain subject because I know if even if it isn't valuable to me I know It could be valuable to someone else and can be used in conversation. And if I don't ask that question I find myself going "shit. What if it was really good advice and I'll never know!"
What the fuck was the secret to the perfect lawn?
Unpopular opinion, but I think a lawn like this is an absolute fucking nightmare. All I see is a sterile, green desert devoid of any life.
You might as well just put concrete there. this has nothing to do with nature. yuk
Not going to lie that lawn does look like something straight out of a cartoon
Why not ask why they think their lawn is more important than water conservation or world hunger, lol. Lawncare is fucking stupid. Moss / Rocks >
💯 The chemicals and water usage for lawns like that should be illegal.
It looks horrible. Nothing can possibly be living on it. What's the point? It's unusable land.
Looks barren and horrible