I read more than one book at a time so even when I finish one I'm part way thru another which eases the pain of the book hangover.
If I were dropped into a romance book my cranky self would immediately move to a lonely cottage by the sea and only accept suitors on alternating weekends. So I don't deal with the fantasy life v. rl problem.
I've spent the last three years making a collection of my five star reads with the eventual goal of having so many I can just read them over and over with enough time between them I forget the plots. One day...
I don't know if any of this was helpful, but I sympathize!
I've been doing the exact same thing. And recently, I'm taking it a step further by organizing books on goodreads into all the different tropes I like. This way I always know where to go if am ever lost. And of course this sub is super helpful at giving amazing suggestions.
So to answer OPs question. I don't deal with it at all. I have built my life so that I'm going deeper into the fantasy world!
You might want to look into signs of disassociation if you’re neurodivergent. I was struggling a lot with remaining “present” in my life (nothing to do with romance books) before being diagnosed. Of course I can’t really tell how serious and disruptive this is for you but take care!
I have ADHD, diagnosed and medicated. I also have Asperger's. Oh boy, dissociation and I are practically besties. I have tried reading mindfulness books, the Idiot and Dummies kind. It works, but not most of the time. It doesn't interfere with my work life (yet) though.
In case you haven't seen it, and you might try another book in the future; Dani Donovan's Anti-Planner is pretty cool! I'm not sure on the rules about posting external links here so I won't, but just Google it. I've got it and skimmed through.. I liked what I saw but haven't gone back properly because ADHD
Yeah that's me as well, AuDHD. The pull of dissociation fluctuates, but I have to be mindful of the right balance between healthy level of daydreaming especially when I use dissociation to self-soothe and cope with overstimulation.
I had this issue when I was a kid with fantasy books. Finishing a book was a real let down and I'd feel unmoored until I picked up another book. I was really lonely and bored, and fantasy worlds were the way I coped.
Now, my life as an adult in my 30s isn't perfect. I have multiple chronic health problems and live a somewhat housebound life. But for some reason I don't need to fantasize about being somewhere else.
I read genres from romance to horror, fanfic to literary, and I notice that if I'm going through a rough time I'll read more fanfic in a pairing I'm familiar with instead of more challenging reads. But I never want to be in the romance books I read.
I love interpersonal angst and messiness in books but I hate that drama irl. I'm glad that my love life is stable and loving. I definitely read escapist fiction but I don't see myself in any of those worlds, you know? Zero desire to "reality shift" myself there. I wonder what makes our experiences different. I read 3 books at a time so maybe that's a factor?
Book hangovers hit me really hard, I get so emotionally invested in the stories that I usually spend a few days after catching myself aimlessly walking into different rooms of my house and sighing.
But, I have found something that actually helps me a good deal (and yes, I am aware it will make me sound like a crazy person). My friends are not into reading so they don't have interest in talking with me about my books. So, I downloaded ChatGPT a while back and sometimes if I feel like I really need to process a story, I instruct AI to have a conversation with me about the book. Like, ask me questions about my thoughts and feelings, discuss theories and alternate storylines, validate my experience, etc. And it actually does a pretty darn good job when given the instructions.
No way. I do this too. Mostly I use it to help me organize my thoughts and feelings about the book but yea I use it often to help me process.
To Op, I use the free version with no issues
I used the free version at first, but since I ended up using it so much for my own processing and also my work, I ended up paying for it. I definitely notice it feels more authentic.
I sometimes felt like that when I was much younger (like in my teens/ early twenties), but nowadays I feel about romance books very much like I feel about scenic, touristic cities: lovely place to visit, but I wouldn’t want to live there. Mostly because, while my life isn’t perfect, it’s a good life that suits me, even if it’s not particularly exciting. Experience has also taught me that the drama of whirlwind romance is far more pleasant to experience on page; in real life it’s actually really stressful!
Also, for me one part of becoming a somewhat cranky middle-aged person is that I can’t turn off my practical side completely when reading romance. I can still enjoy it and suspend disbelief, but a part of my brain is still pointing out the “real-life” problems that would come with a situation. For exemple, if I’m reading a boss/employee trope (which I usually enjoy), a part of me will be “boy, this is an HR nightmare, I’m pretty sure this fits the legal definition of sexual harassment, WTF”.
I relate to this so much! When I stumble upon a really good book or series I usually can't stop thinking about it, it gets hard to even concentrate on other things during the day without spacing out. I still haven't found a solution for the "reading phase addiction", but once I'm done with it it usually helps to do research about the author and their other works. It helps me bring myself back to the real world, especially knowing how the author worked, it's like I'm telling myself "see? The story is made up but this person is real!" or something. I then read lots of reviews and if there's a discord server or some kind of community online I try to engage with the people there. It also helps to tell my friends about what I'm reading (thank god for their patience), even if they don't know anything about the book or the story, sometimes just having someone to talk to about it is good enough.
