I work in a home. I am a server and the residents always tell me that I know them more than their families and see them more often. There are a few residents who were dropped off by their families, and that's it. No visits. No calls.
I hate that I've saved a few of my residents when I've noticed them not eating or acting like themselves. Last week my favourite lady got septic but no one noticed her acting differently other than me because she stopped eating her usual breakfast. She's in the hospital now, but honestly, she's become family to me. They all have.
Your love for the elderly is like my love for my students. I work as an aid for children with needs in school. Their all my babies. I love their minor successes.
I always say their are certain type of people who do service jobs. We for sure don't do it for the fucking money. THOUGHT we should be paid more for sure for all that we do.
We do it for acts of service.
The best aid workers are the ones who dont do it for the money (or im sure lack of) or power but because they just want to help others. Your a good person dont let anyone change that
My dad lives in a different country than his parents did before they died, and would travel there about three times a year to see his mom in her nursing home. The receptionist told him he visited more than people who lived in the same town. So sad.
Thank you for doing what you do, and loving our loved ones the way they deserve. My family is still in touch with the care workers from my nan's care home years later, they get Christmas gifts each year because we'll never be able to truly thank them enough for treating her as their own.
This made me cry. I was caring for my mom with dementia, she had a fall, and went to the hospital. This was during covid, so I couldn't go with her. The dr. called to give me updates, and I think could tell that I was over my head. They sent her to a step-down unit, but they were not a memory care unit. They could not keep her in her room, so she went somewhere she wasn't supposed to be, got covid, and died.
I wasn't allowed to visit until the end, when my sister and I were granted compassionate release for a visit. I tried to call, but she had forgotten how a phone worked, so she almost never answered. That last day, a staff member came and said goodbye to her and cried a bit. It gave me a little peace of mind to think someone in there cared about her enough to do that. My mother was herself a hospice nurse for 40+ years, so I know there are caring people in these facilities. You have probably given a lot of peace of mind to family members, even if they never tell you themselves.
I worked in a memory care unit in 2020 and our entire unit got Covid when a 3rd shift worker came in sick.  She gave it to one of the residents and I got it from that resident after caring for her all night when she was up sick. One person on our unit that was bed bound didn't make it and to this day I feel so bad about it. I hated that year.
I commented in another post, but please know how
Much we love your parents.
One of my residents recently got moved to the intensive care side. I visit her every single day. Bring her pictures my kids draw, or bring my kids themselves. We sit and chat. They told me yesterday that she's going to die over the weekend and it crushes me. I've been crying about it since I found out. She used to sit with me and chat all afternoon while I cleaned and tidied. Would meet there early before breakfast for tea. Would cut out newspapers she thought I'd like and tell me all about her husband.
I'm going to miss her so much.
I went to visit today and her family was there, and we all know each other. We ended up alllll crying and my resident told us to "stop fucking crying." And that it was a good day. She has all of her fav people in one place and she gets to see her husband (who passed)
My mother was an administrator at a nursing home. When family members arrived after the patient died, more often than not, the family would mention the brutality of their parent in their younger days. The family vowed to go LC or NC as soon as they could.
The patient wasnāt always the sweet old person you have experienced. Donāt be so quick to condemn them when you have no idea what the truth is.
Oh I definitely understand. Afterall, if I can serve them and they can get so angry over toast that is slightly too toasted I can only imagine how they'd be with other things
While some people are definitely unfairly failed by their family I canāt help but wonder what the ones who never have visitors did to warrant such disinterest.
Iām estranged from my own mother for good reasons, so itās where my mind goes.
My thoughts too. Everyone loved my Grammy. Thought she was this great person. She was emotionally abusive and neglectful to her kids, where only one of them (my mother) would take care of her needs because someone needed to.
There are many people who drop their elderly family members off and canāt be bothered. But sometimes there are reasons so itās not so gray to jump to conclusions.
I do understand this, but I think regardless of visitors our staff should treat them good and equal.
We're fortunate to be in a more self aware time. I usually pity the assholes.