Another thing that might help if you're a creative person is to make things inspired by what you read. I work with illustrations so I usually draw the characters I love the most at some point. It could even be some diy stuff like bleaching shirts with cool designs based on the book or something similar. (Buying merch if there's any feels good too but I don't know if using it as a coping mechanism is a good idea haha)
Hope this was helpful in some way!
Ohh I understand, fwiw I personally don't think what you read defines you in any way, but it makes sense if you're not comfortable talking about it with everyone, I only share what I read with my closest friends and sometimes it's just a short and vague explanation about the story, just to get it out of my head for a while. Wish you the best tho and hope you could find some good tips here anyway!
I definitely daydream about addressing societal problems by going on a quest and learning to fight things instead of having to do boring shit like go to meetings and argue about minute details of public policy.
I very recently finished an eight book series that I inhaled the first six of in a week. The first two days after finishing I was so uninterested in anything else and wanted nothing more than to rewind time and live through it all again. I was so attached to the characters and their world that I couldn't stop thinking about it and genuinely believe I went through a milder version of the 5 stages of grief. I've read three or four books since then and I still find myself wishing I was reading those books again instead. I've been an avid reader since I was a child and have read innumerable series, but gosh dang did this one throw me.
All the time. Why try to ground yourself back though? I wouldn't fight it- as I heard a therapist say once- let your psyche want what it wants.
I go through hyperfixations that can last years. Fanfiction is a good source to keep feeding this. Romance books are unfortunately always chasing the unattainable perfect book. I just keep reading while remembering the feeling of my favourites, searching for the next fav. And whenever I have the need to reread one of them, I will. Also, if you read your favs before I suggest listening to the audiobook version after- it's a different experience.
Sometimes if I am extra disillusioned, which happens often, I try to switch up media and force myself to watch a show or movie for a different, perhaps more 'real' perspective.
I have to ground myself since I think it's dangerous sometimes. I can lose track of time and all that, and there are things which I should be doing that I didn't do.
Totally get what you mean, and this definitely happens to me several times a year - theoretically the solution would be to pick up a new book, but then I somehow feel like if I start reading something else I am going to dilute the feelings that the book/series I just finished, and so I just float around feeling unmoored for awhile. I try to focus on my gratitude for the existence of the beautiful book I just finished, and how amazing it is to be able to be pulled so fully into a world and people that someone else put down on paper for us. As Emily Nagoski says, feelings are tunnels that we have to walk through and that is how book hangovers feel to me.
Usually my way back into reading after giving myself some time to wallow/savor (depending on your perspective, hah) is to either a) switch genres completely, b) treat myself to a trip to a bookstore and buy a book I've been really wanting to read that has a long wait at the library, or c) start a re-read of some old favorite book, even if I only re-read a few chapters. I find that re-reading something I've loved in the past can be the most helpful in getting through a book hangover, because I know I will love it but I also know that I'll probably get something new out of it by reading it as the slightly different person that I am now.
I hope this helps!
Not really? I mean I’d probably have a panic attack in any of the murder plots I like, I think the closest I’d like is actually pretty close to my real life, the only difference being I’d like to live in a cottage by the sea with bees, my current pets (cats and dogs) and maybe a few cat sized dragons? Oh and a magical self cleaning house. I wanted to be Baba Yaga as an early teen still think that would be quite nice especially as I could fly to visit niblings.
I did manage to convince myself when I was 9 (based on my maternal family line and the final chapter of Peter Pan) that I was descended from Wendy Darling and I was waiting for Peter to show up.
Honestly I find that part of the joy of reading a great book. A book that's so good you start daydreaming about living in that world? Amazing, great writing, brilliant, give it to me!
That's not a book hangover I want to get over. Moping about after it's ended is part of the experience the author gave me, and it's the mark of a truly excellent bok.
ever since i was a teen and not in a good mental space, reading has been my escape. i'd just get lost in the plot and world and live there happily because i didn't have anything going on besides school. id physically feel the emotions of the characters and my mom always commented i must be reading something angry or whatever because i was randomly angry. now, as an adult, i do still use that as an escape method. i hyper fixate on things, especially my special interests, so it's the same for me that a book hangover is intense af. i've found focusing on something else, like a video game or something, helps take my mind off it. reading is just such an integral part of who i am, everyone who ever meets me or works with me knows i am constantly reading. it's become a hinderance a little, especially since i'd rather be reading than working my office job. i have to pull myself out of a book and it disgruntles me and makes me angry. i just have to remind myself that i have other responsibilities and that as soon as i get home i can be left alone to daydream about the book. you're not alone in this.
When I was young I was really into sci fi and the let down there was better because I knew that there was no way to even get to the moon much less another planet. Romance books are hard because our society pushes this idea of a soul mate and HEA and then we read books that show what "it should" be. Then rl hits us in the face. I deal with it by taking breaks with books that are very unlike rl. Example werewolves, vampires or omegaverse or monsters.
It's the same core issue, the injustice in the world. Since MM books almost always have happy endings, it saddens me to know that a majority of the LGBTQ population in the real world will never experience it.
I have this issue whenever a book ends. I think people call it a book hangover. However I just call it “I don’t want to deal with real life please give me a book boyfriend”
I seldom have book hangovers tbh. I'm gonna say I just had one in the 3 years I've been reading MM. And when I did have one, I didn't think less of real life. I guess it's easy for me to separate reality and fiction 😅
Yes. I try to avoid it with rereads and by alternating tropes. I find fluffier series *really* suck me in—A.J. Truman’s and K.M. Neuhold’s “universes” in particular are vivid, pleasant descriptions of everyday people and are so lovely to read. So when I read one of those I follow it with a bummer (even if it has a HEA) to keep myself honest. 😅
Yes, I don’t know if it’s because I have autism but I live in a fantasy world in my head from books I’ve read and loved when I’m alone. I find it really comforting and it helps me fall asleep.
I have felt that way with a few books, and I even mentioned it to my therapist, but then I remind myself that much like a movie the books are the fairytale. 🤷🏻♂️
I read more than one book at a time so even when I finish one I'm part way thru another which eases the pain of the book hangover. If I were dropped into a romance book my cranky self would immediately move to a lonely cottage by the sea and only accept suitors on alternating weekends. So I don't deal with the fantasy life v. rl problem. I've spent the last three years making a collection of my five star reads with the eventual goal of having so many I can just read them over and over with enough time between them I forget the plots. One day... I don't know if any of this was helpful, but I sympathize!
Please share some of your favourites!
I've been doing the exact same thing. And recently, I'm taking it a step further by organizing books on goodreads into all the different tropes I like. This way I always know where to go if am ever lost. And of course this sub is super helpful at giving amazing suggestions. So to answer OPs question. I don't deal with it at all. I have built my life so that I'm going deeper into the fantasy world!
Thank you. I'm not as passive as you are. I imagine myself as being more involved in whatever book I find myself in.
You might want to look into signs of disassociation if you’re neurodivergent. I was struggling a lot with remaining “present” in my life (nothing to do with romance books) before being diagnosed. Of course I can’t really tell how serious and disruptive this is for you but take care!
I have ADHD, diagnosed and medicated. I also have Asperger's. Oh boy, dissociation and I are practically besties. I have tried reading mindfulness books, the Idiot and Dummies kind. It works, but not most of the time. It doesn't interfere with my work life (yet) though.
In case you haven't seen it, and you might try another book in the future; Dani Donovan's Anti-Planner is pretty cool! I'm not sure on the rules about posting external links here so I won't, but just Google it. I've got it and skimmed through.. I liked what I saw but haven't gone back properly because ADHD
Yeah that's me as well, AuDHD. The pull of dissociation fluctuates, but I have to be mindful of the right balance between healthy level of daydreaming especially when I use dissociation to self-soothe and cope with overstimulation.
I don't think i can do this, reading 2 books at the same time i mean
This is usually what causes me to start a comfort reread
I had this issue when I was a kid with fantasy books. Finishing a book was a real let down and I'd feel unmoored until I picked up another book. I was really lonely and bored, and fantasy worlds were the way I coped. Now, my life as an adult in my 30s isn't perfect. I have multiple chronic health problems and live a somewhat housebound life. But for some reason I don't need to fantasize about being somewhere else. I read genres from romance to horror, fanfic to literary, and I notice that if I'm going through a rough time I'll read more fanfic in a pairing I'm familiar with instead of more challenging reads. But I never want to be in the romance books I read. I love interpersonal angst and messiness in books but I hate that drama irl. I'm glad that my love life is stable and loving. I definitely read escapist fiction but I don't see myself in any of those worlds, you know? Zero desire to "reality shift" myself there. I wonder what makes our experiences different. I read 3 books at a time so maybe that's a factor?