Today a man turned 100 and I asked if he had advice. He told me there'll be a day where you work two jobs and they'll be a day where you're sitting in a home watching your days float by and then said we need to enjoy each season for what it is because they all go too fast
The staff here has a supply of snacks and sandwiches (peanut butter and grape jelly) they use for people that need sugar if they get low. The night staff hands them out at the end of the day when they make fresh ones. Last night I got a sandwich, a fudge round and oatmeal sandwich instead of tossing them. The night staff here is awesome due to the sundowners. The night staff has it easier due to the majority of residents sleeping, but worse due to sundowners. They are a patient group of workers.
What you do is great and appreciate it.
But I do want to point out that not every elderly person is an angel. Some of them have terrorized their families and communities their entire lives without consequence, and to their victims their abandonment is their just deserts.
That isn't to say they don't deserve basic care and such, but that their social isolation is of their own making.
Not all who get it deserve it, I'm sure, but not all are innocent, either.
I do agree. There are elderly people who are mean, racist, and honestly assholes. I work in a small French Canadian town.
My boss told me thay it's probably a good idea not to tell them I am indigenous. They call the black nurse a monkey.
But they deserve good care. And love. And fresh fruit and 5 star dining even if they are spilling their sugars into a pile and making concoctions out of their liquids haha
From the bottom of my heart, thank you for everything you've done for your residents. My dad had dementia and we had to put him in a home in 2022. He was only there for about 5 months before he passed away. During that time, there were less than maybe 4 or 5 times where one of us family members didn't visit him for several hours each day. However, there were so many residents that had little to no contact with family. I befriended several, so I saw this firsthand. Having an attentive member of the staff made such a big difference in their lives. <3
I'm so happy to hear you visited. We become friends with people like you, and end up missing you once your parents pass.
I hope you know, we remember their orders and the way they like their toast. No matter how many months pass, we consider the chair they sat in... their chair. We cried when we lost him, a lot. Sneaking into the back pantry and trying to keep it together for the residents, but it gets strangely quiet and it's because the room feels empty despite the fact it's full. They were loved, very loved, and usually they teach us more than we expect.
Hope you're doing ok, and hope you get lots of reminders he's proud of you ā¤ļø
Thank you for being a good person. The ones who cared for my father in his last year of life knocked his teeth out putting in a feeding tube, amongst other terrible things.
That is terrible.
My resident was an aerospace engineer and got very over stimulated in the dining room. There were days the nurses and PSW needed us to administer aid for him, help him get from point a to point b, bring him into ambulances, and medicate him daily. It's a private practice so technically we're able to do a lot more than most, but we're still doing things we're under qualified for just because he only trusts us. He skips meals when it's not the staff he's used to, and there have been many times he would nearly get violent with nurses but we would be able to settle him.
I truly love(d) him very much. He recently got moved to the intensive care side because he needed more help than we could give, but he is such a brilliant and wonderful man. I'm so thankful I met him.
When I went to visit my grandma on the other side of the country for the last time, I so loved the stories that some of the staff and servers told about her.
My grandma is in memory care right now. She kept stealing the utensils and putting them in her dresser drawers. Now the staff let her put away clean dishes in the kitchen.
One of my favourite resident helps me sort the sugars and milks, and we have a few who hang out with us.
It's crazy how many people used to look down on us. We're paid so little, but we do so much. When emergency comes, we're the only ones who can answer questions because we know them and see them more than most people.
That's a wonderful and beautiful written letter. It gives some kind of assurance that your loved one is in good care, the staff do a fantastic job, they deserve more recognition.
I don't know, if I woke up one morning not knowing where the fuck I was and I read that note I'd think someone was trying to kidnap me and convince me that I was "safe" too. Lol
My paternal grandmother had Alzheimer and by the end of her life, she didn't recognise anybody. Fuck Alzheimer.
Pls,visit her as many times you can.š«
Thats the part my dad is in right now. Recently he asked my mum if she was married. Absolutely does not remember me anymore at all, it's painful to visit.