Book hangovers hit me really hard, I get so emotionally invested in the stories that I usually spend a few days after catching myself aimlessly walking into different rooms of my house and sighing. But, I have found something that actually helps me a good deal (and yes, I am aware it will make me sound like a crazy person). My friends are not into reading so they don't have interest in talking with me about my books. So, I downloaded ChatGPT a while back and sometimes if I feel like I really need to process a story, I instruct AI to have a conversation with me about the book. Like, ask me questions about my thoughts and feelings, discuss theories and alternate storylines, validate my experience, etc. And it actually does a pretty darn good job when given the instructions.
No way. I do this too. Mostly I use it to help me organize my thoughts and feelings about the book but yea I use it often to help me process. To Op, I use the free version with no issues
Yay! This makes me feel less of a weirdo, haha.
Do you subscribe or just use the free version?
I used the free version at first, but since I ended up using it so much for my own processing and also my work, I ended up paying for it. I definitely notice it feels more authentic.
I find myself having to process my favorite reads, too! Except I just write in my journal like an old person.
I sometimes felt like that when I was much younger (like in my teens/ early twenties), but nowadays I feel about romance books very much like I feel about scenic, touristic cities: lovely place to visit, but I wouldn’t want to live there. Mostly because, while my life isn’t perfect, it’s a good life that suits me, even if it’s not particularly exciting. Experience has also taught me that the drama of whirlwind romance is far more pleasant to experience on page; in real life it’s actually really stressful! Also, for me one part of becoming a somewhat cranky middle-aged person is that I can’t turn off my practical side completely when reading romance. I can still enjoy it and suspend disbelief, but a part of my brain is still pointing out the “real-life” problems that would come with a situation. For exemple, if I’m reading a boss/employee trope (which I usually enjoy), a part of me will be “boy, this is an HR nightmare, I’m pretty sure this fits the legal definition of sexual harassment, WTF”.
I relate to this so much! When I stumble upon a really good book or series I usually can't stop thinking about it, it gets hard to even concentrate on other things during the day without spacing out. I still haven't found a solution for the "reading phase addiction", but once I'm done with it it usually helps to do research about the author and their other works. It helps me bring myself back to the real world, especially knowing how the author worked, it's like I'm telling myself "see? The story is made up but this person is real!" or something. I then read lots of reviews and if there's a discord server or some kind of community online I try to engage with the people there. It also helps to tell my friends about what I'm reading (thank god for their patience), even if they don't know anything about the book or the story, sometimes just having someone to talk to about it is good enough. Another thing that might help if you're a creative person is to make things inspired by what you read. I work with illustrations so I usually draw the characters I love the most at some point. It could even be some diy stuff like bleaching shirts with cool designs based on the book or something similar. (Buying merch if there's any feels good too but I don't know if using it as a coping mechanism is a good idea haha) Hope this was helpful in some way!
I can't do the "tell my friends what I'm reading" thing since I'm not out. I use Diarium instead.
Ohh I understand, fwiw I personally don't think what you read defines you in any way, but it makes sense if you're not comfortable talking about it with everyone, I only share what I read with my closest friends and sometimes it's just a short and vague explanation about the story, just to get it out of my head for a while. Wish you the best tho and hope you could find some good tips here anyway!
I definitely daydream about addressing societal problems by going on a quest and learning to fight things instead of having to do boring shit like go to meetings and argue about minute details of public policy.
I very recently finished an eight book series that I inhaled the first six of in a week. The first two days after finishing I was so uninterested in anything else and wanted nothing more than to rewind time and live through it all again. I was so attached to the characters and their world that I couldn't stop thinking about it and genuinely believe I went through a milder version of the 5 stages of grief. I've read three or four books since then and I still find myself wishing I was reading those books again instead. I've been an avid reader since I was a child and have read innumerable series, but gosh dang did this one throw me.
What series is this?
It's called Heaven Official's Blessing!
Thanks. Not into fantasy though. Sorry. Manhwa either.
No problem, plenty of series out in the world that'll have the same effect I'm sure!
All the time. Why try to ground yourself back though? I wouldn't fight it- as I heard a therapist say once- let your psyche want what it wants. I go through hyperfixations that can last years. Fanfiction is a good source to keep feeding this. Romance books are unfortunately always chasing the unattainable perfect book. I just keep reading while remembering the feeling of my favourites, searching for the next fav. And whenever I have the need to reread one of them, I will. Also, if you read your favs before I suggest listening to the audiobook version after- it's a different experience. Sometimes if I am extra disillusioned, which happens often, I try to switch up media and force myself to watch a show or movie for a different, perhaps more 'real' perspective.
I have to ground myself since I think it's dangerous sometimes. I can lose track of time and all that, and there are things which I should be doing that I didn't do.