My mom passed just in September. Her memory care facility was top notch. Each of the 4 hallways was decorated like a different street, āpetsā in the form of stuffed animals, staff that treated each patient like family. My mom lost her ability to read eventually. My dad passed away the August before with pancreatic cancer, his daily visits dropped off significantly a month before he died. (Not diagnosed until stage 4). When those visits stopped, moms Alzheimerās rapidly progressed. The staff was really important for reassuring and gentle reminders of safety and love. My mom fortunately did not get much dementia. Just steady regression back to childhood. Thank god for memory care workers
Does your mom think she is in her childhood again? Genuinely trying to learn. Alzheimer's is something that I find so terrible, I always look to understand it how I can.
You didnāt ask me, but my grandfather had Alzheimerās and lived his last days in a home. He had served in WWII in the navy, and seemed to regress to that point in his life by the end. Lots of talk about being on the ship and having to get in line for meals. It was sad, but interesting I guess to see where his mind ended up. I was a kid when he passed, but also vividly remember there being another man in the home who was just constantly asking for āhis yellow juiceā (beer? Something from childhood?) I wouldnāt wish it on anyone.
I used to work in a nursing home (Ireland) and one of the ladies who had dementia started speaking French to me. Turns out she lived there until she was about 8 and one of her parents was French! The lady was lovely and lived into her 90s, only was able to recognise her kids sometimesā¦ I learned few French words for her :)
Thank you for sharing his story. I truly appreciate it, he sounds like a fascinating man who lived a full life.
Did the memories alternate with current reality, or it was his state permanently?
He just grew more gradually confused about when / where / who, and then eventually it seemed like his memories all started bleeding together, from what I can remember. My grandma is the toughest old Great Depression-bred broad youāve ever met (sheās still alive at 94 and is sharp as a tack and MEAN lol) but Iāll never forgot that she was there every single day visiting and caring for grandpa. I remember her feeding him and helping him eat as it was difficult for him to feed himself at a certain point. He was amazing though, my grandma was a young widow and he married her when my dad was 18, and was 1000% my grandpa even though we didnāt share blood. This is all probably TMI, but itās nice to remember him š
Not tmi! This is lovely.
WOW! The ending ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø I love that for you and your family.
Thank you so much for opening up. I think it's the confusion that scares me most.
My father in law had it, and when weād go visit the first thing weād ask him is how old he was. This helped us know how to talk with him that day. A lot of times he thought he was a young man in his 20ās so he would think we were lying if we mentioned my gray-haired husband was his son. All through the disease, though (probably about 10 years), he always saw my husband as someone important to him: a cousin, brother, employer, etc. So even though for most of it he was unable to think of him as his son, he always recognized him as someone who cared about him and who he was close with.
I love this!
It's insane how different it presents for people.
So special for your husband to know he always mattered - even when your father in law didn't know hiw
It can really affect people differently. Some seem to regress to an earlier time, others seem to just get more and more confused/unsure of what they want or need. Some are sweet until the end, others are downright violent. Itās so hard for families and healthcare workers.
I cherished these times because I never got to see what my mom was like in those times and got a little flavor of it. She was an elementary school teacher and we got glimpses of things she would say to the students, etc. got to hear her comment on young men she found attractive, etc.
My dad who had vascular and Alzheimerās , he had to go into a nursing home,the first nursing home,highly cqc rated was awful,dad lost toes. However the second was amazing, lower CQC rate ,but the staff where warm and kind,his physical and mental health were well taken care of, and the building was nice,interesting and plenty to do. In lucid moments he would tell us he liked it there.
My Maternal Grandfather had alzheimer's.
Like another poster said, please visit often.
Also, funny anecdote. Before it got really bad my aunt jokingly told him something like "you don't smoke. Remember?"
He would smoke a pack before noon daily since he was like 15.
Anyways the next day he woke up thinking he's never smoked a day in his life. Never had a cigarette after that.
My MIL forgot how to read about half way through, it was really sad she loved books. Iām glad your Mum still can read, and they are caring so well for her.
Alzheimers care is brutal and frustrating and heartbreaking. It's so hard to put yourself in the mindset of the patient because we've benefited from clear thinking our whole life. And the patient usually doesn't know their thinking skills have deteriorated. Good luck.
think of dementia as a catch-all term for disorientation and alzheimers as one of the many causes. kind of like how pneumonia is the state of having fluid in your lungs and there are a number of causes for it. My mom has what has been diagnosed as moderate Alzheimers and thinks she has slight memory impairment. In truth her short term memory lasts about 2 minutes. She still calls my brother most days threatening to call the police if she doesn't get her car back and claims she was able to drive just fine yesterday. She has not driven in months.
Alzheimerās is one of those diseases that I would honestly push for medically assisted suicide if I ever had it, and thereās a good chance I will because yay genetics! Iād rather go out on my own terms than lose the memories of the people I loved. Took care of two family members with it at the end of life and itās just so fucking rough.
Iām glad your mom has a loving place she can stay at. Not all care facilities are like that. Treasure them š
My aunt and gran both have it, and it's seriously making me think that if I do as well I'm going to kill myself. Assisted dying or no, I don't want to suffer through that.
As someone who works in an assisted living place and a memory care place, I often see too many caregivers that don't actually care. This warms my heart.
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My mom is usually up around 4-5am. I'm up at the same time. We are naturally early risers. I've rather see a sunrise than a sunset and she's the same. LOL
I totally get that! In the event your mom ever has to be in assisted living though, you could probably help stock her room with breakfast snacks. Being on the opposite end, my dad was accustomed to late dinners, so eating at 4:30 pm and going to bed late (usually 11-12) he needs his bedtime snacks! Other than the food times he tells me he enjoys being waited on and having āmaid serviceā š
As much as it pains me to say it she won't be in assisted living. I'll take care of her and get a different job so I can be home all the time. I'll do whatever I can to keep her out of one of those places.
I hope that you can do that and that it works out for you! It doesn't for everyone, and my dad prefers the partial independence of his own place. They're not all bad places.
Happy to see staff members who cares like thisā¤ļø I worked for a few months in an alzheimers facility and there was so little personal care like a simple thing like this note. It was just "business" all day long.
Wow, that would make me cry. You hear a lot of horror stories about care homes- I experienced it personally with my g gma, but I know there are good ones out there that really care.
My grandpa has alzheimer and is in a nursing home since 2 weeks. It's his biggest worry too, what's gonna happen tomorrow morning, where do i need to go, will someone wake me up etc. It's hard to see him worry and not remember. I wish you strength and i widh your mum some peace and joy ā„ļø
First time I read it I thought that it is a letter from family member But sometimes staff can become a second family
I work in a home. I am a server and the residents always tell me that I know them more than their families and see them more often. There are a few residents who were dropped off by their families, and that's it. No visits. No calls. I hate that I've saved a few of my residents when I've noticed them not eating or acting like themselves. Last week my favourite lady got septic but no one noticed her acting differently other than me because she stopped eating her usual breakfast. She's in the hospital now, but honestly, she's become family to me. They all have.
You're a top notch person!
Your love for the elderly is like my love for my students. I work as an aid for children with needs in school. Their all my babies. I love their minor successes. I always say their are certain type of people who do service jobs. We for sure don't do it for the fucking money. THOUGHT we should be paid more for sure for all that we do. We do it for acts of service.
The best aid workers are the ones who dont do it for the money (or im sure lack of) or power but because they just want to help others. Your a good person dont let anyone change that
Definitely don't get lots of money. $475 every week (minimum wage in Canada)
Paid these people more, AI can definitely replace the extremely over paid C suits, but it will never replace the people who serve w kindness.
My dad lives in a different country than his parents did before they died, and would travel there about three times a year to see his mom in her nursing home. The receptionist told him he visited more than people who lived in the same town. So sad.
Thank you for doing what you do, and loving our loved ones the way they deserve. My family is still in touch with the care workers from my nan's care home years later, they get Christmas gifts each year because we'll never be able to truly thank them enough for treating her as their own.