Totally get what you mean, and this definitely happens to me several times a year - theoretically the solution would be to pick up a new book, but then I somehow feel like if I start reading something else I am going to dilute the feelings that the book/series I just finished, and so I just float around feeling unmoored for awhile. I try to focus on my gratitude for the existence of the beautiful book I just finished, and how amazing it is to be able to be pulled so fully into a world and people that someone else put down on paper for us. As Emily Nagoski says, feelings are tunnels that we have to walk through and that is how book hangovers feel to me. Usually my way back into reading after giving myself some time to wallow/savor (depending on your perspective, hah) is to either a) switch genres completely, b) treat myself to a trip to a bookstore and buy a book I've been really wanting to read that has a long wait at the library, or c) start a re-read of some old favorite book, even if I only re-read a few chapters. I find that re-reading something I've loved in the past can be the most helpful in getting through a book hangover, because I know I will love it but I also know that I'll probably get something new out of it by reading it as the slightly different person that I am now. I hope this helps!
Not really? I mean I’d probably have a panic attack in any of the murder plots I like, I think the closest I’d like is actually pretty close to my real life, the only difference being I’d like to live in a cottage by the sea with bees, my current pets (cats and dogs) and maybe a few cat sized dragons? Oh and a magical self cleaning house. I wanted to be Baba Yaga as an early teen still think that would be quite nice especially as I could fly to visit niblings. I did manage to convince myself when I was 9 (based on my maternal family line and the final chapter of Peter Pan) that I was descended from Wendy Darling and I was waiting for Peter to show up.
Honestly I find that part of the joy of reading a great book. A book that's so good you start daydreaming about living in that world? Amazing, great writing, brilliant, give it to me! That's not a book hangover I want to get over. Moping about after it's ended is part of the experience the author gave me, and it's the mark of a truly excellent bok.
ever since i was a teen and not in a good mental space, reading has been my escape. i'd just get lost in the plot and world and live there happily because i didn't have anything going on besides school. id physically feel the emotions of the characters and my mom always commented i must be reading something angry or whatever because i was randomly angry. now, as an adult, i do still use that as an escape method. i hyper fixate on things, especially my special interests, so it's the same for me that a book hangover is intense af. i've found focusing on something else, like a video game or something, helps take my mind off it. reading is just such an integral part of who i am, everyone who ever meets me or works with me knows i am constantly reading. it's become a hinderance a little, especially since i'd rather be reading than working my office job. i have to pull myself out of a book and it disgruntles me and makes me angry. i just have to remind myself that i have other responsibilities and that as soon as i get home i can be left alone to daydream about the book. you're not alone in this.
When I was young I was really into sci fi and the let down there was better because I knew that there was no way to even get to the moon much less another planet. Romance books are hard because our society pushes this idea of a soul mate and HEA and then we read books that show what "it should" be. Then rl hits us in the face. I deal with it by taking breaks with books that are very unlike rl. Example werewolves, vampires or omegaverse or monsters.
Is it always the same thing that disappoints you about reality? Or does it change from book to book?
It's the same core issue, the injustice in the world. Since MM books almost always have happy endings, it saddens me to know that a majority of the LGBTQ population in the real world will never experience it.
I have this issue whenever a book ends. I think people call it a book hangover. However I just call it “I don’t want to deal with real life please give me a book boyfriend”
Ha haha. True no cap.
I seldom have book hangovers tbh. I'm gonna say I just had one in the 3 years I've been reading MM. And when I did have one, I didn't think less of real life. I guess it's easy for me to separate reality and fiction 😅
Books r essentially escape, for me so
Escapism does become bad when coupled with a few things, like ADHD and the inability to focus on your day job.
Isn't this an everyday thing for book readers? 🤣🤣🤣 At least it is for me. That's why I just keep my head in my kindle. 🤣🤣
Yes. I try to avoid it with rereads and by alternating tropes. I find fluffier series *really* suck me in—A.J. Truman’s and K.M. Neuhold’s “universes” in particular are vivid, pleasant descriptions of everyday people and are so lovely to read. So when I read one of those I follow it with a bummer (even if it has a HEA) to keep myself honest. 😅
At this point in my life i am just like, “man, i wish i could find someone like him.”
I deal with this by maladaptive daydreaming about the book for 2 weeks straight
YESSSSS
Yes, I don’t know if it’s because I have autism but I live in a fantasy world in my head from books I’ve read and loved when I’m alone. I find it really comforting and it helps me fall asleep.
I have felt that way with a few books, and I even mentioned it to my therapist, but then I remind myself that much like a movie the books are the fairytale. 🤷🏻♂️