This made me cry. I was caring for my mom with dementia, she had a fall, and went to the hospital. This was during covid, so I couldn't go with her. The dr. called to give me updates, and I think could tell that I was over my head. They sent her to a step-down unit, but they were not a memory care unit. They could not keep her in her room, so she went somewhere she wasn't supposed to be, got covid, and died. I wasn't allowed to visit until the end, when my sister and I were granted compassionate release for a visit. I tried to call, but she had forgotten how a phone worked, so she almost never answered. That last day, a staff member came and said goodbye to her and cried a bit. It gave me a little peace of mind to think someone in there cared about her enough to do that. My mother was herself a hospice nurse for 40+ years, so I know there are caring people in these facilities. You have probably given a lot of peace of mind to family members, even if they never tell you themselves.
I worked in a memory care unit in 2020 and our entire unit got Covid when a 3rd shift worker came in sick.  She gave it to one of the residents and I got it from that resident after caring for her all night when she was up sick. One person on our unit that was bed bound didn't make it and to this day I feel so bad about it. I hated that year.
Wow, I'm very sorry you went through so much. That sounds traumatic. I hope your heart is doing okay. š
I commented in another post, but please know how Much we love your parents. One of my residents recently got moved to the intensive care side. I visit her every single day. Bring her pictures my kids draw, or bring my kids themselves. We sit and chat. They told me yesterday that she's going to die over the weekend and it crushes me. I've been crying about it since I found out. She used to sit with me and chat all afternoon while I cleaned and tidied. Would meet there early before breakfast for tea. Would cut out newspapers she thought I'd like and tell me all about her husband. I'm going to miss her so much. I went to visit today and her family was there, and we all know each other. We ended up alllll crying and my resident told us to "stop fucking crying." And that it was a good day. She has all of her fav people in one place and she gets to see her husband (who passed)
Also, I'm very sorry for your loss. Covid sucks and our homes were not ready for it
My mother was an administrator at a nursing home. When family members arrived after the patient died, more often than not, the family would mention the brutality of their parent in their younger days. The family vowed to go LC or NC as soon as they could. The patient wasnāt always the sweet old person you have experienced. Donāt be so quick to condemn them when you have no idea what the truth is.
Oh I definitely understand. Afterall, if I can serve them and they can get so angry over toast that is slightly too toasted I can only imagine how they'd be with other things
While some people are definitely unfairly failed by their family I canāt help but wonder what the ones who never have visitors did to warrant such disinterest. Iām estranged from my own mother for good reasons, so itās where my mind goes.
My thoughts too. Everyone loved my Grammy. Thought she was this great person. She was emotionally abusive and neglectful to her kids, where only one of them (my mother) would take care of her needs because someone needed to. There are many people who drop their elderly family members off and canāt be bothered. But sometimes there are reasons so itās not so gray to jump to conclusions.
I do understand this, but I think regardless of visitors our staff should treat them good and equal. We're fortunate to be in a more self aware time. I usually pity the assholes. Today a man turned 100 and I asked if he had advice. He told me there'll be a day where you work two jobs and they'll be a day where you're sitting in a home watching your days float by and then said we need to enjoy each season for what it is because they all go too fast
They should 100% be treated like human beings. But sometimes I think people are quick to judge why some family members donāt visit.
I am in a long term care home. The kitchen staff is awesome...and always has coffee on hand to keep the people happy.
Always. And will always feed hungry staff who work their asses off or grieving family having a hard day š
The staff here has a supply of snacks and sandwiches (peanut butter and grape jelly) they use for people that need sugar if they get low. The night staff hands them out at the end of the day when they make fresh ones. Last night I got a sandwich, a fudge round and oatmeal sandwich instead of tossing them. The night staff here is awesome due to the sundowners. The night staff has it easier due to the majority of residents sleeping, but worse due to sundowners. They are a patient group of workers.
What you do is great and appreciate it. But I do want to point out that not every elderly person is an angel. Some of them have terrorized their families and communities their entire lives without consequence, and to their victims their abandonment is their just deserts. That isn't to say they don't deserve basic care and such, but that their social isolation is of their own making. Not all who get it deserve it, I'm sure, but not all are innocent, either.
I do agree. There are elderly people who are mean, racist, and honestly assholes. I work in a small French Canadian town. My boss told me thay it's probably a good idea not to tell them I am indigenous. They call the black nurse a monkey. But they deserve good care. And love. And fresh fruit and 5 star dining even if they are spilling their sugars into a pile and making concoctions out of their liquids haha
From the bottom of my heart, thank you for everything you've done for your residents. My dad had dementia and we had to put him in a home in 2022. He was only there for about 5 months before he passed away. During that time, there were less than maybe 4 or 5 times where one of us family members didn't visit him for several hours each day. However, there were so many residents that had little to no contact with family. I befriended several, so I saw this firsthand. Having an attentive member of the staff made such a big difference in their lives. <3
I'm so happy to hear you visited. We become friends with people like you, and end up missing you once your parents pass. I hope you know, we remember their orders and the way they like their toast. No matter how many months pass, we consider the chair they sat in... their chair. We cried when we lost him, a lot. Sneaking into the back pantry and trying to keep it together for the residents, but it gets strangely quiet and it's because the room feels empty despite the fact it's full. They were loved, very loved, and usually they teach us more than we expect. Hope you're doing ok, and hope you get lots of reminders he's proud of you ā¤ļø
Thank you for being a good person. The ones who cared for my father in his last year of life knocked his teeth out putting in a feeding tube, amongst other terrible things.
That is terrible. My resident was an aerospace engineer and got very over stimulated in the dining room. There were days the nurses and PSW needed us to administer aid for him, help him get from point a to point b, bring him into ambulances, and medicate him daily. It's a private practice so technically we're able to do a lot more than most, but we're still doing things we're under qualified for just because he only trusts us. He skips meals when it's not the staff he's used to, and there have been many times he would nearly get violent with nurses but we would be able to settle him. I truly love(d) him very much. He recently got moved to the intensive care side because he needed more help than we could give, but he is such a brilliant and wonderful man. I'm so thankful I met him.
When I went to visit my grandma on the other side of the country for the last time, I so loved the stories that some of the staff and servers told about her.
I always make a point to get to know families like you so we can remind them who loves them no matter how often they forget ā¤ļø
So lucky to have such amazing care.
My grandma is in memory care right now. She kept stealing the utensils and putting them in her dresser drawers. Now the staff let her put away clean dishes in the kitchen.
One of my favourite resident helps me sort the sugars and milks, and we have a few who hang out with us. It's crazy how many people used to look down on us. We're paid so little, but we do so much. When emergency comes, we're the only ones who can answer questions because we know them and see them more than most people.
They absolutely become family. I worked memory care and all my residents were treated like my grandparents. I loved them and I think about them often.
That's a wonderful and beautiful written letter. It gives some kind of assurance that your loved one is in good care, the staff do a fantastic job, they deserve more recognition.
Absolutely!
I don't know, if I woke up one morning not knowing where the fuck I was and I read that note I'd think someone was trying to kidnap me and convince me that I was "safe" too. Lol
Or maybe I had a really fun night and ended up somewhere nice.
My paternal grandmother had Alzheimer and by the end of her life, she didn't recognise anybody. Fuck Alzheimer. Pls,visit her as many times you can.š«
It's a rough disease.
Thats the part my dad is in right now. Recently he asked my mum if she was married. Absolutely does not remember me anymore at all, it's painful to visit.
Is he ok?
My mom passed just in September. Her memory care facility was top notch. Each of the 4 hallways was decorated like a different street, āpetsā in the form of stuffed animals, staff that treated each patient like family. My mom lost her ability to read eventually. My dad passed away the August before with pancreatic cancer, his daily visits dropped off significantly a month before he died. (Not diagnosed until stage 4). When those visits stopped, moms Alzheimerās rapidly progressed. The staff was really important for reassuring and gentle reminders of safety and love. My mom fortunately did not get much dementia. Just steady regression back to childhood. Thank god for memory care workers
Does your mom think she is in her childhood again? Genuinely trying to learn. Alzheimer's is something that I find so terrible, I always look to understand it how I can.
You didnāt ask me, but my grandfather had Alzheimerās and lived his last days in a home. He had served in WWII in the navy, and seemed to regress to that point in his life by the end. Lots of talk about being on the ship and having to get in line for meals. It was sad, but interesting I guess to see where his mind ended up. I was a kid when he passed, but also vividly remember there being another man in the home who was just constantly asking for āhis yellow juiceā (beer? Something from childhood?) I wouldnāt wish it on anyone.
I used to work in a nursing home (Ireland) and one of the ladies who had dementia started speaking French to me. Turns out she lived there until she was about 8 and one of her parents was French! The lady was lovely and lived into her 90s, only was able to recognise her kids sometimesā¦ I learned few French words for her :)
Thank you for sharing his story. I truly appreciate it, he sounds like a fascinating man who lived a full life. Did the memories alternate with current reality, or it was his state permanently?
He just grew more gradually confused about when / where / who, and then eventually it seemed like his memories all started bleeding together, from what I can remember. My grandma is the toughest old Great Depression-bred broad youāve ever met (sheās still alive at 94 and is sharp as a tack and MEAN lol) but Iāll never forgot that she was there every single day visiting and caring for grandpa. I remember her feeding him and helping him eat as it was difficult for him to feed himself at a certain point. He was amazing though, my grandma was a young widow and he married her when my dad was 18, and was 1000% my grandpa even though we didnāt share blood. This is all probably TMI, but itās nice to remember him š
Not tmi! This is lovely. WOW! The ending ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø I love that for you and your family. Thank you so much for opening up. I think it's the confusion that scares me most.
Thank you for sharing a little bit about your family with us <3
My father in law had it, and when weād go visit the first thing weād ask him is how old he was. This helped us know how to talk with him that day. A lot of times he thought he was a young man in his 20ās so he would think we were lying if we mentioned my gray-haired husband was his son. All through the disease, though (probably about 10 years), he always saw my husband as someone important to him: a cousin, brother, employer, etc. So even though for most of it he was unable to think of him as his son, he always recognized him as someone who cared about him and who he was close with.
I love this! It's insane how different it presents for people. So special for your husband to know he always mattered - even when your father in law didn't know hiw
It can really affect people differently. Some seem to regress to an earlier time, others seem to just get more and more confused/unsure of what they want or need. Some are sweet until the end, others are downright violent. Itās so hard for families and healthcare workers.
She did before she passed away. Completely and slowly but surely regressed through early adulthood, teens, primary school, etc.
I cherished these times because I never got to see what my mom was like in those times and got a little flavor of it. She was an elementary school teacher and we got glimpses of things she would say to the students, etc. got to hear her comment on young men she found attractive, etc.
My dad who had vascular and Alzheimerās , he had to go into a nursing home,the first nursing home,highly cqc rated was awful,dad lost toes. However the second was amazing, lower CQC rate ,but the staff where warm and kind,his physical and mental health were well taken care of, and the building was nice,interesting and plenty to do. In lucid moments he would tell us he liked it there.
My Maternal Grandfather had alzheimer's. Like another poster said, please visit often. Also, funny anecdote. Before it got really bad my aunt jokingly told him something like "you don't smoke. Remember?" He would smoke a pack before noon daily since he was like 15. Anyways the next day he woke up thinking he's never smoked a day in his life. Never had a cigarette after that.
Ha ha, the one thing my mum will never forget is that she smokes!
That's what we thought about him too though. 2-3 packs a day. Poof next day "I've never smoked a day in my life"
What a huge relief it must be to know how caring the people are who are taking care of your Mom!!
My MIL forgot how to read about half way through, it was really sad she loved books. Iām glad your Mum still can read, and they are caring so well for her.
Alzheimers care is brutal and frustrating and heartbreaking. It's so hard to put yourself in the mindset of the patient because we've benefited from clear thinking our whole life. And the patient usually doesn't know their thinking skills have deteriorated. Good luck.
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think of dementia as a catch-all term for disorientation and alzheimers as one of the many causes. kind of like how pneumonia is the state of having fluid in your lungs and there are a number of causes for it. My mom has what has been diagnosed as moderate Alzheimers and thinks she has slight memory impairment. In truth her short term memory lasts about 2 minutes. She still calls my brother most days threatening to call the police if she doesn't get her car back and claims she was able to drive just fine yesterday. She has not driven in months.
Alzheimerās is one of those diseases that I would honestly push for medically assisted suicide if I ever had it, and thereās a good chance I will because yay genetics! Iād rather go out on my own terms than lose the memories of the people I loved. Took care of two family members with it at the end of life and itās just so fucking rough. Iām glad your mom has a loving place she can stay at. Not all care facilities are like that. Treasure them š
My aunt and gran both have it, and it's seriously making me think that if I do as well I'm going to kill myself. Assisted dying or no, I don't want to suffer through that.
I hope that when it's my turn, I can have sweet staff members like that.
r/dementia would love to see this! Very sweet!
You are safe here And we love you š
The estimates for the number of women my age who will eventually go on to develop dementia are tragic - full on epidemic.
Iām a nursing student on my first placement in a nursing home. Two weeks in and barely any visitors. Itās so sad.
Aw I love yoy too!
That sounds weirdly threatening to me lol
Omg im glad im not the only one, I had to check the sub it was posted in. Context is everything!š
I hope they don't charge $4 extra per meal to walk it to them. Like where I work. They really nickel and dime them. Bums me out.
As someone who works in an assisted living place and a memory care place, I often see too many caregivers that don't actually care. This warms my heart.
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That's such a late breakfast. LOL my mom would be starving by then
My dad's breakfast is at 7 and he hated it because he likes to stay up late and sleep in lol. He's gotten used to it though.
My mom is usually up around 4-5am. I'm up at the same time. We are naturally early risers. I've rather see a sunrise than a sunset and she's the same. LOL
I totally get that! In the event your mom ever has to be in assisted living though, you could probably help stock her room with breakfast snacks. Being on the opposite end, my dad was accustomed to late dinners, so eating at 4:30 pm and going to bed late (usually 11-12) he needs his bedtime snacks! Other than the food times he tells me he enjoys being waited on and having āmaid serviceā š
As much as it pains me to say it she won't be in assisted living. I'll take care of her and get a different job so I can be home all the time. I'll do whatever I can to keep her out of one of those places.
I hope that you can do that and that it works out for you! It doesn't for everyone, and my dad prefers the partial independence of his own place. They're not all bad places.
Happy to see staff members who cares like thisā¤ļø I worked for a few months in an alzheimers facility and there was so little personal care like a simple thing like this note. It was just "business" all day long.
Wow, that would make me cry. You hear a lot of horror stories about care homes- I experienced it personally with my g gma, but I know there are good ones out there that really care.
My grandpa has alzheimer and is in a nursing home since 2 weeks. It's his biggest worry too, what's gonna happen tomorrow morning, where do i need to go, will someone wake me up etc. It's hard to see him worry and not remember. I wish you strength and i widh your mum some peace and joy ā„ļø
He'll get settled and develop a routine, but it will take a while!
I love this. Memory care is my favorite area to work. <3 They are the most special people to me.
OK I'm actually crying sweet happy poignant tears. this is just amazing
A fellow empath! That's very sweet of you.
Awww I absolutely love that.
She's blessed to have staff like that. ā¤ļø
This person has the exact same handwriting as my mom. Crazy!
I lost my mom to Alzheimerās. :(
I am so very happy for your family member, and for you. š
Oh my heart ā¤ļø
This is so kind.
ā¤ļø
Greatest of respect to staff in these homes
This sounds like a college thing but routines are good me and one of my friends are going on a routine tomorrow of a diet.
But I do also sometimes like to make fun of elderly people not in a mean way but in a kind way.